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Nov. 26, 2022 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

01:39:37

HOW TO STOP BEING EXPLOITED? Freedomain Livestream

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	I am happy to hear what's on your mind.
	Hey Stefan, can you hear me?
	I sure can. How are you doing? I'm good, thank you.
	How are you? I'm well.
	I'm well. What's up?
	Okay, so I'm in an interesting predicament and I'd like to ask your opinion on how to handle a situation.
	If possible, please. Then you should.
	You should absolutely do that.
	Okay, awesome. So just a little background.
	I originally was supposed to start med school, but I turned it down last minute and I came back to a city where I'm not actually from to finish my undergraduate degree.
	And because it was such a last minute decision, I was struggling to find a place.
	And then fortunately, very, very last minute, I found a beautiful apartment with a roommate.
	And I didn't know this roommate previously, and she was just, her parents own this apartment, and she lives here.
	And she is three years younger than me?
	Yeah, three years younger than me. Anyway, before I signed the lease with her, I specified that my boyfriend and I do long distance, and it is very, very important that he would be able to come visit me.
	So I gave her every opportunity to tell me that she wouldn't be comfortable with it.
	I asked her several times how long he would be able to stay, when he'd be able to come, if she would want me to pay extra, etc.
	And with everything I asked, she kept saying, it's totally fine for him to come.
	He can come for as long as he likes, whenever he likes.
	You don't have to pay extra.
	It is totally fine.
	And even after she said that, I kept asking her and I said my last roommate gave me these strict rules for when he could come to visit.
	So please be honest with me because I will take you literally.
	Do you follow so far?
	I'm in. I'm hanging in.
	Go on. Okay, wonderful.
	So he came originally in September to come visit me and everything was perfectly fine.
	And once again, I paid the rent and I offered to pay extra because he did come for, I think, for like two and a half weeks that time.
	And she said it was totally fine.
	She really liked my boyfriend.
	We all got along. We constantly invited her to do things with us.
	And even my boyfriend and his mom sent gifts to her because we are very, very grateful with how kind and generous she was.
	But then the second time he came, they asked him to pay extra money, which was super strange because she completely went back on the word.
	I'm sorry, who's they? Isn't it one roommate?
	Who's they? Yeah, sorry.
	My roommate, and I'm assuming a lot of this is coming from her parents because she is 18.
	So the roommate is, is it the parents' house or apartment?
	Yeah, it's owned by the parents, yes.
	Okay, so it's the, do you think it might be the parents and the roommate who were saying that your boyfriend should pay?
	Yeah, that's what I'm assuming.
	But it was, she went back on her word and it was just kind of strange and she became a bit more hostile the second time he came to visit.
	And yeah, she charged like $500.
	It's not like it was like a little bit of money.
	Keep in mind, he is sharing the bedroom with me.
	So it's not like he's renting an extra room and she is never home.
	So it was just very, very odd how she would ask him to pay 500 extra dollars.
	Anyway, he left and then I asked if it would be all right for him to come again before finals, just for a little bit, just a quick little, like quick little visit.
	And she said, it's totally fine.
	So then I told her that he was coming for like a week and he'd be gone before finals.
	And then she was kind of passive aggressive in response.
	She was like, okay. And then she left immediately.
	And then rather than talking to me about it, she texted me asking for $350 for him to come stay for basically a week.
	And She never asked me in person.
	And since, she's been staying in an apartment down the hall.
	And the only reason I know she's staying down the hall is because I bumped into her by coincidence.
	And just for reference, the apartment down the hall belongs to one of her extended family members.
	So that apartment down the hall, no one's living in it presently.
	So she has the keys and she just went to go stay.
	Since my boyfriend has since arrived, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, following you so far?
	Yeah, so that's basically the position I am in.
	She hasn't talked to me, like, said that she had an issue with it, but she's been super passive-aggressive about everything.
	She completely went back on her word, and she won't talk to me about anything in person, but she sends me passive-aggressive texts asking for money and saying, my family would be okay only if he paid this much.
	And she...
	She randomly started being very, very quiet, and she rarely says hello, and is just super awkward.
	So I don't really know how to go about this situation.
	We paid her the original $500, but I feel like paying $350 for a week might be a bit excessive, considering, once again, he stays in the same room with me.
	And I don't know if I should bring this up with her, because keep in mind, I am graduating from My final exam is in less than a month, and then I'm going back home.
	So after that, I'll never have to see her again.
	So I don't know if I should confront her and deal with the issue or just ignore it and just avoid her.
	I just don't know what to do.
	That is a tough situation and it's a tough question.
	Here's my question.
	Look, obviously it's a month you can pay the money or not pay the money and bail.
	But I think the bigger question, which is probably what is more important to talk about than this immediate thing, is how did it come about where she was able to change the deal?
	Because you asked and she said, yeah, you can come and say.
	So what was it about your demeanor or your boyfriend's demeanor or something where she felt relatively comfortable changing the deal?
	That's the question.
	Because there must be some sort of mark on your forehead or your boyfriend's forehead or both of you in which people can sense that they can change the deal.
	And that's my...
	My question, right? So when she first said...
	Sorry, let's go back.
	So your boyfriend comes to visit for the first time, and how long did he stay?
	He stayed for like two and a half weeks-ish, I think, yeah.
	Yeah, that's a long time to put into a roommate situation, right?
	But keep in mind, she is literally never here.
	She spends most of her days at school and then on the weekends, she goes and stays with her sister who lives in a house like not that far away.
	And that was the case before the boyfriend showed up, your boyfriend?
	Yes. Yeah.
	And even like when he's not here, she's still like that.
	She's never home. Okay.
	Now, he stayed for two and a half weeks, and you guys did do some socializing together, if I remember rightly.
	Is that true? Yeah, exactly.
	I love to cook, so I would cook really nice meals, and I'd always invite her to join us and invite her to watch shows with us.
	And I even invited her to grab dinner with us a couple times, too.
	And every time she turned us down and said, I had to study.
	And whenever she's home, she spends her whole time in her room, whether or not my boyfriend is here or not.
	Right, okay. I'm going to go out on a tiny limb here.
	Is she a bitter singleton?
	Yes. Well, that's your answer.
	How did I know that? Because you're Stefan, you know everything.
	You have all the answers.
	That's right, I'm the oracle. No, I mean, I'm sure you've thought of this too, as has the audience, right?
	So why did I go there?
	Maybe because she spends most of her time in a room and maybe, I don't know, maybe she's jealous.
	I don't know. Well, you and your boyfriend are happy together, right?
	Yeah, very much so.
	Yeah, you have a positive, healthy relationship.
	I'm going to assume he's a good-looking guy.
	Yeah. Cares about you, good social ease, good manners, you know.
	Is he the kind of guy that she would like to get?
	I think he's the kind of guy that every girl would be lucky to have.
	I mean, I'm thinking about him, so he's got wide appeal.
	Okay, so he's the kind of guy that every girl would like to get.
	Now, could she get this kind of guy?
	I feel like probably not.
	She is smart and she is pretty, but she's a bit of a robot and doesn't seem to be able to think for herself.
	But sadly, I don't know, she's 18 and just all she does is school and watch Netflix, so I don't know.
	Cut her a bit of slack.
	Does she seem depressed?
	You know, part of me might think so because she barely sleeps.
	All she does is school.
	Also, for like a week, she was super stressed with the exams and didn't seem to be eating and was offering her food and she didn't want to eat.
	So, you know, now that you mention it, maybe a little bit.
	Right. And you guys are a little older, right?
	Yeah, I'm 21 and my boyfriend's 22.
	Right, okay. So, your boyfriend comes and you guys have a great relationship and he's an attractive guy and, you know, there's two reactions to seeing people in love, right?
	Mm-hmm. Do you know what they are?
	Jealousy and, I don't know, happiness.
	Yeah, happiness and rage, happiness and jealousy.
	A desire to emulate versus a desire to destroy.
	You know, There's little that brings more predators out in the world than being happy.
	It's just one of the sad shadows that happiness causes in the world, which is why happy people often will have to kind of have to self-isolate with friends and family and loved ones and so on, right?
	Because, you know, just being out there in the world and being happy, like genuinely and deeply and productively happy without being like some, you know, happy doofus idiot, right?
	So being happy in the world...
	I'm just calling in an endless airstrike on your soul.
	I don't know if that feels like that way to you, but here's a situation where the woman said, yeah, you can come.
	And then the first visit's relatively okay?
	When did she ask for the 500?
	Was that after the two and a half weeks?
	Yeah, that was when I asked her if you could come a second time.
	Right. So it comes a second time.
	I'm going to... You don't have to answer anything you're uncomfortable with, right?
	But I'm going to assume that you guys aren't like operatic lovemaking machines that are shaking the walls with your passions and she can actually get some sleep.
	It's nothing... I assume it's nothing like that.
	A friend of mine had a roommate.
	Yeah, a friend of mine had a roommate that it sounded like they were building an oil derrick out of banshees.
	It was just astounding what was going on.
	And it was just like we had to leave the place because it was like hilarious.
	Like it was... I don't know.
	It was like, I don't know, porn tinnitus or something like that.
	So, but okay.
	So, I mean, you guys are obviously considerate with that kind of stuff.
	So, yeah. So, she sees happiness.
	So, she's single. Did she mention anything about any boy she's interested in or any guy she dated recently or do you have any idea of anything like that?
	Oh, yes. So actually, after my boyfriend left the first time, literally within like an hour after he left, she opened up with me and said that, oh, she's interested in this boy.
	And They went on a walk and I think on the walk they were supposed to discuss if they're going to be exclusive or not.
	And this was like her first kind of boy that she was interested in or the first boy that was interested in her or something.
	Anyway, but then the boy said that he didn't want to put labels on it.
