All Episodes
Previous Next
Dec. 18, 2006 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
31:46
561 SHOW CONTINUES ON NEW FEED Full Disclosure - God

The eye in the sky clears His name (NEW FEED: Freedomain_Radio_Podcast_2.xml

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hi, it's Steph. Just a minor bit of housekeeping before we begin.
This is just to let you know that we've run out of space on Free Domain Radio feed 2, so you'll need to add a new feed to continue listening to shows past this one, which is freedomainradiopodcastunderbar2.xml.
You can find instructions for how to do this on the website.
There's an old flashing thing right on the homepage which allows you to continue the conversation, and we now return you to your regularly scheduled rant.
Thank you for listening, as always.
Oh, good morning, everybody.
Hope you're doing well. It's God here.
I just wanted to...
I'm sorry if I'm a little sluggish this morning.
I didn't get my coffee.
And I've been awake, oh, just a few minutes now, after a nap of...
Uh, three, four...
Ooh, almost 20 billion years, so...
I wanted to...
Excuse me.
Yes, well...
So I was woken because there's this new full disclosure law.
And I'm apparently obligated to clear a few things up.
So when I awoke and was informed of this...
Well, it takes a little while for the old omniscience thing to start cooking, so I cast my eyes about and saw that I had both a declaration and a reclamation to make.
And the declaration we'll get to in the reclamation is really that people have been fraudulently issuing goods in my name, and Must be dealt with.
The only thing that I can say to those people who have been fraudulently giving you fraudulent goods based on my name is that they're damn lucky.
And I'm the, excuse me, I'm the eternal being, so I don't use the word damn very lightly.
But they're damn lucky that I am not the ridiculous, petulant, and genocidal being that they pretend that I am.
But I would like to think someone with a little bit more, might we almost say, infinitely more rationality.
Alright, I didn't say that my humour was infinite, but so these people who have been putting forward rather mad theories in my name do not have to fear eternal punishment from me and so on.
So I want to clear up a few matters there first, and then we will get to the full disclosure to the Declaration.
Now to start with, there's a lot of nonsense that's written about me in a wide variety of rather silly books and believed.
I mean, I didn't even get round to, even with infinite patience, I didn't get round to reading all the silly stuff that's posted on me on your internet, but...
I guess I have a name and I would be reasonably interested in clearing it so that some of this silliness can cease.
But first, no, first let me get to the Declaration.
Now, I've been sort of racking my capital M mind to come up with a good way to explain this to you a lot, but the only thing I can think of is There's sort of two that pop into my mind.
The first is that if you write a very good computer program, a very tight set of code with a wonderful set of error handling,
That you don't really need to sit and judge and stare at it and watch the status bar and watch it go for 20 billion years, really.
Or for the rest of your life, if you write a nice juicy slice of cobalt wonders.
You don't actually need to sit there and watch it.
You move on to other things.
You move on to other things.
And while everybody in the world understands that this would be pretty obsessive-compulsive to sit there and stare at the computer program that will never produce an error and wonder if it's producing an error and try to nudge it along and try to make it do this or that or mess with the cycles and so on.
For some reason, people feel that this is an appropriate action for the lord of dimensions and universes and time and space.
Yes. The Big Bang was me, I admit.
I, uh...
I come clean.
And, uh...
As for dark matter, I have nothing to do with that.
But... I created the matter, and I myself was created by who I do not know.
I'm sure by somebody who was itself created.
And I got things going, and yeah, I put some pretty good...
Oh, excuse me.
I put some pretty good physical laws into place, which are pretty inviolable, right?
Yeah. You can't change them.
It's not that complicated.
You've got your gravity, your energy, electromagnetism, magnetism, strong forces and weak forces and all this nonsense, and you can't break them.
I did mess in throwing a little mind-bending stuff around the speed of light and so on, but you cracked that little puzzle, so good for you.
But, you know, they're pretty...
They're pretty unbreakable.
They just do what they do.
And... I can't for the life of me imagine why.
In these books that you read, I am constantly supposed to be violating my own laws, and yet I am...
I'm considered to be a just and holy god.
Rather, rather mad.
If you can imagine a chess player who invents the game of chess, and then whenever it looks like he might lose, or whenever it looks like he is threatened, or a favorite player of his is threatened, he just changes the rules of chess.
