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June 13, 2019 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
34:27
"I Won't Be a Single Black Mother!" Freedomain Call In
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Hi everybody, Stéphane Molyneux from Freedom Man.
I'm here with Jade, who put out a very interesting, thought-provoking, and actually for me, to be honest, very moving tweet this morning.
And I wonder if you could, I guess, tell me, tell the audience what's on your mind and what made you want to post that.
Well, I want to be a traditional wife and mother.
I'm at work at the moment.
I'm actually on my lunch break.
And I'm going to be 33 next month.
I really want to be a traditional wife, as I stated.
But the problem I'm having is finding a partner to do that with.
You know, I go on dates, people ask me out a lot, but I've never really had anything concrete.
I mean, sometimes a guy likes me more than I like him and vice versa.
And my goal right now is I want to get married and be happily married and have lots of children.
And as I stated in my tweet, my thing is, obviously, I'm a black woman.
I'm also British, but I'm black.
My thing is, I do not want to be a single mother, so I have people, a lot of my white female friends, saying just have a child and be fine as a child, but I don't want to add to the statistic of being an unwed black mother, so I don't do it.
Because my family are African and it's not in our culture to have children out of wedlock, so I don't want to add to that statistic.
Right, right.
You had this very compelling, I guess, imagery where you say, you know, you're sitting there with sort of three computers on your desk.
And did you absorb, I guess, as we all did when we were younger, this, you know, empowered, go work and slay the day kind of stuff?
Well, I always wanted children.
Always, I knew that I wanted children, but I wanted to be in the corporate environment.
So I worked as cabin crew.
When I graduated from university because I graduated in 2009 and then from cabin crew I worked in retail because I was just trying to get on my feet and then I got into the company that I work for now and I've been here going on six and a half, seven years now and I've had like five or six jobs here and I really like the company, I like working but my dream is that I want to be a housewife and a stay-at-home mother, you know?
Right, and that's the, I guess, it's empowering and at the same time it's kind of terrifying when you're told, I guess as a woman, you're told like, you know, go get educated, get your career going, and kids can happen later.
When biologically speaking, it's kind of the reverse, right?
That you want to try and have kids when you're younger and then career can happen later, but that's not really mentioned, right?
I mean, the thing is, biologically, I would have been better off having kids in my early 20s.
But maturity-wise, I guess I'm more mature now and more capable of being a better parent.
But now I'm in a situation where my biological clock is screaming at me, go and have a child, which is why I said what I said in my tweet.
You know, a lot of women would just go and pick up a man and have a child right now, and I cannot do that because I do not want to be a single mother, but I can absolutely understand why women get into that situation where their hormones take over and they just want to have a child.
And what's it like, that feeling?
Because, I mean, I don't know if men go through it.
I didn't.
But I've had some women say it's like being hungry all the time or needing to pee all the time.
Just this feeling or this yearning for a baby that kicks in in your 30s.
Is it more intellectual?
Is it actually physical, the hunger?
I think it's a hormonal thing.
It's just raging through your system.
Like my older sister, she has two young children.
I'm like their second mother.
If they're ill, they go to me because I'm always at their house getting to know my nieces.
It has to be a scientific, biological thing that's taking over my system, telling me I need to reproduce.
It's not just society, it's a biological thing for me anyway.
And in your 20s, OK, you know the cliche as well as I do that some women, they date in their 20s and they're having fun, but they're not serious.
And then in their 30s, they're like, OK, I've had my fun now.
I want to settle down.
And some men are kind of skeptical about that because it's like, well, What were you doing in your 20s?
And I guess that's the question I have, which I'm not necessarily one of those guys, but what were you doing in your 20s when it came to dating?
And did you have long-term relationships that didn't work out?
How did that play out?
Right, so in my early 20s I was dating people that I would never consider dating now.
I was just dating guys that I found attractive.
Okay, but why?
Give me the... if you don't mind, sorry to interrupt.
The characteristics that they manifested, were they just like, you know, hot guys who are completely irresponsible or what?
Yeah, yeah, you know, I was at university so I just dated guys that I found attractive, not necessarily people that I connected with on an intellectual level.
