June 26, 2016 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
02:17:14
3329 Escaping Planet Small - Call In Show - June 24th, 2016
Question 1: [1:59] - “In developing a relationship with my fiancé, I'm no longer friends with some of my girlfriends. My best friends and I were friends for 10 years, I met them in college. I met my fiancé last year through an online dating website. He is a loyal, empathetic and good man. I uprooted from the states to Australia, where he is from, so we could live abroad together. My girlfriends stopped being friends with me because I couldn't be in their weddings on account of moving abroad to develop a relationship with him. One of my friends also said she didn't like that I've changed and that I've become analytical, so she stopped being friends with me.”“I'm challenged by developing new or past female friendships because I've discovered conservative values, I fear attack, and I don't know what I need from these females. I do have past friends who give me emotional support, but I also want to go beyond the emotional support and talk about truth, reason, and other FDR topics.”“So I'm wondering, how do I develop female friendships in a leftist world? How do I maintain my principles, without sacrificing myself as I did in my past relationships? What is the role of female friendship?”Question 2: [1:22:35] - “How is it that the modern political left is able to claim a mantle of intellectual superiority? Is it possible to imagine a world in which political agreement is not taken as a measure of intelligence?”Question 3: [1:43:01] - “The West has been so completely infected by PC culture and identity politics that any criticism of ideologies or certain people is immediately conflated to racism, sexism, etc. Rather than foster social and cultural harmony, this blatant suppression of thought is actively strengthening real prejudice in society. You needn't look very far to know this is not limited to the UK - New Year's Eve Cologne attacks, media coverage of minority crimes, and much much more.”“If everything is true about those rape gangs in the UK, how the hell are those men getting away with such heinous crimes for so long? I get the whole fear of being labeled a racist, bureaucratic ineptitude, etc., but don't those policemen have daughters of their own? Would they not put themselves in the shoes of the parents of those children? Has the West become so weak that it cannot recognize such blatant evil expediently and rectify this injustice?Freedomain Radio is 100% funded by viewers like you. Please support the show by signing up for a monthly subscription or making a one time donation at: http://www.freedomainradio.com/donate
Hey everybody, Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain Radio.
I hope you're doing magnificently.
So we had a couple of callers tonight, all of which were divine and delightful.
And the first was a woman who has some concern about whether her female friends are of the highest possible quality or whether they might be stifling her individuality and originality of thought in order to have her conform to their particular prejudices.
And we delved deep, deep, I tell you, into the bulrog, black-hearted depths of false friendships, or at least potential false friendships, and I think...
We came to a very good conclusion about good ways to view friendships that are good for you and those that may not be quite so much.
Now, the second caller wanted to know, how is it that the modern political left has become so entrenched in what we think of as good and right and moral in the West?
And is it possible to think of a world in which political agreement is not taken as a measure of intelligence or virtue and so on?
The last caller had a question around political correctness, identity politics, and wanted to know how did we get to this place where criticizing any ideology or certain ideologies or certain people immediately gets conflated with racism and sexism and so on.
How is it that we can have debates with people who simply scream or blarp these kinds of ad hominems at people?
And it's not that they do it so much, it's that other people don't even seem to notice or view it as somehow justified.
And we talked about several current events where this seemed to have raised its ugly head and disassembled them conceptually, I think, very, very well.
So, thanks for listening.
This is going to be a great show for you.
Don't forget...
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Also, you can follow me on Twitter at Stefan Molyneux.
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Alright, up first today we have Allison.
Allison wrote in and said,"...in developing a relationship with my fiancé, I am no longer friends with some of my girlfriends.
My best friends and I were friends for 10 years.
I met them in college.
I met my fiancé last year through an online dating website.
He is a loyal, empathetic, and good man.
I uprooted from the States to Australia where he is from so we could live abroad together." My girlfriend stopped being friends with me because I couldn't be in their weddings on an account of moving abroad to develop a relationship with him.
One of my friends also said she didn't like that I've changed and that I've become analytical, so she stopped being friends with me.
I'm challenged by developing new or past female friendships because I've discovered conservative values, I fear attack, and I don't know what I need from these females.
I do have past friends who give me emotional support, but I also want to go beyond the emotional support and talk about truth, reason, and other Freedom Main Radio topics.
So I'm wondering, how do I develop female friendships in a leftist world?
How do I maintain my principles without sacrificing myself as I did in my past relationships?
What is the role of female friendship?
That's from Allison.
Well, hello, Allison.
How are you doing?
Hello, Stefan.
I'm doing well, thank you.
Nice to chat with you.
Great set of questions.
And I'm sorry that you seem to have broken your original coven.
That is...
Always a bit of a challenge when that happens, right?
When you learn new stuff and your original friendships don't seem to be very nimble in making the adjustment.
Is that a fair way to put it?
Absolutely.
In fact, that was my fear all along with growth and change, is that inevitably my close circles would change.
And they change dramatically.
In my question, there's about four people that I'm referencing, but I've probably had about...
Eight to nine people and then some through my Facebook circle that are no longer really friends with me and view me as a very different person.
And that change, you've changed.
You know, people say that like, you've really changed.
You're like, it's a bad thing.
Like, yes, I've also changed from when I was a baby.
I try to soil myself a little bit less, and boobs look smaller.
That's all I can tell you.
They used to be the size of my head, and now if they are, that's a little scary.
So yeah, you've really changed.
It's like a really bad thing, and all that.
I mean...
Change is one of these complex questions I don't have to get into in too depth here because it's not the center of who you are.
But we always have a nostalgia.
You know, when there's things that change, you know, you move or you finish college, there's a bit of sweetness, right?
Like you liked your time in college or you didn't, you know, hopefully you did.
Spent a lot.
But, you know, you liked your time in college and then there's this moving on part.
And that is, I remember being at a many, many years ago at a best friend's wedding.
And, you know, when the daughter who he married, he married this woman, she moved out from her parents' home, and this is where she'd been living, and the mom was crying, but she was happy, you know, because that's the closing chapter of your direct parenthood.
And so, yeah, it is a, there's a bit of sweetness when it comes to change.
We kind of want things to stay the same when we enjoy them, but at the same time, we all know that if we did, it would be pretty bad, right?
I mean, if you still had the same job, When you were 30 is when you were 20, that would not be great.
So people say you've changed like it's a bad thing.
And if you have decided to pursue the reason and evidence thing, Then you are going to change, of course, because you get new information.
It's impossible to remain prejudicial when you're committed to reason and evidence because you continue to have to process new information and new arguments come along, so you're constantly evolving towards that sort of platonic ideal of getting out of the cave and discovering truth.
But that is a challenge for a lot of people.
I certainly know that, you know, the friends that I had in my teens did not make it To my late 40s for the most part.
And it had to do with this dedication to reason and evidence.
And then you've got a shitty choice, right?
You've got a choice.
Do I keep my friends or do I think, ooh, bummer.
And, you know, it sounds like an easy choice.
Well, you know what?
But we're designed to be social animals.
We're designed to conform to the tribe.
We're designed to take seriously, I mean, those of us at least who are case selected, to take seriously, you know, criticisms or negative thoughts that people have in our social circle because we needed them to survive throughout most of human history.
And not noticing when the time has gone for a particular adaptive behavior is kind of fundamental to having a human brain that's evolved.
So, it is a real challenge.
And...
There comes with it a lot of hostility, I mean, towards you, I would assume, right?
Tell me if you fear attack and all this kind of stuff.
And they, you know, if a friend is going down the wrong path, don't you sit down with them and sort of quietly and peacefully and reasonably remonstrate with them and reason with them and say, you know, I got to tell you, I think this KKK direction you're going in is probably not the very best thing that you could be going into and here's why.
But instead, there's this sort of This bullying, this threat of withdrawal, this threat of criticism, this threat of bad-mouthing, this wild hostility towards somebody who's starting to really think, not to say think for a living, but think to live.
And that's really tough.
And all I can say fundamentally is the three famous words which I had to say to my friends, former friends, who disapproved of the course that I was on, but who could not reply anything back.
All I could say with them, sorry, not an argument.
The not an argument statement goes a very long way.
It kind of Wraps up a lot of people's sentiments when you're talking with them about challenging topics.
And, you know, you said something that really stood out to me, the center of who you are.
And that's ultimately what I've been after, especially in these last few years.
I've always kind of been caught up in other people's waves.
What do you mean by waves?
Um, by like emotional waves.
So I was always concerned about how are you feeling?
How are you doing?
What can I do for you?
How can I help you?
So being, you know, it's beautiful.
Well, that's also partly the problem is I think for some of my girlfriends, uh, you know, I, I came, I've come off as more of a, I don't even know, maybe serious person.
And whereas before I was more of this fun, outgoing, you know, Take charge.
Help everyone.
And, you know, that's still part of me.
That's still part of my center.
But now I'm just looking out for myself as well.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
And it was at the crux of making the decision to move to Australia for my fiance that, you know, everything came to a head.
And this past year was a big time of transition.
But overall, all of these past years since I've graduated college have been a big time of transition.
Whereas for me, it felt like my former girlfriends were just all about, I graduated college.
I have, you know, my partner, they got engaged, they're getting married, get a house.
And that's ultimately what I'm doing as well.
But I just have added a lot more of, you know, my own backstory and taking a little bit more risks and really trying to figure things out.
And my fiancee Connected a lot of dots for me.
He helped me really understand where my anxiety was coming from, you know, both in the abstract and personal sense.
Whereas with my girlfriends, I kind of kept with them in my growth.
And I wanted them to come along with me.
I really wanted to sort through it, but it was just too much of a mountain to climb.
Tell me about this word.
I mean, there's a lot of what you say that I could spend days sort of asking you about.
But the first one that pops into mind, Allison, is you said...
She didn't like that I've changed.
One of my friends also said that she didn't like that I've changed and that I've become analytical.
Analytical.
You've turned into a thinking robot with no human emotion.
Are you like some giant attack robot with chainsaws for hands now?
What does it mean?
Does it become analytical?
Is that the word she used?
That is the word she used.
So, specifically, she was referencing it.
It's the first time I ever really, I guess, challenged her in conversation.
Whereas before, our conversations were more of like, you know, how's work?
How's your fiancé?
You know, just more light, daily-type conversation.
And she's a therapist, and she's talking about a difficult family, a family that she's having a difficult time working with because they just have a lot going on.
And I started asking about the child and I started talking about parenting.
And ultimately what I was getting to is that I don't believe in neglecting children, yelling at children, hurting them, you know, peaceful parenting, a topic that I would think she'd want to listen to.
But I think what she was challenged about is that I had more information about it than she did.
And what she was saying is, well, you don't have, you're not respecting my right to an opinion.
And I said, well, what opinion?
You're just telling me That I've changed.
You don't like this.
I'm telling you certain things about peaceful parenting that's important, that maybe you should look out for the kid a little bit more in your therapy.
Let's talk through it.
And also, you know, my voice is a little bit different with her, whereas I think in the past I used to talk like a lot more heightened and all these kind of, you know, upwards and kind of all over bouncy.
And that's still part of me, but I'm much more...
You know, calm in my approach and much more grounded.
And I think I just sounded very different to her.
And I wasn't putting up with the BS. I could have put up with the BS. I could have been like, yeah, no, I understand.
No big deal.
This is kind of where I'm at.
This is where you're at.
All right, have a great day.
But instead, I was like, no, this is my chance to really hardline a topic that's important to me and seeing if she's stepping up to the plate, because that's the point of growth for me is understanding You know, peaceful parenting is kind of one of my principles, I guess you could say, is, you know, you don't hit kids.
And I want people in my circle that also don't hit kids and yell at kids.
And she basically said to me, you know what?
She called me Allie.
You know, Allie, I really haven't been honest with you this past year, ever since you moved to Australia.
And really before then, you know, I wanted to support you and I did, but you just, you just changed and I don't know how to relate to you anymore.
And I get what she means from a female perspective of relating.
And I just couldn't do anything about it.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Just before we get there, let's just pause and enjoy the spectacle of the sentence your friend said.
You are not respecting my right to have an opinion.
Okay, first of all, that's not a right.
Human rights do not include having an opinion.
If she can have an opinion...
Are you not allowed to have a different opinion?
That's number one.
Number two, it's only an opinion if there are no facts involved.
It's only an opinion if there's no reason and evidence involved.
Right?
So, you know, in my opinion, The Smiths haven't produced a lot of good music in the past 20 years, in my opinion.
