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Aug. 23, 2020 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
01:25:35
Japanese Women are now Marrying Their Pets?!?
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Hi, everyone.
I'm here with Christian. Christian lives in Japan, married to a Japanese woman, which I guess means more than these days, married to a European woman.
He contacted me because...
He had some, is it fair to say issues?
Probably not quite issues, but you wanted to flesh out my view of Japan, which I really appreciate, and so we're chatting now, and we finished our pre-chat, so now we're doing our chat, and I just wanted to say, of course, thank you so much for taking the time and taking the effort.
He communicated to me once before about how Japanese culture is sort of a sticky-in abyss over which The political correctness does not seem to be able to get across, which is probably kind of good for a lot of people.
But yeah, thanks for taking the time.
So if you could just introduce yourself to the listeners and we can take it from there.
Sure. So I have been living in Japan more or less for about eight years.
The last five years almost exclusively in Tokyo.
Of course, I listened to your shows before and I came to realize there's quite a big misconception about the fact that people in Japan just don't want to have babies, besides not wanting to have sex, which I think is another issue.
And I wrote to you because, okay, this is my perspective.
This is what I want to stress.
And this is based On real-life people that I know.
And that's really what I want to portray here.
So, on your show, you guys have put out a lot of statistics, which is usually theoretical and stuff.
But I would like to introduce, again, more real-life stories, people that we actually know, me and my wife.
So... People in Japan, it's not true that they don't want to have babies, but it's males who don't want to have babies.
Women do. They strongly do want to have babies.
And for the few guys who do have a kid, it will depend on their location, that means the city or the jika, which jika is the place, usually the birthplace, which is in the countryside, the small town, and it will depend on the salary.
Now, let's take a concrete example on this.
So my wife, she's 26 in her high school class, where I think around 42 people.
And if you count, she'll just count like maybe around 10 women married.
And women are also the majority in the class.
But the male married right now in her class, it's only one.
And it's only married because of a shotgun wedding.
What they call it here, shotgun wedding.
And so, you know, they had...
Accidentally sex, so to speak, a baby, and they got married.
Because it's actually usual in Japan.
Like, if you get a baby, you get the social pressure which actually works out, and it turns out that people usually actually do get married in the end.
And this is funny, because I'll just add in parenthesis, guess what it works What is work?
This guy only, you know, shotgun-winning guy does.
He works for the government.
And he actually stated that he wanted a safe, stable job so that he could get a family.
Which actually relates to another previous call that you had.
I can't remember which episode.
It was pretty much the same situation when a guy called.
He had a problem because the wife, you know, chose to do a government job.
Well, now it's actually a guy who chose that because it's a stable job.
So, in the media and everywhere else, especially in Japan, you get this type of child promotion campaign, so to speak.
So, you got this education fee, which is enormous.
What is it? What? Half a million dollars till graduation.
And then you got what it's called, you need to have my home.
They actually say my home with the English word.
That means you need to have your own house.
You own your own house.
We're talking about the guy here, of course.
And therefore, you need to have a big salary.
And this is a lot of pressure.
And a lot of guys don't have enough confidence in their career on the country.
They have anxiety over their career.
Jobs are not as stable as they used to.
Actually, they're extremely flexible at the moment.
Now, a concrete example on this case.
I'm sorry, I want to get all of these thoughts and ideas.
I absolutely do. Should I just wait?
I don't want to keep interrupting you, but I do have sort of questions as we go.
But I don't want to interrupt your flow, so you tell me what's best for you.
No, go ahead and ask me, yes.
Okay, so let's start with the job security stuff, because that, of course, was one of the great...
So, my sort of initial introduction to Japanese culture came out of the sort of 80s when there was this...
Huge competition between the Western capitalist model and the Japanese or the East Asian model of, you know, this karoshi, this overwork, this, you do calisthenics or exercise at the company and there's this dedication, this precision, this purpose and whereas the sort of more friendly and relaxed Western capitalist model was considered doomed by what was going on in the Asian world.
And that, it was like, okay, it's strict and it's kind of like, seems like a bit of a cult.
But on the other hand, boy, you get super job security and, you know, cradle to grave and you're taking off, you got a whole community, everyone looks out for each other.
So is that something, I assume obviously that's something that's changed over the last couple of decades.
Is that right? Yes, exactly.
It's completely changed. And one of the reasons, actually, this goes back.
I was at your show yesterday that, of course, on the workforce, guess what?
The women showed up.
And exactly as you mentioned, the salary went down.
Now, you know, this is funny because I was about to mention it, but, you know, I'll mention it now.
So the average salary, you could say, is around, what, $3,000, let's say, dollars, okay?
And now, okay? And in the 90s was $3,000.
So, it hasn't changed the salary, but you've got 30 years of inflation.
So, you can easily understand how the buying power of average Japanese is just now ridiculous.
And therefore, you cannot afford to have what it used to be, one husband having his job and taking care of his family.
You just cannot.
Especially if you have a baby.
And I was about to mention this friend of mine, this friend of ours, he's 27 years old, and we went there doing some fishing recently.
So 27, he worked now for about five years, as I start very early.
And how much did he save in his bank account?
That's around $10,000.
So does he have the confidence to have a baby?
Hell no, he doesn't. Not with that kind of money.
And now we briefly get to the problem of the location.
So if given the help and proximity to his family, will he find the confidence to have a baby?
Yeah, probably yes.
And here I also have another example to say why I say this.
Another friend of ours, they're just married, she's 26, he's a bit older, and they had a baby.
They just had a baby. They lived near Togunibaraki.
And they just decided to move it to Kobe, which is close to their parents and grandparents.
You see? Now we're getting back to that old, you know, like you, what do you call it yesterday?
It was a child paradise in the 60s.
Yeah, the 50s more, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah. Exactly, because that's what you want.
That's a safety net for you, because she left already the job.
But when you get the help of an extended family, that's a totally different matter.
Because here in Tokyo, you're totally isolated.
Talk about COVID. It doesn't matter.
They are isolated, you know, no matter what virus comes along.
They're just isolated. The family just lives, you know, kilometers and kilometers away.
And they don't meet maybe once a year just for the New Year's.
So, those who have kids in Tokyo, they have a great job and a great salary.
Okay? So, again, if you want to interrupt me anywhere, just go ahead.
So, young married couple in the cities Yes, if you are rich and super rich.
So, someone we know, again, another concrete example, 23-year-old couple live in an apartment in Odaba, which is this new, you know, Artificial Island here in Tokyo.
And they pay $3,000 a month rent.
Now, you may think that's not a lot if you compare to San Francisco and other places, but in comparison, I live in a great place and we pay $850,000.
Okay? So, when our people heard that they were paying for the apartment, 23 years old, they were stunned.
And in fact, we found out that their parents are paying for the rent.
Okay? And they will soon have a kid.
They will. Of course they will.
When you get a parent who pays a $3,000 rent of You know, which is, again, here is just unheard of.
This is just ridiculous, you know?
Sorry, how big is the place that they've got?
Oh, I think it's just, you know, like two LDKs, something like this.
You know, just two people plus, you know, thinking about the future kid.
But it's in a new area, you know, like it's probably...
So the new apartments here are incredibly expensive.
That's why we live in an old apartment, which is completely fine.
You know, we live with a tatami, you know, it's kind of a traditional one.
You live with what?
Sorry, tatami, it's the floor, the Japanese floor made of, you know, it's the soft floor.
Okay. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. So it's kind of traditional, half traditional, half modern style house.
But it's an old house.
It's like, what, 35 years old house?
But if you live in a new apartment, it means new, like you just built an apartment and you rent there or you buy that, that's going to be extremely expensive.
Okay? So, that's why, you know, the rent was expensive.
So, in Tokyo, also, another friend of ours, just to be in the rich portion of people who get kids.
Another friend of ours, another concrete example, started in Tokyo with my wife, actually.
I met her. Really nice, good-looking girl.
She just posted on Instagram her picture of her pregnancy, and she's only 25 years old.
