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May 4, 2023 - Stay Free - Russel Brand

01:23:03

HOLY SH*T! Your Tax Dollars Funding War Machine REVEALED! - #122 - Stay Free With Russell Brand

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Time	Text
	Outro Music.
	In this video, we're going to...
	In this video, you're going to see the future.
	Hello there, you Awakening Wonders.
	Thanks for joining us on Rumble 4.
	Stay free with Russell Brand.
	I'm of course joined by my on-screen assistant over there, Mr. Gareth Roy, who, whatever he costs us, is worth every penny.
	Can you say the same about the military-industrial complex, who costs you I'm not even going to tell you.
	Stay with us to learn how much and how many days a week you work for the military-industrial complex.
	Incredible story.
	When we flip over to being exclusively on Rumble, because we're probably on YouTube now, right?
	Twitter, Elon, Citadel of free speech, YouTube.
	I'm like Dr. John Campbell, baby!
	Dr. John Campbell.
	Where's he gone?
	He's got a week holiday.
	When they came for Dr. John Campbell, we said nothing.
	When they came for...
	PewDiePie?
	I don't know, there was no one there.
	I don't know, you get the idea.
	He's an obvious conspiracy theorist, just look at him.
	Look at the way he talks.
	He wants nothing more than to spread vile hate speech.
	That Dr. John Campbell, a dedicated medical professional.
	When we get over to being exclusively on Rumble, we're going to reveal to you that shielding didn't even work.
	But before we get into today's array of glorious content, would you like to see the leader of South Korea singing Bye Bye Miss American Pie by Don Vincent to Joe Biden, and then would you like to see why he's doing that?
	In your mind, while you're watching this spectacle, there seems like something that's tumbled from the mad mind of Terry Gilliam or I don't know.
	Who's the Australian one that I think of?
	Not Australian.
	Argentinian.
	I'll tell you in a minute when I come out of the back of this.
	When you're watching this, think, why is this weird thing happening?
	And then we'll show you why this weird thing's happening.
	Look, imagine if this was happening and you were there, South Korean.
	President, or whatever he is, king, leader, I don't know what they have in South Korea.
	President, that doesn't matter, does it?
	It's not really in charge, because if you were really in charge, you wouldn't be doing this, would you?
	If you're actually in charge of your life, you wouldn't go, you know what I'm going to do?
	I'm going to sing Bye Bye Miss American Pie down at old Joe Biden.
	By Don McLean.
	What did I say?
	Vincent, I think.
	Yeah, because I was thinking of, I should have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant... Well, you're always thinking about that.
	I'm always thinking about it.
	So I think every time I'm depressed, I'm probably Van Gogh.
	And if only Don McLean were here to chronicle that similarity.
	But there you go, he's not done it so far.
	All right, let's have a look at this weird thing on this weird planet that we're living on and we've got some other interesting weird stuff to tell you.
	Of course we have, we always do.
	Check it out.
	A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile The idea, I suppose, is that everything's sort of fun, and everything's alright, but everything's not alright.
	Yeah, we're all pals, we're allies, we're mates, and this is what we do.
	We're humans!
	At the White House.
	Yeah, and they are sort of humans, I'm not saying they're not humans, I've not gone that far, but I am saying that is, like, this is not what we need to be focusing on right now, with escalating tensions all over the globe, and American ...institutional system that means that the military-industrial complex can bypass democracy and is continually doing so.
	This isn't what life is.
	Well, this is actual theatre.
	I mean, we use theatre as a metaphor quite a lot, but I mean, it really is.
	It's karaoke.
	And now I knew he fed my chains, that I could make those people dance.
	This song because it's American Pie.
	You don't even get to the chorus. It's like, as you know as well, this is a long song.
	Too long in some ways, isn't it?
	If someone picks this as karaoke, that's a narcissist.
	Right.
	And I'm gonna pick this or Hey Jude or something.
	No, no.
	Ten minutes later.
	92nd Elvis at Sun Records.
	That's what I want from you.
	Just a jaunty little freight train number and then get out of here.
	Yeah.
	Not nine minutes of this mad indulgence.
	Joe Biden pumping the same fist that he uses to declare that he beat Big Pharma this year when the price caps introduced won't meaningfully impact the profits of the same pharmaceutical companies that are granted indemnity that settle out of court for figures that dwarf Foxy's payment, and were you aware how much Facebook have just paid for an out-of-court settlement?
	Similar figure.
	I haven't heard it anywhere.
	We've got so much to tell you, but more important than that is the king of South Korea singing a record by Don McLean.
	Maybe they'll be happy for a while February made me shiver With the paper I deliver Bad news on the doorstep I couldn't take one more step Never liked that rhyme.
	More step doorstep.
	Always thought, come on Don.
	Just can't use step twice.
	You can't do door step more step, that's step step.
	Also isn't this song about how... Sounds really like we're really getting into the criticism of this song.
	I love Don McLean.
	It's a great song.
	And in a minute we're going to be talking about the escalation of tensions between China and the United States.
	We're going to be talking about sort of spy planes and all sorts of stuff.
	But now I want to make the point that I feel like this song was about Elvis Presley's emulation of Buddy, Holly, and stealing the image of James Dean, that's literally in the lyrics.
	So I suppose in a sense it's about how commodity overwhelms authenticity.
	Nice.
	And in a way that is what's happening right now.
	I can't remember if I tried, would I?
	Rather boweries with old bride Something touched me deep inside
	The day the music died I'm not sure if that's a really good thing.
	But I don't think it was that good.
	And look at what immediately subsequently occurred, perhaps as a result, is it?
	Biden to send nukes to South Korea!
	What is all this about?
	Why are these guys even meeting?
	Oh, what it is, is we're sending nuclear weapons to another country that has escalating tensions with a nearby nation that similarly have nuclear weapons.
	It's like X Factor.
	You don't go through to judges' houses, but you do get to get nukes.
	That's good.
	I like that joke.
	I'm glad they don't do that on actual X-Factor.
	Now, who do you want to nuke?
	We're going to arm Harry Styles with these missiles.
	I don't think he's going to need that.
	He's dangerous enough as he is, just with his charisma.
	Very sexy lad, as a matter of fact.
	Meanwhile, Russia has accused Ukraine of trying to kill Putin.
	They've tried their very best to kill him.
	Have they succeeded?
	Let's have a look.
	There's some drones, weren't there?
	Ukraine's saying they're not going to talk about that.
	We don't want to talk about that, mate.
	The USA are in talks to establish military bases in Finland.
	That's a bit worrying, actually, that one, because isn't that another country that shares a border with Russia?
	Certainly does, Ross.
	800-mile border with Russia.
	What could possibly go wrong?