I don't know if they're still together or not, but you know, two great songs, right?
How Soon Is Now and One Other Whose Name Forget Me.
But in my opinion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
In my opinion, this, that.
Okay, that's an opinion, right?
It's arguable, right?
You know, in my opinion, Freddie Mercury's solo album was terrible.
And I met a guy who's, oh yeah, my sister, that was like her favorite album.
She's wrong, obviously, that's different.
But so, you know, there's no objective facts there, right?
In my opinion, the world is banana-shaped.
Well, now we're not in the realm of opinion particularly anymore, because now you're making a truth claim about reality.
And that is no longer the realm of opinion.
And of course, if she's so concerned with people having the right to have opinions, shouldn't you not hit children?
For their opinions?
For their perspectives?
For their talking back?
For their disobedience?
For their different perspectives?
I mean, how is you disagreeing with someone, somehow a violation of that person's right to have an opinion, when the very thing you're disagreeing about is hitting children fundamentally for having different opinions?
Is it, you know, if respecting someone's right to have a different opinion is important, she should be totally on board with the anti-spanking thing, right?
But my guess is, it has nothing to do with philosophy, my guess is, That if she gets fully on board the anti-spanking thing, she may have a more difficult time with some of her patients or some of her clients in therapy.
So, I mean, I don't know.
What do I know, right?
But that's a glorious sentence that encapsulates so much that is entitled and incorrect and manipulative and bad thinking and a betrayal of friendship.
You are not respecting my right to have a different opinion.
Well, how is her attacking you, respecting your right to have a different...
You know what I mean?
And then this thing, you know...
This happens as well, and I don't know whether it's more male or female.
I've experienced it more from women.
I shouldn't say, actually.
In this call-in show, you get it quite a bit from men, too.
And it goes a little something like this.
You say to your friend, I disagree with you about something, and here are the facts, right?
Your friend can't respond, and so what they do is they jump out...
Of that conversation and call an airstrike in on the entire relationship.
You know, well, this brings up a bigger topic, which I have not been honest with you about, Alison, that over the last year, you hummina, hummina, hummina, and suddenly you're not talking about the original thing anymore.
It's just...
Right.
And that is a depressingly common thing.
And...
It's terrible because you can't get the original issue resolved.
And what they do is they basically threaten the entire friendship because you're wandering out of the charm circle of magical non-confrontation, right?
Don't ever disagree with me.
Live and let live, bloody bloody.
The only thing that I'm intolerant of is facts and reason and evidence.
And so if you wander outside the charm circle of magical agreement, which is In women's circles often called support, right?
Support means agree with me even if I'm crazy.
And that is not support.
That's called enabling.
That's codependency or whatever.
And so when you say, here's something that's really important, I'm going to stick by it.
You've stepped outside the charmed circle of live and let live and we'll agree to disagree and everyone can just have their own facts and their own opinions that they pretend are facts.
And then you hear this Stuka whistling from above.
This friendship is...
You've changed over the last year.
I tried to support...
And then you're not talking about the original thing anymore.
Now you're like, whoa, what the hell is going on?
We started off in spanking and now we're in this magical realm where suddenly I've been a bad, weird friend for the last year and you never ever get to deal with the original topic, do you?
Right.
Yeah, and the kicker with her is...
So this was a few months ago when our friendship had solved and she recently got in touch with me and said...
You know, I miss you.
There are so many times that I want to reach out to you because you would just kind of get what's going on.
Just kind of like inside jokes and day-to-day stuff.
And she's like, I don't even know what happened between us.
I would really love the chance to chat with you.
And I said, you know what?
I think we could rekindle and grow, but first we have to acknowledge what happened in our conversation.
And she got back in touch with me and goes, actually, all I needed was closure.
I'm good.
Pretty much what she said.
Oh, man.
What a witch with a capital B. Right.
So she's inviting you back into Planet Small, right?
Little inside jokes.
And I saw this really funny meme and I didn't have anyone to share it with.
Join me back in Planet Small, Alison.
Planet tiny.
Planet inconsequential.
Planet nothingness.
Planet vapor.
Planet gas.
And then, oh, this is classic.
This is classic.
I don't know what happened between us.
I don't know.
What that means is, Allison, I did nothing wrong.
It's all you.
All you.
And then when you say, well, I think let's have a real discussion about real things.
Nope.
Nope.
Bait and switch.
If you're not going to join me on Planet Small, I'm going to kick you out to Planet Gone.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I mean, this is the world I came from, and I mean, it was in some ways really difficult to break out of because, to me, I connect so much with kind of the abstract, like politics and, you know, how that kind of connects to the interpersonal relationships you develop.
So I just see so much benefit in what I'm learning, and it's frustrating to know that someone I really did care about just Doesn't want to go along with it because they're challenged by it when I am that person who can give you the support you need, but I need you to be on board with some of the stuff that I'm learning first or in tandem.
Yeah, any possibility we can have a fact-based friendship?
You know, a reality-based friendship?
And what did you care about with this person?
I'm not saying you didn't.
I just want to know what the...
Yeah, well, I think for...
I've always had...
At each stage of my life, when I was a child, when I was in high school, in college, a little bit in my grad school as well, I always had a circle of women, like four to five girls when I was younger, little girls, that I was close friends with.
And particularly with my college girls, they helped me a lot.
I kind of was...
As much as I always appeared, I think, as a confident, you know, in-charge person, I think deep down I was just suffering with a lot of different things that I've worked on through therapy.
And so they really helped me, particularly when it came to dating.
They always were the girls who were kind of finding their guys and dating, and I always just kind of struggled with it.
So there was this, you know, they helped me out when it came to trying to figure out, like, how do I date?
How do I make a relationship happen?
You know, it was helpful.
I did call to them, and if I needed to cry, I could.
And they'd listen, and they'd console, and vice versa.
I think that's what we kind of set up for one another.
But then it just became about that.
Like, I didn't really...
Wasn't much more beyond it, as much as that was really important to me at one point in time.
So, you know, the whole point of crutches is to outgrow crutches.
And so, if you need some help, like, let's say you have a weakness when it comes to dating or whatever, and other people know more, then they'll help you out.
But the friendship can't be like...
Oh, let's help out poor little Allison or let's be her crutch and all that.
Because then when you learn that stuff, you go, okay, good.
Now I can throw this crutch away and now let's march on as equals.
And then it's like, whoa, whoa, hey, no, I'm here as a crutch for you.
I'm here to support you.
What if you don't need support, right?
Right.
I think that's what happened is I think it was all those crutches that in some ways these women protected me, but in other ways it inhibited my growth.
Right.
All offers of help have inevitably bound within them a form of superior and inferior relationship.
Help is never an even playing field, right?
And there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with that at all.
You know, if somebody, if you want to learn piano, you go to a piano teacher, that piano teacher knows hopefully a hell of a lot more about piano than you do and how to play.
And they'll teach you.
But you go because they have superior knowledge and you have inferior knowledge.
Go to the dentist.
The dentist hopefully knows more about how to take care of your teeth than you do and will help you do so and so on.
Or at least more about drilling or scraping or whatever sadistic stuff turned out to actually be good for people.
So...
I mean, again, there's nothing wrong with that.
The division of labor, somebody becomes really good at dating.
Maybe somebody's really good at being an entrepreneur and this sharing of information, nothing wrong with it at all.
The problem becomes, though, Alison, when that inequality, right, that slope becomes the relationship.
Because then people are invested in themselves being higher or better and you being lower or worse.
Mm-hmm.
And again, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as it's flexible in various fields, right?
So if your friends were really good at dating, and you weren't so good at dating, and they helped you with that, fine, okay, then you learn something about philosophy, you learn something about being analytical, right?
You learn something about being analytical, and then you're bringing something to your friends.
Now, when they brought something to you, like, we're better at dating and you're not, you're good, thank you, I appreciate that.
You know, I have the ego strength To recognize my inabilities in certain areas, the importance of improving those abilities, the fact that you have better skills, I have the ego strength to be guided and taught by you.
And if then you learn something about philosophy or being analytical, and you try to bring that skills to them, Or bring those skills to them and they're like, whoa, hey, whoa, you've changed.
It's like, no, I'm just trying to bring to you what you brought to me.
But because it's an unequal relationship, it's an unequal relationship where they're superior and you're inferior, when you try and offer them something, whoa, doesn't work, right?
Well, that was a very unconvincing, like, yeah, I'll just let them rant and then I'll go on with what I wanted to say before.
Well, I was thinking that...
I was wondering, well, what is it that I did for them?
Like, what was my way of helping?
And the only thing I could think of, number one, I mean, we had fun, too.
I mean, especially, you know, in college.
So we'd go out.
There were good memories with them.
So there's that.
The other piece is, I think I was the one who was always, like, pushing the limits in some ways.
So they all stayed where they're from.
I moved in these last few years.
I moved...
I work in higher education, so I moved to work at different colleges and universities.
So, you know, I maintained a career while moving all over, just kind of taking risks, which I think now looking back was more so acting out, like getting a couple piercings, which I've since taken out.
But I think to them, it was like, oh, she's, you know, spontaneous, living life on the edge, having fun, but still being successful in her career.
And I think I kind of represented this kind of Fun exhilaration aspect, but that all comes to an end and I'm really not interested in doing that anymore.
What I'm interested in is being really grounded, being really clear on what I want to create in the future.
You know, having a really healthy relationship with my fiancé and somewhere along that, things just fell flat in these relationships.
Right.
Would you like me to give you a brief theory as to why that's the case?
That would be wonderful.
All right.
People who are certain are usually not as smart.
However, to people who are smarter and therefore less certain, right, it's the Dunning-Kruger effect, the people who are less smart tend to be more certain about things.
The people who are less smart and therefore uncertain start off lower in the hierarchy than the people who are less smart but more certain.
Naturally, right?
However, the people who are less certain because they're more smart end up overtaking the people who are more certain because they're less smart.
So you looked up to these people because they seem to know how to do things, right?
I mean, as far as dating goes, right?
And maybe a couple of other things as well, right?
And it probably was not as likely that they looked upon you as a source of wisdom or knowledge or efficacy in any particular area.
And so the degree of uncertainty or you could say insecurity, which is rational when there's things that you want to learn that you don't learn yet.
It's the gap that helps you close.
Insecurity, right?
And so...
They're more certain and know the way the world should be and know what their place is and know how things should be and have all the answers and so on.
And so you look up to them and they can help you because they're certain.
But then because you start off uncertain but you have a methodology for becoming more certain, you end up overtaking them.
Flying higher than they do.
And that is the great life arc of people who are certain and people who are uncertain.
People who are uncertain start off small and low and tiny and needy.
I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean.
And then because they're willing to learn and because they recognize their own deficiencies, they end up overtaking The people who are more certain and know how the world is and know what needs to be done and so on.
The free market comes from a place of uncertainty.
I don't know what the best system is.
That's why we should let everyone be free.
Socialism, leftism and so on, that all comes from this idiot Dunning-Kruger certainty stuff.
Well, clearly we should just do X. We should have a welfare state.
We should redistribute this.
The government should be in control of that.
We should tax this.
We should subsidize that.
We should create green energy through the...
Like, it's just...
It's retarded.
It's absolutely retarded.
It's stupid beyond words.
And that's why the free market, which is founded on rational insecurity, I don't know what the best thing is for other people, other than don't kill people.
I mean, I get that.
But I don't know what the best thing is for you to be fulfilled, or for your boyfriend, or for the...
I don't know.
I don't know how to solve the problem of poverty, because I have humility and honesty.
I don't know how to do it.
I don't know how every child in a giant continent should be educated.
I don't know if they need two months off in the summer or if that's the worst idea ever.
I don't know.
I have no idea.
And that's called having rational insecurity about the limits of your capacities.
And that freedom comes from insecurity and rational humility.
I don't know what is the best argument for X or Y or Z. Don't know.
That's why we need free speech, so that I can hear all of the arguments put forward and I can somehow try and evaluate which ones seem the most compelling in the moment.
I don't know.
I don't know how much money should be spent on science.
I don't know whether roads are the best way to move stuff from A to B. I don't know how many people should live here or there.
I don't know what kinds of buildings should be built.
Therefore, I'm not going to put in zoning laws.
I don't know.
I don't know.
And when you're young, when you have the rational humility of intelligence, people flock around you and will try to mentor you.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Did you break your wing here?
Let me help you.
Let me help you.
I'm happy to help you.
