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Feb. 14, 2015 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

01:06:39

2912 Fifty Shades of Grey: The Untold Story

Stefan Molyneux analyses the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. Both the books and the film offer a disturbing yet fascinating view of the often hidden dynamics that underlie female sexuality, intimate partner violence, and a multitude of taboo subjects. What can we learn and what should we discard? You can find the answers in Stefan Molyneux's review of Fifty Shades of Grey!

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	Hello, hello everybody!
	Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain Radio.
	Oh, I surrender, I surrender!
	I am rolling myself under the giant juggernaut of Fifty Shades of Grey.
	I'm going to go and watch the movie this evening.
	Oh yes!
	Is there anything more comfortable than being a middle-eyed bald guy going to see a BDSM chick flick of infinite sensuality and subjugation?
	Hopefully.
	I'll get a seat in the back.
	Not next to P.B. Herman, if I'm lucky.
	I have made my way through a good chunk of the first book.
	I am not sure I'm going to be able to take the sideways strangulation prose and continue, but I've made it two-thirds, three-quarters of the way through the first book, and I think I have enough to go on.
	And I think it's really fascinating.
	What an incredible opportunity this movie is for a demythologization of women and men.
	And for an honest-to-goodness conversation about sexuality and its drivers.
	And boy, I mean, if we do it right, you know, this could be a real...
	Breakthrough in male-female communications and a dehypocratization, if I may come up with my own words, of a lot of stuff that is hitherto, in general, is kind of obscured in society.
	So, let's get down to the meat-bone crossword of the matter.
	Which is, so this is going to be spoilers and this and that and the other, but I'm sure most people know the general story as it stands.
	So the story began as fan fiction, a very lengthy piece of fan fiction set in the Twilight universe, and when it became sort of successful...
	It was recast to a publisher who said, basically, take out the Twilight references and let's make it a standalone piece.
	And so the author did.
	I think she's a middle-aged mom, pretty chunky, with teenage boys, sons, and all that kind of stuff.
	And it's become, obviously, a juggernaut, and it's like the nine-and-a-half-week story of O kind of stuff that goes on.
	It's...
	It's the rescue, the bad boy situation, right?
	That you can get the alpha and turn him into a beta.
	That's sort of the fantasy.
	And there's stuff about the novel which I think is refreshingly candid.
	And there's stuff about the novel which I think is horrifyingly creepy.
	And so we'll do the yin yang, the Lennon McCartney of the whole piece.
	And hopefully that will all make some sense in some ways.
	So...
	First and foremost, we plot synopsis.
	So Anastasia Steele, a ridiculously inexperienced and tech-incompetent literature major in college.
	She's studying English literature.
	English literature.
	It's like judicial.
	Can you say it when your mouth is cold?
	Well, we'll find out.
	And she is...
	A child of divorce.
	She's never been physically spanked or physically punished in her life.
	And she's got a nice roommate.
	She seems to be, you know, kind of geeky, kind of inexperienced.
	She's a virgin.
	And she also, like, has no computer, doesn't know email, and is astounded to find herself using Google.
	We'll get to that a little later.
	What sort of mental age is she actually using?
	Being portrayed as, rather than the external markers, which never really seem to be referenced in any substantial way.
	So her roommate is supposed to go and interview this hot young billionaire guy who's like, I think he's 27, comes with his own...
	Six-figure income.
	Seven, eight-figure income.
	Who knows?
	And a six-pack while barely seeming to ever do any work and certainly never go into the gym.
	And she goes to...
	So a roommate's supposed to go interview this guy.
	She goes.
	She feels insecure.
	She stumbles and trips and falling through.
	And he becomes smitten by her and invites her into a...
	a red room of pain, a bondage and domination submission, masochism kind of...
	Scenario or environment.
	And she finds him...
	I mean, I don't know if she's really this dumb.
	I don't know whether people are dumb or play dumb.
	I guess it doesn't really matter.
	But she says, you know, I find myself oddly drawn to this incredibly sexy, good at everything billionaire.
	I don't know why.
	I just find him appealing.
	I mean, I don't know.
	Have you ever seen...
	I don't know, whatever men find attractive these days, Kim Kardashian, and people look at a photo spread of Kim Kardashian and say, I don't know why, but I feel drawn to her in some manner.
	Well, it's two things paired together, ass cheeks, boobs, not necessarily frontal lobes, though, of course, she's not dumb, but...
	It's just, if a man is looking at a woman who's decked to the nines and super sexy and says, I don't know why, I just feel drawn to her in some mysterious manner.
	People are like, oh man, will you slap yourself senseless with a rolled up playboy and come to your senses?
	So she finds herself drawn to him and then she gets drawn into this, you know.
	BDSM world.
	Anyway, that's sort of all you really kind of need to know about at the beginning.
	But there's lots of stuff that's very interesting about it.
	Lots of stuff that, you know, biologically, anthropologically speaking, speaks volumes.
	Because this, I think, is pretty much, if not the, one of the fastest-selling Fiction books in history, it's sold over 100 million copies, it's been translated into like 50 languages or something like that.
	I think one of those languages is simply the grunts from Temple Run 2 or Duke Nukem.
	Anyway, we'll figure that one out over time.
	So, it's a staggeringly successful work, and the vast majority of the readers are women.
	I just did this interview with a professor you might want to check out at fdrpodcasts.com or youtube.com for more on this, about the correlation, not causation necessarily, but the correlation between women who are very interested or who have read and liked Fifty Shades of Grey and who have significant dysfunctions in their relationships, histories of abuse or promiscuity or whatever.
	Anyway, so why is this book so successful?
	Now, please understand, just because I can say why it's successful doesn't mean that I can just go out and do it, right?
	But I'm going to tell you why the book is successful, and hopefully this will make sense of the phenomenon for you and for me.
	So what is the goal of a woman's sexuality?
	The goal of a woman's sexuality is to gain resources.
	To gain resources—I'm talking how we developed and all that, you know, prior to modern civilization, property rights, and so on.
	The goal of a woman's sexuality is to—obviously, it's to have children.
	That's sort of given, right?
	But it's to gain resources from men.
	And, you know, we're kind of unique, or at least not unique, but we're very— Most species have far less of a gestational period or a period towards maturity than human beings do.
	Like, we're ridiculously slow to mature, which is good, because the slower an organism is to mature, the more it is able to grow.
	It's kind of a weird thing.
	Like, if your baby starts to walk later, and if you can, you know, then generally they tend to be better in terms of their development.
