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April 29, 2018 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

03:42:39

4073 Toxicity With Lipstick - Call In Show - April 25th, 2018

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	Hey, hey everybody, Stefan Molyneux.
	Hope you're doing well. Four great callers tonight.
	The first was a young man who wants to know, is it worth going to college and being potentially indoctrinated into mindless leftism, socialism, and communism just to get a good six-figure salary job at the other end?
	And there's a great deal in that conversation that's going to help you get out of the rut, get out of the grind, get out of the cubicle, and get into your life.
	The second caller is an atheist, but wants to know if it's worth getting involved in a religious community, if it means that he's going to meet a woman with good, solid, sensible family values.
	It's a great question. Third caller, yeah, a little cold, a little cold.
	He screams abuse at his girlfriend and begs me to help him stop, and you'll see how that goes when you listen.
	And the fourth caller, she wanted to know what are some good questions to ask or things to know when figuring out if you should be a wife and a mother or even date for that matter.
	And this went about as deep as we've gone in a long, long time.
	And I really, really appreciate the caller for that.
	The callers as a whole and you, my friends, for helping to support philosophy at freedomainradio.com slash donate.
	Please don't forget to pick up a copy of The Art of the Argument at theartoftheargument.com and you can use our affiliate link at fdrurl.com forward slash Amazon.
	Strap yourself in, my friends.
	Here we go. Alright, well up first today we have Ryan.
	Ryan wrote in and said, I go to school currently on the west coast and have noticed that even as a freshman, socialism is running wild in even the most basic courses.
	The field I am interested in is financial economics.
	From what my father has told me, it requires a degree to advance further than a few rungs up the ladder, so I have to play the game.
	My worry is that even in my field of study, I have a sense of insecurity in the accuracy of information that I am getting.
	So my question for Stefan is, how am I supposed to be sure the information the professors pass off to me is accurate and truthful?
	That's from Ryan. Oh, hey Ryan, how you doing?
	Hey Stefan, I'm doing pretty good.
	You can be certain that it's false.
	Almost 100%.
	Just, in general, almost 100%.
	Oh yeah, no, if you heard the stuff I heard yesterday, oh boy.
	Tell me what you heard yesterday, right?
	Alright, well, so the professor I'm teaching, so basically he's talking about how, you know, I got a kick out of this one.
	So he's talking about how when Mao Zedong was, you know, had his grip on everything.
	And we were talking about growth and economics.
	And so when he died, he's like, oh, so they ditched the communist idea for a capitalist one.
	And I'm just sitting here thinking, you think that China nowadays is a capitalist dreamland?
	It's just stuff like that.
	And then they'll vouch for socialism saying it's the future.
	And then in like 10 minutes explain why it's not going to work.
	So it... It's super confusing to me.
	I don't know what's going on.
	Well, it's not really that confusing to you, is it?
	No, I've been trying to read up on stuff and...
	You actually said, actually, you'll hear this when you listen back to this, Ryan.
	You said the professor that you're teaching, which is going to be what's probably going to be happening.
	Is it a female? Oh, yeah.
	No, no.
	He's... I think he's an immigrant, actually, from Middle Eastern countries.
	Bastions of capitalism that they are.
	He would know a lot about this, I'm sure.
	Oh yeah, for sure.
	Why do you want to subject yourself to this garbage, this idiocy, this entirely wrongheaded support of totalitarian regimes?
	It's not like you're in Justin Trudeau's cabinet or something.
	Oh no, trust me, I wouldn't intellectually flog myself like this if I didn't have to.
	Well, basically, so my dad's a higher-up in a credit union, and I want to go into financial economics, so I'm guessing most of the higher market, I'm going to be in this bank's credit unions and stuff.
	And he's telling me stories about how there's this one chick, so she was a phenomenal manager, and she had Every reason to be getting a higher position, but since she didn't even have a simple degree in anything, then she got denied a higher pay or a higher, I guess you could say, position in the workplace.
	And I guess I took that and I'm just...
	Because, I mean, he knows...
	From what he knows, he knows what he's talking about, and I'm just...
	Okay, I gotta stop you.
	Let me just ask you one basic question, Ryan.
	Hopefully this will clarify things up the yin-yang.
	Okay, so one basic question.
	Why do you want to work in an industry and for people who believe that being indoctrinated into communism is a great preparation for understanding the free market?
	Then I don't. Because it won't end, you understand.
	You say, well, I'll compromise in school in order to get into this amazing work environment where the people are so retarded that they think that some sort of education in communism and the virtues of totalitarianism and violence are just what you need.
	They can't judge you by your ideas.
	They can't judge you by your intelligence.
	They can't judge you by your creativity.
	They want a rubber stamp Of some higher indoctrination gulag of brain rottingness in order to give you a chance in the field.
	Why on earth would you... Like, it won't end.
	You'll compromise here, and then you'll compromise because they're hiring people who are all indoctrinated into communism, and then you'll compromise in the next place, and you'll compromise in the next place, and then you'll just die at the end of your life having done nothing but compromise and fold and betray yourself.
	Well, so, you know, since my dad's a higher-up, I've gotten...
	I've already done probably three job shadows, and I've done a lot of going to talk to all these people.
	I know all of them, especially my dad.
	He's very much libertarian.
	None of them think this way.
	It's just this goddamn schooling.
	I talk to him all the time, and I'm just like, Dad, why?
	This is this kind of social Marxism.
	God, I have even social stories from...
	What the hell is even going on?
	Oh no, listen, I'm happy to hear stories if you have.
	Oh, yeah. No, I got plenty.
	Okay, well, let me tell you about this one time.
	So, this school, believe it or not, now, this wasn't the case several years ago, but part of the, they just updated it, the graduation requirements.
	So, to even get a degree here, you have to take at least a course in either race relations in the U.S. or gender studies.
	Wait, so you have to train yourself in either white hatred or man hatred in order to get your degree?
	Because let's be honest, when they say gender relations, they mean man hatred.
	And when they talk about race relations, they mean white hatred.
	Let's just call things by what they are.
	Exactly. Well, yeah, that's basically what it is.
	And I've seen these people teach because, you know, I walked into the wrong class.
	I'm just like, well, shit, I'm actually now early.
	Might as well sit through this. Oh, my...
	No, you'd never imagine a gender relations class that said, well, you know, women did get the vote but didn't have to sign up for the draft.
	So that was kind of like authority without responsibility.
	And women have really poisoned gender relations because they've asked for so much leniency and advocacy and favoritism in the family court system in particular that men are too terrified to marry them anymore and therefore birth rates are collapsing and women are miserable.
	And after several decades of feminism, the high point seems to have been that the significant proportions of women over 40 are on antidepressants.
	So there's been a huge cock-up in the entire gender relations industry.
	And some of that has to be laid at the feet of feminists.
	You never hear anything like that.
	It's all patriarchy and all this kind of cisgender trap, right?
	Oh, yeah. That's exactly what happened.
	So I took Psych 101.
	She was a Swedish immigrant.
	That's what I've noticed from all these teachers.
	I haven't seen a single white one that hasn't been completely socially cut.
	She was talking about the greatness of Swedish socialism and how everyone should get $40 minimum wage.
	I'm just like... And then she, the greatest part was, so like I think the most reliable class I've ever taken was my microeconomics.
	Hang on, hang on, hang on, just before we jump into that.
	So this woman really wants minimum wage for like 40 bucks an hour or something minimum wage, right?
	Oh yeah, she's like, then everyone will be happy.
	Right, so why doesn't she give, I assume then she gives minimum marks whether you show up or not, right?
	Like she'll give you a B or an A, I guess an A is 40 bucks an hour is 80 grand a year.
	That's quite a lot of money. So I'm sure she gives everyone an A in her course whether they show up or not, right?
	Because a minimum standard of accessibility and reward is what she wants.
	So she wants $40 an hour.
	I assume she gives an A to everyone whether they show up or not.
	Yeah, you'd think that's the case.
	No, that's just for others, right?
	Yeah, that's just for those capitalists.
	Oh, yeah. She's going through slides too.
	There's like a A picture of a Saudi prince with a gold SUV and he's like, see, no one needs this.
	It's like, okay, but they're kind of oil barons, if anything.
	They have the money to do it.
	Why not, you know, help out the people who made that thing?
	I don't see a problem. If you got the money, why not spend it?
	You think they're just going to keep it? What good does that do them?
	All right. Yeah, so...
	So nobody needs a car, but people really, really need gender relations courses.
	Yeah. Yeah, okay.
	I get your hierarchy of values there, honey.
	Yeah, well, so she's like, take an economics course.
	You know I'm right. And I took an economics course, and they're basically just like, yeah, there's a reason communism doesn't work.
	And I'm just like, oh, yeah. Yep.
	And the reason is that people aren't good enough, and they just don't try hard enough.
	Oh, yeah. No, it's...
	Man. Yeah. I tell you, that psychology class was a pain every time I had to walk into it.
	Okay, so where are you in the college journey at the moment?
	I mean, if you're like, I don't know, three credits shy of graduating, this is sort of a pointless convo, but where are you?
	I am end of first year.
	And I'll be heading into, I already declared financial economics, so I'll be heading into specific stuff next year.
	And how entrepreneurial are you?
	I mean, I've thought about it.
	I've thought about being an entrepreneur, but I thought that getting a good education in the market and how things work together, I think that that would help out a whole lot.
	Especially if someone like this course plan, it's a It's a whole lot of, you have to hit everything.
	So you do marketing, you do management, you do all this stuff.
	But you're taught by people who aren't doing it.
	Why wouldn't you? I mean, listen, I'll just tell you my perspective.
	Listen, I'll just tell you my perspective.
	I mean, just, I don't, like, not everyone has to do what I'm doing, but I'm obviously just telling you my perspective about this.
	So I got my first job programming on a trading floor of a high-volume trading organization, working in COBOL 74.
	Later, we upgraded to COBOL 85 on a tandem system.
	And I had never taken a computer science course in my life.
	And I co-founded a software company.
	I was head of research and development, wrote amazing code that sold for upwards of a million dollars to some organizations, never took a computer science course in my life.
	And then I now run the world's biggest philosophy show, do not have a philosophy degree.
	My degree is in history, although my My graduate thesis in my master's was on the history of philosophy.
	But... So the idea is like, well, if you don't have credentials...
	Like, I don't know what half the people's credentials are.
	Like, who I interview. Like, I don't care.
	I care if you've got interesting thoughts.
	I care if you've got interesting ideas.
	Like, I don't know. I don't know what the education is.
	I could go through a list of people I've done shows with.
	I have no idea what they're... I don't care.
	So do you want to be...
	In a market where people can't think for themselves and judge people's intelligence for themselves?
	Or do you want to be in the market where people need the rubber stamp of stupid, expensive, ridiculous, and wasteful indoctrination in order to think that you're smart?
	I'd rather do my own thing for sure.
	Because your father, your father, your father went to school when school meant something.
	Your father went to school before school became leftist indoctrination, brain gulag.
	Your father went to school when fewer people went to college.
	Your father went to school when there were more men in college.
	Now, the majority of undergraduate students, certainly in the arts, vast majority, are women.
	And do you know what they've installed in a university library?
	I think it was just this week.
	Well, my friend, Ryan, they have installed a cry closet.
	Do you know what that is? I live right next to it.
	Oh, you know. Okay, well, why don't you tell me and the listeners what's going on with that.
	Okay, well...
	Oh, okay.
	So... Basically...
	Well, okay, so this school has, you know, the liberal arts section.
	And I live right next to that.
	And they...
	They were...
	Okay, so they shut down.
	Some guy put up, you know...
	Some right-wing ideologies.
	Oh, boy. Some arguments that they didn't like.
	Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
	And so they posted a picture of where he worked, where he lived, a picture of him, and said, these are racist.
	Fuck them. And I'm just like, why?
	This is illegal shit.
	Oh, yeah. And there's an Antifa chapter, but there's no college Republicans.
	Well, that's probably not a coincidence.
	Oh, no. The only...
	The place for conservatives to really be is at the campus Christians.
	That's like it. Yeah, no, there was some, I think it was at Canadian University, they were trying to get a particular conference going with some conservative or at least non-leftist speakers.
	Initially quoted out at $1,000 for security costs, and then it mounted and escalated and mounted and escalated.
	Last thing I saw was $28,500.
	For police and security cars, which meant, of course, that you can't hold the event, which means that the bullies, the thugs, the violent people, the fascists win because you can't afford to protect your speakers.
	Now, technically, you see, you still have free speech in the same way that you have roam-at-will zones in Sweden.
	You technically can go into the no-go zones.
	You just might not want to.
	Now, technically, you can kind of have an event, but you might end up with a broomstick through your head.
	Yeah, that's... So you got this cry closet, right?
	And the cry closet is where you go to weep if you're stressed out and upset.
	Now there is, you see, this terrible stereotype about women, that women are over-emotional, prone to crying, can't handle stress and so on.
	I don't really think that having more women...
	In university, coinciding with safe spaces and cry closets is really doing a lot to break that stereotype.
	In fact, it seems to be reinforcing it quite a lot.
	For sure. And even with my group of friends, I don't bring up any of my thoughts.
	And you can't really engage with these people because they're all left of marks.
	I swear to God.
	I mean, there's a few that have grown up in the sticks like I have.
	So we can all have an honest conversation, but one of them just went to fucking Japan, so I can't talk to him.
	But you have to take an English class for your freshman course.
	And so I took this English class, and they brought up this word.
	And they're like, what do we associate with this word?
	And it was like ignorance or something.
	And they're like, oh, Trump supporters?
	And I'm just over here like, you know, I just kind of muttered to myself, thanks, but holy shit, they heard it!
	And so now all of a sudden, for every group project, the teacher was my partner.
	And I just said, fuck it, I'm just not going to show up to class, and I'm just going to do my work.
	Wait, wait, so one mormon syllable turned you into a pariah, right?
	Yeah, and it's not like I don't fully agree with what Trump does half the time, especially with the terrorist for my own deductions.
	He could have went about it a little better.
	Even though it had a positive outcome, I think he could have done some things better.
	And sometimes it's like you open his mouth on Twitter, it's like, holy shit.
	Sometimes. But it's just like, why would you want to support your president?
	Why do you want to see him fail? Because if he fails, you fail.
	And you can't bring up any of your points because all of a sudden you just become an outcast and they don't listen to it.
	Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt.
	Listen. Yeah, no, it's fine.
	In university, they are entirely rational and right to ferociously oppose Donald Trump.
	Because Donald Trump, you see, is not a huge fan of higher education in terms of how it's metastasized into this leftist truncheon that scatters tender brains across the sidewalk.
	Now, if Donald Trump decides to do something like...
	I mean, he can't change the law, but let's say he gets behind something like allowing students to discharge student debt in bankruptcy.
	Student debt is like It's like a dementor.
	It follows you and follows you.
	It's like herpes. You simply can't get rid of it.
	We've got 17, 18-year-olds signing out for multi-tens or sometimes even hundreds of thousands of dollars of loans that they can't even discharge in a bankruptcy.
	That's a massive shackle and horrible.
	If Donald Trump were to do something or if the Republicans were to do something like, okay, let's at least let the students discharge their debts in bankruptcy, then what will happen is lenders will not want to lend as much money to students in unproductive fields like gender studies or race studies or all of the basket weaving Bullshit that passes for higher education these days.
	They'll still fund things like petroleum engineering and geology and computer science and so on.
	They'll still, because those people will make the money to be able to pay back the loans.
	But they will cut back enormously on lending money to these arts institutions.
	For these arts degrees, for these arts colleges.
	Now, what's funny, of course, is that these leftists complain that corporations, you see, just exploit the workers.
	It's just terrible. And of course, it's all projection.
	The people who are exploiting The proletariat, the young, are these predatory, bullshit, parasitical, vampiric, ghastly, horrible, vicious, evil, demonic professors.
	Because what they're doing is they're pretending that they can provide a value which they can't, which is increased job earnings within the marketplace.
	And they are dangling these degrees in front of kids.
	And the kids are getting into these loans which they can't discharge in order to fund.
	The salaries and tenure and benefits of these professors who are actually harming them.
	It is far more predatory and ugly than anything that could ever be conceived of, let alone implemented within a truly free market framework.
	They are the exploiters.
	They are the capitalists that they claim to rail against.
	And the left is so messed up psychologically that the only way you can figure out what's going on deep down in their souls is by seeing who they attack and what they attack.
	You know, the left claims that they want diversity, multiplicity, and so on.
	Yet Kanye West tweets some positive things about Donald Trump and says that he loves the way Candace Owens thinks, and everybody loses their shit.
	And then he posts Scott Adams, a couple of Scott Adams videos, and everybody loses their minds.
	And now Chance the Rapper says, blacks don't have to be Democrats.
	Well, wouldn't you think that'd be welcome?
	See, that's diversity. And now everyone is losing their minds.
	And it's this massive witch hunt to destroy and smash any black who might wander off the Democrat plantation, as we've seen before.
	We've seen it before. We've seen this with Clarence Thomas.
	We've seen this with a whole bunch of other really great, robust, brilliant black thinkers, that the moment they wander off the leftist plantation, they are smashed.
	People just attempt to literally destroy their lives.
	And so it makes perfect sense.
	They have a cuddly, cuddly, parasitical relationship where they prey upon the delusions and dreams of young people in order to rope them into bottomless debt.
	Bottomless, life-destroying debt.
	So that they can teach their 5 to 10 to 15 hours a week so they can get their sabbaticals.
	They get months and months off in the summer.
	They can't be fired.
	It's a sweet, sweet, horrible gig.
	And so, the Republicans are not keen on the mass indoctrination of the youth by leftists and predatory lending practices.
	You know, the left used to rail, when I was younger, the left used to rail against, well, there are these company towns, right?
	You work in the mine, and then you got to buy your stuff from the company town, and the company store marks it up, and you'd never get free, and it's like, okay, I don't really know many of the details about that.
	Let's say that's all true. It's still a better love story than Twilight and still a better financial relationship than the young have with their predatory loan monsters of academics on the left.
	So I understand it makes perfect sense for them to be hostile towards Donald Trump.
	Of course, because Donald Trump, free markets, voluntarism, Christianity, small government, free markets, if those policies were even remotely implemented in higher education, Those people would be swept out with yesterday's refuse.
	So yeah, they're fighting for their gig.
	They're fighting for their lives.
	They're fighting for their incomes, their prestige, their pensions, their...
	You name it. They're fighting for all of the sweet goodies they're currently suckling out of the jugulars of the poor.