Now, in Tokyo, that's a rarity.
But she's super rich. She can afford it.
She's got incredible, you know, support from it, you know, especially if you look at Instagram, her pictures of all her family and stuff, you know.
And so you look at this, you start to getting, you know, a pattern, you know, forming here.
In Tokyo, also, you got this big competition, you know, 80% of people here live alone.
You got this peer competition, peer comparison.
Everybody's checking on each other's status.
Everybody's comparing to each other.
And a 25-year-old male in Tokyo, who is he going to see when he's on the subway or in a bar?
Well, he's going to see very straightforward salaryman, trying to get ends meet, not a great salary, not so much thinking about the future, a little self-confident, especially when they look at their bank account.
So, now, those individuals are not going to have a kid.
They're definitely not going to have a kid any soon.
Now, in an inquiry, this is the real statistics that we should look at.
In an inquiry, guys were asked why they don't want to have babies.
And two reasons are this.
They want their own time for hobbies, and they cannot find merit about marriage.
Or, as I translate this, I can only risk losing even more of my self-confidence if I put myself in a marriage market, so to speak, because you have to perform at a certain level of expectations, especially savings and salary, if you know what I mean. So what about the alpha males, those who have a great successful career as well?
Those very few are, you could say you have two categories.
Those are going to have a full-fledged career and live a very hedonistic life.
And as you said, rightly said, not having a baby means you.
It's equal to having an hedonistic life.
I totally agree with that. But they don't have, you know, this category that doesn't have, you know, any thinking about, doesn't think about marriage.
But, you know, in this alpha male, so to speak, category, they're also the ones that are going to get married, but pass their 30s.
And their wives are going to pass their 30s.
And they are very unlikely to have more than one kid anyway.
So, you see, the population base, which is statistically more likely to have a baby, Or have it while they're young, it's microscopic.
And that's why you get this situation.
And plus, just a final, before you get a comment, also, there's a bigger picture that you need to look at.
And that is, the population has been growing in the 70s and 80s, and you can look at the statistics, and then it started to slow down.
Now, it's funny, actually, when you see the curve slowing down, which doesn't mean reducing the population.
The growth is slowing down.
Then it's in the 90s, and that's when the boom was over, and you got this technician period and this stall.
Now, for every year, now there's a statistic every year that comes on the news, you will see it every year, which is, oh, even this year, 10% less babies, like it was 1 million the year before, now it's only 800,000.
Now, if you think about it, if the social dynamics don't change, Well, you know, the babies are going to be less and less just statistically because every year you get a generation that's 10% less of population and the next generation is going to, of course, going to be 10% less if it doesn't change the social dynamics which will allow you to make or make you have a baby.
You see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, so you go from 1 million that you got 800,000, that's the generation that's the population that, you know, that will have a baby.
And then that generation, again, it's going to have less and less and less.
It's just statistics. Yeah, that's just to conclude that thought.
And if you want to, if you get a thought, otherwise we would go, why is it in the countryside or in the small cities would be different.
Okay, so basically, and I don't want to reduce the complexities, but just so I can get a sort of handle on it to begin with.
So basically, because of, you know, debt, economic slowdown, recession, these zombie companies, this, you know, highest national debt in the debt to GDP ratio north of 200%, I was completely mad, right?
So because of that, people, it's like running to stand still.
Like you work, you work, you work, but you can't get ahead.
And so you're getting this kind of socialist decay in people's ambition and hope.
And it's like, okay, well, maybe I can just find tentacle porn, or maybe I can just find hobbies, or maybe I can, you know, because there's nowhere to grow into adulthood.
is that I know I'm probably simplifying it enormously but I just want to get the beginning of it like that well again you know if if you put it it's also that's why I wanted to talk about the life in the countryside because the values are different In the cities, the values are all about money, and that's how you judge everything else.
So it's like they have boxes they have to fill up.
And you say, okay, unless I have so much saved up, I'm not able to get a baby or to have a family.
They just think that way.
They think that way. It's like my wife was saying.
It's like video games, stage one, stage two.
It's like they have to clear that.
And unless they have...
You know, enough AMU or something.
They don't feel confident of going forward.
And that's exactly what Japanese do.
They don't take a risk. They, you know, they see what they have and they just make a judgment.
And just to give you an example of how different it is from, again, from outside of Tokyo and in Tokyo.
So in Tokyo, of course, if you go to a convenience store and you just buy anything, You have one cent.
Of course, it doesn't matter.
It could have been like, what, a hundred dollars things.
You have one cent, which is nothing.
One cent of yen, it's really nothing.
Well, you can't buy the thing. Like in Italy, they would probably go, yeah, just leave it there.
No, you just leave the stuff there and of course you go home.
Now, I just came back from Nagano.
I was in Nagano in the countryside outside in the mountains.
And it was funny. I went to the supermarket and I just bought a lot of stuff because the stuff in the vegetables and fruits, it's just so much good, you know, in the mountains there because the water, so much crystal and clear and it's just really, really good.
It makes everything, the comb and the rice, so much better.
So I bought a lot of the stuff.
But I didn't spend that much because it's cheap to begin with.
It's like, what, $10? And this woman, this other cashier, which is her supermarket, she just, you know, Give me $10 worth of other, what is it, Momo, what is it, a peach.
Just give it to me for free.
So just get this too.
And see what I mean?
The values are completely different.
And that's why I want to get to the fact that being outside of the big city is completely different.
In small cities, they can marry early, they have babies early.
One thing you could say, well, there's nothing else to do.
But yes, but most importantly, in the small cities, salary doesn't matter, or it just matters much less.
Women, you know, I think you also talked this some time, some episodes before.
Well, women love those construction guys with tattoos and muscles in the countryside, because the values are different.
You know, in the countryside, that's a bonus.
You know, to have that kind of body, you know, and to do that kind of job.
And plus, you know, they are close to their Jika, to their family.
That's where they are. They live there.
If you look at the old anime, Maruko or Doraemon, you always see anime, the animation, you know, Well, these families, they always used to be in the 60s and 70s, always used to be, you know, this four family plus two children, I mean, father, mother, and grandfather, always living in the same house.
And of course they're going to have kids.
Of course they're going to have kids.
Of course they don't care, you know, what's the salary.
They have somebody, you know, helping out there.
In Tokyo, you know, you could say, you know, people are pretty much brainwashed.
Women, you know, I see women as just, you know, I'm sorry, I just stand there watching on this cramped train station.
There's women, you know, really, some of them really good looking and they're like, you know, they just, they don't want to do that.
They just don't want to do that.
And I talk to them because I go out with a lot, just for, you know, speaking practice and, you know, lots of friends.
Like you could say tens if not hundreds a year and I meet them.
And I talk to them and it's also part of my job, blah, blah, blah.
But anyway, everyone, every single one of them wants to get married and wants to have children.
Every single one. It's not a case of a girl that I may say, no, I don't want a kid.
I'm just fine. No way.
They just cannot find a guy who's, you know, reliable enough to commit.
And, you know, that's the social life, you know.
That's what they think they're supposed to do.
So the women want to settle down, but the men don't feel that they can support them.
I mean, again, to sort of boil it down to...
To that, is that right? Sure, sure, sure.
And is it because, I mean, so, okay, let's say I'm in Japan, and let's say I'm Japanese, ethnically, and I go to some woman, and I have this odd confidence, you know, as I want to do.
I have this odd confidence. And I go up to her and say, hey, baby, you don't need all this money, you know, we'll just, we'll move out to the country.
We'll, you know, I hear a friend of mine's got a place, $850,000.
We don't need any of the 3,000 crap.
We'll move out to the country.
Fresh air. No coronavirus.
Hardy people. Good people.
Beautiful countryside. Great sunsets.
Lovely mountains maybe nearby.
Rice fields. Stretch to the horizon.
So, you know, let's make a go of it and we can ditch this big city lifestyle and go country.
And what is she going to say?
Is she going to be like, that's intrigue?
Or is it like, you've got to be insane?
