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May 23, 2006 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
43:13
247 Questions for Women

Some interesting discussion-points for lady-friends

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Time Text
Good morning, everybody.
Hope you're doing well. It's Steph. It's the 23rd of May, 2006.
8.30 in the morning.
Oh, what a wonderful long weekend.
Christina and I bought some mountain bikes.
I used to be a heavy mountain biker when I was younger, with mostly pieced together mountain bikes that I found or bought.
And so we went and bought some mountain bikes and went mountain biking quite a bit over the weekend, which was great.
It's left me a little tottery.
It's weird, you know, when you go to the gym, it seems like every exercise you do is just a little different from the exercise that's actually practical.
What we did do was find a tennis court in the neighborhood because we've never really had a chance to tool around the neighborhood too much.
So we found a tennis court in the neighborhood, which is great because I played tennis for many years and it's sort of fallen by the wayside.
For a variety of reasons, but this will give Christina a chance to take some lessons, and I'm sure she'll be great at it.
She's actually quite athletic, although it's not really part of the Greek culture too much, this athletic thing.
They're more into the eating and shrieking, but...
This, I think, will be a good chance for her to explore that side, because in everything we've tried so far, for my 40th birthday, for instance, we are going to go to, I think, Barbados, possibly some other place, but I also am not a great, but a... I'm a trained and semi-experienced scuba diver, so we're going to go for my 40th birthday, which will be September the 24th this year.
We're going to go to Barbados, and she's going to take some scuba diving lessons over the summer, and so we will have a chance to try that, and I think that's a wonderful sport.
I love it to death. If you ever get a chance to try it, I really would recommend it.
It's wonderful. Now, the question I wanted to talk about this morning, I was going to plow on with a new topic, but I listened to...
Christina and I listened to a part of a Dr.
Phil book. Why?
Because we feel our relationship could use some sizzle.
No, because Christina has to sort of be aware, as we've talked about before, of what's in the general...
Cultural atmosphere for psychology because that's where a lot of her patients are getting their ideas from.
Some good, some not so good.
And so we were listening to a little bit of the audiobook as we did some housework this weekend.
And it really was, it's quite astounding.
It's absolutely quite, totally, completely and utterly astounding to me.
These sorts of audiobooks.
So I'll tell you the questions that sort of pop into my head that would be useful to ask women if you're interested in going out with them or if you're going out with them at present.
I think it would be an interesting conversation to have.
And so one of the things that is remarkable about this Love Smart book is the amount of hunger The amount of hunger, nay, almost it smacks verily of desperation, that is out there among women who are looking for a man.
This book is aimed at helping women who are having trouble getting dates, or helping women who, you know, have that Bridget Jones lament, you know, everyone's getting married except me, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, all that kind of stuff.
And it's really designed to help you put your best foot forward and to figure out how you can be the most enticing woman in the room, regardless of your, sometimes it would seem to me, personality or appearance in the book.
But it really is quite astounding the degree of hunger that's out there for a good man, or it would seem just men at all.
And I gotta tell you, when I was dating, I don't really think I ever felt that.
I always felt I was a sort of somewhat tolerated pursuer, as I've mentioned before, like an eager puppy that wee-wees itself in good portions of the rug, but it's so adorable you can't really hit it with a newspaper.
That was sort of sometimes how I felt, actually quite often how I felt in pursuit of women, and I also never felt that I had any strong negotiating standpoint.
And so I felt that I was always in the position of being tolerated with lots of other men in the wings who would be happy to take my place should I put a foot wrong.
That kind of stuff.
And this, of course, is part of what you would call the culture of a really dysfunctional company.
Like a boss who is a bad boss is the kind of boss that...
We'll make you feel that you're not very competent, but you're tolerated because he's got a soft spot for incompetence, and that the job market is a slow job market, and it's going to be really tough to get another job, and that he gets a resume a day of people who are better qualified, and of course he does that to grind down your self-esteem, to make you feel dependent upon him, to...
To basically undermine and destroy any capacity or strength you feel in negotiation with him.
