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Oct. 2, 2021 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
49:05
ALL THE FREEDOM YOU CAN HANDLE
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Is there anything that can be done when people have these delusions, aside from questioning them?
So you need to figure out, I think, I would suggest, that it's worth trying to figure out why people are wedded to their delusions.
Why are they wedded to their delusions?
Now, take an example.
Somebody works for a tax collection agency, then the taxation is theft stuff and you might be not a great guy in the eyes of history in the future.
It's not really going to go very far.
If somebody's a public school teacher and you talk about the corruption of the public school unions and the corruption of the curriculum and it's weird and creepy these days and very anti-white and anti-healthy sexuality and so on, well, Their paycheck and their sense of self-respect, their social circle, everything just depends on this, right?
So, you're not going to be able...
You know, it's the old thing. If you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
If you have them by the wallet, their soul and conscience will follow.
Soul and conscience won't get far, but they'll ignore that.
So, you have to look at what their stakes are.
What are their stakes? I've never had it myself...
And I've had a lot of experience with this.
I've never had it myself, when somebody has publicly come out with extreme hostility and aggression towards me, which is very unwarranted, right?
The harder they punch, the less they will change.
So if somebody's been really hostile and aggressive towards you, the odds of them changing are zero.
Now, is it possible?
Sure. If you jump out of a plane over a city, is it possible for you to survive?
I suppose. You could fall into some hay bale.
You could, I don't know, something, right?
There's a possibility that you could, you know, they always do this in cartoons, you fall through a bunch of awnings, and then you just, is it possible for you to survive?
Sure it is. But it's effectively zero.
Because if somebody was trying to push you out of a plane, you'd fight like they were trying to kill you.
You wouldn't sit there and say, well, maybe I'll fall through some awnings, or I'll bounce off some hay bales, or there's some deep lake there, or there's some open sewage hole that I'll fall into with the sewage, and it will break my...
Like, you just say, the guy is trying to push me out, but the plane is trying to kill me.
So, for the OCD anal among you, when I say zero and you immediately want to say, well, that's a possible...
Like, no. The effectiveness is zero.
And what I mean by that is, could you save for your retirement by playing the lottery?
Sure. Could it happen that you will end up with wonderful retirement because you played the lottery?
Yeah. You know, there's a 1 in 50 million chance, a 1 in 10 million chance that...
But it's effectively zero, because you can't have to make a plan for that.
You can't have a plan for that.
It's not a sane or rational plan.
So the effect of zero is really important.
I mean, this is the one thing that you...
Okay, there's stuff that's impossible, right?
If you get ejected from a spaceship with no spacesuit on, if you get ejected from a spaceship in the void of outer space, you cannot survive, 100%.
You will die. Right?
And you won't even die from lack of oxygen, like you'll explode, right?
Because there's no air pressure to keep you, right?
So that's 100%.
100%.
You know, somebody, I don't know, jams a shotgun in your mouth and pulls the trigger, you're not going to survive.
They hold you underwater for 20 minutes, you're dead.
Like no breathing apparatus, right?
So there's some stuff where, yeah, it's zero.
And then there's a lot of stuff that's so close to zero, you plan for zero.
It's so close to zero, it's exactly the same for zero as zero in terms of planning.
Right? I mean, is it possible that someone could call me tomorrow from YouTube and say, oh, you know what?
Did we ever make a mistake?
Your channel is totally restored.
Is that possible? Yeah.
Yeah. Is it going to happen?
No. It could happen.
It's like, yes, but the functional, practical aspect of things is zero.
What you plan for, what you aim for, what you base your decisions on is zero.
You don't say, but a sliver, but a 0.001.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
Like, you know, the statistic I quoted the other day, a healthy 30-year-old American has a one in 250,000 chance of dying from COVID.
That's zero.
For planning purposes, right?
In the same way that you don't say goodbye to everyone, hope that you'll see them again, but you might not.
Here's my will, last will and testament, here's where my life insurance is, because I'm driving to the grocery store to get some cream and I could get killed in the car.
Could you get killed in the car on the way to the grocery store?
Yes. Yes.
Will you get killed in a car crash sitting on your couch?
No. Could you get killed in a car crash on the road driving to the grocery store to get your cream?