That's a very, very, very good question.
So, there is an actual movement, and I even wrote about this.
There's a movement from the city to the countryside.
But this is mostly a single, and I actually say, single man movement.
A lot of single men give up their stress in the city, and they move out in the countryside.
Lots of people. It's just another one.
Just give up her job. We know the same firm of my wife.
He gave up his job. He just went on the really countryside, Chiba, near the beach with other guys.
They're constructing this sort of hostel, whatever.
They're just going to live there all together.
It's kind of a dormitory lifestyle.
They just have it. They have it.
Now, would they, if they had a girlfriend, you know, just...
Not very usual. No, they wouldn't have the confidence to have the discussion like that.
They wouldn't.
I mean, look, nobody likes it.
Men don't enjoy it, so to speak.
It's just worth it, right? He who does not try, he never succeeds.
But is it because they would be perceived as lower status because they're saying, move to the country, I can't afford a city place?
Yeah, I don't think they would go that far.
I don't think they would have the confidence in themselves to go that far.
When two people meet here for the first time, even through a matching app, It's really all about status and money.
It's about portraying yourself.
And I talk to this, the numbers of girls who tell me, look, they just, you know, they just go out and they just wait to pay the check and pay you the next check and pay you the next check.
It's all about that. And it's a very shallow conversation to begin with.
Wait, sorry. Just help me understand that again.
The guys, the women just expect the guys to pay the checks?
Well, yes, they do.
Oh, yes, they do. Yes, they do.
And the guys, they're very fine with that.
I could say that what they're lacking confidence, they get it with paying for the due part.
We'd be, you know, with paying everything to the girl.
Yes, I mean, even when they go for a weekend, you know, it's expected, of course, especially if they're just mad for a couple of months, yeah, to pay for the hotel and pay for the...
Yeah, otherwise, you know, they'd be like, oh, what about this loser?
I mean, come on. That's what they expect.
But this is because the city values, okay?
This is here. This works like this.
You know, there's no girls that would keep continuing going out with you if you don't even, like, you know, do this kind of...
You know, offering whatever you want to call it.
It's, yeah, it's expected.
And so you're talking about even getting the next step, you know, and say, oh, let's forget about all this.
Let's forget about the French restaurant and stuff.
And let's move together, you know, to the countryside where the rent is much cheaper, you know, and we can live a happy life there.
No, no. The girl's like, yeah, no, no way.
You know, well, she's going to choose, you know, some other guy.
Unless, you know, they have, you know, really strong bond, which...
Doesn't happen. I mean, the couples here, you know, I can tell you about the couples that I see around here where I live, you know, they have a very, very shallow relation.
And you sit on the table when they're dining, even when they have a kid, they barely talk.
They barely talk. And when they talk, it's just superficial things.
It's very superficial. And that's another, you know, another conversation we could have about the communication problem in Japan, which is another big deal.
Okay, so...
The men, you say, they lack the confidence.
But if they're providing an option, is it because the women don't want to move away from their families?
And if the family is in the city, the women want to stay there?
No, no. The family, usually, it's not in the city.
It's not in the city. It's usually somewhere else.
It's, you know, way...
You know, in the countryside, you know, it's like a few hours away.
Usually it's what it is.
You know, Tokyo is just people who came from outside.
And Tokyo, you know, remember, I mentioned about this, but it's the only place where the population is growing now.
Everywhere else in Japan is going down and Tokyo is going up because everybody's moving from there.
So you can see the trend that I was talking to you about that gets even worse because you got the people who have more likely to get the babies because they're close to their family back in the countryside.
Those people are moving here and they are going to get injected this new cycle of lifestyle which is this modern lifestyle And they've been, in my opinion, they've been brainwashed to it, and they think this is the way to go.
But this city lifestyle, it's what in the end, it's the virus that doesn't make you, you know, make children in the end, because that's what it gets to.
Because if you have a career, you're going to have a career.
If you don't have a career, then, or if you don't have that much of a career, you don't have the confidence because you don't have the money, you don't have the savings, so you see.
So if you could stop this cycle of people coming in, in the big city, just that would make it.
Just that would make it. The few trends that I told you about, the people leaving their salaryman job and going to the countryside, It's just minuscule, just very, very small.
I met them. You met them.
But they're really, really, you're talking about really, really small amount of people.
The other ones just come here.
I mean, I feel so bad about these people.
I just met, you know, because I talked to everyone here on the train, and there was these two guys that just came from the countryside here to Tokyo, and they were going for a training.
I think it was around, well, I think it was also a holiday time.
I can't remember. And we talked about it.
I talked to them and I was like, so what are you going to do here?
I was like, no, we're just training.
I was like, have you been out in Tokyo?
Oh, no, we've just been living together in this dormitory here together, just 21 years old, very young guys.
And I said, is that what you wanted to do?
And I asked them, is that what you wanted to do?
And just laughing, they said, they don't know what they want to do.
You know, they just, you know, they're just performing.
They just got that job.
They just got the job interview.
That's what you're supposed to do.
Zero experience, no experience, because, you know, you go to university here, you know, I don't think it's as much different from anywhere else.
Because here, you don't get any knowledge, you know.
Zero. Especially life knowledge.
They have no experiences. And they just go directly to find a job when they're 21.
They have no idea what they want.
They just go with it.
And, you know, I would say they're being harassed, for how I see them.
Just brought from the countryside straight to this dormitory for months, through the training of the company.
And most of the companies have their dormitories near where their main offices are.
And that's all they're going to do for months, and they don't even know why they're there.
They just know they have to be there, so to speak.
When you ask them what to do, is that what you really want to do?
Is that what you applied for? Is that your dream job?
I don't know. I mean, no.
It's really, really sad.
I have a soccer team that I play with.
They're all university students.
They're also 20 twins.
I'm a bit older. I like to be with the guys because I like to hear of them.
First of all, none of them has a girlfriend.
But anyway, when you talk to them, I think there's only one guy who really knew what he wanted to do.
He wanted to be a teacher. That's it.
The other ones were like, you know, one was going to work for his father's company, which was a very successful company, and the other ones were like, yeah, we'll see, because there's this shoe cut here.
So the job market, how it's done here, so you have this shoe cut, so it's time to look for a job.
That's what it is. And so they go, before the COVID era, they go to these huge meetings and huge halls with tons of companies.
And you go there, you listen to what they got to say.
So you basically go around and choose which company may fit you.
But it's not really what it may fit you.
It's just, you know, because you never know what it's going to be.
And most of these people, they just start a job in a company.
And in the end, they don't really like the job.
Most of them don't like the job.
The other thing, you know, the Japanese, and this trend is really going, it's increasing.
There are, whether you look at a couple of generations before or a generation before, where they used to be more open even to go out to explore the world and travel, now it's reversed.
And it's all inside.
It's all like being here.
Many don't even, you know, if they travel, they go skiing.
They barely have experience outside.
And those who do, I'll tell you, They are completely different people.
They are completely different people. They see another world and they really found, those who are more likely to find out what they really want in their lives.
So if you have no experience, I'm sorry, but I would be the same case.
If I had no experience, just go look for a job.
What job? I don't know. What even I want to do?
But that's the situation they're in.
And for an incredibly meager salary.
Meager salary. And so you put that, you put the rent, and you put, you know, how they can even afford the car?
You know, it's out of my mind.
You just can. That's why they want to stick to their hobbies.
And that's why the hobbies now are the most indoor hobbies, right?
So it's all about I've been inside the house and played video games.
A lot of these people, that's all they do.
They do video gaming.
And now because you've got all these social media video games, which helps you create this illusion that you actually have friends and that you have contact with people, that's why they're very talkative.
When you talk to them with messages, they're incredibly talkative.
And I see them a lot, especially also girls.
And then you meet them, they're just completely silent.
They have nothing to say.
Nothing to say because this trauma of actually seeing a human being that you haven't met before.
It's just too much for them to bear.
It's like, oh my god, this is new.
I've got a new person in front of me.
I don't know what to say. I'm embarrassed.
