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May 28, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

02:15:54

How to Lead Women! CALL IN SHOW

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	Hello, Stephan.
	My name is Blank.
	I'm 26 years old and the fourth of five children born to two abusive parents.
	I moved out over a year ago, and since then I've been living on my own and listening to your show.
	Over the past year, I've been processing and grieving my childhood.
	Your show has been incredibly helpful in identifying the true extent of the abuse I endured, understanding how to apply philosophy to my life, and learning how to be a peaceful parent.
	The impact it has had on my life is immeasurable.
	Right now, I find myself doing little outside of going to work.
	On weekends, I rarely leave my house except to run errands.
	Play basketball at the park or occasionally hang out in person with my Xbox friends.
	My biggest struggle at the moment is a porn addiction.
	Most weekends, I give into the urge, which completely drains my energy, leaving the next few days as a write-off.
	This has been a major contributor to my social anxiety and inhibition when talking to women.
	It has defined my entire adult life.
	I've mostly defood, but I haven't fully confronted either of my parents.
	I feel like I've extracted as much knowledge, wisdom, and insight as I can from my childhood, yet I still think about it every day, and I'm sick of it.
	A real sense of mortality is setting in.
	I'm 26, single, and have few good memories to look back on.
	I do not want to turn 27 and still be in the same place.
	Life has been passing me by, and I know there's so much more out there.
	I hope that by talking to you, I can identify the root of my dysfunction and learn to move forward in my life with confidence.
	I thirst for feedback, guidance, and an ally to help dislodge me from this perpetual cycle of self-destruction.
	And I'll throw moral clarity in there as well to help me remove any doubt from my decision to defu.
	Thank you for your time and consideration.
	Best regards.
	Okay, I appreciate that.
	I'm obviously amazingly deeply sorry to hear about your childhood.
	So what was going on there?
	Well, I guess I'll start in the beginning.
	Well, my father worked a lot.
	I didn't see him very much in my early childhood.
	My mother was a stay-at-home mom.
	And things were okay really up until about second grade.
	Not to skip all the way to second grade, but I mean, I wasn't really aware of how bad things really were.
	I mean, things took a pretty bad turn around second or third grade, but I'll get to that.
	But yeah, it didn't seem very bad when I was a little kid.
	I mean, I went to preschool.
	I enjoyed it.
	I'd come home and my mom would make lunch and I'd usually play with the neighborhood kids.
	Not a whole bunch of neighborhood kids, but the kids who lived behind us or maybe my siblings if they were home.
	At the same time.
	And my mother didn't really interact with me much.
	She would just sit in front of the TV and watch her shows.
	And yeah, as far as abuse goes, I mean, my mother was a yeller and a screamer, and she spanked very often.
	My dad spanked too.
	He yelled too, but I mean, he...
	Because spanking is a wide variety of behaviors.
	So what specifically do you mean by spanking?
	Like, if we were being too rowdy or not meeting her expectations of behavior, like we weren't stopping doing whatever, she would be very quick to spank.
	And spanking for us meant, you know, hold still.
	She'd yell at us to hold still and bend over.
	And in our family, we spanked with a paddle.
	The paddle was about a foot long and a half inch thick.
	And my dad made it out in the garage.
	And in our family, it was a big joke.
	Because he painted it and decorated it and called it the Ass Buster 3000 or something.
	And on the other side were tally marks under our names for each time we got spanked.
	And yeah, my mother...
	Oh, brother.
	A little over a year since November 2023.
	Yeah, I appreciate that.
	And I guess I'm just curious why you would refer to being beaten by an implement as spanking.
	Spanking is usually in its hand, sometimes on clothes, sometimes on bare skin.
	Brother, that's a beating.
	Sorry, I lost you for a second.
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah, that's a beating.
	Yeah.
	So that's why I was asking what...
	Yeah, you're right.
	Yeah, it was a beating.
	It was a beating with a paddle on the behind.
	And my mother, she would go very hard.
	Was it clothes on or clothes off?
	Clothes on most of the time, but there are at least two or three distinct times I can remember where it was bare bottom.
	Okay.
	Sorry, you were saying something about your mother.
	My apologies.
	No, I'm sorry.
	You cut out for a second, and I was trying to find where we were.
	But my mother, she would spank very hard, and she was very quick to spank, and it was terrifying.
	So sorry, I apologize for interrupting.
	Beating, beating, beating.
	But it's kind of funny how you're back on the train track of spanking, but that's fine.
	I mean, I understand it's tough to talk about.
	So your mother was like a hard beater, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, very quick to do that.
	And she didn't like peace in the house either.
	She would find things to get angry about, and then she would be on the warpath, and then I would have to hide, basically, and keep an ear open for half the day or for however long she was on the warpath looking for people to punish or to yell at.
	Yeah, it really hurt when she would beat me on the behind with the paddle.
	And my father did the same thing, too.
	He would beat us on the behind with the paddle, too.
	But he didn't do it as hard.
	I would actually hope, oh my gosh, I hope my father is the one using the paddle because he wouldn't go as hard, but it would still hurt.
	So for your father, it may have been more like punishment, although wrong, but for your mother, it sounds almost sadistic.
	Yeah, I think she did get a lot of sadistic pleasure.
	You could see it on her face.
	She has just a little bit of a grin behind her face when she's got you cornered and she's threatening punishment.
	She's threatening to take away my game, my PlayStation, or telling me I won't be able to go to a friend's house or whatever.
	I'll have to go to my room.
	If you keep this up, you're going to get spanked.
	You know, you're getting the paddle, you know.
	I mean, and it's a funny thing, just sort of, there's two points I want to make here really briefly.
	One is that it's a strange thing in language that beat your meat refers to masturbation, but also being beaten, like you're beating the meat of your children's behinds.
	But also, when women are more cruel than men, often it has to do with no sex life.
	Yeah, the sex life between my parents was non-existent.
	Both of them were overweight well into their marriage.
	I was born 12 years after they got married.
	I mean, they were both overweight for over a decade at that point.
	And neither of them were physically attractive.
	And my father had bad personal hygiene and, uh, was, he was kind of inadequate, you know?
	And, uh, my mother would, Sorry, but make jokes about what?
	His sexual inadequacy.
	Right, okay.
	He had a very bad sex life.
	So you grew up with underfucked addicts, food addicts, right?
	Yeah, yeah, food.
	My mother loved her little Debbie snacks.
	She would hide them away in the cabinet.
	we were not allowed to have them we would have to And then we would have to ask to make a sandwich or make any kind of food in the house in general.
	But she had all the Little Debbie snacks that she desired.
	And both of my parents were really bad about drinking soda all the time.
	There was never a shortage of soda in our house.
	Okay.
	Wow.
	So you had to ask for permission to make food from the obese people?
	Yeah.
	My father wasn't as bad about it.
	I'd go to my dad about it and ask him if I could make a sandwich.
	He would be surprised.
	I can't believe you're asking me to make food.
	Go ahead and make food.
	Him and my mother would get into arguments about it from time to time.
	I'd have to ask her permission to make a sandwich while she's sitting there gorging herself with ho-hos.
	Right.
	What was your mother's rationale for you needing permission to make food?
	There was no rationale.
	It wasn't really explained.
	It was just because I say so.
	She was always on that type of thing, because I say so, because I'm your mother.
	Don't argue with me.
	That type of thing.
	Right.
	Okay.
	Now, did you yourself suffer any obesity issues?
	Because at least according to some of the research that I've done, children born to obese parents can have...
	Did you escape that challenge?
	No, I never had an issue with obesity or body fat or being overweight ever.
	My little sister has always been heavy and obese.
	She's the only one out of us that has a weight problem, and it's really tragic.
	And of the five siblings, what's the sex distribution?
	Girl, girl, boy, boy, girl.
	I'm the fourth out of five.
	Okay, got it, got it.
	All right.
	Okay, so how often were you beaten with the Ass Buster 3000?
	I mean, that's a pretty dark humor, man.
	So how often would these beatings on average occur?
	Gosh, it was a constant threat.
	I was under constant threat of it every day.
	But I think I would say, if I had to guess, I'd say probably at least once a week.
	I can't remember exactly, though.
	And from what age to what age?
	And of course, it may have started before you remember.
	I mean, a significant portion of people beat babies.
	It's just wild.
	But what age to what age do you recall the beatings occurring?
	From as early as I can remember all the way up until I started to hit puberty around age 12. So 10 years.
	So weekly, that's 520.
	beatings.
	Yeah, I mean, it wasn't as often as I started to get older, around 10 or 11, but it was Yeah, but it might have been more often when you were younger, right?
	Yeah, yeah, that's...
	Yeah.
	Man, that is a hell of an imprint on the body, brother.
	I am so sorry.
	I'm so sorry, guys.
	It's enraging, actually.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I thought back about it over the course of the last year and, I mean, about other things as well.
	And I just, oh my god, dude.
	Like, I could never imagine doing that to, like, I genuinely cannot comprehend the idea of doing that to my own child.
	Even if they did something that really enraged me, like, I really, I couldn't even imagine.
	Or, like, if I saw somebody doing that at the grocery store.
	I would have to be held back.
	Like, I'd want to get physical with this person.
	Like, oh my god, dude.
	Yeah, I mean, oddly enough, the image that came to my mind, I don't know if you've seen it online, there was a guy who ended up trapped face down in a narrow opening in a cave, and there's sort of an image of him.
	Like, here's the position, and he couldn't get out.
	Like, he was crawling down a narrow tube in a cave and got stuck and couldn't back out and so on, right?
	And I think he died or something like that.
	And, you know, that's a pretty ugly way to go.
	And to me, honestly, I mean, the people who beat toddlers, if they come to some kind of gruesome end like that, I'm like, I hope it hurt.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Over the course of thinking about it over the last year, I got really angry at one point.
	I fantasized about putting on a fat suit.
	I'm not trying to be funny here, but I legit thought, you know what?
	I'm going to give her what she gave me.
	I'm going to put on a fat suit and the clothes that she wore and a wig.
	I'm going to go to my mother's house and kick down the door and beat her on the ass with a paddle and see how she likes it.
	I mean, I'm obviously not going to do that.
	No, no, listen.
	It enraged me that much.
	I completely understand the impulses.
	I really do.
	I obviously thought about, although you don't do it, obviously, but in terms of releasing the emotion, you know, if somebody who beats you, I mean, it's like if you have a beloved girlfriend or wife and you find out that some guy's been beating her at work 500 times, I mean, you'd be murderous.
	So that level of rage is an antidote and a re-emergence of assertiveness.
	Of course, you don't act on it, but it's important to feel it.
	So I'm with you there.
	Yeah.
	I'm with you there.
	Okay.
	So you said your mother's house, did your parents end up splitting up?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, they ended up getting a divorce.
	They initiated a divorce.
	My father initiated the divorce a couple months before my 13th birthday, and I was totally blindsided by it.
	Yeah.
	Sorry, why were you blindsided by it?
	They didn't seem happy.
	I mean, your mother's making fun of your father's penis in front of the children, which is completely psycho.
	So what do you mean you were blindsided by it?
	I just want to make sure.
	Like, my parents were miserable.
	I was completely blindsided by their divorce.
	It is like, I mean, completely?
	Yeah, I know, but it was just because it was so...
	it was so normalized in my house.
	Like it was just a, like to me, I mean, it was just a given that my mother and father like did not get along.
	Is that right?
	Yeah, pretty much.
	Okay, got it.
	Okay, so they announced the divorce.
	Did they say why it was occurring?
	Anyway, sorry, go on.
	Well, there's a lot that goes into that.
	Well, I don't want to yank us back and try to...
	There's so much that goes into that.
	I mean, I'm sure they didn't give you all the details, but what did they say?
	What did your father say about why he was divorcing your mother?
	Or did he say anything?
	I was on my way to football practice.
	I was on my way out the door.
	Maybe I came home from football practice.
	And he sat me down at the dining room table.
	And he told me that him and my mother were getting a divorce.
