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July 23, 2022 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
02:04:32
STOP BEING SO CHEAP!
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Time Text
Oh yeah! We on, baby!
How you doing? It's Steph.
Friday, July 22nd, 2022.
That's a whole lot of twos, come to think about it.
Good evening! Welcome to Friday Night Live.
I'm going to start off with, you know, I love my supporters.
Listen, I love all the listeners.
I love all of you guys. Thank you for joining me on a Friday night for a philosophy chat-o-rama-lama-ding-dong.
But the people who keep bread on my table, the subscribers, thank you so, so much for giving me the honor and the opportunity to do what I do, to do what we do together, which I believe will resound down through the halls of time from here to eternity.
As long as sun and moon shall last, philosophy shall reign supreme, and we're doing a pretty good job of it, I think, collectively here, so...
In recognition of the deep generosity and support of these subscribers, I'm going to dip into, for those of you who don't know, there's a whole Free Domain community.
Whole Free Domain community.
We'll get to the voice chats in just a second.
For you people who want to talk, fantastic.
There's a whole community at freedomain.locals.com.
Really, really nice. You can join for free, you can chat around and so on.
And of course, if you do want to subscribe, then you can.
And you can subscribe, and you can support what I do, and you get a wonderful, powerful, amazing new book that I've written called The Future.
You get that in EPUB format, you get that in PDF format, you get that in Mobi format if you want to read it on your Kindle, or you can get it in audiobook format.
If you can put it into any podcatcher and listen to it that way, it's like, I don't know, 20 hours of audio, and it's really, really great.
So I'm going to start off with subscribers.
So I put out a call for subscribers to give me questions.
It said here, are you concerned at all with the amount of data companies like Facebook and Google have despite us agreeing to let them have access to the data by accepting terms and conditions?
I do think it is a lot of data that they have about you.
And you can, of course, easily avoid it by not commenting.
I mean, there's Linux, lots of other places and ways that you can avoid that kind of stuff.
And, you know, whenever you partake of a free service, it's costing you something.
And in this case, it's costing you money.
Like, I wonder if a place like, I don't know, Twitter or Facebook or whatever, if they had a subscription model that allows you to avoid ads, would that be cheaper for you Then watching all these ads or being targeted by ads that make you spend stuff or, you know, like occasionally on some of these platforms, there'll be an ad.
It's like, yeah, that does seem interesting.
And then you click into it and it seems kind of bogus or not particularly reliable and so on.
I saw an ad recently, like I'd like to upgrade one of my older tablets.
And I saw an ad that says, oh, you can get $600 back for your old tablet.
I'm like, well, that seems a little high.
Can I trade that in?
And then... It got kind of bogus.
It didn't really seem to give me that amount at the end.
And then I went and checked on the actual manufacturer's website and they would give me $150.
So there's no $450 difference in that.
But I spent 10-15 minutes.
Is it cheaper? So ads that take up your time are more advantageous to younger people because you have more time than money.
When you get older, you have more money than time.
And I would like to see subscription services so that you don't see the endless cleavage shots that used to pass for ads on Twitter.
It is a problem.
But people want stuff for free because they're not taught about economics.
They think that Facebook and Google and all these...
They think that they're free. And they're not.
They're very good at getting money out of you.
This is not a bad thing. They're not forcing you to do anything.
I mean, legally, right? And morally, there's no force.
So, what they're very good at doing is getting ads to target you and get money out of you for products.
Now, maybe you need those products, maybe that's really good, in which case the advertising is very helpful and positive, or maybe you just spend money for things that you maybe don't end up needing quite as much.
Alright, somebody says, are we too close to the crash to start a business?
I have ambition but don't want to sacrifice for nothing.
Um... Well, according to some people who look at the Great Reads set, we've got seven and a half years, right?
Until 2030 and so on, right?
I think it's worth giving it a shot.
I live my life as a whole like doom ain't coming.
I mean, I make preparations and have emergency stuff and all that, but I kind of live like doom ain't coming.
And the reason for that is just an old habit, right?
It's just an old habit because when I was a kid...
Doom was coming all the time, right?
There was nuclear war, environmental degradation, I mean, just endless, endless things running out of oil, just endless things that would go on.
And instead, and so for those people who lived for Doom, they ended up not doing well at all.
It ended up being pretty bad and pretty disastrous for them to do that.
So I kind of learned pretty early on, right?
So I'll give you...
You know, just a little thing, right?
So way back, I've been vindicated on a couple of things.
Obviously, global warming hasn't, you know, 14 years ago, I was talking about how global warming was not going to produce the negative disasters that were claimed.
It's certainly true. I did The Truth About Mental Illness, I don't know, 14 years ago or 13 years ago, talking about the lack of evidence for the chemical imbalance in the brain, and most of this stuff seemed to be kind of scammy.
And, yep, a study just came out confirming that.
So here we go. Here we go.
In 1966, year of my birth, oil will be gone in 10 years.
1967, dire famine forecast by 1975.
1968, overpopulation will spread worldwide.
1969, everyone will disappear in a cloud of blue steam by 1989.
In 1970, we were told, world will use up all its natural resources by the year 2000.
1970, because of air pollution, urban citizens will require gas masks by 1985.
1970, again, nitrogen buildup will make all the land unusable.
1970, decaying pollution will kill all the fish.
1970s, killer bees.
1970, ice age by 2000.
1970, America subject to water rationing by 1974 and food rationing by 1980.
1971, I won't even do the years anymore.
New ice age coming by 2020 or 2030.
New ice age by 2070.
Oil depleted in 20 years.
Space satellites show new ice age coming fast.
Now, this is in 1974, so I was 8 years old.
I was getting this stuff. Is there going to be another ice age?
Ozone depletion, a great peril to life.
Scientific consensus. Planet cooling, famine imminent.
Department of Energy says oil will peak in the 90s.
This is 77. This is all the 70s.
No end in sight to 30-year cooling trend.
1980. Oh, yeah. Acid rain kills life in lakes.
Peak oil at 2,000...
Regional droughts that never happened in the 1990s.
Temperatures in D.C. will hit record highs.
Maldive Islands will be underwater by 2018, they said in 1988.
No, they're not. Rising sea levels will obliterate nations if nothing but done by 2000.
This is all the 80s, right?
New York City's West Side Highway underwater by 2019.
1996. Peak oil in 2020.
2000, we were told, children won't even know what snow is.
It gets so hot. 2002, famine in 10 years if we don't give up eating fish, meat, and dairy.
2002, peak oil in 2010.
2004, Britain will be Siberia by 2024.
2005, Manhattan will be underwater by 2015.
And Plymouth Rock is still at sea level, right?
2006, we've got super hurricanes.
2008, Arctic will be ice-free by 2018.
2008, climate genius Al Gore predicts ice-free Arctic by 2013.
2009, climate genius Prince Charles says we have 96 months to save the world.
Isn't that in Queen?
2009, UK Prime Minister says 50 days to save the planet from catastrophe.
2009, climate genius Al Gore moves 2013 prediction of Ice Street Arctic to 2014.
2014, only 500 days before climate chaos.
2013, Arctic ice-free by 2015.
So anyway, this goes on and on.
It's kind of boring. I did a whole video on this stuff back in the day.
And yeah, so look, I'm not saying, I mean, at some point disaster may occur.
And certainly economically there's going to be a big change.
But, you know, you can spend a whole lot of your life living in terror.
And I just gave up. All that fear stuff, I don't even read it.
I don't watch it. I don't care.
I couldn't care less. I mean, being off politics is really nice that way.
So, yeah.
And here's a good thing, too.
If you start a business, you will gain a good network and good contacts.
And that's a really good thing to have, no matter what going forward, right?
A person I know, says this supporter of the show, a person I know has nervous tics in the form of sniffles and seemingly running nose.
It's chronic and random most of the time, but can be triggered by dust or other stimuli.
I understand it should probably be a job for a doctor at the last checkup.
They said it all looks fine and prescribed allergy medication.
Works only short term. But could it also be a mark of psychological trauma?
The person grew up in a very dysfunctional home, physical, emotional abuse, bullying and divorce.
One of the parents was a heavy smoker and always smoked indoors.
It lasted for more than a decade.
The rest of the family now smokes, except this person I mentioned at the beginning.
Could these sniffles be part of an unresolved psychological trauma?
What's your take on nervous tics in general?
I don't think that's a nervous tic, exactly.
It sounds like, I mean, the sniffles and runny nose.
So, as far as I know, and this is all amateur opinion, obviously, no medical expertise, but as far as I know, high levels of stress, high levels of cortisol can depress the immune system.
So way back in April of 2020, I was saying that everything should be opened up because the consequences of people not getting exercise, not getting fresh air, not out walking, not getting regular access to healthcare will be far worse than anything the pandemic could do.
And, you know, sadly, this was all borne out.
So I think that if someone has remained in a highly stressful environment, and you can look up books by Gabber Mate, M-A-T-E, on this.
He's got really good books on how the body, how the health of the body gets undermined through stress.
So if this person grew up in an abusive household and still has abusive family members in his life, or anyone really who's abusive, those people are going to cause you stress.
And as far as I understand it, that can have some pretty deleterious health effects.
what is your opinion of the unschooling community This is another supporter from freedomain.locals.com.
My husband and I are considering attending some of their conferences.
We have a two-year-old son, but I have concerns.
They have scheduled group discussions about gender identity and sexual orientation.
In your experience, how much of this leftist propaganda infected that community?
Do you still have contacts from the community you value?
So I don't have any contacts from the unschooling community, and I don't...
I agree with unschooling.
I think that children do need to be tutored.
They do need to be mentored.
They do need to have aid in guiding their interests and helping them make better decisions.
They're not adults. You know, my daughter is 13.
She's still almost a decade away from brain maturity.
So she needs guidance.
She needs feedback. She needs help.
So I don't believe in unschooling.
I don't believe in this Lord of the Flies stuff.
I mean, if you look at, I mean, all of the animals that are K-selected, right, that invest more in their young, that tend to be at the top of the food chain.
Just look at wolves and how much they teach their children how to hunt.
Look at lions, how much they teach their children how to hunt and so on.
And so adults of the species investing in children the mechanisms and habits and procedures and thinking necessary and Helpful to survival and flourishing is constant throughout the animal kingdom.
So I don't believe in sitting down for 10 hours a day, you know, grinding through textbooks and so on, but I do think that...
And I don't, like, talk about sexuality of any kind from anyone outside the parents at the appropriate age.
I do not think it is all right.
I've always disagreed with this, and this goes back many years.
I've always disagreed with other people talking to your children about sexuality.
That is a private conversation for the families.
Somebody else asks, Hey Steph, I wish I was as good a father as you are.
The chemistry Isabella and you have warms my heart.
What can I do to be more like that?
One of my problems is being impatient with both my wife and kids, aged eight and five.
Any tips on being a more patient person?
I'm not sure I'm entirely the best person to come to for advice about patients, but I will say that you've got to meet your children where they are.
Not exactly where they are because you're not their twin, right?
But you've got to meet your children where they are.
And try to fall into what interests your children and recognize that they're going to be distracted and they're going to be slow at times.
That's inevitable. But the best way to avoid having your children be distracted and slow is not to get them involved and engaged in things they don't particularly want to do.
