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Aug. 26, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

02:43:48

I'M 45 SHOULD I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS?!?

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	The recording started.
	So it was this meme, and it was a guy, it was a hamster in a therapy chair, and it's like, Doctor, I'm terrified of the Backstreet Boys.
	I'm terrified of the Backstreet Boys.
	Tell me why. Tell me why.
	You emailed me a call-in request.
	All right, I'm a little backed up on the call-in request, but we will get to them.
	Philosophry! That's right.
	Vocalfry! A little giddy.
	Did I have a Michelob Ultra at dinner?
	I did! In fact.
	So I am awash in alcohol.
	I self-roofied. It's date night for the staffbot and a mirror and some Juergens.
	All right. Hello.
	Hello, who we got here?
	Hello, Sam. Hello, Chris.
	Hello, Hermes.
	Love you. No Bud Light?
	No, actually. Vocal Friday.
	I get it. Vocal Friday.
	Good one, Tony. Good one.
	I'm enraged that I didn't get that joke first.
	All right. So, let's jump straight into it, man.
	What are you... What have you got for me?
	Feed, Miss Seymour.
	Oh, actually, did I forget starting it here?
	I believe I did forget starting it somewhere.
	Stream with. Come on, baby.
	Let's do that.
	The podcast on depopulation was gold.
	I can't help but agree with you on that.
	I cannot help but agree with you.
	It's beyond my capacity to disagree, because I am an empiricist, and it was, in fact...
	Gold. Alright, questions, comments, questions, challenges, issues, overthrows, coups, treasons, slice.
	Treason doth never prosper.
	What's the reason? Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason.
	Very true. James, I heard you got thoughts on the Trump situation.
	Do you care? Do you care what I think of the Trump situation?
	Do you?
	Are you gonna lure me back into politics for a brief moment or two?
	Just today I read a tiny bit of the abuse Hitler experienced at the hands of his father.
	Yes, well of course Hitler was beaten so badly by his father he ended up in a coma.
	Hitler, I mean he had terrible constipation problems and the medicine he was taking just made it worse.
	He had terrible insomnia of course and I'm pretty sure he had brain damage from the beatings he received as a child.
	It doesn't explain why Germany went full totalitarian Nazi.
	But it does explain why he was crazy.
	The big question, of course, is why did the Germans go along with his craziness and his evil, right?
	Well, that's because of their own childhoods, right?
	You and I see a guy screaming from a podium.
	We were like, that guy's nuts, right?
	But for the Germans who were raised on screaming and beatings, they're like, yeah, it makes sense.
	Not too many people seem to care.
	When you were first dating your wife, what were the green flags?
	Well... I don't know.
	Do we start soft or do we start hard?
	S for soft, H for hard.
	S for soft, H for hard.
	I just need to know. S, we got an S. Oh, some very delicate people.
	Delicate people. There's nothing wrong with that.
	It's okay to be delicate.
	Hard times a thousand.
	Start soft and then hard.
	Bobby says H on D-Live.
	Yes, well... My wife, my wonderful wife, she put me in absolute deep shock.
	In absolute deep shock within the first couple of days of meeting her.
	So, I had some sandals getting repaired.
	Yes! Yes!
	I'm cheap. It happens when you grow up poor.
	I'm working on it. Be patient.
	I had some sandals, which I wasn't going to throw out.
	You know that meme about the guy's shoes?
	Like, I love you.
	Please let me die.
	Let me die. So, I had some sandals, and they were getting repaired.
	And I mentioned this.
	They were downtown. I was uptown.
	I can't remember why they were getting repaired downtown, but they were.
	And I said, yeah, you know, I can't really head out tomorrow.
	I've got to pick up my sandals. She's like, oh, I'm downtown.
	I can get them for you. And I was like, what?
	Tell me, was this just me?
	Would you be surprised if...
	A woman you were dating just offered to do you a favor because it was convenient for her.
	Would you be surprised at that? I was...
	Yeah, everybody but one person, right?
	Isn't that... I mean, isn't that sad?
	Isn't that just absolutely pitiful, what men have to be grateful for?
	Now, of course, she's wonderful and all of that, but I was literally like, what's the catch?
	Have you ever been in a relationship, let's say with a woman-ish, have you ever had it where a woman does something nice to you but it turns out to be a bit of a trap?
	You ever had that happen?
	That she's done something nice for you.
	It's like she cooks you a meal, and it turns out that you didn't thank her enough, or didn't approach it in the right way, or didn't bring the right wine, or something like that, right?
	I'm surprised she was single long enough for you to find her, yeah.
	So, she was just like, and I was like, what?
	What? Honestly, I couldn't fathom it.
	I couldn't fathom that she would just be happy to pick up the sandals for me.
	I mean, it's really sad.
	Right? It's really sad.
	But that was the first green flag, right?
	That was the first green flag.
	It's like, wait, she's just happy to do something helpful?
	Just happy to contribute?
	Because, you know, some of the women I dated before her were just black holes of need and resources and expecting praise and support and this, that, and the other, right?
	And, man, I was just like...
	I mean, it's really sad, right?
	Like, I dated...
	I won't even tell you how many women I dated before, but...
	It was a few, and I was in my 30s, and a woman was just like, oh, I'm happy to do that for you.
	I'm downtown. Why would you go all the way downtown?
	I'll be right there. I'll pick him up for you.
	Where is it? Here, take all my Bitcoin.
	Like, honestly, it's just wild.
	So that was the first green flag.
	The second was that I had just gotten my book published, Revolutions, and she read it and we talked about it a lot.
	She had really great things to say, really intelligent things to say, great questions, comments, and it was just like, wow.
	So, yeah, lots of green flags.
	But just, you know, there's a book I read by a woman named Daniel Crittenden.
	And it was about balkish women.
	And this really had an influence on me.
	This is long... Well, it wasn't actually a huge amount of time before I met my wife.
	But in it, she was talking about how she was playing tennis and she was playing doubles tennis.
	The tennis court's quite far away from the clubhouse.
	And... The guy had gotten to the tennis court.
	The husband had gone from the clubhouse to the tennis court, and his wife was halfway coming from the clubhouse, and he's like, Oh, I forgot my racket.
	Could you grab it? And she was like, Hey, you forgot your racket?
	You go get it. And it was just like, Ooh.
	Ooh. And the woman who wrote this, she was like, well that's, like, why not just, I mean there's this war on Twitter, right?
	There's a war on Twitter, I don't know if you've seen it, between the women who demand that their husbands do the housework and the women who are proud that their hard-working husbands don't have to do the housework.
	Have you seen that? Have you seen this war?
	And Rachel Wilson, I think her name is, her husband, if I remember rightly, her husband has a super manly job.
	Like, he's a livestock farmer who runs a forge.
	So he pulls calves from pregnant cows and forges, like, with one hand and with the other hand, he flexes his biceps and forges manly plowshares and swords with his other.
	So it's very, very manly.
	It's very, very manly.
	And so she's like, no, the guy works, you know, 60, 70 hours a week, 80 hours a week.
	Like, he's not going to come home and do dishes.
	And all of these women are like, well, I won't do it without my husband doing it.
	My husband has to help this thing and the other.
	And after a week, she said, well, basically, the last week has been getting all the women of Twitter to say that they can't handle housework without a man's help.
	They just can't handle housework without a man's help.
	She's a good troll. She's a good troll.
	And, I mean, yeah, we've got a pretty good division of labor.
	I read the average mom works 97 hours a week.
	Really?
	The average mom works 97 hours a week?
	I'm kidding.
	Ah yes, the self-reporting of the self-victimised.
	Ahaha, ninety... ahaha!
	Ahaha, ninety-seven hours a week!
	Ahaha!
	Oh dear.
	Oh my gosh. My mom works 98.
	Okay. 97 divided by...
	She's working 14 hours a day.
	Well, maybe if she's working and then doing housework.
	But the average woman working 14 hours a day?
	Have you seen the average woman?
	Have you seen the average woman these days?
	Oh, 14 hours a day.
	So, what's that?
	She's got 10 hours a day for, like, what?
	She's sleeping, and she's bathing, and she's eating, and so just, you know, all she does, she's just, from the moment she wakes up, she's just scrubbing and cleaning, despite the fact, of course, that women have far fewer children than they ever used to throughout history, and And also, go with me on this, far more, infinitely more labor-saving devices than women have ever had over the course of history.
	So with fewer children and more labor-saving devices and husbands who pitch in, or are bullied or forced to pitch in, it's just work, work, work.
	And half of them are more than that.
	Well, sometimes I gotta brush the bonbon dust off my cleavage.
	Yeah, you go to church with families who have eight kids?
	Oh, 14 hours a day.
	Oh, my God.
	This is like listening to teachers complain about, oh, I just have to work so much.
	It's like, no, you don't. No, you don't.
	Does your wife laugh at your jokes too?
	Of course she does. How could we be married with a different sense of humor?
	14 hours? Okay.
	Go over to women's houses and just see.
	So let me ask you this.
	I don't want to be unfair. I don't want to be unfair.
	So my mom did maybe...
	Honestly, to be generous, she did maybe two hours a day of housework.
	Maybe two and a half.
	Because we did a lot of the stuff ourselves.
	So... Do they count the time spent doing their hair as work?
	Look, maybe I'm wrong, right?
	So, tell me, just, you know, be fair, obviously.
	I don't have to tell that. Sorry, I don't have to tell you guys that.
	Somebody says, oh, Taylor says, I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm doing stuff for maybe six hours a day and that includes homestead chores.
	Six hours a day.
	There's not six hours a day of housework to do.
	Honestly, there's not six hours a day of housework to do.
	Now, If it's like, I don't know what homestead chores are, but if you have a home with a dishwasher, with running water, with toilets that you don't have to empty out, like slop, there's not six hours a day, there's not four hours a day of housework to do.
	I've been a stay-at-home dad.
	I've done housework.
	It's not that tough.
	It's not that hard.
	You can put on a podcast.
	And of course, it depends on your standards and all of that.
	No, chasing toddlers around takes some time, but not that much.
	No, absolutely not.
	This is why I laugh at the 14 hours.
	No to the infinite F-bomb, moms, you do not ever, ever get to say that taking care of children is work.
	No, no, no, no.
	This is why I'm laughing at this 14 hours.
	Well, you know, I mean, no, honestly, honestly, honestly, let's say, just try this, just try this.
	You take your wife or your girlfriend out for dinner, right?
	Take her out for dinner. And, you know, you have a nice evening.
	You chat and all this, that and the other.
	And then on the way home, you say, man, that was work.
	Oh, man. And she's like, what are you talking about?
	I'm like, man, dinner with you?
	That's work. I mean, that's a job.
	That's hard. I mean, it's the kind of thing you'd expect to get paid for.
	I mean, that's slog, man.
	I feel like I'm pushing a giant boulder up a hill on Jupiter.
	Like, it's just work going out for dinner with you.
	Man, that dinner was exhausting.
	My mother worked at the family business for six or seven hours a day, then about two to three hours of homework each day.
	Right. So when she's working in the family business, she's not a mom.
	She's not a homemaker.
	She's working. She's working.
	She's not a mom when she's at work.
	Any more than she's working at the job when she's at home.
	No, absolutely no, absolutely not do women or men ever, ever get to say that taking care of children is work.
	It's not.
	Taking care of kids is about the most fun that you can have on this planet.
	Like, no kidding. Somebody says, I had this exact same conversation with my wife.
	wife she admitted it was about two hours of work minus the cooking and cleaning
	up three meals for the children yeah well I mean it depends right
	I mean, if you iron everything, yes, it can be more work.
	I get that. But the kids don't care if stuff's ironed or not.
	The kids don't even care if it's folded, if their clothes are folded.
	So, yeah, I'm willing to go.
	It's two hours.
	Yeah, some cooking. So, you know, cooking and cleaning, two to four hours.
	Two to four hours. That's it.
	And here's the thing, too.
	When your kids are over two or three, they come and they help you and you chat with them and it's, you know...
	But no, oh, can you imagine?
	I mean, what contempt do you have to have for your kids to say, well, spending time with you is like folding laundry.
	My God, how pathetic a job description do you have to stretch to infinity at the expense of your children?
	To say, oh God, playing Monopoly with you...
	It's like scraping crap off the bottom of a pot after I overcooked something.
	Are you insane?
	What is the matter with people?
	Raising children is not work.
	To put your children at the level of housework, which admittedly is a bit boring, is a bit repetitive, but again, put some music on, put a podcast on, put one of my audiobooks on.
	God Almighty! I can't even with the women.
	And men too. Like, oh, spending time with my kids is so exhausting.
	Yeah, yeah, try that. Yeah, your husband's like, oh man.
	Honey, like, we spent the whole day together.
	I'm just, I'm exhausted.
	I can't take it.
	I just, I can't do it anymore.
	I need a break from you.
	I'm just, I'm worn out spending the whole day with you.
	Try that with your wife. See how she feels.
	If you say spending time with her is exhausting and debilitating and work...
	I will say having multiple kids is up the challenge in time compared to just one, but it's still a total blast.
	You know, I'm with you that.
	Stay-at-home moms could listen to Steph the whole day.
	Absolutely. Oh no, this idea that having children is work.
	Now why do moms say that?
	Why do moms say having children is work?
	And while I don't have multiple children, we do have lots of kids over a lot.
	Martyrdom? No!
	Oh, Tim coming in with the scorcher of a take.
	Scorcher of a take.
