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March 9, 2024 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
01:02:03
When to Drop "Friendships"
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Alright. There's my big intro.
Alright. Questions from freedomain.locals.com.
Please join this great community.
Alright. Why do some people go through life without significant and meaningful goals?
I have a friend who's 41 in a few months and she has no savings and no real dreams.
I know she wants a domestic life and wanted a family at one point but things didn't work out with the guy she was in love with and now she's living very casually like A young adult.
I'm 34 and I've been trying to get my life together.
I've got some savings and I'm being persistent about my goals.
My friend recently returned from traveling, so I shouldn't laugh, and I lent her dollars because she was completely without a dollar to her name.
I noticed that since then she's been a bit resentful towards me.
She, in some way, feels entitled to help from me, but I can't help her anymore.
She tells herself that the reason she isn't well is that people won't help her, but they do and she never has enough resources to help anyone else.
I've reflected on it and I've realized that her problem is she doesn't really want anything for herself or others with passion.
There isn't anything meaningful that drives her forward in life.
She's aimless. I worry that as time goes by, it will be more difficult for her to avoid her own lack of motivation by relying on the sympathy of others.
She's very intelligent and creative, great language skills and very quick to learn new skills.
It appears the only thing holding her back is a mental construct.
How can she find passion for a goal that will incentivize her to accumulate resources and an independent self of security?
What will happen if she doesn't?
Well, well, well.
What a big, deep and great question.
And I, you know, I've lived that kind of do the next thing and trundle on week by week and I've done that kind of stuff and I understand that sort of perspective and this mindset.
So, you know, I mean, there are forces in society, you know, absolutely big and powerful forces that want to destroy the way that the West is.
Now, the way, the best way to destroy a country, a culture, a mindset, a way of life...
is to tell people to delay and to bribe them with rewards if they delay, if they postpone.
To never have them grow up.
And to do that, you need to keep a great sense of mortality from them.
Now, if you can keep a great sense of mortality, particularly from women, Time passing, you know, the sort of famous wall that hits women past reproductive age.
If you can just tell them, you know, have fun and travel and be empowered, like, whatever nonsense you have to tell women in particular.
And the reason they target women is because women have a shorter reproductive lifespan than men, right?
Men can have kids into their 70s or 80s.
I mean, it's not massively recommended for a variety of reasons, but it's sort of physically possible.
So the reason that...
Women would be targeted is because if you can tell women...
What do you tell women to do? You tell women to go get educated.
You tell women to sleep around.
You tell women to travel.
You tell women to have careers.
You tell women to girl boss.
You have all of this stuff.
And what you do is you just tell them to enjoy themselves until...
They can't have kids anymore. I mean, 41, no relationship.
She's not going to have any kids.
She's 41. She's broke.
She's no relationship. She's not going to have it now.
I mean, I guess she could probably get one past the goalie by accident, but, you know, it's extremely unlikely.
And if she did, she'd almost certainly be a single mother.
Because any man who wants kids isn't going to, no matter how pretty she is, any man who wants kids isn't going to date a broke 41-year-old woman.
Because, I mean, you've got to date, you can hopefully get married and get used to all of that, and then, you know, she's going to be in her mid-40s.
It's just not going to happen.
Maybe, I don't know, and of course the risks of disorders and genetic issues at that age are Well, they're higher, if I understand the data correctly.
Obviously, look it up for yourself.
So, you tell women, don't worry about the passage of time.
Don't think about the passage of time.
And having fun, and being empowered, and what you do is you just get ages women, right?
There was this picture of Demi Moore, who's now 61.
And yeah, she looks fantastic.
I mean, she looks 40, right?
So, you tell women that what matters...
Is how you look, is the outside, right?
If you're still pretty, then you're still of value.
But of course, pretty is a proxy for fertile, right?
Pretty is a proxy for fertile.
And no matter how pretty you look on the outside, you're still aging on the inside.
There's no makeup for eggs, as I've mentioned many times before.
If you have a car that's not running, right, it won't start and car won't start, it's not working, doesn't run.
If you have a car that's not running, would you say, well, the thing to do, you see, well, what we need to do with this car is give it a new paint job.
And you see, that way it looks like a new car.
Now, if you try and sell this, you know, hey, look at this car.
It looks brand new.
And then someone gets in and tries to start it and it won't start.
Will they buy the car?
Right? Well, this is makeup and eggs, right?
It's true that a new car will run and a new car has a fresh paint job.
But putting a fresh paint job on an old car doesn't make it a new car.
And putting makeup on and dyeing your hair and working out or whatever you want to do doesn't make your eggs any younger.
It doesn't change what's under the hood.
It's just The externals.
It's just the externals.
If you have some rotten old house where the air conditioning and the heating doesn't work and the electricity sparks every time you plug something in, then painting the outside of the house doesn't fix any of the problems inside, right?
And so what you do is you try to convince women that what's important is to be attractive, not to be loved.
What's important is to be attractive, not to be loved.
So you come up with this wild technology, and Ellen DeGeneres and Sandra Bullock were talking about this, how they use face creams, or I think Sandra Bullock uses a face cream that's made from genitally mutilated Asian little boys, baby boys. I mean, if that's not a straight-up Aztec ritual smearing the medical detritus from genital mutilation on your face to look a little younger, I mean, if that's just not about as monstrous and evil a thing as I can imagine, I don't know what is.
So... The important thing is not to be loved, but to be attractive.
And Sex and the City, which was a 90s show, I think on HBO, was very big on this.
I was quite curious about this.
I remember being out at some place and there was a Sex and the City themed party for young women.
And I went in just out of curiosity and chatted with a couple of the young women and More lost souls I have rarely seen.
More lost souls I have rarely seen.
And that show was, I think it ran for six seasons, and the women went from the age of 30 to the age of, obviously, 36.
And there was not one successful relationship among them.
And it was really sad.
It was a really, really, just a sad show.
Just a very sad show. Now, of course, the amount of bribery is there in the show, right?
As I said, we haven't had any genuine art in over a century in the West.
It's all been manipulation and subversion.
And so, there's this character, Samantha, who is very affected in her speech and very fake and fabulous.
People with highly affected speech, I find kind of skin-crawling myself.
The false self-advertisement is just so intense.