	Oh God. Yeah, exactly.
	And then after that she actually had him over.
	And I don't know, he seemed like a fine kid.
	I don't know, he's polite, but I didn't talk to him very much.
	But then after that, she said, oh yeah, I have to focus on school.
	I don't want a relationship with him.
	And then that was it. And this was all within the span of a couple of weeks.
	Sorry, not a couple of weeks, a couple of days after my boyfriend left the first time.
	So it was like, she said that she was interested with the boy.
	Then he said that he wasn't interested.
	And then she said that she wasn't interested.
	And how far does your boyfriend travel to meet you?
	Five hours?
	Across the country. So he'll come across the country and she can't get a guy to commit?
	Yeah. I can see why she'd be a little upset.
	Like jealous, I guess, yeah.
	Well, I mean, this is...
	I was just talking about this with a young lady today You know, like I'm 56, right?
	So sometimes you'll see these ads or fitness guys who's like, here's me in my 50s.
	And they're, you know, like cut like shredded cheeseburgers or whatever it is.
	And, you know, part of me is like, oh, yeah, well, you know, that's sort of inspiring in a way.
	I don't know that I have two hours a day to spend in the gym, but, you know, that's kind of inspiring.
	And maybe I can do a couple of extra reps and all of that.
	But I don't generally feel annoyed at that kind of stuff.
	But there are people, when they see something that's better than who they are or what they have, it's not aspirational for them.
	It's Enraging.
	Like they want to pull it down.
	It makes them feel bad, right?
	Now, if you see something that's aspirational.
	I mean, I remember when I was growing up, I knew these one or two families that, you know, really happy and nice and good and all of that.
	Now, I mean, that wasn't my situation, but I wasn't enraged at it.
	It was like, oh, it's good to know that's possible.
	That's something to aim for, right?
	And I think in my own way, I've been able to achieve that kind of stuff and, in fact, more.
	So... This question of a gap between where you are and what you could be.
	Between where you are and what would be better.
	So if you are attractive, and I don't just mean physically attractive because that's only somewhat under our control, but if let's say you're, you know, like you're a healthy weight and you're a positive person and you have a guy who loves you and, you know, you're doing what you want and doing the right things in life and then you get, you know, a buoyancy you're doing what you want and doing the right things in life and then you get, you know, a buoyancy and
	And, you know, when we're full of joy, we want to run out into the world and shriek our joy and sing our operatic happiness and we hope that petals will fall from the sky and rainbows will land at our feet and, you know, we will inspire other people to shake off the doldrums and the sackcloths of depression and join us on our march to Ohio, you know, that kind of stuff.
	And I suppose that does happen from time to time.
	But a lot of times that's not what happens.
	What happens is people resent.
	They resent it. They resent us.
	You know, like the two friends who are fat.
	One friend loses weight.
	Some of the other friends will say, oh, well, that's aspirational to me.
	How did you do it? And I'm on board with that, and that would be great.
	And other people are like...
	Oh, now you're just becoming one of those skinny girls.
	You have no self-esteem. You're not comfortable with who you are.
	All you want is men to chase you or whatever.
	They'll just tear that person down.
	When you have a gap between where you are and what you could be, something that's better, some people will be aspirational and some people will be enraged.
	I think it's not exactly 50-50, to be honest with you.
	I think there's a lot of rage these days about anything that's better.
	And so you may have come into that, into contact with that, right?
	The people who, you know, they don't like seeing the light.
	They don't like seeing anything better.
	They don't like seeing anything that makes them feel less, that makes them feel bad, that makes them feel diminished.
	Because people can feel normal.
	I mean, so here's the thing.
	She probably has a bunch of friends who are kind of down and all of that, and that's normal.
	That's normal for her.
	And then she comes across someone, you know, whose boyfriend is really devoted and comes to stay with her and cook meals and have great conversations and really love each other and all of that.
	And suddenly, you know, her life and her friends and her standards, they don't look normal anymore.
	They look sad, down, depressed.
	Sorry, go ahead. It's interesting that you say that because, well, I feel like some other things that maybe she might be jealous of is like she, her and her, all her friends, all they do is school and they all work very, very, very, very hard for their good grades.
	But I'd say, I don't mean to sound arrogant, but like I get good grades It's distracting if she finds him attractive.
	Yeah, I guess.
	Also, like, I don't know if it's a cultural difference as well, because she's from Slovakia, and she's been living here for like, three years now.
	But I don't know, like, maybe it's a more cold cultural culture there.
	So maybe that's why she gives me the cold shoulder sometimes as well.
	I don't know. Like, do you think that would be relevant?
	You know, there's some things I know quite a bit about.
	There's some things I don't know much about.
	The culture of the Slovakian in North America for three years, I wouldn't even hesitate.
	I don't know enough about the Slovakian.
	I mean, Eastern European a little bit.
	They tend to be kind of brusque and business-like and so on, unless they're drunk, in which case they tend to invade Ireland.
	But here's my question.
	Let's look back up to this, right?
	So she comes to you and she says, after your boyfriend visits for the two and a half weeks, then he wants to come back and she says that'll be $500, right?
	So, your first thought was...
	That she completely went back on her board and I was really taken aback and frustrated because I felt kind of betrayed because I gave her every opportunity to speak her mind at the beginning and I did not want to put myself in a hostile roommate environment.
	That's the last thing I wanted.
	This may not be the last person you meet without integrity.
	It may happen again over the course of your life that people will make promises to you And betray them.
	You know, for instance, social media platforms could say to me, oh, listen, there's a whole process for losing your channel.
	I mean, you get all these warnings and you get a chance to change things, right?
	So, yeah, people will betray their principles, their standards, even their contracts.
	I mean, I guess the cat's out of the bag now about what happened in Australia in 2018.
	Just a complete mess of non-contractual obligation, to put it mildly.
	So yeah, this may not be the last time that you face people in life who won't keep their word or don't keep their word, right?
	So the question is, what do you do, right?
	That's the question. So when this happened to you, what did you want to say?
	I wanted to say no, that wasn't the deal.
	Before I even signed the lease, I emphasized so many times that I wanted him to come.
	You said it was fine. I said I'd pay more.
	You said it was fine. So I signed the lease the way it was and you completely changed your mind and went back on your word.
	And not only are you asking me for money now, you're being so awkward and hostile about the whole thing.
	And that's another thing.
	When she asked for the $500, she asked me first over text again, which makes me so annoyed.
	It's like, why can't you just have the courage to talk to me about it in person?
	I'm not a scary person.
	Well, hang on, hang on.
	You're complaining about her lack of courage, but where's yours?
	Not your lack of courage, right?
	Because, okay, she did it over text.
	Well, you know why she did it over text.
	Because it's less confrontational, it's less risk of things going awry, and it's less immediate, right?
	So, yeah, a lot of people who are getting involved in the confrontation that they're not particularly comfortable with, yeah, they'll do it over text.
	So, you got upset, right?
	Yes. Not to her, but...
	I'm sorry? Not to her.
	Like, I did mention to her, like, why didn't you just talk to me?
	Like, why didn't you tell me up front you wanted money?
	But I didn't, like, I wouldn't say I got particularly upset.
	It was just a conversation. But I did get upset and ranted to my boyfriend about it in his mall.
	No, no. And I understand.
	It is upsetting for sure.
	It is upsetting. What do you think you could have done that would be more in line with courage?
	And listen, that's a tough situation, so I'm not calling you lack of courage in general or whatever.
	This is just a minor sort of tweak or whatever.
	But this stuff does kind of happen in life, does come up quite a bit in life, where people make commitments and just don't follow through, right?
	So what would have been...
	The best, in terms like if you knew there was going to be no blowback, no problems, you weren't going to have your stuff thrown out on the street, what would you have ideally liked to do or say?
	I would have said, no, I shouldn't have to pay because you completely went back on your word.
	That wasn't the deal.
	I specified that it was important for my boyfriend to be able to come at the beginning and now you're making me feel guilty for it.
	I wouldn't have signed the lease with you if this was the situation.
	If you were going to make me feel guilty for him coming and then you would have completely went back on your word and charged us extra money, I wouldn't have signed the lease.
	Right. That's what I would call an overshare.
	Right? You're making me feel guilty, this, that, and the other.
	It's like, no, it's actually, it's a lot simpler than you think.
	Because you feel that you need to justify or make her change what she's doing or maybe punish her for making you feel guilty.
	Like, it gets very complicated, right?
	Yeah. Somebody says...
	Well, you've got to pay $500.
	Then you just say, look, I'm sorry, that wasn't our deal.
	Or, no, no, that wasn't our deal.
	I was very clear that I was only going to take the place if my boyfriend could stay.
	You were fine with that, so let's not talk about this again.
	Like, this is not a thing, right?
	Like, the getting things to be complicated...
	Usually comes out of a real nervousness.
	And listen, I understand the nervousness.
	I get this. I'm not, well, you should just have no feelings about this and act like a robot.
	I understand the nervousness, but it's all quite simple.
	Right? If somebody says to you, you owe me $500 when you don't owe them $500, it's like, no, I don't.
	I took this place With your explicit permission to have my boyfriend over for no additional charge.
	And you can be nice about it.
	You can say, I'm sure you forgot, but that's very clear to me, so this is not something that I'm going to pay.
	Like, if you check it out of a hotel, you know, and they say, you watched 19 movies, or something like that, right?
	I mean, you can get mad at them or whatever, right?
	But... Or you can just say...
	No, I didn't. No, I didn't.
	I didn't watch 19 movies.
	It's like the other day, I was going to buy something and I was going to trade something in, right?
	I was going to buy a tablet and I was going to trade an old tablet in.
	And so my understanding was I would get a box, I could bring the new tablet home, I paid full price, and then I would transfer from my old tablet to my new tablet and then I would ship the old tablet back or something like that.