And so you're not going to be demanding an extra week's vacation, and you're not going to be demanding a raise and this and that.
And so the problem that I have in listening, the wonder that I have in listening to these kinds of audiobooks is...
Good heavens! I mean...
If we're so valuable as men, why doesn't anyone ever tell us that?
I mean, it's amazing to me.
It's amazing to me.
It's sort of like you have this car that you, you know, you're some car manufacturer, and you build a car called the Zippo.
And you think it's a pretty good car.
Yeah, it's got its pluses, it's got its minuses like everything else on the market, but you think it's a pretty good car.
And you run some ads, and there's this thunderous indifference, and you open a showroom, and there's this thunderous indifference.
You have to give enormous freebies away just to get anyone to come into the showroom, and then you have to really work, and they always seem they've got a list of other cars that they'd prefer, and you end up having to sell them at a heavily cut rate, and it's hard to stay in business.
And, of course, a lot of men, metaphorically in this situation, do go out of business, right?
They do stop really trying to pursue a woman, because...
It's difficult to do it.
It's expensive. It's difficult.
It's emotionally challenging to woo and pursue.
And, of course, what do you get at the end of the rainbow?
You get the risk of divorce and alimony and child support, you know, seemingly for the rest of your natural-born life.
And so that has always struck me as quite strange.
So you're this Zippo car dealer, car manufacturer, and the reviews you get are pretty mediocre, like, oh, it's not a bad car, but it's missing this, this, this, and this, and it'd be so much greater if it were a boat or something like that.
And what happens then is you suddenly come across...
All of these magazines, just one day, when you're just thinking of packing the whole car line, and you suddenly come across all these magazines, wherein it's like, my God, if only we could get a hold of a Zippo, oh, my life would be complete.
I feel my self-esteem is down there with the coal dust if I don't get me a Zippo.
Getting a Zippo would make my life complete, would make me feel fulfilled as a human being.
And you see, then so you start to dig into this, because of course you don't normally read these kinds of magazines, and so you start to dig into it, and you come across movies and shows and books.
I mean, you go to the bookstore and there's this whole section you've never really noticed, which is, you know, how to buy a Zippo.
And rules you can go by to end up with your very own Zippo.
Because don't you feel terrible that everyone's getting a Zippo and you're not?
That you're always with the person buying the Zippo.
You're never the person buying the Zippo.
And doesn't that make you feel just tragic?
And then furthermore, you start looking into...
I mean, this is a stretch, but you start looking at...
Oh, the fashion industry is all designed to dress people so that they'll be attractive to Zippo salesmen.
And it's a multi-hundred-billion-dollar industry a year.
And your mouth just drops.
It's just amazing.
Your eyes bug out and stay bugged out like you're Roger Rabbit in a freeze-frame.
It's just remarkable.
And you just can't understand it.
Why your showroom is largely empty.
Why you have to almost go in and drag people off the street to get them to come in and buy or even look at your car.
And even when they come in to look at it, they always seem indifferent.
They always seem like it's going to be...
But now...
They want to go somewhere else.
Now, this could just be me.
I don't think so, because I've talked to a number of other men around this.
And the men always talk about the prodigious effort that needs to be laid out, so to speak, to woo a woman, that you have to be picking her up in a nice car and taking her to a nice restaurant.
You have to pay for things. You have to woo her.
You have to put forward this prodigious effort to woo a woman.
And I have sort of mixed feelings about this.
I mean, I understand it from a biological standpoint that the woman needs to know that the man has resources and is willing to apply them almost beyond the bounds of reason because she's going to have children and get pregnant and so on.
But the thing that I have, the problem that I have with wooing in general is that when you're wooing a woman, you don't really know her.
Like this whole idea behind wooing and flowers and chocolates and restaurants and dates and dress to the T's and aftershave and, you know, showering in general.
No, I'm kidding. But the whole idea behind wooing is that you have to invest a lot of resources, time, effort, energy and so on, into somebody and you don't even know them.
What do you know about them?
They're pretty. They look good.