Yes. But it's effectively zero.
And that's what we do. We get into our cars and we drive like we're not going to die.
Could we die? Yes. But what do we plan for that we're not?
So the difference between zero and effectively zero is really, really important to understand.
And the reason I'm saying all of this is that the sliver of hope is a bad idea, man.
Well, I didn't save my retirement, but maybe I could win the lottery.
You understand? So thinking you could win the lottery to save for your retirement, to pay for your retirement, thinking, well, I'll win the lottery, what that means is that you will save less for your retirement because you've got this sliver of hope.
The reason why you have to say it's effectively zero is because thinking it's not zero changes what you do.
It changes your behavior.
You go, oh, well, I could pay for my retirement by winning the lottery.
Then your discipline in saving for your retirement will go down because you've got this magic.
You understand? You've got this magic that could happen.
So it's really important to nail shut the coffin of effectively zero.
If I genuinely thought, yeah, there's a chance I could get the call from YouTube or Twitter or PayPal tomorrow and they've restored every...
Come on.
Do they restore? Yeah, they do.
One of Ron Paul's channels got nuked off YouTube and then they restored it because they'd made a mistake or whatever.
But, you know, not, what is it, well over a year now, right?
So, you have to work with effectively zero.
Could you get hit by an asteroid walking tomorrow?
You, not the asteroid, walking.
Could you get hit by an asteroid tomorrow?
Yes. Do you live your life that way?
No. The odds are so close to zero that they're effectively zero.
Because, of course, if you genuinely thought that there was a possibility that you were going to get hit by an asteroid tomorrow, you'd stay in a bunker, right?
Like, it would change your life.
You'd be dancing in the sky and walk into traffic and get killed by a car.
So the effective zero thing means you have to stop magical thinking and saying just because something is possible doesn't mean that you should act as if it is.
Just because something is possible doesn't mean you should act as if it is.
Is it possible that you have a creeping aneurysm that's undetected that's going to kill you in the next five minutes?
Yes, I suppose it is.
Do you have some heart blockage?
I don't know, whatever, right? That's...
Right? Yeah, it's possible.
Do you live that way? No. You don't.
Is it possible you're going to live for 200 years?
No. Is it possible you're going to live for 100?
Yeah, it's unlikely, but you could.
So what do you plan for? So...
The effectively zero is really important and you've got to wedge that as wide as humanly possible.
As wide as humanly possible so that you don't spend your life, waste your life on the slim to none.
On the slim to none.
Is it possible that my mother could call me tomorrow and she said, you know, I've been listening to your show.
You really did make a great case for therapy.
I went to go and see a therapist.
I've really been talking things through.
By gosh, I really understand things and blah, blah, blah, right?
Is that possible? Yeah.
It's statistically possible.
But it's zero. And then, of course, the people are like, but it's not zero.
Yes, it is zero. It absolutely is zero.
Because the moment it's not zero, it changes my behavior for the worse.
Because then I sit and wait and mull over it and wonder what I'll say.
And I waste time for things that will functionally never happen.
You have to take the slim to none's and eliminate them completely.
Could you have a distant relative who will die and give you a million dollars that you didn't even know?
This actually happened to a friend of mine.
It actually happened to a friend of mine.
He was broke.
And a relative in another country died, had no kids, and he was the closest living relative.
They were not a very fecund group.
And he literally woke up and was over a million dollars richer.
It happens.
Do you plan for that?
No. Is it possible?
Sure. Just like the Nigerian prince could be, wanting to move all that money with using your bank.
Yeah, it's possible. But you act like that.
No. So, in order to have a productive, efficient, and happy life, you have to, have to, have to.
Like, I'm really, I'm on my knees begging you.
I'd command you if I could. You have to take the slim to none's and sweep them completely off the table of your life.
You've got to evaluate this shit ruthlessly, rigorously, harshly.
And you've got to get the slim to none's and just wipe that, like just yeet it right off your table.
Take it out of your calculations.
If you've got someone who's been mean or boring or abusive or indifferent or careless or dangerous or addicted for five years, could they change?
Sure. Is it possible?
Yes, it is possible. But planning as if it's possible will change your life for the worse.