	What have they got against Russia?
	I remember when I was a kid, Cold War, we were happy to put it behind us.
	Do you think if you were Finland and when you were invited to join NATO, you just thought, oh great, we're part of the gang, it's because they like us, they all like us, we're great, good for the Finnish!
	And then they go, right, we're now going to have to build bases on the border of Russia.
	Do you know what this is?
	When I was 16, I moved into a flat, uh, apartment with some older lads, and I thought, finally, Russell, you're hanging with the popular kids.
	Right.
	They just sent me to the shops all the time to buy the cigarettes and stuff.
	It's a terrible advantage of me.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I was Finland!
	Did you not stick up for yourself?
	No, because they was cooler than me.
	Much cooler, much tougher.
	So you were just happy to be in the gang?
	Maybe once in a while someone would be like, maybe I'll be happy for a while.
	Once in a while someone would ruffle my hair.
	I'd feel pretty good about that.
	That would do for me.
	Yeah, maybe that's what NATO will do to Finland.
	One time they tricked me, hey Finland, one time they tricked me into taking a hallucinogen Oh, yeah, they tricked you, did they?
	Oh, sure.
	Well, yeah, they did, actually, because they... Like, there's some hallucinogens, and I... They're paper hallucinogens.
	Okay.
	And they all went, oh, we're taking these hallucinogens, but their ones was all paper.
	My ones was actual hallucinogens.
	That was a trick.
	So, like, one thing you don't want to discover while on hallucinogens, a couple of hours into it, Drugs Are Bad, Don't Do Drugs, is, uh... Your friends are traitors?
	No, your friends are...
	Wait a minute, I'm having this realisation!
	My friends are traitors!
	Also, the self is a construct and I am the witness consciousness that is observing this persona.
	But mostly, my friends are traitors!
	Also, do not put a military base in front of- Wait, I'm seeing a flash from the future!
	Don't do it!
	Don't do it!
	I tell you what, on the theme of traitors, the amazing thing about that South Korea thing, and obviously, sing an American pie, then we'll give you nukes, is that the US, through those Pentagon leaks, the US has been spying on South Korea.
	So, kind of traitors, you could say.
	What, they're spying on their own mates?
	That's right.
	That was one of the things that... So all the time, that guy's, like, trying his best to muddle through... I wonder what he'll sing.
	We know what he'll sing.
	We've been spying on him.
	We've been watching him.
	He's been rehearsing American Pie for ages.
	Think it's rubbish.
	But look how he does the chorus.
	So, bye-bye... No, stop it before he gets to that.
	Just start applauding when he gets to the chorus.
	I don't need to see that stuff.
	We watched him practicing in his pants with a drone, and it was embarrassing.
	Hey listen, if you're watching us on YouTube or if you're watching us on Twitter, we're going to disappear right now, not in a Dr. John Campbell way, in a kind of, like, we're just not going to be on this anymore because we've got to tell you this story.
	Remember shielding?
	Remember how shielding was important, right?
	Well...
	It's another one of those things.
	We're not gonna tell you about it yet, we're gonna tell you about it in a second.
	Plus, you're gonna wanna see how many days per year do you think, let me know in the chat, how many days a year do you think you work for the Military Industrial Complex?
	One?
	Would one be too much?
	Thought you didn't work for them, did ya?
	Oh no, no, I work for, I've got an ice cream van, I'm a small businessman, I'm a painter and decorator!
	Well...
	For a significant number of days a year, you're working for the military-industrial complex, but you're not receiving the profits.
	You're providing them.
	It's a crazy old world.
	Definitely no way we could change it, though.
	Let's leave it exactly as it is.
	Okay, so if you're watching this anywhere but Rumble, click the link in your description right now.
	Gareth, shield yourself, for heaven's sake.
	It'll definitely work.
	Here, you're safe now.
	Do you feel shielded?
	Yes.
	It doesn't do anything.
	A new study has shown you and us, and all of us really, that shielding was not underpinned by any evidence.
	It was sort of made up at the time and implemented.
	That's literally how they govern countries.
	They make stuff up.
	Right.
	What if people just chilled?
	It sounds like a good word.
	It's connected to the Avengers.
	Sounds like the sort of thing people should do.
	Yeah, all right, try it.
	Right, does it do anything?
	No, it bloody well doesn't.
	So as the days pass and as we sort of gradually forget the horrors of the last couple of years, the wealth transfer, the small businesses that were crushed, the lives that were lost, the medications that were taken with perhaps undue inquiry and perhaps without due trial... Allegedly!
	We learn that yet another thing was completely unnecessary and made up.
	Also, this just in.
	I've been worried about that guy.
	Where's he been?
	Where's he been?
	The mad thing about this study, and obviously it was only one study, although 120,000 people nearly, is that the COVID rate was higher among those shielding than people who didn't.
	5.9% for people who shielded, 5.7% of people who didn't.
	Shielding's actually worse for you?
	Well, I guess that... Not only nothing... All studies can be skewed in certain ways, but I mean that, you know, that is...
	Studies can be skewed in certain ways, can't they?
	Of course they can.
	That's what they do with them.
	Do you know that I've read something about clinical trials once, as you know I'm an investigative journalist, and they said they just keep doing trials until they get the result that they want.
	They're under no obligation to provide all of the information across the trials.
	They just go, this one went well.
	Not everyone does clinical trials, Russ.
	What's with all them dead mice over the corner?
	Don't worry about them.
	They've been there ages.
	Eight of them.
	Eight mouses?
	Well it was eight wasn't it?
	Wasn't that the number that um...
	We've tested this booster shot from Moderna on over eight, well not over eight mouses,
	eight mouses.
	It is eight.
	Somewhere in the region of eight mouses.
	Eight mouses and it, they're still alive, well not that one, but most of those, look
	at their little tiny mouse hearts, they seem to be doing fine.
	Okay, perhaps it's... Have you ever thought how you're personally affected by the might and rise of the military-industrial complex, an institution so powerful that is a de facto tyrannical force in American politics, whether you vote Republican or Democrat, you're gonna end up funding Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, etc.
	Well, you personally pay for their profits, and it certainly makes me a little more sceptical skeptical about the motivation for these ongoing wars,
	these forever wars that we're engaged in.
	But what I think is truly, truly galling is to personally appreciate the amount of days
	and the amount of money that you are personally contributing.
	Guess now in the chat, guess how many it is.
	Time now for Here's the News.
	No, here's the effing news.
	Here's the news.
	No, here's the fucking news.
	Taiwan!
	Taiwan to have a war with China?
	It's gonna cost ya!
	But think of the military-industrial complex!
	They'll make a fortune!
	From you!
	We've got a fantastic story for you today.