Yeah. And that's just something that I think does not serve women well at all.
Because what they're trying to do is they're trying to get a man to invest a lot of time, money, and energy into them based on just their looks.
I mean, there's no other criteria by which you are going to say, I'm going to spend a lot of time wooing this woman because of what?
Do you know her virtue, her values, her integrity, her grace under pressure, her kindliness, her generosity?
Do you know any of these things?
No, of course not. You know that she can afford a push-up bra and some hair dye.
And not that that's the sum total of feminine attractiveness, but that's often something that is talked about.
And it's really the only thing that can motivate you when it comes to wooing.
Now, I know women do love to be wooed, and I do like to be romantic.
I don't think it needs to involve time and money.
I think that just speaking your heart about how important the woman is to you, I mean, I must tell Christina at least...
Five times a day, how privileged and wonderful it is to be married to her, just because that's how I feel, and I want to make sure she knows how I feel.
And so I don't think it's lots of time and money, but this idea of wooing, I know that women really like it.
I mean, who wouldn't really like to be pampered and taken out and have to just sit there and look pretty?
I know I'm looking for an occupation that's centered around those things, but so far, no luck.
But... I know that women really like it, but I would invite my female listener, my couple of female listeners, nay, many more, I would invite them to just look at this whole wooing thing and say, okay, well, but who does it serve?
Does it serve the virtuous women?
Does it serve the great women?
Does it serve... All of the women who would be fantastic and wonderful companions and great mothers and best friends and all of the things that make a woman great, just as the things that make a man great, does it serve those to say to men that the way that this should all be structured...
Is for men to invest an enormous amount of time, energy and resources based on appearance alone.
Is that something that really serves women for the better?
I really think it doesn't.
And if you are a woman and this idea of being wooed makes you feel great, then I would suspect, outside of just the general it's great to be pampered kind of thing, I would suggest that you like to be wooed because you know, deep down, that the pretty girls get wooed.
I mean, I guess you could say the rich girls on occasion, but that's more by sleazy, greasy, Mediterranean, Euro-trash guys who are looking for Sugar Mommy or John Kerry, one of the two.
But... You like to be wooed because you know that that speaks to your attractiveness.
That a man who's in pursuit of you without a great deal of knowledge of you, or even a partial degree of knowledge of you, is doing so because he is trying to differentiate himself from the crowd by showing you more resources, by showing you more attention.
It's not an equal negotiation of partnership, this whole wooing, being wooed thing.
And that only occurs when the woman is perceived to have an enormous amount to offer that is highly competitive, that there's a lot of competition for, and that could vanish at any time.
And so what happens then is that women are then drawn, because men's sort of this whole thing about wooing, men are then drawn to...
Go for to apply resources to all of these shallow and empty criteria.
And that's not good for women.
It's really not good for women because they don't get to eat anything.
They are always worried about their appearance rather than their souls.
And that's not where women want to be.
Virtue is going to bring you happiness, not skinniness.
And so it's just a bad place all around.
So my suggestion to the men and women who are listening to this...
Is that you need to not focus on the whole wooing thing.
You need to focus on being curious about the other person, and you need to focus initially on getting to know the person, on understanding their character, their personality, their values, their virtues, their vices, and what makes them tick.
Now, if you find the right person, then by all means...
Shower them with all the goodies, love, care, affection, and anything that you can lay your hands on that you can imagine.
Because that is the person who is going to make your life happier.
That is the person who is going to make your life wonderful.
And so, yes, you absolutely want to.
But the other thing that I would say is that those men or women, but let's just talk about women here, those women who are in hot competition...
Those women who are choosing from a herd of lusty guys are absolutely not the women that you want to be pursuing.
Now, of course, I mentioned this in Masculinity Part 2 last Thursday, I think it was.
But those are the women that you absolutely want to not be pursuing, those women.
And the best way to understand why you don't want to be pursuing those women is simply look at your phone right now.
If you have your cell phone, look at your cell phone right now.
And tell me how many seconds you think it's going to be before you get called by a public media station or a wide broadcast media station for your views about politics.
