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April 17, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

01:56:38

How Can I Help My Disabled Brother? Freedomain Call In

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Time	Text
	Hello. Hello, hello.
	How's it going?
	Not too bad.
	Yourself? Not too bad at all.
	I'm still getting over this bizarre flu I've had for the last week or two, but no, excuse me, no big deal.
	So I'm all ears.
	If you want to start by reading your message, we can take it from there.
	Yeah, I can do that here.
	Hello, Stefan.
	Last time we talked, I was going through a breakup with my long-distance ex.
	I very much appreciate the insight that you provided me about my past relationship and my family.
	I wish to call you again and talked about my future and what would be the best actions moving forward.
	To recap my last call, you ended up titling it, My Girlfriend Summons Me to Sin.
	I moved back in with my family to study for an accreditation, which would help me earn more money in the future.
	While living at home with my family, I was in a long-distance relationship for a year, which ended last time I called you.
	It has been a long healing process, but I took the past year to heal from the emotional damage of the relationship.
	As well as listening to your show and others to gain better self-knowledge.
	I confronted my parents asking them questions that I had about my childhood.
	They apologized, but there has been very little change to their behavior.
	I mainly struggled in deciding on what to do about my brother and whether or not to move back to my town in which I graduated college from.
	My brother has SMA, which means he is wheelchair-bound and needs assistance living.
	My issue is...
	I want to have my own family one day, but I feel pulled to have to take care of him.
	I find it hard to think of how to have a family on my own when I know my brother will eventually need aid sometime in the future.
	I think that from a woman's perspective of a possible future wife, I can see that as a problem for marriage.
	I was also thinking about moving to another town, as the one I currently live in doesn't have very many women.
	I live in a smaller town that's economy is based around the oil field and the Air Force, an Air Force base, so it's not exactly a lady bill.
	I moved back, moving back to the town I went to university in would have more social circles to find a future wife.
	On top of all that, the current job I work at has some troubles that I'm not sure how to handle.
	I'm seeing if you could help me explore reasons on what I should do to solve these problems.
	Well, I appreciate the call back, and do you want to tell me how the last year was in terms of the recovery?
	Yeah, absolutely.
	So it was, man, it was pretty bad to start.
	I mean, just the observations you made, you know, it kind of felt like rock bottom.
	Feeling-wise, I didn't know where to go, didn't really know what to do.
	Knowing that the path forward was going to be hard is definitely an emotional rollercoaster, that's for sure.
	But, yeah, I guess, so after the breakup, I talked to my ex for...
	A while.
	I let her listen to the call-in show, and she ended up kind of freaking out on me.
	I think I messaged you that, but she freaked out on me because I called her a six or a seven, and she said that she could never be with someone that says they're a six or seven.
	And I was like, well, what about all the other things in the conversation?
	And she ended up...
	Just kind of leading me on a little bit, like, I just need time to think and all this, and with no intention of actually talking about the situation.
	But yeah, so I guess that's how that relationship ended.
	I mean, it was quite difficult because I was attached to her, but I guess my brain knew what was wrong.
	My heart just couldn't understand that.
	But yeah, so then after that, I ended up confronting both my parents about the past and how I was raised.
	And I asked a lot of trying to be...
	What do you say?
	When you're just asking questions, not necessarily...
	Coming to conclusions yourself?
	Yeah, just curious, yeah.
	Right, right.
	And, you know, I asked him, like, why do we have a babysitter?
	If money was the issue, why did you buy a lake property?
	And I also did forget a pretty big detail that my dad has a...
	Kidney disease, and he needed a kidney transplant about five years ago.
	So that was also adding to their idea of money troubles.
	So their response was...
	It was just kind of avoidant.
	They apologized.
	But there was no real reason.
	The reasoning was, when I was talking to my dad about the lake, he was like, well, we almost had it.
	It's kind of ironic, because when he said that, I was like, that sounds like a gambler.
	It feels like you're kind of gambling with my life, in a sense.
	Sorry, help me understand that, gambling with your life part?
	Well, it's like, why would you want to...
	If you know that money is going to be an issue sometime in the future, why would you go and purchase a lake property?
	Sorry, but how is that gambling with your life?
	I'm not disagreeing with you.
	I just want to make sure I understand where you're coming from.
	Because if you're...
	If the reason why my mom didn't stay at home with me or my parents didn't spend enough time with me is because they wanted to work, why did you go off and buy a lake property rather than just save the money and spend more time with me?
	Well, not because they wanted to work, but because they said that your mother had to work because they were out of money, but then they buy a lakefront.
	So when they say they're messing with your life, it's sort of the path and trajectory of your life, not...
	Whether you live or die.
	I just wanted to make sure I understood that.
	Yes, yes, correct.
	Okay, got it, got it.
	Okay. Okay, so sorry, I interrupted.
	Go ahead.
	Okay, so then...
	Let's see.
	I'm trying to think if there's anything else to note really with what my dad had to say.
	So I asked my dad that and then confronted my mom.
	And her response was just very much like, well, I didn't know.
	I mean, you were always off with your friends and, you know, very deflecting responses.
	Yeah, I mean, she didn't really have any reasoning behind why or what.
	It was just more of, well, I didn't know and I thought you were happy.
	You know, all that sort of stuff.
	So, I mean, both of those responses emotionally hurt quite a bit.
	And then, so, I basically asked them if we could start spending more time as a family together.
	And over the past year, of course, there's been no change, really.
	yeah. Thank you.
	I'm trying to think if there's anything else to add really about that.
	What's been going on with your brother?
	My brother's fine.
	I currently live at home with my family, so I get to spend quite a bit of time with him.
	We play video games and try to have fun with him.
	He doesn't have much of a social
	outside of my friends playing video games.
	Um... Thank you.
	But he's currently going to school, and he's pursuing a degree in computer science.
	So that's, I guess, where he currently sits.
	He's 22 right now, so he's college age.
	And describe to me his disability.
	So he has SMA, which means that his nerves can't...
	Connect to his muscles so they don't get the proper nutrients to grow.
	So he's a very skinny guy and he's wheelchair bound and doesn't have much strength.
	And what does that stand for and what's the origin of it?
	Spinal muscular atrophy.
	And like the origin as in it's genetic.
	And what's the prognosis?
	Well, the prognosis was that he was only going to live until about 25 originally with the type of SMA he had.
	But now he has been receiving basically shots to his spine.
	To slow the progression of the disease.
	So it's, well, it's not even progressing anymore.
	Now it's, if anything, he's just staying steady at the spot he's at right now, so.
	So he has no termination, like there's no year in which he's expected to die, is that right?
	Yes, correct.
	Okay, well that's good news.
	Okay, and...
	His intelligence, obviously, is going to school, and so it's really just affected his body, right?
	Correct, yep.
	How is he handling this, I mean, literally crippling ailment?
	I mean, it's pretty difficult to watch, but I mean, he definitely keeps a good attitude most of the time about it.
	You know, I try to tell him, you know, not to worry about things that are out of your control and, you know, focus on, you know, reading, becoming more knowledgeable as a person since, you know, you can't work on yourself physically.
	I mean, it's just not an option.
	For the past year, with the treatment, he was trying to see if he could gain muscle.
	And sadly, you know, I had him.
	Lifting smaller weights to try to see if he could gain any strength, but it doesn't look like that's going to be a possibility.
	He tries to have a good outlook about it.
	He likes to help out around the house.
	I bought him a cooking book.
	He likes to cook.
	As a man, he wants to be useful.
	It's difficult when you have...
	So, if he can cook, it means he can use his arms, his shoulders?
	Yes. He can lift things, but he has the strength of an 80-year-old woman, if that makes any sense.
	Maybe even less than that.
	He can't walk.
	If he's out of his wheelchair, he has to crawl around, so movement is not easy for him.
	But he still can lift lighter objects and stuff.
	He can lift a frying pan, or any heavier piece of cooking equipment he kind of struggles with.
	But I don't know if that gives you kind of a perspective on what his ailment is.
	I appreciate that.
	Massive sympathies.
	And what is your parents?
	How are they handling all of this?
	They help him out with doing stuff.
	I guess this is a detail about him.
	Over the past year, he was kind of seeing me as an outlet to talk about his problems.
	Help and talk with him through his problems.
	But it was getting to a point where his depression was really bad and it seemed like any response that I was having wasn't helping.
	So then one day after talking to him, I went to my parents and was like, hey, you know, you've been talking to me about this stuff.
	I'm sorry, I said his name.
	That's right, I'll take it in.
	Go ahead.
	He was talking to me about this stuff, and I feel like I really don't have the knowledge or strength or support to help him through this stuff.
	It needs to be the family together.
	And ever since I did that, my parents have been more open to talking about his problems and helping him kind of work through his troubles, I guess, if that makes sense.
	What was the original question?
	How have my parents been helping out?
	They help him get around.
	They take him to the college in the town that we live in.
	We have a smaller university which he attends.
	But as far as helping out, trying to get him socialized or anything like that, they don't really...
	They don't really do anything like that for him.
