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May 6, 2016 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

03:45:17

3283 Bailout of the B00bs - Call in Show - May 4th, 2016

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	Alright, so first of all, for those who have sent in the Water Buffalo, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
	It's incredibly generous, very kind, and relatively easy to unwrap.
	I'm still not putting it out.
	This is Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain Radio.
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	Alright.
	Husband-led marriage.
	Very, very interesting question from a woman.
	Who should take charge in marriage?
	Should anyone take charge in marriage?
	You've not heard, I would imagine, anyone like her before, and we had a very interesting discussion On how marriage works effectively and efficiently.
	Well, I guess that means it a free society.
	Second caller.
	Well, he's a ghost.
	He says he feels like a ghost.
	And we had a journey, my friends.
	We traced...
	His ghostliness, the death of his identity, all the way from early childhood, and where we ended up, will blow your mind.
	You should really, really check that out.
	How does a person break out of being a ghost and start to fully live again?
	Third caller, he's a returner and he had some questions about his girlfriend before and he has even more questions about his ex-girlfriend now.
	As far as looking for warning signs, as far as realizing how childhood can affect romantic choices, all of that.
	It's very, very important to understand for all of us.
	And I think you'll learn a lot about how to protect your heart so it doesn't get broken so often you can barely find the pieces anymore.
	Alright, well up first today we have Rachel.
	Rachel wrote in and said, currently there is a small book growing movement in the U.S. and possibly elsewhere for quote-unquote husband-led marriage.
	I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this, and do you think that husband-led marriage could be a good thing for Western culture to embrace?
	That's from Rachel.
	So I had a read on it, but I wonder if you could tell me a little bit more about husband-led marriage.
	Basically, more going back to, and I think it really comes out of the Christian beliefs, where the husband is the head of household, and to try to find information on it right now, every time you Google search it, you get about female-led marriages.
	Also known as government, but yeah, alright.
	Yeah, that's what I found.
	I found a lot of female-led stuff, but not a lot on Husband-led marriages.
	Can you tell me what, you know, for a lot of the people who aren't aware of sort of some of the religious injunctions coming out of the Bible, what does it mean to be in a husband-led marriage?
	He's truly the head of household and I'm the heart of household, but the major decision-making is left to him and I'm going to support his decision in it and kind of humble myself and keep some of my opinions to myself at times.
	Okay, can you give me an example of sort of major decisions?
	We just got back from vacation and we are small business owners together and he decided that we were going to purchase another piece of equipment.
	It's not major, it's only four or five thousand dollars, but it's one where I would prefer to make a different choice.
	And he decided, no, this is the time for us to do this.
	So, you know, I just made this major purchase yesterday, but also I would never not or do that without him.
	Right.
	Okay.
	I think I understand.
	And so that's a little bit more on the business side, which may not be that common for others.
	But what are other decisions where the husband is going to have the say that might be more common to other people?
	Okay.
	Off and on throughout the marriage we've had times where we'll take in family members or, you know, we raised our one nephew from 16 to 20 and got him out of the house and my stepsister came and lived with us for a couple of years and he foresaw issues going on and didn't like her being here and was very Determined on the fact and basically threw her out,
	which of course I wouldn't have done, but in the long term it was the best decision for us.
	Do you mind if I indulge?
	I have a bit of a weakness for gossip, which is really the basis of this whole show.
	Rachel, do you mind if I hear a little bit about what issues your husband had with the woman who was living with you?
	She was in her 30s and had really nothing to show for her life.
	She had a daughter, gave her up for adoption.
	We had to help her buy a car when she came to stay with us.
	And she was spending her whole life like an early 20s.
	She couldn't save two cents to save her soul and half the time we were covering her cell phone bill for the month.
	And she was staying with us rent-free, board-free, like, nothing to stay with us.
	It was meant to help get her on her feet.
	And that turned into two years of him saying, no, she has to go.
	Wait, wait, wait, hang on.
	If it's a husband-led marriage, how long, how is it two years?
	Well, at first she was doing very well and, you know, she needed time.
	She came to a penniless, jobless, no car.
	And we aren't in a city where there's transportation.
	So she had to work her way up and my husband purchased the car and she paid him back for it.
	So that's where really the main stretch of time came in with the two years.
	But then when she was stable and he saw that she was using her funds for going out to the bar two or three nights a week instead of using her funds to get her own place.
	Enough is enough and he threw her out.
	Did you say she was going to school?
	No, not at that time.
	When she originally came to us, she was going to school, but she quit that.
	What was she taking?
	I think she wanted to be an accountant.
	Right.
	Okay.
	So it wasn't like your husband wanted her gone for two years, but it kind of dragged down?
	Right.
	No, he was trying to...
	Help her get on her feet, and then he just was like, this is not working out.
	This is not helping her at all.
	We're enabling.
	Sometimes the female dragon eats the white knight, and the landscape is just short one white knight.
	Okay, so how long would you have enabled this behavior?
	Had he not thrown her out, I probably wouldn't have.
	You wouldn't have kicked her out?
	Personally, she and I get along well.
	She's good with our kids.
	There were times when if she had been drinking, I knew to stay away from her the next morning because she was just a grump, but I didn't really have any personal problems or anything with her.
	We have the extra space.
	It didn't bother me.
	Do you have any daughters?
	Yes.
	We have one daughter.
	How did you feel about your daughter being exposed to a role model of this kind?
	Didn't really look at it like that, but a lot of times, you know, our daughter's pretty smart cookie and she just would look at Aunt Red and be like, ugh.
	Just not the person she liked to hang around with.
	Right.
	And how did you feel about the amount of money that you had to spend on this woman?
	It only ever irritated me when it came to the grocery budget.
	Right.
	And so she was spending money going out and drinking rather than contributing to the household.
	Right.
	That bothered me.
	You guys were kind of like her sugar daddy.
	Pretty much.
	But without any of the associated duties that often come with that.
	All right.
	Which is good.
	Okay.
	And so business purchases, kicking out parasitical sponging relatives.
	And how's she doing since you kicked her out?
	She actually traded in her car, got a new car, got a better job, like moved up with...
	Isn't that funny?
	Reality comes a call and people just adjust to it.
	Right.
	Okay.
	So you want...
	In hindsight, it's probably fair to say that you were doing her harm by enabling this behavior, right?
	Oh, absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	Okay.
	So it's not so much husband-led marriage as the person who's right-led marriage, at least in this situation, right?
	Right.
	But there's other things that are just...
	Like, very small and inconsequential to outsiders.
	We were just recently on that cruise, and I was having a hard time with seasickness.
	And we were sitting down to eat dinner the one time, and my husband assumed that I would sit facing him, and I heckled him about it.
	So then he traded spots with me, and I soon realized he had taken that seat to prevent me from seeing the ocean, so I wasn't going to get seasick during our meal.
	So that was nice.
	Yeah.
	Had I paid attention instead of being a little twit, then things would have been better and I wouldn't have had to make him switch seats with me again in three minutes.
	And are there any areas that you feel you have better judgment than your husband that you don't like, the husband-led approach?
	No, not really.
	I hardly admit that to him, but even like my classical training is as a nurse.
	And when one of our kids is ill or something, or if an accident happens, I still refer to him to decide if we need to go to the emergency room or not, because he can take more of the emotion out of it than I can.
	Right, right, okay.
	He still makes a more rational decision, even though I have better medical training, he makes a better decision for our kids.
	Right, okay.
	So you chose a man whose judgment you respect.
	Whose intellect you admire and whose decision-making capacities you feel comfortable trusting.
	Yes.
	Sorry.
	Are you okay?
	Do you need to take a break?
	I never want to interfere with parenting on this show.
	He wants to see the screen.
	Trying to get back out of the room.
	It's okay.
	If I was up on the screen, he'd run away.
	All right.
	Is that okay?
	Can we keep going?
	Yeah, he's back out with the dad.
	Yeah, listen, I mean, I have no problem with a husband-led marriage.
	I have no problem with a wife-led marriage.
	I think that in particular circumstances, the division of labor in a marriage is really, really important.
	You know, this idea that you get together and you split everything down the middle is retarded.
	Yes.
	I mean, it really is.
	I mean, there's stuff that I'm better at and there's stuff that my wife is better at, so guess what, you know?
	There's stuff that Mike's better at, there's stuff that I'm better at at Free Domain Radio.
	The division of labor is really, really important, and it's one of the great efficiencies of marriage.
	You know, you don't start a company with 10 people and then say, everyone is going to do one-tenth of every job that's needed.
	That would be insane.
	You don't even start a job with two people and say, well, we're going to do everything 50-50.
	So what you do is you team up with people who have complementary skills.
	Strengths and abilities.
	When I first started in entrepreneurial and the software, I was really good at coding.
	So what did I do?
	I coded.
	Other people were really good at marketing or sales or signing leases for offices or working with the bank or whatever.
	So we got people who had various skill sets in various areas.
	And it's not confined to that.
	I mean, it turned out I was really good at presenting and really good at...
	Training things.
	So, you know, I dipped into those areas.
	And because I was a good writer, I worked in that area.
	But, you know, primarily I still orbited around the coding.
	Right.
	So the division of labor is really, really important.
	I'm sure there's some stuff that you're much better at than your husband is.
	That's the stuff that accrues to you and vice versa.
	Right.
	It does.
	I think a lot of people, especially in the Americas today, see or hear anything about one...
	One person meeting over the other, and they see doormat and dominant, and that's not quite the case at all.
	No, listen, I mean, I'm not a doormat when my dentist tells me to do something, and I do it.
	I respect the expertise.
	And it's one of the things that makes marriage delightful, is you find someone who's better at doing the stuff that you're not good at.
	Because, you know, people don't generally like to do things that they're not good at.
	And so...
	You know, women will design the kitchen and men will assemble the stereos, you know, whatever it's going to be, right?
	So you get to offload stuff you're not good at and hopefully you found someone who's good at the stuff you're not good at and vice versa.
	I think it's one of the things that makes marriage very attractive in a sort of foundational life, quality of life experiential way.
	Yes, I think so too.
	Basically, almost like having to be the yin and the yang.
	You're good at things, you're not good at things, and hopefully your partner is the opposite.
	Yeah, women are great at eggs and men are great at sperm, therefore people.
	You know, like we're all designed to fit together and work well together.
	And of course, a lot of people who want to mess up society try to set men and women at odds.
	One of the things that's been happening recently, of course, or not that recently, but for the last couple of decades, is twofold.
	One is that the man's financial contribution to the household generally becomes invisible in all calculations of benefit.
	And so what that means is that women generally will earn less, particularly if you're having kids, right?
	If the women are staying home, then they'll earn less, if anything, relative to the man.
	But then the women have a whole bunch of work to do around the home.
	And what feminists have basically said is the man should do equal housework.
	Around the home.
	And so women have become kind of pumped up for that and saying, ah, well, you know, you've got to come home from your day at work and you've got to do your laundry and you've got to mop the floors and you've got to vacuum and you've got to wash this and you've got to put away the dishes and all that.
	And the man says, well, wait a minute, I spent all this time at work.
	But that's invisible.
	That doesn't count.
	The fact that the man is paying for the household, it doesn't count anymore.
	And so the, um, The housework has to be divided up 50-50.
	And what that does is it makes the woman resentful because women are generally better at housework than men are and So they hover around and the man is not doing it to their satisfaction.
	It provokes a lot of discord.
	And the men will still often, if there's a house involved, will often end up still doing more of the outside stuff, you know, like mowing the lawn or shoveling the driveway or whatever it's going to be.
	And so it doesn't really end up being that equal.
	And the degree to which men, we just read about a study about this on a show two ago, that...
	When men take on traditionally female tasks in the household, The quality of the marriage deteriorates and the sexual satisfaction of the wives deteriorates.
	The degree to which men can be men and women can be women is the degree to which sexual satisfaction on both sides increases.
	Sexual satisfaction is not an inconsequential part of marriage.
	In fact, it's the one thing that defines marriage from every other relationship, hopefully, that you have in your life.
	If you can convince women that the man's financial contribution is not relevant, Then the woman is going to demand equality around the household, which provokes a lot of conflict and deteriorates romantic and sexual satisfaction in the marriage and may contribute to the end of marriage.
	And, you know, it is, of course, a shame that men have not pitched into these sort of gender debates and disputes as much as they could have.
	But...
	I was just listening to...
	Men don't have the...
	They've had their voices taken away and that feminism has rolled so much that they feel like they can't even make the decision or they can't even voice an opinion about it.
	Yeah, like I watched Emilio Yiannopoulos talking about skinny models, mannequin models in a store.
	And he was talking about women this and women that.
	And one of the women was saying, oh, here's a man telling women all about the experience of being women.
	And this, of course, I guess is called mansplaining or whatever it's called.
	And it's like, well, wait a minute.
	Women have been talking about patriarchy for decades.
	Isn't that women telling men?
	What the experience of being a man is like, oh, you're privileged.
	Oh, you're a patriarch.
	Oh, you're a whatever.
	And it's like, so women can tell men what it's like to be a man, usually in a pejorative way, but a man cannot talk about what it's like to be a woman because that's what gender appropriation.
	It's just another one of these, you can't win, don't try, funny game, the only way to win is not to play, situation where, hey, guess what?
	The man's wrong no matter what.
	Excellent.
	Right.
	We've been listening to a lot of your shows and like catching up over the past and there's so many times that even with my husband we have a very good relationship and we communicate and we work together and everything where he's like not even you can see the look on his face like I'm not touching it I'm not open it I'm not even making eye contact with her because you've ventured into the land of can't touch that topic.
	Well, and I think that's a real shame.
	Isn't that where the most interesting discussions are going to happen is sort of the hot button issues.
	Like I had a great chat with a really fantastic woman and writer and blogger named Suzanne Venker.
	That's V-E-N-K-E-R for those who want to look her up.
	And really enjoyable discussion of the roles of men and women in relationships.
	And listen, if kids aren't involved, who cares?
	You know, I mean, men and women are designed to have children and raise children.
	And marriage is designed to be the shelter, the beneficial shelter in which children are raised.
	If you don't have kids, I don't care what you do with your gender time and housework.
	It doesn't matter.
	It doesn't matter.
	But if you do have kids, someone's got to take care of them if you want to be halfway decent parents, and that creates an imbalance.
	And the man doesn't have any input in general during the day when the woman at home is raising the kids.
	So she, I guess in this case you, would have the authority on raising the children and how that generally goes during the day, right?
	For the 10 hours the man is at work and commuting and stuff, you are in charge of raising the children.
	A very important job, if not the most important job.
	And so you would have natural authority in that area.
	So then the question becomes, okay, in what area does the man have additional authority?
	And if the answer is none, that's not a fair answer because the woman is going to have the authority in the home.
	And the authority with raising the kids, that doesn't mean the final authority and the only disciplinarian, but just a matter of exposure.
	You get 10 hours extra a day with the kids during the week when the man's out working.
	So you get that authority.
	Where does the man get extra authority?
	Well, if there is no particular place where that occurs, then you are in an unequal relationship, and that is going to lead to problems.
	Absolutely.
	Right now, I just feel like a lot of my peers, or in general, in The current society that my husband and I and our relationship and how it works is pretty much Ozzie and Harriet.
	He goes to work, we have the business at night, I'm a stay-at-home mom, we homeschool, so we don't relate with many outside.
	And yeah, I do have a lot more authority over the kids, but then when daddy comes home, I'm the one standing there going, this one needs hug, that one needs putting time out.
	Well, you know, here's the big secret, and I'm sure you're aware of this, but sometimes it's good for other people to sort of bubble it up to the top of the brain, but, you know, most people in this world, I'm sure you know this, they're really unhappy.
	Yeah.
	They're really unhappy, and unhappy people...
	are allergic to any spontaneous manifestations of a joyful experience.
	Oh, are you happy?
	Well, let me lead you into my dark cave of dank nihilistic despair and the sowing of discontent and the sowing the seeds of conflict.
	Let me drag you as a dark minister to my kingdom of doom and gloom and destroy any vestigial sunlight beams that might be making it through my dank forest overhang of...
	And that is a very important factor to understand that women in particular, the happiness level of women since the Second World War has been going down significantly.
	Absolutely.
	Significantly.
	So the majority of women are unhappy, significantly unhappy.
	And you know, unhappy people...
	Tend to make other unhappy people.
	And so most of the people who are giving you feedback on your life are miserable, self-absorbed, nihilistic bastards who just want to set their dogs of war on any puppy dogs of happiness you might have happened to maintain because basically they feel you're a fool for being happy or if you're not a fool, you're a thief of their happiness and deserve to be destroyed.
	So surrounding yourself with people in general is surrounding yourself with those Somewhat hell-bent on the destruction of any shreds of happiness you might have managed to get through the general postmodernist hell of the modern world.
	So, when I look at people...
	On TV or I look at people who are experts.
	In general, most of them are very miserable and unhappy people.
	And so I simply view what they do as Misery Loves Company.
	They wish to spread all of the unhappiness that they have accumulated.
	And the way they do that is to defend the decisions that they made that made them unhappy and pretend that somehow the world is wrong.
	For not giving them happiness after they've made a series of disastrous decisions.
	So they glorify those decisions and that's how the infection of unhappiness spreads to others.
	So the fact that there are those around you who don't understand how your relationship works is like, yes they do.
	They just want it to not work so that they can feel justified.
	Yeah, the whole misery loves company, absolutely.
	There's people that he has encouraged me to distance myself and also I've learned to just distance myself from because other women will be, you know, oh my husband this, oh my husband that, or he did this, he did that, he did that, and they're never expressing any gratitude or never saying how the wonderful things that men do And, you know, in the meantime, it's just negative, negative, negative, negative.
	And then they, you know, expect you to commiserate with them.
	Or, you know, throw your own husband underneath the same bus.
	Oh yeah, that's the coven, right?
	What a friend of mine calls the stitch and bitch.
	Right.
	It's the coven where women get together and, oh, my husband this, and oh, my husband did that, and this negative, negative, negative.
	Are you just supposed to say, wow, I'm sorry for you.
	My husband is wonderful.
	I really had a great time with him.
	He's my best friend.
	He's great in bed.
	What are you supposed to say?
	How do they react?
	They just shred you.
	It's horrible.
	You can't express that you have a good marriage or they'll keep nitpicking.
	Oh, he doesn't ever do anything.
	He doesn't ever do.
	I'm not saying that my husband's perfect or that we have the most wonderful marriage, but we're both happy.
	Look, maybe he is perfect and maybe you do have the most wonderful marriage.
	What's wrong with believing that?
	Is believing that going to make your marriage better or worse?
	Well, it's most likely going to make it better.
	Why would you want to believe anything other?
	I mean, I think I have the perfect wife.
	I couldn't imagine any way that I could tinker and improve her nature, her choices, her habits, her disposition or anything like that.
	And is she perfect?
	Yes, she is.
	By any rational standard of human yard sticking, she's perfect.
	And yeah, maybe you do.
	And the degree to which people just crab and crab about their partners.
	And somehow, somehow, and it's bizarre to me, somehow they think this somehow puts them in a superior light.
	Are you kidding me?
	You chose this person, you chose to stay with this person, and you're trashing them behind their back.
	In my book, that makes you a horrible human being.
	I'm sorry?
	Sometimes not even behind their back.
	They'll stand right there and trash their husband right in front of them.
	And you're like, wow, dude, go get your balls out of her purse.
	Right.
	No, it's gross.
	And it is, you know, it's one of the things, sort of crapping at men as a whole is one of these things that's happened to isolate and depress and break the spine of men so that they're easier to control and manage as these sad, sacked, broken-hearted, cracked-spined livestock that they've kind of turned into in the modern world.
	And another one, of course, is the idea that if a man loves another man, it's gay.
	Right.
	It's a bromance.
	And this is insane.
	The idea that a man can have a loving relationship with another man That has nothing to do with homosexuality.