Because they're idiots, and again, I'm exaggerating, but please be patient.
Because they're idiots, they think they know the answers.
And they're willing to give you the answers, and those answers can be somewhat helpful at times.
It's fine.
It's fine.
But because you start off with rational humility, you don't know.
What happens is...
You end up knowing a lot more than the people who think they know, but don't.
The people who think they know how the world should work, how things should be done, that analytical is just really bad, don't you know, Alison?
And you need to be more supportive, and you need to be more empathetic, and you need to be more whatever it's going to be, right?
They know for a fact.
They know for a fact that That it's rude for you to disagree with them about spanking and you're not being a good friend and for the last year you've been this and you're too analytical.
How the hell do they know what's going on for you?
How the hell do they know what being a great friend is?
They don't.
But they jump to these conclusions based on emotional defensiveness because when you're not that smart...
But you think you are, about 99.9% of your life energies are spent protecting yourself from the deep knowledge you have of your own retarded limitations.
And this is a fundamental fact about human existence and human interactions.
Most people are not very smart.
They don't know the best way that society should be run.
But they're arrogant.
Arrogance comes from a lack of intelligence.
Now, it doesn't mean smart people are always humble.
Of course not, right?
I mean, because smart people can be arrogant.
But it's more of a wisdom kind of thing than a smart kind of thing.
And so there's this trajectory.
And most people, they're a flat line.
Sort of 50%.
Dum-de-dum-de-dum, right?
Maybe it declines a little as I get older.
But for the people who start off lower in the insecurity or humility thing, boom!
You blow past them.
And it usually happens in your 20s.
You blow past them.
You know, I mean, I wrote this book called Universally Preferable Behavior, Irrational Proof of Secular Ethics.
And for some reason, people, they accuse me of being arrogant for having worked so hard, and I think successfully, to solve the problem of secular ethics.
They don't understand, as I've said before in this show, they don't understand, Alison.
This comes from a profound humility, from me looking in the mirror and saying, I don't even know what goodness is.
I don't even know what virtue is.
I don't even know why we should be good.
I don't know where moral rules come from.
Now, how many people can say that?
I mean, other than nihilists who sort of engorge themselves on the blood of downed virtues or whatever, but how many people can look in the mirror and say, you know what?
I want to be good.
I have no idea what goodness is.
It can't be God's commandments.
It can't just be following laws.
Where does it come from?
Is it all just cultural prejudice?
Then it's not good.
Any more than one dance is better than another dance.
So, if you started from a position of insecurity...
Or a position of being more doubtful of the way to live and what to do.
And your friends were more certain, you're going to pass them.
You're going to be a steadily increasing line.
And they're going to be flatlined.
And you're going to pass them.
And when you pass them, ooh, do they not like it?
Why?
Right.
Why don't they like it?
Well, I guess maybe it puts them in the inferior position and me in the superior, although my intent is to not have a power dynamic, but it just opens up for them what they don't know and uncertainty can be really scary for some people.
Yeah, you're passing them.
You're passing them and it reveals to them that their certainty is false.
But they fed on your being less than they are, so that when you pass them, they have to boom, level you down with a giant hammer blow.
Alison, for the last year, I've been afraid to tell you this, but you've been a terrible person.
Or whatever, right?
I mean, that's what it usually boils down to.
So as you pass them, you provoke a deep insecurity, and it is that deep insecurity that keeps them from asking questions.
Because it takes wisdom to be humble.
You pass them, provokes a steep insecurity, and they need to hammer you back down.
Right.
So if you look at the conversation you had with this woman, she invites you back to planet small, which is planet certain for idiots, right?
Planet small, planet certain.
And you say, okay, fine, but we need some reality.
Whoa!
No!
No!
Oh no!
Oh no, I can't have any reality because that would indicate to me the smallness of my Yeah, and you know, I really believe, and I in some ways still believe, but I don't focus on it,
that my former girlfriends have the capacity to explore what I'm doing and to live, you know, not on planet small, to just live in a grandiose, humbled way and I tend to really want to believe in the potential and I think it's just I have a more so natural talent talent for kind of developmental type conversations kind of like coaching mentoring and you know what what I have learned is just they did not want to sign up for it
and I did my part and you know it's a bit of transition it was tough I mean no one wants to feel isolated I mean I really did have a connection with them and But maybe it was a false connection.
And as I learned more about what, you know, real empathy is and kind of getting clear on my principles and values.
Yeah, I mean, it was tough.
But now I'm at a place where I realized it was worth it.
But it's not...
I don't want to somehow indicate...
I'm reading between the lines, so tell me if I'm reading too deeply, Alison.
I don't want to indicate that you didn't have positive times with your friends beforehand, or that relationships, or that relationship did not have mutual utility.
And I don't mean that in a terrible way.
It's just, I mean, all relationships should have mutual benefit, right?
I mean, that's win-win, right?
So you got to win because you had friends, you had fun, and they helped you in an area that you were...
Deficient in, right?
Dating or whatever it was, right?
So you got value.
They got value because, you know, you're a fun person and so on, but they also got to feel superior because they mentored you.
And so that was a mutually beneficial relationship.
Unfortunately, it couldn't survive you transitioning to true adulthood and authenticity and individuation.
Because when you individuate, you don't want relationships based on a hierarchy.
You don't want that.
You want equality, right?
Which is what I assume you have with your fiancé.
Yeah, figuring out the middle ground and the win-win.
Yeah.
So you have that with your fiancé.
So you've learned about win-win.
So you go back to your friendships where there was sort of a...
Think of an ex, right?
They're feeding off...
Your lack of knowledge and feeding their vanity by helping you.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Again, it sounds bad.
It's not.
And you are feeding them by helping them feel more vain.
Unfortunately, that whole equation cannot survive your growth.
Because if you grow...
And you outstrip their wisdom...
Then the whole thing short-circuits because you then don't need their knowledge because their knowledge no longer helps you because you've moved beyond what they can instruct you on, number one.
And number two, your very growth threatens the vanity that they got from being your mentor and helping you along.
So it goes from a great plus on both sides to a great minus.
Well, a medium minus on your side but a great minus on their side.
In your opinion, I mean at this point I don't think I have anybody who's I'm kind of left that represent who I was, that my very close circle has vacated.
But in your opinion, say I do end up in a similar situation again, how do I navigate it to be on the terms of growth?
Yeah, that's a good question.
I haven't had time to prepare for it, so I have no answer.
No, I'm kidding.
So how do you know if a relationship is more egalitarian?
Yeah.
Well, one thing is that if you teach someone something new, they say, hey, thank you.
I appreciate that new information.
I never thought of it that way before.
That's fascinating.
Where did you get these facts?
I never heard this information before.
How interesting.
How did you learn about these facts, Allison?
Hey, where did you get them from?
What interested you in this topic to begin with?
I'm really fascinated by that.
Tell me more.
Actually, that's what's happening.
And one of my friends that I've met in these last couple years, she asked me, she said, I always thought you were liberal, but what I'm noticing is I think you're conservative.
And she was curious about it.
And I was like, I'm so happy to talk to you about this.
And it was really nice because she listened.
It wasn't just kind of, you're not respecting my right to an opinion, or I'm going to challenge you on this.
Because, yeah, it felt really good to know that that was there.
Right.
You're breaking the constrictive sisterhood of tininess.
Now, I mean, to keep your eye on that, if she's saying, huh, Alison, I thought you were in this box.
I think you're in this box, though.
I mean, that's not a bad place to start.
Art, hopefully, she'll understand that conservative and liberal, not hugely helpful when it comes to philosophy.
When it comes to voting, I guess, right?
But when it comes to philosophy, you want to think originally and all that.
But, you know, it's nice.
She's not sitting there saying, oh, I thought you were my friend as a liberal.
It turns out you're one of those evil conservative racists, right?
Whatever, right?
So she's just like, wow, you really surprised me.
Tell me more.
You know, there's words and there's antonyms.
I'm just going to give you two because I literally could do this all day and in my mind sometimes I do.
Number one, number one.
The opposite of I hate you is tell me more.
The opposite of I hate you is tell me more.
And this is really, really important for people to understand.
Anytime you surprise people with new information and they don't say tell me more, they're saying I hate you.
And this is a description, maybe a strong description, but it's something I think could be defended with regards to your earlier friendships.
The opposite of I respect you is not an argument.
The opposite of I love you is not an argument.
Because not an argument is a statement of dismissal and contempt.
Well, first it's an invitation.
Somebody says, blah, and you say not an argument.
And then they say, well, what do you mean not an argument?
And then you can have a conversation.
But if they just double down or run away, well, it's a confirmed statement of contempt.
Anyway, but...
So somebody who's saying...
Somebody who's saying, you have new information, tell me more, is somebody who has the ego strength to be instructed.
You know, I do all these interviews, and I talk with listeners who surprise me with fantastic information, and I'm constantly willing to be instructed.
If I look at how my views have changed over the 10 years I've been doing this publicly, it's because I'm willing to be instructed, I'm willing to absorb new information, hopefully synthesize it in a way that's digestible and entertaining and deliberate to a waiting and striking world.
And anybody who's not curious about you is using you.
Everybody who's not open to you is feeding on you.
Because it takes ego strength and intelligence to be open to new ideas and new arguments.
And most people are a fortress of fragility.
I wrote in a poem once many years ago about a man.
I said, he is nothing but a hide of bright armor.
He is nothing but a hide of bright armor.
I like the word hide because it's got that double meaning.
Something like the hide of an animal, but also hidden.
Bright armor.
It's dazzling, it's shiny, it's cool, but there's nothing inside.
It seems very solid, but there's no heart inside.
There's no blood, there's no brain.
Nothing but a hide of bright armor.
And that's true of people.
And the way that you know if somebody is interested in equality is they're unoffended by originality.
They're unoffended by Being surprised by new facts.
And if they jump to conclusions and attack, it's because, in my opinion, they're nothing more than a hide of bright armor.
That makes a lot of sense for what my experience has been.
you Thank you.
And you didn't notice it until you had someone, like your fiancé, Who says, tell me more.
And you had other friends who said, tell me more.
You know, you can put up with eating bad food and think it's fine until you eat really good food.
And then you're like, oh, this is what it's supposed to taste like.
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Oh, this is what 95% of the internet is, whatever it is, right?
So yeah, it is, you know, once you get it, it's really hard to go back, right?
Yeah, and then just the other part of my question was related to just female friendships.
And the whole wedding thing really just Invite me to a wedding to dance on the floor and eat some food.
I will be great entertainment, but don't ask me to be a bridesmaid because I'm not in them.
I was supposed to be in a few weddings last year, but because of moving to Australia, my plans changed.
There's a lot of associated meanings with weddings, especially for females.
Actually, one of my girlfriends said to me, so you're willing to move away and risk the friendships?
Looking back, I didn't respond to that particularly.
I responded to something else.
Sorry, they said what?
One of my girlfriends, when I relayed the news to her that I was supposed to be her maid of honor, so I know it's like girl code, cardinal rule, number one, you don't not be the maid of honor.
But I said to her, or she said to me, well, if you're moving to Australia, you know what, you're willing to lose your friendships.
And looking back, my thoughts are, well, why does it have to be a this or that?
Why is it if I do one thing, if I make a choice to do something else, why does that then become a question of the friendship?
Similar to what we were talking about earlier in the call when I was talking about parenting and then my friend was like, oh, I haven't been honest with you in the friendship.
It was the same thing that happened in these conversations regarding weddings.
Yeah, and in my view, it's a lie.
Somebody says, oh, I haven't been honest.
They don't say that like they've done a bad thing, right?
Like, if she's been lying to you for a year and pretend, like, that's really, that's, she's being a terrible friend.
But the I haven't been honest to you is something they say in the moment to really dig the fishhooks into your emotional eyeballs.
Mm-hmm.
Because then you go, oh, the whole year, it puts everything into doubt, puts you in the defensive, makes everything destabilize around you, so they win.
Right.
Yeah.
Why couldn't you, why couldn't you, I mean, why couldn't you fly back for...
The wedding?
Well, I could have.
It just would have been demanding on myself.
I work for a company, I work remote for a company, and so being abroad, I was working weird hours, or am working weird hours.
I'm just enjoying the being abroad, but go on.
Being abroad.
And yeah, so, you know, I was balancing my kind of crazy work schedule.
I moved in quite a few different areas, even though I've always had employment.
But, you know, all my moves kind of has to do a little bit with budget reasonings, too.
