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Sept. 30, 2020 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
33:25
DEATH BY REVENGE!
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Hey everybody, Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain.
So, in the realm of gender relations, oh man, it's just brutal these days.
So this is a story from September 16, 2020.
Fired Edmonton woman files human rights complaint for dress code discrimination at car dealership.
Termination laws are limited for workers on probation, but human rights still protected.
So now this is what we're talking about with regards to human rights.
This is what we have. So this is what the woman was wearing.
And if you're just listening to the audio, If you can imagine a woman who has spray-on clothing.
This is incredibly tight.
You can see, of course, her bust.
It's so tight she can't even put her necklace inside or probably wouldn't, right?
But it is absolutely form-fitting, and you can see her belly button, you can see her ribs.
It is like she just had clothes sprayed on, like the old joke about how jeans used to be.
And it's not that she's wearing yoga pants, but the pants themselves are incredibly tight, and you can see a little spot of light where her vagina is because of the thigh gap.
So, this is incredibly tight clothing.
Now, of course, you know, people bend over and all of this kind of stuff, so...
So, this woman, Caitlin Bernier, posted this photo of her outfit after she says her manager at Alberta Honda fired her for a dress code violation.
And legal experts are cautioning Albertans to know their rights, especially around dress code discrimination.
She said she was fired from a North Edmonton Honda dealership.
So, for those of you who don't know, Alberta is like the Texas of Canada.
It's quite conservative.
They've actually thought of leaving Canada quite Christian, and so...
This is not, you know, having issues with this kind of clothing is not, I mean, if you show up in yoga pants, you've got a problem.
I don't really get this whole new, it's not that new phase, I suppose, where women are basically walking out in stockings with no shorts, no dresses, no skirts or anything.
And yeah, I don't really, really want to feel like a gynecologist when I'm out there walking around the mall.
So she's filed a human rights complaint.
After she claimed she was told her long-sleeved crewneck and dress pants violated the company dress code and made her male colleagues uncomfortable.
I was fired for wearing an inappropriate outfit to work.
This was the same outfit I was hired in.
So, this is a case study in the Constrained Complex Rights of Probationary Workers, Alberta Human Rights Law, and the ongoing discrimination women face in male-dominated industries.
I just feel super discriminated against over this whole thing, she says.
I feel wrongfully treated.
I don't deserve to lose my job because of a shirt.
Now, technically, of course, she's 20, right?
So technically, it's not her shirt.
It's the fact that you can probably tell if she's warm or cold based on this.
I don't know what's going on underneath the shirt.
It doesn't look like bra straps, but it looks like there's something covering her breasts.
But yeah, this is, I mean, ridiculous.
It's skin tight. Absolutely skin tight.
Clothing. In an email statement, the management said its office dress code is enforced equally and no employee would be fired for a single violation.
So, she was fired on September 11th after a female colleague approached her in the office.
She said she was told her shirt was see-through, violated the company dress code, and was making some male colleagues uncomfortable.
She later told CBC News she had worn the same outfit to her job interview at the beginning of the month and was told it fit the store's business casual expectations.
Now, of course, it may be that the lighting was different, it may have been a late afternoon thing, and maybe under sunlight it's see-through or whatever, right?
Bernier said her female colleague told her to cover up with a sweater or go home.
Instead, Bernier met immediately with an internal human resources representative.
The first thing the HR lady said was, her shirt's fine, it's not see-through at all, said Bernier.
I felt really uncomfortable.
I was upset and embarrassed.
Well, somewhat like the male colleagues.
Bernier said the human resources person allowed her to leave until her manager returned to the office.
She went home. About an hour later, she got a call from the dealership's general manager.
He told her she was fired because of a dress code violation, Bernier said.
He never saw my outfit.
She said, I never got my chance to speak for myself.
I said, I'll drive over to the store and I'll come meet with you right now.
And he said, this conversation's over and hung up on me.
Okay, it's not a store, it's a dealership, but anyway.