Is it, you know, you've got some, I don't know, your mom has been like, I don't know, boring, abusive, dangerous, upsetting, troublesome, difficult, obstructive, petty, vindictive, whatever, right?
And you've known her for like 40 years.
Could she change tomorrow? Yeah.
Is she going to? No.
Oh, but no, no.
You've got to be firm with this stuff.
Got to be firm with this stuff.
The slim to none's will destroy your life.
I'm not kidding you about that.
The slim to none's will absolutely destroy your life because they will keep you in an orbit of nothing, in an orbit of waiting, in an orbit of the worst four-letter word in the world, hope.
Because you'll sit there and say, oh, my mom could change, blah, blah, blah.
Meanwhile, you're getting older and all the decent women are staying away because you're a bitch of a mom.
And you end up with no life, no marriage, no kids.
You're fucked in life because you've been, the slim to none got you and choked the living life out of you and got you to waste your life waiting for something.
It's not coming. Oh, but there's a chance.
No! Zero chance.
Oh, but zero points. No, zero.
Be disciplined.
Be disciplined.
Maybe I'm a chain smoker, but there's a possibility it won't harm my health.
George Burns smoked cigars and lived to be 100.
No. No.
Absolutely not. You think you're going to live on the edges of the bell curve?
You just miss everything.
Discipline. It's taking that slim to none shit, pouring gasoline on it and burning it down and cheering.
Liberation from fantasy.
You want people in your life to be liberated from delusion?
How about you liberate yourself from delusion that you can liberate them from delusion?
You understand? That slim-to-none shit is dark, slippery, quicksand, murkwoods of doom that you will get lost in and expire.
And you will lose everything, everything, on the slim-to-nones.
Is it possible some CNN-addicted NPC person is going to wake up to philosophical truth and reality?
Sure. But no.
Yes, but no. Yes, it's possible, but no, you do not act as if it's possible.
You do not act as if it's possible.
Or you will lose everything.
Everything. If you want to give up...
Here's the thing.
If you want to help the people in your life who have delusions, the first thing you need to give up is every delusion you have.
You know, oxygen mask on yourself, then you help the people around you.
Because if you're sitting there trying to, oh, there's a slim to none, but slim chance that I could change the person who's an NPC, and then you say, well, you know, you've got to give up your delusions, and they're like, hello, do you know who I am?
I'm not going to change, and you're still trying to change me.
Who are you to talk about giving up delusions?
You model the giving up delusions.
You model what you want in the world, and then you see who comes along.
That's how you change things.
That's how things get better in the world.
You model absolutely deeply and compellingly what you want in the world.
You show it to everyone in the glory of your integrity and consistency.
You show it. You manifest it.
You live the shit out of it.
And you see who wants to come along.
That's what you do. You don't nag.
You don't boss. You don't bully.
You don't bank like a cringing dog.
You don't hope. You don't circle, you don't...
You've got some fat guy on the couch, you want him to lose weight.
You're fat too. You're going to sit there and lift his arms for him?
Shake his legs? Look, you're exercising!
Yay! No.
You can't ever get him to lose weight if he doesn't want to, if you're still fat.
Because they'll just look at you and say, who the hell are you to talk to me about?
The virtues and values of being slender when you're fat.
That's vanity, right?
That's arrogance. That's somehow people will ignore what you're doing because you're saying stuff that's different.
If you want people to be free of illusions around you, you must relentlessly expose And reintegrate the false self-delusions that are surrounding you in the hall of mirrors where you move and you think that the planet is changing.
No, it's just a hall of mirrors reflecting your movements.
You want people to give up their fat, you lose the weight.
You want people to give up their delusions, you give up your delusions.
You want people to value freedom.
Don't be enslaved to their fucking delusions.
You understand? When you are desperately trying to change people who refuse to change, you are saying that the best thing that free people can do is be a slave to other peoples.
No. No, I won't change.
No, I won't listen. No, I don't like that sauce.
No, that's too right-wing. No!
You're a racist. Oh, no, but please.
Oh, no, you gotta...
No, no, no, no.
Blech! Blech! Unworthy of any sovereign soul.
You don't give delusions power over you.
You don't give other people's delusions power over you.
In what they lie about you.
In what they do to themselves.