It's really, really important with your kids.
You're eight and five, right? What do you guys want to do?
It's Saturday. My day is free.
What do you guys want to do the most?
Impatience is a form of vanity because vanity is knowing what's best for other people without knowledge.
And impatience is you should be doing faster.
It's better if you were faster.
You're too slow. You're not doing it in the right schedule, in the right time, at the right speed.
And that's saying you know what is best for other people, absent knowledge of what is best for other people, because impatience starts from the beginning.
So just have the humility.
I don't know. Like, it's Saturday tomorrow, so I had a chat with my daughter.
I said, okay, I'm not super busy.
I have a day off, so what would you like to do?
And actually, no, I don't have the day off.
I have something at 11, but that's it.
So for early afternoon onwards, I'm free.
What would you like to do? Now, if she gets to set the agenda, which is perfectly reasonable, she can say, I just want to sit and read, although usually she'll say she'll want to go somewhere and do something.
So then... She has expressed what she wants to do.
Follow her on that.
But there's times when you have to, of course, now, when they're very little, you do what they want to do.
When you get older, you have to start walking up that seesaw to balance things, right?
So you have to start introducing things that you want to do so that they're used to negotiating other people and all of that.
So if the kids are doing what they want, they'll be on time, they'll be moving forward and so on.
And it is insulting and alienating to people to try and rush and hurry them along.
All the time. Because you're basically calling them slow.
And that's not very good.
And the other thing too, listen man, when you get old, when I get old, we're going to be slow and we're going to be forgetful.
What they call senior moments?
What was it somebody says?
I can remember every single McDonald's jingle from a kid, from when I was a kid.
But I cannot remember what I came into the kitchen for right now.
So you're going to have senior moments.
You're going to forget your keys. You're going to forget where your phone is.
Whatever it is, right? Now, do you want people snarling and snapping at you because you have a cognitive issue based upon the age of your brain?
No, you don't. You want people to be patient with you because you're just aging out of life, right?
And so your children have cognitive issues based upon brain development, but instead of being too old, they're too young to work at an adult, normal adult pace.
You'll want patience when you get older, right?
Because all you're training your kids to do is to get impatient and annoyed with you when you start aging out of your cognitive excellence, right?
Do you listen, says a listener, do you listen to much music these days?
I mostly listen to podcasts and books instead now, but when I am reminded of songs...
I know I am struck by the hedonism and depravity of the lyrics.
Would love to find some good music with deep but still wholesome lyrics.
Yes, hedonism and depravity.
Lyrics program you to some degree.
And so you really have to watch what you consume.
And there are some very good songs out there.
But I don't listen to much music these days.
So I will...
When I'm bathing at night, I'm a bath guy, not a shower guy, so when I bathe at night, and the reason for that is I have to put moisturizer in my bath because my skin's super dry and I hate putting lotion on.
It makes me feel slimy, so I just put it in the bath, whether you need to know this or not.
So for the sort of 10 minutes, I'll listen to a song.
What did I listen to last night?
I turned on Higher Ground live with Stevie Wonder and Sting, which was pretty good.
They did Higher Ground live.
And Roxanne together.
And he didn't even cheat too much on the pitch, which is different from when he was younger.
What is it Billy Joel said?
He said, as you age out as a singer, there's that day when you know you're never going to hit that note again.
So, yeah.
You can find some positive and uplifting music.
But I don't listen to music that much anymore.
I don't really have time to get into new music.
I listened to Sting's latest album, which was just really bland.
Sting and Paul McCartney have just put out like lukewarm, half-invisible, jellyfish-thick tapioca of non-music these days.
And I just, I used to like really, oh, a new album for my favorite artists.
I'm going to at home listen to it on headphones.
And I don't, I don't have time for that anymore.
I mean, I do have time.
I could obviously make the time, but I just don't.
Now, of course, this is the last couple of years with my daughter, right?
So she's going to be 14 this year.
So in a couple of years, she's going to be Head now into the bright blue world, and I'll probably have more time then.
But, yeah, I also have a little bit of tinnitus from cancer treatment, so that's a little bit tougher too.
But I don't, yeah, I don't really listen to music as much, so I don't have as much time to get into new music and, you know, the music I've listened to in the past, I've listened to a lot, so it's not a big thing.
All right, somebody says, my wife and I... Oh, no, no.
That's a good one. Okay. What do you think about times when women say, it's not what you said, it's how you said it?
Is it just trying to find something to blame someone about or is there truth to it?
No, there's no truth to it.
There's no truth to it. So, it's not what you said, it's how you said it.
If you take that feminine imperative, To be nice and gentle and positive at all times.
And it's not all women, but it's a bit more, right?
Women tend to be a little bit more compliant and agreeable in this way, to the point where they'll sort of mentally or reputationally choke out the disagreeable.
It's not what you said. It's how you said it.
You understand that's the whole basis for hate speech.
That's this thing that doesn't exist in a moral sense.
Hate speech does not exist in any moral sense.
So hate speech is, I can't argue the content of what you're saying, so I'm going to fascist police the tone of it.
It's not what you said, it's how you said it.
So I'm just going to apply this adjective called hate to what you're saying and then get people to dismiss you because of that.
Now, at a more personal level...
Here's the typical scenario.
And I don't mean to pick on women here.
There's some wonderful women out there.
This is a man who's asking the question.
So I'm going to answer it in sort of typical setup.
So here's the setup.
The man's going to work. There are no kids yet.
Got a married couple. Or roommates.
A boyfriend, girlfriend, right? They're living together.
But let's say married. Man's going to work.
Hour commute. Eight hours.
Waste ten. Ten hours a day. He's paying the bills, right?
Now the woman's home.
And yet... The place is a mess.
There's no food in the refrigerator.
The bills aren't paid.
The place is dirty.
And everything's just backed up, right?
So, you know, he's going to be like, okay, she's adjusting.
Maybe she's a little down. I'll give her a little bit of time.
But at some point, you know, like if you have an employee, then, you know, some days you have bad days and some days you're not productive.
But, you know, if it starts to become a pattern, you've kind of got to do something about it, right?
So, at some point, the husband says to his wife, like, okay, seriously, what's going on?
What do you do all day? I mean, I know I'm at work all day.
I'm paying all the bills. The place is a real mess.
There's no food in the fridge. Dinner's never made.
Like, why do I have to go to work and then come home and tidy up and do the laundry and then cook my own dinner?
This is crazy. Now, can she argue what he's saying?
Nope. No.
Because if the place is a mess...
Is she going to look around and say, oh, no, no, this is perfectly clean.
You can eat off this floor.
It's like we're living in the Ritz.
It's beautiful. It's perfect. No.
Is she going to say, oh, there's tons of food in the fridge, right?
Well, what's he going to do? Well, he's going to open the fridge.
Echo, echo, echo.
I can hear me, hear me, hear me.
Right? He's going to do a little Frere Jacques into the fridge, and it's just going to roll round and round and round.
So, nope. Is she going to say, no, no, no, I paid all the bills?
Because then he's going to look at a stack of overdue notices and say, hey, man, you're supposed to be paying the bills.
Why aren't you paying the bills, right?
So she can't argue the content.
Now, I think, ideally, they should have had, well, I know for sure, they should have had all these conversations ahead of time, right?
She should have had all these conversations ahead of time.
She should have made her commitment.
If you're off working, man, you don't have to worry about a thing to do with the home.
Now, you understand, it could be the other way around.
It could be the woman working, just giving the example because it's a man who asked the question.
It could be the woman working, the man who's trashing the place into pigstyville, right?
So she can't argue that she's not pulling her weight.
Sorry, she can't argue and say, oh no, I'm pulling my weight in the relationship.
You're at work 10 hours a day, but I can't be bothered to...
Tidy up the place or get food or pay the bills or, you know, all the stuff that goes into being a homemaker, right?
She can't make that case.
Now, when you can't make the case, when you have no defense, what do you do?
You police the tone.
You distract someone from the content of what is being said because you can't argue the content.
And what you do is you say, Your tone is upsetting.
You're being rude. Rude, for the most part, is a word invented by people who can't argue the merits of their case.
It's tone. I mean, I did a whole series of courtroom scenes in my new book, The Future, free domain.locals.com.
Whole courtroom scenes. And courtroom scenes are fascinating.
Because, you know, the court system is...
Not too bad in terms of just trying to deal with the facts, right?
I mean... I'm sorry, I don't mean to...
I don't mean to...
But can you imagine?
Someone is cross-questioning, is cross-examining a witness.
And the witness's lawyer jumps up and says, Objection, Your Honor!
What? What? It's not what he said, it's how he said it.
It's not the questions he's asking, it's how he's asking them.
Now, there is badgering the witness and so on, right?
And there is, you know, you have to have permission to treat the witness as hostile and be more aggressive.
But let's say all that's established.
Well, obviously the lawyer would be jumping up to interrupt things because the questions were not going his client's way.
When you can't win on content, you argue about form.
Now, should the husband, if he loves his wife, be dealing at the level of, this place is a pigsty, there's no food in the house?
No. He should be saying, what's going on that this is not happening?
I don't want you to feel bad that this is not happening, but do you not want to do this?
Because if you don't want to do it, then you can get a job and And we can pay someone to do it, right?
Like, you can get a job, we can get people to come in and clean the house, you can get a job, and we can order food in, and you can get a job, and we can get a personal assistant to run things, right?
I mean, maybe that's not particularly practical, but, you know, if you don't want to do this home stuff, maybe you want to be a visual artist or an interpretive mime dancer or something, okay, well, let's go do that, and with the money you get from that, we'll pay people to do that, because this stuff has to get done.
And it doesn't make any sense for me to work and commute 10 hours a day and then spend another couple of hours running the household while you don't have any responsibilities, right?
You're not a bad person, but are you depressed?
For a lot of women who grew up in chaos, if they try to make their household organized, it brings up a lot of anxiety and depression for them because it reminds them of exactly what was missing in their childhood, you know, all this kind of stuff.
We all... Gronk can understand the depth and complexity of some of this stuff.
So a loving husband would be saying, hey, what's going on?
You seem kind of down, right?
Now, if the woman's gaining weight, fundamental mark of disrespect in a romantic relationship.
I would take it personally and I would be offended, honestly.
Honestly, I would take it personally.
It is a fundamental mark of disrespect to gain weight.
Now, I don't mean a couple of pounds here and there, whatever, right?
There's always some little fluctuation here.
But if you really pulled the pin on the fat grenade, if you're whole sneeze inhaling a pork-sized barrel in your butt, then that's a fundamental mark of disrespect to your partner.
And it's kind of a bullying.
And it's really, really very passive-aggressive, right?
And it's a mark of deep insecurity, right?
Because you gain weight. Oh, would you still love me if I was fat?
It's like, well, no. No, because I would not love you if you were fat because it would mean if you gained that much weight, and again, outside of medical issues and all that, if you gained that much weight because...
It would be disrespectful to yourself.
It would be disrespectful to this beautiful body that nature has bestowed upon you after three billion years of evolution, blah, blah, blah, right?
So, yeah, the gaining of weight is a bad thing.
I weigh, I mean, just myself personally, I weigh less now, considerably less now than even when I got married.
