4261 Half Drunk, Oops Baby, Life Over? Freedomain Call In
Hi Stefan,I think I've got a pretty good one for you.First, I want to thank you for your work which helped me a lot with my struggles.My name is [x]. I'm 25 years old Civil Engineer and I'm a Brazilian. I've always been suffering from anger issues with my ex, whom I have a 2 years old son with. Since the beginning of our turbulent relationship, I've been extremely angry towards her. I've never been angry with my other exes, only with her. My anger starts with any move by her. Now we are having problems with our son, who is having aggressive issues in school. This makes me very angry, because I know this problem has something to do with our break up, and him being raised with separate parents.I would like to know where is this coming from and if this is normal.I think this subject will be interesting for the show, because this history involves an accidental pregnancy, depression, suicide attempt by my part, her struggling after the pregnancy, masculine behavior and a panoramical view of feminism in "third world" countries. I think a lot of people could benefit from that.▶️ Donate Now: http://www.freedomainradio.com/donate▶️ Sign Up For Our Newsletter: http://www.fdrurl.com/newsletterYour support is essential to Freedomain Radio, which is 100% funded by viewers like you. Please support the show by making a one time donation or signing up for a monthly recurring donation at: http://www.freedomainradio.com/donate▶️ 1. Donate: http://www.freedomainradio.com/donate▶️ 2. Newsletter Sign-Up: http://www.fdrurl.com/newsletter▶️ 3. On YouTube: Subscribe, Click Notification Bell▶️ 4. Subscribe to the Freedomain Podcast: http://www.fdrpodcasts.com▶️ 5. Follow Freedomain on Alternative Platforms🔴 Bitchute: http://bitchute.com/stefanmolyneux🔴 Minds: http://minds.com/stefanmolyneux🔴 Steemit: http://steemit.com/@stefan.molyneux🔴 Gab: http://gab.ai/stefanmolyneux🔴 Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stefanmolyneux🔴 Facebook: http://facebook.com/stefan.molyneux🔴 Instagram: http://instagram.com/stefanmolyneux
Hope you're doing well. I'm here with Cassio, who sent me the following email.
He said, first, I want to thank you for your work, which helped me a lot with my struggles.
I'm very happy to hear that.
He says, my name is Cassio.
I'm 25 years old.
I'm a civil engineer, and I'm a Brazilian.
I've always been suffering from anger issues with my ex, whom I have a two-year-old son with.
Since the beginning of our relationship, I've been extremely angry towards her.
I've never been angry with my other exes, only with her.
My anger starts with any move by her.
Now we are having problems with our son, who is having aggression issues in school.
This makes me very angry because I know this problem has something to do with our breakup and him being raised...
With separate parents.
I would like to know where this is coming from and if this is normal.
So you say, I think the subject will be interesting for the show because this history involves an accidental pregnancy, depression, suicide attempt by my part, her struggling after the pregnancy, masculine behavior, and a large-scale view of feminism in third-world countries.
So that's quite a mouthful, Cassie.
I really, really appreciate you calling in.
How are you doing today? Yes, I actually had a conversation with her, with my ex, today that got me thinking really deep about this stuff.
I think I should give you some background history about all of our history.
Yes, please do.
And let's focus with your own childhood, I guess, which is where I would first look for the origin of these issues.
Okay. We broke up around one year ago, and then I started to read a lot of this Red Pill stuff of Rollo Tomassi and some YouTubers like Aaron Clarice and Richard Cooper.
But I didn't found a probably Explaining about my anger issues.
I know red pill stuff goes into some female and masculine psychology, but I never found something related to anger.
Okay? But to explain my background with her, it was in 2015.
I broke up with another ex-girlfriend.
And I kind of entered in a POA, pick-up artist, I think.
I was like a party guy, you know.
Then... I partied a lot, like three, four days a week.
It was exaggerating.
No, hang on. So when you say partying, you know...
So, I mean, I went to discos when I was, I guess, starting about the age of 15 or so, because I always looked a little older than I was.
And I loved going dancing.
I danced for hours.
I had a lot of club soda, a couple of beers once in a while.
But it was kind of expensive for me.
So I went mostly for the dancing.
I, you know, chatted with women and all that.
Never did very much about it.
But... What is the scene like in Brazil these days for this kind of stuff?
Do you drink a lot?
Is it dancing? Is it socializing?
Do you hit on women a lot?
How does that work? In Brazil, it's like a common culture to partying a lot.
It's expensive.
There is places that are less expensive than other ones, but in general, it's expensive.
So my family has good money for a Brazilian family, okay?
So I could spend this kind of money in shit like that.
But how do you get the money?
Does your family just give you like a credit card or how do you get the money from your family?
My family has an engineering enterprise.
You don't have to get into those details.
What I mean is, you're an adult.
Do your parents just give you buckets of cash or do you have a credit card with their name on it or how do you spend all this money?
How do you get the money from your parents?
No, it was an internship.
My father gave me money by month.
It's like a salary. I don't know how you call it.
Like an allowance? Yes, yes.
He gave you an allowance into your 20s?
Yes. Why?
Oh man, it's a common culture in Brazil, I don't know.
I mean, aren't kids supposed to grow up, become adults and go get their own damn money?
I mean, what am I missing here?
Yeah, it's because I didn't have money to, I don't know, pay my bills.
So my father gave me that money.
But why didn't you have money to pay your bills?
Yes, I lived with my grandmother at that time.
So he paid me this allowance to, I don't know, I have my own stuff.
But were you in school at the time?
Were you working? I mean, what was he giving you the money for?
If you're in school, then I can understand a little more your parents helping you out, but were you working?
I was in internship at that time in the family business, and I was in the university at that time.
Oh, so you were working and you were in university?
Yes. Okay, that makes certainly a little bit more sense to me.
But didn't your father say, like I'm just putting myself as if I were your father, I'd say, you know, I'm happy to give you money if you're working and you're going to university, but you can't be out drinking three or four nights a week because that's going to impact your studies, that's going to impact the quality of the job that you can do that I'm paying you for.
Yes, now that I'm a father, I can agree with that.
But he didn't. Yes, he didn't.
Was your father absent a lot during your childhood?
Kind of.
Well, my parents got divorced when I was like 12 years old.
So, I lived with my mom.
The divorce laws in Brazil are similar to US or Canada.
And I lived with my mom, but I don't get really well with my mom, you know.
Right. So I asked if I could live with my father.
Then I started to live with him.
But I had problems with my stepmom as well.
So I started to live with my grandmother.
You know, it's very conturbate.
A family background.
Now, can I guess something here?
Yes? You got along best with your grandmother.
Yes. Right.
How did I know that? I don't know, man.
Because your grandmother would have been raised pre or before feminism.
Yes, yes.
So she would be reasonable, helpful, productive, useful.
Yeah, she was very supportive and when I lived with my father, my stepmom really kind of, I don't know, she would Really like to start fights with me, you know? Yeah, women don't have to be agreeable if they get their money from the state.
Then they don't have to be that nice, right?
And, you know, you don't buy flowers and chocolates for the prostitute you're already paying for.
So they don't have to be supportive of their men, they just have to support politicians by voting for them, and they can be as nasty as they want.
The consequence being never that they're thrown out on their ass and have to learn how to be nice before they're let back in.
Yes, so she was like kind of envy with me and my brothers in relation with us and with my father, you know.
She was envy about our relationship with my father, something like that.
Wait, your mother was envious of your relationship with your father?
My mom? Yeah, you said, sorry, I just missed who was envious of your relationship with your father.
Yes, my step-mom.
Oh, your step-mother. I'm so sorry.
Your step-mother was, okay. Right.
Okay. And my father was neglecting us and me, you know, like he would accept Everything that my stepmom would want him to do with us,
you know? So my life becomes a hell at that time and I was during a difficult period because in Brazil to get into public universities which are the best in Brazil in a reputation manner,
you know? You need to have a test with 80 questions and something like that.
It's only one weekend of the year.
During that weekend, she fought with me.
I don't know if I can say because it would be too long, but she fought with me.
And that was enough.
And my grandmother was watching this and already knew about this kind of problem.
And she told me to live with her.
And after that, I leave it with her.
So my grandmother is like a mom for me.
That's kind of an insult to your grandmother, given that your mom wasn't very nice, but she was your female role model or your female bond, right?
