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Sept. 2, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
46:41
HEALING FROM TRAUMA!
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In the Wednesday show, I won't review the case here, but in the Wednesday show, I talked about this verbal curse of resentment eats away at you and you alone because it feeds the scars of the trauma they created in you.
So that is what's called verbal diarrhea.
And I really do apologize.
I don't mean to insult diarrhea here, which has at least the value of...
So I made a big case here.
I disagree. You can forgive, in quotes, in the sense of letting go of your resentments without letting them off the hook and without maintaining a relationship with them.
How do you know? What case did you make?
I made like an hour-long case with detailed examples, analogies, moral reasoning, syllogisms, and so on.
I disagree. Okay, first of all, why on earth would I care that you disagree?
Now, when someone says, I disagree...
They're priming you without giving an argument.
You can, quote, forgive in the sense of letting go of your resentments, without letting them off the hook, and without maintaining a relationship with them.
So he puts the word, quote, in forgive.
So he puts the word forgive in quotes.
What does that mean? I'll put the text here.
Why is the word forgive in quotes?
What does that mean? What does that mean?
Why is it in quotes? Does that mean it's not real forgiveness?
Does he mean he's using the term forgiveness in a different sense than I'm...
Because I didn't put the word... I didn't say the truth about forgiveness and put the forgiveness in quotes.
So he can, quote, forgive.
What does that mean? Is it pretend forgiveness?
Is it forgiveness with quotes?
Is it fake? Is it like...
What does that mean? In the sense of letting go of your resentments...
Now, if you look at that analogy, that is that your resentment was not inflicted upon you against your will, but you're holding on to it.
You know what they say? Holding on to your resentments, right?
Holding on to your resentments.
But abuse permanently changes who you are.
It permanently changes who you are.
So, you know, like if there's some reports that if your kid lies to your baby, right, the baby's brain is, sorry, the baby's skull is soft and hardens later, right?
So if you lay your baby too much on the back, you get this flat head, right?
You get the flat head on the back, right?
Not enough tummy time, you've got a flat head, right?
So if you leave your child on their back as a baby too long, the baby ends up with a differently shaped skull, right?
We follow that, right? It makes sense, right?
Your baby ends up with a differently shaped skull.
The baby is never going to be as the baby would have been with enough tummy time.
You've got a permanent flap thing on the back of the skull, right?
Okay, we were there, right? Now, that has permanently changed the shape of the baby's skull.
Now, is the baby holding on to that changed head?
He's just gritting his teeth and with bloody nails he's just holding on to it.
He's just hanging on to it.
If you don't feed your child enough and your child grows up short, it's a child just holding on to the shortness and he just has to let go of being short.
He just has to let go of being short and then he won't be short anymore.
I really, really, I can't tell you how much it annoys me.
Again, it doesn't mean I'm right. I'm just being honest about my feelings.
When people say, you're holding on to your resentments.
The fuck? And they don't say that to other people, right?
They don't say that to other people.
They don't say that to other people, do they?
If they come across a victim of rape, do they say, well, you're just holding on to it.
You've got to let it go.
Let it go. Would they go to Nelson Mandela in prison for 27 years?
Whatever we think of the justice, the common perception of the political prisoners, oh, you've just got to let go of your resentment.
You're holding on to your resentment. Only the children, right?
Only the children. They're holding on to it.
I'm not holding on to it.
It was done to me. If somebody stabs you and leaves a big giant scar on your side, well, you're just holding on to that scar.
Just let that scar go.
It's like, what are you talking about?
They would never say that to your parents for their resentment of you either.
Yeah, yeah, quite right, James. They're holding on, holding on to it.
How can I hold on to something that was involuntarily and permanently inflicted upon me?
If your parents didn't give you any dental care when you were younger and fed you nothing but sugar and you've got really bad teeth, you've got gum disease, you're missing teeth, your teeth have cavities, you've got halitosis, you've got whatever, right?
You're just holding on to your bad teeth, man.
You've just got to let go of the bad teeth.
It's like, no, there's a permanent effect.
Like I have permanently damaged teeth.
Maybe I can save some, but I have permanently damaged teeth.