	So the longer something takes to mature, it's like wine, I guess.
	The longer it ages, the better it is.
	And so human beings have this ridiculously elongated developmental process that just goes on and on.
	And it takes, like, God, 24 years, 25 years for the human brain to reach maturity?
	Like, it's truly lunatic.
	And the...
	I talked about this on the show before, but the...
	You know, the sort of afterbirth is called the fourth trimester, you know, sort of the first sort of nine months of life and so on, or the first couple of months, because we're born just before our head gets too big to fit through a birth canal.
	That will also pleasurably accept a penis, right?
	So we're born way too early.
	Which is why horses can walk within a couple of days and we take like 10 months.
	But the longer we can delay development or the more we can stay into a slow development, the more we can develop, right?
	If that makes any sense.
	So that is...
	Really important to understand that we have this, you know, crazy, crazy slow growth situation as a species.
	And, you know, so the recommended World Health Organization recommended breastfeeding is like 18 months.
	I don't know if that shows up in book three.
	Probably does.
	But, so, 18 months and you just, you gotta be there for your kids.
	Like, the average toddler needs his parents' attention every three minutes.
	And, like, I'm a stay-at-home dad, for those who don't know.
	I have been since my daughter was born.
	She's now six.
	And even now, very rarely I'll have something to do while I'm parenting and literally have to keep saying, hey, hey, hey, please, you know, give me 10 minutes without asking me to look at something or check something out.
	And it's great.
	I mean, I don't begrudge that.
	I think it's wonderful.
	But the amount of attention that human children need is, like, unbelievably staggering.
	Like, until you experience it, you just don't know.
	You just—I didn't.
	I don't mean to be annoying.
	Well, I don't mean to be more annoying than usual.
	So, the purpose of the woman's sexuality, of course, is to have kids, but there's no point having the kids if they're not going to make it.
	And the only way those kids are going to make it is if there are sufficient resources for the kids to be provided for, which is why, and again, I'm talking sort of prior to the welfare state and all this daddy government stuff, right?
	But the woman had to...
	Gain a commitment from the man with the most resources.
	And that's the biological driver, the most resources.
	Now, that having been said, there is a sort of paradox in female sexuality, which is not the case with male sexuality.
	The paradox in female sexuality is, I want a man with resources, but I also want a young man.
	But young men, in general, tend not to have resources.
	Older men tend to have resources.
	And so this is challenge in female sexuality.
	I want a young, hot guy, but I also want a guy with lots of resources.
	I want commitment from the most attractive man I can get, but that attractive man is likely to sleep around as well, because there's so many other women throwing themselves at him.
	So, lots of challenges.
	I did a whole course on 18th and 19th century literature, and a lot of it, Samuel Richardson and Jane Austen and so on.
	A lot of it was basically, where should I put my vagina, right?
	I mean, who gets my vagina?
	Who gets my eggs is basically, and they're all these hot guys, but you have to kind of grit your teeth, cross your legs and say, no, I want a stable guy who's going to be a provider because the hot guys are not going to stick around and that's not good, right?
	And hotness, to some degree, is innate in guys, just the way you're born.
	But resources can be acquired, which is so why do men go out and get resources?
	A man needs like eight or nine or ten times the amount of resources if he's going to have a wife and kids than if he's going to stay single.
	So he goes out and gets resources so that he can gain access to the highest quality woman in terms of fertility and so on.
	And good parenting, we hope, as well, too.
	But I'm just talking sort of biological drivers.
	So men go out and get resources and then parade those resources in front of women.
	And the woman tries to get the man with the most resources using her sexuality.
	And historically, this was what happened was you didn't gain access to a woman's sexuality until you had committed to her to provide her with the resources that she needed to raise your children.
	So no sex before marriage, and then the man is on the hook for supporting the family afterwards.
	So, the reason why this book is such a powerful aphrodisiac for women is that it sort of resolves one dilemma and introduces another.
	Because the traditional dilemma for women has been young, hot, but without resources, or old and unattractive, but has resources.
	And those are challenges.
	Now, in a war-based society, generally young and hot can also coincide with, could have resources, can go on pillage and steal or whatever, right?
	And so this book, Fifty Shades of Grey, it eradicates the traditional paradox because this man is young, hot, and has huge resources.
	He's got a huge, throbbing set of resources.
	And that resolves that paradox.
	Because, I mean, he's the most attractive man who's ever been written in literature, and I include, you know, people like Galt and Rand's heroes.
	He's the most attractive man.
	He's Superman.
	He's the most attractive man that's ever been.
	He pushes every single button of female hypergamy, the desire to marry up, to gain as many resources as you can with your sexuality.
	And please, I'm not judging any of this.
	This is just the way that biology and natural selection works.
	So he's the most attractive because he's young, he's hot, he's incredibly wealthy, and he's commanding, right?
	Like 60-70% of women have, I don't know, some people call them rape fantasies, some people call them ravishment fantasies, that a man just basically comes in and takes them.
	And this happens in a scene that's obviously a little bit disturbing, which is where the guy comes over to the girl's house, right?
	Christian comes over to Anna's house, or her little student flat or whatever, and...
	He says, I want to have sex.
	He doesn't quite put it that nicely.
	And she says, I don't want to have sex.
	And he forces her to have sex.
	And then afterwards she says, actually, that was great.
	So, good luck with all that.
	I mean, that's just a horrible scene.
	I mean, that's definitely sexual assault.
	At least by sort of contemporaneous definitions.
	Though, of course, no charges would be pressed because she liked it afterwards unless she has a change of heart or whatever.
	Anyway.
	So, how many billionaires are there who are 27?
	Well, very, very, very few.
	And those who are tend to have spent a lot of time typing and are kind of pale, stoop-shouldered and round-bellied.
	But none of that, right?
	There's no compromises here.
	Now, the twist, literally the nipple twist that's in the story, is that...
	The paradox of female sexuality is introduced in that Christian Grey is great in bed, he's incredibly sexy, he's staggeringly rich, he flies his own helicopter, and he plays piano expertly, and he does everything.
	Expertly.
	Right?
	So, where's the challenge?
	So, why is he not married?
	Why is he still single?
	And what is the conflict?
	Well, the conflict is that he's a sadist, right?
	That he wants to be sexually aroused by causing her pain, by dominating her.
	And so, that's the paradox.
	So, formerly, it was like, well, he's old and has resources, so he's young and hard, and blah, blah, blah.
	Now, it's like, well, he's perfect, but, right?
	But, he's sadistic and cruel and moody and all that.
	Now, there's no question.