Yeah, yeah. So let's go back to when you were a kid, early on.
So you say your parents divorced at 12.
Yes. What was it like for you?
Like, were they not getting along as long as you can remember?
Or did it get worse when you hit puberty?
And it's funny because I hear this all the time.
People say, well, my parents hung it out.
Then when I hit puberty, particularly for the boys, the marriage falls apart.
And there's probably reasons for that.
We can maybe get into them. But what was it like for you earlier on as a child in your family?
Okay, so I have good memories of my childhood.
But I don't remember.
Okay, then suddenly my parents started to fight a lot during that time.
How old were you then? I think I was eight years old, seven years old, something like that.
Was it like one day in the next, if you remember, or was it slow, this transition?
It was suddenly, you know, but it was frequently.
It was fighting frequently.
Do you have any idea what happened during that time phase?
Yes, I have. Did your dad have an affair?
No, no, he didn't.
But my father said that, you know, my mom has dad issues, you know, and...
My grandfather, by her side of family, he cheated on my grandmother.
So, it kind of had a trauma in my mom.
So, then bringing back to my history, my mom was a really difficult person to live with.
Because she can't trust men, you know?
Well, hang on, but you said until you were eight they got along fairly well, right?
Yes. So what changed?
Not so well. So my father said that...
They started to fight in some periods, but it really got worse when they went to therapy, a couple therapy, you know?
And my father said that...
My mom was telling some childhood problems with her father, which is my grandfather, and...
She said that my mom tried to hit my grandfather, and the therapist gave her a compliment by that.
My father said that after this, the relationship went really, really hard.
So your mother was talking about hitting her father, and the therapist basically said, you go girl, or good for you, or something like that.
Yes, exactly. Well, that's not good.
Yeah, so my parents really fighted a lot and they got divorced, okay?
They were getting along not too badly, they go to couples counseling, they fight like crazy and then they get divorced.
Yes. Good job, counselor!
I did a therapy too with my ex and it didn't went well as well.
I did try it once, though not in my marriage, but I did try it once and it was terrible.
It was terrible. Because I was paying all the bills and I wasn't that happy about it.
And we went to couples counseling and I brought all this stuff up and the couples counselor was, well, you know, you just have to learn to work these things out.
Like just useless stuff that you could pick up from a fortune cookie that has no value, no value judgments, nothing whatsoever.
It's just generically, well, why doesn't everyone just get along?
That is not therapy, man.
That is not therapy as far as I can tell.
Yes. So things got really bad and I remember some really hard fights.
My mom tried to hit my father as well, I remember.
Like the therapist praised her, right?
Yes. So this is the background and after that I leave it with my mom and my mom It's a really difficult person because she doesn't like men.
She was very hot and cold with the treatment with me and my brother.
So she's moody, right?
Yes, yes, I think so.
One day she wanted me to do, I don't know, one stuff and the other day she would like me to do another totally different stuff, you know?
Oh yeah, my mom used to ground me and then want to go out for a movie.
I mean, it was crazy.
Yes, my mom also hit me a lot.
At what age? She punched me.
I don't know the expression in English.
She punched me a lot.
How old were you when that started, do you remember?
Like 12 years old, right after the divorce.
Well, a therapist had praised her hitting men and you were becoming a man, so then you get hit next, right?
It's not to blame the therapist, your mom's still responsible, but the therapist, to my view, sure as hell didn't help.
Yes, I think so, and I'm remembering some episodes of my life, and after one fight I had with her, that she really hit me hard, that my father even went to the police to make a...
Like a call, I don't know the name in English.
Yeah, to what is it?
Was it to press charges or to register that she'd hit you or something like that?
Yes, yes. And then after that I went to live with my father.
Yeah, yeah. Did she hit you enough to like make you bleed or loosen a tooth or leave a mark or black eye?
Leave a mark, leave a mark.
So she's violent.
Yeah, she's kind of mentally unstable, you know?
Yeah. Okay, well, let me ask you this, though, because this mental instability is a way of taking agency or taking responsibility away from someone.
So one of the big insights with my mom was that she'd be like screaming at me at the top of her lungs and threatening me or whatever, right?
And then the phone would ring.
And she'd think it'd be one of her trashy guys that she wanted to fasten onto and suck the financial life out of or something.
And she'd go from screaming at me at the top of her lungs to picking up the phone and saying, hi, it's me.
You know, like sugar and spice and all things nice.
Now that to me was a wake up moment.
The moment I really, really saw that and got that because it meant that my mother It was not crazy.
She was just lazy.
In other words, she indulged in her bad moods.
But then, when she wanted something from someone, she could switch her mood to being nice right away.
I just wasn't enough of an incentive for her to be nice, mostly because I guess she thought I could never leave.
Joke's on you. But when you see someone who's abusive, Immediately switch over to being nice when there's some social cue that puts them in that mindset.
Then you see, I said so, you know, because when, you know, my mom was screaming at me like her face all distorted and she was waving things or threatening to throw things at me or whatever, she looks completely out of control.
And you say, wow, you know, she's really possessed by this crazy stuff.
But when she then reins it in, tamps it down, and becomes perfectly normal in the space of about half a second because she feels like it or it's to her advantage to be nicer, then you realize she's not crazy.
She's just lazy.
She's just taking out frustration.
She's letting herself vent.
She's, you know, because she has power over me.
Because I was like, I think I was like 11 or 12 when I first, I really first saw this and knew it.
So that's why, when you say, well, my mom was crazy, I can't remember the phrase that you used, but, oh, mentally unstable.
It's like, was she though? Because if she's mentally unstable, if it's kind of like, I don't know if you know the word Tourette's, you know, when people just spew out this profanity against their will, or something like epilepsy.
Like, epilepsy is not generally socially conditioned.
Like, you can't say, well, I'll have epilepsy in front of my kids, but if a neighbor comes by, I won't have my epilepsy.
It's like diabetes. You can't have diabetes unless there's a policeman nearby.
So when it comes to the abuse of children, the question is always, always, always, the question is, Did your mother ever abuse you in a situation where she might face some real sanctions, some real negative feedback?
Did she abuse you in front of a teacher?
Did she abuse you in front of a cop?
Did she abuse you in front of family members?
Did she abuse you at work?
Did she abuse you in company?
And if the answer to that is no, then she wasn't crazy.
She wasn't mentally unstable.
She was just a fucking bully.
Ugh. Yes, she didn't do that in front of other people.
She could perfectly control her level of abuse, like sliding up and down dial, like turning up and down a stereo.
She could perfectly control her level of abuse as she saw fit.
It's just that your average random stranger was worth not abusing you, because the average random stranger might call the cops or whoever, or look at her badly.
So... Just about everyone in the world was worth not abusing you, except for you.
Except for what you wanted, except for what you preferred, except for what you needed, which was, you know, like to not be fucking abused, right?
So this is really, really important because what we generally do is we work backwards and we say, well, that was abuse, you know, but she was kind of unstable.
She was all over the map. She was moody.
It's like, no, she wasn't.
She self-indulged in moodiness because you had no power.
But when other people had power and she might face some negative consequences for her moodiness, then she wasn't moody, right?
She was probably perfectly pleasant.
And this is the weird chameleon nature of some people, maybe a little bit more female than male, which is this shapelessness to the personality.
There's no form. It's like a gas.
It's like a vapor. It's like not even as solid as a liquid.
And it's like, oh, well, it's bad for me to abuse my kid when this person's around, so I'm going to be perfectly pleasant and perfectly nice.
Oh, that person's left?
You know, it's like it's not even the same person, but there's no form to the personality.
There's just conformity to whatever power structures are out there.
Yes, I never really think about it in that way.
Well, I'm right, Andoana.
Yes, definitely right.
So it's 100% responsible.
Listen, if your mom had epilepsy and occasionally she'd spill things on you, you'd have sympathy.
Even if she spilled something hot on you or whatever and it was the first time, real sympathy.
Like, wow, that's terrible, right?
Okay. But if she hid the abuse from everyone, then she fucking knew how not to abuse you immediately and perfectly.
She just didn't feel like restraining herself When it was just you, or just you and your brother.
Yes. Yes, definitely right.
So, what happened in your teens?
You ended up, bounced your mom, bounced your dad, landed with your grandmom.