But this is also very true as a cross-cultural and cross-national trend.
But in Japan, it's even worse.
Right. So, is this something that Real estate and so on.
Because there's such an aging population, are the older populations moving out of the cities?
I guess they have pretty generous pensions.
I remember there was some Japanese minister who was lamenting that they weren't dying off in a fiscally responsible manner, the old people.
But is there any sort of pressure downwards on rents because old people are getting out of the places?
Who's getting out of the places?
The old people in Japan. You mean getting out?
You mean they're dying off?
Well, no. So if you have a larger place, sometimes you will move to a smaller place when you get older.
It's downsizing. If you have a three-bedroom house and your kids are grown, then you might go to a smaller place.
No, no, no.
That's not the case.
So the case is this. They rarely move to another place.
Remember this word.
This is jika. This means the house where you were born, the house where you were raised.
So the jika doesn't change.
That's where there is. It's always there.
And at the most it gets emptied, but they're still going to live there by themselves.
And that's why you have the case.
And I actually explored this in the details because I went there.
Actually, I went and I followed.
So there's this phenomenon of people dying.
I'm sure you heard about it.
Dying alone. I was actually watching a documentary about that.
Yeah, it's kind of chilly. Great.
I followed the guy who goes there and cleans up.
Oh, wow. Do you want to just bring the other people up to speed on this situation?
Oh, sorry. Yes.
So what happens is that because a lot of people are moving out, And a lot of people live by themselves.
This is true for any ages.
And of course, the older you are, the more chances you got you're going to be left alone because people are just dying.
And there's a high risk eventuality that you will get sick or you will get a heart attack or you will just have...
Just yesterday in Tokyo, hundreds of people died.
And you're talking about coronavirus.
A hundred people just yesterday in Tokyo died out of what is it called?
Sunstroke. 100 people, okay?
And most of these people, of course, they're alone.
If I get a hot stroke, which is possible, because, you know, there was this video, just my wife told me, like, this girl on, she's on television, live television, she's doing this broadcast live, and she's just fainting in front of the camera.
And she's 20, because it's just so hot here.
This is a real big problem, and I've mentioned it before about it in my work.
The fact that the Olympics in the summer was a crazy idea.
So if you get sick alone, you're done.
There's no neighbor to call to, especially if you're in a big city.
You have no neighbor.
Well, you have neighbors, but you just don't know them, right?
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You don't have the neighborhood, what you call it, the kankei, we call it here.
Oh, the Japanese coming in.
A relationship. A community or whatever it is.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.
But even in the countryside, the countryside, you have the relationship, but most of the countryside, it's really countryside.
So, you know, your neighbor could be, you know, 200 meters away, and if you're dying of a stroke, there's no way you're going to call them, especially if you're old.
That's why now they have this, what do you call it in English?
Well, they have this, you know, these young people get together in the small villages, and they do rounds.
And they ask old people, if they're alone, to put like a flag in front of the house, stuff like this, you know?
But so there is this problem of people dying alone.
What is the name of? Kodokushi, yes.
So, Kodokushi, this is a phenomenon, and again, it's not only old people.
One of the rooms that I visited was a 40-year-old.
40-year-old was my age. And, you know, there was actually his...
You could see on the floor...
His shape, because he lied there for days, okay?
And his body, you know, decomposed, and man, I can't tell you what was that.
But anyway, that was an amazing experience I had by UCU, close by what otherwise you just get from music, and it's just not the same.
You've got to feel it, experience it, see what it is.
And this is a huge, huge problem.
So, you were talking about the house getting empty.
You're getting empty when they die.
It's not because people are moving out.
They get empty this way.
My wife's grandparents, they moved out because one got Alzheimer's and so the parents built them a new house near their house.
And then they just left the house empty there.
But basically, you know, it's like clinically dead, so to speak.
I'm sorry to say that, but that's what it is.
You know, they got Alzheimer. They can, you know, function in anything.
So that's when it gets empty.
Not because they move out. So you got a lot of haikyo, a lot of these abandoned places everywhere in Japan, which is tremendous.
Even here. Even in Shinjuku, this is a friend of mine.
And we and her, we just go sometimes, we go take pictures.
Shinjuku is like the center. It's like, you know, what do you call it?
It's more than 15. It's like 42nd Street, the one in New York.
What's it called? I forgot that.
Times Square. It's like Times Square.
And then you just walk like, I think we walk like what?
Not even like a few hundred meters.
And we just bumped into this new house and there's this completely old abandoned house.
Completely old, like two floors.
We went inside. And we shouldn't have, but we went.
And I even took a video and stuff, but then it was completely, completely empty.
And then we got out. As soon as we got out, we got caught.
I was like, you know, what are you doing here?
Just barely caught. Basically, it turns out that was his parents' house.
See? So what happened was he probably built a house next to him, a new house.
And took care of his parents inside because they probably got so sick they just couldn't even function by themselves.
But the house was left there empty.
But nobody's going to buy the house.
When they got the money, if somebody has the money, that's why you have a lot of abandoned house.
Only if you have the money to crash it down and just build something new, you do that.
But that takes a lot of money.
Otherwise, it's just, you know, just left their property.
And that's why also they are, you know, giving these houses, especially in the countryside, for free because the owner still has to pay the taxes for the terrain, for the land.
You don't want to pay them.
So, and then, of course, that gets bigger and bigger because taxes are not going down anywhere, are they?
That is true. That was this year or last year that we just got an increase to 10% of the consumer tax.
It's going to get even higher, you know, just to repay for the Olympics, which, you know, didn't happen.
Well, and I assume also that if some people die, it can be legally complex if they don't have a clear will or like who owns and it's to say who owes the taxes and so on and the paperwork can be quite complicated.
Yes, exactly.
So there's another issue there, I think, with the banks now contacting the families to get all the paperwork done before they actually die.
So yeah, that's true.
That's what's happening. Another thing, we're talking about the shoe cuts, and I think you mentioned it on your show.
About, you know, the government calling people to see their parents.
So there is this, it's not exactly like that, but so what it is, it's the part of the looking for a job thing.
There is a specific looking for a job procedure.
You look for jobs specifically, what they call the U-turn.
So that means, like, you look for jobs where, again, your JICA, where you were born, where your parents are.
And so they will try to make you go back there somehow and find you a job there.
But of course, there's not so many jobs there.
There's no careers to make there, especially if it's small town.
But they're trying that.
It's hard to convince the young people, especially when all they do is just look in other media and social networks that don't have many options to experience new things.
Are the Japanese women adapting to these sort of realities?
Are they sort of trying to reassure the men?
It's like, okay, you know, I know there's been a lot of inflation and, you know, you can't necessarily keep me in the style to which my father kept my mother.
Is there any comfort for the young men who were facing these kinds of challenges?
I'll tell you another trend that it's going on with the women, especially when the rich...
So the marriage age, that's why I was talking about, like, it's critical.
The age is critical, especially if you pass there, because in Asia, well, I'm sure you're well aware of this, in Asia, especially when you pass the 30, you're called Obachan here.
That means you're on like an old end.
I know it's kind of like...
Yeah, they say an old maid would be the phrase in English.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
So, once you pass that, you immediately go into another, so to speak, stage, definition of yourself.
And they feel so.
Even if they're beautiful, some of them, they're smart, they still feel in that category and they look, you know, themselves, like, really low.
They themselves, women, feel not much confident of finding somebody.
And there's this new trend that I delineated.
And there's...
The 30-year-old women who could totally be married by now and have kids because they're really looking and they have a job, they can leave their job, you know, they maybe have savings.
Now they're getting married to their pet.
That's what's happened. That's kind of tragic.
It's unbelievable.
I mean, I can name you cases and cases and cases and cases and cases of women They just bought this new puppy, and most of them are friends of mine, and these are people that I meet.
And of course, that is worse than the sounds because, you know, it gives you a substitute.
Was that the philosopher that, you know, I forgot his name, but anyway, it's a total substitute psychologically of the presence of a creature, therefore, of a baby.
