June 10, 2007 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
17:07
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| Good morning, everybody. Hope you're doing well. | |
| It's staff 1037 AM on June, Saturday, June the 9th, 2007. | |
| Hope you're having a wonderful, wonderful day, and thank you so much for tuning in. | |
| I'm just a smorgasbord today. | |
| I'm going to hit the gym just before heading back to... | |
| Toronto with Christina. | |
| We've been up here in Ottawa for the last couple of days. | |
| And I have a dream that I'm going to just spend a few minutes on. | |
| I think it's fairly self-evident. | |
| And I know a good deal of the history of this person, at least recent history. | |
| This is a gentleman who's going through a defu, which is, for those who dislike these kinds of terms, this is the situation where somebody is breaking, in a permanent sense, with their family of origin due to. | |
| Corruption and problems in that family of origin that are not remediatable. | |
| It can't be solved through negotiation. | |
| So this gentleman has posted, he said, I had a dream the other night, and it is really confusing me. | |
| I do not usually remember these things, but this one has stuck with me, so I thought I would post what happened. | |
| I'm going to be graduating high school in August, a year early, and I'm really excited. | |
| Anyway, I had a dream regarding this, I think. | |
| Here's the deal. In my dream, I finished the last day of school by acing my English 12 exam. | |
| I drive home to get ready for graduation, and I realized that I left my bag at school. | |
| I ride back over on my bike because it's so nice out, and I have plenty of time before the graduation actually happens. | |
| I pull up to the sidewalk next to the school, and right as I'm about to ride Onto the campus, a wall of fire springs up to block me from getting through. | |
| I try to put it out, and I'm just burnt. | |
| I call the fire department, and they can't get it to go out. | |
| I ride home, freaked out and scared. | |
| When I come back for the actual ceremony, it looks as if the blaze never happened, and everything goes normally until it's time to leave. | |
| We get out of the parking lot, and then the fire starts again, but this time I do not care, because it does not seem to matter. | |
| Anyone have insight? Well, I might. | |
| I'm certainly happy to throw a few ideas at this and see if it sticks. | |
| This is a defu dream. | |
| The reason that I ask people who post dreams what's going on in your life right now is that dreams are pretty contemporaneous. | |
| They really focus on what's going on in people's lives. | |
| Right now. And so that's usually the first place to start. | |
| And this guy's defooing. And I think this is a perfect and beautiful, highly compressed, magnificent, everybody's a genius, I'm telling you, highly compressed defoo dream. | |
| And it has all of the elements of defooing as I've experienced it and talked about it with people. | |
| So let's step through this briefly and have a look. | |
| Finish the last day of school. | |
| So there's a lot about maturing and graduation here, becoming an adult, and going under your own propulsion, which is all very important, and all of which bad families repress or suppress or attack. | |
| They just don't want you to go out on your own, to step up on your own, and so on. | |
| So he finishes the last day of school by acing my English 12 exam. | |
| Now, that's very interesting. | |
| Actually, I took that exam voluntarily. | |
| I didn't have to because my marks were so high in English, of course, and language skills are pretty good. | |
| But I did end up taking that exam voluntarily. | |
| And you know when you've aced it, right? | |
| So there's a real confidence in this, right? | |
| Somebody's judging his own actions and saying, yes, I've aced it. | |
| So there's a real confidence in this that I think is admirable and indicates a maturity and a growth That you don't just fear something's gone wrong somehow, somewhere, in some manner. | |
| You say, I aced it. | |
| And it's interesting that it's an English exam. | |
| And this gentleman has been working enormously hard and enormously productively and successfully in his life to ditch this family stuff. | |
| And this is not at all easy for this guy. | |
| He's been magnificent. So, I mean, the dream could have you failing a math exam, but it has you acing... | |
| An English exam. And, of course, what we talk about here is fundamentally philosophy, which is fundamentally language. | |
| It's not mathematics. I mean, syllogistical proof is good, but it's not mathematics. | |
| And, of course, the dream side of things is pure language. | |
| There's no proof. There's only resonance, which is non-empirical proof, like if something resonates with you and you feel strongly about it, there's proof that it means something to you, but you can't measure it on any sort of objective scale. | |
| So, you're acing an English 12 exam, which means that you're succeeding in a language-based discipline, which of course is philosophy. | |
| There are no philosophy classes in school, right? | |
| So, this English is the closest. | |
| I drive home to get ready for graduation. | |
| I realize I left my bag at school. | |
| I'm not going to make any jokes about nutsacks. | |
| Um... So, if you're driving home and you're in high school, it's your parents' car. | |
| I've got to assume that, right? So, you're under your parents' propulsion, right? | |
| You're in your parents' environment. | |
| You're in your parents' property. | |
| You're in your parents' world. | |