When did the suicide attempts kick up and what brought them on, do you think?
Okay, so...
I met my ex in one of these clubs, you know.
I was partying. It was on Wednesday, you know.
And I met her in the club during the night and I slept with her in the same night.
Hopefully not at the club.
No, no, it was another...
That's pretty sketchy, man. Sticky bathrooms.
Now, when you first saw your ex, what attracted you to her?
Now, it's a nightclub, so I've got some idea it wasn't her fine rendition of Proust, but was it just physical, like she was just sexy or pretty or hot, or was that the major thing?
Yes, definitely. She was pretty, not the prettiest one of the club, but she was prettiest.
I started to talk to her.
Wait, wait, you said she wasn't the prettiest, but she was the prettiest?
No, no, she wasn't the prettiest one of the club, but she was pretty.
She was pretty, okay, like one to ten, what would you call her?
Just looks. Seven and a half.
Alright, that seems like a relatively low number to make these kinds of mistakes with, but where would you put yourself in that one to ten?
And I think I'm a seven and a half as well.
Alright. But you're a seven and a half with money and connections and good family in Brazil, right?
Yes. So that would put you up quite a bit, right?
Yes, yes. Okay. I think so.
I think so. And how did you...
I mean, was this common practice for you to meet with a girl at a club and sleep with her the same night?
Yes, it was. Oh, gross.
Yes. I mean, you don't have to answer this.
I'm just curious. Did you ever get an STD? Did you ever have a psycho?
Did you ever have a pregnancy scare?
No, because... During that crazy lifestyle, I was kind of responsible.
Just to share that night's history, I went with her to a motel, you know, and I've always brought a condom with me, and that night she told me to not use the condom.
During the first night. She told you to not use the condom.
Yes, because she...
Red flag! Red flag! Red flag!
Yes. I mean, we were halfway down to a display of missiles by Chairman Mao at this point.
Yes, my thought at that day was, oh man, she would...
She would never want to have a kid with a stranger, you know?
Newsflash! She might not be a virgin.
Yes. So I didn't use it.
She's probably had more meat run through her than a German sausage factory.
Yeah, then she got pregnant.
Wait, wait, wait. Hang on.
Hang on. Then she got pregnant.
You said you used a condom, bro.
No, no, I didn't use it.
I didn't use it. Oh, so she said, I want to go raw dogging, right?
Do me bareback, do me no condom.
And you're like, sure. And then you did, and she got pregnant.
Yes, in the first night.
Did she know? Like, in the conversation that you had before you went to the motel, and you went in without a scuba suit, did you mention by chance that your family had money?
No, no, I didn't say that, but at that time I said about my profession because she asked me.
Then I think she made the points, you know, connect the dots.
Oh, and your profession was a money-making profession?
Yes, I was in an internship with a civil engineer.
Did you wear nice clothes?
Did you have an expensive watch?
Did you drive?
Was there some indication that you had money?
Because you would have more money than most students in Brazil, I assume.
I think my clothes are above average.
I bought a lot of Of drink, expensive drinks at that night, you know?
So you were flashing your money and flashing your education?
Yes. And she's like, have sex with me without a condom, Mr.
Money. Yes, I think so.
It was so fast.
I don't know if she realized that.
I don't know. So when you said you were responsible in your irresponsibility, well, I guess it only takes one slip up, right?
You only have to get one ball past the goalie, so to speak.
Yes, definitely. So you had sex with her that night, and then what happened?
Then she got pregnant at that night.
No, but did you want to see her again?
Did you exchange numbers?
I don't know how the pickup culture works these days.
I mean, normally you just never talk to the girl again, or what?
Yes, we exchanged numbers, and I dated her For about two months after that night.
And did you have more unprotected sex with her?
No, no.
No, because, I mean, that would be crazy.
Yes. Were you drunk when you first did it with her?
Yes, yes. Ah, right.
Well, that's gonna... It's a disinhibitor, as they say, right?
So it lowers your observing ego.
Caution. Eye. Eye of Sauron goes to sleep.
Child of demon emerges.
Now, so you're dating her for about two months.
Now, were you still going clubbing together?
Were you dating exclusively?
Were you still sleeping with other club hoes or what?
I was dating exclusive with her at that time.
And were you getting along? Yes.
Of course you were. She still wanted something, right?
Okay. Yes, we get along well.
But I didn't think about her of, I don't know, girlfriend material.
Why not? Because I slept with her in the first night, you know.
And it's funny how men can have these standards, right?
I'm not saying it's fair, but it's just a fact, right?
So men can have these standards where it's like, yeah, great.
I'll sleep with you on the first date, but man, that makes you pretty trashy.
I mean, it's just funny, right?
Because it makes you both pretty trashy.
Frankly, it's just that men don't often see it that same way because it's more like, woohoo, high-five the testicles, right?
Yes, yes. Now, so, two months, you're dating, you're dating, and you aren't sleeping with other...
Now, does she think you're her boyfriend now?
If I'm...
I don't know, I don't know.
Actually, let me bring you the whole history story.
So, I stopped talking with her.
My grandmother had cancer at that time and she died.
Sorry, your grandmother had cancer, I mean, obviously over these two months, right?
It's usually a fairly lengthy process, right?
So she had cancer and then she died in this two-month period?
No, no. She already had cancer in like three months before, but she was 80 at that time, 80 years old at that time.
So, during these two months with me bonding with my ex, my grandmother died and I spent some time sad and, you know...
Of course, yeah. My sympathies for that, for sure.
I didn't want to talk to anyone who went out and so I stopped talking with her.
Then after that...
Sorry, did you stop talking with her because she...
I mean, that's a lot to put on a month-old relationship, like the death of your, in a sense, primary caregiver or your major female.
Yes. So, it is tough.
You know, even good relationships can be damaged sometimes irreparably or irrevocably just because a tragedy far more powerful than the relationship can handle in its young state hits that startup situation.
So, how was she with all of this?
Was she like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just go to a disco or was she like, you know, tell me more and I'd like to get to know how you feel about this or what?
I said that my grandmother has died at that time.
She went to the funeral, but we didn't continue to pair bonding.
Wait, but she came to the funeral?
Yes. And how long after you first slept together was your grandmother's funeral?
Two months.
Oh, so this is right before she told you she was pregnant, she came to your grandmother's funeral?
No, she didn't tell that she was pregnant at that time, you know?
Because it's kind of a big deal to take a woman to your grandmother's funeral, right?
Like, that's more than just dating, right?
Yes, I talked with her, but I wasn't expecting her to go to the funeral.
She went to...
Oh, you asked her to be polite kind of thing?
Yes, but at that time she knew that she was pregnant, but I didn't know.
She didn't tell me, you know?
Did you notice that she wasn't drinking?
What? Sorry?
Did you notice that she wasn't drinking?
I hope she wasn't drinking if she was pregnant.
Yes, she wasn't drinking, but I didn't know at that time.
You're not very good at the alarm bell situation, are you?
Yeah. This girl I had unprotected sex with is at a social engagement where there's alcohol.
She's not drinking, huh?
Yes, but in these two months we dated like four times, you know.
It wasn't that much, you know.
Oh, so you only saw each other four times?
Yes, during this two months period.
Okay. Okay, then after the funeral, I spent like two months without talking to her.
Did you break up or just you didn't return her calls or did she not call you or what?
Yes, we ghosted each other, you know.
After the funeral? Yes.
Okay. And then two months after the funeral, she came with a call.
Suddenly, yeah.
And she told me that she was pregnant and I could be the father.
She didn't know who was the father.
Ah, modern life.
So then you were like doing that Tom Likas quadruple finger cross, you know, like you're some blues guitar player warming up or something.
Yes, definitely. Then she told me that I was kind of the...
Lover for her because she had a more deep relationship with another guy, you know.
You were the side piece?
Yes, I was the side.
She was 25 at that time and I was 22 at that time and the guy was like 30 at that time, you know.
So during the conversation which She revealed me the pregnancy.
I was really supportive with her.
I said, no, if you are pregnant, I will try to do my best.
I will be a really good father.
But then in the next day, I was thinking, man, I am the lover.
Why did she call the guy to do the test, you know?
Wait, why did she or didn't she?
No, she asked me to do the test and she didn't call her boyfriend at that time to do the test, you know?
Well, how do you know? Because she told me.