But she's, I mean, I don't think they ever go through her age, but she's afraid of being in menopause.
I think she's in like 47 or 48 or something like that.
And the actress, Kim Cattrall, she's a great figure.
She's pretty. She's like 1 in 10,000 women can look that way in their late 40s.
And, you know, all they do is they have these kind of nothing burger jobs.
And they go to lunches and brunches.
And they go to Pilates.
And they go for dinners.
And they go to nightclubs.
I mean, for women in their mid-30s, it's a really sad life.
But this character, Samantha, I don't know if she has a last name, but she's in her late 40s, and she gets to sleep with incredibly gorgeous male models.
I mean, that's just straight up bribery.
I mean, I hate to say it.
That's just straight up. And not only are the male models incredibly, like, unbelievably gorgeous.
But they're also not insane, right?
Like what 23-year-old incredible hunk is going to sleep with a woman in her late 40s unless he's got seriously disturbed mommy issues, right?
I mean, he would be really crazy and disturbed and probably a drug addict or like it would just be really, really...
But no, he's like cool and fun and healthy, right?
And they roll around in bed and she has a great time and So, saying to women, well, you can be in your late 40s and you can sleep with male supermodels.
Huh. Oh my gosh.
I mean, it is straight up bribery.
And so, if the women don't be appearing to age, then if you get women to focus on how attractive they are rather than how loved they are, then they will fail to note the passage of time.
Now, they'll have this anxiety about the passage of time, because deep down we all know that it's happening, but...
They will be lulled into it.
So, I mean, there are all of these psyops out there to get women to miss having kids, to not have kids, right?
I mean, this is not accidental.
Really, it's a terrible assault on demographics and continuity and culture and happiness.
But, of course, telling women to sleep around destroys their capacity to pair upon them.
Sorry, not just telling women, but if women believe it and sleep around.
Now, hook-up culture, right?
So, telling women to sleep around destroys their capacity to pair bond.
Now, the mechanics for this are not particularly certain other than you get mistrustful and your heart gets scarred and so on, right?
I mean, if you keep breaking and re-breaking your arm, you're going to lose mobility and strength, I think, over time.
But I think one of the things that happens that is not discussed, which I wanted to touch on briefly here, so it's pretty important for women, So I've talked about this before in the sort of 1 to 10 scale of attractiveness.
A woman can jump up 3 or 4 points just by sleeping with a man.
In other words, a 5 can get a 9 if she'll sleep with him.
Because the 9, you know, if there's no other girl around and he can sleep with the 5, he'll, you know, the male, he'll often take that because, well, we're a man.
And that's just how we've evolved and how women have chosen us to be right now in the sexual marketplace.
So, one of the reasons why sleeping around destroys a woman's capacity to pair bond is it raises her expectations of who will commit to her because she's subsidizing her attractiveness with sexual access.
So, the woman who is a six, who sleeps with a nine, thinks that she deserves a nine, because he will sleep with her, and then she can't pair a bond with a six, because a six is now below her.
Right? She can't pair a bond. And six is not just looks, it's just a variety of things, right?
And of course, they call them alpha widows, right?
This is not a particular... I mean, I think talking about it regarding pair bonding is fairly original, but the alpha widow, the woman who sleeps with a bunch of top-tier men, but can't get them to commit to her.
So it's an alpha widow.
So she can't pair bond because she is under the illusion that she can...
She deserves a nine when she's only a six.
Now, I mean, the analogy for men would be your daddy...
Out of college, your daddy makes you vice president of his company, right?
He owns a company, and in Nepotism 101, he makes you vice president of his company.
And you think you deserve being a vice president, right?
But then your father's business goes out of business.
It goes bankrupt. And then you start applying for jobs.
Your dad's out of business.
He's retired or whatever. His business goes bankrupt.
And you start applying for jobs.
And you say, well, I was a vice president, right?
And any sensible employer will look at your resume, right?
And they will say, oh, so you got out of college at 21 or 22 and you were immediately a vice president.
How did that happen? Say, oh, it was my father's business.
So then any decent or reasonable, and then what happened to your father?
Well, my father's business went out of business, right?
So that's a huge red flag for any employer, right?
Because you were given a position of significant responsibility by your father, and then the company went out of business, which means you weren't prepared, you weren't ready, you weren't mentored, you weren't coached, you weren't competent, you weren't able, you weren't successful.
In fact, you were the exact opposite of successful in that You were vice president in your father's company when it augured in, as an old business partner of mine used to say, when it cratered, when it crashed.
So nobody's going to hire you for a vice president position because daddy gave it to you and you destroyed the company, or at least we're pretty key and high up.
So no one's going to give you that vice president position.
But the problem is that you think that you deserve a vice president position.
So the idea that you would get some entry-level position, that you would downgrade from vice president to some entry-level position, well, that's going to be appalling to you, right?
You're going to be enraged, horrified, upset, and it's going to be brutal on your ego.
And the other thing, too, is that no one's going to hire you for an entry-level position, which is kind of what you deserve.
Nobody's going to hire you for an entry-level position if you think you should be a vice president.
Because you're going to be dissatisfied.
And you're also going to annoy the living hell out of your co-workers because you're going to say, oh, well, I was a vice president and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
So it's just going to be terrible.
And you're toast, right?
Because you can't get vice president and no one's going to hire you for anything less because it's too much of a downgrade.
And this is a woman who uses sexual availability to get a higher quality male than she would get just through her personality.
And so she can't be satisfied with who she deserves, who she's earned, right?
She convinced women to sleep around.
You also, of course, tell them about freezing your eggs, and then you highly publicize these celebrities who have children in their 40s using, God knows what, biomechanical magic voodoo from hell to have babies in their 50s.
And what that does, oh, well, I can still have kids in my 40s, I can still have kids maybe even in my 50s.
And, you know, of course, it all turns out to be egg-frozen surrogacy stuff, but nonetheless...
You just convince women to waste time.
Waste time. The passage of time doesn't matter.
You're functionally immortal.
And because you can remain attractive, you don't have to worry about fertility.
Because you don't need to maintain the car because the only thing that matters is the paint job.
Right? And then, of course, what happens is the car becomes a total wreck, which is the psyche of women who sleep around and travel and waste time and have a whole series of tragic short-term relationships, quote relationships.