	Martyrdom? Because they know it's not.
	Depopulation? No, Tim's got it.
	Tim has got it.
	He's cranking the dumb stick.
	It's called leverage.
	It's called leverage.
	Why do women claim to work like crazy?
	Somebody says, I'm at the local pool now watching my kids learning to swim, then I'll work playing with them after the lesson.
	Because Oprah said so?
	No. No.
	Tit for tat? To bully.
	Why do people play the martyr?
	To bully. To bully.
	I work so hard.
	I work so hard.
	You know, when you come home from work, I need a break from these children.
	I work so hard. I work 90 hours a week.
	I work 90 hours a day.
	I actually work on Pluto where the days are 300 hours.
	I work 90 hours a day.
	Maybe it's Uranus. I work in Uranus 90 hours a day.
	Monkeypox isn't going to spread itself.
	Yeah, to overstate their value and then they can bully you with, you've got to do stuff because I'm working so hard.
	You've got to take, you've got to pitch in.
	You only work 40 hours a week at a job.
	I'm working 90 hours a week.
	You owe me 25 hours a week, right?
	40 to 90 is the difference of 50.
	you owe me half of that, you owe me 25 hours a week.
	Oh my God.
	Somebody says, my wife is saying it takes a toll on you and it's exhausting to be pregnant and chase toddlers.
	Hey, I absolutely... I mean, look, pregnancy again, I can understand that.
	I can sympathize with that.
	Absolutely. But it's not a job.
	It's not a job. Steph, I have a modestly tipped question for you above in the chat.
	Would you like a modestly accurate answer for your modestly tipped question?
	Yeah, no, it's not a job.
	It's not a job. You know, my daughter, she's going to be 15 in a couple of months, and, you know, as she should do, she's orienting to peers, she's orienting towards friends and all of that, and that's exactly as it should be.
	I am heartbroken at all of the things that are receding, right?
	When she would play with me all day, and we would just have so much fun, and it's, you know...
	I mean, it was a beautiful time.
	You know, she'll always be my kid, and I'll always be her dad, and she wants to have kids young, which is great, so be a granddad.
	But the unbelievable privilege that I've had to spend time with this amazing person is...
	God, I can't even tell you what an insult it would be to her, to the unbelievable fun and joy that we have, for me to call that work.
	Oh, I just can't imagine.
	I find giving the wife one hour per day, if her time helps tremendously with her mental health and parenting, makes her a better mom, yeah, listen, absolutely, pitch in, fantastic, fantastic.
	My wife had a bunch of stuff to do the other day.
	I took my daughter out to a park in a pond and we spent the day feeding ducks and it was just, it was so much fun.
	And, but it's not work?
	Are you kidding me? Are you kidding?
	Work? That's pitiful.
	I can't imagine how...
	How distant do you have to be from your children that you call spending time with them work?
	How... I don't know.
	Right. So...
	Let me get to your question.
	Hit me with a Y if you'd like a chunk of the Peaceful Parenting book.
	You can wait for it. There's no rush.
	But if you're interested, let me just get to this question.
	What are your thoughts on fetish and immorality in sex or porn, like hitting or choking and etc.?
	Well, of course, there's lots of different kinds of fetishes.
	Some of them are relatively innocuous, and some of them, of course, are creepy and weird
	and dangerous.
	So the hitting and choking and stuff, that's just straight up child abuse.
	That's straight up effects of child abuse.
	Extreme violence and child abuse, probably beatings around erogenous zones,
	beatings around anus, genitals, has associated that with that.
	And so that is, if your first erotic stimulation is just a result of physical punishment,
	then it's just gonna twist up your innards as far as sexual stuff goes,
	and you just need to, that needs to be fixed.
	That needs to be fixed.
	That is not something, in my view, that is not something you should indulge in.
	It's not something that you should pursue.
	It's something that you should look at within yourself as a cry for help from a very wounded inner child
	who is trying to get out from under the abuse so that you can have a healthy and positive, loving
	and healthy sexual pair bond with someone.
	So I think that it is a huge problem to be solved.
	All right.
	And remember you can tip if you find this stuff helpful or interesting or valuable or useful.
	The call-in you advertised yesterday, yeah, I'll put it out after the show, if that's all right.
	Oh, what was I going to say on Trump?
	Somebody says, it's the best time ever.
	Got to go swim with the kids. Look forward to listening to the stream later.
	Yeah, it's an incredible privilege to be around kids, your own kids in particular.
	I mean, it's just, it's an incredible privilege and an incredible joy and...
	The idea that I would insult my relationship with my daughter by calling it work, I just...
	I can't imagine.
	We never, ever have any concerns about having fun together.
	Ever. So, yeah, with Trump, I mean, that's why I'm out of politics.
	The age of reason has passed, right?
	Now it's just the age of power.
	It's the age of will. Aristotle is past.
	Nietzsche is here.
	So, yeah, it's just a matter of will.
	All right, so it looks like people are interested in the peaceful parenting stuff, but here's the thing, right?
	Here's the thing. I just want to make sure if you all have questions and comments that I get to those before I can dig into the book.
	I think it would be a really rough life feeling like living with your wife or children feels like work.
	Do you think it's possible for children to draw religious iconography without ever being exposed?
	Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.
	I recall you saying that your daughter is better at reason and empiricism than you are.
	Is that because people who are raised with it from the beginning are better at it than people who have to train themselves in it?
	She's got a really, really good instinctive grasp of contradiction and she's really, really great at digging to the root of arguments and she has a better sense of people than I do in terms of positive or negative people, healthy or unhealthy people.
	She's just got a really, really great...
	A sense of that. And I think that's because I had to train myself in wild optimism just to survive and train myself on how to live on breadcrumbs and rotten meat.
	So I just had to do all of that.
	All right. Sorry, Harrison.
	What do you got here? I'm looking.
	I'm not saying you have to tip, but I looked for your question and the tip thing.
	How do we go beyond the falsehoods of our own lives in order to find truth?
	Yeah, I can't answer that in particular.
	You need to narrow down that question a little bit.
	Morality is vengeance.
	It was the title of a recent show.
	Have we talked about this in detail? No, I have not.
	I have not talked about that in detail.
	All right, I'll tell you what. I'll give you...
	So this is really in part due to thanks.
	This is thanks for the people who've given me...
	So one of the...
	Yeah, you've got to give me bigger questions.
	Master versus slave morality.
	Thoughts. Narrow things in a little bit here.
	Because otherwise it's just a platform for me to give my thoughts rather than actually answer your questions.
	All right. So this is...
	Thank you to everyone so much who gave me parental excuses.
	All right. We'll do a couple of these.
	Let's see here. Alright, hit me with a Y if you've ever heard this statement from a parent.
	It doesn't have to be your parent, it just could be something that you've heard.
	Hit me with a Y. If you've ever heard, as long as you live under my roof, I make the rules.
	As long as you live under my roof, you obey my rules.
	You ever heard that? Okay, hit me with an R if you'd like to hear a rebuttal from the book.
	Hit me with an R if you'd like to hear a rebuttal from the book.
	Arrr! Right.
	Okay. So this is in a late part of the book called Parental Excuses and people did post their parental excuses and I used most of those as the basis for this and I really, really appreciate that.
	All right. Here we go. Here we go.
	As long as you live under my roof, I make the rules.
	This is a truly tragic excuse, or rationale to be more precise.
	Children are born into a household.
	They do not choose it.
	They are owed resources within that household.
	That is the deal that parents make when they choose to have and keep children.
	Once people become parents, their resources no longer belong to them alone.
	Their resources are shared with their children.
	The children have direct property rights over parental resources, especially the home.
	Look, if I find a stranger lurking in my living room, I can hurl him out of my house, even into a blizzard.
	No parent has the right to do that to her children.
	Children Have a right to live in the house without paying a penny, without doing any chores.
	If you throw your five-year-old child out into a blizzard because he didn't do his chores, you will get thrown in prison.
	Because everyone understands that children have an absolute right to live in the home, which means that the home belongs to them even more than it does to their parents.
	Wait. Why more?
	Because the children are not there by choice.
	If you lock a woman in your basement, she has the first right to food because she is not there by choice and has no other way to get food.
	Children do not live with their parents by choice and have no other way to obtain food and shelter.
	We would not view a parent as very noble if he stuffed his own face with food while leaving his children to starve.
	We all understand that in a situation where food is scarce, the children get fed first.
	The children have a greater right to food than their parents do.
	The children have a greater right to the home than their parents do.
	Also, when we stay at a hotel, we understand that the hotel owns the property and therefore makes the rules, but we also understand that the hotel makes rules that are designed to be pleasant and convenient for the guests.
	The hotel manager doesn't barge into our suite at two o'clock in the morning half naked saying that, hey, I own the hotel, so I make the rules.
	We hope that parents can provide at least as much care and affection to their children.
	As a hotel manager can to his come-and-go guests.
	So that is...
	I like that argument very much.
	I was quite pleased, if not downright proud, about that argument because it's not your house.
	It belongs to the children more than it belongs to you, logically, empirically, factually.
	So, yeah. The parent says, as long as you live in my house.
	It's like, no. Actually, the children can say, you're living in my house because I have the first right to this property, not you.
	That's a logical and moral argument, which I like.
	I like. Somebody says, but the built-in assumption behind the statement, under my roof, follow my rules, is the statement that the parent is holding the danger of being tossed out.
	Right. Which it would be illegal and immoral to do.
	So the parent is making a threat that would be illegal and immoral to follow through on.
	But it doesn't even make sense logically, because the children have a greater right to live in the house than the parents do.
	The children aren't there by choice.
	And they're prisoners of the parents, right?
	which means that they and they can't get the shelter anywhere else.
	Alright, hit me with a why if you'd like another.
	Bye.
	Hit me with a Y if you'd like another.
	All right. Let's see here.
	Just trying to find a good one.
	Well, I mean, I think they're all good, but I want to make sure I've got one that's, uh...
	Oh, I know one. I know one.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got one.
	Let me just do a search here. Come on, baby.
	You can get to it. All right.
	So somebody wrote, my mom liked to use her abusive childhood as a comparison to what she provided for me.
	She would say, she did better than her own mother by not abandoning me, and she didn't physically assault me like her mom did her.
	However, when I confronted her about how verbally abusive she was, she just said, I was ungrateful for how much she sacrificed for me, and I was a cold-hearted, selfish person.
	So basically, her bad parenting was because I was a bad person.
	So, have you ever heard this excuse, hit me with a Y, if you've ever heard the excuse, hey, my childhood was worse than yours.
	You have it way better than I did.
	Way better than I did.
	Right. Right.
	Okay, so let's pick that one apart.
	Parents who use the excuse called, you had a better child than I did, are manifesting a fundamental contradiction.
	In this view, parenting can only improve incrementally.
	Parents can be, say, 25% better than their own parents, but no more.
	Okay. So if parents, with the full knowledge and maturity of adulthood, can only do slightly better than their own parents, then clearly their children can only do slightly better than themselves.
	If the grandmother was only 25% good and the mother gets to 50%, then clearly the daughter can only get to 75% as an adult, since the mother only got to 50% goodness as an adult.
	Given that the child can only achieve 75% goodness as an adult, the child should never be punished for any badness during childhood.
	Because clearly the child will be bad at least one time out of four, 25%.
	So when the child is bad, they're just conforming to the imperfections fully accepted by the mother.
	But of course that forgiveness doesn't happen.
	The mother endlessly excuses her own imperfections while punishing her child for any of the child's imperfections.
	The mother is doing the best she can But would always punish her son for doing the best he can, thus inflicting infinitely higher moral standards on children than she accepts herself as a parent.
	Let's change the math up a bit.
	It doesn't matter. In this view, parents who have, say, 10% better childhoods than their own parents did are only allowed to improve their own children's lives by about 10%.
	So let's refer to these as grandparents, parents, and children.
	The grandparents had childhoods that were 20% good, the parents have 30%, and therefore the children, the grandchildren, sorry, the children get 40%.
	And demanding any more than 40% or complaining about the 60% bad that remains is unjust and immoral, because the grandchildren are better off than the parents, who in turn were better off than the grandparents.
	Incremental change is all that is allowed.
	Expecting more is being greedy and ungrateful.
	And that's fine, in a way, as long as it is honestly spoken of.
	So you can enact incremental improvements all you want, as long as you never refer to any general principle.
	If your father was a compulsive liar, he lied about just about everything, then is lying wrong?
	If lying is not wrong, then you can just lie all you want.
	There's no problem, right? If lying is wrong, then the solution is not to lie less, but to commit to telling the truth as a moral standard on principle.
	However, the moment you punish your children for deviating from some moral principle you no longer get to claim that incremental improvements are the best that can be hoped for.
	For instance, if your father lied 80% of the time and you only lie 60% of the time, then you can only reasonably expect your children to tell the truth 60% of the time because they are allowed to lie 40% of the time.
	Like each generation gets better 20%.
	If, however, you even once punish your children for lying on principle, Because lying is wrong and you shouldn't lie at all, then you have lost the entire moral right to defend your own improvements according to incrementalism.
	If lying is wrong, then you shouldn't lie.
	If incremental improvements in intergenerational lying is okay, then you shouldn't ever punish your children on principle.
	And you should fully accept and welcome the improvement of them telling the truth 60% of the time, since you only tell the truth 40% of the time and your father lied 80% of the time.
	So which is it?
	Incrementalism or principles?