	Can you imagine that if men said to a woman, oh, you have a female friend, you must be lesbians.
	Like that would just be viewed as Joey Tribbiani style immaturity.
	But this idea that a man likes another man, well, it must be gay.
	Well, this is just society's way of keeping men from having any solidarity with each other.
	And women will often try to Prevent their man from developing strong male friendships because she's afraid deep down that these strong male friendships might end up biting her in the butt because the man might talk about what his life's like at home and his male friends might say, dude, that's terrible.
	That's like she's really not treating you well.
	So you've got to keep men isolated and you've got to keep putting them down because if you can put down a man to the point where he loses his will to stand up for himself, then you don't have to improve as a human being because you've just...
	Broken him down rather than raising your own standards.
	Right.
	I just, sometimes I wonder if bringing back sort of, not even just sort of, bringing back more male-led Relationships into the Western society, which right now it feels like because of the refugee crises and everything going on, that anybody's going to be like, oh no, they might be terrorists if he leads their marriage.
	But it would be a good move for Western societies as a whole to lift males up.
	Well, but to lift males up, we have to stop subsidizing women, right?
	I mean, and we have to stop subsidizing women's bad decisions.
	You know, everyone gets mad at the bailout of the banks.
	Yeah, bailout of the banks was a terrible thing.
	How about the bailout of the boobs has been going on a whole lot longer and has cost a hell of a lot more money than the bailout of the banks.
	And, um...
	Nobody really talks about that.
	I mean, you know, as I've said before, the welfare state is the single mother state.
	Yes.
	And the massive amounts of women in government employ is a huge subsidy towards women.
	And if you look at primary school teachers, like 97% women and so on.
	And so this massive bailout of the boobs is something that we don't even really notice anymore.
	A woman marries the wrong guy and has a kid with him.
	And suddenly society is on the hook.
	And people say, well, why do you care about single moms?
	Well, I care about single moms because I care about their children.
	But I also care about single moms because of their cryptkeeper hands are constantly rummaging around my pockets looking for any spare coin that might have escaped their attention and not even in the fun way that I like.
	So, I mean, the bailout of the boobs is the boob bailout.
	That is the big problem in society.
	It is subsidizing women's bad choices in mates.
	And all we're doing is subsidizing more and more bad choices from women.
	And that's, you know...
	It's horrifying and the exact opposite of what should be happening in society.
	If a man makes a bad choice, you know, he goes to the casino and bets his life savings on red 22 and loses it, well, society doesn't rush in and bail him out because it's like, well, you made a choice.
	Whereas if a woman bets on the wrong balls, well...
	The boo bailout money comes sloshing down the government trench and washes her with resources and free stuff and SNAP and public education and free housing and free healthcare.
	Man!
	I mean, this is what's so frustrating is that this is what makes women act like children and take no responsibility.
	Well, why do they have to take responsibility?
	They're being treated like children.
	And feminists should be incredibly opposed to the kind of subsidies that you were giving Your aunt or whoever it was.
	Because when you give people free stuff and shield them from the consequences of their bad decisions, you're treating them as children.
	And the entire welfare state is founded upon treating adult women as if they're children.
	And as a result, we have women acting like children, having tantrums and taking no responsibility and blaming everyone else and making up constant excuse.
	This is all what immature children do.
	And that's perfectly fine when you're a child.
	But once you can make a child, guess what?
	You're not a child.
	And being treated like one is the most disrespectful thing, not just to the women who make good choices, but also it shields reality from the women who are making bad choices.
	In other words, the government is you and the free market would be your husband.
	Yeah.
	I agree.
	But because of female in-group preference and because women outnumber male voters, women will generally vote to take away stuff from men and give it to other women.
	That is just the tragic reality of where we are.
	So, do you think that there's any hope in starting to reverse some of these?
	Like, how do you even get government to change and drop some of these subsidies?
	Oh, don't worry.
	Math will do that.
	We're all math's bitch after a while.
	I mean, the math will do that.
	There's only so many zeros that you can hack away at your savings before you're just left with one.
	And the migrant crisis is doing their part, like as I pointed out in some of the Countries in Europe, they're spending less than 2% on defense, but 10% of the government budget is going to migrants.
	I mean, yeah, they're going to bring it down.
	Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it's going to be a soft landing.
	But no, the government is going to run out of money.
	And generally, when governments start to run out of money, they provoke a war.
	And then people will accept the kind of privations in war that they wouldn't accept in peacetime.
	And what will happen is...
	Men will suddenly become valuable in society again because all the women in the military will get pregnant rather than go to war, or at least a lot of them will.
	And so men will suddenly become enormously valuable during this time of conflict and the balance will swing too far to the other side.
	But I think men are smart and alert enough now to say, sure, we'll go fight, but not for free.
	We'll go fight, but we're not fighting to return society to what it was before, as I've recently said.
	We kind of don't have to lift a finger to have things change.
	Things will change if they're on accord.
	I think what we can do is raise our voices so that we know what caused us to fail and what we are fighting to restore, which cannot be the same system that caused us to fail.
	I would agree.
	All right.
	Well, thank you for taking my call.
	I greatly appreciate it.
	You're welcome.
	A great pleasure to chat.
	And you're welcome back anytime, Rachel.
	Thank you.
	Take care.
	All right.
	Well, up next is Gustav.
	He wrote in and said, Stefan described men who held their emotions and problems for themselves as ghosts.
	He said that once he was one because it was the only way to deal with his childhood.
	He also said that being a ghost will destroy you in the long run.
	And so my question is, how does a person break out of being a ghost and start to fully live again?
	That's from Gustav.
	Well, hey Gustav, how you doing?
	Hello Stefan, do you hear me?
	I can, how you doing?
	I'm fine.
	You sound startled.
	Well, how to begin...
	That's up to you.
	Well, it's interesting that you talked about people not being happy like some minutes ago.
	Well, in my case, I think it began when I was like 12 and basically slowly Escalate, but it's always in waves and it doesn't seem to...
	Sorry, do you mean your unhappiness began at that time?
	Yeah, it began at that time.
	Because I was bullied for a year, but then after that I was never bullied, but after that I've always, for some reason, I don't know exactly why, but I've just had a difficult time to connect to people.
	I think it's because when I was bullied, okay, it was like this.
	We had those two classes in which we shared, we did a sport together with another class.
	And when we were about to shower, the shower is like a metal casket or what do you say, that is stuck to the wall.
	Do you know it?
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yes.
	Yeah, so, always when I entered the shower, the guys would smash the metal caskets and shout my name, kill, and then my name.
	So, kill Gustav, kill Gustav, kill Gustav, when I stood in the shower.
	My way to deal with it was to always basically shut the system down when I entered.
	And it feels like I have carried it with me ever since.
	And I never talked to anyone about it except for a friend just a week ago.
	Sorry Gustaf, you said you'd carried it with you, but what have you carried with you?
	It's the shutting down.
	I try to repress my feelings, never be vulnerable.
	Do you understand?
	I do.
	Were your friends or your former friends involved in this kind of teasing or was it kids you didn't know?
	No, it was the other class which we did the sports together with.
	So it was never them, but they never said anything.
	I never talked about it with them.
	It was like we ignored it.
	And I never told my parents because I didn't want to hurt them because I have a brother which Also was bullied.
	I didn't want them to feel pain.
	You didn't want your parents to feel pain?
	Yeah.
	Do you think that they would feel pain if they had known that you had been bullied but hadn't talked to them about it?
	Yes.
	So your story about why you were...
	When you're that age, you don't think like that.
	No, no, no.
	Don't give me the age.
	No, no, no.
	Listen.
	Gustav, there are children who are not bullied because if those children are bullied, they will go to their parents and their parents will go to the teacher and their parents will raise holy hell until the bullies are dealt with and their parents will go over to the bully's parents' house and those kids don't get bullied.
	So the fact is that you radiated, I would imagine, you radiated a sense of parental detachment.
	It is the younger, weaker zebras who are separated from the herd who are eaten first by the lions.
	And so the bullies would have instinctually known that you would not tell your parents and that's why they bullied you.
	So the separation of intimacy and contact with your parents came before and probably caused The bullying.
	Because the bullies are experts at knowing which child is separated emotionally from the parents and that's who they pounce on.
	And I think that's because my brother had so much problems in school and in life that But that's part of the same thing, because your brother...
	Yeah, but he was not ignored.
	They knew all about his problems.
	And what did they do to solve his problems?
	Not very much, because they didn't succeed.
	Well, you were part of the family.
	What practical steps did your parents take to deal with the issue of bullying of your brother?
	Older brother, I assume.
	No, younger.
	Oh, younger?
	And he was bullied before you were bullied?
	Yeah, exactly.
	Sorry, did he go to the same school?
	Yes.
	Sorry to interrupt.
	He didn't attend that school when I was bullied in that school.
	It was the second level.
	Word gets around.
	So if you have two siblings, And one sibling is being bullied successfully, everybody knows that the other sibling can also be bullied successfully because they both share the same parents.
	And the ineffectiveness of the parents in dealing with the bullying is transmitted among the bullies, usually very quickly, even if they're at separate schools.
	The bullies say, ah, well, we can bully this kid so we can bully his brother too because they have the same parents.
	Yeah.
	I can't find the connection between the people who bullied my brother.
	In the age of social media, you probably won't be able to.
	So what did your parents do about your brother being bullied?
	I think they talked to the teachers to some extent, but I don't think that they actually solved the problem.
	And I knew they weren't happy with it, all the problems with my brother.
	I remember actually when I was like four years old and my brother began at the kindergarten because my mother had then began to work again and he was like Every time she dropped him off to the kindergarten,
	he had like a 30-minute struggle because of resistance to get to our mother.
	He didn't want to be abandoned by his parents.
	He didn't want to be abandoned by our parents.
	Right, of course.
	And your mother went ahead and did it anyway.
	For 30 minutes, I remember looking at it when I was four.
	Every day, like every day.
	And why did your mother want to go to work rather than raise her children?
	Well, it's Sweden.
	And she is very successful at work.
	That's not what I asked.
	And neither of those is an answer.
	Your mother is a human being with choices, not a flag, right?
	So why did she choose to go to work rather than raise her children?
	She looks down on it, I think, to not work as a woman.
	She looks down on parenting, like parenting is what idiots do, but dropping your screaming child off at daycare is what strong and intelligent and brave women do, who are mothers, is that right?
	Well, the reason I say it is because I Another person, she's a civil engineer, and another woman who attended the education with her, she decided to be a full-time home mom for her own life.
	And my mother was very negative about it when she talks about it.
	Well, hang on a sec, Gustaf.
	I gotta pause you for a sec.
	Sorry to interrupt.
	So you said, originally, you said that your mother went back to work rather than being a mother, because it's Sweden, right?
	In other words, that's what all the women do, right?
	Yeah.
	But your mother had a friend who stayed home, so clearly that's not what all women do, and your mother had an example in her own social circle of a woman who stayed home.
	Yeah, but she disapproved of it, yeah, so it's not, yeah, of course.
	And what did she say about her friend who stayed home?
	Even though she didn't say it explicitly, but you could feel that she looked down upon it because it was unworthy, especially because she had taken an education at the highest level.
	Before she became a mother, a stay-at-home mother.
	So it was, in your mother's view, beneath the woman's capacities to raise children when she could have been...
	Beneath her capacity, and that's why.
	Right.
	So being a mother is a job for retarded people, for people of low intellectual capacity.
	It's sort of like being a garbage collector or a street sweeper or something like it's for idiots to do.
	And your mother's intellect is too lofty and powerful to lower itself to the mere raising of her own children.
	Is that right?
	Well, it's very difficult to say that about my mother because there's a lot of positive things about her.
	So I wouldn't use those words.
	All right.
	How would you phrase it?
	Well, let me help you out a bit.
	So your mother would view me as a loser because I gave up an entrepreneurial career at the highest levels of the software industry.
	In order to be a stay-at-home dad.
	So she would view me as a loser who was vastly underutilizing his wondrous capacity, right?
	Yeah, at least she would say you are not using your full capacity, yes.
	And she also would say that I don't think she can, I don't think she actually believed Her friend actually wanted it, but somehow it's like doing it anyways.
	My mother could not even understand why she would do it.
	Right, because only a mouth-breathing idiot would stay home with children.
	In other words, if you have any intellectual capacity, you wouldn't want to waste it on your own children.
	You would want to set it to work.
	What field did your mother work in, or does your mother work in?
	Well, she's very successful.
	It's in the industry, or industrial industries.
	So she has been...
	Director of development and such at high tech companies.
	Okay, so I mean, I've had that job, so I understand that job very well.
	So she is producing or helping to produce software for people to consume, which is usually obsolete within a year or two.
	But that's been her big contribution to society is to avoid being around her own children, but instead serve software up to customers that becomes obsolete within a year or two.
	Yeah, and also she has been worked as chief operating officer.
	Yep.
	Yep.
	All right.
	So I guess my question is, why would she want to have children?
	If she wants to work rather than be a mother, why would she want to have children?
	Well, she loves us, I think.
	She's a very...
	I think?
	Well, I know.
	She loves us.
	Okay.
	Why she would want to have children?
	Well, isn't that an instinct?
	No, that's not the maternal instinct.
	No, you can't.
	You're giving all these excuses that are environmental, Gustav.
	I mean, well, she's Swedish, therefore she...
	No, she has a friend who stays home.
	Well, there's a maternal instinct.
	No, that's like some guy who sleeps around on his wife saying, well, men like variety.
	It's instinctual.
	It's like, nope.
	You all have a choice, right?
	You're not giving your mother moral agency.
	And for a, I assume, a woman who wants egalitarianism, for women who's probably a feminist, a woman who would not say that you should hold women to a lower standard, should she not have moral agency in what she did?
	Yes.
	Okay, so then stop giving her the excuse of environment and instinct and she made particular choices.
	She's intelligent enough to do what she does in the world.
	So she's intelligent enough to be aware that she's making choices and all you're making, all she made is choices and all you're making are excuses.
	Yes.
	because I know her so well I see my picture is more What do you say?
	There are so many layers and so much...
	Your description of her is so...
	For me, it becomes simplistic and that's why Defender, because it's one side of the coin.
	On the other side.
	No, that's entirely your interpretation.
	If I say your mom went to Atlanta, like, let's say your mom last weekend went to Atlanta, and I say, oh, your mom went to Atlanta, would you immediately say, oh, no, she's been to a whole bunch of other places.
	She hasn't only been to Atlanta.
	She's not just one person who one time went to Atlanta, and that's all she is.
	You understand?
	That's a defensive reaction to a simple statement of fact that your mom went to Atlanta.
	Yeah.
	You understand?
	Yes, yes.
	Okay, so stop with the defensive crap, because that's how you avoid your feelings.
	I didn't say, all your mother is, is this.
	What I'm saying is, this is what I see on the most relevant aspect of what you told me about your mother.
	But when I say she went to Atlanta, I'm not saying she never went anywhere else.
	I'm just saying she went to Atlanta.
	The defensiveness is your response to that.
	Okay.
	I agree.
	Because what I've heard is your mother has contempt for stay-at-home mothers.
	Your mother feels that it's a job that's far beneath her lofty intellect.
	And your mother dropped off a screaming little boy at a daycare.
	And he spent 30 minutes trying to get her begging her to stay and she left anyway.
	And the other thing that I've heard, Gustav, is she failed to protect your brother and you from being bullied.
	Surely if she has this lofty, powerful intellect, I have no reason to disbelieve you when you say that, if she can be a COO and if she can be a director of this, that, and the other, then surely she can figure out how to protect her kids from bullies.
	I mean, because that's a mom's job.
	And remember, moms are idiots.
	It takes like 2% of her brain power to be a mom, so she wouldn't want to lower herself to that.
	But one thing moms are pretty good at It's protecting their children from being bullied.
	So if your mom's so smart and parenting is so retarded, why couldn't she do a basic job of parenting and protect you from being bullied?
	But it was my decision to not tell her.
	And why would I do that?
	But if you have so...
	Hang on, hang on.
	If you have...
	So much respect for your mother.
	Then why would you not tell her when you were in pain?
	When you were scared?
	When you were going through a year of emotionally scarring abuse that hurts you deeply to this day?
	Why wouldn't you tell her?
	You say, well, I didn't want to cause her pain.
	But that is...
	Mothering your mother like she's an infant.
	Like you don't tell kids that daddy lost his job because they're four and they can't comprehend it.
	You're treating your mother as some kind of infant in that situation.
	You're working to try and protect her when her damn job is to protect you.
	So on the one side, Gustav, you give me this portrayal of your mother as this uber-randian hero who's able to leap tall intellectual mountains with a single bound.
	But on the other hand, she's like an infant that you have to protect her from any negative...
	Experiences you're having because you don't want her to have any pain.
	Understand, these two visions of your mother are antithetical.
	If your mother is a big, strong, powerful intellect, then telling her you're being bullied because she loves you and cares about you and wants you to be safe, telling her you're being bullied should be about as difficult as asking her what two and two make in math.
	So my question is, why didn't you tell her?
	Because I saw that they didn't succeed in helping my brother, so I figured the only thing I will achieve by telling them is causing them pain, because they can't help me.
	Alright, why didn't they succeed with your brother?
	Because remember, parenting is for idiots.
	Because they're not aggressive enough.
	Oh no.
	Listen, I'll tell you this.
	No, no, no, no.
	Gustav, I tell you this.
	I have been an executive at software companies.
	Nobody gets to the top who's not aggressive.
	I'm telling you that right now, without a doubt, especially if she's female, if there's any residual skepticism about that.
	So there's absolutely no doubt that your mother is aggressive.
	That you cannot get past me.
	Okay.
	Well, my father is absolutely not aggressive.
	I'm talking about your mother.
	No, no.
	Now you're switching topics because you don't like where it's going.
	So let's go back to your mother.
	Why was your mother not able to deal with a very simple parenting task called protecting your children from bullies?
	Well, I don't know exactly how they handled the situation with their brother.
	I only know that they failed.
	Okay, why did they accept failure in this arguably more important task than getting the next version of the software out or getting the next promotion?
	Why did they fail to protect their children from emotionally damaging and scarring bullies?
	Because you do things till they work.
	Parenting is like a marathon.
	And if you're training for a marathon, you don't go out once and say, well, I didn't do the 26.2 miles or whatever it is, so I'm just going to give up.
	You try things till they work.
	You do things till they work.
	You don't take no for an answer.
	You don't just give up.
	You don't just abandon your children to bullies.
	You keep working at the problem until you solve it.
	And that's how your mother became successful as an executive.
	She didn't just say, well, I tried one thing one time or I tried two things three times and they just didn't work.
	So I just gave up and we're not going to release the software.
	I mean, if she tried that in her business life, what would have happened?
	Fired?
	Yeah, she'd have been fired.
	Or she at least would have been demoted, or at least she wouldn't have got the next promotion.
	Because at work, you succeed by doing it till it works.
	You know, how many takes do I have to make of certain of my videos?
	It's insane.
	I do it till it's right.
	You do it till it works.
	So your mom had a problem.
	My kids are being bullied.
	She's already said that parenting is...
	What idiots do, basically.
	So if she can't solve a problem that idiots do, how smart is she?
	Or does she just not care enough to pursue the solution to the problem until it works?
	Now, she's willing to do that at work for anonymous customers who she'll never, ever interact with again.
	Probably, certainly not after she retires.
	So she's willing to do something until it works for anonymous customers in the business world But her own flesh and blood who are being traumatized?
	Emotionally scarred possibly for life?
	Does she just try...
	I made a couple of phone calls and then I gave up.
	Come on.
	Come on.
	You can't expect me to take that at all seriously.
	They probably ignored it to some extent.
	Okay, so why?
	That's the question.
	I mean, if you want to know how you get your feelings back, in my opinion, this is how.
	You have to answer this question.
	Because you were, and your brother were, abandoned to bullies, unprotected, unhelped by your parents whose job it is to keep you safe.