So the engine gets wrecked.
And they say, well, just slap a fresh coat of paint on it and all that.
Maybe put a sound system in that makes it sound like the engine is revving.
You know, whatever it is, right? And then you put out PSYOPs as well, which is that, boy, did you know that women in their 40s have a massively high sex drive?
Right? So then, like the cougar thing, so then what happens is men will sleep with the older women because young men will sleep with just about anything.
And so you put out the PSYOP that older women have this massive sex drive and then maybe some younger men will sleep with them and you...
You stuff up the growing holes of their concerns, so to speak, with man meat.
So you do all of this stuff to just women.
It's important to get your career going.
It's important to be educated. You sow them full of distrust against men, and then because their lust will have them sleep with men, and then the men will betray them because they're sleeping too high.
They're aiming too high. They get more and more bitter and entitled, and women are wonderful.
You tell women that they're wonderful just for breathing, just for existing, and that way they don't work at moral improvement, right?
So if you tell someone that they're perfect, you are hypnotizing them into decaying, right?
If you tell women that they're wonderful, then you are hypnotizing them into moral decay.
And I saw this video the other day, and I've seen a couple of variations on this, but the video was a woman, me crying because I don't have children, and she was like, it was really unbelievable.
To me, it's frankly unbelievable.
But it was a woman who was lying in bed pretending to cry and wiping her tears with expensive handbags.
So this is the thing, right?
Materialism, right? Materialism.
Materialism is, you don't have children, but you have handbags.
Which, honestly, is literally the most depressing thing I've seen in a while.
It's beyond depressing, it's beyond appalling, it's beyond horrifying to me, as a father myself.
The idea that you don't have children who love you, but you have handbags, I don't know what to say.
It almost is beyond belief.
And of course, you know, the promotion of materialism is pretty important.
So you have to look good. You don't have to be good.
That's the fundamental satanic offer.
Look good. I'll bribe you with sense pleasures.
I'll bribe you with sex and hot guys who use you for sex and move on.
I mean, the woman, the main woman, Carrie Bradshaw is her name, played by Sarah Jessica Parker.
Who is, I mean, completely a bizarre character in my mind because she just, she has these, oh, they just drive me, they drove me crazy when I dipped into the show, like just this, these giggles and, you know, this constant little girly stuff and it's like, lady, you're in your mid-30s, what are you giggling like a 14-year-old for?
But she is a good guy, a good guy proposes to her, wants to marry her and she's like 35 and And, you know, he's tall, he's good looking, he's got a great job, a good job, he's a good guy, he's not mean, he's, you know, they, I guess, have sexual chemistry together.
And what does she say?
I'm not ready. It's like, lady, you're in your mid-30s.
What do you mean you're not ready? I'm not ready.
Not ready. Well, I mean, so what does she choose?
Later on in the show, she has bad sex with a guy and ends up with her neck half shattered and has to walk around in constant pain.
That's what she gave up marriage for.
She's not ready. I've got to go and have my neck half broken by a guy who's hammering at me like he's drilling for oil.
It's vile. It's vile, right?
So what you do is, I mean, what the culture does is it focuses on young women and it tells them to girl boss, to delay.
It also tells them the lie that what men are looking for is male characteristics, right?
You've got to be tough, you've got to be strong, you've got to kick ass, you've got to be a girl boss, you've got to...
and all that, right? I saw a text message exchange on social media the other day, like just a screenshot.
And it was a guy who had some pickup line and it was a fairly young, attractive guy.
He had a pickup line and the woman said, really?
That's the best? That's the best you got?
And he said, wow, you're 30 and you're choosing to come off all aggressive?
Again, it's kind of incomprehensible to men.
Men like to have authority.
Over the things that men care about, right?
And women like to have authority over the things that women care about.
It's great. And we're designed to fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces.
And a woman who won't cede authority on anything emasculates a man.
And men, spoiler, men don't like to feel emasculated.
Men don't like to feel emasculated.
And if women don't give us our sphere of authority, just as we give women their sphere of authority, we don't like it.
You know, what man wants to spend, especially when you are right about things, like what man wants to spend his life fighting with a woman over things he knows better?
I mean, so, I mean, you can see this, men are pointing out particular threats in society, and women won't listen.
There's danger, there's this, there's this, that, threat, there's other threat, there's danger, there's danger, there's danger, and women won't listen.
So, in the area where men do have expertise, and that area, of course, is physical threats to the family, to the society, to the tribe, to the group, to the whatever, right?
Men are very good at understanding physical threats, and women just poo-poo them.
You can see this happening in voting.
All the time the criminals get let out of prison and then women complain that they can't walk the streets at night and blame men as a whole when it's their own weird manipulated maternal sympathy for rapists and thieves and murderers.
So men are good, very good at assessing threats.
That's kind of what we do. Men are constantly assessing threats, right?
Men are constantly assessing threats, no matter where you go.
It's just a fact. I mean, women don't understand this, but men are, I mean, even in a mall, right?
Men are constantly, oh, where's the exit?
Oh, there's this guy looks a little shifty.
I mean, it's just, it's an unconscious thing.
It's just a terminate and stay resident program.
It's just something that's always checking along in the background.
We're very good at evaluating threats.
And of course, we've been trying to tell women for decades about dangers, threats, right?
And women won't.
I won't listen. And they won't listen.
For more on this, you can see my interviews in my documentary, Sunset in the Golden State, freedomain.com slash documentaries.
Women don't recognize particular threats.
And men do. And look, listen, there are threats that women recognize that men don't.
Women are better at recognizing threats to children, and men are better at recognizing threats to their society as a whole.
So, This is not a better or worse, superior or inferior.
It's just, you know, you have to...
The division of labor begins with the sexes, with men and women.
So, women won't listen.
Women won't listen. No matter how much data accumulates, no matter how many facts accumulate, women won't listen.
And that's a shame. I mean, it's more than a shame.
It's one of the great disasters in history.
But, women are...
They're programmed to display the masculine virtue of courage, but the masculine virtue of courage has to do with the prevention of danger, not surviving it, right?
I mean, there's this sort of famous story about...
The man posts and he said, look, my girlfriend wanted to go to a party in a very bad section of town.