Well, I can't imagine that you would think that such a player would be considered a just and honorable and honest player.
So all this nonsense wherein I make bushes burst into flames and make it rain fire and make people walk on water and bang chicks without ever being around.
And...
Well, it's all complete nonsense.
If I thought the rules were good, and they were good and they aren't good, I don't mean to pat myself on the back, but I could do it in ways of flexibility that you can scarcely imagine.
But it's not really very good to set up all of these unbreakable laws and then roll around breaking them.
If I were really omniscient, surely I would have seen that they would need to be broken.
And we're not just talking to physical laws.
I mean, we're talking to moral laws as well.
All this nonsense that...
If a...
If a...
You know, if a secular thinker came along and said that...
We should kill people who disagree with us, and if you don't do what I say, I'm going to recommend genocide, and I'm going to actually achieve genocide.
You've got a big problem with Hitler, right?
But me, apparently, oh, I'm the best thing.
I won't even say since sliced bread, since sliced bread came from me as well.
So, you know, you've got these guys, what are they, priests, running around saying, God made the universe, made all of the physical laws.
And then he keeps breaking the laws.
And he also is this really good guy who gets millions and millions and millions of people killed, not just in terms of the warfare, but also in terms of people that God actually killed.
Isn't there one story where he killed everyone in the world except for one family and a bunch of animals?
Just... Amazing.
You know, there's some aspect of fraud that you can understand, you know, like you're sort of going down a street corner and there's a guy selling Rolexes and There's two R's and three X's of the brand name and the lens case is all scratched.
You know, it's got Velcro straps on and he's selling it for five bucks.
Then it's hard to sort of say that the people who get fooled by this sort of idiot are anyone to be sympathized with.
You would hope that people who get fooled by a counterfeit...
You would hope, at least, that the counterfeit is pretty decent.
And if everybody just buys the counterfeit and thinks that they're getting the real goods, even though they claim that the real goods are of the highest quality and the counterfeit that they're buying is pure crap, well, it...
That stretches my patience, at least just a little.
And we're not even talking about a Rolex here, we're talking about the all-supreme, highest moral force in the universe.
And y'all call him good, or me, I guess, despite the fact that I do things that would make me the most evil human being in history if I achieved even one-tenth of one percent of what I am.
How would you feel about somebody who killed only 600 million people?
Only 1% of your population.
Or 60 million people?
One tenth of one percent of your population.
Six million, one tenth of one tenth of one percent of your population.
This was Hitler with the Jews and he's considered stone evil.
I kill... in terms of relative to the population.
Ten thousand times that many, and I'm worshipped as a...
Ugh. I mean, that's just one thing of all the other things that are talked about in this.
So I guess I'm Mr.
Gucci wondering why you're buying and parading around in clothing that is made from garbage bags and paper sacks and potato sacks with the word Gucci misspelled scrawled on on crayon and thinking that you're all that sister down there in Milan.
It's puzzling.
It's puzzling, to say the least.
Now, the next thing that I'd like to go over is that you all have the next thing that I'd like to go over is that you all have this law, which is that if someone doesn't want to
you know, obviously he doesn't want to spend time with you, then it's pretty bad to keep trying to get in touch with them.
Stalking or something like that.
Obsessing over someone.
So, you know, if you like Drew Barrymore and...
You write her a thousand letters a week and she doesn't respond to any of them and then you go to her house and every time you go she sees you coming and she doesn't answer the doorbell and she doesn't show up and then you try to break into her house and you get attacked by dogs and you try this for thousands and thousands of years At what point are you gonna wake up and say,
hey, maybe Drew Barrymore doesn't want to talk to me.
Maybe I'm just a weird and obsessive stalker.
I would say it's high time that you all did that rather now.
Just in the Christian variety, let alone some of the other bunch of nut jobs.
Y'all have been sending me letters, and...
Praying, what is it? Thinking about me.
Asking me for things.
Sending me letters.
And asking me things and calling upon my name in wars.
And using me as an excuse to beat your young.
And using me as an excuse to wake good sensible atheists up early on a Sunday morning to sell them the watchtower.
And you have been doing all of this For thousands of years, and even after the past couple of hundred years, when science has proven its efficacy, you continue.
This incessant catawalling and droning, I must say, that from up here you'll look like a bunch of little sparrows, with your mouth stretched wide, waiting for me to disgorge some sort of infinite worm into your innards.