Because, you know, you want to stay limber, you want to stay attractive, you want to stay good joints and stay healthy and all that.
So let's say that the woman is really gaining weight and she can't fit into her clothes and she's snoring and, you know, just eating all the time and not exercising.
So at some point the man's going to say, hey, you know, you're really gaining weight here.
I'm troubled. Right now, she's going to get hurt and upset, maybe, right?
And she's going to say, well, but you are gaining weight.
Like, step on the scale, right?
Now, of course, she's not going to step on the scale, but she knows that if she...
So she can't argue the fact that she's gaining weight.
She knows that she's gaining weight.
It's clear that she's gaining weight.
It's clear that the man doesn't like it, and she probably wouldn't like it if he's gaining weight.
So can she argue...
The content? No.
So then she just gets upset about this.
Oh, you don't love me because I've gained a little bit of weight.
Suddenly you don't love me. So she's trying to say, it's not what you're saying, it's how you're saying it.
So if you can't argue the facts, you escalate the feelings.
Can't argue the facts, just escalate the feelings.
I'm offended. I'm upset.
This is troublesome. This is dangerous.
This is causing real-world harm.
Right? Anything to do with content?
Nope. Do-do-do.
Okay, so that's just a confession, right?
And this is one of the things that's happening in universities, because they've cast their nets pretty wide, and it hasn't made people smarter.
And so when people can't handle facts, or they're upset by facts.
So being upset by facts just means you shouldn't be in a fact-based business, right?
I'm not a big fan of the sight of blood.
So, I don't like the sight of blood.
I can't imagine cutting into someone.
So, that just, like, I'm not good with these things.
There's very strong emotions and I just recoil from it.
I'm repulsed by it. So, I'm built entirely wrong to be a surgeon.
Entirely wrong to be a surgeon.
So, if blood really upsets me, I shouldn't be a surgeon.
And if facts and arguments really upset you, you shouldn't be In the intellectual field.
It's just not the right thing for you.
When I see people freaking out about facts or arguments, it's offensive, it's upsetting, I can't believe it.
Well, it's just, look, you're in the wrong field.
Blood upsets me, so I'm not a surgeon.
If facts and arguments upset you, you shouldn't be in the intellectual fields at all, right?
It makes sense, right? If numbers, if you have a deep horror of numbers, you know, maybe don't be a mathematician.
And if you have a deep horror of reason and reality, maybe don't be in the intellectual fields.
But Great profit.
All right. Somebody says, Well, why do you get bored easily?
If you've moved five times in the past ten years, it hasn't solved your problem of boredom.
So you've got to drill down deep and figure out why you get bored so easily.
Why do you get bored so easily?
That's an important question, right?
If you get bored that easily, Trying to figure out why you're this kind of stimulus junkie is probably kind of important.
That's a strong phrase, but, you know, sort of tongue-in-cheek, right?
So, my daughter, I asked her this question and she said, no, stay, particularly if the older kid let them develop a friend network, right?
Now, let's say that you just have a kind of restlessness, maybe from a bad childhood or something like that is kind of restlessness, right?
Okay. Well, For you to assuage your restlessness at the expense of your kids having relationships with pets and friends, right?
So you understand, relationships with pets and friends are the dry run for monogamous relationships with lifelong partners, right?
They're dry runs, right? Monogamous relationships with lifelong partners.
And if you're kind of interrupting that for the sake of your own restlessness at your kids' expense, they're probably going to be justly annoyed with you over time.
So yeah, just try and figure out what the route is and you can call in to my show if you want to talk about that.
It's an interesting topic, of course, as all my listener topics are.
And you can email me at callin at freedomain.com.
Are you into any altcoins?
I am not. Why do people attempt suicide when they fail at love?
And how to help someone who is heartbroken?
So, my, obviously, amateur theory, with some evidence for it, is that people commit suicide because they have voices in their head telling them to kill themselves.
And, you know, you see KYO, right?
You can see this, KYS, sorry, kill yourself.
There are these things on the internet, people send these messages to each other, and they're trying to sort of remote control, detonate somebody's self-hatred, implanted in there, usually by parental alter egos.
And so, or parents, in fact, outside.
So, When you fail, right?
When you fail, when you failed as a kid, what was your experience?
It's a really foundational question, I think.
When you failed as a kid, what was your experience?
Now, there's two extremes, right?
Obviously, right? So, one extreme is, you know, you're a loser, you're never going to succeed at anything, right?
Stuff that could come from outside you, right?
You're an idiot. You're never going to amount to anything.
You don't try. You're lazy.
Just like the real Vesuvius rock slide of boulder-sized criticisms designed to smash your skeleton into ashes, right?
But the other is, oh, you tried your best.
It's fantastic. No problem.
You just get back up and you move on and blah, blah, blah.
No circling back. No figuring out the problem.
So both of those two extremes are pretty toxic, in my opinion.
This trophy for everyone is There was a peer group my daughter had when she was younger.
There were a whole days running and jumping races and other kinds of athletic races.
One kid was on vacation, didn't come, but got a participation trophy.
Like, no, no, no, absolutely not, right?
Absolutely not. There are winners and losers in life.
You want to aim to win, but not at the expense of your virtue, right?
So do everything within the realm of virtue, To win.
I'm a very competitive guy.
I like to win. But I don't cheat.
I like to win. And, you know, I was willing to burn my career for the sake of getting essential truths out into the world so at least my conscience could rest easy no matter how things play out.
So it is important to win.
It is important to win.
You must not.
You must not pretend it's not important to win.
Because if you pretend it's not important to win, you will not engage your full moral, intellectual and emotional might in pursuit of victory.
Winning is good.
Winning is essential.
Why are we here? To bark up the same tree I talked about on Wednesday.
We're here because our ancestors all won.
They got the pretty girl.
They got the productive guy.
They got the hunt.
They got the food. They got the best land.
They got the best shelter.
We figured out how to start fire, how to maintain fires.
Figured out how to skin animals and make clothing.
They won duels.
They won wars. They won against disease and invaders.
So don't for a moment pretend that winning isn't important.
Winning is very important and there's lots of people Who back down from really trying because they've got that goopy, left of center, often feminine voice saying, well, it's okay.
You're fine if you don't win.
You don't have to go out and win everything.
No, no, no, no. Of course. You've got to try.
You've got to aim for the top.
Aim absolutely for the top.
And then if you fail, you've had the glory of trying.
You've had the glory of aiming high.
It's better to aim high and fail than to aim low and succeed because it's not success.
Your only chance for success is to aim high.
Aiming to the middle, aiming to the low is lame.
Because if you succeed, what does that matter?
Hey, I succeed at walking every day.
Do I count myself a success because I haven't fallen down?
While walking every single day.
I climb the stairs.
I, you know, I'm a good driver.
I succeed at all these things.
I succeeded at starting this show relatively on time.
That's all lame. That's all like, yeah, okay, once you're over the age of 12 months, learning how to walk is not such a big deal.
You've got to aim high. Aim high because there's this great fear that you say, well, the higher I aim, the further I have to fall.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
If you aim at a four-minute mile, Roger Bannister style, if you aim at a four-minute mile, you'll get a five-minute mile.
If you aim at a five-minute mile, you'll get a six-minute mile.
If you aim at a six-minute mile, you'll get an eight-minute mile and so on.
The higher you aim, the less there is to fall.
The higher you aim, the less distance you have to fall and the more you learn along the way.
There is only one failure in this life, and that is the avoidance of competition.
It's the only failure that exists, is the avoidance of competition.
Speaking to the men out there, Bruh.
Come on, guys.
We know this one. You aim for the very top.
You aim for the very top when you start dating.
Don't you? You aim for the very top.
The first girl I ever asked out was the prettiest and vastly most popular girl in school.
Did she say yes? She did not.
And I don't blame her.
I see pictures of myself back then.
I'm like, yeah, okay, this is pre-makeover.
I had a sort of phase.
I finally got a good haircut, got some good clothes, and started really exercising.
And yes, it made a huge difference.
In fact, when I did this all in one weekend, I mean, I started exercising a little earlier.
I got a haircut. I went out.
A friend of mine helped me get really good clothes.
And I literally went into school and nobody talked to me.
It was wild. Nobody talked to me.
Nobody recognized me.
Because they all thought I was a new kid.
Because I went from this drapey bowl cut to a top spiked sting style hairdo.
I had really cool clothes on.
I had a really great shave.
And nobody knew who I was.
Like that's how radical that transformation was.
So I aimed at the top.
Did I fail to ask that girl out?
I did fail. I didn't fail to ask her out.
She failed to go out with me. The fact that I asked her swimming probably was not the best approach.
So then I went to the next tier.
The second prettiest and most popular girls, and yes, they would go out with me.
Now, the boys who failed to ask girls out in junior high and high school, to my knowledge, there was only two or three of them, but to my knowledge, have remained single to this day in their 50s.
I failed. The first girl I asked out with crashed and burned.
I said, do you want to go swimming?
She said, with who?
Mayday, mayday. We've lost engines one through infinity.
And it was hard, man.
It was hard. But then you just go to the next thing.
Now, I aimed at the top, got number two.
You aim for number two, you're probably going to get number three.
You aim for number three, you're probably going to get number four.
See, I had less to fall because I started at the top.
I had less to fall.
If you aim high, you can't lose.
Because wherever you fall is going to be higher than if you aimed low.
Wherever you land is going to be higher.
That's the only losing in life is aiming low or avoiding the fight completely, avoiding the challenge completely.
And So yes, absolutely, aim high and recognize that we're built to withstand failure because good chunks of failure are inevitable in life.
I failed at a lot of stuff in life.
And who cares? Who cares?
What does it matter? Oh, I failed a lot of stuff in life.
Yeah, that's called living! It's called trying!
My God! 80% of everything everybody produces is simply okay.
But you've got to just keep producing in order to get that stuff.
All right, so what have we got here?
How do you answer the soft-wishy social democratic defense of state power?
You once had a conversation with a guy and gave him a challenge, role-playing just that, and it was quite good, but I can't remember which one.
So again, fdrpodcast.com, you can go do your search and look for whatever it is you're going to find.
Maybe you'll find it, maybe you won't. It's a good place, good place to start looking.
Are you into the initiation of force or not?
Do you accept the initiation of the use of force or not?
Do you accept violence as a solution to complex social problems?
That's all it comes down to. You put a glove on a fist, it's still a fist.
You put a silencer on a gun, it's still a gun, right?
Okay, one or two more came in and then I'll get to my voice calls.
Is unrequited love merely a cruel quirk of fate or a sign that you are not making a connection with the person the same way that you feel a connection is being made with you?
Further, is unrequited love actually love?
So unrequited love is when you desperately want someone who doesn't want you back.
You desperately want someone that someone does not want you back.
Well, it is a way of avoiding failure.
I know this sounds odd.
So when you are yearning and burning for someone who doesn't want you back, then staying bonded to that person is avoiding the risk of rejection.
Because if you stay yearning after someone who's already rejected you or is unavailable, if you never even ask, maybe they're married or whatever, right?
If you continue to pursue someone who's unavailable, you never have to worry about failing in a relationship because you are locked into a relationship that can't happen or isn't happening or won't happen, and therefore you won't ever fail at a relationship.
And remember, if you take...