	I mean, they don't socialize much themselves, so.
	Well, but that's by their choice, right?
	I mean, is there...
	Obviously, don't tell me the name of the town, but what's the rough population in the town?
	It's 60,000, I believe, is the population.
	Okay, so there'd be some number of disabled people there.
	Is there any kind of group or...
	There is.
	Over the summer, I'm a pretty avid golfer, and he wanted to join me in golfing, so we got him a driver that basically has a little gunshot bullet,
	and it'll fire the golf ball.
	He'd come with me to do that, and there's a group.
	In our town, they go out with disabled people and go golfing or do some sorts of activity, but he has quite a pushback when it comes to doing that sort of stuff.
	I try to ask him, why exactly?
	Wouldn't you rather go out and socialize?
	I understand that his pushback is very much like he doesn't want to...
	He doesn't want to be boxed in that he has a disability.
	Being around a disabled person, people treat him like he's a child constantly.
	This is my conclusion, of course, but I think he's under the thought process of he just doesn't want to be around people that treat him like he's five years old.
	Sorry, are the disabled people who treat him as a child?
	No, the people that help.
	He's had aides all throughout school, and going to public school, he had an aide.
	Just being around him, you see his peers treat him like they don't talk to him like they would talk to me.
	I don't know if that makes any sense.
	But they talk to him like he is...
	I don't know a better word to describe it than talk to him like he's a child.
	Like they kind of...
	Like it's all like...
	Like when you talk to a child, it's all like positive and no negative.
	You know, like you're filtering out any...
	Any... Difficult...
	What's the word?
	You're filtering out any of the complex stuff about life, any difficulties that makes life hard.
	So it's all very surface level and very happy and not actually caring about his situation, it feels.
	No, I understand that.
	Aides are not paid much, right?
	So you're going to get less competent or capable people, and infantilizing would be most people's default response.
	So, yeah, I kind of understand that.
	But what about the other disabled people?
	They wouldn't be doing that to him, right?
	No, I don't think so.
	I mean, part of the issue, too, is, you know, when...
	He was in school.
	There would be a couple times he wouldn't have an aide, and I'd go to school with him to help him.
	He got put in the class with all the other disabled people.
	You could tell that he felt like it was unfair because it's like being put with people that aren't mentally competent.
	Yeah, I don't know what the latest term is.
	Challenged, handicapped.
	I know retard is out.
	Although when I was a kid, mongoloid was the term and retarded was brought in because mongoloid was out.
	So it's just this constant word shuffle.
	But yeah, developmentally handicapped, delayed, whatever you want to say.
	So where he only has a physical, which is not to say that that's not terrible, but he only has a physical issue, whereas he would be put in with the people who have mental issues too, right?
	Yes, correct.
	And I think that he has the thought, which I think he's right there too.
	These groups, they have other people with Down syndrome and others that aren't intellectually all there.
	Right. Yeah, I mean, unless you're a billionaire, what good answers are there?
	I mean, if you're going to go with the aides who are making minimum wage, they're not going to be super skilled in these areas because if they had the intelligence to be super skilled, they wouldn't be aides, right?
	Right. So, I mean, other than winning the lottery, even that is only going to get you more competent aides, but it's all just filling in a hole that keeps emptying out, right?
	Yeah, exactly.
	And how old are you?
	I'm 24. I just turned 24 this last year.
	Okay. All right.
	Now, you were saying that you have concern about taking care of your brother.
	Step me through that.
	Are your parents in their 40s, 50s?
	Mid-50s.
	Mid-50s.
	Okay. So they've got another 30 years to go, right?
	Right, right.
	I mean, assuming averages, right?
	So they've got another 30 years to go, so then your brother will be in his 50s.
	And your parents, of course, will have to, I mean, they'll have assets, and when they die, those assets, I'm sure they'll talk to lawyers, and they will put those assets, they would have the lawyer sell those assets,
	or maybe you.
	And put those assets into a trust fund to make sure that your brother gets the care he needs for his life, right?
	Right. It's your parents' job.
	I see.
	No, no, I really want to be clear about this.
	It's your parents' job.
	Right, they chose to have a child.
	They chose to keep that child, right?
	So, it's not your responsibility.
	You are a sibling, not a parent.
	You did not make these choices.
	You did not make these choices.
	did not make these choices.
	So, morally, you are not responsible for taking care in a primary way.
	And I'm not saying you don't have...
	Affection, love towards your brother, or anything like that.
	And I'm not saying, you know, it's not a good thing to spend time with him, but in terms of foundational responsibility, that's your parents.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I suppose that's where, you know, I feel conflicted emotionally anyways, because I...
	I understand that, but it's...
	Seeing the job that they're doing, it just feels...
	I suppose it feels inadequate, so I feel like I have to step up to...
	but I understand what you're saying and I've definitely had that thought as
	um alright
	Well, what would you like to see happen that's not happening with your parents?
	Well, I would like to see them try to get him more involved socially, which I think they've tried, but just the way he's grown up,
	I think he's grown to be stubborn, which also I think is a result of I mean,
	what I'd like to see is, you know, them take him out to do more social events for him to gain more friends.
	And I suppose, you know, he is an adult as well, so he does have a responsibility to do that himself.
	Well, he doesn't like being treated like a child, right?
	Right. So it's his job to make friends.
	Right. I mean, what is he?
	He doesn't want to be treated like a five-year-old, but he wants people to set up playdates?
	Yeah, that's a pretty good point.
	No, if he wants to socialize, then he'll have to find ways to socialize.
	And...
	At the age of 22, and listen, I have nothing but sympathy for his physical disability.
	This is really, really tough.
	Really tough.
	And it is always the basic question of how independent do we encourage people with disabilities to become?
	How much responsibility do we put upon them?
	And it tends to be, at least with physical disabilities, it tends to be a contradiction.
	In that, if we don't treat them as if we're in charge and they are deficient in significant skills, and this would be, you know, social and friend-making and friend-keeping skills, if we kind of take charge, they get annoyed because we're infantilizing them,
	right? Right.
	But if we don't take charge, then they tend to self-isolate and then get depressed and complain about that.
	Hmm. Thank you.
	Thank you.
	I have some experience in these areas, which is not to say that my experience makes me any kind of expert or gives me any kind of insight that necessarily matches with yours, but that's my understanding of some of the challenges.
	Yeah, I mean, that definitely, I mean, from my experience, that definitely matches my personal experience.
	you.
	Well, and there is also, and it happens, I think, at the level of the gut brain, when people see crippled people, they do recoil at a very instinctual level.
	Because, of course, for most of our evolution, we didn't have antivirals, antibiotics, we didn't even have soap.
	And so, when you are around someone, Who is physically crippled, most people have an instinctual recoil that's programmed into us because there's a perception that it's transferable, if that makes sense, or there's a risk.
	Right. Well, I mean, it's also, you know, you're going to have to take care of that person, and they're not really adding to that.
	Well, we don't believe all for that.
	Because, I mean, how well would your brother have done, you know, 2,000 years ago?
	Yeah, not well at all.
	He probably wouldn't have made it out of the single digits.
	Right. So, it's kind of like if you've had this experience where you've been on a bus or something and there's somebody just coughing like crazy, you don't want to sit next to them, right?
	Right. We just have this, and we can say it's good or bad, it doesn't really matter.
	I mean, we can understand the evolutionary purpose behind it.
	It's down to, like, it's at a level of, like, cooties or something.
	Yeah, definitely.
	And, you know, through my childhood, I've definitely had that, you know, feeling towards him, which isn't...
	I don't exactly like it, but it's the fact of...
	Well, I mean, we can like it or not like it, but it did keep us alive.
	Right. It did not make much sense to go hug someone with leprosy or smallpox, right?
	Right. So we have an instinctual drive to keep our distance from sick people.
	Now, of course, and of course, evolutionarily speaking, we didn't really know anything about genetics or anything, so when the average person would see somebody who was really sick, Now, maybe it's only a 50% chance that it's communicable.
	Maybe it's only a 10% chance that it's communicable.
	But if you look at the cost-benefits, right?
	People have an unconscious association of being around your brother means ending up like your brother.
	And again, we can understand that, and really, there's no point criticizing it, really.
	Because that really was the only distance, was the only protection we had through most of our evolution.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I mean...
	When it comes to mental disabilities, the idea that there could be a brain parasite or something like that is...
	It's the cost-benefit, right?
	Right. What is the potential cost of being around a sick person from an evolutionary standpoint?
	And what are the benefits?
	Well, the benefits do not outweigh the costs.
	And the cost-benefit is calculated at a gut level.
	Right. So, I don't know that it's just a matter of your parents just encouraging more socialization.
	Because you're...
	You're trying to act against a very gut-level response in people.
	Now, a gut-level response, again, I'm not saying it's moral or immoral or we can dislike it all we want, but it is kind of what kept our ancestors alive.
	And we can say, well, it's not appropriate to this situation, and that's absolutely right and fair.
	But asking people to reprogram their entire gut sense for the sake of what?
	Well, and that sounds like a negative comment.