	And I started...
	like my world came crashing down.
	I, I, and I started, I mean, I felt a flurry of emotions.
	And, you know, the first thing I said...
	Because growing up, I mean, me and my dad, really the only way we really bonded was we bonded through not liking our mother and wanting to avoid a bitching, nagging episode or me wanting to avoid a beating or a punishment.
	But your parents weren't physically violent with each other, if I understand this.
	No, never.
	Okay.
	So, when you say your world came crashing down, you know, totally blindsided, of course I'm not disagreeing with your emotional experience, but if there's a woman who beats me and now I get to spend much less time around her, How is that a big negative?
	Well, I didn't want my father to...
	I didn't know if my father was going to leave the house or if my mother was going to leave the house, and I didn't want my father to leave me with my mother.
	I didn't want to be stuck in the house with my mother, who was the way she was without my dad.
	So your concern was that your violent, maybe sadistic mother was now going to have complete control over you without the minorly mediating influence of your father.
	Is that right?
	Yeah, like, yeah.
	And, you know, and at that time, I mean, for years at that point, I was a very bad student and I would always be in trouble because of my grades.
	And, you know, if it was up to my mother, like, I'd never be able to go over to my friend's house who had a nice big house and all these cool toys.
	And he was cool, and I loved hanging out with him.
	And, like, that was my escape.
	And they actually had food at their house.
	We didn't have food at our house.
	were broke for many years going like up to that point.
	And, uh, you know, I just, I You're swallowing your words a tiny bit.
	So you said that you were at your friend's house.
	He was cool, big house, cool toys.
	And I missed the part about the food.
	Like, he actually had food in their pantry.
	Oh, yeah.
	I had the same kind of friends.
	I remember they actually had pop, which was, like, I never had any.
	Not that it was great to drink or whatever, but, yeah, I had friends.
	Like, you open the little closet in the basement, and there's just rows of stuff you could eat.
	It was like paradise.
	But sorry, go on.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, they were the same way.
	They had refrigerators and deep freezes down in the basement too with pizza bagels, My life at home was hell.
	Our family life was chaotic.
	Every evening it would devolve into the whole house yelling and fighting with each other and it was just super stressful.
	And, you know, our house was really messy and disorganized.
	And, like, we didn't have any toys there or anything going on, anything fun, no food.
	And, like, my home life sucked.
	Well, and this is why you couldn't study.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I mean, I know this one.
	I mean, I remember even as a kid feeling like this is a complete fucking joke of a system that, you know, I had a good friend, he later became a...
	And I was like, you know, good for him, man.
	I mean, that's great.
	But he and I were judged by the same standards.
	My mother would be half, you know, smoking all night in my room and clacking away on her electric typewriter, composing endless letters of complaint and threats.
	And it's like, okay, so, and, you know, I was hungry.
	One of the reasons I got my first job at the age of 10 is I just needed food.
	And I had teachers who were like, well, if effort matched ability, you'd be an A+.
	It's like, yeah, ever wonder why I don't have any energy to put out any effort?
	At one point in high school, I was working three jobs.
	And so it's just that the system judges all the children by the same standard.
	And I understand that.
	I mean, I get that, but if you're in a severely deficient environment, Sleep is the big issue, right?
	Because it's really hard to sleep when you're in a house of chaos, violence, and mental torture.
	It is very hard to get good sleep because you never know when someone's going to erupt.
	And so, yeah, I mean, just judged by the same standard.
	And, you know, so it wasn't like giving a bad student.
	I mean, that's like if somebody ties two anvils to your legs, In a running race, you say, well, I was just a bad runner.
	It's like, nope, I got the anvils.
	I mean, I was probably a pretty good runner, but there were those anvils.
	Sorry, go ahead.
	Oh, no, I mean, you're totally right.
	I mean, the sleep was a major issue, too.
	I was always sleep-deprived.
	I always had bags under my eyes.
	I mean, I just, I wanted to put my head down at class and, and, and sleep for most of the time.
	And, uh, you know, I would, you know, teachers over the years pulled me aside and said, how does somebody as smart as you, uh.
	Like, you're not doing your work.
	You don't pay attention in class.
	I mean, you're stealing your life away.
	I wouldn't have a good answer for that.
	Yeah, you're literally falling asleep in their class.
	You've got bags under your eyes.
	Clearly, you're sleep-deprived.
	Like, that's not even...
	And everyone knew we were that crazy house growing up.
	Sorry to interrupt.
	Well, yeah.
	I mean, the teacher's probably a little bit more remote.
	But, I mean, it's just a basic thing.
	Hey!
	You're falling asleep in class.
	Are you getting any sleep at home?
	That's all somebody has to ask.
	Hey, you have bags under your eyes.
	You have no energy.
	What is your sleep and nutrition situation?
	Yeah.
	I mean, and you pass through dozens of teachers' care, and not one person, and I get why.
	I'm not, like, necessarily throwing everyone under the bus.
	I get why.
	But this is why when people say, oh, I care about the children.
	I care about the environment.
	I care about Ukraine.
	Society doesn't care about shit.
	Because you can have some exhausted, half-starved child in your classroom, and all you'll do is bitch at them for not working hard enough.
	So when people say, well, I care about the sick and the poor and the infirm, it's like, you don't care about shit.
	Because when you have a kid half-dying in front of you, You just nag them and poke them with a stick and tell them to work harder.
	Like, society is just really fucking cold.
	And this is why when people say, oh, but I care about so many things.
	Like, you don't care about anything.
	It's just a bunch of bullshit.
	You're just patting yourself on the back.
	Like, some bizarre contortionist society doesn't care about its kids.
	You know, all the people who are like, oh, but global warming.
	Oh, the temperature in 100 years.
	like you all sold your kids into debt slavery for some free fucking ding-dongs and pensions.
	So don't talk to me about...
	And, you know, post-COVID, like, looking at, oh, society cares so much for Ukrainian freedom, and these are people who took mystery shots for a fucking donut.
	You know, so just, I just, it's wearying.
	You know, it's also tiresome listening to all of the things that people claim to care about, and they don't.
	And you and I and other people who suffered in school in particular, and, you know, even your...
	Like, what's going on at home, bro?
	Right?
	I mean, and again, I get why people don't want to get involved.
	That's fine.
	But then don't tell me about things you care about.
	Yeah.
	You know, I was very keenly aware when I was a kid that, like, I don't have a support system.
	Like, I'm being fucked.
	I could do well in life if I had a good home life.
	Why does this have to be me?
	But there was one time when my best friend's father, on a field trip, we took a field trip to a museum.
	And I was hungry.
	My stomach hurt because I was so hungry.
	And I was tired, of course.
	I was so sleep-deprived.
	And I was on the verge of tears.
	And he asked me what was wrong.
	He pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong.
	And I just told him, I'm tired.
	I'm so hungry.
	And he took me to the food court and bought me a sandwich.
	And, you know, that was very kind of him.
	That was very kind of him.
	I mean, you know, I mean, for me at that time.
	I mean, that's making a meal out of a scrap.
	And I get that.
	Yeah, I guess it was kind of kind.
	But how about he says, well, do you not have food at home?
	Like, what's going on?
	And then, you know, referring you to CPS or something like that.
	I mean, you know, I guess it was kind of kind, but he's basically, everyone's saying, we don't want to get involved in your family issues.
	Yeah, he saw my situation for what it was, but, you know, like, he didn't want to get involved.
	Like, yeah, he didn't want to get involved.
	And that's fine.
	Again, people, so, again, we know this from being abused as children, that society, they don't want to get involved.
	And everyone's, what, are they scared of your parents?
	Like, what are your parents going to do, right?
	And so that's fine.
	I mean, society can do all of that, but then society just can't credibly claim to care about things.
	Because if you can't care about a kid, you know, half starved and tortured and sleep deprived in front of you, then don't tell me about your...
	It's just absolute, complete and total nonsense.
	It's like that heat map of who people care about.
	My mother was involuntarily institutionalized.
	I went to visit her all the time.
	They knew her life.
	They would get all her files, I assume, from the doctor.
	They knew that there was no father.
	And my mother was institutionalized.
	I went to visit her every day or every second day.
	And not one person in the asylum or the institution, not one person said, hey, your primary caregiver and inconsistent income earner is institutionalized.
	What's going on?
	How are you doing?
	Yeah.
	I went there for, I don't know, like a month or two or however long she was there, and not one person ever.
	Oh, how are you doing?
	Gosh, this has got to be kind of upsetting for you.
	I mean, you're 12 or 13 years old, and this is what's going on, so how are you doing?
	And, like, there was nothing.
	Nothing.
	It's nothing.
	And, again, society can do all of that, but don't tell me what you care about.
	It's nonsense.
	Yeah.
	I mean, by the time I got into eighth grade, and I'm skipping over a lot here, but when I got into eighth grade, I mean, I was totally dead on the inside.
	And I had so much going on at home.
	And my friends were really starting to outpace me in terms of social development and fitting in with peers and getting ready for high school and stuff.
	And they all turned on me and started ignoring me and acting like I wasn't there.
	And that really fucked with my head.
	Okay.
	Hang on.
	I want you to pause.
	No, go ahead.
	I was going to say, at that time, I was totally dead on the inside, and I walked around with this permanent scowl on my face, and that's when the school recommended that I talk to a counselor.
	No, no, that's not what I was interrupting for.
	Oh, right.
	So, the effect of our past on our future is defined by the language we use.
	Right, so this is why I pause.
	You say, I was blindsided.
	My world crumbled.
	And now you're saying, my friends totally turned on me, right?
	So, the effect, I mean, the only thing that matters in our past is the effect it has on our future.
	and the effect it has on our future is defined not by what happened in the past, but by the language we use to describe it.
	Right, so...
	I can look at deplatforming.
	Oh, it's so unjust and wrong and bad.
	It's like, oh, it liberated me to work on more core and essential philosophy, which I enjoy more, and it's going to do more good for the world in the long run.
	I mean, if I was still in politics, I wouldn't have written Peaceful Parenting.
	So, it's the language we use to describe it.
	So, this is why, if you say, well, my parents are splitting up.
	This is the worst thing in the world.
	Okay, what was the custody arrangement after your family split up?
	Like a custody arrangement.
	We were all going to stay in the house and my father at first said he was going to leave the house.
	He was going to leave.
	And they were both going to...
	my father would move out of the house and they both agreed to work it out amongst themselves and not get attorneys.
	And then my father...
	And she was the breadwinner at that time.
	And she found out about it, so she got a better attorney.
	And then, long story short, my mom was able to...
	And the arrangement was about a year into the divorce.
	My father had to move out, and then my mother stayed in the house for the rest of the time and all the kids.
	Stayed in the house, too.
	Okay, that's not answering my question, with all due respect.
	What was the custody?
	Not where the hell did people live.
	What was the custody arrangement of the children?
	The custody arrangement, we weren't really assigned to either parent.
	We were allowed to come and go as we pleased between our parents' houses.
	So that's a huge win, isn't it?
	Yeah.
	I mean, you could go stay with your dad as long as you wanted, right?
	Yeah, and I did in eighth grade and in the freshman year, but his house, I mean, he lived on disability.
	He couldn't really afford food, and his house, like, it had this weird smell to it.
	The walls were paper thin.
	Sorry, he couldn't afford food?
	What do you mean?
	Like, enough food, like good food.
	Sorry, sorry.
	You sit there pop all the time.
	Well, yeah, that's right.
	They could afford pop.
	We had all the pop.
	Okay, so don't give me this crap that your dad couldn't afford food.
	I know what you mean.
	Do you?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like, okay, they have food for soda.
	They have food for these snacks.
	What were these Debbie cakes?
	What were they called?
	Yeah, like little Debbie snacks.
	Like that money would be better put to use buying like potatoes and eggs and milk.
	Do you know how cheap it is to eat healthy?
	It's insane.
	I know.
	We were that broke, but we were that broke.
	No, no, no, you weren't that broke.