She'd taken the job two weeks earlier with the only woman on a sales staff of about a dozen.
I really loved the people that I worked with.
They were awesome until that day.
I don't know what happened, she said.
I just think there's a little more inequality in workplaces than women think.
So, the Alberta Honda said an employee would only be fired after repeated warnings.
The decision would never be based on gender.
It's only if an employee refuses to comply with the dress code when given an opportunity, if they continue to violate the dress code on multiple occasions, or if there were other issues surrounding their performance that we would consider taking further action.
We have reviewed the situation in question.
We are confident that our manager has dealt with it appropriately, given all the circumstances involved.
She says she never received any previous warnings from management.
She assumed she was on probation, but was not informed about the terms of her probationary period, she said.
Really? She was never informed about the terms of her probationary period, never saw fit to ask.
She only thought that she was on probation.
No one evaluated my performance.
It all happened at once. Of course, you can dismiss someone on probation, but there still has to be a valid reason.
Catherine Breward, a researcher in labor market discrimination and an associate professor in the Business Department at the University of Winnipeg, said the incident is evidence of the endemic sexualization and policing of women's bodies in the workplace.
Oh my gosh. Anyway, so let's just go back up and talk about this a little bit because there's a lot that's going on.
And I've been a manager and had lots of employees and so on.
And so is it human rights to not allow a 20-year-old woman to wear skin-tight clothing in a sales situation?
That's an interesting question, right?
Now... She was, of course, given the opportunity to remediate what was going on, right?
She was given the opportunity to put a sweater on and all of that to just deal with it.
And it's very interesting because why is she wearing this clothing, right?
It's not particularly comfortable to wear clothing that tight.
So she's in sale.
She's 20 years old. And the other male colleagues are facing a little bit of an unequal situation when it comes to a 20-year-old attractive woman in skin-tight clothing.
Is it particularly easy to compete with that when it comes to male attention, right?
Because the politics of car dealerships are very interesting.
So men come in, but they almost always will come in with their wives, right?
Right? Now, this makes things quite complicated because the men are going to be drawn to dealing with a 20-year-old woman in skin-tight clothing, but the wives of the men are going to resent and find that a problem, which makes things very complicated for selling a car.
And, I mean, this goes all the way back to when I used to work in a hardware store at the Don Mills Mall.
My friend Mike and I used to go to a convenience store to pick up snacks and drinks on our lunch or on our breaks, and we would go there simply because there was a very attractive young woman behind the counter, and we liked to chat and flirt with her.
And so this is a very sort of real situation.
It is complicated when you have a woman who is wearing skin-tight clothing in a sales situation.
If it's other women, they may find it inappropriate and resent her.
If it's men, they may find her attractive and want to interact with her, but their girlfriends or wives are going to have issues with it.
It just gets quite complicated.
It becomes about the presentation rather than about the quality of the car or whatever it is, right?
So she is wearing this very skin-tight clothing on the grounds that it makes her more attractive, and then that causes problems.
Now, she was given a warning by a female colleague, not by a male colleague.
The other thing, too, is that if she is...
You know, she's an attractive woman.
So if she is walking around in skin-tight clothing...
Then men are going to be attracted to her and male attraction, for reasons of obvious evolutionary adaptation, male attraction comes with Brain fog.
I mean, it's just the way that things go.
And so, if a woman is causing sexual tension in the workplace because she's wearing skin-tight clothing and has a lithe young body, then women are going to get resentful, the men are going to get distracted, and it is just a productivity issue.
And, you know, it'd be kind of nice if it wasn't the case, but we all exist because of sexual attraction, and that's just a...
An issue. My other guess, too, is that she wasn't fired in particular for this incident with the clothing.
I don't know, obviously. But my guess would be that she was fired because she ran to human resources and began that whole process rather than talking to her boss, rather than Putting on a sweater and then saying, you know, I'll talk to my boss later and so on.
So when she had a conflict and, you know, when you're a week or two into the job and you're already having conflicts, that's a challenge, right?