	I mean, if you take...
	You know, a creep is just an obsessed guy the woman doesn't find attractive, at least according to this narrative.
	And...
	This guy is seriously disturbed.
	Like, he is very dangerous.
	He's a very dangerous fellow.
	He becomes instantly obsessed with her.
	He stalks her.
	She says she doesn't want to see him.
	He hacks into her cell phone and finds out where she is and shows up and And, you know, later on she goes and gets a job.
	He buys the company at the place she has a job at and, you know, he wants to command where and when she can eat and they have this big contract that I guess is sexually erotic to a lot of lawyers.
	A big contract, it's all nonsense, not legally enforceable anyway, but...
	It's like, how much can I pee on you?
	Is there anal fisting?
	It's like whatever godforsaken stuff they can come up with, they've got to sort of all agree on and all that, and she's got to go to a personal trainer, and he's got to control how much she eats.
	And so he's like a seriously deranged control freak and violent.
	And not just in the BDSM way, but, you know, at one point she gets a call And it's kind of some guy or her mom or something.
	And he says, I'm like, I'm palm-twitchingly angry at you.
	So basically he wants to hit her.
	He wants to hit her because she takes a phone call, which you can't control who calls her, of course, right?
	And the contract, of course, you know, abusers isolate you, right?
	They isolate you from other people.
	Sorry, that's kind of redundant.
	But...
	And so he's got this contract where he says you can't say anything.
	You can't speak anything about what's going on here.
	You can't repeat or talk to anyone about what we do, which is obviously an abuser's dream come true because he can do anything and she can't say anything.
	She's cut off.
	And she starts to exhibit all of the signs of the suffering, the sufferer of abuse, right?
	So she's constantly only worried about his mood.
	Like most abusers, he's actually kind of the most dangerous when he's in a good mood, but his mood switches continually, which indicates an extremely unstable personality structure.
	You know, you want someone with a little ballast, you know?
	You don't want somebody who's like, anyway, the wind blows.
	You want somebody who's like...
	You know, this is who I am.
	Yeah, it'll change a little bit.
	I get upset or this and that.
	But you don't want somebody who's like, I'm happy.
	I'm angry.
	I'm envious.
	I'm sad.
	I'm scared.
	I'm crying.
	I'm angry.
	I'm horny.
	Like, that's just bewildering.
	And it's kind of like an in-your-face, soul-based disco ball of staggering and dazzling discombobulation to be around that.
	Especially when the mood turns are danger.
	Danger, right?
	So she's obsessing about his moods.
	She's bursting into tears without even knowing it.
	She's obsessing about him.
	And there's such a huge amount of overwhelming attention that's paid to her because she probably has some emptiness in her heart and mind and all that.
	So when this rich, powerful, hot guy becomes obsessed with her, it sweeps her along in his manic, obsessive, psychotic energy.
	It just kind of hooks her and sweeps her along.
	So, there's a new twist, which is he's perfect, but he's cruel.
	And this has been, this has gone on a number of times before.
	You can look at the novel Pamela.
	I think it's the late 18th century for more on this.
	Or there's, I think, a novel called The Narcissist, about, I think, the 19th century.
	Also, Hilarious Shamala, which was, was it Henry Fielding's parody?
	Anyway.
	So, it's really dangerous, and The argument, of course, is that she can fix him.
	She can make him better.
	Now, he was born of a crack whore, as he calls her, and then he was given up for adoption at the age of four.
	And then, at the age of 15, an older woman obviously rapes him statutorily and draws him into her web of BDSM. And this is obviously rampant and sick and vicious and gruesome and evil pedophilia that was inflicted upon him.
	And I can't remember if it's ever said or ever described how old this woman is.
	He calls her Mrs.
	Robinson, I guess, after the Graduate or the Dustin Hoffman film, but it is extremely disturbing.
	And, of course, somebody who's been raped and sadistically tortured by an older woman when he was 15 will be an extremely damaged human being.
	It doesn't mean they can't ever get better, but I mean, you don't get better by reproducing the trauma on other people.
	Okay, so let's just sort of switch gears for a sec because now that we're talking about the sort of pedophilia aspect, it's a bit creepy reading.
	I mean, don't get me wrong.
	There's some sexy parts in it.
	You know, the early stuff where they're just having plain old sex.
	Yeah, it's, you know, it's erotically written.
	It's sexy stuff.
	But at the same time, it's like, I don't think I should be finding this sexy because she's going down on him and he's pulling on her pigtails.
	And it's like, pigtails?
	Oh, that's horrible.
	You know?
	And this is...
	There's the surface layer of the novel, but then there's underneath stuff about what's really going on.
	She is not a woman in her early 20s.
	I mean, it seems like she's never had anything to drink.
	It seems like she's never had a boyfriend.
	She doesn't have a computer.
	She doesn't know anything about email or the internet, really.
	Or anything like that.
	And so, mentally, she's like 13 or 14, and 13 or 14-year-olds know what Google is.
	So, she is much younger than she is supposed to be in the book.
	Like, mentally, and she says, holy cow, all the time.
	And she talks about going down on him like she's got her own Christian gray-flavored popsicle.
	You know, like it's a...
	I mean, that's kid stuff.
	And there is something where to be a billionaire and to have had—I think he's had 15 submissive partners before—to be a billionaire and to have all of these sexual partners before, to be so experienced, and to have learned how to play piano and fly a helicopter and build your own company and, you know, because he's an expert in everything, you know— Goes into any ethnic restaurant, I'm sure, and speaks it language natively or whatever.
	To do all of that, that's at least a guy in his 40s.
	At least a guy in his 40s.
	Now, of course, if you did the Nabokov-Lolita thing, and you made that explicit, that this is a guy in his 40s, and this is a girl who's 12 or 13 or 14, it would, to anybody with any conscience, empathy, or moral sense, it would be incredibly repulsive, vile, hideous.
	But she's kind of cloaked this by, well, you know, she is 22, or she's 21, you know, and he's only 27.
	There's not that big a, you know, but that's not, that's just what's said, not what is.
	I hope I'm making some kind of sense here.
	But if you look at how she behaves, holy cow, I'm licking your penis like a popsicle.
	He's pulling at my pig.
	Like, it's like, ugh!
	Eee!
	Yuck!
	I've never had a boyfriend.
	It's like there's this sort of sinister pedophilia aspect to the novel that pushes the extremes.
	And again, obviously pedophilia is unbelievably vile and evil.
	But it pushes the extremes.