I wasn't going to go to the party because I'm not an idiot and I don't want to get beaten up or risk it.
So she wanted to go to a party in a very bad section of town.
And I said to her...
A, I'm not going, and B, don't go.
And she says, you can't control me, right?
You can't control me.
Don't be a bully. Don't try and control.
You're too controlling, right?
Like, taking good advice, apparently, is being controlling.
Like, my dentist tells me to floss, and it's like, you can't, you're controlling.
It's like, I'm actually trying to help you.
I'm actually trying to keep you safe.
Doctor tells you to lose weight.
You're such a control freak. Whatever, right?
I mean, it's embarrassing.
It's just, I don't even know what to say about this kind of stuff.
Not taking good advice.
Well it's just a way of cutting women off from the wisdom of men, right?
So anyway, this guy says, so yeah, I told her, and she says, I still want to go.
And I said, hey, I'm not controlling you.
You're free to go. But if you go, I'm not going to be your boyfriend anymore.
Like, if you don't listen to me about things I know, and if you won't allow me to keep you safe, then I'm not going to be your boyfriend anymore.
Because, you know, it'd be painful for me to watch you put yourself in situations of danger and not listen to me, and it's an insult to the knowledge that I have and all of that, right?
So she said, okay, fine, I won't go.
Fine, fine, fine, right? Anyway, so it turns out she went.
And then she got sexually assaulted at the party.
And she then, you know, called him at three in the morning, and she said, I got assaulted, she's crying, and so on.
And he's like, yeah, go to the hospital, go to the police, and so on.
And she's like, well, I need you to come with me.
And he's like, well, no. She's like, well, what do you mean, no?
And he's like, well... I'm not your boyfriend anymore.
Because that's what I said.
I said, if you go to this party against my good advice and against my knowledge of what dangers are, of what dangers are in the world, then I'm not going to be your boyfriend anymore.
And she's like, how dare you break up with me when I've been assaulted and I need you and this, that, and the other, right?
And, you know, he held firm.
And it is, you know, it's with great sadness and regret.
I mean, we don't take pleasure when people don't take our good advice.
I mean, I know some people got that, gotcha, you serve you right.
It's like, no. People, you don't take any pleasure.
I mean, if you've got a loved uncle and he keeps smoking and you tell him to stop smoking and he keeps smoking and he keeps smoking and then he gets lung cancer, you don't take pleasure in that.
It's really sad. It's really sad.
And if you don't take good advice, like this is just a general life principle that I would really put out to you with great emphasis.
And this is both to those who give good advice and those who take good advice.
Those who are given good advice and those who have the option to take good advice.
And this is my life as a whole.
I will give people good advice And by good advice, I don't just mean it's my opinion.
Like, I'll give them sort of the reasoning behind it and the evidence and the data and so on, right?
So, I will give people good advice.
And this hasn't happened for a while because mostly we did these people out.
But I give people good advice and they're free to choose to reject my good advice.
Yeah, absolutely. They're totally free to reject my good advice.
And then I won't help them when my good advice turns out to have been accurate and bad things happen, right?
I mean, I told a guy I don't think it was good for him to marry this girl.
I didn't even think it was good for her to date this girl.
He dated this girl.
They ended up in a big mess.
It was a legal problem. And I'm like, yeah.
Man, you've got to help me. It's like, no, I tried.
I'm not helping you with the effects if you didn't listen to the advice.
So, because if you're just going to go and help people, even if they don't listen to your good advice, you're just training them to not listen to your good advice, right?
I don't know. It's kind of weird to me.
It's kind of weird to me. Like, I always said to my friends, save your money.
Save your money. You don't have much free will if you're living paycheck to paycheck, right?
You can't. Quit your job and become an entrepreneur.
You're constantly nervous about sudden bills.
Save your money. Save your money.
Put your money aside so that you have choices.
So I saved my money when I got my first professional job as a programmer.
I was making $40k a year, and I was living in a room in a house with five other people, paying $270 a month, and I saved my money.
And I saved my money.
And then, when the opportunity came to quit and be an entrepreneur, I was able to do that, because I didn't have to live paycheck.
I'd saved... I mean, I was living so cheap.
I had no car, right?
I had no car. I didn't even have a bus pass.
I biked to work in downtown Toronto.
So, I mean, I was living dirt cheap, and I had six-month savings within a year.
And because I had those six-month savings, I was able to quit my job as a COBOL programmer and co-found a software company that then did pretty well because I'd save my money.
I said, save my money. Save your money.
I always say to people, save your money.
Because it gives you a choice. Stop spending money.
And it turns out that saving my money and deferring spending, and of course, you know, when you've lived as a student for a while and you start to get your money, there's a temptation to go and spend your money.
I understand that. There's a temptation to go and spend your money.
I've been living lean.
I grew up dirt poor.
I've been living dirt poor as a student and all of that.
So there's a real temptation.
Oh, I got my first regular job.
I'm doing well. I'm making my first regular paycheck with some good money.
And I don't have to save for school because I'm done school.
There's a temptation to go and just spend a bunch of money.
I mean, I remember when a friend of mine's mother died in our teens, and I begged him, don't spend the money, because he got, it was really sad.
I mean, she got cancer and she died, but then he got a lot from, and then, not but, and then he got, I don't know, like a hundred grand, which is a lot of money no matter what, but you know, back in the 80s, it was a lot of money.
And I was like, save the money.
Invest the money. Save the money.
This is your life if you want it.
And it's like, no, he went and bought a Jeep, and he went and bought a very expensive computer, and of course the Jeep is done decades ago.
The computer is obsolete decades ago.
But he could have...
I don't know.
Sorry. It's just these are old annoyances.
So then, if I say to people, save your money, and then they don't save their money, and then they want to borrow my money, nope, no, like I told you to save your money.
Well, yeah, but I had this sure thing, and this, that, and the other.
It's like, no.
No. See, people give good advice like it's just wind in the trees, just blows through the leaves.
When you give good advice, you're on the hook for the plus and the other person is on the hook for the minus.
So if you give good advice, you think it's good advice, it turns out to be bad advice, right?
Like, oh, I think you should date this girl, she's perfect for you and she turns out to be a raging psycho, then you're on the hook for helping him out because you gave him advice.