	You know Taiwan?
	Oh yeah, sort of, a bit.
	Is that where the semiconductors come from?
	Yeah, semiconductors come from there.
	They're necessary for everything now.
	Well, obviously, as you're aware, the USA are beginning to subtly agitate for conflict with China over the issue of Taiwan, which they will ultimately package as some sort of humanitarian disaster where they say, we've got to stand with Taiwan.
	What?
	We care about Taiwan!
	We care about Taiwan!
	Do you also care about money?
	Let's just make sure that this is not another one of those wars where you pretend it's a humanitarian disaster and a bunch of people make money.
	Just because, you know, with that other war you did do that.
	And I mean every single other war.
	Of course the mainstream media can be relied on to give us a fair and balanced perspective on a complex situation which could lead to Armageddon.
	Taiwan makes their own judgments about their independence.
	We are not moving, we're not encouraging them being independent.
	We're not, that's their decision.
	But would U.S.
	forces defend the island?
	Yes, if in fact there was an unprecedented attack.
	So unlike Ukraine, to be clear sir, U.S.
	forces, U.S.
	men and women, would defend Taiwan in the event of a Chinese invasion?
	Yes.
	Well firstly, as you know, there are US troops in Ukraine.
	They just lie about that and when someone reveals it they say, he's probably a pervert!
	Fine, perhaps he is.
	Let's say he definitely is.
	Now, have you been lying about this war?
	Yeah, like we always do.
	Let's get this straight then.
	If you thought Ukraine versus Russia was bad, and it is, particularly for the Ukrainian people, then this will be Worse than that.
	So let's all think about this.
	Is that something that you want?
	Is that something you've been consulted about?
	Or do you think it's more likely that some hysteria will be whooped up?
	There'll be a moment of jingoism and patriotism where we sort of can't think straight that the cost of this will be economic and human and environmental, that people will Die!
	Because we're deliberately distracted from those hard truths in order that the military-industrial complex can profit.
	As you know, the American financial model requires war in order to survive.
	That's a simple, plain fact.
	And do you know where the money comes from?
	You!
	It comes from actual you.
	That's why the mainstream media have to report on this like it's a program for idiots.
	Because, as you know, an idiot is what they think you are.
	President Biden last fall saying for the first time that if China invades Taiwan, the U.S.
	would send troops to defend it.
	What was that in the election pledge, by the way, when we were talking about, you know, oh, bloody Donald Trump, let's make sure that people are able to be who they are, stuff I actually obviously agree with.
	And also, we'll probably try and find a way to have a war with China and all.
	I didn't say that, did I?
	Oh, we had no idea.
	Did you, though?
	It's an invasion many experts predict could happen in this decade.
	Woo-hoo!
	While my children are still young!
	We got a fascinating inside look this week.
	Oh, yeah, it's fascinating.
	I love a good look at how we're going to march our people into war.
	And could you tell us who's going to pay for it, by the way?
	Who's going to pay for it?
	Because I see that we're not getting to vote for it.
	That's fine.
	You decide.
	You're so much better and cleverer than us.
	But when it comes to the money, where's the money going to come from?
	Because it is a game.
	War with China.
	Oh, this is a bit of fun.
	How about this little game where you chop off your own hand and eat it?
	Oh, this is brilliant.
	Oh, it tastes like chicken.
	In the sky, on the sea, China staging combat exercises.
	Bloody China staging combat exercises.
	It's almost as if they feel under some sort of external pressure.
	Almost as if there's an aggressive nation building military bases all around them or something.
	Something like that.
	No, it's probably not that.
	It's probably just bloody China.
	They're different from us.
	They hate their own kids.
	They're monsters.
	A show of force.
	A warning that a potential blockade of Taiwan could be coming.
	The Chinese army even releasing this simulation of how they'd attack the nearby island.
	Releasing a simulation?
	That's much worse than actually encircling a country with real life, not a simulation, missile bases.
	A self-governed democracy that China claims as its own territory.
	We love democracy!
	Stop claiming other places as yours!
	And don't make a comparison like saying that the deal that Zelensky's made with BlackRock means that ultimately, in a peculiar way, it's being economically colonized and new opportunities for globalist corporations amounts to a type of colonization.
	That's totally different!
	Look at Trump!
	Boo!
	Boo!
	Different than us!
	But on Capitol Hill this week, lawmakers staged their own simulation.
	Oh, Feng's a bloody simulation.
	A simulation of democracy.
	It's certainly not about playing frivolous games.
	No, not playing frivolous games.
	Not with your life and your tax dollars.
	Or is it?
	China committee chairman Mike Gallagher and ranking member Raja Krishnamurthy set up the exercise with the Center for New American Security.
	This game is going to be a Chinese invasion of Taiwan set in 2027.
	What I don't like about this is that these things have a tendency to actually happen.
	Let me know in the chat in the comments how many times you've noticed, oh what would happen if there was a pandemic?
	What would happen if China invaded Taiwan?
	What exactly do we know right now about their mobilization effort?
	Members from both sides of the aisle coming together, politics set aside.
	Oh, peace and harmony, peace and harmony to come together for a profitable war.
	Have you noticed that when it comes to matters of domestic progress, they are always mired in intransigent muddles.
	Oh, we can't get this through.
	Oh, that bill got blocked when it comes to helping people or making America a better place.
	Suddenly there's a war on the horizon.
	Let's go!
	Everyone's together!
	That's not like skipping through the meadows holding hands, I'd like to buy the world a Coke.
	That's corruption!
	That's because both sides are funded by the military-industrial complex.
	Both sides know that war is good for business!
	The business of America requires war!
	This is war!
	War with China!
	That you're paying for!
	There's Virginia Republican Robert Whitman and Massachusetts Democrat Jake Auchincloss.
	One day, people will come together, Republicans and Democrats, to have a war with China.
	Oh yes, I have a dream.
	The members taking on the role of advisors to the president.
	What if we communicated to expats and students from China?
	This is part of what you get to decide.
	That's Stacy Pettijohn, a senior fellow from CNAS.
	It is a bit of a frivolous game.
	With, like, people being called Gamesmasters.
	Why don't they wear, like, Dungeons and Dragons outfits and stuff like that?
	Oh no, my orc's been kicked in the nutbag by your wizard boy!
	Oh, come on now.
	Gotta roll a couple of sixes.
	Those trolls are real sons of bitches.
	You mean the Chinese.
	Acting as the Game Master.
	Now remember, this is not a frivolous game.
	Now let's all decide who we're gonna be.
	I'm gonna be a dwarf.
	I should be a giant.
	And I'm gonna be Lockheed Martin!
	Hmm, good decision.