	If you've got money for bullshit chemical sugar snacks and pop, you've got money for potatoes, and you've got money for vegetables, and you've got money for patties, or whatever, right?
	That's true, but apparently that never crossed their mind.
	No, no, no.
	My God, man.
	It's the language that I'm trying to sort out with you.
	Something is wrong.
	And I'm not criticizing you at all, right?
	But something is wrong with the language you use to describe your past.
	How do I know that?
	Because you're unhappy with your present and you can't see a future.
	Right.
	Right, so I want you to think if you're hiking in the woods on your own, right?
	And let's say you don't have a GPS.
	Let's say it's when I was a kid.
	There's no GPS, right?
	And you've got some map, but it's pretty hard to figure out the map because you're in the woods.
	Now, if you end up off the path, right?
	There's some animal track that you start taking that you think is the path, and it ends up winding into the arse end of nowhere.
	Can you get home if you never define yourself as lost?
	No.
	Right.
	So you need to have a word or a phrase called, I'm lost, in order to start changing your behavior.
	If you say, no, no, I'm bang on, I've glanced at the map, looks like the McDonald's is just over the next hill or whatever you're looking for, right?
	But if you don't define yourself as lost, you just keep plowing on, getting more and more lost.
	So you have to have, I'm lost is I took the wrong path.
	And now I need to get my bearings.
	I need to figure things out.
	I need to do whatever I'm going to do because I'm lost.
	Obviously, I need to start heading back and look for the main path, whatever it is I'm going to do, right?
	So the language that you use to describe your past, right?
	I'm lost means it's an accurate description of I took the wrong turn three hours ago, right?
	Now, if you think you took the right turn three hours ago, you're not going to double back.
	If you accurately say, I took the wrong turn three hours ago and I am now lost, then you can double back.
	In other words, the future of your hiking is defined by the language you use to describe what happened in the past.
	If you say, I went the right direction, you'll just keep going.
	If you say, I'm lost, I went the wrong direction, then you'll turn back.
	The future is defined by the language you use to describe your past on the hike.
	If your language says, I took the right path, you'll keep going.
	If your language says, I'm lost, you'll double back.
	So you're going to go forward or backwards, north or south, 180 or zero, based upon the language you use to describe the past.
	Does that make sense?
	Yeah.
	Now, you don't know where to go in the future.
	You feel lost and discouraged.
	And that means that the language that you use to describe the past is inaccurate.
	So, for instance, if you look at your teachers, they said, well, the reason you're not doing well in school is you just got to work harder and learn to concentrate, you lazy bastard, or something like that, right?
	So they were defining my past as containing the sin of laziness or inattention or something like that, right?
	Yeah.
	So they diagnosed my present difficulties as based upon a personal vice or failing on my part when that wasn't true.
	It was the fact that I don't view my mother as having abused me.
	I view society as having abused me because they all enabled it.
	Right?
	So, I've mentioned this before, and I'm not trying to make this about me.
	This is all really to hopefully illuminate things for you.
	So, people in society never called the police when I was being audibly beaten in paper-thin apartment walls when I was a kid, right?
	Beating, screaming, things smashing against the wall, my mother throwing plates and stuff like that.
	Nobody ever called the police.
	The only time that the magnificent society I lived in called the police was when I was having a party and having fun.
	And then they called the police three times.
	And the police came three times and said, well, this isn't so loud.
	I don't know what people's problem is.
	So when I was being beaten, nobody lifted a finger.
	When I was having a relatively quiet party, everyone called the police in the hopes.
	That they could smash my enjoyment.
	Yeah.
	So that's society.
	My mother was embedded in a society where she knew she could abuse me because nobody would do a goddamn thing.
	But they'd all be crying about the poor in a foreign country.
	Right?
	The poor kid being beaten next door?
	fuck that kid.
	However, if there's some skinny kid That's just the world as it is, right?
	So, the reason I'm stopping you on the language and have done so repeatedly is that your language is not accurate about what happened.
	So, when you say, well, my father was in disability, his house smelled, and he couldn't afford food.
	Okay.
	Why was your father on disability?
	Because he injured his neck at work.
	And then I don't remember if this was at his full-time job or if this was his side, his side gig building decks, but he injured his neck and had to go to the doctor and get it looked at.
	And I think, I, I think he went back to work early against the doctor's orders and then re-injured it.
	And then he got laid off from his full-time job and had to get like very serious, uh, surgery on like a disc on his neck.
	Okay.
	So your father was on disability because he didn't listen to the doctor, went back to do a physical job while obese against doctor's orders, right?
	So, he was on disability because he put himself there.
	Yeah.
	Now, if he injured his neck, why did that mean he couldn't work at anything ever?
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	I mean, he supervised an entire plant, and by that time, he worked in an office.
	I mean, if he didn't get disability, would he have just starved to death, or would he have found some way to make some money?
	He could have found a way.
	Okay, so he was ripping off the system.
	He was, like a lot of people do, you know, when I hear neck injury, I just immediately think bullshit, but, you know, he got operated on, so it wasn't just like, oh, whiplash, like stuff that you can't really prove.
	So, okay, so he injured himself through his own idiocy, his own whatever, right?
	I don't listen to what the doctors know.
	It turns out the doctors sometimes know quite a bit.
	So he put himself on disability, and he stayed on disability because it was easier than working.
	Now, that's not what disability is for.
	Disability is for people who can...
	I mean, how did his neck end up?
	Was he in, like, chronic, agonizing pain?
	Could he not turn his head?
	I mean, what happened as a result of these?
	I know when people go in and operate on the spine, they're really rolling the dice, right?
	Yeah, he was in very serious pain for at least a few years after that.
	like his neck was in constant pain.
	He had trouble like We'd have to rub ointment on his neck.
	Sorry, you'd have to do what on his neck?
	Rub some kind of medical ointment.
	Right.
	He wasn't able to do that.
	He wasn't able to reach back there.
	But then after a couple of years, it got better?
	Or somewhat better?
	I don't know if it got somewhat better.
	he'd still complain about it, like how he's in pain.
	But he decided to wean himself off of the painkillers for whatever reason.
	But yeah, anyway, he was...
	No, no, no, you're not on track.
	You're not off track.
	So you're saying, I was asking if he got better.
	You said he was in pain for several years.
	Did it get better after that?
	Yeah, yeah, it got to where he could, he could like tinker around in the garage.
	Okay, so he could work.
	Small jobs here and there, but he'd have to rest.
	Yeah, yeah, I get it.
	Long story short, he could work.
	Now, given that he had neck issues and spine issues.
	Did he at least exercise and lose the weight?
	No, he didn't exercise.
	The only thing he did to lose the weight was he stopped drinking Mountain Dew.
	Okay, so did he lose the weight?
	He lost 50 pounds.
	He lost 50 pounds after he stopped drinking soda.
	Yeah, I don't know what that means relative to his...
	So he went, well, like 350 to 300 kind of thing?
	Okay.
	Yeah, I mean, when people have muscular, Yeah.
	Okay.
	And did he just remain on disability that that's the rest of his life?
	Yes.
	Hmm.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So he's never getting a job again, right?
	The taxpayer is just going to have to fund him until the money runs out.
	Yeah, pretty much.
	And I think he's starting to draw a pension from the company he worked at for 25 or 30 years.
	And he'll be able to get Social Security later this year.
	And he does odd jobs here and there for one of his friend's businesses.
	But yeah, pretty much he's going to be on disability for the rest of his life.
	And what age were you when he got this injury?
	I would have been nine years old, around nine years old.
	Oh, wow.
	Okay.
	So for almost 20 years, he's been on disability.
	Okay.
	All right.
	And what does he do with his time?
	He'll visit our grandparents, although my mother or my grandmother passed away a few months ago.
	Like, he'd go visit people, he'd go tinker around with...
	Really, not much.
	Really, not a lot.
	He'd go on fishing trips with his friends or whatever.
	Wait, he'd go on fishing trips?
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	I can't work.
	A neck injury is so bad, but I can be on a wobbly boat.
	That's fine.
	Yeah.
	And I can, you know, and I can coach, I can coach my, you know, my older sisters, I can coach all of her sports for I can do that just fine.
	And I can like rant and rave and yell at the referees and, you know, throw my hands up.
	Like, that's not a problem.
	That doesn't hurt my neck.
	I can be, oh, whatever.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So anyway, it's not the most honorable way to bleed the taxpayer dry.
	All right.
	Okay.
	So the reason that I'm asking all of these questions is that you have these very strong statements.
	And just so you know how I work.
	I'm on the sniff for strong emotional statements that don't quite make sense.
	Right?
	So when you said, well, my parents fought like crazy, and then they got divorced, and my world came crashing down.
	and I don't understand why.
	Now, you say, well, I was concerned that I was going to have to spend more time with my mom, but it turns out you could spend way less time with your mom.
	So you could easily say, and I'm not saying whether you should or shouldn't, but, you know, just in terms of the course and effect, you could say, my parents got divorced, which meant I didn't have to spend really any time with my mother.
	Whew, that was great.
	Yeah.
	No, no, it blindsided me.
	My world came crashing down.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, and I'm trying to figure, like, because it turned out to be good.
	Now, I understand you could say, well, I didn't like it at the time, but it turned out to be good, right?
	Like, I wasn't like yay deplatforming, but it turned out to be good, right?
	Yeah, I mean, yeah, it did turn out to be good.
	I didn't have to deal with my parents fighting all the time.
	There weren't nearly as many like No, it's not just that.
	You said that your mother was much more violent than your father.
	Yeah.
	I mean, the downside to going to my father's house, though, was he lived, like, 15 minutes away.
	And, like, at my mother's house, I could walk to my friend's house.
	And I could walk to a couple of my friend's houses and hang out with them and whatever, and, like, escape.
	And, like, have an escape from my family.
	Sorry, he was 15 minutes away by what?
	By car.
	By car.
	Okay.
	So, didn't you get a bike?
	Or get a second-hand bike?
	I mean, I put a bike together from stuff I found in garbage, right?
	So, a bike, I mean, obviously it's not as fast as a car.
	It might take it to 40 minutes or whatever, unless it's highway or something, right?
	But did you not get a bike to visit your friends when you were at your dad's?
	No, I never thought to do that.
	But you knew that there were bikes, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So, with your dad, you were stuck in this smelly, depressing place with no decent food?
	Right.
	Okay.
	All right.
	And so, when you say your father couldn't afford food, that's just a lie.
	And I'm not saying you're like some big stinky liar, but it's a false statement, even based upon the evidence that you're giving me, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So...
	My friends turned on me.
	That's a very powerful statement.
	It's a statement of betrayal and loss and false friends and to some degree victimhood and so on, right?
	Yeah, that's how it felt at that time.
	I don't quite see it like now looking back on it more objectively, but that's how it felt at the time.
	All I can do is go on what you tell me.
	When you say my friends turned on me, Right.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like if I say to you, I was devastated by being de-platformed.
	Would you think that I had changed my mind since then?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And you didn't even have a past.
	You didn't say, it wasn't in the past.
	You say, my friends totally turned on me.
	In the same way you said with regards to your father, and please understand, I'm not calling you a liar and I'm not trying to overly nitpick.
	I'm just telling you where I'm getting this stuff from.
	You said, my father went behind my mother's back when he got a lawyer, right?
	Well, again, that is a statement of intense emotional provocation, right?
	Because it could have easily been that your mother threatened to go to a lawyer and your father just went first.
	It could be that your mother was being completely irrational and aggressive and he actually had to go and get a lawyer because she was something bad.
	Like, you don't know, right?
	Yeah.
	But so your mother probably said, well, my father, your father just went behind my back and she probably held all this venomous language, which has stuck in you.
	yeah yeah you're right so you gotta disgorge all these venomous barbs you know it's like if you get stuck You accidentally roll on a porcupine, you've got to get all the barbs out, right?
	So you've got all these language barbs in you that I don't see the root cause of, or at least could be interpreted in a number of different ways, if that makes sense.