	That's the job.
	And they failed at their job.
	And you're scarred, and your brother is scarred as a result.
	So, why did they fail at their job of keeping you safe?
	They didn't have the will to do it.
	No, you're just giving me synonyms.
	Why did they do it?
	Because they didn't do it.
	That's tautological.
	It answers nothing.
	They have will because they've succeeded in their careers, or at least your mother does.
	Your mother has will, she has drive, she has ambition, she has tenacity.
	She continues to work at problems.
	She probably worked all night sometimes.
	She probably worked all weekend sometimes for vanity, promotions, money, and strangers.
	How about her own flesh and blood?
	See, parenting is so easy.
	So it should be far easier to solve a parenting or family or child problem like bullying than it is to do this lofty intellectual work she's doing for corporations.
	Why didn't she make it her number one priority to solve the problem with bullying of her children, which was emotionally scarring them possibly for life?
	Why was it not a priority?
	Too painful? - Wonderful.
	Thank you.
	Are you asking me or telling me?
	I don't know because I didn't know your mom.
	That could be it.
	Does your mother have no capacity to overcome obstacles?
	I mean, when she's tired, does she just say, well, I'm not going to work, I don't feel like it?
	When she doesn't feel like doing something, does she just not do it?
	No, she does it.
	Of course she does.
	I know that because she got to the top of her profession and getting to the top of your profession means pushing through when you don't feel like doing something.
	You know, I've had to do shows with headaches and lights in my eyes when I'm exhausted.
	I've had to do speeches on no sleep.
	I mean, you just get up and do it because it's a priority.
	So the idea that it was too painful or she didn't feel like it or didn't want to or there was some negative experience doing it, not the answer because she did it in her career.
	She had no capacity to do that anywhere.
	Maybe that would be the beginning of an answer, but it's not even close because she overcame her obstacles in her career.
	She just didn't do it to protect her children.
	Why?
	Do you know the answer or are you just waiting for me to...
	Yes, I know the answer.
	Do you want the answer?
	Yes.
	Because she didn't care.
	Didn't care enough.
	Wasn't a priority.
	Because her customers would cause her trouble and her bosses would get upset with her and her customers and her bosses have power over her because she's ambitious.
	So they have the choice to say yes or no to her, to keep her on or to fire her, to promote her or to not, to give her a bonus or not.
	So because they have power over her, she makes their needs a very high priority.
	Do you understand?
	Yes.
	Now?
	You and your brother.
	Do you have power over your mother?
	Can you inflict negative consequences on her in the way that her bosses and her customers can?
	Of course not.
	Not enough.
	Of course not.
	Of course not.
	So you couldn't impact her life negatively, so you get no priority.
	She saves all of her high priorities To people who can impact her negatively, like her bosses and customers.
	Customers complain and bosses can fire you.
	So you weren't a problem.
	She didn't care.
	Because she would suffer no negative consequences from you being bullied.
	but she could suffer negative consequences from failing to deliver at work.
	So they get her attention.
	They get her priority.
	They get her willpower.
	They get her tenacity and you get nothing.
	At least at this instance.
	Yes.
	Thank you.
	And today, the only thing I can talk to about with my mother is work.
	Her work.
	So the next question is...
	That's the only thing you can talk about.
	Of course, of course.
	I understand.
	So the next question, Gustav, and I appreciate you hanging in there, and this is tough, I know, but the next question is...
	Why did she suffer no negative emotional consequences knowing that her children were being bullied?
	Well, in my case, she doesn't even know.
	Oh my god, Gustav.
	Oh my god.
	You are a handful, you know that?
	What?
	You are a handful, which means that you are a tough person to have a conversation with, and I like that.
	I do.
	Because it makes me work, and I never want to be I'm going through the motions in these conversations.
	Okay, Gustav, let me tell you something.
	Before you were bullied, were you relatively happy?
	Or happier?
	Yeah, I would say so.
	Okay.
	So then you've got people chanting, kill Gustav, kill Gustav, right?
	And you're going through this bullying for a year.
	Gustav, do you think that being bullied had any effect on your emotions?
	Yes.
	I think I said it in the beginning that...
	I know.
	I know it does.
	And that was a rhetorical question.
	I just wanted to bring you up to speed with this line of reasoning.
	Now...
	Do you think it would be possible for someone who wasn't you...
	but who loved and cared about you and knew you intimately, do you think it would have been possible, even if you hadn't told them what was happening, do you think it would have been possible for someone to know that something was wrong in your life?
	Yes.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	Okay, good, good.
	So someone who knows and loves you, We'll know that your life is being turned into a big bucket of venomous misery by bullies.
	Because you're unhappy.
	Because you're unresponsive.
	Because you don't want to go to work or school.
	Because you're not sleeping.
	Because you're not eating.
	Because you're stressed.
	Because you're pale.
	Because you're unwell.
	Because you're low energy.
	Because you're lethargic.
	Because you're depressed.
	Because you're anxious.
	Because you withdraw from socializing.
	Because whatever!
	The signs of trauma in children are not hard to read.
	So when you keep saying, well, she didn't know, bullshit.
	A. It's her job to know.
	And B. If she knew and didn't ask, she's fully culpable.
	She's culpable either way.
	If she didn't even know that you being bullied into a state of depression that's lasted somewhat to this day, if I understand you correctly, if your mother didn't know that your life was being impacted negatively by vicious verbal abuse for a year, I don't even know what to say.
	That is a level of disconnectedness from your children I can't even fathom.
	I don't even know what to call that.
	That literally is like you getting an arm chopped off and saying, well, my mother never noticed.
	Come on, she's not a nurse.
	Now, if she knew that something was wrong but never asked you about it, it's because she doesn't care.
	Of course.
	I mean, if your child is being hurt, and you can see that the child is being hurt, and you don't even ask the child if anything is wrong, it's because you don't give a shit.
	Or it's inconvenient.
	Or the child has no power to inflict negative consequences, so you don't care.
	Or you don't want to feel pain.
	You don't want to what?
	If she sees that you're feeling bad, And confronts it, she will also feel pain.
	But if she doesn't confront it, the pain is at least at the lower level.
	Do you understand what I mean?
	Hang on, what you're saying is that if she ignores you being hurt, it doesn't impact her negatively?
	Well, I'm saying that if she would confront it and actually deal with it, it would be more painful.
	Right.
	Okay, let's say that that's true.
	Let's say that that's true.
	So what she's choosing is your pain over her pain.
	She wants you to feel pain so she doesn't have to feel pain.
	She wants you, a child who's still in the process of developing, to go through a year of trauma and bullying and abuse, which has scarred him to this day.
	She wants you to go through all of that So she doesn't have to deal with the problem.
	Because the fact that she didn't want to feel any discomfort in finding out that you were bullied means that you got to get bullied more and more and more!
	Yes.
	Do you think that's good parenting?
	It's supposed to be children first!
	Sorry?
	It's non-parenting.
	It's what?
	Non-existent parenting.
	No, no, no.
	It's not.
	No, that's not true.
	It's anti-parenting.
	You see, if someone's drowning in a lake, and there are lots of people all taking their clothes off to go and jump in and swim and save this guy, and I say to everyone, stand back!
	I am a bronze medal certified lifeguard!
	And I swim out to the guy and just watch him drown.
	Is that non-saving?
	No, that's anti-saving.
	Because you can't be a non-parent if you're a parent.
	Because it's your job and it's nobody else's job to keep your kids safe.
	That's your job.
	If I say, Gustav, give me this essential letter and I will mail it for you, and then I just set fire to it and burn it and don't tell you, that's worse than me just saying I'm too busy, I can't do it, right?
	Because you think it's done and I've taken on the responsibility of doing it, which means if I fail to do it, that's just, that's not not delivering your letter.
	That's preventing your letter from being delivered at all, right?
	Like if you say deliver this letter and I say no, you can just go somewhere else and someone else can deliver the letter or you can do it yourself.
	It still gets done.
	But if I say I'm going to do it and then I don't do it, your letter never gets delivered.
	That's not not delivering the letter.
	That's anti-delivering the letter.
	Does that make sense?
	So your mother does not have the option to not parent.
	She just preferred dealing with people at work and serving their needs than keeping her children safe from trauma.
	Choices.
	She's a big girl.
	She's a smart woman.
	And these are the choices.
	She knew you were being bullied.
	She knew you were miserable.
	Or she knew you were miserable about something.
	She knew that she had failed to protect your brother, and she didn't ask the whole time.
	Because, listen, how old were you when you were being bullied in this way?
	12.
	12, okay.
	So you are still like 15 years from brain adulthood.
	You're a toddler, basically, as far as brain development goes.
	So you're 12 years old.
	and I can tell you this as a father my daughter is very verbal as you can imagine but she cannot identify and articulate problems that she's having of course not any more than she can do calculus hell most adults can't even do that that's why we're talking but as a 12 year old you are not able to identify and articulate the
	issues that you're having because what you're saying is well I never told her like it's your job to tell her it's not your job to tell your mother the difficulties that you're having because you functionally can't do it at the age of 12.
	it's her job to realize that something's wrong sit down with you and talk with you until you can figure out what's happened and she can until she can figure out what's happened and then And that can be a lengthy conversation.
	It may be more than one conversation.
	But you keep having it.
	I know when my daughter's upset and I sit down with her and we talk about it until we figure out what's going on.
	It's not her job to plumb the depths of her soul and dredge up her issues and tell them to be neatly packaged.
	Hell, if she could do that, she'd be out in the world by now.
	Right?
	I mean, they're children.
	She's a child.
	You were a kid.
	It's your mother's job, not yours.
	To figure out what's wrong in your life, help you explain it, help you understand it.
	And it was her job to fix it.
	All on her, none on you.
	Because you keep telling me, well, I didn't tell her.
	Like, that was your job.
	It wasn't.
	It was her job.
	And she failed.
	Repeatedly.
	And she's failed every single day since, Gustav.
	Because every single day, she knows that you're not as happy as you were before you were bullied.
	Every single day, she knows that you're not talking about your feelings, or not expressing your feelings.
	Every single day, she knows that.
	And every single day, all she wants to talk about is work.
	The failure stretches from that day to this, to tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, which creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time.
	So the question becomes, how do I, I use the word ghost, which I believe you used at an earlier podcast.
	Thank you.
	And how do you break out?
	Being a ghost.
	You know what struck me?
	No, sorry, that's a rhetorical question.
	What struck me, Gustav, is that you're talking about ghosting, and ghost is what happens after you're dead, right?
	And what did the boys chant at you at school?
	Kill.
	Kill.
	Kill, Gustav, kill.
	But now you're talking about being a ghost.
	In other words...
	They did.
	Yeah, one part of me.
	Right.
	At least buried in me.
	It comes out sometimes.
	It came out two days ago, but...
	And I want that part.
	Of course they didn't kill you, right?
	I mean...
	But you know what ghosts do, according to legend?
	What ghosts do, Gustav, is they hang around and haunt the scene of the crime until the criminal is apprehended.
	You've heard that story, right?
	Yeah.
	And that's what I'm talking about and have been talking about with you the whole time we're talking.
	That the ghost is hanging around the scene of the crime until the criminal is identified.
	Okay.
	So confronting...
	my mom.
	Or do you mean the bullies?
	I view the bullies, while tragic and nasty, I view the bullies as a symptom.
	You know, if the elephant breaks its leg, the jackals will come.
	But the jackals are a symptom of the broken leg, because the jackals cannot take down an elephant in its prime.
	All they'll become is jackals squished between the giant gray toes, right?
	It's the lack of connection between you and your mother, in my opinion.
	It's the lack of connection between you and your mother that brought the bullies on.
	And what the bullies did was they exposed the lack of connection between you and your mother.
	And like all good little boys, you viewed the lack of connection between you and your mother as your fault.
	And this is why When I point out your mother's moral agency as an adult who chose to have children, who's very smart by her own standards, and it should be very easy for her to deal with the brain-dead operations known as mere parenting, I'm pointing out repeatedly against your resistance, which is your mother, right?
	You haven't yet shown up much in the conversation.
	All I'm doing is talking to your mother.
	But I'm merely pointing out That to be a feminist means at the very least to treat women as equal to men and men as equal to women.
	And this is why I do not withdraw moral agency for women and I do not make excuses for women and I treat them as full moral agents just like they wanted.
	Right?
	Women all want to be treated as equals.
	They want to be full moral agents, full responsibility, full moral agency.
	Well, welcome to what full moral agency looks like, ladies.
	And if you don't like it, too bad.
	It's too late to go back.
	So, it wasn't your fault that you were bullied.
	It was your mother's fault.
	And again, we could talk about your dad, but we're just really focusing on your mom because she's the one who came up.
	It's your mother's fault.
	She failed you.
	She failed you because of her own selfish preferences, because of her own avoidance of that which is uncomfortable.
	Yeah, of course it's uncomfortable.
	Of course it's uncomfortable to deal with things that are uncomfortable.
	I get that.
	So what?
	So what?
	It's uncomfortable to be told you're an evil sexist patriarch your whole damn life.
	Nobody gives a shit about men about that.
	The fact that women are saying, well, it's uncomfortable.
	I don't care.
	I'll treat you the way you've treated me.
	I treat people the best I can.
	First time I meet them after that, I treat them like they treat me.
	It's your mother's fault.
	Your mother made terrible, selfish, bad decisions.
	I'm not saying in her whole life, and I'm just talking about going to Atlanta.
	I'm just talking about this particular instance where she fails to protect her children from bullies, and her children are traumatized And it become a ghost, in your words, as a result.
	That is very, very bad parenting.
	That is a very, very terrible, selfish decision that has had multi-year, more than a decade of ramifications for you.
	And it's 100% her responsibility, 100% her decision, 100% her fault.
	None.
	Nothing to do with you.
	The reason that you didn't go to your mother, Gustav, if you want the boldest truth I can provide, the reason you didn't go to your mother is you did not want to be exposed to how little she cared.
	You did not want to be exposed to how little a priority or how low a priority you were for her.
	You didn't want to go and beg her for help and have her wander off Because she got an email.
	Because you did not want to have the lack of connection that you saw when she dropped off your screaming brother to daycare.
	You did not want to have that lack of connection exposed.
	The reason you didn't go to your mother was to protect her from the pain that you would experience of her not caring, of her not acting, of her being distracted from your issues, of her failing to protect you.
	We do everything in our power as children to maintain our parents' good opinion of us.
	And to do that, we must do everything within our power to maintain our good opinion of our parents.
	And we avoid going to them with problems which will cause them to fail us.
	Because that is even worse than the bullying.
	So, again, back to the question, how to break it?
	How do you see a confront?
	Well, I, you know, my personal, I mean, I don't like telling anyone what to do, so I'm not going to.
	It's not, it just doesn't work.
	But what I would say is that going to talk to a counselor, a good counselor, maybe even a man, might be a good idea, and not A kaktak, the yin-yang Swedish pseudo-man, but like a real man.
	You know, somebody with a Viking helmet or something.
	Going to talk to a man or at least a good therapist about this would be very helpful.
	Yeah, I mean, I think it would be a good idea to talk to your mom about this kind of stuff, but I'm not sure that I'd do it right away.
	I mean, I've had a little bit of a tangle with your mom.
	She's tough, and I'm not her kid.
	I've got the proxy boob going on and it's a helmet.
	But yeah, journaling, keeping track of your dreams.
	Nathaniel Brandon and John Bradshaw have a bunch of sentence completion exercises and books and so on.
	You've got a lot of anger.
	You've got, in my opinion, a lot of betrayal and a lot of reasons to be angry because you've experienced a significant amount of betrayal.
	Children, Gain security by knowing that they are number one in their parents' lives.
	That their parents will move mountains and do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
	Dealing with bullying, well, you deal with it until it's fixed.
	And of course, I assume this was a government school, which means that the government schools have no interest.
	In protecting the children.
	I mean, imagine this.
	Imagine you go to a restaurant and get bullied by the waiter.
	What would happen?
	The waiter would be fired because it would ban publicity.
	Yeah.
	You would never ever have to deal with that problem again.
	And of course you should go to school And if you have sufficient evidence of verbal abuse and emotional bullying, the child should be suspended until they've completed a course of family therapy.
	Gone, gone, gone.
	I imagine that's what a private school would do.
	You know, maybe if the waiter is a great waiter and completes anger management and whatever, whatever, maybe they get a second shot.
	Of course, bullies should be removed from schools.
	Of course they should.
	Yeah, and a public school victim is moved instead.
	Oh yeah, the victim is blamed, of course, because it's the victim who's causing the problem, right?
	Yeah, moved to another school as well.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because, and this is all just everybody seeking to minimize their own discomfort.
	Because the child who is bullied is generally more sensitive, generally more intelligent, and generally has no Strong connection with the parents, so the parents aren't going to become difficult.
	But you confront the bully's parents, and you know the bully's parents are bullies, so they're going to make your life difficult.
	And so we subsidize bullying in our society.
	And so in a free market environment, bullying would be dealt with very quickly, and the parents of bullies Would accrue the negative consequences of the bullying because they would not be able to find a school to put their bullying children in until the bullying was fixed.
	And that would mean changing parental habits and family therapy and they'd have to pay for that and they'd have to take time off work until they could get their kid in school and their kid would be falling behind.
	So they would move whatever mountains they could to fix the problem.
	But right now it's all covered up and subsidized because everybody's trying to just gain five more minutes a piece, right?
	Yeah, exactly.
	No one owns the school, so it's no problem.
	No, they get paid either way.
	I mean, if the restaurant gets paid whether or not you get bullied, they're not going to confront the bully.
	Why?
	Nobody likes to confront bullies.
	That's why bullies get away with shit.
	Let me ask you this, Gustav.
	Thank you.
	Do you like being a man in Sweden?
	Man in Sweden, there is a lot of things I don't like to be when it comes to...
	Specifically being a man...
	Well, we are not appreciated in any way.
	It's not just not appreciated, right?
	Yeah, we are privileged.
	That's like the non-parenting thing.
	Aren't you actively attacked and blamed for just about every social ill?
	Yeah, for instance, at work, I quit that job because I sat in the same room as a hardcore feminist.
	And she said the only reason I had a job was because I was a white male.
	So I couldn't...
	And then at another occasion, this was before Donald Trump became...
	A contender for the Republican nomination.
	But we were eating lunch, and his name came up.
	And I didn't know much about him at that time.
	But I said, I think he's a funny person.
	And then she looked at me and said, so you think sexism and racism is funny?
	So she said and looked at me.
	So those two events...
	Concluded that I left the job.
	You can't be in...
	You have to live environments with those kinds of people.
	But, for instance, when you work, if you're an employee at a normal Swedish company, you can't basically have an opinion that is anti-feminist or anti the immigration system.
	It's very, very politically correct.
	What happens if you do?
	Like if you say, well, I'm not sure these migrants is a very good idea in the long run and maybe too much.
	They will do it.
	Well, for instance, take that with Trump.
	That's what they do.
	She called me a sexist and a racist because I said, I think Trump is funny.
	And that was before he even started his campaign.
	So you're verbally abused if you even say anything like that.
	Right.
	And you could get fired, right?
	Yeah.
	Or like me, in my case I left by myself because it was not pleasant.
	You can't work in the same room as a person who says the only reason you have the job is because you're a white male.
	You're privileged.
	No, no.
	I mean, it certainly is tough.
	Even though when I decided to quit, everyone else said I was one of the best that had done that work.
	And of course, if you were to go to complain, if you were to go to complain to say that this woman is saying that I only have a job because I'm a white male, which is offensive to me, What would happen?
	Well, the other males are so feckless, so I wouldn't want to deal with it either.
	So you would end up being in trouble probably, right?
	Probably because she would lie constantly and she has no moral.
	She will just make stuff up, I guess.
	Yeah, and any conflict between the man and the feminist, the women will flock to the feminist in general, and the men will white knight.