You know, am I willing to spend my time and money to fly back for something that's going to be a few hours of time?
You know, can I celebrate in a different way?
Plus, I gave about six to seven months heads up that I wouldn't be in the wedding.
So we could have done something before I left just to commemorate the special event that it represents.
You could have flown in for a day, couldn't you?
I'm not saying you should have.
I'm just trying to understand, like, the barriers.
Yeah, I mean, I could have.
I didn't want to.
Okay, so let's talk about you not wanting to rather than the technicalities, right?
Sure.
I mean, to take an extreme example, if you had some illness and the only way you could cure it was to go to America or wherever the wedding was happening, you would have done that, right?
So it's a matter of prioritization rather than Yes.
Definitely.
Okay, so let's forget the obstacles.
Let's talk about the why you didn't want to.
Yeah, well, I, well, number one, didn't want to be responsible for anything.
And being a bridesmaid comes, in my opinion, comes with a lot of unnecessary stuff to do.
Even though there's some brides that they're not bridezillas, they're kind of just your normal bride.
I just, I don't like all the associated activities with it.
I don't like the mandatory by address, have a specific color.
I don't like the extra nonsense type events.
You know, there's a shower, a dinner, a rehearsal, this or that.
I just don't like it.
Right.
Wait, you don't like being unpaid labor to hysterical people?
What's the matter with you?
Yeah, I think, you know, it'd be one thing if Knowing that the conversations were so difficult, it didn't want me to come on back.
I mean, it was a matter of you're in my wedding or you're not.
And I actually did with one of my friends when I was telling her I wanted to move to Australia.
We ended up resolving the conversation where I was like, okay, I'll go to Australia, but I will fly back and I'll definitely do this for you.
And it didn't feel right.
And I think because it would just Cost me a lot more.
I mean, you know, not necessarily budget-wise, but just in terms of I'd be kind of sacrificing myself just to make sure that I'm present for something.
And yeah, ultimately, they just aren't priorities for me.
I really don't care for weddings.
I feel really bad saying that.
I always feel like brides hate me as a result.
All right.
Light on what you said.
And before we get to what you don't like about weddings, I don't mean to put it too boldly, but didn't you just not love them enough to make the sacrifice?
It's not a criticism.
I mean, isn't that just a fact?
Yeah, which I feel...
Pretty shitty.
I feel bad that that's kind of how I feel.
Oh no, forget that.
Oh, I'm going to judge myself.
It's just a fact, right?
Don't be offended by facts because then you're becoming your friends, right?
Or your ex-friends.
You don't ever want to become an ex-friend to yourself, right?
No, definitely not.
Okay, so this is just a fact that you did not love them at this point enough to make the sacrifice.
Right.
Okay, and this is without judgment.
That's just a fact.
You know, people all come up with these obstacles.
Well, you know, it was complicated, it was difficult, and it was this, and I had to change two buses.
And it's like, come on.
That's why we have love.
We have love so that obstacles mean nothing.
Nothing.
That's what love is.
Love is, I don't care about the obstacles.
You know, let me tell you, Alison, when I first started podcasting, I had to figure out XML all on my own.
Yeah, and I love philosophy so much that I'm willing to do it.
Right.
So the love overcomes the obstacles.
That's how you know it's love.
Well, that's kind of how I know I love my fiancé.
Yeah, if you're fiancé, you move to Australia, for God's sakes.
Do you know how big the spiders are in Australia?
What, are you crazy?
They're the size of dinner plates.
They can be Frisbees.
There's like that thing in Alien that sticks its wiener down your throat and lays an egg in your chest.
Sorry, I'm still remembering going to Africa when I was six and seeing bugs the size of biplanes.
I thought I was in a World War I movie.
So you loved this guy enough to go to Australia.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Australians are very nice people.
I love the Australians, but the bugs.
The bugs.
And there's a lot of toads, according to a documentary I once watched with my daughter.
Although toads are cool.
So there, you wouldn't say, well, you know, okay, nice enough guy, but...
Australia?
I don't think so.
It just means you don't love them enough, right?
Yeah.
I mean, I was willing to not have my job, to just start from the ground up yet again, and make another big move for myself, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
Were there any sharks in your original neighborhood?
Any sharks in my original neighborhood?
In the States?
Before you moved to Australia?
No.
Okay, a lot of sharks around Australia.
Love scuba diving myself.
Always wanted to go to the Great Barrier Reef.
Still, quite a lot of sharks.
So if you're willing to put up with sharks, that's a lot of love.
They do have a bunch of crazy animals.
Sometimes I walk through the park and there's birds that I've just never seen before.
Yes, and they're all being eaten by the giant spiders!
Sorry.
I have a spider thing.
I'm sorry.
If it helps, I haven't come across any spiders.
Don't go to that play center, children.
Those aren't ropes.
They're spider webs!
Sorry.
Now I'm going to give myself bad dreams.
And since I love sleeping, I should stop this particular part of the conversation, which is not helpful to you in any way whatsoever.
So, no, this is just, if you don't want to do something, that's just empirical evidence that you don't love the outcome enough or you don't love the people involved enough.
And it's not a criticism.
It's just, it's a basic fact, right?
Yeah, it's true.
It's not a deficiency.
I just want to be able to say it without adding on my extra meanings.
And you've explained it in a way that helps me remove that kind of self-judgment because it's just the reality.
It's just what happened.
I just didn't want to do it.
And I wanted to get to Australia because who I'm with, my fiancé, is exactly the person I want to be with.
And he's very grounded in philosophy.
And so I would go to hell and back again to make sure we are in a relationship forever.
So you go to hell and back again, and you won't go to your friend's wedding, which means that your friend's wedding is worse than hell itself relative to your love, right?
I just made that analogy.
No, listen.
It's not that it's worse than hell.
It's just that the love is not there, right?
Yeah.
And look, it's fine.
So there's a couple of reasons why this could be.
There's a couple of reasons why this could be.
And we'll just throw them out there and see if they stick, right?
This is one of these, you throw the Velcro ball against the wall and find the Velcro on the wall, right?
It's pretty good to throw, right?
Number one, number one, you don't like who they're marrying and don't respect their choice.
Yeah, that makes sense for some of them.
Okay, that's number one.
And, of course, when you get involved in the wedding, you know, one of the things, and this is an honorable thing, right, one of the things that, one of the reasons why weddings happen is they have this famous phrase, right, at the beginning or at some point in the wedding.
They say, If there is any among you who knows of any reason why this man and woman should not be joined together in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace, right?
Would you be stuffing gym socks into your mouth at that point?
I probably wouldn't even think it's a question you're supposed to answer.
So I would just smile and look at the audience.
No, it came along for a reason.
And the reason it came along...
Is, that's when you say it, and if you don't, the forever hold your peace means, everyone, this is your last chance.
Last chance.
After this, it is a non-refundable purchase.
After this, you break it, you buy it, you bang it, you bought it, right?
And forever hold your peace.
What that means is that if you don't say anything to your friend about, I don't know if this is the right guy for you, I don't know if you know much about love, I don't know if you've got a realistic perspective, I don't know if you've got any plans, I don't know if he's got a future, I don't know if you've got the savings, I don't know if you're going to be good parents, I don't know if you're going to spend, whatever, right?
What that means is that if you go and you are the bridesmaid, you have to help that couple stay together forever.
If you don't think you can do that job, you shouldn't be a bridesmaid.
If you're not 150% behind the wedding, like this is the best thing ever.
These guys are perfect for each other.
I respect this love.
I respect their choices.
They're going to be great parents.
They're going to make wonderful decisions.
They're going to be proud and noble and courageous and there for each other and great people all around.
That's what you're going to celebrate, not a tall and wobbly cake and some Men falling over in suits because they were up too late, right?
It's for the admiration of the love that is in the hall or in the church.
And if you can't go there and say, oh man, if these guys ever even think about breaking up, they really need to be together for their whole lives because they're the best two people for each other and some of the best people.
That's what being a bridesmaid is.
If you can't get there, you shouldn't be there.
Yeah, and I think it also shows how much this type of philosophy is missing from those kind of friendships.
Because this all makes so much sense to me and gives a lot of reason to how I was feeling and trying to articulate what was going on to them.
And wow, I mean, this is just such an area that's a complete deficit.
And from my experience, I'd say an absolute deficit in most female friendships.
Well, and some, maybe most men's too, right?
You've listened to...
Oh no!
Spider got my tongue!
Sorry.
That's why in a show recently, I thought there was a bit of fluff in the studio, but it was a spider coming down from the ceiling.
Anyway.
I really hope you don't come across a spider anytime soon.
Well, it's okay if they're small.
It's just...
You know, on YouTube, there's like 10 terrifying things that live in Australia.
And...
Fewer migrants.
So, no, the number of people who've called into this show, oh, we just had one last call, and they say, oh, yeah, you know, I married this man, I married this woman, and it really was a bad idea, and it was pretty obvious that it was going to be a bad idea, but nobody said anything.
Nobody said anything.
Have you ever tried to say to a girlfriend, I don't think he's the guy for you?
Have I? I... You know, I don't think so.
Oh, you'd remember that one.
I can guarantee you that.
Yeah, you know, I really didn't.
I think that one of my girlfriends, she's with someone, you know, who has the potential to be the kind of guy I think she deserves to be with.
And she kind of rushed into the relationship.
And I think how it played out is that she wanted to make sure we both got along.
And, you know, we did on a surface level.
And I think that was enough for her.
Wow, you know, it's like you have a different voice when you switch into propaganda mode.
It's quite something.
Did I just relay propaganda?
Yeah, you just gave me a big bunch of squishy nothing.
Ah, okay.
Good to know.
Actually, I do feel that my voice sounds a little different.
If you ever have a conversation with someone who's in a serious relationship where you say, I can't see it.
Here's why.
You bring out the list.
Volume one, whatever, right?
You bring out the list.
You always remember those because those are make or break moments in the relationship.
You're putting everything on the line, right?
You're putting everything on the line.
Because that's one you can't shoot and miss, right?
Because if you say, let's say the woman's been dating a guy for six months or whatever, he's the one or whatever, and you say, eh, no, you know, he's got this, this, this, and this, and, you know, it's just not going to work out, I'm pretty sure.
Well, what if she decides to keep dating him?
Yeah, I don't know what I would do.
I think there'd be a natural dissonance that happens.
Yeah, don't tell me you wouldn't remember that conversation.
That's true.
So you know what?
I've never had that kind of conversation.
I had a friendship end that way.
Would you like to hear the very brief story?
I remember it very well.
Oh boy, what happened?
Husband had problem with wife.
Husband complained to me about wife.
I said, well, she can be a little bit aggressive and insensitive at times, blah-de-blah-de-blah.
Husband goes back to wife.
Husband then has fight with wife and says, Oh yeah?
You know who else thinks you're a real bitch?
Steph!
Oh no.
What happened to that friendship?
Smoking crater.
The way of the dinosaur.
Big footprints.
Neutron bomb.
Nobody there.
Because I'm not going to go in there and sit and say, well, you know, it was more nuanced than that.
Yeah, I think you can be a little aggressive and I think you can be a little insensitive and so on, but I didn't call you that word and therefore he escalated and causing more problems.
Right?
Right.
And also the fact that she's so offended when he's just Kind of relaying his observation of what's going on.
Well, what's going to happen the next time he complains to be a bad of his marriage if I stay friends with him?
Hmm.
I'm going to have to plead the fifth because you're going to escalate it and throw it at your wife in some argument and then things are going to get even worse.
Let's go for tea.
I didn't actually call you that.
It's like, have another problem with your husband now who escalated things when I didn't say...
Oh, forget it.
Oh, forget it.
Okay, how can you trust, right?
You tell people things in confidence.
That's a vault.
You don't...
That's a vault.
Don't spill.
Don't squeal.
Yeah, and then you can't be yourself either.
You become this stifled version of yourself around certain people, and then you're trying to put on an act.
It's just tiring, and that's kind of what my experience was.
I got to a point, and I'm still trying to learn and understand it so that I can be truly my most authentic self.
Leading with integrity is very important to me, and I still see these areas that I've got to work on.
I just got to a place in many of these friendships where I just had a standstill, and I felt...
Kind of, I don't know, yeah, stifled, I guess would be the word, and feeling like I couldn't be free.
And when I mentioned it to some people where I'd say, yeah, I couldn't be free, they're just, you know, turn their head, kind of question mark, like, what does that mean?