	So you've got to figure out the venomous language that got driven into you like nails by your parents and pull that shit out.
	Right.
	Hmm.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	Didn't think about it that way.
	Well, the language is our future.
	The language we use to define the past creates our future.
	If I don't define myself as getting lost, I have no chance of being found again.
	And so the language that you use.
	So when you became sort of negative, sour, and I can't remember the other words that you used to describe when you were sort of launching into your teens, you said your friends...
	Thank you.
	It wasn't turned their backs on you.
	Turned on you, is that right?
	Yeah.
	Okay, so what did that mean in practical terms?
	like in if I was just watching a documentary without all of this narrative subtext what would I see if I was just watching the video um they would see me uh Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right.
	I would go up to them and try to talk to them.
	I was very socially awkward and hadn't developed at the same pace as them.
	And they were coming into their high school years, like getting ready for high school and being interested.
	in girls and stuff.
	Like they were at that level of social development and I was like embarrassed.
	I was like embarrassing to be seen with at that point.
	Now, did you have any hygiene issues?
	Did you dress badly?
	I mean, I assume so, right?
	Not necessarily about hygiene issues, but you would have stood out like, here's a kid who's dysfunctional?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	I mean, it was palpable.
	I mean, you could see it from a mile away by my expression.
	I mean, we had uniforms at our school, but outside of school, I always had to wear hand-me-down clothes that didn't fit quite right.
	And what about things like deodorant, washing your hair enough, taking care of your teeth?
	I mean, I assume all of those were sort of problems, or could be.
	The hygiene wasn't a problem with me, but the thing about my father's house when I moved over there in 8th grade to get away from my mother's craziness.
	Um, his, the smell of his house, it was, I can't even describe it, but it was like a dumpster almost, and the smell, you'd be in there for 10 seconds, and the smell would get stuck to your clothes, and you'd have to throw your clothes in the washer, and it just, it just radiated outward from me, and like, it was, it was awful, like, you had to get away from it.
	So, but what was the smell?
	Did you ever figure it out?
	Mm-mm.
	No.
	Huh.
	Alright.
	Okay.
	So, you said your friends turned on you.
	I don't necessarily see it that way.
	And listen, the last thing I'd want to do is tell you what your experience is.
	But an outside eye can be helpful in redefining these things.
	Okay, so is this sort of 14, 15, 16?
	This is 14. This is in eighth grade.
	Okay, so 14. I remember 8th grade very vividly.
	Okay, so is the purpose of...
	Is the purpose of a male's genetics to be friends with another man?
	No.
	What is the purpose of male genetics?
	To mate with females and reproduce.
	To get girls and have babies, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Now, from an evolutionary standpoint...
	Their genes die off.
	Yeah, their genes die off, right?
	So you were, at this point, and through no fault of your own, this is just, you know, the crazy water that you had to try and survive in and surf and tread water in, you had become a liability to their reproductive success.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	They are programmed to remove obstacles to reproductive success because that's what we're programmed to do.
	It's instinctual.
	We can understand that it's healthy in terms of reproduction and so on.
	And they can't fix you, right?
	Because they're kids, right?
	They're 14 years old.
	They can't fix you.
	They can't fix your environment.
	They can't fix your family.
	They can't fix your family.
	Yeah, right.
	So they can't fix you.
	They can't fix you, they're outgrowing you, again, through no fault of your own, and you are a liability when it comes to talking to girls, because girls look at the boys and the company they keep.
	And if they're friends with a guy who's really awkward and kind of smelly and whatever it is, right?
	Then they're going to have much less of a chance to ask quality girls out, right?
	Right, right.
	So it wasn't that they turned on you.
	It's that their genes were saying, he's a liability.
	We need to reproduce.
	He's expendable.
	And we can completely understand that because if our ancestors didn't do that, you and I wouldn't be here.
	So, through no fault of your own, you had become a liability for your friends in the dating market, which is sort of the purpose of the teenage years, right?
	So, it's kind of like if you were on a running team, and then you badly twisted your ankle, right?
	And you were out for six months, and you were to say, well, my teammates totally turned on me and kicked me out.
	Yeah.
	Would that make any sense?
	No.
	We're like, sorry, you're now a liability.
	Like, through no fault of your own, you just fell and twisted your ankle, but you're now a liability to the team and we can't win.
	So we've got to cut you.
	Yeah.
	Happens all the time in sports, right?
	Mm-hmm.
	Whereas if you were to say, well, I was just totally betrayed by my teammates, right?
	That would be inaccurate.
	Because you're not saying, well, I really twisted my ankle and I couldn't run, and it was a running team race, a relay race or something, right?
	Relay team.
	So this is what I mean by the language.
	Now, how did your father describe how he got his injury?
	Or what was the cause?
	I never talked to him about how he got his injury or like what was it?
	Like, I don't remember him talking to me about his injury, but he did have,
	Yeah, yeah.
	So he never said, well, two things.
	Number one, I was doing some pretty hard physical labor while being severely obese.
	Not a good idea.
	Number one.
	Number two, I didn't listen to my doctor.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Thank you.
	Because that would be an accurate explanation, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So, he does not view himself as the author of any of his own misfortunes.
	He also blames your mother for his bad marriage.
	Yeah.
	Like the bitch, right, that you and your father referred.
	Now, I'm not arguing with the name.
	But I'm just saying, bro, you chose her.
	Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
	You chose to date her, get engaged, get married, give her not one, two, three, four, five children, right?
	Yeah.
	And you chose to overeat.
	You chose to drink liquid diabetes poison known as pop.
	And who is the author of your own misfortunes except you?
	Right, right.
	And then you chose to sit on disability for 20 years when you could have done something.
	Again, I get that sometimes these issues can be chronic and all of that, right?
	But I believe people with chronic health issues, I give them sympathy if the rest of their health is managed well.
	So if somebody says, oh, I've got chronic knee pain and they're 300 pounds, I just don't have any sympathy.
	Then how am I going to deal with people who have chronic knee pain that they did not likely cause by their own behavior?
	Yeah.
	It's like, well, but you had a lot of fun eating, right?
	Yeah, like people who gorged themselves and smoke for their entire lives and then they complain that they're unhealthy and then they live off the taxpayer.
	Yeah, I mean, they're living off the taxpayer.
	Expensive procedures that we have to pay for.
	Yeah, I mean, the living of the taxpayer stuff isn't raging, but yeah, like, I mean, and of course, I'm at the age where I can see people's health decisions.
	People's health decisions are really catching up with them.
	Like, because I'm in my late 50s, right?
	So I can see people's health decisions, good or bad, they're really catching up with them, right?
	And so I just, it's like the guy who smokes and then, oh my, I can't catch a breath.
	I can't run.
	I can't climb the stairs.
	It's like, yeah, but you enjoyed the nicotine for decades.
	Yeah.
	I'm not going to pretend that they didn't have their pleasures.
	I'm not going to pretend that they didn't have their pleasures.
	So, that is, to me, kind of foundational.
	Now, what happened for you in your teens when you were going through this, I guess, unappealing phase?
	Um, I...
	Thank you.
	I had a lot of anxiety about the future because my grades were really bad and I couldn't concentrate.
	Sorry, was sleep also bad at your dad's hovel?
	I sort of think of them as living in this hovel or hole in the ground, but was sleep also bad there too?
	Yeah, because he would stay up late and watch TV, and I didn't, I mean, the walls were really thin, and you'd have to turn the, like, he could turn the volume way down, and I'd still be able to hear, like, everything, and I wouldn't be able to sleep.
	Well, you've got hypervigilance, too, at this point, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	All right, so you were worried about your future, you had this anxiety, your grades were still poor.
	Did anything happen with girls in your sort of mid-teens?
	No, and I couldn't.
	I had a very tough time interacting with the opposite sex.
	I was exposed to pornography when I was in second grade at my friend's house.
	Sorry, second grade?
	Was it seven or eight years old?
	Yep.
	So did your friend who was seven or eight, did he, he had access to pornography?
	Yeah, they had.
	I don't remember exactly.
	One of them pulled up this porn site, and we were watching porn on their family computer and hoping their parents can catch us.
	Jesus.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	The internet is a demon in some ways.
	Okay.
	And so did you have access to pornography at your mother and your father's house?
	Yeah, and I watched it for years.
	I'd sneak away into the computer room, and I would watch it, and I know they knew that I watched porn after a while.
	Everybody knew that I watched porn, and my brother would make jokes alluding to it, but never saying anything directly.
	And this is the whole community, right?
	This is before puberty, and everybody knew about it.
	I have a hard time believing it.
	I can't believe that everybody knew about it except my parents.
	No measures were taken at all.
	I was never confronted about it.
	I was never talked to about it.
	No measures were taken to try to restrict access to pornography or anything like that.
	Well, but your parents, I mean, if your parents didn't have a sex life, they were probably pornography addicts themselves.
	I never thought about that.
	Hmm.
	Thank you.
	I mean, people don't just not have sex.
	I mean, I suppose there's a few people who are asexual or whatever, but they don't tend to have five kids, right?
	Yeah.
	So I know it's hard to think, of course, about parents'hormones and sex drives and so on, but just because you're overweight doesn't mean that you don't have a sex drive and all of that.
	And of course, for men in particular, not having orgasms is not...
	So, I mean, if your father was impulsive with regards to eating food to feel better, I would imagine that there was a pornography use going on if he didn't have, I mean, he's not had, has he had a girlfriend in the last 20 years?
	Yeah, he only goes after, he's had a few, he's only gone after Asian women who barely speak English, because that's, I mean, that's the only thing he can really pull.
	Asian women who can barely speak English?
	I mean, why is that what he can pull?
	I don't understand the dating market at the moment, so just help me understand.
	I think to him, like, he, God, he, like...
	But he'd give me unsolicited dating advice, and he says, oh, son, oh, you know, like, oh, you should go after Asian women.
	They worship the ground you walk on, because, like, my mother wouldn't be good about keeping the house clean.
	The house was horribly messy and disorganized growing up, and he wanted somebody to do his laundry.
	His disgusting laundry and cook dinner for him and keep the house clean and whatever.
	I don't think he has a lot going on as far as conversations and stuff go.
	him, him getting away and, and, you know, Asian women, he can trick like Asian women that he meets on Facebook or whatever, that, that barely speak English or maybe from a foreign country, he can trick them into thinking that he has money because to them, you know, Like, for them, that's a lot of money.
	Like, he's an American.
	He's rich.
	But, yeah, like, that's the ration.
	And they probably, you know, for them, they're probably used to, I mean, small penises, basically.
	And that is a factor.
	So that was probably his, I mean, I think that was his thinking.
	Huh.
	I mean, I guess I've only been around, I've only really been around high status Asian women.
	So, but I guess you're saying there's a...
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah, it's just saying I've only really been around high-status Asian women, so I guess there's Asian women who will date an aging, half-crippled, obese, white guy, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, right.
	All right.
	All right.
	Strange stranger.
	Maybe this is why people like a lot of immigration, is it brings in people who will actually put up with them.
	Okay, so he's had girlfriends over the past 20 years, but is it no relationship that's really lasted, or has that happened?
	There was one that came over.
	It lasted for a couple of years, but this lady...
	I had no idea how they had a relationship, this lady.
	I'm not exaggerating here.
	Her speaking English sounded like, that's literally what she sounded like.
	I'm not exaggerating.
	The fall of sixth grade for me is when I sat down and told about the divorce.
	The following summer, after my mother had been out of the house, my father brought this Asian woman from the Philippines.
	Over to our house to live at our house.
	We had no notice.
	We had no warning whatsoever.
	he was just going to foist this on us and have this strange woman living in our house and we didn't find out And they thought that we knew, but my father didn't tell us at all.
	And he was just going to, he brought this strange woman into our house to live.
	And he...
	Now he's making an effort showering and getting the house clean and everything.
	And now he wants to play dad and he wants to play macho man and everything.