	Yeah, and because she has no moral, she can use any tactic she wants.
	And I would never do that.
	If she's a victim, so she has no standards.
	It's an uneven battle.
	I can't win it.
	Yeah.
	So the only way to live...
	For me in Sweden, in the future, because I'm a student last year now, is to have my own company.
	My own company.
	And, yeah, you can't bring a penis to a state fight.
	I mean, these days it doesn't work.
	So, you have some significantly negative aspects of being a man in Sweden, right?
	Yeah, you can't have a man in Sweden who has distinct opinions.
	And take space.
	That's very negative.
	That's threatening to a lot of people.
	It's insane.
	So let me ask you this.
	Imagine, Gustav, that you are walking in the woods.
	And you see this feminist Up there, marching in her pear-shaped, comfortable-shoed fashion through the woods.
	Let's pretend it's a feminist exercise.
	And she is sat upon by a bear.
	What would you do?
	Nothing.
	Right.
	And that's why there's a migrant crisis.
	Because what do you mean?
	Thank you.
	I'm not blaming you.
	I'm not saying it's your fault.
	That's why there's a migrant crisis.
	Because, I think, you said the feminist, right?
	Yeah.
	Not just a normal person, the feminist.
	Yeah, because I don't want to short-circuit you by asking if your mother was being attacked by a bear, so we'll just make the other feminist the stand-in.
	Okay.
	That's why there's a migrant crisis.
	Because the women have become so unappealing that men don't want to defend them.
	Because women have become so negative, bitchy, and hostile.
	Or, if they're not doing it, they're standing idly by while the man gets mauled by the ninth wave feminist daemon from hell.
	That life...
	Men exist to protect women.
	Men exist to protect women.
	Society survive.
	Why?
	Because men want to protect women.
	We want them to be comfortable, so we invent air conditioning.
	We want them to be dry, so we make roofs.
	We want them to be warm, so we make fire.
	We want them to be moving comfortably, so we build cars.
	We want to keep them safe, so we get our eyeballs blown out by shrapnel.
	Society exists.
	Technology exists.
	Comfort exists.
	Civilization exists.
	Art and music and movies exist.
	Because we want to save and please and woo and win women.
	And now that is eroding.
	Well, now women have married the state and men are their slaves.
	Slaves don't fight to keep the civilization.
	Tax cattle don't fight to keep the farm going.
	Men are tragically bereft of women they love enough to save.
	Mm-hmm.
	And women can shit all over men all they want.
	And what they do is they erode the man's desire to protect the women.
	And ladies, I'll tell you this.
	You have been around nice men for so long that you think you can treat all men in the world this way?
	Let me tell you something, ladies.
	There are men coming to your neighborhood you won't be able to bully.
	And then, you know what I'm talking about, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	The 85 IQ immigrant crisis.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, a bunch of Muslim men.
	They got a big bag of stones for mouthy and abusive women.
	And let me tell you something about stoning, ladies.
	Quran explicitly says, make it slow.
	Don't use rocks so big that the woman dies immediately.
	Take your time.
	Make it a languid exercise in slow, tortuous death.
	And so, it is the most tragic thing Of all circumstances, I don't know if you've ever felt this in your life, Gustav.
	I know I have.
	That nice people finish last.
	And Western men are really, really nice.
	Western, white, European men, really, really nice.
	Just had a long chat with a Swedish lady about this, so we're going to publish that probably next week.
	And don't you just hate the idea that being nice means you just get bullied and pushed around?
	Thank you.
	That being nice and conciliatory and caring about and being sensitive, that that just sets you up as a big target to be pushed around and bullied.
	Well, Western men have put up with it for a little over two generations now.
	And what's happened is there is this village, this campsite in a very, very dangerous jungle.
	And men, and it has been men, men have worked very hard to build moats and to build traps and to build walls to keep the women of the camp who cannot fight the predators in the jungle to keep the women in the camp safe.
	And as a result of their safety and security, the women have grown lazy and abusive.
	And now they think that the whole world is safe.
	The jungle is safe.
	The shock-infested oceans are safe.
	The volcanoes are safe.
	The hot springs are safe.
	The geysers are safe.
	The cliff edges are safe because they've been in a safe and secure bubble of masculine security for a long time.
	And they're sitting on their squalid fats body behinds munching grapes and screaming at the men.
	And calling them assholes and patriarchs and lazy, entitled cisgender scum.
	Not all the women.
	There are a few women who are whispering it's not the way it should be, but most women are not doing much of anything about it, just letting the men get brutalized.
	And they say, we don't need men.
	The world is safe.
	Everything is safe.
	Why, we haven't seen a predator here in 60 years.
	Haven't seen any lions or tigers.
	Haven't seen a single bear for 60...
	I think they're a myth.
	I don't think there are any bears out there.
	The only bears, the only predators are these men.
	And the men say, well, you know, we just built this whole thing to keep you all safe.
	No, you are the predators.
	You are the meanie pops.
	There are no predators out there.
	You guys are the predators.
	You assholes.
	And we better keep boys away from men.
	Because there's a patriarchy, ladies.
	We gotta keep these boys away from men.
	We gotta break the spines of men.
	We gotta divorce men.
	We gotta cast them out.
	And the women will raise the men now.
	And that way, we'll be totally and completely safe.
	Because we won't have any warriors.
	We won't have anybody patrolling the outskirts.
	We won't have anybody maintaining the walls.
	We won't have anybody filling up the moats.
	We won't have anybody checking the traps are working.
	We'll have the women raise the men so we won't have any warriors and that way we'll be totally safe.
	And this is what happens generation after generation.
	The men are castigated, the men are snarled, the men are broken down, the men are insulted, the men are scorned, the men are broken, humiliated, abused, unprotected.
	But the problem is Nobody's maintaining the defenses of the camp.
	And the animals that prowl around keep testing the boundaries.
	They keep snuffling up against the fence and they keep testing the waters and they keep touching the traps gingerly to see if they're still working because they're hungry and there's some pretty pear-shaped meat in that camp.
	You should see they have these videos online.
	They're kind of funny, kind of not.
	And the videos are, you see a little baby sitting up against the glass wall of a lion or a tiger cage.
	The baby's just sitting there gurgling away, usually facing away from the lion or the tiger.
	And the lion comes creeping up and leaps at the baby and thumps against the glass and, you know, opens his mouth and is trying to eat the baby's head and is scratching and trying to get the baby to eat it.
	Because I bet you that's pretty delectable for a lion.
	But it can't.
	And the reason it's funny to some degree and not god-awful and horrifying is because there's an inch or two of plexiglass between the lion and the baby built by men.
	And what's happening now is the predators are breaking through the defenses.
	it's.
	Thank you.
	Because nobody's maintaining the defenses.
	We don't need it.
	There are no predators.
	The only predators are the men.
	And it's okay because we've kept all the young men away from any of the elder men who have any memory of combat or protection.
	So none of the martial practices, none of the defense practices, none of the...
	And the women have become so unappealing that the men don't even want to save them!
	And here come the predators!
	And what do the women say?
	Oh.
	Oh.
	Oh?
	Oh, okay.
	It's no problem.
	Hey, don't worry, ladies.
	We've treated them like shit for two generations.
	We've pillaged them.
	We've stolen their money.
	We've imprisoned them with false accusations.
	We've taken their alimony and their child support.
	We've divorced them.
	We've said they're all rapists and scum and patriarchs.
	But don't worry, ladies.
	All we'll do is we're going to shame them in defending us now.
	But here's the funny thing about shame.
	Shame doesn't work if you don't accept the premise.
	So when these predators coming through, and no, I'm not talking about that Nashville hockey team, when the predators come through, the women are all going to hoist themselves off their gender studies hammocks, and they're going to scream at the men, man up!
	Protect us!
	Save us!
	We need you!
	But they're not going to admit they need you, actually.
	They probably won't even say that.
	A real man would save us!
	Real men?
	Everything that you now need, ladies, is exactly what you have been abusing and condemning and attacking and brutalizing for the past couple of generations.
	And ladies, If you want to be saved, you might want to be a little bit more complimentary to men.
	You know, if I'm asking someone to lay down his life for me, I don't think it's wise to call him an asshole at the same time.
	Save me from these bad men, you bad men!
	Save me from these rapists, you rape culture patriarchs!
	No! No!
	No!
	No!
	Thank you.
	And all that's left is bones and fat lions.
	And that's why there's a migrant crisis.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	And I apologize for insulting the lions.
	You wouldn't take a bullet for these people, would you?
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	No.
	No.
	No, you wouldn't.
	And thus it ends.
	Why would you want to protect a woman who never protected you?
	Thank you.
	Why would you want to protect women who only use the security you provide to attack you?
	And there's only one solution.
	And it's not pretty.
	Would you like to hear the solution?
	Yes, of course.
	Now, everyone is going to take what I say next out of context.
	I'm going to tell you that up front.
	And I'm only going to presage this by saying that many of my most influential intellectual mentors have been women.
	Alright, so I'm going to put that out up front.
	I'm talking in generalities.
	The only way to save the West at the moment is to change our perspective of the majority of women when it comes to defending society.
	Look, you're not a father, but if you were a father and your child was wandering onto the road, would you say, Ah, he'll learn his lesson.
	No, of course not.
	That would run.
	You'd scoop him up.
	Yeah, you'd scoop him up and say, he's a child.
	You can't let consequences accrue to children.
	Because they know not what they do, right?
	How experienced are women in war?
	How experienced are women in intertribal conflicts?
	How experienced are women in general in the political system?
	I'm talking about the sum total of human evolution as opposed to the last 80 or 60 years or whatever, right?
	And the answer is, almost none.
	They have almost no experience in defense, almost no experience in any of these things, right?
	So when it comes to things like national defense, women are children.
	Because the question is, for a lot of European men, and it's not just in Europe, because they say, ladies, you shit on us for two generations or let other women do it without much protest.
	So, You get what's coming to you.
	We're not going to protect you.
	Reap what you sow.
	Enjoy your new overlords.
	Right?
	You've heard these sentiments, right?
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Which is like saying to your child, well, you wandered into traffic.
	Enjoy being dead.
	Well, that's not good parenting, right?
	And when it comes to things like national defense and protecting civilization from barbarism, women are children.
	There are other areas where women are fantastic and men are like children, but this particular area, which is kind of the important one at the moment, women are children.
	And if we say to the child who's grabbing the big pot of boiling water, oh, the third degree burns will teach him a lesson, that's bad parenting.
	And letting women warble on about multiculturalism and compatibility and national defense and borders and war and guns and...
	I mean...
	It's like listening to a three-year-old tell the plot of Star Wars.
	They may make some funny sounds, but they're not at war.
	So, for European men to say, well, we'll just let the negative consequences accrue to European women and serve them right.
	you're not going to be able to do it.
	Thank you.
	Well, first of all, European men don't get to exist independently of European women, and if Europe goes down, it's not like the men are going to be free.
	But the only way that I can think That men might rouse themselves to the defense is to say, well, boys, let's reason together.
	Let's grab a couple of testicles, shove them under a round table, and talk frankly to each other, for the hour is growing late.
	Boys, we made a big mistake in the West.
	We really did.
	It's terrible.
	We listened to women about war.
	We listen to women about defense.
	We listen to women about danger.
	We let the sentimentality of women overcome the multi-millennial hard-won experience of men who actually have to go to battle.
	Oops!
	We kind of let that one get away with us.
	We wanted to please women.
	We're Western men, so we survived because we're case-elected.
	We have to please women because women got to stay around to raise their kids who are more complex and need more nurturing and more parenting.
	So we naturally have to spend towards pleasing our women and this is what the women say they wanted.
	And we gave them the vote and they took over the state and they got the welfare state and they got all this free stuff because women pay much less in taxes than men do.
	So for them, it was a whole bunch of free stuff and they kind of went nuts like fat kids in a candy store and We kinda let the whole thing just get away, you know?
	We didn't listen to those libertarians who said you need a smaller state.
	We didn't listen to those anarchists who said you need no state.
	We didn't listen to all these people who were inattentive in guarding the hard-won cathedrals of freedom founded on the blood of our ancestors.
	We kinda let women run away with it.
	We let our kids wander near the street.
	Whose fault is that?
	It's the men.
	Yeah.
	Now this takes a certain amount of nutting up that is hard for most men to even conceive of.
	And it takes a certain perspective.
	Listen, women are wonderful.
	Women are fantastic.
	There's nothing to do negative towards women.
	But women are not biologically equipped in any animal species where there is intraspecies predation.
	The females do not guard the tribe.
	It's the men, it's the male monkeys who circle the tribe and the women are focused on raising the kids, gossiping and picking nits out of each other's ass.
	Worst porn ever.
	So, as men, You know, because we like to please women, we kind of let civilization get away from us just a little bit.
	And like women, because we're raised by women, we became frightened of bad words.
	Men regularly insult each other and the reason that we do so is so that we remind ourselves not to be scared of bad words.
	Now women need, evolutionarily, needed the cooperation of other women in their tribe to raise their children.
	And any woman who was ostracized would not have the resources necessary to raise her children.
	Nobody would watch her children.
	Her children could wander off or eat something bad or be grabbed by a lion or whatever.
	So bad words for women are like bullets for men.
	And so because we all ended up raised by women with single mother households or in your case father emotionally absent households and with a predomination of early childhood educators who are women we're all raised by women and so we're all scared of bad words because we all think we have tits and fear.
	And women's susceptibility to bad words is perfectly understandable from an evolutionary standpoint.
	But now men have become scared of bad words.
	Now, to be fair to men, it's bad words with the government behind them a lot of times as well.
	So it's more than just bad words.
	But This is the Donald Trump phenomenon in a nutshell.
	Oh, look!
	A guy has come along who's not scared of bad words.
	Who's not scared of being called all the terrible names you can think of.
	Mike and I did a show today.
	What was that number, Mike?
	76.7?
	Yes, I think 75 or 76.7 million dollars worth of negative advertisements thrown at Trump over the course of this primary.
	Which makes him the male equivalent of Superman.
	You know Superman?
	The bullets just bouncing off his manly Chris Reeve prior to the horseback accident chest?
	So, from a woman's standpoint, women throw verbal abuse at men because verbal abuse is so terrible for women.
	Men joke with each other about verbal abuse to remind each other that they're not bullets.
	So, we're good, right?
	This is why men can have fights and have significant conflicts and then be fine a day or two later.
	Whereas one woman steps on another woman's toes and it's Hatfield versus McCoy's till the end of time.
	And so, we kind of forgot the real danger in the world, which is not the words of women, but the swords of men.
	Because we're raised by women, and this is why men have become so susceptible to verbal abuse, because that's how women operate.
	That's what you use when you're not strong.
	So, Donald Trump, anti-Trump group spent $75.7 million on 64,000 negative ads to take down Trump.
	Thank you.
	This is what is incomprehensible about Trump.
	Is that he's a man who says, eh, people say shit, what can you do?
	This is what people find incomprehensible about me.
	It's potential that there's a negative thing or two about me somewhere out there on the interweb, somewhere out there in the tubes.
	I have a cause that's bigger than bad typing.
	And ooh, negative syllables.
	And Trump was very close to his father, and his father did not spank him.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	And his father trusted him and he loved his father and his father loved him.
	So he has the male invulnerability to harsh language.
	I mean femininity run amok needs hug rooms.
	Right?
	And has hate speech laws.
	Jesus.
	Fucking mental.
	When I was a kid, I don't know what the Swedish equivalent is, but I was a kid, I was always told, sticks and stones can hurt your bones, but words will never harm you.
	Yeah, we don't have to, I think.
	Well, you probably did at some point, you ex-Vikings.
	A shiv through the head can part my hair.
	But you said we would have to overthrow the matriarchy and go back to patriarchy.
	No, see, patriarchy and matriarchy to me is just different spheres of influence.
	We have to go back to freedom.
	We let women, voters, choose security over freedom.
	Because women are programmed to choose security over freedom because children.
	Men are programmed to choose risk over security because risk has the potential within it of gaining more resources with which to get a more attractive, healthier, better mother for your children.
	This is why men spread widely over the IQ spectrum and women don't.
	As Camille Paglia said, the reason why there are no female Mozarts is because there are no female Jack the Rippers.
	Because Men prefer risk to security.
	Because risk has the concomitant or associated rewards of having massive amounts of resources with which you can spread your seed.
	You know, which is why Genghis Khan, well, he went out from time to time.
	Yeah.
	And women prefer security to liberty.
	And these things are great.
	All risk is bad.
	All security is bad.
	All risk is chaos.
	All security is stagnation.
	And because we still have yet to learn the lesson that the government will always destroy society, men gave women the vote.
	And historically, the moment that men could, they did.
	Men gave women the vote.
	The women voted for security over freedom.
	The women lacked the resources to understand the basic math of debt and unfunded liabilities and just grabbed and grabbed and consumed and consumed.
	And society stands at a precipice.
	Is it the fault of women?
	No!
	You give kids lots of candy, they're going to eat lots of candy.
	Do they care about diabetes and toxic liver and tooth decay and obesity?
	No.
	Tastes good.
	Right?
	And we gave women lots of free stuff because we gave them massive benefits with no draft and no requirement that they cover it through taxation.
	Free stuff.
	Free stuff.
	You know, you shake...
	A billion dollars worth of hundred dollar bills over a poor neighborhood.
	Is everyone then a thief?
	Not really.
	So the wealth that accumulated and survived the wars, accumulated through the first industrial revolution and survived the two world wars, the wealth that was accumulated was handed out to women.
	Why?
	Because women wanted the votes.
	And Western men care about being sexist.
	Our downfall!
	You know, go to the Middle East, and you people are sexist.
	Yep.
	It's right there in the Koran.
	Men and women are different, and men should be in charge.
	And we wanted to please women.
	Women say, we want the vote, we give them the vote.
	Because if you say no...
	Women shouldn't have the vote or we should not have a vote or we should not have a government.
	Women won't fuck you.
	And your genes died out.
	So all of the non-pleasing genes in the West died out because Western men don't dominate their women the way that most other cultures do.
	Western women are the most pampered creatures in existence these days.
	And like all pampered creatures, they have become corrupt and venal and brutal.
	That's what pampering does.
	if it's unjust and so western men don't like to take stands against the preferences of western women because case election and that's fine as long as there's not a government because it balances out but when men hand the government over to women my god talk about the ring of power We now got some sexy saurons.
	They used to be sirens, now they're saurons going down.
	And it is a giant object lesson on the endless perils of organizing your society around a centralized coercive agency like the state.
	The state destroys all civilizations.
	The state destroys all genders.
	The state destroys all races.
	The state is toxicity and addiction and destruction and violence and bribery and an uneasy, squalid, sinking in quicksand pseudo-comfort.
	We have yet to learn this lesson.
	The state corrupted men.
	Men survived that, shrank the state, created wealth.
	And then bought vaginas by handing over that wealth to women.
	Women responded by hating men and not having children.
	Now there's no money for unfunded liabilities and all governments that run out of money try to provoke a war.
	Dominoes, dominoes, dominoes.
	Fuck.
	Fuck!
	We're stuck in a revolving door In a goddamn abattoir.
	Damn it, we were close to.
	Close to shrinking that motherfucker down to nothing.
	The Americans.
	So close.
	The smallest government possible.
	And I think, if it had not been for slavery, they might have gotten close enough.
	Maybe it could have shrunk away.
	But slavery led to the pretense of the Civil War.
	Pretense of the Civil War led to a vastly expanded federal government, which led to the Federal Reserve, which led to endless wars, which led to unfunded liabilities, which led to delusion in the population and an inability to count, which led to Female dominance,
	which led to male alienation, which led to the destruction of the family, which led to the hollowing out of demographics, which led to the lie that you can now import third-worlders to replace native-born Europeans, which, I fear, will lead to war.
	And, oh my God, what a war it will be.
	It will either be brutal in short, All constrained and endless.
	Shit had come.