Or of that kind of nature.
Just guys that I thought looked nice, but obviously now I don't just go for looks because that's not important in the long run.
I'm sorry?
10 minutes?
Sorry?
I think I have 10 minutes.
All right, all right.
So you were just saying that you were dating these guys, man candies, himbos, pretty boys, guys with abs, and you weren't seriously thinking of longer term relationship.
What was the longest relationship you had in your 20s?
To be honest, just a few weeks.
You know, yeah, just a few weeks.
It was never anything long term.
Obviously, I wanted long term.
Well, did you?
I mean, because if you're dating guys for their looks rather than their character, is it really true that you, I mean, deep down, did you really want long term?
Or was it more about the fun?
I think in my early 20s, I wasn't thinking about the bigger picture.
And obviously, as I got older into my mid to late 20s, Then I started to think about the bigger picture.
So I knew it wasn't just pretty boys.
I had to, you know, take it seriously.
And so you sort of shifted your standards of what you were looking for in a man.
And how did those standards shift?
What did you start to look for in your late 20s?
More academic guys.
Obviously, I've always gone for intelligent guys, but more serious guys, maybe less physically attractive, so that their game wasn't, I need to get with loads and loads of women.
They wanted to settle down.
Right.
And what do you think caused that connection to not happen in a more permanent way?
I just think I wasn't mature enough in the beginning.
And then as I got older, I decided I was going to be celibate.
And then that put guys off.
So I was celibate for five years.
And that put a lot of guys off because they wanted more.
And I said, I'm sorry, I was aiming to be celibate until marriage at that point.
Ah, okay, okay.
So you were dated, guys, but if they wanted to have sex and you were celibate, there was obviously a slight incompatibility there, right?
Yes, at that period of time.
For five years I was celibate.
And what were those years in your age?
27 until 32.
Right, right, okay.
- I was from 27 until 32. - Right, right, okay.
Do you, now, then did you start dating again at 32? - I was dating repeatedly and I just finished, I was recently seeing someone that has ended, yeah.
And what did it end based on?
I think he didn't feel compatible with me although I felt compatible with him in the long term.
Do you know what he thought?
Because, you know, if you want to settle down, the important thing is to figure out what's going wrong with these relationships, right?
Now, you identified the earlier stuff, of course, right?
Like they're pretty boys.
And then there was the guys who wanted to have sex.
Do you know what the value difference was with the man most recently?
I think he just said it was compatibility.
I'm aware I want to respect anyone's privacy here.
But he said compatibility in In the long term, in the short term, it was great.
I thought it would be great in the long term, but he said in the long term, he just didn't see us as working out compatibly for the long term.
Do you have any concern, Jade, about this idea that it's sort of like, I guess, what you call in England cellotape or scotch tape or whatever, that it's sort of like if you attach it and detach it and attach it and detach it, it sort of loses its grip.
Do you think that multiple relationships may diminish your capacity to trust, to bond, to be vulnerable, to love in that way?
I would have thought that previously, but now I just take the men I date You know, it's a new slate, new start.
You know, I've dated guys that have forgotten my birthday, but they were dating another girl that had the same date of birth as me.
And I used to go into that thinking, oh, am I that insignificant that you forget my birthday but remember her birthday, which is the same day?
Wait, what?
Wait, wait!
Sorry, this is New World, of which I'm no longer part of, being an old married guy.
I've been dating somebody in my early 20s.
I have my date of birth, which is July the 8th.
And he was dating another girl at the same time I wasn't aware of, and she was also born on July the 8th.
He spent the day with her on her birthday and totally forgot to contact me.
So that really battered my confidence quite a bit.
Man, he must have been pretty.
I mean, to get away with that, you've got to be some serious man-candy.
Holy goodness.
He was a very good-looking guy.
There's no doubt he was a very good-looking guy.
But he did that, and then he...
He lied about forgetting my birthday.
We broke up and then the following year he lied right up until about a week for my next birthday and then he forgot it again.
So he kind of tripped himself up.
Wait, did you did you go back out with him after he forgot?