	That was my understanding from what I'd read.
	So I get to the store And they say, yeah, you have to do the trade-in now.
	And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do the trade-in now.
	It's going to take me like two hours to transfer all the data.
	I mean, how are we going to do that, right?
	Over Wi-Fi? I don't think so, right?
	And so they said, well, you know, we can't give you the new tablet if you're not trading in the old tablet.
	And I said, well, I paid full price for the new tablet.
	So just don't give me the trade-in value or whatever, right?
	Can I do it later? No, you can't do it later.
	You have to do it now. So then they gave me the number and I phoned up and they said, you've got to call these people to cancel your trade-in and blah, blah, blah, blah.
	But they actually gave me the wrong country.
	It's really something. It's like the wrong country completely.
	But I was on hold and all that.
	Now, I mean, you can get kind of mad at this kind of stuff, but, you know, it's just like, okay, so this is like really bad customer service, so I've just canceled the whole order.
	I've just lived with the old tablet for the foreseeable future.
	It's like, so you can get mad and you can get tense and you can complicate things.
	But the moment you complicate things, you lose your strength.
	You lose your strength. So, there's a technique.
	I don't know what the formal name for it is.
	But it's basically just repetition.
	So she says, well, you owe me $500.
	And then you can be as charitable and as nice as you want to be.
	You don't have to be confrontational. You can just call her up and say, oh, listen, I'm sorry about the confusion on your side.
	I mean, clearly you forgot that...
	I specifically asked and checked with you before I signed the lease that my boyfriend could come and visit, and that was no problem for you, so I'm sure you forgot about that.
	And she's like, well, I didn't know it was going to be this much hassle or something like that.
	And it's like, well, I'm sorry that you feel that it's a hassle for you, but this was a condition of me taking the place.
	So if she claims that she doesn't remember it, and people do that kind of stuff, right?
	Oh, I don't remember any of this.
	And then you say, okay, well, we were sitting here, and generally it's a good idea to get it written in writing.
	Like if you're going to sign a lease, you need to get, my boyfriend can come and visit with no additional charges.
	You need to get that written into the lease.
	Or, you know, you can say, if you're negotiating something, you can pull out your phone, and you can say, listen, no disrespect, but I'm just going to, I'm going to record this little bit just for my own memory and my own purposes and all that.
	And then you can play that back to her or whatever, right?
	But it's called the broken record is the technique, right?
	So they say, well, it's this and that.
	It's like, well, no, but our deal was my boyfriend doesn't pay.
	That was our deal. No, no, no, but our deal was that my boyfriend doesn't pay.
	No, no, no, our deal was that my boyfriend doesn't pay.
	It's just a broken record technique and you don't have to get mad and it doesn't have to be complicated.
	You don't make you feel guilty.
	That's just over-complicating things.
	And simplicity is strength.
	Over-complication is fragility.
	Simplicity is strength. Simplicity is strength.
	No, we had, you know, my boyfriend is...
	You agreed that my boyfriend wasn't going to pay when he came over.
	And, like, if you want to get real philosophical and nice about it, say, like...
	I don't want to enable you changing deals after the fact because that's going to be bad for you in your life as a whole.
	I won't do it, even if I was a multi-zillionaire, I wouldn't do it because you made a deal and deals are important in life, promises are important in life.
	And so, no, I'm not going to pay.
	Now, again, she can escalate, she can make things difficult, she can do this, that and the other, right?
	In which case, again, you've broken record.
	Now, she may make it. I mean, who knows how this escalates, right?
	She could be really crazy, and she could make it so that you just don't want to live there, right?
	It's just, I don't know what, she sets the fire alarm off every five minutes or something.
	She could make it unbearable, right?
	In which case, you know, you don't have any proof, right?
	You could pursue her in small claims court, right?
	I had to do that once. Many years ago when I put a deposit down on an apartment and I said to the guy, listen, if it doesn't work out, can I get my deposit back?
	And he's like, oh yeah, sure, no problem, right?
	And then for various reasons it didn't work out and I needed my $700 back.
	And he didn't want to give it back.
	So I took him to small claims court and the judge said, give him his money back.
	You have it in writing. You have to have something generally documented.
	And this is sort of a big lesson.
	If you don't have things documented, then it comes down to willpower.
	And unfortunately, petty people with very little self-reflection have an inordinate amount of willpower and things can get quite complicated.
	So yeah, get things in writing or get things recorded.
	Make amendments to, you know, if she gives you a lease, just type things in and says, my boyfriend can visit without additional cost and, you know, just get that written in or get it recorded.
	And this is a very good and cheap lesson for this.
	Like this is a really, in the future years, you will be super happy that this happened to you.
	Because this is a nothing burger compared to how big these things can get in life as a whole.
	And this is your lesson that people can be pretty slimy and change their deals.
	And you need to be prepared for that in life.
	I mean, not be paranoid, but a certain amount of rational caution is really, really good in life.
	So you do the broken record technique.
	The broken record technique is just, well, no, but we agreed.
	Well, no, but we agreed. But no, but you agreed.
	No, no, it was going to be for free.
	And then you can say, listen, if you can, I mean, how would you, you can say to the woman too, right?
	You say, okay, how much are you paying in rent?
	Sorry, this is a question for you.
	Yeah, I thought you were going to say it.
	I was supposed to say that. No, no, I totally got that.
	That was confusing. Yeah, I'm paying $850.
	Okay, so you're paying $850, right?
	So you could say to her, listen, what if I dropped that by $500, right?
	I just paid you $350 next month, right?
	Then you would say, no, no, no, you agreed to pay $850.
	I don't just get to deduct $500 because you gave me the apartment or you gave me the roommate on the condition that I pay $850 a month.
	Am I allowed to change that?
	Am I allowed to change that deal?
	Now, of course, she would have to say, well, no, you're not allowed to change that deal.
	It's $850 a month, right?
	I'd say, okay, so you gave me the apartment.
	On the acceptance that I would not change the deal, right?
	I took the apartment on the acceptance that you would not change the deal.
	Now, if you don't want me to change the deal, clearly it's wrong for you to change the deal, because if it's bad for me, then it's bad for you.
	This is a sort of trust situation, and you expect me to pay the 850, and I feel honor-bound to do that, and you said you weren't going to charge my boyfriend.
	That's part of the deal, and so...
	For you to start charging me is exactly the same as me not paying my rent.
	And you wouldn't like that.
	I mean, you can do that sort of basic UPB empathy stuff and see if she understands that.
	And if she says it's coming from her parents, well, then I would say, well, my deal was with you.
	I give my rent to you.
	So if your parents want to charge, then, you know, it's your job to tell your parents that you can't charge because we had a deal where my roommate's boyfriend could come and visit.
	Now, the parents could get mad at that, but that's an issue between your roommate and her parents, right?
	Because what I wouldn't do is say, well, I'll talk to your parents directly, this, that, and the other.
	It's like, no, no, no, because I negotiated with you instead of bringing other people in.
	Sorry, you were going to say something? Yeah, I just wanted to say that after she asked me to pay the $500, and I told her that that was the original deal, she said, oh, it was fine for the first time that he came to visit, but now it's not fine.
	And I completely rolled over, and I'm very upset with myself for rolling over now.
	Well, now, yeah, so that's the question.
	Sorry to interrupt, but that's the question, right?
	So then you would say, well, look, If I paid $850 for the first month, but then said, well, no, that was just for the first month, I wasn't going to pay it for every month, right?
	You know, because I made it clear that my boyfriend is going to come and visit, and that was why I took the room.
	So there was no, after the first time, we'll see.
	And you can't put that in at the end.
	I can't say I'm going to pay $850 a month, and after the first month, I'll just see how much I want to pay.
	Right? We had a deal.
	And the deal wasn't, we'll see how you feel after the first month.
	The deal was, he can come and visit.
	So that's the moment that is tough.
	It's a tough situation.
	So again, I'm not going to say this just, you know, You can robot it out and not feel anything.
	That is a tough situation.
	But it is going to happen in your life.
	People are going to try and weasel.
	They're going to try and change deals.
	They're going to act on weird emotional stuff to renege on what they promised to do.
	But that's where the broken record comes in.
	So she said, well, that was just for the first time.
	It's like, no, that wasn't the deal.
	That wasn't the deal. Any more than my rent is just for the first month.
	The deal was... He can come and visit.
	Now, she could say, and if she had said, look, it's a lot more of a hassle than I thought, then she could ask to change the deal.
	But just unilaterally imposing a change in the deal, again, this is not the last time this is going to happen to you at all.
	And the lesson from this time, which I'm sure feels like a big deal now, but in the larger scheme of your life, it's probably not a huge deal.
	But the lesson that comes out of this kind of interaction is so It's so valuable in life because, well, I mean, most of the deals that we make are handshake deals.
	Very few of them are, well, A, in a contract, and B, that we would care to legally enforce in whatever court system is going by, especially under COVID. The court system's become really clogged, right?
	So learning how to figure this stuff out Ahead of time and knowing, because there was something about you that she felt comfortable changing this deal, right?
	There was something in your demeanor, and this is, you know, when you're a nice, happy person, a lot of people, right?
	A lot of people say, oh, wow, I can really take advantage of this person.
	Ooh, wow, they're so nice.
	They're so positive, they're so peppy.
	That they can't protect their own interests at all.
	And this is one of the tragedies that being happy invites people in a way to exploit you.
	I can totally see that, yes.
	A lot of people take advantage of memes, especially group projects.
	Don't get me started on group projects.
	We'll be here all night. We'll both be here all night.
	Yeah, it's brutal, right?
	It's brutal. So, yeah, this is important.
	Sorry, go ahead. I rather just roll over than deal with the conflict, you know?
	Because I'm like, oh, it's not that big of a deal.