I think that we can safely say that that answer is going to be never.
You are never, ever going to be called by a major media outlet for your opinion on politics.
And if that's too grandiose, no problem.
No problem if you feel that that's something that you have to work your way towards, and of course it is, we can say fine.
Then look back at your cell phone, if you don't mind, and if you could do me a favor, I'd appreciate it.
Could you tell me how many seconds it's going to be until a friend of yours calls you and asks you your opinion about politics?
Would that be something that you could see your way clear to providing for me?
Because that situation is also something that's quite unusual and something that doesn't really seem to happen very often.
Despite the fact that you have invested probably, not just counting the podcast, but in over your life, you've probably invested more time and energy into understanding politics and philosophy and economics than most people do to get a doctorate.
I know it's the case for me.
But even if that's too lofty, in the time it takes for you to become a doctor or to get a master's, this is the amount of time and energy that you've placed into learning about politics and economics and philosophy and so on.
Given that you're an expert on these issues, and you're an expert on these issues who can talk about them even in the common understanding.
So you can talk about how the Federal Reserve stabilizes the economy and enhances the business process and rescues us from depressions and this and that, because, of course, that's all you ever hear about when you start going into these topics.
So if you're a doctor and...
Nobody ever really phones you up or comes by your office to say, Gee, Doc, it hurts when I do this.
What can I do? Well, don't do that.
But nobody ever really phones you for your consult, right?
So you're a doctor, and you've spent a lot of time and energy learning how to heal people.
And yes, your healing is somewhat against the common wisdom, but it's well-researched and very knowledgeable.
Well, the society of ours that claims to value diversity of opinion and love debate and just that and the other is not a society that is ever going to call you up.
Your friends are never going to call you up.
Yet, if you're an expert in computers, you can't even get by a dinner party without somebody saying, you know this weird thing happens when I print?
And if you're a doctor, of course, everybody, as somebody mentioned to me the other day, I know I read it somewhere, they were saying, oh yeah, when you're a doctor, you can always have a conversation with someone because everybody loves to discuss their aches and pains with you.
So... Excuse me.
I'm not taking my normal pauses, so my coffee's not kicking in yet.
And, you know, the morning after a long weekend, because I'm a night owl, love to stay up.
Actually, I almost don't even love to stay up.
Just do stay up and then get up late, which is all fun and games for the long weekend.
But not so much when you crash like a test dummy into Monday or Tuesday morning at this point.
It's Canada. It was a holiday yesterday.
So if nobody consults you, despite the fact that you've put an enormous amount of time and effort into learning how to be a good doctor, then either you're a bad doctor or everybody wants to be sick.
And they know that if they come to you, then they're going to have to go through a really painful set of rehab, and it's going to pull them out of their regular social circles.
They're all hypochondriacs, right?
Everybody's a hypochondriac.
So if somebody's social circle is entirely based upon corruption, And so, if they come to you, they know deep down that you are, in fact, the best doctor in the world, and you will make them well.
They just don't want to be well. That's the hypochondriac.
So, the worst thing that can happen to a hypochondriac is they're cured of everything and feel great.
That's the worst thing that can happen to them.
And unfortunately, not because of human nature, but because of public school families and the media, We don't have a society full of people who want to be well.
We have a society full of people who want to be sick.
And that's why you will never get a call about how to be healthy.
You will never get that call about, well, what do you think about this?
And what do you think about that? Because you actually have the right answer.
And you have the answer that makes people well.
It's just that nobody wants to be well.
That's a sort of minor variant on the metaphor that I used about two months ago on...
Being a doctor in a time of plague, which is similar to being a rational philosopher at just about any time in human history that I can think of.
So, that to me is an important thing to understand.
The reason that you don't want to pursue...
Or shouldn't want to pursue, well, we want to, of course, because we're human, but the reason we should resist the pursuit of the women who every guy wants is simply this, because in a society that is corrupt, everything that is in demand is corrupt.
Very, very, very important thing to understand about your relationship to the social body.