	But I'm trying to empower you here, Gustav, by saying, well, we can complain and we can say, well, let the ladies accrue.
	You know, if you go hunting with marinade on you and a bear attacks you, well, but if it was your child in the forest rather than this feminist, what would you do?
	Yeah, I would just offer myself.
	Do everything to save it.
	You would fight.
	The only way to get men to fight is for men to view women as children in this area.
	That's the only way that men will fight, is if they view women as children.
	But the state needs to collapse.
	Because, like you said, the state is behind the current system now.
	So if men would revolt, they would just lose their jobs.
	This is after.
	Men have everything to lose.
	Forget that.
	Forget the state.
	This is for after.
	This is for what gets built after.
	This is for what gets built after.
	The most likely, well, I don't know what the odds are.
	If I had to put money, the most likely scenario is a clash of civilizations and the clash of civilizations is going to be provoked by the state running out of money so that the current system is done stick a fork in it turn it over the current system is done yeah the question is what comes next and i think a lot of men would be willing to fight If they had enthusiasm for what comes next.
	But there's no goddamn way men are going to fight and risk life and limb in order to return to the current feminist-led lesbian tirade gynocracy that shreds men for fun and pleasure and profit.
	There's simply no way any more than you'll jump in front of that bear to save the feminist who thinks you're a piece of shit on the toes of an all-female deity, right?
	Mm-hmm.
	You might fight if you want a different society to live in where you're treated with dignity and respect.
	You might fight for that.
	But you sure as shit are not going to fight to return to the status quo, are you?
	No.
	Save the feminists who hate men.
	Save the men marching gleefully off into battle in their panties.
	Come on.
	Ladies, in order to be saved, you have to be loved.
	And in order to be loved, you have to be nice.
	Do you understand?
	In order to be saved, you have to be loved.
	In order to be loved, you have to be nice.
	And if you hate men, or you're indifferent to the hatred of men and the suffering of men that results from that hatred, if you're willing to kick men out of the family and bully them out of the workforce and bully them out of...
	Schools that drug them for not being like girls.
	If you treat men like shit, well, slaves don't fight.
	Or at least they won't fight well.
	Look, everybody knows.
	People are saying on these comments, right?
	I bring this stuff up.
	What do the people say in the comments?
	Oh well, ladies.
	You think you're equal to men?
	Why don't you strap on your tank girl halter top and go and fight whatever fight needs to be fought on you?
	They're not gonna do that!
	Come on!
	Come on!
	You might as well go to arm up your kindergarten with Nerf guns and think you're gonna take on the Wehrmacht!
	Oh, is there a draft?
	Oh!
	Drafts make me pregnant!
	I get inseminated by wind!
	The draft has made me pregnant!
	I guess I can't fight after all!
	Oh, look at that!
	They're not going to fight!
	They're not going to fight!
	It's all a lie!
	G.I. Jane!
	Yeah, right.
	Men gotta do 35 push-ups.
	Bare minimum.
	Women, 13.
	I can't even lift an RPG. I've had lots of practice lifting an RPG because I pay standing up.
	Jesus.
	They're not...
	It's just a lie.
	There is never money to be lost by appealing to female vanity.
	Nobody ever lost money by saying, well, no, we can't praise women that much.
	They won't believe us.
	Yeah, you're just like men.
	You can fight just like men.
	Meg Ryan, excellent combat queen.
	Because Lara Croft.
	I mean, it's a comic book.
	It's insane.
	It's like going to Big Hero 6 for a physics lesson on robotics.
	I mean, come on.
	They're not going to fight.
	And if you want to lose, just have them fight.
	Oh, well, but in Israel, no.
	In Israel, they don't put women on the front lines.
	Women can't handle the front lines.
	They get depressed.
	Women are kind of designed to make life, not take life.
	Women put frilly things in dollhouses.
	Boys like firecrackers and wasps' nests.
	I mean, come on.
	They're not going to fight.
	I'm not trying to shame the men into fighting.
	God, the last thing I want to do, shame the men if there's going to be a fighter.
	And there's going to be a fight.
	I hope the fight is verbal.
	I hope the fight is just men standing up and saying, come on, ladies, wake up.
	I don't care if it's upsetting to you.
	Deal with it.
	You know what?
	Men have been called patriarchs for 60 years and evil misogynist chauvinistic pigs.
	If we can fucking deal with it and you're equal to men, you fucking deal with it.
	Yes, I'm sorry you're upset.
	Welcome to being an adult, ladies who want equality.
	I'm not trying to shame men into fighting because that's not going to work.
	You can only shame people after you respect them.
	But shaming people you've already shamed, all that produces is blowback, which is what we're seeing, or what I'm seeing in the comments, with all these types of videos.
	I'm going to shame men into fighting.
	But if you only listen to men, you don't have much of a civilization.
	You have pizza box-trewed man caves with 90-inch televisions and no vegetables.
	You don't want to run a society listening to men.
	You sure as shit don't want to run a society by listening to women.
	My God.
	As Camille Paglia said, if women had been in charge of human development, we'd all still be living in caves.
	Because what is a woman's life throughout most of evolution?
	A woman gets free shit and then she gets pregnant.
	It's lovely.
	It's not a bad life.
	I'd like to come back with functional tits in the future, but that's not how you create a civilization.
	Free stuff and sperm.
	Hopefully in that order.
	But, you know, pendulum just swung a little bit too far one way.
	And the state never finds a happy medium, right?
	So, you know, men just...
	I know you've got to fight your instincts and stop listening to women about what they say they want.
	I mean, it's...
	Well, 100 years from now, and then you look back at this time, it must be like the craziest period in civilization.
	This period, do you think so?
	Well, if they...
	Look back and think of us as crazy.
	That's because sanity won.
	Yeah, I think sanity will win, of course, I think.
	Why?
	Well, take the medieval after Roman Empire fell apart.
	Yeah, but that was a high IQ population and the lower IQ populations were wiped out by endless rounds of famine and disease.
	Now there's enough technology to keep low IQ populations alive forever.
	How the fuck is that going to end?
	There was a winnowing out of low IQ populations.
	That's the brutal course of European high IQ development is that lower IQ people who couldn't defer gratification died off, starved to death, got cooped up in cities and nailed up in Quarantines during the Black Death and Black Plague, and regularly you would get the low IQ populations dying off, which is not nice and not fun, but this is why we're smarter.
	But now, smart people have invented enough technology and developed enough agricultural capacities and enough medical procedures that now you can have an Africa that supports 12 trillion people apparently, and now you have a Middle East where infant mortality has dropped from 50% down to whatever, 2%.
	Develop that on their own.
	That came from the smart people, the West, the technology, the capitalism.
	That shit is all there and it ain't going away.
	How are the low IQ people not going to remain the majority?
	Because the high IQ people gave all this shit to keep the low IQ people alive, which didn't exist before.
	So I wouldn't take it for granted.
	I don't think it's inevitable.
	I think we're going to have to work to maintain the fruits of an intelligent civilization.
	We can move north, further north.
	What, to Iceland?
	Yeah, that's one question.
	Why doesn't all the free market people move to Iceland?
	It's like 300,000 people living there.
	And then you take it over like others do with voting.
	No, but there's weapons of mass destruction.
	Let's take a complete...
	Let's just say this is an outlandish scenario.
	But let's say that some terrible group that doesn't like white people gets a hold of a nuclear weapon.
	Why?
	Because white people abandon Europe.
	Let's just say, right?
	Let's say that there's a population that expands and grows to the point where they get to take over weapons of mass destruction developed and created by groups significantly superior to them and intellect as a whole.
	Well, they'll just say to Iceland, surrender or we bomb you.
	Oops!
	Retreat didn't work!
	Anti-missile defense.
	I'm sorry?
	Anti-missile defense.
	You take all the missiles with you?
	Anti-missile defense.
	You can shoot down the missiles while they...
	You really think that's got more of a chance to be developed in a fleeing, hungry, starving population?
	You really want to put your odds on that?
	And the fight is still verbal.
	That's the beautiful thing about it.
	The fight is still verbal.
	And all we have to do is remember that men aren't supposed to be broken by words.
	We can be broken by bullets.
	We're not supposed to be broken by words.
	And we have to have the courage to stand up and speak our minds.
	Because if we don't have that, it might as well already be a dictatorship.
	A dictatorship, as I've characterized it before.
	One of the biggest limits now, I think, is because the truth is so painful now, it takes so much effort to communicate it to people.
	But now we're back to your mom.
	I didn't tell her I was bullied because it would be painful to her.
	Yeah, that's a general universal instinct.
	Not only that, but...
	No.
	No.
	No, you keep trying to excuse your mother by creating, it's Sweden and, right, and universals and its instinct to know.
	There are lots of children who, when they're in trouble, they go to their moms and their moms move heaven and earth to help them.
	And listen, you are a young man, which means that...
	Given the way the demographics work, you're not going to be very old before you're in the minority in your own country.
	In the country that your ancestors fought, bled and died to create and sustain.
	Yes.
	So this idea will just cut and run or this idea that it's, you know, I mean, I wouldn't suggest it.
	But sorry, go ahead.
	Yeah, because the future looks very grim, especially in Sweden with the demographics.
	I only see some options.
	Every day, listen, because of the demographics, every day you don't act, every day you don't speak up, every day you don't say something, whites get weaker and non-whites get stronger.
	I mean, I'm just giving you the basic facts.
	They grow, you decline.
	They swell, you diminish.
	So there's no later, because later is worse.
	So if you're going to demand political action from people, every day you don't.
	If you're going to try and get your government to do something, every day you don't, you are in a more losing position.
	Every day you delay is a contribution to your loss.
	I need people in Europe to panic, to freak out, to be sleepless.
	Is demise.
	You understand?
	Yeah.
	Just numerically.
	Deferral is demise.
	Because we know this historically, that when these groups get to be a majority, they will do what they want to do, which is to have their kind of country.
	That ain't your kind of country.
	It's been 60 so far.
	I don't think they're done.
	And every day, you delay and you defer.
	It raises your odds of failing.
	Well, moving to Norway, do you think that's still not right to think about that?
	But instead, For instance...
	Why don't you try to save your own country first?
	If your first instinct is to run, you've already lost.
	Well, take Ayn Rand.
	Her father, he was optimistic about when the takeover happened, that it would collapse, which it didn't.
	Your takeover has not happened.
	We're talking like 20 years before the communist revolution or 10 years, right?
	The takeover hasn't happened.
	Listen, if you're under Sharia law, you have my permission to flee.
	You ain't there.
	All right, I'm going to move on to the next caller, but I really, really appreciate your time and attention in this call.
	I really appreciate it.
	Thank you so much for calling.
	Thank you.
	Alright, up next is Rob.
	Rob wrote in and said, I hugely want to raise a family peacefully and without distortions and double standards, but being an atheist and voluntarist, I feel terrified that I will never find a woman who shares all my thoughts and values.
	I am terrified of the possibility that my own childhood trauma has hardened me to the point that I pushed away the best woman that I was ever going to find.
	That's from Rob.
	Hello, Rob.
	Hey, Steph.
	How are you?
	I am well.
	Thank you.
	Am I coming through loud and clear?
	You have delightful audio.
	And, you know, just wanted to mention, if you're going to call into this show, you know, people can splash out for a $30 headset.
	Your words are going to be preserved for all eternity in the most important philosophical conversation of the day.
	You know, you don't have to yell into your AM radio laptop speaker or whatever the hell it is.
	So, yes, good job.
	I appreciate that.
	I'm lucky to have about a $30,000 mastering studio.
	Okay.
	It's a bit over.
	Everyone call from Rob's house.
	Come over.
	It's great.
	Go to Rob's house and call from his house, especially if you're an attractive female anarchist.
	I think that you might get special consideration.
	All right.
	So, when did you break up with the girl?
	I mean, things have kind of progressed.
	It's about two months ago it ended.
	And I feel like I've even probably got the conclusion and closure even a couple of days ago.
	I'm not really sure what you...
	What the hell are we talking about now?
	Is it over?
	Yeah, it's definitely over, yeah.
	And when did it end?
	She moved out two months ago, and it's been a clusterfrak of coming and going since then, but it's completely over now.
	Okay, so it wasn't exactly a clean break, right?
	No, it wasn't.
	No, it wasn't a clean break.
	I'd like to leave.
	If I could just get my penis to come with me, that would be fantastic.
	No, I'm staying!
	It's nice and dark and cozy.
	It's slimy.
	Yeah, the problem is it's attached to me, so she couldn't get back with her.
	I think for all men it's pretty much a keeper.
	Oh, we're going this way?
	Okay.
	Yep.
	Sometimes it lassoes a wild horse and you just get dragged along.
	All right.
	And how long had you been going out?
	We've talked before, right?
	Yeah, we have.
	I wanted to say I feel a bit kind of selfish because this is actually the second time we've spoken about this relationship.
	So I feel sorry for wasting everyone's time.
	Listen, if it's helpful to you and it's helpful to others, it's not selfish.
	Yeah, okay.
	All right.
	Well, I mean, I was going to make the case that obviously I think I've done a pretty good job of bringing people around to your show and to Freedom and Ayn Rand and stuff in my life.
	So I think I've done some good work to balance that out.
	You know what I mean?
	I appreciate you trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't like to do in my own show.
	You're welcome.
	I'm happy you're here.
	Don't apologize.
	Don't try and manage my feelings.
	That's my job.
	I'll also take my own shit in the morning.
	I don't need you to do it for me.
	I appreciate that.
	Let's move on with the full confidence that your participation is very welcome and very helpful.
	Thank you very much.
	You are very welcome.
	So, two months, and how long had you been going out for?
	Just over two years.
	Okay, and what did you do, you bastard?
	Now, what happened to this poor, poor lady?
	How did you break her tender?
	Now, what happened with her?
	I was under the impression when I wrote that that it was about culture.
	Do you remember?
	Obviously, she's Jewish, and the first call we had was about the circumcision.
	Yep.
	And I thought it was great advice and we actually, I thought we moved on from that and resolved that issue really well.
	Because as I said to you, I thought I'd really picked a great girl.
	And then a year in, that circumcision thing came up and I spoke to you and then I thought, you know, a lot of people are saying, oh, you're wasting your time with this girl, don't worry about it, don't worry about it.
	I really thought it was a fork in the roads where if you could get someone to logically accept an argument that went counter to their cultural programming like that, I thought it was something that I would find hugely respectable.
	But in the other hand, if she didn't, then it sort of showed that she wasn't really happy to accept a good moral argument or whatever.
	And so she went with it, and so I thought we were good.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yep.
	She said, she got back to me that she said, yeah, I told my parents that this is what we're going to do.
	And apparently they, I said, oh, how did that go down?
	You know, because I know it was a big deal.
	And she said, oh, yeah, they just said they want us to be happy.
	And so I thought we'd kind of moved on.
	But obviously, basically, as soon as we moved in, that was over a year ago, we moved in, you know, in Start of February this year and things went to shit.
	We just started arguing and she was gone three or four weeks later.
	What did you argue about?
	I felt like she was really flipping on a lot of the core moral premises.
	I really came in with a big wide open mouth into this relationship and I really made sure everyone kind of knew what I was about.
	I'd had a debate with her parents about voluntarism and the definition of anarchy and whether rules and morals are universal and that sort of stuff.
	People kind of go quiet and look up into the corner and meaningfully nod and, yeah, very interesting.
	And I think that something's landing on the target, but it's not.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, because, you know, you sound sane, like the form is sane, but the content is mad, right?
	And so it's, you know...
	You got to question the judgment of someone who talks about a stateless society.
	I mean, you know what I mean?
	It is a challenge.
	I fully understand that.
	And that, of course, is the nature of all moral progress.
	Everything seems incomprehensible ahead of time.
	And it seems impossible that it could ever happen ahead of time.
	And it seems impossible that it Yeah, definitely.
	Definitely.
	And I mean, I fully, completely get the way that obviously that sort of empathy and connection that manifests in the society-wide things like government, religion, or the lack of how it really It starts with whether you've got empathy and connection and reciprocal standards in personal relationships as well.
	I gave her your book, obviously, Real-Time Relationships, which is fantastic.
	A lot of this stuff is really important to me, that we're connecting with each other's experiences.
	I'm always trying to do that.
	The thing is, in my friendships, my closest friendships, I've enacted that sort of thing, and in my work relationships too.
	My friendships and work are all really charging ahead very well.
	And I've got fantastic friendships, but when we sort of started arguing and our relationship fell apart, it just became completely clear that she had, like, nothing sunk in and she just sort of, you know what I mean?
	Like, nothing stuck and she flipped out and just had...
	It's like you had never had the prior discussions, right?
	Yeah, exactly, exactly.
	And so...
	Yeah, so just to point out, I mean, this is true and I've experienced this myself, I mean, which is...
	A lot of people's beliefs are like the big old pendulum at the bottom of a grandfather clock.
	You know, you push it, and they're like, wow, look, it's in motion!
	Wow, look!
	And then, and then, and then, and then, it just goes back to where it was before, which is motionless, right?
	Yeah, yep.
	And the thing that frustrates me is I feel like I've come in, and I've checked this with my friends too, who are very conscious and really intelligent people.
	And I said, have I changed what I'm saying?
	Have I changed?
	And, you know, we sort of concluded that maybe since two years ago, and especially after we had a chat about UPB, it let me sort of...
	I don't want to solidify the concepts in my head about the morality and everything, but I think I've gotten better at talking about what I'm talking about, but I don't think I've been saying anything new.
	You know what I mean?
	I feel like I've been humored and basically two and a bit years into the relationship, the girl in the relationship I thought I had just evaporated out of my hands and left me completely heartbroken.
	That was really hard.
	Was there anything that happened, and I'm very sorry, Rob, for this heartbreak.
	It is a brutal experience to go through.
	Thank you.
	Is there anything that happened in the relationship that may have triggered a more historically reactionary response?
	In other words, you put up these ideas, you know, but was there a progress, like relationships I mean, this has been something that's made me quite emotional.
	I was racking my brain that maybe my sexual market value had gone down compared to two years prior.
	I mean, there's a couple of things that I thought about.
	Like, two years ago...
	Did you develop a massive goiter?
	No, no, no.
	Wait a minute.
	Did you get into a relationship and pull the pin on the fat grenade?
	I probably am about seven or eight kilos heavier than two years ago.
	Yeah.
	If you're listening to this show, that's just ball growth.
	I mean, I don't know how to think about that, whether I got complacent.
	I mean, I work, my job is quite demanding and I earn, I obviously earn probably twice what my ex-girlfriend earned and she earned an average wage.
	So, I think I kind of get, I think my priorities sort of shifted from working out You know, four or five times a week to just a couple of times a week, and I think it kind of caught up with me.
	I could always focus on it for a little while and get it back in check, but I just wondered, I don't know, but There was that, and I've invested, like I said, invested some money in the mastering studio, which I hope to develop as like a real long-term thing behind my main career.
	I'm sorry, into what?
	Oh, your studio.
	Studio, yeah, yeah.
	Basically, I'm a professional musician, and I do quite well, but I want something to do more from home when I have kids and old.
	By the way, I have a friend who can help you with that.
	Just contact me afterwards.
	He's very experienced.
	Oh, fantastic.
	Yeah, cool.
	I'm good at it, but I've had a looming $15,000 debt for a while that I'm paying off quite comfortably, but I just wondered maybe...
	It's hard when you...
	I think I started doing a lot of wedding gigs and I had to buy a nice acoustic guitar.
	And because I make a living and I'm really good at what I do, I can't buy a cheap guitar, you know what I mean?
	And I don't feel like I need to.
	But it's funny when you buy something, I find that my partner kind of...
	I've had four serious relationships and they all look at it going, oh, you really enjoy that.
	You're spending a lot of money on yourself, aren't you?
	And I'm like, hang on, I just earned a hundred grand out of playing gigs.
	You know, I want to spend...