Any positions, moral positions in particular, if you take any foundational positions opposite to that of your family, your family will most likely, most likely, attempt to undermine your success.
So, unconsciously, like, so let's say that your parents have, let's say your parents are socialists and you're a capitalist.
Or vice versa for that matter, I suppose, right?
So your parents are socialists or communists and you're a capitalist.
Well, they are going to attempt to undermine your success.
Because if you're happy and successful while believing the opposite of what they believe, then their whole self-identity, commitment, ideology, which is usually a vicious substitute for personality, is called into question, which people don't want that, right? So...
If you have opposite beliefs from those who raised you or those who surround you, they will almost certainly and almost certainly very viciously undermine and sabotage you.
Now, how do you undermine and sabotage people?
Well, you don't try to destroy them.
You don't attack them.
You don't necessarily undermine them.
the best way to subvert and undermine other people is to enthusiastically encourage them in the wrong direction.
To support them.
Oh, she's going to come around any day, man.
To support them in wasting their time chasing ghosts and chimeras off a cliff.
That's the best way. It's a wonderful way to get people to waste their lives is to have them heartily pursue things that are never going to work.
And keep in that.
So if you are trapped in unrequited love, it's most likely sabotage from those around you who will be horribly challenged and overthrown, in a sense, if you succeed, where they fail, if you have opposite beliefs.
All right. Is anger ever justified from a mentor towards an apprentice?
For example, if you don't get it fast enough, if you ask too many questions or the same questions, if you need to repeat something more than it's preferable, How do you know if it's the teacher or the student who is lacking in ability?
How to not take personally a mentor's anger?
Or is it impossible to do that?
Where do you draw the line between tough love and abuse?
Yeah. Yeah, that's a big question.
It's a big question. So, there are going to be times when the student is frustrating to the teacher.
There are going to be times when the teacher is frustrating to the student.
Those times are times of great opportunity for self-examination and honest communication.
So, if you feel frustrated, this is at the root of my book, Real-Time Relationships, which you can get for free at freedomain.com slash books.
Real-Time Relationships, The Logic of Love.
What's the most honest thing you can say when somebody is really annoying you?
Well, you can make up something.
And just criticize them for something unrelated.
You can just say to them, well, you're just being annoying.
But these are not honest statements.
The honest statement is, I feel annoyed at the moment.
I'm not sure why.
Could be you, could be me.
So you don't know, right?
So if the teacher is finding the student annoying, frustrating, then the teacher would...
Say, if he's honest, if he should be honest, right?
The teacher will say, I'm frustrated at the moment in our relationship.
I don't know if it's you, but that's what I'm experiencing.
And then the student will say, well, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit anxious because it's tough, right?
It's hard to know.
Again, it's an act of vanity to have an answer where you don't have an answer.
Right? Kamala Harris style, right?
It's an act of vanity to pretend you have an answer because it's saying that you possess knowledge which you don't have, right?
Like safe and effective, right?
So when you have a strong feeling, you say, I have a strong feeling.
I don't know where it's coming from.
And you've heard me say this a million times in calls.
If it's particularly contentious, I'll say, I'm feeling kind of annoyed.
I'm not saying it's you. This is what I'm sort of experiencing at the moment.
You have conversations about that.
So, yes, you know, I mean, I mean, People are addicted to government money, and so anybody who says we've got to start limiting this because government's going to run out of money, they're considered to be, well, you're causing people suffering.
And it's like, well, no, they got addicted to the government money.
The fact that the drug is going to run out is not, right?
If you get addicted to gambling and then Somebody tries to help you with a gambling addiction, it causes you a lot of stress and anxiety.
Did we say, oh, you're just causing this person stress and anxiety to the person who's helping with the gambling addiction?
No, I'm trying to help somebody who got addicted.
It's not my fault they got addicted, but anyway.
Tough love and abuse.
Tough love is when you're combating the weakest and whiniest elements of the personality.
Abuse is when you're combating the toughest and strongest elements of the personality.
Let me say that again.
Tough love is when you're combating the weakest and most indecisive elements of the personality, which are there to limit you and subvert you and contradict your capacity for growth.
So tough love is when you're in combat with the weakest aspect of the self, the most whiny, complainy, self-pitying aspect of the self.
That's tough love.
Abuse is when you're in combat with the strongest and most virile elements of the personality because they threaten you.
All right.
Sorry, these are coming in, so let me just finish one more.
How much of personal choices and preferences, especially regarding politics, can be explained away by psychologizing?
Oh, you hate X because you're defective.
You're just irrationally insecure is a common trope to diminish and delegitimize one's beliefs.
Can a person actually hold political views detached from his or her personal history of trauma?
We all know stereotypical feminists.
And we almost always assume daddy issues or basic conformity.
Then again, nationalists or radical traditionalists could be explained by basic genetic tribalism for group survival and by longing for stability in father figures, which they didn't get when growing up.
So, I don't assume that people have psychological issues until two things occur.
Well, three things occur.
Number one, they're wrong.
Number two, they won't admit it.
Number three, they won't stop debating or arguing.
If those three conditions are met, then I'm like, okay, something weird is going on here psychologically.
So being wrong happens all the time, happens to me, happens to you.
Being wrong is fine, right?
You've proven you're wrong, right?
Back in the day, I went to watch the movie Joker, and I missed something because I was making a note in the movie theater, and I made a claim about the movie, and I was told that I was wrong.
I defended that claim.
People told me I was wrong.
I went to watch the movie again.
Which I wasn't that keen to do, but I wanted to find out.
Turned out I was wrong. I said to everyone, thank you for pushing back.
I retract, of course, my earlier statements.
Thank you for helping correct me.
I was totally wrong.
You guys were totally right, and I appreciate that, right?
Because, you know, that's what you do when you're corrected, because it's better to be right factually than right through vanity, which is not to be right at all.
It's a bad habit, right? So, if somebody is wrong, but won't admit that he's wrong, okay, well, That's fine.
Then I just stop the conversation, right?
But if the person, let's say it's online, right?
Somebody's wrong. They won't admit that they're wrong, but they won't leave the conversation.
It's like, okay, well then something weird is going on psychologically.
But you don't start with that position, I think, unless the person has blue hair and a face tattoo.
All right.
I think we've got everyone.
Um... Brr-brr-brr-brr.
Sorry. Okay, okay.
So let's get to you, the delightful, delicious, scrumptious with a side of orange sauce listeners.
We have TJ. You are here, my friend, and you will need to unmute, but I am happy to hear from you.
Hi, Stefan. How are you doing?
Good. Can I ask about an old call?
Uh, yeah, you can, but, I mean, you can.
I mean, the reason I'm hesitant is that, you know, people say, well, you said this, and I have no memory of saying this, or so, if it's some general topic, sure, but, you know, unless you have a recording ready to play that's in context, quote me back to myself.
Okay, well, it was kind of specific, but it was, uh, and it was October last year, and I've been trying to not call in because I realize you're Out here solving secular ethics and helping people address abuse, and I don't want to nitpick, but it was basically you told a guy to buy a fancy car because it would impress women.
Does this sound like something it would not say?
It sounds a little loosey-goosey in terms of context, but tell me what your complaint is and we'll talk from there.
So you said...
There's only one question when it comes to a car.
Will women be impressed?
And he said no.
And you said, why are you buying a car that's merely functional?
It's a mating display.
I used to sell cars.
And I've seen people just like financially wrecked by buying cars they shouldn't.
And I just... I wanted to try to go against that because I want people who listen to the show...
Okay, hang on, hang on. I'm sorry.
Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Did...
Sorry, this is the context thing.
I'm not laughing at you. It's just kind of a funny situation.
Did I tell him to financially wreck himself?
I don't know. I don't know his finances.
Well, no. Did I tell him to financially...
Did I say, even if you can't possibly afford it, even if it's going to bankrupt you, go buy a Maserati rather than feed yourself?
Okay, can I try a different way?
Well, no, no. You brought up the I've seen people financially wreck themselves in the context of what I was talking to with regards to a listener.
So did I tell him to buy a car he couldn't possibly afford?
No, you didn't say to buy a car he couldn't afford.
So what do you bring it in financially wrecking for?
That's not part of my advice at all.
Okay, maybe that's me worrying, but I've just seen it.
Well, but you see, that's...
That's your issue.
You've seen people...
Now, did they buy cars that you told them, you know, probably not a good idea because, you know, we ran your credit and it's not that great?
Or, I mean, how did people end up buying cars from you that they couldn't afford?
Not from me. From co-workers.
I'm sorry. Didn't you say you used to sell cars?
Oh, from other... Yes.
Okay. So did you work for a company...
That would sell cars to people who couldn't afford them?
Yeah, so if people could get approved, they would sell them.
Okay, and do you consider that good or bad business?
That's a bad thing to do.
I don't know business, ethically bad.
Okay, so for you it's ethically bad to sell people something that that person cannot afford, right?
Yeah. Now, have you written reviews to the Better Business Bureau?
Have you put reviews on the website?
Have you called up the owner of the company that you used to work for and chewed him out for his immorality?
I don't think that would have any effect.
Well, no, no. Hang on, hang on.
Effect, you can talk yourself out of anything if you're going to go for effect, right?
Don't you do the right thing?
Hang on. You're willing to have a public conversation about bad advice, right?
With me, but not with the boss or the co-workers who did these bad things.
So why do I get your...
This is a challenging conversation.
I'm glad you called in. It's very interesting, right?
But why do I get your moral criticism when the people who actually did the bad things, which I never told people to do, get off scot-free?
Well, I didn't... To be honest with you, I didn't really care about them, and I was hoping that people who...
Listen to this show would have a good allocation of their resources.
Of course you care about them because they're doing something wrong and you were involved.
I mean, it troubles you enough that you're calling into me, right?
And again, I'm not criticizing you.
I'm just sort of, of course, just saying, well, I don't care and it doesn't matter.
Well, then you wouldn't be bringing it up, right?
Right. I was hoping that...
I have been caring about this since I heard it and I was trying to convince myself not to call in.
No, I'm glad you did call in.
I think it's a really good thing that you called in.
I'm happy that you did and I'm enjoying the conversation.
But why do I get the moral criticism for something I didn't do when the people who actually...
Did these bad things.
You don't criticize them at all, at least in any public forum or anything like that.
I didn't mean for it to be a moral criticism.
I meant it for, like, I don't think you purposefully misled him.
Okay, now, but you do have a moral criticism because you said that the co-workers and the boss at the company you used to work for were immoral for putting people in cars they couldn't afford, right?
Correct, and they did not do anything about it. Right.
And you haven't done anything about that, right?
And you could do things that would be helpful, right?
I'm sure that the company has a webpage.
Maybe the webpage has comments.
I'm sure they have a business listing in some business directory which has comments.
And you could put comments in saying, be careful of these people because they might put you in a car you can't afford.
I saw lots of bankruptcies.
I heard about lots of bankruptcies.
They'll give you a yo-yo car where you take it for a while.
You can't afford it. They repossess it and make a lot of...
About the business practice of this place you worked at, right?
Yes. And why not?
I don't...
If they would just do the same thing somewhere else, I was just hoping that people who listen to this show would avoid this.
Well, no, hang on. What do you mean they would just do this somewhere else?
You think a couple of bad comments are just going to close up business and start a new business somewhere else?