No, we were just friends.
Oh, okay.
Friends, right.
Okay.
So I mean, my confidence has taken the battering.
I've had, you know, but now I look at it.
It's a new slate each time.
I try not to let the past influence anything.
And when it comes to wanting to settle down, I assume that you are used to a certain amount of material comfort.
Do you want a guy who makes more than you do?
I'm very aware of saying that.
It's not that I'm a gold digger, but obviously I don't want to go into life struggling.
I'd like to be settled, have a house so that we could have children, a car to run or two cars to run and whatnot.
Hang on, hang on.
Sorry to interrupt you.
That's really fascinating that you'd say gold digger.
Because I don't think... A gold digger, of course, is just some woman who marries a guy only for his money without providing any services other than perhaps being pretty in return.
But if you want to, you know, have kids and be a mom and run the household, raise the man's kids and so on, that can't possibly be a gold digger because you'll be working very hard, right?
Yeah, but I know some people get a bit funny about that, so I thought I'd pre-fix that.
Yeah, no, there is this weird thing that's happened where, don't ever be dependent on a man, which is basically just saying don't have kids, because when you have kids, you're dependent on the man, just as the man is dependent upon you to raise the kids.
And this idea of, like, don't be dependent is crazy.
It just means you can't have kids, because kids, this whole reason we have this whole pair bonding thing, is because we have kids who are incredibly dependent on us for, like, close to 20 years.
Okay, so let's say that you and I were on a date, we're sort of sitting there chatting, and you say you want kids.
One of the questions I would have is, what are your plans with your career if, let's say, we have two or three kids?
I'd be prepared to give up my career in a second.
The last guy I was seeing, it was an international thing, I was prepared to give up my career in a second.
I love my job, but don't get me wrong, my priority is I want to get happily married and have children.
Right, right.
International, so he was obviously overseas, which is a real challenge to navigate.
Well, it wasn't for me because I was prepared to give up my life in England, absolutely.
So you would then give up your career, but, you know, I assume with three screens in front of you, you're making some decent coin.
So it is fairly true that you wouldn't want to take a big reduction in circumstances to have kids.
So the guy would have to be, I don't want to say rich, but he'd have to be wealthy enough to keep a family and a couple of kids in reasonable comfort, like middle-class comfort.
Is that fair to say?
Yes, and trustworthy, yes.
Right.
And is it fair to say that you wouldn't want a guy who already had kids?
That's not necessarily a door breaker for me, but it's something I would avoid because obviously I just don't want to have the issue that maybe innately, and not on purpose, but maybe treating my own children differently from someone else's.
I wouldn't want that on my conscience, you know?
Yeah, I mean, blended families can be kind of a challenge, and there's certainly that aspect of things.
And so, do you want a guy who's taller than you?
Yeah, I'm very tall for a female, actually.
In fact, I'm about 5'11 in heels.
I'm 5'6 usually, but I'm 5'11 in heels, so I'm very tall for a female.
So you want a tall, wealthy guy, preferably with no kids, a professional, of course, right?
Because you want the money, at least most likely, unless he's some teen Bitcoin zillionaire or something, right?
Well, he doesn't have to be a professional.
I mean, as long as he's, you know, we're getting a decent income, yeah.
Right.
With that in mind, what percentage of men do you think fulfill that standard?
And I guess he's got to be at least, what, 6'2"?
No, 5'11".
Oh, he can be 5'11 or more?
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
So, that's above average for male height.
So, you want an above average guy for height who's wealthy-ish and well-educated and a good conversationalist and, I guess, you know, obviously reasonably good-looking or fit.
And what number of guys in your age range do you think would fulfill that standard?
It all depends.
I mean... Because he has to be single, obviously, too, right?
Yes.
Oh, yes, definitely.
I mean, as I said, I get asked out a lot.
That's never been a problem.
And I know those guys have been very interested in me.
Unfortunately, I've not felt that way back.
But in my age ranges, I'm going to be 33 next month.
OK, sorry about that.
Oh, no sweat.
No sweat.
No problem at all.
