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March 30, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
02:51:03
Help Me Stop Sleeping with Single Mothers! Freedomain Call In
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Time Text
So it says, Dear Steph, I've been listening to your show for almost a year now.
I grew up in a single mother household and over the years I started, starting from early childhood, I've experienced a lot of verbal and physical abuse which led me to emotional and psychological trauma.
I spent most of my early childhood self-medicating to cope with the trauma, eventually leading, which led to substance abuse and promiscuity.
I'm trying to get my life together, but I feel like time is running out.
There is a lot that I've yet to accomplish in my life, and I feel as if my past is holding me back, slowly eating at me inside.
I've been watching your calling shows to help me understand what I'm going through and to process my childhood, but it can be a lot to take in at times as it's prompted me to write to you.
However, so far I realized that my mother was the root cause of all my suffering and I confronted her about the abuse that I experienced throughout my childhood.
Mums after that phone call, I began to question my relationship with my recent partner who was also a single mother.
Since we split up, I've gone back to my promiscuity lifestyle as well as continuing old habits that are detrimental to me and what I want for myself.
A lot is at stake in regards to my future.
I have yet to confront my father, who is also a direct cause of a psychological trauma.
I don't know if it's worth it talking to him, especially since I have no contact with the pair of them.
I'd really appreciate your advice and help through this difficult crossword on that, as I feel like I'm at the lowest I've been in a very long time.
Thank you very much for your time, Stefan.
You're very welcome. Appreciate the candour of the message.
Now, you don't have to give me your actual age, but just what range are you in?
I'd say I'm pretty much 25 years of age.
Okay. And what's going on with your career?
So I am currently an aspiring music producer and a rapper as well.
So I've been composing, writing music since the age of like 16.
It's been a dream of mine since I was young.
Backstory of that, I lived in South Australia, which is a town of Adelaide, South Australia.
Three years ago, I moved over to Sydney with a bunch of friends that I knew from Adelaide that were chasing the same music dream.
And pretty much, we all live in the same house together.
We've got two studios, and we pretty much spend every day making music together.
And obviously, I work a side job, like just Like the odd side job here and there, just to obviously support like myself and to support my music career and stuff like that.
So, and obviously throughout that time, I've had to obviously go through like, you know, quite a lot just to even do music, let alone because obviously, you know, like telling your parents that, oh, you want to be an aspiring musician is like not the most, you know, Easy thing for them to digest, especially considering that, like, you know...
Yeah, because of course, your parents are like, well, you shouldn't make bad decisions in your life, you know, like becoming a single mom.
I mean, that would be bad.
That would be unproductive. That would be crazy.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
So, it's the irony of that, honestly.
So, yeah, I pretty much got told from a young age, I was just like, oh, like, this is not going to happen.
You know, you need to find a real job, you know, this and that.
Same old story, pretty much, that I heard a million times, and it got to a point where I was just in one ear and out the other, because I just was so focused on what I wanted to do.
I just had a natural ear for it, and I'm currently just working to make money, obviously, in this industry, and making money in music is pretty hard, but with the production side of things, that's where the money's at.
So I'm just sort of perfecting my craft, sharpening the sword, and just learning how to market myself, and just...
Just make it in this industry, really.
How long have you been working on the career?
I started when I was 15, 16.
I was just doing it for fun. I'd say I started taking it seriously when I was about 19.
That would be 2017.
That's the year where I met the housemates that I'm living with right now.
I'd say, what, 2017?
Six years now? Six years I've taken it, like, seriously.
Okay, and again, you don't have to get into any details you don't want to, but as a whole, after six years, and this is fairly full-time, I would assume, right?
Yeah, it's pretty much day and night, essentially.
Okay, so after six years, how much money a year would you make from your career?
Oh, so...
At the start, it only started like I was making about like I was selling a hundred bucks for a beat.
I probably saw like one or two in the last I say year or so is when I started picking up the progress.
So it's hard to say.
I probably made like probably altogether probably close to like maybe I say only six seven hundred dollars probably about in the six years which obviously doesn't seem a lot but That's just a rough estimate, obviously, but pretty much like, you know, so since then I've just been like, it's...
Sorry, just give me a second.
I'm just trying to calm myself down because I'm a little bit nervous right now.
No, no, no problem. And also, I mean, I'm starting off with the toughest questions, so sorry about that.
No, it's all good. It's all good.
I like the tough questions, so I'm happy to talk about it.
Just trying to calm myself down.
But, um... Yeah, so obviously, like I said, the past year, that's when I started picking up a lot of progress, started making a lot of sales.
So yeah, I'd say about close to maybe $500, $600, maybe even more since then.
So yeah, close to maybe a grand maybe.
Sorry, you're saying you're making $1,000 a year at the moment?
Not a year. In the space of a span of like...
I'd say for $1,000 a year, it would be like three years.
Because since I moved up here is when I started really hustling, trying to sell my beats and stuff like that.
It's been stop and start, obviously.
But I'd say in the past three years, I would have made like $1,000 just off Beats Health.
So what the hell are you living on?
I'm sorry. Again, I'm always fascinated by people's finances.
So what do you... Yeah, no, no.
Do you have abs?
Do you swing from a pole?
I mean, what... God, no.
I know that's like so common these days, but yeah, I'm not that, I have a lot of dignity for myself to be able to do that, to be honest with you.
No, like, so I've been obviously working like a lot of side jobs and that as well.
So, because obviously, you know, you've got to think realistically, you know, unfortunately, like, because obviously the cash flow comes in waves.
So I've been just, like I said, been doing odd full-time jobs here and there.
And even that's been stop and start, but that obviously will As I'll explain later, that comes a lot with, like, what I've been dealing with personally.
But, yeah, like, I've just been doing the odd, like, side jobs and that.
Different jobs pretty much just to support myself.
And, you know, I do all right.
Like, I'd say ever since I've moved up here, like, it's been the first time I've actually, like, got consistent income.
Because back where I lived in Adelaide, South Australia, I was on the welfare system and that.
So, yeah.
Obviously, I wasn't getting quite a lot, as I am now.
Honestly, just full-time work, really.
Then I'll just come home and do music as a side hustle and just keep doing that, really.
Alright. Is part of your concern around your career, or would you say it's mostly about your personal life?
I'd say it's both, to be honest with you.
I think they both play into...
Because, obviously, for me to be able to be as good as I want to be, you know, a lot of the issues in my personal life sort of, like, have to, I guess, you know, be resolved for me to progress and, you know, keep consistent. Because one of the big things that's been a big issue for me has always been the consistency.
Like, I'll just go through waves of just, like, stopping and starting and stopping and starting.
Because I'll just... Like, my personal life will just, like, certain stresses will just set me off.
And then I'll pretty much, like, just not do music for a certain amount of time and that or, you know, just everyday life stuff as well.
But I'd say it's both, really.
But with the music now, actually, now that I think of it, the music now is actually the one that's picking up a lot of progress, especially the start of this year.
So it's just more my personal life, really.
Okay. Let me just, because I have a lot of experience in the entrepreneurial world.
I mean, it's really what I've been doing since I was in my mid to late 20s.
Okay. So you've been, sorry, was it six years?
No, 2017. Let's just say six years, right?
And how many hours a week do you do music?
Like as in now or like in the past?
On average over the last six or seven years.
You said day and night, right?
So I assume it's not 80 hours a week straight for seven years or anything, right?
But is it like 20, 30, 40, 50?
Yeah, there was a bit of a saturation.
I'd say around like 20, 25 hours if you obviously include like work and just like usual everyday life stuff.
All right. So we've got 25 hours.
Sorry, just a sec. 25 times 52 weeks a year.
So you're 1,300 hours. I'm not really good at math.
I'm not asking you to confirm it.
I'm not good either.
I'm just using a calculator here.
Okay, so $7,800 and you've made $2,000, would you say?
Sorry, $7,800 and you've made $2,000.
Like as in this year or just like...
No, no. Over the course of your...
Since 2017. I would say it's way less than that.
I definitely would say it'd be $1,000.
$1,000. Okay.
Got it. Got it. Right.
So what are you making an hour, do you think?
So I would say...
Because it only takes me about an hour or two now just to make it be.
Actually, probably about an hour most.
So... I say on average like 25 an hour.
Right. I mean, but in terms of the amount of effort that you've put in, and this has nothing to do with whether you should or shouldn't do it, whether it's right or wrong for you, but, you know, the hard math, I got you down making 13 cents an hour.
Yeah. And that's $1,000 divided by 7,800 hours.
Yeah. Or maybe it's 0.12 cents because I think 12 cents an hour is – let's see.
Okay. So basically it's very low.
Now, again, I understand – I mean I was a writer for many years before I made any money, so I understand that there's a certain amount of sacrifice.
But six years, 7,800 hours is a massive amount of time investment.
And what do you think is not happening for you that after six plus years you're not close to making a living?
Is it the marketing?
Is it the X mystery factor of talent?
Or is it connections?
Is it networking? Is it advertising?
Because you're certainly working very hard, which is obviously necessary, and I admire you for that.
But I'm just trying to sort of figure out what your theories are as to why it hasn't happened for you yet.
I would say it's definitely been a big one.
It's been like obviously the marketing.
Yeah. I guess just learning how to make the sale, that's a big one as well.
I've been learning how to do.
That's always been a bit of a weak spot in what I'm doing.
But definitely, yes, the networking and that, it's obviously taken a few years to build up a network and know the right people and be connected with the right people and stuff like that.
And where I came from in Adelaide, there wasn't much of a connection music-wise there, which is hence why I moved up to Sydney.
And stuff like that. So, yeah, I'd say it'd be the marketing, advertising as well, and, yeah, I guess the networking, which the networking is pretty much built up now.
Now, is there any possibility that you can...
You said sort of $20, $25 an hour.
Is that the going rate for the music production stuff that you're into?
That's just pretty much...
I base it off in terms of...
Because usually I'll charge...
With my close friends, in my circle, I'll charge about $50 just for a whole beat, pretty much.
And then I'll charge, obviously, other clients that are outside my circle a lot more.
So I'll usually charge about $100 or $150.
And can you tell me what a whole beat is?
I'm thinking of a vegetable, which is entirely incorrect.
So what are you talking about here?
Sorry, it's pretty much like an instrumental, like the backing track.
If that makes sense. Like, the instruments in the background.
So, obviously, you've got the singer or the artist, like, you know, obviously recording their vocals.
Then you've got, like, the backing track, like the instruments, like the keyboard, the drums, and all that.
That's pretty much the beat, if that makes sense.
Okay, I got it. That makes sense.
And so, you sell them for, like, $100 or so, and how long does it take to create them?
So, now it takes me about...
I'd say about an hour, hour and a half at most because I've gotten pretty quick at it now.
Are there places that hire you?
Is it all sort of piece work or contract work?
Are there any places that hire people to do this, you know, like seven hours a day plus lunch and breaks or whatever?
There is a couple of studios I do know of that I think hire people to do that.
But I think it's a bit like...
I think it's a bit more complicated in the sense of like, or not really, I'd say.
It wouldn't be that complicated. Like, you'd be on a wage and stuff like that.
But it obviously, yeah, actually, nah, what am I saying?
There's actually, yeah, there's studios out there that, you know, that would hire it.
Yeah, because at some point, your whole life is on hold at the moment.
I'm looking at this from the female perspective.
You're a very nice young man, a very smart young man, very creative young man, all wonderful stuff.
So, you know, let's say that I'm a woman in my mid-20s and I'm like, yeah, I would be interested in, you know, you as a romantic partner and so on, but, you know, I'd like to have kids and, you know, maybe a car, maybe some air conditioning, you know, something like that, right?
And she's looking at you and she's saying, okay, so you make a couple of hundred bucks a year.
I mean, from your main passion, which is what is taking up a lot of your time, right?
Yeah. That's right.
So how's she going to respond?
I mean, however sexy you might be in person, at some point the ovaries make the call, right?
And the ovaries need resources.
So how is that affecting your dating life, do you think?
I actually haven't thought of it, to be honest with you.
Oh, come on! You've been listening to this show for a while and you've never thought of what a woman might want?
Please! I think marketing is your weakness.
Anyway, sorry, go on. Oh, big time.
No, you're right. Yeah, that definitely does play a massive part in me and the sort of sexual market value, especially as well.
That definitely does. You know, in a big way, sort of thing.
Okay, so step me through when the woman, like, what are her thoughts when she finds out your income?
Probably be like, oh, well, he's definitely not going to support me whatsoever.
And how is he going to even take me out for a date?
Sort of in that aspect as well.
Yeah, she's going to be thinking diet studio.
Sorry, a diet soda on a futon.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But a serious woman would look at you and say, okay, so it's not just about whether you've succeeded or you've failed.
That's not the issue.
The issue is the overall planning for your life.
A woman doesn't mind if you've failed.
A woman doesn't mind if you're currently failing.
But the woman cares if you notice that.
Yeah. Right?
So if you say, oh, yeah, you know, I've given myself six more months to make it, or, you know, whatever it is, right?
Whatever it is. Or are you just doing the same kind of...
I won't say...
I say mindless grind, not because what you're doing is mindless.
I mean, it's very creative. I envy people with music ability, so you can take that for what it's worth.
But it's not...
But the daily grind is when you just don't have a plan for your life.
And you're like, oh, I'll try and sell some beats today.
Oh, I got a beat. Okay, I'll make a little bit of money.
Oh, there's a software update.
I'll research that. Oh, there's a new application.
I'll try that out.
Oh, a friend of mine needs me to review some of his tracks.
I'll do that. And you're going through a grind with no larger view of your life.
Does that make sense? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, that definitely does make sense.
And it's, if I'll be honest with you, that's honestly been one of my biggest things I've actually always thought about as well.
Because, like, obviously, you know, like, obviously, I understand, like, and it took a while ago for me to understand that, because I went through a period where, because I was struggling to, like, even go to work and that, because I had certain issues of going to work and that, just because where my mentality was at the time.
And I just was like, all right, I want to go do full beats, just grind bone to the bone pretty much, just try and live off what I sell.
I'm just going to go hard and try and sell beats and it didn't get nowhere.
And that's when I had to snap back to reality and go, all right, I need to go back to a job pretty much.
So now I sort of understand that process of just like, you need obviously multiple incomes to sort of support yourself.
Not obviously your music, but your everyday life.
I need to put food in my mouth, clothes on my back, all that kind of stuff.
I've made sure that I've taken that a lot more serious over the past year.
I live pretty comfortably now to be able to have a bit of money in the bank and be able to go do music in that now.
I've spent extra time doing that music.
The other big thing was just Sort of balancing out the work life and the music life sort of thing.
So that's sort of been a bit of a learning curve for me.
Okay, that's a giant chaos of static in my brain.
Look, okay, so you and I and approximately a billion other men across the planet, We were utterly unraised.
And if I'm wrong, obviously this is my thought on what you're saying and what you wrote.
Oh, you've already hit a nail on the head, Steph.
Oh my God, you are so good at this.
Unraised! I was the same way.
My day was like, oh, I get up.
Oh, how nice. I think I'll have a coffee.
Oh, let me check what I need to do today.
Oh, I'm living the life of an orangutan.
Oh, here's a piece of fruit.
Oh, I think I feel tired.
I think I'll nap on this tree branch.
Oh, I've got to take a crap.
I guess I'll go down to the jungle floor.
Oh, I'm a little cold.
Maybe I'll go back up to the sunlight.
Oh, that's a butterfly. How pretty is that?
Oh, my ass is itchy.
I think I'll give it a good old scratch and have another scratch.
It's just day by day by day.
It's living the life of an animal.
Yeah. And there's no larger shape.
Nobody ever said, you know, here's how you should plan your life.
And for me, it was also about like, oh, I'd really love to go to the disco tonight.
Maybe I'll meet a nice woman, you know.
And oh, that's this woman.
Is she going to return my phone call?
Oh, I got a number. I hope it's the right one.
Oh, I'm hungry. I think I'll have a piece of toast.