Everything in a society that is corrupt, everything that is in demand is corrupt and bad for you.
It's sort of the chocolate syndrome, but without even the fun of the sugar.
What your body wants is not always what is good for you.
And there's not a lot of stores where under the counter with the gum, you've got a nice bag full of arugula as well.
I mean, that's something that you kind of dutifully eat smothered with good tasting sauce.
But everything that's in demand is corrupt, is something you should reject.
We are the complete inverse of what a healthy society would be.
Like, in a healthy society, people like us would be, I think, somewhat respected relative to what we are now because we'd have some sort of knowledge that people would recognize as valuable.
But if you're a doctor...
Okay, one more medical metaphor, and then I will never use one again for the rest of this entire podcast.
Half of the podcast. Third of the podcast.
And that's it. Yes. So, if you're a doctor, and you go to some chest-beating pygmy tribe of the Amazon, and let's just say you can speak their language, and you...
And you end up seeing somebody who's had a boar has gashed their leg and it's become gangrenous.
And let's just say that you have some morphine and you have a bone sore and you have something to stitch them up with and so on.
So you can sort of do that. But you say to them, look, I mean, I'm afraid, my friend, that you need an amputation because...
You are really, really sick.
And so, it's going to be a real problem.
You're going to die if you don't get this thing amputated.
And meanwhile, there's a witch doctor who says, well, I do this dance, I shake my man tits at you, and next thing you know, you're cured, and your leg will be better, in fact, stronger than it was before, and of course, that won't be a problem.
Well, if you've grown up your whole life with the witch doctor, And the guy who can actually help you is saying he's got to cut your leg off in order to save your life.
Well, I think it's going to be rather tough to say, okay, well, I've grown up with this whole witch doctor thing and I really believe in it.
That's all I've ever been taught.
But this guy says, cut my leg off.
I think I'm going to go with that.
Right? Because you're just going to look like a sadist.
I mean, and if you don't like that, the metaphor is not great.
And I'm sorry, it's just the one that popped into my mind.
It's not great because...
When you go through the sort of rationalist revolution within your own life and dump all the corrupt people, you end up actually better off than you were before, so your leg does actually, but it feels like an amputation.
It feels like people are getting rid of something essential to them, like all of the lies and corruptions around their family, friends, and social circle.
Getting rid of that does feel like an amputation to most people.
But it's probably a little closer to you've had an injury and the person who is going to help you is somebody who's going to put you through this grueling, teeth-gritting, tear-causing kind of physiotherapy.
So they'll bend here and lift here and it's going to just be agony and it's going to end up taking your withered limb and making it strong.
But... People know that it's going to be months and months of pain to get there, and so there's some other guy who says, no, no, no, I'll do it with tarot cards, and you won't feel any pain.
In fact, you'll feel better. Well, it's kind of hard for people to, once they're conditioned to believe these lies, it's kind of hard for people To make the right decision.
Now, of course, in medicine, we're a little bit more advanced, a hell of a lot more advanced than we are in philosophy.
And so when you say to people, look, your legs gangrenous, I've got to cut it off, people don't say, can't you get that sweaty man, which doctor in here to do his thing?
Because that, to me, seems a whole lot better.
Well, we understand that when a doctor says you've got to do, I don't know, chemotherapy for your cancer, that...
There's probably a good reason.
You can do your research and so on, but there's a good reason.
And the option is, of course, to die, but the option is not to get Joe Bone Nose Medicine Man to come in and shake his moneymaker.
So, that's something to sort of understand, that...
If you are in a corrupt situation, a situation of ignorance, knowledge breeds exclusion.
And this is as true when it comes to the dating game as anything else.
One of the things that...
I was talking about this with Christina yesterday, and one of the things that she said was that she said that the women weren't going to be interested in you, Steph, because you are not needy and dependent.
I mean, all the women that I see and all the women that I know and all the women who were professionals in the mental healing profession where she worked in the hospital...
They're all dating these sort of needy, dependent, controllable, manipulatable guys, which of course is pretty gross, I think.