	Like, for example, with my roommate situation, I was like, it's not that big of a deal.
	It's only $500 and then I'll be gone.
	But then she's making us pay more, which bothers me.
	And then for like a group project scenario, I'm like, oh, it's just like...
	then I won't have to deal with it ever again.
	But I don't keep putting myself in this situation.
	It's so annoying.
	Well, no, no, no.
	You didn't put yourself in this situation.
	Other than, I assume you didn't have any explicit record or recording or document that said your boyfriend could come visit, right?
	I mean, I texted, I texted, there's like on Facebook Messenger, when we were originally discussing me signing the lease, I said, it's very important that my boyfriend will be able to visit.
	And she said, yeah, he can come whenever he wants.
	And I have a screen with that.
	Oh, so that's, yeah, that's perfect.
	Then you just, you just send that back to her.
	Now she would say, well, he can come whenever he wants, but it's going to charge you.
	Right. And he said, no, no, no, you didn't say.
	Right. Yeah, and I don't have a written record of her saying that he wouldn't have to pay extra, but I guess, like you said, if she didn't mention it explicitly, then...
	Yes. I mean, it's like me saying to my neighbor, you know, you can borrow my lawnmower whenever you want, and then I charge him, you know, $300 for borrowing my lawnmower.
	I mean, that would be ridiculous, right?
	Oh, actually, sorry, my boyfriend just pulled up the screenshot.
	It says he doesn't have to pay anything.
	He can stay for as long as he wants.
	I don't mind. Oh, okay.
	Well, then that would be my, that would be, sorry, that makes things a lot easier.
	Yeah, then that would just be my response.
	Saying like, no, you agreed to not charge.
	You can't charge now. Okay, and then about, like, I guess the original $500 I paid already, so I shouldn't ask for that back, or I should just accept that I paid that, but just refuse to pay this extra $350.
	I mean, you can certainly ask for it back if you want, but I doubt you'll get it.
	Yeah. Yeah, so if you had a record, yeah, that's just, no, no, come on.
	I mean, sorry, this has already been adjudicated.
	We already agreed on this, right?
	You know, like if you go to a restaurant and if it's your birthday, they give you a free dessert and they say, hey, a complimentary dessert on your birthday.
	And it's written right there on the menu.
	And then they try to charge you 50 bucks for the dessert.
	What do you say? Oh, here's your 50 bucks.
	They say, no, no, it's complimentary.
	You can be nice about it.
	Say, look, you must have misremembered, but this was our deal.
	You don't have to be confrontational.
	Like, you're trying to rip me off. You know, maybe she just genuinely...
	Doesn't remember for whatever reason, right?
	Okay, so you can just assume that people just don't remember and so on, right?
	And just, you know, here's a gentle reminder and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	And, you know, I remember years ago, Ann Coulter was writing in one of her books.
	It may have been her first one about Monica Lewinsky, but there was some senator who demanded her...
	Her emails about something or other, and I'm really paraphrasing, but it was something like this.
	And of course, she's a lawyer, right?
	So she wrote back and she said, you know, well, you don't actually have any right to my emails, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
	Love, Anne. You know, it used to be super, super positive.
	Like, yeah, you know, listen, I, you know, this was our deal and I'm sorry that you forgot, but yeah, I'm not going to pay because this was our deal.
	You can be just friendly and positive about it, right?
	And that's, but when you get complicated and you get upset, Then what happens is your emotions get so tangled that you pay the $500 almost as much to get away from your own tangled emotions.
	Like, oh, this puts it behind me.
	You know, I'll just pay the money, right?
	And it's really, but if it's just simple and clear, oh, here's a screenshot.
	Like, it's not going to happen this way, right?
	Then your emotions aren't complicated.
	They're not tangled. It's not a mess.
	It's just a reminder, right?
	And that way you don't end up paying the money to get away from your own complicated emotions, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, that makes plenty of sense.
	Thank you. No, I knew paying the money was the wrong thing.
	And that's why I'm so hesitant to do it the second time.
	But then we were talking to my boyfriend's parents about it.
	And they were saying, just pay it.
	Just enjoy your last couple weeks there.
	It'll be fine. Just pay it.
	But we thought, both my boyfriend and I were like, oh no, but it feels so wrong.
	It feels so wrong. So...
	It's nice to hear what you have to say because I agree with what you're saying 100%.
	I appreciate it.
	It's part of a, you know, I know this is probably tough to feel at the moment, but it's part of a love for humanity to not enable and pay for people's bad habits.
	Because you just paid her $500 to become a much worse person.
	Because now she can say whatever she wants, change the deal whenever she wants, and think she's going to get $500, right?
	Now, She's going to...
	So you've given her that precedent, and I'm sure other people have in the past and all that, and then she's going to go ahead and do this, and she's going to go ahead and do this with somebody who's a lot less nice than you are, and she's going to get into some real trouble over it, right?
	So you're not...
	I mean, you're not... I'm not saying you would do this to make her a better person or whatever, but you're not doing the world and humanity any favors, right?
	Because then the next roommate she has, she's like, oh, I can just say whatever I want and then charge whatever I want, and that next roommate is going to inherit a real problem, whereas if you...
	Stop this or nip this habit in the bud.
	She ends up as a better person.
	The next roommate isn't going to have these problems.
	And, you know, maybe she'll take her marriage vow seriously and not get divorced.
	I don't know, right? So it's generally just a good thing in the world to hold people to their word.
	If she wants to renegotiate, any handshake in deals can be renegotiated.
	I never mind a renegotiation.
	That's totally fine. But you have to acknowledge that it's renegotiation.
	And then you're asking for something rather than just demanding something.
	But yeah, it's not going to be the last time.
	There's going to be tons of people in your life who are going to try this with you.
	But there's a reason why they try this with you.
	And the reason that she tried this with you is she knew she was going to get the 500 bucks.
	Because it's a bullying thing that she did.
	She promised you something and then reneged on her promise and charged you $500 and now with the $350 she's asking for an extra month's rent.
	That's pretty brutal. It's a lot of money.
	It's a lot of money. My question is to go back.
	How did she know that she could get away with this?
	Because I can't say no.
	I couldn't say no. I guess she knew in advance.
	I feel like I'm a very positive person.
	I'm definitely a people pleaser.
	Right. People pleaser is the wrong term.
	It's an appeaser. You're an appeaser.
	Pleasing people doesn't mean let them exploit you because that actually will displease them in the long run.
	They'll be unhappier in the long run.
	So, it's an appeasement thing, and I sympathize, and I understand.
	And if you're around a nice person, or a nice person would not ask you for this or demand this, but if you're around a nice person and you do something very nice for them, then generally you will get very nice things back.
	If you're dealing with a blackmailer, right?
	This is always the problem. If somebody blackmails you and you pay them money, it's like, well, they'll just come back and blackmail you again.
	They know that this is where the money is.
	This is where they can get money. Easy.
	So that's your challenge.
	How are you going to hold on to your resources when people see that they can get free stuff from you?
	And your boyfriend's parents were like, just pay her?
	Yeah, exactly. We kept insisting that I felt so wrong to pay and they're like, just pay her.
	It's not a big deal. We'll send you the money.
	Right, right. But we didn't accept money from them.
	Well, yeah, but I mean, isn't it kind of a big deal?
	Oh, well, it's only $350, but, you know, I mean, but this is all about building muscles up for the bigger things, right?
	I mean, again, $850 is a lot of money.
	And so it is a big deal, but it is a big deal on principle.
	Because if you pay, you'll get charged next time, and the next time, and the next time, and then you'll just get this habit.
	You won't develop this muscle of pushing back against this kind of exploitation, and you're just going to get taken and taken and taken, right?
	So it is a big deal.
	It is a big deal. And then your children in the future are going to see you getting taken and taken and taken and paying people off To not upset them, right?
	Because this is what you're paying, right?
	You're paying to not be upset yourself and you're paying to not upset the other person.
	And that way, your kids will be very susceptible to being bullied, right?
	Because this is a kind of bullying, right?
	And, yeah, I think it is kind of a big deal.
	In terms of self-respect and all of that, right?
	I mean, knowing when to hold them, knowing when to fold them, I think is important, right?
	If you're facing some overwhelming force or, you know, it may be worth paying the $350,000, If, you know, I'm not saying this is the case with your roommate, but she's just totally psycho, right?
	She's like, you know, you pay this or I'm changing the locks and setting fire to your stuff.
	No, I mean, I'm not saying she is, but if she was like that, okay, I can see that, but then what you need to do is figure out how on earth you ended up in that situation in the first place, right?
	That would be a whole lot of like, okay, what were the warning signs I missed?
	What were the red flags I missed? And so on, right?
	That's important. But, you know, she doesn't sound like that kind of person.
	She just sounds like, you know, there's a bit of an Eastern...
	I don't want to paint too broad a brush with the Eastern European culture, but, you know, they grew up pretty harsh under communism.
	And it's a lot of times they'll just try.
	They'll just try. Yeah, maybe I can get some money out of this person.
	Oh, they're paying it.
	Great, I can get more. But it's not like some principled thing.
	It's just, I wonder if I can't.
	I wonder if I can get money out of this person now.
	So she tried it, and then of course you paid, and then she did more.
	And that means that it's very hard for you to trust yourself when you're making future deals, right?
	So the next time you make a deal, if you can't enforce that deal, at least in your own mind and your own heart, then people will sense that, right?
	Because this woman promised you something, totally reneged, and charged you $850 or $500 once the other $350.
	She may have known right up front that, oh yeah, I can totally tell this woman anything that she wants to hear in order to get her into this apartment, and then I can just charge her later.
	So that's the issue, right?
	If you don't let yourself be bullied, you won't be bullied.
	It's just one of these really tragic things.