Okay, how do you know?
I mean, this does not strike me as a particularly honorable woman.
So how do you know she's telling you the truth about anything?
Yes, I didn't know.
So I said that the anger starts because I was like, why did I have to do the test if the guy has the most probably...
Has more chance to be the father, you know?
Well, I can tell you why if you want.
It's because you have the potential to make more money.
So usually when a woman who's pregnant, assuming that the test is not around, this is how women's instincts had developed.
So assuming that a woman is pregnant and has had more than one lover in the time period, She then looks around and pretty much she's not that interested in who the actual father is.
She's interested in who can bring her the most resources.
So in the competition between you, the 22-year-old, and the 30-year-old, you, as the 22-year-old, I'm sure she'd Googled your family and figured out that you came from money, and that this 30-year-old guy who was dating some loose, skanky, bar-ho 25-year-old is not a high-quality guy.
So she's like, oh, well, there's more resources with you rather than this other guy, so I'm going with Casio.
Yes, he was like a waiter, you know?
Right. Right. So she's like, okay, here's a civil engineer for money or a waiter.
Huh. I think the civil engineer is the father.
Yes. I believe that is the case.
Come on. I mean, I don't mean to laugh, but you got to understand how this kind of thinking goes.
Yes. Yes.
So I said to her, no, no.
The guy will do the test.
I'm not going for the test.
Well, but the problem is, unless you actually see the test, you have to then take her word about the test, right?
Yes. Yeah, that was a problem.
It wouldn't have been as much of a problem if you'd have taken the test and said, I'm going with you to the doctor or whoever it is to get the results of the test because I'm not going to trust you.
Oh, no, this is stuff, right? Yes.
It was a dark period because I was really messed up, you know.
Oh, yeah. Terrifying.
Yeah. The whole situation was terrifying, as you said.
You know, it's 18 minutes of pleasure and 18 years of bills.
Yes, exactly. So the guy did a test and it was negative for him.
How do you know it was negative for him?
She told you? She told me.
She told me and I was my...
My conscience, I don't know the name, was really bad at that time.
I was feeling like a bad guy, you know, for not doing the test.
Had you talked to your family about this at all?
No, but after she said that I was the father, I really gave her my confidence and I assumed it.
And I told my family, and they were very supportive.
They were really supportive at that time.
Well, I don't know, supportive is the right phrase at that point.
At that point, don't you just lawyer up and try and make sure that you are, in fact, a father?
Because, I mean, if she was sleeping with you, no reason why she couldn't have been sleeping with five or ten other guys.
Yes. So, the idea that you're the father, how does she know that if she just claims to have eliminated one guy?
Yes. I don't know, man, what I was thinking at that period.
No, but this is something that your parents should have been all over this to begin with, but anyway.
So, do you know if you're the father in terms of like you've actually done the test and seen the results?
Yes. Yes, I've done the test one year after this, and he is my son.
Okay, all right. So you did the test, and you had the results, and you weren't told this by her, but you got it directly from the doctor and all that?
Yes, I did the test before we broke up, you know?
After we broke up, and I don't know, man.
I was crazy at that time.
I gave my confidence to her.
You mean you trusted her?
Yes, yes, my trust.
But she was right in that it has now been objectively proven that you're the father, right?
Yes, yes. You won the swimming race.
Sorry? You won the swimming race, so to speak.
I'm sure you weren't the only sperm in there churning around looking for the big old egg.
Yes. Okay, so did you talk with her about getting married or trying to have a relationship or something like that?
Yes, after she told me that I was the father, we got along to meet each other with our families, you know, and Go to the doctor.
And what was her family like?
Sorry? What was her family like?
Her family is totally broken.
She lived with her mother and her brother at that time.
Right. And they treated me well at that period.
And with this kind of thing happening, we started to be in a relationship again.
We got in a relationship two months before the birth of my son.
And we spent two years and a half after that together.
Where did your suicide attempts show up in here?
Okay, it was in the final part of the relationship, you know?
Oh, okay. So you were together for how long?
Two years and a half.
Okay. And...
You know, the relationship didn't really went well, you know, and I got depression during this time because...
What was bad about it?
Because I went through a path, a rough path of purpose in life, you know, because my dream was to have a family, like a perfect family, you know?
Yeah, get married and plan it well and all of that, right?
Not just end up cornered by an umbilical cord around your nutsack.
Yes, and after the birth of my son, she went totally cold, my ex, you know?
She didn't treat me well.
I feel like I was a plow horse, you know?
Well, here's the thing.
This is something that's kind of confusing.
For men. Okay.
Because male sexuality, there's lots of complicated about men, but sexuality is not actually one of those things.
Male sexuality is, you like having sex because you like having sex.
But female sexuality is very different, in my opinion.
Okay. So, for women who are hypersexual, like who are putting out Unprotected sex on the first date, right?
That's a stupid thing for men to do.
It's a stupid thing for women.
It's much stupider for women because women get hit more with STDs.
You could turn out to be a total jerk who would simply stonewall her legally so that you didn't have to have anything to do with your kid.
It's such a ridiculously bad decision for a woman that for a woman to give up Her vagina to a man while drunk she just met, first date in some seedy motel.
That is not an act of lust.
That is an act of self-hatred.
That is an act of self-contempt.
Now, it wasn't for you because you're a man.
So it's like, yeah, sex is great, right?
It's like that old Jerry Seinfeld line, I've had a bad orgasm, never really had a bad orgasm.
But for women, sexuality is much more complicated because the consequences for women and for female sexuality is so much more deep and wide and complicated for women.
So it's not surprising to me that a woman, the relationship started off hypersexual, that she went totally cold because her having sex with a guy on the first date is because she hates herself.
You understand? Now, for a man, that's not the case.
You can not hate yourself and want to have sex on the first date.
And I think psychologically, men, it's not great.
It's not great. Don't get me wrong.
But we're a bit more bulletproof as far as that stuff goes.
But for a woman to have unprotected sex on the first date is an act of self-contempt.
It's an act of self-hatred.
She doesn't like sex.
She just doesn't like herself to the point where she'll use sex to gain attention and to get resources.
If a woman doesn't think she has anything to offer you, except the V in her vagina, the V, they're a pair of scissors and they're going straight for your nuts.
I'm telling you straight up, man.
You know this, right? So the fact that she's like, okay, I don't like sex, but I'm willing to use it to get male attention.
Well, now that I've got you locked in, now that I've got a kid, well, then her contempt for sex, her dislike for sex comes out.
Because she's already got you.
Right? So, it's like if you're buying a car, You haggle with the dealer to get a better price or a house or whatever.
You haggle with the dealer to get a better price.
But when you get the car home, you don't keep haggling because it's already done out.
So for a woman, if she's using sex to get your attention, to get your resources, that's an act of contempt for you.
It's an act of contempt for sex.
It's an act of contempt for herself.
So once she gets those resources, she doesn't want to have sex.
Why? Because it reminds her of her self-contempt, of her emptiness.
Men don't, maybe really rich and famous men know this, but men don't really understand what it is, the power that you have when you have a vagina.
It's really, really hard for men to really understand this.
And with that power comes great responsibility.
If a woman misuses the power of sexuality, she pays a higher price than a man does because female sexuality...
Is more valuable, is more powerful, is more complicated, and is more required to bond with a man.
So, the fact that she dried up like a fast-forward Cretaceous Sahara forward is not too surprising to me because my guess is she didn't like sex at all.
Like, women will say they like sex if they're really disturbed and dysfunctional.
They'll say they like sex because then the man is like, whoa, great!
Lots of sex! Woohoo!
But... If you get a lot of sex at the beginning of the relationship, well, you're not going to get much later because it is an act of self-content.
If the woman is restrained and the woman wants to get to know you and has a three-month rule or a six-month rule or until we get married rule or whatever it is, well, you're not going to get as much sex at the beginning.
But the woman has a positive relationship to sexuality and understands the power of sexuality.
And so you're going to get a lifetime of great sex.
It's one of these deferral of gratification things.
So I just wanted to kind of mention that doesn't surprise me much at all.
I'd be surprised if it was otherwise.
The nymphos turn to the ice queens like that.
Okay. So I wasn't happy in the relationship.
So... I thought that if I stayed in a relationship, I would be sad the rest of my life.
