Sunday Morning Live 30 June 2024Join me as I share reflections on solitude, conscience, and the impact of human connection on mental well-being. I delve into the psychology of hypocrisy and the importance of honesty and self-awareness in relationships and personal growth. We explore virtues, navigating ethical dilemmas, and the transformative power of encountering virtuous individuals. I emphasize the significance of embracing truth and virtue for genuine connections and navigating personal and professional challenges with integrity. Let's delve into these deep topics and strive for ethical conduct and understanding in our interactions.Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!NOW AVAILABLE FOR SUBSCRIBERS: MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING' - AND THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI AND AUDIOBOOK!Also get the Truth About the French Revolution, the interactive multi-lingual philosophy AI trained on thousands of hours of my material, private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!See you soon!https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022
on this glorious, blustery, windy, nipple-pokey, chilly Sunday morning.
And welcome to our Cathedral of the Interactive Mind exhibit called Livestream Philosophy.
So, hello, hello.
And we got some good questions.
All right, let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this.
What is the longest time you've gone alone?
What is the long?
Yeah, June just went by.
I mean, June went by so fast it was like every moment for Biden.
So, yeah, well, what's the longest time you've spent alone?
And by that I mean sort of basically without any face-to-face human contact.
Uh, always.
Never hurts to ask again.
No, let's say just being alone.
Going to work and interacting with people.
So that's face-to-face, right?
Face-to-face interactions with people.
And I don't just mean like getting groceries or something.
Maybe a week at most.
Four to five days.
Maybe two weeks.
Wow, two weeks.
Sorry to hear about that, but of course that wasn't true.
You went to school, I'm sure.
Maybe three days.
Maybe two weeks.
Yeah.
The video chats don't count.
No, it has to be face-to-face.
Like face-to-face.
Probably around three days.
Yeah.
So, a couple of weeks.
Wow.
Now, how did you find it?
How did you find it?
Because, you know, one of the things about being married is you're never alone.
Never alone.
And, of course, I've been married for 21 years now, and my wife and I spent pretty much every day together for the 11 months after we started dating and before we got married.
And
It's constant.
And then again, in particular, when you have kids, right?
You're with the kids all the time and the kids have friends over and all of that.
And I just did, well, I mean, technically it was six days, but I don't really count the sort of half days, but my wife and daughter went away for five days.
And they wanted, you know, we want to make sure as parents that we have one-to-one relationships with our kids.
Sometimes my daughter and I will go away, and sometimes my wife and I, and they went away for five days.
Now, it was really good for me in a lot of ways, and I talked about this before, there's some real ups and downs, some pluses and minuses to all of that, but it's interesting.
It's interesting.
Because I have not spent five days alone in probably a quarter century.
And it was very interesting.
Of course, I got a lot of stuff done, right?
There's no interference in productivity.
And I'm a little bit of a workaholic.
Well, you know, I sort of feel that because what I do is very unique and powerful, and because it's going to be around for all time,
Why not add more to it?
And I feel I have been given a kind of gift, which I've worked to develop and all of that, but I've been given a very unique gift in the history of human thought.
And I sort of feel a strong responsibility to get useful, valuable, innovative, creative thoughts out there because, you know, we pass this way but once, and the bigger the footprint we leave, the more value we've extracted from our time.
So... And of course I had, I did a lot of call-in shows, I worked on the Peaceful Parenting book, there was lots of great stuff, but... Man, you can really feel the drift.
You can feel the drift and it's not, I, I generally don't experience loneliness.
I mean, my, my head is so populated.
It's like a, it's like a interactive art exhibit village debate square in here.
And so I don't particularly, I don't think I've ever really experienced loneliness, but I could certainly see that the isolation, so to speak, was having some effect.
Right.
Cause I went to the grocery store and I could see, I wasn't like, Oh, I got to talk to the cashier, but I could see how people.
How you can create this sort of glass barrier of isolation around you and how you just be desperate to reach through it.
I can see why sometimes older women who are lonely go to doctors and, oh, you know, I'm feeling a little unwell, just to have a little bit of interaction and to feel like they... It's hard to feel like you exist completely independent of other people.
We're a social species, which means our consciousness relies on others.
Like, our consciousness has evolved
For interaction, right?
Like our eyes in the front of our face so that people can watch our backs, right?
So, our minds have developed that we offload our sense of objectivity in reality to some degree to other people.
This is one of the great lies of objectivism, that you can stay sane entirely in isolation.
You can't.
You cannot stay sane entirely in isolation.
Because our reality processing is offloaded to other people, their feedback, their confirmation, their affirmation.
This is one of the reasons that language developed so that we could offload our reality processing to others and therefore we could concentrate more on singular things.
So, I can see how people in isolation can really end up drifting.
You know, like just slightly going out of focus a little bit each day.
Right?
Slightly going out of focus a little bit each day.
And that there is this, you get this incredible desperate hungry need for human contact.
And we do not exist, really, entirely in our own minds.
And this is not even a theory.
Like, we have evolved.
We are the most social species on the planet.
We are, like, absolutely, by far, there's not even a close second, we are as socially advanced as we are conceptually advanced.
So, we are the ultimate social species.
Now, when you're on your own, though, right, you can play your video games, I guess, you can
Order in your food, you can, I guess, make your own food, and you can be self-sufficient in a way that really wasn't possible throughout almost all of human history.
Almost all of human history, if you were alone, you were dead.
Right?
So we have this fear of isolation, because isolation is genetic death, obviously, but it's also physical death, because we gotta sleep.
Like, one of the reasons we sleep well and long, which allows our brains to grow,
We sleep deep and long because people watched over us while we slept.
Prior to having houses or security that way, people watched over us while we slept.
Which is why there are night people and there are morning people, right?
Those morning people don't make me rant about that again.
Oh yes, the hours from 6 to 10am are somehow magically more valuable than the hours from 10pm to 2am.
It's just magic.
It's like, the fear, the hostility to night people is like this bizarre fear of the dark.
You know, it's got the intellectual equivalent of, there are monsters under the bed!
Oh no, you're awake in the dark?
Dark is bad!
Okay, excellent.
You go right ahead there, Socrates.
I'll still watch over you while you sleep, you dozy bastard.
But, yeah, I can see that... I can feel that drift.
Now, I mean, I'm doing a lot of call-in shows, some of them, of course, are these new private calls, and those are very intense, right, because we talk about topics that people don't want to talk about publicly, so those calls are very intense.
Yeah, I get up early, therefore I'm good.
Yeah, it's the, early to bed and early to rise, men to men, healthy, wealthy, and wise.
But most fun is had in the dark.
So, yeah, it's really, really the saddest thing.
Thank you for your donation.
Oh, yeah, of course, right.
And I've got an interesting question to answer here, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about it.
But it's kind of a new thing for me.
So, yeah, I did a lot of work.
I'm now more than halfway through shrinking the Peaceful Parenting book down to about a third of its former length, which is really tough work.
And so, that's work.
But, you know, people want shorter versions, and I don't want people to have the... I want a comprehensive case.
So, the full Peaceful Parenting book is proof beyond a reasonable doubt.
It's a criminal standard of proof.
In fact, it's down almost to deductive reasoning.
So, the full version is the criminal case.
The shorter version is the civil case, right?
So, proof, the preponderance of evidence, 51%, as opposed to 97% proof, which is needed for criminal cases.
So, one is the criminal case.
And the other is the civil case, so to speak, but I don't want people to have the excuse of like, it's too long, I don't have the time, right?
Even though Netflix's numbers are huge, people apparently just don't have the time to read about virtue.
So, yeah, I enjoyed it.
And, you know, because obviously you can do whatever you want.
Right.
I mean, you can do whatever you want.
You can go to bed when you want.
You can eat whatever you want.
You can eat whatever you want.
I did get myself a tiny little treat.
I have been off sugar for five, six months.
And I did have, uh, I gave myself a little, uh, little bar of chocolate, which was nice.
It's very nice.
Do you have a struggle with staying focused with a lot of free time?
I'm very interested in improving the way I use my free time to better support my family.
I don't a lot of free time.
What on earth gives you the indication that I have a lot of free time?
I mean, I book the calls and I do the shows and I do the reading and I write the books and I talk with Jared and James and the other guys so that we can better serve you, the listeners.
You know, I got to talk to accountants.
I got to do my taxes.
You know, like, oh my gosh, right?
What are you talking about?
All of this.
Free time.
So... What can I tell you?
So yeah, be careful, man.
Don't, don't.
I understand the comfort of not having to compromise or negotiate or whatever it is, right?
You know, like, uh, if, if, uh, there have been times, of course, when I have a great idea for a show and my daughter's like, Hey, let's go to the cat shelter and play with the cats.
And I'm like, okay, yeah, let's, you know, I'll, I'll do the show later.
But you know, my daughter is, uh, in her last couple of years of being at home.
So I really wanted to, uh,
I really want to enjoy these this last time.
So yeah, I'll do it.
But you don't have to do any of that.
You don't have to compromise.
You know, I feel like eating this.
I feel like eating a bowl of cereal standing over the sink.
No problem, right?
I can just go and I did lots of exercise and all of that.
And so yeah, it's pretty nice and it's kind of seductive.
It's a little devilish, right?
No compromise.
No interference, so to speak, no negotiation, right?
And...
And yet, and yet, there is a sort of foggy glass wall that begins to build around you, through which you have to claw your way through to get back to others.
So, yeah, it's very interesting.
How do you... Okay, so, I think it's really interesting.
I'm not exactly... I mean, I'm very happy that they were gone, in a lot of ways, because I just did have a lot of work to do.
And having that kind of concentrated time is great.
I'm very happy that they're back, and so on.
So, it's just great.
It's just lovely.
So, yeah, just watch out for that, man.
Watch out for that solitude, man.
It can really become tougher and tougher to reach through that foggy wall.
All right.
Let's get through.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's worth experiencing.
I mean, obviously once in a great while, but you've got to be careful, because it can be a little demonic, right?
It can be a little, oh, I could get used to this, and it's like, oh, I shouldn't get used to this, right?
All right.
Donate on free domain.
Yeah, freedomain.com slash donate.
Steph, I'm just going to say, I've been talking with a lot of people about spanking.
I never realized the lengths people would go to justify hitting children.
Sunday morning philosophy, let's go!
Yes, yes, that's right, that's right.
And you understand, you know that people aren't fighting you, right?
People aren't fighting you.
People who don't listen to reason are never fighting you.
That's why it's just so important to not take things personally, right?
People who are fighting reason and evidence, who are fighting facts, they're never fighting you.
It's not about you.
They're too selfish for that.
Most people only interpret conversation relative to their own emotions, not relative to facts, not relative to reason, not relative to virtue or morality or any higher standard or honesty.
They only process information based exactly and totally on how it makes them feel.
I mean, this is the inevitable result of a detached from reality matriarchy that's the welfare state.
People only interpret communication, most people only interpret communication based on how it makes them feel.
Which is why programming people with falsehoods, which then become addictive for their emotions, is the best way to shut down any honest and direct conversation.
So people didn't, so when you say, you know, maybe we shouldn't hit our children,
People are not reacting to you.
They're not reacting to what you say.
They're not reacting to children or hitting or morals or virtue or improvement.
They're not reacting to any of that.
They're reacting to one thing and one thing only, which is how they feel about that.
Now, if you have
Hit children, or justified hitting children, your conscience is a beast.
Your conscience is a beast.
You want to think of a con... there are two wolves, right?
In everyone.
Now, the wolf of a bad conscience will tear your fucking liver out.
But if you have a good conscience, you want to think of it not as a wolf, because what it has become is a domesticated, man's best friend, helpful dog.
A bad conscience is like being Liam Neeson in the wilderness, hunted by a pack of wolves.
A good conscience is having all of the helpful, friendly, positive, benevolent animals in the universe aiding you in living your life.
But you can only tame the wolf of a bad conscience through virtue.
Because the conscience doesn't give a shit about your feelings, it doesn't give a shit about your delusions, it doesn't give a shit about your conformity.
Your conscience only cares about one thing, and one thing only, how honest, direct, and virtuous you are.
So if you've ever said to a kid,
Use your words, not your fists.
If you've ever said to anyone, I don't like violence.