	If it is incrementalism, then you cannot punish your children on principles.
	If it is principles, then you cannot claim to be virtuous based on incrementalism.
	For me, that is so medium good.
	That is so medium good for me.
	I mean, to me, it's just all...
	It's foundational.
	It is incontrovertible.
	And of course, you know, I'll listen to people, you know, I'll push this stuff out to donors when it gets closer to the time and get your pushback and make sure that we close off all the loops and so on.
	But yeah, to me, this is just like, boom, right?
	These are great counter-arguments, but I can't help but feel slash hear my inner parents raging and rejecting every argument.
	Sure. Sure.
	Yeah. Yeah.
	Raging, they're not rejecting any arguments, they're just rejecting any truth.
	So brilliant. Steph destroyed that incrementalism rule.
	Parental incremation, incremental moralism, yeah.
	That one hits the aphasia button.
	What is aphasia?
	Highlights moral certainty versus relativistic hell.
	Oh yeah, hey man, you had a better childhood than I did.
	It's like, okay, so then why did you ever punish me on principle since we can only improve incrementally?
	Will these excuses and counter-arguments be formatted like the grid format in RTR? Maybe, yeah.
	I mean, we're going to get a graphics designer to do lots of diagrams so this all, you know, makes sense and can be visualized because it's not just going to be text.
	What do you say to someone who says, I was beaten by kids and I turned out okay?
	What? I was beaten.
	My dad would respond that he was punishing me for the remaining 40%.
	No, he can't. He can't.
	He can't punish you logically for the remaining 40% because 40% is the best that can be done.
	Right? So if it went from, say, 80% lying to 60% lying to 40% lying, he can't punish you for the remaining 40% because he's okay with his remaining 60% because he says, hey man, I did better.
	I didn't learn any principles about not lying, but I lied less than your grandfather.
	So he can't punish you.
	Just looking for that.
	I was beaten as a kid and I turned out OK.
	I was beaten as a kid and turned out OK.
	Do you want to hear the rebuttals of that one?
	I've definitely done that one. Hit me with a Y if you'd like to hear the rebuttals of that one.
	Yeah, okay. All right.
	Now, this, of course, is not the format of the book as a whole, but this is the format of the book, sort of the appendix, which is sort of common.
	Parental defenses. All right.
	Man, that's some small text.
	Oh, my God. All right.
	Sorry, these are sort of older glasses because I don't want to give you full-on Dinesh D'Souza goggle eyes, so hang on a second here.
	Okay, so what have we got here?
	It wasn't that bad.
	It wasn't that bad. You were exaggerating.
	What else do we have here? If I could go back, I would do it better, but I can't.
	So let's just move forward. I brought you into this world.
	I can take you out. It doesn't matter that I told you the wrong information because you don't listen anyway.
	Let's see here. Do as I say, not as I do.
	That was pretty easy. My childhood was worse than yours.
	We've got, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
	Yeah, that was a fun one. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
	We've got that one. Other kids have a lot worse than you.
	You don't know how difficult it is.
	You'll understand when you become a parent.
	You and your siblings fought all the time.
	You drove us crazy. We didn't know what else to do.
	Ah, that's how I was raised.
	I don't think that's exactly it.
	That's how I was raised?
	Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it.
	Let's see here. Let's get to the next one.
	The Bible instructs parents to spank their kids.
	So-and-so was disciplined and turned out just fine.
	If we didn't beat you, you would have done X, Y, Z, a moral or illegal thing.
	This person turned out badly because he was not spanked enough as a child.
	It's hard to be a peaceful parent when they're not being peaceful kids.
	I think the other one is the closest one.
	Oh yeah, I was spanked and I turned out fine.
	Is that it?
	Do we have this? I'll give you something to cry about.
	Yeah, is that the right one? Let me just make sure I've got this.
	I was beaten, I was spanked, and I turned out fine.
	All right. Are we ready?
	Are we ready for this one? All right.
	I was spanked and I turned out fine.
	This is also a remarkable statement when you think about it.
	Everyone thinks from time to time about the road less traveled, the path not taken.
	What if I had never moved to Canada?
	What if I had never met my wife?
	What if I hadn't dropped out of university?
	What if I had taken that job overseas?
	We have no certain way of knowing, of course, how our lives would have turned out if we had made different choices, been exposed to different experiences, or been born in a different household.
	However, these time and space traveling parents have clearly gone down every possible path of their life, good, bad and indifferent, and seen every possible outcome and realized that they have turned out the very best because of exactly what happened to them.
	They have swallowed some red pill and traveled down the highways and byways of other possible lives and seen exactly what would have happened to them if they had not been spanked.
	Of course, this also negates free will and moral responsibility, which is exactly the basis for spanking children.
	But so what? These parents have deeply examined every possible life they could have lived, seen deeply into every conceivable future, and returned from this infinite journey fully content with the absolute certainty that being spanked was the one and only thing that made their lives wonderful.
	Now, a sane person would never think of claiming to be in possession of such godlike knowledge.
	I, for instance, could never imagine claiming that I know that I am living my best conceivable life better than any other alternative because I'm not a madman.
	The amount of vanity required to make such a statement is utterly beyond the conception of any rational person.
	If a parent says, That he turned out fine even though he was spanked, or because he was spanked, the only sensible question to ask is, how do you know?
	Spoiler. There is no way to know.
	Claiming otherwise is a pathetic coping mechanism.
	Yeah, makes no sense at all, right?
	How do you know? You don't know.
	I mean, it's like, hey man, I was starved as a kid and I turned out to be 5'10".
	That's the average height. It's like, yeah, but you could have been 6'4".
	Otherwise, right? You don't know.
	You don't know. How would you know if you turned out okay because of a panking, spanking, or in spite of it, or whatever, right?
	You don't know. So you can't possibly know the answers to this.
	When people assert things without any possible knowledge, it's a really pathetic defense mechanism, right?
	I can't possibly say that every decision I've ever made in my life has been the best, and all of my experiences as a child were the best, and I can't possibly know that.
	I'm not violent. I don't get arrested.
	There's no control. The seen versus unseen.
	Yeah, it's really, really quite sad.
	Ah.
	Hey, I'm not a perfect parent, but she's not a perfect kid either.
	He's not a perfect kid either. I'm happy to do other questions.
	I can read one or two more of these.
	You choose. M for more, Q for questions.
	M for more, Q for questions.
	Please, my friends, give me the feedback that I need to have.
	More! All right.
	All right. How about...
	Hey, I'm not a perfect parent, but he's not the perfect kid either.
	Let's do that one. Ah, the great tit-for-tat argument.
	Look, children are largely soft clay moulded by their parents.
	Can you imagine how insane it would be for a sculptor to rage against the ugliness of his sculpture and tell everyone who would listen that the sculpture is just disobedient, willful, rebellious, that its ugliness is its own fault, or at least it shares equal fault with the sculptor?
	How would you view a painter who punched his own painting yelling that the colors and perspective were just not doing the right thing, that he was helpless to convince his painting to look good?
	Would he not be a candidate for an insane asylum?
	Of course he would be!
	Can you imagine how sadistic a parent would have to be to teach swear words to a toddler and then punish the toddler for swearing?
	Wouldn't that be appalling?
	Children inevitably absorb the ideas, arguments, words and actions of their parents.
	When you look back at movies and interviews from the 1950s, the men and women have particular ways of speaking which don't exist at all anymore.
	Why did they speak that way?
	Because their parents did.
	When you think of cultures that have survived for thousands of years, how were they maintained?
	Prior to the Communist Revolution, Chinese culture had been very continuous for 6,000 years.
	How is that possible?
	Some languages can trace their lineage back thousands or tens of thousands of years.
	How are they maintained?
	Through the parents, of course.
	When you think of national characteristics, the cold politeness of the British, the passionate intensity of the Italians, the rigid efficiency of the Germans, these are all moral, emotional, and intellectual habits that have been passed down generation after generation.
	There is no such thing as culture Without children absorbing parental habits, your children are the shadows cast by your actions.
	Can you imagine yelling at your own shadow because it slouched or looked fat?
	Again, you'd be a candidate for a mental asylum.
	Attacking your children is attacking yourself.
	Hitting your children is hitting yourself.
	A family is one blood, one flesh.
	If your shadow looks fat, you need to dye it.
	If your sculpture is ugly, well, you held the chisel, my friend.
	If your children misbehave, you need to improve.
	Oh, should we do one more?
	Ah, kids are resilient.
	They'll survive. Kids are resilient.
	They'll be fine. They'll be fine.
	Kids, they bounce back. Kids are resilient.
	One more. Oh, one more!
	One more. This is like Pringles, right?
	But with virtue. Virtuous Pringles.
	What's the name of my punk band, actually?
	All right. One more.
	Two more. All right.
	Yes, more. This is really good.
	Is it? Because, you know, this has been my big thing.
	I want to know. If there's limits or issues or problems or it's not concise or clear, let me know.
	Give me a 1 to 10. How are we doing so far in this text?
	20 10 10 10 10, 10, 10. Good, good, good.
	Because I know I'm representing, man.
	I'm representing. Trying to do my very best with this.
	This is like I'm turning myself inside out for this stuff.
	All right. Which, you know, it's not a big sacrifice.
	A bit of a big sacrifice.
	I haven't been sleeping that well since working on this book.
	But all right. Kids are resilient.
	They'll survive. Ah, yes.
	The endless imaginary robustness of children.
	Of course children are resilient and will most likely survive.
	But so what?
	If you eat a piece of moldy bread, are you likely to die?
	No! Your immune system is resilient and you will survive.
	Does that mean that it is okay to serve you a piece of moldy bread?
	Most people survive car crashes.
	Does that mean car crashes are okay?
	Your face is resilient and you will almost certainly survive being punched in the mouth.
	Does that mean that it is okay to punch you in the mouth?
	Women rarely die from being raped.
	Does that mean rape is okay? Do we excuse the rapist by saying, hey, women are resilient, they're going to survive?
	Of course not, that would be morally abhorrent.
	Fragile parents lose their temper and scream at their children over the most minor and inconsequential transgressions and then say that their children are robust, resilient and will survive.
	If your kid carelessly breaks a lamp, well, as a parent, you're resilient, and you will survive the breaking of the lamp, right?
	So there's no need to lose your temper and yell at your child, right?
	Ooh, this forgiveness rarely happens.
	The parent, whose survival is in no way threatened by the broken lamp, yells at the child, then later claims that children are resilient and will survive.
	If children can be yelled at because they are resilient and will survive, then why are the parents who were yelled at as children so fragile and volatile?
	Yeah, we all know the answer to that one.
	Sorry, just a minor little right.
	Thank you.
	Analogy of Potter attacking the clay is genius.
	This is your masterpiece. Take your time.
	Time to tip! I think so.
	Oh, I've got a better one.
	I've got an even better one.
	How about this, right?
	Okay, let's do one more. How about this?
	You say to your parent, look, I was really unhappy as a teenager.
	And your parent says, I didn't know you were unhappy.
	You didn't tell me. I didn't know.
	How am I supposed to know if you don't tell me?
	I'm not a mind reader. I didn't know.
	Will there be sections on timeouts?
	I Yeah, well, I haven't added that yet, but I will.
	Thank you. Ever heard that one?
	I didn't know. I didn't know.
	How could I know? You didn't tell me.
	Are we catching him?
	Yeah, kids don't come with instructions.
	There's no books on this. Yeah, there's like tens of thousands of books.
	All right, so you've heard this one?
	All right. Hit me with a Q if you'd like me to go back to questions, or a one if you'd like to do one more of these parental excuses.
	Q for questions, one for one more.
	We'll do one more. Okay.
	Your wish is my command.
	Your wish is my command.
	Alright, so it looks like we have a bit more for one more, so we'll do one more.
	Alright, then we'll go back to questions.
	Last one. I didn't know you were unhappy.
	There are two responses to this defense.
	The first is that it is the parent's job to know when the child is unhappy.
	And the second is that a parent who has no idea that the child is unhappy, who cannot at all tell the difference between a happy child and an unhappy child, is so emotionally distant from the child that they cannot be considered capable of parenting at all.
	Let's take a medical analogy.
	We can assume that a competent doctor would know the difference between a man who is sleeping and a man who is unconscious because he's been beaten half to death.
	If a doctor cannot tell the difference between a sleeping man and a bruised and beaten man, then the doctor is not a doctor at all, but some bizarre person posing as a doctor.
	Because even people who aren't doctors can tell the difference between sleeping and being horribly injured.
	Can the doctor claim as his defense that neither the sleeping nor the beaten person told the doctor anything?
	Of course not.
	It's the doctor's job to tell the difference between a healthy person and a beaten person.
	If your wife is in a terrible car accident and is bruised and bleeding all over the place and you take her to the emergency room and she passes out and then you fall asleep because you've been waiting for so long and you wake up with the doctor standing over you trying to treat you would that make any sense at all?
	Would you feel any confidence in a doctor who could not tell the difference between your broken and bleeding wife and your own sleeping form?
	If you got upset with the doctor and told him to treat your wife, not you, and the doctor claimed that neither you nor your wife told him who he should be treating, would you accept that as an excuse?
	She never told me she was injured, neither did you!
	Would you even know what to say in such an insane situation?
	Would it even be worth reminding the doctor that it is kind of his job to be able to tell the difference between the victim of a terrible car crash and a man who just dozed off?
	Yet this is what parents expect children to accept.
	Total madness. And Doctor hasn't lived years with him like parents have.