You're not controlling him, but you have to be responsible for the advice that you give.
That's why I don't tell people what to do.
They're responsible for what they do.
I give them principles or perspectives, but I don't tell people what to do.
So, in friendships, if I say to a guy, don't date this girl, and then he doesn't date her, okay, good.
He's listened to some advice. If he does, if I say don't date the girl, he dates the girl, and it turns into a giant mess, good luck.
I'm not responsible for helping you with this because I told you to not do it.
Right. So people give advice consequence-free, which is kind of a weird thing to me.
You know, a friend of mine was having trouble getting his romantic life started, and I said, you know, you should go to therapy and talk about this kind of stuff.
I think I know what it might be.
I talked to him about it a little bit here and there.
But instead of going to a therapist and working out his issues, he just hardened and became kind of black-pilled regarding women, right?
And it's like, okay, well, if you're not going to listen to my good advice, and I'd already been to therapy at this point, I knew what I was talking about.
So if you're not going to listen to my good advice, that's fine.
It's a free world, such as is left.
You're totally free to not listen to my good advice.
But then, I can't care if you're lonely.
And you say, I'm lonely. Oh, you should go to therapy and you should try this and you should try that.
Nope. Instead, I'm just going to talk about how women just don't like short guys.
Okay. So then, I'm no longer responsible on the hook or fundamentally interested in your love life or lack thereof, right?
You know, if I tell someone to save money and then they say, I'm broke because they spent the money, But you enjoyed the spending, right?
Like, if you didn't want to listen to me when I could have prevented the problem, why would I want to help you when the problem arrives?
If you wouldn't sacrifice your ego to listen to me, who knows what the hell he's talking about?
If you wouldn't sacrifice your ego to listen to me, why would I sacrifice my money to, quote, help you?
If I give people good advice and they don't listen, it simply means that they've chosen to learn through consequences and the only chance of them learning is negative consequences.
So if I even remotely still care about my friend and he's chosen to learn through negative consequences, why would I then shield him from negative consequences?
Like he's not learning through reason and evidence.
He's not taking good advice.
So clearly he has chosen to learn through bitter experience.
So then why would I want to shield him from the bitter experiences which is only chance of knowing?
Now, if I hate him, then I'll shield him from negative consequences.
Right? If I hate him, then I'll shield him from negative consequences.
If he doesn't take good advice and I hate him, then I'll shield him from negative consequences which is going to cut him adrift to an endless life of error.
So, this woman, your friend, right?
I know we've wandered far afield, but I'm only semi-in control of my brain, obviously.
So, it's a dance.
It's a dance! We can dance if we want to.
Alright. I have a friend who's 41 and a few months.
She's no savings and no real dreams.
I know she wants a domestic life and wanted a family at one point, but things didn't work out with the guy she was in love with, and now she's living very casually like a young adult.
Right. So...
I really, really, you know, we just drifted apart.
Things didn't work out.
We just ended up wanting different things.
That's all nonsense. That's all nonsense.
Relationships don't work out.
I mean, I'm just going to give you self-ownership, graduate degree, right?
Self-ownership, graduate degree.
Things didn't work out with your boyfriend because you didn't provide enough value.
That's all. That's all.
That's all it is. You didn't provide enough value.
I got fired from my job.
Okay. So if you are producing five times your salary for an employer, you're not going to get fired unless the entire company goes tits up, right?
You're not going to get fired because you're so ridiculously profitable that they're not going to do it, right?
They won't fire you. Because you're providing so much value.
I mean, so those of you who are listening, you know, thank you, thank you, thank you.
But I also know that you're listening because I provide ridiculous amounts of value in a relatively short period of time in a relatively entertaining and engaging fashion.
That's what I do.
I know that. I know that.
And so some people disagree.
I don't care. I know that.
I know that. So why did things not work out with the guy she loved?
Because she did not provide him enough value.
Now, you could say, ah yes, but he didn't provide her enough value, this, that, and the other.
It's like, oh, well, then she chose a guy who didn't return value for value.
If I'm generous and other people are generous back, then they're good to have in my life.
If I'm generous and other people exploit me, then they're bad to have in my life.
But the fact that people exploit you shouldn't stop you from being generous.
The fact that people exploit you, that's like saying, well, I went fishing one time and I never caught anything, so I'm never going to go fishing again.
No. Yes, when you're generous, sometimes people will exploit you.
But if you then stop being generous, then other generous people won't be in your life, and that's too high a price to pay.
Then the guy who exploited you is then keeping generous people away from you forever, because if you're stingy and won't be generous, generous people don't want to be around you, so you then are locked into either isolation or being exploited for the rest of your life because you surrendered to Thank you, thank you, thank you. But I'm not going to let the fact that most people who listen and get great value don't donate.
I'm not going to let that stop me from being generous.
With my time, effort, and energy.
I mean, I did a show not too long ago with someone who had become very wealthy.
I didn't charge them.
I didn't ask for a donation.
I didn't ask for any of their wealth.
Just being generous. He can do what he wants, right?
So, things didn't work out.
No. She just was too lazy or selfish to provide value.
If you're an employee who costs more than you provide to your employer, any sensible employer will fire you after a certain amount of, you know, try and fix it, right?
I mean, if you get paid $50,000 a year, but you only produce $25,000 worth of value, you're going to get fired.
Or the company's going to go out of business as a whole if that's a general pattern, right?
So job security...
Pair bonding is providing value.
Pair bonding is providing value.
My wife provides what is to me infinite value.
I provide to her what I check with her.
Infinite value. How am I doing?
Is there anything I can do better? Are you happy?
I want to make sure. So, pair bonding is just being able to trust that the person is going to provide great value, and if it's mutual, that's love.
So, things didn't work out.
No. If a man is getting massive value from his girlfriend, he's not going to break up with her.
If she's difficult, if she's distant, if she's asexual, if she's bored, if she's uninteresting, if she's understimulating, if she's combative, if she's just a net neutral or negative in his life, Like, if you're a good business manager, you'll fire employees who are just covering costs.
Like, you pay them $50,000, they generate $50,000, so it's completely pointless.
Because it also takes your time to manage them and all, right?