	If you look at sort of the biological development throughout history, then there is a lot of examples of When girls reach puberty, then they are sort of, quote, auctioned off in many ways as sort of elderly or older, less than elderly, older, wealthy gentlemen, right?
	Think of these arranged marriages in various countries where the guy is like 45 or 50 and the girl is like 14 or whatever.
	That has biological...
	Creepy, gross, but biological value to it, right?
	Insofar as the men who've gathered the most resources are the most successful within that society, and the girls who are the youngest but fertile will be the best transmitters of his genetics, right?
	The best person to pair up the genetics with.
	So, at the surface, there's a story about these guys, these men, just a couple of years apart, but that's not the reality of what is actually happening.
	That she's like some girl guide kid who's coming to interview some 40- or 50-year-old tycoon.
	And that's the really creepy part of it.
	And I don't want to sound like I'm reading too much into it.
	There is a lot of indicators in the book that she's far younger than the age that she claims to be.
	Now, of course...
	In the modern society, a pedophile would love to have access to a child who is as isolated from her parents as this girl is, right?
	Because, I mean, being a pedophile must be unbelievably hideous, but also terrifying.
	The girl runs, or the boy runs to the parents, and you're 10 years in jail, right?
	Write yourself.
	So there is kind of like a...
	A creepy, she's like a 13-year-old in a 21-year-old's adult freedom independence kind of thing, right?
	The parents don't threaten, the parents can be charmed and wooed easily and so on.
	And the parents...
	See, the parents aren't very skeptical either.
	And that's a problem, right?
	So...
	They would recognize that this is the ultimate alpha, this guy, Christian Steele.
	He's the ultimate alpha.
	And they would have to ask themselves, what do they see in our ridiculously inexperienced, childlike girl, woman?
	And I would sit down and say, look, this is...
	He's out of your league.
	He's out of your league.
	And something's not right here.
	This billionaire could have anyone...
	He's the most attractive human being this planet has ever disgorged, and he's choosing you.
	Why?
	Why is he choosing you?
	Are you spectacularly accomplished?
	Are you incredibly intelligent?
	Are you unbelievably witty?
	Are you whatever, right?
	I guess George Clooney's human rights lawyer wife or whatever, right?
	Who's, you know, basically a praying mantis with red lipstick and flowing black hair.
	I don't mean that she'd necessarily bite his head off sexually.
	She's just skinny.
	Anyway, you get what I'm saying.
	I don't know.
	Whatever works for them.
	But they would look at the disparity of status, right?
	And the status disparity is foundational as to why the book is such a turn-on for these women.
	The status disparity is really important because a woman is more turned on by a man of higher status.
	And the greater the gap in their status...
	The greater is her sexual turn-on.
	That's hypergamy, which is you want to get the most resources you can possibly get for your sexual favors.
	And there seems that this is about as great a gap as could be conceived of.
	In that she's mentally much younger.
	She's broke.
	She's starting out her career.
	She doesn't ever go to the gym, she says.
	She's kind of plain.
	She's nothing special.
	And this is the Bella thing in Twilight, too, which I've done a movie review of Twilight.
	You can check it out.
	On the channel as well.
	Again, you can go to freedomainradio.com to link to the shows.
	But there's nothing special.
	And so, you know, I mean, it's the parent's job to say, okay, what?
	You know, what's going on here?
	Why is this guy who could have anyone, why is he sniffing around you?
	What?
	What's the catch?
	What's the...
	But the parents are just like, oh, he's great!
	The roommate is a bit skeptical, but still doesn't really ride to her rescue, so to speak.
	But that's a big problem.
	Her friends, her parents, they should all be like, well, what's going on?
	But none of that is happening.
	And this is, again, part of the isolation.
	And I've said on my show many, many times that When children, in particular, are isolated from their parents, don't have that close connection, don't have the back and flow of conversation and so on, this is when they're preyed upon.
	And she doesn't tell her parents what's going on, she won't talk about it, she won't speak about it, and so on.
	And that is, right, the fact that she's not telling anyone, this is another hallmark of the abuse that's going on, right, which is that she doesn't connect with people and say, honestly, I find this guy incredibly attractive because he's got all the resources my eggs are craving.
	You got me hotter than Georgia asphalt.
	And, um...
	But here's my confusion.
	She doesn't do any of that.
	So she tries to navigate all of this alone, this incredibly complex, manipulative, well-groomed, punch-drunk on first sexuality, all of this creepy stuff that's going on, this guy obsessing over her and following her around and buying her cars and giving her laptops worth $5,000 and all this kind of crap, right?
	Just overwhelming her with status and alphaness and money and sex and power.
	He's erasing her.
	Step by step.
	And to me, the domination-submissive thing is all about...
	We can't both be in the room for me to have an orgasm.
	We can't both be in the room for me to have sex.
	Sex means you are an orifice and I am in control.
	You don't exist and I am all-powerful.
	That is not...
	I don't know.
	What can I say, right?
	I don't want to ruffle too many feathers...
	But it doesn't seem to me the healthiest thing.
	I mean, two people both enjoy looking into each other's eyes, be equals.
	I mean, that's, you know, anyway.
	So he's, you know, step by step, he's just erasing her and erasing her.
	And she finds this more and more of a turn-on.
	And so basically, she says, okay, so her eggs are saying, she calls this her inner goddess, keeps twirling and dancing and doing all this ridiculously babyish stuff.
	And her eggs are saying, okay, so if you have to be whipped to get access to the resources for our eggs, then I don't care.
	Be whipped, get access to the resources for our eggs.
	And that is biologically what would be occurring.
	If mere physical pain is the only thing that stands between us and infinite resources for our eggs to raise our children and have five or ten...
	Right, so think of the genes that would say no.
	No to that which I find uncomfortable.
	I don't get the resources.
	Well, those genes may have zero or one or two kids, but those genes would say, oh, no problem.
	Yeah, you can spank the crap out of me, and then I get access to resources for the eggs.
	Well, they're going to have, you know, five or ten kids, and those genes are going to flourish relative to the other genes that don't.
	Right?
	So, basically, it's 50 shades of genetics, basically, and it's not one shade of genetics.
	But this, I think, is why it's hooking so deeply into a woman's psyche.
	The more that a man dominates a woman, the more she can trust that he's going to go out and get the resources, right?
	Because women want men who are win-lose, right?
	They're going to go and win and get resources from other guys.
	They're going to get money that other guys are going to get.
	They're going to win the battle.
	The other guy's going to lose.
	They're going to hunt the deer.
	The other guy's not.
	They're going to...