	Yeah, for sure. Will you highlight soft death threats in some way?
	Yeah, yeah, I've got a whole bit on, I brought you into this world, I can take you out.
	Yeah, I've got all that for sure.
	The tone is combative and accusatory.
	Rightly so, of course, but I'd ask if that truly achieves the goal you're looking for in the book.
	That's kind of annoying, to be honest.
	Just concern trolling.
	Does that goal truly achieve, well, does your tone truly achieve the goal you're looking for in the book?
	I don't even know how to answer that.
	Because you have an idea of the goal that I'm looking for, but you're pretending that I have that idea.
	So why don't you just be honest and stop beating around the bush and tell me what goal you think the book is aiming at.
	Because you're concern-trolling me.
	You feel a gap between the tone and the goal, but you haven't even asked me what the goal is.
	So concern-trolling me with this vague, well, it might not achieve the blah, blah, blah.
	Just be honest and be direct.
	Don't try and sort of evoke some sort of gap analysis in me, right?
	All right, so is that the same person?
	Who is the intended audience for the book and what's your central goal with it?
	Well, okay, let's go to a certain greater level of honesty, right?
	Which is, what I'm reading is making you feel anxious, right?
	Right? It's making you feel anxious and you're trying to transfer that anxiety to me with this vague concern trolling.
	I mean, just to be honest, to be frank, right?
	So you're feeling anxious about the book and this is, you know, the book is anxiety provoking.
	I get that. As I said, my sleep has been light because it's challenging a lot of the nonsense that keeps children down, right?
	So, rather than concern trolling me, why don't you tell me?
	You asked for feedback, but you didn't give me feedback.
	You didn't give me feedback.
	You gave me concern trolling.
	Right? So you say the tone is combative and accusatory, rightly so, of course.
	First of all, is the tone combative and accusatory?
	No. I'm making analogies and I'm actually also making jokes.
	But I'm being certain. So you've characterized the tone as combative and accusatory.
	I don't know what combative means.
	If you're standing up for what's right, do you not need to be strong about it?
	I don't know what accusatory means.
	And you say rightfully so, of course.
	So you haven't defined what combative and accusatory means.
	You haven't given me any examples.
	But I'd ask if that truly achieves the goal you're looking for in the book.
	I don't know what that means.
	I don't know what that means.
	So you're giving me a lot of fog with a negative direction, right?
	It's a lot of fog with a negative direction.
	What is the purpose of that?
	The purpose of that is to instill in me a kind of anxiety that you yourself are feeling about the book.
	And of course, I mean, you've heard people in this book, when I've been reading these parts of the book, you've been hearing people very upset about Right?
	Very upset. In a nutshell, if the intended audience is an abusive parent, I'm assuming they'll reject it.
	You ask for feedback.
	Ah, you see, now you're putting it on me, right?
	And I'm giving you feedback on your feedback, right?
	And your feedback is vague, foggy, negative, unhelpful, non-specific, non-example-based.
	If the intended audience is an abusive parent, I'm assuming they'll reject it.
	Okay, so for those of you who, and there's no reason why everyone would need to listen to every show, but why wouldn't you ask me who the intended audience is before giving me negative feedback?
	Oh, thank you for the tip.
	I appreciate that. So why would you give me negative feedback before asking me what the intended audience is?
	So for those of you who've been listening to the shows recently, is my intended audience abusive parents or is my intended audience victimized children?
	A for abusive parents, V for victimised children, adult children of child abuse.
	They're often the same? No.
	No, they're not at all the same Now come on a man rapes a woman and you're saying that they're
	the same Thank you.
	Oh, did I lose my audio now?
	Yeah, you can't you can't be a victim and an abuser at the same time
	Yeah, they're not the same. Let's see here.
	What if the intended audience is future parents too?
	Abusive parents were most often abused children.
	So, they didn't become abusive parents because they were abused as children?
	Do you think that being abused as a child means you become an abusive parent?
	.
	Do you think that's causal? Do you not believe in free will?
	Moral responsibility? Look, whether you accept it or not, I'm trying to help you in terms of your communication, right? Because you're just spraying a bunch of concern-trolling anxiety splashing all over the place, and the premise is flawed with what you just said.
	I don't know what that means.
	But yeah, so just for those of you who don't know, my intended audience is the victims of child abuse.
	And why, just out of curiosity, just if you've not heard the reasons,
	why would I aim the book at the victims of child abuse rather than people who were already parents
	and who have already abused their children for many years?
	Because recidivism, like returning back to a life of crime, recidivism is very high, right?
	Recidivism is very high.
	Very, very high. And, of course, I'm sure there will be a few parents who read this and, oh my gosh, I did wrong and so on, but...
	See, here's the thing.
	Here's the thing. Here's the thing.
	I'm going to claim, and I'm going to continue to insistently claim, experience and knowledge privilege.
	Experience and knowledge privilege.
	So now, I've been studying self-knowledge philosophy and psychology for 40 years.
	I've literally had thousands of conversations with people about child abuse, recovery, morality, integrity, and, of course, a large number of people who've called into my show have had significant moral issues with their own parents.
	Now, how many of those parents I mean, I even know, of course, people who've shared the conversations we've had with their parents.
	How many of those parents have ever called me and asked for advice on how to fix their families?
	Almost none. I mean none that I can remember.
	There could be one or two. So, thousands of conversations, which is two parents, grandparents, extended family.
	So, people sit down and talk with their families.
	So, maybe 5,000 people, maybe 10,000 people have had the opportunity.
	And of course, I would absolutely take that call.
	Somebody said, you know, I abused my kid.
	I feel really bad about it. I want to fix it.
	I would absolutely take that call.
	Like, no question. Okay.
	So, five to ten thousand people, of those five to ten thousand people, almost zero, have called in to reform.
	Alright? How many other people on the planet do you think are in possession of the kind of knowledge that I have about human nature?
	having had these conversations for 18 years.
	So this is the funny thing.
	When people come up and try to tell me how I should be doing things or plant their concern trawling, Is it unfair?
	And I'm perfectly happy to hear this case.
	Is it unfair for me to say, show some respect for what I know and show some curiosity and ask some questions?
	And not concern trolling questions but ask me what I know, ask me what my decisions are
	because I have a perspective that's shared by very few people on the planet.
	You don't have to defer to me at all.
	I mean, I never want people to defer to me, of course, right?
	But, you know, it's kind of a thing where, like, I don't know, Brian May, right?
	Brian May has been a musician, what is he, in his 70s now or something like that.
	So he's been a musician for well over half a century.
	A very successful musician, wrote some great songs, is a very great performer and so on.
	I can't imagine if I was just learning...
	I can't imagine if I was just learning how to play the guitar that I would go up to Brian May and say, I don't think that feedback is getting the effect that you want.
	I don't know. I don't think it's...
	I don't...
	I can't imagine doing that.
	Do you know what I mean? And there's a funny thing where, because, you know, I'm nice and friendly and I'm humble, right?
	I mean, I'm always trying to learn and to improve and I look for lots of feedback and all of that.
	But I know a lot by now.
	I know a lot by now.
	And I know a lot even based on the shows which were never released,
	which are sometimes even more volatile.
	Like the woman who called in because her brother had been caught by one of those catch-a-predator stings.
	Thank you.
	So, I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of experience, a lot of depth, and a lot of wisdom at this point.
	So I suppose when people...
	Oh, I don't think this book is going to achieve...
	I don't think it's going to achieve the goal that you want and your writing is this and your writing is that.
	I'm just saying that...
	Like when you're dealing with an expert, right?
	Lots of things I'm not good at, but there's some things that I'm very good at, right?
	When you're dealing with an expert...
	It's probably good, if you want that expert to listen to you, I guess to show a little respect and curiosity, if that makes sense.
	Just a little bit.
	Can you point to the last time you accepted...
	Can you point to the last time you accepted feedback in this chat?
	So you're very defensive here, and this is why I don't listen to you, right?
	I mean, nobody with any expertise or self-knowledge or wisdom is going to listen to you, right?
	You need to prove to me that you accept feedback.
	That is very funny. See, I just, right?
	And just for those, right?
	Did I say, I will let you guys choose whether I read more examples or I go back to your questions, right?
	Was that not feedback? See, you're asking me, when did I last accept feedback?
	At least half a dozen times over the course of the last hour, I've asked for feedback and changed my decisions accordingly.
	So you're saying, like, you actually were here when I took feedback, and you're saying, well, you've got to prove to me that you accept feedback, right?
	So it's crazy, right?
	And again, you're not crazy, right?
	I'm just saying that. Oh, no, on a piece you've written.
	I did take feedback. In fact, I asked people to rate how good it was, the arguments and the style that I was putting forward.
	And I got feedback, and I asked for feedback on my writing, and I got feedback on it.
	I asked for people to rate it from 1 to 10.
	And of course, if there had been a lot of low numbers, I would have asked what could I improve, but people liked what I wrote, so I asked for feedback.
	Okay, so I've now fulfilled your request.
	So what do you got? So this is your inner parent is being activated by me criticizing.
	And this is why I have to be delicate with the book, right?
	Because it triggers people, right?
	It triggers people. And...
	I won't get into the IQ stuff, but yeah, it triggers people.
	Yeah, you know, you don't accept my feedback.
	Well, you just don't accept anyone's feedback.
	Like, why on earth would I have to dance to your tune?
	Like, I don't... Why on earth would I care what you have to say?
	Like, that's just interesting.
	Hey, that's okay. If you think that was feedback and acting on feedback, then there's nowhere for this to go
	Can you explain what the goal of the book was I'm not sure what that's to do with. Is that to do with me?
	Right. So I satisfied your requirements and then you say if I satisfy your
	requirements about getting feedback on my writing then you say there's nowhere for this to go.
	Okay. So, I appreciate that.
	Then there is nowhere for this to go.
	Alright, so we had some other questions or comments or issues.
	There will be sections on timeouts.
	Somebody has asked, a question that repeatedly comes up for me is what to do in a relationship when a principled discussion completely breaks down or one partner simply refuses to follow agreed-upon codes of behavior for the relationship.
	What enforcement mechanism should a relationship have, if any?
	How to sort of break up the logjam in a relationship when that kind of impasse occurs?
	All right, I'm just going to copy and paste this in.
	I felt triggered when you started reading, even made a post about it.
	I knew it was going to trigger my inner parents when I saw the topic of this live stream.
	Yeah, yeah, for sure. It is a challenge, right?
	So this is...
	Have you been... Hit me with a why if you've been in a kind of situation.
	Yes, I've got a whole section on the voluntary family.
	A whole three chapters, I think, on the voluntary family.
	So yes, the foo questions are addressed.
	Um... The goal of the book is to promote peaceful parenting.
	I mean, the book is called Peaceful Parenting.
	The goal of the book is to promote peaceful parenting.
	I mean, that's not super complicated, is it?
	I mean, there's no mystery here, right?
	I've written a book on how to learn calculus.
	Well, what's the purpose of the book?
	The book is called How to Learn Calculus.
	What's the purpose? I can't read your mind.
	Ah, the playing dumb.
	Of course you know exactly what the purpose of the book is.
	to promote peaceful penitence.
	So.
	If a disease is incurable, do you focus on prevention?
	If the disease can't be cured, it's the only thing you can do is to focus on prevention.
	Is that fair? You understand?
	Let's say if child abuse is largely incurable, and here's the other thing too.
	So I, you know, in the thousands of conversations I've had with people about childhoods and history and so on, a large proportion of them have had issues with their parents.
	And what do I say? Go talk with your parents.
	Get a therapist. Go talk with your parents.
	And I say, please, please, please provide me feedback, right?
	Please, please, please provide me feedback.
	Now, how many times over the last close to two decades, thousands of conversations, how many times have people replied to me and say, I sat down with my parents, man, they were great, they listened, they were resistant, but we ended up going into family therapy and we're really working on things and it's really working better, they've really apologized, blah, blah, blah.
	Thousands of conversations, close to two decades.
	How many times has that happened?
	Yeah, it's happened. I think I can remember it one time for sure.
	There may be a couple of others.
	Right? So we're talking one out of a thousand.
	One out of a thousand.
	1 out of a thousand.
	So if you've got an anti-smoking message, do you target it towards teenagers who haven't
	smoked yet or do you target it towards people who are 3 months away from dying from lung
	cancer?
	Thank you.
	Right? You focus on prevention.
	Alright. So, regarding...
	What to do in a relationship when the principal discussion completely breaks down or one partner simply refuses to follow agreed-upon codes of behavior for the relationship?
	What enforcement mechanisms should a relationship have, if any?
	How to sort of break up the logjam in a relationship when that kind of impasse occurs, right?
	So, So let's say you're in a relationship with a girl, and you say, we're monogamous, right?
	We're monogamous, and then she says, actually, I want to date other people and stay with you.
	I want to have a polyamorous open relationship, although you got into the relationship based upon monogamy.
	Hit me with a why if this is fairly close to something we can discuss.
	I don't know if it's perfect or whatever, but would this be something that's right?
	So... You have only one avenue of appeal.
	Of course, your parents divorced. So you have only one avenue of appeal if somebody is breaking the rules that are the foundation of the relationship.
	You have only one avenue of appeal.
	You know someone that happened to?
	Someone who chose that.
	It didn't just happen to them. What is the one avenue that you have if somebody is breaking their word to you?
	I mean, the one avenue you have within the relationship.