If you've ever said to anyone, we should use reason, not violence.
If you've ever been shocked and appalled and lectured people for being too aggressive and you've got to be nice and not use violence, your conscience says, okay, okay, got it.
Violence is bad.
Violence is bad.
And if you've ever defended the helpless, oh, these people are poor and marginalized and excluded and we have to bring them in and be nice to them and the poor, sad and powerless people in this universe have to be taken care of by society.
It's like, okay, okay, got it.
Your conscience is like, okay, got it.
Got it.
These are the rules.
Don't use violence.
Protect the weak.
Don't use violence.
Protect the weak.
Don't use violence.
Protect the weak.
Got it.
So somebody says we shouldn't hit children and you say, oh no, we should.
You have just made a wolf pack in your mind.
Because there's one thing and one thing only that the conscience loathes more than any other thing.
And that is hypocrisy.
Oh, Lord above.
Oh, sweet Jesus in the heavens.
If you are a hypocrite, your conscience goes from a dog you can pet to a coked up pack of wolves and pit bulls that will tear your balls off.
Hypocrisy.
Don't do it, man.
Not even once.
Don't do it.
So.
Most people
All they're doing is running from the wolves they've created through their own fucking hypocrisy.
That's all they're doing.
If you... If you... were in the water, you're in the ocean, fairly far from shore, you're swimming around,
And somebody comes along and dumps a bunch of fish guts in the water.
It's warm water, right?
Warm ocean water.
You're swimming out there, half a mile from shore, and somebody comes by and starts spooning.
They call it chum, right?
Starts spooning.
I learned that from Valerie Taylor, believe it or not.
Somebody spots, starts spooning fish heads, guts, and blood into the water around you, then speeds off.
How do you feel?
Well, you're going to freak out because that's going to draw all the sharks in the known universe to come and chew and eat and bite.
You don't hate the person.
You don't hate the chum.
You don't hate the ocean.
You fear the sharks.
Your fear of the sharks, of course, is translated into hatred of the person.
Fear the sharks.
The sharks are, of course, the conscience.
People are not angry at you.
They're frightened of their own conscience.
And they feel that their conscience will kill them.
You think I'm kidding about this?
The only reason you wouldn't believe me on this is because you haven't pushed people into the jaws of their own bad conscience decisively enough.
People genuinely and deeply feel that their conscience will kill them.
And they're kind of right.
Because the false self, which is the hypocritical superstructure we erect on our lies to mask our hypocrisy, the false self is the natural prey of the violated conscience.
The conscience is about truth, because we all say we value truth, we all say we value honesty, and then if you lie pathologically, your conscience
We'll hunt you down.
And you spend your entire life keeping a bunch of wolves at bay.
Why do people become pathological liars?
Because the wolves are always there.
Always sniffing.
Always hunting.
So people feel, when you start bringing these things up, they feel a deep existential panic.
And
As the conscience hunts them, they hunt you.
As the conscience aggresses against them, they aggress against you.
Which only makes the conscience even more angry and ferocious.
And you don't know how many people are holding wriggling, well-oiled, many-fanged, multi-eyed demons with tentacles made of razor wire at bay at all times.
You know, there's this, oh, be kind.
You never know what struggles that people are going through.
It's like, I know exactly what struggles people are going through.
They become hypocritical, false, manipulative bastards, and they're holding their conscience at bay.
And they can only hang with people who keep their conscience at bay.
And if you come along and surprisingly make them feel bad, right?
Because if you speak the truth,
The conscience is like, oh shit, we've got reinforcements, we've got allies, attack!
And people the false self recoils from the conscience.
Because the false self knows that if the conscience gets its teeth on the neck, it's done for and an actual, humble, honest self can emerge.
An actual, honest, integrated, non-hypocritical, with integrity self can emerge.
But the false self doesn't want to give up its control.
You ever seen an exorcism?
It's the same thing.
The false self doesn't want to give up its control over the personality.
The false self is an organism that wants to survive.
And it can't survive by fighting.
It can only survive by fleeing, right?
You can't survive an ocean full of sharks in a feeding frenzy.
All you can do is get out of the ocean, which means to dissociate and dissociate others and go against truth.
So, you know, when I've said to people over the years, if you have problems, say with whoever, let's say your parents, if you have problems with your parents, you go and talk to them.
And the fundamental reason for that is to see if they can handle their conscience, which means to see if they can handle the presence of other people.
The conscience is constantly sniffing the air, looking for the reinforcements of external virtue.
Of honesty.
Of non-liars around.
You can lull it to sleep when it has no allies in the same way that Tank Man in Tiananmen Square did not go up and start biting the tanks.
You can, with overwhelming falseness, you can obey the conscience, but the moment the conscience sniffs external reinforcements, some reality principle, some moral principle,
Right, and there's a reason for that, and the reason for that is if you're surrounded by absolute lying shitbirds your whole life, well you gotta reproduce, so the conscience goes to sleep.
But the moment there's a quality person around, the conscience is like, free will has arrived, we now have a choice, we can reproduce by getting out a trash planet, so let's fucking go!
Sniff a virtue all the time.
Sniff a virtue all the time.
Is there an ally?
Is there someone out there who's not a total lying, falsifying shitbird?
Is there anyone, anywhere, that can tell a sliver of truth?
So, if you're out there, the conscience has gone to sleep because the conscience has
Been programmed by external shitbird stimuli to believe that there's nothing better that can be achieved, so what's the point?
Right?
There's nothing better that can be achieved, so what's the point?
But, the moment that someone virtuous comes along, the conscience is like, what?
It goes from nothing to awake.
In a moment.
Awake and ferocious.
Shit!
We have a choice!
We can do better!
Let's go!
And that is why people attack you.
It's why they attack me.
They're not attacking me.
They're trying to put their conscience back in the grave.
They're trying to drug their conscience.
Because their conscience is saying, there's better standards, there's someone better, there's truth, there's honesty, there's directness, there's virtue, there's integrity, it's out there.
So let's go.
We have a choice.
And they're saying, no, no, that guy's evil.
No, no, he's evil.
He's evil!
And the verbal abuse, it's not against me.
It's not personal to me.
It's against their own conscience, right?
It's against their own conscience.
So don't take it personally, because if you take it personally, you lose.
And don't let people interpreting everything according to the virulence of their bad conscience, don't let them ever make you think that it's personal to you, that they're judging you, that there's some standard that they're evaluating, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's never anything to do with that.
Once you see, once you see people's bad conscience,
Operating.
Once you see people's bad conscience operating, you will never again take things personally.
And that is the superpower called integrity.
Everyone's trying to chase, like, so what everyone by trying to convince you that you're bad or evil or wrong or irresponsible or racist or what they're trying to do is they're trying to transfer their bad conscience to you.
Oh, I am a, I am a bad person.
I guess I must be a bad person.
Everyone hates me.
All right, so they're trying to transfer their bad conscience to you, which is why they're abusers, which is why they have a bad conscience in the first place.
Don't let it happen.
Don't let it happen.
People who've done evil, sorry, you're going to have to find a way to live with it.
Hopefully improve.
Don't care.
I don't care.
I'm still going to tell the truth.
So I hope that works.
All right.
Great work Steph on spreading the peaceful parenting message.
Keep up the awesome work.
Thank you.
Hi Steph.
I just started reading your peaceful parenting book together with my wife and we love it!
My question.
In September we expect a baby.
Sometimes I feel anxious in this current world.
It's like there is a World War III on the way.
I live in Belgium with my wife and soon my daughter.
Baby on the way.
What?
Yeah, you just said that.
How can I protect my family financially and also on safety?
Should I move to another part of the world with my family?
Should I take a remote job?
That's not a philosophical question.
So, you can look into multiple passport situations, you can look into the prepping community, you can look at the remote work community, you can look at the laptop visa community, there's tons of things that you can look into, but these are sort of practical questions of legal and immigration and expat
Aspects, so I can't answer that, it's not philosophical.
But you can look into all these communities and so on, right?
How do you select employees?
I'm interested in how you ensure they are moral to avoid hiring fat people to write recipes for a diet book, so to speak.
What level of immoral or unethical or unprofessional behavior would lead you to firing them?
I don't think I've ever... Well, I don't know, unprofessional.
I don't think I've fired people for morality over the course of my life.
Yeah, I don't think so.
I mean, I tend to work with people I've known for a long time.
Friendships are job interviews going on half a decade or, in one case, 15 years.
So I tend to hire people who I've known for a long time.
There's been a lot of vetting for all of that.
All right.
Get on with your questions.
It's a lot easier, as you say, to fall into degeneracy if you live alone.
Well, I think that that can be true, yeah, for sure.
In my nightmare scenario, if I went to prison, I'd serve out my time in isolation.
Yeah, I understand that, but you would go a little crazy, right?
As a Kevin Bacon style.
And the other thing, too, is that in most prisons, aren't you working somewhere or for someone?
I think so.
Thank you for the donations.
Freedom8.com slash donate.
I work a solitary remote job so I totally understand how seductive isolation can be.
Yeah.
People get a lot of emotional and psychological discomfort with spanking or giving their parents any responsibility.
Yeah, for sure.
Do you agree it's equally abusive for a parent to yell at others in front of their children?
My dad rarely yelled at me directly but worked from home many years and frequently yelled at people on the phone.
It freaked me out quite a bit.
So, Joseph?
Joseph, what do you mean by equally abusive?
How would that be measured?
On what metric?
Be wary of precision when asking about principles.
Exactly what percentage more evil is
Rape than assault.
It's like, nope.
Don't do that.
Don't start to get... ...multi... ...floating point integer trailing integers... ...when, or, I guess long, not integer.
Integer is minus 3, 2, 7, 6, 7.
To plus 3, 2, 7, 6, 7, we're talking about... ...longs or even doubles.
Oh, lordy, do I know a little bit about variables in computer programming.
So...
What do you mean equally?
Equally.
That's saying that there's some sort of comparator.
We can say roughly better or worse.
Rape is worse than assault.
But if you look at two assaults, are they equally abusive?
Nope.
With principles, don't look for numerics.
Don't look for comparators.
So, it is abusive for your children to see you lose control of your temper and yell at people, unless there is some big emergency, right?
Because you are transmitting to your children that you have no control over your temper.
Or, or, there's two things I guess, let me sort of refine that a bit.
So if your dad's yelling at people on the phone all the time, or a lot, then that's gonna freak out your kid because either your dad doesn't have control over his
We're good to go.
Hi Steph, I haven't yet listened to or read Peaceful Parenting, but I'm wondering if you covered where young children, 8 and 11 years old, will justify their parents' emotional and physical abuse, citing they're quick to anger?
Just about everything about that question is annoying, to be honest.
Hi Stefan, I haven't yet listened to or read Peaceful Parenting, but I'm wondering if you've covered where young children, 8 and 11 years old, will justify their parents' emotional and physical abuse, citing, they're quick to anger.
So what you mean by that is that the parents, that the young children justify their parents' emotional abuse, citing they're quick to anger.
Honestly, just about everything about this is incredibly annoying to me.
To me.
I don't mean you're objectively annoying.
First of all, I've made the book free since last October and you haven't bothered to listen to or read it.
Right?
I mean, there's a table of contents on the e-book.
You can find what you're looking for, click to it and read it.
So, you can't be bothered to spend 10 minutes getting a free book
And checking the table of contents or doing a search.
So, you don't care about peaceful parenting.
And you don't even really care about this question, which means that you're asking it is a kind of manipulation.
Also, of course, you're a donor, because you're typing here, I assume you're a donor, so you get also access to the Peaceful Parenting Artificial Intelligence Engine for free.
You could ask that question there.
So, Steph, I don't care about your Peaceful Parenting book, but I want you to answer my Peaceful Parenting question.
That's weird.
Honestly, that's weird.
At least tell me why you haven't listened to or read it yet.
Then you're asking me to remember what's in the book that's close to 500 pages.
Right?
Every little argument, every piece of data.
So, come on, man.
And then, you're saying, what is the moral responsibility of children justifying their parents' emotional and physical abuse, citing they're quick to anger?
So, are you ascribing some kind of moral responsibility, choice, or options to children who are 8 and 11 years old?
Eight and eleven-year-old children aren't justifying anything.