	I mean, if I was evil, I'd do it too.
	So why do you want to get into this financial arena, financial area?
	What's your... What's your goal?
	What's the end? My goal is...
	What do you like about it? What I like about it is...
	I've always kind of had a knack for it.
	I want to get into either financial advising or have something that I can fall back on if that ends up sucking.
	And then I can just try something else in that field.
	I really like...
	Why don't you just trade on your own?
	Sorry, if you're good at data and you want to figure out how to invest, why do you need to go to college for a couple of years?
	Why don't you just start investing?
	You don't have a big barrier to entry.
	You can start investing in cryptos.
	You can start investing On your own, right?
	I mean, I'm not sure why you'd need to go to college and learn about communism in order to start investing.
	And of course, if you're a successful investor, then you can, of course, advise other people.
	But I'm not sure why you would end up advising people because you learned stuff in school rather than you did stuff yourself.
	It's more of I have a really solid gig right out of college, but they just require a degree at the place my dad works, basically.
	So, yeah, I go through this.
	So you're going to go be daddy's boy on the business?
	He's going to give you a job? No.
	He works in a different department than what I'd be going into.
	I just don't know a lot of these people.
	Come on, let's be straight.
	That's what you said. You said you're going to go work at dad's company.
	No, it's not his company.
	No, I understand that. But he can get you the job.
	But first you have to get the degree.
	It's more of the contacts I built up.
	Always being there because I've just always done a lot of shit there.
	What do you mean contacts? I don't understand.
	You mean you're going to get great contacts from your fucking leftists in school?
	That's going to be your network as a bunch of Marxists?
	I don't understand. What do you mean?
	No, no, no. I mean contacts in the business just because I've grown up in there basically.
	So you already have the contacts through your father.
	Yeah. Well, I had the CEO. And so I'm just like...
	He said that he could give me a job because I've already done a lot of job shadowing and stuff.
	So I already have...
	So he knows what I can do.
	And he's just like, we need you to get a college education just in financial econ.
	And then we can start you off near six figs.
	Like, it'll be a really good gig right out of school.
	But I need to get the degree to do that.
	I've looked into trade schools and all this stuff.
	I just thought this would be a way better option.
	If I didn't, because first of all, along with the aneurysms, I don't like sitting, because basically everyone I hang out with is an echo chamber for me.
	And yeah, you can debate people on the internet, but this is a place where they can't get away from me.
	So I always end up having a conversation with Some of them turn hostile.
	Sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry to interrupt.
	I don't know about this echo chamber stuff.
	Basically, you're being paid close to six figures when you graduate to finish your education.
	Okay. What's your question then?
	You're just going to have to hold your nose and wade through the Marxist filth in order to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right?
	If that's what you want, if you want daddy to get you a six-figure job and all you have to do is go through a couple of years of college, then hold your nose and parrot what they want you to parrot and go get your money.
	I don't sound critical. I mean, that's just the cause and effect, right?
	No, I get it. Yeah, no.
	It's more like I want, I started taking this financial econ courses also because I've, I mean, I really want to learn more about the market and all this stuff.
	I want to learn the bigger picture.
	I don't want to just know what I know about my job.
	No, but you would learn things by reading and doing, right?
	I mean, if you learn, like, to go to a college professor and ask how the real world works is ridiculous.
	Really, you understand, it's like asking an angler fish how to get a good suntan.
	They're not in the free market.
	If they were competent and successful in the free market, they'd be in the free market.
	They wouldn't be in academia. If you want to learn about How to do finance, how to do econ and so on, then you would read a whole lot and you would shadow job, you'd get jobs, you'd get internships, or you'd go to conferences.
	You want contacts, then work on your speaking skills, work on your Dale Carnegie stuff, like how to win friends and influence people, how to be approachable, how to be funny, how to be engaging, how to be cool.
	And then people would just want to work with you if they're smart, right?
	They'll understand all of that.
	So let's not...
	Let's not look at it as anything other than it is.
	I don't mean to be critical here.
	Let's just clear away all the crap that you're looking to make six figures after you hold your nose and wade through the trash of college, right?
	That's the gulag you've got to wade through to get to the pot of gold, right?
	Fair enough. So, yeah, I mean, the idea, well, it's a good debating arena, and, you know, I mean, you understand that's nonsense.
	If there was no six figures at the other end, you wouldn't probably be doing it, right?
	Honestly, I'd probably be in the military.
	I'd probably just bypass all that.
	Which I hear is also quite leftist these days as well.
	Yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, there's really not a philosophical question here.
	You're being paid to wade through and regurgitate a bunch of leftist crap.
	So if you want to get that money, this is what you've got to do, right?
	I guess, but I just want to get something out of this.
	I've already sunk 20 grand in this. No, you will get something out of it.
	You're going to get your $100,000, right?
	Well, yeah, but what if that just doesn't turn out?
	But that's not a philosophical...
	Question, right?
	You have to take your chances, right?
	I mean, it'll really suck if there's some recession, or something happens to the company your father works for, or the guy gets replaced, or something changes, the standards change, the requirement changes, or there's some, we're only going to hire women for the next six months or a year.
	I mean, of course, anything can happen, for sure.
	But that's not a philosophical question because I can't tell you what's going to happen.
	It's just that there will be a reward and there is a cost to it, right?
	I guess that's fair enough.
	Now, what you could do, of course, is you could go get your six figures, learn the ropes of the business by doing it, and then turn around and start your own company and not require people who have degrees because you'll be able to pay them less and they'll be hungry and they'll be smarter and they'll be less indoctrinated.
	They'll be less bitter. They'll be less unhappy.
	So you could have a genius move here after you learn a little bit about the business.
	I mean, all businessmen should be doing this, without a doubt.
	Like, all business people should be doing this, saying, okay, is there any conceivable way we can get done what we need to get done without requiring a college degree?
	College degrees are bullshit ways of pretending that managers know what the hell they're doing.
	Well, I hired him from Harvard, so I don't have to try and figure out if he's smart or not.
	Well, first of all, I don't care if you're from Harvard or not, if someone can't figure out whether you're smart or not just by talking to you, do not go and work for that person, because they're an idiot.
	You need to know whether people are smart or not just by talking to them.
	You need to be able to spot talent as a manager.
	That's kind of your big thing.
	If you're a modeling agent, you need to figure out whether people are pretty or not.
	That's kind of your job.
	If you're a singing judge, you need to figure out who's going to be a good, popular, successful, and competent singer.
	That's your job. If you're a band manager, you need to figure out which bands are going to make it, which bands are going to be hungry, which bands have a good sound, which bands are going to go the distance, which bands aren't going to melt down before they get to their second Hit song, right?
	So if you're in business, you need to figure out who smart people are.
	And it used to be college was a reasonable way to figure out who smart people were for people who aren't that smart.
	But you want to work for the smartest possible managers and the smartest possible managers these days have got to understand, have got to understand that college is the mark of Cain these days.
	College means insecurity.
	College means the capacity to subjugate yourself into a filth of leftist propaganda, and particularly for white males.
	It means that you're going to subject yourself to verbal...
	Abuse for your gender and your race year after year after year.
	That is more a mark of monk-like self-flagellation than intelligence.
	That is a mark of a crushed and subjugated personality rather than a hungry and questioning mind.
	I can't Like, I can't imagine doing what I'm doing saying, oh, well, you know, you don't have a college degree, man.
	You can't come and work here.
	I mean, that would be mental.
	I mean, if somebody said, listen, I just graduated from gender studies, can you imagine the odds of them working with me?
	I would look at that and say, you've got to be kidding.
	Like... Give me someone who never finished grade 8 long before I'd ever take somebody who finished one of these crappy venomous poison sacks of imminent suing called an arts degree.
	So there is going to be a wave of business.
	I'm saying this is my free business advice to you.
	There is a wave of business coming where people are going to bypass college graduates and do enormously well because of it.
	Enormously well. Because smart people will say, wow, there's a company that doesn't require a college degree for me to do something that doesn't require a college degree.
	I want to go with that company because I don't have to sit here and spend about $300,000 of room, board, tuition, books, lost earning opportunities.
	And they're going to gravitate to those companies.
	Where they don't care if you have a college degree.
	In fact, they'd rather you didn't.
	Because they can pay you less and you'll make more.
	Because you see, when someone comes into you with $50,000 worth of debt, you as an employer have to pay that debt.
	That's not your employee's debt.
	That's your debt. Because you have to pay that person enough to cover that debt and living expenses, which means your payroll goes through the roof.
	Now, there are going to be companies, and I think that the tipping point is close to here.
	There are going to be companies being formed by entrepreneurs who say, I don't have to be a genius.
	I don't have to be Bill Gates.
	I don't have to be Tim Cook.
	I don't have to be any of these people.
	All I have to do is recognize that college is bullshit.
	And be able to figure out who's smart.
	And the smart people will very quickly hear that, and you will blow the competition away.
	Plus, you won't have an HR department, so it's like you're running, but without an anvil.
	Yeah, no, the department head was like, hey, you should do HR. I'm like, fuck that!
	Yeah. Yeah, this is all like, you know, when the government prints a bunch of money, you can afford a lot of bullshit.
	That's really all. Fiat money is just a massive fertilizer.
	Which grows more fertilizer and never any crops.
	Fiat currency is just what we can indulge in all the stupid shit.
	We can indulge in a military industrial complex.
	We can indulge in affirmative action.
	We can indulge in massive waste of government and taxpayer money.
	We can indulge in endless military overseas slaughter fests.
	We can indulge in a huge welfare state underclass.
	We can indulge in letting Women and other groups, LARP as if they can just do everything the same, which, you know, some of them can, but some of them can't.
	And so we can do all of that kind of stuff.
	You can have all these public works projects, you can have all of these subsidies to the arts, because it's all free money, right?
	It's all free money. But when that all falls apart, when that all comes apart, then we get back to facts, we get back to basics.
	So, yeah. If you're positioned for that, you're going to do very, very well.
	Yeah. Well, speaking on, you know, free money just reminded me of this.
	I feel like one of the big root problems of why this whole shit show came to be was giving free rides to people just because they're poor or just because they're a certain minority.
	Because I've met these people and they don't give a single damn about what classes they're taking.
	They're just in for an easy degree and then leaving.
	They're not giving any value.
	They're just sinking themselves into debt and then they're just like, fucking capitalism.
	How could you? That's not how it works.
	If you want money, then at least get some skill set that'll give you a return.
	Don't blame capitalism for that and go and get free shit from Bernie.
	These people just don't get it.
	The more... Wait, are you saying that some people get an artificial boost in their business?
	Are you saying that some people get an artificial boost in education?
	I'm not sure quite what you mean by that.
	You were saying that there's an artificial boost that some groups get in education, right?
	I feel strongly that there's quotas and all these other grants and scholarships and stuff.
	I'm looking at the scholarship list and there's like a third of it is shit that a white male can qualify for.
	And then the rest is just, oh my god, if I was a disabled minority, this would be easy.
	But you do understand that you're getting a job and being defined by what your father did and the preferential treatment that you're getting through that relationship.
	I'm not saying it's the same, right?
	It's voluntary versus coercive, but you are getting a bit of a lift, right?
	Yeah. Well, I guess it's like my whole opportunities are based off of what my dad started as.
	Yeah. I could see that.
	I wouldn't say that's 100% due to him, but he's obviously helped.
	This is what's going to happen, right?
	If you take your dad's offer, the 100,000 a year after you graduate, it does not seem believable to me.
	It doesn't seem believable to me for the simple reason, Ryan, that you're not going to be worth that when you graduate because you will have learned very little.
	I mean, you've already gone through the first year.
	Do you think you're a quarter of the way to earning $100,000 a year, being worth $100,000 a year to a company?
	I feel like I'm sinking into debt fast.
	No, no. I mean, just in terms of the knowledge that you've gained, do you feel that after a year, you have gained significant knowledge that an employer is going to be able to sell to prospective customers and make money?
	Nothing based around the job I'd be doing, no.
	Right. So after four years, how are you going to be worth $100,000?
	Because you won't have learned anything useful or valuable if it's just a bunch of leftist garbage, right?
	Yeah. I mean, all I've gotten was from the job shadows and other stuff.
	So how are you going to be paid $100,000 if you're not going to be worth $100,000?
	I mean, it's a business, not a charity, right?
	No, it's not charity. It's more of...
	Background work. I've worked a whole lot of summers there.
	And I mean, that's the knowledge I've gotten.
	Why don't you go and sit down with the boss and make the case for being hired without getting a degree?
	Go do the research. Go say, look, you can pay me this.
	I don't need a hundred thousand bucks.
	You pay me 60. I'll be making the same amount.
	You get to keep $40,000 and you get to hire me now.
	I've already shadowed this place.
	My dad raised me.
	I've talked about this stuff around the dinner table with him since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
	I've done internships here.
	I've done summers here. The degree is a bad business decision with all due respect.
	Why don't you sit down and make the case?
	To the guy who's going to hire you, bring your PowerPoint, bring your flowchart, bring your data, crunch the numbers, wow him, impress him, change their policy.
	You know, people are very passive.
	And you're like, well, you know, this guy said I need a degree, so I guess I'll go and be indoctrinated for four years and hope that, you know, like, why don't you sit there and say, listen, man, I want to take you for lunch and I want to present you something that I think is really important.
	And do all your research.
	Do all your homework. Crunch all the numbers.
	Make it a compelling business case for him to stop hiring college graduates.
	And he may have no idea what the hell is being taught.
	Sit there and say, this is what I'm learning.
	Capitalism is evil. Whites are evil.
	Males are evil. Socialism is great.
	A $40 minimum wage is the ideal.
	Like, this is the crap that I'm learning.
	It's actually going to make me worse at financial management because I got to get all this noise out of my head.
	It's like trying to compose a song while your favorite song is playing.
	You know, it's not going to work. So, go make the case to this guy.
	Maybe you can work it out with your dad ahead of time.
	There's this enthusiasm and optimism and energy that is rare enough that why would you want to go sinking into debt, be programmed in leftist garbage for another couple of years, just sit down with the guy and say, listen, here's a free lunch, and I'm going to make an interesting case to you, and here's what I think.
	Back in your day, college, I understand it.
	It was more honorable. It was more positive.
	It was more useful.
	You could actually judge people by it, but it's really changed.
	It has really changed now to the point where you're getting a very bad deal by hiring college students.
	And let me tell you some of the stuff I'm learning, and let me tell you the case that I'm going to make for you if you hire me now.
	And I would also suggest I'll actually do an outreach program to try and snag college students like myself, people who've got a brain.
	I'm going to open up a libertarian group at the local college and anyone who comes in, I'm just going to hand them a job application and say, come work for me because you're a clear thinker, you're an independent thinker, and you're willing to take risks and you're willing to have integrity.
	So you could be a great portal, like a positive HR portal, so to speak, to this company.
	You could be an entrepreneurial person who helps rescue college grads and place them into corporations or companies or shops that need those people.
	You've got an entire business opportunity.
	I'm just telling you the stuff that I would be doing if I wasn't doing this kind of stuff.
	I would be finding everything humanly possible, finding every possible route by which I could help companies bypass the socialist slag heap of higher education and hire people directly out of high school.
	If that's a spit test for an IQ test, if it's coming up with some intelligence test, if it's coming up with some, here's a bunch of exams, we'll put them online.
	Whoever passes them, you'll do an interview with.
	You don't care where they got the knowledge.
	They could get it from $1.50 in overdue fines from the local public library.
	Why do you care? If they know what they know, you don't care how they got that knowledge, whether they got it in college or whether they got it privately.
	So this is sort of my suggestion in terms of like entrepreneurial, positive, enthusiastic thinking.
	There's a huge need for competent and talented people in business, and those people get destroyed, chewed up, and they're made unwholesome, and they're set against themselves, and they're traumatized.
	You're going to come out of this degree like mentally traumatized.
	From having to fake and dodge and bullshit your way with people you have no respect for.
	In fact, people you have contempt for having such fundamental power over your future.
	So instead of just sitting there saying, well, these are the train tracks that people have laid out for me.
	I guess I'll just go choodle along those train tracks.
	You know, grab life by the balls.
	Seize the carp, as they say.
	Like, seize the day.
	And become someone who makes things happen rather than somebody who follows directions.
	Paint your own picture. Fuck the numbers.
	Yeah, I mean, I see no reason for that.
	How are you going to be a financial advisor when you went to college?
	Seriously, would you advise someone to go to college rather than find other ways?
	Probably not. Right. So, you know, live what you want.
	Whereas if you go to people and you say, I'd love to be a financial advisor.
	Here's the company I built.
	Here's all the people I helped to get hired.
	Here's the policies I changed.
	And I was smart enough after a year to realize that college was bullshit.
	And here's how I made my coin.
	And I'm much happier and better for it.
	Let's rescue your kids.
	From college too. College to me, I used to be like, don't go to college.
	Now I'm like, can we get people out of college?
	They're in a radiation room.
	They're trapped under a piano under the sea.
	What can we do to get people out of college and into the marketplace?
	What can we do to rescue people from the clutches of these leftist squid brain tentacle eaters?
	What can we do to get people out of this abusive, destructive environment, this toxic environment?
	Not much we can do about high school, but we sure as shit can do something about college.
	And I'm at the point now where it's like, get people out!
	Get them out! And there's so much that we can do to do that.
	But business needs to be re-educated because a lot of the older people, the people who are making these kinds of policies, they don't know what an unbelievable shit show college is.
	I doubt the president even knows what the hell he's doing here.
	They're trying to unionize the student workers and all that now.
	It's unbelievable. Wow.
	All right, I'm going to move on to the next caller, but I hope that helps, and do let us know how it goes.
	Oh, yeah. Will do.
	Thank you, Stefan. Okay, up next we have Jamie.
	He wrote in and said, I'm a 41-year-old male atheist.
	In my lifetime, I've watched morality, values, and families fall apart.
	It seems to me that this is linked to atheism and the leftist agenda.
	Most of the people I know who believe in God and go to church have stronger families and values I agree with.
	Do you think as an atheist we should attend church for the more well-being and sense of community and bonding?
	That's from Jamie. Hi, Jamie.
	How are you doing tonight? Hello, hi.
	I'm doing well. How about you?
	I'm doing well and doing good, I hope too.
	I'm honored to be on the show. Oh, good, good.
	So I would say, you know, there are certainly worse places to go.
	And I don't think that atheism is fundamentally to blame for all of this stuff, you know, any more than a bullet is to blame for someone getting shot.
	Atheism has been a useful tool to destroy Religiosity, conservatism, the stability of Western society.