	No not within, sorry, and that's why I'm sorry Paula, that was my bad.
	No consequences?
	But you can't punish someone into having integrity, right?
	Lie back. Confront.
	Ask to join in. Cookies and ice cream.
	Confront. Okay. Three words.
	Three words are your only appeal.
	Three words are your only appeal.
	Are you ready? I'm going to type them out here.
	But you...
	What's the last word there?
	But you...
	What's the last word?
	Promised! That's right!
	You said you promised you said.
	Yeah, but you promised. But you promised, right?
	But you promised. No, no, we agreed to be monogamous.
	No, but now, no, no, no.
	I'm only in this relationship because we agreed to be monogamous.
	You promised to be monogamous.
	This is not on the table.
	Yeah, but things have changed.
	Okay, so then you have a zero-trust relationship, right?
	It's a negative trust because they've broken your trust, right?
	So if you say to someone, but you promised, and then they basically say, I don't care.
	But you promised, I don't care.
	But you promised, doesn't matter.
	Then you have no relationship.
	You have no relationship, and you tip your hat, bid them a fond adieu, wish them the very best in their hot pursuit of endless chlamydia, and you wrangle off into the sunset.
	You can't trust someone who won't keep their word.
	You can't trust someone who won't keep their word.
	Now, it doesn't mean that we can't renegotiate, we can't change or whatever, right?
	But not around the foundationals, not around the fundamentals.
	Because someone who won't keep their word is a spiritual criminal.
	A spiritual criminal.
	A demon, really.
	You can't renegotiate after the fact.
	Exactly. You know, try that with your fucking bank, right?
	Well, you're going to pay 6% interest on your house loan, and then you call them up and you say, no...
	No, I know I signed a 20-year mortgage.
	No, you know what?
	I want you to pay me 6%.
	I'm not paying you 6% anymore.
	You pay me 6%.
	That's what I've decided.
	Ha ha ha ha ha.
	Ha ha ha ha.
	Oh, what haunts me is that this has happened to me on some level with almost every girlfriend I've had.
	Oh, I'm so sorry, my friend.
	I know that we've had our back and forth before.
	This is the same guy who I was saying was concern trolling.
	But that's really sad.
	And I genuinely mean that.
	Like, no snark. Like, that's really sad.
	That's really sad. Email me.
	Call in at freedomain.com.
	We'll have a talk about it. Because that's terrible.
	That's really heartbreaking. Don't worry, I've got tough skin.
	Okay, well, maybe not then, if that's not with you.
	If you don't want help and you've got tough skin, I guess you're fine.
	I guess you're fine. I thought you might be hurt, but you're fine.
	All right. So, you just don't, you can't have a relationship with someone.
	You see, it's theft, right? It's theft.
	It's theft. I feel like there is a polyamorous mind virus going around.
	Okay, hit me with a why if you think that there are too many people who are overweight.
	There are too many people who are crazy.
	There are too many people who are this.
	There are too many people who are that.
	There are too many people who are lefty.
	There are too many people who are...
	Hit me with a Y if this is a big problem for you.
	Would you like me to fix that for you?
	Would that be worth something for you?
	No. Would you like me to fix that for you?
	I can fix that for you in like 10 minutes.
	That'd be great. Should make it easier.
	If you haven't tipped for a while, and if you have money, if you haven't tipped for a while and you have money,
	will you give me a tip if I fix this massive problem for you in about 5 to 10 minutes?
	I'm just curious how much it's worth for you.
	Si senor! Alright.
	I will tip the number of likes on the stream.
	Oh my. Let me activate my bots.
	Right. Okay.
	So I envy you out there in the world right now.
	Do you know... Shirt coming off, maybe.
	Yeah, everyone likes to stream.
	I'm poor, sorry. Hey, if you're poor, enjoy philosophy.
	Don't worry about it. Don't even think about it.
	That's totally fine. And don't feel bad about anything, right?
	All right. How can I call in on a show?
	Email me. Call in. C-A-L-L-I-N. Call in at freedomain.com.
	I'm a little backed up right now.
	A little backed up. Not as badly as when I... Well, no.
	Okay. So, yeah. Call in at freedomain.com.
	We'll sort that out. So I envy.
	Okay, what percentage of young women have tattoos these days?
	What percentage of young women have tattoos these days?
	Give me your best guess.
	Maybe you know. 15%, 100%, 40%, 95%, 30%, 60%, 40%.
	Yes, about 40%.
	About 40%.
	Hit me with a why.
	Yes, it's 43%.
	Hit me with a Y if you've ever dated a woman with a tattoo.
	I never have dated a woman with a tattoo.
	I've never dated a woman with a tattoo.
	Are you kidding me? Right.
	You married her? How much debt do young women carry these days?
	What is the average debt of young women, say, in America?
	Right?
	What is the average debt?
	What is the average debt?
	So, young women are more likely than men to hold debt.
	We know that from voting patterns.
	The average student loan.
	What's the average student loan for young women in America?
	Average student loan.
	No, it's about 11k.
	about 11k.
	So, American women hold two-thirds of all student debt.
	I think that's actually from 2018.
	It's higher, higher now.
	20K? Yeah, not quite that high.
	So, the average women, I think the average young women are about 20K in debt.
	About 20K in debt.
	Steph, yes, what?
	What? More women going to college, however.
	Yeah, for sure, for sure.
	So, a woman who's in debt, a woman who's tattooed.
	What percentage of young women, let's say in America, what percentage of young women are overweight?
	Young Americans are, I can't, women overweight.
	I think it's about 70% but I could be wrong.
	Ooh, they don't like breaking this down, do they?
	Yeah, more women than men are obese.
	Well, that's from 2015. That's a long time ago.
	A long time ago.
	More than 60% of women are obese or overweight.
	Yeah, so that's about right.
	Yeah, and I think...
	Are they spending their money on food?
	food yeah yeah right so
	some time ago I was in the ocean with my wife and daughter and some friends and a
	big-ass shadow passed by underneath right A big-ass shadow passed by underneath.
	My heart stopped in my chest, right?
	Because I want to know Are the flippers going up and down or side to side?
	Up and down, we're okay, because it's a dolphin side to side, it's a shark, and we're not happy, right?
	And then the fin stopped about 100 feet away and just kind of circled a bit, and I'm like, don't come back, don't come back, because I couldn't tell.
	I couldn't tell. Turned out it was a dolphin.
	Of course, all these idiot men out in the sandbar were like, hey, man, it's a shark.
	Like, yeah, no, that's fantastic.
	Yeah, I'd love it when you talk about that, right?
	So... Why am I telling you this?
	I'm telling you this because Would you rather know ahead of time if the big-ass shadow
	in the water Ripping along underneath you would you rather know ahead of
	time at the very beginning if it's a dolphin or a shark?
	You want it you want to know Because you can relax, right?
	You'd rather know. Of course you would.
	So, here's the thing.
	When I was your age...
	Okay, give me this.
	20s, 30s, 40s, what are you in?
	You don't have to give me your exact age. Just give me your age decade.
	20s, we got a 20s, we got a 30s, 40s, we got a 20s, 30s, 40s, touching 40, 40, 20s mid...
	Three ounces. Sorry, 30s.
	I'm fine. Okay. Right.
	So when I was a kid, 56.
	Oh, a fantastic age.
	Marvelous. Right.
	So when I was a kid, or when I was a teenager, there was a big problem.
	There was a big problem because most of the women were not overweight.
	Most of the women were not tattooed.
	Most of the women were not heavily in debt.
	A lot of the women came from two-parent households.
	What was the problem? What was the problem with that?
	Why was that bad?
	Why do I envy you? Boom!
	Liberty Garden got it on.
	They were camouflaged.
	Yeah. They were camouflaged.
	Now, Is the crazy still camouflaged or is it out of the closet?
	Is it proudly walking in its Lizzo thunder steps down the aisle?
	Is it right out there in the open?
	Yeah. The sorting mechanism of modern society is the greatest gift you get that I didn't.
	Sometimes you'd have to date a girl for a while before the mask came off and the bunny boiler popped out.
	Fat filter, tat filter.
	Oh yeah, no, I had to swim right up to find out if they were sharks or not.
	I had to jam my hand in their mouth and see if they'd jump down or not.
	When I was your age, I had to date some crazy girls.
	Uphill both ways.
	So, I envy you guys.
	The sorting mechanism that's out there now?
	Fantastic. Could have saved me 10 plus years.
	Because, you know, so there's a sort of, I don't know if it's scientific or not.
	Yeah, you can spot them a mile away.
	Was the percentage of girls crazy the same as now?
	Well, I don't know.
	I don't know how you'd measure that, but I do know they were heavily camouflaged.
	Doesn't social media help sort the crazy young women too?
	Well, a little bit, right?
	I mean you can easily figure out the narcissist and so on by the you know the addiction to clicks and likes and all
	that kind of stuff
	Sorry Julie, I was just looking over and I asked people's age, and I saw 20k. I'm pretty sure that was a debt thing
	though cuz you
	I would really turn the show over to you if you're 20,000 years old.
	That would be very, very impressive.
	Instagram account is my biggest red flag these days, right?
	Do those relationships not ultimately lead to meeting your wife?
	No. No.
	Like in the same way that if you survive a shark attack...
	And you're later limping along and someone asks you a question.
	Did that shock attack lead to it?
	It's like, no, I barely survived the shock attack.
	So the mask is off.
	You can look at the woman and the women who are susceptible to arguments from authority, the women who are vainglorious, the women who are unhelpful.
	You know, I had to wait until I was in my 30s for a woman to say, I'll be happy to pick up your sandals for you.
	Marry me. Right?
	Whereas now, the women who are indoctrinated, the women who are unthinking, and men too, right?
	I mean, it's, you just, what a blessing.
	What a blessing you guys have that you can step all over J.J. Crazy Town.
	You've got a catapult.
	I had to wend my way through the bushes and through the predators and the camouflage and the dust devils and the snow storms.
	You guys get a sky view, laser satellite view of where the crazy people are.
	You're so lucky.
	You're so lucky.
	Eagle Vision, you guys.
	I'm like the scout.
	At ground level, you guys have satellite views.
	I'm like, lost in the minds of Moria, you all have GPS. Destination, sane.
	We're going to go right past Blue Hairsville.
	We're going to go right past Tats and Nose Ringsville.
	We're going to go over the bridge of...
	You're a patriarch. We're going to go over the bridge of collective racial guilt.
	We're going to go over the bridge of all this nonsense.
	Boom! Boom! And you're home.
	And you're home. I mean, you guys are set in a way that I wasn't at all.
	Because back in the day, you had to hide.
	Women hit the crazy, and men did too, right?
	Here's the other thing.
	Holy shit. You guys...
	You have facts at your fingertips about women that were unimaginable to me.
	What do you have that you can scan for that was absolutely unavailable to me?
	What do you have? What do you have?
	Social media, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube.
	Yes, you can see her whole past, her whole history.
	You can't make this shit up. It's like in the Old West.
	They always used to think, you know, you did something wrong, you're unpopular.
	Just go to a new town and lie about yourself.
	Nobody cares. Nobody knows. They'll never find out.
	You have red pill.
	You have the Manosphere.
	You have me.
	You have a bunch of other people telling you the truth.
	You have mentors. You have women who are like, hide crazy, why I don't think I will.
	I think I'm just going to put it right out there.
	It's going to unroll like Gene Simmons' tongue on a red carpet.
	That country song, hide your crazy and act like a lady.
	You can't hide that anymore.
	You've got the hot crazy matrix.
	You've got this community. They literally put their mental disorders in their bio.
	Of course they do. So you've got Kevin Samuels, you've got Rolo Tomasi, you've got like lots of people.
	I actually realized somebody shared that I did a show with him years ago.
	So you've got lots of people.
	Lots of people you got.
	So much more help. So much more wisdom.
	So many more facts.
	You know, when I was young, the women hid their past and hid their crazy.
	They're not doing that anymore. God, you guys are so lucky.
	So lucky. The kids are in the backgrounds of the single mom Tinder profiles.
	Oh my gosh!
	They will tell you proudly if they've had an abortion.
	Yeah, you can see their body count.
	You can see...
	I don't know.
	You guys don't care about my old dating stories, do you?
	It doesn't matter to you, does it?
	I mean, plus it's kind of embarrassing for me.
	You don't. You don't care about these, do you?
	No, you don't want to tell?
	You find them interesting?
	Did I give you some comfort about how much better you guys have it than I did when it was dating?
	Because you guys look at every crazy woman and you say, gee, that's a loss.
	I'm never going to find a sane woman.
	And I'm like, oh my God, how lucky are you?
	I mean, how lucky are you?
	You find that sane woman, you know for sure.
	Like the stream, pump those numbers up.
	Before I tip. So I met this woman on a walking tour.
	And she seemed, I like a woman with a sort of wry sense of humor.
	And she was funny.
	And I ended up...
	I just remember we were all on this walking tour and it was getting kind of convoluted.
	And she just leaned over to me and she said, you know, they should just drop out that rope like we had in kindergarten.
	We could all just hang on to the rope with our gloves hanging down from strings.
	And I just thought that was a really funny and wry comment.
	And she was funny, she was funny.
	...
	...
	So...
	So anyway, we ended up going skating and it was nice.
	We were chatting away. And so then she invited me back to her place.
	And look, this sounds like, you know, I don't know, some salacious thing.
	It wasn't really that salacious, but she invited me back to her place and we were just chatting.