So you'll fire that person because you want someone who's going to produce at least twice their salary.
Take care of overhead and taxes and all that kind of stuff, right?
So, if the relationship is a net negative, unless the guy's a masochist, it's going to end.
Relationships aren't that complicated if you just provide value.
People will want to keep you around, whether it's in friendship, work, business, love, right?
I mean, why do you go to a restaurant?
Because they give you what you want at a price that you perceive as fair.
If the restaurant charges you $300 for a slice of toast, you're not going back to the restaurant, right?
In fact, you won't even do it, right?
You won't even sit down. So, she's broke and traveling.
So she's fallen prey to the idea that time does not pass.
And time passes a double for women.
Well, more than double, really.
So look at a man's fertility window.
Let's just do the math real easy.
20 to 80, right?
They've got 60 years. A woman's fertility window is 20 to 40.
So you've got 60 years, 20 to 80, versus 20 years.
So a woman ages three times faster than a man.
And that's important.
So women generally have a stronger sense of time.
But telling women to be like men is to tell them to defer, to delay, to live like this.
Love me like there's no tomorrow.
As if time isn't passing.
Now, civilization survives and flourishes and lasts.
Civilization It's only possible if women are sensitive to the passage of time.
And so, of course, all propaganda aimed at undermining a civilization is aimed at undermining women's sense of the passage of time.
So, if she's broke and she's traveling, so how is she traveling if she's broke?
Well, every man, and I'm just telling you this, ladies, every man with half a brain, every man, when a woman says, I'm broke and traveling, it means you're sleeping your way around the globe.
You're banging random guys so that they'll pay your way to travel.
You are a mobile prostitute because you are exchanging sex for money.
And, of course, you know, lots of people can think of, well, you know, she was working and this, that, and the other.
It's like, oh, come on. Yeah, maybe one in a hundred women does that.
And, you know, we men, we learn to play the arts, right?
So, if a woman says, yeah, I've done a lot of travel in my life, oh, wow, how have you been able to afford that?
Oh, you know, I've just, you know, I'd work for a little bit, I'd save up some money, I'd go travel, this, that, and the other.
And maybe that's true. Maybe that's true.
But probably not. I mean, and I know personally women who have traveled without sleeping around.
So, I'm not saying this, but if the woman generally seems irresponsible, right?
And this is always fascinating to me, right?
So, I grew up with very...
I got my first job when I was 10 and, you know, it's funny all these people who are like, I can't handle working 40 hours a week.
It's like I was so grateful to get a job because, you know, I went through a couple of recessions too, right?
So I was so grateful to get a job.
I'd show up happy, early, happy, positive, thrilled, excited, great.
And I was always happy to get the job.
You know, when I was a temp and I got a job working spreadsheets or something, I'd be like thrilled and happy and excited and positive and good.
So, you know, if a woman says, I've done a lot of travel, I'm like, well, are you a student?
If you've done a lot of travel, the question is, okay, well, it's expensive, and don't you have to work?
Like, when I first started getting professional jobs, I would get maybe two weeks vacation a year.
So, a lot of travel means prostitute in motion.
I'm just talking, for me, emotionally, and I think this is true for most men, right?
And you can see these memes, right?
When one woman says she's traveled extensively, and there's that meme of the woman getting a bunch of hot dogs thrown at her face, it's like, yeah, that's just...
So, a woman who says she's traveled a lot, in general, translates into she has exchanged sex for accommodation.
And that's gross. That's gross.
Because, you know, if you want to exchange sex for accommodation, get married, have children, right?
And so she's all about the experiences, and now, of course, it's become really addictive, because you can get all the likes on Instagram, and Instagram seems to be the place with all the travel stuff, right?
So she says she's traveling and I lent her dollars because she was completely without a dollar to her name.
Okay. What the ever-loving hell are you talking about?
You lent her money because she was broke.
That's not causal. What's wrong with being broke?
Being broke can spur fantastic changes, positive changes in your life.
Being broke can be one of the greatest things that's ever happened to you.
I certainly know that for myself, being broke was just wonderful.
Being broke really got my life started because I was kind of able to fudge my finances for quite some time in quite many ways.
But being broke was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me.
I just was thrilled in hindsight.
So, you are preventing her from hitting the kind of rock bottom that would change things.
Right? But, okay, so, and here's the thing too, I also try to stay away from people whose lives depress the shit out of me.
Honestly. Again, I'm not telling you what to do, obviously, I'm just telling you my, I can't handle being around people, and of course, now that I'm in my Late 50s, yeah, it's even more of a strong, because, you know, the life arc is done for most of the people that I grew up with, and I just, I can't be around people who are depressing.
So this woman is 41, no boyfriend, no family, no career, no prospects, no money.
How are you not recoiling from, in a sense, horror and depression from this kind of life?
Like, where does her life go from here?
Where does a broke 41-year-old woman, I assume she slept around if she's traveled without money, I could be wrong, but where does a broke, no career, no fertility, no family prospects, no child prospects, Where do you think?
I'm just out of curiosity.
Where do you think her life goes from here?
Come on, man. Do you have to wait to jump off the Titanic until it's 2,200 feet underwater?
I hope not. Where's her life going to go?
It's going to get worse and worse and worse from here for another 40 to 50 years.
Right? It's going to get worse and worse and worse from here for another 40 to 50 years.
You know, someone in a bad marriage where there's contempt and they say, okay, where does this go?
Well, they can probably drag it out for another couple of years and then there's going to be an ugly divorce.
Like, why would you want to be around people who are just going to do nothing but drag you down?
Say, well, I care about her.
Well, stop. I care about her.
Well, if she doesn't...
Like, this is how you lose out in life.
This is how you lose in life. It's you care about people more than they care about themselves.
I won't do it. I won't fucking do it.
I have an iron will with regards to this.
If you don't care about yourself, I'm not going to care about you.
I don't have any friends in my life...
I'm telling you this.
I don't have any friends in my life who don't exercise and take care of themselves.
Right? Because they're going to get sick.
And they're going to be unhappy.
And they're going to be miserable. And they're going to have joint pain.
And they're going to have all these problems.
I don't want that. Now, of course, if a friend of mine gets sick out of nowhere, yeah, yeah, sympathy, right?