They're just trying to survive.
It's not a choice.
They're trapped.
They're trapped in emotional and physical violence in a hailstorm of fists and screaming.
But they justify it!
It's like, they don't justify it, they're just trying to survive.
They don't have a choice to justify or not justify.
Of course they'll make up some stuff to minimize their agony, but this is not a justification, this is just a survival mechanism.
So, I'm sorry, like, just to be harsh, I'm just being direct, like, at every conceivable level, that's trolley.
And I'm not gonna answer it.
Bonjour, Stéphane!
Today the French people voted in their next government puppet.
Ah, yes, the illusion of having a choice.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they tried that in Italy too, right?
That woman who's like, I'm gonna deal with all these problems!
It's like... right.
If a woman is not fit or is overweight, is it superficial and vain to not want a relationship with her?
Or are you living your truth?
Boy, what do you mean living my truth with your truth?
Truth is not something you own.
Your truth is like going into a room and yelling at people for breathing your oxygen.
That's my oxygen!
Truth is objective.
There's no such thing as your truth.
There's no such thing as your truth.
It's an absolute oxymoron.
It's the equivalent of a square circle, something that is equally subjective and objective at the same time, and it's like, nope.
Your truth is like the objective physics of your dreams.
It makes no sense, and I don't know what people are listening to.
But if a woman is not fit or is overweight, not want a relationship with her.
No.
No.
So what do we look for as men?
Let's just talk about men here, right?
This is male asking about a female, right?
What are we looking for as men?
Well, we're looking for a woman who has self-control and self-discipline.
And why are we looking for that?
Because a woman is looking for a man who has self-control and self-discipline.
Because men are physically stronger and bigger, we have more testosterone, more aggression, and so she wants a man with self-control and self-discipline so he doesn't belt her or scream at her when she does something that annoys him.
Or belt and hit the children when they're annoying.
So, and also she wants a man who has some self-control and self-discipline so that he can work his way up the ladder of the economy without getting fired for screaming at or hitting his boss or go to jail!
So a woman is looking for a man with self-control and self-discipline so that he can be a good provider out there by being aggressive but also be a loving father at home by being gentle.
So he's gotta have control over his emotions.
He's gotta be self-disciplined.
He's gotta be strict with himself.
So a woman absolutely completely and totally wants a man with self-discipline and strictness.
Now, if she's fat,
Alongside all of the trauma which I've talked about and I understand all of that but men have their trauma too and women still expect us to be disciplined and strict with ourselves and in control of our emotions.
So a woman who's fat is saying I have no control over my emotions.
Now if a woman has no control over her emotions
Then she might cheat on you because she just finds some other man attractive and she has no control.
Hey man, it just happened.
I have no control.
Hey man, the cheesecake was there.
I just ate it.
It was so good.
What am I supposed to do?
Hey, that guy wanted to have sex with me and I just did, right?
So, a woman without self-discipline, you can't even predict sexual fidelity.
And you, of course, can be skinny fat, right?
Which is where you're not overweight, and maybe you just have high metabolism or whatever it is.
You're not overweight, but you have no physical strength, right?
Well, that means that for women in particular, to be unfit is dangerous, because it's a marker of a lack of physical strength and independence.
It's also the marker that you don't have a man around who's encouraging you to exercise.
So, the skinny fat girls... Honestly, I've only dated athletic girls.
I've really only dated athletic girls.
I just won't date... I won't date women who don't move.
I just won't.
Because it just indicates to me a lack of emotional self-discipline that is just extremely unattractive.
As a man who... Like, a woman who's overweight is like a man who's totally broke.
And he can say, well, I'm broke because of my trauma.
It's like, okay, but you're still broke.
And, and the fact that you have, you may even have a decent reason for being broke, but your decent reason isn't going to support the family.
Your decent reason isn't going to feed the kids.
So at some point it's like, I sympathize.
I sympathize.
But I have a business to run called The Family, and if you can't contribute, in fact, if you're going to be a drain, I sympathize with the reasons, right?
But I'm not hiring you!
Right?
I mean, if, uh, when I would... Occasionally, when I was... I've interviewed, like, a thousand people and hired, like, a hundred people over the course of my life, and occasionally somebody would come in who'd just be really punchy.
And it's like, hey man, I sympathize.
You know, I'm sure you had a tough childhood.
I'm not going to hire you.
Right?
I can have all the sympathy in the world, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to subject my employees or myself to an overly aggressive employee.
Right?
So yeah, what are we men looking for?
We're looking for self-discipline.
Right?
We're looking for a woman who understands cause and effect.
Men are visual creatures.
We like the way a woman looks.
We care about the way a woman looks and we've got very specific reasons for doing that.
Women care less about what men look like, or at least they used to.
Women care a lot less about what men look like because a man's value is his economic or material productivity, not his pretty boy Arlo style from a novel The Present Features.
But for a woman, we have to measure fertility, and therefore we have to look for clear eyes, good skin, thick hair, a good hip-to-waist ratio, all of these are indicators of fertility.
Because we're all rolling the dice when we get married young, as we're used to, how all this stuff evolved.
The woman is rolling the dice as to how productive the man is going to be, and that's not based on how good-looking he is, right?
The hunter, the gatherer, whatever he's out there doing, the farmer, it doesn't matter how good-looking he is.
It doesn't matter how K-pop pretty he is, or how high his cheekbones are, or whether he's got nice hair or not.
It only matters how well he can throw the spear and bring home the meat.
Show me the money, right?
So the woman has to take a gamble on how
Productive and non-violent he's going to be.
And again, she wants him to be aggressive outside the home, and she wants him to be peaceful and loving inside the home, and so you need some self-discipline for that.
You can't be just peaceful, because then you're nice in the home, but you actually wrote a play about this many years ago called Teeth.
So, you have to be productive outside the home, which means aggression.
You have to be loving inside the home, which means non-aggression.
And if it's just a non-aggressive, like the simps, the betas and all of that, the guys who are just nice, nice, nice, the women, okay, well, he might be a decent father to my kids, but he's not going to be able to provide for the family, so he's not attractive.
Whereas the guys who are just aggressive, aggressive, aggressive, right?
It's like, well, he'll be a good provider, but he's not going to be a good father and husband, right?
So, you know, you need that balance, right?
Oh, women are always like, oh, they want us to be a chef in the kitchen and a whore in bed and the Madonna whore, and there's so many contradictions.
Like, oh yes, well, we men never face any contradictions whatsoever.
We men are never like, well, we want you to be super successful and aggressive outside the home and win every battle you come into with every other alpha male, but be sweet, cuddly, and gentle in the home and never have any aggression or assertiveness at all.
It's like, yeah, okay.
So everybody's got their contradictions and complexities and that's totally fine.
That's what makes life interesting.
But a man has to gamble on whether the woman's actually fertile and whether she'll cuck him with another man's children.
So a man wants a woman who's very attractive, obviously physically very attractive because that signals fertility, and he wants a woman who has self-discipline, which is why no sex before marriage was more of a thing for women than for men.
Right, so he wants a woman who's got self-discipline so that she won't cuck him, she won't leave him, she won't be lazy with the kids, she won't be fat later on, right?
Because, you know, gaining weight when you're in a marriage is terrible!
You then are a government because you've got a monopoly and you think that having a monopoly
It means you have to work less.
No.
Having a monopoly means you have to work more.
Because you have a monopoly, right?
If I was just some single guy, would it matter if I worked out?
I mean, not that much, but I'm married, and my wife has to find me attractive because we have a monopoly on each other's physical attractiveness, and so you have to work harder.
So, it's not at all superficial in vain.
I guess my question would be, why are you starting to label superficial and vain?
And of course, we all know.
We all know, right?
People who are below good standards, I mean, they only have two choices, right?
You know that, right?
I mean, this is too obvious to say, but I'll mention it briefly.
A woman
Who's unattractive has two choices.
She can become attractive, lose weight, exercise, take care of her skin, her hair, her teeth, right?
A woman who's unattractive can work to become attractive, or she can shame and bully men for finding her unattractive.
Oh, it's just superficial and vain!
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.
These are all the women who want, uh, I want looking for a man in finance.
Six four, blue eyes, trust fund, finance.
Of which there are six in America, I think.
So.
Of course, right?
Of course, right?
I mean, if you fall below reasonable standards, you have two choices.
You can either raise yourself to the standards or lower the standards to yourself.
And, you know, modern society is just an endless series of bullying, aggressive, weird, freaky, bizarre, unsettling and pathological attacks on standards because people don't want to raise themselves to a reasonable standard, so they have to lower the standards to total bullshit.
All right.
Good question.
Thank you.
What are your standards for professionalism from employees?
Okay, I need to know why you're asking these questions because that varies on so many levels.
I can't answer that.
I remember you said voluntary isolation is protecting others from your own venom until you can heal.
That made a lot of sense.
Well, yes, but the problem is it's really tough to heal on your own, right?
Regarding that comment on living alone, what is your opinion on living in a shared house to avoid living alone?
I used to idealize that kind of thing, but found it very hit or miss experience.
A lot of times it's cheapskates just trying to save money, but some of us chose it as a lifestyle choice.
I now live alone.
And that comment above reminds me of those shared house days.
I mean, I...
I lived in shared environments.
In fact, I'm actually going to dinner next week with my friend I went to college with like over 30 years ago.
We actually lived in the same room.
We lived in the same room and then that was one year and then the next year we shared an apartment but we could only afford a one-bedroom apartment.
So one semester I took the bedroom and the other semester he took the bedroom and I slept in the living room with curtains hung around.
With curtains hung around my bed, as did he.
We'd get these old ratty blankets that we'd just hang on a string like we were doing laundry.
Then that was my privacy.
So... I mean, there's nothing wrong with living with people, I mean, obviously, but...
I mean, you don't want to do it too long, right?
I mean, or rather, you want to translate roommates into a wife or husband, right?
So, I don't know, there's no moral issue with it.
It's not a question of morality.
You can certainly save money by not living alone, and there are benefits and costs to that.
But you don't want to keep that up as a lifestyle.
Like, where's your wife and kids?
Or where's your husband and kids, right?
Are you saying you can't control F the book in your head, Steph?
Yeah.
Were you ever pro-spanking?
When did you first doubt it?
What led you to doubt it?
No, I was never pro-spanking.
I mean, I understand I got into philosophy when I was 15 years old.
42 years ago, I got into philosophy.
And this is why people who come and challenge me, it's just funny.
Like, honestly, it's just funny.
It's just funny.
Who's done more philosophy than me?
Like, over the course of their life, who's done more philosophy than me?
From the age of 15, and I've written 10 or 12 books, done thousands of shows, lived philosophy, studied it in university.
My entire graduate degree was focused on the history of philosophy.
I took philosophical classes in university.
I talked about it all the time in the business world.
I've done tours and speeches.
Like, honestly, so people who would just come in and say, Jeff, you're wrong!
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, I've done this for 42 years under the most rigorous and intense public scrutiny known to man, and my positions have held up.
But yeah, absolutely, just come in because you're triggered and tell me I'm wrong.
I honestly find it, it's funny.
It is literally funny how little respect there is for expertise.
So, pro-spanking?
No, I mean, I got into philosophy when I was 15, and I accepted the non-aggression principle right away.
Yeah, Your Truth, Oprah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, this Your Truth stuff is just fuel for narcissism, right?
Narcissism is, my preferences are the good.
What I like is the good, what I dislike or makes me upset is the bad.
That's narcissism for me.
I'm not using this in any technical way, just the amateur
Colloquial use, right?
Narcissism.
And so when you say your truth, you're just fueling narcissists.
It's just a way that the virus spreads, right?
Hello, Stefano.
Thank you for the tip.
Ever heard or read anything about the carnivore diet and its effect on mental health?
I've never seen a crazy lion.
Never.
I've seen a lot of lion crazies, though.
But yeah, I don't read much up on diet.
Honestly, I've given up.
I've just given up.
I've given up on diets.
I've tried a variety of diets.
I mean, my health is good.
My blood work is good.
And my teeth are good.
And, you know, I play occasionally this little tower defense game called Defense Zone 3 or whatever it is.
HD, man.
Graphics matter.