	And she had a nice place.
	You can sort of see these things and all of that.
	She's a decent homemaker and so on, right?
	She had a nice place. And...
	But there was something...
	I don't know what happened exactly, but there was just suddenly this level of crudity.
	Because I just love asking people about their lives.
	And I was in my 20s at this point.
	And this woman, you know, oh, you know, tell me, I mean, you're single.
	How long have you been single? And then she just went in a rip fest.
	Like, you could just... You see, like, you know, the shock that nicotating membrane comes up when they're biting so that they don't get stuff squirted in their eye.
	And you have this where you talk about...
	You ever have this where you talk about some woman...
	And like her eyes kind of half roll up in her head and she just demonically possessed, spouts out all this vitriol about her past boyfriend.
	You ever seen that? It's wild, right?
	It's wild. I'm sorry, I'm just going to need a moment to switch personalities, and then I'm going to interview you to Brazier Beelzebub, who will be talking about my ex-boyfriend, right? And you just know when it's been too soon, like you know that they should have taken more time to...
	And she was very pretty in all of that.
	But you know when you're talking to someone about their ex and their eyes kind of roll over and their face gets kind of tense and their shoulders hunch up and they turn into this hate-filled armadillo of vitriol-spouting horror?
	And, uh, and it's just like, you know, you just, you ever happen when you, you open a cupboard and like everything comes pouring out?
	My daughter has this habit of kind of, you know, she grabs things and he opens, this avalanche of like snacks come out or something like that.
	And this was like, oh, I'm just going to ask you about this, right?
	You just get this Like her mouth opens so wide it seems to eat her own head and then she just takes you on a journey.
	On a journey. And she literally was and another thinging, right?
	She was like and another thinging me.
	Oh, and another thing.
	You know what else he used to do? You know what else he used to do?
	I mean, he would just get all of his loser friends over, and they'd just sit in his basement, and he had this old door, and this door that came from some house that burned down the street up.
	He didn't even help out with the house.
	He just took this door home, and they played Dungeons& Dragons with these tiny, pathetic gay figurines on this door.
	And she just really, like, you can see people just, like, wind themselves up, right?
	And another thing. And he was a terrible tipper.
	It just went on and on and on, right?
	And he used to stare too long at children in the playground.
	Whatever he would say, right? Whatever they would say.
	It was just like a nightmare, right?
	Permission to say something kind of coarse.
	I'm just reporting. Just permission to say something kind of coarse.
	Just be aware. Be aware.
	Women like these. And look, it's just like...
	Look, I'm sorry. It's too soon for you to be dating.
	Like, you just shouldn't be dating, right?
	He had pointy elbows. You ever try this?
	My daughter pointed this out.
	No matter how hard you pinch your elbow flesh, it doesn't hurt.
	Isn't that wild? She had her feelers out to see if you'd white-night her.
	Yeah, it was wild.
	It was wild. And...
	Anyway, so after hearing this, I'm like, oh, that must have been frustrating.
	And she's like, fuck my ass it was!
	And I was like...
	That's a phrase I haven't heard before.
	I was like, um...
	I think it's, you know, it's 8.51.
	It's really past my bedtime and I have...
	Got a whole acre of cows to milk in the morning, so I've got a...
	Because that's kind of a programming thing, right?
	That's like a weird sex thing, and it's just like, oh my god, I'm done like dinner.
	What did she say? I'm sorry, I'm going to have to not...
	I feel dirty even saying it, and not in a good kind of way.
	So this door, I assume it was a back door.
	Oh, sorry, there's the punchline.
	That just popped into my head.
	Sorry.
	I assume it had no lock on it and would leak when the pipes were loose.
	laughter In Through the Outdoor, isn't that a reference from a Led Zeppelin album?
	Ew, yeah, I agree with you.
	Absolutely, ew. Absolutely.
	Absolutely. Ew, ha, ha, ha.
	Yeah, that's the combo of my humor sometimes.
	Yeah, that was not great.
	That was not great. So then, of course, I just demanded we go to karaoke, and I'm a backdoor man!
	Anyway, so I didn't really see her again.
	She's like, do you want to see me again?
	I'm like, depends.
	Sorry, sorry, why, why?
	Stomp me! You know I need to get just like a big hand slapper here where I just I go down that road
	Those backcountry lanes, and it just needs to snap me so hard. It's like a woodpecker on cocaine
	All right, let's get back to you Sounds like John...
	Sorry! Sorry!
	Sorry, John Klee's saying sorry.
	Yes, yes. Very funny guy.
	Been a long time since he's been funny, though.
	Been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
	All right. Let's get back to your questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems, criticisms.
	I'm just curious. Did the dude email me?
	About the calling show Current state of the world. Yeah, it's fine
	No, but he didn't. Oh, maybe he will.
	Maybe he will. I just don't know.
	All right, let me just go through this.
	Get a machine tied to tips that slaps you for dad jokes and crude stories.
	Yeah, that story's so crude you could change your oil with it.
	All right. Your roads are too traveled, I think.
	Yeah! Some pretty deep wagon ruts over here, sister.
	Echo, echo, echo.
	Leftists have a terrible sense of humor.
	Well, because leftism is a wound, right?
	Is a wound. So, the magnificent Jared is working on the French Revolution.
	The French Revolution.
	Do you want to know the general theory?
	Do you think it's possible to peacefully parent if you still have your abusive parents in your life?
	I mean that's too broad a question in my humble opinion.
	Bye.
	That's too broad a question.
	I mean, do you text them once a year?
	Are you living under their roof?
	How abusive are they?
	What's the history? How currently abusive are they?
	I mean, I don't want abusive people in my life.
	It's funny how people get confused or mad at me about this.
	It's like, you know, that's the gig, right?
	You know that's the gig, right?
	I mean, the fact that a moral philosopher puts principle above circumstance and accident and history.
	Like, isn't that a weird thing?
	Isn't that a weird thing? It's like, I can't believe that guy who's a passionate anti-smoking advocate, I can't believe he doesn't smoke.
	That's just weird, isn't it? Why is that diet guy not overweight?
	That's just bizarre. I mean, it's just so weird to me that, like, yeah, I mean, of course.
	I mean, this is kind of the gig, right?
	It's the deal. If you want to be a moral philosopher, you kind of have to live on principle as best you can.
	You have to be perfect, but you kind of got to live on principle as best you can, right?
	I mean, it's strange that people get confused about this with me.
	Like, that's the gig. The gig is I have these moral principles.
	I mean, it would be immoral of me to make suggestions to people about moral things that I didn't follow myself, right?
	That's the gig. The gig is you've got these moral principles that have to be universal and objective, and you have to live them yourself.
	And then with the correct arguments, you can share them with others, right?
	That's the gig. And so when people say to me, should you have abusive people in your life if you're a parent?
	The answer is not up to you.
	It's funny, if you're not parents, hit me with an N if you're not a parent yet.
	And I'm sorry, this is going to be annoying and I apologize for this ahead of time, but hit me with an N if you're not a parent yet.
	Right. Okay, so do you think it's your choice as to whether you have abusive parents in your life if you're a parent?
	Is it your choice? Is it up to you?
	No. No, it's not. It's not up to you.
	It's not up to you. What is your metric for deciding whether you should have abusive people in your life?
	If you're a parent, what is your metric for deciding that?
	Yeah. What's best for your kids?
	Yeah, they're not there by choice.
	You have to protect the kids, your kids' well-being.
	So, like, it's not up to you.
	It's only about what's best for your kids.
	I mean, is this...
	Have we gotten... I'm not talking to you guys as a whole, but have we gotten so far from the idea of integrity and self-sacrifice that people are just like...
	Well, clearly it's my decision about who I have in my life when I'm a parent.
	And it's like, have we gotten... I'm not talking about this listener in particular, but it's like, have we gotten so far from just, like, general...
	Integrity and any concept of sacrifice is like, well, no, it's not up to me.
	You know, if your baby wakes up for the third time that night, you get up and take care of the baby.
	Well, I don't know.
	Should I get up and I just, I don't, what if I'm tired?
	It's like, it's not, I mean, if you don't want to be a parent, give your kids up.
	Like, I, it's just so much easier.
	You know, like, do I miss that for 10 years I virtually wrote nothing when I was writing a book or two a year?
	Did I miss that for like 10, 12 years I wrote virtually nothing?
	Yeah, I like writing. I like writing.
	It's fun. It's good. It's powerful.
	It's great. I'm glad to be back into it.
	But was it up to me? Well, I want to write a book.
	It's like, no, you chose to be a dad.
	You chose to be a stay-at-home dad. You chose to be a stay-at-home dad.
	Well, I don't know. Should I write a book or not?
	It's like, well, what does my kid want?
	want, what does my kid need? Like it's not complicated. So you know when it comes to
	abusive people or abusive parents or whatever, right?
	Bye.
	Is it good for my kids?
	Am I at least as good a parent after I've been around them?
	Right? Let's say you've got some meanie mom, she yells at you on the phone, and then your kid wants you to play Monopoly.
	Are you going to be as good and positive and engaging and connected a parent with your kids after your abusive mom has yelled at you or not?
	I mean, this is not...
	It's not complicated, is it?
	Does this person disconnect through from my children?
	Because your children need your emotional connection and...
	I mean, that's what they live for.
	That's what they survive on.
	Right? Yeah, again, I don't...
	Should I have my parents?
	It's like, okay, if your grandparents are really helpful and they love you and you love them and they're great with the kids and you're happier and the kids love them, of course, absolutely, because that's what's best for your kids.
	See, my parents are on their best behavior after I stopped talking to them for two years.
	That's a little eerie.
	Actually, sometimes experiencing abuse from one of my parents reminds me of the abuse I've received and makes me more vigilant to not pass it along to my kids.
	Well, then you're missing something basic that you need to be reminded.
	You're dissociating, right? Quick question.
	How often how many times a year do you think I have to grit my teeth and not abuse my kid?
	Yeah, zero never It's never happened. It's zero.
	I mean, I think once or twice over the course of parenting, you know, my daughter's done something that's just been annoying, right?
	And careless, right?
	And hurtful. I mean, physically, right?
	It's mildly annoying.
	I say I'm annoyed, that's it, right?
	So I don't need to go out and be abused to remember that abuse is bad so as not to pass it along.
	That's not needed. It's not necessary.
	I mean, you know your kids, right?
	If you're a parent, you know your kids.
	Now, will your kids down the road...
	Look, they're gonna know. They're gonna know.
	They're never gonna know. They're gonna know.
	They're gonna know, right? They're gonna know.
	Let's say you have one person here in the chat.
	I don't know whether your parents should be in your life or not, but your kids are going to know.
	They're going to judge your parents, they're going to judge you, they're going to look back on history, and they're going to judge you for letting this person in their life, right?
	And, well, I guess both of your lives, right?
	Now, if that judgment is positive, fantastic.
	But they're going to judge you. Now, you've got to walk yourself back from that judgment.
	When your kid is 23, 24, 25, she's going to hang around with your dad.
	She's going to see his character.
	She's going to see him. She's going to understand him.
	She's going to learn about your history.
	She's going to ask you. You're going to tell her because you don't want to lie to her and she's an adult and she can handle the truth.
	How is she going to look at you when she knows the facts?
	Right? How is she going to look at you When she knows the trap.
	This is the answer I'm looking for.
	I'll tip you 25 on the FDR site after the show.
	Thank you.
	I appreciate that. I really do.
	Very kind. Will your child respect you for your choices when your child grows up and has all the facts?
	All right. Somebody says, thank you for your tip, my friend.
	Hello, boy! They called Brian.
	All right, Steph, I'm 45 and close to getting engaged, but Mom is inviting me to live with my parents, even though I make plenty of money and can afford my own place.
	Any thoughts? Parents are late 70s so maybe afraid of being old and alone or they're trying to sabotage my relationship.
	What?
	You're 45 and your mom wants to take your new bride and come and live with them?
	am.
	.
	Holy boner killer, Batman, are you insane?
	I'm missing something here.
	I'm missing something here.
	I'm sorry. Okay, how old is your bride to be?
	Congratulations, by the way.
	How old is your bride to be? Just tell me that.
	Do you want to have kids? Is she like 10 years younger or not engaged yet?
	Oh, close to getting engaged. She's 32.
	Okay, do you want to have kids?
	Yes, okay, I I sub...
	Today is a rare day when I have a little extra cash to give.
	Thank you. Thank you so much, my friend.
	That's very kind. Now, my friend, what is your name?
	What is your name? What is your name?
	I copied your...
	Brian.
	Brian. Something like that. Brian.
	Okay. So Brian, my good friend.
	Oh, Brian. Brian, my good friend from 1984.
	Now, give me a 1 to 10 how direct you want me to be.
	How direct, how blunt do you want me to be?
	10? Really?
	Because that's pretty blunt.
	That's the kind of blunt that can cut through titanium.
	He's 45. Give it to him.
	10? Take cover.
	Because I will. I will, absolutely.
	I mean, and then everyone can say, he's so mean to his audience.
	It's with love. It's with great love.
	Alright. Hit me with a Y. If you're ready, last chance.
	Last chance.
	Are you ready?
	Okay. Your bride needs to look up to you as powerful, an alpha, a god among men, A leader.
	A noble. A lord.
	A king. That's what she needs.
	To feel secure.
	To fall in love. To be bonded.
	Alright? She needs to see you as the apex predator in the security perimeter of her world.
	Now, ladies, am I wrong?