And to me, it just, I completely understand intrinsically what that is.
And finding people who get it has been a little bit of a challenge.
But fortunately, my fiance, who's, you know, years ahead in It's like you become this travelogue salesman, you know, it's like this condo It has an open view of the beach.
And it has a gym.
And it's like, you go into this goo that I can't quite follow.
Because let's go back to the friendships.
Do you want to vomit?
No, no, no.
It's not vomiting.
That's a strong reaction.
I just noticed it.
That's all.
Because I'm like, whoa.
Beginning to space out.
Normally, very good listener.
What is happening?
Oh, no.
She's propagandizing.
At least that's my thought.
I appreciate it.
Let's go back to your friends.
Let's go back to your friends.
Okay.
In your friendships...
The ones that, let's say the ones that didn't work out, right?
How much can you tell the truth?
How much are you biting your tongue?
How much are you conforming?
How much are you hiding?
How much are you spacing out?
And I think it's a lot, because you make me space out, and it's hard to make me space out.
So I think you're reproducing that.
Whenever we get close to the real conflicts within your friendships, you spew up a whole bunch of, like, little nonsense propaganda, which causes me to space out.
And so I assume that that's what happened with your friendships, your female friendships, that you get close to some level of conflict, and you're all just like...
Yeah.
Right?
Well, you know, I did...
I overall, no, couldn't tell them the truth.
And when I did...
Terrible.
I left a couple of them a voicemail.
I said, look, the truth is I just didn't want to be in your wedding.
And one of my girlfriends got back to me and she said, I cannot even fathom this.
I really can't.
I just cannot be friends with you.
And she, it was, I didn't know if we were friends.
It was about a four month period.
And then I told her the truth again, you know, but more outlined where I was like, look, sorry, I just didn't want to be in your wedding.
And it was okay.
Friendship end.
So I'd say I got as close to the truth as I could.
Oh my god, hang on, hang on, hang on.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh.
Oh, it's okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on, hang on.
Voicemail?
Yeah.
Voicemail?
Oh, come on!
Voicemail, email, I initially...
Hey, here we go!
I'm gonna make a quick voicemail!
Hey, quick voicemail!
I crashed your car, bye!
Yeah, I did do that.
I had sex with your sister.
Bye!
I didn't do that, but I did leave a voicemail.
No, come on.
Voicemail.
Voicemail.
Seriously?
Yeah, seriously.
You kind of think that's going to work.
Not face-to-face.
I don't want to come to your wedding.
Click.
Or something like that.
Not sitting down and stepping someone through.
That's a grenade, right?
Yeah, it is.
I dropped bombs for sure.
Okay, and that means that you can't tell the truth, and the way that you want to confirm that you can't tell the truth is to tell the truth in such a cold manner that the other person's going to blow up and you're going to be free of the friendship wherein you can't tell the truth.
Yep, that's what happened.
Okay, good.
So we're on the same page.
So how painful is it now that you have a relationship where you can tell the truth with your fiancé, I assume?
How painful is it to be...
In a relationship where you can't tell the truth.
Yeah, I don't ever want to have that kind of friendship again.
And that's why you leave a voicemail!
Yeah.
I mean, I wanted to...
No, no.
Yeah, that's exactly why I left a voicemail.
I can't even justify it.
That's exactly the reason.
Yeah, that has to be a face-to-face, even if it's over Skype.
That has to be a face-to-face.
You have to bring it up slowly.
You have to talk it out patiently and all that kind of stuff, right?
Yeah, and I had Skype with one of them, and it resulted in her crying and me kind of reacting to it.
Oh no, she's her.
Oh no, okay, yes, I will be at your wedding.
So now that I have a better understanding for how emotions work and how they're used and what they mean, you know, I Could have still kind of been like, sorry, it can't be in your wedding, but let's talk about it a little bit more and had more of an open-ended conversation, whereas I don't think I was capable of doing that, hence leaving voicemails and chatting an email with a lot of people.
Right, right.
Okay, so you're in a relationship where you can tell the truth.
And listen, I'm not saying Everything, you know?
I have a terrible butt itch right now.
That's for everyone's ringtone, if they want it.
Right?
So, you know, it's not the TMI blurp, right?
You don't have whatever, right?
But, look, I have this odd mole in my armpit.
What do you think?
I mean, but when it comes to just being able to tell the truth about things that are important in an appropriate context and so on, or are you...
You know, like an exorcism, you drive a ghost out of a building.
is your friendship like an exorcism for your identity out of your body is that the question Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I just was kind of a shell version of myself for an extremely long time.
Right.
And what was mirrored were these friendships that I developed.
And I think it was just this kind of emotional connection they had, but it was more so I was fitting a need and probably that helping part you mentioned, the superior-inferior part.
And then I pulled myself out of it.
Right.
Are you ready for my sisterhood of the traveling rants?
I would love to hear it.
Okay, here we go.
This is not just friendship.
This is everything.
Everything.
Listen.
Alison, have I disagreed with you at certain times in this conversation?
Yes.
Are you alive?
I'm alive.
Is it okay that I disagreed with you?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
I mean, I haven't done it in a way that is negative or offensive towards you, and I haven't done it in a way that says I'm completely right, I'm just telling you what I think, and I've disagreed with you.
And we're fine, right?
In fact, that's the only reason people are listening to this!
Right?
The only reason people are listening to you and I talk is that we have the capacity to disagree with each other and enjoy the conversation all the more thereby.
You can disagree with me and I can disagree with you.
And this capacity to disagree, that's all that freedom is.
At a very foundational level, and I mean this at a deep emotional level, in a relational level, in a friendship level, in a love level, in a political level, everywhere.
All freedom is, is the freedom to disagree.
And all I've been talking about for 10 long years is I want the freedom to disagree.
I want the freedom to disagree with other people's choices.
I want the freedom to disagree with what they think will solve poverty, the welfare state.
I want the freedom to disagree with things they think should be banned, like drugs.
I want the freedom to disagree with how children get educated.
I want the freedom to disagree with everyone and I want to give them that same freedom to disagree with me.
And this is why the social justice warrior lefty censorship crap is so vile.
Why we get that sense that it's so fundamentally tyrannical, is there's no freedom to disagree.
Because disagreement is evil.
Disagreement is racism, sexism, xenophobia, whatever, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
Where you have no freedom to disagree, you have no freedom.
You know, in the Soviet Union, there were central planners.
And they said, here's what needs to be built.
Here's what needs to be made.
And here is where it needs to be delivered and what time and at what price.
And you weren't free to disagree.
You weren't free to compete.
You are not free to disagree with central banking.
Got to use their currency.
Got to pay your taxes.
I mean, you can go live in the woods.
But that's like saying I have freedom of speech if I cut my tongue off.
You can be banished.
It's not the same as freedom.
And so the freedom to disagree, this is why I'm sort of saying foundationally that what you're examining here, I think, Alison, is what does it mean to be free?
All voluntarism in all a stateless society is is having the freedom to disagree.
Can I follow my own conscience without being thrown in jail and being shot down if I resist?
That process.
People are free to disagree with me, and they do, and I welcome it.
I treasure it.
The degree to which people criticize me is the degree to which they respect and recognize that I'm an honorable, decent person.
Because they're free to disagree with me, which means that they know that I value their right and capacity to disagree with me.
Whether they're rational or not doesn't fundamentally matter.
Look at all the groups where no one feels free to disagree with them.
Ooh, a little tyrannical now, isn't it?
And so when it comes to your relationships, are you free to disagree?
You had a relationship with a woman.
You disagreed with her about spanking.
Were you free to do that?
I was not.
You were not.
You were not free to disagree with her.
She said, if you disagree with me, there's no relationship.
What that means is, there's no relationship anyway.
Wherever you're not free to disagree with someone, you can't be with them because you can't spontaneously process your experience with them and your thoughts and share them in the real-time relationship way, right?
This real-time relationship is a book I've written.
You can get it at freedomainradio.com slash free.
I'm sure you've had some experience with it, but for those who haven't, you can't spontaneously say what you think and feel in the moment because if you disagree with that person, boom, down you go.
Into the trap door of buh-bye.
That is tyranny.
All the tyrannies in the world come out of that inability to disagree with people, and it comes from childhood.
Are you free to disagree with your parents?
So, Alison, as you knew it probably would, let us return to your earlier days.
Yep.
When you were growing up, were you free to disagree with authority figures?
No.
Right.
And that conditions you to not feel free.
And it doesn't just condition you to not feel free with your friends.
It means you must choose friends who won't let you disagree.
You understand?
I do.
Yeah, I'm definitely following.
So...
To disagree is dangerous.
Now, if you lose a friend as an adult, that's tragic.
If you lose a parent, or a parent's love as a child, that's fatal biologically, right?
I mean, historically, evolutionarily, and so on.
Kids couldn't take that risk, right?
You understand?
Yep, definitely.
So, it must be death to disagree and virtuous to agree.
That's why we end friendships with people who disagree with us if we're immature.
And that's why we call agreeing with us out of fear support.
Because that's how we're raised.
We can't disagree with our parents a lot of times.
We can't disagree with our teachers.
We can't disagree with our priests.
It's not allowed.
And what is threatened is a withdrawal of love and support, which is essential for children to survive.
Right.
Yeah, and the undoing, uncovering is where I'm at now in my life.
Right.
See, now I'm going to assume with your fiancé, who I know listens to this show, just because you mentioned it, but are you free to disagree with him?
I am.
I'm very free in this relationship.
In fact, I have Made it where sometimes he's not free and he's very quick.
He's very good at reading through it and making sure I understand what I'm saying.
And so, you know, I'm learning to make sure that he's free as well.
Right.
Right.
And that's why you'll move to Australia not to be with him, you understand, fundamentally.
Allison, you did not move to Australia to be with him, but to be with you.
Yeah, that's a great way of saying it.
I never thought of it that way.
You have a potent mix of man candy, authenticity, and giant spiders.
That is the holy trinity of self-actualization.
And deep down, I believe, Fear and hatred often go hand in hand.
This is not a staggeringly original insight for me, just so you understand.
It's not like, ooh, I'm the only one, right?
But fear and hatred go hand in hand.
If that's true, and if we only conform with other people out of fear, then we must hate them.
For the implicit threat that they're always holding over us, which is conform with Or be rejected.
Now if it's true that we only conform with people out of fear and we hate that which we fear, you got your own back and you acted out your hatred with your voicemails.
Very true.
Which is something like, screw you for forcing me to lie all these years.
Screw you for pretending you cared about me when all you cared about was my conformity.
Bye-bye.
Here's my stink bomb.
I'm out of here.
Yep.
And why not be a bridesmaid?
Because who wants to spend a week lying in a bad dress?
Yeah.
And faking and pretending and It's just exhausting.
And it's only exhausting.
This is why people who make you lie want to keep truth-tellers away from you, because once you get a taste of that sweet nectar, it's really tough to go back.
Oh, this is what it's like when I don't wear yak hair underpants.
Ooh, that's really silky.
I like that.
And then people will say, hey, time to get back into the yak hair underpants.
You're like, ooh, no, I don't want to.
Let me live in this silk.
It's delightful.
I'm floating like gossamer.
By the way, I'm actually fairly sure that Yak Air Underpants are available.
I was going to say, is that a thing?
Do people actually wear that?
I'm pretty sure they're available on Milo Yiannopoulos' shop.
Milo swag, it's actually pretty funny.
You should check it out.
But anyway.
So that's sort of the level that I see this kind of stuff going at.
Which is, if you've got an ounce of pride, and you have more than an ounce of pride.
But if you have an ounce of pride, Alison, it's really not that much fun.
To be bullied into conformity and silence and support and call it friendship, right?
Yeah, well, everything here was exactly what I was looking for when I had reached out with my question originally.
It was trying to get some answers and deeper meaning and understanding.
And I think this is a full picture.
Hopefully this doesn't sound like propaganda, but I do just want to express my appreciation for your time and sorting through this with me.
Wait, this is an elegant way of flushing, right?
We're done?
It's okay.
I thought I'd be going the other way.
Turns out the Coriolanus effect is a myth.
Well, I do feel that a lot of my answers are answered.
No, if you're done with me, that's fine.
If you're done with me, if I'm just a Kleenex, I'm just kidding.
No, that's good.
I'm glad that we got to where you wanted to get to, and I'm glad the conversation was helpful.
Yeah, absolutely.
It was.
Thank you so much.
All right.
Will you keep us posted?
Let us know when you get married.