	It's not a hobby, right?
	No, but because I enjoy it, I sort of...
	Alright, so hang on a sec.
	So, I want to make sure I understand that.
	So, you've had four partners and when you spend money to accelerate or enhance your delivery of music and so on, that they feel that this is somehow selfish on your part?
	Yeah.
	I totally get that.
	Like, I mean, the slut goddess of FDR, I will lavish every of my last waking pennies on her.
	You know, like, oh, yes, let's buy a fantastic camera because this is going to be around for all time.
	Or, you know, recently a camera broke and it was going to take two months to repair it.
	I had to buy another one.
	I can't use a webcam or some crappy little old camera for like, you know, people donate and I want to spend money on improving what we can improve.
	We got a new mixer and trying to make things sound.
	People were complaining about volume changes so we got a normalizer and got a de-esser.
	So yes, of course you have to invest in what you care about to stand out and provide a better quality product.
	Yeah, that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing and I feel like the way I invest and present what I do, it's a manifestation of my self-esteem in what I do.
	And so, sorry, and again, I just want to understand this.
	Had any of these women done anything entrepreneurial themselves?
	No.
	Okay.
	Did they have the – I hate to sound like this is really shallow, and I just want to eliminate this as a possibility that my potentially misogynist brain is kicking up.
	Sorry, I didn't tie my breaths very well there.
	But were they – Did you all get the impression that they felt, hey, Rob, that's money you could have spent on me?
	Oh, are you serious?
	The second girlfriend I supported because she was from overseas, the third girlfriend knew that I supported the second girlfriend, so she actually changed jobs halfway through the relationship to test how well I could support her.
	And then it ended up when, you know, she was mental, but she ended up saying to me, how can you expect me to want to have sex when I have to work full time?
	Oh, my God!
	It was blatant.
	You know how to fix that?
	We know how to fix that on this show now.
	Buy a water buffalo.
	And you're set.
	One water buffalo, and you're good to go.
	Because if she won't have sex with you, well, there's always the water buffalo.
	Yeah, your mum needed you, Cal.
	Yeah?
	But, I mean, that was pre...
	Pre the new me discovering you.
	Sorry to interrupt, but they see you as spending money on your business as taking money away from baubles for them?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I found it really frustrating saying, well, hey, now I'm doing a lot of these gigs and I don't have an acoustic guitar, say.
	I'm making great money doing wedding ceremonies and I need to do acoustic songs all the time, constantly.
	I'm going to spend four grand on a nice tailor.
	Because if I buy one, it'll be the best for the rest of my life.
	You know what I mean?
	Desperado!
	Sorry, I'm just kidding.
	Right, okay.
	It's just hard to get...
	Look, this is my big theme.
	This is my big theme with the call.
	It's just so hard to get through to women.
	It's so hard to get them to understand anything.
	For me, this is my experience, and my big emotional frustration is that I feel like they just don't listen.
	They just...
	Me-bots just walking through life on their own thing.
	There's a lot of other manifestations.
	To be honest, the me, Wade, and the music thing, it's not the biggest issues I don't think anymore.
	I've been trying to visualize the feeling of me in every single relationship, including my sister and mother, with women that I've ever had.
	It's like being in one of those FBI You know, booths where the question booth things, you know, you've got the one-way soundproof room, you know, one-way glass panel and, you know, I'm in there just banging my fist and screaming and, you know, tearing up and, hello, hello, I'm here.
	Are you fucking listening?
	Hello.
	Can you please understand something outside your own immediate experience?
	And they're just in the other room, completely oblivious, playing, I don't know, just doing something on a table, ignoring me, you know what I mean?
	Yeah, no, listen, I'm there with you.
	What you're saying is that there may be a slight hint, a whiff of narcissism in Western women.
	Yeah, I was going to use the word solipsism.
	That's a nicer way of putting it.
	Yeah, well, yeah.
	But I just, I think that's my Simon the Boxer feeling.
	Oh, of not...
	Having empathetic responses to emotional needs from women?
	Yep.
	Right.
	So you're choosing women to fulfill this historical frustration of managing these emotions, right?
	Here's the thing, though.
	I thought I wasn't with my last girlfriend.
	Like I said, the one beforehand, I was completely dick-napped.
	I mean, she was beautiful, and she came in big love bombs in the first six months.
	But after I broke up with her, I drove people away.
	My work suffered.
	I was a real mess.
	But then I discovered your show and giving women responsibility, and I basically said, I'm going to have a principle where I don't deal with shitty women.
	And that led me straight back to my mom.
	And obviously, I'm sure you know how that went.
	You could imagine how that went down.
	I can have a guess.
	I've seen your adverse childhood experience score, for which I hugely sympathize as I did last time still.
	Thanks.
	I can guess how that went.
	I'm the bad guy for bringing it all up.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, basically my dad was overtly abusive and all that sort of stuff obviously on the AC happened.
	And then we had this family narrative, you know, it was mom and us kids, you know, that we're all just victims under this evil guy.
	And then it all started when I started talking to you, sorry, listening to you talk about hitting children.
	And my sister was about to have a child and I started...
	Imagining myself as a third party, visualizing what was happening in my memories and I started to get this absolutely murderous rage.
	I just get this anger bubbling up in me and I just got so incredibly angry.
	I went to my sister and I said, look, I remember horrible things happening to you.
	You were beaten pretty brutally.
	I remember it.
	Now you're about to have a kid.
	I need you to understand that you have a tendency, you've got a template there that is likely going to, you know, there's some risk that you'll repeat that.
	And her response was like, hell yeah, I'm going to hit my kids.
	I hate kids that aren't hit.
	They're just so unruly and they just think they know everything.
	And I'm like, it's not even born yet.
	And she's like, yeah, well, no, you have to hit kids.
	And I'm like...
	And then, so that was a bit of a heartbreak.
	I basically went...
	And that's, sorry, that's an example of you in this FBI one-way glass not being able to get through, right?
	Exactly.
	I was obviously conscious enough to just say, this is no good.
	I'm getting out of here and just...
	Since I did that, I mean, that's been a couple of years ago now.
	I mean, my work has been fantastic.
	My relationships have gotten better.
	You know, around the external factors around my life since I've been away from my family have been noticeable to me.
	And I don't think my girlfriend really appreciated that so much because she came in at the start when I was sort of dealing with these things and she probably mostly knew – sorry, I said my girlfriend, my last girlfriend.
	She mostly probably knew the more productive and better, happier, calm of me, you know?
	So, I guess sort of moving on, I don't feel like she quite really got that, but she did support me very much through that, which I really appreciated.
	Then a year into the relationship, the circumcision came up.
	It was a funny thing, and this was a massive red flag to me.
	I said...
	I can't do the circumcision thing.
	It's like you.
	It's not up to me.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's not up to me.
	And she said, well, no, we have to.
	It's not a big deal.
	And I said, okay.
	It's not a big deal for her.
	It's not her foreskin getting hacked off.
	This is a thing.
	Yeah, it's like, let the fucking guy say that.
	Don't worry.
	Clitorectomy is not a big deal.
	I never felt a thing.
	Don't have one.
	Exactly.
	But that's a lack of empathy, right?
	Yeah.
	And this is...
	You know, like women are sensitive to mansplaining.
	You know, how about cock hacking?
	Can we get women to be sensitive about that?
	A little bit more important than over-explaining things to a woman once in a while.
	Yeah.
	And I think the lack of empathy, that's one of the major themes, I think, that has emerged as well.
	But it...
	It was a red flag at the time, but obviously I was in love with her.
	I thought in so many ways she's a great chick.
	I said, okay, I can't do it.
	It's wrong.
	I won't do it.
	It's over.
	I started to walk away and she said, okay, all right.
	I was like, oh, okay, that's fantastic.
	Awesome.
	Yeah, great.
	Come here.
	But why did I have to walk away?
	You know what I mean?
	She's like, oh, it's just really hard for me, but okay.
	I'm like, all right, no worries.
	And then she told me, she went and told her parents, and they were like, well, as long as you guys create a life you're happy with, we're happy for you.
	And I said, well, that to me showed that she had a big moral backbone.
	And then even six months ago...
	Oh, well, no, hang on, hang on.
	So you threatened to end the relationship, and she then complied.
	How is that a moral backbone?
	I know.
	It's not.
	You mistook it for the moral backbone.
	Yeah.
	No, I knew that was lack of moral backbone, but the fact that she would then go and tell her parents that what we were going to do, I thought was positive.
	Well, and kudos on her Jewish parents for accepting non-circumcision.
	That's...
	That's great.
	Yeah, exactly.
	I knew it was a big deal.
	I knew it was a massive deal for them and it puts them at odds with the community.
	So I was prepared to be patient and wave away that red flag that I basically had to threaten her.
	I mean, as she said, I resent that it turned into an ultimatum.
	You know, you shouldn't give ultimatums in relationships.
	You shouldn't do this.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	So on the one hand, we have hacking a third of the skin of a penis off.
	Yeah.
	But the only thing that bothers her about the entire fucking interaction is your ultimatum?
	I know, I know.
	It's like that's not final.
	I'm still waiting for the vast reservoir of female empathy I keep getting told about on Oprah to show up in society, but I guess I'll keep looking.
	Yep.
	Even six months ago, she said to me, circumcision, like, she put one hand up high above her head and she'd say, This is what I emotionally feel.
	And then she put another hand down, like, or, you know, separate to that hand, say, this is what you're saying logically.
	I can, she says, I emotionally don't feel about it like you do, but I can't rebut what you're saying.
	And, um...
	And I have nothing to say against that.
	I don't have any good arguments against you.
	So I can recognize that the logic and my emotion are in completely separate places.
	Therefore, I can recognize that that's not a good reason for me to, you know, insist on it.
	And I was like, well, that's good for you.
	And that's good.
	And that can open up a wonderful conversation about why your emotions are so at odds with reason.
	Exactly.
	Because that's kind of an important conversation to have, right?
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	And...
	I'd say that to all my friends.
	She's a great chick.
	She's a bit younger than me.
	I'm 32.
	She's about to turn 25, so it's like seven and a half years younger.
	Everyone was like, she seems like a very hardworking and fresh-faced and positive and mature girl.
	I didn't really think it was a big deal.
	Everyone said, she's a little bit younger than you.
	Give it time.
	Remember, you were 24.
	And so I just sort of went, okay, it's not ideal, you know, sort of self-reflection, but that can grow over time.
	No worries.
	She seems to be at least happy when I make a good argument and, you know.
	Anyway, so I let that go.
	But then as we moved in, we moved in and she also just before, like a few weeks before, I don't even know how, but she started hanging out with this group of Jewish people.
	And It struck me a few weeks in that she sort of said, you know, she'd come home and say, oh, you know, it's great, you know, I've got some friends, you know, I go do gigs all weekend, so I was really happy for her to have someone to hang out with when I wasn't there.
	And she never once said, I'd like you to meet these people or get involved.
	And then she started saying things like the circumcision.
	She's like, well, I just don't see it like you do.
	I'm like, what do you mean you don't?
	Hang on.
	She's like, I just don't see it like you do.
	I'm like, what?
	Okay, yeah, but you already said you don't see it like me, but you get the argument, right?
	And she's like, well, I don't see it like you do.
	And I was like, holy shit.
	And then we moved in and we started arguing with I remember I had three or four arguments about mundane things.
	I was basically exhausted from moving in the middle of summer and I had to go throw on a suit and play at Versace, a really five-star place and do a gig.
	So I'm like, I can't be lifting shit drenched in sweat and then just throw on a suit and go.
	So I sort of stopped and she She's like, oh, what are you doing?
	You know, you're not finished and sort of kind of heavy-handed like bossy.
	And I said, hang on, I need a couple of hours to chill out because I can't do a gig in this state.
	And she's like, oh, okay.
	And then I just found that every day I do this, do that, really sort of short-worded and bossy and grumpy.
	And even to the point like we'd be sitting down and she thought I should be eating with a fork instead of a spoon.
	So she grabbed the spoon out of my hand and gave me a fork.
	Here you go, use that.
	What?
	Yeah, and I said, hang on.
	Hang on a second, cutlery.
	Yeah, I was like, hang on, you know, adult here.
	And she's like, well, I just thought it'd be better off like that.
	I said, well, I'm always happy to hear that.
	You bastard.
	I know.
	You unbelievable patriarchal bastard.
	Yeah.
	I mean, come on.
	That's a fork versus a spoon.
	Have you no humanity?
	Yep, yep.
	And...
	I just sort of said, hey, well, I'm happy to hear a suggestion, but, you know, I'm sort of adulting pretty well over here.
	Thank you.
	I wonder if her Jewish friends were saying, you know, a Jewish boyfriend would totally use the cutlery you like.
	Here's the thing.
	I think that was an element.
	I think that...
	They haven't been around for 5,000 years because they don't know how to trigger an in-group preference.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, one time thing that happened, I've just...
	Long story short, I had a guy recording some vocals for my upcoming flamenco guitar CD in my studio.
	And it was a relative of hers, and he was doing this great sort of Jewish vocal over a flamenco track of mine, and it sounded great, really happy.
	But he is working at the local conservatorium and is saying to me, you know, Rob, you've got great ears, man.
	You're a great player.
	You'd be great in the conservatorium.
	I'm there.
	They're flying me to India with a bunch of undergrads.
	To study Indian classical music, you know, man, if you did a PhD in flamenco, they'd fly you to Spain, you get this, you get that, you know, great hours, you get all this pay.
	And I was like, oh, just eye-twitching the whole way.
	She comes home after this night with this group of these Jewish people and, you know, she's really happy and I said, and I was actually really upset because She was saying to me, I want to go on a holiday and getting frustrated.
	I said, well, actually, I'm catching up on a big tax bill from last year, which is really brutal.
	I've got a bit of debt from the studio and things to pay off.
	My computer broke.
	I had to buy a new iMac, things like that.
	I'll definitely be able to go, but you need to give me a month, six weeks just to get over this financial hurdle and we'll be sweet.
	But then here's this guy sweeping in about all this great stuff that he gets because he can be a little bitch of the state.
	And I said to her, I'm really struggling.
	And I think it was because I knew that she was pulling away from me too.
	I knew that...
	She'd gone out with this juice group and she'd never suggested that I meet them or talk to them or anything.
	But I came home and I said, I feel really upset because you want to go on a holiday.
	I'm still paying off this big tax bill and I'm battling it in a completely free market, which I love, but you've got to stay on your toes.
	If I didn't have any morals, I'd get this cushy government job.
	You know, navel-gazing about Spanish guitar and being flown around the world to study a PhD in it, but I can't do that because I don't have morals, and I feel like I'm being punished for having morals, and it's really hard, and I kind of reached out to her for some empathy of that, and she's like, well...
	Well, sorry, but also at the same time, you were sort of implying that this friend of hers was immoral.
	Oh, this guy who was a singer, right?
	Yeah, yeah, but he's a distant uncle.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Okay.
	A distant uncle sort of thing.
	But that's the thing.
	I've always said what I believed, and she's sort of evaded.
	And I said, well, hang on.
	People have to pay him through tax, and that's not voluntary, right?
	And she's like, well, no, I'm really happy to pay tax.
	And I was like, what?
	Yeah, but...
	That's the start of the fight.
	The guy's living off involuntary payments.
	Just because one woman wants to have sex with someone doesn't mean that he gets to force everyone else.
	I sort of said, okay, I'm really not happy to pay tax but I'm being forced to at the moment and it's financially a burden for me at the moment.
	Which is fine now.
	Sorry to interrupt, but it's kind of vivid for you because you're paying this tax bill and this guy's jetting off to India on your dime.
	I'm paying a tax bill equivalent to the amount that I'm in debt from my investment.
	At the same time, my girlfriend is getting frustrated saying, I want to go on a holiday.
	I'm not having fun with you.
	We need to go have some fun.
	And I'm saying, I'd love to book this holiday, and I'd be out of debt if I wasn't paying this tax bill.
	Why didn't she pay for the holiday?
	She offered to buy the flights, but I sort of said, look, I want to do things.
	I mean, maybe this is a bit of a stupid thing to say, but I said, look, just give me a month and I'll buy my own flight.
	We'll go halves.
	It's fine.
	And she sort of said, well, you wouldn't let me pay for the flights.
	I said, yeah, I don't.
	You know, I don't want you to lose respect for me kind of thing.
	I mean, I guess that's me being chauvinistic, but that's how I felt.
	No, it does indicate a certain lack of trust, though.
	I mean, if you're going to move in together, I mean, you're swapping spit in the kitchen sink or whatever.
	Or the bathroom sink, I suppose.
	But, you know, there's the problem with moving in together when you're not married.
	I mean, if you were married, I assume that if she was a bit more into the money than you were, you wouldn't mind that.
	Because if you're married, you're Really united, right?
	And you're there for the lifetime.
	So a little bit of back and forth on the lava lamp of cash doesn't matter that much.
	But there's this kind of weird limbo zone where you're living together but not married where you're kind of committed but not committed and it just kind of produces a lot of complications that way.
	Yeah, true.
	She was talking about getting a joint bank account.
	I said, look, I would love to get a joint bank account.
	I was 100% like, I want to marry you.
	I want to have your kids.
	I was committed emotionally big time.
	That's why this has been quite hard.
	I said, but I've got this bit of debt.
	I'll have that nailed in four or five months.
	Just give me maybe six months to pay that and put a bit of money in the bank because I don't want to go in a joint bank account when I've got debt.
	Why would you want to take on that?
	Let me have a clean slate to pay off the stuff that I bought and then we'll move on and do that.
	I thought that was quite reasonable.
	But once again, we get back.
	If you wanted to get married, why didn't you propose?
	Because she always said, I wanted to pay off my debt so I could buy her an expensive ring.
	And she always said to me, you know, I'm not ready to get married yet.
	She always said that.
	No, she was really like, I want to take things slow.
	Like we moved in after two years.
	She's like, let's live together for a while.
	And she'd say, oh, it'd be so nice to get married and we will one day.
	But she always said to me, if you propose now, I'd say no because I'm not ready for it yet.
	But what does that mean, not ready?
	I mean, I'm trying to understand what that means.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	Maybe it means I know that I'm going to leave you in a couple of years and go back to the Jewish Borg brain.
	I don't know.
	No, but that's important, right?
	I mean, that's important.
	You know, to navigate successfully in life, all we need to do is really listen to what people say.
	Like your mama said, you gave her an ultimatum.
	Your mama said, there's the door.
	All you had to do was listen to this woman saying, well, you know, we've been together for two years, but I don't want to marry you.
	Maybe someday.
	It's like, okay, so she's not committed.
	And when someone's not committed, what they're basically saying is, not being committed means only one thing.
	It means...
	I'm not committed to working out problems with you.
	I've got one foot on the exit ramp.
	And that's exactly what's happened.
	Yeah.
	Exactly what happened.
	Because, you know, my wife and I, we're committed.
	And it's like, no matter what issues we have, we're sitting down, we're going to work them out.
	Being committed, all that means is being committed to working out problems.
	Because if you can work out your problems, why would you want to leave?
	So when somebody says, well, I'm not committed, they're saying, well, if we have problems, maybe I'll stick around and work them out.
	Or maybe I'll just fuck off.
	But, you know, I'm not committed to working them out.
	That's exactly what's happened and that's been me tapping on that glass again.
	Yep.
	She ended up moving out.
	Like I said, she was hanging around with these Jewish people and she started getting more religious again too.
	And the religious thing I came into, you know, we had the talk about circumcision.
	I actually had a man-to-man straight with the dad and I said, tell me all about this Jewish thing.
	I want to understand it.
	He said to me, I'm not religious, you know.
	I don't really like synagogue.
	I believe there's an energy, but I don't like religion, you know.
	Her mother knows that if she wanted to get more religious than what she is, I probably couldn't deal with it.
	My girlfriend was like, I don't really know what I believe.
	I believe everything you believe in science and everything.