	My positive comment is that your brother, if he's going to socialize, he's going to have to develop something that makes it worthwhile.
	Because it is awkward for a lot of people.
	They don't know what to say.
	They don't know if they should refer to it.
	They don't know if they should ignore it.
	There is an instinctual...
	There is an instinctual response to treat people as less mature than they are when they're ill.
	And that doesn't come out of nowhere, because people who've had lifelong, you know, crippling issues like your brother are going to lack maturity in certain areas just because they haven't gone through the normal rough and tumble of childhood.
	So, he's going to have to find a way to make it worth people's while to get to know him.
	And is that fair?
	No? Does it matter?
	Obviously trying to put everyone in the same category, but we all have to compensate for something.
	Right. I mean, nobody's perfect, right?
	Right. So, I mean, there's a theory that large breasts evolved as a way to make up for less intelligence on the part of the women and make them more attractive or something like that.
	I mean, nature is constantly tinkering and constantly compensating for various things.
	One of the reasons the foreskin...
	Evolved was to try and scoop out the sperm that might already be in the birth canal if the woman was having sex with multiple partners.
	So, there's a constant, you know, cat and mouse game in society.
	I mean, I have to compensate for some of my more unacceptable ideas or arguments with...
	Humor, stories, charisma, and sometimes a more even-tempered approach than I feel on the inside.
	And so, again, I'm not trying to obviously put myself in the category of your brother, but if you look at your own life, everybody has to compensate for something.
	I ended up, because I came with this fruity British accent to the colonies, I had to end up being a tougher guy than I would normally have been.
	I ended up having to climb trees and learn to skateboard and learn how to really hit well in baseball and swim team, water polo, cross country, running, tennis.
	I had to do a lot of athletic stuff because otherwise everyone thought I was vaguely gay.
	So again, I'm not trying to put myself anywhere near the category of your brother, but one of the reasons that I really worked to develop So, everyone has to compensate.
	Now, again, I'm not saying it's fair or right, but your brother, if he's going to socialize, he's going to have to find something within himself that is going to compensate for some people's instinctual avoidance of his ailment.
	I don't know what that is.
	Maybe it's being really funny.
	Maybe it's telling great stories.
	Maybe it's being a wealth of interesting information.
	I know you guys are young.
	Dinner party is not much of a thing.
	But when you get older, there's a sort of myth or a cliche that says, oh, you could dine out for years on that story.
	Like if you met Hugh Jackman at an airport and you got into a...
	An arm wrestling competition or something like that.
	I mean, that's just such a wild story that you're going to be invited to dinner parties.
	Oh, tell that Hugh Jackman story.
	This is wild, right?
	And then if you're good at telling the story, and it's an interesting story, and hopefully a true one, then you're going to be welcome at the dinner table.
	Oh, be sure to invite so-and-so.
	I mean, he's got the greatest stories.
	And again, I don't know what it would be.
	It could be that he gets really still and deep and is able to ask people really important questions.
	Lord knows I've done that at times at dinner parties.
	It could be that he studies self-knowledge and causality.
	It could be like he's gonna need to do something to compensate for the negatives of his ailment.
	And he's gonna say, well, why should I have to do that?
	And it's like...
	Because you're a human being.
	We all have to compensate for stuff.
	Well, I have to compensate for a lot.
	Yeah, that's tough, man.
	That is tough.
	And your alternative is what?
	Right. Right, because this is the unfair thing, right?
	And it's, of course, completely unfair what happened with your brother.
	It's absolutely unfair.
	And human society is in no way evolved for this.
	And it is unfair.
	And the alternative is what?
	You know, was it fair that you guys have sort of shallow, boomer town, materialistic, kind of selfish parents?
	No. Was it fair that my father took off and my mother was violent and crazy?
	No, it wasn't fair.
	And so, my alternative is what?
	Yeah, you can.
	It's not like you can turn the time back and do something different or genetically change him.
	I mean, I tried to run away and that didn't work.
	So, my alternative is what?
	Well, my alternative is to compensate.
	Like, life is a constant conveyor belt of shitty things that happens from time to time, right?
	And your alternative, this is a general philosophy thing, it's like your alternative is what?
	So, my mother was crazy.
	My family was largely corrupt.
	And my educational institutions were idiotic.
	And I got no comfort, curiosity, or morals from my church.
	Okay? So nobody could teach me how to live, and nobody modeled a life that I wanted.
	That's not right.
	I mean, society should be teaching kids how to live and what's right and wrong.
	Otherwise, we're kind of like savages.
	So, okay, so I had to compensate for the insanity, nihilism, and corruption of my childhood by focusing on moral philosophy.
	Okay, if nobody's going to teach me how to live, and nobody's going to teach me how to think, I guess I'll have to learn how to think on my own.
	Now, that has been a great benefit.
	I mean, I'm sort of half and half, honestly.
	I mean, at this point, because at this point in my life, and please, I'm not trying to make this all about me.
	I'm trying to make this about compensating for things.
	But at this point in my life, it's all upside.
	You know, all of the shit that was shoveled in my face when I was a kid, you know, year after year, country after country, decade after decade, the negatives of all of that are long gone.
	I have nothing left but the positives.
	So right now, it seems like a pretty good deal.
	And I think that's what you want to do in life.
	Is you want to get to a point where you say, it's good that the bad things happened because I got maximum value out of them and became a better person because of it.
	Now, what your brother has been handed is staggering.
	And the most difficult thing about it is the excuse factor.
	Right? Yeah, definitely.
	I mean, because he has, I mean, the guy's in a wheelchair.
	He has the ultimate excuse and the ultimate cause of bitterness, frustration, depression, alienation, and anger.
	And I, listen, man, I'm not disagreeing with him about that at all.
	And if he wants to call in, I'd be more than happy to chat.
	But the real disability are the excuses.
	Because that's something you could do something about.
	Yeah, I definitely...
	I mean, if your brother is complaining about being isolated, or what was when he was depressed?
	You said he was depressed, and I don't want you to go deep into his mind because he's not on the call, but what were his major complaints?
	His major complaints is, I mean, of course, the disability, but then, you know, over the past year, he has kind of had a realization that he probably won't have a wife and have like a normal family situation.
	And I mean, from my perspective, it's like, well, yeah, no duh.
	But I suppose that's been the lead cause of...
	Him slipping into depression anyways.
	Yep. And that is very tough.
	That is very tough.
	And my personal feeling, this is just my personal feeling, this is not any kind of prescription for action, is when people have a negative realization, I will give them a certain amount of time to be pissed off and unhappy about it.
	But not too long.
	Because then they wear grooves in their brain that they can't get out of.
	Thank you.
	Yeah. Now, I don't want to get into the physiology, but let's say that he can't father children, at least the old-fashioned way.
	Okay. That's really tough.
	But there are a lot of infertile women out there in this world.
	Thank you.
	So he can be a husband even if he can't be a father.
	Yeah, and I mean, I guess I haven't told him that specifically, but I've said before, you know, I mean, you can't be a father, but you can definitely be a good uncle.
	No, no, but it's for his life, right?
	Right, right, yeah, that's fair.
	So, the challenge is, and it's a big challenge, you know, and I'm not underestimating it at all, but the challenge is, yes, you got a shitty deal.
	Through no fault of your own, you got a shitty deal.
	How are you going to make it good?
	Because the shitty deal is a constant, but your response to it is a variable.
	Okay, you know, snap out of it, bro.
	Okay, yeah, you got it.
	You got a shitty deal.
	Snap out of it, bro.
	Okay, how are you going to get a girl?
	How are you going to get a girl?
	Now, most likely, he's going to try and find a girl who's got a similar issue that he has.
	Hmm. Right.
	And don't tell me if he does or doesn't, but if he doesn't have sexual function, then he's going to probably need a girl who also doesn't have sexual function, right?
	Right. So he's going to have to go and find a girl who's like himself, and he's going to have to lead them both, or they lead each other out of the valley of the shadow of despair.
	Hmm. Yeah, I mean, that makes a lot of sense to me.
	And if he can summon the emotional strength and energy, then maybe he can lead other people out of despair through his knowledge and example.
	Because, you know, you and I talking to him about his ailment is only going to have a certain amount of credibility.
	But if somebody else has his ailment and is able to talk about it with him and give him some sense of potential and enthusiasm, he'd listen to that person a lot more, right?
	Right. Thank you.
	you.
	So maybe he could be that person for others.
	Thank you.
	I mean, there's a fellow on social media who has a really terrible disability.
	His hands have turned into those little claws, and it's just awful.
	And he is hilarious.
	Now, again, I'm not saying that everybody has these particular talents and skills, but if he uses his disability to unlock his potential...
	Then he has a better, a path forward anyways.
	He has a path forward.
	And I know the incredibly, it's satanic, the seductive, the seductive power of excuses.
	The despair, I can't, nobody's going to want me, I'm too crippled, I'm too this, I'm too that.
	I understand that, I really do.
	Lord knows, Lord knows the universe handed me About a billion excuses to be a bad person.