| And you're driving home. And then you realize, oh, I left my bag at school, right? | |
| So, I left something important. And of course, I try and talk about personal issues with regards to philosophy. | |
| In fact, I insist upon talking about that, even at people's high degrees of discontent. | |
| So, you learn something that was pretty abstract, you know, English exam and so on, not the most personal thing in the world. | |
| So, you learn something that was pretty abstract, and then you realize that something far more personal, you left something at school, so you You no longer, then, at this point, you don't use your parents' car. | |
| It's a beautiful day, you get your bike, and you're going back to school under your own propulsion. | |
| This is independence from the family. | |
| It's independence from your parents. | |
| You're not using your parents' resources anymore. | |
| You're under your own propulsion. | |
| Now, when you return to the place of abstract learning to get something personal, under your own propulsion, independently of your parents, then a wall of fire springs up. | |
| And what this is, is when you attempt to bring philosophy to bear in your family, most times you get an enormous amount of hostility. | |
| Most times you get an enormous amount of hostility. | |
| And this is the wall of fire springing up. | |
| And You call the fire department. | |
| And the fire department is unable to put this out. | |
| And what this means is that I would guess that the fire department is the board and other people, the Freedom and Radio board, that you spent a lot of time discussing these issues on, and other people that you're talking to in your life about this. | |
| That you're saying, wow, you know, there's a lot of rage in my family that I'm really just awakening up to now, and it's only because I'm trying to bring real values to bear in a personal way on my family. | |
| I get the rage. And of course, when you confront people with their immorality, you do get the rage, of course, right? | |
| I mean, naturally, people who are immoral are immoral because they believe that they can make other people believe that they're immoral. | |
| I mean, if everybody could see immoral people right away, immorality would not pay, right? | |
| Immorality would not pay off. | |
| Like, if I tried to counterfeit money by scrolling staff dollars on a napkin and trying to pass them off as real money, quote, real money, fiat money, government-approved money, right? | |
| If everybody could immediately see that it was monopoly money or a napkin with the word dollar scrawled on it in crayon, Then I would not be able to make a living as a counterfeit, right? | |
| So the way that you fight people who counterfeit is you help people to tell real money from counterfeit money. | |
| That's what everybody does who works in retail. | |
| They get those machines where they waive the dollars and they say, huh... | |
| Well, this dollar is not real, and this dollar is real, and that's how you deal with counterfeiters. | |
| You make it easier to spot the counterfeit. | |
| And this, of course, is what I'm trying to do as well. | |
| I'm trying to get you to be better at spotting the counterfeits. | |
| If everybody could immediately spot counterfeit money, there'd be no such thing as counterfeiters. | |
| I wouldn't be able to pass anything off as anything. | |
| And if I can get you to immediately see that bad people are bad people, then they won't be able to pass themselves off as good people. | |
| And as such, they will not find it nearly as profitable or beneficial to be bad people. | |
| This is the only way you can fight this sort of stuff. | |
| This is the only way you can train people to see evil. | |
| So you call the fire department. | |
| And, right, this is the reality that you're fighting. | |
| You're calling people who are supposed to be able to help you with the fire, and they can't put it out, right? | |
| So the people that you're talking to about the reality of your family can't change your family. | |
| And that's, of course, exactly what we've been talking about on the recent podcast. | |
| Families are impervious. | |
| Most families are completely impervious to change, which is why they must be abandoned if they are corrupt. | |
| I mean, you just can't change your parents, right? | |
| Somebody may be able to help the rapist, but it sure as heck isn't going to be the rape victim, right? | |
| Never going to happen. So, you try to put it out just burned, right? | |
| So you try to deal with your family yourself, and you just get burned because of the rage and the hostility at the core of your family. | |
| You try to deal with those who are supposed to be able to put out the fires, and we can't, right? | |
| We can't help or change your family. | |
| We can't put out the fire of this rage. | |
| And you ride home freaked out and scared. | |
| You come back for the actual ceremony. | |
| Now, I don't know if your family's here or not for the actual graduation ceremony. | |
| I don't know. But I'm not sure that it's hugely relevant. | |
| And of course, if it was, you probably would have written it down. | |
| It looks as if the blaze never happened and everything goes normally until it's time to leave. | |
| Right? And this is very common, right? | |
| So what happens is You bring your values to bear on your family, real values, honest, philosophical, virtuous values to bear on your family, and there's an enormous amount of rage that comes out of that, right? | |
| And what happens is then you get freaked out and scared. | |
| And because of the guidance, I would assume, to some degree of this conversation, you realize that you're not going to stick around and try and change all of this. | |