Because of course it's painful to watch people you care about who are lost in delusions.
I think it's painful. It's painful. I understand that.
But as long as you are feeling the pain and trying to change them, not because you want them to be free, but because you want less pain from seeing them be a slave.
But everything you do where you chase after and empower people's delusions strengthens those delusions, because now those delusions have power over you.
They can make you jump and bark and do spins and twists and look things up, right?
Don't. Freeing people It means withdrawing every, every single ounce of subjugation to their delusions.
You want to live in lies?
I think it's a bad idea.
I'm not going to do it. Off I go.
Now they may look at you and say, that's a pretty great life, man.
Come on. Tell me this.
Hit me with a why in the chat.
If you're at least as convinced by the life that I lead as the words that I say.
Hit me with a why. If you're at least as convinced by the life that I live rather than the words that I say.
Because I live my values, right?
I came from a horribly abused background.
I've been in a stable, happy 20-year marriage.
You heard my daughter. I didn't tell her to say this.
She said this the other day when we were doing the review of Cinderella.
And she said, I'm the least abused person on the planet.
Right? I'm the least abused person on the planet.
Okay, so you're all saying yes, right?
Possibly more so. Izzy is the proof.
Izzy is the proof. Okay.
So that's how you do it.
I changed your mind by how I lived.
Now, if I was enmeshed in abusive relationships and, I don't know, broke, and I was telling you all about how to be free, would you care?
No. Because we're empiricists.
That's why I've always said I'm an empiricist, right?
I'm an empiricist. This is the freedom.
My tears of joy.
Yeah, you got it, man. You got it.
The tears of joy come from this basic fact.
This is the freedom that I'm talking about.
This is the freedom that I'm talking about.
You can only liberate people by inspiration.
You cannot liberate them through language.
You cannot liberate them through arguments or facts or data or websites or graphs or charts or numbers.
You can only liberate people through inspiration.
You cannot give any fuel to any delusion in your environment.
And wanting to change people is giving power to their delusions.
Because now they have power over you because you want to change them.
You want them to give up their delusions.
And most people are so petty and lost that whenever you have a need for something from them, they will Act out power by denying you.
Do you see? I need something from you.
Oh, I have power by denying you.
I don't have any real power in my life.
Oh, but this feels good.
Oh, I at least can say no to you.
I can deny you.
I have power over you because you need something from me.
You want something from me.
And then you want them to give up that power?
No. They won't. You're feeding the beast in them.
You're trapping them. It's a form of hostility, what you're doing.
It's a form of vicious cruelty.
It's vicious. I know you think it's kind.
I know you think it's nice. I think, oh, I just want them to see the truth.
No. By needing something from them, you are empowering their delusions.
Because by retaining their delusions, they are controlling you, and they don't have much control in their life.
Why? Because they're deluded! They don't have much power over reality.
They only have power over you by hanging on to their delusions.
You follow me, right?
You follow me.
You wanting to change their delusions is serving their delusions.
You wanting to remove their delusions from them is serving their delusions because it gives the delusions power over you, which is the only power that they experience as human beings.
When you give up on reality and you focus on delusions, people wanting to talk you out of the delusions is the only power you have in the world.
Can't do it. You can't do it.
You can't do it. I mean, you can.
You can try. But it's like bribing someone to do something while you say you don't want them to do it.
You're bribing them with a sense of power while saying you should give up these delusions.
But you wanting them to give up their delusions is what gives them a sense of power over you.
It's the only sense of power they have.
We all gravitate towards a sense of power.
Everyone.
Me, you, everyone.
Don't feed them.
Don't subsidize their delusions by giving them power over you because you want to change them.
Don't feed them.
Very bad idea.
It's a very bad idea.
You will waste your life and you will just feed the demons that have control over everyone And You know this
You know this deep down, and I'll close on this.
You know this deep down.
Look. When you have done something that has added to your sense of power, what do you feel?
And you can answer this.
When you have done something where you genuinely feel empowered and in control, What is your emotional state?
If you've mastered something, if you've achieved a goal, what do you feel?
What is your emotional experience?
Satisfaction, fulfillment, power.
You feel power when you have achieved something that is positive and good for your Sense of control over the world.
You feel happy. Yeah, you feel happy, for sure.