So, you were just saying that the number of men who might be in the sort of height and wealth and professionalism and single and wanting to settle down situation.
Yeah.
I don't know the number.
I couldn't give you a percentage to be honest.
Right.
Well, just in terms of... Okay, so how is it that you're going about meeting men at the moment?
I tried online dating and then I had the last guy I was dating, we knew each other online Not through dating but just online for a good few years and then we decided to start dating each other and that's how we met.
But primarily in my 20s, in my early to mid 20s, I met guys in real life but I've decided to stay away from online dating now.
Right, so, I mean, meeting people through work can be challenging.
Well, yeah, that has got pretty messy before, so I try and avoid that, even at work, yeah.
Yeah, because it's a funny thing, you know, when you're young and particularly when you're in university, you're going out to clubs and stuff, there's people everywhere.
And then there's this kind of arrowhead or this triangle when you get into your 30s that it just gets harder and harder.
To meet people and of course people are already in relationships or married or whatever, right?
And they're married sometimes and they don't tell you they're married and that causes a problem.
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
So, you know, here's a couple of suggestions, right?
Because it would be wonderful if you, you know, met the man of your dreams and got what you wanted.
Expectations may need to be adjusted, right?
You said lots of guys ask you out, so you're obviously a very attractive, intelligent woman, professional, so... But the thing is, it changes in your twenties.
In your twenties... Sorry, it changes in your thirties.
In your thirties, it's more for women like it is for men in their twenties.
Yeah.
Right, in terms of supply and demand.
The guy you're looking for is kind of like a rock star.
I don't mean he's a unicorn, but he's kind of like a rock star.
And as a rock star, the question is, would he choose you over a woman in her twenties who doesn't have the same pressure?
Because it's harder, like when you really, really want a kid, it's harder for the man to feel like you want him rather than you want his sperm, so to speak, or you just want his sort of avenue.
is actually a man and he used to really, really worry about women stealing his sperm actually.
Oh yeah, no, sperm jacking, it is a thing, sadly.
So that's the challenge.
But my suggestion, Jade, is you're a professional, competent woman, make becoming a wife like you're a full-time job.
That's your job.
If you were unemployed, you'd probably spend six to eight hours a day looking for work.
Now, of course, you're working, so it's not as easy to spend that kind of time.
But make the list, figure out what it is that you want, what you're willing to compromise on.
And almost, you know how you practice for job interviews?
It's the same thing.
The tough questions are going to come in dating.
And listen, as a man who was dating in his thirties, the same tough questions would come to me, which is basically, why aren't you settled down?
What's wrong with you that you're still single?
And so in the same way where you have a job that you left and people will say, well, why did you only work there for six months?
You have to have a good answer.
The tough questions that are going to come across from a guy who's worth marrying, you have to have good answers for and you have to have the same tough questions for him to make sure that you're not going to, because you've got no time to waste if you want to have particularly more than one.
And I want to make sure, no judgment on anyone, but I don't want to have kids with different men.
Like me and my siblings, we all have the same father.
My parents, as I said to you a few days ago, my parents are married for over 20 years and they're now divorced.
But when you're handling family matters, it's so much easier that we all have the same dad because We all go to the same person, you know?
Right.
Yeah.
So I don't want to have kids at the moment.
No judgement, because I know life happens.
But I don't want to get in that situation, which is why I'm being so careful.
Right, right.
Yeah, so if you have good answers to the tough questions, you're like, why are you still single, and how many men have you dated, and all of that, which would be, I think, reasonable questions to ask someone in your 30s, because you've got a probe for baggage, right?
You've got a probe for the problems that might be showing up.
So have good answers that have standards, and just recognize that the situation has somewhat reversed from when you were in your 20s, when guys were chasing you like crazy.
Guys will still chase you because of your looks, but those aren't the guys that you want.
You want the guys who want to settle down.
So now you're kind of in the position of guys in their early twenties...
chasing the most attractive women and now you're chasing the very rare guy who's, you know, tall and wealthy and all of that and wants to settle down and doesn't have baggage and doesn't have a lot of kids and ex-wives and so on.