I'm sorry to interrupt you because you're just in the middle of saying something, but I don't...
So she was cold.
Was it all kinds of affection, just sexuality?
Did she not talk to you? Did she not want to be in the room with you?
How big a distance are we talking here after your son was born?
I had a distant relationship, you know?
Like, she didn't treat me well at all.
We didn't have conversations.
She really got cold, you know, in all aspects.
Do you think she was suffering from depression after the baby was born?
I don't know. She was really happy to have a child.
She even said that she wanted to have a child at that time.
What was her education?
She had a good education in Brazil.
She went to private schools.
What was she educated in?
She did journalism in university.
She did journalism?
Yes. So she's a leftist?
Yeah, kind of.
She's a feminist.
Not a hardcore one, but she's a feminist.
Wow, that's bad.
Yeah, and also she had...
Of course, you didn't know she was a feminist when you had unprotected sex with her while drunk on the first date, now did you?
No. See, that's why you got to get to know people.
I mean, I'm sorry, this is like, it's not that helpful for you, but this is a conversation that goes out to the world.
You've got to get to know people before you have sex with them.
You have to.
It's essential. Not having knowledge of people before you have sex with them is literally like driving blindfolded.
You might make it, but if you do, you didn't deserve it.
Yes, I agree with your opinion, totally.
Okay, so she's cold.
And of course, as a leftist and as a feminist, she has no knowledge or appreciation of the need of your son for a father.
So she has no need to keep you around, or to be nice, or to satisfy you, or to keep you happy.
And listen, this all sounds...
Love is just transactional, which it kind of is.
It kind of is.
For people who are troubled by this, who have this Hallmark card sentimental view of love, it's kind of like this.
You need to have leverage in a relationship.
Just to take a simple example.
There's two restaurants side by side.
One of them gets no subsidies from the government and the guy's invested his life savings into the restaurant and is desperate for it to succeed.
The other restaurant right next to it gets 100% of its bills paid for by the government.
And the guy's just making a fortune, he, you know.
So one of them is really gonna care about the customers and the other one doesn't give a shit about the customers because their bills are all paid for by the government.
Now you can say, well, Maybe the first guy is a terrible businessman, and maybe the second guy just really wants to create a great customer experience despite the fact that all his bills are being paid for by the government.
It's like, yeah, well, no.
That's not how things work.
You have leverage as a customer in the first restaurant.
You go in, you put down your money, you're making them succeed as a business.
If you don't go in and you tell other people it's a bad restaurant or you do go in, you don't like it or whatever, they need you.
They need you. Now, you need them too because you gotta eat, right?
But they need you and that's mutually beneficial, right?
In the second restaurant, they don't need you.
In fact, you're kind of an inconvenience.
Because the waiters can sit all there playing cards.
They get paid no matter what. They don't want to get up and wobble hot soup over to a table.
And they don't want to go on a coffee patrol and refill everyone's coffees.
And they don't want to deal with people who say the soup is too cold or the bread is too wet or the goose is overdone or whatever, right?
They just want to sit there playing cards, check their phones and surf the internet a bit, watch some videos.
And so in the first restaurant, you open the door and you go in and they're like, Yay!
How can I help you? How can I help you?
How can I make your meal experience fantastic?
And in the second restaurant, you go in and they're like, oh, God, a customer.
And they'll be all kinds of passive aggressive to you.
I mean, they'll serve you probably.
They're not going to not serve you.
But, you know, they're going to be slow.
They're going to be lazy.
They're going to be difficult because they don't want you to come back.
The first restaurant where the guy's got his ass on the line financially, He desperately wants you to come back, because it's hard enough to get the first customer, but getting repeat customers is a whole lot easier.
So in the first business, they need you, they want you, and you need to want them.
In the second business, they want to get rid of you.
So the second business is your girlfriend, right?
Because she doesn't need you for money.
She certainly doesn't need you to be there for money because she can just run to the government and get the government to compel you to give her money.
And she doesn't know and understand and appreciate how essential a father is for the healthy raising of a child.
Because she's been indoctrinated with all of this bullshit about patriarchy and toxic masculinity and cisgender privilege and whatever it is, right?
All this garbage. And she probably has been indoctrinated to the point where deep down she might think that your son is better off without you.
So she doesn't need you for money.
She doesn't need you to raise her son, your son, together.
So you're just in the way.
And so she's going to act like the waiters in the shitty restaurant that gets paid by the government and doesn't need any customers.
She's going to act in a way that's going to drive you away no matter what.
Because you're just kind of in the way.
You're just kind of inconvenient like customers in a socialized restaurant.
Does that make any sense? Yes, totally.
During the relationship, she didn't let me educate my son, you know.
It was really hard because when I gave my opinion, she totally dismissed it and didn't Didn't want me to educate him.
Can you think of an example?
For example, my son had a problem in the beginning of his development.
He screamed really high when he wanted something, you know?
Like, for example, if he wanted to get out of his bedroom, for example, he would scream really hard.
And in my opinion, I would not leave him of the bedroom.
You wouldn't leave him in the bedroom?
Yes, but for him to learn that If he screams, he wouldn't have what he wants, you know?
How old is he? Like one year old.
Why shouldn't he get what he wants when he's a year old?
At that time, we lived with her mother.
And, well, his grandmother did everything to please him.
So he became a...
I don't know the expression in English, but...
Spoiled? Yes, spoiled.
Yes, definitely. But didn't your grandmother try to please you as well?
No, no. Yes, but...
How can I say, man?
Okay, so let's go back earlier, right?
Let's go back earlier. So he's born and your wife, I guess, has finished your education, or your girlfriend, sorry, has finished your education.
And does she stay home with your son?
No, she worked.
Why? Because she...
Oh, because she's a feminist, right?
So staying at home is like handmaidens' tail, barefoot, pregnant, you know, actually providing for a child that you brought into this world, breastfeeding him, giving him comfort, eye contact, skin contact, and basically implanting empathy and self-esteem in him.
Well, that's bullshit, because somewhere out there, there's some stupid government-made-up bullshit affirmative action job to be not done.
Yes. You know what I mean? Yes.
Yes. So how long after he was born...
Did she go back to work?
Like five months after the birth.
Okay, that's better than some.
I don't know what it's like in Brazil.
Is there like paid maternity leave or something like that?
Yes, the employer It has to pay the salary, the full salary during the maternity period.
How long is that? Five months.
Oh, okay. All right. All right. So five months, what happened to your son?
Yes, he started to develop this screaming problem.
No, no, no. Hang on. What does she do?
Was he raised by your grandmother or her grandmother or what happened?
We leave him with a babysitter.
A babysitter?
Who's that? It's a woman who takes care of your child.
No, no, no, I understand that, but I know what the word babysitter means.
Who was the babysitter?
Like, was she a relative?
Was she just someone down the street?
Was she someone off the internet?
Was she someone who had 10 other kids?
Like, who was she?
She was an employee of my house.
Like a maid? Yes, definitely.
And was your girlfriend breastfeeding for the five months?
No, no. She was breastfeeding for like two months.
Why did she stop? Because it was an inconvenient activity for her.
Inconvenient. Yeah, how convenient was this baby to you, but you've got to stick around for 18 years, but she can't fucking breastfeed for more than two months?
Christ almighty. Yes.
Some women have become so useless In the span of like 30 years or 40 years, like all of the accumulated value and utility of women raising kids, running households, running companies, I don't care, they've just been turned into like petty, selfish, useless.
I mean, did she cook?
No. Did she know how to run a household?
No. Did she pay your bills?
No. Did she even write the cheques that you used to pay the bills?
No. What did she do?
She worked and had her money to spend, like, in clothes and stuff.
Well, that's good for the taxpayer and good for the clothing industry.
It's not so fucking good for the next generation.
All right. So she stopped breastfeeding after two months and then he what?
He switched to formula? Yes, yes.
Do you know that breast milk comes out differently if it's a boy than if it's a girl?
And formula doesn't differentiate.
Yes. You're giving gender neutral powder to your kid instead of hormonally optimized male friendly breast milk.
Yeah. So she goes back to work Some babysitter takes care of your son.
Now, do you know how good this babysitter was?
Did you have any concerns about her?
No, I think she was really good because she babysitted my half-brother, you know, like a brother for me.
Your half-brother? Who's that now?