	Retired General Mike Holmes is playing the role of Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, laying out to members what military options there are.
	After debating how the U.S.
	should react, lawmakers took a vote, announcing their move.
	Oh, which way will it go?
	Which way will it go?
	Should we consult the American people?
	Do they want to spend $1,000 each on another potentially unnecessary war?
	What will democracy deliver now?
	It's a nail-biter.
	We will be standing with our friends in Taiwan.
	We have forces in the region.
	Gotta stand with Taiwan.
	Oh, you're not standing with Taiwan.
	Don't you care about Taiwan?
	You traitor.
	You dirty traitor.
	No, it's just I was wondering, like, if, like, anyone's going to make any...
	What you said there, that's against Taiwan.
	Did you hear that?
	I bet you're also probably racist, are you?
	And a homophobe.
	Because that's what it is if you don't like Taiwan!
	Quick, get the money!
	Get the money!
	That our preposition were surging forces in the region.
	Surging forces?
	This is not meant to be a frivolous game.
	Surging forces, people pretending to be generals, games masters, orcs.
	I added the orcs.
	We are also prepared to impose maximum economic pressure in the event of an invasion, including sanctions against most major Chinese banks.
	Also, why are they bothering to have like this stupid Dungeons and Dragons but actual wars, when what they're basically doing is exactly what they did with the Ukraine-Russia conflict?
	Well, we'll start off with sanctions, then we'll impose NATO pressure, and then we'll make a load of money.
	Also, this time, we get to have a neat little game.
	I'm gonna wear a robe.
	I've got a scepter.
	But wait a minute.
	Chinese authorities, played by CNAS staffers, quickly counter, surging troops, forcing a communications blackout in Taiwan, and banning exports of electronic goods to the U.S.
	So that means we're going after companies like Apple, Dell, HP.
	You want a new iPhone?
	Guess what?
	You're not going to get it.
	She's really committed to the part of Chinese Betty.
	You want a new Apple iPhone?
	Well, guess what?
	You're not gonna get it.
	Yeah, I'm not actually as worried about my iPhone as I'm worried about a nuclear missile striking the American mainland.
	Well, good luck taking a selfie of you with that mushroom cloud because you're not gonna get it and you won't be printing it out on a Dell printer neither because we're stopping all of that.
	I love this game!
	Lots of questions, lots of lessons.
	It was remarkable to see all of you there working together.
	Yeah, it's lovely, isn't it, really?
	I mean, people talk about politicians and how we're just in it for ourselves, and we're just selfish, profiteering pigs who primarily care about what we're going to do after we leave Congress, and as is the case in one in five Congress people, trading in stocks and shares that we regulate.
	But you just give us the task of practising a war that's going to drain the American people and potentially damage the lives of everyone on the globe, and look at us come together as a team.
	I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
	It's not a view we often get.
	We see you in hearings, we see you on TV, but this is a group that is really working together.
	We're trying to.
	And again, ultimately, we're hoping to generate creative ideas that can pass this Congress for what we can do to enhance deterrence.
	What that basically is, that's someone who's on the select committee for policy on China saying that they'll agitate for war.
	This is that stuff you always see, right?
	Like this guy, you think he don't get lobbying money from Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, Norfolk Grumman?
	So in the event that you want to do a war game, Mike Gallagher, representative of Wisconsin, Would you say that there should be a war?
	And let me remind you, wars are those things where we sell military equipment.
	Oh, I don't know.
	Would I say that there shouldn't be a war because it would cost American taxpayers a lot of money and, like, a war is a bad thing?
	No, Mike.
	You say there will be a war.
	Oh, I get it now.
	I say there will be a war.
	Now get out there, onto that Congress Select Committee, and represent the American people.
	And see if you can get along with those Democrats.
	You guys are so different.
	Our hope is by doing something different, we generate more member engagement and more member ideas.
	There's obviously lessons learned from Ukraine.
	We all made a fucking fortune.
	And the only people that died were Ukrainian.
	And I ain't Ukrainian.
	So sad, but meh.
	One of them was, the U.S.
	intelligence certainly believed Russia would be moving in.
	Yeah.
	But really off the mark in terms of the power of Russia and the power Yeah, no one could have predicted that Russia are good at wars.
	Russia ALWAYS are good at wars!
	Have you heard of this little thing called HISTORY?
	It's nothing about the intelligence community not to trust.
	Like the CIA, recent revelations, or historic revelations, or agitating for wars, potentially causing coups that lead to wars.
	Gotta trust those guys, right?
	I think you have to just prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
	I think that's just the way that we have to approach this scenario.
	Yeah, well that's actually something you could get off a Christmas cracker or out of a, ironically, a Chinese fortune cookie, although they'll probably be brand any day soon.
	But hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
	That's what you learn from your war games.
	This isn't like, you know, what to do going on holiday with someone you don't get on with that well anymore.
	This is a potential global conflict.
	Well, you know, stitching time saves night, red sky at night, shepherds delight.
	Oh good, that'll help us when missiles start landing in Delaware and Wisconsin.
	Good luck talking to the people that voted you in.
	And that is what they are doing.
	That's what they're doing.
	That's the news.
	And that is what they're doing.
	That over there, what I just showed you.
	Thanks for watching.
	Okay, let's get some more details on this crazy crackpot world.
	Washington, we're incessantly told, is paralyzed by a climate of brinkmanship and polarization.
	That has indeed been the case in many areas over the past few years.
	When it comes to defense spending, however, none of the usual rules of politics seem to apply.
	Yeah, it's because they have rehearsals in collaborating when it comes to enacting the will of the military-industrial complex.
	We just saw them rehearsing.
	Though unable to find common ground elsewhere, Democratic and Republican lawmakers invariably forget their differences whenever the Pentagon is involved.
	Despite preaching fiscal restraint on social expenditure, the economic conservatives who dominate both parties have never met a military budget they consider too large or demanded that cruise missiles be subject to a work requirement before they vote yay.
	Yes, it's interesting, isn't it?
	When it comes to distribution of resources domestically, like healthcare or education, no, no, no, no, no, that's communism.
	But it's your exact same money that's going to the military-industrial complex.
	That's sound business.
	This is very reliable.
	50% of all All military spending ends up not with the military, not with the troops, not with the brave men and women that fight for America, that are willing to lay down their lives, Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, Boeing, those guys.
	As Stephen Semler of the Security Policy Reform Institute put it back in 2021, roll call votes on military spending reveal that there are considerably fewer deficit hawks or fiscal conservatives in Congress than reported by mainstream media outlets, if any at all.
	The Pentagon's bloated and ever-expanding budget undermines American democracy, not only because it never receives the same scrutiny as other government spending.
	I wonder why that is?