	So, atheism has been a useful tool, but I do not think that atheism itself is foundationally responsible.
	Now, of course, as I've talked about in the show before, and I'm just finishing the third draft of a book on all of this, but atheists had a responsibility when they dismantled religion to give people a substitute for religious ethics.
	Religion is fundamentally not about God.
	Religion is about society.
	Religion is about how to organize society, how to structure society, how to give people purpose, morality, self-restraint, and meaning.
	And if you are going to scrub God, well, if you're going to rip off the roof, maybe give people some sunscreen, a little umbrella, and maybe a new roof in time.
	So, atheism to me is not the issue.
	Simply not believing in God, Does not automatically cause the domino disasters that we're seeing occurring, but I am very concerned that atheists were used to dismantle Christian ethics and the idea of big government, small God, or big God, small government, seems to be pretty true throughout society.
	And so atheists needed to provide a system of ethics, and they needed to actually be Rational and scientific.
	Because what do atheists say? Well, you know, evolution is rational and it's scientific and it's empirical and so on.
	It's like, okay, well, yeah, I accept all of that.
	So now racial IQ differences are all part of evolution, right?
	The brain is our most expensive organ, 3% of our body mass and I think well north of a quarter of our energy goes to running it.
	When you have groups growing up in environments as disparate as Europe and Siberia and Africa, there are going to be differences in the brain structures, which there are indubitably so, and there do seem to be differences in IQ that are significant, up to two standard deviations at times.
	If that had been promulgated, as Charles Murray and Herrnstein and others have tried to do, then we would be making wiser decisions in society, or more informed decisions, and we wouldn't be falling into this bottomless well of hatred.
	I mean, if you deny racial IQ differences, you don't end up solving the problem of racism.
	You make it worse.
	It just becomes anti-white rather than anything else.
	So atheists, you know, were very tough when it came to taking on God, but they were very weak when it came to taking on the left in terms of this, you know, there's the flat earth theory, which is kind of ridiculous, and then there's the flat race theory, like that all races are the same, which is Far more dangerous than the flat earth.
	The flat race theory is far worse than the flat earth theory.
	So none of these things arise directly out of a disbelief in God.
	But my concern is that the atheist was said, okay, chip away at God and then adhere to the left.
	Chip away at imaginary authority.
	Chip away at non-empirical authority and then subjugate yourself to the very real authority of governments with guns.
	And that, to me, is the major concern.
	It's just so many people I know that I see around me that are very religious, and they just seem to be doing so much better, and it's like they don't even worry about it.
	And I feel sort of like, I don't know, it's like, I feel like America and Canada and a lot of the UK are even sort of under attack from Islam.
	Like, they're just trying to slowly convert.
	And I see it as like, wait, just, we need something to get behind, something to unite us.
	And like, I've always been an atheist.
	I just never believed in anything supernatural.
	But it's... I don't know.
	It's just... I feel...
	I can't even explain it.
	It's just maybe I'm looking for something personally for me, just something to sort of bring everything together.
	And I don't know how atheism just all of a sudden got associated with the left, who is just outrageous with her just...
	Insisting men and women are exactly the same, and it's just, it's mind-boggling to me.
	I think the left specifically used and promote atheism.
	The left is significantly driven by a hatred of Christianity, which is why, you know, Ann Coulter's very good book called Demonic associates the left with this kind of devilry.
	The left, if you want to understand the world, just the left hates Christianity.
	And so when Russia was communist and atheist.
	The left loved it. Now that it's nationalistic and Christian, they literally would love to destroy it.
	They would love to destroy it.
	Why do the coastal elites, which are generally on the left, hate the South?
	Because the South is religious, and the South is nationalistic, and the South is competent in military matters.
	And so everything that you see going on in the world comes out of a wild hatred.
	Of the left. And you see the left has very little problem with Islam.
	Although the left claims, of course, you know, we really, really dislike this patriarchy.
	You see, patriarchy is terrible.
	Patriarchy is terrible. But at the same time, the left gives a patriarchy pass to Islam and other belief systems that are fairly patriarchal, to put it as nicely as possible.
	And that is because there is some hostility in some sects of Islam towards Christianity, which the left shares, that hatred of Christianity, and so they're willing to ally with that for those reasons.
	So, yeah, I mean, this is why the left has never denounced communism.
	Because communism is rooted, to a large degree, is rooted in a hatred of Christianity.
	And so, this hatred of Christianity, and the thing is, I never, like, I was a strong atheist, I still am a strong atheist, and I was critical of Christianity, and I really, really don't like some of this original sin and bury the child in this kind of contempt for the self and this hostility towards the sort of flesh and so on.
	I think it's not healthy at all.
	But I never hated Christianity in that sense at all.
	And I will say this as well. If you look at Christianity's reaction to being criticized versus the left's reaction to being criticized, it is worlds apart.
	I mean, I had a conversation a couple of years ago.
	A guy called in and he was a Christian and he was curious and gentle and love your enemies kind of stuff.
	And that's kind of powerful, right?
	It's the stuff that Jesse Lee Peterson has talked about with me on the show regarding the I don't say tormented, the complex and ambivalent relationship that I have with the concept of forgiveness.
	But when you look at how belief systems that are not Christianity, from secular to religious belief systems, how those belief systems react to being criticized, it is often with kind of a bottomless rage and a desire to destroy.
	Right now, it's still limited to a large degree to social shaming, to doxing, to other kinds of ways.
	They're trying to destroy your source of income, trying to destroy your reputation rather than What communists end up doing consistently, which is just shooting you in the back of the head and dumping your body in a ditch.
	So there is this wild hatred that occurs towards Christianity and also a hypersensitivity and a severe blowback to being criticized themselves, which Christianity does not.
	Share as much at all really because there is that love your enemy and forgiveness being and this is another reason why the people who go after Christians Seemed kind of cowardly because I was like, okay, well, let's go after the group which has non-aggression and forgiveness as their response to criticism.
	Oh, you brave, brave souls.
	So, yeah, I think you need a community.
	And the problem is, of course, can you go to the church and be honest?
	Can you go and say, I'm not a believer, but I love the values.
	And I think a lot of Christians will open their hearts to you.
	And, you know, in the way that they may hope that you'll change your mind over time, there is going to be that aspect of things.
	So... There are certainly worse places to be, and these days, given the storm that's coming, I think a port might not be a bad place to put down your roots.
	I see it as a great way to unite everybody if we could just get behind again.
	I actually grew up in the South, so I was behind enemy lines, basically, forever.
	You know, when you would say that as a...
	I felt this way since maybe I was nine or ten years old.
	I just didn't... I thought it was just a hoax, you know, but now the more I look at it, they help a lot of people, and I'm the kind of person, when I see someone on the street, If it's cold and they don't have a jacket, I'm going to go try to find them a jacket.
	There's something in me. I just can't.
	And my wife was like, you know, you're a Christian.
	I was like, no, no, no.
	I hate to see someone.
	If there's something small that I can do to help someone, I just don't understand walking by.
	She's like, well, that's... No, but Southern charity is a real force of nature.
	Christian charity is a real force of nature, which is why Christians don't worry as much about the poor being taken care of in the absence of the welfare state, because they're actually out there taking care of the poor.
	Whereas the people who are kind of selfish and, you know, I wrote the script for this new TV pilot, so I'm going to go and work on that for 18 hours a day, they worry about the poor being taken care of because they're only following their own particular ambitions and lusts and preferences.
	So if you spend time actually helping people, you don't worry about how people are going to get helped.
	When somebody says, well, how will the poor be helped?
	In the absence of the state, what they're confessing is that they've never lifted a damn finger to help the poor in their life, and therefore they can't imagine that anyone else would do so.
	The people who say, oh yeah, I'm confident that the poor will be taken care of in the absence of the welfare state, you know that they've been doing something to help the poor.
	And this is why when people say, well, how will the poor be helped?
	How will the sick be helped?
	You know, it's like, well, what have you done?
	And if they say nothing, then it's like, well, then you don't really care about it, so shut up.
	Or if they say, well, I've done a lot, then it's like, okay, well...
	Then that's how they'll be taken care of.
	But yes, Southern charity and Southern kindness, Christian kindness and charity is an extraordinary force of nature.
	Yeah, definitely. I guarantee if you had $1,000 and you wanted to help someone, you would do much better giving it to a church than to a government agency.
	To, you know, to actually help people and get it in the hands of the people who need it instead of paying someone's salary and this.
	Well, I would agree with you.
	Sorry, I would agree with you up to the point where the Christian churches have gone into the business of refugee settlement, right?
	I mean, that they're getting paid a lot of money these days to facilitate the refugee program in the West.
	And I mean, that to me is...
	That's a huge problem.
	But I mean, I agree with you for the most part, but there's a lot of stuff that's going on in the Christian church these days, and I'm not even talking about the Pope.
	That is not particularly helpful, is the way that I put it.
	Yes. Well, I'm mostly talking about the good old Southern Baptists down here, fire and brimstone, but they're really loving good people.
	I've actually went to my cousin's church and told him exactly, and they're like, oh, come on in, we don't care, you know, and it's I don't know.
	It's just it gives me a real good sense of community.
	And I'm like, I think that's what a lot of atheists and stuff that I know personally, just they don't seem to have.
	And they've automatically been shoved into this corner to be like, you know, Hillary supporters and, you know, just going totally against science and this sort of feminist intersectionality, weirdness.
	That's just a lot of it doesn't make sense to me.
	Well, I don't think you're alone in that.
	I think it's a good thing.
	I think I'm going to give it a shot as a matter of fact now.
	I think it's important to try and find where people are who share your values.
	Values, to me, it used to be that it's all about the methodology.
	It's all about the methodology and that's great when you have time.
	It's really all about the results.
	So, like, in a time of peace and plenty, methodology is key.
	Like, you want to make sure that it's rational people and people who...
	You can afford for people to take their time to get to the right conclusion.
	If they're following a sort of rational methodology, then they should get to the right conclusion.
	But let's take an extreme example.
	In wartime, you just need people to cover your six and, you know, make sure your ammo's dry or whatever, right?
	Metaphorically speaking. And so you really need more conclusions in a shorter time frame.
	You need more of a compatibility of conclusions than of methodology because you don't have the time to wait for all the other stuff that could occur.
	So yeah, I think it seems like a reasonable approach to take to me.
	Definitely. Well, I appreciate your time, man.
	It was a great call. Well, thank you very much.
	I appreciate your time as well.
	And yeah, let's move on to the next caller.
	Okay, up next we have Jaden.
	Jaden wrote in and said, I'm calling in today because I am screaming abuse at my girlfriend for mistakes that she has made in the past at least once a week.
	I love her and she is a good girlfriend to me, better than I could have ever asked for, but I can't help but feel resentment towards her because of what she has done in the past.
	The main issue would be that she slept with a man while she and I were friends, and the man only wanted her for sex after she promised me several times that she would not do this.
	I just want to be as good to her as she is to me, and I don't know how to go about that.
	I've been improving my life because of her, and she has done many things to improve herself too.
	But in this one area, I think I'm getting worse.
	The topics we fight about are always the same, and they never seem to get resolved.
	I'm not sure if I even have a right to be upset about her past, and I'm hoping talking to you about it will help me change and make my girlfriend be happy.
	My question is, do you have a right to be upset over someone's past if they have changed?
	And why would someone's past still feel like an issue if they have changed?
	That's from Jaden. How are you?
	I'm well, I'm well. How are you doing?
	I'm good. Good.
	I'm glad your voice doesn't sound too hoarse from all that screaming.
	So... So the issue with your girlfriend is she slept with some guy who just used her for sex, but this is before you were a couple, right?
	Yes. And how long before you were a couple?
	This was in September, and we started dating in November of last year.
	And how long had she been single when she...
	Was it a one-night stand she had with the guy?
	Yes. And how long has she been single before that?
	I think about nine or ten months.
	And how many boyfriends has she had?
	She told me too many to count.
	Well, that's not good.
	She doesn't even know?
	Is it just like a sideways eight?
	Maybe. Welcome to the Infinity Penis Ride.
	Have enough penises to build a Taj Mahal.
	She hasn't slept with that many guys. I'm sorry?
	She hasn't slept with that many guys.
	She's only slept with five guys.
	Wait, what's the two-minute account then?
	That's how many boyfriends she's had.
	Oh, she's had those boyfriends, but she hasn't slept with all of them.
	No. And how do you know?
	Because she told me. And she is not a liar.
	All right, okay. And how many girlfriends have you had?
	One. Just her?
	Yes. So she's the first woman you've dated, the first woman you've slept with, is that right?
	I've never slept with her.
	And have you guys been going out since November, you said?
	Yes. Right, okay.
	Right. Now, the reason that you've not slept with her, and please understand, I'm not saying that's a bad decision, but the reason that you've not slept with her, are those religious reasons or other reasons?
	I want to say religious, but I'm an atheist.
	Like, I like religion, but...
	I don't know. I don't really believe there is a God.
	Okay. No, that's perfectly reasonable.
	And the reason for not sleeping together is that you feel...
	Sorry, explain to me. And please understand, I'm not saying you should be sleeping with her.
	It's just that that's not as common as it should be.
	So why are you withholding from sexual relations?
	Well, the main reason would be she's a thousand miles away from me.
	This is an online thing.
	It's an online thing. Is she in the same country?
	Yes, she is. We both live in the US. Right.
	Right. And what are your plans for dealing with the long-distance thing, for bringing you guys closer together?
	Well... I recently got a job and I'm going to start putting money away to start visiting her.
	And we've actually talked a lot about what we're going to do in the long run.
	We plan on visiting each other every now and then when we can, when we have money.
	And we discussed when I proposed to her, she's going to move near me and then we're going to get married.
	So you haven't met in person as yet?
	No, we haven't. But I've known her for years.
	Oh, you knew her from when you were a kid or how long?
	I've known her since 2014.
	Right. Okay. All right.
	So, you said that the issues tend to be the same that cause these verbal eruptions or these issues.
	Oh, these conflicts. Yes.
	And one of them, of course, is the fact that she had a one-night stand with a guy before you got together.
	What are the other ones? After we were dating, she had this friend who would help her.
	Man, I don't know how far to go back.
	Basically, she had a terrible life, and she was suicidal, and she had this friend who would help her Like, get through it.
	He would stay up all night with her and talk with her, keep her company, comfort her.
	And they lost contact in 2014.
	Or 2015.
	And so, after we started dating, she found him on Facebook, I think, and started talking with him again.
	And she would ignore me All night, all day to talk to him.
	And our one-month anniversary came up, and I'm like, okay, I'm going to do all this stuff with her, and she was fighting with him.
	And so I'm like, this is going on.
	Okay, okay. I'm sorry, Jaden.
	I need to pick my jaw back up off the ground.
	Okay, how pretty is she here?
	What are we talking? A nine.
	A nine, yeah, I got it. Okay, and you?
	I'm a seven. Are you a certain seven?
	It sounds like a bit of a shaky seven.
	Yeah, I think I'm more like a six.
	Okay, yeah, I got the seven.
	A little wobbled at the end there.
	Okay. Right.
	What are you doing? She's been suicidal.
	She's had more boyfriends than she can count.
	She's ignoring you for some guy who talked her through her suicidal phases.
	Yeah. This is...
	This is the best you got?
	This is the best you can do? This woman?
	I would say so. Why?
	Why? Well, ever since I got my first computer, I've had very close relationships with seven different girls.
	And they've all said they love me and want to date me.
	But the first time an argument or something bad happens, they would leave me and never speak to me again.
	Her? We had an argument the first day we started talking again last year because we had not really talked since 2014 to 2017 for various reasons.
	And we had an argument the first day we started talking again.
	And I said, basically, if you're not going to trust me, I'm just going to go.
	And she said, okay, I will learn to trust you.
	Please stay. I want to talk to you.
	And we've had many arguments since we started talking again.
	And she's left in a fit of rage.
	Well, not rage, but anger.
	And she would always come back.
	And what do you say to her?
	Sorry to interrupt. What do you say to her, Jaden, when you're having these conflicts, when you're having these fights?
	What are the words? Do you call her names?
	What comes out of your mouth?
	Well, it wasn't until about two months ago that I started...
	Being horrible to her.
	I would call her like a whore and a cunt and I don't know just anything.
	No you're not you're not serious are you?
	What? Like you you didn't actually call a woman that you claim or any woman those words like really?
	Yeah. In what possible theory of human relations is that not a horrible, horrible thing to do?
	It's always a horrible thing to do.
	That's why I feel horrible. So why do you do it?
	Because she's the first person in my life who really made me feel loved.
	Okay, that you understand.
	That's a crazy person talking right there.
	I love her so much that I call her these horrible, horrible words.
	No, I don't know if this makes any sense, but it makes sense to me.
	She is the first person who ever made me feel loved because she had this horrible past and she did all these horrible things.
	And she said to me, you are making an impact on me and I love you.
	A big impact on me.
	But no, I understand that, but I don't understand the causality.
	If she's the first person to make you feel loved, so you're going to verbally abuse her at the top of your lungs.
	Give me that causality.
	She promised me that she wouldn't go back to the way she was.
	She wouldn't do all these horrible things.
	And then she fell back into it.
	Wait, wait, wait. You're criticizing her when you're calling her these horrible words?
	Have you ever promised to not call her those words again or get that angry?
	Uh, yes.
	Have you done it again? I stopped doing it after I promised.
	So when was the last time you did it?
	The last time I did what?
	Calls her these names? Or screamed at her?
	I don't know. It's been a while.
	Well, I've screamed at her, but I haven't...
	Okay, when was the last time you screamed at her?
	I think it was five days ago.
	And what did you say to her when you screamed at her?
	I said she didn't love me.
	Well, I'm sure that's true.
	How could she? Love is our involuntary response to virtue, if we're virtuous.
	And top of the lungs verbal abusers, you can't love such a person.
	I can't see how you could.
	You're right. Also, you are playing with fire, of course, because you say she's been suicidal, right, Jayden?
	She's been suicidal, and you're verbally abusing her.
	Yeah. You might as well be pushing her towards a cliff edge.
	Am I wrong? No, you're not.
	So what are you doing? What's the plan?
	What's the theory? And what the hell is she doing that she would put up with somebody calling her?
	I mean, I tell you, I can't even imagine somebody using that kind of tone or that kind of language with me.
	That would be like, I wouldn't even wait for the end of that sentence.
	I'd be gone and never come back.
	Yeah, what's sad is I'm probably the best thing that's ever happened to her.
	I don't even know what to say to that.