	Society, I really feel this genuinely, like society was cattle prodding me and quartering me into becoming an absolutely terrible human being.
	By leaving me alone with this crazy violent woman and attacking and mocking and humiliating me every time I ask for help.
	And siding with her, society was just, like, goading me into attacking it.
	Man, I tell you, it was brutal.
	And fighting that beast was really tough.
	And I started down that path.
	And I had to, like, grit my teeth and say, I am not going to be goaded.
	into rage-slashing society as a whole because society is full of such absolutely terrible people.
	I am going to try and become some kind of light in this world, right?
	I mean, the fact that you went through grave difficulties as a child, the fact that I went through grave difficulties as a child means that we can have A more concise and authentic and credible conversation, right?
	Yeah, definitely.
	I mean, if I'd been raised in a perfectly happy, peacefully parented household, it would be a little tough for me to talk to you about these things in a way that would be credible for you, right?
	Yeah. So, the challenge is when you are struck down by Genetics, by society, by bad parenting, by predatory priests or abusive teachers or whatever,
	right? The grave danger is to end up thinking mostly about yourself.
	I'm unhappy.
	I have this problem.
	I have this disability.
	I have this, I, I, me, me, I. It becomes very solipsistic, right?
	You think about yourself and your own problems all the time.
	And that leads you gravely into the danger of...
	You know, the bottomless pit of self-biddy and self-regard.
	Navel-gazing, we used to call you to stare at your own belly button.
	The real challenge is to surmount that which is dragging you down and think about the world.
	So for me, it's like, okay, well, I was, you know, kicked around like a pigskin football when I was a kid.
	How can I leverage that or how can I judo that to help the world as a whole so that it's not about me and my sadness and my problems and my instability and my whatever, right?
	But to focus on benefiting the world as a whole is the best way to get out of the narcissism of being victimized.
	You have to do the opposite.
	Because, I mean, I won't speak for you, but my parents harmed me because they were selfish.
	So, the best way to not be like my parents is to not be selfish, to be selfless, to focus on what I can do to benefit others rather than focus on how I was harmed.
	Because my mother would grab me and abuse me in order to try and maintain some...
	She felt she was going mad and the only way she could not go mad was to get angry, to blame, to assert her will.
	And so she used me as the instant band-aid for her own ever-widening wounds.
	And so for me, to go and help others is to do the opposite of what my parents did.
	That's pretty good.
	So, the challenge for your brother, and again, I recognize the size of the challenge, is to say, yeah, that's a shitty situation.
	So, how are you going to turn it into a good?
	Hmm.
	And this is what I mean about the balance.
	So, at this point in my life, I won't say I'm glad I was abused.
	Because that just sounds masochistic.
	But I will say this.
	I look around at my life and the good that I'm doing and the family that I have and the friends that I have and the life that I have and I say, I have made the maximum good out of the maximum evil.
	And I would not have the maximum good without the maximum evil.
	That's just a simple fact.
	I would not be...
	As rational if I had not been raised by a crazy woman.
	I would not be as focused on helping others if I had not been exploited as a child.
	I would not have the life that I have as an adult, which I love, if I had not have the life that I hated as a child.
	So, I'm not going to say I'm glad, but I will say that I'm in the decades of all the benefits.
	And I would say that on balance, it's a plus for me.
	And that kind of alchemy to turn this kind of horror into something that is a plus is a magic transformative power that human consciousness and virtue alone is capable of.
	I mean, if you think of the...
	The number of victims of child abuse, adult victims of child abuse that I've helped, and the millions of people, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of people who have listened and will listen, the peaceful parenting book, the non-aggression principle, the spanking is a violation of the NAP,
	all of this kind of stuff, the billions of instances of child abuse that has been ended, is the world as a whole, and let's say that this is only the result of me being abused as a child, is the world as a whole, Happier that I was abused.
	Yes. I mean, I know it sounds weird.
	I know it does.
	But the world is far better off because my mother was violent to me and crazy.
	Not just the violent, but the crazy was even worse.
	Right? So, the world would, I mean, millions of people around the world would kneel in the direction of my mother and thank her.
	I mean, imagine if a resource like what I do did not exist, how would things have gone with your girlfriend?
	Oh, man.
	I can't even...
	Yeah. I mean, not well.
	Definitely not well.
	Well, this is the kind of woman who might create a false accusation.
	This is the kind of woman who would get pregnant.
	And then put you through family courts.
	And what is it, like 12 men a day who are going through the family court system kill themselves?
	It could have been absolutely life-saving.
	Even just getting where you are with more honest conversations with your parents is a big thing.
	Sorry, I've talked a lot, so go ahead.
	No, you're definitely right.
	I mean, I think back to...
	That relationship.
	And I mean, part of the reason that kind of blew up the relationship was me listening to you more avidly and me kind of talking more truly about what I believe.
	And I mean, if I wouldn't have done that, you know, I could have moved to where she was and got married and, you know, it would have been a whole...
	Yeah, and the parents thing too.
	I mean, I never would have even thought, like, I don't know if...
	Well, maybe, but probably not.
	Probably more than unlikely that I would have confronted my parents or done any of the stuff I did in the last year.
	Right. So you would have moved to got married to this woman.
	She would have got pregnant fairly quickly.
	And then when she had all of this power and control and the infinite armies of the state in the relationship, I mean, she would have just tortured you into oblivion, I assume.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I think that's definitely fair to assume.
	So let me ask you this.
	Are you happy that I was abused as a child?
	Are you happier?
	I suppose yes, I am happy.
	And I'm not trying to catch you out or make you say anything foolish, but I'm happy now that I was abused as a child.
	I won't go so far as to say it's good that I was abused as a child, because otherwise Peaceful Parenting would be a different kind of book.
	Be sure to abuse your children so they end up pursuing virtue, because it's a real dice roll, right?
	It can go either way.
	So, but you're better off because I was abused as a child.
	I'm better off because I was abused as a child now.
	And millions, tens of millions of people around the world are better off because I was abused as a child.
	And there are tens of millions of children around the world who are better off because I was abused as a child.
	I mean, it's kind of ironic.
	It is kind of ironic, absolutely.
	Absolutely. And even if we were to look into my influence on the political realm, I mean, we won't go into that in any particular detail, but I've certainly done some good in the political realm, and that has had really some positive effects in the world.
	Or if you just look and say, You know, the people who got into Bitcoin, when I was talking about it, when it was like a buck, right?
	I mean, the people who got into Bitcoin, you know, tens of thousands of people have become, or hundreds of thousands of people have become significantly wealthy because I was abused as a child.
	You know, let's say somebody made a million bucks off Bitcoin, and they say, well, Steph only did his show because he was abused as a child.
	Are you happy that Steph was abused as a child?
	They'd be like, well, kind of, right?
	Yeah, right.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, it's complicated, and you want to make it complicated.
	And this comes out of something that I read as a kid, right, which is that you take, you know, whatever the devil tempts you with, you do the opposite.
	So the devil tempted me with anti-rationality, so I went to reason.
	The devil tempted me with violence, so I went with the non-aggression principle.
	The devil tempted me with...
	Aggression, so I went with assertion instead, which is the opposite.
	So, again, I'm really, I'm honestly trying, I'm really not trying to make this all about me, but what I am saying is that that's the challenge that is laid at the feet of your brother.
	Hello? Yo, sorry about that.
	No, it's just fine.
	I was sitting in a nice warm spot and the computer was in full sunlight and it's funny because I was just like...
	Hey, I wonder if things can overheat.
	And then it was like, brr.
	Apparently it will.
	So, sorry about that.
	So, yeah.
	And that's just my, you know, the challenge to your brother is, okay, how are you going to turn this into a positive?
	Because your alternative is what?
	Right. Just let it roll you over.
	And again, you know, it's a big ask.
	And he's every right to say it's not fair.
	Absolutely. It's not fair.
	And we accept that.
	And now what?
	And now what?
	You know, I had a friend when I was growing up.
	His family was well off.
	He had a swimming pool, really nice house.
	He never had to work.
	He got to spend all summer reading wonderful books on philosophy and economics.
	And I was like working three jobs and crazy mother and all of that.
	And I'm looking and saying, well, that's not fair.
	It isn't.
	And so, make it fair.
	Now, it's fair.
	Honestly, I think I'm doing better than he did.
	Make it fair.
	So, how's your brother going to make it all right?
	How's your brother going to make it worthwhile?
	Is he going to let it roll him over?
	And I'm sorry to use this about a guy in a wheelchair, but...
	Is he going to find a way to turn it into a positive?
	That's a big ask.
	But the alternative is what?
	Yeah, I mean, yeah, be bitter and have no friends.
	I mean, it's not a great alternative.
	Well, I mean, he has the opportunity to be...
	Somebody who inspires real, deep and powerful courage in the hearts and minds of others.
	He can be a fucking beacon, if he wants.
	Where people can say,"Holy crap, look at what this guy's doing." And I'm complaining because my boss can be annoying.
	Like, he has the capacity to bring such courage, integrity, and resolution to the world that he will shame all the petty people on the planet.