	He's going to win-lose, win-lose, win-lose.
	You can't be a win-lose machine if you have empathy, because then you look for win-win.
	And, you know, no women's loins have not adapted to win-win negotiations any more than our systems have evolved to handle a state of infinite sugar, fat, and salt.
	I mean, it's all too new.
	So, a woman who is dominated by a man, the eggs are like, great!
	If he dominates us, that means he's going to dominate other men, and he's going to win!
	He's going to win!
	And he's going to get us those goddamn resources, right?
	So, you know, the women all want the commanding alpha guy who barks and yells and gets what he wants and thumps the table and gets the resources and so on.
	And then, of course, they get disappointed when he's emotionally unavailable.
	And it's like, uh, yeah, that's kind of the deal, right?
	That's the deal.
	That's how it works.
	If you want the alpha, you want the dominant guy, he's going to be a bully.
	So the woman who surrenders to a man is doing this sort of egg dance.
	Eggs want resources.
	Give me resources.
	Sperm wants eggs.
	Eggs require resources to buy.
	So sperm goes out and gets resources and gets resources by dominating and winning.
	And then the woman...
	Who is dominated by the man is securing the knowledge that he's going to go out and dominate other men and get her resources.
	And this is the fundamental paradox of female sexuality.
	I know I said this one earlier, but this is even more fundamental, which is that the woman wants the dominant man for his genes, but she wants the less dominant man for intimacy.
	She wants the dominant man because the dominant man comes with resources, but she wants the less dominant man, the nurturer, the egalitarian, the sensitive, the nice guy.
	She wants that guy for, you know, chats and cuddles and being a good father.
	But she's fundamentally not going to be—again, this is all generalities, right?
	So there's tons of exceptions, but just speaking generally— When women say, well, I want a nice guy, I mean, it's sort of true, right?
	I mean, if they do want a nice guy, they want a guy who's going to be sensitive and intimate and a good dad and warm-hearted and all that.
	But she's fearful, biologically, she's fearful that that guy is going to lose out to the table-thumping alphas who are going to just take everything and then she's going to have a nice guy but no food for her kids.
	So, this is the paradox, right?
	She wants to be impregnated by the alpha, but she wants the beta to...
	I know these terms are not that helpful in some ways, but just, you know, forgive me for the shorthand.
	So these are the challenges, and I'm curious to see how the film plays out on all of these, and we will have a look at how these theories, again, the film is just part of it, but how these theories play out for the movie itself, we will see, and I'm certainly looking forward to it, and I will talk to you after the film.
	Driving back from seeing Fifty Shades of Grey in the theater, ironically, just stopped at a yield sign.
	Not a bad film, overall.
	Not a bad film.
	We start with some of the aesthetics.
	Of course, the...
	The actors are fabulously bodied.
	That's, I guess, you know, if you're going to see a whole lot of them, it's better if the view is nicer.
	And Dakota Johnson?
	Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith's kid?
	She's very good.
	She's very good.
	I mean, I can't imagine how many actresses Or I guess actresses.
	That they would have had to go through.
	To find this young woman.
	But she's good.
	It's a tough role.
	And she's got that doe-eyed, trembling, flat-voiced vulnerability.
	At least for the first part of the film.
	It's very well.
	And it's surprisingly funnier.
	And not in a bad way.
	But it's surprisingly funnier than I thought it was going to be.
	There are some moments of...
	Pretty dry humor.
	So I would certainly say that was a bit of a surprise.
	I don't find anything in the book funny at all.
	But I think that there's a lot of stuff that I guess I now sort of remember being in the book, but didn't remember on the way on the drive to.
	But let's dig in, shall we?
	So the part that I mentioned about the character Christian Grey, So he is into this sort of bondage and domination and submission.
	And as it turns out, he has been repeatedly and viciously betrayed by women through his entire life.
	And this...
	So I've said in this show for many years, and when I did Emma Watson's UN speech, I went and did this in more detail, or I also did a speech at the Men's Rights Conference in Detroit, which you can find more details about this.
	But women's role in the cycle of violence has, I think, been horrifyingly underestimated and underappreciated.
	I guess underappreciated is kind of a funny word to use for it, but...
	Tragically overlooked.
	Women's role in the cycle of violence.
	So here we see a dominant, aggressive man, Christian Grey, who wants to inflict pain on his lover, his girlfriend, I guess he calls her.
	But let's look at Christian Grey's history and the women who were in it.
	First of all, his mother was, as he puts it, a crack whore and a prostitute.
	And he has cigarette burns on his body.
	Now, I'm going to assume that these came from either his mother or one of his mother's boyfriends or some of his early life experiences.
	Well, we know that it comes from his early life experiences because his adopted parents are much too sophisticated to seem to be involved in putting cigarette burns on a child.
	So, here's his first experience of women.
	He says that he doesn't remember her, but he sometimes thinks he may see her in dreams.
	And that's his first experience as a prostitute, crack whore, crack addict, and someone who abuses him viciously.
	And the way that I look at it is that Women control sexuality as a whole, right?
	That's sort of the general thing.
	But women control sexuality.
	A man proposes and a woman disposes.
	A man asks, would you like to go on a date?
	Would you like to get married?
	Would you like to have sex?
	And the woman says yes or she says no.
	And that's the way it works.
	And so from my standpoint, when a woman...
	into her life who is abusive towards her children, that's, I mean, obviously the man is criminally responsible and all, but the woman is the one who is deciding for him to be there.
	And I think that's very important.
	It's a very sort of foundationally important thing to understand about female responsibility.
	And there's good reasons why, you know, women will, you know, some women will play the victim when confronted with their own wrongdoing and say, well, it was your stepfather who was the one who beat you.
	And it's like, yes, but you invited the stepfather into the house.
	Because women control sexuality.
	Women control romance.
	So, his mother was responsible for his ferocious, brutal, vicious abuse when he was a child, right?
	So, he had cigarette burns and I can imagine beatings and starvations and neglect and so on.
	And, you know, to my amateur eye, the obvious and near total sociopathy.
	Combined with probably elements of sadism, he says that he's a sadist, I think.
	So, when someone is vicious towards someone else, someone who's new in their life, and of course Anastasia Steele is new in Christian Grey's life, the real question is, who is he hitting?
	Who is he punishing?
	Who is he punishing?
	Well, obviously he's punishing his mother for her neglect and unbelievable abuse and vicious abuse when he was a baby, an infant, a toddler.
	He was adopted out when his mother died at the age of four.