Happiness is the reward of the achievement of efficacy.
And power. Now, I don't mean power over people like you're subjugating or controlling them, right?
Whatever it is, right? Power.
Gratitude. Yeah, gratitude for sure.
Yeah, for sure. When I get the words right, like this speech is very good, I think, very helpful.
Good means helpful. When I get it right, I get a sense of energy.
I get a sense of like a thrumming in my chest, like a giant tuning fork of truth.
I had this when I did the show with the guy.
Oh, my God. I did a show recently with a guy.
It's freedomain.locals.com.
I think it's subscriber only for now.
He was literally raised wallowing in his own urine and shit for the first couple of years of his life.
His grandmother used him to trick his mother into having an exorcism performed upon her, which he was forced to watch.
And I was really just drilling down into what happened to him and what this means about society and the world.
And I was just like, boom, boom, truth bomb, truth bomb.
And you know when you get it.
You know when you have that connection to the truth.
And the value of what it is that you're saying is like a bullet shot through a cloud of the present to a firework for eternity.
It is something that will last the test of time.
I know. I'm perfectly aware of what I'm saying now.
This little community, this little camera.
What I'm saying now will stretch through the years, through the centuries, through the millennia.
We are not the only people who have pissed away decades trying to change people without realizing we're only feeding their sense of power over us by rejecting our improvements.
So you feel this, right?
You feel what I'm saying here.
This is why some of you have tears of joy.
And will remember for the rest of your lives that you were here when this speech came out.
So you have that, right?
You have that experience, what I'm hearing in this speech.
I am empowering myself, reminding myself of all of this.
I am empowering you and you feel a sense of liberation and of joy and of happiness and of peace.
Philosophical power and peace, peace of mind, is the same thing.
Now, compare this feeling, compare this emotion, this experience, compare that to when you've just spent an hour beating your head against some deluded, matrix-dwelling NPC's brain.
What is your feeling when you are rejected and eye-rolled and humiliated and told you're annoying and told that that's not a good source and told that you're a bad person?
What is your feeling when you have tried and failed for hours or years or decades to liberate someone from their illusions?
What is your feeling?
Then hurt.
Yeah.
What is your feeling?
Soul death. Yeah, in a way, right?
Certainly sands you down, right?
You feel sad, frustrated.
Don't you feel frustrated? Paralyzed?
Helpless? Hopeless?
Humiliated? Embarrassed?
Ashamed? Less!
When you hear a speech like this, you feel more.
More possibilities, more freedom, more liberation, more self-control.
When you feed people's delusions by struggling to free them from those delusions, when you give them that power over you, when you strengthen their delusions, it weakens you.
It weakens you.
And you experience that.
If you learn to trust your feelings, See, we sit there and say, well, I tried to change so-and-so.
It didn't work. They got really insulting, kind of bored and rolled their eyes, and I just felt really, so I must have been doing it wrong.
I felt really frustrated and hurt and weak and worn down and sand down, whittled down to nothing.
I've got to get back up.
I've got to get back on the horse.
I've got to try again. You've got to trust your feelings.
That's why I talk about the emotions.
It's so important in life.
You've got to trust your feelings, my friends.
Seriously, you've got to trust your feelings.
If it diminishes you, I mean, how many times have you listened to me speak deeply about these things and walked away feeling diminished and embarrassed and humiliated and less?
Does it happen? I hope not much, right?
I hope not much, if at all.
How many times do you come out of the beat-your-head-against-the-MPC's blank wall of defiant denial and humiliation and feel empowered and strengthened and happy and efficacious?
Doesn't happen, right? Listen to your feelings.
Oh, Magnus, trust your feelings, Luke.
This is a Star Wars reference.
Right, so you get something incredibly generous and benevolent and beneficial like this, and you just have to chip it down, don't you, in your mind?
It's very sad. Come on.
You've got to chip it down.
You've got to use some stupid, cheesy pop culture reference to whittle this down and diminish it, right?
That I'm badly written science fiction dialogue.
I mean, I know you think you're being funny, but what you're trying to do is puncture the moment so that people don't get the seriousness of what I'm talking about, the liberating moment that is at hand if you want it.