	And, you know, sometimes our own pettiness needs to be shamed.
	Right? Because we all get petty and we all, you know...
	Was it the other day?
	I was playing a game, a board game, and the...
	The dice rolls, it was a computer game, and the dice rolls were just terrible.
	Like, I just got nothing, right?
	And I literally caught myself getting annoyed.
	And it's like, oh, come on, man.
	Imagine if I'm on my deathbed, I'm looking back and saying, yeah, I remember that time when the dice rolls went badly on that computer program.
	Oh, man, that was tough.
	I mean, this dying bit, that's okay, but that was tough.
	I mean, our own pettiness needs to be sometimes...
	You know, I mean, I wouldn't say shamed necessarily, but we need to get that perspective, right?
	Put into check.
	Right. In a sense, right?
	Right. So, I mean, like, I had cancer, and was that fair?
	No? I didn't do risky things that would bring it about.
	But, uh, yeah, some bad luck.
	So, I have made it my resolution to stay as healthy as humanly possible.
	And instead of cancer taking time from my life, it's going to add years to my life.
	I plan, I aim to add at least another five years to my life by, you know, working out 10 hours a week and maintaining a healthy weight and getting sunlight and, like, I'm aiming to have that, you know,
	fuck cancer, it's going to add years to my life.
	So for the last five years of my life, I would look back and say, Damn!
	I'm so glad I had cancer, otherwise I would have been dead before now.
	Now, that's obviously not the case with everyone.
	I happen to have something which I could kick, but yeah, I mean, what's my alternative?
	Be bitter?
	No, it's not fair.
	It's not fair.
	So what?
	How are you going to make it into a good?
	Yeah, that definitely gives me a good perspective that at least I can...
	Because, I mean, it's not my responsibility, of course.
	He's an adult and he can make his own choices, but I can at least help try to guide him in having that mindset.
	You know, one of the really tough things in life is to tell people with genuine complaints, stop complaining.
	And it's tough for others.
	It's sometimes even tougher for ourselves, right?
	Right. To say to people, including ourselves, who have genuine complaints, stop complaining.
	Well, who's going to tell a guy in a wheelchair, you know, stop complaining?
	Right, because it feels like you're being a real jerk, right?
	Yeah, right, right.
	And I get that.
	That's the real...
	I mean, sorry, I won't say that's the real disability, because of course it's not, but that's the disability you can do something about.
	He can't do anything about his genetics, right?
	But the disability you can do something about is the self-pity and the sense of resentment, rage, and unfairness.
	Right. And I assume that, is your brother religious?
	He is, yes.
	He actually...
	Let's see, I think two years ago now he read the whole Bible.
	So he is religious.
	I try to, I mean, he kind of has a thing where like, I read the whole Bible, I know all the stuff, and it's like, well, you know, you kind of have to, it's not exactly an easy book to read and then just apply the knowledge.
	But yes, he is religious.
	Does he believe that God has a plan for him?
	Yes, I believe so.
	And what do you mean you believe so?
	Yes, I know so.
	Okay, so he believes that God has a plan for him.
	is, roughly, God's plan for him?
	I don't think he...
	I don't think he has come to any conclusions yet on that.
	Is God's plan for him to complain and say things are unfair?
	No. Okay.
	So, he should stop doing that, because that's not God's plan.
	And again, we all have the emotional backwash and pullback, and tide comes in, tide comes in.
	But that should be the commitment, I think, right?
	Right. So, he either...
	Exists in the ragged periphery of society or he's going to have to take some sort of central role.
	Because if he can overcome the anger and resentment which every human being with half a heart can completely and deeply understand and sympathize with, if he can overcome that, holy crap.
	What a powerhouse.
	He will be.
	You know, the purpose of life, in many ways, is to be the kind of person where people say, almost against their will, I've never met anyone like that.
	And that's what the NPCs are so terrified of, right?
	Stepping outside the painted squares and so on, right?
	Those ants with the sharpies around them.
	Right, right.
	I've never met anyone like that.
	That's what it is to be truly yourself.
	Right? It's an old Oscar Wildline.
	Be yourself.
	Everyone else is taken.
	So, if people can meet your brother and be like, what a life force and what obstacles, then they can stop looking at their obstacles as purely negative.
	They can stop looking at their negatives as purely negative.
	you.
	Yeah, because I mean, any negative they have is going to be compared to, I mean, it's just so obvious.
	Yeah. Right.
	So the way I look at it is, when I was a kid, my daughter's fantastic at this.
	I was a long jumper.
	I did the long jump.
	Now, in order to jump further on the long jump, You have to first walk away from it, right?
	You have to go up and look and see, okay, here's the line where I've got to jump, and then you have to walk a fair-ass amount away from the long jump.
	And because you do that, then you get that weird skippy runny jump thing, and then you do your big jump, right?
	And then, you know, later you get knee replacement surgery.
	But that's a story for another time.
	So... It looks like you're walking away, but you're actually gathering distance and the potential for strength and speed to do a fantastic jump.
	So, if somebody didn't know, they'd say, well, hang on, why is he walking away?
	Why is he going the opposite direction?
	It's like, so he can do a better jump.
	So why is...
	Life moving you away from the jump so you can jump better.
	And again, he's got the challenge and there are a lot of people who will look at your brother in his position and say, I would be beyond miserable in his shoes.
	I understand that.
	I understand that.
	I mean, obviously not even one billionth of a percent, but, you know, I still see the people, you know, occasionally online, they'll be like, oh yeah, Steph, that guy totally vanished.
	He's gone, man.
	He must be so depressed.
	You know, his audience was taken and deplatformed.
	Yeah, but I'm not.
	I say that I'm not depressed and I sound like I'm dying here, but I'm not.
	I mean, personally, I think I've done some of my best work in the last couple of years.
	So, if you can put yourself in a position where everyone thinks they would be miserable and you yourself are enthusiastic, wow, that is a powerful thing to do.
	Because it shatters people's belief that they are at the mercy of circumstances and accidents and that it is not.
	What happens to you in life, but what you do with it that counts.
	Thank you.
	So, that's the challenge with regards to your brother.
	And he's going to say, I don't have it in me.
	It's too hard.
	And I get all of that.
	I absolutely get all of that.
	But he's a Christian, right?
	He is, yes.
	So he worships a guy who got dragged through the streets, had a crown of thorns jammed on his head, and was crucified and took a long time to die.
	And if Jesus could do that, your brother can find some positivity in his circumstances.
	The purpose of worshipping Jesus is not to kneel before him like you're not worthy.
	The purpose of worshipping Jesus is to emulate his virtues, is it not?
	Yes. What would Jesus do?
	Well, Jesus would find a way to bring comfort to the afflicted.
	I mean, because everybody remembers Calvary and so on, but they forget that for many, many years before that, Jesus was threatened and persecuted by the authorities.
	Thank you.
	So, if your brother can get something like that going in his heart, and yes, I understand, it's a...
	You can say it's a big ask, but it's a big offer, and his alternative is what?
	I mean, it's terrifying, right?
	So for me, talking about all the controversial stuff that I talked about, okay, but the alternative is what?
	To be silent when I have a unique voice and ability to talk radical truths to the world, to be silent, say, oh, well, but that ended up with me being deplatformed.
	Okay, sure, yeah, I get that.
	But I would much rather be deplatformed than have a bad conscience.
	Right? It's far better to suffer wrong than to do wrong.
	And if I had kept silent about important issues, then even if I had, you know, five times the audience now that I had back then, even if I made,
	I don't know, more money or something like that, I would have a bad conscience.
	I'd be looking into that camera and that camera would be staring back saying, liar!
	Right? I wouldn't have really the love of my wife.
	I wouldn't have the love of my daughter.
	I wouldn't have the respect of my friends.
	I wouldn't have my self-respect.
	So people say, oh, but you got deplatformed.
	It's like, and I have a good conscience.
	And I would infinitely prefer, I infinitely prefer a good conscience.
	To an audience.
	So, I think that's the challenge.
	The more you suffer, the more it's asked of you to be enthusiastic and positive, and the alternative is what?
	To say to people, well, I don't like my life, I hate my life, but you should want to spend time with me.
	That's not going to work.
	No. He has to find a way to love his life.
	He has to find a way to turn the negatives that were inflicted upon him by blind nature into positives.
	you.
	I see.
	That definitely helps a lot.
	Now, I know I don't have any choice in what he does, but I at least have an idea of how I can help nurture that.
	Well, and I say this all with an eye to your dating prospects, because you are, in some ways, You would be the equivalent of a single mom if you're responsible for your brother.
	Because, of course, a woman who took on you as a marriage partner would then also be taking in on your eternally dependent brother if that were the way it would play out.
	Right. So the more dependent he can be, the less...
	The less it has that negative effect anyways.
	The more independent he can be, yeah.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Yeah, for sure.
	I mean, if you think about, of course, I mean, it's pretty easy conceptually, right?
	But if you think about being in the dating market and you meet a, there are two women, right?