Because these kinds of conflicts can become very time-consuming and problematic for management, right?
Two managers who are having conflicts.
I mean, I've had that before.
It is a lot of mediation.
There's a lot of issues. It's very time-consuming.
And as a manager... You're not getting your own work done.
Because as a manager, you have your own responsibilities to produce things.
Plus you have the responsibilities of managing people.
The more that you manage people, the less effective you are doing all the other management responsibilities that you have.
So if there's conflict, if there are issues and the woman is on probation and she ran straight to HR to file complaints rather than work things out or just, you know, just put on a sweater.
You know, just I can't imagine.
I can't honestly imagine.
Showing up for work in this outfit, right?
And I know male and female fashions are different together.
I can't imagine, you know, I worked out, I was fairly buff when I was a young man, like I can't imagine showing up for work in a muscle tee and bicycle shorts.
I mean, I know these aren't quite bicycle shorts, but they are very tight.
Again, you can see the thigh gap as she's standing with her legs together.
So that's some seriously tight Clothing.
So, you know, she's used to, I wouldn't say flaunting her figure, but she's used to getting attention, positive attention for her figure.
And she's trying that out in a work environment.
And, you know, if you want to be taken seriously as a professional and so on, it's not my first choice of outfits.
But if you have a conflict, find a way to mediate it without running to...
HR, because if you run to HR, your manager is getting a clear warning sign that months of his or her life are going to be taken up with these kinds of issues and complaints and problems and back and forth and tensions.
The productivity of the entire workforce with this kind of conflict going on, the productivity of the entire workforce is going to collapse or at least be severely diminished.
Sales are going to suffer. You as a manager are probably going to lose your job.
So when it comes to you as a manager keeping your job, which you've worked for 10 or 20 years to get, versus some newbie a week or two on the job who's on probation, it's not that complicated a situation.
And the unfortunate thing, of course, is that when you run to HR rather than dealing with your issues and problems face-to-face directly, what happens is, of course, it makes things more difficult for other people who might be hired in a similar situation.
So I just wanted to point out these are complicated situations.
Another one that's also very complicated is...
This revenge porn situation.
So for those of you who haven't been exposed, so to speak, to this situation, it's a big problem, particularly among younger people these days.
so a boyfriend will convince a woman to send naked pictures or to video sexual activity or compromising so to speak nudity and then if and when there's a breakup or maybe even before the man can release and it could happen the other way too of course but the man releases this on the internet right so here's an article there's no end and no escape you feel so so exposed life is a victim of revenge porn this ever-evolving crime rage is almost unchecked
three women talk about the devastating effect it had and still has on them so ruth king not her real name can still remember the call coming through on her mobile She thinks of that moment as the start of hell.
It was four years ago, she says, but I remember it as clear as day.
It was my friend warning that there were videos of me everywhere.
Her husband worked at a local factory, and pornographic videos of me were being shared between all the workers.
King's instant response was to vomit.
I was working with my dad. He's an old-fashioned type of guy, so what could I say?
I told him I wasn't well and went home.
Almost as soon as she got there, another friend, a builder, called her to tell that the same videos were being passed around his building site.
He said, I didn't believe they were of you, Ruth, but I looked, and they are.
Seven videos have been posted on porn sites by King's ex-partner.
When she looked online, they had been shared tens of thousands of times.
The comments underneath were disgusting men describing what they do to me, says King, who is now in her late thirties and a mother.
I live in a rural area where everyone knows everyone in my life.
It's never been the same since. It's torture for the soul.
And that I don't doubt.
You know, it's hard for men to sort of understand just how unbelievably brutal this is for a woman.
It's absolutely ghastly.
And, you know, it's bad enough for men, but it's sort of different.
It's a different metric. So four years ago, she's in her late 30s now, so she'd be in her mid-30s.
So in her mid-30s, she was dating, I suppose, somebody who would be this destructive to her happiness and future and well-being.
Terrible, terrible stuff. The consequences for bad dating are getting worse and worse these days, right?