Like, it's just this blur of now.
And there's no larger...
No shape, no larger life, no plans as a whole.
And for me, it's quite reactive.
You don't have the same thing in terms of like, oh, which course is everybody going to take in university?
Oh, okay, that one looks kind of cool.
I'm going to go and find out how that teacher is.
Oh, that teacher is supposed to be pretty good.
Okay, I'll check that out. And oh, I've got an essay to do.
And it's all just reactive. Oh, I've got to study for this exam.
Oh, I'd love to do this play in school.
That would be great fun. And it's all just bouncing off stimuli coming at you.
And for me, there was like no larger shape, no larger goal, no larger life.
It's all just this blur of the moment.
And so there's unraised, right?
I mean, you should have someone in your life because, you know, there's this thing which everyone says, well, you've got to follow your dreams.
And it's like, sure, I'm down with that, but not off a cliff.
Right? Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Right, you shouldn't follow your dreams to the point where you're broke and 35 and dateless.
Yeah. Right, so you absolutely should follow your dreams and you should give your dreams everything you've got, but you've got to have a cutoff.
Mm-hmm, I agree.
Because as you know, in the music industry, 98% of the money goes to 2% of the people.
Oh yeah, don't you worry, I know about that for sure.
I know how the... Especially the labels I'm not working at, which my plan is to stay independent pretty much.
I'm not going to sign to any label or anything.
Demi Lovato is stealing from you.
That's the way it goes.
Some of that is whether you're pretty or not.
Again, I know you're a backroom kind of guy.
But good-looking people have an advantage.
People who are naturally charismatic have an advantage in the business world.
People who don't feel fear, which is not always a very good thing, but it's a thing, don't feel fear also have a great advantage in the business world.
Especially in the creative arts.
So you create something lovingly, you tend it, it's a part of your heart and your soul,
and then you've got to go and flog it out in the marketplace like it's a bunch of freaking
bananas, right?
Oh yeah, seriously.
So this is why artists tend to have agents.
Well, first of all, it's a predatory layer.
But artists tend to have agents because artists suck at selling their own stuff because we're too emotionally involved.
We love it. We think it's the greatest thing ever.
And we're terrified that other people are going to find it indifferent because their whole life hopes hang on whether somebody likes it or not and...
I met a woman on a plane.
She turned out to be a literary agent.
I made a contact.
I made a half-friend or whatever.
I sent her one of my novels.
She loved it, except she said that the ending she thought wasn't ideal.
And she was right, actually.
So I immediately took...
Two weeks off from my job, I flew to England, I rented a cottage because the book was set in the English countryside and I walked and I absorbed details and I talked to locals and I did research and I rewrote the last third of a novel in two weeks and then I sent it back to her and She liked it more, and she'd see if she could get anyone interested.
Nothing ever came of it.
So for me, it's like, oh, wow, somebody might publish one of my books.
Woohoo! Now, of course, I know now the book didn't get published because it's a critique of socialism, and this ain't 1957, and I'm not Ayn Rand.
So we love our stuff so much, but the people who...
For whatever bizarre mental thing, don't feel any fear.
Well, I don't think the art they produce is very good.
So the better your art is, the more feeling and passion you put into it.
Yeah, I agree. So somebody – if you had been raised, then your parents would say, oh, okay, so you want to do this.
In an industry, I don't know anything.
Like if I was your dad, right? Oh, you want to do this in an industry?
I don't know anything about this industry, but I'm going to learn about it.
I learn about this industry. I do research.
I talk to people. And, you know, if you're not going to university, I've just saved about a hundred thousand dollars.
So let me take a few thousand of those dollars that I've saved and let me hire someone in the industry to be your mentor.
Yeah. And I, of course, I assume nobody's done anything even remotely similar to that, right?
For you. No, honestly, everything you just said, it's like you literally just read my fucking mind, honestly.
From just literally not even being raised properly to that's exactly how I feel about my music for the longest time.
Over time now, I've gotten better at working at that and processing that emotion.
The biggest thing was I'd get critiqued.
Any criticism would fucking hurt.
You wouldn't believe.
I wore my heart on my sleeve on this music because this was everything to me.
When anyone would critique me, it would hurt and I'd get defensive and stuff like that.
It got to a point where I was even afraid to show people my music and stuff like that.
I've gotten better at doing it now.
I just send out a bunch of tracks to people and I just say, let me know what you think.
And all that, but like in the past when I was like still coming up and still, you know, learning the ropes and especially like finding myself as an artist and that, because one of the big things I had a big struggle with was I was trying to pretend to be someone I wasn't for a very, very long time.
And it's only gotten to like recently where I've actually found sort of, I guess my place, found who I am as a proper artist and like found my identity as an artist that makes sense.
But it's definitely a thing where it's like I've always struggled with just being rejected for not only just music, but everything.
So here's artistic entrepreneurial life lesson number one.
To some degree, I would argue this is all you need.
Are you ready? Are you sitting down?
Are you ready? This is going to change your life.
You're an artist and you're very passionate about what you create.
So... This is my experience and I think it works objectively, so tell me what you think.
So, don't show anything to anyone until you're so certain it's great that if they hate it, they're wrong.
You just know that they're wrong. Yeah, I agree.
So I worked on polishing my art, I worked on polishing my novel writing, I worked on polishing my short stories.
And, I mean, I've always been, it's always been weird to me because it seems to me like everything I say is just reasonable and common sense.
But I've always had this cloud of controversy that has surrounded me since I was very little.
Like, even when I was a little kid and I would write to my father, dear Tom, right?
And people would say, you can't say, dear Tom, he's your father.
Like, people just get upset about things that were, they've just seemed common sense to me.
I can't say, dear dad, because he doesn't father me.
Yeah. I mean, you can write to your wife and say, dearest wife, right?
But if she divorces your ass, don't you just write, dear Jane?
I mean, you can't write dearest wife because she's not your wife anymore.
I felt my dad had divorced me because he'd moved to the other side of the world.
And this wasn't what my mother's doing.
This was just my thinking.
And I can't call him my father any more than my mother can call him her husband.
I mean, I can't write dear ex-dad.
So things that have always just seemed kind of common sense to me.
Other people have just taken the greatest offense possible.
And this is not just some new politically correct thing.
It's just like, I'm just dum-de-dum-de-dum.
Seems to me that two and two make four.
Oh, look, it's a nice sunny day.
And everyone's just tearing their hair out and turning themselves into pretzel contortionists in outrage, shock, and horror.
And it's like... What are you talking about?
Is it just common sense?
Or, you know, let's say you disagree with me.
Why does everybody need to just get so upset?
It just seemed kind of...
Now, of course, now that I'm older, I kind of get it that I was saying a father is something...
The title father is something you have to earn.
It's not like a sperm donor makes you a father, right?
But anyway, so my whole life, people have just been wildly...
I'm upset at things that just seem, you know, pretty obvious to me.
And that doesn't mean that I'm always right.
It just means, like, I've just been always...
Again, obviously, this has continued into my adult life.
And, yeah, it just... Okay, this is just how I'm thinking.
And everyone's just like, oh my god, this is the most terrible thing.
It's like, why am I surrounded by a bunch of hysterics?
And, you know, you would think, oh, maybe this is a little bit more female.
It's like, no, no, all the hysterical people were, you know, in boarding school.
It was almost all male faculty and all male staff and, you know, and all that.
It's just so bizarre to me.
But, so...
I've worked a lot on my art, and I would show it to a few people who I cared about, but I remember when I was taking my writing class, it was a very premier writing class in Canada, and my first writing teacher loathed my writing, absolutely viscerally loathed it.
And that's pretty wild.
Writing can be good, or it can be boring.
It can be interesting or it can be predictable.
It can be colorful or it can be bland, right?
But I wouldn't understand how, like a novel or something like that, how it would...
Enrage you. Anyway, and my second teacher, I dumped that teacher and I need another teacher because this guy, he's got voodoo dolls in me somewhere in his claustrophobic little smoky study, right?
So anyway, I moved on from a man to a woman and she was great, really had a good conversation.
She helped me a lot with making the novel more colorful and making it more, and this is the god of atheists that I was working on at the time.
And so when the guy hated my writing, it was like, okay, it's weird that you hate my writing.
Now, to be fair, I also didn't like his writing that much either, but he had some good technical skill and all that, right?
Now, of course, now that I'm older, I understand that he hated my writing for some personal reasons, some personal issues, right?
I think, so my writing was about a woman who suddenly was desperate to have a child.
And it's got some pretty great lines in it.
She just immediately becomes this calculating machine evaluating potential mates.
And she's willing to become a 50s housewife.
And she says in her mind when she looks at her boyfriend, hey, I'll make you eggs.
She's cooking for him. She says, I'll make you eggs.
You make me pregnant. And it was just kind of nice.
Nice lines about it. So obviously, I think he was childless and he had some issues with that.
But I've always just had this like dum-de-dum-de-dum.
It's sort of like the guy like, hey, I think I've got pretty good evidence that the world is round.
And it's like, look, if you put these two sticks in the desert and you measure the shadows, I think I could.
It's pretty clear that the world is round, and I think I can actually measure it pretty well.
And he's just dumpty-dum, just kind of curious, trying to figure out his life.
But then, you know, all the people with the flat earth gods are just like, he must be strung up!
And he's just like dumpty-dum, just curious about the world.
They're all losing their minds in that.
It's just like chaos to them, pretty much.
Well, it's interfering with their resources, right?
Because if they've got the flat earth guard and the world is round, then that will lower their donation.
So it's just about – it's like farmers guarding the crops called lies, right?
And so you just come along, don't you, don't you, truth, truth.
And of course, if you think that your father is just your sperm donor, then you don't have
to be an involved father to gain the title father and all of the emotional connotations
that come along with it.
It's a form of parasitism or hijacking.
It's a ride along where all the good fathers, like the crappy fathers, the abandoning fathers,
they get to hijack the term father by pretending that they're parenting or that they're parents
by pretending that they're parenting or that they're parents when they're not.
when they're not.
They were just sperm donors who left, right?
They were just sperm donors who left, right?
So it's just a form of hijacking or parasitism on something that genuinely has nobility,
So it's just a form of hijacking or parasitism on something that genuinely has nobility,
which is called being a good parent and just all the bad parents want all the benefits.
which is called being a good parent and just all the bad parents want all the benefits.
You know, like all the people who want free government money, they want all the money
You know, like all the people who want free government money, they want all the money
without having to do the work.
without having to do the work.
And, you know, so.
So again, I understand it now later, but I've always just been like, oh, that's interesting.
IQ seems to be quite explanatory.
Let's look into that.
Right, so I mean, we've all been, you know, if it's a healthy and positive thing to not
have abusive people in your life and everybody cheers that in a marriage.
What about parents? Like logically that would...
I've just been sort of wandering around, curiously examining the world and it's like landmine after landmine.
You realize, okay, so the world is basically...
It's a house of cards built on a spine of lies.
Anyway, so I don't want to make this all about me, but the purpose for me is
You you develop your art until you're so absolutely convinced that it's great
mm-hmm that When you put it out for feedback if other people don't like
it, it's their fault and it's tough I'm not saying it's like you you become like thick-headed
or anything like that But if you're uncertain about your own art and you put it
out then that's a weakness that people can Yeah, and I remember my novel, Just Poor, which I think is a great book.
I remember I finally got it into the hands of some literary agent.
And again, she hated it, like visceral, deep, burning passion.
And it's like, you know, okay, what's wrong with it?
Oh, it's just terrible. It's not terrible.
I know it's not terrible. Because if you're certain about something, then other people's reactions become too much and you can just discredit.
Now, this is a little different in the realm of music, although it could even be more powerful because music is emotional and psychological.
It doesn't even exist often, at least the stuff that you're doing in the realm of language.
So when it comes to criticism...
If you're afraid to send it out because you're afraid of getting your heart broken, keep working on it until it's so great that if you send it out and People hate it.
That's on them. It's not on you.
That's their problem.
And again, I'm not saying it's easy, but you just have to be certain enough that criticism...
And again, I'm not talking about...
I was very happy to take feedback from my second writing teacher.
She was like, maybe do this, maybe try that, or whatever.
And she was really good at helping me polish it up and all of that.
But you can't take criticism from people who just completely hate what you do.
So that's part of the immune system of the lies that the world is built on.
So yeah, I mean, do you love your work to the point that anybody who hates it is just weird and wrong?
Nowadays, yes, I absolutely love what I do.
Like, I love the music that I make.
And it's funny because the other guys I live with, one's an engineer, one's another producer and a rapper, does the same thing as me.
What? I just sort of interrupt.
Okay, music producer, rapper.
Okay, I can understand why you all might bunk you up, but what the hell is an engineer doing in there?
Is he a crack addict as well?
Which of these does not fit?
He's an audio engineer, like he does recording, mix, and mastering.
Oh, not like a P-Eng engineer.
Okay, because it's like, yeah, one of my roommates is a mime, one of my roommates is an interpretive dancer, and the other one is a multi-millionaire.
It's like, wait, wait, which doesn't fit here?
Okay, got it, got it. Thanks for the clarification.
I forgot to specify, but yeah, so anyways...
And like I said, we all make music together and stuff like that.
And even they were just sitting in here and they just said like, you've just like leveled up like crazy pretty much.
And like, even I sit here now, listen back to my takes and that, and I actually like listening to myself now and the music that I make, especially now because like, like, I've like, obviously like, there's been a lot of times where I've like made stuff and it's just not been right and I just didn't like it.
And then And the boys would actually help me, like, guide me through it.
Like, you know, teach me, oh, do this.
Maybe, like, work on this sort of delivery and all that kind of stuff and that.
And, you know, obviously I'd take it into account, use that.
And then I started making a lot of progress in that.
And now I just, like, I'm actually really excited.
I love showing people my stuff now.
Like, I'm just really, really passionate.
And, like, I feel just like I'm more of a work ethic coming out of that as well.
Like, I was literally just before, before you called, Me and my mates were up until like 3, 4 in the morning over here and I was just still up because I was just working on a track that I was making and now it's like I'm very picky on in terms of when I'm recording a track and that.
If I do like a... If I record a...
How do I say it?
If I do like a take and if I don't like it, I'll literally scrap it and I'll keep doing it again until I'm happy with it.
So like I use the same thing.
If I'm not happy with the track, I won't show it now to people.
I'm like, no, you can't see it yet.
It's not done because even though they may not possibly notice it, but I know that it's there and I want to work on that sort of thing.
So I'm very particular.
I'm perfecting my products in a sense and my final products and stuff like that as well.
Okay. All right. Now, what is your cutoff?
Because here's the problem.
When you work in this sort of day-to-day orangutan time, right?
Then you don't have a cutoff.
Yeah. Right?
Because there's no larger picture.
There's no larger shape. So, I mean, just from my own sort of experience, when I was an actor, I said, okay...
If I fail to get three roles that aren't even paid, then I'm going to look for something else.
It can be whatever number you want, right?
But if I... Now, I mean, I do my audiobooks, I get great praise from all the characters in my audiobooks, so I know I can do it and all, right?
But if, for whatever reason, people don't like my look, they don't like my accent, they don't like my...
whatever, right? If I don't get three even unpaid acting jobs in a row, then I'll quit and do something else.
Because you have to have a cut-off, right?
Otherwise, you could easily, right, 10 years can get behind you like that, right?
And I think this is one of the reasons you're calling and one of the things you're concerned about, which is, you know, you're wise and right to be concerned about because everyone says, follow your dream, but, I mean, I've mentioned this before, but you may not have heard it.
So everyone who says, follow your dream, well, their dream worked.
Right? So some singer who's like, I don't know, she's really pretty and she's A great singer and a very talented songwriter.
And she's like, you've just got to follow your dream.
You know, she's got this whole big extravaganza and dancers and flashpots.
You got to follow your dream and just believe.
And it's like, well, sure, because it worked out for you.
Right? The other 9,999 people who wasted 10 years of their life and got nowhere, well, they don't get the big dancers and flashpots and video and all that kind of stuff, right?