	Now, of course, when a four-year-old or a three-year-old or a two-year-old is being viciously attacked and burned with cigarettes, you know, incohet, deep, ape-brain, lizard-brain rage festers in the mind.
	So, who is he hitting?
	Well, he's hitting his biological mother, to some degree.
	He's taking revenge against his biological mother for the abuse that she enacted on him.
	Now, you can say, well, but she was a crack addict, but a two-year-old doesn't understand that, and that's the level of rage that he's operating at, I would imagine.
	That's number one.
	Number two is the woman referred to as Mrs.
	Robinson, who Anastasia Steele rightly says was a child abuser.
	Actually, technically was a child rapist because she enslaved him as her sexual submissive when he was 15, and this continued for, I think he said, six years in the movie.
	Now, of course, she was a friend of his mother's, so this would be a woman in...
	If he was 15, let's say, his mother had...
	I guess we don't know exactly because the mom didn't have him.
	She's an adopted mom.
	But...
	Let's say that they adopted when she was 30.
	He's 27.
	Masha Gay Harden plays the mom.
	I don't know how old she is, but she looks in her mid-50s.
	So, let's say around 30.
	She adopted him, and he was 4.
	So, she would have been 41 when he was 15.
	So, a friend of his mother's would be in her 40s, probably early 40s.
	To a 15-year-old, and as I said in the previous review, this is kind of in the preview of the movie before I saw it, this was probably the rough age of where Anastasia is and Christian Grey is.
	Mid-teens, mid-forties, early teens, mid-forties.
	So, he was serially abused, molested, raped, and tortured.
	You know, this is like a seriously warping thing to do.
	When he was 15.
	So, this is another woman who betrayed him, who raped him, who abused him.
	Now, the third woman is his stepmother.
	You know, there's a kind of belief that predators are hard to see in the world.
	You know, well, Masha Gay Harden plays, you know, as she often does, this sort of strong, tough, charming woman.
	But the reality is that it was one of her friends who was a sadistic, violent, corrupting, vicious, torturing pedophile.
	One of his mother's friends was a sadistic pedophile who preyed on her son for six years, and he didn't even know it.
	She didn't even know it.
	Anna asks, Christian, does your family know?
	And he's like, well, of course not.
	I mean, come on, come on.
	There's a great scene in Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald where a guy comes to a party, and there's a lot of corrupt people in his novels, but this guy comes to a party, and he's like black-hearted, black.
	The whole room is just like, whoa, this guy is really dark.
	And it's not that hard to figure out who the good people are and who the bad people are.
	In movies, the bad people are always smoking.
	And the good people's apartments are always tidy.
	But it's really not that hard.
	And we know that because people who are abused who haven't processed or dealt with it generally will go and find abusers.
	And people who are not abused will generally find people who aren't abusive.
	And when people who have been abused deal with it, then they tend to move out of these circles of the abusers and they tend to find healthier people.
	I've heard it said that if you're in the pot and you go to a new town, within 15 minutes you can score something, which means that you know what to look for, you know how to find people.
	And so much of society and how people present themselves is around mapping dysfunction and projecting and portraying dysfunction.
	So, they're not hard to find, they're not hard to see.
	Really not.
	There have been, you can look at Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, there have been tons of studies that have shown how quickly people can figure out who's a good guy and who's a bad guy.
	So, if there is a friend of his, if his mother is friends with a vicious, sadistic pedophile who rapes him and tortures him while knowing that he came from crack whore addicts Mom.
	And also, this friend of the mom's, this Mrs.
	Robinson, she knows that he's been abused, even if she's never heard the stories, because he's got cigarette burns all over his goddamn body.
	I mean, they're visible when he's 27.
	Eleven years earlier, they would have been more visible.
	So, if your mom introduces you to a vicious, sadistic pedophile who rapes you and tortures you, What does that say about your mom?
	And this is where there's just this terrible lie about families.
	And this is why the abuse is acted out rather than dealt with.
	Because the families are all portrayed as wonderfully charming.
	But it's like, no, look, man, I hate to break everyone's bubble if such a bubble exists for you, but pedophiles are creepy, I would guess.
	And if you are best friends with a pedophile who's raping your son, you are not, as Marsha K. Hardin portrays this lovely, charming woman, you are not in that circle.
	You're in the circle of dantean ninth-level hell of pedophiles who are raping your children.
	I don't know if they ever find out, but I'm sure they would be.
	I'm shocked, shocked to find out that pedophilia has been occurring between my friend and my son.
	It would be tears, lamentations, shock.
	And I bet you if this Mrs.
	Robinson ever shows up in the trilogy, she'll be charming and worldly and all that, right?
	And Christian is friends with her.
	They're friends, you see.
	Friends.
	And imagine if...
	I mean, there's so much about this Fifty Shades of Grey that is so illustrative and instructive if one switches the genders.
	So if a man had written this...
	A book.
	And men were buying it by the tens of millions and devouring it.
	And it was called Daddy Porn.
	Because it's called Mommy Porn, apparently.
	If a man had written this book...
	About the sexual subjugation, humiliation, and beating of a young innocent woman.
	And men were devouring it.
	This would be patriarchy gone wild.
	Patriarchy run amok.
	People would be shocked, appalled, horrendous, hideous.
	There'd be protests, mass protests.
	I mean, it would be insane.
	But you see, because a woman wrote it, and it's not seen.
	It's not seen.
	If a woman had been raped by a man in his 40s, if a girl, a girl 14, 15 years old, because he would have been groomed even before he'd been raped, right?
	So if a girl 13, 14, 15 years old had been groomed and raped by a friend of her father's, and then 11 years later, or 12 years later, after the raping had ended, or after the sex had ended, went out for dinner with him and called him a good friend, people or after the sex had ended, went out for dinner with him and called him a good And I would imagine that...
	And this is what Anastasia says.
	She says, but this woman's a child abuser.
	Well, so his birth mother betrayed him, his stepmother betrayed him, and his stepmother friend raped him.
	So why does he want to punish women?
	This is not hard to figure out, right?
	This is not some...
	We need a Rosetta Stone to begin to crack these hieroglyphics, Batman.
	He's...
	He's hitting the women who have betrayed him.
	He's hitting his mother.
	He's hitting his stepmother.
	And he's hitting his stepmother's friend, the pedophile, the female pedophile.
	And he's hitting all the other women who were around in his mother's circle who were friends with this pedophile and who he couldn't talk to about this.
	Right?
	So as to why...
	He wants to hit women.
	Why?
	He wants to punish women.