It's making you uncomfortable and you need to diminish it because you feel that it dwarfs you when in fact it is trying to elevate you.
I mean, we look at a spaceship and we feel small until we remember we get in the spaceship, we can be taller than the whole world, right?
Goodbye before I cry.
What's wrong with crying? It's the rain that waters the future.
Often, right? You need to examine your feeling.
If you feel lesser after an interaction, you feel diminished, you feel weakened, you feel humiliated, you feel embarrassed, you feel less.
You weren't joking, sorry.
You say I was joking, sorry, and I appreciate that.
No, but the question is, why were you joking in such a serious moment where people are poised on the flight of liberation away from wasting their lives trying to change people that they're surrendering power to by trying to change?
Like, that's not a joking situation, is it?
I've got a good sense of humor.
This is not a joking situation.
You're joking to keep people trapped.
You're trying to make them laugh so hard as they're trying to get out of quicksand so that they fall into the quicksand.
I'm not being too harsh.
You think this is harsh?
I'm not insulting him. I'm simply pointing out that he's feeling the need to puncture the seriousness of what we're talking about by making stupid jokes.
And it's a stupid joke. And that's important.
What would be really disrespectful to the guy, to him, and listen, I say this out of love, I'm not being mean to the guy, What would be really disrespectful for him would be to not point this out, this habit of diminishing the seriousness of a powerful moment by dragging people away from it.
Just a stupid Star Wars reference, right?
It was not my intention.
See, but you don't even know. This is the thing, man.
This is the defensiveness that you got from your parents.
You don't know what your intention was.
Jokes are not subjective.
Otherwise there'd be no such thing as comedians.
Jokes are not subjective. And joking in a serious moment where people, like, you understand, this is a moment where people in the chat are weeping with joy at the power of what we're talking about here.
This is a moment where people are weeping with joy because they're feeling such an immense sense of liberation and potential.
And you drag in a stupid Star Wars reference.
And I'm not calling you stupid, right?
But the reference is stupid. So there's a seriousness in the air, in the conversation, and a very powerful moment of liberation for human beings.
Here. And I'm not trying to insult you, and I'm not saying you're a bad guy or anything like that, but you wanting to puncture that moment is really important.
You wanting to diminish and puncture that moment.
People are crying tears of liberation in what I'm saying.
And you have to back away from that, and you have to diminish that, or you feel that you have to.
And again, I'm not trying to insult you.
I'm just pointing out that you're doing that mostly to yourself.
Because it's going to...
You wouldn't make this joke at a funeral, right?
And this is a funeral of people's delusions.
People are feeling tears of joy, being released from the delusion of wanting to change others.
And you wouldn't make this joke at a funeral, would you?
I mean, if your grandmother was up there crying about how much she loved her husband, you wouldn't say, trust your feelings, Luke!
Because that would be a serious and powerful moment, right?
And you would have respect for that, I would hope, I would think.
And you just are recoiling from the depth of the moment.
And what I'm saying by that is that there are people in your life, you see, I'm teaching you how to not give a drug to addicts.
The drug called, I want to change you.
I need to change you. I need you to be free from your delusions.
I'm telling you, stop being a drug dealer and go and be free.
Now, there are people in your life who desperately, you understand, there are people in your life who desperately want you to keep trying to change them because that's the only sense of power, control, and efficacy and superiority that they have.
And they will be immensely disappointed if you walk away from trying to change them.
It could be in your marriage. It could be in your Sibling relationships, could be a parental relationship, your work relationship, friendships, extended family.
There are people who desperately need you to come back and keep trying to change them because it gives them power and superiority, particularly moral superiority.
They get to feel...
And God forbid society run out of the unvaccinated.
Who on earth will they then lord it over and bully?
So what's happening is there are people who are sensing the liberation in what it is that I'm saying.
And you are delivering a message from the people who desperately need you, the listeners, to go back and keep trying to change them because it gives them a sense of power control and superiority.
Moral superiority in particular.
So you're trying to diminish this moment so people don't get a sense of the liberation that they're experiencing.
You are sending a message from the people who want to still enslave everyone in this conversation.
Come back and change me. Come on.
Come on. Try and change me. Come on.
Maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it.
Come back. Try and change me. Come on.
Come on. So I can have power over you.