What does it mean to... Well, you're just holding on to these bad teeth.
It's like, no, that's what was done to me.
What do you mean holding on to it?
How do you hold on to what was done to you?
That is permanent. Now, permanent doesn't mean you can't ever change it.
You can fix your teeth. You can go, whatever, right?
Oh, my God. You can forgive in the sense of letting go of your resentments without letting them off the hook and without maintaining your relationship with them.
So what does that mean?
Letting go of your resentments without letting them off the hook.
So you continue to judge them immoral and without maintaining your relationship with them.
So of course my argument is that if someone has done you great harm and that person won't abuse, sorry, the abuser won't apologize, make restitution, admit fault or anything like that, Then the reason why you would be angry and upset is because you continue to be in their presence, which is provoking the wounds, and therefore it may be sensible to have, you know, if you get a therapist or whatever, to have some distance from that person to let things cool so that you're not so angry.
I mean, you've heard these arguments before, right?
That your resentment continues as long as the abuse continues.
We've heard this argument before, right?
Why are you still angry at your parents?
Because they still have control over you, they're still abusing you, blah, blah, blah, right?
Yeah, your anger is your emotional immune system, proximity, yeah, all this stuff.
So he's saying, I disagree with you.
You can forgive in the sense of letting go of your resentments, I don't know what that means, without letting your parents off the hook and without maintaining a relationship with them.
Okay, so you judge them morally, and if they continue to be abusive, you don't have to be in a relationship with them, right?
So other than putting the word, quote, forgive in quotes, and the phrase letting go of your resentments...
How is he disagreeing with me?
It's exactly the same. Holding resentment eats away at you and you alone because it feeds the scars of the trauma they created in you.
Okay, so the trauma they created in you, but you just got to let it go.
So they created it in you, but you just got to let it go Holding resentment eats away at you
And that's the verbal curse, the exact verbal curse that I was talking about in the show.
The exact verbal curse that I was talking about in the show.
Fuck off with your voodoo verbal curses.
Because you're blaming the victim.
And tell me, what is wrong with holding resentment?
Would you go to a black activist group angry about slavery and saying, well, you've got to let it go.
Holding a resentment they wouldn't say that right?
So he's putting he's putting the exact verbal curse on that I talked about in my show
Now, he's perfectly free to do that, but he's not even addressing the argument that I made about that, right?
No trauma can be healed if resentment is still there.
Okay, let me ask you this.
.
Can you heal trauma?
And what does healing even mean in this context?
Right? So, when I got cancer, I was healed of my cancer in that I don't have cancer anymore.
And, you know, for the most part, it's as if I never had cancer.
I got a little scar here, I got a little buzz in my ear, that's it, right?
If you...
I have a little scar on my thumb here from a cut.
I don't think about it.
My thumb is a tiny little bit numb above it.
That's it, right? Is it healed?
Yeah, it's as healed as it's going to be.
Is it like I never cut my thumb?
No, because I still have the scar.
Is it like I never had cancer?
No, because I have the scar here, I have a bit of a buzz in my ear, and I have a minor susceptibility to radiation that I want to make sure I wear a hat for and blah, blah, blah, right?
But I'm healed. I'm healed, right?
Now, is it like I never had it?
No, of course not. So what does healing mean?
This is really important because if you've got a goal called healing the trauma, what does it mean?
What does it mean to heal from trauma?
Now, I can tell you what I think it means.
I can't prove it so logistically, but I can tell you what I think healing from trauma means.
Healing from trauma means preventing repetition of the trauma.
If you're an alcoholic, how are you healed of alcoholism?
You stop drinking. Now, does that mean you were never an alcoholic?
Nope. I don't think you can totally heal trauma, but you can learn to cope and improve your life and others, same way a wound is covered in scar tissue.
It's always there, but sealed off.
I don't follow that view.
You could be totally right, of course.
I don't particularly follow that view, because my trauma is not my enemy.
My trauma is my fucking savior.
Honestly, do you guys think, I don't mean to sound aggressive, I'm genuinely curious, do you guys think I would be a peaceful parent as committed to this if I wasn't traumatized as a child?
No, of course not.