I'd like to see a picture or two if you don't mind.
I sure will.
Definitely will send that along.
Thanks for the call, Alison.
A real pleasure to chat.
My pleasure.
Thank you.
All right.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Up next is Robert.
Robert wrote in and said, How is it that the modern political left is able to claim a mantle of intellectual superiority?
Is it possible to imagine a world in which political agreement is not taken as a measure of intelligence?
That's from Robert.
Hey, Robert.
How are you doing?
Good evening, Stefan.
I'm hanging in there.
Good.
Good.
All right.
Tony, tell me a bit more about what you mean.
This hide of bright armor is first and foremost looking for a bit of a pick-me-up, because right now we're all staring down the barrel of, what, three months, four months, five months of just being referred to as idiots for whoever it is that you plan to vote for.
And for some reason, this election cycle is just getting to me a little bit more than usual, I guess.
What do you mean, for some reason?
I mean, there's every good reason why the escalation is occurring.
Because somebody from outside the system has come into the system and is disrupting the system.
And that's a scary thing for a lot of folks, isn't it?
Yeah, well...
I don't...
I mean, like I care.
I mean, nobody cared about...
You know, me being called a racist because of my race and nobody cared about me being called a sexist because of my gender.
And, you know, I mean, sorry.
I mean, there's just not a lot of deposit in the old compassion bank for society for me at the moment these days.
So, yeah, I guess it is scary for some people.
And I guess they'll deal with it the way that I've dealt with it.
Mm-hmm.
I was going to remark, I'm feeling that I'm having sort of a similar experience to Allison and the previous callers on there, though in my case it's more a matter of professional stability than a question of friendship.
Allison was having the problem, do I be true to ideas or do I keep my friends?
In my case it's, you know, can I wrestle openly with these ideas or can I keep my career?
I find myself, you know, in some respects sort of behind enemy lines I am a classically trained musician and I work for a large church in a downtown area.
And I would not be able to do my job if it were to become open public knowledge that, you know, I vote for certain people or that I entertain certain ideas because that would be an obstacle for a lot of the people that I have to work with.
Right, right.
You remarked Allison, one of her friends had said, well, I thought you were in this box, but I I find out that you're actually in this box.
Well, in my case, professionally, I have to interact with everybody in the church.
I have to direct the choir.
I have to direct the music.
They have to be able to interact with me as Rob, the musician.
I only get 90 minutes a week with these people.
I've got a job to do.
And if there's any distraction to that, that would compromise my ability to do my job.
And so, basically, I just have to keep my head down.
Okay.
I still don't hear a question in that.
I mean, I'm sorry that that's the situation.
It is.
But, I mean, I had that restriction in a variety of fields and got tired of it and started becoming a podcaster, so...
So, right.
The question is, how is it that's...
It's a multifaceted question.
Where does the link between academia and progressivism come from?
Let's start with that.
Well, I mean, progressivism is anti-market and so is academia.
Academia is specifically and explicitly anti-market.
It is a government-granted monopoly that grants government-granted papers.
Okay, but why should that be that they would be explicitly anti-market?
What do you mean?
So I'm trying to lay some groundwork here as far as why would it be that academia would be explicitly anti-market?
Because, come on, this is not that complicated.
Because they get more money and resources by being anti-market.
Because they get to work 3 or 5 or 10 hours a week.
They get sabbaticals.
They get 4 months off in the summer.
They can't be fired.
I mean, put that down in your next job application to McDonald's.
Put that down in your next job application for being a podcaster.
All right, I'll make podcasts, but I want to get paid enormously.
I want to have huge benefits.
I want to have sick leave.
I want to have teacher's assistance that I don't have to pay personally.
I want you to set me up with a beautiful lab and a giant library.
I want guaranteed job security, guaranteed income, four months off in the summer, and I only want to work five or ten or maybe 15 hours a week.
Maybe then I'll be a podcaster.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Well, that's a good description of modern academics.
I'm thinking back historically, some of the greatest sponsors of universities were the barons of industry.
University of Chicago has a number of buildings named after the Rockefellers.
Andrew Dixon White up at Cornell, he made his money outside and then turned it into academia.
But that's a market.
No, no, that's a market.
Charity is a market as well.
So if you wanted to go to Rockefeller and you wanted to say, sponsor my academics, he'd have to say, okay, are they good?
Are they cool?
Are they doing great work?
Not necessarily do I agree with them all, although that may be part of it.
So you'd have to sell your academics online.
To the Rockefellers.
So you still have a market, and then you'd have to sell your academics to their students.
But now, government pays for everything or forces people to lend money, and there's no market.
So, in your mind, this would be something that goes back, say, to the GI Bill after World War II or some of the higher education reforms back in the 1960s, which is what pushed it in that direction?
Yeah, I mean, whenever the market got stripped down, for sure.
The GI Bill was the primary way in which socialism was infected into the hitherto middle classes or working classes, which then created a lot of the goofy, dangerous stuff that happened in the 60s, the hippie movement, free love.
And partly it was the pill, but a lot of it had to do with the socialism that was spread like a cancer across the American intellectual landscape as a result of the GI Bill.
And all of that It took the market out of things, right?
And when the market's out of things, then once government is paying, then what happens is the demand goes up infinitely, virtually, right?
And once the demand goes up infinitely, and you no longer need to sell to industry or sell to the media or sell to whoever the quality of your graduates, right?
Well, what happens is you want to stuff as many students into your university as humanly possible.
Right, because they're all spending somebody else's money and it's not real to them.
Yeah, and it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
They're not making a business decision, which is how much money I'm going to be able to extract out of this degree that I'm pursuing.
Now they're saying, oh, I've got free money to go to school.
Where will I go?
Well, I'll take something that's fun because the money's already there.
It's like saying, what shall I do for a living after I've won the lottery?
Well, it's a little different.
I'm going to be a mime.
And so once you have the government stuffing the pipe with potential students, universities expand like crazy.
They raise their fees like crazy.
And that's not the most dangerous thing.
The most dangerous thing is they lower their standards.
You have to.
You have to.
I mean, if you're a modeling agency, and you don't have to sell your models to magazines or TV or runway or anything like that, but the government is paying you $50,000 for every model you sign up, do you think you're going to be that picky?
No.
You're going to take some chick from Alabama who's driving in on a motorsport with two teeth in her head.
You can make it, honey.
Ka-ching!
And once you lower your standards, then higher education is done.
It's done.
And higher education is done in America, for sure.
It's that bad, huh?
Oh, yeah.
It's terrible.
Absolutely terrible.
And, you know, I don't think people are going to be too shocked to hear this as a whole, but higher education is...
I mean, it's...
It's almost like it just has to be started all over again.
I would be hard-pressed to disagree with you.
I've got a terminal degree in my field.
I worked in higher education for a little while.
But the whole notion of burn it down and start over, that does resonate a little bit.
Yeah, and by that, there's going to have to be a market because there is almost nothing more dangerous than the dilution of intellectual quality in a culture.
It is one of the most dangerous toxicities that occur.
It's the dilution of intellectual quality in a culture.
And, you know, just as bad money drives out good money, bad pseudo-intellectualism drives out intelligent people.
There's a reason why I'm not in academia.
And Once the idiots have taken over the academy and driven the smart people out, who is guarding the gates?
Supposedly, the Board of Trustees are responsible to the bottom line, but typically they're not equipped to make calls as to judging good intellectual activity from bad intellectual activity.
They're more suited to judge, okay, do you have 10 students enrolled or do you have 30 students enrolled?
Oh, look, 30 students, that gets us more money.
Yeah, I mean, that's their job, right?
That's their job.
Just to make money for the university.
And they used to make money for the university by producing quality academics that people valued, that people respected, that people listened to.
And now they don't.
Let me run a hypothesis by you, you know, because the thought that it's a pure question of markets versus academia is certainly correct, but let me run a hypothesis by you that it actually runs a little bit deeply, more deeper than that, and that is a question of abstraction.
Now, as an academic, and I'll draw an analogy with my own fields, and that is music, we rely very heavily on abstraction.
But that's basically part and parcel of what academics do.
As musicians, we all have to suffer the hell of going through what's called a form and analysis class, where you have to be able to point out In a piece of music, how such and such a piece of music does or does not conform to an abstract ideal of how music is supposed to proceed.
You don't have to be able to play the music, you don't have to be able to write the music, you just have to be able to sit on the sidelines and make judgments based on abstraction.
And I'm thinking that this would make academics a little bit more susceptible to progressive ideas, because if you think about it, progressive ideas, Marxism, these work great in abstraction.
Very bad things happen when you try to put these ideas into reality.
I mean, that's when people die by the millions.
But in the abstract, it's fantastic.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, dude, dude.
No, I'm an empiricist.
You can't say that it's like a scientific theory.
It works very well in theory, but it's disastrous in practice.
There's no dichotomy between theory and practice.
Something which doesn't work in practice sucks as a theory.
You can't separate these two things because then it's saying we have no way of judging anything until we implement it and millions of people hopefully die or don't die.
No way of knowing whatsoever.
There is a way of knowing.
That doesn't stop Marxists from clinging to it.
No, but I'm not talking to them.
I'm talking to you.
Right.
And I'm trying to put together just a picture as to why academics would be really susceptible to this.
No, no.
You set up a dichotomy between theory and practice, that something can be wonderful in theory and terrible in practice.
Which means that we have to take all theories, run them through practice to find out which one is better or worse.
And that's not how philosophy works.
That's not how any cognitive discipline works.
That's not how medicine works.
You don't just stuff everything into sick people and find out what works.
You have a theory.
You do testing.
You escalate the testing and so on, right?
And you have double-blind experiments and so on.
So Marxism sucks in theory and is murderous in practice.
Marxism is irrational in theory and destructive in practice.
It is not great in theory and destructive in practice.
Socialism is terrible in theory.
It's contradictory.
It's hypocritical fundamentally, which is more of a moral than a rational judgment.
It sucks in theory.
And it's murderous in practice.
Fascism sucks in theory and it's murderous in practice.
So I have to strongly push back on this old trope and it's an old cliche that there's things that are wonderful in theory but terrible in practice.
And I have yet in all my decades and decades of examining intellectual theories, moral theories, economic theories, religious theories, I have yet to find anything that That is wonderful in theory, in other words, rational and consistent in theory, that just somehow mysteriously doesn't work in practice.
And I've also yet to find anything that is consistent in theory that fails to work when it is practiced.
So I really strongly urge you to challenge this idea in your mind, my friend, that something can be great in theory and terrible in practice, because that is to say that there's no fundamental relationship or causality between theory and practice.
And that means that we have to try everything and hope for the best, which means disaster.
Fair enough.
What if I substitute the word appealing in practice for wonderful in practice?
You mean theory?
You're right.
I'm sorry.
In theory, rather.
Something that is appealing in theory.
Something that gives you A narrative, something that, because that's another thing that academics like to do, especially folks who are in the discipline of history.
There's a narrative, there's a sweep, there's a story that things fit into.
And so what if something is appealing in theory?
Appealing is not a philosophical term.
I don't care whether things are appealing or not.
You know, it is appealing for a crazy person to think he's Jesus Christ or Napoleon.
Of course it's appealing, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?
He's not, right?
And so whether something's appealing or not has no intellectual content to me whatsoever.
It might matter to a nutritionist, right?
A nutritionist might say, well, you know, this food tastes better, so you've got to be carefully limited and so on.
But as far as philosophy goes, you might, I mean, you certainly would examine it from a logical standpoint and say, okay, well, the crazy person, it's appealing for him to think that he's Napoleon, but he's not.
And so I don't really care whether things are appealing or not.
It only matters whether they're true.
Now, you could say, well, why are things that are untrue enacted so often?
And, well, that's because people didn't do the right job of attacking back, right?
So there's a sort of famous decision that was made by a free market economist.
Maybe if it's Friedman, I can't remember exactly, but...
After the Keynesian general critique of things came out, he decided not to do...
He said, oh, the book didn't think it was going to go anywhere.
It would have been a lot of work to rebut, and he never did it.
It's not all his fault or anything, but he never rebutted Keynes' big sort of major work of general theory of unemployment or whatever it was called.
Wherein he said, you know, the government should borrow when the economy is doing badly and then cut back on spending when it's doing well.
Now, of course, that's appealing to governments because they get to borrow and they love borrowing.
And they, of course, never got around to cutting back, of course, right, when things got better.
And so the government picks that up.
It's useful to them.