	If you were the kind of person who's like, I didn't know you had the screenshot of her agreeing to this, but just pass along the screenshot and say, look, I'm sorry you forgot this, but no, I'm not paying.
	This is our deal. She probably would be like, oh well, I guess it didn't work.
	But here's the thing. If she knew you were going to do that, So she figured out something about your character and your support system, right?
	The people in your boyfriend's parents, your boyfriend.
	She figured out that you didn't have the people who were going to say, well, no, if you made a deal, you've got to honor the deal.
	Like, this is not an option to change the deal.
	I can't just change the rent, can I? I can't just bring a llama to live here, can I? Right?
	So, yeah, she knew about you and how nice you are and how supportive.
	You are. And she's like, well, I can't get her boyfriend, but at least I can get $850 out of her.
	Yeah, you're right. About her going down the hall, so she's staying in her sister's Fiance's parents' apartment right now.
	It's empty. And it's literally just down the hall.
	And she didn't tell me that she was going down there.
	And I feel like that was kind of like a passive-aggressive psycho reaction to just go down the hall.
	She took her monitor and everything.
	And she went and moved down the hall without telling me.
	And the only reason I found out is because I held the elevator door open because I heard someone...
	So I held the elevator door open.
	And sure enough, it was her in her pajamas going to go get Uber Eats.
	And I was like, what the heck? That is so, what a weird reaction.
	That's so weird. Literally just down the hall.
	Like, do we confront her about that?
	Oh God, no, no.
	Hang on, hang on. I'm sorry.
	Why is this bad?
	You've got a whole place to yourself.
	Well, I know that's good, but it's a weird thing to do, no?
	Well, what do you care? What do you care what this weird girl does?
	Maybe I'm missing something here, but, you know, it's kind of awkward.
	You paid her 500 bucks you shouldn't have.
	You didn't call her out on her bullying.
	And don't you want her in a different place?
	Isn't this good for you? I mean, I suppose so.
	It's a very nice apartment. I'm not complaining that we have it to ourselves right now.
	But it was just weird.
	I don't know.
	It just kind of made me feel bad to make her feel like she wanted to...
	It made you feel bad to make her feel the...
	What? Do you guys have direct electrodes into each other's spinal cords?
	What is all this making people feel stuff?
	I don't understand.
	What are you making her feel?
	Is this eye drop emotion you're forcing into her eyes like you're waterboarding her irises?
	I don't understand. What do you mean making her feel?
	What is that? No, I just...
	She ripped you off for 500 bucks, wants to rip you off for another 350 and you're like, oh, but I don't want to make her...
	I feel bad about how I made her feel.
	I mean, come on, there's empathy and then there's whatever this stuff is.
	I mean, are you kidding me? She ripped you off!
	Yeah, you're right. I mean, yeah, good riddance, right?
	Get out. Let me enjoy the sunroom.
	You know, thank you.
	Thank you so much.
	Oh my God. There's too nice.
	I'm telling you, there's way too nice.
	You know, you treat people the best you can.
	When you first meet them after that, treat them like they treat you.
	She wants to rip you off?
	Great. I get the apartment to myself.
	That's a fair trade. I wouldn't give her the other $3.50, though.
	Or, you know, what you can do is you can give her a post-dated check and cancel the check.
	I don't care. I mean, you're just never going to see her again, right?
	Like, you're not obligated to do anything honorable with the woman if she's trying to rip you off.
	And it is a tough situation because you're a roommate, right?
	So, you know, she can make your living situation uncomfortable if she's not particularly nice, which doesn't sound like she is.
	So you can, oh, yes, I'll absolutely, I'll wire you the money on my next paycheck and just, you know, Block her number and never talk to her again.
	I mean, that's... You know, I have no compunction about...
	Like, once somebody has broken any kind of decent rules with me, it's like, why on earth would I... You know, I'm not gonna...
	You know...
	I'm not going to...
	Like, if I'm in a fight and somebody starts punching at the groin, it's like, okay, I'm a biter.
	Okay, if we're not gonna play by any rules, then we won't play by any rules.
	I don't think that you owe people...
	High ethical standards if they're changing deals and trying to rip you off.
	And in this case, you kind of let that happen.
	But no, I mean, I'm not sure why you'd be worrying about how this girl feels when she just yanked 500 bucks out of your hide.
	Thank you.
	This is what I needed to hear.
	You're in a state of nature now, baby!
	Yeah, thank you. Okay, well, I guess I'm not paying $350 and we'll just go out for dinner with that money instead.
	Thank you. Well, I think so.
	And you can look at it and say, you know, I mean, we can now make wild monkey sex noises because they don't have a roommate.
	No, I'm just kidding, right? But you can enjoy the place without her there.
	And you say, okay, well, I paid $500 and I've got to learn that lesson and not do that again.
	And see, this is the funny thing.
	So getting a text is fantastic in a way.
	But it just doesn't have to be complicated.
	Oh, she wants to charge me for something she agreed not to charge me for.
	Do I have proof that she said she would never charge me?
	I do. Okay, I'll just send that back.
	I'll just say, look, I'm sorry you forgot, but this was our deal.
	Well, I didn't. It's like, no, no, no, this was our deal.
	Well, it's more than I thought.
	No, this was our deal. It's very clear.
	Like, it's right there in black and white.
	It's just broken record. This was our deal.
	This was our deal. This was our deal.
	Even if she pulls, like, even if she says, oh, I didn't know he was going to be coming so often, well, it's like, I said, tell me how long he can come for, because we will take you, literally.
	And even when I said that several times...
	No, no, no, it doesn't need to be that complicated.
	The text message says he can come anytime, right?
	Yeah. Right. Come anytime?
	Oh, sorry, the... This is the deal.
	And now, say, listen, we can renegotiate.
	And I'm always open to renegotiation because, you know, sometimes people make mistakes and this and that and the other.
	So we can renegotiate, but this is the deal.
	If you want to change the deal, you can ask for that and tell me what your concerns are and we can sit down and try and work it out.
	But you can't pretend we don't have a deal.
	That's not okay.
	That is exactly what I will do, Stefan.
	Thank you. Excellent. Excellent.
	Well, let me know how it goes and a great set of questions.
	I really, really appreciate you taking the time.
	Thank you. It is absolutely my pleasure.
	It's what I'm here for tonight.
	All right, my friends.
	Awesome. We have solved one problem.
	I think there are only three more left in the world and we're done.
	I'm finally caught up with all the problems in the world, which is truly, truly fantastic.
	Marcelo. You have comment, question, issue, problem, criticism, debate, rage, fame, whatever's on your mind.
	You just need to unmute.
	Yes, go ahead, my friend. Good evening, Stefan.
	Good evening. How are you doing?
	So, buddies of mine told me I should call you about this.
	So, basically, I've been in my first kind of relationship and I kind of want some advice on it.
	You mean sort of a romantic relationship, right?
	Yes. Yeah, go for it.
	So yeah, I've been dating my neighbor for a while, and she's kind of driving me insane, you know?
	Wait, in a good way or a bad way?
	Like a little bit of both.
	Right. When we first met for real, we spoke for five hours.
	We cooked together. We had great conversation with philosophy and everything else.
	And then the next day, it just flipped to a whole different thing.
	She's an alcoholic, so she apparently just went to that drunken stupor for two days.
	I was never so stressed in my whole life.
	Okay, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.
	Back up, brother. Okay, what are we talking about?
	You got involved with a rampant alcoholic?
	Yeah. Why?
	Why would you do that? I didn't know she was an alcoholic when we were talking.
	She seemed great at the time.
	Okay, so hang on. So you had a good conversation, but...
	You didn't start dating when you had your first good conversation, right?
	Yeah. Okay, so you're not dating her.
	At some point, you find out that she drinks herself into oblivion, right?
	Is this before you start dating her?
	Yes. Okay.
	So, you just...
	Didn't you just lie to me?
	I mean, maybe we're confused here, but...
	Right? Because I said, why would you date a woman who's an alcoholic?
	You said, I didn't know. And now you did.
	So, which is it? Yeah, sorry, sorry, Stefan.
	My bad. Okay, so, wait, were you just trying to weasel me here because you're horny, or, like, what was going on there?
	No, it was just, I guess I changed the order of two examples.
	It was my bad. Apologies for lying.
	No worries.
	Listen, I know sometimes when the head is talking and when the other head is talking.
	I'm a man, I get there, I've been there, we've all been there.
	Women go there, too. So, okay.
	So... You have a conversation, she gets drunk for two days.
	How long after that do you start dating?
	Well, we keep talking afterwards and we keep going for dinner together.
	She was doing therapy so I took her to the therapy and we went on a date.
	We had breakfast and we kept talking.
	Yeah, it's pretty much like that, and I really bonded hard with her, you see.
	Okay, so how long after your first conversation did you become boyfriend and girlfriend?
	We're not kind of like that.
	It's more like a loose, just we go out on dates for now.
	Are you sleeping with her?
	I almost did that, but I didn't.
	Okay, and how long have you been doing this Lucy thing?
	About a week. About a week.
	Okay. Yeah.
	And what would you like from me?
	Well, I don't know, man.
	My buddy said to talk to you, so I'm not very sure.
	So I don't know if I should continue with this or not.
	Now, how long has she been in therapy?
	She says about a month.
	And do you know why she's in therapy?
	What's she trying to work on? I don't think she explained that, but I guess her whole behavior, you know?
	Wait, she hasn't told you why she's in therapy?
	It could be court-ordered, right?
	No. Oh, so you know it's not court-ordered?
	I guess. You guess?
	I know it's not court-ordered.
	She said that she's in therapy because someone offered to pay for her because they were worried.
	Wait, who's paying for her therapy?
	She said a friend of hers.
	A friend of hers is just paying for her therapy?
	That's a pretty good friend, I guess.
