Oct. 1, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
13:04
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| All right. Hi everybody. | |
| It's Devan Molyneux from Free Domain. | |
| So, I hope you're doing well. So sorry. | |
| I have gotten hoovered and sucked up into the giant project of the Peaceful Parenting book, and I haven't kept you up to date. | |
| I apologize. I'm going to rectify that, tell you what's going on, what it's all about, and to give you the general structure, maybe a little taste of it. | |
| This is my magnum opus, my atlas shrug of how to improve the future, so I want to get it right. | |
| I'm happy to get your feedback on What's going on? | |
| So just overall, we got 450 pages, 160,000 words done. | |
| A lot of it is sort of dense research with the scientific material, the backgrounds, the graph, the charts, the facts, the medicine, the longevity, and all of that. | |
| So, of course, how does it generally work in terms of structure? | |
| Well, there's a prologue, there's an introduction. | |
| The prologue is... | |
| I mean, the book is way too spicy at the moment to go out, but I'm going to work on that and shave back some of the volatility of it so that it's a bit more generally consumable. | |
| But the prologue has a lot to do with this book is a giant trigger for people, so just be patient. | |
| Follow the morals. Follow the examples. | |
| Follow the practical steps. | |
| And try not to shoot the messenger. | |
| That would be me. So that would be nice. | |
| So we've got a prologue and then an introduction. | |
| And then we go, it's theory, practice, and effects, right? | |
| The part one is theory, part two is practice, part three is effects. | |
| So the theory is, you know, peaceful parenting, What is it? | |
| What the world should be? | |
| What would the world look like with peaceful parenting? | |
| Why do we have to have peaceful parenting? | |
| What was the evolution of abuse? | |
| What are the barriers to it? | |
| Entitlement? Oh, but my childhood was fine. | |
| And then how power corrupts people as a whole. | |
| This is the real philosophical part of it. | |
| The rules of peaceful parenting, the general ethics of peaceful parenting with two Examples, what if my children lie to me and how credibility is absolutely important and you have to give up your ego to get there, which leads us into part two of the book, which is the practice of peaceful parenting. | |
| So, parenting and general integrity, parenting and moral instruction, peaceful parenting and ego, could also be called, of course, peaceful parenting versus ego, peaceful parenting and the voluntary family and all of that, and then, of course, discipline without violence. | |
| Because it's not unparenting. | |
| You don't just let your kids run wild. | |
| They're not wolf children. It's peaceful parenting. | |
| How do you impose discipline or how do you generate discipline without violence? | |
| How do you impose standards? | |
| And then if part of practice goes, peaceful parenting and sleep. | |
| And can peaceful parenting accept the cry-it-out method with regards to sleep? | |
| Peaceful parenting and time-outs. | |
| Of course, time-outs is the non-spanking method for dealing with conflicts and discipline. | |
| And so we get into that. | |
| We get into sibling aggression. | |
| We get into compliance and the teenage years. | |
| Peaceful parenting and clean your room and peaceful parenting and peer pressure. | |
| And then we get into siblings as a whole, brothers, sisters, and sibling potential and how peaceful parenting deals with sibling conflicts. | |
| The extended family, outside the immediate nuclear family, we got extended family and peaceful parenting, dealing with family bullies, family loyalties, blowback from setting boundaries. | |
| If you're peacefully parenting, it doesn't mean your whole extended family is and how to deal with that. | |
| Of course, for the parents who are out there who have not peacefully parented, have accepted as a virtuous approach, which it is, how to apologize, how to make restitution, and all of that. | |
| Child abuse and the power as a whole in society, peaceful parenting and reconciliation with the past, defining the cycle of abuse and breaking the cycle of abuse, and then we get into the effects of child abuse over the lifespan, which is sort of a taste of the next section. | |
| I wanted to deal with neglect. | |
| I had a lot of requests to deal with neglect, so we've got the effects of neglect and so on. | |
| And empathy, strength, and moral clarity, how that's so essential for your parenting. | |
| Then we get to part three, effects. | |
| Now, these are not the effects of peaceful parenting, because peaceful parenting is almost exclusively a future-based phenomenon, so this is not... | |
| The effects of peaceful parenting, these are the effects of current aggressive control-based, ego-based, vanity-based, often control and violence-based parenting. | |
| So, yeah, I mean, does society actually love its children based upon how children are treated? | |
| The dangers of smoking versus the dangers of child abuse. | |
| All of these things, drinking and driving, smoking and so on, you get these in the way of your seatbelts. | |
| How do the dangers of smoking compare to the dangers of child abuse? | |
| What about spending on child abuse awareness versus spending on other forms of awareness? | |
| And so we get into some of the political aspects of it. | |
| And then we get into something super, super important. | |
| I was interviewing Dr. | |
| Vincent Valitti like 15 years ago about this. | |
| The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study and SCORE, the prevalences of ACEs or Adverse Childhood Experiences and Health, the global prevalence of child abuse, how common is it, and the root causes of adult dysfunction, and then the detrimental effects of physical abuse. | |
| And this stuff's kind of chilling, but it is really, really important to deal with this. | |
| Physical punishment as a predictor of early cognitive development, physical abuse and stress responses, spanking and IQ, and we can get All of this sort of stuff. | |
| All the way back to mother's weight and it's linked to diabetes. | |
| Early parent-child bond and stress. | |
| And some notes here for some details to change down the road. | |
| Parts of the brain associated with empathy and how they're harmed by aggression and violence. | |
| And I wanted to talk about divorce as a whole because... | |
| What effect does divorce have on children? | |
| It's pretty rough. | |
| And then we get into, this is a presentation I did many years ago, and it's been updated with the latest research called The Bomb in the Brain. | |