No, no, no. I mean other dealers.
I've worked at three dealers and they were pretty much all the same.
Okay. So have you reported these dealers to the Bettis Business Bureau?
You could do that anonymously.
Have you put anonymous comments on their websites or directories saying that these companies act in this unscrupulous manner?
No. Now, that's very interesting.
And listen, I'm not nagging on you.
I'm not bagging on you. I'm just genuinely curious.
Isn't that interesting? Why not?
I don't care if people spend their money poorly in general.
Okay, then why are you calling into my show to complain about it?
Because I care if your listeners spend their money well, because I want people who follow you to spend their money well.
Okay, so the people who are more easily suckered in by these unscrupulous car dealerships, as you call them, they can go twist in the wind.
But my listeners who don't seem to have many habits of overspending or buying things that they can't afford, they should be protected.
So you're protecting the people who need the least protection and not protecting the people who need the most.
Yes. And why?
I don't think that need would be the reason for how I would allocate my time.
What do you mean? When you were a car salesman, you allocated your time to people who needed cars.
I mean, what do you mean?
You don't think need is how you allocate your time.
I mean, their need wouldn't have a claim on me.
I mean, if... If you wanted to buy something for your daughter or a kid who needed it more, you wouldn't go purely by need.
She would never come up in line, you know?
What are you talking about?
You kind of talk about family and business like the two things that are just the same.
That's apples and oranges, right?
That's not a valid yardstick.
I mean, because in that case, I shouldn't be talking to you because you're less important to me than my daughter, so I should hang up and go chat with my daughter instead.
Under all circumstances, I'm having the conversation with you because in the moment, this conversation with you is more important than my conversation with my daughter in the same way that if you have a daughter and you're selling cars, selling cars doesn't mean you don't care about your daughter.
Selling cars means you do care about your daughter because you need money to feed and clothe your daughter.
Right. But I didn't...
I think maybe I've lost you there.
Well, you're putting in a lot of fuzziness here, right?
I'll tell you my basic issue.
Let me give you the speech, because I think we're kind of going round and round a bit here.
I'll give you my speech, and then you can tell me if I'm hitting anything.
So, there's no evidence...
I mean, I didn't tell anybody to buy things that they can't afford.
I don't remember the conversation in particular, but...
If it was a young man who was buying a car, yes, the quality of a car matters.
And you don't want to buy some total deadbeat car.
I mean, if you can afford something better.
Obviously, if you can afford something.
I mean, that was explicitly said or it was kind of implicit in the conversation.
Okay. And it's back to this...
I had this friend...
I mentioned this story before.
I had this friend... He never got married.
Never asked anyone out.
And he would bring his school books and, you know, we had school books and pens and pencils and erasers and rulers and so on.
And everybody had these Adidas bags or you'd have some cool folder or whatever it is, right?
And he would use plastic shopping bags, right?
Rather than spending, you know, 20 bucks on a cool Adidas bag or a backpack or something like he would say.
He would say, but the bags are free!
From the grocery store. And he's right.
They are free, but they cost you a lot.
They are free, but they cost you a lot.
So sometimes being penny wise and pound foolish, right?
And so when I was in the business world, I was given a car allowance.
And my first goal, because I'd never had a car in my life before, my first goal was to buy some cheap car.
And I was told to, no, you can't do that.
The car allowance is so you can buy a nice car because our company is going to be judged to buy the car you use to go and pick up our clients from the airport.
And if you show up in some rust bucket Chevy Nova from 1972, then they're going to judge you by that.
There is something important when it comes to presentation, right?
So, if you have, you know, six kids, you know, maybe a minivan is probably the way to go, right?
But if you're a young man, then you should not buy the cheapest possible car Because you're going to ask a woman out, you're going to go and show up, and she's going to get into this rust bucket with wood on the floorboards, you know, and three different seat colors, and you've got to open the goddamn car door with a coat hanger.
That communicates a lot to the woman, and you might have saved yourself a couple of grand on the car, but you're going to have to spend $10,000 on escorts to have any kind of sex life.
Not that I'm recommending that, it's just a joke.
So, yeah, recognizing that a car is also a status symbol and a dating symbol is important.
And I don't like people who go super cheap and saying, oh, look, I saved all this money.
And then what they do is they pretend that anyone who spends anything more is a sucker and an idiot.
And it's like, no, no, there is a reason to spend more.
You can always find, you know, I remember many years ago, there's a town in Toronto, sorry, a town in Ontario called Timmins.
That's a pretty small town, and there was a house that you could buy for $30,000.
And I was just like, wow, that's...
But then you see the house, right?
I had a friend who, gosh, when I was younger, he got married, and he was an architect, or was on his way to being an architect.
He got married, and he bought...
He and his wife bought a really run-down house.
And they had roommates who lived on the main floor and the upstairs, right?
And he was real aglow with pride, right?
And he was telling me, he was saying, hey man, I'm renting out the upper two floors and that pays the mortgage.
So I'm basically getting a house for free.
And I was like, really?
That's pretty wild.
So where are you living?
He's like, oh, I live in the basement with my wife.
Now the basement was unfinished.
Like down there in the fiberglass, the concrete floors, by the water heater.
And it's like, that's not free!
You're living like a squatter!
And so the people who aim super cheap, it bothers me.
Now, I think there's good reasons.
I'm sort of putting some good arguments behind it.
But it is important to invest in some quality because it does say something about You and whether you're worth it and whether you're willing to sort of recognize the basic human display mechanism, right? And, you know, people spend time on their hair, women spend time with their makeup, men spend time exercising, working out and so on.
And I think that it's a good idea if you're a young man, not to obviously don't buy things you can't afford, but if you aim super cheap, Unfortunately, or fortunately, or it doesn't really matter, it's just a fact of life, you are going to be judged in that context.
And you may end up saving $5,000 on a car, but not being able to find a woman who can commit to you.
Because a woman does not want to sit there trying to pry money out of a man's fist for the rest of her life.
Because a woman who gets married to a man who's got a tight wallet, who's a cheapskate, right?
Well... As you know, 90% of a married man...
If you're a married man, you've got kids.
90% of your money is going to your wife and kids.
Now, if a woman has to continually pry every $5 bill out of the man's dusty, creaking, rat-trapped wallet, that's going to get pretty exhausting.
Living with cheapskates, living with people who just hang on to money...
Like grim death is really exhausting and can be kind of debilitating and it just ends up in this endless battle.
It's like living with a hoarder but the hoarder is just hoarding money.
So you do want to show some liberality.
You do want to show some willingness to take risks.
You do want to show some spending some flash on yourself.
And like there's a reason why there's haute couture.
There's a reason why there are high-end cars.
That doesn't mean buy something you can't afford, but it does mean that simply aiming for the least possible expense can have the greatest possible cost in the long run.
My friend, who saved 20 bucks 40 years ago by not buying an Adidas bag and using plastic bags, but the problem, you walk down the hallway with plastic bags full of school stuff, you look like an unbelievable uber-dork.
And women will judge you for that.
You say, well, that's wrong.
They shouldn't. Well, he's sensible.
He's saving money. Okay, that's fine.
It's like saying that women shouldn't be into tall, fit guys.
It's like, oh, yes, and men shouldn't be into women who's got a good hip-to-waist ratio.
Sorry, dudes. That's biology.
Right? That's like saying to...
I don't know if you could communicate to a female peacock and saying, you know, it shouldn't really matter what the length of the male peacock's tail is.
It doesn't matter. It's like, no, it's just...
Sorry. It's just the way things are.
And you can battle that if you want, but you're just going to lose.
You can never... Aim against biology and lose.
So that issue, right, so it bothers you, but you were involved in this kind of stuff.
I'm not saying you were necessarily selling cars to people who couldn't afford it, but you were involved in three different dealerships that did that, and that's pretty scuzzy, right?
You were helping that business survive.
Now, I'm not calling you scuzzy.
I'm just saying that that particular aspect is probably not the best and highest moral memory that you have.
But instead of actually picking on the people, so to speak, who were doing wrong, you're picking on me who didn't do any wrong.
Now that's interesting and it conforms to a theory that I have that people who have moral issues will always pick on the most reasonable person in the room because I'm not going to yell at you.
I'm not going to blow back on you.
I'm not going to find you and, you know, serve you something, right?
So because I'm the most reasonable person of anyone who's been involved in talking about cars and expense, you'll call into my show rather than post comments on the dealerships because they could get mad at you.
They could find you. They could track you down.
They could sue you. You know, I'm not going to do any of that stuff for us just having a conversation.
So you've got a problem with people, but you don't go to the people who had a problem.
You go to the moral philosopher who never said anything because I'm an easier mark, if that makes sense.
Like how you say people pick on Christians?
Right, right. People pick on the, oh my gosh, the people who are commanded to love their enemies and turn the other cheek?
Yeah, I'm going to pick on them. Alright, I think you pretty much got me.
Listen, no, no, seriously, brother, I'm not trying to get you and I'm not trying to win.
Seriously, not. I'm not.
What this means, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, it's not a criticism at all.
It's just a matter of self-knowledge, right?
I mean, people hammered me about picking on Christians and I'm like, you're absolutely right.
I was being a dork and a coward, right?
Now, but here's the interesting thing.
I bet that in your family, way back in the origin story of you, the genesis of you, in your family, I bet you that there were people who were doing wrong.
And if you confronted them, they blew up and punished you.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
And if that's the case, then it's not a criticism of you at all.
It's a habit that we all have.
I would love to live in a world...
you could confront them with a little fear of blowback, right?
But that's just not the world we live in, in particular, not the world that we grew up in.
In particular, it happens in schools, it can happen in churches, it can happen in immediate family, extended family.
The least reasonable person gets the least criticism.
The most reasonable person gets the most criticism.
And it's an important self-knowledge aspect to simply know that we're all susceptible I wouldn't say guilty of that, because until you know, right?
And listen, I appreciate your advice.
Yes, absolutely, do not buy things you can't afford.
It makes your life hell. Because then you say, look, I got maximum expense car, and it's like, yes, and now I crashed it because I couldn't sleep at night worrying about the bills, so I had no reflexes when I was driving, right?
So that stuff can be really bad, too.
I think it's really good advice.
And this is why I thought the conversation was great.
I'm really glad you called in.
And again, I'm not trying to get you or win against you or put you down in any way, shape or form, because I did the same thing for a lot longer than you've probably been alive.
But just this habit that we all have of just, oh, I've got a moral problem.
I'm going to find the most reasonable person who's usually got the least guilt about these things.
And then I'm going to bring it up with them.
And there was a criticism element, right?
Because you didn't call me up, and again, not a big nag or anything, but you didn't call me up and say, oh, when you were talking about people buying cars for status, it reminded me of these dealerships that I worked at, right?
Right. Right? You called up and said, you know, Steph, you said, you know, basically buy things you can't afford, right?
You put... The moral issues you knew for sure had been done by lots of other people onto me when I'd never done it.
And that's the interesting part of things.
And again, I'm not offended. I'm not mad or anything.
I just think it's really interesting how this pattern is so constant in life.
And this is one of the reasons why people who are good and reasonable, man, you've got to watch your back.
And again, I'm not saying against you like you're not a terrible guy.