So I can reject you. So I can feel superior to you.
So I can make you dance.
For me. That power over you.
So you want to diminish people's tears of joy so that they will continue to be delivered to the people who are addicted to them wanting to change those people.
That just means that they're in your head and they're running a good chunk of what it is that you want to do.
Which means that you, obviously, really want to change people around you, desperately want to change people around you, which is actually their desire, not yours.
You understand? If you're trying to change, let's say, Sue, some woman named Sue in your life, you're trying to change her, you want to change her, you keep going back, you email her, you send her messages, you talk, you understand?
That's The desire to change her comes from her, not you.
Because she wants you to try and change her.
It gives her power over you. And she doesn't have much power because she's a social metaphysician.
She's not connected to reality.
She's connected to opinions.
Or CNN, or whatever, right?
So Sue, Susan, the desire to want to change Susan comes from Susan, not you.
You are a slave to her desire for you to change her.
To want to change her. Come on.
If you were dating a woman, you kept taking her out on expensive trips, but she knew that the moment she slept with you, you'd leave her?
Is she going to sleep with you?
No, because not sleeping with you gets her more benefits than sleeping with you.
Not changing gets Susan and other people more benefit from you than changing.
Because the moment that they change, they go from a position of power to a position of desperation.
From weakness, from power to supplication.
Because if they join you on the I want to change people side, right, then they're no longer on the position of withholding change and thus having power over others.
Now they're on your side, which is the begging, supplicating, please change so I can be happy.
I am a slave to you not changing.
Now who voluntarily wants to go from master to slave?
Who wants to go from a high power, moral superiority situation to a low power, desperate, begging dog situation?
No! They're not going to change because you want them to change.
They won't surrender high power for low power.
They won't surrender plus power to minus power.
They won't surrender moral superiority to cringing dog begging nothingness.
They won't do it.
They won't do it. You're asking a hungry hyena to give up a fresh kill.
They won't do it. You've set it up so that they are absolutely guaranteed to never change.
Which is why I'm saying that if the Slim to Nuns, if you work on the Slim to Nuns, you're doomed.
Because you would change your behavior to turn the Slim to Nuns into a nothing.
And you are the nothing. If you want people to change, you have to stop giving them the drug of wanting to change them.
The power of wanting to change them.
The superiority that they feel because you're desperately wanting to change them.
You know, if you've ever had a salesman really be persistent, it gives you a sense of power, right?
This guy's really persistent.
He really wants to buy the product.
I can just say no. It keeps coming back, right?
Now, I don't think it's particularly true for you guys because you're into philosophy, but come on.
If you think that the real change comes from stopping wanting to change people, because right now you're subsidizing them not changing by constantly wanting them to change, giving them a sense of power.
You stop wanting to change them, they'll miss it like you won't even believe.
You won't miss it. It's never going to happen.
The more you try to change people, The more possible it is for them to change.
Because you're bribing them with more and more power trying to get them to give up power.
But they're addicted to power.
You can't do that. It's like giving someone more heroin to give up heroin.
I mean, come on. Except there's no ODing on power.
Well, social collapse, I guess.
So... When you stop trying to change people, you feel this great sense of relief.
I can have a life.
I'm not a cringing, begging dog pawing at people to change, thus affirming that they will never change.
God, I can find people who are already changed or already in the process of changing.
I don't have to beg for the rest of my mortal fucking existence.
I don't have to keep buying boats and trying to turn them into cars with my bare hands.
I can just go and buy a car.
I don't have to wake people up.
I can just go and hang out with people who are already awake.
And I won't be subjugated to other people's denial of change anymore.
I won't be feeding their lust for power by desperately needing them to change, thus affirming they never ever will.
I'm free. Oh, thank God.
Free at last. So it's a huge benefit for you.
They'll hate it. Other people will hate it.
The people you're trying to change, that you withdraw this drug of needing them to change, this power, moral superiority, this power over you that they have, you take away that power, You get to the core of their helplessness.
You push them closer to the core of their helplessness.
By no longer wanting to change them, you're not giving them the drug that they mistake for power.
You take that away. How are they going to react?
They don't want you to do that.
They want you to keep trying to change them, which is why you get stuck in these revolving door conversations that never lead anywhere.