And it does replace, in a lot of ways, The feelings that you are looking for in the marriage and in the pregnancy, your actual pregnancy.
And, you know, a lot of them are like, you know, fuck this, you know, I love my pain.
And I have girls who have said that to me, you know, like, you know, yeah, I'll just stay with my little puppy, you know, and, you know, and every time you ask them, they say, what are you doing this week?
Yeah, I'll just take the puppy around.
And I met this one girl, she's from Taiwan, and she moved here for, she's been here for years.
Of course, personality is completely Japanese, because when I move here, you know, they become like that.
And there's a lot of Taiwanese here too.
And she just got her car license in Japan.
I said, what do you need it for?
She's like, you know, you can go by train everywhere, by bus everywhere.
I have an international license.
I haven't got that local license because I don't need it.
You just don't need it in Japan.
I was like, no, no, I need it because a lot of cars, they don't rent if you have a puppy.
If you have a pet, a small dog or whatever, she has a small dog.
So I want to go so we can go anywhere.
And I'm like, this is...
Is anyone...
Oh, man. Oh, don't even get me started.
Is anyone in their family saying, this is nuts.
This is not healthy.
This is weird.
This is like stranger than Lars and the real girl blow up doll in a police song.
Like, this is some freaky ass shit.
Is anybody saying that to these women or is like, well, I... I guess she likes, you know, it's okay, love your pets, just don't love your pets, you know?
Well, in this case, her family is in Taiwan, and so, you know, that wouldn't be far from the parents.
And again, the 30-year-olds are usually far from the parents.
I mean, understand, when you're not far from the parents, I mean, you know, They just don't have any contact with her.
My wife is 20.
She sees her father once a year, and when they see them, it's like, what?
Finish. That's the relationship they have.
You're talking about having this conversation about...
Does she even know you're Italian?
I mean, what is going on here?
Because Italians are like welded at the hip to family, so have you broken this to her that you're actually Italian?
Because that seems like a bit of a cultural gap in terms of family relations.
And that's why she really likes my family, when she meets my family, because they can hug and stuff, you know, when she meets my mom.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, they don't give a shit. Exactly.
Wow. Exactly.
So women, rather than adjusting their expectations, they're just going quietly insane?
Is that your take?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I mean, they just don't want to make the extra effort.
Because, I mean, it's kind of understandable, though, in a way.
Because if you meet a lot of shitty guys that just don't want to commit until you're 30, and then you get 30 out, you just want to give up.
I mean, it's kind of understandable.
I don't understand them.
I do, actually. I do.
I understand them. You know?
You had all this try and try and try, and then you're like, yeah, this guy didn't want to commit, and this guy didn't want to commit.
And this guy, yeah, we're fine just, you know, being a, you know, girlfriend and guy, you know.
And, you know, see, again, the salary is not so big for the guys.
And they have all these hobbies because they do have lots of hobbies.
You know, they go skiing, they go snowboarding, they go the PlayStation, and they go cycling.
They got a lot, a lot of stuff.
And the money, sorry, it's just not enough.
It's just not enough. Well, it's enough for hobbies.
For good hobbies, it's just not enough for a family, right?
Exactly. That's kind of the worst thing too.
Sorry to interrupt you, but really poor people have a lot of kids.
I mean that's most of human history.
Everybody was just completely broke, right?
And you have a lot of kids.
I don't know what that correlation is about.
Now, wealthy people can also have a lot of kids because they can afford them and all of that.
But that sort of lower middle class, you know, not quite to the middle class thing, it's like you've got just enough money for travel and cool hobbies, which is really distracting from a family, but you just don't have enough money to do the actual family.
At least that's your perception, right?
And that seems to be the sweet spot or I guess the sour spot for low fertility.
Yeah, when I was living in India, it was something like, you know, which to me struck me because nobody ever thought about this, according to my knowledge anyway, that the fact that, why is it this poor country?
And, you know, I was living in Bangalore and just surrounded by kids.
I was like, why is it? And they live in this, you know, the most poor condition.
It's like, why do they have so many kids?
It's always like, they're talking about, oh, they don't have enough money, you know?
In Italy anyway, that's where the conversation goes on.
In the media, it's like you need to have the standard of so much money to afford an education and everything.
Why is this about money?
When these people are having kids, they look happy anyway.
The poorest continent is Africa and it's got the highest fertility rate.
Exactly. Is anyone...
Is anyone saying to the women in the media or in the culture or in the religion, is anyone saying to women, don't do the dog thing, just adjust your expectations?
It's funny that you have to say because I think it was the Pope, I think.
It was a couple of years ago they said that.
And he was, I think, lambashed from some medias because he said that.
But he was right on the point.
Because this trend happened, I guess, in a lot of other places.
And he was right on the point.
Because, you know, it was perceived to be anti-animals and stuff, because now, you know, you see all these animals, you know, rights, you know, stickers everywhere, you know, and I still can't get it.
I'm sorry, I just can't get over it.
When I go to a restaurant, a cafe, and this guy comes in with a dog, you know, now he can't say shit.
He can't say anything. You're perceived as, you know, anti-animalistic, whatever you say that.
And to me, it's just ridiculous, honestly.
So, yeah, there was a high, you know, what you call it, institution, you know, in religion, I guess, that said that, and he was really highly criticized.
But no, no, not in the media, not that I heard of, no.
That's, you know, I don't...
Yeah, I don't get it.
I mean, as you know, I will...
You know, helping people to be happy is a complicated business, and it's not to do with just reinforcing...
they have until they go crazy.
That's not, you know, like it's sort of like withholding that smoking is bad from someone because you don't want to up someone and then they just get lung cancer and die.
It's like, you know, we are, hey, this drug addict wants drugs.
I'll make them happy by going to get them.
Like there's got to be some tough love in the world.
Otherwise, we don't have any morals at all.
The morals are around the tough love stuff.
And, you know, back when I was, before I was yeeted off Twitter, I mean, I would occasionally, you know, post about fertility issues and aging.
And, you know, if you want to have kids and so on.
A lot of people who don't have kids go a little crazy.
I've sort of seen it in the arc of life.
Kids really ground you. They are such an unnegotiable reality that you can't live in pure abstraction.
You can't just fritter away your life because you've got to And, you know, there's this big mantle of responsibility.
I mean, I remember that night we brought my daughter home.
I'm like, I've got to keep this kid alive.
Like, yeah, I've got to keep her healthy.
I've got to keep her entertained. I've got to raise her well.
I've got to educate her. Like, there's a whole lot of not me in being a parent, and not me is actually kind of good.
If I have had a tough day or whatever, and I'm...
Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and, you know, I'm pulling that antler shrug, knees bowed, gums bleeding shit.
I go and play with my daughter and it's great.
You know, it's a real refresher.
It charges me back up.
And not being stuck in yourself is really important.
And kids, it's one of the great gifts that they don't even know that they're giving you.
And so for me, if it's like, yeah, sure, the dog is a great substitute for a baby.
It's like, no. That's terrible.
What are you doing? So if the woman is choosing bad men, help her!
Help her figure out...
They can't all be bad. They can't all be bad.
And so there's got to be some good men out there.
And so just go help her to find a good man.
Help her not waste her life.
Help her not fritter her time away.
Because for women, especially Japanese women, they're basically undead.
They just live forever.
And... If you don't have kids, man, and you're going from 40 to 90...
I mean, 40 to 90 is almost as long as I've bloody well been alive.
That is a whole lot of time to pretend that changing the diaper on your dog is not insane.
That is a whole lot of time to just be weird without a do-over, without a mulligan, without a redo.
And so it's kind of weird to me that...
People don't just say to women the truth.
I mean, do we have that little respect for women that we can't just say, yeah, maybe you should stop screwing around, stop getting male attention for being pretty and use it for nature's purpose, which is to lock down a good man so you can have a great family and have comfort and companionship into your old age?
Because, you know, there's this whole incel thing that's going on these days.
Every man who criticizes women is an incel who can't get laid.