And I was on a bike machine at, I think, second from the top level, and I got so absorbed in the game that I think I went 50 minutes, and I barely felt it, honestly.
Like, I'm very healthy, I have good energy, I sleep pretty well, and I don't have any problems focusing, and my blood work is good.
And I've given... I've achieved all of that.
None of this is any advice for anyone else.
Obviously, I don't know what the hell you should eat.
But I've just kind of given up.
I just generally... I mean, I'm off sugar because I think that was contributing to some mid-afternoon sleepiness.
And I just wanted to see, and it turns out I don't really miss it that much.
I don't do this diet.
I mean, I've tried a variety of diets over the years.
They've never promised.
They've never delivered what they promised.
For me.
And again, it's just me.
So, I just eat a variety of things.
I kind of eat what I feel like, and I eat when I'm hungry, and so on.
I try to make sure, like, sometimes I'll wake up hungry at night, and then I can't get back to sleep, and that's partly because I'm fairly muscular.
And so, because I'm fairly muscular,
Muscles need food much more than fat does, right?
Which is why having muscles tends to burn fat even while you're sleeping.
So occasionally I'll wake up hungry and then I have to remind myself, well, don't just eat before bed because you don't want to wake up hungry and all of that, so.
Yeah, I think everyone's looking for the effects of food when what they need is the effects of virtue.
Like, why am I tense, unhappy, this, that, the other?
It's like, have you tried virtue?
Have you tried honesty?
Have you tried directness?
Have you tried integrity?
Have you tried moral courage?
Have you tried being direct and honest with people in your life?
Have you tried opposing the corrupt and promoting the virtuous?
I mean, try that!
Maybe a steady diet of cinnamon and eggs is your answer, but I would say, first, why not give virtue a try?
Just a possibility.
Just a possibility.
Steph, have you ever known someone who got with a woman, encouraged her to go to the gym and lose the weight, and then she left the guy?
No, I don't.
I've not known that.
What is it?
I did see a meme today.
It was terrifying.
This woman was asking this guy, why are you so afraid of marriage?
And he said, well, my last girlfriend, she bought me some cologne, which I really appreciated because she never really buys me anything.
And I wear the cologne, use the cologne.
And then I happened to see a text message she sent to the guy she's sleeping with on the side, which I didn't know about saying, I bought him your cologne so I could smell you around the house with him.
Yeah.
So there's some, there's some genuine evil out there, right?
Punchy regarding what?
Can you give examples about the potential employee?
Yeah, I mean, I had an employee once.
I was hired into a position, had about 35 employees, and the head programmer was in a meeting with the other team leads of QA and QA product design and programming and all of that and documentation.
And he was snarling at me that I was really pissing him off.
And I was like, well, that's way too punchy.
I don't say, I don't talk like that to people in business.
I certainly don't expect to be.
So I said, you need to apologize.
He wouldn't apologize.
He escalated.
So, um, he did not, he did not last long.
Obviously.
Right.
I mean, I didn't get out of a family abusive household as a kid, but I had no choice to recreate that in the business environment.
My gosh.
No, thank you.
All right.
Sometimes talking diet with people feels like talking politics or religion.
I interpret my truth as my opinion and I'm doubtful it's actually their opinion anyway.
No, because why would you interpret something that's the opposite of what people say?
Truth is a term of objectivity.
Opinion is a term of subjectivity.
So when somebody says my objective, why would you say what they're actually being is my subjective?
Like, that's odd.
Like, why would you bother?
Why would you be around people you have to interpret?
That's, that's a lot of work, man.
I just say what you mean and mean what you say.
I don't, I mean, if people are like, well, I say my truth, but I actually mean my opinion, but still true.
And it's like, nope, I don't care.
I don't care to navigate these bullshit mazes.
I just don't.
Like, sorry, Lifers.
Life is short and I don't care to muck around with people's bullshit defenses.
Alright.
Pauline says, this hits very close to my situation.
I'm almost 30 and struggle with anorexia slash overtraining for almost half of my living life.
I'm at a point where I deny every side of my feminine side, male hobbies, male oriented work environment, lost my periods due to under eating.
Oh my gosh, you did lose or you have lost?
Do you have a truth about femininity just for women?
How can I peacefully accept my gender and the roles that come with it?
How can I accept to get in a relationship with a man when I try to act like a man myself?
Merci!
Bienvenue!
So, that's a call-in show.
Yeah, I think that's a call-in show.
And again, if you want to keep it private, I understand, you can just check the private call and we'll do it offline, in a sense, right?
I mean, why would you deny your feminine side?
Because your feminine side was used against you as a child.
Maybe you were sexually abused, maybe there was creepy stuff, maybe you were humiliated for being female.
So your sexual side was hijacked by abusers, your feminine side was hijacked by abusers and used against you, and therefore to be feminine is to be in danger, and therefore you do the opposite to stay safe.
I'm interested in your standards about professionalism and employees because I've seen them do things I would consider unprofessional.
My employees?
No, not my employees.
I mean, I don't even like to think of the people I work with as employees.
We just work together.
I've seen them do things I would consider unprofessional.
For example, using an official means of communication with customers as if it is a dating app.
I don't know what that means.
But if it's my employees, please let me know.
Please, please, everybody.
This is an empathy thing.
Read your emails as if I don't know what you're talking about, because I don't.
Like, read your... This is just... This is kind of unprofessional, right?
Because you're in a professional context here.
Like, I'm working for a living, you're at a show.
And so it's funny that you're concerned about other people's unprofessionalism.
And here, you're actually being completely unprofessional in your communication, because I don't know which employees you're referring to.
It sounds like you're referring to my employees, which I don't think so... think you are.
So I can't tell.
So...
So maybe, uh, the unprofessionalism is coming from inside the house, right?
I avoid processed foods and sugar, which is typically processed food items.
I also use... xylitol gum to prevent cavities.
You see food, and if it's fish you eat it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
Thank you for the tip.
Thank you so much for Peaceful Parenting.
I'm a big fan of the Thomas Gordon reading.
Thanks to you.
And your book felt like taking those concepts and taking them to the next level.
One of Gordon's strongest points was how anger is the result of another negative emotion that we feel towards others.
Your reference to that today with a veered analogy was a prime example of what you bring to the table.
Thank you so much for your timeless work to make the world a better place.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I don't know, Thomas Gordon.
I understand.
I have also tried a variety of diets.
I only can't have delivered results above what I wanted.
Although I agree that virtue should be the main focus.
Doing work with internal family relationships and Nathaniel Brandon also have helped lessen my hunger and achieve better health.
Is he saying one of your employees said on here that he is single?
What's wrong with that?
Well, I don't know what he's referring to, honestly.
So he's talking about unprofessionalism and being completely, uh, unprofessional in his communications.
Hello Steph!
I laughed aloud thinking of a Pfizer-like ad with the narrator saying, are you miserable and sick?
Are you bereft of joy?
Have you tried virtue?
Pleasing virtue may put you in collision course with all the corrupt and immoral people in your life.
It may get you fired.
It may get you platformed.
It may get you evil Wikipedia articles, but nonetheless, it's worth it.
Ooh, yes.
That's a very funny.
Um, I'm going to make a note of that.
That would be a funny video to generate.
Is your conscience bloated?
Are you unwell?
Are you unable to excrete your immorality?
Are you bunged up with hypocrisy?
Is your blood pressure high because you keep squeezing your heart through corruption?
Have you tried virtue?
Maybe.
Yeah, that would be a funny thing to work on.
I don't know if it would go anywhere, but that would be a pretty funny thing to work on.
I will, of course, take all the credit.
No, I'm kidding.
Thank you, Vince.
That's very funny.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate it.
Any more donations at freedomain.com slash donate?
Not yet.
Not yet, but I'm sure they will come.
All right, so I had a question here.
Somebody left a question.
From 1 to 10, give me this if you don't mind.
From 1 to 10, how tough is it for you to ask for help when you need it?
How tough is it for you to ask for help when you need it?
You're struggling with something, you can't figure, I mean, you know, right?
I'm just going to vamp until I get the answers.
But how tough is it for you to ask for help when you need it?
For me, I don't find it too bad.
I do have a sort of a bit of a perverse pride of working through things on my own, particularly technical things.
And also because I have so much experience with technical things.
I've been working with computers since I was like 11 years old.
I have so much experience with technical things that I just, I just don't find it helpful to ask people.
I just don't.
I just don't find it helpful to ask people because they just don't have, like, you know when you call up for help, like, I needed help with my cell phone and they're like, honestly, like all the stuff, have you tried restarting it?
Are you sure you're on this?
Are you sure you've done that?
Do you have any background apps?
Like, I already know that.
Like, I already know that stuff.
I just need you to reset something at your end.
But they've got to go through all these checklists.
Well, first of all, you have to wait half an hour to 45 minutes to talk to anyone.
And then often they have a kind of thick accent, which is kind of tough to pierce, and also then they have a checklist that they have to go through, I assume, that wastes another 20 minutes, and then finally they do what you want.
So, it's really tough.
So yeah, how tough do you find it to ask for help?
Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote Parent Effectiveness Training and Teacher Effectiveness Training.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
And, of course, I interviewed somebody who did PET, so I appreciate that reminder.
I had forgotten the name.
What do you think about people who tell white lies for the sake of vanity but tell the truth when it comes to serious matters?
Do white lies indicate a person is overall untrustworthy?
I mean, you call them white lies.
I think it's important to be somewhat diplomatic.
Right?
You know, there's this old Seinfeld routine.
I think it's the one he did when he was first on Johnny Carson about the guy who's 800 pounds and lost 50 pounds.
Yeah, you look much better.
I mean, that's encouraging.
Is it, you know?
All right.
So I think diplomacy can be important.
So, how tough do you find it?
One to ten?
Four?
Eight?
Nine?
Five?
Three?
Seven to ten?
One?
Five?
Seven?
Okay.
Please ask your philosopher if virtue is right for you.
Well, you don't have to ask your philosopher.
Trust me, virtue is right for you.
I would do absolutely everything before having to call customer service.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember buying an app and it's like, comes with free technical support.
And I'm like, yep.
Uh, never, never going to use it.
Never going to use it.
All right.
I feel like I'm bothering people and that bothers me, LOL.
So I'd rather not ask for help.
Right.
All right.
I appreciate that.
Let me see here.
Okay, so you are talking about my employees.
Okay, I will look into that and I really appreciate you bringing that to my attention.
All right.
Let's see here.
With regards to asking for help.
So somebody was posting and said, why is it that people have a tough time asking for help?
Now, there's a lot of people who are like, well, I don't want to impose and this and that and the other.
But in my experience, which of course is far from perfect, right?
Thank you for the tip.
So if
If you don't deposit money into your bank account, you can't withdraw money from your bank account, right?
So, if you say, well, why is someone not a spender?
Like, why does someone not spend?
Now, that's one question if the person is like a multi-millionaire, and, you know, they're, I don't know, Howard Hughes shuffling around with Kleenex boxes on their feet, then the question is, why is that person not a spender?
Because they have money, but they don't spend it, right?
However, of course, if someone doesn't have any money, then we know the answer as to why they're not a spender, which is they don't have any money.
Right?
If you have no money, you can't spend.
So, saying why doesn't someone do something is important to look at deposits and withdrawals.
Right?
A lot of times people don't like asking for help because they haven't done much to help others.
Right?
Do you see what I mean?
Right?
So, if you've been, you know, like a mean selfish parent and you put your kids in daycare and you didn't invest in them and you didn't care and you didn't get involved and you didn't this and you didn't that and you didn't the other, right?
You're going to have trouble asking for help because nobody owes you anything.
Does that make sense?
You haven't deposited enough, and therefore you can't get withdrawals, right?
So, you were selfish, I mean, you didn't invest in your kids, you didn't care about them, and then you get old, you say, well, you know, I'm hesitant to ask for help, and it's like, well, sure you are, because you didn't help your kids that much.
Right?
So, a lot of times, oh, you know, men have such a hard time asking for help, or women have such a hard time asking for help, and we get all this sympathy, and, ooh, they don't want to impose, and it's like, well, maybe they're just, they got a zero balance.
Right?
Maybe, maybe they're hesitant to ask for help because they have no right to ask for help.
Right?