So you only hear follow your dream from the people whose dreams really paid off.
Yeah, all the time.
So the follow your dreams stuff and, yeah, you know, like Disney is like, just believe.
And it's like, well, first of all, if you just believe they're nonsense, then they get to program you culturally and make a bazillion dollars and all of that.
But all the people who are doing that stuff, the animators who are like the animator, the head animator gets interviewed and he's like, yeah, you just got to follow your dreams.
He's like, well, yeah, because you ended up as head animator.
But good for you. That's wonderful.
Yeah. But there's not enough addressing the people who don't make it.
The sort of best-in-show stuff.
There's not enough of the people who don't make it because it's an illusion.
It's like, to take a cross example, like the OnlyFans stuff.
Yeah, there's a couple of women in the world who make a huge amount of money off OnlyFans.
But the vast majority of women make almost nothing.
And then, for the rest of their lives, they're dating, they become mothers, they're on the PTA board in the school, they go to church.
The rest of their life, they know that someone might find their old pictures.
And, you know, maybe they made 50 bucks or they made 100 bucks.
But for the rest of their life, they're always looking over their shoulder, always concerned
that somebody is going to find their pictures and blackmail them or send them or something
or share them or whatever it is, right?
Yeah. And so she gets all this money, but no man of quality is ever going to date her, right? I mean, that's the price you pay.
I got a lot of money, and I now get to be surrounded by corrupt, pervy weirdos for the rest of my life.
Ooh, good job. I don't know why people want to sell their souls for money, but it seems to be a very common thing.
Yeah. So...
Oh, how dare you ask that I have a plan B? It's like, no, it's important to have a plan B. It's important to have a plan B because...
Most people, their dreams don't work out.
And we can, you know, there's things you can do to affect that, which we can talk about over the course of the conversation.
But most people's dreams don't work out and are actually predatory.
Destroy them. Or destroy their potential.
Yeah. So you have to have, you can't manage what you can't measure, right?
So this is why the first thing I did to say, okay, how much you make in an hour, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's not good, right?
And again, that's fine.
That's not a problem.
But when's your cutoff?
Yeah. When do you say, I gave it my shot.
I don't have regrets. Honestly?
Right. You need to have something like that because otherwise you're just drifting in this day and you don't put in the kind of urgency you need to.
Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, no, I was just going to say, to be quietly honest with you, Steph, I actually have never thought about a cut-off point until, in fact, anything until now.
Right. For me, it's like, to be honest now, the first thing that comes to my mind is, like, if I'm not making at least, if I'm not making a comfortable living in the next year or two, then, yeah, then I've got pretty much...
Okay, a year or two is not a plan.
You have to have a date. A date.
You've got 12 months, 24 months, 18 months, whatever.
You need the date. Now, you don't have to answer this now, right?
I'm not grilling you now, but you have to have an answer.
Yeah. Otherwise, you will just orangutan your way into nothingness.
You're right. Right now, I don't have a date.
It's just because I've just gone balls to the wall.
Because the date gives you urgency.
Yeah, I agree. So if you say, I give myself 12 months.
If by 12 months, I'm not making at least $20,000 a year.
Because in any entrepreneurial thing, the first money is by far the toughest.
Any entrepreneurial thing.
To go from $0,000 to $20,000 is a huge slot.
To go from $20,000 to $40,000 is like half that.
$40,000 to $80,000 is half that.
It gets easier and easier.
You've got more contacts. You've got more experience.
You've got more showcase. You've got more on your resume.
You've got more all of this stuff.
Your samples that you can give to people and you get more word of mouth recommendations.
That first $20,000, oh my God, it's brutal.
It's brutal. After that, it gets much easier.
Much easier. I remember when I was an entrepreneur in the software world, it took months to sell one $5,000 piece of software.
You know, we ended up doing millions and millions a year, but that first thing just took forever.
Because why? I mean, I was just some guy, right?
I didn't buy from you. So, you know, there's an old saying, a business no one ever gets fired for buying IBM because, you know, it's a well-established company.
They're going to be around. So, yeah, so if you say, if I'm not making whatever it is, it could be $20,000, right?
And again, you would say that not because you want to stay at $20,000.
But because once you've made $20,000, at least it's viable.
But the question is for you, after six or seven years, is it even viable?
It's not viable at all yet, right?
Not yet. I mean, you can't pay even your rent on your income, right?
Yeah, definitely not. So...
When does it become viable?
Now, all of this could change if you don't want to get married, if you don't want to have kids, if you don't want to have...
See, if you have an ambitious and successful girlfriend, right?
And the success could be in just about any field, right?
But if you have an ambitious and successful girlfriend, how's she going to view you?
Oh, yeah. It's not going to look good.
Well, again, she might be, you know, hey, you got to follow your dreams and all of that.
She might. But she, at some point, is going to say, what the hell is the shape of this man?
Like, do you just keep doing this until you die?
Yeah. Because she's not going to be interested in that, right?
Oh, definitely not. Definitely not.
Right. So, and this is just the, you know, you shouldn't feel bad about this at all.
This is just the crappy, untuted stuff that goes on in our sad and pitiful post-60s generational stuff, right?
It's just tragic. It's ridiculous.
The parents don't sit there and say, oh, you're interested in this business thing and...
I'm going to learn about it and let's find you a mentor and let's subscribe to industry magazines.
I don't know, whatever you would do, right?
And let's get a business plan going and all of that.
So you're just making music and every now and then you'll throw something out there and hope to make a couple of bucks.
That's not a plan, right?
Yeah, no, definitely not. So, yeah, that's something that...
I think you really need to sort of figure out.
You say, I've got 12 months, and then it's like, every day, it's like, okay, cross off that calendar.
Am I closer? Am I closer?
And it would give you, like, success is a deadline.
Yeah. I'm sure you've had things in your life where it's like, I'll do it later.
And, you know, basically, it never gets done, right?
Oh, yeah, that's been like, yeah, my whole life, essentially.
Yeah. Right, so success is the same as a deadline.
I mean, a little example, I had this crazy long call-in show yesterday, it was like over three hours, and it was really quite tiring, and it wasn't something I was expecting to be that tiring, but this woman ended up having to be rescued from sex trafficking by her mother, and it was just really a hell of a story.
And I would never in a million years have done a live stream last night, except I had one scheduled.
Yeah. Now, again, if I, I don't know, I burn my tongue and can't talk, then I'll cancel the live stream, but I could do it.
So because I had something scheduled, I did it.
Otherwise, I never would have done it.
And it turned out to be a pretty good live stream, even though I leaned on my books fairly heavily for content.
That's fine. So doing a live stream last night was because it was scheduled.
And the problem with, I think, where you are, nothing is scheduled.
No, nothing's scheduled at all.
It's just I've been winging it. Right.
And so you're following your passion, but you're not following a plan.
And passion without a plan is just spinning your wheels.
It's got to be measurable.
It's got to be actionable. Right?
And the A-B testing. Okay, I'll send some music to this guy and I'll send some music to this guy who responds quicker.
I will offer...
And I know this sounds kind of odd, but it works.
I'm telling you. I will offer...
To take someone in the industry out for a free lunch just to pick their brains.
That's actually a good idea.
Or I will work any contact I have.
Do you know anyone in this industry?
Do you know anyone who knows anyone in this industry?
Do you just follow the breadcrumbs? Listen, when people contact me and say, I'm thinking of starting a podcast, What do you know now that you wish you had known then?
Well, shut your mouth about anything that upsets people.
No, I'm kidding. But no, I mean, do you think I'm just like, screw you, I'm not helping the competition?
I'm like, hey, if you listen to my show and it's inspiring you to make a podcast – and there are actually shows in the past where I helped people live who wanted to start a podcast.
When you get older, you're very happy to mentor people because you want your industry to do well and you want to share the joys that you've had in your career.
For me, there's also like the more people who are doing shows about reason and evidence and philosophy and truth and virtue and values – The better.
It's not going to harm me. It's not like the market for virtue is completely saturated in the modern world.
It's like there's room for more. There's room for more.
So, yeah, there may be people that you want to be mentored.
But, you know, if you weren't mentored by your parents, it's kind of tough to even think of mentoring.
You just, well, I'll just do the work.
Like you're still in school. Well, I'll just do the work and I'll pass.
But that's not the way life works out.
I mean, school ridiculously does not prepare you for anything in life.
Oh, definitely not.
In school, the schedule and your to-dos are all set for you, and in life, that's not what happens.
All right, so as far as the entrepreneurial stuff goes, I don't really know anything about your industry, but I would certainly say that...
You know, you could post on a free domain message board.
You could post and say, you know, here's what I'm doing.
Is there anybody in the industry?
Is there anybody who knows anybody in the industry?
Anyone I could get an introduction to?
You know, anything like that.
Like, literally, a 20-minute phone call can save five years of your life.
Oh, yeah. I agree.
But you've got to work the networking, and that's a tough thing to do when you're unraised.
But, sorry, go ahead. Yeah.
No, I was going to literally say, like, the thing about all this music stuff as well, and just in life in general, I've had to, like, Sort of raise myself, essentially.
You're absolutely right about that.
Even with this music stuff, I had to teach myself how to do it.
I had to go out there and meet the right people.
Thankfully, one of my good qualities is my good, caring nature.
I've been able to attract definitely good people.
Obviously, you get the bad people because they want to exploit you and stuff like that.
That's definitely true.
It's I just need to plan for it.
And the thing is, it's like I said, I've just been winging it.
I've just sort of just gone with the wind.
And every time I would try and stick with a plan, it would just fall apart because some sort of stressor or something in my life would just throw me off completely.
Well, or some lust, some girl, whatever, right?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, so the key thing in all creative fields is credibility.
So another reason why you have agents, like so, you know, everyone and their dog has written a book or has half a book somewhere in a drawer, right?
And you send it to a publisher.
It's called the slush pile, right?
They just get mountains. They just mountains.
I remember seeing this in an agent's office once.
She's like, that's the slush pile.
Just mountains and mountains of books that people have sent in.
No agent, no referral.
Now, she said, it could be that there's a gem in there.
It could be. Yep. But it's very low priority.
We put our lowest intern on it part-time.
And new books are always coming in.
Like, always. They get, like, 10, 20 books a day.
This is back when you had to print it out and mail it in.
I still remember what it was like.
When I found a place that photocopied for two cents rather than three cents, man, that made my whole week.
So... So how do you have credibility?
Well, someone has to vouch for you.
So the reason that you have an agent in the artistic fields is also because the agent is the first test of quality.
So you send your book to an agent.
And then the agent will read it.
And if the agent likes it, the agent will put his or her reputation on the line by sending it to a publishing house.
Now, if the publishing house knows that the agent only sends marketable or sellable work, it doesn't necessarily mean good, but marketable or sellable work.
If the publishing house knows that the agent does that, then the agent has credibility and they'll read that person.
Because it's already gone through a quality filter.
Yeah. So you need someone who's a quality filter, right?
So if you reach out to people in the industry, you find somebody to connect with people in the industry.
And if those people in the industry like your work, then they'll recommend you and they'll say, oh, I listen to this kid's stuff.
This is pretty good. It's pretty good.
Okay, you're automatically front of the queue.
Yeah. So, you know, I mean, you could have – there are other ways to get credibility, but they're pretty brutal, which is, you know, to just find someone who uses your work and then use that to build your portfolio or whatever.
But in general – You need credibility.
And if you're just facing the crowd or one of the 20 books a day in the slush pile, the odds, again, it could happen in the same way that you could win the lottery, but it's not something you should ever plan on, right?
Oh, definitely not. Definitely not.
I don't know how you gain credibility in what you do, but that's pretty key.
Credibility, again, can save you years and years.
Let's get to your personal life.
How do you meet women and tell me how your typical dating scenario goes?
My main way to meet women is online dating.
On all of the apps like Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of fish, all that kind of stuff.
Probably on an odd occasion that I'll go out and sort of, you know, like out on a night out and, you know, meet a woman or something like that.
That's very rare though, usually, especially these days, because like I don't even get a chance to go out as much.
But usually those are my main sources, pretty much just like online, really.
And why are the women...
Because, you know, we hear about this a lot.
I haven't seen a picture of you, and that's fine.
But why do you think the women are choosing you?
Because, I mean, the complaint from a lot of men is that women don't choose them.
Well, it's funny because I never really, like...
I never had a lot of confidence, you know, growing up.
And even still, you know, I've still got a bit of a low sort of self-esteem.
But I've sort of figured out where that comes from.
Yeah. I reckon it's just, you know, I'm 6'4", so that's already like a bonus.
Okay, so we're done. Yeah, I think we're done.
6'4". Okay, so I'm not sure why we needed all the preamble.
I have big tips.
I don't know why we need all the preamble.
That's delightful, I suppose, but 6'4".
Okay, so go on.
I'm 6'4".
Not 6'4", I'm 6'4".
I'm 6'4", okay.
6'4", yeah, so pretty tall, lanky.
And obviously, I've got a very charming and very good personality.
The charm has sort of been developed over time, obviously, as I've worked.
Online dating, nobody cares about the charm of your personality.
And you've got nice hair and good features.
Yeah, I did have nice hair.
But I started balding because I wanted to look like my- Oh shit, that's why you're calling me.
Because you won't be able to pull it off for much longer.
Oh! Well, God bless that peninsula of hair for waking you up to mortality.
You know what's funny? You know how long everyone was saying, you should just shave it off for now?
And I was like, nah, nah, I'm not going to do it.
And I even went to the extent of going on pills to grow back my hair and that.
Absolute big mistake. And then I think I was watching one of your shows where you were talking about the Me Plus sort of thing, and that resonated with me so much.
And then ever since then, I stopped doing it.
Wait, was it Minoxidil?
Or what is it that you took for hair lice?
It was Finasteride.
I don't know if you've heard of it. Finasteride?
No, it's like a hair pill.
It's like Minoxidil, but it's obviously tablet form.
I was taking that for quite a while.
And it was sort of growing back my hair, but I was noticing side effects, especially the big one was obviously downstairs, if you know what I mean.
Wait, you couldn't awaken the snake?
No, I wasn't. My gun would shoot before I pulled the trigger, if that makes sense.
Oh, you had premature ejaculation under this stuff?
Yeah. Were you holding up a mirror and you were just so turned on by your own hair coming back that you're just like, oh, baby.
Yeah. I'm going to let yoga to shoot on my own scalp.
Got it.
Got it. No, I mean, I wouldn't be just turned on if I looked at the back of my hair because that's where the balding was happening.
So I had all the hair at the front, but at the back, it was just a no-show.
So I was just like, got rid of it, and luckily I got a nice-shaped head, so...
Yeah, it's okay balling if you've got one of these Charlie Brown heads, but I don't know how the Cone heads do it, but yeah, okay.
Yeah, so I'm lucky that I've got a very nice-shaped head.
So here's what you've got to do, though.
Just word to the wise, right?
So you can be balled, but you can't be balled and...
Unmuscular. And I don't mean like pumped or Schwarzenegger, but it's the Patrick Stewart thing, right?
The guy from Star Trek?
Or the Jason Statham thing?
Or The Rock, right? I mean, The Rock obviously is way too bulbous and steroid-enabled and all that, but you can be bald, and it's actually kind of a cool look.
You keep your hair short, and you are...
I don't want to say muscular, but you exercise.
You work out, right? That's a good look, and women don't mind that, but you can't be...
Anemic and bald because then you just look unwell.
Particularly for me, like if I'm in my 50s and I'm bald, people are going to think I'm ill unless I exercise, in which case you just look like your muscles have covered up your hair or something like that.
That way you can turn hair loss into an extra 5 or 10 years of life, which is as good a thing as you can do.
Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, no, I was going to say, because I was always frequently working out, and it was the same thing as well.
I was always on and off, on and off, and that.
I'd be doing well diet-wise, and I'd just fall back into my little rut and stuff like that.
Yeah, that's another thing when you raise yourself.