	And so you've known her for how long, in total?
	Yeah, like in total, we were acquaintances for a few months, like we do a small talk, like we live right next to each other.
	So you've known her for a few months.
	How many times has she gotten drunk?
	That you know of? That I know of?
	Like two, like severely, I guess.
	And how far apart were those two times?
	About one more. Pretty close, I guess.
	Like, how close?
	Like within the same week.
	And is this recently?
	Yeah. So is it in the week that you've dated her, she's gotten blackout drunk twice?
	Yeah. Right.
	And is it two days each time?
	No. The one with two days, she went to her friend's house and she drank a lot, female friend.
	And the second time? I actually think about it again.
	It was just once.
	That was the two days.
	Never mind. My bad.
	I misremembered. Wait, you thought it was twice.
	Now you think it's once? Yeah, it's once.
	Never mind. I just mistook it.
	Okay, so she's only gotten drunk once that you know of.
	Yeah. Okay.
	She did tell me a bunch of times that she got drunk, but I'm not sure how many would that be.
	That she got what? Apparently drinking.
	She told me that she got drunk another bunch of times.
	Sorry, I can't quite understand what you're saying.
	I think the connection's a little rough.
	She got drunk a number of other times, is that what you're saying?
	Yeah, she told me, but the time I saw it was only once.
	Okay, so she's gotten drunk a number of times and you saw one of them.
	Yes, absolutely.
	Do you know that when you're in therapy, you're not supposed to drink at all if you have a drinking problem?
	Right, so I'm no expert.
	This is what I understand. So if you have a drinking problem, then if you want to go to therapy, therapy is going to dig up things that are difficult to deal with, that are unpleasant to deal with.
	And if you have a way to self-medicate your own emotions called alcohol...
	Then you can't do effective therapy.
	So most therapists, if you say, well, I got drunk this week, they'll say, well, listen, you need to clean up your drinking, maybe go to AA, but you need to not be drinking if you're doing therapy because you're just going to self-medicate your way out of any difficult stuff and therapy isn't really going to work for you.
	Again, this is my understanding, but I would imagine that she's had that conversation with her therapist.
	So she's taking someone else's money to do therapy and then wrecking that therapy by drinking.
	And not following the instructions of the therapist, I assume.
	I'm not sure if she's on therapy because of the drinking.
	No, it doesn't matter if she's in therapy because of the drinking.
	Well, first of all, she should be if she's getting that drunk on a regular basis.
	But it doesn't matter whether she's in therapy for the drinking.
	It matters that if she has drinking as a coping mechanism, therapy won't work.
	Because if she gets upset, she'll just get drunk and not process the emotions.
	and therapy is all about teaching how to deal with negative emotions.
	It'd be like if you went to physical therapy and they said, okay, stretch, but only stretch until it hurts and then stop stretching.
	And you were on severe painkillers, significant painkillers, you would just injure yourself because you'd stretch way too far.
	So they'd say, listen, if you're on painkillers, there's no point in me telling you to stretch until it just hurts a little because you won't even feel that pain, you just end up injuring yourself.
	It's that kind of thing. Now, she's older than you?
	Not sure. She's the same age, but I'm not sure at the month.
	I didn't ask that. Oh, so she is your age?
	Yeah, she's 21, like me.
	Okay. And do you know when her last relationship was?
	Like, I think earlier this year.
	She said it was her first.
	Right. And do you have any idea where that ended?
	She spoke about me about it.
	She said that she was dating a guy that was a narcissist and that the guy just, after two months of dating her, just ghosted her and everything and no longer spoke.
	And now I remember she was in therapy because of that relationship.
	So she dated a narcissist who dumped her.
	Is that right?
	Yeah, pretty much.
	Well, no, if that's not the case, I'm happy to clarify.
	Okay. So she's an alcoholic who's undermining her therapy and she dated a narcissist who dumped her.
	Do you think that there would be more red flags that you would need or should we keep asking?
	I mean, is this enough red flags for you?
	I mean, what standard would you have to have where you said to someone, this is not a good person to date?
	I mean, does she need to be on fire?
	Does she need to be holding the head of pigs in her hand?
	Does she need to be hanging from a flagpole?
	How many red flags do you need?
	I guess is my question.
	Do you need more? Is this enough?
	I mean, yeah, it's pretty bad.
	Bad stuff as well.
	I was an addict before.
	Alright, so you were an addict before.
	What were you addicted to? Yeah, it's kind of shameful to admit.
	Do you have to? No, you don't have to.
	You don't have to say anything you don't want to say.
	That's totally free will. Okay, it doesn't huge matter.
	I mean, fine. I was addicted to pornography.
	Right.
	Okay.
	So do you think that as an ex-addict or somebody who was recently addicted, do you think that being with a current addict is going to help or not help?
	Probably not.
	Well, I would say definitely not, wouldn't it?
	I mean, if you're a former addict and you are now with somebody who currently doesn't even sound like she's battling addiction that much, but then I think those two things together probably don't produce anything particularly healthy, right? Otherwise, everybody who went to rehab would just date each other and everything would be great, right?
	But I think that they particularly say in rehab, don't date each other, right?
	And how pretty is she?
	She's pretty, yeah.
	About six or seven.
	And how would you rate yourself?
	About seven or eight, I guess.
	So you're going down a little bit.
	Yeah. Okay.
	And if she was not...
	An available woman, right?
	So you imagine that she was happily married to someone or she was a nun or she was a lesbian or if she was not romantically or sexually available to you, would you want her as a friend?
	Well, yeah, she's pretty cool.
	And is the cool stuff like the conversations about philosophy?
	Yeah, I can...
	A few people could talk about those issues.
	She liked my racist jokes.
	It was pretty fun. She liked your racist jokes?
	This is your standard here?
	Yeah. Okay. Alright.
	Alright. Is there...
	So, would there be a red flag that would have you put a hold on moving forward, at least until, say, she had completed some months of therapy?
	Because there's no huge rush right now, right?
	She's going through therapy right now, and...
	Either it's not going to work for her, like she's not going to do the work or she's going to drink to deal with her issues.
	So either the therapy is not going to work, in which case she probably is kind of undateable, or the therapy is going to work, in which case she's going to go through quite a lot of changes and isn't going to be the same person that you're attracted to now.
	Is that a fair way of putting it?
	I guess that's fair, yes.
	Right. So I would say that, you know, if you want to be friends with her, you enjoy the philosophy talk or whatever it is, then okay.
	So you can hang out with her.
	You like her as a friend.
	And if you like her as a friend, then getting...
	Sexually involved with a woman who's battling addiction, who's going to therapy, is not going to help her.
	And if you do care about her, then you should want to do what's best for her.
	And it doesn't sound to me like she's in a good place to have a romantic relationship.
	I mean, does she even know why she chose a narcissist to be her first boyfriend?
	She basically gave her around the same reasons as I did for liking her, I guess.
	So, does she take ownership?
	Does she say, I voluntarily chose a narcissist and chose to date him?
	Or does she say, well, he turned out to be a narcissist and he's a jerk?
	Yeah, the second one.
	Okay. So, she doesn't even know how to tell a good guy from a bad guy.
	She doesn't know.
	Which means that she grew up unprotected.
	she grew up without a good fatherly role model she grew up without a good motherly role model she doesn't have friends around her who try and steer her in the right direction she's not calling me up which of course she's welcome to do she's not calling me up for good advice so she's a mess And I have sympathy for her.
	She's 21, so she's young, and it's not her fault that she was raised badly.
	But she's a mess. She doesn't know why she drinks.
	She doesn't know how to be a good...
	Patient in therapy, a good client in therapy.
	She doesn't know why she chose a narcissistic guy.
	I mean, she's all over the place.
	This is dangerous and chaotic to get involved in.
	So if you care about her, in my humble opinion, if you want to stay friends with her for the philosophical stuff, I suppose that's fine.
	But to get romantically involved would be selfish.
	It would be using her against, I think, what would be best for her.
	It would be using her for a sexual pleasure or romantic high rather than doing what was best for her.
	And it's a volatile situation to get involved in for sure, in my opinion.
	Yeah, we definitely spoke about that to her friends and apparently they were both scum just like my parents.
	And I spoke about her, about her friends, and aside from the ones who give money, they seem to be just horrible friends.
	They let her drink and just seem to be terrible.
	Well, they're probably encouraging, right?
	Yeah. Yeah, so you say her parents are kind of scummy.
	Her friends are kind of scummy.
	So please don't fantasize that you can ride in and rescue her.
	You can't. Your penis isn't that magical.
	Neither is anybody's. So she is in a very difficult situation.
	She's got a lot of factors weighing down her soul.
	You need to let the therapist work on her.
	And you need to let the therapist help her.
	And you can be that supporter, I suppose, if you want.
	But I think getting involved with somebody who's in this much of a mess is kind of exploitive, and I think it will not look good when you look in the mirror if you're doing that, because it's kind of using a broken woman for sex.
	And that's not going to be something that is going to make you very happy at all in the long run, and it could turn very bad.
	Yeah, I know. I mean, she was very lewd at times, and I didn't have sex with her.
	I totally could. So she was very lewd, so she was very forward in wanting sex over the week that you've known her when you're not even exclusive, is that right?
	Yeah, she let me dress her and she was licking her plate in front of me.
	Right, so she's putting forward a hypersexual And I don't know if she knows about your addiction, but I assume it would tie into that to some degree.
	So she's putting forward a hypersexual demeanor.
	She's really damaged at the moment.
	And again, I have sympathy. She's a young woman.
	Who knows what happened to her as a child?
	Maybe she doesn't even know.
	But that kind of hypersexual demeanor with a man she's just met or just become somewhat interested in romantically is a way to try and hijack your brain by working your penis like a lever.