You say, is it appealing?
I don't know.
I guess it's useful to people in power.
And if you are a psychopathic control freak and you want to go around enacting communism, it's going to satisfy your psychopathic control freak personality, right?
Because you get to order everyone around and set prices for everything and tell everyone what to do and so on.
So yeah, stuff's useful to people in power, sure.
But, you know, the appealingness of certain things, yeah, there are certain theories that give more power to people in power, and of course they're going to like them.
And that's natural.
And the reason why it works is that people don't hammer the irrationalities and contradictions of the theory put forward.
And that way it slips past the goalie, which is supposed to be the rational thinkers pushing back.
It slips past the goalie and embeds itself usually in the heart and minds of the general population.
But that's why you've got to be blocking these things as hard as you can.
And that's a daunting task, isn't it?
Well, compared to what?
Compared to communism?
Compared to 70 million or 100 million people killed through communism in the 20th century?
I think it's alright.
It is.
That certainly does give me a little bit of perspective as far as, you know, can we make it through the next couple of months being called idiots?
To think that, yeah, hundreds of millions of people, you know, had to suffer under the actual practice rather than just people from race theory.
You're not being drafted, right?
You're not being drafted.
So yeah, people are going to call me names.
You know, my ancestors had to go to war and get their arms blown off.
I think I can handle some syllables.
We have the easiest fight in history.
That is good.
I really needed to hear that.
It's a lot easier.
No trenches.
No mustard gas.
No atomic bombs.
No radiation.
No Agent Orange.
It's not like we're caught in the laser crosshairs of imperialist foreign policy.
It's not like we're being disassembled by mortars.
There's no one driving us at gunpoint into no man's land to be blown into bits among barbed wire and the remains of our comrades from the previous five minutes.
We're not swarming in Gallipoli.
We're not Fighting and dying in metal birds over the sunny skies of England in 1940.
We're not in Stalingrad when the Germans are starving you in the city.
We're not being forced as they were during Mao's famine in China.
We're not being forced to eat tree bark and we're not pulling apart pillows to see if we can eat feathers.
We're not starving to death by the tens of millions.
What we're doing is we're going out and we're speaking the truth, and maybe people are getting mad at us and calling us bad names.
But if our ancestors could pull off that shit, I think we can handle this.
We got this.
Yeah, for now, it's a battle of ideas, and you're right.
We do have it far better than our forebears.
And if you lose the battle of ideas, then you get the battle of blood.
Then you get the bloodshed, yeah.
Alright, let's move on to the next caller, but thanks so much for your question, and I'm glad to have given you some positive perspective.
Thanks, Jeff.
Take care.
Thanks, man.
Alright, up next is Brandon.
Brandon wrote in and said, The West has been so completely infected by PC culture and identity politics that any criticism of ideologies or certain people is immediately conflated to racism, sexism, etc., etc.
Rather than foster social and cultural harmony, this blatant suppression of thought is actively strengthening real prejudice in society.
You needn't look very far to know this is not limited to just the UK. There's the New Year's Eve cologne attacks, media coverage of minority crimes, and much, much more.
If everything is true about those rape gangs in the UK, how the hell are those men getting away with such heinous crimes for so long?
I get the whole fear of being labeled a racist, bureaucratic ineptitude, etc.
But don't those policemen have daughters of their own?
Would they not put themselves in the shoes of the parents of those children?
Has the West become so weak that it cannot recognize such blatant evil and rectify this injustice?
That's from Brandon.
Oh, hey, Brandon.
Hey, Stefan.
Thanks for having me on the show.
My pleasure.
My pleasure.
So the rape gangs in the UK, you're talking about the Rotherham...
Yeah, I think it was a Pakistani man who had been sort of grooming and raping hundreds and hundreds of young British girls for quite some time, and there was some concern about bringing them to justice because there was fears that the police might be called racist or something like that, right?
Yeah, that's right.
I believe they called them Asian, but yeah, I believe it was Pakistani.
Yeah.
And where were all the people protesting that?
You've got people out on the left that protesting the Brexit vote, right?
That England is now, Britain seems poised to leave the EU. And they're out there protesting with signs and chants and yelling in their outrage.
Was anyone doing this when these horrible crimes came to light?
Yeah, no, not at all.
No?
It's a stark contrast to what I do see in media here in the U.S., which is, you know, the people at the stations welcoming refugees with teddy bears and signs and water, which is all anyone ever really sees.
I mean, I don't have really a lot of friends that have been red-pilled, so the people that I do talk to are pretty plugged in.
I mean, they really have no idea.
When I talk about something like the Rotherham rape scandal, it's a blank look, at best.
Right.
Which is, you know, it's frustrating.
But you say sort of like there's this weird infection.
I mean, I don't think it's an infection.
I mean, an infection is sort of accidental or random.
This is not.
I mean, look, the left has been discredited in the West since the 1960s.
Since Khrushchev pointed out the crimes of Stalin, and since the horrifying atrocities committed by Chairman Mao and his Communist Party in China all came to light.
They're done.
Yeah.
Like, the left, like, oh, it's paradise, so they're done, right?
Right.
And so, they didn't want to give up just because they lost not only the theoretical argument, but the empirical argument.
Right?
Because, you know, and this is why I was hammering on the last guy about, oh, theory and practice.
There's nothing that's beautiful in theory that's terrible in practice.
Everything that's terrible in practice is terrible in theory.
Everything that's brutal in practice is irrational in theory.
Yeah.
My theory that balsa wood is a wonderful material for a train bridge is beautiful in theory.
No!
It's stupid in theory, and it's terrible and destructive in practice.
Yeah, funny thing, my younger sister, we had a bit of a discussion over one of the past holidays where she was like, you know, communism would be great in theory, but...
It just doesn't work too well in the real world.
Everyone says that who doesn't have a clue.
Like everyone who says, just ask that person, oh, can you explain to me the theory of communism?
Some guy with a big beard?
I don't know.
It was a wall?
I don't know.
So, no.
So, forget it's like an infection.
It's just an occupation of people who've lost the argument.
That's all it is.
The left can't win an argument to save their lives.
And so what do they do?
Do they say, oh, well, you know, we had this theory, which was, it started off with communism, and then we said socialism.
Of course, the goal of socialism, according to Lenin, is communism.
And so did they say, well, you know, we had this great theory.
It was put into practice in like a third of the world's population.
And I don't know, after China, after Russia, after the Eastern Bloc, after the Khmer Rouge, after God knows how many countries tried it, and it was all turned into a blood-soaked murder fest all around, you think people would say, maybe this isn't such a great idea.
But there are selected.
Hang on, hang on.
But there are selected.
They don't care.
They want power.
They don't want to be in the free market because they'll get more money and power by being in the government.
And they need a big government because a bigger government can buy more votes.
And so they lost the argument in the 1960s when communism became discredited and all the lies that all the people had told about communism.
You know, they went and toured all of these we'll call Potemkin villages where they'd take a bunch of people from the gulag, feed them up and pretend they were all happy and wonderful.
Walter Durant at the New York Times won a Pulitzer Prize writing about these atrocities.
Never been rescinded.
And then what happened was Joseph McCarthy and Whitaker Chambers and other people came along and exposed how many of these communists had wormed their way into the U.S. government and how they'd helped hand over China to communism.
One of the great disasters of the 20th century, if not, well, certainly in the top three.
So...
So they had this theory, and then they got to implement this theory in a wide variety of countries, and everywhere it was tried, it was a god-awful, psychotic, disastrous, murderous, monstrous mess.
So they lost the argument.
Because, I mean, they could maintain it under Stalin, but when Khrushchev called Stalin's cult of personality and revealed all of the Horrifying stuff that went on.
And of course, when Sholtenitsyn published his writings, the Gulag Apicalago and other writings talking about the prison camps, the concentration camps, the unbelievably horrifying stuff that occurred.
And then I think there's a bunch of French researchers who compiled the big black book of communism talking about how many died.
So in the 1960s, this stuff came...
China, I think, was a little later, but certainly in the early 1960s, mid-1960s, the facts about Russia just came tumbling out.
So they lost.
They lost.
They lost.
And what did they do?
They say, man, we're sorry.
That was just terrible.
I can't believe we thought this was a good system that resulted in the deaths of so many people.
No.
They said, damn, we can't win this argument.
We can't make a case that people should vote left because it's really great for people.
So we just better import cultures that are going to vote left.
And this is why in 1965, Teddy Kennedy sponsored this immigration bill specifically designed to cut off European immigration and replace it with third world immigration.
Why?
Because they lost the argument.
And so they had to stuff the ballot with people who were going to vote left.
And this is why the historically racist party of the Democrats switched and then began courting the black votes with welfare.
Guaranteed votes.
It was one of the most racist things done in American politics and somehow the Republicans are racist.
And so they lost the argument and so they had to import votes and then they had to cover up All of the discrepancies that occurred as a result of importing third-world cultures, those third-world cultures don't do that well in a first-world country.
So in order to cover that up, because people were going to notice that.
This is another theory.
Hey, everyone's the same.
Don't worry about the second generation.
They'll be exactly like us, if not halfway through the first generation.
We're all just made of water.
You pour them into the magic soil, they'll become just like us, right?
Well, at some point, people were going to say, I don't think that's happening.
I don't think that there's that much integration from the third world cultures going on in the West.
So, what did they have to do?
Because that's another theory.
We're all the same, everyone's the same, kumbaya, we're all going to end up the same in multiculturalism, diversity is all wonderful and it's a strength, right?
And then people at some point were going to notice that it wasn't working at all.
And then, and then, what do they do?
Well, What do tyrannical personalities always do with counter data?
They attempt to shut it up.
They attempt to squelch it.
They attempt to attack it.
And so you have to invent racism to cover up the fact that racists don't perform equally well in Western societies.
And coincidentally, it seems to have a lot to do with IQ. So you have to racism.
And that way no one can talk about facts which go counter to what the left needs, which is votes, which they can't get with good arguments and good data, because communism killed 100 million people.
That's like two and a half World War IIs.
Sorry if I'm skeptical, lefties, but that's a lot of blood to overlook.
I can't Jesus waddle my way across that much fucking gore.
There's certainly not.
So they have to cover up the failures of their theories.
And so when Joseph McCarthy pointed out that there was a giant rot in the American government, Soviet spies, they attacked him!
Destroy him!
Make an example out of him!
And he died young.
Died in his 50s.
And When people start to notice that disparate ethnic groups are not all blending and doing the same, ah, racism!
It's racism that's the cause and you're racist for pointing it out because it goes against the narrative they need to get votes because they lost the argument.
And then when people say, you know, women make different choices than men, they choose usually to work on average, right, as a whole.
They choose to work less than men.
They choose to take jobs with more flexibility.
They take more part-time jobs.
And that's why they make 70-odd cents on the dollar compared to men.
Ah!
Sexism!
You can't even talk about it.
It's wrong.
It's this, it's that.
97% of climate scientists, ah!
You know, the people, academics suggesting that people who are climate change skeptics should be thrown in jail.
See, when you've lost the argument, you attack.
Jason Richwine, been on the show a couple of times, has data that shows.
Something that goes against the left's narrative?
Destroy him!
Attack him!
When the argument is lost, as Socrates said, when the argument is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser.
So it's not an infection.
It's not a random thing.
They want...
The left pushes for free...
Or subsidized higher education because they'd love for hard-working, free-market Republican taxpayers to be forced to subsidize the leftist indoctrination of the young.
I mean, it's perfect.
It's perfect.
Can you imagine Republicans demanding?
Can you imagine Republicans demanding that leftists be forced through taxes to pay for mandatory Sunday school?
No.
For all leftists?
No.
They'd go insane.
That's indoctrination.
That's wrong.
Brainwashing.
So it's not, you know, it's not an accident.
It's just what people do when they're addicted to power.
They don't care about the law.
They just need the power.
They need the power.
Want the power.
So when you have rape gangs in the United Kingdom, and as there are in other places, So the Rotherham thing, I'll just give you a couple of details, is 1,400 children were subjected to appalling sexual exploitation in Rotherham in England between 1997 and 2013.
So that's a long time.
A report found, quote, several staff described their nervousness about identifying the ethnic origins of perpetrators for fear of being thought as racist.
Others remembered clear direction from their managers not to do so.
Failures by those charged with protecting children happened despite three reports between 2002 and 2006, which both the council and police were aware of, and, quote, which could not have been clearer in the description of the situation in Rotherham.