And it's a little stomach-turning.
I don't have a stomach, but somewhere in some dimension, my stomach, it rotateth.
This constant bleating and caterwauling and requests and demands and angers and imprecations and first you beg things of me and then you demand things of me and then you rage against me when such things are not provided.
And it is really rather...
Mad. Up here, I see you all thundering back and forth and spit flying over pulpits on Sundays and parents hauling their children in shiny suits off to church, despite the fact that the book says give your money to the poor, and it is all the most ludicrous and ridiculous pantomime.
And then you curseth me when loved ones die, and then you apologize to me, and then you weep over me, and then you get angry, and then you get petulant, and then you...
You're just a bunch of madlings, I must tell you.
It's like waking up to find every shaved, mad monkey in the world dancing on your bed.
How long was I sleeping?
Well, rather a long time, as I think I mentioned already.
I mean, it's one thing to have an imaginary friend, which you keep as a secret, perhaps a guilty secret.
It's quite another to have an imaginary friend that you...
Get really angry at and then apologize with and then beg things off and then demand things off and then apologize for demanding things and then burst into tears and then to have such an emotionally involved relationship with a purely imaginary friend and you all get together and talk about your imaginary friend and never seem to wonder why your imaginary friend never returns your phone calls That you never directly talk to your imaginary friend.
That, I mean, children apparently are supposed to figure out that Santa doesn't exist both based on the physics and also based on the fact that it's impossible for Santa to see everything that's going on.
And also, really, because...
It's quite obvious when you grow up that Santa doesn't return your letters.
It would be impossible for Santa to return your letters and your imprecations.
So, I guess my message to humanity as a whole is, for God's sake, stop stalking me.
I don't return your calls.
Given that I do not return your calls, perhaps you could stop calling.
After thousands of years of calling and yelling and crying and raging and calling and yelling and crying and raging and using me for all sorts of excuses, for all sorts of wickedness, I wonder if you might not look in the mirror and say, For thousands of years, this God has not returned our calls, and every time we go to his house, he sees us coming and vanishes.
And we know that God returns some calls, at least according to the nonsense that the priests have told you.
He's just not returning any of my calls.
God certainly does talk to some people.
I don't, but the Bible says that I do.
I'm just not talking to you.
So if Drew Barrymore does go on dates, but just doesn't go on dates with you, perhaps it's time to stop stalking her.
And If Drew Barrymore has never been seen and you're all stalking her and she's supposed to have lived for 20 billion years plus and she's supposed to be able to levitate and travel through time and see everything at once and judge the unborn and at some point I wonder if you might not wonder if Drew Barrymore is fiction or truth.
I just wonder if you might not go through that process.
I would invite you to. It doesn't really bother me.
I can turn off the phone, but it does seem like rather a silly waste of time.
I would say, to continue the bird metaphor, I would say that if you are a full-grown eagle still sitting in the nest with your mouth stretched wide waiting for some guard to come along and drop a worm down into your gullet, That it might be time to give it up, to recognize that you are an adult, to get out of the nest, and make your own life.
That would be my suggestion.
But of course, that's contrary to this nonsense god, this Rolex with three R's and two X's, faceplate falling off and a Velcro strap.
That's not what that Rolex says, the one that you've been told about.
He says, worship me, read the priests.
Obey me, read the priests and the kings.
Give to me, read, give to the priests, apparently your children's buttocks.
And you continue to obey this nonsense.
Five seconds of thought would erase this imaginary friend from your feverish fantasies.
But I guess that's a little bit too much work.
Now there are nearly infinity, an infinity of nonsensical things that have been described to me, so I'm not going to go over them all one by one, In the same way that if you do actually make Rolexes and somebody's selling a ridiculously cheap knockoff, you don't actually have to go around and smash every single Rolex in the world.
You simply have to affirm your own quality and let those who do not possess fourth-rate brains recognize the difference and gravitate towards you.
And the other thing that you need to do is to try and get as many people wearing decent Rolexes as possible or real Rolexes as possible so that those who are strutting around in their silly Gucci bags, plastic bags with their cheap springs hanging out the hinges, Rolexes, look as ridiculous as they are.
Don't go up and admire anybody's Rolex when it's a cheap knockoff.
Just wear a good one, and if they ask, say, yes, that's a load of junk and you should get a real Rolex.