	Like she's appealing to your Sexual side, so that you lose your capacity to judge rationally what she's like as a person.
	And if you pursue a romantic relationship with her, she will turn on you.
	She will turn on you because she does not like herself.
	If she liked herself, she wouldn't need to put forward this very sexual approach to things.
	She would let you judge her for her personality, for her virtues, for her thoughts.
	Instead of putting forward this very sexual thing which shuts down a man's reason.
	It does, right? Sexual displays shut down our reason.
	You know, the blood can only flow to one head at a time.
	And so this is a very dangerous situation.
	This very seductive young woman who's very damaged It's a honey trap.
	And if you care about her at all, you will avoid romance with her and wait until the therapist can do his job, which could be a long time, to try and get her to a better place, to a better place with her family, to a better place with her friends, to less alcohol, to not having this crazy seductive stuff, which is designed to give you value, to make you feel that she has value When all she has is a hole, right?
	And that is a very, it's a desperately sad thing for a woman to do, to put forward that kind of sexuality.
	It's saying, I have nothing to offer except, I don't know, a couple of holes or something like that.
	I don't have any qualities of character to offer that are sustainable.
	You say she's a good conversationist, but then she goes and gets drunk, right?
	And then she licks her plate or whatever, right?
	And lets you dress her. I don't even want to know what that is, but I assume that's hypersexual as well.
	So, yeah, it's not a good place to start a relationship from.
	And again, it's just my opinion.
	I'm not you, and I don't know all the variables.
	But from what I've heard, it sounds kind of unwise to move forward romantically because You can have all of the conversations you want, obviously, but again, if she remains hypersexual, that's, you know...
	And so, by being hypersexual, that's probably what attracted the narcissist, right?
	And then the narcissist did her damage.
	And you don't want to be someone in this life who does other people damage at all, right?
	I mean, you could make them upset if you're speaking uncomfortable truths that they need to hear, but you don't want to be somebody...
	if she's been broken by her family and broken by her addiction, you don't want to go sifting around that wreckage for your own sexual pleasure.
	I think that will be, you'll look at that as pretty dishonorable, I think, in the mirror.
	And that's going to make it tougher for you to be with a good woman with that in your past, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	I get it.
	I mean...
	I was feeling like on your side right now because I was feeling like she was not good from what I've known so far and pretty much considering cutting her off and also recently I think I've made her mad.
	Yes. Okay.
	Well, that may be a good cue to ask.
	Yeah, if you've made her mad in the first week of knowing her, that's probably not a good sign for the stability of things going forward, to put it mildly.
	Yeah. All right.
	But listen, I hope you make the right decision.
	Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I also would like to learn from this experience.
	I feel like I did kind of a mistake as well.
	You see, on our date, I kind of ended up spending way too much on her, and I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.
	Well, no, that's the same thing as she's doing with the sex, right?
	With the sexy stuff, right?
	So she's putting forward her sexual availability, and you're saying, well, look what a lot of resources I have.
	And you're both just trying to make up for deficiencies that you perceive in your own personality.
	So she's like, well, you won't like me if I'm not sexually available.
	And you're like, well, you'll like me if I spend money on you.
	And you've got to be comfortable just being with someone without having to show off in that kind of way.
	It's tempting to do that, and there's nothing wrong, I suppose, in some ways of doing that.
	But if that's the foundation of things, it's not going to work out.
	So how should I do about spending money on a woman like that?
	Well, I mean, I wouldn't spend a huge amount on the first week, for sure.
	I mean, if you get married, you're going to end up spending a lot of money on a woman and your children and all of that, but you wouldn't want her to be with you just for the money, right?
	Because, you know, money comes and money goes, and you need someone much more constant, and you don't want to get the sense...
	You will pay for children.
	You never ever want to get the sense that you're paying for sex.
	You know, like, well, if I take you to a really expensive restaurant, you've got to give sex.
	And that's basically that soft prostitution.
	And that's not a good thing to have at all.
	So, yeah, I mean, go on, you know, go for coffees, go for walks, go for, you know, but don't spend a lot of money at the beginning because you want to get to know each other outside of that.
	And if she keeps making hypersexual gestures at the beginning, that's, you know, kind of gross and kind of coarse and not healthy.
	And I would kind of steer clear of that.
	But, yeah, I would say just have a reasonable amount of spending at the beginning.
	And also, you know, when you're just starting to date, she can spend some money too, right?
	It's not like you're married. And she's raising your children.
	That's the deal, right? So she can spend some money on that too.
	I mean, yeah, I remember having a...
	Sorry, go ahead.
	Yeah, that's what really attracted me to her because when I initially met, like, she got me free lunch.
	Lunch for me. She got you free lunch or she paid for your lunch?
	Yeah, she shared her lunch with me.
	Oh, okay. She shared her lunch with you?
	All right. Well, I'm not sure that that's the basis for a poetic romance, but I suppose everyone's got to eat.
	Okay, well listen, I'm going to move on, but I appreciate the call.
	Thank you so much, and I wish you the very best with this going forward.
	And I would say, yeah, look for people who are really functional in the world.
	This is a general principle that I took an embarrassingly long time to learn, but yeah, just look for people who are functional.
	Look for people who have jobs, who don't have a huge amount of debt, who don't have substance abuse issues, who don't have criminal histories, who don't have tattoos all over their face.
	This is not people that I dated, but just look for people who are functional in the world.
	It can really save you a lot of time and misery.
	I remember dating this girl who was an engineer and It's your terrible exam anxiety.
	And it's like, okay, well, maybe this is the wrong field for you because, you know, the exams are a whole lot easier than actually building a bridge that you don't want to collapse because it'll kill people.
	So, yeah, just people who are functional in the world are just...
	I mean, I remember knowing a guy who wanted to date this girl, but she was frightened of the phone.
	It's like, okay, well, it's kind of tough to go through life without using the phone, so...
	Do you want to spend the rest of your life placing phone calls for someone?
	I don't think so. It would be some operator or switchboard or whatever.
	So, yeah, just look for people who are functional, who are reasonably educated, could be self-educated, who are good conversationalists, who have jobs, who, you know, all kinds of wonderful things that can happen.
	But if you're just out there picking up each other's pieces, it's pretty exhausting.
	All right. Somebody...
	Yeah, thank you very much.
	I appreciate the call. Can I say one more thing?
	Keep it brief, though. I did say that I wanted to move on.
	I'm sorry if you want to move on.
	No, no, if you want to go ahead, if it's important and urgent to you, but yeah, just be aware.
	Okay, yeah. So, basically, I felt really vulnerable and was in this whole dating.
	I feel she, like, put me...
	probably ended up having sex with her.
	I don't know, like a way of how can I avoid like going and being one of that.
	I'm sorry, you cut out there.
	Are you concerned about how you will avoid having sex with her?
	No, in general, if she pushed me further than she had, I would probably have ended up having sex with her.
	And I kind of want to not be like that, you know?
	Well, no, but then you just...
	So, first of all, I mean, you just say to her that you don't You know, she's going through therapy, she's got alcohol issues to deal with, it's not a good, and she's got to figure out why she dated this narcissistic guy, so it's not a good time to be in a relationship, at least that would be your standard, and say, you know, but I enjoy some of her conversations and so on, and then if she comes off all sexy and heavy, it's like, just say, no, no, like, this is, this is not, I'm not going to date you, I'm not going to have sex with you, and this can be tough, you're a young man, and I understand all of that.
	And if you just need to remove yourself from temptation, then just don't spend any time with her that's alone.
	Just, you know, say we got to meet in public for coffee if you want to chat with her or whatever.
	But, yeah, just don't put yourself in situations.
	You know, 90% of willpower is just not being in those situations, right?
	Like, I have weaknesses for certain sugary foods, so I just don't have them in the house.
	If they're not in the house, I'm not going to go drive and get them.
	So, if they're in their house, I might nibble on them.
	But if they're not in the house, so...
	Most of willpower is just not putting yourself in those situations.
	So if you're concerned that you're going to have sex with this woman, then just don't meet in private places.
	Just meet in public for coffee.
	Go for a walk in the park. Have your conversations there.
	She says, come up to my place for a coffee.
	Just say, no, I won't at the moment, but I appreciate the invitation.
	And just don't put yourself in those situations.
	And you'll find that your willpower will be a whole lot easier to deal with.
	All right. Thank you, Stefan.
	You're very welcome. I appreciate the call.
	Thank you very much. Alright, we have time for one more.
	I did unmute somebody, but unfortunately I cannot remember who it was now.
	So if you want to raise your hand or unmute yourself, I'm happy to hear.
	I'm sorry. I was very curious because I was recently exposed to a newer style of education I've never really been, you know, I never grew up on, I've never really heard of before, etc., And are you familiar with the classical liberal arts education?
	And I refer to that in more of the scholastic sense, like a medieval sense in a way.
	Yeah, I do have some knowledge of it for sure.
	I mean, are you talking about the trivium, like geometry and rhetoric?
	So I was trying to see different curriculums because one of the things that me and my One of the things that me and my wife were just recently talking about was really a matter of like, you know, how are we going to, you know, what way are we going to, like, you know, want to educate our kids in the future because we don't have any kids just yet.
	Well, she's currently pregnant, but she's going to...
	Oh, congratulations.
	Congratulations. Thank you.
	I appreciate that. But yes, so I was really more curious in terms of like, because we do plan on homeschooling our kids.
	We're not putting them in these state indoctrinated concentration camps.
	But yeah, we planned on homeschooling our kids.
	And again, I wanted to see like, you know, in what way, what would be the possibly, you know, the most productive or even somewhat applicable sort of educational, you know, curriculum that I would be able to really teach my kids.
	You know, a good friend of mine, who I tend to have many philosophical discussions with, had brought up the Seven Liberal Arts to me.