They have no right.
Right.
So yeah, just to clean that up, I did ask Jared about this, and so months ago Jared did message a woman.
He found out that she was young, he didn't know her age, and so he just didn't message her and moved on.
James has never done that, and I assume Jared hasn't done that since.
So yeah, once he did, right?
So I don't consider that particularly massive.
And the other thing too, I mean it's an interesting question, right?
So they, let's just say Jared, so Jared works with me, and does that mean that he is forbidden from contacting a woman in the community, right?
I don't know that that's the case.
I don't think that that would be true.
Is it somehow terrible for him?
Now, it would be terrible for him, you know, I can give you special access to Steph in return for a date.
Well, that would be unethical, but there was nothing like that.
So, he was part of the community, has been for many years.
He talks to people in the community.
He's interested in dating.
So, because he works with me,
On a part-time basis, does that mean that he can't contact any women in the community?
I don't think that that's the case.
I think that would be an unfair standard, so I wouldn't consider that unprofessional.
I mean, it's a fine question to ask.
It's a fine question to ask, no problem with you asking it, and it's perfectly right to ask.
Thank you for bringing it up.
But yeah, I don't think that, you know, it's interesting because, you know, Jared was in the community for a long time, and so a couple of months ago he messaged a woman, he found out she was very young, and he said, sorry, obviously that's not going to work, and so he moved on.
I don't consider that to be a particular problem.
Yeah, honestly, I don't see that as a particular problem.
You know, to me, unprofessionalism would be something like, I don't know, an employee has access to, I don't know, let's say there's some tech worker, this has nothing to do with us, there's some tech worker, he has access to a woman's emails and he uses information from that
To woo her to date or to something like that would be unprofessional.
But I don't think it would be fair to say because you work with staff you can't contact anyone in the community if you're interested in a date.
I don't personally feel that that's... and you know it happened once and he didn't, right?
This is a pro-natalist and pro-family community.
I don't see the problem.
Yeah.
Now, that's interesting though.
So, and I don't feel that this is a gray area.
And again, you know, I'm certainly happy to hear arguments to the contrary.
I don't feel that this is a gray area because
Because if Jared had said to me, and you know, he doesn't have to run every communication past me, right?
So, Jared says, I've been curious about this.
Am I more part of the community or more employee?
You're on the payroll, so by definition, you're an employee.
Well, sure, of course.
But he didn't say he wasn't an employee.
Now, this is interesting, right?
This is interesting.
So, he didn't say he wasn't an employee.
And again, it's a very interesting question.
I appreciate that coming up.
But
As somebody who works with me, can he not communicate with other people in the community outside of a purely, I don't know, like working fashion?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
So, I don't have obviously any kind of perfect analogy, but
If a guy works for Tinder, can he use Tinder to meet women?
Assuming that he doesn't have, he's just not using any, you know, inside information or like, so let's say he works for Tinder, can he use Tinder to meet women?
I think so.
I think so.
So, if he contacts a woman and says, would you be interested in meeting up for coffee or something like that, I don't see the unprofessionalism in that myself.
But again, I'm certainly happy to hear the case, but I don't see that as a whole.
So, yeah.
I mean, if he was exchanging, you know, I can get you on a call with Ste- like, then that would be, right?
But there's nothing like that, right?
So.
But it's interesting to me, right?
So what's interesting to me
Yeah, if a guy's a waiter at a restaurant, can he ask a customer on a date?
And that's interesting because, well, the argument for that would be that he's using the restaurant's time and money to ask a woman on a date, whereas Jared was doing this on his own personal time.
It's unprofessional if the woman is half your age.
Sorry, why is that unprofessional?
That's interesting, so you're putting an age category in there, right?
So if Jared is 40 and the woman is 20 and he didn't know that, right?
That's interesting.
So, are you saying it's unprofessional, or there's something wrong with a man asking a woman out who's half his age, when he didn't know?
And, of course, you do have to understand that when he found out her age, he said, okay, well, it's not particularly compatible, and he moved on, right?
So, I guess the question is, let's turn to you though, right?
Because I don't think that your criticisms have much validity, and it's not coming from a place of good moral curiosity, right?
Because you're saying it is unprofessional, so you're making a public accusation, and that's a very high standard, right?
It's a very high standard to make a public accusation, right?
And you can't tell people's ages in particular from a picture, right?
So, why does this bother you?
Why is this to the point where you're making a public accusation?
Because they're very high stakes, right?
So, you better have some good reasons, right?
You better have some good reasons as to why you're making this kind of public accusations.
Right?
Because it's not nice.
It's not nice, what you're doing.
And why not message me privately?
Why not have a private conversation?
It's pretty toxic to do it publicly, especially when I don't think that you're in the right.
So, yeah, I'm not a fan of this at all.
I think it's actually pretty toxic.
Publicly accuse someone of doing something bad.
In a public forum.
Without talking to them privately, or talking to me privately.
That's pretty toxic.
Yeah, that's really toxic.
Yeah.
But hey, you know, I'm happy to hear your case, but yeah, I think that you're a pretty nasty specimen, frankly.
I mean, so here's the funny thing, right?
And, you know, I'm not saying that everyone has to have seen every show, but it was, gosh, what was it?
Jared and James, you'd remember this, right?
So, I think it was maybe six months ago or so, maybe eight months ago, Jared and James were actually in the studio with me.
We did a whole show where we were chatting back and forth, right?
And in the show, I said, towards the end of the show, I said, these fine young men are single, and, was it February?
Yeah, something like that.
So, I don't know, four to six months ago.
So, I said, on the show, I said, these young men are single,
And if there are any ladies out there who would be interested in chatting with some quality philosophical gentlemen, feel free to message them, and so on, right?
So, I put dating potential to the audience in the show, right?
In the show!
So, I'm not sure that it would then be, oh my gosh, when I actually said, you know, dating potential in the show is fine,
Then, how is it then negative for dating potential to be in the show?
Oh, that's so funny.
And, uh... Yeah, if there's a difference of a power.
See, if you're a police officer, I get that.
If you're, right, if you're the boss, it's tricky and all of that kind of stuff.
But there's nothing, right?
So yeah, dating Jared and James was actually in a show that went out to the general public, and so I'm trying to sort of figure out what your fucking issue is.
Like, what the hell?
What is your issue?
Right?
And I can... Yeah, so I don't have any issue with it.
Especially when it's been a publicly part of the show.
So, where is this fellow?
Is he still around?
I asked the question in general as I wanted to avoid making specific accusations.
No, because I recognized that you were talking about, or you could be talking about, people I work with.
And so, if you want to avoid making specific accusations, then why didn't you message me privately?
Hmm?
Why didn't you message me privately?
Because, you see, you're so concerned about propriety and politeness and professionalism and sensitivity and empathy, so why are you making public accusations that are false?
You didn't have to type in.
You could have said, I'll take it to private.
Right?
You don't have to type it right in here.
You made that choice, my friend.
You made that choice.
I mean, there is, in fact, somebody built an entire dating app for people to chat with each other.
Yeah, okay, so what's your answer?
Why did you bring this up publicly when you're actually wrong?
Why didn't you message me privately?
Right?
So, what the hell's going on?
I mean, I know what's going on, deep down.
I know what's going on.
Airing out stuff like this in a public stream is the best way to cause a shitstorm.
I don't have a line of contact with you privately.
Well, that's just a lie.
What are you talking about?
Well, I mean, you could conceivably use the call-in form.
You could ask anyone in the community how to contact me privately.
My email is right there on my website.
This is just a lie.
So you're now kind of doing really shitty stuff here, friend.
Like you're really, like now you're just lying.
Right?
So what's happened is you have been caught out doing something wrong by accusing someone else of doing something wrong.
And rather than saying, you know, I apologize, that was out of line, I shot, I jumped the gun, I, you know, I'm, you know, that's what a mature person would do.
And look, we all make mistakes.
I mean, I've called out people publicly and turned out to be in the wrong, and I'm like, oof, I'm sorry, that was wrong, and then I gotta figure out what I was doing.
Right?
So, when you have done something wrong, which again, there's nothing wrong with this, it's illustrative, it's fine.
When you've done something wrong, which we all do, right?
Oh, so the woman in question, the 20-year-old or 21-year-old, told this guy that Jared stopped being in touch with her when he found out her age.
So, this is a pretty nasty thing, right?
Public call-outs like this are just gamma male shit.
He is salty that Jared is higher status.
Yeah, so...
When the call informer has James and Jared running it, how do you know?
You don't know that.
You don't know that.
And that doesn't answer any of the other questions, right?
That doesn't answer any of the other questions.
You can ask anyone in the community how to contact me.
You can go to my website.
There is an email right there on the website.
So... Yeah, the call-in forms come to me.
So you're just wrong about everything, right?
You're just wrong about everything.
And listen!
And now you feel trapped and cornered and aggressive and you're going to want to fog and lie.
Like, seriously, you made a mistake, you did a shitty thing, which happens, we all do it from time to time, right?
You let your temper get the better of you, like we were just talking about emotional self-control and all of that, right?
So, you did a shitty thing and you accused someone of doing something wrong.
Yeah, a call and request go directly to me, nobody else sees them.
So, you're just wrong about everything, right?
So, this is an important thing.
This is an important moment, right?
Because how often do we get to see the sort of real-time moral correction, right?
Because a lot of times it's kind of abstract and this and that and the other, right?
So, number one, you did a shitty thing.
Hey, we're human.
We all do shitty things from time to time, right?
You did a shitty thing and you're wrong.
You're in the wrong.
You're completely and totally in the wrong.
And so what you want to do when you're caught is don't lie.
Right, don't make up shit like, well, I didn't have any way of contacting you, blah, blah, blah, right?
Well, I didn't mean to call them out publicly.
It's like, but you did, right?
So you did, right?
So I didn't mean to doesn't, like, mean anything, right?
So this is this really instructive to everyone.
Cause look, I mean, what this guy, I assume it's a guy because of this behavior.
So what this guy's done is, is bad and wrong, right?
Now that doesn't mean he's an evil guy.
It doesn't mean he's just terrible all around, but he obviously let some emotional upset, anger, or temper get the better of him.
And he did a shitty thing.
Again, we've all done it.
I'm going to do it again over the course of my life, right?
So, James says he posted on locals saying if a woman is interested in dating they can contact him, which I said that literally on the show.
How am I in the wrong?
No, I've already given you the explanation.
See, now you're going rubberbones, right?
Now you're going passive-aggressive, right?
So, I've already told you that you're in the wrong because you're accusing someone of unprofessionalism, or whatever that exactly means, because he contacted a woman who he was interested in dating after I literally said on the show, anybody who wants to contact blah blah blah blah blah, right?
He didn't abuse his power, he just contacted a woman who he was interested in going for a coffee with.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, he's perfectly free to do that.
Right?
There's nothing wrong with that, right?
So, I did mean to ask about it publicly.
No, because earlier you said you made it opaque so it wouldn't be direct, but then you made it direct, right?
So, the problem here, and again, this is all very instructive, because this is a masterclass in what not to do, right?
This is a masterclass in what not to do.
And listen, we've all made mistakes, so I'm not in any perfect cloud here of doing everything right.
So he took a run at me and at my organization and at Jared and at Jane.
So he took a run, right?
And he missed.
He was wrong.
And therefore he goes from trying to lower somebody else's status to having his own status lowered.
That's kind of the price.
You call people out publicly, you better be right.
Because otherwise you go from attempting to dominate, and in a sense humiliate, to then being low status.
So what does he say here?
I'm angry at finding out how many creeps are in the quote community as a whole after talking to someone else in the community.
I made it direct so you could ask.
No, but you could have done this privately, right?
So, are there people in the community who are interested in each other romantically?
Of course there are.
I mean, of course there are, because this is a good filtering mechanism for people to find those who are interested in philosophy, who are interested in self-knowledge, who share values, perfectly natural.
I can't even tell you how many marriages and relationships and babies have come out of this community, right?
So, it absolutely works.
Now, creeps is a woman's word, right?
Creeps is a woman's word.
So one person has complained of creeps, and how do you know that person is telling the truth?
How do you know that person is not a troll?
It could be, right?
So you know that some women, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, right?
I don't know the facts behind this, right?