	I don't know whether that's sad or if it's true or if it's false.
	No, I am 100% sure it's true.
	Every person in her life has either hated her or used her.
	But you're calling her these terrible names and in that moment you must hate her.
	You must wish to destroy her because those are relationship destroying phrases.
	Yes. You know, like I knew a guy once, married a woman.
	The first big fight after they got married, a couple of months after they got married, she said, I wish I'd never married you.
	And he still remembers this 20 plus years later.
	Remembers like it's burned into the brain.
	Because either it's true, in which case the whole thing was a mistake, or it's false, but she's willing to say that to win a fight, in which case the whole thing was a mistake.
	These are things you cannot walk back.
	This is why you don't do them.
	I mean, other than the fact that you don't want to hurt people you claim to care about to that degree, you don't do it because the relationship dies when you do it.
	The relationship dies when you use that kind of language.
	Now, it can drag on and on if you want.
	Like you can continue to drag a dead drunk around you at night, you know, and think you're having a weekend of Bernie's fun time.
	But the relationship dies when you use that kind of language.
	Because either you genuinely believe it, in which case you hate the person to the point where you wish to destroy them spiritually, in which case you're just an environmental toxin.
	Or you don't really believe it, but you're willing to escalate it in order to win a fight, which means you're a completely unsafe person to be around.
	Now you tell me that she does these horrible things.
	So what are the horrible things that she does?
	Well, I guess nowadays they aren't really considered horrible, but...
	You said it twice. You said horrible things at least twice.
	She does these horrible things. She did these horrible things.
	So what are they? Well, she would lie.
	She would scream at people.
	She would cut them out of their life if they ever did anything wrong.
	She would smoke. She would do one-night stands.
	She would...
	She just wasn't a good person.
	Wait. Didn't you say she wasn't a liar?
	She has never lied to me.
	How do you know? Well, I like to think the truth always comes out, and I've never found her to be a liar.
	But you said she was a liar?
	She was, yes.
	Oh, she was before she met you with your magic verbal abuse that cured her of lying?
	Yes. All right. And you said she screamed at people, and that's horrible.
	But, of course, the whole issue we've got here is that you scream at her.
	Yeah. So you're horrible by that standard, right?
	Yes, I am. So you have two horrible people enmeshed in a dysfunctional and destructive relationship.
	And what do you want me to say about it?
	Do you want me to encourage you to continue this toxic path of mutual destruction?
	Do you think it's healthy?
	Do you think it's positive? Do you think it's going to work out?
	I'm just curious what you think.
	I just don't know why I can't forgive her.
	I don't know. No, the reason why you can't forgive her is you don't want to forgive her.
	Because if you forgive her, you have one less thing to verbally abuse her about.
	And I guess you like to verbally abuse people.
	For reasons I assume to do with self-torture and a history and a dysfunction and so on.
	But no, you can't forgive her because that means giving up power over her.
	Because if you forgive her, you can't ever bring it up again.
	The thing is, I don't do this with anyone else.
	I don't scream at anyone.
	I don't abuse them. I don't try to control them.
	I guess that's what it is to be special in your life then, right?
	She's special because she's the only one I verbally shred in this kind of way, right?
	I guess you're right. So, your experience growing up, what was it like regarding Verbal conflict.
	What happened when you were growing up regarding verbal conflict?
	Like... In your family.
	What would I do when I was in a...
	No, what would your parents do?
	Well, I wouldn't ever yell at them because they would hit me.
	Alright. What else? My brother, if I ever got into a fight with him, he would hit me.
	Even if I didn't do anything wrong, he would hit me.
	And what else? My sister, she used to be very, very manipulative and irritating.
	She would just do all these small things like when I'm like six and she's four, she would start running to the car when we're out somewhere, touch it and say, I win the race.
	And then she would mock me for being slow The whole rest of the day.
	I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.
	That's a little cute. She's four, right?
	Yeah. That's kind of cute, don't you think?
	She's four. I always had a lot of self-esteem, so it kind of hurt.
	Oh, so it hurt you that a four-year-old thought she was faster?
	That seems more like an invitation to play to me, but I mean, it certainly wasn't there.
	So you were offended by a four-year-old when you were six?
	Yeah. In your Adverse Childhood Experience score, and since people always ask, it's the ACE score.
	It was developed, I think, by Dr.
	Vincent Felitti and others for a big Kaiser Permanente study.
	I did this. You can check it out at my Bomb in the Brain series on YouTube or bombinthebrain.com.
	In the Adverse Childhood Experience score, You had verbal abuse and threats, physical abuse, not including spanking, no family love or support, and household member depressed, mentally ill, or suicide attempt.
	And what was the physical abuse?
	Was that to do with your brother?
	And was there anyone else?
	It was mostly my brother.
	Mostly. So who else?
	My father.
	And what would your father do?
	He would spank me.
	Okay. What is the household member depressed, mentally ill, or suicide attempt?
	How does that play out? My brother and sister are currently depressed, and they have been for a while.
	But not when you were a kid, right?
	This is an adult thing? It was like from 15 onward.
	And do you know what may have started it?
	What may have started their depression?
	Yeah. My sister compares herself to me and feels inadequate, and I think my brother feels useless because he's 23 and has never had a job.
	Also, he was horribly abusive to me and my sister when we were little.
	How so? I mean, you've talked about the hitting, but what else?
	It was mostly just hitting.
	Did your parents know about the hitting?
	Yes. And what did they do?
	They hit him. Right.
	Which did not exactly break the cycle of violence, right?
	No, it didn't. Right.
	So... Have you seen a functioning, happy, peaceful relationship in your life, Jaden?
	No. So it's kind of like being dropped in Japan, not knowing Japanese and trying to make your way, right?
	Yeah, but I'm trying.
	No, you're not. No, because if you're still screaming at people, you're not really trying.
	You know that the screaming is bad, right?
	You know that the screaming is bad.
	I feel horrible. Okay, but you know it's bad, right?
	Yes. So if you were really trying, you just wouldn't do it.
	I mean, if somebody paid you a million dollars in the moment to not scream at your girlfriend, you would take that million dollars and not scream at her.
	Like, you do have choice. You do have free will, right?
	Yes. Okay, so the fact that you do indulge in screaming at her, Although you know that it's wrong means that you're not trying that hard, right?
	Because if you were trying that hard, you'd say to yourself, I'm never going to scream at her again.
	That's destructive and it's abusive and this woman has suffered enough.
	You said she had a really horrible upbringing.
	She's been suicidal. She has more boyfriends than she can count.
	So she's a mess, right? And she doesn't need somebody else in her life calling her these horrible names, which you say you've stopped, or screaming at her, right?
	So you would say, I'm just not doing that.
	I'm going to grit my teeth.
	I'm going to not do that.
	You know, it's like if somebody says, I'm desperate to diet because I'm about to get diabetes, and then you find them with half a chocolate cake in their cheek, you'd say, well, you're not really trying to diet that hard if you're still eating the chocolate cake, right?
	Yeah. So, I just need you to reorient yourself based upon the empirical reality of what you're doing, which is you're still screaming at her.
	No, I'm not. You said five days ago.
	Yes. And we had a fight right about when I sent in an email to the show, and I never once did anything mean to her.
	So, one time. One time?
	One time so far you've had a conflict where you didn't scream?
	Since I started, yes.
	Right. Do you think that she would be a good wife and mother?
	No. Do you want to be a father?
	Yes. So, what's she bringing to the table, Jaden, other than being pretty?
	What's she bringing that's good, that's positive, that's virtuous, that's honorable, that's courageous, that's decent, that's strong?
	I don't know. She seems smart.
	Like, she wanted to spank and get the kids circumcised, and she wanted to basically do what I do and scream.
	But I convinced her that that was all wrong.
	And ever since, like not very long after we started talking again in July 2017, she hasn't lied to me.
	Right.
	So these are things that you have brought where you've convinced her to change her future parenting, but you haven't answered what she's brought.
	Thank you.
	Honestly, I don't know a lot of people who changed their mind about that.
	She has. I'm asking you what she has brought.
	The fact that she's listening to good arguments from you is not something she's bringing to the table.
	It's something that you're bringing to the table.
	I don't know. I think being able to listen is a good quality.
	Okay, what about a positive virtue rather than a receptive virtue?
	In other words, she's receiving arguments and listening to them.
	What about a positive virtue that she's bringing?
	Honestly, it's just hard work and honesty.
	Okay, so it's just that she's pretty?
	I guess. Don't go rubber bones on me, man.
	Gotta stay in the conversation.
	You don't have to, and we can hang up right now, but...
	If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong.
	If you don't know, tell me you don't know.
	But I guess it's just bullshit.
	You're just throwing up some fog, right?
	If she wasn't pretty, would you be dating her?
	Yes. Why?
	Because she's the only person who doesn't lie to me.
	Well, I think she does lie to you.
	And I'll tell you why.
	You have called her names that I will not repeat back.
	And she says she loves you.
	Do you think there's any theory of love that allows for love to be positive and present and manifest when someone is screaming those words at you?
	No. So when she tells you that she loves you, after you treat her in this way, is she telling the truth?
	I'm not saying is she consciously lying, but is there any way in which the I love you can be really true?
	No. So that's the last virtue that you thought she was bringing, which is not there.
	So then tell me then why you're dating her If it's got nothing to do with her prettiness.
	If it's not to do with her prettiness, it must have to do with her virtue.
	And please understand, you can be both pretty and virtuous.
	I'm just pointing out in this case, isn't it the fact that she's a nine and you're a six?
	That has you both wanting to date her and wanting to destroy her at the same time.
	Honestly, I don't know.
	Because you couldn't be working harder to destroy the relationship if you tried, right?
	You You understand. I mean, I'm telling you anything you don't know, right?
	Screaming at a woman like that, like yelling at her and calling her those names.
	You couldn't be working harder to drive her away if you tried, right?
	Yes, I know. The only thing worse than leaving you would be staying with you.
	Because the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.
	And it's not like you're going through a lot of therapy.
	And I appreciate that you're calling in, and I know you're being very honest, and I appreciate that.
	I really do. It's not easy.
	It's not easy, and I appreciate what you're doing.
	But you are holding her with one hand almost to punch her with the other, right?
	Yeah. So the question is, If you're with her because she's pretty, that's not going to last.
	There's something fundamentally humiliating about that.
	Because your future children don't care how pretty their mom is.
	I mean, they may care whether she's overweight.
	Because if she's overweight, then she's going to transmit those fat epigenetics to them.
	And she won't be able to play as much.
	She may not live as long. She won't be as active and has as much energy and so on.
	But your future children...
	They don't care how pretty the mom is.
	They care how virtuous the mom is.
	How kind, how considerate, how thoughtful, how passionate, how reasonable, how moral she is.
	So this is just your dick pointing at a pretty face.
	Well, maybe not the face, but you know what I mean.
	Yeah. So you're attracted to her like an animal and you're treating her like an animal.
	This is just lust. You understand, right?
	I know you haven't slept with her and all that, but it's lust for the pretty face.
	And so, if you're just chasing a pretty face with your dick, there's no respect for her, for you, for the relationship, which is why you treat it with such contempt.
	It's not coming from a virtuous place, not coming from an honorable place, not coming from a decent place, not coming from a loving place.
	It's coming from a rutting place.
	And it's reptilian. And so you don't have any higher standards because the relationship itself is not based on any higher standards.
	It's based on lust.
	And because it's based on lust, there is contempt for her, contempt for you.
	And because it's based on lust, all of the primitive emotions that come with lust, like rage, have full flower and play in the relationship.
	It's just symmetry, penis, hole.
	And if you want...
	Oh, and also there's contempt in that...
	What would an honorable, strong, courageous, decent, and moral woman, Jaden, do if you called her those names?
	She would leave. She would leave.
	She would absolutely leave.
	I mean, you know that, right?
	Yes, I do. So why hasn't she left?
	As I said, I think I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her.
	That is horrible.
	Yes, I know.
	Thank you.
	That is horrible. And it means that you're exploiting the way she's been mistreated in the past in order to be able to inflict your bad behavior on her.
	Well, I'm hitting you less.
	I'm screaming at you less.
	So that makes me a good guy?
	No. I don't claim to be a good person.
	No, but you're the best thing that's ever happened to her.
	Which means you're the person who is hurting her slightly less than all the other people who've hurt her.
	In other words, you're feeling better about yourself in a way because you're preying upon the remnants of her personality left over by the other jackals who've shoot her up in the past, right?
	Yeah. Do you think that you're good for her?
	No, I don't. So, if you're not good for her, and you love her, shouldn't you leave her?
	Yes. All right.
	Well, I guess that's all I have to say about that.
	Thank you very much for your call, and I appreciate that, and let's move on to the final caller.
	Thank you. Okay, next we have Emily.
	Emily wrote in and said, I take the idea of motherhood incredibly seriously and marriage is something I want to do well if I'm lucky enough to meet someone who may want to get into a partnership with me.
	But before all of that, there is me.
	In today's current climate where I'm encouraged to victimize myself, I don't feel that as an option.
	However, there are historical and biological truths that I carry in my body and mind.
	I want to be my best and hopefully someone else benefits from it too.
	That's from Emily. Emily, how are you doing tonight?
	Hi. Are you able to hear me?
	I certainly am.
	Oh. Hi there.
	Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.
	It's a pleasure to chat. Thank you for a great question.
	You know, naturally, when people think how to be a good wife, they magically think of me.
	So I appreciate that. I mean, obviously, this is the most common question that I get, but I will certainly try and do my best.
	Now, what's your dating history like or been like so far, Emily?
	Oh, goodness. Not a sideways aid, is it like the last call of a girlfriend?
	You know what? I didn't have the privilege of hearing his story.
	All right, so let's just talk about a number of boyfriends or sexual partners.
	Okay. I'm very nervous.
	Um... If you don't mind, can you maybe narrow in more specifically on the question?
	Sure. Number of relationships.
	Oh, gosh.
	Um... I'm counting.
	Oh, no, no problem. Take your time.
	Um... Well, to me, I would consider, um...
	A relationship, one where we've established monogamy and we're going on dates together and family interaction.
	So, one, two, four come to the top of mind.
	Alright, and how long did those last?
	Months, years, weeks?
	No, more months, I would see, if they met your family, right?
	I have not been in a relationship for more than 12 months.
	You know, I've had a relationship with I'm thinking back to my college boyfriend.
	We were less than six months, but then he circled back around after graduation.
	And I think he may have done that two times.
	I have not been in a relationship in six years.
	Do you have a one who got away, like a guy that you wish you'd stayed with?
	Yeah. Yeah.
	I wish that I had...
	Oh, gosh.
	I... I definitely feel emotional and it may come through in my voice.
	Yes, I wish that I had really been able to recognize what was in front of me.
	I really, yeah.
	I mean, it's a tough thing for women in their 30s, right?
	Because past the peak of your sexual market value, it is...
	Easy to look back and say, okay, well, I might have to settle down with a guy who's not nearly up to the scratch of the five guys I rejected in my 20s, right?
	Well, I think, you know, if you don't mind, I think that maybe getting to know me outside of the context of Those relationships could be helpful.
	I was pretty traumatized by the boyfriend that I had after college who cheated and then it was also All around the time that my father died.
	I wouldn't say I took a break from dating, but the next relationship that I had was with someone very much like my father.
	That was such a hard relationship, and the way he left this world was not peaceful or graceful.
	Your father, you mean? And what happened to your father?
	He committed suicide.
	Oh, man. Emily, I'm so sorry to hear that.
	My gosh. How terrible.
	What a burden. I'm so sorry.
	It's... Such a confusing thing to navigate because and I hope it's okay to say you just jump in and let me know.
	No, just talk about what's on your mind.
	That's what we're here for. Yeah.
	I just have so much despite being on the receiving end of his disease and his His illness.
	So he had a physical illness?
	Do you think that prompted the suicide?
	He had bipolar.
	Right. He had bipolar illness and did not do the things that one might need to do to To manage that.
	And so there was that.
	It's just so complicated because he and I, we just didn't click.
	And it was so hard to be in relationship with him and to be his daughter.
	But knowing that Knowing what his suffering was toward the end of his life and how he exited.
	How did he kill himself?
	Painful. He...
	He...
	I'm not sure if you're very familiar with how bipolar can affect one's body physically.
	No. He just...
	He wasted away.
	And I know that part of it was starvation.
	Like a hunger strike?
	You know, it's...
	It's hard to know because what happened is he...
	I'm sorry.
	I thought that I would be able just to jump word to word, sentence to sentence.
	He... So...
	I don't know.
	It's not the way...
	He didn't shoot himself or hang himself.
	It was starvation, isolation.
	We knew when he didn't show up, even though he had been wasting...
	I don't know what was...
	I'll tell you this.
	The last year or two of his life, he weighed less than 80 pounds.
	And when he didn't show up...
	Sorry, again, I'm no psychiatrist, but isn't that more of an eating disorder than bipolar?
	No, no.
	I mean, he had Crohn's disease in addition.
	And it's just, it's so complicated.
	It's so confusing.
	Yeah. I just know that when he was found on Christmas Eve, he wanted to die on the floor.
	He wanted to be left there.
	He was separated from your mom?
	He lived alone, is that right?
	He did. They separated...
	They separated...
	I'm gonna I'm gonna be really annoying here because it literally is taking me five minutes to get one answer and I hate to be strict but you're gonna have to try and gear it up just a little bit because when you listen back to this I do have to be respectful to my listeners time and I'll try not to ask questions there is difficult but I'm gonna need you to work the bellows a little and get the words out just a tiny bit faster please Yes, thank you. Now your father did beat you as a child.
	He would hit you on your legs with his bare hand also with a leather belt on your legs and your bare behind, right?
	Yes, yes he did.
	So he was a violent child abuser as well?
	Yes, I would say yes.
	Now that little laugh was interesting.
	Because when you were talking about your father, it was very heavy and slow and ponderous, like you were carrying the larynx of a person 350 years old.
	But things sped up a little bit when I talked about your father being a violent child abuser.
	Well, yeah, because it's so...
	Yeah, I mean, it's very...
	It's not in the back...
	Well, I think part of it is I'm trying to, you know, get on with it, as you encouraged me and answer the question.
	No, I appreciate that, but I think it's more than that.
	Because, of course, we have sympathy for people who kill themselves.
	I will tell you this straight up, Emily, my sympathy goes down just a little bit for people who kill themselves when I find out, as I guess I knew before the call, because you did your Adverse Childhood Experience score, that they were also a violent child abuser.
	Yes, yes.