No, it's not my half-brother.
It's like, I forget the name.
The son of my aunt.
Cousin? Yes, my cousin.
All right. Now, how affectionate was your girlfriend with your son?
She was affectionate with him.
I need to be fair.
Good. No, please do be fair.
I mean, absolutely. Now, how did your son handle...
Losing his mother, so to speak, to work.
As I said, man, I think I didn't thought about this way.
I never stopped thinking about what you said.
But he developed this screaming problem and he was really imperative at that time, you know?
So, he would start screaming when he wouldn't get what he wants, right?
Yes, yes. Okay, I'm going to give you, you won't see this until the video comes out, but here's my imitation of your son and tens of millions of sons, maybe hundreds of millions of sons and daughters the world over, right? Okay.
Mom goes back to work.
Your kid doesn't know that.
He just wakes up. And people think, like when a kid screams, let's say he's thirsty, right?
So a kid cries. He doesn't want water or juice.
Please don't give kids juice. And he doesn't want milk.
What he wants is mom. Or dad, if you're the primary caregiver, but usually his mom, right?
Okay. So here's my imitation of your son.
I'm not going to scream at the top of my lungs, but it's something like this.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Door opens, footsteps arrive, head positions itself over the crib, and your son says, who the fuck are you?
Who are you?
Like, imagine this.
Imagine... That you're sleeping in the bed with your girlfriend when you were still together, right?
Okay. And you wake up in the middle of the night and you go around and she's kind of stirring and you cuddle and you spoon her and you nibble her ear or whatever, right?
And then you realize it's your aunt.
Yes. Someone has replaced this essential woman with some other woman.
Or maybe it's a stranger.
And you'd be like, who the fuck are you?
Right? Yes, yes.
That's your son. He's got the smell.
He's got the touch. He's got the sound of the voice.
He's got the touch of the hair.
He's patterned and brailled every conceivable aspect of his mother.
And then it's like, wah, wah, wah.
Knock, footsteps, open door.
Who the fuck are you?
Wouldn't your heart pound if you woke up in the middle of the night and some strange woman was in your bed who smelt of mothballs and menopause and failure?
Because she's a maid, right?
Wouldn't you wake up and your heart would be pounding and like, what the fuck is going on?
Yes. That's a baby!
When mom decides she wants to go to an office rather than, I don't know, be a mom.
Yes, yes.
So he starts screaming, right?
Right. Now he doesn't know the phrase, who the fuck are you?
So he just screams because that's what babies are saying.
Yes. Because he thinks mom's dead.
That's what babies think.
Because the only reason that a mother would not be nurturing a child throughout the 150,000 years of our human evolution, the only reason, up until the last two generations, the only reason...
A mother would not be nurturing her child.
It was because a saber-toothed tiger had ripped her fucking head off.
Yes. Mom's dead.
Who the fuck are you?
So, yeah, a little stressful, I think.
Yes, yes, definitely.
All right. And then you're like, well, we can't give him what he wants, right?
Even though you're taking a big allowance from your dad at the age of 22, you can't give a one-year-old what he desperately needs.
Yes. Come on.
Yeah. Fine for me to take $2,000 a month from my dad, but you got to stay in that crib, kid.
Otherwise, you're going to get spoiled.
Yeah. Yes.
I never really thought in this way.
Well, that's why you're calling. We all need these outside perspectives.
I do and you do. It's not anything magical that I'm doing.
It takes courage to do this and I really, really appreciate you doing it.
All right. So, your son then goes to school, you said.
Was it two he was going to school?
Yes, yes. Was he younger than two when he first went?
No, no. He was two years old when he went to school at first.
Right. Why did he go to school?
Well, because we broke up after our broken relationship.
We didn't get along well.
I got depressed. I got depression.
During the relationship and we broke up, then she...
she... she...
haven't had a place to let him stay, so he puts in the school.
And in Brazil it's common to put your son or Your children in school at that age, you know?
Yeah, no, I understand it. I mean, otherwise, who on earth is going to stab your president-elect, right?
Okay. So, sorry, you broke up.
Why did she not have a place?
Oh, she couldn't stay with her mom?
No. Actually, her mother really liked me.
So, she wanted us to...
To be together and she didn't allow my ex to go back to her home because her mother would want to difficult the broken up for her, you know? Oh, so her mother wanted you guys to stay together, so your ex didn't want to go home because her mother would say, why are you kicking out there?
No, no, no. Her mother wanted two difficult things for her, to impossibilitate her to have broken up with me, you know?
No, that doesn't clear it up.
Can you just take one more run at that sentence?
Sorry. Let me rephrase.
Yeah, thanks. Her mother liked me.
Yeah, I got that. So she wanted two difficult things for my ex-girlfriend to broken up with me.
Okay, so I think I had it right the first time.
So your ex's mom wanted you guys to stay together.
So she was mad at her daughter for busting up the relationship, right?
Yes. And so did she kick your ex out?
No, no, no. Because after one year of our relationship, we started to live together in another apartment.
We lived in my ex-wife's mother's house.
So you had your own apartment with your ex and your son?
Yes. Who was taking care of him then?
I assume, were you still in school or working and your ex was working?
Yes. So who was taking care of your son now?
The same mate, you know.
Oh, did she travel to your new place?
No, no. We let him stay in my home, my previously home, you know.
Your ex's mom's home?
Yes, yes, yes.
Wait, so did he then mostly lose contact with his mom at a year old?
Kind of, yes, kind of.
Well, how many hours a week would she see him?
During the night when she got back off work.
Well, yeah, but doesn't he go to bed?
Yes, yes. I mean, at that age, she's getting back from work at 6, doesn't he go to bed at 7 or 8?
No, no. He went to bed like 9 p.m., 10 p.m.
So would she see him every day then?
Yes, yes. Every day.
But she wasn't there in the morning then, right?
Yes. She left my son with the maid when he was sleeping, you know?
Yeah, I mean, it's a harsh phrase, but you know, paying for someone to take care of your kid is like paying for someone to sleep with you.
It's like a whore mom or a whore dad.
Yes. It should be something you're doing, right?
Yes, yes. Okay, so your son is spending a year with his mom and his dad living in a separate place, right?
Yes. Okay, and then he goes, and how is his behavior over this year, from year one to year two of his life?
The same. Screaming and difficult and...
Yes. And I imagine he was very tough to put to bed, right?
Yes. Right, because he doesn't know who the hell is going to be there when he wakes up, so it's kind of stressful, right?
Yes, I think so.
So then at two, he goes to school, right?
Yes, after we broke up.
Right. So now, it's not just who the fuck are you, it's where the fuck am I? Yes.
Right? Because now, not just his primary, now his primary caregiver changes.
Like before, when your ex went back to work, his environment stayed the same, but his primary caregiver changed.
Now, his primary caregiver and his environment change.
So basically, in his mind, I believe, it's like, okay, my parents are dead, and I've been kidnapped.
Yes. And his behavior did what?
Yes, stay the same.
Stay the same. Wait, so you said that there were problems with aggression, though, but when did they start?
Sorry? You said in your email to me, you said, my son who is having aggressive issues in school.
Oh, yes, of course. Yes.
Then he developed an aggressive behavior.
Like what? How do you know?
Because the director of the school told me.
But no, I get that.
I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. What behaviors were classified as aggressive?
Like punch his friends, you know.
Punch his friends? Yes.
Oh, like your mom punching people?
Yes, yes, kind of.
All right, so he punches his friends.
What else? He's screaming at the teacher and his friends as well.
And how old is he now?
He will be three years old in 31 December.
Alright. Do you want my advice?
Yes. You have two years to fix your son.
Maybe two and a half.
About the age of five, and this is, you understand, I'm no psychologist, it's all just my opinion, right?
But around the age of five, personality changes are tough no matter what, but after the age of five, it becomes virtually impossible to change the personality of a child, right?
Okay. So, here's the question.
Is there any conceivable way?
Well, there is. Your family's wealthy, right?
Or wealthier than the average.
So, my advice to you is this.
Whatever you're doing in life, stop it.
If you're going to school, drop out.
If you're working, quit.
Get hold of your son and parent that boy.
Take him out of the orbit of school.
Two, come on, that's way too young, in my opinion.
Take him out of the orbit of people who are paid to care for him, because that's just not the same as a parental bond.