When you raise yourself, you have to reward yourself.
Oh, yeah. You've got to train yourself like a doc, right?
So then you're like, oh, you know, I've been bad.
Okay, I'll be good. Oh, I've been good.
I deserve a reward, so I'll be bad again, right?
And you just go up and down this kind of thing.
Oh, I haven't had sugar in three days.
I need to reward myself for that behavior because you're not raised, so you've got to train yourself like a retarded puppy or something.
Yeah, it's just like, oh, I've been eating healthy for a week.
Let's jump on Uber Eats.
Oh, yeah, let's go for the most...
Fatty food that's going to cause a clogged artery.
Let's go. That's literally been my full process for my whole life.
Right. And then the next morning, you end up like, have you seen the meme?
It's some guy. He's like sweating buckets and looks completely exhausted.
And he's like, day one of working out.
I finished taking a shit.
Time to hit the gym. It's really, really funny.
Okay, so tell me, what are these women like?
What are their life circumstances like?
Were they in school? Are they single moms?
Are they unemployed?
What's the profile of the women you go out with?
So, big one, obviously, especially in the past, single moms was a big thing.
It was just a very big thing.
Yeah, a lot of them unemployed.
A lot of them with very significant mental health issues.
Quite a fair amount that I've slept with in that.
Definitely obviously being overweight and that as well.
Just sort of like just the lowest quality sort of women that you can think of.
Obviously like yeah, pretty much like this is the lowest sort of value woman you can think of really.
I'm so sorry, go ahead. I was going to say, the only ever good woman that I had was my last relationship.
Apart from, obviously, because she had a child as well.
Quality-wise was everything that I wanted, but she had a child and that was a deal-breaker for me.
Do you know what these women, these single moms, do they work?
Do they have welfare? How do they live?
Majority of them on welfare and living off the baby daddy.
That was a big one as well.
And yeah, just unemployed and just doing a course so they can still get their welfare benefits.
That's a big thing over here in Australia.
Oh, like pretend training for a career that they never plan on pursuing?
Yeah, they're never doing, but they convince themselves in their head that this is what they want to do, but it's just like you just want free money.
It's not hard to see. Right.
And without getting overly Freudian, you know where to go with this one, right?
How attractive is your mother?
Oh, see, so younger, now when I think back to like all of her photos and that, from memory, very slim.
I'd say, you know, I'd say she was attractive.
Yeah, she was attractive. Wait, was she attractive prior to becoming a single mother?
When she had me, she was still fairly attractive.
But before then, from some of the photos I'd seen, she was attractive, obviously.
She was slim waist, everything that a man would want.
And then obviously over time, as she got older and that, she obviously put on sagging and all that, put on a bit of weight.
But I will say she always, even throughout until my late teens and that, and even now from memory, she's Always done a good job, like, you know, dressing herself up, let's say that, makeup and hair.
So when your memory started, I don't know, like whatever, two, three, four or five or whatever, when your memory started, how attractive was she?
I'd say when I was three.
Yeah, three, she was, from what I remember, which is only glimpses, is she was, she looked attractive.
But not like stunning, stunning, if that makes sense.
Like she, if I was to put a number.
Give me a one to ten, a one to ten. I'd say...
I'd go a 7.
A solo 7. And as you sort of got into your teens, what happened to her number?
Um... I'd say it dropped down to, I'd say, about a 6, maybe a 5.
But, you know, the big thing when I was growing up is I had the sort of, like, MILF mom, if that makes sense.
So, like, I guess she was still attractive to fucking...
Younger men, like my age, sort of, in a way, which I found it hard to believe, but I think that's just because that's my mum.
I'm sorry, could you just describe that again?
Like, she was still, like, attractive, but obviously she had, like, two kids by then, but, you know, she knew how to, like, still doll herself up, you know, when she wanted to go out.
I'm sorry, did I get the accurate?
Did you say MILF, mum? Yeah, she was a MILF. That's what everyone would call her.
Yeah, everyone would call her that, pretty much.
Sorry, I'm just scrubbing myself with a wire brush made of Austrian beard bristles.
Yeah, so she was a MILF, essentially.
Now, did your friends say to this, your mom's a MILF? Yeah, a couple of my mates.
That I've met her like I was very I never really Because as a child like I never really went out to a friend's house and stuff like that because I was always sort of Scared if that makes sense to like even tell my mom that I was going out to a friend's house because she would have asked all these questions and fucking Make me hyper paranoid and stuff like that.
So it was only later on like when I started when I moved out of my parents house And they would see her out in the shops and that and I had this one mate that always made comments about that as well and I just feel like ah really it's like I mean I don't see it me personally, but yeah, that's what a couple of my mates would see.
Dear God, modern culture.
All right. So, what was sort of your mom's life in terms of income, career, and men?
How did that play? So, income, she was just a factory worker.
Worked in a chicken factory.
I think she worked in a potato farm or something like that when I was younger from memory.
The type of man that she would go for, so I guess the best way I could describe, so obviously my dad, like my dad was, back in the day, was like a full metal head that was getting into gym, sort of, so I guess like a manly sort of man, if that makes sense.
Yeah, just like strong, active man.
Men, from what I can remember.
The only one that wasn't, I wouldn't call, like, seriously, like, active, but, you know, was, like, was my recent stepdad, who's, like, the father of my current sister, the fellow that she's still with now, and been married with.
But, yeah, the type of men she would date would just be, you know, like, the typical attractive sort of jock type of And you're saying that she's currently married to your stepdad?
Yeah, she's currently married to my stepdad.
She's still with him. I'd say coming close up to 20 years now.
Ah, okay. Okay, that's good.
That's good. And how's your relationship with him?
I don't speak to him.
Our relationship with him, it's been...
It's...
How do I describe it?
It's... We...
I can never really connect with him.
He wasn't... He was just very...
How do I describe it?
Like, shut off and just sort of, like...
Always just on mum's side, if that makes sense.
So, like... Anything that like...
Sort of anything that mum says sort of goes and he's just there to enable that, essentially.
So we never really got a connection.
My mum would always try and convince me like that.
Oh, he's like, you know, he's been a proper father to you, not like your dad and stuff like that.
And I just never saw that.
Like, from... Big thing was I could never call him dad.
I'd feel weird just calling him dad, put it that way.
I'd call him by his first name for like...
Ever since I've, like, known him.
Like, I still call him by his first name if I still start talking to him.
But, yeah, we never talked much.
We sort of talked about, like, little hobbies and that.
He was into his computers and stuff.
He was into his cars. We bonded over that a little bit.
So I get a little bit from that.
Actually, now that I think about it, I got a lot of my, like, hip-hop rap music sort of influence from him.
Wait, he's like a middle-aged guy into hip-hop and rap?
Yes. So, yeah.
Good combination.
Is he white? Yeah, he's white.
And, I mean, look, obviously that's fine.
I mean, I remember in the business world, there was a guy who was a senior accountant that I was kind of half friends with, and he took me out for lunch one day and started up his car, and M&M started screaming from the speakers, and I'm like, really?
Mr. Whitey-tighty-whitey accountant?
It can happen, just a bit unusual.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, well, that's where, like, I got a lot of, like, I started listening to Eminem because of him and stuff like that.
So that's where I got a lot of my influence from.
But yeah, in terms of just our relationship, it was always a thing where if it was one-on-one with me and him, we'll talk and then he'll be like, look, I know what your mum's like.
Yeah, he's just rah, rah, rah, stuff like that.
But then it's just like when mum chucks a fit, it's just like he's straight, doesn't say nothing, doesn't defend me when mum's having a go at me or anything.
So he listens to a lot of tough guy rap.
Yeah! But, when it actually comes to standing up to women, oh no, let's let the child handle it.
It's a bit of a different fucking story.
Jesus. Yeah. Obviously, he listens to different type of music as well.
He was into techno and stuff like that.
The only reason I say hip-hop was because that's what got me into rap in the first place.
Right. Okay. All right.
And what's your relationship like with your mother?
As of now, I have not spoken to her in about a year.
So I guess I'll just give you the backstory of our relationship.
So it's always very strange.
Never felt like I could actually confine in her about a lot of things unless it sort of suited her.
Like, her needs, sort of, in a way.
So... Um...
Very verbally abusive towards me.
For years on end. I'm sorry about that.
Emotionally... Yeah, thank you.
Um... Yeah, and...
Yeah, just emotionally abusive.
Um... Manipulative, exploitive.
Pretty much, it was just like...
Oh, just...
It's like I just didn't exist, essentially.
Um... Yeah, we just never got along.
To put it this way, it felt uncomfortable for her to hug me.
Gosh. Did she really associate you with your dad?
Oh, yeah. No, that was a big thing.
That was a big thing. Yeah, like, always make comments, especially when I got older, when I was, like...
Oh, you're just like your father, right?
Yeah, I freaked out.
How many times have I fucking heard that?
Yeah, that's... Sorry for my language, but, yeah.
The least thing that concerns me about this story is an F-bomb, so...
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, it's just Aussie slang.
Like, I just... We drop a lot of F-bombs now.
But anyways, yeah.
Yeah, so, like, she would call me, like, Incapable.
She would shout at me, call me a retard, a moron, and that.
And would just always talk shit about my dad, like beyond belief.
Like, it just, it was always like, that's the only thing that we would ever, over the years, we would only have a conversation about, was just talking shit about him.
She was always just negative.
You know, she would always be complaining about someone at work.
Wait, so with your dad, was this like even years after they split?
Yeah. Oh yeah, like, they split when they were, when I was about three.
I get told different stories by both of them.
Like, one told me they split up when I was like two years old.
One tells me they split up when I was six months old.
I'm just like, I don't know what's fucking up and down with you two, honestly.
So I was just like, whatever.
But from what I can, just from memory, it's like, they went together when I was like, I'd say two or three.
Like, let's go two. I'll go two, yeah.
And do you know why they split?
Or was it something dramatic, like a big affair or an addiction?
Or was it just, you know, quote, growing apart?
Or do you know what caused the split?
I just think, honestly, Steph, they're just two very toxic people.
I've always heard the thing of, like, my mum always would project, like, saying that your dad was, like, always mad at me because I was the one that got away and stuff like that and shit.
They were very toxic together.
Like from the age of like two or three almost, I used to see me and my dad, I mean my dad and my mum just used to have constant fights and even he would throw my mum up against the wall and stuff like that and shouting and stuff like that.
Oh, so he was physically violent towards her?
Yeah, physically, verbally violent, like just a very spiteful human being.
And how did custody work?
So, custody worked.
I was...
I... Pretty much, I lived full-time with my mum, but I would go see my dad once every fortnight.
And then, obviously, Christmas and, like, the holidays and that, we would arrange that, like, half the day I'd go spend with mum, half the day I'd go spend with dad.
That's sort of how it worked, um, in terms of custody.
And did you get along at all with your dad, or how did that work?
Um... Yeah, the thing with my dad is, like, I have more good, like, yeah, I'd say, like, in some aspects, I always got along more of my dad, like, we have more of a connection, but I was fucking scared of him.
Like, I was so scared of him because of his temper and just him shouting.
Like, I remember when I was, like, two years old, for example, and, like, I was just, they had a dog or whatever, and You know, as a child does, walks around and finds stuff to put in his mouth, and I decided to put some dog food in my mouth, and then all I just remember is he running through the room just, like, screaming, like, oh!
And then, like, I just remember, like, I started screaming, smacked it out of my hand, and just, like, it was like he was, like, pissed off at me, like, that I did that.
If that. And you were how old?
I was, like, two.
And he was angry because of the dog food.
Yeah, because I ate dog food off the floor because I was crawling around, obviously.
Well, you really were unraised.
You know, they didn't put the dog food someplace safe.
They didn't teach you about the dog food.
And, you know, it looks like food, right?
Yeah, that's what it was. It literally just looked like food.
And I didn't think nothing of it.
And, yeah, I still remember it.
Even at that young age, he just came through the room.
I remember the lounge room and everything.
That it looked like he came through the room and just shouted and it was fucking terrifying.
It was just horrible.
And then from then on, I was just scared of him.
And then obviously there was a couple of instances where he'd be shouting and stuff like that.
I remember one... Oh, actually, now this brings me back.
So there's one other story.
I got dropped off at his house early in the morning or something like that.
And I just want to stop crying because I wanted my mum.
And he'd be, he'd put me in the room and he'd literally be on his knees on the bed, staring at me, shouting at me, like, what am I crying for?
Like, constantly asking, like, what are you crying for?
And I just, I would be fucking terrified.
And then I'd say, like, I want my mum.
It's like, no, you don't want your mum. You don't want your mum.
Don't fucking give me that shit. And then, and I'd just be like, like, what?
Like, and yeah, it was constantly shouting at me and stuff like that.
And then, even just to tell him certain stuff, like if I was bullied at school and that, I wouldn't tell him nothing about that.
I think, if anything, there was one part where I was pretending...
I don't know why I did this, but I would pretend to...
I would tell him stories that I was getting beat up at school, even though I wasn't.
I don't know why I was doing that, but...
Probably dissect that anyways, but...
No, you wanted him to comfort you.
You wanted him to care about you.
You wanted to know whether he cared whether you were being beaten up or not, if he had any capacity for empathy at all.
Yeah, actually, now that actually makes sense.
Yeah, that's actually accurate.
That's exactly how I felt.
Like, I just wanted him to, like, protect me pretty much and see if he cared for me.
And, yeah, like, there was...
There was good times.
Like, if I honestly, like, have to prefer, like, who do I remember more?
Like, in terms of, like, what they offered me instead of, like, fun times and stuff like that.
I had a lot of fun times with my dad.
He would always take me to, like, football games, sports games and that.
He was a big influence on my music as well, like heavy metal rock.
He was a massive Kiss fan. He got me into, like, the sort of Australian music Sort of sound, which has been a very big influence on...
Dumb, dumb, dumb! Dumb, dumb, dumb!
Sorry, never mind, go ahead. Yeah, like a band called...
I don't know if you heard of them called Pendulum.
They're like a drum and bass. They were big...
No, yeah, they were... I hear the big swing.
Anyway, go on, sorry. For fuck's sake.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Here we are talking about your dad and you get a full-on dad joke.
My apologies. I can't complain.
I can't complain. That was very...
I hear they swing, man!
And keep good time!
But anyway... You're fucking hell.
It's a grandfather clock joke, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, like...
Yeah, like, I just remember more, like...
Because, like, for example, like, the reason why I say that as well, like, I remember more because, like, a lot of my life is, like...
Like, I still watch soccer today, for example, like...
And I still listen to those same people, and you know what I mean?
And... So, like, I've got more memories with him, but it was always never...
Like, good. And it's funny, just so I get it out of my head, I remember my mom actually did feed me dog food once.
It wasn't anything mean, it was just an accident.
She just picked up this can and she thought it was food because it said beef stew or something and then underneath it was in smaller letters for dogs.
And she's just like, here, here's some stew for you.
I'm like, well, I don't think that's for me.
Rough, rough. Anyway, I think it was at that point where I was like, okay, it's getting a bit dangerous here, so maybe we can find some other living arrangements.
Yeah. Alright. Okay, so how did your dad's life work out?
Well, let's see here.
I guess job-wise, he was a toolmaker.
He worked at the company here in Australia.
So at the Holden plant.
I won't get too much in detail about that.
But yeah, so he did obviously multiple management roles there and all that.
Had a divorce with my brother's mum.
He was like my stepmom for pretty much majority of my life.
Married to someone else now.
Wait, what? He divorced your brother's mother?
Yeah, or they divorced.
They divorced when I was about 14.
I'm sorry, I'm sure this is obvious, but I've gone one-two family blended thread too many for my poor brain to handle.
So he's married to your mom, so you're his son.
How does he divorce your brother's mom?
Oh, sorry. So, obviously, when they split, when my mum and dad split up, he found another woman that he used to know back in high school and that, like, used to date on and off.
They got together, they had my brother, and this was around the time I was, like, three or four, so she was...