Because before, STDs were bad enough and sometimes fatal, but now, of course, coronavirus is another STD that I guess is putting a crimp on the Tinder disease of the weak lifestyle.
So the government's recent decision to review the laws surrounding so-called revenge porn, I think this is in the UK, and this is from last year, is acknowledgement that the current provision is no match for this ever-evolving crime.
Campaigners have flagged up an alarming list of shortfalls.
It is still not even categorized as a sexual offense, although to victims it can feel every bit as violating.
Sentences are light and prosecutions rare, requiring proof of direct intention to cause distress, which means perpetrators who claim they posted the images for a laugh are off the hook.
Fake photoshopped porn isn't covered at all, no matter how convincing.
The UK's sole specialist support is the Revenge Porn Helpline, which has a staff of three, only one of whom is full-time.
It takes calls from victims in extreme distress who are often suicidal and works flat out to remove content before it spreads across multiple platforms.
Although the number of revenge porn cases reported to the police has more than doubled since 2015, experts believe it is impossible to estimate their true scale.
Since most victims do not seek help, one nationwide study in New Zealand suggested 5% of adults have experienced it.
Another in the U.S. put the figure at almost 13%.
Calls to the revenge porn helpline indicate that 70% of victims in the U.K. are women.
So that 13% of adults have experienced victimization through revenge porn.
Horringous. Horringous.
So, Professor of Law at Durham, the whole area is underestimated and poorly understood.
The revenge porn is inaccurate, she says, fails to highlight the range of motives behind it and painfully insensitive to victims.
Revenge implies the perpetrators have been somehow wronged.
And should the victim's images be labelled porn without consent?
So, she's worked on the most comprehensive study of the impact image-based sexual abuse has on victims.
What really came across was the social rupture, how it divides lives into before and after.
Some women lost jobs, relationships, they were isolated from family, friends, they withdrew entirely from the online world, and that was constant, an almost daily threat hanging over them.
They're always rediscovering it or waiting for it to be redistributed.
They see no time when the abuse will be over.
Shiar ironically refers to it as the gift that keeps on giving.
The videos of her had been created when she had separated from her husband and become involved with an abusive man for nine months.
This is something else that comes through in the Shattering Lives report.
These images are often taken against the backdrop of coercion and the threat of distributing them as a means of control.
Half the women in the report believe this was their partner's primary motive.
The woman says, he swept me off my feet.
Again, I always get in trouble for this.
But it's still very, very important.
As the father of a girl, it is very, very important to me that women not be denied agency.
To deny agency, to deny responsibility to someone, is to infantilize them, is to treat them as a child.
And if you treat someone as a child, then they should not have full rights.
In other words, if there's an adult...
Who has the mental age of a 10-year-old.
We do not give them independence.
We give them extra charity and support.
We do not allow them to vote.
We do not allow them to sign contracts, right?
We treat them as a child who is acted upon because they do not have rational, mature adult independence and judgment.
So to me...
I understand why people want to have the full rights of adulthood except when they make a mistake and then they wish to remove agency from themselves and blame the environment and others and nothing to do with themselves.
I understand why people want to do that.
I just don't think it's healthy to let them do that.
I'm not talking about this woman in particular, but this phrase, he swept me off my feet.
She says, at the beginning I was besotted, and that's when he asked for videos, telling me exactly what he wanted me to do.
I can, hand on heart, say it's not something I'd have even thought to do on my own.
So, this woman was married for, I assume, some years, and then she gets divorced, she gets involved with another guy fairly quickly, and she is having sex with him, and allowing him to take sexual videos of her right at the beginning of a relationship.
I mean, come on. All do sympathy for her suffering.
Absolute sympathy for her suffering.
But this is...
It's such terrible judgment.
Don't let people take sexual pictures of you.
Don't let people take sexual videos of you.
Just don't do it.
Of course it is handing over massive power to someone else.
And the consequences are going to be absolutely disastrous.
My guess is that this man was unbelievably good looking and she didn't want to say no because he was rich or both or he was high status.