	Let me know in the chat and the comments if there could be a reason for that.
	Why do they keep failing audits?
	Why do both parties vote in line with more military expenditure?
	We saw it with Ukraine and we've just seen from the rehearsals that you're going to see the same thing in next World War.
	But because it ultimately funnels so much money away from essential and social public goods, as a new report released by the Institute for Policy Studies, IPS, makes vividly clear.
	Published annually on tax day in collaboration with the National Priorities Project, the Institute's analysis examines American income taxes in relation to military and security spending to show just how much of the average person's tax bill is going to the likes of cluster bombs rather than hospitals or schools.
	Its findings are staggering.
	This year, the average American taxpayer paid $1,087 just for Pentagon contractors alone.
	A sum representing 21 days of work for the average person and four times what they contributed to K-12 education.
	That's $270.
	Isn't it interesting that our attention is continually drawn to cutbacks in education and healthcare But every single one of you, or at least the average taxpayer, paid over $1,000 directly to the Military-Industrial Complex, working on average 21 days for the Military-Industrial Complex.
	Bear that in mind on those 21 days, particularly if you're doing a job that you're not enjoying.
	Let me know in the chat in the comments, like, it's good I'm doing this for Raytheon and Lockheed Martin.
	Does that seem right to you?
	Does that seem fair?
	Does it seem like it's something you should be consulted about and asked about?
	Or do you trust your government enough to allow them to make that decision with your money for you?
	They also paid approximately $74 for the maintenance of nuclear weapons.
	An average taxpayer gave $298 to the five largest military contractors,
	while only $19 went to programs concerned with mental health and substance abuse.
	Mental health and substance abuse, even if you're not directly affected by it, will affect your community.
	It will affect your life, even if it's not a member of your family or you yourself.
	You're living in an environment where people are sick and addicted to drugs, in part because of how miserable and desperate the world is, but also because the resources are being directed elsewhere.
	A significant number of the people that are suffering from addiction issues are suffering because of the opioid crisis.
	And you know who caused that.
	It's been legally proven that it was caused by the pharmaceutical industry.
	And guess what?
	They got a whole bunch of your tax dollars.
	Other people suffering from mental health problems will be war veterans from wars caused by, oh, guess what?
	These people.
	You're funding the decline of your own communities, and no one's asking you whether or not that's what you want.
	Let me know in the chat and comments how you feel about that.
	Lockheed Martin, incidentally a major air polluter, received $106 from the average person's income tax contribution, while a mere $6 went to renewable energy.
	$106 for Lockheed Martin?
	From all of us?
	I don't know about that, man.
	I don't know if that's what I want.
	As part of the study, the IPS also offers an interactive tool showing how money currently going to the military might otherwise be spent.
	These results are also staggering.
	For just 10% of what America spent on militarization in 2021, it could have funded 660,631 registered nurses.
	Aside from the 666.
	I love that.
	Registered nurses instead of missiles.
	This is the world we live in.
	This is the world we live in.
	We can make it different.
	We can change it.
	8.8 million units of public housing.
	How are you getting on?
	Can you afford your housing?
	Is your rent high?
	Can you afford to get on the property ladder or on major organisations buying up all the property in your country?
	Feel the Lockheed Martin money?
	Is it like... Oh, there it goes!
	I'm glad I worked those 21 days!
	Let me know how this system's treating you.
	The system that doesn't allow you to vote for it, and when it does allow you to vote, just does what it wants because, as you just saw in that exercise, both parties, when it comes to the crunch, are going to do exactly the same thing.
	Or 1.69 million jobs paying $15 per hour with benefits for an entire year.
	But people talk a lot about Roosevelt's New Deal, where people that weren't working went to work in national parks, building the America that you love.
	What kind of America do you want for the next generation?
	One where people are building community assets?
	Or one where everyone's in a mad war with China in 2027?
	Which ain't that far off.
	Ain't got a watch, couldn't get the semiconductors.
	A mere 1% could have salaried approximately 81,000 elementary school teachers over the next 12 months.
	Faced with numbers like these, it's hard to not think about the more generous and humane society that might exist if the institutions of America's government were less captured by the military-industrial complex.
	The United States currently spends more on its military than the next nine countries combined, the majority of which are allies.
	Yeah, but they could turn against us at any time.
	A big gang of nine.
	So let's spend more of that and give it to Raytheon, et cetera.
	And then we'll have wars with those once we've done China and Russia.
	Brilliant.
	I'd like to see them all game that out.
	Oh, yeah?
	Then where are you going to get your croissants from?
	And your red wine?
	Or your steak and kidney pies from the UK?
	Or your bratwursts from Germany?
	We actually don't need any of that stuff.
	And even a 10% cut to its military budget would leave it far ahead of all other countries in total military expenditure.
	Wow.
	Since the late 1970s, American politics have been dominated by a strand of fiscal conservatism that views taxes as evil and the state as a quasi-illegitimate body that skims from the wealth ordinary citizens earn.
	There are many problems with this argument, but it's especially difficult to take it seriously given that its proponents always seem to exclude military spending from the equation.
	This is an important point.
	If that argument is robust, if that argument is sound, then it has to apply to military expenditure.
	I recognise the security of America is a significant subject for many of you.
	But remember, where is this money going really?
	Because if it was really going to the troops, who I'm sure we all support, why are they in significant numbers unable to afford food, shelter, and why are 11% of all homeless people in America veterans?
	Let me know in the chat and the comments.
	Considering how little scrutiny such spending receives, and considering that it continues to increase regardless of who's in power, ordinary Americans are effectively being forced to subsidize a bloated military bureaucracy to the tune of hundreds of billions every year, all while having zero say in the matter.
	NPP's analysis comes just over a month after the White House released President Joe Biden's $1.6 trillion budget request for the fiscal year of 2024.
	More than half of that amount, $886 billion, would go to the military.
	Responding to the $886 billion request, NPP Program Director Lindsey Koshgarian said last month that this military budget represents a shameful status quo that the country can no longer afford.
	Families are struggling to afford basics like housing, food and medicine, and our last pandemic-era protections are ending, all while Pentagon contractors pay their CEOs millions straight from the public treasury, Koshgarian noted.
	A responsible budget would restore the Pentagon's spending to previous reduced levels from just a few short years ago and reinvest that additional money at home where we need it the most, she added.
	So there you are!
	The Democrats and the Republicans are coming together to rehearse a war with Taiwan that will cost you a lot of money and gain the military-industrial complex even more of your money.
	You're already paying them over $1,000 a year.
	Wouldn't you like to vote on where that money goes?
	Wouldn't you like to hear alternative arguments for how that money could be spent?
	Wouldn't you like to be in control of your own communities and lives, having decentralized democracies that are local to you, where you could have pride?