	I knew that it wasn't common in my peer group, and it wasn't something that my sister experienced.
	And there's one particular incident that really stands out.
	I was a very needing child.
	I was a very sensitive child.
	Wait, wait. Sorry, you say you were a needy child?
	I was a child that needed.
	I was quite sensitive.
	Wait, wait. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm a father.
	What child isn't needy?
	What child doesn't need? What do you mean?
	Compared to what? Well, it just didn't.
	That kind of personality did not work for my parents.
	I'm so sorry.
	I apologize for asking you to speed up and then slowing you down to answer this stuff, but I'm kind of struck.
	So, are you saying that your sister had a more compatible personality with your parents?
	Is that right? Correct.
	And was your sister younger? 21 months younger, yes.
	Right. So, you understand that she had the example of you being beaten, right?
	Do you think that may have had any effect on how she interacted with your parents?
	I don't know.
	It's not something she'll talk about.
	No, no, but let's theorize.
	Let's theorize. So, you're almost two years younger.
	You see your older sister being beaten with a leather belt on her bare bottom and legs.
	Do you think that that may have an effect on the neediness you may express to your parents?
	I mean, there's no...
	There's no way that she was not affected in some way by being a witness.
	Okay, so I'm gonna have to get past your diplomatic core here, and I'm gonna tell you straight up, Emily, the compatibility that your sister had with your parents probably had a lot to do with the fact that she saw you getting beaten, as she would imagine half to death, and a desperate desire to avoid the fate that befell you on a regular basis, which was being beaten with a leather belt.
	That gets children's attention and that gets a whole lot of compliance.
	And if the story in the family is, well, Emily is needy, then you know what your sister is not going to be?
	Needy. No, but it's got nothing to do with personality, you understand.
	Because you're trying to let your parents off the hook here.
	Which is probably why your relationships don't work.
	You're trying to get your parents off the hook here.
	By saying, well, there was some incompatibility between me and my parents and it didn't work with their personality and I was needy and I was sensitive.
	No. No.
	Parents don't get to say there's an incompatibility between me and my child because the child has nowhere to go.
	You figure out how to work it out.
	Well, I think what I'm saying is I know that and they...
	I did not want to work it out.
	I think this is important.
	My mom knew what was happening.
	One of the reasons I wrote in was I wanted people to hear an example of what it's like when I'm a really good example of what happens when a mother chooses a high-level executive career over parenting and looks away.
	And farms out.
	Oh, so your father was bipolar and your mother was hijacked by Korea.
	She was AWOL because of ambition, right?
	Correct, yes. She very much...
	We didn't need a five-bedroom house.
	It was...
	That's her identity, and she didn't want to do the work of the mother.
	Did your father work? Pardon?
	Did your father work? He did.
	He was in construction sales with a lot more flexibility, so he was around more.
	Well, yes and no. I mean, I assume it was a full-time job, so he would be gone, and maybe there was travel involved there as well, right?
	Very little traveling, and...
	I just remember his presence a lot.
	And when his illness really kicked off in middle school, he was home a lot because he was not employed.
	He couldn't function at work, right?
	Correct. There was something that happened that got him fired, not because he didn't meet a number.
	Yeah, some volatility at work, right?
	Yeah. I remember once needing to contact my mom for something pretty important, and I had a list of places where she'd worked, and I went through 15 numbers trying to find my mom because I didn't know where she was working at the moment because she had a high turnover because she was So emotionally volatile at this point, I guess I was in my early to mid-teens that she was...
	But you know, again, I'm no psychiatrist, but I always wonder what happens to the conscience of people who beat their children with belts.
	Like, I wonder what that does to your soul.
	I wonder what that does to your sense of self-respect.
	I wonder what that does to your sense of peace of mind.
	I wonder what that does to your happiness or your capacity for happiness.
	When you have taken a helpless independent child, stripped her waist down and beat her with a leather belt.
	Repeatedly. I wonder if it's all just an illness or whether some of it might not be a really rotten conscience.
	I think the evil that we do accumulates within us.
	It accumulates within us.
	You know, like it's not usually the single cigarette that kills you, it's a whole bunch of cigarettes accumulating in your body.
	And I wonder sometimes with people who do evil, and you know me, I mean, you've listened to this show, Emily, you know that for me, beating a child is one of the greatest evils, because it is so often, abusing a child is one of the greatest evils, if not the greatest evil, because it is the evil through which so many other evils are generated and manifest.
	So I wonder, I wonder if it's just bipolar or the evil that accumulates in people's hearts and minds eventually drives them mad.
	Well, I will tell you that I think that My father was involuntarily committed to a mental hospital, and when he was released, he literally shut the door to his house.
	It makes a lot of sense to me.
	I think the man...
	Okay, you're touching your microphone or moving your microphone or something like that?
	Thank you. Can you hear me all right now?
	Yeah. So when he was released from the mental hospital, he literally went into his house, closed the door, and didn't come out unless he absolutely had to.
	And that was from...
	Over four years.
	I mean, it makes sense.
	I think that something must have really hit him.
	You know, the depravity, I would imagine.
	What do you mean, depravity referring to what?
	I'm sorry, maybe I have my words confused.
	Just the impact.
	No, no, depravity.
	I think you're using the right word.
	do you mean depravity relative to what I was talking about with child beating or do you mean depravity regarding something else?
	Uh, I, to be honest, I don't know if my dad ever thought of what he did as abuse. I don't know if my dad ever thought of what And that's just the truth.
	No, no, I believe you.
	I believe you. And I also accept and believe that he did not apologize or make amends for beating you with a leather belt.
	Yeah, it never happened.
	Right. So, coincidentally, to him never understanding that he did evil, never apologizing for the evil that he did, he did not get better.
	Yes, it only got worse and never got better.
	Let me ask you this, Emily. Sorry to interrupt you.
	Let me ask you this. Did your father's punishment ever withhold food from you or your sister?
	No. All right.
	So there wasn't any sort of going to bed without dinner stuff?
	Nope. And were punishments inflicted upon you other than the beatings?
	What other punishments?
	I would get grounded.
	No TV. I would be sent to my room.
	There was a time-out chair called the blue chair, and I would have to go sit there for a long time.
	You know, sometimes I would get spanked on that blue chair.
	I.
	The punishment was was generally like just the yelling and.
	And I just remember hearing like, God damn it a lot.
	and, you know, chasing me down.
	So his punishment for you and for your sister, there's just the two of you, is that right?
	Yeah.
	Yes. Okay, so your punishment, Emily, his punishment for you and your sister was to confine you in your room, right?
	Sometimes. I don't have any memory of my younger sister.
	Either my memory is shitty, selective, or I'm spot on.
	But I have no memory of her being spanked or sent to her room or being isolated.
	It was very, very, very...
	Like I was the bullseye.
	I just don't have any memory.
	Are you ready to have your mind blown?
	Are you ready? I'm not sure.
	Let's find out, shall we?
	Do it. Your father would punish you by sending you to your room and isolating you.
	Right? Yes, and sometimes the punishment would happen there, and I think my sister often didn't see it.
	No, no, no, forget your sister.
	We're just focusing on this at the moment.
	Okay, we'll get back to that if you want. But the punishment, Emily, that your father inflicted upon you as a child when you were bad was to send you to your room to keep you confined and to isolate you, right?
	Yes. And then what happened to your father after he left the asylum?
	He went into the house, he isolated himself, and he secluded himself.
	And you said that when he was later in life, when he was starving, he was isolated.
	Yes. So the punishment he inflicted on you was inflicted upon him.
	self, by himself.
	And that's what I mean when I say I think evil generates a terrible conscience.
	And if you cannot admit the wrongs you do to others, they boomerang onto you.
	Yeah, I mean, without a doubt, I don't disagree.
	I agree.
	Not at all. Sorry, go ahead.
	I was going to say, I just had always assumed that it had nothing to do with the way he treated me and just everything to do with losing a job and money and things that mean a lot to most men, like the marriage and assets and that sort of thing.
	I don't know how important that piece of information is.
	You don't...
	You must...
	Unless he was a complete psychopath with no conscience whatsoever, which I don't believe, repeatedly beating his daughter...
	I mean, look, I mean, I've never even raised my voice at my daughter.
	Certainly never called her a name and anything like that.
	And the idea of beating her, I mean, I can't even tell you what that would do to me and do to her, do to our relationship, do to everything, do to my relationship with my wife.
	It would be, well, I'd rather die.
	And given the peaceful parenting that I enact, Emily, the idea of what it would do to a human soul, to a man with a conscience, to frighten, terrify, chase down, beat, imprison, or and isolate his daughter, what that would do to a man?
	I think most of the distortions that we see in the world, the brutalities, the power lust, the censorship, the abuses that we see from institutions, this all comes from how we've treated our children.
	How we've treated our children.
	If we can't get that right, I don't see how we can get anything else right.
	And if we get that right, it seems hard to get anything else wrong.
	Yeah. And I just...
	I want to say I'm such a loving child.
	You wanted to be loved.
	You wanted to love. And you wanted that relationship, right?
	You wanted that positive relationship.
	You're desperate for it, right?
	I wanted... I could see it.
	I knew I could recognize it.
	And I could...
	I knew it when I was around it.
	And I just... I have so many memories of wanting to be rescued and helped.
	And it just affected every aspect of my childhood and adolescence.
	It was just hard to be In my own body.
	I was so loving and so creative and had moments where I could be so joyful.
	But there was such a sadness.
	There was such an incredible sadness.
	And I knew something wasn't right.
	It didn't make sense to feel suicidal at 11.
	It makes sense.
	I just knew that that wasn't what...
	I knew the girls around me right.
	I knew that they weren't having those thoughts when they were falling asleep.
	And what were your thoughts?
	You said suicidality at 11.
	What were you thinking at the time?
	Um... If, um...
	Oh gosh, a few things.
	I thought that people would then really understand that they weren't picking up on all the cues that I was giving
	There were a lot.
	my teachers knew you know and nobody does anything right now Nobody asks, nobody lifts the finger, nobody cares.
	I reconnected with my fifth grade teacher who also went to our church and she said, oh gosh, you were such a smart, bright girl, but you were so anxious.
	So anxious.
	But you had a predator in the house.
	Of course you were anxious. You know, if you fall into the lion cage at the zoo, wow, that's a really anxious child.
	Yeah. I mean, I remember like, you know, I just wasn't high functioning.
	I was falling behind academically.
	I got medicated.
	I was, you know, I was medicated early.
	Oh, you mean like the Prozac and Adderall and stuff like that?
	No, neither.
	I was put on some sort of antidepressant.
	And it was always, I need to change, and I'm the problem.
	So you were drugged to cover up a crime?
	Yes, yeah. And I think, I don't know if this is important, because this is a place where I feel safe enough to say this, because it's really fucked up.
	My mom is in the mental health profession.
	So, um... Yeah.
	Well, I mean, in my opinion, a lot of people in the mental health profession are themselves the most in the need of healing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It just, you know, no one else, nothing else needed to change.
	So it was always...
	You know, the message was, I'm the problem.
	I was very, very, very, this really kicked off bad.
	This happened very early in childhood and just kicked off.
	I was very allergic to cigarette smoke.
	It made me so sick with migraines.
	And to the point of, like, nausea and vomiting and having to be, like, put to bed in a dark room.
	And my dad was a chain smoker.
	And, I mean, he would just get...
	My sister was not allergic.
	And just enraged.
	It's like, I guess, trying to compromise or reason with an alcoholic.
	But I was, like, physically getting sick from...
	The cigarette smoke?
	No, yeah. My mom was a smoker.
	It's hideous.
	It's vile. It's like having somebody jam a fucking car exhaust up your nose and idle it all day.
	Well, and it just...
	And you sit down on the couch and this smell arises and the walls slowly turn yellow and it's like living in a diseased lung.
	Now, she wasn't a heavy smoker, but she definitely smoked.
	Well, my dad was just, you know, all the time, all day.
	And I think it was maybe his way of self-medicating.
	And the thing is, it didn't just smell bad to me.
	It made me so sick.
	And I would, you know, it was just this perpetual cycle of, like, not wanting to be around him because he smoked.
	And if I asked, he would get so angry.
	And then I would get really sick.
	But then he would become very, like, tender, like, When I was, I remember this, like being in bed, so I have this migraine, because I'm probably very stressed, which can cause migraines, and I've been exposed to so much cigarette smoke in this confined car,
	and his solution is roll down the window, and sometimes I wasn't even allowed to do that, but then he would come in, and I'm in Like five years old and just in the most physical pain.
	And I can remember him, you know, coming in with like the ice pack and the saltine crackers and the Coca-Cola, which is where I like picked up my addiction for Coca-Cola.
	And like, you know, put the ice pack on my head and tell me to give, like he would put his head up against my head and say, give me your headache.
	And it just, you know, it's like...
	Give me your headache? Yeah, yeah.
	Like, I'll take...
	What? Give me your headache?
	He gave you the headache.
	Give me your headache?
	He's like evil cop and nice cop rolled into one psycho bundle.
	That's a common trait of people with bipolar illness.
	Well, or just assholes.
	Well, that too.
	I mean, for sure. Like, without a doubt.
	Without a doubt. But it's like, it's one thing to be raised by an asshole.
	It's a special kind of hell to be raised by an untreated bipolar person.
	You keep saying bipolar, but all right.
	So your mom, who was in the mental, or I guess was in the mental health profession, decided to have a couple of kids with a bipolar chain smoker, because she's just really, really good at assessing people and knowing who's going to be productive and functional, and that's who she chose to marry and have children with, right? Correct.
	How handsome was your father when he was younger?
	Um, I guess like Don Draper, Don Draper? He's pretty damn handsome.
	Yeah, okay, so no, no, no, no.
	I would not put him at that level.
	So like, you know, if Don Draper or Jon Hamm is a 10, I would say my dad maybe is 7'8".
	And your mom?
	Oh, she's stunning.
	She's stunning. I would 9, 10.
	So it could have been a vanity pairing, right?
	With those cheekbones, who cares if they're encasing crazy brain?
	I think it was sort of a sick, like, my mom needs to be needed and...
	Well, I won't even try to diagnose that.
	Did he have money? Did he come from a high-status family?
	Like, why would she marry down physically unless he had something to make up for it?
	That's a... You know, in all of this, I think that my mom might be the one that's more fucked up than my dad.
	I don't know. They both came from very humble beginnings, and they both had been married before.
	Um... And my mom got an MBA, so she was more educated than my dad.
	My dad had a nice income, so did she.
	Was your dad sort of socially presentable, high status from that standpoint, like charismatic, glad-handing kind of Bill Clinton stuff?
	I mean, before he was in the asylum and all.
	He was in sales, right? So he's got to have a fair amount of glad-handing charisma, right?
	Yeah, I think that my dad...
	When I think of...
	When I see... I think that my dad may probably...
	Made a very, very good first impression.
	Right. You know, he is handsome.
	He is educated.
	He educated enough, right?
	How tall? Oh, gosh.
	I'm 5'4", 5'5".
	My dad probably was 5'9".
	And your mom?
	My mom, 5'8".
	Hmm. All right.
	All right. Nice head of hair?
	My dad? Yeah. You know, my dad always had a great tan and he never went bald, so...
	That's high status for some women and you take what you want and you pay for it, right?
	Hair for men is like boobs for women, right?
	You can get away with being bald as long as you're not fat in the same way a woman who's got no boobs is fine as long as she's not fat.
	A woman can be overweight if she's got boobs like a man can be overweight if he's got a thick head of hair and it sort of works.
	Anyway, just wanted to point out in case men want to understand what the bald thing is all about, you work out.
	Bald helps you stay fit because if you're not fit and you're bald, that's not good.
	Not good at all. I truthfully think that despite my dad being from a blue-collar, humble beginning, I think that maybe one of the things that they really had in common,
	besides being fucked up, was they wanted Their background there must have been like, get you, you get me, right?
	But they both wanted good assets, without a doubt, like status assets.
	My dad was very good with money.
	Money means a lot to my mom.
	I think my dad, my mom has shared with me that she thinks that the fact that she worked in the mental health profession Might help him someday, if that makes sense. Like, he might need her.
	That's her words. Okay, so let me ask you this.
	Let me ask you this.
	You're such a woman. I don't mean that in a bad way.
	But the reason I'm saying that is you have a lot of insights and a lot of understanding, but there's one emotion that is absolutely absent from your analysis of your family.
	Well, I'm very angry.
	Sorry, and I should be clear.
	I don't mean absent in your soul.
	I mean absent in our conversation.
	You've cried, you've talked about yourself as being sort of sensitive, and you've talked about how you were anxious as a child and suicidal as a child.
	And those are all inner punishments or inner directed downvotes, so to speak.
	And this is always the issue.
	Like, so men sometimes have difficulty...
	In the other way that they're more out of directed and they have difficulty feeling shame or they have difficulty feeling helplessness and so on but I think for women it's a little bit more common that they have trouble expressing anger at having been abused and I think that anger is important for you at this point in your life I mean it probably always was but I would guess if I had to guess that it would be the most important At your age, if you want to settle down and have a family, you're going to need to bring a true genuine self.
	And of course, of course, you are going to have caution about dating.
	See, you haven't dated in six years, right?
	You're going to have caution about dating because without anger, you won't know how to choose the right guy.
	And you've seen what happens when you choose the wrong guy, as your mom did, right?
	You've seen what happens up close.
	What a horror show that turns into, right?
	So if you can feel confident that you can attract and choose the right guy, then you can move forward.
	But you've got to do it quick.
	And I think that anger, for you, would be the key to finding the right guy.
	Which sounds, I know, counterintuitive, but I can explain it more if you want.
	But that's sort of my first thought.
	Well, can I jump in?
	You're probably not...
	Gosh, I'm just kind of gobsmacked at what you're saying, because in the last year, I have had...
	It's obviously not coming through in this phone call.
	I have had...
	Rage. I have been so pissed at women.
	Nah, but you laugh the moment you say it.
	Well, I mean...
	Why? Well, I think that maybe I feel uncomfortable with screaming right now.
	No, but there's somewhere in between laughing and screaming where you are connected without losing control.
	Because you don't... If your anger makes you lose control, then you don't have a good relationship with your anger.
	And then losing control is a way of keeping your anger at bay.
	Well, if I get angry, I'm going to go crazy.
	I'm going to strangle people.
	Right? Right. Thank you for saying that.
	I would love to, like, explore, hear more about that because I have had that, like, anger has swelled up.
	Sometimes I know why it's there.
	Other times I can't explain it.