Not his fault, right? I got sick out of nowhere.
So, yeah, sympathy, blah, blah, blah.
But you've got to figure out people's life arc and whether you want to go along.
What is going to happen to this woman over the next half century?
How's her life going to be?
It's going to be cursed.
Godforsaken. Horrible.
Sorry, like, this is just the way things are.
It's just the way things are.
She's going to have progressively worse relationships.
She's going to be continually broke.
She's going to be continually escaping to travel.
And she's going to be avoiding her own unhappiness and responsibility.
See, there's the thing, right? If you have...
Made terrible mistakes.
And we all have, right? You've made terrible mistakes, but you can fix them.
Then your sadness has a purpose.
Your anxiety, your sadness, your upset has a purpose.
If this woman wanted a family and she's single at 41 and broke, she's not going to have a family.
She can't fix it. She can't go back in time.
So I'm telling you this.
Got to get this. Got to get this.
100%. 100%. People who've screwed up their lives beyond repair go insane and try and take you with them.
It's this automatic process because they resist reality.
They can't fix their problems.
So they can't admit fault. They can't admit self-ownership.
So they blame others.
They spiral. They get involved in weird beliefs, mysticism, culty shit.
They just go crazy because they can't fix what they broke.
And so rationality no longer has utility for them.
Self-ownership, what's the point of saying, I'm responsible for the disaster of my life when you can't recover from the disaster of your life?
What's the point? That would just be self-torture.
But it's still blindingly true and obvious.
So what happens? People who screwed up their life beyond repair will go crazy and try and take you with them.
So what are you doing?
I mean, seriously, what are you doing?
How is this person a net positive?
Maybe you feel superior, like you want to help them out and be Captain Save-A-Lady, whatever it is, right?
I mean, maybe you've got all that shit going on.
But that's terrible. Instead of being around people that you pretend you can rescue, why just not be around people who are functional and healthy?
He says, I've reflected on it and I've realized that her problem is she doesn't really want anything for herself or others with passion.
That's her problem. So, you've known this woman, I assume, for a long time, because you wouldn't just meet this woman and say, hey, let's be best buds, right?
So, I assume you've known this woman for a long time, and you still have to make up what her problems are.
She hasn't told you. You haven't talked about them.
You should know, if she's got problems, you should know what they are.
Just making things up, right? There isn't anything meaningful that drives her forward in life.
She's aimless, right? So, she has no particular identity, doesn't process the passage of time, no goals, no ambitions.
Because she's like, goals, ambition, achieving anything in life, It's functionally, powerfully, deeply intertwined with the knowledge of the passage of time.
You are gonna die.
I am gonna die.
Every day is one step closer to death, right?
It's like song, right?
Ticking away the hours that make up a dull day.
Further don't waste the hours in an offhand way.
The sun is the same in a relative way, but your older one has shorter breath than one day closer to death.
You run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking, racing around to come up behind you again.
You're going to die. Now, why do the Pink Floyd guys, why did they create such great music?
Well, in part, talent, obviously, hard work, ambition, but in part because they're going to die.
And you know that old thing about hiking, take nothing but photos, leave nothing but footprints?
That's life. People wander through life like ghosts, leaving nothing behind.
They get this great and precious gift that their ancestors sacrificed unbelievable hardships, trials and tribulations for.
Buried half their children, fought off invaders and feral beasts of every kind, survived plagues, famines, wars.
And they give you this great gift of life and you're like, I'm going to Bali and have sex.
Jesus. Talk about pissing away the greatest inheritance in the universe.
So she has no sense of the passage of time and ambition is the passage of time.
Right? I mean, as I said before, I wrote this whole novel, Just Poor, based upon my horror of the possibility that I was going to go through life without ever recording my thoughts and keeping them for the world.
Now, I know that the quality of my thoughts is great and it's important to have them in the world.
And it's funny because I think it was the year 2000 that I wrote.
In 2001, I wrote a novel about a guy who uses a camera and the internet to record his thoughts for the world and they're spectacular.
And this was long before this became, it's like, I don't know, half a decade before YouTube, right?
But you can see these things kind of coming, right?
And of course, the moment that I was able to get my thoughts onto the internet, I did.
Like, I raced at it. I worked like crazy.
I learned everything I needed to learn back then.
There was no tutorial videos.
I learned the XML, the feeds.
I learned, you know, negotiated with companies when bandwidth was super expensive.
Like, I just worked as soon as I could feverishly because I'm like, okay, here's a chance for me to do more than take photos and leave footprints.
Here's a chance for me to carve my thoughts into the atomic structure of the universe in perpetuity.
Yes. So she's intelligent, but she has no sense of the passage of time, which means she's been hypnotized by propaganda into thinking all that matters is appearance, not fertility.
She's very intelligent, creative.
The only thing holding her back is a mental construct.
I don't even know what that means, but just making up shit.
You don't know. How can she find passion for a goal that will incentivize her to accumulate resources and independence and security?
What will happen if she doesn't? Well, you know, and she won't, right?
It's too late. It's too late.
It's too late. It's a chilling thought.
It's one of the most terrifying scenes.
This scene scared the shit out of me.
This scene scared the shit out of me when I was a teenager.
I'll give you the scenario.
Not much of a spoiler.
In the novel The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, there are two characters, central characters, Peter Keating and Howard Rourke.
Howard Rourke has great integrity.
Peter Keating is raised by a single mother and is as broken as most boys raised by single mothers.
And Peter Keating wants to be an artist, but his mother convinces him to be an architect.
Now, long story short, decades later, maybe, I don't know, 15 years later, decade or decade and a half later, Peter Keating is kind of washed up as an architect and then goes back to trying to be an artist.
But he's corrupted himself, sold his soul in a way.
So Peter Keating, in the middle of his life, tries to return to his dream of being an artist.
And he has great respect for Howard Rourke, who obviously is a shining paragon of integrity.
And he shows the drawings that he's been doing in his mid-late 30s.
He shows the drawings he's been doing to Howard Rourke.
And Howard Rourke looks through the drawings, and Peter Keating is like, can I still do it?
Can I still be an artist? Can I do it?
And Howard Rourke, with great sorrow, great sorrow, says, it's too late.
It's too late. You missed the boat.