The first of these reports was effectively suppressed because senior officers did not believe the data.
The other two were ignored.
And that's because the left needs votes.
And...
If 1,400 British children need to be groomed, assaulted, sexually assaulted, and raped, and some set on fire with gasoline or threatened with it if they didn't conform, well...
Left needs votes.
Right, but that's a hell of a sacrifice.
That's awful, beyond all reason.
I mean...
Not to an addict!
Right?
Not to an addict.
Because an addict, I mean a real addict, I mean, they destroy their families.
They burn through all their savings.
They steal from businesses.
They commit crimes.
They prostitute themselves.
They, I mean, to get your drug of choice, that's what you do.
What about, I mean, it makes sense for the, you know, the officers, the higher-up officers, the administrators and whatnot, but what about the boots-on-the-ground policemen who are seeing this, like, firsthand?
Where are they going to go?
Oh, I know.
Let's go to the media.
Huh.
Seems that the media doesn't want to promote things which go against the leftist narrative.
Hmm.
Yeah.
And also, what if they get caught going to the media?
What if someone finds out that they went against their direct orders, leaked to the media?
Ooh, could be quite exciting.
Right.
Yeah.
Because the media doesn't want this information out.
Again, I collect this.
It's right media, but in general, the media is tens left throughout the West.
So the media, it might be a trap.
The reporter might say, oh, you've got some cool stuff about Rotherham.
And the cop sits down, a policeman sits down, tells them all, and then the media turn around, stab, and says, this guy is revealing information against his orders.
Boom!
Boom!
The third officer involved in this Freddie Gray Baltimore situation, the guy who was arrested and injured his neck or his spine and died.
The third officer has now been acquitted.
I don't even know if they're going to continue.
There's a police chief saying, stop this malicious prosecution.
Do they care?
The people who are pumping this narrative, like all this race-baiting stuff that goes on in American media, do they care?
No, of course not.
That hundreds of black lives have been lost as a result of the police being somewhat paralyzed out of fear of malicious prosecution?
They got the power.
They got the votes.
They riled up people and got them to vote.
Left.
I don't know.
I can't fathom.
I can't fathom the entire mental structure that would allow For years, the continued sexual assault of children.
I can't fathom that as a concept, how this could happen.
But that's because I'm not an addict to power.
I actually have a...
I mean, I sent in this question, I think, about four or five months ago.
And since then, I've consumed quite a bit of media.
I'm trying to get to the bottom of this rabbit hole, and I kind of have somewhat of a running idea that answers my question, and that people are very willing to shed their empathy when it's politically and socially convenient.
So, I mean, that's the only thing I can come to, you know, trying to understand why those guys, the lower officers, were seeing what was happening and not doing anything about it.
Look, it may have tortured some of them, and maybe they quit because of it.
But knowing that children are being assaulted by, I don't care what ethnicity, it can be foreheads and liver spots on your ass, I don't care.
But maybe they quit.
But I don't know.
I mean, how can people do this?
Wouldn't that be in your head, what was going on year after year after year after year?
And why isn't anyone protesting?
I thought the left was against the rape culture.
I'm not saying that all Pakistanis, of course not, right?
But in this particular gathering of Pakistanis, well, seems kind of rapey.
Just a tad bit rapey.
Yeah, it's...
And the reason why I actually sent me the question in the first place is because it's really...
You can't bring this...
You can't bring this up with people who...
Or it's very difficult to bring this up with people who are not already somewhat of the know of what's going on in Europe.
I live in the West Coast of America, and it's just like...
You bring this up with normal people, and they're like, what?
That makes no sense.
The first reaction is disbelief.
They don't even...
They're like, nah, that's whatever.
They're blowing it up, or blowing it out of proportion, or...
It didn't happen, or not to that extent, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
They don't see it as an existential threat to Western society, which is kind of how I look at it.
This is really...
There's no way to relate that this is going on and have any kind of meaningful conversation at where I'm at, which...
I think if that conversation was to happen that there might actually be, I don't know, because I can be completely delusional or too optimistic to think that, you know, people would be outraged here over stuff happening over there.
Yeah.
Right.
Yes.
I don't know.
I mean, because I don't care what people do with the truth.
I can't, because I can't control that.
I speak passionately and hopefully intelligently and with sources about things that matter, things that are important.
Does it matter what people believe?
Does it matter what ideologies put forward?
Does it matter That communism concentrates economic power into the hands of a tiny elite.
It matters.
Now what people do with all of that, I don't know.
I don't know and I can't fundamentally worry about it or care about it.
I care about the presentation because, you know, try and get it across in a way that helps.
But What they do with that information.
So you're saying, well, what will people do with this information?
Right.
I don't know, but you speak the truth.
You know, this is how I was raised.
I was told as a child.
I was told as a child in church.
I was told as a child in church.
Speak the truth and shame the devil.
Speak the truth and shame the devil.
Thank you.
Because if you speak the truth, you will very quickly find out who's on the side of good and who's not.
Right.
Because you can't be on the side of good and reject the truth.
You know, I don't know, though, Stefan, that it's a rejection of the truth.
It's just...
It's like they just don't...
It's a non-concern.
They don't care.
It's a...
They're not promoting the devil, but they're not embracing the truth.
It's just kind of this middle ground where it's just like, well, if that's over there, I'm here.
It's not affecting me.
It's cool.
Whereas I look at them like that over there, that's happening.
That's evil.
Like if we don't face that now, it's going to come to our front door.
Well, again, I mean, what people do with it, who knows, right?
I mean, you've just got to tell the truth.
After that, it's out of your hands.
You know, you can put a billboard...
With a tasty looking meal out front of your restaurant, but you can't go and drag people into your restaurant to eat and make them eat.
Right?
You make a nice restaurant.
You have good food.
You make it attractive.
You put a sign outside.
You put an ad out.
And you wait.
Right?
So, you know, how am I going to make people eat at my restaurant?
You can't.
Yeah.
Can't do it.
Can't do it.
Now you can put the truth out there.
The facts out there.
I've heard you, I mean, I listen to your show quite a lot.
I've listened to basically, I've heard this same discussion with the callers you've had before, where they're like wondering how they can get this truth to their, how they can make the truth have an impression or effect on their friends and family.
And you always tell them kind of the same thing you're telling me now, which is, you know, bounce it off of them a little bit and see if there's any kind of response.
And if not, move on.
If I knew, or if there was even a way, Brandon, to make people receive the truth, it wouldn't be the truth anymore.
The truth has to be chosen.
The truth has to be chosen.
The virtue has to be chosen, or it's not virtue.
You force people to do things, and you just turn them into an empty, obedient, robot shell of compliance.
Fear of virtue.
There's nothing virtuous about the welfare state, because it's compelled.
Nothing virtuous about government education, because it's compelled.
Right.
It's compelled.
The degree to which you compel is the degree to which you strip people of free will and of their capacity to actually be good.
And so, even if there was a way to compel virtue among people, which is kind of a rank contradiction, I don't know.
And even if I did, then you wouldn't have to worry about it because I'd have some magic wand to make people rational and virtuous, and you wouldn't have to do a damn thing.
Yeah.
Job would be done.
Yeah!
Boom!
Magic wand!
There was a recent show of yours with a Hispanic or Mexican or whatever he was, a Trump supporter, who came on your show and kind of told the truth about how Hispanics or Mexicans in America feel.
Well, his friends, his circle, right?
I mean, he obviously wasn't speaking for both of them, but yeah, his circle.
Yeah, but not all, right?
Yeah.
And I, myself, am half.
My father was born in Mexico, and my mother's white, and I was raised here.
And all the stuff he was saying, I could cooperate.
I mean, it was spot on.
So, technically, you'd be called his pap at Sunburn.
Just kidding.
Sorry, go ahead.
Yeah, I know.
But I kind of had the luxury.
I grew up away from all that.
Yeah.
My parents divorced when I was a baby, and I lived with my mom and white people.
But my father ended up going out and marrying other women and just going elsewhere.
So I missed all of that.
But where I grew up, there was a lot of Hispanics, Mexicans.
I saw the views kind of afar of some of my Mexican family members, and all the stuff he said was true.
It was actually good to hear someone talk about it, honestly, who had been in the thick of it, because his experience is certainly very different than mine.
Yeah.
Fortunately for me, I guess, but I wasn't surrounded by regressive leftists my entire life.
But he seemed to pull himself out of it, and it's like you said, his words, your truth, It had an effect on him.
He just chose it.
And he was asking you how to impart it on his friends and family.
But yeah, same thing.
It has to be chosen, I guess.
Right.
So yeah, I mean, I just wanted to sort of...
Like there's this weird infection.
It's not.
It's not a weird infection.
action it's the need to put your finger on the scale because your meat gone rotten right i mean it that's a really bad analogy but um yeah they lost the argument so they need to stuff the ballot right i mean if you can if you can really beat the other guy in the boxing ring you don't need to fix the match right Right.
So when people can't win a political argument, they need to import people who are going to vote for them.
And for the left, that's non-Europeans.
Back in the 60s, Europeans didn't want a big, giant government.
But, you know, as we've seen from a bunch of studies which we've referenced on this show, a lot of people from the third world are very comfortable with lots of government benefits and big governments.
And we can understand why when we look at a variety of other factors which we've talked about before.
Right.
Actually, kind of a decent analogy, as opposed to an infection, I heard another analogy about PC culture.
Do you know a spider wasp?
Are you familiar with a spider wasp?
A spider walk?
Wasp.
Oh, a spider wasp!
They're back!
Yes.
Not from Australia, are they?
No, no.
Okay, a spider wasp.
No, go ahead.
Okay, so basically, a spider wasp will find a larger, healthy spider A live spider to land on and infect with their eggs so that the wasp's young, the eggs, has something to grow into and then patch and eat.
And obviously when they patch and begin to eat on the spider, the spider dies.
So that was an analogy I heard.
This is not mine.
I'm repeating it.
Someone else said about what PC culture does to the West, Western society, and Western values.
that it will eventually be fatal.
And a good look at it that the Wasp is somewhat, it has intent.
Like you said, not a random infection.
There's intent in this process.
Yeah, no, it's not accidental.
And, of course, because people are very good at convincing themselves that what they want to do that serves their lusts is good, then there's the additional benefit that the people on the left, and I have no idea to what degree this is true or accurate, But, you know, I mean, I'm sure that a lot of them really genuinely believe that they are trying to do the right thing and they virtue that this is the only good way to get things done.
And, you know, they have that particular perspective.
And so, you know, when something is both, you know, at least the, you know, the heroin act is usually not...
Not saying what a great cool thing he's doing.
He might at the beginning, you know, I'm on the edge, I'm like Hendrix, I'm going to be creative or whatever, but later he's just like, no virtue here, I just need a fix, right?
But when you can virtue signal and there's an addiction, which I think is the essence of the unholy convergence of addiction, political power, and sort of basic human lust and virtue signaling, it really becomes Very difficult to change over.
Yeah, in relation to this, I kind of had a similar conversation with my wife recently.
She lived in Orlando for the last couple years, and she just came back not a month ago.
And she's not American.
She's from somewhere else, and she didn't really...
She was very troubled by what happened.
First of all, because she has friends who have gone to that club.
Luckily, all her friends were okay.
But she kind of was distraught that somebody could do this and why they could do something so evil.
And I told her, I was like, you gotta look at it.
He does not think he's doing evil when he's killing them.
He thinks what he's doing is right.
He is acting justly According to his beliefs.
And I think that kind of helped her process it a bit better, as well as you can process something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that is important.
And, you know, again, to be fair, a vast majority of Muslims would not act on those beliefs, but he did.
Of course.
And, you know, are the beliefs completely irrelevant?
You know...
There's a case to be made either way, but I don't think we should immediately dismiss the question.
So, yeah, I hope that it helps that it's not just a random thing and it's not, right?
I mean, how do they get away with heinous crimes?
Well, because the left wants to import people from the third world to vote for the left.
And, you know, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few hundred little girls.
Yeah, I... It's disgusting to my core.
I just...
Oh, it is.
It is.
Of course.
And, you know, the general anti-white racism is pretty clear that if this was a white gang targeting black girls...
I mean, can you imagine?
I'd have been media outraged for months.
Oh, it would be...
I mean, it would be shocking and unstoppable and ever-escalating.
But this, you know, it tells you everything that you need to know about a lot of topics, sadly.
And I'll let people mull that over as they see fit.
Yeah.
All right.
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