So you're chasing someone who's kind of rare and so there are going to have to be compromises, most likely, in what it is that you try to achieve.
Yeah, I mean, the last guy I was dating, usually I'd go for I'm not sure if you're familiar with that term.
But this last guy I was dating was the complete opposite of that.
We were friends first.
As I said, I'm going to respect privacy.
We were friends first and he wasn't a yuppie.
I ended up liking him a lot more than he liked me in a romantic way.
Right.
And I'm sorry to hear that.
So I know that your time is short.
I really appreciate you sharing this because it is a challenge for women in their 20s.
And when you've had a decade of being massively in demand, when that shifts, it's going to be really tough to make that transition.
For sure.
I mean, as I said, I still get asked that.
But obviously, you know, when you're 20s, it's a difference.
You're not doing it for serious reasons.
And as I said, as I said to you in my tweet, as a black woman, you want to try and get it right.
You don't want to add to any of the problems in the black community.
You're trying to make it better.
Right.
So just in our last sort of 45 seconds, I know you've got to go.
What is it that you'd like to say to women in their 20s from where you are?
Make sure you date serious guys, know what you want and think about the future.
You don't want to end up having hormones raging through your systems when you're 30s.
Just, you know, having this uncontrollable urge to have a child.
With no clear path to get there.
Well, listen, I appreciate the conversation.
I'm sorry it had to be so short, but I also appreciate your honesty and I certainly wish you the very best and maybe the man of your dreams will pop up in the comment section.
Ah, well, okay.
I'll try and catch this when I get home from work and catch it somewhere.
All right.
Thanks, Emile.
Take care.
OK.
Bye-bye now.
So that's Jade.
And of course, I don't normally do postmortems, but she had a very, very short window of time in which to chat.
And as you can see, there were lots of interruptions.
But that is a big challenge right now.
See, there's this bait that's held out, particularly for women, which is go be empowered and be independent and have a career and so on.
And I don't think that's fundamentally the goal of this kind of stuff.
Because it's very clear that when you're a woman and you decide to defer having children until this ill-defined later, often in your thirties of course, right?
Well what happens is you're being moved from a situation where you have the greatest value, right?
Your youth and fertility and beauty and so on, and also that you haven't had a bunch of relationships that may have impaired your capacity to To pair bond, I mean, I've had this chart in presentations in the past, The Truth About Sex, where the more partners, more sexual partners in particular, a woman has had over the course of her life, the more likely she is to divorce, right?
There does seem to be a, let's call it dose-dependent Detachment scenario that happens to a woman's heart.
I haven't seen the data for men I don't I think men can handle Multiple relationships in a better way than women can because there's less vulnerability independence historically for men in romantic relationships So if you kind of end up in your 30s When you can have the what's called the baby rabies that the procreation panic and so on then the man may be like well
You know, your golden years from sort of 18 to 30, you squandered, which doesn't often indicate fantastic judgment, but it can also.
I mean, Jade's very intelligent, but she absorbed, I assume, like we all did, a lot of propaganda around, you know, have fun, have a career, get educated, and blah, blah, blah, babies, babies, maybe later.
But the problem is, of course, it's hard to work when you've inherited wealth, right?
And the beauty and youth and fertility markers that women have from 18 to 30 puts them in a position of great demand.
But the demand is based upon biology, it's based upon hormones, it's based upon sort of male programming to look for fertility markers.
And then it's hard, it's really hard to shift from being in great demand to being in great need, right?
So, if you're an attractive woman in your 20s, there's a great supply of men.
who want to date you, who want to go out with you, who may want to marry you, and so on.
And so you're picking and choosing.
And then, when you get into your 30s, the quality men are extraordinarily rare, and, you know, snapped up relatively quickly, because the quality men have married women.
The men who want to get married and settle down have usually married women, and those women recognize that quality, and both parties work hard to make the relationship last and sustain.
So in your 30s, It's really tough to find a quality man.
So now, rather than being, as an attractive woman in your twenties, the recipient of endless cascading tsunamis of male desire, which is kind of like inheriting a huge amount of wealth, now you've got to go out and kind of work minimum wage, so to speak, in terms of pursuing a guy who has a lot of options, right?