	And meaning in your community.
	Letting go of how other people want to run their communities, because let's face it, it's not our business how other people live if it doesn't affect us, is it?
	But what is our business?
	What is your money?
	Is the way that the military-industrial complex is continually agitating for conflict in order to spend your tax dollars on wars abroad that it could be argued are nothing to do with you and wouldn't even be happening without their agenda being imposed on your nation.
	But that's just what I think.
	Let me know what you think in the comments below.
	See you in a second.
	Thank you for choosing Fox News.
	Good day.
	No. Here's the fucking news.
	Brief hiatus and one or two barely noticeable changes.
	Football is nice is back.
	Football is nice.
	Is football a microcosm and a lens through which we can analyse politics,
	entertainment, general decline and entropy of our entire culture?
	Tribalism?
	I hope so.
	Otherwise, unlike Joe Rogan's advice to me that you should do stuff that you authentically care about, we will experience a great drop off in viewing figures, but I urge you to stay with us.
	For example, maybe you're a royalist who cares about the coronation.
	New kings in town.
	Literally a new kings in town and a new queen.
	They kept that quiet.
	But how do they feel up at Glasgow Celtic at the possibility of a new monarch and a coronation?
	I bet they're well into it because the Scots, they love us.
	They love England and they love kings, queens, all that.
	But don't take my word for it.
	Let's listen to them on mass chanting.
	It's good, isn't it, really, because it's succinct.
	You can just... It's good.
	...shove it up your arse.
	You can't actually shove a coronation up an arse.
	No.
	Too many jewels.
	Too many jewels.
	Rough edges.
	Yep.
	All of it, but not one item of it.
	Not the crown, not the sceptre.
	No.
	Maybe some of his medals?
	Shove them up your arse.
	You get them up there.
	Well, I want to take this opportunity, actually, just to talk about their recent games and to give an overview of where the Premier League currently is.
	After leading for the entire season, Arsenal are in a period of, not decline, but deterioration, would you call it?
	Even though they beat Chelsea really well last night.
	I don't know if it's decline.
	I just think Man City are incredible and they've hit an amazing run of form.
	Yeah, it's more like they're an unstoppable football force backed by a nation and inconceivable wealth.
	And if you pay too much attention to it, the only conclusion that can be drawn is that like all things, football, entertainment, music, politics, everything has been completely and entirely corrupted by money.
	And the only way you wouldn't pay attention to that is if you supported Manchester City or indeed Newcastle United, in which case you'd sort of go, oh this is actually brilliant, I can't believe how much fun this is.
	sort of be willing to put aside the certain knowledge there's something deeply deeply unfair about this mad acquisition of players in particular Calvin Phillips who's just been purchased essentially watch other people play football while earning presumably a couple hundred grand a week front row seats to see some of the best players in the world When you watched Man City versus Arsenal round my house with your dinner on your lap, did you think that the players on the City bench, like Foden, would be so celebrated and adored at Arsenal that it might, on some level, be distasteful to be in that position?
	And maybe that there should be some reshuffle?
	And isn't it sort of weird that American sport, when America is so ultimately corporatised, has this peculiar socialism throughout its The draft system.
	Amazing.
	I know when you look at that bench of City and you look at what Arsenal have been able to do by bringing in Zinchenko and Jesus this year and the kind of impact that they've made to the Arsenal team and then you looked at the Man City bench and who they could bring on you thought what if they went to Arsenal what difference they would make but Man City can just bring them on switch out some other players amazing I mean There was all that talk earlier in the season, wasn't there?
	Oh, Man City, they're not the same team.
	They're just not.
	And Haaland, he's not really working, is he?
	Because about the whole ethos of the team, it's just not really working.
	He's like, come on, you idiots!
	Like, as if Pep Guardiola doesn't know what he's doing.
	I mean, they're incredible.
	They're absolutely incredible.
	I've got a few things that I want to talk about.
	These are my general observations accrued from paying attention to football over the course of the week.
	Here they are.
	Sort of like mad brown Billy Boots old style football shoes would score.
	Sort of like he's travelling through time as well as travelling through distance.
	I've got a few things that I want to talk about.
	These are my general observations accrued from paying attention to football over the course of the week.
	Here they are.
	A lot of Liverpool players have big hair, like in history.
	You'd have players like McDermott and Keegan that would have big hair, like a spate of big hair.
	Haaland at a particular point during the game against Arsenal let his hair down.
	It was actually sort of quite maddeningly erotic I thought.
	It kind of was.
	To see his tumbling golden tresses.
	It's like sort of almost sexual.
	It was kind of sexual.
	It was like he'd taken some clothes off, but it was just letting his hair down.
	He was literally letting his hair down.
	Harland has sort of, he's like a modern mythic figure.
	Yep.
	Because he's potent and powerful and beautiful, but isn't he somehow mechanical?
	Even before he came to City, when he used to do them interviews, he would be like monosyllabic, like binary language.
	Like there's a bluntness to him, sort of a bluntness to his excellence.
	When you think of like that he's being hailed as the new Messi, like the natural successor of the mantle of the world's best player.
	That the previous one was like a small boy from Argentina, sort of slightly damaged, and his mischievous genius nevertheless, in spite of his diminutive size, blesses him and transports him across the world.
	That the next incarnation of that for this age is this mighty Nordic cyborg with presumably a Thor's hammer-like cock.
	Possibly the helmet More red than the usual man.
	Right.
	That's what you imagine, is it?
	You know that purple dye was difficult to acquire back in old times.
	Okay.
	That's why purple is associated with regency and like royalness.
	Right.
	And helmets.
	But Harland, my suspicion is there's a sort of a potent roaring redness to it.
	I love just the thought of you making notes on football over the weekend and you know, oh Manchester City have won and this that and the other, they've regained top spot and Harland isn't he like a robotic Nordic And I wonder, I think he's probably got a more purple tip of his penis than everyone else.
	It's just an amazing way that you get to that, I think.
	Arsenal's, as you say, not declined, but inevitable, uh, um, what do you want to call it?
	Surrender?
	Sure.
	To the might of Manchester City.
	Many people highlight Rob Holding, the centre-back, who's replacing, what's his name?
	Saliba.
	Yeah.
	Like, that he's the problem.
	And it's, isn't it inconvenient that it's like his name is Rob Holding?
	Yeah.
	And he's a sort of a placeholder player.
	Yeah.
	And there was one bit where he was holding Haaland as well.
	Unsuccessfully, yeah.
	Couldn't hold on to him, even though his name is Rob Holding.
	He can't even do that right!
	Like literally your name.