You know, this is the Fifty Shades of Grey stuff and maybe it was exciting to her sexually to be that desired and all.
But my gosh, I mean, what a terrible, terrible idea to get involved with someone.
Now, sometimes the sexual activity is recorded without the person's consent, right?
Somebody just leans up a cell phone and videos and so on.
And that, of course, it takes away the agency of consenting to it, makes the violation that much the worse, but...
What it also does is it returns to the person, whether it's a man or a woman, who gets involved with somebody who is willing to violate them in that way without even informing them or asking permission or gaining consent.
Again, if you find a good person, stick with it.
I mean, I bet you this woman, this king, is probably looking back and saying, I was better off married to the guy that I was with rather than getting involved with this new guy, right?
And so, yeah.
He's a charismatic, controlling guy.
Saying I was besotted does not excuse you from moral responsibility.
In fact, self-knowledge says that when you are the most swept off your feet, so to speak, That's when you should be the most cautious about making decisions.
So he swept me off my feet is like a drive-by grabbing.
Like you're just standing there and a guy arm hooks you from a pickup truck and then just hauls you on his way.
That's very passive, right?
He swept me off his feet. No, you chose to get engaged sexually and romantically with him, right?
Not engaged marriage, but you chose.
You chose to bring this man into your life.
You chose to go on dates.
You chose to take your clothes off.
You chose to get videoed.
It doesn't mean that what he did was right.
It doesn't mean that you're not betrayed.
I get all of that.
But I just absolutely recoil from this stripping of agency, which is so common to women.
Because women say, we wish to be equal to men.
We wish to be equal to men.
That's fine with me.
I believe in full equality before the law.
With great power, with great autonomy, comes great responsibility.
And so this woman, the question is, why, or women as a whole, why do they get involved with these dangerous men?
And why do they allow these videos to be taken from them before they're in a situation where they know they can trust the man?
And why on earth would the man want videos of sexual activity with violence?
His girlfriend. I mean, if you want to have sex with your girlfriend, go have sex with your girlfriend if she wants to.
But videos? I don't get it.
Anyway, the relationship soured fast.
The man was controlling and then violent, once strangling King to the point of her passing out.
One evening, the couple were watching TV when he plugged in a memory stick and the videos appeared on the screen.
He was quietly showing me how much damage he could do if I left him, says King, but I still had to get out.
My life was in danger. When she ended the relationship and reunited with her husband, the texts started, more than 100 a day, threatening to share the videos.
Finally, he did.
Wow. Wow.
And her husband took her back.
See, this is the kind of thing, like women who get divorced and all of that, or women separated from their husband, this is not the kind of thing you hear about a lot.
Or you don't see it. I've not seen any videos of like, oh man, I left my husband who was maybe under stimulating.
I got involved with a dangerous violent guy and he took me back and I never should have left and all that, right?
So the woman says, first my survival instinct kicked in.
I called the police who told me they couldn't prove it was him because the videos have been shared hundreds of thousands of times.
The revenge porn hotline helped me remove videos and each time I'd feel elated but within a day they'd be back posted with a different title.
I changed my whole look, she says.
I isolated myself and stopped going out almost completely.
I couldn't even collect the children from school.
My husband did everything.
He's quite high up in the local business and his staff saw all the videos.
Two. Everyone saw them.
She continues. In 2017, King says, And listen, massive sympathy to this woman.
Massive, massive sympathy to this woman.
That is brutal. It is omnipresent.
You can't ever escape it.
It's just horrible. She tried to kill herself and ended up in hospital.
It feels really selfish now, but I couldn't cope.
There's no end to no escape because the web is worldwide.
You feel so, so exposed.
Michaela Monsoon, 23, a makeup artist from Glasgow, understands this all too well.
She describes feelings as, quote, like one of those dreams when you're naked in a glass chamber.
She was 17 when she sent the pictures that are still resurfacing six years later.
I was at a very low point in my life, flirting with a couple of people on Tinder, she says.
Now, this is important, too.