	Am I wrong? Tell me if I'm wrong.
	Do you not want to look up to your man and worship him?
	And the man looks up to you and worships you.
	I get all of that. We're just talking this, right?
	Am I wrong, ladies?
	Don't you want to see him as a superhero?
	Need to respect him.
	Need to look up to him.
	He needs to be The leader in his area of the household, the woman is the leader in her area of the household, needs to be a leader in his area of the household.
	There needs to be none above him other than God himself.
	Isn't that what makes you feel secure and safe and loved and treasured?
	Yeah, you need to be at a T-Rex level.
	Yes, say the women. Of course, of course.
	I'm not telling anything that anyone doesn't know, right?
	Now, quick question ladies.
	How sexy is your man when he's back at mommy's house sleeping in his childhood bedroom?
	Thank you.
	How hot is that?
	Zero? That's a lie.
	It's way lower than zero.
	Minus six, six, six and counting.
	That's why I said holy boner killer, Batman.
	If you move into mommy's house and daddy's house, she's going to dry up faster than this is a horror if global warming were real.
	In his race car bed.
	Oh my god. Oh my god.
	Oh, it's like that meme where the guy is saying to the girl, hey man, I got something to show you under the covers.
	And she goes under the covers and there's like a whole pile of glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs.
	Here's my Dungeons& Dragons books from when I was 14!
	And here's my dinosaur collection!
	And here's my trilobites!
	Wait, did you just hear that?
	What was that snapping sound?
	Oh, your vagina closing, never to reopen?
	Yeah, well I can understand that Sorry Trouser Bishop, we're closed
	We will be reopening.
	Oh, no, we're not going to reopen.
	I'm afraid it's really tough to be an alpha when you have your NSYNC posters over the bed where a 70s mirror should be.
	Chastity belt goes.
	And then she swallows the key.
	And that's all she'd be swallowing, ladies and gentlemen.
	I'll show myself out. Move back in with mom and dad.
	Fuck my ass, he won't. Come on.
	Listen, there's nothing wrong with your husband.
	This is to the women. There's nothing wrong with your husband.
	In fact, it's great if he has a good relationship with his mother and father.
	That's fantastic. But when he's over at said mommy and daddy's house and he's their little boy, is that sexy?
	Is that sexy?
	It's nice.
	It's Norman Rockwell.
	It's cute. It's lovely in a way.
	There's nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with it.
	But... It's unbelievably hot.
	Yes, it is unbelievably hot.
	I don't believe that it is hot.
	It's not sexy.
	Now, what is one central job that you need to keep going in a marriage?
	We just had a call about this.
	Yeah, Sunday dinner is good.
	Living there? Oh, hell no. Yeah, yeah.
	Nothing wrong with seeing your man get fed by his mom.
	Nothing wrong with that.
	But it's not sexy.
	Now, what's the one thing that you need to keep going in your marriage?
	.
	It's the one thing.
	Your marriage, absolutely, completely and totally, needs to stay hot as a tamale on the surface of mercury when it's crashing into the sun.
	Intimacy? Oh, that's such a girly answer!
	Well, we need to be intimate.
	Just hold me. You are a lovely young lady and I think that's a beautiful thing to say.
	But that's not what I'm talking about.
	You need to be making the beast with two backs so hard that you start a fucking storm off the coast of Japan.
	Okay? Come on. What's the one thing that you need to keep going in your marriage?
	Right? I mean if you're shagging in the ocean you need to cause a tsunami off
	the Philippines.
	You need to keep it hot.
	Like, that's foundational.
	Am I wrong? Yeah, making love has its place.
	Absolutely. Ladies, am I wrong?
	Gentlemen, Am I wrong?
	Poor Filipino people. Look, the Filipino people, I'm sure, would be willing to sacrifice their island, their culture, and their civilization for a good check.
	Come on. I mean, everybody's going to make sacrifices in their life.
	This just happens to be theirs. If you aren't the Japan earthquake, you're doing it wrong.
	Yeah, yeah. No, listen, you need to be bacon-loving in the woods to the point where all the people who operate their satellites are like, whoa, what the hell happened there?
	Did we just lose, did we shift some orbit?
	What the hell is going on? Did you guys feel this tech?
	What the hell was that? The Van Allen belt literally looks like a giant cock right now.
	Holy crap. Amazing.
	Amazing. Keep it spicy.
	Keep it hot, right? Yes, as a man trained in physics.
	Yes! Let's get physical.
	That's right. The Van Allen belt is not a chastity belt.
	Yeah, so you need to have, you know, sex while camping to the point where literally the gods rename the constellations after your balls.
	It used to be Orion's belt.
	Now it's insert your name's balls.
	And it will be known thus from now until the end of the very universe itself.
	We have to be quiet because the kids are there.
	Right, so, I mean, but it has to be so good and you have to stay so quiet that you actually steal the hearing from orca whales far out in pure shit sound.
	Right? Porn star sets the entire world over, stop filming, and like, I felt a great disturbance in the force.
	We're just doing this all wrong.
	We have so much to learn, but they will never tell us.
	So, my point is that...
	I mean, you need to have sex so good that if you write it down and mail it, you can get a statue pregnant.
	Like, literally, Michelangelo's David will grow a belly and give birth to a stone golem.
	Having a mother-in-law wash your wife's underwear.
	That'll be fine.
	Right. Like, you need to have sex so good that when you have a coffee afterwards, you stir it and all the Starbucks baristas, man, woman, doesn't matter, they all give spontaneous birth.
	That's just like, that's the way it has to be.
	So your mom is not inviting you to come and live with her.
	Your mom is inviting you to enter into the maternal monastery.
	Do you know what the maternal monastery is?
	My stomach goes from laughing.
	I could honestly keep going on like this forever, but I don't want to say anything rude or inappropriate or untoward because I am...
	I'm just concerned that someone's going to report me to my HR department.
	Steph, I'm starting to think virtue isn't the only reason your wife loves you.
	Well, you know, you all love me.
	me I love you guys back but you know that's a that's a special different kind
	of relationship. So your mom is giving you or luring you to two different
	aspects of femininity right?
	Like there was a store in Toronto when I was growing up in Toronto, I think it was in Toronto, called Maiden Mother Crone.
	You know what that refers to, right?
	The maiden is the young woman before she gets married, the mother is then, and the crone is the old woman, right?
	Maiden Mother Crone. Now, your passion for your wife is lust for fleshy virtues.
	And your wife's passion for you is lust for fleshy virtues.
	Crone, sorry, crone, not crows.
	Now, your mother is inviting you to enter into a matriarchy, and a matriarchy will castrate
	your wife's sexual desire for you.
	So your mother is inviting you to return to a younger phase of life at a time when you
	need to be the leader in your own household, in your own realm.
	Thank you.
	Right, so again, I don't want people to misunderstand this, although if they want to, they will, right?
	But the man needs to be the leader in his area of the household.
	The woman needs to be a leader in her area of the household.
	That's called the division of labor.
	That's why marriage works. Much like sex, you need to be working together, but with opposing equipment or opposite equipment, right?
	Parents in the late 70s may be afraid of being old and alone, or they're trying to sabotage my relationship.
	Now, what is the primary reason that parents hold on to children too long?
	Thank you.
	Because she's literally inviting you back in your middle age.
	What is the primary reason that parents hold on to their children too long?
	The son-husband, pseudo-husband.
	It's because the parents aren't close.
	The parents aren't close.
	They don't love each other.
	They're not passionate for each other.
	And so to fill up the silence of the lack of communication, they want other people in the house.
	It's not quite emotional incest.
	It's not quite emotional incest.
	The older parents have run out of things to say.
	There's a depressing silence.
	They're consumed with thoughts of their own aging and death.
	They can't take comfort in each other.
	They need their kids over to fill up the silence, the spaces to distract them from their distance.
	Yeah, and death is a coming.
	Death is a coming. Damn, that's me with my parents right now.
	I'm just there fucking porn.
	Yeah, and if they were fucking, you wouldn't need to be, right?
	So they have not assumed the elder statesman and wise elder role in society.
	So what are people in their 70s supposed to be doing in society?
	What are they supposed to be doing in society?
	Yeah, they're supposed to be mentoring.
	They've gathered together a massive amount of wisdom and they're supposed to be mentoring the next generation.
	Right? Volunteering, going to the food bank, teaching younger people, teaching, sharing wisdom, sharing knowledge, all of the things that they've accumulated over the course of their life.
	They should be sharing their wisdom with other people.
	Right? I mean, they've been retired for...
	20 years or so, right?
	Maybe 15 years.
	They've been retired. So what are they doing?
	Now, what do most old people in our society do?
	What do they do? What do they do in our society?
	Play golf, complain, travel, go on cruises, collect social security, watch TV. Bingo!
	Read, watch TV, eat, pray, love, travel, play bingo!
	Right. Eat young people.
	Chris, you've got it bang on, I think, right?
	Consume. They consume.
	I joke with my kids that they'll need to drop off their kids with us so they can go on hot dates.
	Yeah, absolutely. How many older people do you know deeply and genuinely giving back to society?
	My whole business is boomer consumption.
	They take value and don't provide it.
	With their way of collecting pensions.
	Your mom does? That's great.
	That's wonderful. It does happen, right?
	You know one couple who does it?
	Many have been blessed. That's great to know.
	Two, my mom. Wonderful.
	Wonderful. Right.
	I can virtually guarantee you that O'Brien, whose parents are in their late 70s, are not benevolently driving or offering their wisdom up to society as a whole.
	Now, O'Brien, you're still with us, right?
	Is this your first marriage?
	Older couples do missionary work in our church.
	Listen, the Christians, the older Christian people do the Lord's and the Yeoman's work in society and should be praised.
	This is your first marriage? All right.
	So how the hell did you get to 45 without your parents sitting down to figure out why you weren't married yet?
	Dad golfs every day, mom doesn't go out.
	Best way to beat loneliness and worry is to think of other people.
	It certainly helps.
	You've never talked about it.
	Right. So, you're not close to your parents, which means your parents aren't close to each other.
	If you're not close to your parents, this is an absolute iron rule in life.
	If you're not close to your parents, your parents are not close to each other.
	If your parents aren't close to each other, they will grab onto you like drowning sailors on a waterlogged barrel.
	If your parents are not close to you, they're not close to each other, and they will just put their hooks into you like you're the last gasp of air in a submarine.
	Yeah, they fight a lot, right?
	So they want you there as a buffer.
	They want you there because having other people around makes them more civil to each other.
	Dude, you've been an adult for 22 years.
	You're still not married.
	It's great that you're getting married.
	I'm thrilled. Wonderful. But your parents should have been talking to you about getting married starting at what age?
	At what age do you start to talk to kids about dating and getting married?
	What age? We got a 15, we got a 12, 15, 14, peepity, 13, 14.
	Oh crap, that's not an age.
	I'm Jewish, I'll go 13, 13 to 16, 12 to 14.
	Okay, so again, so you're 45, so your parents...
	Or over 30 years too late.
	They pushed my sister and me on careers.
	It was all about status, career, money, money, money.
	Right. So they're 30 years behind the times talking to you about getting married.
	I'm 26. My parents never talked to me about anything, only abused me.
	I'm really sorry about that, Anthony.
	I'm incredibly sorry about that.
	What's the only thing worse than being abused for 26 years?
	What's the only thing worse than being abused for 26 years?
	What's the only thing worse than being abused?
	That's right. Being abused for 27 years.
	26 years in one day.
	26 years in one minute.
	So... O'Brien, here's my guess.
	I don't know. Here's my guess.
	Your parents aren't thinking about you at all.
	They're only thinking about what they need.
	What they want.
	They're not thinking at all of what's good for you.
	You know the passionate, meaty intensity of an early marriage is something that you should
	not be living in mom and dad's house for, right?
	Bye.
	So what is...
	What are they thinking of?
	Are they trying to sabotage? No, that's them...
	I don't even think they're...
	My guess is they're not even thinking about you at all.
	What are they thinking about?
	They're thinking about what's best for them.
	Oh, well, we fight a lot. Well, if they're here, then we won't fight as much.
	Let's just have them come here then.
	Like, you're just... A piece of furniture, like, oh, I don't like it here, I keep bumping into it, so I'll move it over here.
	You know, think about the feelings of the furniture, or maybe it wants to sit in the sun, or maybe it wants to be closer to the vent, or maybe it wants to be near the hallway so it can...
	I thought they'd want grandkids.
	No, they don't want grandkids.
	How do I know they don't want grandkids?
	Because they haven't talked to you for 30 years about getting married.
	Maybe they're having some sudden spasm or something like that, but it's got nothing to do with you.
	You know, if you want grandkids, you talk to your kids about getting married.
	Here's the other thing.
	Do you know what a woman thinks of when the man moves in with his parents?
	Thank you.
	What does a woman basically feel deep down in her core, in her gut, in her monkey brain, in her lizard brain?
	What does a woman feel when a man moves in with his parents?
	He's broke. Exactly right.
	You can't take care of me.
	He's weak. He needs mommy and daddy.
	This is why you can't alpha with your parents.
	You can't alpha with your parents, and you can't have a robust, sexy marriage without alpha-ing both men and the women in their own areas, right?
	Well, and then, yeah, your mom's in competition with mom.
	And the other thing, too, if you're not close to your parents, then that distance is going to infect your marriage.
	If you're not close to your parents, that distance is going to infect your marriage.
	Yes, that's exactly right.