	Do you sometimes think that their names, like Pep has got this incredible vim and power and of course Arsene Wenger's name sounds a bit like Arsenal.
	I think about it all the time and even Arteta sounds a bit like Arsenal.
	And Klopp sounds a bit like cop.
	Yeah.
	And when Conte was manager of Spurs, I used to think even that has a certain, if you just change one letter, it describes Tottenham almost perfectly.
	Sometimes like your name or some aspect of your identity is somehow informing your reality.
	There's Kevin Keegan for those of you who didn't know.
	Even though we know that American interest in the sport of football is in He's growing enormously because, mostly, of Wrexham.
	I'm irritated by this for a number of reasons.
	Firstly, Wrexham rhymes nearly with West Ham, the team I support.
	That's one of the reasons.
	Okay.
	It's a bit of a stretch, but go on.
	Yeah, it is a stretch, because the main reason is because it's like Ryan Reynolds, a Hollywood star, and his other mate out of Sunday in Philadelphia, own it, and I'm annoyed that that's happened.
	Yeah.
	And that it's been so evidently and obviously a triumph, a success.
	Yeah.
	And like our mate David Squires, the cartoonist for the Guardian, does a brilliant sort of football column.
	He says, no, this is still a heartwarming story.
	And I mean, look, I don't want to take the sort of fun out of it because of my own petty jealousies.
	Should we, like, Wrexham, the club that I'm sure you're aware now, Ryan Reynolds and his mate from San Diego Philadelphia, got promoted to the Football League.
	And here they are going around Wrexham.
	🎵🎵🎵 They should have opened with that shot.
	That's the sort of impressive shot for something that's happening in, like, Wrexham.
	Not that I've spent a lot of time in Wrexham.
	I, like, respect you.
	And if you are in Wrexham, obviously you're enjoying this and it's fantastic and it's the best thing that's ever happened.
	I mean, it's actual fairy tale stuff, isn't it?
	You know, it's incredible.
	When David Gold, God rest his soul, and David Sullivan took over West Ham, even though their money was made through the pornography industry, I said, this is good.
	These guys are going to wank us back to the big time.
	We're wanking all over the world.
	I was sort of excited by it and everything.
	But this is amazing.
	It's Deadpool and everything.
	And what about what a move getting Ben Foster, who's been a guest on this show, to come on.
	It's only petty jealousy, and I know that petty jealousy is something I have to overcome.
	I actually applaud Ryan Reynolds and Tom McHale.
	Yeah, because the reality of it is, Ross, if you'd have done this... I'd be so happy.
	Well, first of all, you'd be so happy, but would we have got to this point, or would there have been issues in week one of... What would they have been?
	What is their kit like?
	How should they have their hair?
	I don't like that, Keita!
	Is the tip of his dick purple enough?
	I mean, there'd be so many things that you needed to... This is right back.
	Exactly what Hugh do you imagine?
	I've seen this sort before.
	He's got a tight foreskin, I'll mark you.
	Too tight.
	I bet he can't even fully pull it back!
	I'm going into the cold baths with those lads!
	Yeah, I would have... You're right, there is so much opportunity for there to be a problem.
	But you know... You can just pretend you're them.
	Like, just pretend... I love doing that!
	I'm not pretending I'm them.
	I won't do it.
	I think you'll get more enjoyment out of it.
	More pleasure by pretending I'm them.
	If you were doing it yourself, I think it would be so laden with issues and problems for you.
	I struggle to pretend I'm me.
	I'm not pretending I'm them.
	I won't do it.
	I've got too much... only just enough dignity.
	To not do that.
	But you think that's a better method is it?
	I think so because I will say it's amazing what's happened and like I
	applaud them and I think they've gone about it in all the right ways and just
	seeing this like what's incredible is like that they've they really have
	bought into the whole culture of it they've not just gone right we're gonna
	go every now and again to a game and then we'll put some money in there they're
	like all the time they're doing this I mean they're literally this status quo
	they've probably never heard that song rocking all over the world it's like
	real like working-class football culture that those two guys obviously really
	bought into and I think that's amazing but what I will say is when you get into
	the Football League and then you start going up the divisions it's not about
	putting a few million quid in you're talking about putting in tens hundreds
	of millions of quid in And whether or not things will change, I don't want to be, you know, I put a dampener on it, but I think things get a bit tougher.
	I do want to put a dampener on it, and here is that dampener.
	Like Ted Lasso, right?
	That sort of becomes sort of a popular thing.
	Won't watch that for other reasons of pettiness.
	My whole cultural intake is determined by pettiness.
	I can basically only watch our stuff back and even then for only about five minutes, right?
	But what I feel is that somewhere marketing decisions have been made and ultimately the Disney show Well, isn't it just Lower League Man City?
	Right.
	Let me know.
	And again, I don't want to be a cynical person.
	I don't see that as my role in the world.
	But I actually feel that football is a powerful window into the heart of our national psyche and perhaps football more broadly and let us know what sort of sport Means to you they somehow deeply connected to community and the sort of romance that they're enjoying and the Cultural connection that they're enjoying might elsewhere be regarded as a kind of cultural appropriation if it were similarly being Utilized for profit, but we'll sort of see where it goes and I've totally understand if I spoil Rexham And I wasn't so petty
	I'd be well into it.
	I'd be totally well into it.
	And you can't make the comparison, obviously, that some actors are comparable to... I don't know, can you?
	Because it gets complicated when you start talking about Abu Dhabi and Saudi Arabia money behind Newcastle.
	Because you say, well, hold on a minute, they literally are regimes that have values that are at odds with our progressivism.
	But then you have to expand that conversation and go, well, what about the values that are behind the colonialism that put Britain in the position it was in In the first place, you know, even this country, you know, if you've seen The Crown, you'd have seen, like, that mining disaster that could have been handled differently in the 1960s at Aberatham or whatever.
	You know, like, the...
	That it captures and harnesses so many of the beautiful things about human beings and some of the flawed things as well.
	Because as much as it brings about unity, it brings about tribalism.
	But I feel like it's an honest crucible for humans coming together football.
	It's a place where you can really learn about...
	I watched this thing the other day, right, where it talks about Millwall and West Ham, you know, the team I support and Millwall, their historic rival.
	It was a documentary about, like, their deep, entrenched hatred between them.
	And even up until 2012, I think, when there was a sort of a cup match between West Ham and Millwall, there was still violence then, even when, like, sort of football violence was in decline.
	There was a documentary where it was a Millwall fan's perspective on those events, just a YouTube video, actually.
	He was going, like, The only time that we've ever put aside is for like this young kid got cancer and Millwall fans and West Ham fans raised money for this young kid with cancer.
	And he goes like, and sadly she died, God love her, like a little four-year-old girl.