This is just an interesting pattern that we all have.
But if you're a reasonable person...
You've got to surround yourself with reasonable people.
Because if you surround yourself with aggressive people, and I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about like if you have maybe these other people who are actually doing these things, rather than you who just observed it, then you'll just, if you're around critical people and you're a reasonable person, they'll just hammer you and step over the bodies to get to you, so to speak. So yeah, I just, I thought that was really fascinating.
That's why I was really glad you brought it up.
No, that was awesome. Thanks.
Thank you, man. I appreciate it.
And yeah, keep me posted.
And listen, I'll give you the last word here because I think your advice is really important.
And since you have insider knowledge that I don't, do you want to give the speech that people who are buying cars should really hear?
I would just...
Well, I mean, my perspective is flipped right here because...
It's just, I was thinking that you should, I'm not against hypergamy, I'm happy for it, and I try to achieve the most I can, but I focus on buying things that will make me money, and now I'm starting to think maybe you do need a little bit of that frivolousness.
I had seen, I didn't want to attract a girl that was impressed by a car, because any more than I wanted to impress a girl, if I did a magic trick and took a coin from a Okay, so when it comes to being attracted to a woman, is there a difference?
Okay, give me your age range.
You don't have to tell me, of course, exactly how old you are.
So is there a difference for you between a woman who's 30 and a woman who's 50 in terms of asking her out?
Yes. Okay, why not?
The woman who's 50 is much older and wiser, has more life experience...
Fertility. Okay, so fertility, is that irrational?
No, and I don't think hypergamy is irrational.
Okay, so that's my point.
Appealing to a woman's hypergamy is as natural as a woman appealing to a man's desire for fertility.
The fertility and hypergamy, fertility and resource display are just two sides of the same coin.
So if you were to say to me, hey, I don't care if she's 90, if she's got a good moral character, I'm marrying her, then I'd say, okay, then you have the right to not splash and do a mating display of your resources.
But if you're like, no, no, no.
If she's 90, she might be a good friend, but she's never going to be my wife because I want to have kids.
Then it's like, okay, well, then you're in this realm of hypergamy.
If some 90-year-old guy is like, I want to buy a Lamborghini to pick up all the witches or whatever, I'm like, this might be a little bit past the day, but at 32, yeah, splash a little.
Show a little pizzazz.
Show that you have some excess resources.
Because women are showing they have excess fertility all the time.
This is what makeup is and dieting and exercise is showing self-control and they want the youthful appearance and they want Botox.
So they're showing excess fertility all the time and that's what attracts us to a large degree and for a man to show excess resources is the same deal.
So you would think it would be wrong for a woman to like wear baggy clothes so she wasn't wanted just for her body?
Well, I mean, it's funny because when I met my wife, she was, I mean, she was a great figure and she wanted to be known for who she was.
And, you know, like 20 plus years later, she still has a great figure.
But so she was dressed down as far as all of that went.
She was in, you know, big T-shirt and sweatpants and all of that.
So it's not the end of the world.
That's fine. She has a great personality.
So we clicked as far as that went right away.
But there was a little bit of luck involved in that as well.
But she has the confidence of being very attractive, which was interesting, right?
So if you have the true confidence that you have the excess resources...
But the woman has to judge you.
And since she knows that sexually confident men put on a mating display, if your mating display is the car of seven colors that you have to open with a coat hanger...
Then she's going to be like, this man has no extra resources.
Like, he can't even afford a decent car.
How is he going to afford a girlfriend, a wife, and kids?
And she's just going to, you know, you can say, oh, but that's irrational.
He might have a billion dollars in Bitcoin.
It's like, well, sure.
Maybe. And maybe the 300-pound woman will lose all that weight and be stunning and gorgeous.
It's like, but you kind of got to go with what's in front of you, right?
Mm-hmm. So...
That's my thought. Thank you. That's a lot to think about.
I'm definitely going to re-listen, and I appreciate it.
Thank you, man. Appreciate the call.
Very interesting, and it was a good run at me.
I appreciate that. All right.
Let's move on. Thank you, man.
Appreciate it. All right.
We've got somebody else.
I'm going to unmute you, but you will, of course, have to unmute yourself.
Go for it, man. Can you hear me?
Yeah, go for it. Okay.
I just wanted to expand on the previous topic.
You talked about spending and stuff.
I noticed that I have a very big fear of spending my money and I always keep hoarding it.
How do you think is the best way to get over it?
Okay, that's good.
Can you tell me about what was money like in your household when you were growing up?
Always on the negative.
Like we missed power bills.
The power man was also coming to cut off the power and stuff.
And why was there so little money?
Well, always in debt.
They had terrible jobs in my family.
Single parent household.
So it was poverty by choice, right?
Yes. Okay.
So poverty by choice is pretty easy to overcome.
Don't make those choices.
You know, single mom, okay, well, don't dump a guy you've got a kid with.
Don't have a kid with a guy who's not going to stick around.
Right? So my mom, single mom, okay, Don't have babies with someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with.
And so poverty by choice is relatively easy to overcome.
I mean, in terms of making better decisions, I know there's sort of psychology and habits and all of that.
And why did they have bad jobs?
Were they just less intelligent, like not very smart?
Which, you know, can be a real challenge, which I sympathize with.
Were they lazy? Did they...
Have bad habits? Are they addicts?
I mean, why did they make so little money?
They just kept on the same job that was always underpaying.
They just wanted the stability rather than to risk and go up the ladder.
Well, it's not that much of a risk to make more money in a company, right?
I mean, if you're a waiter and you get promoted to head...
I'm sorry? Government job.
A government job?
Okay, so in government jobs you can get promoted and it's not a huge amount of risk, right?
I don't know, never worked on a government job.
Well, but most places where you work, right?
So if you're a waiter, you can get promoted to head waiter, and then if you want, you can become assistant manager, and then you can become manager, and then you can become regional manager, and then you can become national manager.
Now, none of these jobs are particularly, you know, huge in terms of risk, right?
Because you get evaluated, and you get training, you get support, and you have a mentor, right?
So it's not, you know, that's my question is why didn't If they say, well, I need to stay in the same job because it's too risky to get a promotion, well, it's risky to not pay your bills, right?
So it wasn't like they solved the problem of risk by not having any money.
So why didn't they want the promotion?
I don't know. Yes, you do.
I love how people still try this with me.
I'm not talking about you in particular, but of course you know, right?
So what's your age?
How old are you? I'm 21.
You're 21, okay. So you've known your parents for a perfect blackjack number of years, right?
So you've known your parents for 21 years, maybe 16 of those years you've kind of been conscious of them.
You know everything there is to know about your parents.
Absolutely everything. You know your parents about as well as a human being can know another human being.
And you know exactly, like you may not have proof, but instinctually I guarantee you, you know exactly why your parents...
Did not want to be promoted.
So even if you say, okay, you have to guess, right?
If you had to guess, what would you think?
They were incompetent.
Okay, why were they incompetent?
Were they dumb? For example, I heard she took a bunch of tests to try to get a better position, but she never actually got it.
Oh, so she took tests, so she wanted a better position.
Okay, because you said originally, and I'm not trying to catch you, but you did say originally they didn't want to move up.
But if your mother took tests to move up...
Yeah, my bad. It's fine.
I'm just pointing it out.
I'm not trying to catch you. Okay, so your mother did want to move up.
So why didn't she move up?
Now, maybe she was dumb.
And again, I say dumb like it just means short.
If you're short, you probably can't play basketball.
And so dumb doesn't mean nothing negative.
It's just some people are not smart.
So was she dumb?
I don't think so.
No, I don't think so either, because you're listening to this show, which means your mom probably wasn't dumb.
It could happen, but it's unlikely.
Okay, so why did she not study for the test?
Why did she not succeed in the test?
I saw her studying.
She never gave me much details.
Every year, she's doing a different test, and she was just remaining for...
Half a decade on the same job, doing the same things, always doing a test every year and never passing.
So she never passed the test?
Yeah, she was never high enough grade to get chosen for the position.
Okay, so if she never...
Sorry, I don't know why my voice said that.
If she never was able to pass the test...
Did she get coaching?
Did she figure out why she wasn't passing the test?
Did your husband help her? Did she ask you to give her sample tests?
She must have learned from the test every year and tried to figure out what sort of questions were going to be asked and all of that.
So why did she never pass the test if she's not dumb?
Maybe laziness? Well, I mean, you know her better than I do, obviously infinitely, but you said she did study, right?
She did study, but just not going above it, you know?
Just doing the same thing over and over, just feel an accomplishment, and then not working as hard, you know?
So she would just do a bare minimum of studying?
Yeah. Do you know if she suffered from any kind of exam anxiety?
No idea. Yeah, I mean, I knew a girl who was studying engineering who suffered from significant exam anxiety.
And I was like, you know, I don't think it gets less stressful.
You're actually out building a bridge that people's lives are going to rely on.
Okay, so that's a big question.
Do you know if your father helped her with these exams?
Oh, no. My father was just a crazy dude.
Go on. I mean, I had a show where I talked about him.
It's just, in summary, you're always sitting at the computer with a bunch of piss bottles and it's kind of useless.
He didn't even pay attention.
And do you know how many times your mom tried to do this test?
Oh, it was like a lot, like, I'd say like half a dozen, maybe over that.
Did your mom have anyone in her life who really wanted her to succeed?
I mean, I kind of wanted.
Well, okay, I'm not sure that kids really count and kind of doesn't really count.
Did she have someone in her life, and this could include in her work, who really wanted her to succeed?
I don't think so.
Right. No, I know that.
I know that for sure. If your husband, sorry, if her husband had really wanted her to succeed, he would have sat down, he would have figured out what she did wrong, he would have figured out the pattern of the tests.
If her boss had really wanted her to succeed, then he would have sat down with her and tried to figure out why she wasn't doing well on the exams and all that, right?
Okay, so, I mean, there's a big life lesson here, right?
The big life lesson is a very true lesson, a very factual lesson.
You choose the people in your life, you choose your level of success.
You choose the people in your life, you choose your level of success.
You cannot be more successful than the person who believes in you least is around you.
So if you have five people around you who think you can be super successful, but you have one person close to you who thinks you can't be successful, you won't succeed.
To succeed, you must be surrounded by people who believe you can succeed.
And it's a two-way street, right?
For them to succeed, you have to believe in this as well.
So, your parents were poor because your mother did not have people in her life who were invested in her success, who really wanted her to succeed and were willing to do whatever it took to help her succeed. who really wanted her to succeed and were willing to Now let me ask you this.
Do you have people in your life who genuinely believe that you can succeed?
Oh, yes. Great.
Fantastic. So, are you succeeding with their support?
Yes, I make like three times what she made.
Fantastic, okay.
With a single job I had too.
So if you understand what makes you successful and you understand what made your mother not successful, you don't have to worry about money as much.
If you don't know the difference between you and your mom, right?
Then you're going to be worried.
Okay, let me give you an example, right?
So let's say your mom is out there driving and she hits a patch of black ice, which is like Satan's gift to roads, right?
It's like black ice. It looks exactly like tarmac, but there's no traction whatsoever, right?
She hits a patch of black ice.
She skids out. She crashes the car.
Now you're driving the exact same model of car and your mom says, Oh my God.