They'll accuse you of not caring, maybe.
They might accuse you of not caring.
Most likely they'll escalate, though.
They'll spread more rumors.
They'll make you feel worse.
They'll try to provoke you into engaging with them again.
They'll try, they'll trash you.
They'll insult you.
They'll cause problems in your life.
They'll try to get you to re-engage with them to now, you've got to stop spreading lies about me.
Why? The moment you say to someone, you've got to stop spreading lies about me, they're like, oh, fantastic.
Boy, they really need something for me now.
I'm back having power over them.
No. What you do is you don't hang out with anyone who believes the lies that trolls say.
Right? Think there's anyone in my life who thinks I'm a bad guy?
Of course not. I'm a good guy.
Have there people in the world who think I'm a bad guy?
Oh yeah, the worst. Would I ever have them in my social circle to give them the time of day?
Of course not. They're desperate for you to engage with them.
They'll just escalate trying to get you to engage.
For sure. I've lifted, actually, ex-wife, shiver.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we've all had those relationships.
Most of us have had those relationships where somebody says, oh, you're a terrible person.
You're a bad boyfriend. You're a bad husband.
And then you're finally like, oh, she's never going to change.
I'm out of here. Right?
And then they just desperately escalate to try to get you to re-engage with them.
They'll do it through laws, through false accusations.
They'll do it through lawyers.
They'll do it through spreading rumors.
They'll do it through trashing your reputation.
They're just desperate for you to re-engage with them, to give them that sense of power.
Right? That you need something from them.
You need them to stop doing bad things.
Your need is why they're doing the bad things.
You stop needing it, and yeah, they'll escalate, and at some point they'll just give up and find some other victim to fasten onto, right?
Oh, the I'm concerned about you.
Yeah, I'm worried. You're not the person you were before.
You've changed. Yeah, it's because I'm thinking.
Going to definitely evaluate my relationships with this framework.
Thanks, Steph. You are welcome.
This is some serious, soul-shattering stuff.
Yes, well, I mean, I've been thinking about this a lot.
That's why I decided to get out of politics, man.
The real backlash also comes, like, let's say you get what you want and they do start to change.
They'll attack you, man, because they'll feel that they're losing power and then the only way that they'll gain power is to try and attack you and have you need them to stop Attacking you and all that escalation and all that, right?
So, is there anything else?
Should we stop here? Is this enough of a truth canon for one night?
The concern trawling is strange.
Well, that's an appeal to insecurity, right?
The appeal to you've changed, I'm concerned, we're worried, we're all worried about you.
It's a way of making you feel like you've stuck down a well and they're lowering a rope and then you need for them to not stop worrying about you.
No, I'm fine. I'm really, honestly, I'm fine.
Forget it. No.
The moment that you feel the need to change someone else's mind so you feel better, you're doomed.
And that relationship is doomed.
Twitter is so stuck in the let's try to change bad people with arguments mode.
Yeah, for sure. Facts, right?
True food for your soul.
Fantastic show. Good stuff.
And listen to the guy with the Star Wars joke.
I really, I didn't mean to humiliate you.
I don't want to do that. I want to be frank with you, because I think you are in considerable danger of...
You're obviously, I think, highly invested in trying to change people.
And you have to, I think, be concerned about blowback when you stop trying.
So... Yeah, that's part of the growth.
I spend a lot of time trying to change people.
And I did change a lot of people.
You guys are here, lots of people.
I get emails. It's a whole testimonial section on my website about that, right?
But... There's a time when you have to let people learn from empiricism and start trying to change them.
And the time is now. So, alright.
Guys, love you so much. Thank you for...
This conversation, thank you for this show.
Thank you for bringing out the best in me in a way that nobody outside my family and friends do.
So I really, really thank you for helping me to achieve what it is that I achieve through your interest and your conversations and your feedback.
Positive, negative, productive, unproductive, it's all.
Deeply and greatly and massively treasured.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
And I guess I will be seeing you guys.
I'll try and do the Pink Floyd thing sometime over the weekend.
I'll sort of see. I wouldn't mind singing along with some of it, but I'll have to see how my voice is.
It's a little rough at the moment.
But yes, love you guys.
Have a great, great evening.
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