Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux - 2260 Philosophical Parenting - A Note from a Freedomain Radio Listener
Aired: 2012-11-17
Duration: 03:24


=== Parents and Spanking Debate (01:21) ===

[00:00:00]  A message from a Free Domain radio listener.
[00:00:02]  So, I'm at work after hours plugging away at my PC, and a co-worker comes to my desk.
[00:00:08]  She sees pictures of my son and asks if he's mine.
[00:00:12]  Yes, I respond.
[00:00:13]  Oh, he's so handsome!
[00:00:15]  Is he well-behaved?
[00:00:17]  I thought that it was an odd question, so I said, yes, he's very well-behaved.
[00:00:22]  When I asked what she meant, she went on about the hells of raising her six-year-old.
[00:00:26]  Mine is seven.
[00:00:28]  She complains about how her child doesn't listen to her no matter how much she gets spanked, is constantly misbehaving, etc.
[00:00:37]  At this point, I've had to ask, did it ever occur to you that spanking might be the problem?
[00:00:43]  I ask this because for a lot of people, when discussing the behavior of other children, if they're out of control, the comment that the parents must not be spanking enough is always made.
[00:00:55]  I ran into a similar situation a few months ago, went to the house of my wife's friend, and their little one was an absolute nightmare.
[00:01:02]  He was combative, offensive, would not listen, and just completely out of control.
[00:01:07]  This was in a Catholic home with plenty of corporal punishment.
[00:01:11]  The parents were just perplexed at what they could possibly be doing wrong, but unable to consider the possibility that spanking was the issue.

=== Why Spanking Fails (02:03) ===

[00:01:21]  Anyway, I said to my co-worker, my son is at the top of his class.
[00:01:25]  His reading is three grades ahead, and it's something he does on his own for enjoyment.
[00:01:30]  His classmates look to him for help and as an example.
[00:01:34]  He doesn't hit, he doesn't fight, he doesn't take.
[00:01:37]  He is respectful of the property of others.
[00:01:40]  If anything, he's a bit too hesitant to use or touch anything that is not his without express permission to do so.
[00:01:46]  We can take him anywhere, from long international flights to doctor's visits to the movies, and while he will probably complain about being bored, he'll never go berserk or cause a problem.
[00:01:58]  He's empathetic, compassionate, respectful.
[00:02:02]  I woke up today and he had already brushed his teeth and taken a shower and gotten dressed for school completely on his own.
[00:02:10]  I don't know, sometimes I think I take him for granted, or at least his behavior.
[00:02:13]  My co-worker was shocked.
[00:02:16]  And then I dropped the bomb on her.
[00:02:20]  I never hit him.
[00:02:22]  Ever.
[00:02:23]  I never raise a hand to him or make him feel threatened.
[00:02:26]  I don't even raise my voice.
[00:02:29]  It has been a lot of work, taking the time to be actively engaged in his life and having to reason with him to help him understand the hows and whys of the world.
[00:02:36]  But I think he's worth it.
[00:02:38]  And if what you want is a child who behaves the way mine does, the last thing you should do is hit.
[00:02:46]  I am not a scientist, and he is not an experiment, but anyone who has raised a child should see how they learn by copying what you do.
[00:02:56]  They're like little copy machines, and they mimic behaviors with an amazing skill.
[00:03:03]  So, if you treat your child with respect instead of aggression, you will get respect instead of aggression.
[00:03:11]  I just wanted to share this and say thank you again to Stefan for opening my eyes.
[00:03:17]  It really is true that if we want to achieve a peaceful, cooperative society, the place to start is with our children.