Because, I mean, I remember In my early 30s, dating a woman who was older and wanted kids, and I'm like, ah, you know, this is tough because everything has to be like accordion squished into highly compressed time frames.
You know, it's like trying to watch a movie at triple speed.
You can kind of get the hang of it, but it's really tough and everything looks kind of silly.
So this need for speed that occurs with a woman in her sort of early to mid 30s or even late 30s makes the relationship kind of tough and you're not really sure if the woman is there for you primarily or there for you as I said as an avenue through which to get
Babies and so this is all very tough dangling this go have a career be empowered get educated It's not about women's happiness because women up getting more and more unhappy as time goes by so it's not about women's happiness It's really foundational to understand because if you're concerned about women's happiness, right you do the surveys figure out what makes women happy You'd look at biology.
You'd look at hormones.
You'd look at and you'd say to women Well, the important thing to do is have kids when you're young and then if you want to have a career when you get older you have 30 years Or 40 years to work, right?
If you want to work from 30 to 70 after you've spent 20 to 30 having kids, you want to work from 30 to 70, that's a good 40 years you've got there.
But if you work from 20 to 35, the odds of having kids go down enormously.
So you'd look at all of that and you'd say, well, what makes women the happiest?
And you would try to adjust your advice to what makes women happiest, right?
Objectively, empirically, scientifically, and medically.
But that's not what happens.
What happens is you get this endless propaganda with this will-o'-the-wisp bait of career, education, and so on, and travel, and sleep around, lean in kind of garbage.
And then women kind of wash up from the sea of hormones onto the shore of a lack of demand, and they kind of stand and look around dazed like, where the hell did everyone go?
Well, they went for younger women, because that's what men are attracted to, right?
I mean, that's what nature has programmed us to respond to, is fertility signals.
And so, what happens then...
is women try to grab a hold of some guy and it's not good, right?
And men are, a lot of the quality men who may still be around, may be men who aren't that physically attractive, may be men who have personality quirks, may be men, whatever, right?
For whatever reason, socially awkward, anxiety, whatever.
But what happens, of course, is that the same women who rejected those men when those women were in their twenties now want those men, but those men, if they have money, resources and status, are going to look for younger women.
So there's a mismatch, right?
The men who turned out to have quality in their 30s wanted attractive women when those women were in their 20s, but those attractive women didn't want to have anything to do with those men because they were chasing the pretty boys, the alphas, the chads I think they're called.
And so there was a mismatch then between quality and the women.
And then in the 30s it reverses, right?
So then the women want the quality guys, but the quality guys can now get younger women, where there's not that same time pressure to have kids, and the quality guys also have resentment.
Because they say, as the phrase goes, If you didn't want me in your prime, I don't want you in your decline.
And that is a sort of very real thing.
As, again, the phrase goes, the wall, right?
When a woman hits the wall and her physical attractiveness begins to decline, the wall takes no prisoners.
The wall doesn't matter.
You can dye your hair, you can get Botox, you can get tummy tucks or all of that, but nothing changes the age of your eggs.
And by the time you're 30, the vast majority of your eggs are already dead, right?
So nature is very unforgiving.
And it doesn't matter how many sit-ups you do, it doesn't matter how toned you are, how much yoga and Pilates you do, The eggs age inexorably.
And also the woman who's been working for a long time is used to working and used to having the income and so on.
And that can be a real challenge in terms of transitioning into being a housewife and a mother after, you know, 10 years of working or maybe 15 years of working and so on.
So it's not a guaranteed transition.
Is she going to be able to do it?
Is she going to be happy with it?
So fundamentally, this goal, this idea of have your fun now, and it's not even mentioned, okay, have your kids in your 30s, right?
When I was growing up, kids weren't even mentioned.
All it was was, you know, pregnancy prevention and health class in high school and all that kind of stuff, right?
But actually, how to have kids, how to plan for having kids, how to plan for having a family was never even mentioned, so it is my belief That the goal of all this propaganda is to kill the birthrate.
It's to kill the birthrate.