	I just believe there's a bit of an energy in the universe.
	However, we should still cut the foreskin off of a young boy.
	Exactly.
	Because energy.
	Exactly.
	I'm not that religious, but I am willing to mutilate a child's genitals.
	Yeah, but socially conformist, I guess.
	Yeah.
	And she started getting more religious.
	And six months ago, she was even saying to me, we'd hang out with friends of mine that are really into FDR and stuff.
	And she's like, yeah, I don't really think I believe in God.
	I think it's all really good.
	And they've got a great relationship and family and everything, too.
	Yeah.
	But then she started getting more religious after hanging out with this Jewish group again.
	I was like, hang on, you're completely flipping.
	And she's like, yeah, yeah, you're right.
	I flip depending on who I'm around.
	I really need to figure myself out.
	Can I tell you the bat signal that went out?
	Yep.
	Jewish eggs in danger.
	Why is that tough to say?
	Jewish eggs in danger.
	Jewish eggs in danger.
	Goy, I'm circling!
	And I've seen this happen with other people I've known who are Jewish.
	Yeah, you date the guy, have a little fun.
	But when it comes to settling down...
	Yeah, pretty much.
	And so...
	She said, you know, and that's why I sort of look back on these things.
	There's a combination of her trying to assert dominance in the way that I think a lot of Jewish women assert dominance in the home, and definitely her mother does, but also trying to create dumb arguments so that it would justify the leaving, you know what I mean?
	Because she's being subsumed back into the Jewish culture, I guess.
	Yeah, I mean, Trump...
	One of Trump's daughters married a Jewish guy and she converted.
	Yeah.
	You know, if you can get a trumpet to convert, man, you've got some cultural energy behind you, right?
	I mean, Trump is getting the media to convert to him.
	He's getting the political system to convert to him.
	But his kid still has to convert to Judaism.
	I'm like, wow, you people got some mojo.
	Yeah, yeah, totally.
	So she's, you know, arguing, oh, it's not working.
	And I was like, yeah, yeah, it's not working.
	And then I sat down after kind of like, sorry, you know, we've been...
	We've been together for two years.
	I love you.
	I thought it was mostly awesome.
	Let's just work it out.
	She's like, no, I can't.
	I think I need to go and figure myself out.
	I was like, okay.
	She left and we're talking.
	She did the whole thing where she's kept me on a slow boil the whole time, texting me, coming around, even coming around and making out.
	We had sex a couple of times after we officially broke up and then she left.
	You know, the tide goes out in waves.
	Yeah, yeah, exactly.
	And what the big hurt for me was that she came around one time and we were making out and, you know, got really hot and heavy and I was like, you know, let's Let's have sex.
	She sort of looked at me, she's like, oh, I slept with someone.
	I was like, oh, really?
	I kind of pushed her away.
	I was really gross, instant boner kill.
	I was like, oh, ooh.
	I was just really turned off.
	I wasn't angry, but I was really turned off.
	Then I pushed her away.
	She's, oh, no, no, no, I didn't.
	I didn't.
	I just want to make sure you're not using me for sex.
	And I was like, are you kidding?
	I love you.
	Like, come home.
	Are you serious?
	And I was like, well, you know, if we have sex, it's all going to rekindle.
	It's going to be great.
	And she's like, I said, no, I'd never do that.
	You know, I love you.
	Anyway, so we went upstairs, got completely naked, just about to start.
	And then she's pushing, no, I can't.
	I started crying, left, and I'm like, oh, she's so confused.
	And then because that had happened, I was thinking she's going to come home.
	I'd been obsessing over her for four or five days.
	She'd come around watching movies and giving me massages, texting me, calling me, yeah, I just really figured myself out, but you know, and I'm like, all this sort of stuff.
	Five days, I'm emotionally worked up to a complete boil over her.
	And then I come home and she is on the bed and I'm like, yes, it's going to happen.
	Yeah, great, great, great.
	She's coming home.
	And then she's like, yeah, I actually did sleep with someone.
	I was like, oh.
	Was this the guy that she said she had and hadn't slept with before?
	Yeah.
	Because she lied to me, because that danger thing in my head started going off.
	My hands started shaking.
	I said, get out.
	Please leave me alone.
	Go away.
	Get out of my house.
	It's like having a legit panic attack.
	Like, please just get out of my house.
	And she's like, no, no, no, no.
	And did the whole puppy dog, please calm down.
	I'm like, no, leave me alone.
	Get out of my house.
	Please, please go.
	I actually walked into a walk-in wardrobe.
	To get away from it, she followed me and stood in the doorway.
	I'm saying, get out, leave me alone, leave me alone.
	Complete panic attack.
	I went back into that shutdown thing and I actually slammed my fist on the tall boy next to me.
	I said, get out of my fucking house, screamed.
	I was just having a legit anxiety attack and she was following me around the house.
	And then it obviously became that, you know, she's like, oh, you're so angry.
	I'm like, you know, how can I come back when you're this angry guy?
	You know, maybe you'll hit me.
	I'm like, I'd never hit you.
	I just want you to get out of my way.
	Leave me alone, you know?
	Wait, so she was still dangling coming back after she fucked some other guy?
	Yeah, she jumped into bed naked with me.
	We didn't...
	We were probably 10 seconds away from starting.
	And then I'd spent the next week obsessing and just so happy.
	Yeah, she's coming.
	And she'd been coming home.
	And during that week, she came, watched movies with me, hung out on the couch, texted me, gave each other massages.
	And she's like, oh, maybe I'll come and stay the night in a couple of days.
	I'm like, yes!
	And then she dumped on me that the last week had been a lie.
	And I was just...
	So heartbroken.
	It was horrible.
	But then she wouldn't leave me alone.
	You know what I mean?
	She wouldn't get out of my room.
	She wouldn't move.
	No, so what happened was she fucked the other guy, and then the other guy didn't commit to her, so she comes floating back to you, right, for male attention.
	Because if she'd fucked some other guy who she obviously thought was an upgrade, and that guy had committed to her, she wouldn't have come back.
	So she threw the V at some guy who grabbed it and then threw it out, and then she's like, oh, Okay, I'll go back to get the attention from this guy, right?
	Yeah, and then because she lied to me and I realized then the pain in my chest, and I'm feeling really anxious talking about it now, but the pain for me was like, this girl's dangerous.
	She will build me up and then pull the rug underneath my feet and I'll just be left heartbroken.
	And so that's why I was like, get out of my way.
	And for me, that danger thing came out and I started yelling her to leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, and she wouldn't leave.
	She was...
	No, but you had to leave that situation.
	Next time, I hope that you're never in that situation again, Rob, but you have to leave.
	I didn't.
	Yeah, but I did leave.
	I walked backwards into our walking wardrobe.
	No, no, no.
	Leave.
	Leave, leave.
	Like, leave the apartment.
	Yeah, you are.
	Go somewhere else.
	Because it's a dangerous place, right?
	It's a dangerous spot for you.
	It is.
	You're completely right.
	I mean, that's what this call is about.
	I don't know what the answer is, but I can't go through this again.
	Like, I'm just done.
	I'm sick of tapping on that glass just trying to get women to give a shit.
	You need to be so valuable to a woman that she's willing to really listen.
	But she's not listening.
	She's just conforming to a higher sexual market value then.
	Well, no, because by being so valuable to a woman, that doesn't just mean that you're pretty or you have money or sing well.
	I mean, what I'm talking about is you're so valuable to a woman that you're so important to her life and her happiness that she's really, really willing to listen.
	You know, like, when you get married, you're like two trees that have grown together.
	You can't be separated without killing both.
	Yeah, I know.
	So, you know, if you're married, your partner, and you love your partner, your partner is so important to you, that whatever is important to them, you will sit and drop everything and listen.
	And you weren't important enough to this woman...
	No, exactly.
	Exactly.
	Okay, so you need to find a woman who gets how valuable you are.
	Either you're not valuable, in which case you're going to be scouting around like some homeless guy trying to wash people's windows all day, right?
	But if you are valuable and, you know, you make good money, you're a good-looking guy, you're smart, you're good with money, you're a good provider, you're stable, you've got self-knowledge, you're philosophical, like you've got a lot of pluses, right?
	You've got a tough childhood, but you're working on that, and you're dealing with a lot of that, so...
	I've also helped people.
	I don't remember if you know the guy who called in about the troublesome neighbors a month ago.
	He's my best friend and he says to me, you've changed my family and my relationship for the better and you helped out.
	And he says, you're the best man I know.
	And a lot of productive, happy, healthy people are saying to me, you're a fantastic person.
	Yeah, but you're in a challenging situation.
	You're uncocked and unfucked.
	Yep.
	So you need to broadcast your values and your virtues in such a public and visible arena.
	And then be skeptical of the people who show up to the point where a woman gets how unique and valuable you are.
	In order to be truly listened to, you have to be perceived as one of a kind.
	Right?
	It's a plethora of penises out there for women.
	And penises, you know...
	Think of a giant wall of glory holes.
	It's not that differentiated.
	And I'm not saying this about your ex.
	This is all that was interesting to her.
	I'm not saying that at all.
	But what I am saying is that You have to be perceived by your partner as irreplaceable.
	Now in order to be irreplaceable, you have to be authentically and completely and totally yourself, which means do not compromise with your values at all.
	Because there's only one of you, and the degree to which you are fully and completely yourself is the degree to which you are irreplaceable.
	Everyone in the world can be replaced except you.
	Right?
	Brian Williams can be replaced.
	Brad Pitt drops out of a movie.
	They get some other guy.
	Everyone can be replaced except you as an individual.
	You can't be replaced by anyone.
	So the more you are yourself and the more you're open with who you are, the more people who love you will love you In a way that they understand, and to a depth of listening that they understand, you are irreplaceable.
	There's not another one of you coming along.
	There's always another penis coming along.
	Young, attractive woman, it's a conveyor belt of sausage fest, right?
	It's a sausage cannon.
	She's playing dodgecock all day long, right?
	Yep.
	But you as an individual, as a soul, as a full personality, there's no one else who's you.
	And you need to broadcast who you are and be yourself so thoroughly who you are.
	We all want to suppress ourself for fear of rejection.
	That's natural.
	We find someone we like and it's like, okay, they're over there.
	I'm over here.
	And if I take part of my integrity, a part of myself, if I take my integrity out, disassemble some of my values, I can build a bridge across to that other person.
	But by the time you get there, you're replaceable.
	Because you've taken the most essential parts of yourself, ripped them out of you, used them to build a bridge, so you show up at the other person's heart as diminished, as no longer unique.
	Yep.
	You can't tear yourself apart to build a bridge to someone else.
	Because then you're replaceable, and there's no commitment.
	Commitment is to the irreplaceable.
	Do you know, the thing that scares me though, this is part of the terror, is I... I get that, and it's all correct.
	I feel like going into this relationship.
	That's what I did.
	Sure, because we all try it, thinking it's going to work.
	No, no, no.
	Because it works for a lot of people.
	No, no.
	I was myself coming into this relationship.
	Ever since I met this girl, I'm saying, peaceful parenting, don't need kids.
	You've seen what's going on with my family.
	I'm into volunteerism, government.
	I'm not religious.
	These are my things.
	And even...
	Obviously, with a bunch of people talking about Jewish in group preference, I'd say, well, for me, the bottom principle is that things that people don't choose are not in moral categories.
	So you can aesthetically love—I don't have a problem with people saying they aesthetically love whatever, and you've got a great culture and all that sort of stuff, but if it ever Morphed into a moral category that, you know, that it's better to be Jewish or anything like that.
	For me, that philosophically has a problem, like in terms of that you'd want to teach our kids that.
	This is what scares me.
	I feel like I've gone in guns blazing about exactly who I am.
	And I feel like I was lied to.
	And it changed.
	No, no, no, man.
	No, no.
	This is the painful empowerment.
	Rob, you weren't lied to, you lied to yourself.
	Okay.
	She starts hanging around with a Jewish group and doesn't invite you?
	Come on.
	She won't commit to you?
	She's willing to have sex with you and move in with you, but she won't marry you?
	She's hanging around with this other Jewish group.
	We're not inviting you.
	It's not part of your life.
	She doesn't bring it in.
	That was after two years, though.
	Do you know what I mean?
	I get that.
	And I'm not...
	Look, we can trace that back if you want, and you can do that yourself, or we can do it together.
	But at that moment, ignoring those basic facts that she won't commit, and she's got a separate affair going on with the Jewish group that you're explicitly kind of not invited to.
	Yeah.
	And she said...
	Here's where I am, emotionally about circumcision, here's your arguments, there's a gap.
	So I regretfully am going to comply, but did she work to figure out that gap?
	No.
	No, and to close it, no.
	So she retained this gap of emotionalism, shocking for a woman, I know, but she retained this gap of emotional decision-making, which she was not going to give up.
	And what that meant is that she remained whim-based, emotion-based, rather than accepting of rationality and saying, look, if my emotions are way out of step with my rationality, I better find a way to close that gap, otherwise my emotions are going to overcome my reason.
	And that is exactly what's happened Afterwards, I mean, and this was saying I'm getting closure because I sent her an email saying, you know, I got to the point after all this stuff that I had to say, I have to cut contact with you for a month.
	I don't want to hear from you for a month.
	For a month?
	Like after all this?
	I was still...
	What do you mean a month?
	I don't understand.
	I thought we...
	I was still trying to get her back.
	I thought it was...
	Obviously, it's stupid.
	Wait, after she has sex with another guy, lies to you about it, is about to have sex with you again, and then confesses, and you scream at her to get the fuck out of your apartment, and this and that, you're trying to get her back after that?
	Yeah, because I was holding...
	I know, I know.
	Yeah, the moans of a thousand MGTOWs echoing in my ears, but...
	Oh, please don't look at the comments.
	No, no, I know.
	Look, I get it.
	That's when I started lying to myself, even at the time, but as well.
	I mean, it's not the only time I started lying to myself, but I was lying to myself then, but I just...
	Because I've always just kept on to these, like a family-owned business, they're very hardworking, they are very empathetic.
	But now I think they're very empathetic towards each other and they're very giving towards each other.
	But I wasn't in the family, you know what I mean?
	So I kind of just...
	In-group preference doesn't extend to out-group?
	Wait a minute.
	I know, I know.
	That can't be.
	But I just, I kept thinking back to how great...
	All the good things I loved about it seemed so solid.
	And so, I don't know.
	I guess I just thought we could just get back to that.
	But I ended up writing her an email.
	I said, I'm not going to talk to you for a month.
	Anything short of you coming home, bags packed on my door.
	I don't want to hear about it.
	And then in a month, we're going to meet up.
	I'm sorry.
	Anything short of what?
	You heard coming home.
	I wanted a home at that stage.
	And then I said, but I'm struggling with this to-fro.
	She'd obviously do whatever she wants, then call me and text me and wanted to come around and have a chat and hang out and stuff.
	And I was just struggling big time.
	So I said, nah, in a month you're either coming home or you're not, and then it's done.
	I was still prepared to work it out.
	I know that probably was stupid.
	I mostly didn't deal with that by that stage.
	And I end up, she totally shat all over that.
	And, you know, the good thing about that, which a friend pointed out to me, was a good test for her to see if she had any capacity to understand, to empathize with how I felt.
	Closure, baby.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And then she...
	There's no closure like vulnerability.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And so I, you know, she called me an asshole.
	Can I come out for a chat?
	No.
	Well, why are you acting like such an asshole and all this sort of stuff?
	And she called you an asshole?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, instead I was acting aggressively and all this stuff.
	And so I wrote a...
	And I wasn't.
	I wasn't.
	I wrote an email saying...
	I was going to marry you and have children with you.
	This has been very, very hard for me.
	And I know that you contact me to avoid your pain, but in doing that, you're causing my pain.
	So we are unfortunately now in a win-lose scenario.
	I'm very hurt that you can't see that.
	So you have to take responsibility for your pain because your actions have caused What you're doing and I'll take responsibility for mine.
	That's where we're at now.
	The email I got back from her was just so nonsensical and altruistic.
	You're not showing empathy towards me.
	You know, your decision to be empathetic should not be based on my decision to be empathetic.
	You should be empathetic for yourself, for your own...
	Listen, I gotta tell you, like, when...
	I don't know what the fuck's going on in this story anymore.
	It just is a big thing.
	Like, when things get that complicated...
	No, it's not your fault.
	I mean, I could probably figure it out.
	But when things get that complicated, you know, when...
	But I said when you meant and you said that this one, it's just like, oh, my God.
	Relationships are a lot.
	Like, good relationships, they don't go there.
	They're way simpler than that.
	Yeah, and the closure for me was that she has no idea about reciprocal standards whatsoever.
	Basically saying, you're an arsehole for not catering to my preferences while you're in pain and I'm shitting all over you.
	And that you should show empathy, for me, completely divorced Divorced from whether I'm showing empathy for you.
	And obviously, a month ago, I finished Atlas Shrugged, so I was like, altruist!
	Does that make sense?
	Yeah.
	So that's the closure, but I guess I don't know if I'm being too hard-ass about Like, philosophical standards or something?
	Or like you were saying before about the guy, you know, just treat women like children.
	Treat women like children.
	It's like, is it completely impossible that you pull a woman aside and you speak to her and she fucking listens?
	You say, this is the empirical evidence that what's going to happen in Sweden and Europe.
	You know what I mean?
	Like you're saying to this guy, treat them like children.
	But I'm saying, well...
	Then I'm just an adult tapping on the glass.
	You know what I mean?
	They're still not fucking listening.
	I can't get my consciousness across to their consciousness to get them to understand anything beyond what they want.
	And it's lonely.
	Right.
	It is.
	It is.
	How old was she when you first met her?
	22.
	23?
	22.
	22.
	So, dude, come on.
	I know.
	Yeah, I know.
	Come on.
	How pretty was she?
	She was not as pretty as the girl I was with prior, and I didn't pick her because I thought she was super hot.
	I thought she was a lovely girl who seemed to have prior...
	And was just lovely.
	Really nice person.
	Okay.
	Did she ever listen to you in the way that you wanted, even at the beginning of the relationship?
	I'm trying to remember.
	I'm not sure.
	And another thing is that she actually got a lot prettier over the last couple of years.
	As you packed on the pounds, but anyway.
	I'm just kidding.
	She was always attracted to me.
	I mean, we never stopped having sex or anything, but I think she sort of learned how to dress and how to sort of take care of herself, and a lot of people say she's very attractive.
	But that was not what attracted to me at the start.
	Right, right.
	She seemed a lot more shy and kind of understated when I first met her and was just, you know, just sort of, not shy, but just a little bit quiet and just, you know, like a...
	Listen, okay, listen, I just need to give you some basic facts here.
	Women will not commit until they're convinced they can't do better.
	Women will not commit to you until...
	It's hypergamy, right?
	That the women want to marry up.
	They want to get the best possible guy they can find, and that's a very tough game for women.
	So a woman will commit to you when she is convinced she cannot do better.
	Yep.
	So, this woman left you for one simple reason.
	She thought she could do better than you.
	Yep.
	So what were the indications that her hypergamy was not going to end with you early in the relationship?
	I thought I was good.
	She told me about her exes.
	They just seemed like really average, douchey guys, kind of directionless.
	And she said, I've never experienced a relationship.
	That's a warning sign.
	I know.
	That's a warning sign right there that she's dating these aimless guys and she's trading up to you.
	Yeah, I know.
	And I probed that quite a lot.
	I mean, even from when I first met her, I said, well, those decisions have come from somewhere, you know, like you really need to sort that out.
	You know, why did you do that?
	You know, what was in it for you?
	And did she want to raise her children Jewish?
	Yeah, she always said to me, and I mean, once again, this is me, I don't know if I turned her off with what I thought it would be.
	Okay, no, let's not get...
	Listen, we've spent a lot of time on details, and I'm drowning in details here, Rob.
	Sorry, sorry.