And the fact that I've never really had much luck, except with one relationship, I've never really had much luck kowtowing to female demands, and that only lasted about a year.
I've never really had that much luck looking at women as just sort of innately right and correct.
So, that's one of the reasons why I dated and never was able to get married, because I would date, and I'm fairly charming and fairly attractive, so I could get dates.
And so I would date, but then I would feel the woman's interest slipping away, and just to understand, sort of when you are...
A virtuous person, when you are a knowledgeable and wise person, you're not going to be in demand.
And so there's a fairly long way, I'm sorry for saying, that if there's a woman that lots of guys want to date, it's because she's corrupt.
Anybody who's in demand is not going to be somebody who is virtuous.
It's based on the culture. It's absolutely inevitable.
Now, you may think, well, what about Ayn Rand?
Ayn Rand's novels sell a lot.
And they do. They sell a lot.
They sell nearly infinitely more than my novels do.
And there could be lots of reasons for that.
Without a doubt, she's much, much better at plot than I am.
But I would submit that I'm better at character development than she is.
So it really depends what your cup of tea is.
And I think that I'm better at dialogue than she is.
But the main reason, I think, why people like Ayn Rand is that they get to feel heroic.
They get to feel superior to others.
They get to walk tall and walk in that imaginary Howard Rock cloud.
And they don't actually have to deal with the vulnerabilities they have with their own family.
So Ayn Rand talks a lot about abstract ethics.
But she doesn't talk about, you need to, in order to be a rational person, you need to break with all of the corrupt people with your life.
She does say that sort of in her novels, but in her novels, it's kind of like a slow, plodding, generally waking, Hank Reardon type of alertness that occurs when it comes to family corruption.
There's no particular difficulty in the learning.
There's a sort of pain and depression that comes along from being around your family.
And then, bing! One day you just wake up and you're like, Huh, I feel nothing for these people anymore.
Now I can move on. And that, of course, is nothing like it at all.
And you know that, if you know Ayn Rand's history, she wanted her sister to come over much later in life from Russia, and she did.
And it was sort of a disaster.
But that's sort of important.
Ayn Rand did not go through that process of separation from her family fantasies or her family agonies, which is why she ended up recreating a corrupt sort of family later on in her life through this thing they jokingly called the collective, which was pretty culty.
So Ayn Rand makes people feel strong and powerful and independent to somewhat of an illusory degree, but she does not cause them or require them to confront their own insecurities in a humane way, in a way where it's like, yeah, I understand this is really terrifying, and I talked about this a little bit on Sunday, I understand this is really terrifying, and I talked about It's really terrifying, but it's essential.
So there's that aspect of the Randian novels that's sort of why they appeal to somewhat lonely, often young men, because they, I mean, as I myself was one, I'm sort of casting stones down from the parapet here, They appeal to that.
So the questions that I would sort of suggest that you ask of the women you're going out with or the women you're living with or the women you're married to is something along the lines of the following.
And I think these can produce some pretty important insights into how your lady friend views men as a whole, right?
The question that, maybe it'll come up later in Dr.
Phil's book, and this is one that sold millions, so I know that there's lots of different kinds out there, but you look at the self-help section of the bookstore, it's not about sort of how men improve their golf swing.
It's all about how women understand land and keep men, which of course would be the major question, why do you want us?
So, a question that would be worthwhile, I think, asking a woman in your life, friend or lover or whatever, or mother, is...
What is uniquely valuable about men?
What is the great thing that men bring to the table when it comes to relationships?
What is wonderful about men?
What is great about men? What is special about men?
Why are men worth pursuing?
Why are men worth having? Why are men worth sacrificing for?
What are you hoping to get when you make yourself all pretty and go to the gym and maybe the one in a million turn to be virtuous or turn to virtue?
What is it that you're hoping to get Because a lot of times these books sort of seem like manuals on how dogs can chase cars, right?
Because the old question is like, okay, what are you going to do when you catch it?
How is it going to make your life complete?
And so that would be something to ask, right?