	And these two women, one of them does not have a brother with the ailment that you have, that your brother has, and another one does.
	The one who does, who feels very much responsible and is going to take care of her brother for the rest of her life, that is, I mean, let's just look at it from a real practical standpoint, right?
	That is resources away from your children.
	Right. And that's a big deal.
	Like, we are programmed to provide, like, by nature, and again, this is not to say we can't overcome it, but this nonetheless is a fact.
	But we are programmed to provide maximum resources to our children, right?
	Right. Which is why a lot of men don't want to date women who already have children.
	Because those women's primary loyalty is going to be to their children.
	And, you know, I mean, let's say that the woman has three kids, and then she has one kid with the new guy, and the new guy brings home a pizza.
	Is he going to be able to say, no, no, no, this is for my kid?
	No, no, he won't.
	No, three-quarters of his resources are going to go towards genes that aren't his.
	That does not work from an evolutionary standpoint.
	It does not work from an instinct or emotional standpoint.
	And also, usually, the single mother complains about her ex.
	And she says to the new guy, you're way better than my ex.
	Like, he cheated on me, he wouldn't get a job, he was lazy, he was abusive, right?
	She'll always say that.
	You're wonderful, right?
	Right. So then he's pouring his resources into a bad guy's offspring and has far fewer resources to provide to his hopefully more quality offspring, right?
	It just goes against...
	Right. Right.
	his brother who is, you know, bitter, angry, and depressed, and this is going to happen for the next 60 years, that's a big negative.
	Right, right.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Because she's not going to be in control of your mood if your mood is going to be pulled around by your brother's mood.
	And your brother can't be in control of his mood if his mood is directly the consequence of his physical circumstances.
	Because he's not in control of his physical circumstances.
	Like, we want our moods to be in control.
	Like, am I in control?
	Again, I know it's a stupid example.
	Obviously, I accept that, but...
	Am I in control of the dice roll that the computer has?
	I am not.
	I'm in control of whether I view it as amusing or annoying.
	Thank you.
	So, women, like men, we like to think that people are a lot more sentimental than they are, but they're really not.
	We are still evolutionary mammals.
	And if a woman looks and says, okay, so how many resources will be taken away from my children by this great guy's brother?
	And the answer is probably going to be a lot.
	Time, effort, energy, potentially money, support, phone calls, and then, you know, you're going to have a frustrating call with your brother because he's going to be down and negative.
	That's going to affect your mood for a couple of days.
	Then he's going to call back.
	And this is a variable that she does not want in the relationship.
	Right. Now, again, we can get all kinds of abstract and say, ah, yes, but she should have sympathy.
	And yeah, okay, I get all of that.
	I get all of that.
	But that doesn't take away the reality of the situation.
	Well, it's the old, wouldn't it be nice if?
	Right, right.
	I mean, that's kind of communism.
	Like, wouldn't it be nice if people just worked for the benefit of others with no sense of profit?
	Right.
	We need our food.
	So... You know, when women say, like, wouldn't it be nice if men only cared about the quality of a woman's character rather than just her looks?
	As if the two were completely separate, right?
	I mean, the quality of a woman's character is shown, to some degree, by how attractive she is.
	Because a woman who has quality of character would want to please And be attractive to the man that she wants to marry.
	And so, if she lets herself get, you know, ugly, obese, out of shape or whatever, I'm not talking about the stuff that's beyond your control, like the height and, you know, cheekbones or whatever, right?
	But I'm talking about just general physical attributes that you have control of.
	You're right.
	woman cares about men as a whole and the man that she wants to marry, then she will know that he will be attracted to a woman who is slender.
	Right. Whether she has basic empathy towards men,
	or whether she's delusional and selfish.
	Like, you should love me even though I'm 200 pounds, which is tragically common in America these days in particular, right?
	You should love me because I'm 200 pounds is narcissistic, because it's not having empathy for what a man is looking for.
	I mean, that's like the car salesman trying to sell a...
	Porsche Boxster to a guy who's got six kids because he gets more commission.
	That's just selfish, right?
	You have to do something that appeals to your customer.
	So, but yeah, women who are like, well, men's preferences, men's sexual and romantic preferences should be completely independent of a woman's looks.
	Or whether she was ever born a woman or a man.
	It's just, it's just fundamentally not empathetic towards what men like and prefer.
	And Anyway, so wouldn't it be nice if it's like, but it's not the case?
	Right. And you can say the exact opposite.
	Like, men do this all the time where it's, wouldn't it be nice if a woman didn't care about how much money I had or, you know, that's like the male version of that.
	Sure. Yeah, yeah.
	Wouldn't, why, yeah.
	Yes, that's right.
	That's right.
	Or, it also wouldn't, a woman shouldn't care about, yeah, my money or, you know, if I've got a little extra weight, a dad bod or something like that.
	And it's like, well, but, you know, a woman wants the man to live a long time if she cares about him and if he doesn't take care of his health, that's a negative and so on.
	And, of course, everybody wants sexuality to be separated from its purpose, which is...
	Right, right.
	I mean...
	If neither people want kids, right?
	That's fine.
	Then, you know, I suppose that they can say, yeah, my income doesn't matter because neither of us want kids.
	It's like, okay, but if you don't want kids and you're broke, then you're just doing stupid jobs that don't go anywhere and you can't really do anything fun, right?
	Because you've got to work all the time at some dumb job, so you can't go travel.
	It's one thing to say we don't want kids, but if you don't want kids and you can't...
	Take vacations or travel or do much fun stuff, then that's a really tragic life.
	So with regards to your brother, looking at it from the outside of like, okay, if you are going to keep your brother in your life, and obviously I have no say or opinion in that, right?
	That that's your deal.
	But let's say you're going to keep your brother in your life, then you have to find a way to make him a plus to your potential girlfriend and your potential wife.
	Hmm. Otherwise, you're just going to end up resenting him.
	Right. And this can be the challenge to say, you've got to find a way to be pumped and inspired about your life.
	You've got to find a way.
	There's no alternative.
	Hmm. You know, if the train is going off a cliff and you say, well, it could be dangerous to jump, it's like, your alternative is what?
	Certain death.
	Right? Right.
	And we make these choices all the time.
	So, if you can get him to become inspiring, then he becomes a net positive to your wife, your future wife.
	Thank you.
	He can find a way to get married himself and show a way forward, not just for himself, but for the community of people who were in his shoes that net positive to the world as a whole.
	That's a very good thing.
	And yeah, it's not fair, you know?
	But, you know, I ended up with a far happier life because I was abused.
	Because fuck the abusers, right?
	I'm not going to let them win, right?
	Let them, right?
	This is the idea that you let Satan's temptations...
	Drive your virtues.
	If Satan tempts you to lust, you become more ascetic.
	If Satan tempts you to gluttony, you eat less.
	And if the world tempts me to madness and hatred, I will go for reason and sanity.
	I don't want to...
	We can't let the bad guys win.
	That's... That's like Superman joining Lex Luthor.
	Let the bad guys win.
	It's just demonic, right?
	Right. And so...
	Your brother cannot let his circumstances win.
	He just can't.
	He got handed a shitty deal, no question.
	Can't let it win.
	He's got to find a way to be positive and enthusiastic and say, look, people are going to recoil from me a little bit because they don't know how to handle it, and there's a gut level of like, what if this is contagious?
	And again, I know it's not, but statistically we couldn't take that chance.
	When we were evolving, and we have all of those evolutionary mechanisms.
	So it's like, okay, so how am I going to make up for the fact that people don't know how to deal with my disability?
	I have to be so positive and enthusiastic that people will be drawn to me despite my physical challenges.
	Yeah, that definitely makes a lot of sense to me.
	And that means you just have to let go of the excuses, because the excuses is how the bad shit gets you.
	It has you withdraw, recoil, complain, and, of course, when you have something so visible and obvious to complain about, who's going to tell you to stop it and be positive?
	Right, right.
	It's a powerful club, almost, in a conversation, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, definitely.
	So I think that would be my approach with my brother.
	Yeah, that definitely gives me a lot of insight to what I can do to help with my brother.
	So now, I feel like we kind of covered that pretty well.
	So now, I guess, where I sit in life, I'm not exactly sure which direction I want to go in.
	Because right now I live at home with my parents.
	I work a job.
	I work about 50 hours a week.
	But my social community here is not...
	Sorry, why are you living at home if you're working?
	I guess I'm just living at home to save money.
	But if that, you know, everything has an upside and a downside, right?
	Right. The downside is, of course, that I'm around my parents.
	It's... Right.
	I mean, have you thought about the downsides?
	I mean, I've certainly talked about them a million times on the show.
	Maybe you haven't heard those particular ones, but have you said, are my decisions worth it?
	I've heard some of, I mean, I listened to quite a few of the call-in shows and I've heard like when you're around your family of origin, then you're going to slip back into, like you did a call-in show with a guy who moved back in with his family and he said,
	you said that he was unable to negotiate because he moved back in with his parents and he's back into that habit of not being able to negotiate.
	Is there in that one, I guess, that comes to my head?
	I don't know of any other negatives.