And the reality is that the real incels are...
Women over 40 who are unmarried.
That's actually... That's all projection, right?
That the real incels are the women over 40 who aren't married, who don't have kids and all that kind of stuff.
It doesn't mean they'll never get married or anything, but as far as involuntarily celibate goes, man, that's where the real dry crotch is.
And you're right about women.
I remember it just popped into my mind.
I'll be quiet in a sec because I know we're here to learn about Japan, but as the thoughts come tumbling out, I try and catch them.
But... I remember back in the day when I was working chief technical officer in a software company, I had an employee and she was childless.
She was not old, not middle-aged, but she was getting up there.
She was married, but she was childless.
And, you know, I would occasionally say, you know, if the topic came up, yeah, I think kids are great.
I can't wait to become a dad and blah, blah.
You know, when you've got an instinct, you're going to be really good at something.
It's really, you know, you look forward to doing it.
I would look forward to giving speeches back when it's physically possible for me to do so.
And anyway, so one day there was a story in Canada about a cougar that had attacked a mother and her children.
And the mother fought the cougar off, and then the cougar was caught.
And they put the cougar down, right?
Which, you know, sorry, mother-child versus cougar.
Don't get me wrong. I like the big kitties, if you have to choose, right?
And I remember, and I was so young at this point.
I was, I guess, in my late 20s, early 30s.
And I was so young, I was like, I didn't understand why she was freaking out.
She got really emotional.
Like, really attached to this cougar.
How unjust and wrong it was to just kill this cougar just for doing what cougars do, don't you know?
Blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, I get that.
I cheered at the end of Jaws even though the shark is just doing what the shark does.
I still like the fact that it got its head blown off.
Oh, spoiler. Anyway, just to remember thinking like how strange it was, this weird attachment to animals that some Women have.
And I think it does have a lot to do with the sort of nurturing and mother side.
And man, don't even get me started with women and horses.
That's a whole other planet. Like, what is it with chicks and horses?
Like, oh my God, they're nice animals.
Don't get me wrong. They're pretty animals and all that.
But man, I've known some women who've just like, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse.
And like, I mean, it can't be that pleasurable to ride women.
They are for women. I don't know.
But, yeah, women and animals can be quite a complicated situation.
I don't know if you've ever seen that funny video of this woman.
It was a dating video.
She recorded some dating site, and she talks about how much she loves cats.
And, you know, it starts off kind of sane, and then at the end she's like catawalling and weeping about how much she just loves cats.
And it's really sad.
You know, women are designed to attach to babies and raise them up, and men are designed to, you know, mentor babies.
Again, lots of people don't have the opportunity or they have the physical capacity to have babies and lots of love, lots of sympathy and so on but we're really stepping out of the train tracks of human life if we voluntarily decide to avoid children as a whole.
It's just so sad that people aren't telling women About this, but instead women find out when they pass 40 and they can't have kids.
And, oh man, that to me is the cruelest thing that you could do, is just withhold this knowledge until a woman ends up marrying a puppy.
Like, that's, I don't know, that's just so sad.
I can't even tell you. And I guess it's the same in Japan as it is everywhere else.
It's like, don't anger the ladies, don't upset the ladies, otherwise you won't get laid.
I don't know, it's weird. But, you know, the first time that I found a woman who welcomed criticism, like, you know, you said, hey, I want to set you straight on some things about Japan.
And I wasn't like, you bastard.
How dare you? I am the oracle at Delphi.
I'm like, hey, great. I talked to someone from Japan and set me straight.
And the first time I met a woman like that, I put a ring on her finger.
Very, very, very quickly, because it's like, oh, good, you're a reasonable person who can take criticism and wants what's best for herself, even if it's a little uncomfortable in the short run.
All right, let's get married!
It's funny you say that, because the first thing when I wrote to you, I was like, well, is he going to answer or not?
Because I don't know. I was kind of like, Critical, I think.
When I wrote, I was just on my phone.
I was like, when you answer, wow, this guy really is looking for the truth.
That's the first thing that popped out to me because that's why you always say it.
I was like, wow, he really wants to talk about this.
I was quite surprised, honestly.
It's great. The idea that I've read half of Shogun and watched a couple of documentaries, and the idea that I'm going to have some inside scoop into Japanese culture over someone you said you'd lived there for eight years, right? It's like, yeah, I know. I have whole videos.
I was wrong about this.
I was wrong about that. I love getting new knowledge, and I have no issues if I'm incorrect about stuff.
I'll fight to the death if I think I'm right.
I have good reason, but with regards to this stuff, I just want the facts.
Now, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, because I'm really curious about the intergenerational relations that are going on in Japan.
Like here... Sorry, here doesn't mean anything to you, but...
So in the West, there's the whole shut up boomer meme, which is a boomer thing, right?
And everyone thinks I'm a boomer because, you know, if you're bald and you're over 50.
Anyway, so there's this frustration and anger at the boomers, which, you know, I share to a large degree.
Is there that sense of frustration and criticism at the elder generation who stuck their pig's noses in the government trough and hoovered up all the resources for the next generation?
Yeah, there is a friction, yes.
And it came out especially in the workplace environment.
So what happened is that you've been listening and a lot of criticism from the old generation to the young generation that the young generation is not really doing enough.
It's not working and sets off like the old generation did.
It's just I'm capable of doing things of gaman, which is this word in Japan which means tolerance.
Just keep all your pain inside and just move on.
It's not such a big pain deal.
Just go on with your work.
Sorry to interrupt. Tolerance, to me, there's tolerance for difference, which is kind of the thing in the West.
But tolerance has come to mean if you have any judgment about any ideology, you know, other than white males, then you're an intolerant person.
So it's probably a little different in Japan.
I just want to make sure we translate well.
It is different. Yeah, so it doesn't – it's not tolerance.
It's – man, one sec.
So like – Yeah, patience.
Maybe closer patience.
Be patient and do what's your responsibility with your work without complaining too much because that's all the older generation have done before.
Sorry to interrupt again, but it's sort of like in England, for sure, there was this older concept kind of falling away called duty.
Yeah, gimu. Something like that?
That's what they use here too, yeah, duty.
It's something you should, you know, basically not context, not, you know, not go against it.
It's just something that you have to, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah.
And it's funny because this is happening generation to generation.
We're talking about now, you know, again, when my wife is 26, we're talking about the newcomers in her company, which are 21, 22.
And they are so intolerant, now I can use this word, intolerant, to hard work.
And as soon as they see a little barrier in front of them, it's like they just want to give up.
They just want to change a job.
But it's like, this is not fit for me.
So it's not even like the old generation to this generation.
It just keeps, you know...
Freckling down, you know, the generation to the next one, they all, each other, have these complaints.
As a matter of fact, she complains about the older generation, the fact that they get so much criticizing.
And then she's like, well, you guys work so much because you have no computers and stuff, but we can do ten times your work because, you know, in one hour because you got computers and all these programs and stuff that you didn't have.
So we're still producing more.
So, yes, there is these, you know, generations.
And it holds to, you know, facts, honestly.
I mean, it does. I mean, you know, the older generation, again, had all of this responsibility of families and stuff.
Of course, they couldn't, you know, complain about their job because they had kids.
They had a family, right? And so the new generation, they don't.
And they complain a lot.
Yes, that's the bottom line.
They definitely do complain a lot.
And what did they... Sorry, is there a general sense of just how messed the economy is?
Like, this debt and, like, I mean, is there any...
Because I know it's not the case of the West.
Everybody just keeps piling on debt and it's like Voldemort, like nobody can ever talk about it, right?
Is it the same way? Because I know that this...
What is it now? Three, three and a half decades of this zombie economy, of this...
Recession-y, depression-y, no-growth situation and slow decline.
If you have tinnitus, after a while, it's like, yeah, I don't really hear it anymore because it's a drag, but whatever, right?
Is it like people have just got so used to it or it's gone on for so long, or is there just also this sense of frustration?
No, there is none of that.
There is just none.