	And we have this strange woman living in our house who doesn't speak English.
	and we're all like, what the fuck?
	It was crazy.
	A lot happened there too.
	But yeah, that's the most long-lasting relationship he had.
	And now he has some other Asian...
	Her husband died, and now he lives over at her house, and they are, like, together now.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	And your mother, did she redate, rebury?
	No.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So what happened with you and girls?
	Let's just fast forward into your teens, 20s.
	Have you talked to girls much?
	Have you had sex?
	I mean, what's the status of your relationship with women as a whole?
	Right now, if I'm feeling good and I've taken care of my appearance in the last couple of years, I'm good at chatting up girls.
	You're a good-looking guy, right?
	So it's not like that's an issue.
	Yeah, so go ahead.
	I'm good at chatting up girls in stores.
	especially like, I'm not every girl's type.
	Like, I don't have But I'm either her type or I'm not.
	And she'll see me and smile at me or whatever and be open and be receptive.
	And then I'm good at chatting up girls and getting them to laugh and whatever and having a...
	But as far as girlfriends go, I had one girlfriend my junior year of high school.
	I met her in the second semester of my sophomore year.
	She was a six.
	She wasn't anything special.
	She chopped her hair up.
	And I was in a really low state at that time.
	I could tell she didn't have the best self-esteem because of the way she chopped her hair up and everything.
	And I met her and we were talking in the last month of a math class.
	And we became friends.
	And then I had it in the back of my mind.
	you know what?
	I could, I know she likes me.
	The following school year, we reconnected and we started going out.
	We went out for six months.
	It wasn't an actual relationship, though.
	I basically just...
	She found me as a status symbol because I was tall and good looking and I basically just used her for sex and had no intention of...
	But yeah, like she's the only girl that I've gone out with and had sex with.
	Okay, so when you said it wasn't a real relationship, I mean, not all, I mean, not many high school relationships lead to marriage, right?
	And children.
	Right, right.
	So when you said it wasn't a real relationship, the fact that you didn't intend to marry her, I mean, not many teenage boys are thinking about marriage.
	Yeah.
	So what do you mean when you say it wasn't a real relationship?
	Um, hmm.
	I mean, the standard, I didn't want to get married to her.
	I never really thought about it.
	That's not a standard that says it's not a real relationship.
	Well, because I only intended to get in her pants.
	It wasn't genuine.
	I didn't really like her for her.
	Very much.
	I saw this as an opportunity to finally lose my virginity and have sex with a girl.
	Okay, so what did you not like about her?
	I don't know.
	Well, I do know, but let me think here.
	She was kind of a shit-lib, and the way she chopped her hair up was kind of ridiculous.
	I remember telling her a few times that she'd actually be pretty if she just let her hair grow out naturally.
	I don't know what I like about her.
	She, we just, she, this was in 2015, early 2016, when like the LGBTQ transgender stuff was really taking off and she was really about that, like trans rights and all this stuff.
	And I just, I was just, I would just roll my eyes.
	I thought, oh my God, how can you be into this stuff?
	And so we really didn't, I mean, we really didn't share a lot of values.
	I mean, we got a long time.
	So she was like an NPC in that way.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Very susceptible.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	All right.
	And so did you socialize with her?
	Did you go to dinner and movies?
	Basically just booty call after booty call?
	It was just booty call after booty call.
	She'd come over to my house and we'd maybe walk around.
	Most of the time we would just hang out at my house and watch Netflix.
	Have sex.
	But sometimes we'd go for a walk in the park or we'd go walk into where the shop areas were and get ice cream or whatever.
	But yeah, most of the time it was just a booty call.
	And how old were you over this six-month period?
	You said sophomore.
	I'm sorry, that's not really a Canadian grade.
	Oh, my bad.
	That was in 11th grade and that would have been after my 17th birthday.
	Okay, got it.
	And she was the same age, right?
	She was a year older than me.
	A year older, okay.
	And then what happened after six months?
	I just...
	I got tired of...
	The novelty warm-off...
	One second.
	I just didn't find her interesting anymore.
	I got tired of spending almost every weekend, half the day on Sunday, every weekend, you know, And we didn't really have very interesting conversations at that point.
	And I just had enough.
	The novelty, the stimulation wore off.
	And then she chopped her hair up kind of badly.
	And then she got her eyebrows done.
	And they took way too much off.
	And I was like, okay, I'm not attracted to her anymore.
	I can't do this anymore.
	And so I just started ignoring her and avoiding her.
	And this went on for almost a week.
	And then she confronted me in the hallway.
	Talking about, like, you act like you don't want to date me anymore.
	What's going on?
	I said, yeah, I've been thinking about it.
	And then she, like, got upset and stormed off because she didn't want to be seen crying in front of everybody in the hallway.
	But yeah, that's how that ended.
	Well, I mean, she's probably self-mutilating in order to get out of a dead-end relationship.
	Like, our hormones are like, yay, sex, relationship.
	And then if there's no commitment after six months, our hormones turn off and say, well, we've got to go somewhere else, right?
	Yeah.
	And another reason I was with her was because I finally had somebody to sit with at lunch because my entire 10th and 11th grade until I started dating her, I had no social skills.
	I could not make friends with people.
	And I sat alone every day at lunch.
	I'm sorry about that.
	That's very sad.
	That's very sad.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So was that the only girlfriend you've had?
	Yeah.
	So what have you been up to?
	I mean, other than the porn stuff, what have you been up to for the last 10 years?
	You say you talk to them.
	Okay, do you get numbers, go on dates, you don't find them attractive?
	Like, what's going on?
	I've not been on a date.
	I got one girl.
	I cold approached this really hot girl in a restaurant one time, and I got her number, but I totally fumbled the overtext thing.
	I fumbled the texting, and then she left me on read.
	Then, okay, before my girlfriend and after her, really up until the age of 22, I didn't date girls because I didn't have anything to offer.
	I really had nothing to offer in the way of conversation or depth or anything.
	And just in general, being social with people, I never had anything to contribute other than some...
	And I tried getting another girlfriend.
	I tried getting a girlfriend in 10th grade, and it went very poorly.
	Oh, that's before the six-month-er, right?
	Before the six-month-er.
	and I ended up texting Were you going to say something?
	Hang on.
	I don't want to go back further.
	I'm trying to get the last 10 years.
	I mean, if there's something important, obviously, but I think we're going the wrong direction.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	No, if there's something you wanted to say about the before the 10th, the 11th grade.
	I was just going to say, like, I ended up texting her, and all I ended up doing was, like, trauma dumping on her.
	And I was like, okay, I'm going to trauma dump on her, and this will, like, bring us closer.
	And then I can, like, date her, and I can have sex with her.
	And it was totally retarded.
	Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
	This is another really strong language.
	Trauma dump, retarded, and so on, right?
	So, you told her about your suffering in life.
	What is that that makes that a trauma dump?
	Because we barely established communication with each other like I barely knew her.
	And it wasn't really appropriate to be telling her about that stuff when I just met her.
	Okay.
	Got it.
	All right.
	But, I mean, you had a lot of sort of sorrow that...
	Okay.
	All right.
	So, last 10 years, no real dates, no girlfriend, right?
	No real dates, no girlfriend.
	And for the past five years, I've been really focused.
	Well, I mean, the past year, I'm established in my line of work.
	Like financially, I've achieved takeoff speed.
	I don't have to worry about like...
	Okay, let me slow down here.
	The past...
	I had my nose to the grindstone, and I was making sure that I was securing a financial future for myself before the next major recession kicked in.
	That was my thinking at the time.
	So to me, I was thinking, okay, I don't have time to be talking to girls, and I'm not really equipped to be dating.
	Hang on, hang on, hang on.
	I'll try and get that puck past this goalie, bro.
	Uh-oh.
	All right.
	You say that you're a pornography addict.
	So how many hours of porn consumption and masturbation are you on a week?
	I. I. I hold off into the ballpark.
	I do it like twice on the weekend and it's probably for like 20 minutes.
	Okay, so twice on the weekend, not during the week.
	Is that right?
	Not during the week, right.
	Okay.
	Sorry, because I've talked to pornography addicts who are like an hour a day.
	Oh, my God.
	Okay.
	So you say you don't have time to date girls because of work.
	Is that right?
	Yeah, that was true for years.
	It's not true now.
	Why is that true?
	I mean, how many hours a week were you working?
	50. 40 or 50. Okay.
	So that's 10 hours a day, Monday to Friday.
	Is that right?
	So you got evenings and weekends.
	I'm not sure why you don't have time to talk to girls.
	Yeah, that's true.
	So do you know that you're just telling things that just absolutely aren't true?
	Like, are you aware of that?
	I mean, have you ever compared what you say to your actual life?
	Hmm.
	I don't have time to talk to girls.
	I do have time.
	You've got tons of time.
	I do have time.
	I just have social anxiety and it's just, it's, it's, gosh.
	Not to try to make excuses.
	No, no, I'm not trying to.
	I'm not calling you a liar.
	I'm really not.
	And I'm not trying to give you any castigation or negativity.
	Nothing like that.
	But you've got to get in there.
	And you're relatively new to philosophy, right?
	So it's a year, and I sympathize with that.
	But, you know, a couple of big takeaways.
	Your language determines your future.
	Your language about the past defines your future.
	And you have to compare your statements to what actually happened.
	So if you say, I don't have time, right?
	Then you say, is that true?
	Is that true?
	Did I not have time?
	Okay, if you were working 100 hours a week and you had to take care of a sick mother and, you know, whatever, right?
	And you were working out an hour a day, okay, like then you don't have time, right?
	But working 50 hours a week is nothing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Not to try to evade this, you pointing this out, but I mean, another thing that was, another factor was, ah, never mind.
	Never mind.
	Look, I'm not saying there aren't other factors.
	I'm not saying there's not social anxiety.
	I'm not saying this, that, or the other, right?
	What I am saying is that it's not that you didn't have time.
	That's not the answer.
	I'm not saying what the answer is, and I'm not saying there's no answer, but that ain't it, right?
	Right.
	Right?
	If I say that my sunburn was caused by exposure to clouds, you know, that's not the answer.
	Thank you.
	So that is an excuse you give yourself in order to avoid dealing with the actual answer.
	Hmm.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Would you like the actual answer?
	And it's not what you think.
	Absolutely.
	That's why I called you.
	So the actual answer is not that you don't feel like you have anything to offer women.
	You're a very intelligent guy.
	You're a great conversationalist.
	You're philosophical.
	You're making good money.
	So you're tall, you said.
	You know, you're slender.
	So you have a lot to offer.
	The reason you don't talk to girls is you can't figure out what they have to offer you.
	I'm sure you've seen this meme.
	I don't agree with it, but you've seen this meme where this guy's like, control your lust and realize how boring 90% of women are.
	No, I haven't seen that, but that's pretty funny.
	Okay, so what have you seen that women have to offer men outside of sex?
	Like, take sex out of the equation.
	What have you seen in your life that women have to offer men outside of sex?
	Hmm.
	Do you mean like what I've seen firsthand, like growing up with my family?
	Like, what do you mean?
	What you have seen in your life.
	I've seen in my life.
	Of course, it's firsthand, right?
	Not what you've read about, not what you've observed, right?
	What have you seen in your life that women have to offer men outside of sex?
	Take sexual access out of the equation.
	What do women have to offer men that you have directly observed?
	I don't know.
	It's hard to say off the top of my head because there's been such a variety of relationships that I've observed or that I've seen, but children, companionship.
	Okay, so what have you seen that is companionship?
	Because this sounds like words you're pulling out of your armpit, right?
	So what does companionship mean and how have you directly observed it?
	And I'm not questioning or criticizing, I just want to make sure I understand where you're getting the word from.
	You know, you're right.
	I don't really have anything to back that up.
	I'm just going off of what I've seen from other people, like from afar.
	Okay, I'm fine with afar.
	What have you seen that women offer a man in terms of companionship?
	Children are not what women are for men.
	I mean, men want children, but it's not if...