	And I am so, you know, I had to really, some really big things happened in my 20s and I've had to rebuild a life.
	And the The feeling of losing control, right?
	And everything falling apart terrifies me.
	And I don't know...
	Sorry to interrupt, but you probably also associate what your father did to you with anger.
	Oh, sure.
	But it wasn't anger. No, that's not anger.
	Evil? Well, it's sadism.
	Beating a child is not anger.
	That's just destroying a personality or trying to.
	I'm not saying you're destroyed. It's abuse.
	Abuse doesn't come from anger.
	That's a kind of sadistic rage.
	That's not, to me, anger at all.
	Because anger keeps you safe.
	Anger doesn't destroy others, unless they're directly threatening you, right?
	I mean, a self-defense or an extremity or something like that.
	But anger is there to keep you safe.
	It is not there to destroy others.
	You are not putting your father in any danger.
	You won't, I assume, approaching him with a chainsaw at full rev, right?
	And so your father's rage, his sadism, his abuse did not keep him safe.
	Quite the opposite. What happened to your father in the long run?
	He confined himself just as he confined you.
	He tried to make you crazy through abuse and instead it bounced back and made him crazy.
	And so, when we think of anger, it's easy to confuse abuse with anger, but abuse comes from sadism and a desire to dominate and destroy.
	It does not come from a healthy place of self-preservation, which is anger.
	See, anger is supposed to give you, you know, fight or flight mechanism, right?
	Like a bear is coming at you and you've got to climb a tree really quickly.
	Well, you're angry, you're scared.
	If you get into a fight with the bear, you want to have strength to try and get free or do whatever you can.
	It is trying to keep you safe.
	It is trying to protect you.
	It is trying to help you survive.
	That's what anger is for.
	Anger is around setting boundaries.
	Anger is about having healthy respect, getting respect from people.
	Anger is about making sure that people don't Thoughtlessly harm you and sometimes you have to do things that are going to be upsetting to people so they can kind of back off and treat you with more respect.
	But anger is about keeping you safe.
	Rage is about destroying others.
	And it actually makes you feel less safe because blowback arises.
	Blowback arises, especially in families.
	Most times people don't even think of getting away from abusive families of origin.
	And so if you abuse your children, they're gonna grow up, they're gonna get stronger, you're gonna get older, you're gonna get weaker.
	And so you are sowing the seeds of destruction.
	That doesn't make you safer.
	Rage destroys.
	It does not make you safer.
	And it certainly didn't make your father safer.
	It certainly didn't make my mother safer.
	And so anger is that which protects you and secures you.
	It is the moat around your castle.
	It is the wall around your secret heart.
	It keeps you safe in a dangerous world.
	That's what anger is for. Now, rage is when you create dependence on people, either through marrying them, breaking them down, or having children.
	Or, you know, if you're a public school teacher, the kids are mostly helpless in your care, and the parents are mostly helpless, so you've got control, you've got power over people.
	Now, once you have power over people, out comes the sadism.
	Why on earth would you want power over people if you didn't want to express sadism and the desire to destroy, to brutalize?
	To get the petty dopamine of shitty evil actions over those who cannot escape.
	That's sadism. That's torturing people.
	That is not anger. It does not keep you safe.
	It's not healthy. Anger liberates and protects and gets you away from danger.
	Whereas rage and sadism create confined blowback scenarios That don't keep you safe.
	I mean, if you look at... To take a geopolitical example, right?
	I mean, if you look at... The attacks that the Western world has committed against the Muslim world, is that keeping the Western world safe?
	No. It's creating streams of refugees and other people who are mixing in with the refugees.
	It's creating terrorist attacks in the West.
	It has caused massive explosions in debt.
	People coming back with PTSD, with half limbs, destroying destroyed lives.
	It's undermining the healthcare system.
	It is undermining the financial stability and security of the West as a whole.
	That is not, you know, where self-defense, where an army is invading and you fight to push them back, well, that protects you and keeps you safe.
	And so, with your father, that's not anger.
	Did not keep him safe.
	He was not under threat. He was the threat.
	Which means that he had no capacity to handle power, because you have an extraordinary amount of power over your children.
	Extraordinary amount of power over your children.
	And you said that he was kind, and I would disagree with that.
	A sadist is a sadist is a sadist is a fucking sadist.
	And what that means is that his cuddly, here's some ice, I'll take your headache away, you understand?
	That was part of the sadism.
	Because he needs to give you hope so that he can destroy hope.
	He needs to build you up so he can break you down.
	He needs you to bond with him so he can fuck with that bond.
	It's not kindness. It's part of the sadism.
	It's saying, hey, I can be nice.
	So if I'm not, it's your fault. - Yeah, it was, I knew it wasn't right And I just remember, I can remember feeling another thing that I experienced as a young child that began very early that I didn't, again, I did not notice in my peers of the same, you know, neighborhood status,
	two-parent household, all of that was, I felt mad.
	I felt angry.
	And I can remember Oftentimes, wanting him to get away from me, and he didn't understand that.
	And it was...
	Oh, no, no, no.
	Oh, man. You're just begging me to correct you.
	What do you mean he didn't understand that?
	He beat you with a belt. What do you mean he didn't understand that?
	Of course he understood that.
	He just had to pretend he didn't understand that so you'd self-attack.
	I have no idea why you'd not want to spend time with me.
	Oh, I guess I am a bad daughter.
	That is a mean thing to say, right?
	This is all part of the sadism, you understand.
	And when he didn't have an outlet, listen, when he didn't have an outlet for his sadism, my dear, when he didn't have an outlet for his sadism, who did he become sadistic against?
	Like when I was out of the picture?
	Yeah. Well, it was toward himself.
	Right. Yeah.
	It's the fire that running out of things to burn ends up burning itself.
	There shall be no end to my slaughtering, and when I have run out of enemies, all that is left is for me to behead myself.
	Yeah. Which is why people are so desperate to never run out of enemies, because they know they're next.
	They know that if they run out of enemies, if they run out of people to torture, that they will destroy themselves.
	Which is why these kinds of personalities are always looking for the next victim.
	I mean, you see this on social media all the time.
	All the time. Somebody puts a foot wrong, somebody has an old tweet, assuming they're not Joy Reid, right?
	But somebody hasn't, like they said something wrong, they say something that people disagree with, they say something that can be misinterpreted or taken out of context, attack, baying hounds, sadism.
	You think people learn this on the internet?
	No, they learn this at home. They learn this from their parents, they learn this from their teachers, they may even learn this from their priests.
	This fluid expression Of infinite sadism does not pop into people's minds out of nowhere.
	This is all a well-trained response.
	I mean, what is white privilege but a kind of verbal sadism?
	What is the cries of the patriarchy other than a kind of verbal sadism?
	What is cries of racism other than a verbal form of sadism?
	What is calling half of America a basket of deplorables, racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic, you name it?
	What is that other than sadism?
	Sadism is the engine that is running society at the moment, and they can't run out of enemies, otherwise they turn on themselves.
	When Hitler runs out of worlds to conquer, he turns the bullet on himself.
	That might explain why leftism is just not appealing to me.
	Well, I think you get it, right?
	Actually, last night I wrote out, like, leftism resembles my childhood.
	Yeah. Yeah, and I bullet-pointed the similarities.
	So if there's any question that leftism is a mental illness, it should, you know, I don't know.
	I'm trying to make a bad joke here because sometimes I hear people say that...
	Yeah, liberalism is a mental disorder.
	No, and I, as a moralist, you know, where there are organic issues with the brain, right?
	There's a brain tumor or some brain injury or some horrible concussion or something like that.
	Okay, I understand.
	The guy who got the railway spike through his head last century, two centuries ago, a century and a half, he ended up with a very different personality, but his brain had been half excavated by this railway spike.
	So where there are organic issues, for sure, but for me, where I see extraordinarily destructive behavior, I don't gravitate towards the word mental illness.
	I don't. Because mental illness, to me, doesn't explain anything.
	It's like the word, well, where do we come from?
	God made us. Well, that doesn't explain anything.
	And the word's mental illness, which is why I was hesitant about bipolar this and, you know, all of that.
	Because I look first to a bad conscience.
	I look first to somebody who has done great evil or had done unto them great evil, which has never been acknowledged.
	That's where I look first.
	And your father did great evil.
	He beat a helpless, independent child with a leather belt and a bare hand on a bare butt, which is a freaky and weird thing to do.
	Like, I'm just sorry, that is some weird shit right there, hitting a child on his or her bare butt, particularly if it's cross-gender.
	I mean, that is some weird, creepy shit going on right there.
	I don't view that as punishment.
	I view that as semi-erotic sadism.
	One of the questions that resembles That had something to do with inappropriate touching or that kind of thing.
	The worst memory, the most distinctive evil inappropriate was that the bare bottom I had to bend over and hold my ankles and count.
	That's some freaky shit.
	I was in a sexual position.
	It is auto-erotic sadism in my view.
	I had the same thing when I was in boarding school.
	Not the same, that exact, but it's like, you can hit on the thigh.
	Why the hell do you need to hit on the ass?
	That's just weird. You can hit on the hand.
	You can, like, why?
	You can hit on the feet. Why do you need to hit on the ass?
	Why is there that erotic position?
	Yeah, you have to, I had to say, do the same thing when I was caned in boarding school for climbing over a fence to get a ball.
	Ooh, I was caned, hit, but, uh, had to assume the position.
	It's a sexual position.
	It's In my view, it's just a kind of erotic, horrifying sadism.
	And so to me, you know, when I look at people's lives and the second half of their lives are going just terribly, for no particular external cause, right?
	Then what I do is I look and say, okay, well, it's not the only answer.
	It's certainly not the last place to look.
	It may not even be the first place to look, but it's the place where I happen to look, which is I say, okay, well, have they done any evils in the first half of their lives that is now undermining and destroying their happiness in the second half of their lives?
	And I don't know where the half is for your father, but he did great evil.
	And your mother chose an evildoer to be The father offered children and she enabled and allowed for the abuse.
	She, you know, there were times where she would slap me across the face open-handed.
	The frequency, I don't recall.
	She would spank. What's your relationship like with your mom these days?
	It's very limited.
	I don't feel...
	My life has gotten better and I don't know why I said that and if that's even significant or relevant.
	I've become very triggered.
	My mom can say something that someone else might say to me and I'm just kind of off to the races.
	She just pisses me off.
	I don't like her.
	Do you think that there is any psychological text that would say hitting your children across the face is good parenting?
	Any psychological text that would say that?
	I mean, your mom's educated in mental health, right?
	So can you think of any psychological text she would have read that said, you know what is a great idea for parenting is slapping or hitting the children across the face?
	She has no excuse, right?
	No. I mean, people say, well, she did the best she could with the knowledge she had.
	She didn't even do remotely the best she could with the knowledge she had because she had the knowledge.
	Has she ever acknowledged or apologized to the appalling and brutal treatment you received as a child?
	Yes, but it's usually when it's happened, it's never been she has come to me.
	It's I'm emotional.
	She gets really exasperated and irritated with me and says, I'm sorry.
	I don't know a whole lot about narcissism or...
	Or do you? Well, I might be...
	It's inconvenient for her when you feel sad about things she did, right?
	Well, I mean, why do you think I was medicated?
	I mean, I was too sad.
	I was not too sad, do you know what I mean?
	But the judgment was. I can even remember, she had this really beautiful vanity and perfumes and makeups and she spent a lot of time getting ready for her job in the morning.
	Anyways, in middle school I got my period and I remember going downstairs and You know, I didn't really know what was going on.
	I just, you know, said there's blood.
	And I'll never forget, like, she handed me, like, handed me a tampon and said, congratulations, you're becoming a woman, and then turned back around and, like, continue to do her, like, moisturizing cream or lips, whatever that, you know, whatever she was doing.
	So she gets one less wrinkle and one less daughter.
	I mean... She seems completely out to lunch as to why our relationship does not exist and is strained.
	And to me, it makes all the sense in the world.
	I have always been kind of branded as the crazy person, but I think I'm connecting dots.
	It makes sense to me that I would not want to move in with her or drop my life.
	Move in with her? What do you mean?
	Well, she told me...
	If things don't work out, I can move in with her.
	What do you mean if things don't work out?
	What things? Meaning, if the city that I'm living in and my finances and life, if it doesn't work out, I can move in with her.
	That's not an option.
	Sorry, I apologize for interrupting you, but I think I get it now.
	Okay. One of the first things you said to me, Emily, about your boyfriends, you said longer-term relationships involve, you know, and you sort of paused and sort of how long did you go out for and so on.
	They included meeting family, right?
	Yes. Well, Let me step back.
	Alright, but just for a moment.
	No, this is important because I want to be honest and correct.
	I don't know if anyone met anyone in my family.
	I met theirs.
	Did the boyfriends know why they didn't meet anyone in your family?
	No, I worked really hard at Concealing or actually...
	Okay, and then you wonder why your relationships didn't work out?
	You're manipulating, you're concealing, you're lying by omission, maybe even by commission.
	And you wonder why there's no real Emily for them to grapple on to and hold on to and treasure?
	Well, no, no, I think you're misunderstanding.
	I don't have a very large family.
	My sister met two boyfriends.
	I'm not talking about your sister. You asked family.
	That is my family. No, your mom.
	Okay. Well, my dad had already passed away.
	How old were you when he passed away?
	22. All right.
	Okay. So, how many of your boyfriends met your mom?
	Let's see, my high school boyfriend...
	Well, he would have met both, right?
	Well, no, maybe if they were separated or whatever.
	How old were you when they separated?
	It was the summer of my freshman year, you know, after my freshman year of college.
	Yeah, I'm pretty certain that my high school boyfriend met...
	They would have had to. I mean, it had to have happened.
	I don't want to do archaeological reconstruction.
	Let's talk about the boyfriends you had that you could remember.
	Did they meet your mom?
	One did.
	The one that got away and he thought she was on something.
	What does that mean? On drugs?
	Yeah, like drugs or alcohol.
	And so he didn't like her, is that right?
	He didn't say that.
	I just remember him saying, is your mom on something?
	Like out of genuine, like, just observation, concern.
	Okay, so why didn't he say that he didn't like her?
	We're going to assume that he didn't, right?
	If you think someone's on something, it's usually not because you're having...
	I mean, I guess unless they're on cocaine or something, it's usually not because they're having a great time, right?
	So why did he not say that he didn't like her?
	Well, it was a very brief interaction at an antique store, and he picked up on something that I... But why was it such a brief...
	Sorry to interrupt. Why was it such a brief interaction?
	Wouldn't you go for lunch? Wouldn't you go for a coffee at least?
	I mean... My apologies.
	I struggled with significant depression in my 20s, and I don't think that I... That's what you meant when you said earlier that you...
	You didn't phrase it exactly like this, but you lost time or lost some momentum.
	Yeah, I mean, I was very...
	I was...
	I just did not function and think in the same way that I do and proceed in the world now.
	Okay, so if you get a new boyfriend, is he going to meet your mom?
	Well, and that's one of...
	I would like...
	I don't...
	I'd love some guidance around that.
	I mean, if I am angry and I don't feel that my mom provides a lot of value or contributes much to my life and I feel triggered...
	Oh, you're so nice. Doesn't provide a lot of value?
	Well, meaning I don't enjoy her company.
	She presided over the attempted murder of your soul as a child.
	What do you mean she doesn't provide a lot of value?
	You just are more...
	If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong.
	I mean, this is my impression. This is the first time I've...
	I'll tell you, when I have been in other circles talking about this situation...
	I know. I'm not.
	But she's your mom and, you know, she's a family and she did the best she could and, you know, we all make mistakes.
	Yeah, I know. The tsunami of goo excuses come out for sure.
	I understand that. But that's why this is a philosophy show, not a enable the abusers show.
	Oh, and I am so sorry if I'm not being mindful of your audience or your time.
	No, no, don't apologize.
	You've got nothing to apologize to me for.
	Nothing to apologize at all.
	You're doing wonderfully, magnificently.
	Nothing to apologize at all.
	But that's the question.
	That's the question. I think...
	I'll tell you what I think, and then you can tell me that I'm wrong.
	I'll tell you what I think anyway.
	All right, so Emily, I think you're on hold, and I think the reason that you...
	Haven't dated in six years and the reason you haven't settled down is because you're waiting for a guy who's really going to understand your childhood.
	You're waiting for a guy who's really going to see what happened with your dad.
	You're waiting for a guy who's really going to see what happened with your mom so that you can have an ally, so that you can be safe.
	And what happens is, either because of the way you introduce it, I don't think that's true, but because of the general social delusions about this kind of stuff, What happens is you keep meeting people who keep betraying you.
	And you can't settle down with someone who's going to betray you.
	And the lack of judgment that has been instilled in us with regards to moral issues, with regards to parents and so on.
	It's not just parents as well.
	It's entire communities that we're not allowed to judge and not allowed to have objective opinions about and not allowed to have moral pronouncements upon.
	But you can't love if you're not safe.
	You can't love if you're not protected.
	You can't love If somebody's not morally strong around you, and if somebody hears about your childhood and seems to give more sympathy for your parents than to you, you're not gonna feel safe.
	You're not gonna fall in love.
	It's your childhood over and over again.
	And this is what bothers me so much about the people who side with the child abusers and start making excuses for the child abusers.
	You understand which camp you're in, right people?
	There's a victim who got beaten with a leather belt, slapped across the face, whose father chain-smoked her into monstrous migraines on a regular basis, and it gave her this syrupy, creepy, sanctimonious sympathy, which further messed her up.
	You got a victim of child abuse, you got child abusers, and if your first impulse is to give aid and comfort to the child abusers, to excuse their actions, then you are siding with the child abusers and reinflicting the abuse on the children.
	That's your fucking camp.
	You understand? Not you, right?
	The people who do that. You're choosing your sides, and you're choosing to side with the abusers over the victims.
	And that's what you're doing with your life, and that's what you're doing with your moral strength, and that's what you're doing to your conscience.
	You are siding with the abusers.
	And you are re-inflicting the abuse upon the children.
	And people did this in public, like 10 years ago, whatever.
	I was called a cult leader for helping a young man who was the victim of child abuse and ended up getting him into therapy and all that kind of stuff.
	And that's because people wanted to re-inflict the abuse.
	Oh, you found someone who sympathizes with your child abuse?
	Wow. Well, we better punish that person and we better side with the abusers.
	So that we can reinflict the trauma on the children.
	That's another kind of sadism, you understand, right?
	Yeah, I've been in a lot of circles, I'll call them circles, where I'm supposed to become more compassionate for my upbringing.