	And I've just been looking into that like heavy for like the last week.
	I'm still kind of, I'm very brand new to it.
	And it's definitely caught my interest.
	So I'm very curious on your opinions.
	In terms of being able to implement that in, you know, within children's homeschool, at least.
	Is that style of education applicable for, I guess, like teaching kids throughout their youth and as they age?
	Is it applicable in today's modern world?
	Yeah, I mean, I generally believe that You should try a variety of educational approaches with your kids, and every kid is probably going to be different, and some will respond to one particular approach, others will respond more to others, and some kids will be very good and adept at teaching themselves to a large degree.
	So I think it kind of has to be individually tailored and...
	You can try, you know, various topics and see which ones really spark your kids' interest and get the juices flowing and get their machinery in motion.
	So I think that is, I don't know that there's a one size, well, if you do the trivium, your kids will all be fantastic.
	Because again, kids are very different.
	I mean, it's really quite astonishing.
	It always surprises me just how different siblings can be.
	And so I would say whatever you're excited about, the kids will probably be excited about.
	So if you're excited about philosophy and you speak about philosophy to your kids with passion, then I think that would be great.
	I think that it's also very important to teach your kids how to reason, how to argue, how to debate, how to rebut.
	And kids are naturally born that way.
	Kids are born negotiators because they don't have a lot of power.
	You end up having to negotiate a lot as a kid, and you want to teach them some principles about how to negotiate.
	When my daughter was younger, I would teach her how to get things out of me.
	I said, look, if you can make your case, you can have the shirt off my back, but you've got to make the case.
	And when she failed to make the case, I'd say, well, no, I'm not going to do this or not going to give you that because you didn't do X, Y, or Z. You missed this, you missed that, missed the other.
	Try it again, right? And because she wanted whatever she was trying to convince me of, then I would, you know, she would try again.
	And, you know, when she got it right, then it would be like, oh, I'm convinced now, right?
	So you want to teach them how to reason, how to think, how to negotiate, how to debate, how to get their way without crushing other people.
	Right? Because, I mean, it's fairly easy to get your way if you just crush other people.
	That's called having a tantrum or hitting your kids or something.
	But getting your way in a manner that does not crush other people, but hopefully also benefits them.
	You know, I would say always look for the win-win.
	Always look for the win-win. See what you can want.
	See what you can get that the other person is benefited for giving you.
	Right? So it's not, you know, if you want 20 bucks, then whoever gives you the 20 bucks is down 20 bucks.
	Right? So, but if you say, well, I want 20 bucks and I'm going to buy some art supplies and make you a lovely picture, okay, well, then you get something back for your 20 bucks or whatever.
	So, always look for the win-win with people and most of negotiation is shaking people out of their preconceptions so that they can see the benefit in what it is that you're doing.
	So, I think as far as that goes...
	It's very dependent.
	I mean, there's some things that are universal, right?
	Language, some basic math for sure, and negotiation and reason and evidence and all of that, and boundaries as well, right?
	You want to show boundaries so that if somebody is doing something that's negative to you, you say so and try and find a better resolution, or if you can't, maybe end the relationship or whatever.
	So What you model.
	Because, you know, it's the life skills they're going to take forward that is really going to matter.
	I mean, most of us probably couldn't do a whole lot of grade 8 geometry even if a gun was put to our head.
	But we're always negotiating and we're always trying to convince other people of things and we're always trying to analyze information and see who's trustworthy and see which data is important and relevant and how to filter out misinformation and all that kind of stuff.
	How to be skeptical without being cynical, right?
	These are all things that they'll use for the rest of their lives and a lot of that stuff can just be, you can model it in your interaction with the world because, you know, you're watching the world but your kids are watching you and so if you want to teach them about the world, teach them how you interact with the world and they'll learn a lot.
	As far as any specific skills, yes, some kids are more into music, some kids are more into gymnastics, some kids are more into art, I mean, so they can go that way but I think that the essence of The sort of medieval or scholastic approach, the trivium approach, is learn how to reason, learn how to communicate effectively, learn how to debate, learn how to...
	And through debating, you learn how to negotiate.
	Negotiation and debating are quite similar.
	In a formal debate, you're more negotiating with the audience, but when you're debating just one-on-one with someone, you're kind of negotiating with them at the same time.
	So those kinds of life skills, you know, I put the most energy...
	I think of my daughter when she's very old.
	She's going to have to negotiate with people, whatever it's going to do, negotiate with her kids about where she's going to live.
	She's going to have to negotiate with caregivers about how they're going to take care of her.
	She gets really old. She's going to have to negotiate with a whole bunch of people.
	So the skills that I teach her when she's very young...
	We'll go all the way through her life.
	And I would certainly try and focus the most on the skills that the kids are going to end up with.
	Just think of them when they're very old.
	Are they going to be doing this?
	Are they going to be dividing fractions when they're 80?
	Well, probably not. But they will still be knowing how to reason.
	They still need to know how to reason.
	They'll still need to know how to debate, how to negotiate.
	And they'll really need to know how to separate good information from bad information.
	Those things are the most important.
	I think the Trivium has a good deal of those, but that would be my general approach, if that makes sense.
	Yes, got you, got you.
	Thank you. That's something that I was definitely...
	Because I'm very delayed when it comes to, I guess, things that I tend to look forward to in a way I'm very...
	I guess my gratification is more long-term, basically, if anything, and that's something that I tend to...
	I have a tendency of planning, you know, things outwards, you know, in the long term.
	But that was definitely something that I was very more curious on in today's time because I know that a lot of, like, what tends to pass is, like, you know, education in today's time is, it's not, it's everything you just said is the complete opposite in many cases as well, especially in Tennessee where I'm from.
	That's definitely something I was really looking forward to, especially within your opinion.
	So I definitely appreciate that one.
	It's my pleasure. How long until you become a dad?
	To become a dad? Yeah, your wife's pregnant.
	Oh, about three months from now, roughly speaking, she's about six months, so about three months, three more months until we have our son.
	So, yeah. Well, listen, brother, welcome to a whole new world, a whole new life, a whole new day.
	It's a beautiful thing, and I think you're just going to love it, and I... I can't believe how long it's going to be until I get a newborn baby but it won't be my wife's maybe my daughter's but it's going to be a while so I hope that you enjoy it and I'm sure you will and congratulations again to both of you.
	Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
	Thank you. Another reason why I was really thinking into this too is because I'm very new to the Christian.
	I want to say I've probably been into the Christian faith for roughly speaking about maybe a year now, possibly, specifically within the Catholic faith.
	And one thing that really stood out to me within at least this particular type of like, you know, education style was that You know, it was very heavily pushed, you know, amongst, like, much of the, like, many of the other saints or whatever that in many particular people were, like, you know, would teach around those times as well,
	too. And I was really wanting to say, like, you know, okay, like, there's a lot of education is, like, a lot more self-based, and there are benefits, in a way, from such, but I wanted to try at least, like, you know, find a way that could also, like, you know, coincide with You know,
	the faith, be able to, like, you know, teach, you know, like, what it is that, like, comes with that, being at a really just, you know, debate, being able to reason with yourself, et cetera, and, like, how that can lead into understanding philosophy, in which case that can lead down to, like, you know, learning theology in many cases as well, too, about, like, the very faith as well, because I really want a lot of the I really want to set a path for my kid.
	Now, of course, it's going to be up to them voluntarily, of course, but I definitely want to at least be able to set that path.
	I'm willing to make that sacrifice to set that path for them, and I really want to make sure that they can at least have Even if it's like 1% of the meaning, you know, that I tend to have in life in a way, at least in terms like, you know, even some of the beliefs, etc.
	If I can, you know, play some kind of a role in that, then that's going to be something that I definitely look for.
	So I really just want to definitely just look into that, if you think so.
	Yeah, no, I mean, one of the things that is glorious about Christianity is that it doesn't just toss reason out the window and go full tilt otherworldly.
	And some religions definitely do that.
	And so the fact that Christianity demands some relationship between the ragged edges of faith and reason is one of the great things about it.
	It's one of the reasons why A lot of the scientific method comes out of Christianity.
	A lot of rational philosophies come out of Christianity because there is a tension of siblings between faith and reason in Christianity.
	I know in some aspects of Christianity, Martin Luther was notoriously hostile to reason, and the reason is the handmaiden of faith and reason, you know...
	You've got to tear out the eyes of reason to see God.
	Most Christians tend not to be that extreme and say, look, there is definitely a place for reason in faith, because to truly apprehend and understand God's creation is to understand the natural universe, and the natural universe operates on reason.
	And this is why the empirical side of philosophy has always been very powerful.
	And of course, it is not an otherworldly religion, and that Christianity is founded on a guy who So, Christianity is powerful and beautiful in its way.
	Compared to other religions in this sibling relationship of faith and reason rather than a master-slave relationship of faith over reason.
	And that tension, I think, has produced some just amazing things.
	So, yeah, I think that that aspect of things will work out well in your kid's education.
	And he's very, very lucky to have such wonderful and thoughtful parents.
	All right. Well, thanks everyone so much.
	A great pleasure to chat with you this evening.
	I hope that you will have a chance to drop by freedomain.locals.com.
	Check out the community and freedomain.com forward slash donate.
	To help out the community, we'd really, really appreciate it.
	I know it's been a rough couple of years for everyone, myself included, so if you could help out, I would really, really thank you for that.
	Don't forget, justpoornovel.com and almostnovel.com.
	It's really great to see how many people are crashing through my fiction, and I hope that you enjoy that too, because it was certainly something I was into way before the sort of more formal philosophy side of things, so I hope that you would check out those books as well.
	And have yourselves a great and wonderful evening.
	I will try and do a show for the European listeners on Sunday, and I'll keep you posted about that.
	Thanks, everyone. Have a great night.

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