	That's $600,000 to $700,000 worth of financial obligation for the man.
	So it is actually a demand upon a man's time, effort, and resources for a woman to have children with the man.
	Now, of course, men want children for the most part and so on, but it's not what a woman offers a child because you can't say, I'm going to offer you something that you have to pay $700,000 for.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Here's my gift to you.
	I'm going to charge you $700,000.
	That would not be a gift, right?
	So what is it that women offer men?
	Not sex, not children.
	And the reason is that sex is mutual, right?
	You're trading orgasms, right?
	So what is it that women offer men outside of sex and children?
	If you're going to say companionship, that's fine, but I don't know what that means, and I'm curious what you've seen.
	Yeah, other than companionship, I can't really explain it right now.
	What is companionship and what have you seen?
	Because you keep using that word.
	I need to know what you mean by that word.
	I was going to say other than that, homemaking, managing the finances, taking a big burden off of the man's shoulders, the fair division of labor between the two.
	I go out and earn the money and I work and I put my body at risk and she keeps...
	Oh, so this was like, sorry to interrupt, so this was your friend who had the nice house when you were younger?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, that was their arrangement, yeah.
	Okay, so that was his mother who was doing that, right?
	Okay.
	So a woman can offer homemaking, running the finances, raising the children when they're That's what women have to offer men, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So how many women have you met who offer that?
	Oh, boy.
	Well, my best friend's mom growing up.
	No, no, no.
	Sorry.
	My apologies.
	I was unclear.
	No, that was my bad.
	In the dating market, since you were 16 years old or 15 or whenever you first started seriously talking about girls, how many women or girls Have you met who say, I want to be a homemaker, I want to support my husband, I want to raise kids, I'm a great cook, I want to run the finances, I want to free him up to really focus on making money, and I want to support him, and so on, right?
	So if what women have to offer is the homemaking and the raising of the children and so on, and the running the finances, running the household, cooking or whatever, right?
	So if this is what you're looking for, how many women Since you were 15 or 16, have offered that?
	Zero.
	Okay, so that's why you're not dating.
	Because pornography takes away the sexual need, right?
	Because you can have your orgasms, right?
	So pornography takes, I mean, I guess it could be, what do they call it?
	The spank bank, like just memories, right?
	But you may not want to remember having that shaggy hair go down on you from an 18-year-old girl.
	Right.
	Your sexual needs are taken care of through masturbation, which means that a woman has to offer you something other than sex in order to be a value to you.
	Yeah.
	And, okay, so let's talk about the hot girl.
	You say you fumbled, got left on read.
	So let's talk about the hot girl.
	What did the hot girl offer you other than sex, other than hotness?
	Nothing.
	I, I, I mean, I, I cold approached her to try to, that was my first time cold approaching a girl.
	And I really was just using her for practice, tried to try to inoculate myself against the, the stress and anxiety about, you know, female rejection or whatever.
	And sorry, how old were you at that point?
	That was, that was a year ago.
	I was 25. I would have just turned 25. So that was a year ago?
	Yeah.
	Oh, sorry.
	I thought you said you didn't have any trouble talking to girls, but you're basically just talking over the last year.
	Yeah, just over the last year.
	Okay, got it.
	So you went and talked to her, and what did she have to offer you, or what did she indicate that she has to offer you, outside of being hot and sexy or whatever?
	Nothing.
	Okay.
	Nothing.
	I was just using her as practice.
	So then why did you fumble something you didn't even want?
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	You know, this car salesman was trying to sell me a beat-up used LADA.
	I totally fumbled that transaction.
	But did you want the car?
	No.
	No.
	Excuse me.
	And so, and the primary issue, sorry to...
	But the primary issue is not that women don't offer these things.
	It's that, okay, let me ask you this.
	How many relationships, male-female relationships, how many relationships have you seen where the woman submits in important areas?
	That the man is the leader in important areas.
	And this is not to say that the man is the whole leader, the woman is just a slave.
	I'm not trying to say it.
	But in productive relationships, Right?
	When I was a technical guy, there would be a salesman, like, before I learned how to do sales myself, there would be a salesman, and I would defer to the salesman in how to sell.
	And I would give the demonstration of the software, and he would defer to me on how the software should be demonstrated, if that makes sense.
	So that is an example of...
	Does that make sense?
	Okay.
	And you work, and you say you're doing well, so the division of labor is very common.
	So, the typical thing is the woman decides on the decoration, and the man decides on the technology.
	Right.
	So the woman, you know, chooses the, the color is the, the couch, the, I don't know a straight man who's ever involved in what kind of plates you buy.
	Lord knows I don't know.
	I just like having stuff to put my food on.
	I'm guilty of that, though.
	But you don't have a girl yet, so that's a bit of a different matter, right?
	And you're trying to lure a girl.
	But then the man is like, here's the Wi-Fi router.
	We're going to get this kind of TV.
	This is the internet access we need, right?
	So there's some usually, I mean, could be any number of things, but that's just sort of a typical example, right?
	Okay.
	So, what relationships have you seen where the man leads in important areas?
	The man has authority in important areas.
	My aunt and my uncle.
	A lot of extended family, although I don't know them very well.
	I've observed them from afar, like very surface-level stuff.
	No, it'd be stuff where you'd know.
	Okay, so your aunt and your uncle, in what area does your husband have authority and is the leader?
	Being the breadwinner.
	No, that's having an obligation.
	That's not having authority.
	Oh, okay.
	It's hard to say, well, I have authority in giving money to my wife.
	Leadership.
	Oh, brother.
	Being in charge of home security, raising the son once he gets up to a certain age, and teaching him how to be a man.
	Okay, that's authority not over his wife.
	Oh, okay.
	I'm drawing a blank.
	I'm drawing a blank right now.
	Okay.
	So, if you don't know how to exercise male leadership, then you have to take women as they are, and the women as they are do not have anything to offer you except sex, which you can take care of with pornography.
	Right.
	So, if you say, well, I met this woman, she seems really nice.
	But, you know, she totally wants to just be a career woman, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay, well, then you might go out with her and you would lead her to being a wife and a mother.
	But I don't think you've seen women submit.
	Now, men submit all the time, right?
	Because we got to get up and go to work.
	We got to pay the bills and so on, right?
	And so where have you seen women submit you Thank you.
	So that's why you're not dating, is that you are inoculating yourself against lust with pornography.
	Not the wisest thing, but I understand the process, right?
	So you're inoculating yourself against lust through pornography, and then you're trying to say, is there a woman out there that I want?
	And there aren't women out there because they've all got this hyper-feminist boss power, don't need no man career shit, right?
	Which is just a depopulation agenda, right?
	So women are out there and they're told how to behave and what to think and a lot of them will follow that.
	And it's true for a lot of men as well, right?
	Women a little bit more, but men still pretty bad, right?
	So you don't know, I think, or you've not seen examples of how to lead a woman.
	No.
	And so because you're helpless with regards to women, why would you want to be in a relationship where you don't have any leadership and you're helpless?
	All you can do is like some janitor at a corporate headquarters, you can drop something in the suggestion box, but that's about it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, my mother was, like, the dominant force in the household growing up, and, like, my father would, like, they'd get into arguments and stuff, but, like, he would throw, he'd usually throw his hands up and give up and storm out and, like, go out to the garage and tinker with stuff to, like, get away with her.
	Well, he divorced her because he couldn't, he was allowed no leadership.
	Yeah.
	He couldn't even say, don't beat my kids that hard.
	Yeah.
	Okay, so, if you don't know how to be a leader to women, and, you know, I just, I hate to have to put these caveats in, but I just obviously want, I'm not saying the man is in charge, the man is the final authority, the man is the boss and dominant, I'm not saying anything like that.
	Women has her areas of leadership, and men have his areas of leadership.
	Yeah.
	And if the man...
	So, most men, not all, but most men live pretty lean, right?
	You know, they can live on a secondhand futon and put their TV on the box it came on.
	Right?
	So, most men live pretty lean and don't pretty up the place much.
	Yeah.
	When you get married, Your wife, you know, if she's reasonably feminine, your wife is going to be like, no, I want the place to be nice, right?
	Right, we need more than one stiff towel you got that you found on the beach four years ago, right?
	Yeah.
	So, the woman put these things up, and it's really nice.
	Like I say, sort of make the joke, I live in girly world, and it's a beautiful place, and it's really nice, and all of that.
	My towels actually fold.
	It's really, they bend.
	It's cool.
	So, so that's, It's really nice, lovely.
	And I don't fight my wife on that.
	If she says, we need X, Y, and Z, I'm like, yeah, let's do it.
	Now, I often won't go and pick things out because I don't really have any opinions.
	Okay.
	So, you know, we have our dinner parties.
	But apparently we need, like, really nice dinner party stuff, right?
	Now, of course, when I was a kid, you know, you just, or a teenager, right, we'd just eat pizza off the napkins on our laps, right?
	So, I mean, you know, I get kind of stuck there or whatever, right?
	But yeah, we need a really nice table, we need really nice chairs and all that kind of stuff, right?
	So I'm like, yeah, okay.
	Yep, go for it.
	I'm down with that.
	Because she has authority there, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And then there are areas where, you know, like, I need this or that technical thing.
	I need a microphone or whatever.
	She's like, but don't you already have it?
	She doesn't say, like, don't you already have it?
	She's like, go for it, right?
	If it's what you need, it's what you need.
	So, in terms of authority, where are men in charge?
	It's a big question.
	Now, women have been taught that...
	All male authority is a patriarchal dictatorship.
	Yeah.
	And that being home, raising children, is like being a broodmare and, you know, oh, you're just a housewife.
	Yeah, like being a middle manager in a customer service department is all kinds of world-enhancing glory, right?
	So, but women, you know, they still have their instincts and so on, right?
	And this is all the way back to the story of the Garden of Eden, right?
	That society is corrupted through silky words to women, right?
	That the snake, the serpent, Satan, knew better than to approach Adam, right?
	So he approached Eve and he played on her vanity, right?
	And then Adam ate the fruit because who can refuse food from a naked woman?
	It just doesn't happen, right?
	So, she was undone by vanity and he was undone by deference to the female, right?
	So, when it comes to dating, women want to be led, but you better not show any fear.
	Now, how do I know that women want to be led?
	Well, 150 million women...
	Right, they didn't buy a book where a woman had a squishy affair with a male feminist.
	Yeah.
	Men want to be led, in that it beautifies her environment, and women want to be led in other areas.
	And For a male to submit to a woman is a beautiful thing.
	For a woman to submit to a man is a beautiful thing.
	And so, yeah, we know.
	I haven't seen the movie, but there's some movie with Nicole Kidman called Baby Girl where this executive boss babe ends up being bossed around herself by some junior intern who shows no fear.
	This male, right?
	And this is just the eternal fantasy.
	And do...
	Like, it's like, that really is the ultimate red pill.
	So I won't go through the list here, but everyone can go and look up the most prevalent female sexual fantasies and tell me that women don't have any preference for a dominant male, right?
	I mean, all of the Harlequin romances.
	I read a couple when I was younger, just trying to understand female nature.
	God help me.
	But, you know, the Harlequin romances are about, you know, cold, contemptuous, patriarchal, dominant men, right?
	And the women end up taming those men with the power of their beauty and whatever it is, right, sex.
	So, yeah, I mean, deep down, women want to be led in certain areas.
	They want to have their own authority in certain areas.
	They want to be led in certain areas.
	That's the division of labor that has gotten us to the top of the food chain, and it's a good thing.
	So, tapping into female nature and bypassing the propaganda is an important challenge.
	Right, so, you know, the typical story of sort of medieval chivalry is that there's a woman who's been captured by a dragon, and the knight has to go and rescue the woman from the dragon, Right?
	So this is...
	Propaganda is mostly going to target women, in particular, with the sort of modern state where it's all female teachers for the most part until you get older.
	And it's women in charge of the teachers' unions and women in charge of the Department of Education and, you know, women, women, women everywhere.