Peaceful parenting came directly out of my trauma and it came out of my trauma because I didn't view it as an enemy that I needed to seal off or something that I needed to let go of and discard and move on past and be as if it never happened.
I kind of think you would still be.
Unlikely. I wouldn't even be listening right now if I didn't have an ace score of nine.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I really am.
That's very tough, very tough.
So what does it mean to heal trauma?
Does it mean to be as if you were never hurt?
Because that's generally what healing means.
Does it mean to... Am I supposed to be...
Okay, well, I have another personality and another dimension and an alternate timeline wherein I was loved and respected and treasured as a child and I'll just be that person.
Can I be that person?
I cannot. If I grew up for 20 years speaking English and never heard a word of Japanese, I can go learn Japanese, but I can never be somebody who grew up speaking Japanese.
No symptoms maybe? Impossible!
Impossible! How could there be no symptoms of trauma?
How could there possibly be no symptoms of trauma?
That would be to erase the first 25 years of your life.
How could you possibly do that?
You can't do that. I mean, without Alzheimer's and death, you cannot do that.
You cannot erase your history.
You can't do it.
Utilize the skies to propel you to the stars.
Chris, beautifully put in...
Steph, you are an independent thinker, not a herd animal.
You make your own life and an indomitable will.
I appreciate that, but you might be praising me to try and avoid the conflict, which I understand.
But what does it mean to heal from the trauma?
I'll tell you what it means to me.
to heal from the trauma means to be safer and better than if the trauma hadn't happened.
To let the trauma teach you so well that you become safer and better than if it hadn't happened at all.
Thank you.
To really, really learn from it.
To have been so harmed that you learn the principles of peace and apply them no matter what.
No matter what.
No, not war games for life.
Peace games for life.
And to help others going through the same trauma, absolutely, but you can't do that unless you're in a position of certainty already.
And closure. See, to me, this is almost a will-o'-the-wisp, like the thing that you chase and you get lost to the swamps.
To me, this is an offer.
That is kind of devilish.
Kind of devilish. You can be like it never happened.
You can erase your past.
You can erase your history.
You can erase the trauma. You can be like it never happened.
But what happens then?
That would erase the lessons learned.
And it would Let me ask you this.
Do you think my mother tried to live as if she wasn't damaged?
She did.
She tried to be cool.
She tried to be pretty. She tried to live like she wasn't harmed.
If you sprain your ankle, I remember running through the woods, jumping off a low cliff and landing.
I thought it was in leaves, but it was actually in a bunch of rocks.
I twisted the hell out of my ankle, right?
Now If you twist your ankle and you walk like you're not hurt
what happens Yeah, you effort up very worse, right?
Re-injury. You twist it again, you make it more hurt.
Yeah, you grind the whatever, right?
Now, what was the purpose of me twisting my ankle?
Why did it hurt? It hurt so that I wouldn't do stupid things like jump off a low cliff and think that there's no rocks under the leaves.
That's what it's for. Why on earth would I want to unlearn that lesson or be someone...
That that never happened to.
Then I'm just going to fuck up my ankle when I'm older and it's harder to heal.
At least this happened when I was 15 or 16 years old and I could heal in like four days.
Why would I want to undo the lessons that saved me?
Now, of course, this person would just, I guarantee you, they'll just change the definition.
Well, that's not what I mean by healing.
I get all of that. But, what does he say?
Keep your abusers accountable.
Keep them away from you. Well, no, I don't think you should keep them away from you if they're...
He's saying, I guess, if they're continuing to abuse you.
Keep your abuse accountable, keep them away from you, but hold no resentment nor love for them, only indifference.
Only indifference.
Which is about as dangerous a set of advice as I can conceive of
You learn the lessons .
And then you gain peace.
So, when I twisted my ankle, it hurt.
A lot. And I was a long way away from...
I had to walk a long way on uneven surfaces with no...
I couldn't prop myself up on anything.
It was very painful. Now, what would it mean for me to have a complete indifference to the pain I got from twisting my ankle?
What would that mean? To have only complete indifference to having twisted my ankle.
I would act recklessly. Of course, I wouldn't have learned my lessons.
To be indifferent to people who harmed you if they did?