Nobody is thinking about...
How was that? Ronald Reagan said that the debt is just big enough to take care of itself?
Is that what he said in the presidential debate?
That was Reagan.
The goal under Trump was to grow the economy to start to deal with the debt, but then coronavirus came and took all of that.
Yeah, but it's a problem of its own.
Nobody has this kind of conversation about that.
No, no. It's really self-focused a lot.
There's no sense of general economy, the trend, where it's going.
There is a little, like, when the consumer tax goes up, usually in the past few years, it's just gone up like 2%, 2%, 2%.
It was 5%, it used to be.
At the beginning, people just start to buy less.
After they have this rejection, they start buying again and it gets to a normal level, the consumption.
But in general, no.
This is not what the young generation, definitely not.
They're not even aware. They're not aware of anything, honestly.
It's funny, we're talking about, like, you know, why, what was the problem?
So we're really discussing this, like, what is the problem of the young generation?
Like, talking about 2021, the ones, the young workforce that's getting inside the companies now, the shack hygiene, the social workers.
Social workers, in a sense, social workers from the government.
It means you're in the society.
That's what they call a worker here.
You're in the society because you start working.
So what is the problem with this new shock hygiene?
Well, a lot of them, they don't even have the predisposition of thinking what they really want.
They go basically from the question to the result right away.
And one, it's of course dictated by these By being addicted to the new media.
The first thing they do when they look for some answers, like, what is the ideal life?
People are actually looking for this?
Yeah! And they go on Twitter, because Twitter here is very, very popular.
It's the number one social network.
And they go and they hashtag that.
It's like, what's trending that I should want to?
You know, they don't think what they would want, you know, because based on their, you know, idiosyncrasies and stuff and their experiences, their interactions, no.
It's like, what is trending?
And that's why it's so predictable, you know, life here.
Why? That's how they work.
So the branding company, the sponsoring company, they work like this.
You know, they...
Now there's...
This is funny, there's a new podcast.
I was listening to this Japanese that we're talking about...
This guy works for branding bottles like this, like water bottles, for example.
And it was a very interesting thing.
So what happens is that they rebrand this thing every year.
I was like, why does this just make any sense?
They rebrand this every year because they need to create a new...
Instead of having this old brand always the same, no, they need to change it a little bit because otherwise they get too used to it.
I said they need to change it a little bit because otherwise the sales goes down.
But if you rebrand it, if you re-change it a little bit, then it stays the same.
So you always have to change in order to stay at the same place basically.
And he was talking also about the fact that in the marketing business, Whether you focus on an ideal, it's called persona here, ideal focused individual.
So let's say, I don't know, 25 years old, likes to watch this kind of movies, reads anime, reads manga, or has this obvious blah blah.
Okay, that's our target.
We're going to focus on him as a commercial company.
But now, no. Now what they say is like, okay, who's your friend?
Okay, focus on your friend. You know, it's like, because you can't make it wrong.
It's just not, you know, you're not going to fail.
Because everybody of that age, you know, that generation is just going to think the same.
You know, that's how far has gone the, you know, the general, how do you say, like, like, I didn't get that word.
What is it? You know, when people get influenced by everybody's or what they see around them.
Yeah, sort of like groupthink where there's a German zeitgeist, the general way of thinking of the majority.
Exactly. Conformity.
That's exactly what it is.
And it's so true that they're using, the branding company are using this, like, you know, just get your friend and see what he likes and what he does because that's going to be right on the point.
Because everybody else that he knows at the same age is just going to like the same thing.
The trends here are incredible.
They work so well. So it's really not surprising that everybody, when it comes to marriage and having kids, they share the same ideas.
It just doesn't. Because if they choose the same bar, because when a new bar is open and a new trend is going on, there was this tea bubble boom last year, and everybody just bought tea bubble.
Why? Because everybody else was doing it.
There's no other reason. Tea bubble's been here for years, for what, 30, 40 years.
It's an invention of Taiwanese, and it was brought here.
But all of a sudden, it just got a boom, and everybody who had, like, you know, two square meters of space, they just put a tea bubble shop.
Because, you know, maybe some trends in Instagram, you know, everybody's watching the same thing anyway.
Yeah, I'm too old to have that, to ride those kind of trends.
Okay, let me ask you this. I really, really appreciate that.
Two quick questions. I don't want to drag your wife into something she doesn't want to chat about, but given that we're not doing video, is there anything that she would like to add, particularly from the women's perspective?
Because she's still working now.
Oh, okay, okay, no problem, no problem.
I will ask her, and I need to add you definitely one thing, because I'm sure it'll be interesting for you to know.
If you want to add anything about the women, could you think about it in maybe two minutes?
Okay. So what I wanted to tell you, one thing, is that we talked about these women in their 30s that get their pet and they just like to spend their time in the pet instead of basically giving up the marriage and the baby.
These women, what I've realized, all of them, they are incredibly idealistic.
They just, you know, they wouldn't settle for something less that was the last guy that they met who didn't have this much, I don't know, personality or maybe his bank account wasn't so much.
So as they're running out of money, so to speak, they want to bid higher.
Yeah, basically, yes, yes.
Until they reach that idealistic barrier that they have, they're rather, again, get the path.
I had this friend, she was like, what was wrong with the guy?
Because I introduced her to a guy, which I really liked.
Yeah, everything was, you know, I really liked the guy.
It was so funny and it was perfect for her.
I was like, yeah, but he's too young.
Yeah, well, what the hell?
He's three years younger. What's the matter with you?
Come on. And the other guy, which she was being introduced, actually, she wasn't a Japanese, but again, it's part of the same trend, trust me, because she's been living here for years.
And she was introduced by her boss to his son, because the son was desperate to get married.
Really rich guy because, you know, he had this whole company and, you know, invited over her to meet the son.
You know, this is super expensive dinner at home, you know, very, very private.
And the human is like, yeah, well, man, it's going well.
Come on, you're going to marry this rich guy?
I said, no.
So what's wrong with this guy? Yeah, you know, it's just not too tall.
And I'm like, okay, that's not too tall.
That's too young.
I mean, come on. That kind of stuff is exhausting, that perfectionism that has you alone.
Exactly. And now she bought a puppy.
Well, and it's one thing if she's the complete package, like if she's smart and funny and wealthy and educated and gorgeous and wants kids, and like if she's the complete package, okay, yeah, maybe I can see.
But I find that the pickiest people usually would never pass their own standards.
Right, right. And then just to close that, because then the other option would be, what would it be?
So you would say, so what's the option for the 30-year-old?
You know, if they can find the realistic guy.
And this is an actual person I actually met.
It was introduced actually from her, a friend of her.
And she was also, again, in her 30s.
And I, you know, I'm very direct, even with Japanese, which I shouldn't be, but I am.
And I said, so she was pregnant when I married her.
And she was about to have a baby.
I said, wow, you know, it's great. So who's the guy?
I said, it's just somebody.
When did you meet him? I said, three months ago.
Three months ago? I said, you guys have a baby.
Wow, amazing. So how did you meet him?
I said, yeah, the parents introduced.
Because there is still this trend, okay?
This is very important. It's a trend that used to be the...
I think they call it here.
The middle guy who introduces two families.
But now it's basically just family introducing each other as a neighborhood.
There's even agents who do this middleman job.
But anyway, two families, they introduce each other because both their son and daughter are married in their 30s, and so they check each other's status and stuff, but it was perfect, so they met.
I was like, okay, I asked, he's like, do you like this guy?
He's like, it doesn't matter, I wanted the kid.
I said, come on, do you like it? So basically, in the end, he's like, no, she doesn't really like him.
I was like, so tell me, tell me more.
He's like, do you guys sleep in the same room?
Oh, no, no, we don't sleep in the same room.
You guys... Do you guys do stuff?
It's like, yeah, we hug.
So you even kiss in the morning.
No, we just hug like this and then bye-bye.
But I had a kid. So their purpose was to have the kid.
And for them, and she's happy.
She was probably contemplating the option.