Half-brother, yes. Okay, okay.
So, half-brother, sorry.
I know. I need that genetically.
I'm like, what the hell kind of voodoo Frankenstein stuff is going on here?
Okay, okay. I just always go straight to brother now.
But yeah, so he's had my half-brother, and then they were together until my half-brother was, I'd say, 11 or 12, I think, from memory.
And then he split up, and then with the...
With that woman. And then found another woman six months later.
Then a year later got married again.
And yeah, just like jumped ship straight away.
And made my half-brother be the ring bearer at the wedding.
And he just broke down crying in front of everyone.
Because obviously like, you know, seeing your dad marry some other woman is not the most pleasant thing in the world.
How old was she then? He would have been about 12, say 13, 13, 14.
Yeah, not a lot of sacrifice for the kids at this gene pool.
Yeah, no, he's not been the one to sacrifice for his...
He's always sacrificed his own needs for the kids, if that makes sense.
Is he a tall, good-looking guy too?
No, actually, he's definitely short.
Weirdly enough. Me and my half-brother were taller than him for sure.
He's like I say like about 5'8", 5'9".
Maybe he's got that aggressive short guy syndrome.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, he used to work out frequently like muscles and everything and that.
So he had that physique about him.
Did he maintain that over the course of his life or?
From up until the last I saw him, yeah.
He's always just been like that.
He's always just looked after himself.
But he was the type of dude where it's like he'd work up all upper body but not do his legs at all.
So he just looked like tweaked.
Inverted pyramid. Yeah, he was the inverted pyramid essentially.
I also wonder if he might not have been on steroids or something because, I mean, the level of rage is really quite almost inhuman.
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
It's like I've never...
I wouldn't be surprised if he was but I have no memory of him ever being on steroids and he didn't He had a physique, but he didn't have a physique where you can tell he was on steroids, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I get it. So he was definitely a stocky guy and obviously used that to his advantage.
He used to play sports when he was a lot younger than that as well.
Yeah, and oftentimes muscles are a response to receiving a fair amount of physical violence as a child that you just want to strengthen yourself up as a protection against that.
Oh yeah, no, he's told me stories about his whole situation and that's a pretty messed up story in itself.
He used to tell me his dad used to beat them until they were purple.
He's obviously two younger brothers.
We used to lock him in a garage and just give him bread to eat for, like, coming home late or some shit like that.
Or missing church.
And just, like, yeah. So he's definitely had physical abuse in his childhood, that's for sure.
That's psycho stuff, man.
Wow. And how was his demeanor when he was talking about it?
Did he... I mean, this is why he couldn't comfort you, because, of course, he was never comforted and, in fact, brutalized.
Yeah. So the way you saw it, it was sort of like he was telling me...
It was like a story sort of thing.
And, like, borderline lecture...
Sort of vibes but like just it was just telling me about it and I guess in a way he just now that I think about it he was telling me in a way like he it was like it was sort of like he was using that as an example to teach me like life lessons I guess like you know I guess you know something about like being grateful or something like that or like you know how he was punished as a kid and he sort of used that as like see like I could I wouldn't do that because I wouldn't do that to my kids.
You know what I mean? Did he tell you this when you were an adult?
He told me when I was an adult.
I haven't spoken to him in about six years.
But you were in your teens when he told you.
Yeah, my teens and even when I was very young as well.
And I would even remember just the stories he would tell me about his parents and that, and even see the parents come around, and it was like, they were definitely very loopy people, if that makes sense.
Very what people? Like, they're very, they're just, they're not right in their head, like, there's, like, a lot of mental illness.
Like, very mentally ill. Well, no, it's evil, isn't it?
I mean, we've got this new secular term for evil called mental illness, right?
No, yeah, no, that's the best way to describe it.
They're all fucking evil people.
Like, very just manipulative, narcissistic people.
Yeah, I mean, I think there are mental illnesses for sure.
A lot of times, it's like, yeah, you've beaten children.
It's like, yeah... So you're evil.
And, you know, Christians have a way better, like the wages of sin, right?
Spiritual death, right?
And spiritual murder, right?
So, yeah, don't do evil or you end up messed up in the head.
But that's not like, I don't know, illness to me is a little bit less caused by torturing children.
Yeah, yeah. No, I agree.
It's, yeah, they're definitely, they were definitely evil people.
And, yeah, my dad definitely...
Didn't recover well from that, obviously.
With your father, was there something in particular that occurred, like a watershed moment, or did you more drift apart, or how did that play?
Okay, so the story of that.
Now, so when I was, I'd just turned 18, and over the years, he would try and convince me to come live with him, and that would cause issues at my mum's house.
I would tell, I remember one story, like, I remember one time I told my mum that I want to go live with dad, and then my mum just started fucking crying and told me to fuck off and that, and then starts crying, it's like, I did everything for you, this, this, and that, like, full wigged it at me, like a narcissistic rage, pretty much.
And then we come into my room later crying and like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Like, you know, it would just disrupt our family.
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
So, I mean, I hate to say she didn't seem to like you, but she didn't seem to like you so much.
So what the hell was it?
Was it money? Like, what was the incentive here that you've got to say?
Yeah, I definitely think it was definitely money.
And I think as well, a big thing was control over me.
So she couldn't have control over me anymore because obviously, you know, I was a very shy and quiet kid and you know she could easily sort of like you know exploit me and gets me like a typical sort of like what like narcissistic mother would do essentially to a child.
what was her payoff in controlling you?
I guess just um that's interesting.
I mean it sounds like words that kind of make sense but I don't really understand like
The money I understand, if she was getting a certain amount of money for having you live under her roof, then it's just profitable, right?
Yeah, but she was always complaining my dad was never paying the right amount of money and stuff like that.
It was always at this view.
Would she have less of a chance to bully your dad if you went to live with him?
That could be definitely a part of it.
Would you say, could it be that she was afraid you'd learn your dad's side of the story as you got older?
I reckon that's it.
I reckon that's it.
Because it doesn't seem to be out of any particular love for you, so I'm just like, oh, you can't leave.
It's like, well, why not?
Yeah, because there's definitely multiple factors, obviously, as well, but now that you just said that, that makes a lot more sense, because her whole thing was, your father is this, your father is that, like, he was evil, he hurt me, and this and that, and yes, like, it was sort of like she just had a massive vendetta against him, and it was just, like, constant, like, attack, like, no, like, he is evil, like, it's like she already made up her mind, like, Either something happens,
I don't know if it was an affair or not, I can't remember anything like that, but I would say, yeah, it was just like, either he left her and she felt rejected, and that's sort of like, I guess that's sort of her way of just like dealing with it, was just to fucking constantly attack her, attack him, sorry.
And that as well, like to, not obviously, so my dad wouldn't, Tell me his side of the story.
Right, so if your dad...
And did your dad ever tell you his side of the story?
Um... Just from...
I'm just trying to remember. Yeah, he...
On a couple of occasions he did tell me, but it was very vague from what I remember.
It was...
Okay, no, hang on. Now that my memory's jelting back...
So he did tell me this one story about how I was born, so pretty much I was not planned.
And apparently, like, he was apparently trying to tell my mum and my natter at the time, like, you can't have this baby and stuff like that because I think for whatever, I don't think, maybe because they weren't ready or whatever and stuff like that.
But it was, there was, he told me something about that, like he was trying to convince my mum not to have me, essentially.
And then it ended up being that way sort of thing.
I think it's because they broke up at this time or they were sort of broken up at the time and then got back together.
I'm not too sure.
But, um...
Sorry, what was the question again?
Sorry, I just, like, just fogged out.
Did your father ever tell you his side of the story?
That's right. Yeah, he told me in chunks and that, but...
Not a lot. It was more like your mum was abusive to me sort of thing.
It was just like, oh, he said, she said.
It was just like, I just got too...
Yeah, we're both victims. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was just more like they're both playing victimhood, essentially.
That's what it was. Right.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah, I mean... Okay, okay.
I got that. All right. So, are you still in the promiscuous phase in your dating?
Well, ever since I broke up with my ex...
Last September, I just jumped straight back into it.
I just went boom.
I think in the first month or so, I was sleeping with another woman.
And then it was a couple last year.
And then it sort of died down a bit.
I was speaking to other women, but wasn't doing any dates or anything.
And recently, it's just been a couple of other women that I've slept with.
You don't have to give me the exact number, but what's your rough number for women that you've slept with or had sexual relations with?
I'd say it'd be in my early 20s, I'd say.
So low 20s?
Low 20s, yeah.
Around the 20 mark. Okay.
And... What is your goal with dating?
I mean, right now, your goal with dating is to, it sounds like, troll the least functional woman you can find in return for sexual access, but do you have a goal that is a larger or longer-term goal?
Yeah. So, like, for me, I want to, you know, settle down, have kids, find, you know, a good woman, and sort of, like, you know, find a good Good quality woman, pretty much, and, you know, like I said, have kids and do all that, because I actually do want to have a family.
And, you know, not that I was probably going to, like, not hoping...
Well, I'm definitely... I want it to get me out of this space that I'm...
I mean, with the promiscuity and that, but, you know, sort of give me a reason not to, you know, do what I'm doing, because, like, I'm just...
I'm not... I'm not making it myself easier to properly pair bond with someone.
Well, yeah, I mean, obviously.
So when you dated these women, so you would contact them and the single mothers and the people, the women with mental health issues and so on, when you would get together with them, did they have the impression at all that it was going to be more than like a one-night stand or a very short-term thing?
Early on, Um, it was, um, like earlier on, like my dating, like my promiscuity, it was, it was, I did gave off that impression and not that I'm proud to admit it, but did do the whole dangle commitment in front of them and stuff like that.
And then later on, I just was upfront and honest.
I was just like, look, like I don't want anything more.
We just kind of messed up about some of the women today.
It's just like, they were just like, yeah, no, that's fine.
I don't want that either. But then obviously, later on down the track, they would turn into something more.
And yeah, eventually, like, I just get to the point, I'll just get bored of them, and then I'll just move on.
And what do you mean you would get bored of them?
Well, obviously we'll sleep together for a matter of time and then it just gets a point like, you know
I just want to go meet a different woman or just meet a in the hopes of like finding a better woman to sleep with
and Then I'm sorry by better. Do you mean more physically
attractive or more intelligent?
Yeah, more physically attractive as well.
Okay, right. I'll say both together, but as well, I'll just add as well, it was more like, especially recently, it would be a thing where it's like I'm I would sleep with someone, and then I'd be like, okay, I need to stop now, and then I'll just cut them off completely, just because I need to get my shit together, because I can't be doing this.
This is just not right. Oh, so you would just sleep with the women, and then you would ghost them?
Yeah, essentially. But the thing is, we'll be speaking for a bit, and then even with some girls I'll be talking to, and then we'll be planning to meet up, have sex and that, but then I'll just have a big day, I'll have a change of heart, and I'll just be like, No, I can't do that.
I've actually told a couple of girls, look, I don't think it's a good idea we have sex and that.
I'm actually trying to stop that.
And they would just unfriend me and stuff like that pretty much when I tell them the truth.
So how many of the low 20s and so on, how many of them were just one night stands?
And how many of them did you see afterwards?
Um, one night stands, I'd say about, uh, out of all of them, like for about three or four.
Okay, so like most of them, 80% of them or whatever, uh, 75%, they wanted, they were willing or wanted more than just a one night stand.
Yeah, they stuck, yeah, they pretty much stuck around.
Some of them wanted friends of Benefits and that and then others were like they pretty much were just like I just want to see what's out there and you know see where this goes.
Some of them were just like very clear like they wanted a relationship and stuff like that.
So some of them would sorry and how many of them ended things with you?
If any? If anything it was always like it was always me sort of like cutting them off sort of thing because for me it was just like I didn't want to be rejected sort of thing so I thought I'd Do it myself, you know, to, I guess, help make me feel a bit more better about it.
You didn't want to be rejected?
What do you mean? By the overweight single mom with mental health issues?
I'm not sure what you mean. I mean, sorry, that's sort of like, in general, what my thought process was.
But with these girls, it was just like, yeah, I would just cut them off because obviously, like, I wanted a better woman and that.
But with some girls, we're actually, you know, you know, that I actually...
Like, I guess, got along with, but like I knew I wasn't going to be with them, I would sort of just cut them off before they cut me off.
Or like, if I'd be talking to a girl and like, it wouldn't be getting along sort of thing, I would just cut them off first.
And what was your longest relationship?
My longest relationship was my last one, which was two years.
I'm sorry, she said three years?
Two years, sorry, two years.
Two years, two years, okay.
And what was the arc of that relationship?
The arc, as in like how we met?
No, I mean, just the general...
You know, it'd get better and then it got worse, obviously, right?
So the general arc, you throw a rock up and it goes up and then it comes down.
Yeah, yeah, that's it. It was actually a really good relationship.
Like, we got along well.
We enjoyed each other's company.
Like, she was a delight to have around, you know.
She got along with my friends and that.
She would always, you know, even buy gifts for my friends, buy my housemates and that.
And did she know, sorry, did she know about your sexual history?
Um, I did tell her that I, you know, I've slept with a lot of people in the past and that, and I was looking to change that.
And did she ask for STD tests before you guys got intimate or anything?
No, actually, surprisingly not.
Okay, so a certain amount of just lack of self-protection here.
Yeah, well, we're doing protection that first, and then, um, Eventually, when we started dating, she got an implant, pretty much.
And then, yeah, like, that's obviously, like, because we were together on that, so we were just, yeah.
Every time we sleep with each other, it would be unprotected.
Okay, and when did things start to go south?
Things started to go south when, after I called my mum, let's say, so last year, I called my mum and...
I was... And pretty much, like, I confronted her.
I pretty much was like, I asked her, I was like, so we need to talk about my childhood, my upbringing and that.
And I was just like, I need to know why you physically, verbally confused me.
And then she hung up on me pretty much.
And then that was it. I'm sorry, your mom just hung up on you?
Yeah, she just hung up on me.
And then, like, I just cut her off from then.
And then she was trying to Semi-abusive messages after that, but I was like, I'm not having that.
Anyways, um...
I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about that.
And this is kind of the pattern, which is that you simply say, there's important stuff I want to talk about, and they just get meaner and meaner until you're like, okay, thanks, bud.
Yeah, you know, and it took quite a lot for me to do that.
Like, that was probably, like, the most confronting thing I've ever done in my life, and it's been, like, and, you know, that was a lot of help from you as well.
Like, you know, you made me sort of, like, You know, like I said, listening to your call-in shows and that made me realize that I needed to do that.
And then I did that. And, you know, like ever since then, my life's been way better since I cut her out.
I'm sorry, and is she far away?
I'm sorry, she's back here in South Australia.
I'm late. Okay, so you couldn't do it face-to-face very easily, right?
No, no, no, no. So, like, I moved up here.
Yeah, don't worry about the geography.
But it wasn't very easy for you to do it face-to-face, right?
Yeah, no, definitely not.
It wouldn't have ended really well face-to-face.
So I did a telephone call, and yeah, and then she just hung up on me.
And then I was like, I just had a massive sigh of relief, and I just was like, well, that's it now.
You're done. Like, I've given you enough chances and that to mend our relationship, and it's just not worked out.
So anyways, it started to go sell my girlfriend, I think about my ex-girlfriend, sorry, about a month prior.
I was just, I just realized, like, after that is when I realized that, like, Especially coming back to the music, I had to put the music first because if I didn't, then she would want me to put her first.
And even though it's not a bad thing, but she had another kid with someone else.
And I had a conversation with her, I think about a couple of weeks before we broke up.
I sat her down. I was like, all right, because she had a kid with someone in the Philippines.
So she's half Aussie, half Philo.
Wait, sorry. Not your girlfriend, but her child.
Yeah, her child. So she had a child over in the Philippines with some other dude.
Cut him off and that.
So anyways, I sat down with her.
I was like, alright, I need to know right now.
I need to understand what happened there because obviously I need to evaluate whether I want to pursue us further.