To be indifferent to people who harmed you for a quarter century straight?
Have only indifference to all of that?
Somebody says, his email is straight out of the 12-step meetings which I attended.
They'd say resentment is cause of relapse.
But they defined resentment as dwelling on past hurt in a masochistic way and going into self-pity, not learning from it and growing from it.
I don't know what that is, but that's not what he's saying.
He's saying, be indifferent to your pain of a quarter century.
Be indifferent to the people who may have mentally or physically or emotionally tortured you for 25 years straight.
Just be indifferent. Hold no resentment, nor love for them.
Only feel nothing.
Feel nothing! Feel nothing!
And that's your solution.
Now, nothing is a bigger time waster of human energy than to give yourself
a commandment you can't possibly achieve.
.
I think I've learned pretty good lessons from my past.
I think I've judo rolled them into a pretty good and virtuous life.
And do you, here's the thing too, do you know, I mean for me to take advice, I'm happy, like
I ask advice from this group from time to time, for me to take advice, you've got to
have a lot of credibility.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, he says, only have indifference.
Yeah, you're right. He didn't seem to be indifferent to your discussion of forgiveness.
That's right, James. Exactly right.
Perfect. Brilliant. It feeds, it eats away at you, feeds on the scars of the trauma they created in you.
What does that mean? Holding resentment eats away at you and you alone because it feeds the scars of the trauma they created in you.
Here's another key about somebody who's there to mess your head up and I'm not talking about this guy in particular, right?
Resentment. Resentment.
Now, replace resentment with just anger.
Let go of your just anger.
Thank you.
Let go of your...
But they have to change the word from just anger, the phrase, from just anger to resentment, so that you feel petty.
I just resentment. Resentment is a petty emotion, right?
Righteous indignation is considered an Aristotelian virtue.
Yeah. Let go of your sense of justice and anger.
Let go of your anger towards evildoers.
Let go of your self-protection against those who would do you harm.
Be a lamb!
Open your throat to the wolves!
Any anger, hurt that is supposed to get you away from evildoers, fear, anger, hurt, upset, pain, All of that stuff which is designed to get you away from evildoers, let go of that.
Let them feast on you at will.
Having justice in your life eats away at you and you alone because it feeds off the scars of the trauma they created
in you.
No.
No upset can be healed if you still feel just anger at those who harmed you.
Don't have any just anger for the people who harmed you for a quarter century.
Feel nothing. Oh my god.
It's... does this not feel kinda clammy and claustrophobic and manipulative as shit?
Feel nothing.
Be nothing.
Have no history. I tempt you with the drug of numbness.
I tempt you with being an indifferent ghost in the haunted house of your own history and
present.
Without letting them off the hook.
Keep your abusers accountable.
How are you going to keep your abusers accountable if you feel nothing?
Oh, that Lizzie lady on Podbean said similar stuff and that's why I tried encouraging her to talk to you about her childhood but she just gummed up the show instead.
No, she was great. I mean, she was great.
She was very, very clear.
I mean, she didn't want to talk about her childhood and that's totally fine.
So morally judge your abusers as evil, but feel nothing.
Thank you for watching.
you So, it's like saying to your immune system, judge this as a germ, as an infection, as a cancer, as something that's going to kill me, but don't act on it.
Judgment without emotion?
That's weird to me.
Keep your abusers accountable. Judge them as evil, but feel nothing about evildoers.
you What on earth does that mean?
So, you're supposed to be completely indifferent to rampant child abusers if this is what happened,
right?
Judge them as evil, keep them away as a plague and a toxin, and be completely indifferent
to everything to do with them.
Oh my God.
I want you to have been raised speaking English for 25 years and then have absolutely no
knowledge of what English is and no ability to understand it and if somebody speaks it
you just won't know anything about it.
Yeah, resentment is one of the key words.
Letting go of your resentments.
No, I was stabbed. I have to deal with the wounds and I have to do rehab.
I'm not holding on.
You know, when I was walking back from twisting my leg in the woods, was I holding on to my pain?
Was I holding on to my limp?
Was I just unable to let go of my pain and my limp?
It's insane. Eats away at you and you alone.
And as you say, why isn't he talking to the abusers?