	And... Well, you are, but to yourself, not to your abusers.
	Yeah, thank you, thank you.
	I know that I might not be coming across as, but I am seeing, I am understanding.
	You're just, no one's ever spoken to me about it like this.
	I've just never had this kind of dialogue or exchange and been spoken to this way.
	And I mean that in a positive way.
	And I understand.
	I mean, the non-aggression principle is very clear to me.
	That's the foundation of ethics.
	Not my ethics. It's the foundation of ethics is the non-aggression principle.
	And I wrote... An essay, I must have been close to 10 years ago now, 9 or 10 years.
	Does spanking violate the non-aggression principle?
	Just spanking. Not even beating.
	With a leather belt.
	And... Spanking violates the non-aggression principle.
	It is the initiation of the use of force against somebody, against a child, a helpless child, a dependent child.
	And so, to me, it's like, I'm sorry, that's an evil action.
	If punching some guy in a bar for no reason is an evil action, if slapping your wife is an evil action, Then hitting a child, beating a child is an evil action.
	But it's the worst evil action because the children didn't choose to be there and can't get away.
	You punch your wife.
	She can call the shelter. She can get the cops.
	She's out there.
	She's got whole support systems.
	She can survive. She can get welfare.
	She can get help.
	She gets sympathy. You hit a child with a belt.
	Child can't get away.
	Child didn't choose you.
	At least the wife whose husband beats her, she chose him.
	She chose to date him, chose to get engaged, chose to marry him, chooses to stay with him until she doesn't.
	The children don't choose to be there and can't get away.
	It is the most cowardly and vicious form of violence in the world.
	And it is the horribly blood-soaked fertile ground upon which, or out of which, so many other evils grow.
	So people can get mad at me all they want.
	I don't care. I'm here to uphold the moral law.
	I am here to uphold the moral law.
	And the moral law is thou shalt not initiate violence against others.
	And the greater the disparity of power in the relationship, the greater the evil of inflicting the violence.
	You start a fistfight with someone your size, okay, it's bad, but at least that person's got a fighting chance.
	You got a black belt in karate and you go attack somebody who's got a black belt in karate?
	Yeah, you're wrong for attacking them, but at least it's something of an equal fight.
	You beat a little girl with a belt?
	You asshole. That is the lowest of the low.
	People get mad at me all they want.
	I don't care. I'm here to uphold the moral law.
	And the moral law says, Emily, you were acted against in an evil manner repeatedly by people who damn well knew better.
	They can't claim ignorance at all.
	Your father stripped you Of your pants, your skirt, your panties, made you bend over bare assed in a sexual position and beat you with a belt.
	Now, if that's not evil, or if people look at me identifying that and call me the evil, I don't even know what to say to such people other than they are giving aid and comfort to the enemy of mankind.
	Yeah. I am...
	I'm...
	I have this just natural gift to connect with children.
	And they just respond very well to being walked through their emotions and getting down and eye to eye.
	And I always get...
	You know, to...
	I know what you're taught.
	It's evil and it's just unnecessary.
	I've worked with children and you get a better result and you don't damage them by holding them and having a talk.
	I just do the exact opposite of what was shown and done to me.
	Those of us who've been through these experiences We see society in a way that other people have a tough time seeing, or really don't see.
	And what is so horrifying...
	You know, when I was a child, I thought that the evil and the insanity was in my home, but outside there was a sane world.
	Now, what's inside my home as an adult married man is peaceful and harmonious, and the world outside is evil.
	It's kind of flipped. And I thought I could escape an asylum, and now I'm holed up in an asylum trying to stay sane.
	But I was reminded of, you said you reconnected with your 5th grade teacher, and your 5th grade teacher was saying, oh, you were so anxious, so this, so that.
	Come on, Emily, she knows.
	She knows. She knows.
	So the question is, why do people constantly take the side of abusive parents?
	Why do they lecture the children, the adult children, to forgive and forget?
	Because everybody has a guilty conscience because everybody knows at least one Emily or one Steph.
	Everybody, everybody on this planet knows at least one child that they failed to protect.
	They knew that.
	Something bad was going on.
	They knew something bad was going on in the family, in the building, in the church, in the extended family, in the school, you name it.
	Everybody knows at least one Emily and one Steph.
	Probably a lot more.
	And they've done nothing.
	And they did nothing.
	And so when the topic comes up, it is their shame.
	It is their shame that drives them to defend the abusers and side with the abusers and to reinflict The patterns of abuse on the children.
	Because they did nothing. They saw, they knew, and they did nothing.
	Not even an anonymous thing.
	Nobody's saying you've got to go rush in and confront the child abuser with a bad or nothing like that.
	They couldn't make a phone call. They couldn't do anything.
	They couldn't ask questions. They couldn't.
	They couldn't. They didn't.
	They refused. They refused.
	Yeah. She asked for my mailing address and I gave it to her.
	And... She sent me a book on, you know, like, it explains why I was so enraged.
	You know, a handwritten letter, embossed monogram on the really nice stationery, yada yada, about Prayers in God and a book on Jesus and daily devotion.
	It's like, I couldn't have it in my house.
	It's like, I don't need a fucking book or your fucking letter.
	I think I wanted an apology.
	You deserve an apology, but I'll tell you this.
	You're not going to get one.
	Yeah. You're waiting.
	You're on hold. You're in the null zone.
	You're waiting for an apology that won't come.
	You're waiting for visibility from a social circle that will never come.
	You're waiting for a bus that will never come.
	Yeah. Well, what is your...
	I agree.
	I agree with you.
	And I think it is why I have connected to the internet.
	Because... Well, it's why you're talking to me tonight.
	It's why you're talking to me tonight.
	Because you know that I will not side with the abusers.
	That I will side with the victims.
	Because I have complete moral clarity regarding these issues.
	I... I... I... I want to...
	I want to have a chance.
	You know, I want to have a chance at that experience of being a wife and a mom.
	You know, I would hate that it didn't happen.
	You should. You should have that experience and I'm sure you'd be wonderful.
	And it would be a theft to the world if you did not achieve that, which is why I wanted to spend so much time on understanding the lay of the land of Emily, right?
	Yeah. Yeah.
	I think, um, I just, yeah, I just, I see the world and I see people and, um, I'm not talking about my dad, but like the men that call into your show,
	I just, I have so much, um, I just have so much compassion for the people that, that, that, I want to be the woman that doesn't need your alimony.
	I am thriving in a way that I never knew was possible.
	I make my own living and I want to I just I believe I bring a lot to the table and would act with a lot of integrity.
	And you do know I had you do have a lot to offer and in particular with regards to your sensitivity towards children and your compassion towards children.
	That's what was missing for you and it's entirely to your credit and it's a magnificent thing that you've achieved.
	To have protected and survived the childhood to the point where you bring that flourishing and that compassion to your adult life.
	That is an amazing feat.
	You know, it's like those waiters who run along slippery corridors holding glasses of champagne and don't spill any.
	You've managed to make it to adulthood with your compassion and your heart and your soul intact.
	That is a remarkable feat of strength.
	Remarkable feat of strength.
	And you need to understand that most people around you are weak and cowardly.
	And you are heroic.
	And you won't be satisfied with mere mortals.
	I'm sorry. You can't bang the muggles.
	I'm sorry I hate to point it out.
	You can't. Right?
	You have a wisdom and a depth and a strength and a toughness, do you?
	To have survived what you survived.
	This level of abuse, this level of compliance on both parents, the sadism, the starvation, self-sacrificial, bad conscience, suicide of your father and manipulations of your mother.
	As I see all these things, You have survived all of this and you still have access to your emotions, you still have access to your compassion, to your depth.
	But you're trying to fit in to the average when you are a superhero.
	Seriously. No, you're like Clark Kent in Smallville, right?
	Is a bird showing off when it flies?
	You have powers and depth and wisdom having not just gone through what you went through but survived and flourished as a result.
	You're trying to hang with mortals.
	It's not going to work. You need to aim higher.
	You need to aim for deeper and stronger.
	What about getting rid of the narrative that one of the things that I struggle with the most is my own mental health thing.
	The feeling like I'm the crazy one.
	Well, no, but that's because you're around people who don't support you, people who don't recognize your strength, people to whom it would be highly dangerous to recognize your strength and depth.
	Listen, once people have betrayed you, If you stick around, all they will do is keep betraying you.
	Now, what I mean is, like, if they don't apologize and say, you know, that conversation we had yesterday, I totally flaked out, I backed down, I backed the wrong team, you know, like, I'm really sorry, and here's how I'm going to work on it.
	We all make mistakes, right?
	But if they don't even notice that they say sided with your abusive parents over you, then all they will do is keep justifying that betrayal.
	And so, of course, they're going to want to make you feel crazy, because the issue won't be resolved for you.
	And every time you bring it up, their very primitive defense mechanisms will simply view you as a threat, and therefore that you need to be neutralized at any cost.
	You understand? This is the reality of most people's defense assembly, the three words, at any cost, by any means necessary.
	The threat must be vanquished.
	And if the threat to be vanquished means that you have to be Told as the victim of extensive child abuse that you're crazy, that you're bad, that you don't forgive, that you're intolerant, that you're disrespectful, that you don't love, that you don't do the right thing, which is a reinfliction of the abuse and a verbal form that you experience in a physical form and a verbal form as a child.
	If your courage and your insistence on recognition for the wrongs that you've suffered causes fragile pseudo-egos to face their own destruction psychologically, Then you must be neutralized.
	So they will sacrifice any aspect of your personality, any aspect of your security, any aspect of your happiness simply to retain their own false self.
	You will not feel safe in that environment and you will be unable to love or be loved in that environment.
	Well, can I go a little...
	I want to be mindful of time, so tell me if I'm...
	But in my 20s, I did some things like when I hear some of the callers, the women who call in and talk about some things that they are doing that are crazy and they have no self-awareness or guys that are describing a current or ex-girlfriend and that behavior is totally crazy.
	There was a period in my 20s that I was not, you know, and forgiving myself.
	Yeah, you did some bad things.
	You may have hurt some people, right?
	I don't know if I hurt other people, but I definitely hurt myself.
	I made some mistakes.
	Did you beat children with a leather belt?
	No. Then shut up about them.
	I'm serious about that. I'm serious about that.
	You are a woman more sinned against than sinning.
	And if you made mistakes, even if you hurt people with no particular knowledge, with no particular support, with no particular empathy from those around you, with no one to lead you to a better place, You made mistakes.
	You weren't consciously sadistic.
	Did you smoke a child's lungs into half tar by driving around with them and chain smoking?
	No. Did you beat a child on her bare bottom with a leather belt?
	No. Did you slap someone across the face?
	No. Were you sadistic and syrupy and sentimental after abusing people in order to get them to pursue the sickly bond with you so that you could abuse them again?
	No. Did you make mistakes?
	Yes. Did I make mistakes?
	Absolutely. But once I had knowledge, I improved.
	And I sought the knowledge.
	So, don't focus on the things that you did wrong as a result of being poorly brought up and not supported in your society.
	The victims of child abuse are re-abused every day in our society.
	Every single day.
	That was the great surprise for me.
	And in hindsight, it all made sense.
	I just sit down and think it through a lot.
	But the victims of child abuse are re-abused every day.
	Unless... There's only...
	I mean, the exception is if they give up their anger and if they give up their desire for reform and if they end up fogging themselves into the syrupy, unearned forgiveness mode, then they may gain some sympathy.
	But the sympathy is only because they're not causing any trouble, not because...
	Anybody sympathizes with the wrongs that were done to them.
	Because if you sympathize with the victims of child abuse, you end up getting angry at the perpetrators of child abuse.
	And that might be risky for you, both emotionally and in other ways.
	So, yeah, people just cuck out and they're cowards and they will then sacrifice you.
	So you have an entire culture and an entire society that is ferociously and fanatically dedicated to undermining the victims of child abuse and to protecting their abusers.
	And that is the reality of where you are and where you grew up.
	It's not just what your parents did to you, it's what your entire culture does to you.
	Sorry, go ahead. Well, I guess I just didn't...
	I... Because I was an adult in my 20s, I feel...
	You know, a sense of shame and feel...
	And I know because when I got into therapy, I responded so positively to having support.
	And I picked up on skills so quickly and began utilizing them, and they really do work.
	Okay, I need to stop you there, because there's a differentiation in my view, again, it's all just my opinion, but there's a differentiation here, Emily, that you still have to differentiate your mother's perspective from your perspective.
	What your mother has planted within you versus what is organic to yourself.
	It was your mother's job to keep you safe as a child.
	Did she succeed in that? No.
	Quite the opposite. It was your mother's job to educate you into adulthood.
	Did she succeed at that? No, she just tossed you a tampon when you were bleeding and then went back to moisturizing her face, right?
	So, it is your mother who wishes you to feel shame and self-ownership for the lack of preparation you had for adulthood when it was her damn job to prepare you for that.
	It's her shame that she's putting into you.
	If you fail to prepare someone for adulthood, that's your shame as a parent.
	And so the shame that you feel is not yours.
	It is your mother's mechanism so that you criticize yourself rather than looking at what her responsibility was, which was to damn well prepare you for adulthood.
	I was not expecting you to say that.
	I really thought we were going to have a big sit-down around Me being crazy in my 20s.
	But I see what you mean.
	That makes a lot of sense.
	When you know better, you do better.
	And I always wanted to know a different way.
	I always wanted to know a different way.
	And... Yeah, yeah.
	I just have heard your responses to some of the callers, like men dating the girls or girls calling in.
	And I'm like, oh my God, I did that thing when I was 23.
	I did that thing when I was 24.
	I don't think I would ever do that again, ever, ever, ever, ever.
	But is there something...
	No, because listen, if you're going to start criticizing people for mistakes that they make as adults, comparing what you did to what your parents did, there's no comparison.
	They're not even on the same planet.
	Oh, I mean just being like a crazy woman.
	I don't mean like Me comparing myself to my mom...
	Whose responsibility was it to bring you up and keep you sane?
	It was your parents' responsibility, and failing that, it was your culture's responsibility, and both betrayed you.
	I really appreciate you saying that because I just...
	I've put it...
	And I really mean this, I've really put all of that on my back.
	No. Um...
	And, and.
	Let me give you an example.
	Let me give you an example. So let's say that my family, like I'm a kid, I'm 11, and my family is moving to Japan, right?
	And I'm going to go to a school where they only speak Japanese.
	So what's my family's job for the year or two leading up to moving to Japan?
	What is their job? How would you approach that?
	Oh gosh, well, I would point it out on the map.
	I would make...
	Getting the passport, make it a fun activity.
	I would talk to them about the culture and how it might be a transition at first and the language may be hard to understand.
	I would go through photographs and picture of the landscape and the people.
	I would ask them if they have questions.
	I would maybe find a Japanese restaurant as authentic as possible to You know, to take them to and kind of go through the food as well will be different.
	And I'd probably always kind of check in and ask about questions and feelings.
	I let them pick out what they want to wear.
	Okay, that's good.
	That's good. Now, that's all useful stuff.
	And you're a very, very smart woman.
	And it's very instructive to me that you missed the one thing that you'd need to do the most.
	Oh, God.
	Teach them Japanese. Well, I'm just assuming that I don't speak Japanese either.
	So, you both learn Japanese, but if you're taking your kid to a school, and I said they only speak Japanese at the school, the child would have to be able to speak Japanese.
	Otherwise, they couldn't learn.
	Like, knowing the restaurants and knowing the scenery doesn't really help if they're only...
	And I wasn't trying to catch you out on this.
	This is very important that this is the one thing that you missed.
	And that's your mom in there turning off that switch.
	Because if you don't teach your child Japanese and you dump them in a Japanese school, your child is going to make mistakes.
	Your child is going to offend people.
	Your child is going to not have any answers.
	Your child is going to feel dumb.
	He's going to be made fun of, right?
	Because you haven't prepared him for the environment you're putting him in.
	And that's fascinating to me that that's the one you would miss.
	Because when I'm saying this, it's the most obvious one, right?
	And actually the first one you'd have to do, right?
	And this is important to me because it's such an obvious one and you're such a smart woman that there's no way you'd have missed that accidentally.
	Because that's the one thing.
	Adulthood is like Japan for children, you understand, right?
	It's a foreign country.
	It's a weird place.
	They do things differently, very differently there.
	Adulthood is like Japan for children.
	And the whole point of parenting is to teach your children how to survive and flourish in adulthood.
	And your parents did not teach you.
	In fact, gave you the opposite of teaching, whatever that is.
	Trauma. For adulthood.
	So, to me, it's kind of like if I said, well, you know, I was 11, I was dumped in a school where they only spoke Japanese, I didn't speak a word of Japanese, and I guess I just made some mistakes, like I offended people, and I used the wrong chopstick, and I thought that the wasabi was ice cream, and I didn't know where the washrooms were, and I couldn't figure out the science to get anywhere, and I felt really dumb.
	And I feel really ashamed of all of that.
	What would you say to me? I think that I've been with you up until this point, and I guess I'm just agreeing.
	What would you say to me before you get back to you?
	In that scenario where I said I felt ashamed for not functioning well in a school that only spoke Japanese when I didn't speak Japanese and I feel so ashamed.
	What would you say to me?
	If I was the parent?
	Oh, just anyone who heard this story.
	Oh, I mean, I would say that I really understand why you would feel that way.
	That makes a lot of sense. Ah, I'm talking to your mom now.
	Okay, good, good.
	I'm glad we met her. Excellent.
	Because there's no compassion in that.
	And there's no causality and no responsibility in that.
	If you weren't being inhabited by your mom at the moment, Emily, what you would say to me is, what do you mean you felt shame?
	Your parents put you in a school where they only spoke Japanese when they didn't teach you any Japanese.
	It was their job to teach you Japanese so you could go and function in a Japanese school.
	There's nothing for you to feel ashamed of.
	The shame is all theirs. How could you have acted any differently?
	You didn't speak Japanese!
	Why would you feel ashamed if it was your parents' failure, not yours?
	Whereas you said, oh, I can understand why you would feel that way.
	I... There's, for me, there's a disconnect with the...
	With the example and the hypothetical that you've put in front of me, my personal style when I've worked with children is to ease them into things and to do it with them step by step.
	And the language piece, I suppose I wouldn't assume that I would Need to be fluent in the language and teach it before introducing it to them.
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	Sorry, you've lost me completely.
	I'm sorry. I'm trying to follow.
	Do you not think if a parent's gonna put a kid in a school where they only speak Japanese Isn't it the parents job to make sure the kid can speak Japanese?