	I'm sure there definitely is some, but if you could maybe tell me some...
	Oh, no, I can't, because, you know, the specifics, if your family is individual to each person.
	Okay. But...
	Would you, if you meet a woman in her mid-twenties who's, you know, positive and moral and enthusiastic and strong and courageous and all the kind of good things that we're looking for, would you be happier to tell her that you have your own place, or would you be happier to tell her that you live with mommy and daddy?
	Yeah, definitely happier to tell her that I live, that I have my own place, yeah.
	Okay. And if you are...
	This woman, let's call her Sally, and you meet Sally and Sally starts asking you about your life and you say, well, you know, I have a disabled brother who sometimes can be kind of bitter and I have, you know, kind of selfish parents who excuse the bad things they did and that's where I'm living.
	How inspiring is that for Sally?
	How attractive is that for Sally?
	It's not attractive at all.
	Right. So, yeah, you can save some money.
	But it'll be...
	Quite costly.
	Well, it's also one of these things that you think you're saving money.
	But you're not.
	Because living with dysfunctional parents is going to limit the quality of the women you can date.
	Because they just won't want to date you.
	Quality women will not want to date you.
	So then you end up taking money and blowing it on a series of unsuccessful relationships that you haven't saved a goddamn thing.
	Also, when your expenses go up, as a man, when your expenses go up, what happens?
	You work harder.
	You work smarter.
	You get more ambitious, you, right?
	Right. Human beings are dynamic systems, right?
	Right. So, when...
	It's not like a bachelor makes a certain amount of money, and then a married man with three kids needs a whole bunch more money, right?
	And people say, well, we can't afford kids as if you're just going to have to live with the same energy and focus when you have kids that you had when you didn't have kids.
	It's like, no.
	When you have kids, you start taking stuff pretty seriously.
	And you start being really focused and really positive and productive at your work.
	And employers know that A single guy ain't that committed.
	Right? An employer knows that a married man with three kids, he's locked in, man.
	He's committed.
	They take him more seriously.
	Right. I mean, and you have the same thing.
	If you meet a 40-year-old guy who's single, no kids, right?
	Living with parents.
	Do you take him very seriously?
	No, definitely not.
	Whereas there's a 40-year-old guy, you know, he works hard, he's got a wife, he's got three kids, he's got all these responsibilities.
	Do you take him more seriously?
	So, if you move out, you have this theory, oh my god, if I move out, I'm going to lose $1,500 a month.
	That's a net negative.
	And that's the only variable?
	That's not the only variable.
	If you move out, Let's say you move to some place where there are more quality women and you have your own place, you're happy to go home, you sleep well, you're enthusiastic, you're positive, you're pumped, you're excited, life's starting.
	Well, are you more enthusiastic at work?
	Yeah, definitely.
	Yeah, you're more likely to get raises and promotions?
	Yeah, definitely.
	Yeah. You're happy and excited and you chat with people.
	I mean, I literally got jobs from being happy and enthusiastic and chatting with people.
	Jobs with substantial raises.
	So, and then, because you're happy, positive, and enthusiastic, you attract more women, and because the quality women aren't kind of grossed out by you still living at home in your mid-twenties, you get to date more quality women,
	which means she's going to pay as well, and you're not going to be wasting your time on some relationship that either is go nowhere or is actually kind of dangerous.
	So, it's sort of like me saying, well, you know, the $20,000 I spent on therapy was a net deduction from my life.
	I have my life, and then I have my life minus, well, it's not.
	I'd be able to say, hey man, you can have your 20, but you're not married to your wife.
	Be like, nope.
	And I don't know that I would have been a self-knowledge in my wife.
	If I hadn't spent the money on therapy.
	Hmm. So.
	you Thank you.
	Don't just look at the single variable.
	Wisdom is saying there's more than one number on the calculator.
	Right, right.
	And I suppose that's kind of the position I'm currently at.
	And I got a raise, of course, for work.
	And that was kind of my point of moving home so that I could No, but you've got the boat anchor of the brother.
	If you go out and start having a great life, who's sitting in your mind's eye staring at you?
	Right, right.
	Hey, bro, I met this great girl.
	I've got this place by the beach.
	Isn't that a bit of a factor?
	Yeah, definitely.
	Thank you.
	And we do have this belief that by limiting our happiness, we limit other people's unhappiness.
	But it's not actually true.
	I mean, it's a short-term thing, right?
	Because if, let's say, in 20 years you ended up not having much of a life because you were afraid of making your brother feel bad, and he realized all of that, and he realized that his ailment crippled two people for the price of one,
	Would he be happy?
	No, he's going to be even more bitter.
	Well, and angry and frustrated at you.
	Right, right.
	Yeah, that makes...
	So I guess my thought process was...
	But you can't say to your brother...
	Your disability should not hold you back and then have it hold you back.
	I suppose that's...
	Wow, I never thought of it.
	Yeah, wow, I've never thought of it that way.
	Don't let your disability destroy your life.
	Hey, let it destroy my life instead.
	Wow, I'm sorry I'm laughing because that's...
	Yeah. Wow.
	I'm sorry I'm laughing.
	It's not really that funny, but...
	I mean, it's funny now.
	It wouldn't be funny in five or ten years.
	Yeah, definitely.
	Definitely so.
	So you've got to go enthusiastically forward with your life and say to your brother, look, this is what's possible.
	Hmm. Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I mean, wow.
	I'm feeling pretty emotional after hearing that.
	I never thought of it that way.
	Oh, that's how it has to be.
	Yeah, wow.
	That's how it has to be, you know.
	I have people, let's just say, people from my childhood, people from my youth, they did not escape the bad things in their lives.
	Would it have been more positive for the world if I had decided to not live a sort of good or powerful or enthusiastic life because they didn't escape?
	You know, there are guys in my old neighborhood still living in the old neighborhood.
	Still working dead-end jobs.
	One guy even lives in the same...
	Apartment building he grew up in.
	Ended up moving out into his mother's place after she died.
	And, yeah, no wives, no kids.
	Or if they got married, it didn't work out, they got divorced.
	Okay, so should I have limited my good decisions because people make bad decisions?
	No, definitely not.
	Hey, man, I gotta get fat because there are fat people in the world.
	I can't lose weight because then the people who don't lose weight will feel bad.
	So I guess I'll get diabetes and die young so that people making bad choices don't feel bad.
	Good call, baby!
	That's inspiring.
	I mean, when I first realized...
	What I was capable of in the business world, you know, the leadership skills, the programming skills, the sales skills, like I did a lot and did it very well.
	And even the negotiation skills and, you know, dealing with difficult clients and so on.
	I just became the go-to guy for just about everything because I have a lot of different skill sets.
	And when I first began to realize all of this, I'm like, wow, that's a...
	I'm quite lucky to be able to do all of this stuff.
	And I actually worked with people that I had known growing up.
	I got them jobs and so on and, you know, just couldn't get them to embrace any real potential.
	Okay. But does that mean I then, and I'm sure, you know, I mean, I could see them sometimes, you know, when I was sort of high flying and, you know, I'm jetting off to Paris, I'm for business, I'm going all over the States, I'm going to China.
	You know, people fly me, putting me in like $400 a night hotels because I'm worth it and I need my sleep and, you know, and the value that I was providing was considerable and did they get jealous and envious?
	Yeah. But you're not going to stop doing it just because they're jealous and envious, right?
	Well, I mean, it's the fifth Beatle question, right?
	Like there was that guy who was the fifth Beatle and...
	John Paul, George, and Ringo decided to plow on, or they replaced him or whatever, right?
	And he never really amounted to much as a musician, as far as I know.
	And were they supposed to say, oh, but if we become really successful, he's going to be sad?
	You know, there was a Brian May from Queen was in a band called Smile.
	With a guy who was, you know, okay, but obviously no Freddie Mercury.
	He was the alchemical ingredient that really seemed to make it work.
	And was he just supposed to say, well, I can't move on with a new singer because the old singer's going to be sad.
	Everything that you have that is of value in your life, that you use or consume or drive or like everything.
	is people who just broke through the bitterness of people who were unhappy they were succeeding and just kept going.
	you Thank you.
	Are you supposed to leave your potential for excellence in the dust because less committed, less enthusiastic, less able people resent you?
	I don't see how that...
	Benefits anyone.
	That is a net negative.
	Because if you have people in your life and they get bitter at your success, well, you're showing them it's possible.
	You're showing them that it's possible.
	And you may, I was even enthusiastic and happy to help transfer my skills as best as I could to other people, give them jobs and give them a leg up and so on, right?
	So... You're showing them that it's possible and you're even willing to help them and they have that fork in the road.
	Either they can try and maximize their potential and take your help or they can just get resentful and squat in their little toadstools of history and glare impotently for the rest of their lives.
	That's the fork in the road.
	I can't make that decision for people.
	And I respect people's decisions.
	If people choose to resent me for my success, okay, I respect that.
	I think it's a bad choice, but fuck them.
	What am I then supposed to not be happy with my success?
	What sense would that make?