Go talk to the abusers.
Nope. He's talking to the victims.
And he's lecturing the victims.
And he's telling the victims, stop feeling.
Stop feeling.
And you'll be great.
Go numb. And you'll be great.
Now, do you know who's numb to pain?
Leprosy and drug addicts.
Leprosy and drug addicts, right.
Leprous, they go to the VSE, Visual Search of Extremities.
I learned this from Thomas Covenant, right?
Also, the dead are indifferent.
They have no feelings either way.
Be a druggie. Have leprosy.
Be dead. You know, if you wake up in hospital and there's a doctor using a tongue depressor to press against your soul of your foot, right? And you feel nothing.
Your body is indifferent to the presence or absence.
Of the tongue depressor on the bottom of your foot.
Is that a good sign or a bad sign?
If you're indifferent, if your body is indifferent, your nerves won't give you any information.
Is it a good sign or a bad sign?
Can you feel your feet?
Negative, Roger. Yeah, that's right.
Very, very bad. You're probably paralyzed.
Probably paralyzed. Feel nothing.
So if you feel nothing about evildoers, you're unprotected against evildoers, right?
You've created a vacuum of power mongers in your life.
You're indifferent to the presence of evil.
More evil people are just going to charge in.
They're just setting you up for a cycle, right?
In the same way that if I only had indifference to me twisting my ankle when I was 15, I'd still be jumping off things and not caring where I landed.
You ever have this thing where you're biting away, you're chewing away, and then you bite something on your inner lip, right?
For me, it happens sort of bottom inner lip, right?
And then you're toast, right?
Because then it swells up and then you're more likely to bite it again.
And it's really annoying.
Once or twice a year, I do that, right?
So what do you do when you have that happen?
You chew really carefully.
No, no.
When you bite your inner lip and it swells up and you keep biting it and blood mixes
in with your food, be completely indifferent.
Be the opposite of evolution.
All animals fear that which gives them harm and danger and destruction, but feel nothing.
Be a zebra who's had half an ass chewed off by a lion.
Be completely indifferent to the lions.
Ha ha ha ha. Now, look, I mean, I'm not trying to read this guy's mind.
I'm just going with the text. Maybe it was a woman too, but it seems like a guy.
But, yeah, it's not great.
Lobotomy is a virtue.
And then someone else said, well said, my friend.
Not well said. Not well said.
I, you know, I probably have had cancer form in my body in the 10 years since I had cancer.
Right? Do I want my immune system to be indifferent to that cancer?
You say, well, keep it away.
Why would you keep something away if you're indifferent to it?
Right? Why would you keep something away?
Judge them as evildoers and keep them away from you but be completely indifferent to them.
It's like, what? That makes no logical sense.
I'm indifferent to a bird flying overhead, so I don't shoot it out of the sky
I'm indifferent as to the hobbies my neighbors have so I don't tell them what they should or shouldn't do or try and
control anything Oof
Oof.
And it's very tempting.
Oh, if I feel nothing. But you see, that's what drug addicts do.
They generally take drugs to feel nothing.
Not even to feel that high, but just to stop feeling pain.
To me, this is a dealer in a way, like a drug dealer, with this drug of indifference.
I would not recommend it.
If I was indifferent to the suffering I experienced as a child and indifferent to the evildoers who did it, I wouldn't have bounced to the other side of virtue.
I never...
The healing of trauma is doing the opposite, not pretending it never happened and being
indifferent to the inflictors.
I never quite get to where I want to get in terms of eloquence.
It's just, I'm chasing this will-o'-the-wisp.
Is it relatively clear?
You know when they feel your stomach right before I had my colonoscopy they're feeling my stomach. Do you feel any
discomfort?
Now, if I felt absolutely numb, if I felt nothing, that would be bad, right?
But the reason I spent some time on this is, again, this is a very common thing.
Holding resentment eats away at you.
How do you know? Because it feeds the scars of the trauma they created in you.
How do you know? He's just saying words.
This is a magical spell.
It's a curse. It's like...
It eats away at you.
It feeds the scars. The fuck?
How do you know? What's the proof?
I made a case, right?
I made a case. It's just...