	Well, what I would probably do ahead of time is to have a private tutor if If we've got a year or two before we have to be over there, that would be something that, you know, so they don't totally show up unable to speak the language.
	Right. A private tutor working with them once or twice a week.
	No, if you're going to put the kid in a school where they only speak Japanese, they have to be pretty good at the language, right?
	Well, I mean, I speak French as well, and that wasn't how I approached it and actually was the best way for me to learn.
	To go in, it made me a really strong listener, and it just was a different...
	It was a great way to learn the language.
	Wow, we start to put responsibility in your mom, and you get all kinds of foggy.
	I don't know why any of...
	I don't think that any of it has to do with my mom, and I don't think you're hearing my mom right now.
	Well, your vocal patterns have changed quite a bit.
	But yeah, you certainly could be right.
	You certainly could be right.
	Because I know myself, I'll tell you that this is my defensive tone.
	Okay, but why are you being defensive?
	I'm on your side here.
	I'm giving you sympathy for yourself in your 20s.
	Because you were raised extraordinarily badly and brutally, betrayed at every turn.
	Alternatively, love bombed and then beaten.
	And then your father starves himself to death when you're 22.
	And then you say, well, you know, a couple of years after, like for a couple of years after my father starved himself to death, after being raised brutally and beaten and placed in sexually sadistic positions and hit with a leather belt, I did some suboptimal things in my 20s.
	Of course you did. I'm giving you sympathy for that.
	Because you should have sympathy for that.
	What I heard in a Don't get angry, please.
	What I heard was that because I didn't learn the language, that that's evidence that I would be a shitty mother.
	Oh my goodness.
	So you thought that I was saying because you didn't learn Japanese, you'd end up being a shitty mother?
	Wow. Because, you know, I rattled off all these other things.
	So you don't think that has anything to do with your mother, who's the only mother in the equation we're talking about, that you suddenly identified with being a mother?
	This has nothing to do with your mother, though.
	I think I'm really confused right now, to be totally honest.
	No, no. You're crystal clear.
	You're under there. You're crystal clear.
	Your mother is foggy.
	No, no, no, no, no.
	Please, please don't do that to me.
	I'm not her. I really...
	No, no, I know. I know.
	I'm absolutely positive you're not her, which is why I said the differentiation between you and your mom could be clearer, in my opinion.
	But sorry, go ahead. I don't say things I don't mean, and I'm not dishonest.
	And when I say I'm confused, I am confused.
	Please, please help.
	Me to understand what you are trying to say.
	Okay, so I was saying it's the parents' responsibility to prepare their children for adulthood.
	Would you say that your parents did that job?
	No. Okay. Do you think that your parents actively worked against your capacity to organically grow into being able to handle adulthood by traumatizing you and betraying you?
	Absolutely. Okay.
	And then I said, adulthood is like Japan for children.
	Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
	And so in the analogy that I was giving, and it's a bit confusing because one's 11 and you were in your 20s and so on, but the reason I chose 11 is that when you were suicidal.
	So in the analogy, Emily, you are the child who's dumped into adulthood, i.e.
	Japanese school, without being able to speak Japanese or function properly in adulthood, right?
	Which is not your fault.
	Because you didn't choose your parents and you couldn't leave.
	You couldn't get out, right?
	So you were trapped with your parents who interfered with your capacity and were a drag upon your capacity to grow to a functional adult, right?
	Without a doubt, absolutely.
	Right. So...
	The number one thing that we want to do to help our children become functional adults is teach them how to negotiate.
	Because we're negotiating now, right?
	I do this all the time with my listeners.
	I do this in business as a whole.
	You want to teach your children how to negotiate, right?
	Now, parents who brutalize, bully, beat, imprison their children, for want of a better phrase, like they put them in their room or whatever.
	Like, do as I say, not as I do.
	Yeah, do as I say, not as I do.
	They're not teaching their children to negotiate, right?
	Correct. Right. So then you are dumped in adulthood, which is where you speak the language of negotiation, but you've never been taught how to negotiate.
	In fact, trying to negotiate is dangerous for victims of child abuse.
	Trying to reason with your parents is dangerous for victims of child abuse.
	You know that, right? Yes, I do.
	All right. So you have not only not been trained How to negotiate, which is the language of adulthood, as surely as Japanese is the language of a Japanese school.
	Not only have you not been taught to negotiate, but you are terrified of negotiating.
	Negotiation, which is the language of adulthood, is terrifying for you, right?
	So what happens is you get into conflicts with people, which normally you would negotiate to deal with, and what happens?
	You short-circuit, right?
	Well, can I give you kind of a...
	I don't know how important this is, but I have been able to...
	Maybe hard for you to believe, but I am flourishing as a business owner.
	And so I have acquired a lot of skills around...
	Advocating, negotiating, time, money in that sphere.
	I absolutely agree.
	I have no doubt about that.
	And I also flourished, if it helps, I mean, in terms of me getting better, but I understand it.
	I flourished in a business context before I flourished in a personal context.
	Okay. I didn't know if knowing kind of where I was at would be helpful to the conversation.
	No, because you're negotiating on the behalf of the business.
	You're negotiating on behalf of a customer.
	You're negotiating on behalf of a product.
	You're not negotiating on behalf of yourself.
	Well, and I have in the last several weeks realized like, wow, I... Don't know how to translate this to this other area of my life and I feel the most important area, right?
	My future, my soul.
	Let me give you an example. Your mother, I'm sure, negotiated a lot of business, right?
	And then she'd come home and slap you across the face open-handed, right?
	Did she translate her business negotiations to her private negotiations?
	Your father was in sales in the construction world, so he would obviously negotiate a lot.
	That's a lot of what salespeople do is negotiate.
	And so he was able to negotiate at work and then he would come home and strip you down to your bare ass and beat you with a leather belt.
	So was he able to translate his business negotiations where he wasn't the product into his private life?
	No.
	Lots of people are very successful in the world and negotiate very well in the business world or in other areas.
	And then when they come home, they become mini-Stalins, right?
	They become tyrants, they become sadists, they become brutal.
	Because it's easy to negotiate when it's not you.
	Or it's easier for a lot of people.
	So it makes perfect sense to me that you would negotiate well in business, but maybe have more of a difficult time interpersonally.
	I'm sorry, go ahead. Oh gosh, I mean, like...
	That is making so much sense.
	Pay attention to this product is not a vulnerable statement.
	Pay attention to me.
	That is a vulnerable statement.
	Well, it makes sense that I take it so...
	And I'm not talking about...
	It makes sense that I'm avoiding.
	It makes sense that I'm not trying.
	It makes sense that I'm delaying.
	I'm talking about, it makes sense that I understand the gravity of this because a child is not a product.
	That is correct. That is absolutely, you got to bang on.
	I told you you weren't confused.
	Sorry to be annoying. I apologize.
	That was a cheap dig and I am better than that, except in that moment I really wasn't.
	So I apologize for that. People are trying to push me along.
	I'm sorry. That's rank and I'm sorry, but go ahead.
	I don't know what you said. It went completely over my head.
	Was it misogynistic?
	Was it patriarchal?
	Neither of those things.
	It was just generic dig for an annoying reason.
	And when you listen back to this, it will make a kind of clarity to you for sure that it was tough in the time.
	But it's hard for you to forgive yourself for what you did in your 20s.
	Which means that you don't have a stable base for receiving love in your 30s, right?
	Because you're maybe concerned that there's the crazy person in there still, or you're going to be unstable, or so it's just easier to not get involved in those situations if you don't trust how you're going to behave there, right?
	You're like the ex-drunk, I think I've dealt with my drinking issues, but it's still better never go to a bar, right?
	I think I will say this with certainty.
	I think that my discernment on...
	Like, I trust a red flag now.
	I don't try to call a red flag a pink flag.
	And that, I did not have that capacity at 22.
	Right, so now all you need to do is find a green flag, right?
	I mean, I don't think that it would ever get as bad as it was.
	There's... For so many reasons.
	And... I would be completely...
	Obviously, since I've reached out and we're in this conversation and it's taking me 30 minutes to complete this sentence, I'm so sad to say that, yes, there must be...
	there is something inside of me that doesn't I don't trust myself you know um and that's because you blame your parents for your childhood but you blame yourself for your 20s Yes, very much so.
	But separating the two is irrational, you understand, right?
	No, I had never thought of it that way.
	You don't suddenly magically get born again when you're 18 and have no effects of your childhood, right?
	Especially when your father kills himself when you're 22.
	Yeah, no, no. What you're saying, and thank you for saying that, I think that that's very, I sound like really just kind of neutral and diplomatic, but that's so freeing to hear because I have never looked at it that way,
	you know? Like, it's been an adult is an adult is an adult and crazy is crazy, but And you say, sorry to interrupt you, but you probably say, as a lot of us do, well, if I'm not responsible for what I did as an adult, then how can my parents be responsible for what they did as adults?
	Not so much that.
	It's like I've just been on this real kick around taking ownership.
	Right. And maybe I'm misplacing or taking or owning some things that aren't mine to own.
	Right. Right.
	Right. And it's, you know, it's particularly difficult.
	See, because your mother won't take responsibility, fundamentally, it sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong, but because your mother won't take responsibility, Emily, you end up taking too much responsibility.
	Oh, without a doubt, without a doubt.
	And I think that it's wonderful that I'm like, that I have that kind of ownership around things like, Oil changes and finances and that's great but matters of the heart I have it's I don't I think I think yes I think I've owned some things that maybe aren't mine to own in the 22 to 26 year old range and I just assumed that It's my stuff.
	I was there.
	I was an adult.
	Your father just killed himself.
	Your parents raised you wrong and your culture denies your victimhood and sides with your abusers in general.
	Come on. You may catch yourself some slack, right?
	It's a lot to learn. There were some other things that happened and we haven't even talked about it.
	There's some other pretty big things that I didn't do but that So to me, it's like, oh wow, no wonder I'm confused.
	It's just been a real, well-dressed circus.
	It's a good way to put it.
	It really brings a lot of clarity to why I've had this Just visceral reaction to leftism and feminism.
	Women, and I'm not talking, this is not me self-hating right now, but I'm a woman, so obviously, you know, and I just admitted that there are things that I am not, like keying someone's car, like that's so stupid.
	But man, I mean, we are a silent kind of toxicity group.
	You know, with lipstick.
	I mean, we are so...
	Our toxicity can be so powerful.
	And I'm seeing it all around me right now.
	And I'm really...
	Well, society is run by women, right? I mean, women outvote men, women outlive men.
	Politicians respond to women and not to men.
	And society, the West, is run by women.
	It is a matriarchy. And how's it going?
	Not great. For a lot of reasons, it's not working for me.
	It's really not.
	It's pissing me off.
	It pisses me off that I see women who it's not enough to be average.
	They need a career.
	They need a career that's acknowledged and retweeted and whatever on whatever social media channel.
	Similarly to my mom, right?
	Like, it's not enough to be average and to be at home with your children.
	This crap about, I have to work.
	I don't...
	I'll put it this way.
	Most of the women that I know who work are not working to keep a roof over their head.
	They're working to maintain a lifestyle.
	Like my mom.
	And... I hope that that's not just childless cynicism.
	I think there's some real truth to it.
	It was hard for me 20 years ago.
	Now, it's painful.
	It's painful to see the state of childhood around me.
	Just the emasculation of men.
	And it's just...
	It's just awful.
	We've become somewhat inhuman.
	I mean this very, very foundationally.
	We've become somewhat inhuman.
	Because... Well, and I want...
	Men don't have careers and women don't raise children.
	Men work and women raise children.
	This has been the essence of humanity since there was such a thing as humanity.
	And I'm not saying that's the only thing that should ever justify us and so on, but we've had this massive experiment in the last 50 years where men don't really work and women don't really have children.
	And the number of...
	I mean, just in the States, the number of people of working age not in the workforce is north of 90 million.
	90 million people. 90 million people.
	We have young people, a third of millennials, still living with their parents into their 30s.
	Like, can't get their life started.
	We've got people in Japan who never had a date.
	The birth rate is collapsing.
	We have just created this entire system where now, instead of being raised by your parents, you're raised by underpaid, busy, distracted, low-rent daycare workers.
	And you're stuffed into school.
	And we have this system now where multiculturalism has destroyed neighborhoods.
	I mean, we have become the reverse of everything that nurtured us as a species growing up.
	We have no gods. We have no communities.
	We have no families.
	We have no parents. We have no future.
	And it is a wild, horrifying experiment that is occurring.
	It is the largest single piece of social engineering that has ever been attempted in human history, and the results are not all 100% terrible.
	I don't want to sort of point that out, but...
	We only ever talk about the positives, but we're not allowed to even discuss the negatives.
	And that means, of course, when you're only allowed to put your best foot forward and talk about what works, and you're never allowed to talk about what doesn't work, it means that we're fundamentally back in an abusive household with censorship and punishments and rage and attack and dysfunction all churning its way through social media and through our hearts and minds.
	Self-censorship is the new tyranny.
	1984 is the tweet not sent for fear of blowback and we have really turned the greatest opportunity of human progress and human communication into a self-style prison of echo chamber and fear.
	It is a great tragedy but there are positive steps that are occurring and I'm certainly working as hard as I can to help improve things and these kinds of conversations do an enormous amount to that end.
	Sorry, you were saying something.
	I'm just so grateful to the YouTube community and finding these channels and getting more insight on what men are experiencing.
	It's given me this tremendous opportunity in my business and my line of work.
	I provide It's just such a pleasure.
	It's such a pleasure, it's such an honor and a privilege to, to appreciate, you know, to, I employ men for certain, for certain roles, for certain jobs, for certain functions.
	And I just have so much gratitude for the labor and, and, and the work and talent and, and sweat that they bring to the table because I can't do it.
	And, and, and that's fine.
	And also, you know, I don't think that I had really ever made that connection between my mom outsourcing my care to...
	So I had, you know, the daycare thing was a thing.
	I call them baby warehouses.
	So I had that experience.
	And then I had...
	Between the age of birth, like there was a live-in nanny.
	Between the age of birth and 13, 14, I had over 10 nannies.
	Oh my goodness.
	That gives the baby the kind of attachment that normally babies only experience in a war zone.
	Yeah, like I don't...
	It does... It does make me question, like, how long did I cry in the crib?
	And I remember, like, a nanny would come, and then the next school year or summer it was a different person, and there was never this, like, change in transition.
	It wasn't a conversation.
	And there's a diminishing capacity to bond, because what's the point?
	They're going to be gone, right? It sheds light on my abandonment issues and Yeah, because we all understand that if you sleep with too many people, you lose the attachment capacity sometimes.
	I'm not putting you in that category, of course.
	But we know that for women in particular, divorce and penises are both dose-dependent escalations.
	But we don't think about this in terms of like slut parenting, you know, where you just...
	Cycle caregivers in and out of your children's lives.
	It's more damaging for children to have cycling caregivers than it is for adults to have cycling sexual partners and It's like an STD the solitary transmitted disease Yeah, it was awful and it just wasn't in my parents case it was completely voluntary like five bedroom house three private memberships like I For what?
	He killed himself.
	I have no relationship with my mom.
	This is the devil's bargain.
	By the time you recognize the price, it's too late for a refund, right?
	Yeah. Despite my dad and the men that I hear on this show, they are not in the same category.
	That's what I love about this and what I'm doing.
	I you know this whole feminist bullshit it's like I have like a real reason to be like really pissed off and hating men and I don't and I see what men are trying to do and it's I see so just good men and well-intentioned men and men who are trying and I mean it just it's so heartbreaking women have So much more power and privilege than they can possibly understand.
	And I got invited to a cry circle where you light candles and cry.
	And it's like, I don't have time for that shit.
	I really don't.
	I mean, I do cry and there is a lot to cry about, but...
	No, but forcing it out is a bit odd.
	And women will understand the extraordinary privileges that they've been given when they go away, which they're going to do sooner or later.
	Sorry, go ahead. Crying over privileged bullshit is a waste of my time.
	So I just, you know, no, I'm not crazy.
	Like, I'm connecting dots and I'm really, I'm so...
	Grateful for this platform and this channel and all the channels and I just I started to freak out the the whole like um market What did you call it the sexual market value?
	Yeah, um Thank god i'm in good shape and and No, you still need to panic though because the eggs are the eggs and the eggs don't respond to sit-ups, right?
	They still get older so next steps um advice like Yeah, I mean, I'm not a big one for like how to meet people because you just do things.
	I mean, you go out and you join sports leagues and you just meet people and you just do things.
	And you also put the word out saying, listen, I'm hungry for a husband.
	Go get me a husband, planet.
	And you ask people that you like and who may know someone and you go out there and you put yourself out there.
	And that's the best I think that you can do.
	But yeah, the real hiccup is you've got to come to some resolution about your relationship with your mom, and you have to, I think, be gentle and kind to what happened in your 20s.
	Yeah, you did some bunny boiler stuff, but you were going through such an extraordinary amount of turmoil and horror and little cultural or familial support for what happened that I think it's remarkable.
	That you didn't do far worse.
	And I think you should be at peace with yourself about that.
	I think in this case, genuinely, you did the best you could with the knowledge that you had or rather didn't have.
	And as you say, when you get better knowledge, you act upon it.
	But we can't know before we know.
	And, you know, you're in your early 30s.
	I was still pretty nutty in my early 30s, too.
	So, you know, be patient with that.
	It takes a while to climb out of these chasms.
	Particularly when you have society as a whole attempt to pull you back down so that they don't face their own shame for having failed to help children they know in their lives.
	And I just say this to the world as a whole, you know, learn from this conversation.
	If there's someone out there who's an Emily or a staff or whoever it is, Someone out there, some kid out there, you know they're suffering.
	You know what's going on.
	Do something about it.
	It is the difference between a happy world and a terrible world.
	This kind of intervention, it can be small, it can be big, it can be anonymous, it can be whatever.
	But do something to give that child some comfort.
	It is so essential because...
	Otherwise, we're going to raise a lot of nihilists who are going to grow up hating society, and I'm going to have a tough time talking them out of it.
	All right. Well, I'm going to stop here.
	I hugely, hugely appreciate, Emily, your time and your attention.
	Just wanted to point out, when you listen back to this, the difference between you at the beginning and the difference between you at the end is fantastic.
	I got a sense of you at the end while we were at the beginning, but I really appreciate your opening up and flowering in the conversation.
	It's a wonderful thing to see that kind of progress in a chat.
	Thanks everyone so much. Please don't forget to drop by freedomainradio.com slash donate to help out the show.
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