So if you're on a date, just one thing I'm curious about is what do women see in men?
What is it that you all want so much?
What is it that you're looking for?
What is it that men can bring to the table that is so unique and so wonderful that you're willing to go through all of these, jump through all these hoops and go to all these lengths to entice and attract and get a man?
And I can pretty much guarantee you, you're going to get a bit of a thousand-yard stare, and you may get a bit of aggression in certain types of female personalities that don't like to not be a know-it-all, right?
But don't like who are know-it-alls.
Yeah, let's go with the double, the single positive rather than the double negative.
So, that's an interesting question to ask.
Now, if the woman sort of blinks at you and says, you know, I... I don't know.
What an interesting question.
Then, by God, grab onto her with both hands.
Maybe not right there in the restaurant.
Or at least wait till dessert. Because this is a woman who is willing to admit that she doesn't know something, sometimes can be conceived of as a little rare.
Not because of female nature, which I think is wonderful, but because of propaganda.
In the same way that...
And isn't it interesting?
You know, I'm going to get emails about...
I guarantee you I'm going to get emails about all of this, where women or men or feminists are going to write in and say, well, you called women this and you called women that.
I'm not going to get a single email saying that all the men are needy and dependent.
But it's okay. I mean, it's part of the propaganda that we're fighting.
That everybody rushes to the defense of the maligned woman, even though divorce rates are very high, and even though women's satisfaction with their romantic lives is pretty low.
It's just you can't ever say that this might have something to do with what women are doing.
You can only blame the men.
That's just part of the propaganda that we're in, and that's okay.
I'll get those emails, and I'll try and patiently respond that I'm saying this because I want the relationship between the genders to be better.
And I'm saying this because I want women to be happy.
I think I have something to contribute to that.
If not, the...
I think the decent response would be gentle correction rather than outrage.
But hey, that's fine. That's my business handle.
I just thought I'd point it out that you are probably feeling a little sensitive about me saying certain things about women as a whole, but I bet you we passed right by the needy independent men thing without even batting an eye.
And that's just something that's interesting to know about yourself, right?
Something interesting to understand about yourself.
The degree to which you feel that men can be criticized and women can't is very important.
Because the degree to which you feel that women can't be criticized is the degree that you do not have respect for women.
That's very, very important.
The degree to which women can't be criticized is the degree to which we look at them as frail, neurotic infants that need to be coddled, otherwise they're going to have tantrums, and that's just not the case.
Yeah, there are women like that, and there are men who are like that, but I scarcely think that they're representative of the female soul, which is strong and wonderful and beautiful.
These are just people who've been corrupted in their souls like everyone else gets corrupted in their minds and hearts by propaganda about the family and the state and the church.
So, I just thought that was interesting to point out.
I may be anticipating a little here, maybe I won't, but I just think it will be the case that I will get a cavalcade of emails talking to me about how I have issues with women and don't respect them, which I think is not the case at all.
I think the Dr. Phil approach is saying, you're just great.
You just need to focus a little bit more on being positive.
I mean, I don't think that helps at all.
I don't think that helps women get what they want, and women do want men, and they need men.
And men need women, not just for children, but for completeness in our souls.
So, I think that you need to ask women, what is it that's valuable?
What is it that's irreplaceable?
Why do you want a man?
Why? Why do you want a man?
Do you just want to look pretty in that wedding dress one day and not worry so much about the aftermath?
Is it because your friends are jealous?
Is it because you desperately want kids?
Is it because you want the income of a man while you're having kids?
Like, what is it that you want?
What is it that you love around men?
Right? Because... If you can take a job anywhere, but you're looking for a job in the, I don't know, in the medical imaging field, then the first thing any guidance counselor, if you're not satisfied, is going to say, well, why do you want to work in the medical imaging field to begin with?
And if your answer is, well, my dad told me to, well, that's going to be a clue as to why it might not be satisfying for you.
So the first thing you want to do is to ask, why is the category even of value to you?