	So there's going to be a lot of female.
	But propaganda largely targets women, right?
	Because I was like, oh, COVID, yeah, okay.
	Looks like a bad flu or whatever, right?
	But women are like, we're all going to die.
	These women have more of a heightened fear response, which, again, evolutionarily speaking, makes sense.
	It's not a criticism.
	It's just an observation.
	So, to rescue a woman from propaganda is the task of an assertive male.
	And the task of the assertive female is to rescue a man from isolation.
	Because we can be appallingly self-sufficient, right?
	Oh yeah, oh yeah.
	I mean, we can be appallingly self-sufficient.
	I mean, men who live alone do go crazy over time, but it's a lot slower than women who live alone.
	Also, women who are single, they don't get fatalities.
	Male semen has antidepressants and all this kind of stuff, right?
	Yeah.
	All of that.
	So, you know, the Karen stuff, we kind of understand where a lot of that comes from and so on, right?
	So, I mean, we need each other.
	Men and women need each other.
	You need a woman to help cure you from isolation and self-sufficiency and you need to cure a woman from propaganda and so on, right?
	But, I mean, Women's literary and movie tastes, not to mention Luigi Mangione, are all cries for help to be liberated from boss babe, inverted male-female propaganda.
	Huh.
	It's interesting.
	So the funny thing is, is that, I mean, you were talking about the girlfriend when you were...
	Okay.
	So why don't you take any leadership?
	I mean, does it help or work if you take leadership when you're at your job?
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So it helps and works if you take leadership in a relationship.
	So why can't you take leadership in a relationship?
	I mean, which is another way of saying, why do you think that any particular person's thoughts are actually their own?
	This is really the foundation.
	We're right at the base of philosophy here, which is people say a bunch of stuff, but how do you know that anybody's statements are thoughts of their own?
	I mean, when you start talking to people about any important subject that you know something about, Like, if I talk to people about epistemology or ethics or, I don't know, even the history of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, right?
	People don't know anything.
	All they're doing is repeating a script that has been plugged into their heads.
	Yeah.
	And so...
	I mean, she's just repeating the propaganda, and we all do that.
	Thank you.
	But we're here to lead people to wisdom.
	And we do that by not taking very seriously the propaganda they're repeating.
	Right.
	Hmm.
	I mean, you can smile and nod.
	Oh, it's interesting, right?
	Yeah.
	Well, tell me more, right?
	Oh, okay.
	Cool, cool.
	Right?
	And just listen.
	But when I meet people and they tell me, I mean, my gosh, particularly when they talk about politics, right?
	When I meet people and they talk about politics, they have no clue what they're talking about.
	Not even the tiniest clue.
	Thank you.
	I mean, people who are talking about Ukraine don't even know that there are native Russian speakers in the eastern part of Ukraine that have been shelled for years and bombed for years.
	They don't know about the bioweapons labs in Ukraine.
	They don't know about the 2014 color revolution.
	They don't know anything.
	And they think that Ukraine is free.
	And I say, well, what specific freedoms does Ukraine have, particularly in a state of war that you envy or that you think are very part, They're just mouthing slogans.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's like memorizing a phrase in a foreign language, like I had a...
	Now, of course, he didn't know these languages, he just memorized a phrase that was funny.
	So, we gently lead people out of propaganda.
	And this is sort of what I was doing earlier in the conversation when I was talking with you about the language that you were using to describe your life.
	Is it factual or is it propaganda?
	Right.
	So you meet a woman and I'm just going to talk about women here although this applies fairly equally to men.
	So you meet a woman and she says all of this stuff about You know, empowerment, boss babe, patriarchy, whatever it is, right?
	And you were probably like, ew, that's gross, right?
	What did you refer to your 18-year-old girlfriend as a shitlib, if I remember rightly, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	She's 18 years old.
	What does she know about anything?
	She's just repeating slogans.
	Right?
	So, if a child has been taught badly...
	Do we get mad at the child and highly offended and punish him?
	No.
	No.
	I mean, this is an 18-year-old girl.
	What does she know about anything?
	What intellectual independence or freedom does she have?
	Right.
	I mean, you're still believing propaganda about your father and you're 26. Oh, my father couldn't afford good food.
	That's propaganda.
	Yeah.
	And so we all have this for sure.
	I find myself, I mean, I'm pretty old now and I find myself still sliding into good guy, bad guy, right?
	Well, in this conflict, this person is a good person and this person is a bad person.
	It's just grooves worn in our brain because propaganda is so powerful and so effective, right?
	So, when you meet someone, They are programmed with a set piece of regurgitable phrases that they say without knowing that they don't actually know anything or have any thoughts of their own.
	And this is a problem as old as humanity.
	Socrates was fighting all of this.
	2,500 years ago.
	So people would say, well, I know what justice is.
	Oh, interesting.
	Okay, what's your definition of justice?
	Well, hang on.
	This doesn't make sense with that.
	Like, people would just say stuff, right?
	Do you worship the gods because the gods are good or because the gods are powerful?
	Well, if you worship the gods because gods are good, then they must be good by some external standard, so you should probably just respect that standard rather than worship the gods.
	If you worship the gods just because there are gods with route, So it's not good.
	It's just power, right?
	So these are all just interesting questions that philosophers have been asking.
	How do you know what you know is true?
	Right?
	So when you meet people, they are lost in the matrix.
	They're lost in a maze of language.
	And you can exercise some mild leadership to try and Right.
	right?
	And he's like, oh, what did she say?
	And blah, blah, blah.
	And they go through the statement and then the guy finds out that, according to a reasonable definition, J.K. Rowling is not, in fact, a transphobe and so on, right?
	Right.
	So this...
	Gentle leadership thing is important in life because otherwise you're helpless and otherwise you're just going to have to find someone who exactly matches your expectations and likes you and you find them attractive and they're the right age.
	then you're just playing, you're as helpless as a guy playing the lottery.
	The End
	So, you know, some woman's talking about the patriarchy, and you're like, well, yeah, I mean, that's interesting.
	I've certainly heard the same thing, and I understand the arguments, and I appreciate some of the arguments, but it does seem a bit odd to me that, like, why would men design a system where men, only men, get drafted for wars?
	Why would men design a system where we live, you know, five to seven years less long than women?
	Why would men decide a system where the only person who could be thrown in jail for debt?
	Is a male usually for not paying child support.
	Why would men design a system where we pay double into the tax system and women in general take out double from the tax system?
	That doesn't seem very patriarchal and maybe there's arguments against it, but from a man's perspective, why would we design a system where men are discriminated against at work in favor of women?
	If we have all of this power, wouldn't we just make society serve men?
	If there's all this patriarchy, why is it that, you know, breast cancer awareness is like 20 times more than prostate cancer awareness?
	Like, that doesn't seem very patriarchal.
	And so you just ask these questions, right?
	Now, if the woman is like, wow, that's interesting.
	I don't agree with you, but I can tell, like, okay, then that's interesting, right?
	You can have a conversation.
	But if she's just like, oh, that's exactly what a toxic patriarch would say, it's like, okay, well, then move on, right?
	So, in terms of just leadership, just ask some questions and see if the woman notices contradictions and is interested in exploring them.
	Because that's what philosophy is, is noticing contradictions and being interested in exploring them.
	You know, we're constantly told, don't use force to get your way.
	Don't push, hit, steal, right?
	And yet, everybody who wants a government program is arguing for...
	That's a contradiction, which is interesting to explore.
	If men are in charge of society, why is the male suicide rate so much higher than the women's?
	Why do boys do much less well in schools these days?
	Why would men design a system where in some places, you know, 70% or more of the incoming freshmen in university are women?
	Yeah.
	Right?
	So these are all just interesting questions.
	Now, if she's like, huh, I never really thought of that.
	That's interesting.
	Right?
	Then you found someone who notices contradictions and is interested in exploring them.
	But that's leadership.
	You don't just take people as they are.
	You try to guide them and they will in turn guide you.
	My wife has taught me as much as I've taught her.
	So, I think that you feel like, well, I don't want to do the sex thing because I did that before and it was kind of gross using a woman for sex.
	And it is, right?
	Yeah.
	So, I guess I'll go talk to women, but there isn't a woman who can offer me what I want.
	But that's like saying when you're just entering the workforce, well, there's no job where I can work from home that pays me $200,000 a year.
	It's like, well, you've got to work up to that.
	Yeah.
	Provide enough value and you can have that.
	And you are trying to find a woman prefabricated for exactly what you want, which means you want her to be free of the propaganda.
	Okay, but then you have to free yourself of the propaganda of the helpless male and accept your role of being a leader.
	In certain areas.
	So men and women have different personality structures as a whole so that we can lead each other in better things.
	Women are better at managing the social circle, which is why, you know, a lot of men, when they get divorced, they lose all their social circle because it's all for the women.
	Women run that kind of stuff, right?
	And that's so that's great, which means we men, we focus on the work and the productivity and so on.
	And the women...
	So, you have swallowed the propaganda that men are helpless with regards to women.
	Now, it's not just propaganda because it's what you also saw and directly experienced in a lot of the relationships or most of the relationships that you saw growing up.
	But our experience is also propaganda because it's self-selecting.
	So, in other words, Your parents were never going to be around functional people.
	Right?
	Your friends who had healthier families and nicer homes, did they often enjoy having your parents over?
	No, maybe in large groups, but not...
	I mean, it should have happened occasionally, but they didn't become friends, right?
	No, not really.
	Well, no, of course not, right?
	So if I were to judge people by the people around my crazy mother growing up, I would think the entire world was an asylum.
	Because sane people were not around my mother.
	Why would they be?
	They would hate to be around my mother.
	They would find it weird and alarming and upsetting, right?
	yeah so the only people who around my mother you know like my mother was So if I were to judge the world by the people around my mother, that would be unfair.
	And it would be crazy of me to do that because my mother's craziness self-selected people around her who were also crazy.
	There were no sane people around my mother, in other words, right?
	Our childhoods are also propaganda because propaganda is taking a small subsection of people and saying that's everyone.
	You know, there's a small subsection of white racists.
	All whites are racists.
	There's a small subsection of whites who do better.
	White privilege, right?
	There's a small subsection of bossy dominant men.
	All men are patriarchs, right?
	So it's just taking a small subsection and blowing it up to a universal.
	So, our childhood is a small subsection of people that are self-selecting based upon the character of our parents.
	If you grew up with J.R.R.
	Tolkien and his wife as your parents, you'd think everybody was literate and fun and brilliant and witty, you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And then you'd go out into the world, you'd probably be a little surprised.
	All of our childhood.
	It's propaganda, because it's taking a tiny, self-selecting slice of people who hung out with my parents and thinking that's the whole world.
	Right, right.
	And so you're saying, I want a woman who's free of propaganda, but you're not free of propaganda.
	Neither am I, right?
	It's a fairly constant battle because it keeps trying to get re-inflicted on us every time we turn on the TV or even look on social media as propaganda from both sides, or more than both sides, right?
	So the way out of propaganda is to accept the truth and to communicate the truth and to point out contradictions to people because propaganda inevitably results in contradictions.
	You know, I mean, the old, oh, there's a wage gap, right?
	Women are paid much less.
	It's like, well, why doesn't everyone just hire women and make a killing?
	Right?
	I mean, these are, like, pretty obvious and basic questions, but, you know, for a lot of people, it's kind of new, right?
	So, that is what you need to do, is you meet a woman, listen to her, don't take her too seriously, just as you wouldn't take a man too seriously who hadn't really thought about anything.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	I see where you're coming from.
	That's interesting.
	I guess I have a question about this or whatever it is, right?
	Okay.
	And, I mean, this happens for me.
	I mean, I'm engaged in sports and other activities where I meet new people.
	And of course, a lot of times, And people will say, oh, Trump, he's such a buffoon, right?
	I'm like, oh, that's interesting.
	Tell me what you mean.
	Well, he does this, he does that, he does the other, and so on.
	It's like, oh, that's interesting.