Because like if I'm gonna take this kid on I need to know like what actually happened
I never got a honest answer. It was just sort of like well also you need sorry to interrupt
But you you need to know something about the man's character like what's he super violent, right? I mean
What's what are you taking on here? Right? So well, what was the early childhood experiences of of of the
Baby and so on right because yeah, you're taking on a lifelong commitment here
And I think it's good to find out what the origin story was definitely. And that's what I was trying to figure out.
And I just didn't get an honest answer.
It was just like a lot of just projection on her half.
Well, what do you mean? Like, what would she say?
Well, she was just like, yeah, like, it's like, oh, I tried to kill myself and stuff like that because I didn't want the baby and all this.
Sorry, she said she tried to kill herself?
Yeah, she tried to...
Dude, did you drop these things in like it's nothing?
Sorry, my bad. Yeah, sorry.
No, it's like you're at a restaurant, you're like, yeah, I'd like a burger, a side of fries, maybe a hit job on my half-sister.
You know, it's just like, I think one of these things, right?
We did this categorization thing with the engineer earlier, and it's like, yeah, she didn't just give me a lot of half-answers and so on, and that she tried to kill herself or wanted to kill herself.
Did she want to or tried to?
I think she wanted to.
It was a once she wanted to do it, yeah.
So she got pregnant and she got suicidal?
Yeah, because the partner was very abusive and she didn't want to have the baby with her, but yeah, that's her side of it.
I'm sorry, you just gapped out a second there.
You were saying something about the man?
Yeah, so she said that the man was very abusive to her and she didn't want to have the baby, have his baby.
So that's why she felt that way and yeah, like, so that's And that's what she told me.
Well, just out of curiosity, what was she doing in the Philippines?
She's Filipino, so she grew up over there and then she moved over to Australia.
I think she was like 13 or so, I think, from what she told me.
Oh, so the man was white and she's Filipino, is that right?
No, no, no, the man was Filipino, and she's Filipino, but she's Aussie, because she obviously moved over to Australia.
Oh, okay, sorry, when you said half Filipino, I thought you meant racially.
Okay, that's fine, just curious.
And do you know much about her family history?
We don't have to go into much detail, but I assume it was as bad as we can imagine, because of who she chose.
Well, no, yeah. Yeah, well I spent a lot of time with her family and I actually didn't meet her family until like a year later because there was a thing in that like she didn't even tell her parents that she was dating someone for about a year so that was already red flags there.
But so dad is Aussie and like full Aussie and then the wife and the mum was Filipino.
So nice, they were really polite to me.
You know, we got along really well in that but I started to notice obviously some signs of like...
So I started to notice some signs of there were some sort of underlying issues with the family and stuff like that when my ex-girlfriend's like Nana passed away and with how the dad was dealing with that sort of thing and it was sort of like he was trying to make jokes and be optimistic and that but you know he was just like upset inside and...
That was one thing I did notice.
And the other thing as well, with my ex-girlfriend, I would tell her, I love you, and you're beautiful, and she would just start bawling her eyes out, crying.
Not hysterically emotional, but she would just get tearied up.
She was always very sensitive, in a sense.
No, that's not exactly sensitive.
That sounds skeptical.
Skeptical. Yeah, you do have a point there, because I just...
Like, if there's a big disparity between the outside and the inside, particularly for women, that's really painful.
Because their beauty...
I assume she was very physically attractive, is that right?
Yeah, she was...
Because obviously she had a baby and that, so like...
No, no, you can bounce back from that.
Yeah. Yeah, no, she was pretty...
She was attractive body-wise, like not like slim waist and that, but she was definitely like, you know, a very nice figure and looked after herself like really well.
And what does she live on?
So she's a nurse.
So, she studied as a nurse over in the Philippines and came over here, finished her, I think, bachelor's.
So, who took care of her baby while she was working?
So, she lives with her family still.
So, the parents take care of her and the sister lives with them as well.
Okay, got it, got it.
Yeah, so if she doesn't feel beautiful, but she's told she's beautiful, then if a woman doesn't feel beautiful, but she's told she's beautiful, what she feels is that you're with her for lust.
Okay. That's your dick talking, right?
In the old joke, what has 140 teeth and holds back a beast, a monster, my zipper, right?
So if she doesn't feel beautiful or she doesn't feel attractive or she doesn't feel like she's a good person and you're saying, I love you, you're so wonderful, you're so beautiful, what she hears is you're only here for the body.
Yeah. Yeah. So that's probably why she was crying.
Okay. No, like, I mean, if you were paying a woman's bills, like you were some kind of sugar daddy and you were giving her, I don't know, a couple of grand a month or something, and, you know, obviously you feel like crap about that, right?
Because it's not like she's your wife raising your kids or something like that.
And then she's like, oh, you're so wonderful.
I love you so much.
You're so generous. You're so amazing.
Yeah. It's just the money, right?
She's just saying stuff because she wants the money, right?
You're just going to feel like crap. You're going to feel even worse, right?
Yeah. Okay. Now that when you put it that way, yeah, that makes a lot more sense.
All right. So, what happened after you asked about her kid and she confessed the thoughts of suicide and all of that?
What happened then? Um...
Like, what happened during the conversation, or just after we had the conversation?
Well, no, I mean, after, I mean, she was gaslighting and not giving you many facts, and then what happened?
Like, in terms of the relationship.
So, in the relationship, then, it was, I was like, okay, and then we just, I think from my phone, it went alright.
We weren't seeing each other much, because after then, because we were working in that, and, like, I was working too, and at that point, I was sort of I'm tossing up my decisions to, like, whether I wanted to stay with her or not.
And then that, with that conversation and sort of just, like, all the reasonings, my reasons behind her, that's when I started to get distanced.
And then eventually, like, I just, she could sense that, like, she could sense that I was, like, I wanted to, like, split up.
And we were talking in that.
And I said to her, like, I just want to chat to you and stuff like that.
And then she jumped in straight away.
She's like, you're going to break up with me, aren't you?
And I just said, look, I'd be lying if I said I didn't.
And then, yeah, and then pretty much later that, I think later that week, I drove up because she lived like an hour and a half away as well.
So I drove up all the way up to see her and we sat down and I just, you know, we had a bit of a crying session in the car and that and we, I just, I I just opened up and told her how I felt.
I couldn't do it no more.
I couldn't be in a relationship no more.
I was just done.
I said to her, my reasons were, I can't take on your kid.
I just can't do that. Especially because I was raised by a stepfather.
I know how I feel about my stepdad.
I know exactly how your kid is going to feel about me when we grow up.
When he grows up. I can tell you straight away, if I try to put my foot down or anything, he's going to turn around and say, you're not my dad.
And I was like, I just, I couldn't, and I just said to her, I couldn't take that on.
And I just said, look, it's just, we're just, we're just growing apart.
Like, I just grew apart from her.
And then we talked about it.
And then I think for about an hour or so, then that was that.
We just said goodbye. And I just, I said to her, like, it was kind of, I think that's what broke me the most was like, um, I was still going to say, my focus is on the music now.
This is what I want to do and I can't give that up.
I was trying to understand about the relationship and the music because a relationship with a good woman does great things for your career.
But if it's the kid as well, that's a different matter.
Yeah, exactly. I said I just need to focus on that.
A while ago, I think about a year ago I gave her a promise ring and then as she gave that back to me she put on my key ring and the one thing she said before she left she was like promise me you won't give up on this like give up on your music for me and yeah that kind of tore me apart a little bit.
Did you have much of a relationship with her kid?
With who sorry? With her child.
Hello? Okay, yeah.
And then how long after this breakup did you...
Yes, can you hear me? Hello?
Hello? Can you hear me? Don't tell me.
Hello? Hello? Yes.
Hello? Hello, I can hear you.
Are we back?
Yeah, I've got poor internet. Sorry, my bad.
No, no, no worries. So, you didn't have much of a relationship with your kid, right?
No, not really. I mean, we played around a lot, like, you know, when I'd go over and stuff like that, but This was what was fucked is like, you know, he'll be jumping all over me and I'll just feel a sort of feeling of like, I guess, resentment. And that was a really bad sign.
And that's when I was like, okay, something's not right here.
Like, I don't hate children, don't get me wrong, but it's just like, I was just like...
And I just knew that, you know, like, this wasn't going to last long, sort of thing.
Well, I mean, you want to look up the Cinderella effect, where it's one of the most studied things in psychology, that step-parents just don't feel that warm towards the kids, like, in general.
There are exceptions, but in general...
No, I mean, we can understand this evolutionarily speaking, right?
You care about your genes.
You don't care about stuff that's in the way of your genes.
In other words, resources not from your own gene pool.
So it can work, but generally it's a very well-studied phenomenon.
There's a reason there's evil stepmothers and stepfathers in every fairy tale known to man for a reason, because it's pretty fundamental truth.
So how long after you broke up did you get back on the promiscuity thing?
I'd say like a month after.
Like, straight, like, it was just a solid month after.
Like, it took me, for about a week or two, I was, like, I was just an emotional wreck.
And then it got to a period where I got massive insomnia.
Like, I just couldn't sleep. I just couldn't sleep for, like, days on end.
Like, I couldn't even get two hours sleep in.
Went through that, and it was like my body was just going into, like, a complete shock mode sort of thing.
Because this was like the first time I felt like that.
Like I didn't have my mum in my life and I didn't have a woman around.
So I just jumped straight back into it like a month later.
And yeah, I just went snowball effect pretty much with it.
And I just started talking to heaps of women.
Started like going out on dates again.
And then telling myself I'm not going to sleep with a woman.
And then it ends up that being the way.
We just end up sleeping together and that.
And it just kept on going.
And then it's been going up until since now.
And sorry, how long ago was it last summer you broke up?
Last September. Last September, okay.
And how many women have you slept with since?
Ummm...
This is gonna sound bad, I think five.
Five or six. Right.
And was your insomnia solved before you went on dating again, or did the dating help solve the insomnia?
I'm pretty sure the dating helped solve my insomnia.
Before then, I got some sleep.
I just forced myself to sleep and got my body into some sort of shock.
But even then, it was kind of like, I need a fix.
I need I need a woman right now to be with because I feel like I'm just dying inside.
So the promiscuity is an addiction to keep you away from the agony of loss, right?
Yeah. So you're self-medicating in a way by harming women?
Yeah. And yourself, of course, as well.
Oh, seriously. Yeah.
Right. And your culture.
And women's trust in men, like you're just making more bitter women who are angry at men, right?
Like your mom. Like you're like a mom factory here.
Yeah, yeah. This is, yeah, it's pretty much one calling.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm definitely not proud of it.
Right. Okay. So how do you get from here to a good woman?
Or to put it another way, what were the thoughts, like let's say you just meet some really quality woman, she's smart, she's funny, she's self-aware, she's virtuous and confident and all of that.
What's her view of you when she hears about your life, your adult life?
Yeah, that's the question I haven't actually asked myself.
I wouldn't even know, but it would not be a good impression.
Well, tell me what she would think.
She would definitely have massive trust issues in terms of, like, if I can commit to a relationship.
No, she wouldn't. No, she wouldn't have any trust issues at all.
Okay, okay. Because she wouldn't trust you.
Mm-hmm. Right?
Trust issues are you're involved in a relationship with someone who's untrustworthy.
Yep. But she wouldn't have any trustworthy...
She wouldn't have any trust issues with you because she wouldn't get involved, right?
Yeah.
So what else?
Um...
I actually don't have a clue, actually.
To be honest, I can't think of anything at this moment.
Because if you want a good woman, you have to understand what a good woman wants, right?
So what does a good woman want?
Wants a man with resources.
No, that's all women.
That's all women. What does a good woman want?
It's like saying a good woman wants oxygen.
It's like, yeah, so does everyone. What is a good woman want?
What are you looking for? I'd say a man I can protect her.
Again, that's all women?
What else? Yeah, I'm out of Yeah, I'm drawing blanks here.
Right. Okay.
So, yeah, so you can't get a good woman if you don't know what a good woman wants, right?
Correct. Well, a good woman, the first thing she wants is a good man.
A virtuous man, a courageous man.
Not necessarily a hero, but somebody who has integrity and kindness and strength and virtue and all that kind of stuff, right?
Hmm. That's right.
So what would need to change in your life to manifest that?
Stop sleeping around and stop breaking all these women's hearts and actually be a man of integrity and a good man.
So that's interesting.
So you've got, you know, the negatives.
Okay. But, you know, just repeating, what does she want?
A good man. Well, what does that look like?
He's a good man. That's not breaking it down, right?
So, yes, of course you'd have to stop doing things that are harmful to yourself and to others.
And dangerous, too.
Like, I've got this speech in my last novel where the woman's dad says to her, look, one out of a hundred guys is a total bastard.
And the more you date, the closer he gets.
Right? So, if you keep dating, that guy is moving up in the queue, and then you're going to date him, or you're going to sleep with him, and he's going to destroy your life.
Yeah. Like, it's just rolling the dice.
It's Russian roulette.
So, you've been lucky that none of these women have been total psychos.
They haven't sperm checked you.
They haven't retaliated against you ghosting them with false allegations of assault.
They haven't called you horrible names online.
But that woman, that crazy woman, she's moving up in the queue.
And you're going to meet her. Like, it's a matter of time.
Every time you do this, you know, it's like in Dungeons& Dragons, right?
I mean, you've got a 20-sided dice.
You keep rolling it. You're going to hit that one.
You're going to get a one. Yeah.
So you keep rolling this dice and you've been very lucky.
I mean, I hate to say lucky, so to speak, right?
Yeah. She's moving up in the line.
She's getting closer and closer.
So, yes, you absolutely want to stop doing this, even if it's just for base self-protection.
Yeah. Some woman's going to give you a venereal disease.
Some woman is going to sperm jack you, and then you're pregnant and on the hook for child support for the next 20 years, and that means that no quality woman's going to want to have anything to do with you ever.
Oh, yeah. Or she's going to call the police and cry assault, or she's going to trash you online, she's going to call you off your work, she's going to whatever, right?
She's going to do something. And she's just getting closer and closer, right?
Every time. It's like a ritual to summon a demon, right?
Promiscuity is a ritual that summons demons, so to speak, right?
And so, yes, absolutely, you should start doing the self-destructive stuff, and it's harmful to the women, and it's harmful to their children, and it's harmful to the culture as a whole, right?
Yeah, I agree. Okay, so what do you need to do to become a good man that attracts a good woman?
Honestly, I feel that's why part of the reason I'm here as well, Seth, is I actually just don't know.
Well, I probably do, but I just don't have the answers for it right now.
Right, right. Okay.
So, you've got a physical age.
If you were hearing somebody describe themselves and their life in the way that you have described to me, where would you put their mental age?
Physical age and mental age don't have to be the same thing.
Mm-hmm. Like, where would I have to...
Sorry, what was the question again?
Sorry. If you were hearing your life, right?
Yep. And you had to assign a mental age.
Mental age doesn't have anything to do with intelligence.
It's generally where emotional development slows down or stops.
What would you put your mental age at if you were hearing a story like this?
Honestly, I would put myself at like...
I'd say, like, 18, maybe?
Like, from my late teens?
Yeah, I don't have the answer to that, and I'm no authority, but I would put it slightly earlier.
Because you've got a hobby that you think is a career.
Yeah. Right? Now, I'm not saying it's not a very powerful thing.
I'm not saying it's something you shouldn't do.
But right now, it's a hobby that you think is a career, and that tends to be sort of mid-teens, maybe a little earlier.
Yeah, I agree with that.
And the greed, right?
The greed for female sexual encounters, the greed, the promiscuity, that is pretty young.
And just in terms of the greed, not to do with the sexual activity or anything like that, but the sort of lack of self-management, right?
The I eat too much, then I cut back, and I don't exercise, and then I exercise, and all this start-stop stuff is sort of lack of consistency, lack of discipline.
And so I would put this, you know, and was there anything that sort of happened around early to mid-teens in particular that may have interfered with some of that growth?