	She wanted to marry...
	And raise her children Jewish, right?
	No, she said that if you're Jewish, born of a Jewish mom, you're Jewish.
	So she could marry me, but the kids are Jewish.
	That's not what I asked.
	I didn't ask, were the kids technically Jewish?
	I asked, did she want to raise her children Jewish?
	Oh.
	When we first spoke about it, I said, well, I mean, they would obviously be a combination of me and you.
	So I... I always said, I don't mind the cultural stuff, but if you wanted to raise them very religious, I'd have a problem with that.
	And she was like, yeah, well, I'm not hugely religious, but I love the cultural stuff.
	And I was like, okay, sounds good.
	So she wanted to raise her children Jewish.
	Yep.
	I'm not saying, because Judaism is a culture, it's a race, it's a religion, right?
	It is what it needs to be, right?
	Yeah.
	And there's a lot of intermarriage, like a The intermarriage rate as of 2013 is 58%.
	It was 17% in 1970, 43% in 1990, and 58% in 2013.
	Among non-orthodox Jews, the intermarriage rate is 71%.
	And Jews are not...
	22% of US Jews describe themselves as having no religion.
	69%, this is emotional attachment to Israel, has held steady for quite some time.
	Only a quarter of Jews say that religion is very important in their lives, and that's 56% of Americans generally, so they're less than half as religious as Americans in terms of, right?
	Less than a third of American Jews say they belong to a synagogue.
	23% of U.S. Jews say they attend synagogue at least once or twice a month compared to 62% of U.S. Christians.
	I assume that means church, not synagogue.
	So if she wants to raise her children Jewish, is it easier for her to marry Jew or to marry a Gentile?
	Of course.
	I mean, that's why I always press the point.
	I'm not Jewish.
	No, but this is what I'm saying.
	If there's an upgrade available, your relationship is at risk.
	And if you're going to date a Jewish girl who wants to raise her children in the Jewish traditions, whether they're religious or cultural, it doesn't matter.
	If you want to marry a Jewish girl and she wants to raise her children Jewish, you face the hypergamous upgrade of her finding a Jewish guy, with whom that's much easier, With whom her community is going to have much more affinity and with whom certain discussions like circumcision aren't going to be a problem.
	I'm just giving you the facts about one of the ways in which you can be upgraded from if you marry somebody in a particular tradition.
	I get that.
	I'm starting to feel not angry at you but just very angry and frustrated.
	Because my brain, look, this is what I'm wondering.
	Is there something I don't get here?
	But if a girl turns around and says to me, yeah, don't worry about your family.
	We're a new family.
	We're going to have kids.
	We're going to get married.
	I'm not ready to get married yet, but we will get married.
	I'm going to spend my life with you.
	You're part of the family.
	You're part of the family.
	These are your family now.
	Two months later, I mean, or six months later, I actually changed my mind.
	This is what I'm talking about.
	It's like, I could look back on our relationship and say, well, I don't even think I could tell a girl I love her anymore because I'd say, well, who knows about tomorrow, right, toots?
	You know what I mean?
	Like, this is what I'm talking about.
	What the fuck are women?
	I don't get them.
	If I turn around and say, okay, well, we are committed.
	You told me I'm part of the family.
	I told you I want to be part of the family.
	I'm part of the family.
	I've opened up every little secret to you and your family.
	I'm part of the family.
	So she turns around and says, well, there's problems.
	Okay, well, doesn't what we said carry some kind of commitment?
	Aren't you bound by any word or moral or whatsoever?
	And if she could trade up...
	Then why fucking move in with me?
	You know, this is what I'm trying to say.
	Because you were the best guy for her in the moment until a better guy came along.
	Is that what women are?
	Day-to-day self-interest.
	That's why there's marriage.
	Listen, that's why there's marriage.
	Because marriage says, no more upgrades.
	This is the car you buy, this is the car you keep.
	No trade-ins, no upgrades, no buybacks, no take-backs, no refunds.
	It's done.
	But we know that's what it's shit now.
	Sorry?
	We know marriage is worth shit now, though.
	Well, I'm just saying that's what it's for.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's to rein in female hypergamy and to rein in the male wandering eye.
	Listen, Rob, I know that you feel hurt, obviously, and I know that you're angry.
	Can I just say one thing?
	No, no, let me say this piece.
	No, shut up.
	Let me say this.
	No, no, you go ahead.
	Actually, you go ahead.
	Okay.
	All right.
	There's the wandering eye.
	I do gigs.
	I've had girls come up to me and say, I always wanted to be with a singer, you know, come home with me or my friend or whatever.
	And I would never do anything like that because I'm like, well, I'm committed.
	And you know what?
	The wandering eye, I can even feel my biology speaking.
	When I can turn around and I say, there might be a couple of weeks, maybe a month, five weeks where I don't feel hugely attracted to my girlfriend and she's Middle Eastern looking, oh, look at tall, leggy blondes because you're attracted to that.
	But I can realize that's male biology speaking and I go, she's a great woman.
	I'm committed.
	I've got to keep my word.
	I would never do anything.
	And then that comes and then it goes and then a month later after that, she's the most beautiful woman in the world again.
	So I have the self-knowledge and awareness...
	No, I get that.
	I get that.
	I get that.
	But you're just talking about looks.
	No, no, no.
	It's just an example of...
	What if some woman came up to you and said, hey...
	I think I've heard you on that Free Domain radio show.
	I've been listening to that show forever.
	This philosophy is fantastic.
	I have gone to therapy.
	I am entirely into reason and evidence.
	Like, I don't know.
	I'm just making something like whatever it would be that would resolve some of the conflicts that you had with your girlfriend.
	And which you would have had going forward with your girlfriend, because who knows what the hell is culture, and what is religion, and what is this, and what is superstition, and what is irrational, and what is rational in the Jewish culture.
	I'm no expert, but you know, it's not exactly science, but it's also not exactly voodoo, right?
	So if you were to meet some woman who was your type, with whom there would be no conflicts relative to the conflicts about certain things that you would inevitably have with your Jewish girlfriend, come on.
	You telling me you wouldn't be tempted?
	You'd be crazy not to be tempted.
	I'd be tempted if I... Well, maybe this is my failing, is that emotionally saying, well, if I'm part of the family, like, and we're going to get married, like, I guess I kind of jumped the gun a bit.
	I guess you're not married until you're married, right?
	Well, that's tautologically true.
	Are you saying that you would choose a higher conflict relationship with a less compatible woman?
	Who you had not formally committed to.
	That's what you're telling me.
	That you would choose a worse relationship over a better relationship because you live together?
	I'm trying to say that I felt like I'd made a commitment and that I would uphold my commitment.
	Well, then you're a fool.
	Okay.
	Because you made a commitment prior to the woman making a commitment.
	You cannot commit more than your partner.
	No, she lied to me.
	Because she said she wanted to get married to you, but she wasn't ready yet, but it would happen at some point in the future.
	Yeah, and that we were a family.
	Me and you are a new little family.
	Don't worry about your family.
	We're a family.
	You've got me.
	No, family is when you get married.
	Okay, yeah, well, I just, I feel like after all the shit with my family, and she said to me, well, it's okay, you've got me, you've got my family, you're one of the family.
	No, listen, this is what I don't like about this woman.
	But she played you.
	Because she knows that your greatest vulnerability is the absence of family.
	And that's what I want.
	And she love-bombed you.
	She family-bombed you.
	She foo-bombed you.
	And that's shitty.
	I guess for me, I just felt like it was a commitment.
	Yeah.
	I get that.
	And then there wasn't.
	And then there was.
	And then there wasn't.
	And that's really, really shitty.
	And because you are desperate for that kind of commitment, that kind of connection, that kind of family, you're vulnerable to it.
	And I'm incredibly sorry that you got played this way.
	I'm not saying the whole thing was a play, but this particular aspect of it, I'm really sorry, Rob, that you got played this way.
	Thanks.
	But you, until you get married, everyone can upgrade.
	Okay.
	Right?
	Marriage is the checkmate of upgrades.
	And so prior to getting married, you can upgrade and she can upgrade.
	That's why I think living together prior to marriage It's not a good idea because you become two trees growing together, but one of you can still leave, which means the trees get ripped into.
	I mean, if the two trees can grow together, if they're going to stay together, they're doubly strong.
	Yay!
	The ice storm won't take you down.
	But if the two trees are going together and one of them is still indecisive and walks off, you're weaker than you were before because you've lost half your support.
	Roots are exposed.
	Your sap is running down your broken heart.
	I mean, ripped apart.
	Yep, that's exactly it.
	So, it's fair game for upgrades until you get married.
	And so, because the woman said, I don't want to marry you yet, she's clearly saying, upgrade can still occur.
	Gotcha.
	Alright.
	So, yeah, okay.
	I should have...
	I wish I'd have seen that and...
	Well, nobody tells you.
	We don't hear about these things.
	It's all specifically hidden in the gynocentric vagina cave we all happen to live in.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm loyal.
	All we hear is, oh, women, they just want commitment.
	They just want all they want.
	Come on.
	Come on.
	You know what I actually said to her when she was saying, oh, I don't really care about...
	What you feel about that guy with the...
	I was frustrated and this was obviously in the cracks I started in the show.
	I was just frustrated.
	I said, I've heard my whole life how empathetic women are.
	Why don't you just do your fucking job then?
	And look, the number of opportunities for women to upgrade these days are mind-blowing.
	It's incredible.
	I mean, you're a good-looking singer guy, maybe it's different for you, but for a lot of men, you know, they go on Tinder and unless someone offers to help them make $275 an hour working from home, they don't get a lot of messages.
	But a reasonably attractive woman goes on social media and is looking for dates.
	She is warped.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, and that's what she said.
	You know, I was like, how could you sleep with someone a week and a half out of us?
	She's like, I mean, then it dawned on me she obviously met the guy before she left.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, the upgrade, you know, a woman rarely dumps without a bridge, right?
	Yeah.
	So what happens is women, hypergamy has been inflamed.
	Like a goiter from hell.
	Like hypergamy for women.
	You know, a woman in a village, there's like five available guys.
	She chooses the best one and that's it, right?
	But for women, the opportunity for upgrade is insane.
	Because there literally is...
	Thousands of penis javelins attempting to pin her down.
	It's insane.
	Look at Angelina Jolie.
	She married up until she married Brad Pitt, and there's no upgrade from Brad Pitt, so she's staying, right?
	Yep.
	And so, women's capacity, through social media, and through, you know, this is why women are so focused on, no slut shaming!
	Because I want to sleep my way to the top, right?
	I want to screw guys until I get the ultimate alpha, right?
	Which is terrible because the ultimate alpha will only screw them and not commit.
	And the guys who want to commit won't want sloppy alpha seconds.
	But anyway, that's a topic for another time.
	But the capacity for women to be tortured by the potential upgrade You ever buy a piece of technology and you're sitting there going, man, I need to buy this laptop or I need to buy this tablet or I need to buy this thing, but I know, I know next month it's going to be half the price or whatever it's going to be, right?
	Well, that's why I buy the best guitars.
	I just get the best ones first.
	Well, okay, but the best guitars don't go down in price, but we all have to at some point say the technology is going to be better next week, but I got to buy it this week.
	Yep.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	And then I cheap out and buy too little storage.
	And anyway, so what happens is that torture of like, well, I got to buy it, but there's going to be something better along next week.
	There's going to be something better along next week.
	That's women's entire dating scene these days.
	There's no slut-shaming.
	There's no reigning in of hypergamy.
	The government covers up all their mistakes, and they get a million penises waved at them every single day.
	For a woman, it's like a coral fish swimming past a sea anemone.
	A whole forest, a wall of sea anemones.
	Penis, penis, penis, right?
	Yep.
	It's a penis-morgas-borgen, right?
	She's in the looks category and the age category that that's exactly the case.
	Right.
	And also, in the Jewish community, Jewish women, of course, have very high sexual market value because the men's mothers will approve, right?
	Yeah.
	And so, you know, when she began to join the Jewish group, she is exposed to a whole level of hypergamy that is really tough to match if you're not Jewish.
	Now, again, there's lots of intermarriage and so on, but we don't know the degree to which there's intermarriage promised, followed by, yes, you can raise them Jewish and I'll convert or whatever, right?
	Yeah, yeah.
	You just completely cuck yourself to the old Jewish bald brain.
	So this issue of hypergamy and women's capacity to trade up, women are very hungry for male attention.
	Women are very hungry for male attention.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	That's perfectly natural and it's perfectly healthy and it's exactly how women should have evolved.
	And the men are hungry for sexual release.
	And men have porn and women have social media for male attention, which is their form of porn.
	Now, of course, a third of porn consumers are women anyway.
	So if you want to understand what social media is like for women and male attention, understand what pornography is like for men and sexual release.
	It's the same deal.
	Hypergamy is the sexual driver of women in the same way that sexual release is the sexual driver for men.
	Yep.
	And so, a woman on sexual media in a relationship is like a man on porn in a relationship.
	It's, you know, it's a dividing line, and it's a way of saying, I'm not getting what I want in here, and like, whatever it is, right?
	I mean, so, this understanding of what it's like to be a woman with literally infinite possibilities for upgrades makes it really, really hard.
	Well, yeah, I don't know what to do.
	For women to commit.
	Yep.
	Because what used to reign in hypergamy were two things, social shaming, negative consequences.
	Yep.
	Right?
	So if a woman was with a steady boyfriend, dumped him for someone slightly better, then she would be perceived as an untrustworthy woman and men wouldn't date her and whatever.
	But that's when there was local knowledge and now with the internet it doesn't matter anymore anymore.
	Get someone in from Alaska to pump your ego if you want.
	And if she ended up upgrading too high, right?
	Because if you upgrade too high, then the man will have sex with you but not commit to you.
	Right?
	And so if the woman tries to upgrade too high, like she wants to upgrade to a guy who's a good provider, but not a guy who's so fantastic he'll just have sex with her and leave, because if she got pregnant, then there would be a huge problem.
	She'd be unmarriageable.
	So there were ceilings on women's hypergamy in the past.
	Slut-shaming, negative social consequences, pregnancy, STDs, whatever it was, right?
	But now the government covers up all the negative consequences.
	If she fucks an alpha and the alpha takes off, the government forces all the other men to pay for the alpha's offspring.
	And some women too.
	And so there's no negative consequences economically, no negative consequences socially, because slut-shaming is just whatever bad, right?
	And so what the hell is the cap or limit on female trade-up ability these days?
	Well, now that Brad Pitt's taken, it's Brad Pitt minus one.
	So this is, again, I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but this is the sea that women are swimming in these days.
	And this is why, you know, full authenticity plus philosophical values is the only thing to create the security.
	That means that the woman is satisfied that she's got the best and that you are irreplaceable.
	You can't upgrade from irreplaceable.
	Yeah.
	I mean, the problem now is I don't know what to do.
	I want to have a family.
	I want to have a great family.
	I want to create something that will live on after me.
	Okay, and then call back in with the next woman you're interested in and let me talk to her.
	Awesome.
	You know, I'm not trying to say, hey, let me vet your dates or anything like that, but I've talked to a lot of people over the years, a lot of men, a lot of women heard a lot of stories, not just in this show, but outside of this show, and I have a pretty good nose for these things by now.
	But yeah, be open-hearted, but the best thing you can do is be thoroughly yourself, and it's too late in your life to compromise.
	It is.
	Because compromise leads to these kinds of losses.
	Yep.
	You can compromise when you're young because, you know, you can burn some time and you've still got time.
	But if you're in your 30s and you want a family, now, I mean, I had a family in my 40s, so it's not, you know, the end of the world.
	But the important thing is that you don't have enough time left to screw around with compromises.
	You have to look for the full package because only with the full compatible package do you become irreplaceable.
	And that short circuits hypergamy and the woman settles in very happily to married bliss.
	Okay.
	So, what am I looking for?
	Like, just a woman that's rational?
	You know, you've read my books, you listen to this show, you probably have other sources of wisdom.
	Yeah, you're looking for a woman who's rational.
	You're looking for a woman who is going to find you irreplaceable.
	And that means that you have to be unique to her, which that means you have to be wholly yourself.
	If you compromise yourself to meet someone else, there's just less of you to love and that means that there's going to be more of some other guy to love and that's going to keep hypergamy going.
	Or, you know, if the woman doesn't want to be in some public show or whatever, just, you know, email and we'll sort it out that way.
	But there are ways to tell and you'll sort it out pretty quickly, I think.
	I mean, is there any red flags you think I should be looking out for?
	I mean, this is a problem too.
	Like if I come into a woman and say, you know, we're dating.
	Now you're blanking out after we've had an hour and a half conversation, right?
	I'm blanking out.
	Now you're rolling over and playing dumb.
	Like you've not read real-time relationships.
	You haven't listened to this show.
	I've just pointed out a whole bunch of red flags.
	Now you're rolling over in some passive-aggressive way as if we haven't talked, saying, but what do I look for and what do I... Like, come on.
	No, sorry.
	I'm fogging because I can't...
	I actually have no visual image in my mind of what...
	That would look like.
	That's fantastic.
	You know, if you want to paint a new picture, you've got to start with a blank canvas.
	So the fact that you don't know what to look for, beautiful.
	Because if you were to say, well, so I just need a few tweaks to my last woman and it'll be fine.
	No.
	Right?
	So the fact that you don't know what to look for is fantastic because that means you'll look someplace new.
	Do you think you could turn people off by coming on too hot and heavy with like, well, you know, this is what I'm looking for philosophically and...
	No.
	No, that's called efficiency.
	You know, if you go into a car dealership, you tell them what you want.
	You don't say, well, I'm looking for something that might move me around.
	It could be an elephant, it could be a magic carpet, it might be a car, I don't know, right?
	All you can do is slow everything down, right?
	Yep.
	And do you think there's any way that I can focus on trying to get my positivity back towards women?
	I'm not...
	No, no, no, because you meet the right woman and you positively will come back.
	Because I feel like if I'm not positive, you know, like I've come across as defensive, I'm going to be a turn off.
	Fuck, man, stop manipulating people.
	Be yourself.
	Okay, yep.
	Stop manipulating.
	Oh, I've got to be positive.
	No, be who you are.
	If you're happy, be happy.
	If you're down, be down.
	Be authentically yourself.
	Don't put on an act that's only going to invite false people into your life.
	There's not a particular attitude or pose you need to strike.
	I mean, just be who you are.
	If you're really scared around a woman, say, you make me nervous, but I'm interested in you, but I'd like to talk to you.
	Be authentically who you are in the moment.
	That's the real-time relationship.
	Be honest about who you are in the moment.
	That's where the connection is going to come from.
	But you're trying, well, how can I be so that people will like me?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I actually just felt this rush of my body at the idea that that would work with a woman.
	There's nothing you have to do.
	Yep.
	I mean, do you see me trying to be someone other than who I am in the show, trying to manipulate people?
	I hope not.
	No, no.
	All right.
	So, focus on that sweet relief of just be yourself.
	Gotcha.
	And see who shows up.
	Be yourself and see who shows up.
	Yep.
	And that's what I've done with my friends and my work and it's turned out awesome.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I assume that when you sing, you sing and play soulfully, and you're trying to connect to the music, and through that, you connect to the people, and through that, you get the money.
	Yeah, but apart from that, I also managed to...
	I had a lot of financial worries because I worked for so many lefties, so many lefties, and I couldn't help myself from being just a bit of a thorn in their side, but then I... I moved on from those people and was worried about the financial hit.
	Now I work for a bunch of, well, half of us in this one company are all FDR listeners and the other half are free market, you know, Protestant Christians and I'm earning more money and loving it.
	And I'm certainly liking the Christians a lot more lately.
	So anyway, Rob, I'm going to close off the show because I'm running low on Steam and I never want to give anything but the best.
	Thank you everyone so much for the calls.
	I say that every time.
	I mean it more and more every single time.
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	Have a lovely week.

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