And so if a woman's like, well, I want a man, I want a man, I want a man, give me a man, I need a man, I want it to be raining men, and I want me to be the Z. Well, the first question to ask, which I think would be logical, is, well, why?
Why would you want a man? What's so great about having a man?
And not in terms of, like, well, I'll feel better.
As a woman, if I have a man, that's not an answer, right?
The answer has to do with the category of men.
So you're searching for companionship as a woman, and you're not picking dogs, you're not picking cats, you're not picking female friends, you're not picking male friends, you're picking a single male lover.
And the question is why?
Yeah, it's a sex drive, but you're a woman, you can get sex anytime you want.
So the question is sort of why?
And that's an important thing to ask women.
What is it that is valuable?
Why do you even want this hairy, smelly thing in your house?
I mean, what's the plus?
Now, another thing I think that's important to ask women is when it comes to reciprocity, does money count as much as housework?
You know, just for funsies, just for curiosity's sake.
Does income, does money, count?
And I had this discussion with the woman I lived with for about a year, two years before I got married, and the discussion was pretty much the same when we got into problems.
I funded a film of hers, which was pretty expensive, but I sort of wanted to help her pursue her dream and so on, and I was the writer, so that part helped.
But... She was always complaining that she did much more housework than I did, but of course I brought home twice the money she did.
So my question was, well, we don't seem to have any problem spending the money, so that's obviously a value.
We don't sort of leave it in the bank and say, ew, I don't want to touch that with my bare hands.
So that's a value, and that's a value that I bring to bear over and above the value that you bring to bear.
And so, yes, you do more housework, but I earn more money.
Now, this, of course, is something that men were able to bring quite a bit to the table before maternity leave and welfare and things like that.
So, this has been blunted, but still, it's a significant question to ask.
The other thing to ask is, do you think that the fact that men are not on a monthly fertility cycle, do you think that that breeds...
What kind of difference do you think that that brings to men's and women's emotional makeup?
I mean, if I was being injected with hormones a couple of times a month, my moods would be a little up and down too.
And do you think that that brings, you know, one of the things that men can bring to bear is a kind of emotional bedrock or stability to a relationship.
But they can only do that If women haven't been conditioned with the propaganda that women are in touch with their feelings and men are not, that women are sensitive and emotional and authentic and true and wise and men are not, I think that unless a woman is willing to defer to a man in some areas, there's no point saying that the man has any value.
I mean, it's like saying, I'm buying a dog to do my taxes, right?
Well, I can tell you, you're probably going to be kind of frustrated and disappointed.
I go to a doctor because a doctor is an expert in something.
And so I defer to the doctor's judgment.
That makes sense to me. So I think that it's...
What is it that you defer to with men?
What is it that a man can bring to the table that you can't?
That's not base biology.
That's bourbon interaction and so on.
And also pretty generic, right?
So the question is, what do you defer to?
What can a man bring?
What skills or attributes can a good man bring to the table that you're willing to defer to?
Maybe it's emotional stability.
Maybe it's how to handle in-laws.
Maybe it's how to handle money.
Who knows? But what is it that you think?
Maybe it's a kind of objectivity or a kind of rationalism.
I mean, not that women aren't rational.
Please don't rain me with emails about that.
But, you know, just ask a woman.
What is it that you bring to the table?
Of course, it's perfectly valid, and I think entirely fair, for her to ask you the same thing.
Are you looking for the accessible whole, or are you looking for something that is a bit more individuated?
What is it that a good woman can bring to the table to you that no one else can?
So, I think that is...
Those are all important questions to ask the people in your life who you're dating or living with or want to live with or whatever.
Because... If the person can't say why they want you as a gender then they certainly won't be able to say why they want you as an individual and there's going to be nothing but problems then because you're always going to feel like you're chasing value that's very hard to maintain and there's always going to be the problem of competition and so I would say that those questions to be asked can really help either develop your relationship as it already stands or to help you avoid getting into a relationship Where the woman sees no value in men other than,
you know, maybe they're warm in the bed at night and her feet get cold.
And it sure beats a sperm bank and a turkey baster.
Thank you so much for listening.
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