I didn't hit any black ice.
It wasn't even snowing.
It wasn't even below zero.
The car just went crazy.
The wheel turned on its own.
The gas was hit.
Like this is the Audi sudden acceleration thing where people said, well, I was just going into my car.
I was just driving my car into the garage and it just accelerated out of nowhere.
And they said there's got to be something wrong with the car.
The engineers went nuts trying to figure it out.
And I think eventually, I can't remember how it played out, but I think they said the next Audis came out with the gas and the brake further apart because I think people were just hitting the gas, couldn't admit it to themselves, and then crashed into the back of their garage when they were trying to hit the brake.
So if your mom's driving the same kind of car you drive and she convinces you that the car just went nuts, you're probably going to feel a little bit uneasy in that car, right?
Yeah. Now, if though you find out, like let's say that there's video, right?
And you finally find out there's video and there's a big patch of black ice.
Your mom comes in way too fast and she skids out.
You're going to feel more relaxed driving that car because it's not some giant mechanical fault.
It's bad luck, bad driving.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
So... Significant numbers of my family have suffered from mental illness.
Am I worried about becoming mentally ill?
Not even a tiny bit.
Not even a tiny little bit.
Not even one tenth of one tenth of one percent.
Am I worried about becoming mentally ill?
Because I know what they did wrong and I'm doing the opposite.
So I can relax about that.
Now, if you now know why your mother didn't make any money and you're doing the opposite, you can relax about money.
In the same way, if you know your mom hit black ice, and it's not the car, then, of course, you can be on the lookout for black ice, but the car's just not going to randomly go nuts, right?
Like, if it was the case that the Audi, with the Audi acceleration issue, which was big in the 80s, I think it was, If people genuinely believe that their Audis will just suddenly accelerate for absolutely no reason, then they're going to be kind of nervous all the time when it comes to driving an Audi.
But if they recognize, as I think it played out, that people were just hitting the gas instead of the brake because maybe they were too close together or whatever, then you're not going to feel like, oh my God, my Audi can become possessed and just out of nowhere can just start speeding like crazy and they're going to be like, oh yeah, well I'll just make sure I don't hit the gas, right?
If I make sure I don't hit the gas, I'm pretty good.
So, if you recognize that you have people around you who are dedicated to your success, hopefully you're dedicated to their success as well, then you're already doing the opposite of what your mother did.
It doesn't mean you never need to worry about money.
I mean, you always have to keep an eye on your money, but it means that you don't have to worry about things just being kind of broke like your parents did, right?
I know what my mother did to go crazy.
So I just do the opposite.
And I'm fine. And I have been fine.
And I will be fine. I mean, by the time my mom was my age, she'd been crazy for 20 years.
I'm doing fine. So does this help at all make any sense?
Yeah, totally.
But my main fear, right, is that, for example, when my mom actually ran out of money, like she...
She had a family where she could just stay with her own mother and I don't have that.
And I feel like the way I currently am, if I went homeless or something, I'd just die.
But under what circumstances you make three times what your mother made with one job, she has two, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Tell me the circumstances under which you would end up homeless.
Like if somehow my business went down and then I had like a year without any money because I have a lot of savings.
Okay, can you tell me a situation in which you would just watch your savings dwindle for a year and not do anything to make any more money?
Yeah, I don't see that happening.
I don't see that happening either.
Do you have friends who would put you up if you ran out of money?
My friends are currently, most of them are living in other states or countries.
So? What does that mean?
You'd rather be homeless in your state than living in someone's spare bedroom in another state?
I guess that's fair.
Are you married? No.
No. Okay, well that means that you don't have people around you who are committed to you getting married, but that's perhaps a topic for another time.
Okay, so you have friends who would put you up while you got back on your feet, right?
Do you have friends if they ran across, if they came into really hard times, like they ran out of money, do you have friends that you would put up in your house or your apartment if they really fell on hard times?
Yeah, like pay for their rent and stuff.
Yeah, I got it.
Do you have friends that you feel comfortable lending money to and borrowing money from?
Yes. Okay, so you're fine.
Because you've got three things.
Well, you've got four things. One, you've got a job.
Two, you've got savings.
Three, you've got friends who would put you up.
Four, you have friends who would lend you money, right?
Yeah. There's no way...
Oh, and also, there's a welfare state that you've been paying into.
There's unemployment insurance.
Maybe you're self-employed. You don't have it.
But there's shelters.
There's lots of places so you don't end up on the streets, right?
So you have layers and layers of layers of protection between you and the streets, right?
Mm-hmm. Okay, let me ask you this.
Do you drive a car?
No, I don't drive. You don't drive?
Okay. Do you take airplanes?
No. I never took an airplane.
Never took an airplane. Do you take the bus?
I just walk places, actually.
Okay, you walk. Okay, do you cross the street?
Mm-hmm. Do you worry about being killed by a car when you cross the street?
No. All right.
You could be, right? Yeah, I could.
Right? Do you say, well, I need to walk somewhere, but I don't want to get...
I don't want a car to lose control and come up on the sidewalk.
I don't want a motorcycle to speed through a red light and hit me and kill me.
You deal with that because those are like, this just risks part of life, right?
Like I wake up one day, I got a big lump in my neck.
Oh, it's cancer. That's just life.
That's just stuff that happens.
I wasn't a smoker. I don't, right?
So... There's just risks associated with being alive, right?
Yeah. Now, the odds of you ending up homeless are practically zero.
I mean, you could say theoretically, blah, blah, blah, but I mean, theoretically, that's like saying, well, you know, an airplane could crash into my house tomorrow and I'll be dead.
It's like, yes, but we don't really worry about these things, right?
Yeah. So, if you've got a social circle, I mean, the best defense against homelessness is being married, right?
But you've got a social circle, you've got a job, you've got savings, you've got a welfare state, you've got people who will lend you money, and you've got a good work ethic, and you've got experience, right?
I mean, how long have you been working in your current job?
About like a year and a little bit.
Okay, and how much work experience do you have as a whole, like when you got your first job to now?
Not much more than that.
Oh, so you're very young, is that right?
Yeah, I'm very young and just...
So that's even better.
So you're very young and you're making three times what your mom made, working only one job she had too, right?
Yeah. Okay. Is your parents, are they still together?
Yeah. No.
No, okay. Maybe.
I don't know. So, I will tell you what I think is really going on and you can tell me if I'm full of crap, right?
I think that your real fear is that your mom's going to run out of money and come knocking on your door.
I mean, she already did.
And? I blocked her.
And? I've never spoken to her since.
Do you think that she might just show up on your doorstep?
I haven't revealed my address to her, and I am scared of that, actually.
I'm very, like, finding...
Right.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, it kind of happened to me, oddly enough.
Like, I put my mom on a bus.
She wanted to go elsewhere in the country...
When I was 15 and then when I was 17 or 18, just got a phone call.
She's like, I'm across the street, got no place to stay.
It's kind of alarming, right?
It's a bit of a random event to deal with, to live with, right?
So, okay, let's play it out.
Let's say that your mom knocks on your door in the next five minutes.
What are you going to do? Call the cops.
So you would get her taken into social services, you'd make sure she got the right, because she might be, you know, she might need mental health services, she might need a whole bunch of things, right?
Right. Now, that would be upsetting, though, obviously.
I mean, it would be a difficult thing to do, right?
Yeah, like, I just try to avoid her at this point.
No, I get that. I get that.
I get that. Okay, so if you can just play over that scenario in your head and realize that you can handle and manage that one as well, I think you'll be fine.
And if you can recognize that you have zero practical possibility of ending up homeless.
And I guarantee you this, even if for some reason you woke up homeless, You would climb yourself out of being homeless in about a day.
Because you would go to a shelter, you would get support, you would get groceries, you would get a temporary address, you would get a job, you would just climb your way out.
Even if the unimaginable happened and you did wake up homeless or something, you'd just climb your way out of it.
But you've got friends, you've got savings, you're not going to end up homeless.
It's not going to happen. And you don't want your parents' fear to become your fear.
Your parents' anxiety about money is there to teach you to do the opposite.
My mother's dedication to subjectivism and mysticism and anti-rationalism Was there to teach me to do the exact opposite and thus have very robust mental health, despite some extraordinary life pressures, right?
To have very robust mental health for the course of my life.
So you can learn from your parents, and rather than repeat their mistakes, learn from what they did wrong, do the opposite, and that's the best way you can honor whatever they did, if that makes sense.
And it sounds like you're on that way, just probably need to make it a bit more conscious, if that makes sense.
Yeah, but I've been trying to not be like them.
And I always said this innate, I guess, has been drilled into me by her.
Also, when I went grocery shopping, oh, you can't buy this extra dollar thing.
It's insane.
Oh, no, no, I get that.
And listen, some of the habits that you have growing up poor are good habits to have.
I mean, I grew up very poor.
I still look for deals.
I still collect coupons.
I still will try to make sure that I'll buy the cheapest thing that I can still like.
It's just a habit, right?
That's fine. It saved me thousands and thousands of dollars over the years, which I can then invest in upgrading my studio.
So it's a good deal as far as that goes.
So I wouldn't disrespect some of the lessons that you learned from growing up poor.
But you don't want to have that poverty-frightened mindset.
That's kind of exhausting, if that makes sense.
Yeah. I always feel if I'm going to make an investment or something, it should make me money back.
Then I think about some of the big investments I need to make, and they aren't going to make me money back, and I get extremely worried.
Yeah, I mean, but it's not all just about money.
This goes back to the former conversation about...
The car, right?
Is there a cheaper car that most people can buy?
Yes, there is. And if all you do is go for the very cheapest thing, that can cost you sexual market value.
Right? I mean, a woman likes to be picked up on a date in a car.
And if it's a nice car, that's better.
And you can say, but that's irrational, blah, blah, blah.
Well, yeah, but, I mean, life is not just about pure reason and efficiency, right?
I mean, I remember this is something that struck me because when I first started studying economics, I thought everything was about economic efficiency.
It was about economic efficiency.
And then I remember an economist talking about spending money on a hobby.
Now, The economic efficiency part of me says that if you have a hobby, let's say you collect, I don't know, what would be a hobby that, a model railroad, right?
Let's say you have a hobby and it's a model railroad, right?
Okay, so you could spend thousands of dollars on this model railroad.
And I remember an economist saying that there's no economist in the world who can tell you whether that's a good or bad idea.
Rod Stewart, of all people, that gravel-voiced Scottish ex-soccer player singer of Do You Think I'm Sexy, has a big, giant-ass model train set, right?
Spent a huge amount of money, I can imagine, right?
Okay. There's no economist alive who can tell you whether taking your hard-earned money and spending it on...
A model train set is a good or bad idea.
I remember when I first read that, it just kind of blew my mind.
Because you sit there and say, well, it's economically efficient to save your money rather than spend it on something that's consumable and not economically productive, such as a model railroad.
You know, when I watched the movie, Jamie Foxx played Ray Charles, right?
Hit the road, Jack. And, of course, Ray Charles, in his house, he had no paintings.
Why? Because he's blind. Why would he have paintings, right?
So, you know, look around the house.
It's got paintings. You've got, you know, if you live with a woman, you've probably got way too many pillows on the...
Well, everywhere. It's just pillow, pillow, pillow, right?