	Because he's been exploited and abused by women his whole life, and betrayed by women his whole life.
	He's got a lot of anger towards women.
	Now, people say that this is all just, you know, well, he's just a misogynist, you know.
	And I mean, I get this too, to put stuff out that's critical of certain aspects of femininity.
	It's like, well, I'm sorry that your mom did what she did to you, but you've got to get over it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But that is...
	He's hitting the women who...
	So the women are part of the cycle of violence that he's now enacting against this other woman.
	Because he can't hit...
	Because he's nice to his mom and kisses her on the cheek and because he's still friends with the pedophile who raped him and this, he can't actually get angry.
	And his mom's, his birth mother's dead.
	She died when he was four.
	So he can't actually get angry at the women who've done him harm.
	They're too powerful.
	He's too sucked into their delusions.
	So, but anger has to go somewhere.
	The anger and rage of the betrayal and physical, emotional, sexual torture that he experienced from birth until the age of 21.
	Well, actually, we don't know what happened between four and 15, 11 years in the middle there, which aren't, at least to my knowledge, explicated.
	Maybe that comes up later, but...
	So that's Christian's family.
	Now, what about the Steeles, Anastasia's family?
	Well, first of all, of course, there's the inevitable put-downs of men.
	You know, so the guy broke his foot playing golf, and, oh, he calls the paramedics when he got a headache or whatever, some stupid joke that's made about how frail and foolish and silly men are and all that, right?
	Now, Anastasia's mom, she says in the movie, has been married four times.
	Oh, she's on her fourth husband.
	And she puts this forward like, well, I guess my mom's just a romantic.
	And, of course, Christian is asking her about her family to find out if she has strong enough relations with her family that they could impede his abuse of her.
	And so, her mom has been married four times.
	Well, that's crazy.
	That's Four times?
	That's a serious unwillingness to learn.
	And then when Anna goes to visit her parents in Savannah, Georgia, her mom and her stepdad, I mean, the stepdad is perfectly charming and they're just giggling and having fun and so on, right?
	I've got to imagine marriage number four, probably kind of a grim repetition of earlier dysfunctions.
	So both of these people, as I say children, both of these people have grown up without fathers.
	She says, oh, I was raised by my stepdad, but her mom's on her fourth marriage.
	Oh, my stepdad is great.
	Eh, you know, great guys, like really great guys, would probably not get married to someone who'd been married three times before.
	Just had my third divorce.
	Want to get married?
	No!
	Because I like my stuff.
	And I'm not having you take it out through my urethra with all the power of the state.
	Keeping my stuff.
	I'm not into vagina communism.
	Thank you very much.
	Hanging on to it.
	Keeping it.
	Not going to go live in a pinto.
	Off food that people have thrown out at fast food places.
	No thanks.
	But this great guy is just happy to get married to a woman.
	Who's been divorced three times.
	Now, come on, that's not believable.
	But this is how it needs to be portrayed.
	My mom, she's just a romantic, and she's a great mom, and she cares about her daughter, and she's like, really?
	Care about your daughter?
	Why are you getting married three times?
	Or four times.
	Not good for your kids to get a divorce.
	Really bad for them.
	You know, pretty selfish.
	He was the wrong guy.
	Well, did you know him for more than 12 minutes before you had a baby with him?
	Then you had time to find out if he was the right guy or not.
	People just studiously avoid talking about their partner's childhoods just because they don't want to have known the signs when everything becomes clear.
	So this idealization of family means that the writer doesn't have any connection between parental abuse and child abuse, which is why she's basically inflicting S&M on the population as a whole, because she's Projecting, passing along and amplifying the unprocessed abuse that she's been exposed to because she cannot realistically portray a dysfunctional family.
	The families are great.
	The fourth marriage is so wonderful and perfect.
	The mom is fantastic.
	And Christian's mom, who was great friends with a pedophile who raped her kid, is just wonderful and charming.
	And the whole production is like that.
	This is why I'd never get work as an actor.
	Because I'd walk into that set, I'd be handed that script, and I'd say, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
	I cannot participate in a cover-up like this.
	This has to be realistic because you are harming the world, not healing the world.
	I couldn't, I couldn't, like I, if I were Marsha Gay Harden, oh, just got her porn name.
	Did you hear it?
	If I were Marsha Gay Harden, then I would, I would say, no, I can't play this character because this character is completely, it's not unrealistic, it's anti-realistic.
	In Con Air, Steve Buscemi plays a pedophile who ends up chatting with a little girl.
	The whole thing is terrifying.
	Terrifying.
	That's how obvious they are.
	I'd say, I can't play this character.
	She was best friends or she was great friends or friends with a pedophile who raped her son for years.
	I can't play his character as this nice, charming, wonderful lady.
	Can't do it.
	Like, this is disrespectful.
	This is disrespectful to the victims of abuse.
	Because what you're saying is, oh yeah, she can be perfectly warm, wonderful, loving, and charming, and best friends, or friends with a pedophile who rapes her son.
	No.
	No.
	Okay, so that to me is fundamentally why the book exists.
	And also why people want to grab at this stuff.
	Like, well, I couldn't have known, and families are great, even though there's evidence of severe dysfunction and so on, right?
	Alright, so let's get to the change compulsion.
	So, a writer I read on the web sort of said she had an abusive ex, and he was like, oh, you should stay away from me, and of course that just titillated her, I guess, and she paid the price for it, and it's not good.
	But it's one way that abusers say, well, it's your fault if you stayed, right?
	It's your fault if you stayed, because I warned you.
	I told you.
	It's the warning label philosophy comes with.
	It's going to be a challenge!
	But, um...
	So, he warns her away.
	He says he's into this stuff.
	He shows her the red room.
	He says this is what he does.
	He doesn't do flowers.
	He doesn't do chocolates.
	He doesn't do romance.
	He doesn't do...
	Like, he's just...
	He's a cold-hearted.
	He says, I don't make love.
	I fuck.
	You know, that kind of stuff.
	Hard.
	Ow.
	I mean, I'm not a woman, but I just...
	No, that's not comfortable.
	No idea.
	Wobbling a broomstick around in there.
	So, the first time, she meets him.
	He's cold, he's hard, he's, you know, got that smile of ironic amusement that apparently makes certain dysfunctional women geyser up like Niagara at Yosemite Park.
	And I just, you know, he's that way.
	He's in control.
	He's come out.
	He says, I'm in control in all things, this, that, and the other.
	He's in control of his emotions.
	He's in control of his environment.
	He's whatever.
	He said, those who know me, they don't think I have a heart.