	Thank you, Nolka. That's a brilliant, brilliant observation.
	I appreciate that. Wonderful.
	You can just take it from here. So she said, if you move in, And the woman feels that you can't take care of her, which makes the female become more masculine because she has to take over.
	That's right. So, you know, if a man is paralyzed or harmed or is injured for a considerable period of time, the woman has to take over the heavy lifting and the hard work, historically, right?
	And she'll do that because accidents happen and so on, but she doesn't want to stay there.
	See, here's the funny thing.
	I mean, I kicked my mom out of my apartment when I was 15.
	You're thinking about moving back in at 45.
	Mom never really talked to me about sex or relationships.
	Parents divorced when I was 12, so I had no real direction for that stuff.
	I did choose my wife when I was 21, but we didn't marry until 2021.
	We threw a lot of emotional debt from my mom, and we don't talk now.
	I'm sorry about that. But you see, you say parents divorced when I was 12, so I had no real direction for that stuff.
	That's not true. It's not your parents' divorce that caused that, it's your parents' choices.
	I'll just end on this, because it's been a long show.
	So, constant thing in your life, in my life too, and if you found this stuff helpful, please...
	I had to wait till 18 to take off because she would have tried to lock me in a mental institution like she did my brother.
	I have no mental issues. Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
	Absolutely terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.
	My massive and deep sympathies.
	What a terrifying thing.
	Yeah, because, I mean, they could drug you and all kinds of stuff, right?
	If there's a lot of people watching and listening and not that many donors, don't mean to nag, but, you know, it's fairly important for the show and all that.
	So if you could help out, I would really appreciate it.
	You can tip here. You can tip later at freedomain.com slash donate.
	Thank you, O'Brien. I really, really appreciate that.
	I have to... I'm so sorry.
	My bad. Oh, yes.
	Yes, so what we do is we say, well, I didn't get much direction from my parents because they divorced when I was 12.
	Nope. No.
	That's not why. Bad things happen and we look for external circumstances, but that costs us our free will.
	Why? Thank you.
	Why did you not get advice about dating after the age of 12?
	Why? Why? Say, oh, because my parents divorced.
	No! That's not causal.
	I'm sorry they got divorced, but that's not causal.
	Why did you not get dating advice in your teens?
	Why? Because my parents felt like they had no authority after the divorce.
	No. Sabotage.
	Make him unmarketable.
	Your mistakes will rationalize their choices because they weren't interested.
	My mom switched it up when I became a peaceful parent and started hinting I might need pharmaceutical intervention.
	All my life prior to that was natural and herbs and stuff scared me that she was going to try something similar.
	My mom didn't want me to be better so you stay with them, the parents, because they chose not to.
	That's it. Everything else is mind reading and you make it up.
	Why did your parents not tell you about dating?
	Because they didn't want to. And they didn't give a shit that it crippled you.
	And they didn't give a shit that you then had to figure it out from God knows where.
	And they didn't give a shit that that meant that you'd be open to be exploited and abused and harmed and controlled and damaged and assaulted maybe.
	They didn't care! Why didn't your parents help you?
	The moment you give some external circumstance, you let them off the hook.
	That's dangerous.
	It's dangerous to give people...
	We just did this whole series of stuff earlier on in the show about undoing excuses.
	Yeah, they wanted me stumbling into a dysfunctional relationship to let them off the hook and repeat the recycle.
	Could very well be true. Could very well be true.
	Why didn't they help you?
	Because they didn't want to. That's all we know for sure.
	All we know for sure, empirically, factually.
	I honestly didn't see the excuse.
	Thank you for helping me. Listen, it's tough.
	It's tough to just give people ownership.
	Take away the dominoes.
	You know, I'm a free will guy.
	Because here's the danger.
	The danger is every time you give your parents dominoes, dominoes land on you.
	Every time you give them an excuse, you take that excuse to yourself.
	Right? O'Brien, my friend, my good friend, thank you so much for this great question.
	I said, okay, if I'm still blunt, Brian, you're with me, right?
	I said, okay, if I'm still blunt, I just want to check.
	I know it's been helpful so far.
	Okay. You're a fiancé, to be.
	You're close to getting engaged.
	What should your fiancé say when you say, my mom wants us to move in with her?
	Mommy wants me to move in with her in their late 70s.
	Because God knows the smell of castor oil and camphor is so hot in the morning.
	Right, what should she say?
	Are you crazy? No, I'm not doing that.
	Are you crazy?
	No! So why is this even a question?
	Right, why is this even a question?
	Listen, when I was...
	Oh gosh, I lived with this...
	I don't really know my grandparents, obviously, right?
	But I lived with a friend of mine's elderly grandparents when I was 12.
	I spent a whole summer there.
	And the woman was kind of sick and they were really distracted and it was like...
	I mean, it's the dead zone.
	It's the dying zone.
	It's the final dusty alleyway before the big hole in the ground zone.
	It's the end of life falling off the wagon, decaying into nothing, dissolving into the air.
	Yeah, that's the donut guy.
	Yeah, that's right. You're getting married, you want to have kids.
	Your eros, your fertility, fecundity, life, explosion, greenery, and this is death, decay, fading, falling, silence, distance, a wasted life, a lost life, a life without parenting, a life without connection, a life without mentoring, a life without giving back a selfish, clawing, hungry, pac-man,
	consuming life.
	So you got to sit down with your wife to be, I think, and say,
	how are we going to watch each other's back, right?
	We go crazy on our own.
	We stay sane with love.
	We all have our blind spots.
	Who watches your back? So your mom says, oh, come move in with us.
	It's going to be wonderful. We'll do crumpets and scones and we'll watch Murder, she wrote, all afternoon.
	And I do hear that there's this wonderful new series on how to cook and knit in the Outer Hebrides, which we'll be sitting down to watch and...
	We can make doilies together and you can rub camphor oil on my feet and I do have that liver issue so I will need that massage on my wrinkly grey spotted skin from time to time and I do of course have panties that go up above my own chesty area and it's going to be absolutely lovely.
	It's got to be wonderful. I mean, I do have a little bit of trouble getting out of bed in the morning, so maybe you could get a couple of boat oars and help lever me off the bed.
	It does help me stand up a little bit, and I can't quite reach the back of my teeth.
	If you could just get in there and brush those, and it may not be very pleasant because I don't brush my teeth quite as much as I should, but I do get around the other problem, too.
	Of course, I really have trouble with my knees hurting.
	I have trouble bending over, and you need to get a little bit of a hacksaw, maybe some sort of spark-based buffing iron to take down my toenails a little bit, and And, yeah.
	Now, of course, most of the food I have to get pre-chewed.
	So what I have is I have a little...
	It's called a chomper.
	It's basically like a pair of funny teeth you would get in a joke store.
	And I put the food in.
	I stamp it and hammer it.
	And it goes down to a kind of paste.
	And then I... I try to get most of it in my mouth, but it does spread, of course, a little bit.
	I'm a little bit old, and my eyes are kind of roomy and all of that.
	I have a little bit of trouble hearing, so I do play my Ray Karnoff music.
	I want some red roses for a blue lady.
	I wonder if you can play that. It will be quite loud, I suppose, but I don't think that will interfere with any of your, I guess, romantic times and...
	Your father does still like to watch the horses and does yell quite loudly at which one's going faster or slower.
	I've never really understood his hobby.
	Quite interesting to him, quite important to him.
	So we'll have all of that.
	One thing which, of course, we will ask very nicely in return is that if you could...
	You know, there's things that need to be done around the house, so if you could do those things.
	The lift that goes up and down the stairs sometimes gets stuck.
	If you could sort of sort that out, that would be excellent.
	The couches, I mean, gosh, I got the couches from your aunt, I think it was, after the war, and if you could dust out those couches from time to time, that would be...
	Yeah, that would be great.
	Of course, we do have the bingo ladies over every second Thursday, and we'll be taking up the living room, and again, some of them are quite hard of hearing, but we do play for...
	We play for pennies. It's actually quite a lot of fun, and we put on the old Ayn Rand used to call it tiddlywink music, and...
	Wonderful. You put on the ink spots.
	If I didn't know.
	And all this lovely stuff.
	It's going to be great having you...
	I'm sorry, what was I saying?
	So, it's the next book a horror story like this.
	Please know and you'll be like let's get it on I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you
	Or you'd be like, back up to my bumper, baby, drive it in between.
	Back up to my bumper, baby, in your long black limousine.
	You're not going to be getting any Cardi B sex songs going on with I want some red roses for a blue.
	And hey, Engelbert Humperdinck, I hear that they've remastered some of his songs and we'll be playing that on an 8-track at about volume 9,000.
	Ah... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
	What am I going to do?
	What dreams may come.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, that's a really chilling movie.
	It's insane to think how many people are having legit conversations like that while we talk here.
	Yeah, yeah. The tops LOL. God has left the building.
	Yeah, that's right. Did Steph sneak another Michelob Ultra in there while I wasn't watching?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I strongly recommend...
	I strongly recommend...
	Being very cautious, spending your time around people who aren't close to each other.
	That distance, that isolation, that selfishness, that narcissism, that lostness, that craziness that comes from isolation, even with two people in the house, maybe even more so.
	Strongly recommend being very cautious around being around people who don't very much love each other.
	Who don't very much love each other.
	I did a lot of chemistry with camphor after this show.
	No more.
	Well, of course, your father's favorite meal, and I'm sure this will be quite romantic.
	Your father's favorite meal, remember, is liver and onions.
	Oh, that smell of liver and onions.
	And Vicks Vaporub, his sinuses of course have some issues.
	We do a co-op in there with Q-tips and a little nitric acid but it's going to be the wonderfully romantic scent of foot rubs, Vicks Vaporub, heavily fried liver and onions and Nescafe coffee.
	It's going to be it's going to be wonderful for you.
	It's You know, sexy as all get up, wouldn't you say?
	Ah, Jesus, sorry. Ha ha ha!
	Steph, do you think having even one drink would be self-medicating for something?
	I don't. No, I don't.
	Your father has a colonoscopy coming.
	Yes, that's right. We're going to send front row seats.
	It's going to be in 3D. We're going to get a little VR and maybe a little IMAX. And we're going to go...
	We call it Tour of the Polyps.
	It's going to be actually quite wonderful.
	Again, super romantic.
	Super romantic to basically be...
	I don't know how you'd call it.
	It would be... Somewhat, I suppose, like being in a rollercoaster ride through your father's innards as they cauterize the polyps high up in his colon.
	Wonderful. Wonderful.
	Oh, and also remember that your father does have his digestive issues, does spend a lot of time in the bathroom, and Lord knows we have a pretty good ventilation system that goes all over the house.
	But yeah, grandkids would be great.
	Yeah, we look forward to it.
	Oh, man. I don't mean to disrespect the elderlies, but I would say not so much.
	But the most important thing is not that they're old, but that they don't get along and don't love each other.
	That's a bad call.
	All right. Have we finished?
	I think we've finished. We have left everybody with a completely boner-killing rambling, and I hope that that helps.
	FreeDomain.com forward slash donate if you find the show helpful.
	If we get useful stuff out of it, I'm pretty sure we do.
	Thank you, everyone. If there's any last tips that want to come in, I will give you a minute or two.
	I appreciate everyone's feedback on the book.
	For the people I suggested calling in, call in at freedomain.com.
	Happy to chat. Don't mind me being a little harsh from time to time.
	I try to help out by being direct.
	Here's to the sandals.
	Thank you, Josh. I really, really appreciate that.
	That is super kind. For the subscribers, I will be streaming.
	Streamer! I'm nothing but a streamer.
	Thank you for the show, but I'd just like to tell you about how I organized my sweater drawer quite right.
	I've got some lovely pictures from your Aunt Ethel's bar mitzvah.
	All right. So for donors, it'll be 11 o'clock on Sunday morning.
	We'll do a show. If you're not a donor, I'm going to stream it to Rumble just to allow people on all of that.
	So what would one have been as an answer?
	I would have just done that for an hour and a half, imitate your grandmother, and that would be about it.
	Can't wait for the book. How many people have wanted to say these things to their parents over the years?
	Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, honestly, email away.
	I'm absolutely happy to do that, and I guess this is the deepest comedy show known to man, and I really appreciate everybody's attention and support.
	It means the world to me.
	I promise you that I am doing my absolute deepest and best with this book.
	It is a wild ride so far.
	It is turning me absolutely...
	Inside out in a way that I have never, never before experienced.
	And what are we at here?
	We are at 416 pages, 145,000 words.
	I think it's going to be in two versions, by the way.
	I think it's going to be just the core moral arguments and then it's going to be all the supporting data as well.
	Always hate the end of the stream.
	Inject more! Should we name Steph's new 17-year-old woman character?
	You could do stand-up.
	I could do stand-up, but I'd get cancelled even harder and even faster, right?
	And hard and fast is fine for the marriage, but not necessarily for the deplatforming.
	All right. I think we're done.
	Thank you, everyone, so much. I want them to go on, but I need sleep.
	No, no, get some sleep, get some sleep, and I will go and return to my formally scheduled marriage and parenting.
	So, Ethel or Gertrude.
	Ah, what have I got? Gwendolyn.
	I've got a Gwendolyn on my head.
	Never-ending live stream.
	Yeah, that's right, that's right.
	Like the show on the way out, freedommain.com slash donate.
	If you're listening to this later, lots of love, everyone.
	Thank you so much for your support, as always.

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