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Jan. 19, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
07:09
How To Deal With A Narcissist
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Time Text
Alright.
So, let's get back.
So, you have dealt with this kind of stuff, right?
Alright.
Now, from 1 to 10, if you've dealt with a narcissist or a selfish person, from 1 to 10, how bad was it?
From one to ten, how bad was it?
Tell me.
1 to 10, how bad was it?
Because I want to know what kind of pain points I'm dealing with here.
"Seven," says Tom.
"Nine point five, ten, it felt like it didn't even exist." 5. 10, 8, Eight.
Recurring theme in my life, says Claire.
Unfortunately, ten with a friendship of more than ten years.
Done with that now.
Sorry about this.
We'll see you next time.
God, I remember when I could type.
I hope that was cool.
All right.
Led to so many wrong decisions in my life.
Eight, eight, eight, eight.
Alright.
Well, it sounds like we've got some pain points to deal with.
Got some pain points to deal with.
Alright, so hit me with a why if it would be helpful for me to be brutally frank with how to deal with narcissists.
I want to make sure that it's going to maybe this is...
All deep in the rear view.
For you, and you've dealt with it all, and it's distant in the past.
Yes, okay.
Yes.
All right.
You're loving the year of the blunt?
The year of the blunt, man!
Tommy Chong style.
All right.
So.
People who show significant interest in you when you first meet are dangerous.
People who show significant interest in you when you first meet.
You know, the people who just look at you and they're very intent and they don't blink very much and they ask you to phone your house when they're at the house and also standing right in front of you, Robert Blake style.
So the people who are just, they lock in.
They lock in and they're focusing on you.
And they're listening to you, and they're asking questions, and they're just absorbing, right?
Very dangerous.
Very dangerous.
Because what they're doing is they're scanning for vulnerabilities, and they are probing for weaknesses, and they are probing for a lack of defenses, right?
What do they always do in Star Trek?
You know, scanning the enemy vessel.
Well, their shields are up here, and they're down here, right?
That's what they're doing.
They're scanning you.
So when they appear to have no particular ego of their own, but they're just absorbing you and asking questions of you, they are scanning for holes in the armor.
So that's important.
Now, do you want people to be interested in you?
Sure, of course, right?
But to a moderate amount and based upon reciprocity, right?
So, oh, what do you do?
Oh, I do X, Y, and Z. I say I'm just an ex-murderer because that's better.
So then you ask them what they do.
This is a bit of back and forth, right?
But somebody who's like, I'm putting my ego aside, and I'm focusing solely on you, and I'm intently focused and solely examining and understanding you, and I'm going to ask you lots of questions, and you're not really going to get to ask me any questions.
I'm just scanning, scanning, right?
Be wary of those kinds of people.
People who ask you, outside of call and show, it's a situation, right?
People who ask you very personal questions very early on.
What would you say your biggest weakness is?
Okay, thank you for scanning me, you sociopath.
Right, so people who ask you really deep questions really early on.
They're looking, again, if they say, oh, what was your childhood like?
Oh, did you have a good relationship with your mother?
At least they're looking, they're just scanning for habits, sign of the box of repetition compulsions, things that they can exploit.
It's okay to not unpack your heart like an exploding suitcase with everyone you meet.
But, of course, so many people go through life.
Honestly, I think the majority of people go through life with nobody taking any particular interest in them, which is why people tend to be So susceptible to this kind of like laser.
Oh, finally, I see somebody's really taking interest in me.
Somebody really cares about me.
Right?
They're just, they're looking for who they can exploit.
Or somebody who pushes through boundaries in early conversations.
Right?
Like if you say, hmm, I don't really want to talk about that or that's not a big topic for me or I don't really feel comfortable about that and they just ask again.
They're probing for, are your boundaries real?
Right?
Are your boundaries real?
Or are you just saying stuff?
Do you actually have boundaries?
People who ask you about your social circle, right?
Oh, do you know so-and-so?
Oh, how long have you known so-and-so?
Right?
You're at some party.
Oh, how do you know the host?
Oh, how long have you known him?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
So what they're doing is they're trying to figure out, often, if you have friends around you who are looking out for you.
Right?
So if the host of the party is some dysfunctional person, and you have been friends with that person for a long time, they know that you have dysfunctional people around you, and therefore you are unprotected, you are separated from the herd of moral and quality people, and therefore you can be taken down far more easily.
Who does a joke threat early on in the conversation.
Right?
So, you say something and they say, well, that's totally racist.
I'm just kidding.
Right?
They do a joke threat.
Right?
In other words, that's a shot across the bowels to see how you will respond to disapproval.
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