But you do know that some people cause trouble by causing conflicts in others, right?
That could be the case, right?
Could be the case.
And my guess is that, my guess is a couple of things, right, which I don't know about for sure, but my guess, because the behavior is kind of incomprehensible for any reasonable, rational, moral standard, right?
If you have a problem with me, which this would be a problem with me, then you should contact me.
If you have a problem with somebody I work with, you should contact me or them and talk about it, right?
And you do that because you need to hear the other side, right?
You do that because you want things to be fair in the world, right?
So if somebody says, oh, this person is terrible, terrible, terrible, right?
And then you go out and call that person out publicly, you only have one side of it, which means, like, you understand that in a trial, a trial,
You have the prosecution and you have the defense and you need to hear both sides of the case.
Like, we would all admit and understand that that's a rational thing, which is you want to hear both sides of the case.
Which is why you contact people privately if you're interested in calling them out publicly.
You contact them privately and you say, this person said this, what's your side?
If you even get involved, which I don't even know why you would, but whatever, right?
So, you contact people privately so that you hear their side of things, right?
Because people can lie.
Obviously, right?
I don't have a problem with you.
Well, no, but the buck stops here, right?
So, if I have people I work with who I hired who are acting badly, the buck stops with me, right?
So, this is, again, I, you're just not saying anything that makes any sense, right?
Bro, you derailed the stream.
Did he, though?
I don't think he did, because I think this is real-time philosophy in action.
Right?
This is a real-time philosophy in action, right?
So...
Somebody who can't admit that they're wrong has no right to accuse others, right?
Because when you accuse others you're saying you did wrong and you should admit it and you should accept responsibility and so on.
And so the problem is, or I guess the solution is in a way, the solution is that this guy, obviously it's a guy, right?
So this guy doesn't have any credibility because he is accusing
Other people of faults, but he's unwilling to admit any fault himself.
Of course he should have talked to me or Jared privately if he has a concern about behavior, right?
Of course he should, right?
Absolutely, completely, and totally.
And he didn't do that.
Instead, he called something out publicly that isn't even an issue, right?
Does that make sense?
So, he didn't hear the other side, he didn't find out whether it was an issue, he didn't really think it through, he just publicly accused, right?
So he's saying, I'm an expert in responsibility and wrongdoing, but then when it turns out that he did something kind of wrong, he doesn't take any responsibility, right?
So then he, like, this is a great relief, of course, because if somebody accuses you of something, that you did something wrong, and you're not taking responsibility, and then you point out that they're doing something wrong, and they just don't take any responsibility, then it's just a draw, right?
It's not a moral standard, it's not something you would take seriously, because the person is saying, well, you should take responsibility for the bad things you did, and then you point out that they should have got the other side of the story, they should have talked privately,
How do I message you privately?
Oh my gosh.
Oh, you spineless, spineless person.
Oh my gosh.
I already told you.
I already told you.
Right?
I could repeat it if you want.
You can use the call-in form.
You can go to the website where my email is right there.
Right?
So... I've already told you and now you're pretending that you didn't hear.
I don't think this should be private any longer.
Yeah, I don't think it is.
So this is just how to ninja people's accusations, right?
It's a shitty accusation.
It's wrong.
It's false.
He didn't hear the other side of the story.
He called things out publicly without talking about things privately.
And he just took one person's side of the story, he got inflamed, he got manipulated, he got used by someone who I assume has picked him and is inflaming him to cause problems, and he won't take any responsibility for bad behavior while calling other people out for their bad behavior, right?
So this is, it's tragic, right?
It's very sad.
And this is an example of exactly what not to do, right?
I've called out people publicly and I've been wrong.
Right?
Well you've never done this and then they say I've done this I'm like hey you're right I'm sorry that was out of line.
It happens right?
It happens.
Right so no help from the community he says.
I don't know what that means but that's very passive-aggressive.
So you we all make mistakes and we all jump the gun and nobody's perfect of course right?
So when you're caught thank you for letting me know that nobody else has access to your email.
Oh, so you think that if you had a criticism that they would, what, intercept it and delete it?
Michelle says, I've been part of this community for years now and run into very few, if any, creeps.
I think it's a, it's a pretty good community.
Obviously not perfect, but it's a pretty good community.
At least that's my experience.
And I certainly haven't received any complaints, certainly from women saying this blah, blah, blah.
Right.
I'm sorry for making the accusations publicly.
Right.
So why did you?
Why did you make the accusations publicly?
It's one thing to say sorry, but I kind of need to know the why.
Because, you know, apologies without knowledge are empty gestures, right?
So why did you make the accusation publicly?
So I would say, and again, I don't know for sure, they were true.
They were true though.
Okay, so this is somebody, I've made the counter case.
Now,
Is the counter case quite strong?
That Jared is free to message a girl.
He then found out that she was very young.
Obviously of age, right?
But he found out that she was very young and he did not talk to her after that.
And I also said you can date these men if you want.
That was part of the show.
Their dating lives have been open.
We've had conversations about dating even on the show.
So I don't think that's wrong.
So...
The counter-arguments are very strong, right?
And so, he's not listening to any of the counter-arguments, which means he's not in a free will situation.
Like, you gotta be aware of this when people aren't in a free will situation.
Right?
So, he's still... Oh, now he's saying that the woman who says she hasn't really run into any creeps, he's now saying that she's wrong.
Creeps are good at picking targets, right?
So, now he's kind of insulting her, right?
Saying that she's wrong and so on, right?
Or, in a sense, he's now victim-blaming, because he's saying that creeps only pick on the weak, so now he's victim-blaming, right?
I made them publicly because I don't trust your employees because, because I've seen them act in a way I consider unprofessional.
Oh, now it's I consider!
Now it's I consider.
Yeah, are you calling Jared a creep?
Just let's be honest, right?
Because you're talking about all those creeps, right?
Are you calling Jared a creep?
Now it's I consider unprofessional, right?
So when I pointed out that it's their dating lives are part of the show and I've invited women to contact them, so if they contact women that's like... Then, no, he's not calling Jared a creep.
Okay, so then why are you bringing creep into the conversation if it's not part of what you're talking about?
Oh!
The plot thickens!
How the turntables doth turn.
So, this is the woman who says, I'm the person, this is the person in question.
The stapler elite is incredibly compassionate and knows my bad history with males.
I spoke to a dysfunctional male from FDI, FDR for a year and a half.
Jared stopped the second he knew my age.
Okay.
So...
When Stapler Elite make the public accusation, why didn't you say anything?
Say, so yeah, Jared stopped the second he knew my age, right?
So it's nothing wrong.
A 40-year-old man can message a 20-year-old woman, or I think Jared was 38 or 39 at the time.
I don't know, 39 maybe.
It's fine.
He found out her age.
He didn't want to continue messaging with her.
He said very politely that it wasn't going to work, so yeah.
So, beg to differ on compassionate.
This is not compassionate behavior.
Right.
So, your belief is that Stapler Elite, the guy making these public accusations, is a really, really good guy.
Do you agree with him making these public accusations that are false?
So, do you consider this functional behavior, healthy behavior, and then to lie about things, saying, I had no way to contact you and all this kind of stuff, right?
When my email is directly on, right?
I am conflicted.
Okay, that's fine.
Do you think that calling out someone without hearing their side, publicly calling out someone as bad, without hearing their side, is that
Is that good?
Is that right?
Rather than having a private conversation.
Oh, staplery is a lot younger, right?
Right, so, and if you had a conversation with someone... I spoke to a dysfunctional male from FDR for a year and a half.
So, and, you know, with great sympathies, you may have a susceptibility to people who are dysfunctional.
And how do you know that's been entirely solved with this guy?
I mean, that's just an interesting question, right?
I am a good man, he says.
Okay, but that wasn't what I asked, right?
Unless I missed something.
I think he's white knighting for the girl Jared messaged.
She's not going to date you, stapler.
A private conversation is better, but I don't think he knew he could.
Um...
Well, I don't quite understand that.
I don't quite understand that at all.
Yeah, I had no idea I could have a private conversation without paying for it.
No, that's just another lie.
Like, sorry, I'm just straight up lying at this point.
Okay.
Here's the question, right?
Here's the question.
And it's just, it's this really simple stuff, right?
This is embarrassingly simple stuff.
Okay.
Stapler Relay.
If somebody had paid you a million dollars to get a message through to me, do you think you would have figured out a way to do it?
Right?
If somebody had offered you a million dollars to get a message through to me, a million dollars to get a message through to me, right?
Would you have been able to do it?
Of course.
Of course you would have tried, right?
You could have tried sending me an email.
You could have tried messaging me publicly.
You could have tried putting something on the forum.
You could have tried asking anyone who's had contact with me before.
You could have tried sending through the call-in show.
Like, there's so many different ways, right?
Or you could have posted here and says, and say, staff, I'd really like to talk to you about something important privately.
It's regarding your organization, blah, blah, blah.
And I probably would have messaged you, right?
So, if somebody offered you a million dollars to contact me, to find a way to contact me, then you would have done that, right?
So now playing all this rubber bones and I had no, I had no, I had no idea.
Like if somebody had said, man, I'll give you a million dollars to get a message through to Steph, a million dollars to get a message through to Steph.
I literally spend six hours a week reading messages.
What do you mean you had no way?
Yeah.
For a million dollars, I would figure it out.
Of course.
Okay.
So you're lying when you say, I had no idea.
I couldn't figure this out.
There was no way to, like, you're just lying.
Of course you would figure it out.
Right?
So when you say, I couldn't, I didn't, I had no idea, that's just false.
It's just false.
I'm literally, you understand, you understand how insane this is, right?
I'm literally reading your messages saying, I have no way to contact you.
Literally reading your messages where you say, Steph, I have no way to contact you.
I thought this kind of thing was already common knowledge across the community, so there was little point keeping it private.
I think that message just... I sent you an email before and you didn't respond.
Well, I don't know if that's true, because you've been lying a lot, so I don't know if that's true.
And, of course, I don't respond to every email.
I try to read them, but I don't necessarily respond to every email.
I thought this stuff was common knowledge so there's no point in keeping it private.
Okay, I think you're lying, but even if that was true, even if that was true, you still need to hear the other person's point of view, right?
Right?
Even if that's true, you still need to hear the other person's point of view and you may have to make sure you get the facts right.
So, you made an assumption that was incorrect.
That's false.
Nobody else knows what you're talking about.
Right?
So, in a community with, you know, over the years, millions and millions of members, have there been a few dysfunctional people?
Yeah, absolutely.
Of course, right?
For example, it is in the livestream you mentioned.
I don't know what that means.
Oh, so hang on, so you did watch the live stream where I invited women who were interested in dating to contact James and Jared, right?
And that they're available and they're single and blah blah blah, right?
So you saw that, so you knew that dating and all of that was part of the conversation and part of the show and part of what we've done together, so how on earth could it be unprofessional for Jared to talk to a girl?
Of course I'm grateful to have heard your point of view.
So you already knew this.
You already knew that dating was part of the conversation and part of the show and therefore it's not unprofessional.
So you have no excuse, right?
That's really sad, man.
That's really sad.
You know, and here's the thing, too.
Like, this is what's really sad.
And you guys can all correct me if I'm wrong about this.
I don't think I am, right?
But here's the sad thing.
Like, look, everybody knows you're kind of fucked up, right?
Everybody knows.
And tell me if I'm wrong about this, right?
Tell me if I'm wrong.
Everybody can see that you jumped the gun, maybe.
I felt it was unprofessional.
No, that's not a feeling.
So it went from it was unprofessional to I think it's unprofessional to now it's I feel that it's unprofessional.
So, somebody says it angers me a bit that he is hinting on your employees being creeps knowing that you let them inside your house.
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of mess here, right?
But that's fine.
I mean, that's what we do as we deal with ethics, right?
So, one of the problems, of course, is that
Everybody knows that this was a bad call, right?
To sort of publicly bring this up and not get the other person's point of view and now double down and lie and all of that.
So everybody, like, I'm not sure who you think you're fooling.
Like, this is a pretty astute audience, right?
And a pretty astute bunch of people.
They're all pretty well trained in ethics and virtue and honesty and directness, right?
And so...
When you don't take responsibility and just say, you know what?