Like sort of triggered my promiscuity or triggered like...
No, no, just...
So promiscuity is an adult body with a child's lack of self-discipline, lack of self-restraint.
Yeah, I see.
So I think it's sort of early to mid-teens.
Mm-hmm. There's a shift in your relationship with your parents, for sure, because you don't have to take their crap anymore because you're big.
So if they're physically violent, they have to stop doing that because you're big.
And so they will usually switch from physical violence to verbal abuse or intensify the verbal abuse if they can't put you around physically anymore.
Yeah, I see. I don't know if it was that or something else.
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
I was actually quite late.
I was 18. Okay, got it, got it.
I didn't, yeah.
I didn't do, like, any drugs or anything until I literally turned 18.
Right. But from, like, 13 onwards, which is the years, like, where, you know, you go out, hang out with friends and that.
I never did that. I literally never did any of that at all because I was just so scared of my parents and, like, Especially my mom and that.
She would always ask me questions. Where are you going?
What are you doing? This and that. You said she filled you with a lot of fear, right?
Yeah, I was filled with a lot of fear as a kid.
I think what happened was I feel like I've missed out on quite a lot in my early years.
I feel like I'm trying to recapture that.
Right. So you're trying to avoid the morning by thinking you could recreate something.
Yeah. Because you're living like a very young man, right?
I mean, you've got a hobby that makes no money.
You've got a bunch of roommates. You sleep around, right?
Like, there is a certain sort of progression that, you know, by your mid-20s, if you want to have kids and all of that, I mean, you're not doing the stuff that's necessary for that, right?
Right. Yeah, that's correct.
So rather than grieving what you didn't get as a child, you're trying to live like you don't grow up.
Yes. Like the Peter Pan thing, like the Lost Boys stuff, right?
Yeah. But it's not going to work.
Yeah, because it even adds into, like, just quickly, like, because I have a massive compulsive eating issue as well, and as a child, I never got...
Cooked any good food. I never got to have a lot of junk food, which is not a bad thing, but I never really got good food when I was healthy because my parents didn't know how to cook to save their own lives.
For me, that's a big drive.
I feel like if I don't eat this delicious fucking donut, then I'm going to miss out.
That's always what it's been. It's always been like, I'm going to miss out.
Right, and listen, just to sort of empathize, I mean, my mom was a terrible cook, and she would say, I'm making biscuits, which would be the equivalent of cookies, I guess, in many places.
I'm making biscuits. And she would make these absolutely just god-awful things that you could use as doorstops and would hurt your teeth and gums, and just terrible.
Now, every now and then, for reasons I don't know, we would get these chocolate digestive cookies.
I don't know if you've ever seen them or had them.
But they are like, they're just heaven on a platter.
They are just the most fantastic stuff.
Now, I don't have them in the house.
I haven't had them in the house for probably 20 years because I'll just eat them.
Because they're just like, you know, like when I was over at a friend's place, I remember going to a birthday party when I was maybe 13 at McDonald's.
And we ate like pigs.
And at the end of it, everyone was like, okay, we all done?
And I'd be like, I could take a filet of fish to go.
Yeah. Because it's like, I'm going to be hungry later and there's not going to be any food in the house or no good food, right?
Yeah. And I haven't eaten one of those chocolate digestive cookies in probably 25 years.
But if I'm in the store, I'm in the grocery store, and I see a picture of them, what happens to my saliva?
Fills my mouth to tsunami, right?
So I can't have them around because I'll go through half a box and I won't even blink.
I just can't have them around, right?
So, I mean, this thing about, like, I got to eat because food is random.
That's hunting, right?
That's not farming.
That's hunting. So the hunter-gatherer, you stuff yourself because you're in this, you know, feast or famine environment, right?
Yeah. So, yeah, the food thing, you're trying to say, well, I can...
I could get over the trauma of bad food in my childhood with more food now.
You're so fucking good at this, I swear.
No, no, but it's... Thank you, but it's like if you ended up two inches shorter because you didn't have enough nutrition, eating more as an adult doesn't make you taller, it just makes you fatter, right?
Oh, yeah, and that's my biggest issue now is I'm actually trying to watch my weight because even I've just noticed a decline in my health significantly.
I used to be active and healthy, and obviously that happens with age, but it's just like, yeah, I just have not taken care of myself.
And the people like my mates that know me, like, in the past, they knew what my diet was, and they were just like, yeah, dude, like, you were just eating junk food like he was going out of fashion.
Yep. Yeah, so rather than grieve the lack of care, and look, the fact that you didn't have junk food as a kid, You say, oh, that's good.
It's like, no, it's not. It's not because junk food is a constant temptation in this life, and if you don't introduce your kids to it and teach them how to manage it, then they go from famine to feast.
Yeah. I know the kids whose parents don't let them have any sugar.
And it's like, yeah, well, good luck when they go away to college.
Yeah. Sorry, you were going to say...
Yeah, because even as a kid, I remember my mum would just be buying, I think, McDonald's and stuff like that, and I wouldn't buy it for the kids at all.
And then there was always a big thing as well in my mum's house where it's like, they would make something and I just wouldn't like it, and they'd be like, you don't eat it, you go to your room.
Right. Or you stay there until you eat it.
Right. So you're trying to become a good parent to yourself by giving yourself treats.
Right. Yeah, it's working out pretty well.
And it doesn't work.
No, it doesn't. You get this in the same way.
And so the relationship with food is sort of the relationship with women, right?
Like you eat junk food and you date junk women.
Yeah. I mean, that makes total sense. But as an adult...
You're just continuing the pattern.
It's like you never get to grow up.
You never get to manage yourself because you were unmanaged as a child.
So now you're just bouncing off that and you're trying to seek out dopamine rather than have a rational plan.
Yeah, I agree.
So when you get a date, it's a high for you.
You're thrilled, right? When you eat some junk food, you're thrilled.
When you produce some more music, even though it doesn't pay anything, you're thrilled, right?
So you're just staggering from one high that fades to another, right?
And that's not having a plan, right?
Yeah, that best describes just how I've been living my life.
It's just I'm jumping from doping high to doping high just to fucking live.
Yep. It's killing me.
Because when you don't get that dopamine high, you get insomnia.
Yeah. And insomnia, I believe insomnia, that's psychological, not physical.
I believe insomnia is telling you that you are asleep.
That you are sleepwalking through life.
And when you don't get the drug, your body's trying to wake you up from this pattern.
But the insomnia is so unbearable that you then dive back to the dopamine.
And then that allows you to sleep, but it's literally putting yourself back to sleep.
It's refusing to allow yourself to wake up.
Yeah, that best describes just like even just how like, like how everyone, not even my parents, but even my family just treated me.
It's just like they just would rub me.
Like even when I was like going for my phase of like substance abuse when I was smoking weed and all that, it was like they were like sort of supporting that in a sense.
Yep. Yes, yes, because if they interfere with your dopamine addiction then
you'll realize that they're pretty terrible.
Oh let me know if we're back.
I think we're a little...
Yeah, are we back? We're back, yeah.
Yeah, so most addictions are to make the people around you bearable.
So your sex addiction, if that's what it is, your sex addiction is to make the women you date bearable.
For God's sake. Hello?
Yes, hello. Have you moved at all?
Are you in a different location? No, I haven't moved at all.
I've got the worst reception here, honestly.
It's all right. We're almost done.
Yeah, we're almost done. So that's okay.
Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you can hear me all right.
Yeah, yeah. Can you hear me all right?
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, so I was saying that most addictions are to make the people around you bearable.
And... That's interesting.
The sexual compulsion or sexual addiction that you have, the promiscuity that you have, is to make the women around you bearable.
Like, if there was no sexual access, you wouldn't be going out with them, right?
Oh, no. Right, so you look for the dopamine of sex to make the women that you date bearable.
I agree.
Hello? Yeah, I'm still here.
Can you hear me? Yeah, and I would assume that when you became an adult, you got into drugs in order to make your family more bearable.
Yeah, so they don't want to interfere with your drug use because that would be to make them unbearable and threaten their capacity to exploit you in the future.
Yeah. In the same way, if a woman said, I don't sleep with a guy for the first three to six months or whatever it is, right?
There's no sexual access.
We have to get to know each other, right?
That's the mark of a quality woman because she's saying, I'm not a dopamine delivery system through my vagina.
Yeah. I'm not a pill dispensary.
I'm not a dealer in dopamine.
Yes, that's fine.
To attract a quality woman, you have to find a way to get dopamine from virtue, not from exploitation.
You have to find a way to be happy by being a good person rather than using women like Kleenex.
Now, if you can get dopamine from virtue, then you're good to go.
As far as being a quality person goes, it doesn't mean you'll be perfect.
But if you get your dopamine from food, from women, from drugs, then the woman knows for sure you ain't getting your dopamine from being a good person.
Yeah, so the woman knows that you're not getting your dopamine from being a good person.
You're getting your dopamine from other things, which means she'll forever be battling your desire for those other things.
So if you get dopamine from intimacy, from connection, from honesty, from virtue, from loyalty, if you get your dopamine from there, then that's great.
Then the woman doesn't have to compete with that.
But if you get your dopamine from sexual novelty...
Then the woman knows that you're always going to be wondering.
You're always going to be looking at other women because you're going to be drawn away.
In the same way that if you get your dopamine from smoking marijuana or whatever, then the woman knows that rather than virtue, you'll go towards drug use.
You'll tend towards drug use.
So in order for her to trust you, you have to get your happiness from virtue, from honesty, from connection, from self-restraint, from all of that.
You have to get your virtue from those things.
If you get your virtue from those things, then she can trust you.
But if you get your virtue from other things that would be harmful to the relationship with her, then she can't trust you and she won't.
She won't get involved. Does that make sense?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, no, it definitely makes sense.
I agree with that all completely.
So, yeah, you might have to go through some sleeplessness and so on.
And, you know, again, I'm a big fan of talk therapy, and I know money's tight.
You know, I always make this offer, if you want to get involved with a therapist and you can't afford it, let me know, and I'll cover the first bunch of sessions and send you the money for that.
But, yeah, I would say you've got to try and reorient yourself to look for your happiness in things that aren't harmful to yourself or others.
Yeah, no, I definitely agree.
Because, like... Because, yeah, like, honestly, like, it's just a never-ending cycle and I just wanted to stop.
And, like, there was a couple...
Well, obviously, I know we don't have probably a lot of time, but there is, like, a couple more just, like, things I just wanted to quickly talk about.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I'm happy to hear.
We've got another few minutes. Go ahead.
Yeah. Well, because, like, even, like, a part of, like, the, you know, the dopamine fucking rush that I always get, one of it was, like, I went into a phase and I don't like to omit this and Talk about this, but I still sort of have a chronic masturbation issue, which that's something that I'm battling at the moment.
I've gotten a lot better at it working out, but that was a massive thing for me as well.
Well, that may also have happened in your early to mid-teens, which is quite common, which is sort of exposure to hardcore pornography, which tends to arrest emotional development, but yeah.
Yeah, there was an incident that I definitely reckon that played a big part in that as well.
Which I'm sorry, once again, I forgot to bring it up, but...
No, I mean, that's fine.
I mean, these days, I mean, it's almost like a constant, right?
So... Yeah, but yeah, but like, one of the big things with my dad as well was, and especially with a new wife, like I remember when I was like 15, I used to hear him having sex and that, and that...
That definitely did something to me.
Yeah, that's not good at all.
Yeah, yeah. Very, very upsetting.
Yeah, it messed me up in that.
And plus as well, like, you know, like, obviously constant rejection from girls and that.
And just constant, like...
It was just like, you know, like...
And one thing that happened as well was, like, I had this sort of, like, entanglement with this woman that, like, I used to work with.
She was, like, my boss and that.
And it was weird because my stepmom was...
I worked in the nursing home, like, aged care facility, like, the aged care industry, so taking care of older people, and I was working under her, and I was friends with this other worker, and I went to leave that job.
Like, I was there for, like, about a year or so.
I left, and, you know, we got along really well and actually liked her, you know, like, because I looked up to her and that, and we...
And then one night, like, I was like, oh, like, do you want to go out and have drinks and that and get together and that?
It's like, yeah, I'll come and that. And then I told my parents about, I told my dad and my stepmom that, oh, I'm going to go do this with her.
And they both looked at each other and they're like, oh, I don't think that's a good idea and that.
It's like, she's not, like, mature enough for you and this and that.
Pretty much, like, shut me down completely.
Anyways, later on, like, the story was, like, so I was out in the city.
I got drunk and I couldn't get into one of the clubs.
So, and she was out in the city, and I saw her with another dude, and I flipped out and caused a massive scene and stuff like that.
And then, yeah.
And I think that's a big part of, like, another big part of my rejection as well.
That's something that's always been on my mind.
Like, that kind of...
I feel like that's sort of been a big cause of why, as well, with the promiscuity, like, and that, like, that's what causes me to, you know...
So, how much younger than you was she?
Yeah. She was actually older.
She was like 23, 24.
I was like 19 at the time.
Yeah, sorry. Because your parents said she's not mature enough.
Yeah, not mature enough for me and stuff like that.
Okay, but she's like three or four years older than you, right?
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
And she just pretty much ghosted me and stuff like that.
Okay, so why did your...
It was your mother and your stepfather, right?
Why did they... No, sorry, my step-mom and my father.
Sorry, your step-mom and your father.
Your step-mom and your father.
Why did they try to interfere or push you away?
Why did they push you away from this girl?
Honestly, that's a big question I never got to answer because no one ever told me.
That's one of the big things.
I think that's why as well. Well, I can tell you.
Why is that? Okay, so if you abuse your children...
You have a big problem when those children grow up.
And what's the biggest danger that you, as an abusive parent, face when your children grow up and go out into the world?
That you find a woman and she comes back and sees how toxic and volatile your parents are and dangerous, I'd say.
Yeah, if you come across a woman who's going to be a good mom, the first thing as a good mother she's going to want to do is protect her offspring, protect her nest, right?
This is sort of foundational to all creatures who care for their offspring.
You have to protect your offspring, right?
So some woman comes across you and thinks, oh, he's a good guy, man.
He could definitely be a good father for my kids and so on.
So the first thing she's going to do after she evaluates you is evaluate your family.
And say, okay, so my kid is going to be in the orbit of his parents, right?
And his parents, you know, are they going to be available to take care of the kids?
Are they going to be available to support, to help out?
Do they have compassion? Do they have empathy?
Are they sensitive? Are they good?
Are they strong? Will they protect my kid?
And so she is going to look at your parents.
Now, if she loves you...
And your parents have harmed you.
What's she going to think of your parents?
Exactly. She's going to not like them very much.
Well, she's going to quite dislike them, right?
Now, it's one thing if they did things in the past that were negative, but they've apologized, made restitution.
That's a different matter. Then that could actually improve trust, right?
But if you love someone, right?
A girl comes and she loves you, top to bottom, back to front.
Well... And your parents verbally abused you and hit you and have never apologized and never taken any ownership, right?
You can't love someone and have a good opinion of people who've done them great harm.
I mean, it's the kind of thing, like, you know, earlier we were saying, like, I state the blindingly obvious and people get incredibly upset.
And the reason they get so upset is they don't disagree with me.
Like, there's no one who...
Who gets mad at me who's ever disproven?
Well, they just get mad, right?
Well, why do they get mad? They get mad because they agree with me.
So if I say, if you love someone, can you also love someone who did them great harm?
Well, of course not!
Yeah, at least you can't.
Of course not! If you love your dog, can you also love someone who beats your dog?
No, fuck no. Of course not.
If you love your child, can you also love someone who bullies your child?
Of course. Again, I say two and two make four and the world loses its collective shit because it agrees with me.
Is it healthy to have abusive people in your life?
No. Everybody agrees with that.
Everybody. Agrees with that.
This is why people get so mad at me as I state the obvious, which they agree with.
Because if I said, oh, you can't have anyone in your life who ever disagrees with you about anything...