No trauma can be healed if resentment is still there.
What does that even mean? I don't know what that means.
I have no idea what that means.
I don't know what he means by trauma.
I don't know if he means emotional trauma.
I don't know if he means the physical trauma that was inflicted against you.
I don't know what he means by healed.
I know that he's downgrading just anger to resentment as a manipulative bullshit tactic.
No trauma can be healed if resentment is still there.
You start to break that apart.
It just breaks apart into nothing.
Into nothing. It doesn't exist when you ask it what it means.
Right? He's saying, become a ghost.
His sentences are ghosts.
Nothing is there.
You can forgive in the sense of letting go of your resentments without letting them off the hook and without maintaining a relationship with them.
What does any of that mean?
Just be aware.
When these voodoo spells are being cast, holding resentment...
What does that mean, holding resentment?
What does that even mean? What does resentment mean?
Eats away at you! What does that mean?
It feeds the scars of the trauma.
This is all elegant, destructive voodoo spell bullshit.
I hate the fact that I feel numb plus empty often.
It's something I've been working through with my therapist and my journaling.
Sometimes I worry a lot of it may never come back.
I mean, I'm happy to do a call-in show, but of course you're in therapy, so it may be better to go along with that.
You can make the choice.
Keep your abusers accountable, then keep them away from you, but hold no resentment or love for them, only indifference.
Why? What does any of this mean?
Is it possible? What does it mean?
What's the definitions of anything?
So somebody is trying to tell you how to deal with evil and learn from it, and how to handle your whole internal state, how to become safe from evil, how to deal with trauma, how to do all this, that, and the other.
And he's trying to do it.
We can take away the I disagree here.
He's trying to tell you all of this, In 75 fucking words.
There's also an insult.
I gotta tell you, I experience this as an insult.
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't think I'm wrong.
When I spend two hours breaking out a detailed argument and somebody takes 75 words to rebut the whole thing, Aren't they just basically, well, you're horribly long-winded.
I can just boil it down to its essence like this.
You're saying, just do it this way.
Come on. Come on.
Especially when it's exactly the stuff that I was arguing against,
and he doesn't address any of the arguments.
75 words to tell you exactly how to deal with a history of abuse.
And the prescription is to be completely numb to your abusers.
That's the solution.
Based on what? Based on what argument?
What studies? What reasoning? What morals?
What ethics? What personal experience?
What? Based on what?
It's insulting, don't you know?
He just knows more than you. Yeah, you can forgive in the sense of letting go of your resentments.
Do this!
Why? Why the fuck should I do what you said?
I mean, I'm trying to make a case.
I tried to make a case throughout the whole, right?
Why would I do what this guy says?
I mean, he's not making any arguments.
He's just saying a bunch of manipulative fluff words.
Anyway, I think you sort of get the point, if that makes sense.
So this is worth breaking out, not because of this guy in particular, but because you're going to see this kind of stuff all the time.
Oh, thank you for the tip. I appreciate that.
that breaking down this person's statement has been very useful.
Well that's because I view him as negative and it may be just a complete lack of self-knowledge
And if you wrote this thing and you're upset with me, call in, we can talk about it, and you can tell me how I'm wrong and all of that.
But I'm annoyed at this guy.
Now, has it been useful that I was annoyed at this guy?
Why would it have been better for me to read this and be completely indifferent?
To have zero feelings, positive or negative, and just leave it stand no matter what.
Thank you.
You're happy I'm annoyed? Yeah, I mean, I think so.
I think that the annoyance is helpful.
I think that it's good, right?
Hold no resentment nor love.
Yeah, so you could, you know, you could have resentment, you could have love with regards to people who violently or in a degrading or humiliating manner abused you as a child.
You could have love.
You could have resentment.
Now here you've got love.
Resentment. The opposite of love is resentment?
Didn't Jesus say, better to be hot or cold?
I think so, yeah. You can't trust someone who's completely indifferent because you know it's BS. Yeah, because if he was completely indifferent about things in the world, why would he post this message?
Well, I disagree! You can do this!
You can do this, do that!
I don't know. To the person who made the statement, if you hold resentment, doesn't it mean you still think about the trauma?