Should I have a puppy or a fake family is what you want to call it?
I mean, just a family, kind of like a...
It's not your idealistic, but baby, that's what you really want.
But you choose that option.
But that's the man's nightmare, is that the sex is for the baby, and after the baby, he doesn't get sex.
Because there's a depressingly large number of sexless marriages out there, and that's like being a monk, but with spit up on your chest.
That's terrible.
I can't picture a sex...
I can't understand that in any way, shape, or form, like how two people can live like brother and sister in a marriage.
Again, absent some physical or medical issues and so on, I can understand that, but I don't know how any man would put up with that.
But I guess everyone has their approaches, but it's incomprehensible to me.
Yeah, it's very unwestern, for sure.
I mean, but it's very, very jealous.
I mean, you know, when they focus on the outcome, and that's what they need to get, and they get there, and they're just totally fine because they got to the outcome.
And whatever it's in between, it doesn't matter.
Okay, let's end with this.
You know, this is why I had that conversation in the show from last Friday, just for those of you, this is the Thursday after the Friday I did the show where I talked about Japan, because it's sort of like Germany.
There was that Saturday Night Live character, Dieter, who was this...
He would make these weird movies, and he would do these weird dances, and Mike Meyer played him when he was very young.
And... You compare that to the brutal ferocity and world-conquering nature of the Germans in the past, and that kind of contradiction to me, that that can occur within a couple of generations, it's pretty wild.
And if you look at the ferocity, the brutality, the...
Strength, resolution, and to some degree evil of the Japanese in the past.
They ruled their corner of the world.
They regularly invaded China, Manchuria.
They fought off the great American empire for a fairly militarily respectable number of years.
And now it's like they just cosplay noodle worshippers.
It seems very...
Is there a sense of like, well, we did that other thing where we were very, very testosterone assertive and that didn't work out so well for us.
Is there a bit of a swing in the other direction like there is in Germany or is that completely off the mark?
You know what's funny? I talked to I talked to an older guy who I found recently because he posted an old video from the 80s in Japan when he used to live here and he's still living here.
But I went to look for him because I wanted to talk to him.
And so if you read all these books about the 80s, the booming time, and the idea you get from Western people who've been here in those times, it's pretty much what you would get during the phase of exploding growth of China.
That means that people having this huge pride about themselves, about their country, and, you know, we're number one, all that thing.
And you get that in the records.
Now, when I talk to this guy, this is an actual guy, so it's not a record.
It's just an actual guy who lived here in the 80s in that time.
And I asked him, like, so was it really like this?
Was it this generation that in the 80s, like the booming generation, really concerned, like really aware that we're, you know, number one, they were like, you know, we're Japan, we're going to surpass America and all that stuff.
Well, it turns out it's not the case.
It's not the case. It turns out they were incredibly still I wouldn't say submissive, I can't find the right word, but like they were very much looking forward, like admiring still.
He was American. So, you know, still America, even during that time of great boom here, America was like, so this guy came and he was treated like, you know, like somebody who is like, I didn't know anything about it because he was working this car business.
I didn't know anything, but he was treated like, you know, like this expert who came from America.
And it was this image, you know, of...
Because, you know, you come from a country who won the war.
And this, you know, even if now, you know, you said, well, these guys lost the war.
And here, I know this guy, I do volunteer for farming work.
And this old guy is 85.
He's been five generations doing his own work.
And of course got big family stuff.
But when you talk to him, you know, when he talks about America, and there's also another American guy who came recently, he just hides, just, you know, just pika pika, just goes bright, like, you know, he's talking about America, because those are the guys who brought here modernity for whatever he was concerned with.
You know, they brought him Edward Hennedy, they brought him food, they brought him all this stuff.
And so he admired still that, you know.
So there wasn't, from my perspective, this big pride of, again, post-war, of Japan, of, you know, being, you know, even economically wise, this, you know, this superpower house, which it used to be.
So there wasn't. If that was your question, I'm not sure if I answered correctly, if I went off another way.
Can you hear me, Stefan? Oh, sorry.
Yeah, so Japan arguably suffered, I don't know, I mean, you could say certainly one of the worst occurrences.
And I think, of course, Japan, people blend together the country and the government, the people and the government.
And it wasn't like the people who were...
Virtual slaves of the Emperor and so on.
It wasn't like they had all of these wonderful choices and they chose to go to war against America and they chose this.
None of that. We all understand none of that.
None of that happened.
And so, you know, you've got the Tokyo fire bombings, you have, of course, Hiroshima, you've got Nagasaki, you have, I mean, just unbelievably brutal stuff.
And, of course, compared to America, America didn't have any bombs dropped on it at all.
Neither did Canada, of course.
I guess for me, when people mistake the culture for the government, and it's not that the two are totally separate, but they say, we were very aggressive, we were very martial, we were very disciplinarian.
I can't imagine the kind of childhoods that the Divine Wind kamikaze pilots must have had in order for them to do what they did, but I don't imagine those childhoods were very good at all.
It seems very hard to stop that pendulum in the middle from this very strict, dangerous militarism or adherence to the state or worship of the emperor and so on, and then find something in the middle.
It tends to go much to another extreme where any kind of assertiveness or aggression or anything like that is considered shameful.
It's like, you know how the pendulum swings.
You're saying, oh, these Japanese guys, they wouldn't have the confidence to go and talk to women.
It's like, yeah, but, I mean, these guys took over, you know, massive tracts of, you know, they took over massive tracts of China, Manchuria, as I talked about before, you know.
They were not known to be unassertive in the past, you know, and just how much it's changed.
Yeah, I mean, I heard that argument on the other episode.
I'm not sure. Looking from this perspective, the absence of a God figure, that was your argument, that gave him everybody this pride, this sense of strength to go off course and fight the war.
That was true before the war, for sure.
As a matter of fact, Mishima, the literary guy who committed traditional-style suicide, he actually said something very, very intelligent.
You can't talk about these things.
After the war, the emperor was, this is famous and everybody knows it, was made to be declared from the American, MacArthur came here, a non-deity.
He was a human being like everyone else.
But the different perspective, which I tend to kind of see now, Which is put forward by Mishima.
I was like, wait a second.
It's like, that's an act of treason from the Emperor.
And the reason is, you got all these millions of soldiers.
When? And that's for you.
See? And they died for you because they thought you were a god.
And now they're all dead, and you come out and say those things, or you're a traitor.
And if you put Yourself in those shoes, and in the shoes of Nishima when he said those things back then, and it was oddly criticized for that.
Well, I'm sorry, but it's really hard not to agree with him, honestly.
Right, right.
Yeah, because of course the amount of suffering that was on the hands predicated on the omnipotence of Omnipresent and omnipowerful aspect of the emperor.
And then he's like, oh, is that bad?
Okay, I won't do that anymore.
And it's like, hmm. Oh, it was a joke.
I'm sorry. We just...
Psych! That's not how you want things to go, right?
Exactly. Yeah. I mean, most people suffer.
And like you said, they just come across themselves for the emperor.
Not for anything else, for the emperor.
Right, right. Okay, I assume your wife is continuing to plug away.
Yeah, she's working here.
Yeah, I just was curious if she did, and of course, chat again, as I hope we will.
I would like to hear from her more, if she would be interested.
I mean, it's not for everyone, but I certainly do enjoy.
No, she's interested. Okay. She's just teleworking right now, but yeah.
Okay, well listen, first of all, thanks a lot for the contact.
I really, really do appreciate it, and thank you for The thoughts, it's really, really helped me to understand it a little better.
And again, I know it's a very complicated thing.
We can't do the whole country in an hour and a half, but thank you so much.
I will, of course, put this out, and I'm curious if there are other people I have always wanted to go.
And if and when it becomes possible to do so, I will do a camera crew, and you and I will meet over some nice beer.
Yeah, sure. Hope so, man.
All right. Thanks very much for the call.
I'll talk to you again. Take care.
Bye, man. Well, thank you so much for enjoying this latest Free Domain show on philosophy.
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