	It doesn't add to the happiness, it just lets the bitter people piss all over your furnace, and then everybody freezes to death.
	So you go out and you grab life by the horns and you ride it and sometimes you'll ride well and sometimes you'll get thrown off and then you just dust yourself and get back up and try again and you just go out there and you live a great, passionate, grand life.
	And there will be people who are like, that's so cringe.
	It's so embarrassing.
	Look at him.
	He doesn't even see how ridiculous he is.
	All of these just stupid...
	To me, they're like the sounds of the swamp from the stupid frogs and stuff.
	It's just this noise people make.
	Whenever they see anybody who grabs life by the balls and rides the bull, every time you fall down, they say, well, that was stupid.
	And every time you succeed, they say, well, he was just lucky.
	And it's just this chorus of negative, Lilliputian, drag-down NPCs who...
	Are managing their own potential by disparaging yours.
	And the reason for that is that they want to stay in the circle of losers.
	Right? They've surrounded themselves with losers.
	And so, if they start to embrace their potential, all the losers will attack them.
	And so, they'll just go and, yeah, they'll do their stupid drugs and they'll drink and they'll, you know, watch Ed Wood movies and make fun of it all and...
	And think that they're doing anything of any productivity or value.
	And it's because they've embedded themselves in a social circle of losers who've castrated their own potential and are impotent frog-throat noisemakers.
	Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.
	Negative, negative, negative.
	Bad, bad, bad.
	And I think it's really sad.
	I think it's really sad.
	It's like...
	The world doesn't directly enslave you, but most people are happy to lash themselves into oblivion.
	So, yeah, you've just got to push past that.
	That's like the escape velocity, like you have to get a certain amount of speed to escape the Earth's gravity.
	You just need to get that escape velocity and go and have a great life.
	And, yeah, people will mock you and laugh at you and try and set you against yourself.
	And, I mean, that's just...
	Standard operating procedure for the fairly broken planet we live in.
	And you either bow down before these people who have nothing to offer, and you limit your own potential for the sake of not upsetting their tender little pathological sensibilities, or you just say, I'm sorry that you're losers,
	but I'm not sticking around.
	I'm out, baby.
	I'm breaking out.
	I'm breaking orbit.
	I'm going to explore the stars.
	I'm not sitting in your swamp.
	From here to eternity.
	Thank you very much.
	Thank you.
	So I don't know what the next step in your life is, but please God, don't think it's about whether you pay rent or not.
	Whatever you do, I don't know what you're going to do, but don't do that.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I mean, that's the, over the last couple of weeks I've been thinking about it.
	Because I don't think I'm going to make a decision tomorrow or anything.
	No, but you don't have free will.
	It's only one variable.
	Like, literally, this is like, multivariable is free will.
	Right, so if I looked at my therapy and said, well, jeez, I'm just going to be myself for $20,000 less.
	Well, then I'm not going to go to therapy.
	Because it's just a net negative.
	Whereas if you, so free will comes when you balance multivariables.
	So if you say, well, geez, you know, I've got to stay at home because otherwise I'm paying rent and that's expensive and that's the only variable, then you have no choice to leave.
	Right. Like, you've no choice to leave.
	Like, if I came to you and said, hey, I've got this great hobby where we hit our own hands with a ball-peen hammer, do you want to play?
	You'd say, well, no.
	Sure. Thank you, because that's just a huge negative.
	And if the only thing in your life is, well, $1,500 a month down if I move out.
	I mean, this is my friend from way back in the day who used to take his school books and paper and pencils and calculator.
	He used to take all of his stuff to school in a plastic bag from the grocery store.
	Sometimes he would double bag it, right?
	Now, everyone else had their cool backpacks with, like, logos on them, and people had Adidas bags.
	What was it?
	All day I used to dream about sex.
	That was supposed to be the acronym for Adidas back in the day.
	So, and he said to me, I don't know why people buy these backpacks.
	I don't know why.
	I mean, the plastic bags from the grocery store are free.
	That's a single variable thing.
	Right. He never dated.
	Because a woman looks at a guy with no flair, no panache, no extra spending.
	Unfortunately, he also had a Scottish name.
	So, they look at a guy like that and they're like, okay, that's a single variable guy.
	He doesn't sit there and think, huh, I wonder why people have cool backpacks.
	It's a mating display!
	So, yeah, none of that.
	And this is the guy, he lived, he slept on an army cot.
	And he's like, you know, I got this almost for free, at Goodwill.
	I remember saying to him, I don't think the word free means the same thing to you as it does to me.
	You know what I see?
	Not that it's free, but it's free of women!
	Try bringing some woman home and trying to wedge her onto an army cot with a ragged blanket.
	It's like, oh my god.
	Yes, you saved some money.
	Good for you.
	Good for you.
	So yeah, the single variable thing completely eliminates your capacity for free will.
	So don't think it's just a bathroom.
	Sorry, that's a long way to put it.
	No, I mean, I very much appreciate that insight.
	And I think deep down I've had that feeling.
	But I mean, you definitely put it into words a lot better than I would have.
	Thank you.
	So, okay, so then I guess my thought process was thinking about moving back to the town that I graduated college from because I have a lot more friends there.
	That's where my closest friends are that I actually value.
	Are your friends in motion in life?
	Are they trying to achieve things?
	Are they climbing, scrabbling, fighting, battling?
	Yes, yes they are.
	Good, okay, well then if you're around a circle of striving people...
	That's probably where you want to be.
	That's what my process was.
	Have they called you and said, what are you doing, bro?
	I have.
	No, have they done that?
	I've had the two that I'm specifically thinking of, yes.
	Just kind of asking me, what's the plan?
	What's the plan?
	Don't assume that's an infinite resource.
	So, and you'll notice this when, I'm not saying you're not, but when you really get your ass in gear in life, you will put some resources into helping other people, but not too many.
	Because some people are just trained.
	And again, I'm not saying this is you, but if you're living at home and don't take good advice, they're going to stop contacting you.
	Right, right.
	When you're really in motion, man, you have to hoard your energy like you would not believe.
	Because there's lots of people who are very keen and enthusiastic to try and get you engaged and enrolled in helping them, but they're not actually going to take any good advice.
	Yeah, and I definitely don't want to fall into that.
	Yeah, there's a ticking clock on everything in life.
	Everything is an hourglass.
	There's a ticking clock on everything in life.
	And if you've got friends, then listen, I'm glad that your friends are in motion.
	I'm glad that they're reaching out to help you.
	I think that's great.
	But recognize that is a diminishing opportunity.
	Now, you probably still have some time, but that's a diminishing opportunity.
	Because at some point, they'll be like, Jesus, man, I've called the guy for the last year or two.
	Nothing's changed.
	Nothing's changed.
	He's not really taking any advice.
	I'm sorry, man.
	I've got to cut my losses because this is just a net drain.
	Right. Yeah, I mean, I've had friends like that as well.
	I mean, over the past year.
	Oh, you've tried to energize them.
	Yeah, and then it's just eventually, it's like, well...
	You're not going to change.
	My impact will not change you, so I've got to cut my losses.
	Well, it's just a probability thing.
	And, yeah, they will keep coming to ask for advice.
	But the probability thing is, like, the cost-benefit doesn't work for me.
	Because you can never say, I mean, there's free will still, right?
	So you can never say 100%.
	They're never going to change.
	But the odds go down.
	And then at some point, it's just like, no, I think I will...
	I think I will reserve my energies for people who feed me back.
	Because people who don't take good advice while continually soliciting it are kind of vampires.
	And, you know, I'm happy to give good advice.
	There are people in my life who give me good advice back, and I think that's great.
	So that's a share of energy, but, you know, I'm not people's parents, so I don't provide energy to them in the way that I would with my baby daughter when she was little.
	I don't treat them as adults, which means, Adulthood is reciprocity.
	Childhood is taking, and adulthood is reciprocity.
	So I don't treat people as children when they're adults.
	Which means, yeah, sometimes it goes more one way or the other, right?
	If my wife is, you know, she has a cold or whatever, then I will make her the chicken soup.
	No, she won't eat chicken soup, but I'll make her the soup or whatever, right?
	When I have the cold, she'll make me the soup.
	So there's times when it goes back one way or the other, but it has to kind of even out of the hole, right?
	Right, right.
	So, just make sure you're providing enthusiasm, empirical success, and energy back to your friends.
	All right, so we should probably wind things up.
	We've had a good old long chat.
	Is there anything else you wanted to mention at the end?
	No, I don't think so.
	Thank you.
	Thank you very much, Steph, for all you do.
	Taking this call today.
	I mean, the impact you've had on my life is quite astounding.
	Well, I really appreciate that.
	And I, you know, massive respect for what you're doing.
	And again, massive sympathies towards your brother.
	But yeah, finding a way to shrug off that beast is going to be a challenge.
	But to me, I don't know what the alternative is that makes any sense.
	So yeah, keep me posted and I really do appreciate your time today.
	Right. Thank you, Steph.
	Thank you.
	Take care, man.
	Bye-bye.
	You too.

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