Is it uncontrollable like a habit or addiction?
No, trauma... Trauma has shaped you irrevocably.
You have no choice about that.
Child abuse reshapes you irrevocably and you have no choice about that.
And I say this as somebody who was abused as a child and who has raised a peacefully parented child.
A sprained ankle you can get better from.
Absolutely. I don't care about my sprained ankle anymore.
more I haven't thought about it in decades. Right? So sprained ankle you can get better from.
Significant child abuse changes you permanently.
Now, hopefully you can have it. Yeah, you will never be someone who had a non-abusive childhood.
You will never be that. And you can use that pain to build a better, virtuous, positive, happy life that was better than if you hadn't been abused.
If I was indifferent as this person, I still believe my parents and that's just a sad thought
And of course if you don't if you don't feel any anger towards evildoers you can't love virtuous people
See, he says, hold no resentment or love for abusers, only indifference.
So you're indifferent to those who do evil, which means you can't feel affection or love or any positive emotion towards those who do good.
You understand? He's...
Offering out this feel nothing.
Feel nothing and you'll be fine.
Feel nothing and you'll be fine. Feel nothing and you'll be fine.
It's like, no, you're kind of dead.
Because you get no resentment, you get no love.
You can't love yourself, you can't be loved by others, you can't love others.
You feel nothing. I will take away your pain.
I'm not here to take away your pain.
I'm here to help you harness it for virtue.
Because I can't take away your pain.
Because you can't be someone who wasn't abused if you were abused.
You can't take that. I can't take away your pain.
This guy's offering to take away your pain by taking away your history, your identity, your processing, your emotions, your thoughts, your judgment, everything.
I can't take that away.
I can't. Make you somebody who wasn't abused if you're abused.
I can't make myself someone who wasn't abused since I was abused.
I can use that pain to do to myself.
Yeah, I have become comfortably numb.
That's a song about a drug addict who will not judge his parents.
He will not judge his parents.
No, not ambivalence.
Ambivalence is when you have strong feelings to both ends.
Ambivalence is not neutral. Ambivalence is two opposing forces, like two people pulling on a rope.
Thank you, sir. Powerful discussion.
It makes so much sense. You can't be something other than who you are.
And you were not in control of the forces that shaped you as a child.
Let's say it's got nothing to do with abuse.
Can you be someone who never learned English?
No, you can't ever be someone who never learned English.
You can't be somebody with no history.
You can't be somebody with no past.
That's who you are. And you can work with it, but you can't undo it.
I can work with my pain.
I can work with what happened to me.
I can't undo it.
I can learn from it and do the opposite.
But I can't be somebody who was never hurt.
I can't be indifferent.
See? Only indifference.
Keep your abusers accountable, but only be indifferent.
But if you're indifferent to your abusers, if you're indifferent to your abusers, you're indifferent towards your abuse.
You're indifferent towards your inner child, your child who suffered.
You're indifferent. Because your child who suffered is, get me to safety, get me to safety, get me to safety, get me to safety, get me to safety.
Now! Forever!
Get me to safety! It's like your child's in a burning building.
Oh, just have a smoke outside.
Observe like an anthropologist, but observe.
Don't go in and help. Are you kidding me?
Be indifferent. Be indifferent.
Your inner child is, save me, save me, get me to safety.
Can you risk death in a fire to save a child without hating the child's suffering
and loving his potential to survive?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
God, no. What a horrifying existence.
Can I be a peaceful parent without loving my daughter?
Can I be a peaceful parent without hating abuse?
The train, you're walking on the train tracks.
Your shadow casts ahead of you.
You turn around. There's a big giant train bearing down.
Be indifferent. The train's bearing down on you and it's going to cream you, man.
Don't hold on to your fear.
Let it go. Let your fear go.
Neither love the train nor hate the train.
Be completely indifferent and act as if the train is not there.
And you are staying on the snowplow.
Bye.
.
All right.
Thank you for your tips, my friends.
I really, really do appreciate it.
There's value in what I've done.
And this explication, I had this here that I read today, and I was like, ooh, I could talk about that tonight.
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Yes, it is quite something.
It is quite something. It's really just turning me inside out.
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