So, the dopamine rush that a woman gets when a man desires her is very important, and it's foundational to femininity in a lot of And so when a woman is down and depressed, she, gosh, I remember this pops into my head from, I guess it's a fairly old show now, gosh, Homeland.
Homeland? With Claire Danes, she's suicidal, and she's going to, she puts herself up in a short skirt and a tight-fitting top, and she's going to go out and trawl the bars to try and get some male attention to stave off suicidality, because for women, male attention, male lust, male desire, it buoys them up.
In positive ways, obviously, and it can help.
So women who are depressed will often turn to stimulating desire in a man in order to ward off the depression, but it generally tends to make things worse because you're saying that the only value I can bring is sexual access, which is degrading to a woman's spirit and soul and moral possibilities.
She doesn't know who posted the images, but about a year later, a friend messaged to say, this is embarrassing, but I feel I should tell you I found this.
The attached link took Monsoon to a porn site displaying a picture of her alongside her full name.
She had it taken down, but every few months someone would contact her to say they had found it again.
It was mortifying, she says, each time I'd spend a month obsessively googling my name several times a day finding stuff.
I was really wary of people looking at me or talking to me and still am.
I was in a cafe yesterday and these men were staring the whole time.
Was it because they'd seen the picture?
It never goes away.
What if I applied for a job and my employers googled my name?
Boy, I wonder what that's like. Or if I wanted a future in the public eye, would everyone link back to it forever?
While King changed her appearance, Monsoon changed her name and moved cities.
But this year, Monsoon decided to go public.
Someone had found the picture on a file sharing site that contained hundreds of folders and thousands of explicit images.
Monsoon was in the Glasgow Girls folder and there were folders for cities across the UK. This time I got really angry.
I was sick of it, says Monsoon.
She wrote an Instagram post about it and was inundated by messages from other women who had experienced the same thing.
She set up a website and started a petition to force companies to ensure consent before uploading explicit content.
I used to keep very quiet about it, but now I'm a bit more empowered, says Monsoon.
I refuse to be ashamed. People think it's okay to say you shouldn't have taken the pictures.
Would you tell a rape victim she shouldn't have worn a short skirt?
Again, massive sympathy for the woman.
This is not the same thing.
So, a rape victim is attacked by a man, and there's no consent.
But she did consent to send the pictures, and again, 17, unbelievably, she's very young, and again, massive sympathy.
But you are still making a choice.
You're not acted upon, you're not brutalized upon in the same way that a rape victim is.
And again, massive sympathies, but it's not quite the same.
She says, I'm in a relationship now and if my partner and I are apart and I want to send him a photo, I'll do it.
Telling women not to take a photo isn't the answer.
I'm in a relationship now and if my partner and I are apart and I want to send him a picture, I guess that's a nude picture, a sexual picture, I'll do it.
So, is she still doing it?
Why would you want a photo of...
To masturbate to?
Why would you want a nude photo of your girlfriend?
Anyway. Okay, so...
Telling women not to take a photo.
So she says some women aren't coerced doing it.
Others have their photos taken when they're asleep or in the shower without their knowledge.
Absolutely. That is terrible and terrifying.
Again, just don't be in a relationship with a man who's untrustworthy.
Go for trustworthy, virtuous men.
She says, you can end up on deepfake stuff that everyone believes is real.
You just need to exist to become a victim.
Yeah, that's true. That's terrible stuff.
Falami Prehai, an HR quality audit manager.
She's 49, mother of two adult children, is another victim who firmly rejects shame and blame.
A lot of people have said, why did you take the photographs?
But at the end of the day, that ain't the crime, she says.
In 2012, pre-haste pictures were posted by an ex-partner onto multiple porn sites as well as a fake Facebook account in her name, with friend requests sent to all her friends.
Oh man, that's unbelievably brutal.
What an absolutely horrifying and horrible human being she got involved with.
She went straight to the police, and although Monsoon and King found them unhelpful, Prehe's experience was more positive.