Well, that would be crazy, right?
I mean, I couldn't have yesterday me in my life because yesterday I disagreed with me about something today, right?
I mean, so that would be...
So if I were to say that, people wouldn't get outraged at me because it'd be like, well, that's not right.
You know, that's not sensible, right?
You know, the people who believe really crazy stuff, people don't generally get too mad at them.
But the people, like, if someone says something...
That you agree with, but find unacceptable.
That's where the rage comes, right?
That's where the rage comes, right?
So, if your parents, you go out into the world, and you might come back with someone who really cares about you.
Now, there's a couple of bad things that happen when you come back with someone who really cares about you.
Number one, you now have the experience of genuinely being cared for.
Yeah. And then you can contrast that with your parents.
You have an ally. You have someone who's listening to your parents and saying, well, hang on, that doesn't seem right.
They did what? Yeah.
Really? Have they ever acknowledged fault?
Did they ever apologize? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
Okay, and so if that woman cares about you and she finds out about these things, then she knows that your parents...
Yeah, very negative.
So, she is going to sit there and say, huh, well, gosh, you know, I've got to meet these
people for myself.
Like maybe, maybe it's not as bad as you think, right?
And then she's going to meet them and she's going to say, so listen, I heard these things
and you know, I just want to get your side of things, you know, because I really care
about your son and, and, uh, you know, I just, I don't really quite get some of this stuff.
Like, help me understand, did this happen to this?
And everyone there, right?
So you can't, people can't just be gaslit and oh, he's crazy or whatever, right?
And she's going to find out why.
Because this is why I sort of asked about these women.
Did they even ask if you have a testing for STDs, right?
Because it's just sort of basic self-protection.
Yeah. So when you become an adult or when you start dating, the great fear is that you're going to bring back someone who really cares about you and then your parents are kind of toast, right?
Yeah. So you understand that by dating dysfunctional women, you are absolutely obeying your parents' orders.
You are absolutely obeying your parents' orders, and you are making sure that no one ever comes into their orbit who might question their virtue.
So you're just like a wind-up mama doll here.
Your mom winds you up, your dad winds you up, sends you out there in the world, and maybe this woman had some quality that was scary to them, this woman who was older than you.
Yeah. Right, so they sensed that she had some quality of character that would threaten their interests, right?
Yeah, no, definitely.
Because, like, even then, like, the one thing I never got, I found out, or, like, never got, like, found the peace in myself was, like, I never got her side of the story.
Because, essentially, it's like, because, obviously, like I said, me, my stepmom, and her, and me, we're all working together.
And I know for a fact that she would have said something to her...
Because her whole attitude changed completely with me.
Like, she was saying, oh, I'll come out.
They want her away from you because it would have been beneficial to you but harmful to their interests.
Yeah. Which is why when you saw her with another guy, you got enraged.
And the rage really was, of course, towards your own parents, your dad and your stepmom, right?
It was targeted at that because I was having a go at my dad because it was weird because it was like a massive work function or something, like a work night and that.
And they were there and they saw it all happen.
They tried to calm me down. And then the next day, that's when I just spilled it out.
I was like, look, I want to... Because I was living with my dad for like eight months when I was like 18, 19.
Because I moved out of mum's because me and mum had a fight.
She beat the crap out of me and pretty much like I moved out.
And then I moved in with my dad and then eight months down the track, like...
Because in that time I've seen him, I saw him like getting into domestics with his wife and just...
Literally, I've seen the man that I really...
I saw the real him, if that makes sense.
And then that's where I was like, no, I don't want nothing to do with you no more.
And I told him that the last night I was there.
He pretty much said, oh, you're a fucking idiot for acting like that.
I'm a real man. I don't need to prove anything to you and that.
You fucked up bad. And I was like, do you want to stay here or do you want to go?
And I said, I want to go. And I was like, all right, well, you give me $400 to me because we got bills to pay.
But it was so funny about that because, like, they started charging me, like, an excessive amount of money to live in a little shed, pretty much.
But their whole thing was, oh, we don't need the money.
We just want to teach you about life.
Wait, sorry, you lived in a shed?
Yeah, it was like a shed, but it was like, it had, like, gyprock and that, like, it was built in, insulated, and just had, like, an aircon in there.
So I lived there for about eight months, and they were charging me, like, $200 a week to live in there.
Well, it seems like quite a lot for a show.
Yeah, well, that's what a lot of people said.
And then when I started bringing it up to people and it got back to them, that's when they started getting mad at me, saying, oh, you shouldn't be telling people that.
And I was like, oh, I wonder why now.
Right, right. Okay, so I appreciate the distraction of the shed, and it's very interesting, but I'm going to finish up with just a little speech here, right?
Yeah, that's all good. Yeah, so by trawling dysfunctional women, by sleeping with dysfunctional women, you're just obeying your parents' commandments, that you're not bringing anyone of quality into their orbit.
And again, I know you haven't talked to them for a while, and I sympathize with that, but the program keeps running, right?
Yeah. I mean, the programmer can die.
It doesn't mean the software stops working.
Yeah. But now, you and I, we were never supposed to know any of this.
We were never supposed to know any of this.
See, you and I were supposed to stay down there at the bottom, because that's the way society has worked.
The functional people stay away from the dysfunctional people, and so the dysfunctional people don't have any breadcrumbs to follow, no rope comes down to pull them up.
Nobody bungees down.
Nobody rescues us. We're supposed to stay down at the bottom.
And the functional people are supposed to stay at the top.
And I don't mean this economically.
I just mean the sort of functionality gradation, right?
And so what's supposed to happen is occasionally, of course, some functional people will end up dysfunctional.
A few dysfunctional people will end up functional.
But if you're a dysfunctional person and you figure out how to become functional, do you want to hang around dysfunctional people?
No. No? Woof!
I'm out of there, man! Thank God, right?
And so the internet and us having this conversation, never supposed to happen.
Yeah. Because I was supposed to get out of being dysfunctional and never look back.
Now, I can't do that because, you know, a bunch of people helped me out with my dysfunction.
And I... I just can't...
I know it's... I can't leave people behind, so to speak, right?
So as best as I can with the eloquence and intellect that I have and communication skills that I have, as I was helped, I will help, right?
To pay it forward, so to speak, right?
So you were supposed to stay down on this bottom level with your parents because they did and their parents did and their parents did and their parents did all the way back to the original orangutan, right?
And so we have this amazing new thing now Where we can change our class, so to speak.
We can change our level, our layer.
That's really new. And society hates it, of course, right?
Because society relies upon a bunch of people staying at the bottom.
And certainly, you know, your family of origin, my family of origin, not happy about it at all, right?
Because it's not supposed to work this way.
And I have a lot of sympathy. I have a lot of sympathy.
And this is why they say, you know, like, well, you just have to love your parents no matter what.
It's like, well, that's just a trap to keep people with dysfunctional parents at the bottom.
Yeah, that's what you're...
And society evolved needing a bunch of slaves, and it needed a bunch of serfs, and it needed a bunch of agricultural laborers, and the government needs a bunch of dysfunction so it can frighten people with criminality and all that.
So we are very much cutting edge.
We are really much a vanguard of the new technology, which is, it's possible to get out now.
I mean, you're born into a dungeon.
You lived in a dungeon. You died in a dungeon.
That's all there was.
But now, man, we can shoot up.
We can burrow out. We can get out.
An escape hatch has opened, really, I think, for the first time in history in any kind of universal or consistent way.
An escape hatch has opened in this grim underworld that we're born into.
You can get out. I live a million light years away from where I started.
A million light years away from where I started.
And I like to think that I've helped probably quite a significant number of people by now also get out.
And it's not just me.
There's tons of people doing this, right?
But I have a particular, a fairly unique approach.
So, yeah, that being able to borrow out when society is not designed for it, we want it.
But it was mostly unavailable throughout history.
I want to put this in a larger context so you don't take this personally like you've done something wrong or you've done something bad.
The mess at the bottom is supposed to just replicate and stay the mess at the bottom.
And most of the people I know who started at the bottom have ended up at the bottom.
And most of the people I know who started at the top have stayed at the top.
I have traversed, oh my God, like a bazillion miles.
And it's possible.
And you're doing it.
And that's an incredible thing.
Like you're listening to this stuff.
You're listening to other stuff. You're thinking for yourself.
You're trying to reach to a better place.
And in the past, there'd be almost nobody who could help you.
Or who would. No, there wasn't.
And now, again, the internet has opened up a lot of these voices to drop ropes down the well and get people out if they want.
But that's really new, right?
So it's really cutting edge and it's really new because I don't want you to feel like you did bad things or wrong things or whatever.
I mean, this is just how the mess at the bottom of society reproduces itself and you were caught up in it and I was caught up in it and you're ahead.
You're further ahead than I was at 25, right?
Yeah. So you should be very happy and proud about that, I think.
But I think you're going to have to try and get your happiness out of virtue.
If you get your happiness out of virtue, then you can be trusted.
But if you continue to get your happiness out of junk food and dysfunctional women and lazy, casual sex and all of that, then it's going to be tough for people to really...
Trust me. And trust you.
So that's basically the thing I wanted to get across, but I'm certainly happy to get your thoughts here at the end.
Yeah, no, honestly, like, like, you are, like, honestly, I give you so much props.
Like, you are so fucking good.
Like, like, you literally fucking saved my life, dude.
Like, I can't, I can't stress that enough.
Like, you've saved my ass.
And I gotta, I gotta thank quickly, like, because, um, so the people I live with, like, they've, The one common thing we've had is we've come from the bottom and we're now coming to the top.
And we've all found each other through music and stuff like that, which is a beautiful thing.
And as well, my best friend, who's an audio engineer, he actually has been a long-time listener of you, and he actually is the one that put me on to you.
Oh, and he's insulted, isn't he?
No, it's all good. We give him a lot of fuck all the time.
He's been a big influence in my life and he's someone that I go to for guidance quite a lot.
If there's one other person I have to thank, and he's definitely going to be listening to this, so I'll definitely thank him and he knows that.
That's the thing as well.
You meet these people in life that have gone through the same shit and instead of staying at the bottom, they just help people like me and You've probably had people like yourself in your life that's helped you to the top and stuff like that to some degree.
Honestly, I agree with everything you said.
Everything you've said has literally hit a nail on the head and it's definitely given me a lot of clarity.
The only thing is I ask her is, what do I do about my situation with my father?
Do I bother contacting him or do I just, it's what it is?
Do I just leave it? Do you want to contact him?
Part of me wants to, but at the same time, I already know how it's going to go.
I think I'm just hopeful that I'm going to get something out of it, but that's not reality, so there's no point.
Closure is just certainty, by another word, right?
So if you are not certain about how your father will react, maybe it's worth being in contact with him.
Because if, let's say, you try, I don't know, once or twice or three times more, and you get exactly what you expect back with no deviation...
Then you will have certainty.
My own father has been dead going on three years, right?
And I don't have any regrets.
I don't feel I should have done anything different.
I don't look back and say, if only, or woulda, shoulda, coulda, because I tried.
Yeah. And I tried to the point where it's like, why?
I just... I'm just not...
Why would I want to do this again?
Because it's the same thing. I mean...
The NPC meme is...
I think about it quite a bit, honestly, because it's incredibly powerful.
And people talk about it in terms of politics and stuff like that.
But I don't think that's really...
Where the value is.
So a lot of people, it's just input-output.
If something challenges their interests, they just react with anger or manipulation or whatever, right?
They just punish whoever interferes with their preferences.
And they don't have the choice or the free will or the perspective to overcome their own pretty low-rent responses, stimulus response, stimulus response.
And it's like a computer program that You know, I remember I would be playing like a Doom game or something like that.
Occasionally the idle thought would be, how come none of them ever hug me?
Because they're not programmed to do that.
They have no free will in the matter, right?
They're just computer avatars that are programmed to attack you and try and chew your head off or whatever they do, right?
And so you can have relationships with people who have free will, but to have free will means overcoming things.
The defense attack instincts and having a larger perspective and suppressing immediate impulses to punish those who harm your interests, you know, instead of very animalistic.
So if your father is in a sense programmed this way, then expecting him to not do that is expecting him to be able to float.
Yeah. Right? Maybe the next time I talk to my father, he'll be immune from gravity.
It's like, no, probably not, right?
Yeah. So if you try a number of different approaches, and you can do this in role-playing, you can do this in your head, you can do this by writing things down, or you can do it with him directly.
If you try a bunch of different approaches, and you keep getting the same thing, right?
Yeah. If I try approaching these doom demons from every angle and I try extending my hand without a weapon in it and I try speaking into the microphone, I want to be your friend.
Every time they just rip my head off or whatever, it's like, okay, well, that's the game.
They don't have really any possibility of other choices.
My mother doesn't have choice at this point in her life.
She did at some point in her life, but she doesn't now.
Because then the other thing is we say, well, if they don't have any choice, are they really responsible?
It's like, yeah, they are. Because by now, they don't have any choice.
But they did have choice at some point in the past.
So... If you have doubts, if you believe that your father has a choice to do better, if he has the capability of doing better, then it may be worth having a conversation with him.
And if he does better, good.
And if he doesn't do better, and no matter how you try or how you approach, and I wouldn't spend too long in it because, you know, life is short and this stuff is costly emotionally, but if you...
Well, the other thing, too, is that, you know, why is it your job to run your relationship with your father, right?
I mean, he's the father. He's in charge.
He will forever be in charge.
So the failures in the relationship always accrue to the parents.
This is my foundation, and I believe this in the past.
I believe this even more. If there is a problem in my relationship with my daughter at some point or in the future, it's me.
It's me, because I was in charge.
Yeah. I was in charge.
The buck stops here, right? Whoever's the most in charge is the one who's responsible for the outcome.
And this is going to be the case if she's 20 and I'm whatever, right?
So... Yeah, it's just the way that it is.
So your father, he knows your contact information.
He could have contacted you at any time over the last six years.
He actually doesn't because I literally blocked him because he was the type of person who would try and spam, call me and abuse me.
My parents were very abusive people, so I had to...
No, but what I'm saying is that, and I appreciate that clarification, but he could if he was really desperate, like if he'd gone to therapy and had some big revelation about how he treated you and the apologies he needed to make and so on, then what he would have done is he would have contacted someone you know or he would have created another account or bought a second cell phone and sent a really conciliatory message.
Yeah. Right.
So my father, I mean, would contact me from time to time, but it was all just nonsense, completely denied everything that I'd ever talked about.
And, you know, I'm doing this and I did that.
And this happened and that happened.
It's like, I don't care. But you talk about what I wanted to talk about.
So your father could have contacted you at any time.
You say, oh, well, it blocked him. It's like, no, there's ways around that, right?
You know that, right? So there's ways, you know, he could have said any time, well, my kid is really going through something.
I should probably try a little talk therapy, right?
Because I'm the father and it was my relationship to make or break.
And if my kid has an issue with me, maybe I don't see something, but...
You know, you go to therapy, right?
Or do some sort of self-knowledge work or something like that, right?
Or anything, right?
So you just do that kind of stuff.
But if he's not going to do that, then I think he's telling you everything about what his choices are.
It's not your job to run your relationship with your parents.
It doesn't mean you can't ever take initiative or anything like that, but it's not your job to keep reaching out to the people who raised you because they defined the relationship and they're in charge.
Yeah, I agree. 100%.
Will you keep me posted about how things are going?
Oh, absolutely, my friend.
I will do. Yeah, I'll just message you on, I guess, on Skype and that and I'll keep you posted on that.
Yeah, yeah. Just let me know and congratulations again on this amazing journey you're on.
It's fantastic to see and it's really magnificent to see what you're up to and the future is bright and good and I appreciate you having the time today.
No, thank you, Steph. Thank you very much.
It's been worth the conversation, honestly.
Like, fuck sleep, to be honest with you, at this point.
Because, like, this is way more important.
So, yeah. Yeah, you're self-employed.
All right, man. I'm good.
Thanks, man. Take care. Bye.
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