	He's cold.
	This is all up front.
	It does not lie to her.
	It tells her exactly who he is.
	And then, what does she want?
	I want you to change.
	I want you to change.
	Oh my god.
	What a disaster all around.
	What a terrible disaster all around it is that this compulsion to just change your partner.
	Change your partner.
	You've got to change.
	You've got to be different.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I made this analogy years and years ago that I can only speak from the male perspective, of course, but in my experience, up until my current marriage, but a current marriage, my only marriage, women say, I need a form of transportation.
	And they go shopping around, they go to all the car dealerships, they go to all the research, and they ask their friends, what's the best used car?
	And they go buy a used car, and then they Get it home, throw it in the garage, take out a hammer and say, now I'm going to make me a boat.
	Well, if you wanted a boat, why don't you just go get a boat?
	No, I want you to be different from who you are.
	I choose you, now I choose you to be different.
	I'm going to see a comedy and I'm going to try and will it into a drama.
	I'm going to see a war movie and try and will it into a comedy.
	I mean, it's just, I don't know, this is just how people waste their lives.
	It's just trying to find people to change.
	I mean, this is just how people Completely waste their lives.
	I love you.
	You're perfect.
	Now, change.
	It's not my line.
	It's someone else's.
	Oh, it's so tragic.
	You know, just assume people won't change.
	Here, I've just given you pretty much immortality.
	Assume people won't change.
	I mean...
	Be pleasantly surprised if they do, but don't hang around to find out.
	Assume people won't change.
	There, I've just granted you immortality, because I have saved you about 10,000 years of intellectual and emotional heartache, heartburn, and energy wastage.
	Assume people won't change.
	Just easy.
	Assume they won't change.
	I mean, I try not every morning...
	To wake up and will the laws of physics to change.
	Yeah, I'm kind of an empiricist.
	I'm going to accept that things are the way they are.
	And I'm just not going to try and will the laws of physics to change.
	That's not my bag.
	Not my scene, man.
	And I accept and assume the same thing with people.
	People aren't going to change.
	I mean, they're not going to change.
	And if they are going to change...
	It certainly is not going to be because I'm nagging at them and applying pressure to them, right?
	That's not going to work.
	All that will do is produce some immediate compliance followed by passive-aggressive or non-passive-aggressive resentment and aggression in the long run.
	People aren't going to change.
	Not going to change.
	But she wants a dominant, rich, in-control, wealthy, win-lose, arrogant, Prick.
	And then she's like, I want you to be sensitive.
	I mean, come on.
	He's told you who he is.
	And look, if it's so easy to change, why doesn't she just change to accept who he is?
	Ah, well, you see, I can't stop myself from wanting more.
	I can't change what I want, but you should change what you want.
	Oh, how boring.
	How boring.
	I mean, it seems exciting at the time, because you get these omnipotent fantasies that you can somehow really make people change for you.
	You have the constrictive, boa constrictive power of your vagina to turn a deer into a meal.
	Ah.
	Yeah, people won't change.
	They're not going to change.
	Which is great, because if you get someone who does change, it means they're not going to stop changing.
	They're not going to turn into somebody who doesn't change.
	It's great.
	Find someone who's changing, who grows, who lives, and hang on to them with everything you've got.
	Objects in motion tend to stay in motion.
	Objects at rest tend to stay at rest.
	People who are changing will always keep changing and interesting you in new aspects of who they are, new things they've learned.
	People who are inert will only get more sedentary and more inert.
	You're either evolving or you're a fucking fossil.
	That's all there is.
	That's all there is in life.
	There.
	I just made you double immortal.
	I am a vampire.
	Although you don't have to eat people anymore.
	So, the change aspect is important.
	The sex, frankly, was kind of disappointing.
	I mean, I'm sorry.
	I'm going to be frank with you.
	It was just disappointing.
	What do we see?
	Like...
	Just the top of the trunk?
	I mean, when he pulls off his pants, it's like, we know there's a penis involved here.
	We know that's why she's here.
	Come on.
	Do the penis.
	I mean, it just...
	It's a sex story.
	And it was all very non-sexual.
	I mean, and up until the last part of the movie, all of this...
	It was the red room of Mild discomfort.
	It was...
	Not the red.
	This is the off-pink room of, uh...
	Ooh, that stings a little.
	That's all they got.
	It really wasn't, uh...
	It wasn't much bondage.
	There's no hot wax, no nipple clamps, none of this fisting stuff they talked about.
	I guess that was stricken off.
	But it just was very mild.
	Like, I just...
	I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, but there's a scene where he's tied her up.
	He can do anything he wants with her.
	He's a sadist.
	He's into pain.
	What does he do?
	He tickles her with a feather.
	Really?
	Not the comfy chair.
	It's a feather.
	It might make you laugh a little, because that's how mean I am.
	Crazy stuff.
	Yeah, so there was some useful stuff in the film.
	I think lots of stuff to talk about with hypergamy, lots of stuff to talk about with the women's role in the cycle of violence.
	I mean, he would not be who he is.
	This Christian Greyfellow would not be who he is if he had not been betrayed and abused by so many women who were in a position of authority and trust over him.
	So, it's an important question to ask, you know, when you see someone, or you experience someone, I hope you don't, but yelling at you or threatening you, whatever, the question is, well, who are you actually talking to?
	And if that person can actually be identified, I think that things become more resolved, more peaceful.
	Right.
	Anger tends to escalate when it is applied to the incorrect target, if that makes any sense.
	I mean, your hunger tends to escalate if you only think you're eating but you're not, or if the food that you're eating isn't in fact nutritious or is pretend food or whatever.
	Your hunger is only going to escalate.
	And when you figure out who you're really angry at and get angry at that person for the right reasons, as Aristotle said, it's easy to get angry.
	It's hard to get angry At the right time, in the right way, at the right people for the right provocation, and so on.
	But if you can do that, if you can readily identify who you're really angry at, then your anger finds its proper target, and then your anger knows how to protect you from those targets, from those kinds of people.
	But because the woman who was great friends with the pedophile who raped him is his mom, he's still friends with her, and he's still friends with the woman who raped him.
	The anger...
	is directed elsewhere.
	And this is how the abuse is recreated, which is really quite tragic.
	So, thank you so much for listening.
	If you really want to help out this conversation, hugely, hugely appreciate it.
	You can go to freedomainradio.com slash donate and help us out.
	And, of course, if you really hate the idea of doing that, but you're a masochist, well, then I guess you'll go and do it.
	Thank you so much.

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