	Oh, and he called Nazis very fine people, and he's like, actually, well, no, technically that's not true, right?
	Like, I mean, does he have buffoonish elements?
	I can see that.
	I mean, the guy has gold-plated toilets, right?
	So, I get that.
	I understand that.
	But, you know, things that people say, they're just not true.
	And, of course, you'll find out that people are just repeating the slogans that have them accepted by their peers.
	Right?
	There are these magic words, right?
	Speak friend and enter, right?
	Okay, speak Donald Trump is bad.
	Orange man bad.
	You speak that and you enter, right?
	You get to.
	So, all people are doing is signaling syllables.
	That gained them access to their peer group.
	That's all.
	I mean, they're not thinking, they're not reasoning from first principles, they don't understand really anything, they're just saying stuff that gets approval noises from people around them.
	That's all.
	And so, you know, global warming is like, so CO2 is a pollutant?
	Because CO2 is necessary for the survival of life on Earth.
	It's hard to see how that's a pollutant.
	Right?
	So, just questions, right?
	Right.
	You know, I mean, oh, they say that there's going to be a 3 degree temperature rise in 100 years, right?
	And it's like, oh, okay, well, the models, have they been correct in the past, right?
	No.
	So if they haven't been correct over the last 40 years of working with this stuff, why would you expect them to be correct?
	It's like somebody who has a stock model that has...
	Like, that just wouldn't make much sense.
	So you're just asking questions, and if people are like, you know, I've never really thought of that before, or whatever, okay, cool, then you can have an interesting conversation and so on, right?
	But people are just like, well, you're just an apologist for Putin.
	Whatever, nonsense, right?
	So, yeah.
	I mean, if it's like, well, we're supposed to hate Russia, it's like, well, but the West actually supplied food.
	I mean, we can have our criticisms of Russia, of course, like all status societies, but it's not a murderous, kill 70 million people communist dictatorship that's working to destabilize countries all over the world and causing endless wars, right?
	So why is it that we would have a more negative opinion of Russia when it's not a communist?
	Dictatorship.
	Well, Putin's a dictator.
	He puts people in jail for social media posts.
	Okay, well, if that's your definition of dictatorship, then European countries are also dictatorships because they do that a lot.
	And England has done it far more than Russia has.
	So, again, these are just questions to ask people.
	And some people will be like, oh, interesting.
	yeah, no, I guess that's a decent point.
	And other people would just be like, oh, you just...
	Whatever nonsense people say, right?
	Yeah.
	So...
	And you've got to contradict people.
	Okay.
	And your social anxiety has to do with a fear of being bullied if you tell the truth.
	And that's actually a very real fear.
	That's a very real fear, right?
	Because people do get kind of hysterical.
	When their moral vanity is punctured and they're, I mean, this is what they killed Jesus Socrates and tried to kill Plato and Aristotle and Galileo and so on, right?
	So, if you arouse the rage of the ego-violated mob, ego-punctured mob, they can become dangerous.
	Now, of course, you'll just get weird looks and snarls and sneers and some disapproval and so on, right?
	And people would just sort of radiate this.
	Bill Maher does this perfectly when there's some perspective he doesn't like.
	He just sort of radiates this scorn and disapproval.
	And I guess it works on a bunch of people.
	But it's not so much social anxiety.
	It's just that if you happen to be in possession of intellectual curiosity and facts not pumped by the mainstream, then you're in danger.
	You're in danger of not being beaten up necessarily, of course, right?
	But you're in danger of significant disapproval and So it's not social anxiety if you fall into the lion's den and you're covered in A1 sauce or something, right?
	So that's not like, oh, I have this weird lion anxiety.
	It's like, well, no, they're actually quite dangerous.
	So it's not anxiety.
	So I would say it's not social anxiety.
	It's just that you're in possession of the truth.
	You don't know how to lead people to the truth, and you don't know how to lead women to a better truth.
	And so you're looking for some prefab woman that...
	Right, right.
	So if you go out and you say, yeah, I'm going out and I am interviewing women for the position of girlfriend.
	I'm auditioning women for the lead role in the movie called Me.
	Well, you're seeing, I mean, when you audition people as a, I've been a director and you audition people, what you're doing is you're saying, can you do the job?
	Like, can you act well?
	Can you, right?
	Auditioning people for a musical, can you sing well, dance well, whatever, right?
	So you're just auditioning.
	And so you're out there and you're trying to find a girl, a woman that you can lead to reason and she can lead you to reason and all of that.
	So you submit to her good arguments, she submits to your good arguments.
	And you're looking for a woman who can bring that to you.
	And if you're just looking for hotness, that's just, I mean, obviously it's a hole with no bottom.
	I mean, to use an obvious analogy.
	But if you go out there and you say, oh, I'd love to chat with women and I'd love to see if they're intelligent enough to be curious or if they're honorable and mature enough to admit when they don't know something or when an argument comes across their desk that contradicts their perspective, will they admit it?
	Can they be honest?
	Do they have intellectual humility?
	Do they have integrity?
	are they virtuous yeah right yeah and so yeah you're just out there talking about that and you can make them laugh and so on but at some point you know drop something that might be a little surprising to them or if they say something that's not true you can say well i don't quite see it that way and maybe you're right but let me sort of tell you the way that it is like and obviously we're not dating but it's kind of like i'm trying to lead you to a particular kind of truth here and i think Provocative or aggressive or hostile or anything like that.
	So just trying to be a leader.
	So in this conversation, I'm obviously trying to be a kind of leader to your benefit.
	And so with women, you can try and be a kind of leader for their benefit because you're rescuing women from the dragon.
	Because if men let women continue to persist in their delusions, the women are going to be absolutely miserable and society is going to end.
	It really is.
	The stakes couldn't be higher.
	Women are going to be miserable, and society's going to end, because there won't be any kids.
	So, it actually is a, it's the war.
	It's the war that men have to fight, and it's a drag, but, you know, it's also a great opportunity for glory.
	So, anyway, sorry, it's a fairly long speech, but I hope that makes some kind of sense.
	No, no, that makes perfect sense.
	Yeah, I never thought about it that way.
	Um...
	Thank you.
	And does that give you sort of a path forward about what to talk about with women and how to talk to them?
	And you're probably looking for one woman out of 20 at best, one woman out of 10. Yeah.
	Yeah, that's, uh, that's very helpful because I, I would game it out in my head and I would, uh, I would picture a scenario like that where she says something that doesn't really make a lot of sense where I could, uh, be curious about, well, I could, I could ask her, uh, I can't even speak right now.
	But I would say something that would contradict what's been inputted into her, and I'd be afraid that she would...
	Thank you.
	No, you're afraid that she'd be your mom.
	Yeah, yeah, exactly.
	But that's not fair.
	Because growing up, yeah.
	But that's propaganda too, because then you're judging women, all women, by your crazy, psycho, sadistic mother.
	That's not fair.
	Your mother's just one woman out of billions, and you can't judge all women.
	By the standard of your mother.
	Because then what you're doing is you're saying to women, well, I'm going to treat you as if you're abusive.
	Hey, how come you don't want to go out with me?
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	I mean, if you've ever been around women who've had abusive relationships, it can be frustrating because a lot of times, not always, but a lot of times they would treat you as if you're their abusive boyfriend or ex-husband or whatever, right?
	you'll disagree with them and they'll get all tense and jumpy.
	And I understand the hard wiring, I get all of that, but it is fundamentally unfair to judge new people by the standards of historical abusers.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, that's true.
	I was talking to a young woman at work the other day, and she was talking about a negative experience she had with an ex-boyfriend, and then she was universalizing that out to...
	Well, and that's fair, and you can say, well, I've had some negative experiences with women, but it wouldn't be particularly fair to put that on all women, right?
	I mean, there's good women, there's bad women, and we wouldn't want to say, well, I had a woman who cheated on me, therefore all women are cheaters and whores, right?
	That would be unfair, right?
	And I'm sure she would agree with that, and so on, right?
	You're given the chance to rescue people and you're just like walking past all these people who are drowning in a sea of propaganda and saying, nope, not helping.
	Nope, not helping.
	Nope, not helping.
	Because one guy, someone you tried, one time, someone you tried to help broke your nose accidentally with his elbow or something, right?
	Yeah.
	Well then, you know, now you know philosophy like you're a lifeguard and people are drowning everywhere.
	Sorry, that's just the gig, man.
	You're in possession of sane pills, and you're in an asylum.
	And you have a responsibility now to try and help people out of error.
	Okay.
	That's the price of wisdom, is you've got to help people.
	I mean, and you're helping yourself, because again, if we don't fix this problem, we don't have a society.
	Like, we go back to living in caves or whatever, right?
	Or we all die from thermonuclear radiation, right?
	I mean, the people who are trying to get Europe involved in the war in Ukraine, it's like a death wish, right?
	Because this could escalate to World War III and we could all die.
	So, trust me, like, the difficulties of helping people is far less than the results of not helping people.
	Yeah, yeah, right.
	I never thought about it that way.
	I know I'm not really, I don't really have a lot to say right now.
	I mean, you're having to do a lot of heavy lifting, but I just, I never thought about it that way.
	I really, wow.
	I feel like I've been boxing in this little mental cage and somebody has opened the door and I'm running into this wide open field and it's just, it's a lot to take in.
	No, it is.
	And I, you know, I don't really get too offended by people who just say outrageously false things.
	I mean, occasionally it gets under my skin, but, you know, what was it?
	There was a live stream the other day where somebody was like, well, you know, you're, you're, what was the word he used?
	Like, you're hyper-feminine because you were raised without a father, and it's like, eh.
	I mean, it's not really particularly offensive to me.
	I mean, actually, I think I'm probably more masculine than most, but, effeminate.
	Yeah, sorry, that was the word.
	He's like, See, I'm so masculine, I couldn't even remember the word effeminate.
	Or, you know, just the trolls who come by and sort of say these silly things.
	It's really not offensive.
	It's just, I mean, they're just doing their programming.
	And it's kind of amusing in a way, because they think they're being all kinds of powerful, and they're just like, it's like a toddler punching you when you're in a full suit of armor.
	It's like, oh, that's cute.
	Yeah.
	And of course, being hyperreactive is more effeminate than...
	Reasoning through things.
	But anyway, I mean, so it's not particularly offensive.
	People just, they just say stuff and they don't understand things.
	And, you know, God help you if you know the IQ argument, then just everybody, even mainstream political commentators, just look completely retarded because they just don't understand the mechanics of the world.
	So, it's kind of like, you know, if you're the first five people to figure out the world is a sphere, then everybody's talking about the flat earth and the world being flat and so on.
	Oh, you've just got to lead them to the truth, right?
	Or not, if they're hugely resistant, because, you know, life is short.
	You've got to scrounge your efforts.
	Like, you don't try and give rehab to people who kick you in the face, right?
	It's like, well, okay, good luck with your injury, but I'm not going to help.
	So, yeah, I think if you take that perspective, then you have some leadership and authority in the world, and you would be absolutely shocked.
	At if you do this sort of gentle kind of leadership, point out contradictions.
	Yeah, some women are going to carry you up or whatever.
	Like, who cares, right?
	But you'd be amazed at the number of women who get completely fascinated by that.
	Okay.
	All right, brother.
	Good old chat.
	I appreciate your time today.
	Is there anything else you wanted to mention?
	Or are you going to go mull this over?
	I'm going to go mull this over.
	I have a lot to think about.
	This is brand new to me.
	And I, wow, I really, I don't even know what to say.
	All right, no problem at all.
	I appreciate that.
	And so, yeah, keep me posted about how things are going.
	And if there's anything else I can do to help, just let me know.
	Okay, well, I hope I can write you back in the near future and, you know, tell you I have a girlfriend and things are going great.
	And yeah, yeah, I'll keep you posted.
	Thank you very much for your time and generosity.
	You're very welcome.
	It was a great chat.
	I really do appreciate that.
	And I wish you the very best.
	Alrighty.

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