| And we've got Adverse Childhood Experiences as a Whole, Verbal Abuse and Its Consequences. | |
| Neglect, very much understudied, but we've got some great data on that. | |
| Neglect and its effects, sexual abuse, child sexual abuse and its impact and all of that. | |
| So how child abuse reshapes the neural pathways, child abuse and early onset menstruation. | |
| The effect of child abuse on one's genes is really, really quite powerful. | |
| Obesity and health. Childhood trauma and biological disruption, and some fairly technical, we've tried to make it as readable as possible, but around heart disease, ischemic heart disease, cancer, and gender differences, epigenetic influences, biological stress system responses to childhood trauma, and all of this sort of stuff. | |
| Sleep disruptions often, you know, people who've got sleep issues very often were abused as children. | |
| And then we get into some of the particularly teenage effects of child abuse, promiscuity, drug abuse, and so on. | |
| Criminality, suicide, and more details about what happens with parental divorce and disruption of stability, loss of trust, educational and social impacts of divorce, and the psychological toll of divorce. | |
| And dialogues that mend the soul from shadows to sunlight and talk therapy, a beacon in the dark, how powerful and positive talk therapy is in dealing with these kinds of things. | |
| And then how peaceful parenting protects children. | |
| Of course, we all want to do that, right? | |
| So how does peaceful parenting protect the bond that keeps your children safe from predators? | |
| So there's a A lot of detailed information about how those who prey on children, how they operate, how they select, how they recruit, the strategies used, and how peaceful parenting counters all of this to keep your children truly safe. | |
| And then there's some importance of sleep is sort of reminded and reported on. | |
| And then in sort of an appendix, we have parental excuses. | |
| Which is, you know, oh, my parent's childhood. | |
| Your childhood wasn't that bad. | |
| Or how was I supposed to know there were these negative things? | |
| As long as you live under my roof, I make the rules. | |
| It hurts me more than it hurts you. | |
| And Proverbs 13.24, other kids have it a lot worse than you. | |
| And you don't know how difficult it is. | |
| You'll understand when you become a parent. | |
| This sort of goes on and on. | |
| I got a lot of feedback from freedomand.locals.com about all of this. | |
| So, yes, it is... | |
| A really great book. | |
| And I guess I'll read the first page or two. | |
| Peaceful Parenting. Prologue. | |
| I am fully aware that it seems melodramatic and precious to write an introduction that is basically a giant trigger warning But it needs to be done. | |
| This book is the culmination of 40 years' work in the field of philosophy, self-knowledge, parenting, and ethics. | |
| Through my show, Free Domain, I've had the privilege of having in-depth conversations with thousands of people about their early childhood experiences and the effects that trauma has had over the course of their adult lives. | |
| They contact me in the hope that my training and experience in self-knowledge and moral philosophy will help them untangle the problems in their lives. | |
| I hope that I have served them well. | |
| These conversations are all available on my website. | |
| I have interviewed many experts in the field of parenting, child abuse, family structures, therapy and self-knowledge. | |
| These interviews are also available on my website. | |
| I myself experienced significant levels of child abuse. | |
| I was raised by a violent and crazy single mother who ended up being institutionalized when I was in my early teens. | |
| I did talk therapy for three hours a week for almost two years. | |
| At the end of my therapeutic process, and after months of trying to repair my relationship with my family, I decided to separate from them. | |
| I've not talked to my mother for 25 years. | |
| My father left when I was a baby, and I've had little contact with him since. | |
| He died a few years ago. | |
| I have been happily married for over 20 years and have been a stay-at-home father for the past 15 years to my wonderful daughter. | |
| My wife and I both decided to parent without aggression, violence, name-calling, raised voices or punishment of any kind. | |
| My daughter is homeschooled and we are part of a wonderful community of like-minded parents. | |
| My daughter and I do comedy shows together, mostly movie reviews. | |
| These are also available on my website. | |
| Now for the trigger warning. | |
| This is a very intense book. | |
| I've tried to write it twice before, but faltered at the depth and enormity of the task. | |
| So that's sort of the opening of the book, and I wanted also to thank you, of course, for the incredibly kind and generous support That allows me to write this book, that gives me the resources to hire the researchers and to take the time and work on the book. | |
| And it's been quite a wild task for me. | |
| I mean, a real emotional rollercoaster, very, very intense to write the book. | |
| And I hope I do you proud and I hope I do the subject justice because it is the most important subject in the world. | |
| And I feel like my whole life has led to this. | |
| So I really want to thank you. | |
| If you would like to help out, I would really, really appreciate it. | |
| You can help out the sort of completion of this book, freedomain.com forward slash donate, freedomain.com forward slash donate. | |
| I'll put the link below. If you can help out, I would really, really appreciate it. | |
| Taking me away from a lot of other things, and I'm just not able to do as much as I'd like to in the show as a whole. | |
| Any support that you can provide would be hugely welcome. | |
| The book I will, of course, release for free. | |
| This is not something I want to charge for. | |
| I think it's really, really important to get it out there. | |
| So the book will be available for free in... | |
| In audiobook form, in online form, in e-book reader form, the book will be available absolutely for free, shareable as wide as humanly possible. | |
| And really, again, thank you enormously for your support. | |
| I look forward to hearing what your thoughts are about the initial organization of the book. | |
| I absolutely look forward to your feedback. | |
| As I roll it out, and again, if you can help out the show and help out this book, I would really appreciate it. | |
| FreeDomain.com slash donate. |
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