And in particular, it kills the birthrate for very intelligent women, right?
Like the woman I was chatting with.
And that is, I mean, it's crippling for a country.
It's crippling for a culture.
It's crippling for an economy.
It's crippling for human happiness.
So don't buy the hype.
Don't believe this mirage of infinite water that's out there in a desert of infertility.
Just don't buy it.
My advice?
When you're young, when you're in high school, if you want to have kids, plan to have kids.
Find the guy, find the girl, lock it down, get married, have your kids.
Okay, you're not going to have a lot of money probably, but so what?
People had kids in the Middle Ages, people had kids during the fall of the Roman Empire, people had kids during the Blitz when London was being bombed into smithereens.
We're fine having kids with, and kids don't want a lot of money.
I mean the unhappy rich kid whose parents bought him stuff rather than spend time with the stuff is such a cliche and it's a very real thing.
It's a very real thing.
So be there for your kids.
Particularly the moms, right?
Stay home, breastfeed, play with your kids, enjoy your kids' company, homeschool if you can.
But be there for your kids.
And when your kids get older, you'll have a very solid bond that will never go away.
Their teenage years will be a lot easier because they'll be bonded with the parents rather than bonding with the peers who are going to drag them down to the lowest common denominator of particular dysfunction.
So it's all about planning for the teenage years, if you're a parent.
The teen storms I call them and it's very very when the grumble brain right which kicks in where you're just negative and cynical and grumbling about everything then if you don't have a bond with your kids which you have to stay home and raise them when they're babies and toddlers to do that you put them in daycare you I don't think you just have much of a bond with them and then of course they're going to put you in an old age home when you get old rather than have you live with them and what What possible reason could you have to complain?
Or what rational reason could you have to complain?
They say, well, the people in the old age home, they're not family, they're just minimum wage workers.
It's like, yes, mom and dad, just like the daycare workers you dumped me in so you could go chase a buck or two.
And of course, you don't even make that much money if you have kids and you work, because your money goes to childcare, if it's going to be of any decent quality at all.
So, if you have the bond with your kids, which you get by staying home, breastfeeding, and holding their hands, and reading to them, and playing with them, Then that's the immunity to the peer influence that drags them down to levels of dysfunction and addiction and promiscuity and carelessness and danger and so on.
You just have that bond.
That's what weathers you through the teen years.
So if you think you don't have time for your kids when they're young, how on earth are you going to have time To chase them all over hell's half acre, make sure that they stay off drugs and pick them up from the police station when they're teenagers.
I mean, everything in life is pay me now or pay me later.
If you invest in your kids when they're young, they're largely immune from negative peer influences when they get older.
If you say, well, I'm too busy and I'm going to just dump them in a daycare or wherever, then They're going to be in a daycare.
It's all about peer influences, right?
Because they don't have much bonding.
I worked in a daycare.
There were like two of us, and I had 25 kids aged 5 to 10.
So the kids all bonded with each other horizontally rather than vertically to the adults.
And of course, there was a rotation in and out of the daycare workers, so even the bondings would kind of come and go.
So, of course they bond with their peers, that's what they get used to, and then peer influence takes over from parental influence in the teen years, and your teen years very often become hellish as a result of that.
You know, petty shoplifting, and drug use, and smoking, and promiscuity, and just all of this mess, and rebelliousness, and frustration, and rage at not having a bond.
Like, proximity without a bond is kind of torture, right?
So anyway, my point is this.
Don't let people lie you into not having kids, particularly if you're smart.
It's not like the world has a desperate overabundance of overly intelligent people, which is why I wanted to talk to this woman and give her my advice.
If you are in her position as a woman, recognize you're gonna need to lower your standards because you are in a situation of severely declining demand.
At the same time as your value is decreasing enormously, The value of the man you want is increasing enormously.
And that is something you just have to recognize.
It's very hard to make that transition.
And the best way to avoid making that transition, and to avoid the infertility of excellence that is being promoted so often in the West, is just marry young.
Have your babies young.
And work.
If you want.
This is Stephen Molyneux from Freedom Maine.
Thank you so much.
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