You missed the bus. You can't rewind.
You can't recover. You can't fix.
She's a broke woman, loveless, past the wall.
No ability to offer kids.
She's lazy. Because she won't put her skills to use.
She won't put her great brain to use.
Like, intelligence is a gift.
You're gifted. You're gifted by nature.
I didn't earn my brain. I didn't earn my brain.
With great abilities come great responsibilities, particularly with regards to intelligence.
You should use your intelligence not to serve your ego, but to help people.
For a man to use his intelligence just for his own ego gratification, or just to make money for himself, or to seem smarter, or to baffle gab midwits, And feel superior is the equivalent of a woman using her sexual attractiveness for travel rather than founding a family and a pair bond.
It's an exploitation of that which you did not earn for the sake of selfishness and all that shit will turn to absolute ash in your hands.
Why do I do shows every day?
People are like, oh, you produce so much material.
It's like, you think this is all for you?
Or me?
It's not all for you.
You know, I'm spending an hour here getting these thoughts out because the thoughts are always scrolling past my brain and if I die, they die with me.
And if I record them, they're out in the world.
And this is not about ego.
I mean, the one thing that people can absolutely say about what I've done as a public intellectual is it does not have anything to do with ego at all.
It is to do with helping.
So, people are like, hey man, you put out more material than I can consume.
Yep. It's not about you.
I mean, I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you're listening, but it's about the future.
And I do pity the scholars, given my output and what they'll have to do.
But, you know, Hegel wrote a bunch of letters too, so whatever.
So, she's producing nothing, contributing nothing, existing in a state of economic neutrality, She's not producing any kids.
She's not producing any art.
She's not producing any value for an employer, otherwise she wouldn't be broke.
She is about as present in the world as a jellyfish in the ocean.
A clear one, mind you.
I guess you only notice when it stings you.
And this is very sad.
It's very sad. It's very sad.
And you have a choice with the resources in your life.
She, in my opinion, I don't know her, could be wrong, don't think so, she's going to go slowly mad.
And we can see, of course, this, particularly white women, you've seen the antidepressant consumption numbers for women post-fertility.
White women, they're going crazy.
Well, they've been, I mean, women as a whole have been prey to this heavy psyop of time doesn't pass and it only matters how you look and go have fun and you can maybe have kids later.
Delay, delay, delay. Right?
I mean, this is Gandalf's strategy, isn't it, in The Hobbit?
When the hobbits are captured by the...
Golems? No, not the golems, not the ogres.
Are they ogres? I can't remember what they are, but the ones that turn to stone if they hit sunlight.
The trolls. Is it trolls?
No, I can't remember what it is. It's some beast.
And he delays. He doesn't fight them directly.
He just delays, gets them arguing amongst each other, gets them to waste time until the sun hits them and they turn to stone.
And they think they show up in Lord of the Rings later, right?
Statues. No delay, argue, fight.
Don't care. Just don't have kids.
Just don't have kids.
And of course, she's a political person now too, right?
Because if she stays single, she's going to vote for big government.
So all the people who want to increase the size of the government have every incentive to hypnotize women into not having children.
And when you have children, you notice more the passage of time.
I mean, I'm fairly fit, I guess.
And I don't notice any particularly big differences from me now.
And honestly, I know this sounds crazy, right?
I don't notice any particularly big differences from me now to me when I was 17.
I can still play an hour of racquet sports.
I can still do 40 minutes on a stationary bicycle at the highest level.
I still have the same workout routine.
I still do the same weights that I did when I was 17.
Who tells you you're gonna die?
Right? Who reminds you that you're gonna die?
So that you get shit done.
I mean, if you were immortal, you could waste time.
Right? Even that Billy Joel song.
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.
It's alright. You can afford to lose a day or two.
This is from one of the hardest working people in showbiz, although it's been 17 years.
I think he just released a new song since he wrote an original song, but he's new tours and all that, right?
He's reminding himself to slow down because he was very ambitious, right?
Worked very hard. Writing, recording, touring.
I guess dieting recently.
Well, he's in some ways part of the PSYOP in my view, but...
So... Where's this woman going to go?
And listen, it's very painful.
It's very painful to look at people and say, I can't let you take me down.
Like, I can't. You know, one of my friends from my early teens worked together, lived together, couldn't get his life going.
And people don't stay the same over time.
They either get saner or they get crazier.
And getting saner is work.
Our natural tendency, absent intervention, is decay, is entropy.
I mean, that's all of nature, and certainly biological nature.
Our natural state with inactivity is death.
And our natural state without philosophy is It's madness.
Delusion. Unless we have the standards that tell ourselves to tell the truth, we lie.
To ourselves, to others, continually.
Because lying is easier. Unless we have a standard which says I need to exercise, we tend to decay.
Unless I have a standard which says I need to not eat too much, we tend to overeat.
We tend to decay absent significant intervention.
So if you don't have people in your life who have standards, And are striving to achieve them.
And you know, nobody does it perfectly, but you know, aim at it, right?
If you have people in your life who aren't working at getting and staying sane, they are decaying into madness and will take you with them.
You, with philosophy, you're not like someone else but fixed.
You're someone else entirely.
Like, philosophy for me didn't return me to a state of normalcy, like normal NPC-ness, right?
I mean, the purpose of physical therapy, break your arm, is to return your arm to normal functionality, right?
But the purpose of philosophy, if you get broken and you repair yourself, you're, in a sense, a kind of different.
You have a very different mind than the people who don't even know that they're broken.
So, you know, I mean, obviously do whatever you want, but every resource you're applying to this person, you're not applying to a functional person who you can actually help.
And what can you do?
You can't rewind her life, you can't give her job skills or integrity, or you can't regrow her eggs, you can't make her a family person.
It's too late! It's too late!
It's all too late!
It's too late! So, anyway, I hope this helps.
Again, it's a very, very sad thing, but follow people into the bog of madness on the rollerblades of sorrow is a bad trip, man.
It's a bad trip, and it doesn't help you.
And it certainly can't fix them, so...
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I'd really, really appreciate it. Thank you for these great questions.
One of these I will do short.
I did the medieval broadsword one short.
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Thank you everybody so much for the great privilege of these conversations.
And please let me know if there's anything else I can do better.
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