It's just some weird fetish.
They collect pillows like Rod Stewart collects trophies, Grammys, and model trains.
So, this consumption over and above the bare minimum, well, that's the whole fucking point.
of having a free market is to get over the bare minimum and consume your resources for the sake of enjoyment.
Right? I've developed a bit of a taste for kombucha drinks.
I find them, you know, very lightly sugared, pretty tasty, and not too bad for my digestion.
Now, I could have tap water.
I could have filtered water.
That would be cheaper Than kombucha.
I have a bit of a fetish for nice coffee.
I could have instant coffee which would be cheaper.
I could do these shows with bad microphones and bad recording equipment.
I could have bad cameras.
Now, you could say that the show is an economic investment, so let's just stick with the kombucha and my coffee, right?
Do I spend more than I need to on these things?
Absolutely. But no economist alive can tell me that that's a good or bad thing.
It is not more economically productive or better or good or positive to save your money rather than spend it on good coffee.
Would it be... It's economically advantageous from a purely numbers standpoint for Rod Stewart, the famous singer, to not spend money on his model train set.
Yes, he would have more money in the bank.
But so what? What is the purpose of what we do?
Is the purpose for us to accumulate the maximum amount of resources?
We're going to die either way.
Is it cheaper to cook your own food or cheaper to eat out?
Well, it's cheaper to cook your own food, for the most part.
My friends and I, when we were teenagers, we used to have these, we called them the decadent dinners.
So what we would do is we would pool our money together and we would go to the grocery store and we would buy the most expensive thing in whatever category we had.
We'd go to the seafood aisle and we'd buy the most expensive shrimp.
And then we would go to the steak aisle and we'd buy the most expensive steak.
And then we would buy the most expensive vegetables to make a salad.
We would buy the most expensive ingredients for a dessert.
And then we would just have this meal.
We'd all sit together and cook and chat and just...
And I remember very clearly, this is back when imported coffees were just becoming a thing, I guess in the 80s, right?
And we would go...
To the coffee shop and we would buy this Ethiopian coffee.
Find a ground and we'd mix it in a bodum.
And we'd have these just unbelievably fantastic meals.
But they really weren't that expensive.
Because we all chipped in.
It would be maybe $25, $30 a head.
Maybe $20, $25 a head.
I mean, this is more money back then than it is now.
But it was still way cheaper than going to a restaurant.
Now, would it have been cheaper for us to buy ramen noodles and eat some vitamin pills or something?
I don't know. Whatever would be cheap. Yes, it would be.
Absolutely. Absolutely cheaper.
But so what? I have the memories of these great meals with good friends and a rare moment of luxury.
In a half-starved existence when I was a kid.
I mean, there were times when I was hungry as a kid.
There were times when I had to hang around friends' places hoping for an invite to dinner.
And... There were times when I was locked out and I would have to go hunting in the woods for a spring to drink from because I'd be so thirsty.
I mean... It's not the worst, there's lots of worse poverty, but you know, as far as my social circle went, it was pretty, pretty bad, right?
So, if we think that we're just here to hoard, we're not.
If we think we're just here to save and scrimp and accumulate, we're not.
Accumulate for what?
You can always buy used clothing.
You can always live in the cheapest possible place.
And I have. I mean, I think the cheapest place I ever lived in was a tiny two-room basement apartment with no access to any sunlight whatsoever for $240 a month in Montreal when I first went to the National Theatre School.
I had a futon on the floor and a table I found in a garbage dump with two mismatched chairs and a fridge.
The freezer didn't even work.
That's $240 a month.
And that's fine. I was a...
I mean, I lived in a tent before that up north.
So... You can always spend less on anything.
What do you need a cell phone for?
You can just get a rotary dial or you can get a flip phone for $20.
You can always spend less.
But then you don't have cool photos.
You don't have nice videos of interesting moments in your life.
You don't have quick and easy contact with friends.
You may be not able to listen to this show.
You can always spend the bare minimum and accumulate maximum resources.
For what? For what?
It's a big question in philosophy.
For what? Compare it to what?
And for what? So let's say that you spend the bare minimum.
You've got ratty t-shirts. You've got old shoes.
You've got torn jeans.
You've got stained hats.
And you don't, you know, physically you don't have to shave.
You've got a neck beard. Right?
You save money on soap.
You only bathe once or twice a week.
Okay. So you've got all these extra resources.
For what? No sane woman is going to go out with you when you look homeless.
I'm not talking to the listener here.
I'm just talking in general. So you saved all these resources.
I do look homeless. Oh, yeah.
So you've got all these resources, and what, are you going to have them buried with you when you die without any kids because no woman will date you?
Spend a little. Flash yourself up a little.
Make yourself look good. Make yourself look pretty.
Show some extra resources.
Flaunt a little. Strut a little.
Life's a dance. Get on the floor.
Shake your ass!
Shake your money maker!
So, yeah, I hope that helps.
But that was sort of my thoughts about this kind of stuff.
A woman is not going to be very attracted to a man who's very frightened he's going to end up homeless.
So, all right.
Thanks. We can do one more quick call.
If anybody has an issue or question, you can raise your hand.
Thank you so much for calling in to all the callers tonight.
I appreciate that. But yeah, if you want to raise your hand, if you've got a question or a comment, I'm happy to hear.
Or we can shut down. Oh gosh, it's been over two hours already.
My gosh, time flies when you're with good boon companions of chattiness.
I'll just pause here in case anybody has a question or comment.
See if I can catch up on the chat here.
Yes, Mr. Mark.
What's on your mind, brother? I think we've chatted before, am I right?
Yeah, we did. Yeah, it was fun.
I'll just throw this out there.
This is probably something you don't normally come across, but I spent an hour outside my house on the sidewalk comforting some fellow.
He was like about a 26-year-old carpenter.
And he just was having the worst month ever, and for some reason he just decided to let loose.
So I just spent an hour outside just comforting him.
So I was just thinking that with philosophy, there should be, you know, like a lot of that type of thing, a lot of people available to be able to vent to like that.
You know, in the ideal world, a guy like that should be able to walk down the street and have, you know, Go a kilometer and there should be like five people willing to listen to him and calm him down.
I think that...
Anyway, what do you think about that, if anybody were to come across that?
Well, I mean, that's sort of been one of my gigs, right, for 16 years and even longer before that.
I've always been somebody really fascinated by people's lives as a whole, right?
Right, so my daughter wanted to feed some ducks today, and so we ordered some sandwiches when we were out, and we forgot to save bits of the sandwiches to feed the ducks.
And so I went up and chatted to the sandwich makers and said, listen, it's an art request.
Do you have a little scrap of bread that I could get just to go and feed some ducks, blah, blah, blah?
They were getting the bread.
And I asked them, you know, how did you end up working in the sandwich shop?
Where are you from?
You know, and I just – I love everyone's story.
I'm always curious about everyone's story.
If I could stop everyone and cross-examine them for the whole day or the whole week, I would.
Time is limited, so – I think it is really important that if you are in a position where you can give someone comfort, it's really, really worth it.
We should never be in such a hurry that we can't take a pause and give someone some real comfort, wherever possible.
I'm sure that everyone, whoever listens to this, has memories of a particular kindness that really stood out in their lives, where somebody stopped and took the time To say something kind, to shoulder a burden, to help you lift something, to help you carry something, to, you know, I mean, if you're out there and you see a woman struggling with her groceries, then creep up behind her.
Now, let's just say, hey, can I help?
Or let me help you with that.
Or, you know, if you see somebody in a parking lot of a...
A grocery store, they've got a bunch of kids, and they've just finished, just offered to take their cart back.
You know, just little things.
You know, if I'm going through a drive-through, quite often we'll just pay for the person behind me and drive off.
And just little things where you can leave someone a really good tip if they've been really nice.
Just try and do these positive things in life that can make such a difference.
Because if people, you know, if they've grown up in a mean family, they're probably surrounded by mean people because nice people don't want to be around mean people.
Anything that breaks those habits, anything that breaks those patterns can be just enormously beneficial.
So I think that what you did was wonderful.
I think it probably is a life-changing event for someone because now they know that there's a kindness possible that they may not have imagined was possible before or may not have even thought existed.
So, man, good for you.
That's a beautiful thing to do.
Yeah, I was just thinking that, you know, you're promoting philosophy and that's what I'm describing is the type of thing that should Start to duplicate all over the place, you know?
Not just you, but, you know, get a bunch of other people to do that type of thing, too.
Encourage other people. That's, you know, that would be the good thing.
That's a good thing about it. Yeah, I was actually at a swimming pool not too long ago with my family, and there was this guy, he recognized me, and he's like, hey, man,
you know, I... You know, I got a bunch of kids and I feel like I should be doing more, but I'm nervous and, you know, I don't want to get targeted and, you know, and he was really quite tortured because he wanted to be a good father and, you know, he felt that that meant saving the world and making everything right and protecting them from, you know, creeping socialism or whatever is happening.
And, you know, he sort of poured his heart out and I listened and I was curious and I won't get into much of the advice, but I just mentioned that his primary duty is to be there for his kids.
And if going around trying to save the world means that he can't be there for his kids, then I think he's missed the point.
First and foremost, you're there for your kids.
There's time to work on social issues when you get older, but if it drags you away from your kids to the point where they grew up half without a father because you're out there battling things, Then that can be...
I mean, this is something, of course, I've had to, you know, really focus on myself.
Focus on what you can change. But if you choose to have children, you owe them your time and attention first and foremost.
And after that, if you can do it without being at the detriment of your relationship to your children, go for it.
But don't put yourself in significant risk for the sake of things that you really can't change anyway, if it's going to harm your capacity to be a good parent, blah, blah, blah, right?
So, yeah. You know, 20-minute conversation, and I think I could see that I did some real good for him and gave him some real ease when it came to, you know, sometimes we just need that outside perspective and gave him some real ease.
So, yeah, these kinds of things can be just a beautiful thing to do, and I think it's really wonderful that you took that time for that person.
It's a huge difference, and it is a little sad, of course, that he has to come to you rather than the people in his life, but maybe that can change over time as well.
Yeah, I mean, any one of us could come across someone like that who needs just a shoulder to cry on.
But I think that listening to your show and listening to how you talk to other people is a way for other people to figure out what to say.
I think so. I mean, obviously, I don't want to be the only person who does this.
Hopefully, it's replicable in some manner.
Well, thank you, and it's a real pleasure to chat with you again, and thanks everyone so much for a wonderful evening's conversation.
Such, such a pleasure and an honor to chat with you guys.
Have yourselves a wonderful evening and weekend, and I will talk to you.
I might try and do something on Sunday, but I have a couple of other things planned already.
More call-in shows are coming, and thank you everyone for your patience.
I had a bunch to process.
It took a little while. And we will get those out over the next couple of days.
Have yourself a wonderful evening. Please don't forget to get my free books, freedomain.com slash books.
For my nonfiction, you can go to almostnovel.com and you can go to justpoornovel.com for my fiction, which I prefer to my nonfiction, frankly.
And you can also go to fdrurl.com slash tgoa for The God of Atheists and my new book, The Future, which you can get!
at freedomain.locals.com, the premier free domain community on the web.
Thanks everyone so much.
Love you guys. Take care.
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