I don't know as far as, like, does he still have a close relationship with the maid?
No more. No more.
Okay, so that's another rip out of his heart, right?
You bond with people, they go.
You bond with people, they go.
You care about people, they leave you.
You scream because you're frustrated and people ignore you.
I mean, you couldn't have built the fire of your son's anger more effectively if you tried, in my opinion.
So, whatever you're doing in life for two years, you stop and you parent the living hell out of your boy.
You give him eye contact, you give him skin contact, you take him places, you delight in his company, you reason with him, you respond to him, you give him some damn reason to trust the world that he's been brought into, right?
Okay. Now, you can say, well, it's two years of my life.
It's like, well, you're 25, right?
So you're 25. Yes.
Let's say that you live to 75, right?
Okay. It's a long fucking time, man.
50 years. Now, 50 years versus two years, well, two years is only 4% of 50 years.
I know I can do this math on the fly with you because you're an engineer, right?
So this is easy peasy, right?
So 4% of your life is spent making the remaining 96% of your life a hell of a lot better.
Because tell me this, man.
You know this as well as I do.
You probably know this way better than I do, Casio, but what's going to happen if nothing changes with your son?
If he doesn't develop a bond, if he doesn't find some way to curb this aggression, it's not going to happen in daycare, I believe.
What's going to happen to him when he becomes a teenager?
I know it's like it's a weird thing to look at a two-year-old, but imagine you're a two-year-old ten times the size, right?
Or five times the size or whatever, right?
So if he stays this angry, he's going to get bigger and you're just going to get older.
Yes. And at some point, he's going to be able to physically overpower you.
And he's going to have a hell of a lot of reasons to be angry with you.
Yes. Now, the prohibition against attacking parents that is built pretty deep into most of us who don't make Disney films...
May end up with him not attacking you, and the white knighting that is built into men may have him not attack his mom, but there's a lot of other people out there in society he can take out his anger on, right?
Yes. And you don't have the right, I believe, to raise a boy in this manner And then turn him loose on society, and I believe that the boy may well be a source of perpetual heartache for you for the next 50 years.
Yeah. And then, when you are spending year after year after year dealing with the mess, with the problems, with possibly the law enforcement, or maybe he'll end up Maybe he'll end up like you, and I don't mean to say that in a negative way, because there's lots about you that's admirable and good.
You're standing by your son, you're getting an education, you're calling into the show, you're listening to philosophy, so there's a lot that I admire.
But let's just say, the best case scenario, Casio, is your son ends up Going to clubs, drinking too much, having unprotected sex with a woman, and then becoming suicidal because he can't be a good father and a good husband.
You don't want that for him, right?
No, definitely not.
I mean, you're not a terrible guy, don't get me wrong, but what you went through in this process, I doubt there's an enemy on this planet you hate enough to wish it on, right?
Yes. So maybe he'll be okay in a way, and he'll just end up clubbing and making bad decisions, or maybe it'll be a lot worse.
Maybe. Maybe he'll grow up with hatred towards women.
Maybe he'll grow up with hatred towards society.
Maybe he'll grow up without human empathy.
Maybe. I don't know. I mean, I don't know, right?
But what I desperately don't want for you, as I don't want for the other parents out there who have some possibility of turning this around, because he's still only two.
If he was 10, I'd be like, well...
All you can do is manage, I believe, right?
But... What I don't want for you is for you to just kind of...
And this is why you're calling, I think.
I don't want you to just...
I don't know if the word makes...
Trundle on. Just...
You know how people do the...
I got this to do tomorrow and I... Oh, then I've got to go to the dentist and...
Oh, I've got my taxes to do and...
Oh, I've got to call the plumber and...
You know, like you just... Right?
These little, little things. You just step on these tiny little lily pads of little things across an infinite ocean that's not infinite, and then things become irrevocable, irreversible.
You're distracted by little things, as I am, as everyone is.
You're distracted by little things.
Life, as the old poem says, drips away.
In worries and headaches.
You've got little things in your life that are constantly distracting you from the big, meaty, important stuff that is going to actually affect the rest of your life and your son's life and the rest of his life and his children.
You have a chance to shift, shift this shitty family dynamic that you've inherited, which I have a huge amount of sympathy for, and this can be a real gift for you.
Because let's say you just continue on with what you want to do, and I know you don't, but let's say you did.
What's going to happen? Your son is not going to get better.
His anger, his violence is going to harden.
It's going to harden, like lava.
It starts off kind of malleable, a little hot, but if it goes into the ocean, it turns into rock, and you can't change it with your bare hands anymore.
You have something that can change right now.
If you don't change it, Then you're going to end up with crisis after crisis, after disappointment, after regret, after, oh, God, I wish I could go back and take those two years and be a parent.
And then I could have averted all of this mess that I'm dealing with now for the rest of my life.
Every smoker who gets lung cancer sits there, looks in the mirror and says, God damn it.
Why the fuck didn't I stop?
Oh, stopping is tough.
Yeah, lung cancer is pretty fucking tough.
So, you have the money.
If you sit down with your family and say, listen, this is a mess.
And this is a mess that involves a little boy.
Bad decisions have been made.
I chose the wrong mom.
You did, right? That's fair to say?
Yes. I chose the wrong mom.
At the wrong time. And she's not just the wrong mom, like she doesn't really care, or she's kind of distracted, or she's kind of selfish, or she's a little mean.
She's the wrong mom, like she's a feminist, so she's been indoctrinated into thinking that men are bad.
Yes. You know, this is, to take an extreme, way extreme example, this is like a Nazi raising a Jew, or vice versa, you know, like this is not good.
If she's, you know, I know she says she's not an extreme, but...
If you believe that there's such a thing as toxic masculinity, you can't be a good mom.
You can't. You can't be a good mom.
Yes. Of course.
If you hate women, you hate girls, you can't be a good dad if you have a daughter.
You can't be a good dad if you have a son, because it'll teach him to hate women and hate girls, right?
Okay. So this bigotry, women get away with it and For reasons we don't have to get into here.
But you have, if you sit down with your parents, because they'll have to, I assume you don't have a lot of savings, right?
So they'll have to fund this to some degree.
I don't know how, like how your ex is going to take it, I don't know.
But who knows, right?
Depends how vindictive she is, right?
She might just hurt your child despite you, despite men, despite the world, despite whatever misandric bullshit fantasies have been stuffed into her overly susceptible head.
But... You say to your parents, this is like a 10 alarm fire.
This is like crisis mode.
My son is hardening into a violent, angry person.
And we don't have much time.
Every day that goes by, he gets hotter and hotter, I believe.
Well, I think the data bears me out, but certainly look into it yourself.
Every day, he's getting hotter and hotter.
He gets less and less mobility to change, and eventually he's just going to be this angry Mars-like statue of aggression and insecurity and coldness.
You know, maybe like...
Yes. Her mom. I mean, so all hands on deck.
We've got to fix this. Now I'm going to need resources to fix this.
You don't need a lot of money to be a parent.
You don't. You don't need a lot of money to be a parent because you can live, I mean, you can live in one room and be a parent if you want.
Yes. I'm not saying necessarily move in with your parents because I don't know that whole dynamic sounds kind of complicated or you can't move in with your parents because they split up or whatever but you're having trouble with both your parents so that might be kind of tough to manage being with your parents as well as trying to parent in a new way to your son plus your parents will have their effect on your son and all that so you probably could get but I'm just off the top of my head here like if you're home can you live on what would be the American equivalent of a thousand dollars a month Yes,
definitely. Okay, so if you can live on $1,000 a month and you have two years, that's $24,000.
That is not a lot of money to save your son, right?
How much money might you have to spend on police, on bail, on psychiatrists, on meds, on...
Unwanted pregnancies, on possible drug addiction.
I'm not trying to terrify you. These are possibilities based upon what's happening.
And you can really reduce those possibilities, I believe, for the low, low price of $24,000.
That seems like a pretty good deal to me.
Yes. Oh, man, I'm shocked.
I don't know what to say, man.
Well, tell me what you think.
I mean, I had a good old long speech there.
And really... Your son might be okay, right?
It's a dice roll, right?
But, I mean, I had a shitty childhood.
I've never hit anyone in my life.
Yeah. So where he's at, the screaming, the hitting, the defiance of authority, that's not good.