| It can't be changed. It can't be fixed. | |
| It can't work. So what do you do? | |
| Well, you get ready to go, right? | |
| And when you get ready to go, you kind of have to suppress your feelings. | |
| Your family desperately wants you to suppress your feelings and to return you to who you were before you saw the wall of flame, before you saw the rage of your family. | |
| They desperately want you to return. | |
| Nothing happened! Nothing happened! | |
| That's all families ever say when these kinds of things flare up. | |
| Nothing happened! What are you talking about? | |
| Nothing happened! Let's pretend that nothing happened. | |
| That's all they got. | |
| That's all they bring to the table. | |
| Nothing happened. And so, of course, when you return to school, it's as if the fire never happened. | |
| The rage, the flare-ups, and so on, are gone, suppressed, squashed, as if nothing happened. | |
| Which is perfectly predictable, according to the theory of corrupt amelism. | |
| But it doesn't... | |
| So then you graduate, right? | |
| So you've learned, you've accepted the corruption within your family, and it's time to leave. | |
| But you've graduated, you've understood. | |
| Time to leave. Time to leave. | |
| And what happens? Well then, the fire blasts up again. | |
| Right? So you bring values to bear in your family just in terms of language, in terms of questions, in terms of real ethics, openness. | |
| Right? So all I talk about, I go talk to your family. | |
| And then what happens is that there's a massive flare-up, and then you realize the truth about your family, and you make your plans to leave, and everything calms down. | |
| They're happy to suppress it. | |
| You're currently suppressing your emotions. | |
| I mean, it's pretty important. | |
| I mean, you don't want to have your appendix taken out without getting numbed, right? | |
| Without getting anesthetized. | |
| And you don't want to defoo while you're in a state of high susceptibility to feeling, right? | |
| So defooing puts you in a kind of emotional... | |
| Shock, right? | |
| I mean, you protect yourself. | |
| You cover your emotions, and there's nothing wrong with that. | |
| I mean, that's healthy. Suppression is healthy, right? | |
| Repression is bad. Habitual suppression. | |
| Repression is bad, but suppression can be perfectly healthy in situations of extreme stress, right? | |
| Like when you break your ankle, or if you've sprained your ankle like I have, then you don't feel the pain for an hour or two, right? | |
| That's good, right? Assume you're running away from some predator, and then you've got to arrest it when you get to some place safe. | |
| So during the ceremony, there's no fire. | |
| And then when you're ready to leave, after you've graduated and you're ready to leave, in the family, they think that they've won. | |
| So in the family, after the first flare-up of feeling... | |
| Then you plan to leave, and you suppress, and they suppress, and everyone pretends that nothing happened, and they think they've won. | |
| They think that the lack of passion, the lack of flare-up, the lack of emotional volatility, is because you've gotten right back into the blank box, right, of nothing happened. | |
| But then when they realize that you've been preparing to leave, and that's why you haven't been fighting with them, right, then the flare-up happens again, right, which is what you're Right? | |
| We get out of the parking lot. | |
| Sorry, your family is with you. We get out of the parking lot and then the fire starts again. | |
| But this time we do not care because it does not seem to matter. | |
| And it certainly is true in the realm of defoeing that when you go, like when you're truly in your gut ready to go, when you're truly in your gut ready to leave, It's amazing. | |
| It's just amazing how little all of this emotional volatility seems to matter. | |
| I mean, it'll still be scary, it'll still be upsetting, and so on, but fundamentally, it just doesn't really matter. | |
| People get mad at you, people get upset, but it's like you're gone. | |
| on. | |
| It's like they're just shouting through thick glass. | |
| It's like the husband who beats his wife so that she becomes compliant. | |
| Thank you. | |
| So he beats her up. | |
| She becomes compliant. | |
| She no longer argues with him. | |
| He's like, yep, she's back in the box. | |
| And then when he finds out that she's just been preparing to leave, well then the real violence, right? | |
| The real emotional violence really explodes, right? | |
| But it doesn't really matter as much, right? | |
| I mean, you're less in danger from your family than you are from some abusive husband. | |
| Our wife and families don't really stalk. | |
| There's lots of reasons for that, which we don't have to get into right now. | |
| It doesn't really matter. So I'd say that's what your dream is, and this is why it stuck with you, and this is why the metaphor... | |
| There's lots of metaphors in here that are very tightly packed that we don't really hugely need to get into. | |
| But I think that's what's going on. | |
| It's a defoo dream. And it's giving you the whole sequence of defooing and what is going to happen next. | |
| Maybe it's already happened. | |
| I'm sorry if I haven't been tracking this as closely as I could have been. | |
| But there's a lot more storm and stress that goes on when you have taken this final step. | |
| But it doesn't really matter as much because you're already kind of out, kind of gone. | |
| So I hope that that helps. |
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