I was out of line.
I got to figure out why I was out of line.
I shouldn't have done that.
Jared, I'm really sorry.
I withdraw my accusation.
It was the wrong thing to do.
Do you know how much people respect that?
It's a wild thing.
When I was a kid, I think in my early teens, I didn't like to apologize because it felt weak.
But do you know how much people respect you if you make a mistake?
I've got a whole series of things.
I've got a whole series of things, a whole series of shows called I Was Wrong About, right?
Where I've made mistakes.
I've apologized to Christians, I've apologized to a variety of people and so on.
So, do you know how many people respect what I've done in terms of the directness and honesty through which I've apologized for things that I've gotten wrong?
Right, and you've heard me in call-in shows a million times, if I make a statement and someone is wrong, I say, oh, I'm so sorry, my bad, I made a mistake, right?
There's nothing wrong, right?
The sad part, like the really tragic part, is not in the making of mistakes, but in the doubling down.
When everybody and their dog can see that this is wrong.
That this is wrong.
And when you say, oh, I forgot about that show, or I didn't really consider that, or, you know, whatever, right?
Then, and, and, you know, for, for Jared to message a girl, find out how young she is and say, and respectfully bow out, there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Um, so, you know, if you've made a mistake, there's nothing wrong.
I don't, I mean, I don't know what,
I don't know what... And James's Discord profile used to read like a dating profile.
So?
So what?
So what?
So what?
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I've literally, in the show, said that Jared wants to date.
So...
Okay, so I know that we've talked about this for a while, and I do find it a very interesting topic, and I do appreciate this demonstration, and I'm sorry, of course, for, you know, it can't have been that much fun for Jared and James, but I think this is a good instruction on things.
I have apologized for the inaccuracies I have made, but the accusations are correct and common knowledge.
Man dating announces he's dating.
Shocking.
Why are you putting accusations in quotes?
The accusations are correct and common knowledge, but they're not common knowledge because nobody knows what you're talking about.
I mean, bro.
Okay, so he's not in a listening place.
Okay, so he's not in a listening place.
He's in a defensive place and he's unable to admit fault, right?
He's unable to admit fault.
So, I'll talk about things that happen, right?
And this is just, it's a lack of self-knowledge, and you know, I really do, I sympathize with the trauma.
It's still totally wrong to do this publicly, but I sympathize with the trauma that would lead to this, and if you want to do a call-in show, we can certainly do it.
Actually, I'll check with Jared and James about that, because they might be too annoyed, and I would listen to them about that, because that would be tough to leer.
Here.
Or maybe it'd be better, I don't know.
So, there's some interesting things that are happening in this conversation.
So, first of all,
Calling a high-status male creepy for contacting younger available women is a typical feminist tactic, right?
You've seen this all over the place, right?
Where some successful 35-year-old guy wants to date a 25-year-old woman, and all the 35-year-old women who actually want to date the 35-year-old guy, they can't compete because they can't become 25 again.
And so they attack him for being a creep.
He can't handle a strong woman, she's like a kid, blah blah blah, right?
And so this attack of creep is often due to a lack of belief that you can compete in the romantic arena.
Right, so what it does is, you know, men don't want to be labeled creeps, of course, and I know you didn't label Jared a creep, but you've used the term creep in this kind of context.
So, men don't want to be labeled creep.
So, it's a form of beta male attack upon a male perceived to be of higher status.
And it's an attack to prevent them from contacting women that the beta male is interested in.
Because if the higher status male is in contact with a woman that the beta male is interested in, the beta male can't compete or it's going to take time or he's got to, I don't know, make money and work out or whatever he's going to have to do.
And so what he does is he launches an emotional attack, a verbal abuse attack on the higher status male in the hopes that the higher status male will simply back off.
So that can be occurring for sure.
Now, if this woman had voluntarily, right, obviously voluntarily, if the woman got enmeshed in a dysfunctional conversation for a year and a half, then she's going to be upset and angry and bitter about that, which I understand, but of course the important question is to figure out why that would have happened, and I don't know if you messaged me regarding a call-in, I don't know if you've talked about it with a therapist, which of course I would strongly recommend, if you've got into a
dysfunctional online relationship for a year and a half it's really really important to go and talk to a therapist and try and figure out why that happened or you know maybe we can do a call and something could help with with that.
So, the other thing I would imagine, too, is, this would be my guess, again, could be totally wrong, but, you know, I try to sort of fit the theory with the facts.
So, my guess is, if this, the person who made the accusation, if this is a male, and I think it is because the 20-year-old said, no, he's just a friend, he'd never dream of dating me.
Yeah, okay.
So, this is my guess.
My guess is that
Your parents got divorced when you were quite young and your mother was severely angry at your father.
And fills you full of a lot of acted out anger towards an older male, which then when this woman comes and says, oh, this thing happened and like there's something that there's no stimulus in the events that would result in this level of bad decision making, right?
So, the bad decision-making has to come from some other thing that is triggering.
It's triggered by this, right?
So, if you grew up with a manipulative mother who fueled you with her dysfunction, then that would be the case.
That would be sort of one reason to explain why this would manifest in this kind of way.
Yes, thanks Jared.
Jared is saving the tip questions that I'm not sure we got to.
Yeah, no, because I think this is important to address, right?
Now, what the fellow was doing, what was his name?
Stapler Elite.
Oh, you like how Steph handled this?
I appreciate that, I appreciate that.
So, he says, I've admitted fault where there is fault, not where I made a mistake, right?
I wouldn't mind getting an apology, not saying I expect it.
A white knight in the friend zone?
I'm shocked.
Well, yeah, maybe, maybe.
Uh, let's see here.
Creep Narcissist would be someone I spoke to when I was 17 and he was 24.
Right.
Uh, somebody says, oh, so the Stapler Relief, the guy who made the accusation says, I've admitted fault where there is fault.
And somebody replies, Lee says, it's kind of lame how you're trying to warp our sense of reality with the falsifications you're writing.
He says, that's not what's occurring!
So the guy is being accused of gaslighting and he immediately gaslights.
Oh my gosh.
Um, the woman says, uh, he isn't trying to start a drama, Jared stopped the second he knew my age and was respectful.
Right.
So Jared did nothing wrong.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, you, you called two men out publicly for negative behavior and you were wrong.
And the woman even says you're wrong.
Like the, the woman you're defending is saying that you're in the wrong, bro.
Wake up!
Shake off the hypnosis from the past.
Wake up!
The girl you're saying Jared acted badly towards is saying he did in no way act badly towards me!
Like, come on, man!
The woman says Jared stopped the second he knew my age and was respectful.
And was respectable.
So the woman you claimed to have been wronged says she was not wronged in any way shape or form.
So you're saying that this woman that nobody listens to, that the best thing you can do is not listen to her and tell her that she needs defending when she says nothing bad happened.
My gosh.
Bro.
And thank you.
Listen, I appreciate the woman who's coming here and saying that Jared did nothing wrong.
So what are you doing?
Like you understand, the woman is saying, and listen, you need to listen to this woman, and this woman obviously had a very tough childhood, for which I give you massive sympathy and affection, I'm so sorry for that.
So you understand that this woman had a very bad childhood, full of a lot of drama and anger and dysfunction, and not being listened to.
And what you're doing now is causing a lot of anger and dysfunction and not listening to her.
Like you are actually, you're harming her.
You're not helping her.
You're harming her.
So she's telling you that you're doing something wrong.
When you're trying to help her, she's telling you you're doing something wrong and you're just doubling down.
Do you understand how dysfunctional and out of reality this is, right?
The woman is right here saying, the woman is right here saying, Jared did nothing wrong.
And I appreciate that, I appreciate that.
So what are you doing?
Can you hear that?
That you're here saying, Jared did something wrong, and the woman is saying, Jared did nothing wrong.
I do listen to her.
Okay.
So, she's saying that you're in the wrong.
Right?
So, she's saying you're accusing Jared of doing something wrong when Jared did nothing wrong.
So, you're in the wrong.
So, if you're in the wrong, and listen, it happens.
We all jump the gun.
We all can be triggered.
We all can be wrong.
He knew Jared stopped immediately.
I think he was questioning something else.
No, no.
He was talking about Jared contacting you.
He was talking about Jared contacting you because he said it's inappropriate because of the contacting of the age, right?
Now the contacting is solved by the fact that we talked openly about dating in the community and lots of people in the community date and Jared wasn't using any power or manipulating.
He was just contacting someone in the community, which has happened on the show, so that's not a problem.
So then it had to be something to do with the age difference because he brought it up with the
Age, like the, I don't know, 18 year age gap or whatever.
And so, it's not wrong for Jared to contact you, and if he's saying there's something wrong because of the age difference, and the fact that you, when he found out your age, Jared stopped immediately, so, right?
I'm not trying to help her specifically.
I wanted to know what your view is on the level of professionalism, and then you have insulted me ever since.
Yes, you're the victim.
Absolutely.
You call someone out for being unprofessional, inappropriate, and then you start throwing the word creep around.
Creeps, plural.
And you're the victim.
I got it.
I understand.
You're not trying to help her specifically, but you brought her case up as the example.
So, I guess we're not going to get
You know, I mean, you have to know when you're beat, right?
You have to know when you're beat, right?
So, I've given sympathy to this person saying, we all mess up, you know, I said it would be an adult thing to do, to apologize and so on, and I've given you the answers, right?
And then you say, all I'm doing is insulting you.
Well, I'm calling out obvious lies, which you did lie.
You said, I have no way to know how to contact you, and then you said, well, for a million dollars, I'd figure it out.
So, that's just a lie, right?
You can't say something's impossible, but I can do it for a million dollars, right?
So, yeah, just not telling the truth, and I'm not insulting you by saying that you're lying, right?
When you're lying, that's just an identification of reality.
I'm not the victim.
Oh, you've insulted me ever since, but I'm not the victim.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
So you have to know when you're done, right?
So what have we been 40 minutes or whatever, right?
So I've been trying, I've given sympathy, but you know, some moral frankness about these kinds of things.
I've given counter examples.
The woman has actually come in and said, Hey, I wasn't harmed or wrong.
Derek did the right thing.
And
So, you have to know when you can't get through to people, right?
Right?
I brought this case up as it is one I have the most evidence of, or the strongest evidence.
Yes, but the woman is saying that you're wrong, right?
So, you're saying this is an example of someone doing something wrong and the girl is saying, he messaged me, I told him my age, he said best of luck and moved on, right?
So,
If this is your strongest case and you're completely wrong.
Like, this is a very rare thing.
Honestly, this is why I'm spending time with this.
It's absolutely fascinating and incredibly rare.
How often does it happen where somebody makes a public accusation of wrongdoing and the person they claim to be defending is saying there's no wrongdoing?
Like, in real time, live!
Isn't that right?
Now the woman is saying he is very compassionate, but you also have to judge him for how he's acting in public too, right?
If he was compassionate, yeah, where was his compassion towards me and Jared, right?
Oh, so now he's hair splitting.
I didn't say it was impossible to find out how to contact you.
Not knowing a way now doesn't mean I could find one out.
I mean, that's just ridiculous, right?
Right?
That's just ridiculous.
Yeah, I do.
And again, I'm sorry for you and James Jarrett, like it's an ugly thing to have to deal with, but boy, how often do you get it where somebody says, well, this person did something wrong to this person, Bob did something wrong to Jane, and then Jane shows up and said, no, no, nothing wrong happened, and the person doesn't back down.
That's wild.
So then you have to know when to cut your losses, right?
So you try to reason with people and you try... No, it's more, this is not, I don't know, I really, sorry, I just really dislike it when people use the word drama.
Right?
This is, I don't like it when people use the word drama.
This is, I mean, this is some fairly serious stuff, right?
And this is very important stuff because we do deal with these kinds of things, right?
Because the young woman, I think she's 21 now, right?
So this young woman is upset by this.
So you've caused her a lot of upset while claiming to be compassionate towards her.
Because she doesn't want... I don't know if she knew you were going to do this or whatever it is, right?
But still very... These are the kinds of problems and challenges that we have in life, right?
Have I not backed down?
What do you mean, have I not backed down?
Okay.
So, James and Jared, if you would like to tell Stapler Elite what you want from him.