I think that really qualifies as an emergency, and you cannot Stumble your way through an emergency, you need a very decisive plan that is radically different than anything that came before.
Yes, but the problem is that I don't have the right for it because the custody is with her, you know.
Do you not have shared custody?
No. Why not?
We are in a process, you know.
We are during the divorce process in Brazil.
Wait, are you divorcing because you are common-law married?
No, no. But it's like it, you know, because I live it with her and stuff, so the justice needs to decide Like the value of the pension, you know, the payment of the child, you know, and share custody.
Right, so she has custody while you're trying to work out custody, right?
Yes, yes.
That's it. Do you think that if you...
Bring to her this kind of information that she might also agree that it's an emergency.
The problem is if she's a feminist, she's going to say, well, that's just boys.
That's just male nature. You can't change it.
Of course he's aggressive. Of course he's violent.
That's just men. So do you think that she might have the possibility of saying, yeah, it's an emergency.
Listen, if you want to step up, I'd rather him be with you than in school.
Oh man, let me tell you something.
After I discovered this problem, I sent her one video of you.
That one that you explained the problems with a child who was raised by single mothers.
And she was totally indifferent.
With this, I don't know, man.
I don't think she would agree with that.
What do you mean she was totally different?
What do you mean? No, she was totally indifferent.
Oh, okay. She didn't believe you.
No, she didn't believe in the statistics.
She didn't believe that...
Oh, she just doesn't feel that it's true, so she could ignore reality.
Yes, she didn't feel that the father needs to have a role in the education.
Let's say you didn't say anything like, I have to save my child from the horrors of blah, blah, blah, or I'm worried, I'm terrified, but just like, I'd really like to take two years off and be a full-time parent.
Would she say you can't?
Now, it doesn't mean you can't share time with her.
It doesn't mean that she can't ever see him, right?
It just means that You would be available on a full-time basis to take care of your son.
And he would go to you rather than to school.
Oh man, I don't know.
I need to talk to her, but...
Well, no. First of all, you need to figure out what you want.
Because you can't negotiate from a position that's foggy, right?
Yes, but she's really stubborn, you know?
Yeah, I think you may have that in common.
Yeah. Would you be willing, and listen, this is just a conversation, right?
You can change your mind after we finish talking.
But would you be willing, if you had the resources, would you be willing to, and if you could have your son full-time for two years with that, would you do it?
Yes, yes, of course.
Right. Would you want to do it?
Yes, yes.
Okay, so now you know what you want.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how important do you think it is that you do it?
10? It's my son's life?
Right. I agree, for what it's worth.
Now, how far are you willing to go to achieve it?
That's always a big question when it comes to desire.
How far are you willing to go to achieve it?
As far as I can, you know?
Right. Then what you need to do is sit down and talk to a lawyer.
Well, I'm sure you already are, right?
And just say, listen, I got this radical plan.
My son's having real behavioral issues, and I want to take two years off and just be a parent.
You know, my wife is going to continue, or my girlfriend is going to, my ex, whatever.
Fuck these terms. It's going to continue to work.
She can have shared custody if she wants, but I really do want to be there.
And listen, it's going to be powerful stuff because your son is in school for what, five, six hours a day?
Yes, six hours.
So if he's with you, rather than the where am I, who's here, who are you situation, if he's with you on a consistent basis, That's a lot of bonding time, man.
That's a lot of connection time.
That's a lot of eye contact time.
That's a lot of fun time.
Yes. And it will really prepare you.
See, here's the thing too. You say that you want a regular old family and you want to be a father in a more organized way, right?
Yes. Okay, I want that for you too.
And the reason why I think you should take this time and be with your son as much as you humanly can is this reason.
Let's say you do have some dysfunctional, difficult, oppositional, defiant, aggressive, potentially violent son, right?
Okay. Who's going to want to marry you?
Yes. Right?
What woman is going to say, you know, well, that guy, man, yeah, he's a great guy.
I really like Casio, but signing on to that little hell boy, that's a bridge too far for old mama here, right?
Whereas if you have a boy who loves you, who is reasonable, who you can negotiate with and so on, you'll still be...
It'll still be a strike to some degree, but not nearly as much of a strike as, you know, do you want to sign on for a kid who's going to end up on the Dr.
Phil show? Yes.
So that's a really good investment for you.
Just your future datability.
I've known parents, man.
I don't know if you know parents like this, man, but I've known parents with difficult kids, like really difficult kids.
Oh, my God. It never bloody ends.
It's one... Goddamn thing after another.
One chaos. One mess.
Phone calls in the middle of the night.
Cars going missing. Money going missing.
Property going missing. Calls from the cops and bailouts.
And again, I'm not trying to say this is...
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
But... Those people...
Especially if they're not married.
If they're married, it's tough enough on the marriage.
But if those people... They don't have time to date...
They don't have resources to date.
They can't go out and have fun.
Their whole life is just unease and crisis and problems.
And even if it's nothing that dramatic, again, even if he just ends up kind of like you, well, you know, your son's out clubbing when he gets older and he's having sex with women and it could be unprotected.
And, you know, who are you to say?
Because you did it with his mom and, you know, you can't say he was a mistake.
And it's just such a mess to try and fix things.
There's an old saying, it's a stupid comparison, but hopefully it'll make sense.
Back in this, when I was designing software and running the R&D wing of a software company, everybody said, oh, let's just start the software, let's just build it.
We've got the spec, let's just go.
We didn't plan enough.
It became very quickly evident, and the data is pretty clear on this.
In software, if you solve a problem early on, like you figure out a spec early on and you hammer out the details and the differences, it's ten times easier.
It saves ten times as much time and money as trying to do it later.
I mean, it's much more so with parenting.
If you get things right for the first five years, it's pretty smooth sailing.
It's pretty easy. It's pretty easy.
And as you know, I was home with my daughter for the first five years.
I'm still home and so on.
And it's easy and it's fun and I'm proud of her every day and I love the way she interacts with people and I'm proud of the contributions she makes to adult conversations and she is wickedly funny and has taught me how to dab.
Anyway, I won't bore you with all of the great things about all of that, but It's pretty easy now.
I'm sure there'll be some excitement in the teenage years, but with the right foundation.
If there's a right foundation, you can get a lot of rocket blasts without everything falling apart.
If you really want this and it's a 10, then you find a way to make it happen.
And if you have to be a little pushy, well...
You know, if you go camping with someone who's a smoker and you throw out all their cigarettes or break them in two or stuff them into a big pile of bear shit, it's like, yeah, they'll be mad at you.
And then two weeks later, when you come back, they'll have gone through their nicotine withdrawal and you know what they're going to say?
Thanks. Yeah.
Does it sound like a plan? I'm really shocked, Stefan.
Why? I'm shocked.
Tell me why. I didn't know that problem was so deep like this, you know?
And please understand, again, I'm no psychologist.
I don't know. I don't know.
But given the downside, given the negatives can be so extreme, and you want to be a dad anyway, I mean, if you can do it over the next two years, boy, wouldn't you want to?
Yeah. But you need to, yeah, read up on this stuff for sure.
I mean, oppositional defiant disorder, problems with aggression.
Jordan Peterson's got some good stuff on this, on how aggression is very tough to remediate later on in life.
But yeah, in my, again, admittedly, obviously, amateur opinion, yeah, it's just an emergency.
And you have the resources to deal with it, and I think you'll really kick yourself if you don't.
Yes, I think you were right.
You were right. All right.
Will you keep me posted about how it goes?
Yeah, yes. I will.
Definitely. Was it a useful chat for you?
Yes, definitely. Good.
Well, thanks again so much.
You know, for those who don't open their hearts and their lives and their minds up in this way, but who benefit from it, I hope that you have as much respect as I do for the people who come on the show and talk about these difficulties.
There's so much that unites us across lands, across countries, across cultures even.
And these kinds of conversations are so important in helping us realize that in our troubles, we're not alone.
In our solutions, we're not alone.
And there are people out there facing struggles like you, like me.
And I really respect and honor and deeply appreciate your confidence in talking about these things with me, Cassie.
I really do. And thank you so much for your time.
Okay, Stefan. Thank you so much for this conversation.
It really opened my eyes, you know.
Good. I'm glad. Well, keep me posted and I'll talk to you soon.