I had to sit opposite this officer while I clicked on every link.
I thought, Falami, you know what?
You've had two children. It's a means to an end.
Just deal with it. It wasn't always easy, of course.
Her colleagues saw the pictures, and she was sent on gardening leave.
leave.
She has since changed jobs.
There were times I wouldn't go out and I couldn't eat.
I stayed at home and hooded up.
Her ex was charged to receive a six month suspended sentence.
Since this abuse is not categorized as a sex crime, Prehe had no automatic anonymity, something she and other campaigners are trying to change, and a local paper reported the details including her name.
Oh, man.
Ah, journalists are brutal.
Then another journalist requested a full interview, she said, and I asked my children what they thought.
They said, Mom, you've got an opportunity here.
I didn't want to run and hide and be sitting on a beach at 70 only to be told that someone has found a photo of me again.
I couldn't live like that, she says.
Speaking out was about taking back control.
She gave the interview, set up a website.
She is regularly contacted by victims from across the world.
For me, it's part of the healing, she says.
Some people go to counselors, but I didn't.
If I help one person by sharing my story, that helps me too.
Taking on a public persona can be hugely empowering, says McGlynn, but that's only ever going to be an option for a very small number.
For most victims, the impact of speaking out on their children's partner careers would be too great.
Sophie Mortimer, the manager of the Revenge Porn Helpline, says that what helps victims most is swift removal of images and access to justice.
It makes a huge difference when the police take it seriously.
The case is prosecuted and society acknowledges what happened to you is very wrong instead of blaming you.
See, that's interesting. Responsibility and blame are very related words.
But blame is used, like bashing is used instead of criticism, and blame is used instead of responsibility, right?
I mean, we hold toddlers responsible for their actions.
If your toddler hits another kid or grabs a toy or gets candy against your permission and so on, you will hold that person, that toddler, responsible for And it is risky to share sexual images of yourself.
I mean, it is risky, so why would you do it?
You would do it because...
I would assume you would do it because you're afraid that the man is going to leave you if you don't do it.
But the man's going to leave you either way, right?
The man is going to leave you or you're going to leave him because the moment you're sitting there saying to a woman, I really, really want to have massive power over you by taking photographs of you or taking videos of you of a sexual nature, the moment that the man suggests that he's revealing to you his destructive, pathological, controlling, whatever personality, And so you're going to leave him either way, or he's going to leave you, and either you're going to leave him in possession of sexual images or not.
And the moment that the man says that, you put your clothes on, you get out, and you don't come back.
Because if you stay with him while saying no to the naked images that he wants, again, he might take them from you.
I had a call with a woman about this where the man took a photo of her butt while she was sleeping under the covers, and she only woke up because of the flash.
She thought it was lightning. And so the moment that the man wants these kinds of pictures, he's showing how insecure he is, how much power he wants over you, how little he thinks he has value to add to the relationship.
So just get out.
Just get out. It's going to happen either way.
So let's see.
Yeah.
King was helped by two years of therapy and the support of her husband.
Without him, I wouldn't be here, she says.
It has caused him so much trouble, and he has never once used it against me.
She also found support in surprising places.
One woman I barely knew crossed the road to speak to me.
She said that what happened to me was awful and how sorry she was.
Things like that really helped.
King plans to tell her daughter the full story when she starts secondary school.
Until then, she is staying anonymous.
Some days are better than others, she says.
It's a work in progress but manageable.
King does the school run now and is able to walk past groups of men without giving into the urge to run away.
Most importantly, she hasn't searched for the videos in more than a year.
So they're still out there.
And if I looked, I'd find them, she says.
For your own survival, at some point you have to stop.
Oh yeah, don't look up negative stuff about yourself.
And what's the point of that? So yeah, this is the sexual politics of the modern age.
And don't do it, man.
Don't do it. And the moment a man or a woman, in my humble opinion, the moment a man or a woman...
Once or asks for sexual photos of yourself, it's time to hit the road and reclaim your life.
Stefan Molyneux, freedomain.com.
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