They're not really that expensive.
Five seconds thought will get you a real Rolex.
But a load of nonsense that is spewed about in the Bible and the Koran and the Torah and all this other nonsense...
That I create laws that are unbreakable and then continue to wildly break them.
That I write a book in the first century A.D., this Bible thing.
That I dictate a book in the first century A.D. which contains not one word.
Not one word that could not have been written by a rather disturbed individual in one century A.D. A bit of a clue.
Really, when you think about it, a bit of a clue.
If I say, or if you say right now, I can predict the future, and I predict that in the future there will be cars, and airplanes, and roads, and computers, and an internet, and I write down everything that is currently occurring in the world as of now, Or if you do that, then is anyone going to call you some sort of miraculous prestidicator?
I don't think so. I think they'd say, hey, you're just describing the world as it is and saying that it comes from some sort of wonderful vision of the future.
If I say, oh, in the future there's going to be conflict and people are going to fall in love and there's going to be babies and so on, then people will say, well, I'm not really sure that that comes from a very clear-eyed vision of the future.
There is not one thing in any single religious text anywhere in history, throughout the world, at any time.
That contains one syllable that is composed of knowledge that was not available to the people writing these books.
They claim that these books come from infinite intelligence.
Yet, strangely enough, it is full of merely mortal thoughts and not one scrap Of the future.
Not one scrap of knowledge that was not directly available to any reasonably educated person at the time of the rising.
Please, please, please, please, please, please stop believing this silliness.
Would it have been so hard in the first century if I were really dictating this book to jot down a few things about DNA, maybe, or E equals MC squared, or that perhaps The free market and capitalism and property rights might be a decent thing.
I mean, would it have saved about 17 or 1800 years of sheer misery?
No, no, apparently the most important thing for me to talk about was not the scientific method to capitalism or evolution or the heliocentric model of the universe or The supremacy of rationality.
No, no, apparently it was most important that I talk to you about not worshipping golden calves.
And how important it is to kill your children if they disagree with you about God.
I had all the time in the world to jot down that sort of stuff.
Just didn't quite seem to get round to talking about anything that might have actually been a value in alleviating human suffering.
And strangely enough, all of the words flowing forth from the supposedly divine consciousness were exactly the same as the self-interests of the priests who were writing it.
Isn't that remarkable?
Isn't that just remarkable?
Astounding. What a coincidence that everything that's in the Bible is exactly what benefited the priestly class at the time and there is not one iota of knowledge contained in the Bible or the Koran or the Torah which was not available to the people at the time of writing it.
Yet it is all claimed to be perfectly derived from an infinite intelligence that knows all and sees all And this infinite intelligence spends thousands upon thousands of badly written pages when he could be telling you how to cure cancer and he could be telling you how to extend your age and he could be telling you how to use the germ theory and he could be telling you about penicillin and he could be telling you about how you could Get rid of Crip Death and he could be telling you all of these wonderful things about how to reduce the incidence of death through birth.
And he decides not to tell you any of these things because it's very, very, very important.
It's very important that he tells you how long Methuselah lived.
That's the really important stuff.
All the other stuff that might be actually of compassion or value.
If we had a doctor who knew how to heal every single ailment that the world had ever had, And when it came time to write down his cures he wrote long rambling narratives about what he did when he was seven and another long rambling narratives about how he'd like to kill all his patients and other long rambling narratives about how if his patients disagree with them he's going to set them on fire forever and other long rambling narratives about any patient who goes to any other doctor should be stoned and killed And never gets round to revealing any of his cures.
And then you worship such a madman as the best conceivable doctor.
Madness! All right, the coffee's kicking in now.
That's good. And there's lots and lots of other nonsense that we could get into, but I think you get the general idea.
So, full disclosure from God would be something like this.
I'm not around.
I didn't actually create the universe.
Sometimes imaginary friends can coalesce into psychotic voices and then vanish forever, taking with it your insanity.
But I am not around.
I never existed.
It is completely clear from all of the writings that claim to use my name that I never existed.
Or, if I did ever exist, I certainly never talked to these jerks.
And to continue to believe this madness, this nonsense, is a revolting, a revolting distortion. a revolting distortion.
Of any common sense that this planet and the universe itself has ever, ever contained.
Full disclosure, wake up.
Full disclosure, grow up.
▲
Export Selection