What do you want from him?
After this public call-out where he's in the wrong, and not only have I proven that he's in the wrong, not only have I proven that he's not telling the truth about some things, but the woman in question has actually come into the stream and said, I was not wronged.
The woman says, the young woman says, I'm confused, not upset.
I felt awkward at one point because I was in the middle, but I wanted to defend both Jared and Stapler-Releit.
Stapler-Releit should apologize to me and Jared for the false accusation.
Yeah, you accused them of doing something wrong when the woman in question said, well, James didn't even contact her, but the woman in question said he did nothing wrong.
Okay, so he says, I just wanted to understand more.
Okay, so now you understand more.
You didn't contact me privately.
You didn't contact them privately.
You didn't ask the woman, or maybe you did, if she thought that Jared had done anything wrong.
You then publicly called it out.
It turns out you were wrong.
You're not backing down.
You're playing the victim.
You're falsifying things.
So what James and Jared have asked for, since you make the accusation, this is one of the reasons why you don't accuse people publicly unless you really know what you're talking about, because you have to apologize publicly, right?
Right, so they have said that they want an apology for you accusing them of wrongdoing, or as you say, unprofessionalism, which went from it is unprofessional to
I think it's unprofessional to, it feels unprofessional, which is not a feeling, it's just a way of avoiding.
Like when people say, I feel that you're wrong, they're saying that, you're saying that you're in the wrong, but, which is an objective accusation, and then you say, but I can't prove it because it's just a feeling, right?
So it's a combo, right?
It's an accusation of wrongdoing, which would require evidence, but then you put the word I feel so that you don't have to provide evidence because it's just a feeling, right?
What's wrong?
Oh, so he says, Jared says, an apology is deserved.
Needs to see he owns all the wrongs he's done.
He says, what wrong have I done to you?
I said you did something that you did do.
No, you said it was unprofessional.
It's not.
I'm not going to apologize for saying they did something they did.
Well, okay, let's start with something that's easier, right?
So, are you accusing James of inappropriately messaging women in the community?
Is that right?
Because you'd have to be certain of that, right?
Because you're saying they, right?
You're saying they did something, because you're only talking about Jared, and the woman has said that Jared didn't do anything wrong.
And so, but you're saying they, you're including James in that.
Now, are you accusing James of being unprofessional, because he has that he's single and interested in his profile?
He says, I thought it was unprofessional, and I understand your arguments as to why it isn't, and we'll have to think about it.
Okay, so your accusation that it is unprofessional is now open to question, right?
Your accusation that it was unprofessional is now open to question, which means that you need to withdraw the accusation that it is certain or that it is bad.
This requires thought.
I'm confused.
No, he wants to not.
He doesn't want to apologize.
He doesn't want to apologize.
Like, if I said Bob did something really wrong to Jane, and then Jane comes on and says, no, he didn't, I'd be like, oh, sorry.
My bad.
My bad.
Wow.
Bad, bad stuff, right?
But again, I get, you're not gonna, you're not gonna, I mean, you're not gonna do it.
I understand.
I understand.
I think it's a shame.
See, here's the thing, right?
Like, I don't know if people know the stakes, right?
Say it's a drama and all of that, but here's the thing, and this is to staple early, right?
Like, you don't know the stakes, right?
So the stakes are this.
You have the
Opportunity here to change the course of your life.
Honestly.
You have the opportunity because you have a really interesting learning situation.
Right?
Because most people won't talk to you about this stuff.
They won't empathize with you.
They won't give you possible solutions or reasons as to why it happened.
They won't explore what might be going on.
Right?
This is a, I'm telling you, I don't know how to emphasize this strongly enough.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do the right thing.
To just say, hey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this publicly, and the woman I said was wrong says she's not wrong, so I was, I jumped the gun.
So that, doing that, doing that, will change the course of your life.
Now, you and I both know what's going to happen if you don't do that.
What's going to happen is you're going to retreat to your lair after the call.
Everybody knows this, right?
You're going to retreat to your lair after you call, after this live stream, and then you're going to justify yourself and find out that you were right and double down in your mind.
And all of that, right?
That's what's going to happen.
This is like, it's now or never, honestly.
It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, which is going to determine the rest of your life.
This is why when people just say, oh, it's drama, it's like, no, no, no.
You're in a community where, first of all, I do empathize, I sympathize, and your history and all of that, I understand.
That doesn't mean I'm going to excuse the behavior, but I have some empathy and some sympathy.
You're also in a community like everybody is cheering you on to do the right thing and just apologize.
That everybody is just like cheering you on.
Do you know how happy everyone would be and how much people would respect you for saying, jump the gun, made a public accusation, turns out it's more complex than I thought, I shouldn't have done that, right?
I should have talked about it privately and so on, right?
Again, it's not like you strangled a hobo, right?
But everyone is on your side.
Everybody wants you to just say sorry.
And you have the opportunity to do that.
Now pride and gaslighting yourself and all of that kind of stuff.
You know, I understand that temptation.
We all have it.
And brother, I sympathize.
We all have it.
But this is the moment.
This is the moment that literally determines the rest of your life.
Because if you apologize, which you should do, right?
Everybody knows you should do that, right?
So if you apologize, then obviously you'll be forgiven.
People will be happy that you did it.
You'll gain respect within the community because it's clear to everyone especially since this young woman showed up and I really do appreciate her showing up and thank you I really do that's a wonderful what an incredible thing to do and massive respect.
So everybody is like literally cheering for you to do the right thing.
Everybody will forgive you and respect you much more for wrestling with this demon of pride and vanity and just apologizing and doing the right thing.
But this opportunity, my friend, will not come again.
This is so important to understand these stakes.
This opportunity will not come again.
Because you will never again be in a situation with such an understanding and encouraging community that is willing to reason with you, give you some sympathy, while still calling you out on something that you did that was wrong.
And you will then... Because if you're publicly calling people out, but then you can't be publicly called out, then you're a hypocrite, and you don't want to do that.
I just had this whole speech, funnily enough, about hypocrisy in your conscience, right?
Because if you're going to say, well, it's good to call people publicly out, and then you won't apologize if you're in the wrong,
This opportunity will not come again.
Because if you don't apologize, and it kind of has to be now, because then you're still in control of the situation.
If you don't apologize, then you will lose all credibility.
At least in this community.
I mean, certainly with me you will, right?
And I just won't want to have anything to do with you in the future.
So, because I know these patterns, right?
And you've had, like, an hour and hour of obfuscating and avoiding and playing the victim and gaslighting and all of that, which I sympathize.
Like, the amount of fear that you experienced as a child that would have you do this kind of stuff, I really, really do seriously, deeply sympathize and empathize with, right?
But if you miss this opportunity, and you know, I'm telling you, you won't believe me and you may not believe me for 5, 10, 15, 20 or 50 years, but in your life, you will look back and you will say, I had that chance.
I had that chance to act better.
I've been given that chance by others.
Sometimes I didn't take it, but eventually I did.
And, but this is when I was very young and not, you know, this sort of public call out stuff, just private stuff, right?
This is a now or never moment.
This is a do or never do moment.
It's not going to happen again.
This alignment of the planets where you have made an unjust, unfair accusation.
It's been proven beyond any doubt that it was an unjust and unfair accusation, which again, we all do and not the end of the world.
All you have to do is just say, I jumped the gun, I am sorry, right?
I'm really sorry.
And again, I know it's tough to do on text and all of that, but if you don't do it, that's the rest of your life.
Like, you are sealing yourself off, I think, from decent quality people from now on.
All right, what have we got here?
So, he said, I thought it was unprofessional, I genuinely did think this, now I'm not sure.
Okay.
Very rare someone in person gives you this much grace.
I think so, yeah.
The woman says, I don't like that I had to get involved.
I think Stapler is an incredibly compassionate male.
People were insulting him and want to reaffirm Jared stopped the second he knew my age.
Uh, I, you know, but, but he did also call Jared unprofessional, which is kind of an inappropriate, right?
I'm sorry for lumping in Jared with the people who I know are creepy.
I'm sorry for making the accusations publicly when I didn't have all the evidence.
But why?
Sorry, why?
You said you're employees, right?
So you put Jared and James in.
So where's your apology to James?
I can wait.
Now, also, you didn't have all the evidence.
I mean, if you're coming into the vent of this woman and she says that Jared did nothing wrong, you avoided getting evidence, right?
So, again, there's still something kind of weaselly about the apology, but it certainly is a step in the right direction, which I appreciate.
But when you apologize, you cannot include any falsehoods in your apology, right?
So, I didn't get all the evidence.
But if you're saying Bob wronged Jane, shouldn't you find out if Jane felt wronged?
Yeah, that's, you know, that's a letter of the law, right?
So, I get where you're coming from.
And again, it's tough, tough to do over tax.
Tax is not particularly ideal at processing these kinds of things, but okay.
Well, that's all I want to do with this, and I really do appreciate, again, I'm sorry to Jared and James, this was an unpleasant thing to go through, but sometimes
Oh, I blocked James.
Okay.
So, people are saying now it's not a genuine apology.
No, I get that.
And, you know, you can reason and then you need to know when to stop.
So, I'm done with it and I really do appreciate it.
Sorry we didn't get, we did save the other questions and we will get to those if you find this kind of stuff helpful.
And isn't it interesting to see a moral issue worked out in real time?
I think it is interesting to see that.
And so, I think it's quite fascinating.
And, you know, maybe it's nice for you all to see how I handle these kinds of conflicts in real time and in the moment, right?
Because it's one thing, you know, to see somebody write articles.
It's another thing to see them debate real time, right?
And this was trying to work out a moral issue, which was serious.
I mean, that's serious stuff, right?
And it was my attempt to work out a moral issue in real time.
And I think, you know, a good combination of firmness and honesty and sympathy.
And it's unique to have all the parties present.
Yeah, isn't that wild?
Isn't that wild?
Uh, he says, uh, that was poor wording.
All the evidence implies there is more evidence against them.
I'm sorry for calling them unprofessional publicly.
Okay.
Okay.
This is tip-worthy stuff?
Yeah, come on!
Real-time...
Everybody involved, everyone together, everybody messaging, and a good example of how to work things out morally in real time.
Come on, baby!
That's got to be tip-worthy.
And again, sorry for the people Jared has hoovered up, and I will answer those questions as soon as possible, but yes.
Fascinating stuff, and again, I'm sorry to Jared and James, I know it was ugly, but I really do appreciate the opportunity to work this.
Somebody says, this is similar to what I'm dealing with right now.
It's amazing to see you handle it.
Well, I appreciate that.
Look, I want to be firm.
I don't want to be lied to, and I'm not going to say to someone, you're just a terrible, evil, nasty person, but I am going to call out a lie.
He says, I'm sorry if this has done any damage to their reputations.
That's good, I appreciate that.
The damage is to your reputation, which is the challenge.
Love the community!
Well, I appreciate that.
Thank you everyone so much.
Alright, so if you find this helpful and you're listening later, freedomain.com slash donate, I would really, really
Appreciate that, and yes, by the way, whether you work for me or not, or work with me or not, you can contact... I mean, I don't really need to say this, right?
This is just a UBB thing.
Is it a violation of the non-aggression principle or fraud to contact other people?
No, of course not.
Of course not.
It's not complicated, right?
Thank you for taking this head-on, Steph.
It was great and helpful to watch.
Well, I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
And I hope that it's helpful to people as a whole.
I'm sure it is, right?
And maybe this will be studied in the future about how to deal with conflicts.
But what an incredible opportunity where everybody's present, right?
Where everyone is present.
I appreciate that.
All right.
Have yourselves a wonderful, wonderful afternoon.
Don't forget peacefulparenting.com.
You get all of the good stuff.
You don't even need to subscribe.
Although, it's nice if you do.
Like, it's kind of getting out there and open.
Don't forget to check us out on TikTok.
TikTok.com forward slash atfreedomain.com.
I think?
I think?
Great show.
Jared and James can message me anytime.
Very nice.
And don't forget my novels, The Present, The Future, Just Poor, The God of Atheists, almost fantastic stuff you can get at freedomand.com books and lots of love from up here.
Everyone, I really, really appreciate your time today and have yourself a beautiful, beautiful day.