	And like in the video it goes, you know, the only time Millwall fans and West Ham come and give her is for Lily, I think her name was Lily, she was beautification.
	We actually even wore the colours of Clarion Blue to support her.
	To this day, she is the only West Ham fan who will be welcome at the Den.
	That's how entrenched the rivalry and the hatred is.
	But they did indeed come together, and of course notably around the sort of terrible deaths, unlawful deaths of the 97 that died at Hillsborough, the Liverpool fans at the Liverpool v Forest Cup semi-final.
	There's so much sentiment, so much potency, so much power in it that I actually genuinely sometimes think that it's something that could contribute meaningfully to cultural and social change, that people understand something that's difficult to articulate around football.
	And that actually fans should own their football teams, that they shouldn't be corporatised, that they should belong to the people that support the club.
	And all of the things that that would bring about would ultimately end up being ethical and more fair.
	Oh no, we can't pay as much money.
	It would somehow be a leveller if fans owned their football clubs and were invested in their community.
	I don't know, man.
	So I guess the spectacle of football is, in a sense, the least interesting, even though it's a bloody interesting part of it.
	I've got a few other things to add to this.
	Can I add them?
	Of course you can.
	I know that some of them are people of colour, so I'm not making a point about African hair.
	I'm just talking about Liverpool's heritage with big hair.
	Curtis Jones.
	Diaz's hair is quite big.
	Now I'm moving on to the subject, and obviously there's Salah, of course, and Trent.
	Now I just want to say, Gakpo is a name people like saying.
	It is.
	It's a cool name.
	It's enjoyable to say.
	Gakpo.
	Is your point about the hair though, going back to that, are you trying to say they're trying to channel the successes of that earlier Liverpool side?
	Yes.
	Through hairstyles.
	There's a continuum.
	Whilst Liverpool are apparently a team who due to their deteriorating midfield are unable to compete at the very highest level.
	They all seem like a little bit too tired.
	That and all their hair.
	Their hair is thriving and flourishing.
	Do you think there was a point in the season where they just hadn't won?
	I mean, I think they've won four on the trot now, but they hadn't won two on the spin or something, where the cops said, it's time for plan B. All grow your hair.
	Why don't Virgil Van Dijk undoes it.
	When I saw him falling over when he was sort of turned I think by, I can't remember, Kane maybe, I don't know, like for one of the goals against Tottenham where they eventually won 4-3, I thought that wouldn't have happened.
	There used to be a stat that nobody in the world I mean, you know, that's football, isn't it?
	he was just an invincible force. You can't get past him.
	No. It's sad isn't it? I mean, you know, that's football isn't it? You get injured, things change.
	Life changes. There's a few things that I want to talk about. Gakpo could be a good name for
	a cocaine slang or a Teletubbies name. Could work for either of those things.
	Also I suppose we're sort of unlucky in that game because they hit the post a couple of times and
	God!
	Actually, they were sort of... they were unlucky ultimately.
	Um, like...
	Ryan Mason, current incumbent as Spurs coach, T celebrations are quite muted.
	Yes they are.
	I noticed that as well.
	And Klops are too much.
	Yeah.
	Now a lot of people are saying that it's a crime what he did.
	Yeah.
	Like that he shouldn't have done it and he went too far.
	Can we have a look at it here?
	If you're just listening to this on audio, we will commentate and describe it for you perfectly.
	Let's have a look at Klops' celebration, during which he injured himself actually.
	That's so primitive, isn't it?
	That's...
	I like the way he still bangs his chest after pulling his hamstring at the same time.
	That's almost like you've sort of followed through on a fart, done a poo, possibly piles come out, and then sort of still beat your chest.
	Like, I am more powerful!
	We're gonna have to push that back in with a lolly stick.
	Like, yeah, that's incredible.
	What he did there, that's literally, apes do that.
	Yeah.
	Don't they?
	Like, he came up, and it's also like what Keown done to that referee in that famous Arsenal-United clash in the early 90s, late 90s.
	Yeah, with Van Nistelrooy and all that.
	Yeah, that sort of back bit where they all, like, two of them had skinheads or something.
	Oh no, that was like, no, Mathers United, when Stam and Keown, two men of the team had skinheads.
	The opposite of Liverpool's laissez-faire long hair receiving signals from another world.
	Like, he actually, this is the bit that's most interesting.
	Before he sort of starts filling up his own ass, Look how he rears up here.
	And also this form of visual.
	Actually, he looks like he can handle himself.
	He does.
	Because he ain't that phased.
	No.
	If someone had done that to me, I think maybe some wee would come out.
	It certainly would.
	Of course it would.
	How much do you think?
	I think not...
	Like if you were putting it in a little jar.
	An egg cup.
	An egg cup full of wheat, yeah.
	What about sometimes when wee comes out, and you think, that should only be a little bit, because it feels like it should only be a little bit.
	But when you see it splash.
	There's loads!
	That's like blood in a murder mystery.
	As you know, I was in Death Down the Nile.
	A little bit of blood make a lot a lot of work for Poirot.
	That was his catchphrase.
	A little little blood make a lot a lot of work for Poirot.
	That's a catchphrase.
	Yeah.
	Not like Kenneth Branagh's catchphrase when he was directing me.
	I told you!
	Keep still!
	That's his catchphrase.
	I'm trying to, Sir Kenneth Branagh.
	No, I am doing it.
	You're not, you're moving your head.
	I'm going to need some help with him.
	What are we going to do with him?
	Get someone else who's better at acting, like we originally tried to.
	That film where you were playing me?
	Death Down a Nile, as I perform as Gareth Roy.
	Now let's see if this guy flinches, and then you'll see and understand why we had to have that muscly lino.
	You know that muscly lino that fronted up to Andy Robertson?
	That's right, yeah.
	That geese was trouble.
	Did you?
	Yeah.
	I'd noticed him.
	He was too... He had the body of a narcissist.
	Okay.
	No one does that.
	What do you think I was going to say?
	No, I don't.
	Sexy?
	No, I don't.
	He was.
	I never know how long before you mention the tip of someone's penis.
	That's all.
	Always.
	The tip of the penis is always on the tip of my tongue.
	That's what makes it difficult for me to do tongue twisters.
	Now this has been the narcissist lino that confronted Andy Robertson.
	And like when...
	Like, he sort of went to elbow him, but it's that sort of, it's the same, when there's an altercation between an official and a player, I think the officials always only sort of mime, like, mime their part of the occasion.
	In the famous Paulo de Cano versus, what's he called, Paul Alcock or something like that, like, the way that referee went down was like he'd been shot.
	Yes.
	Like, and the skirmish between those two... That was embarrassing.
	It didn't really touch him.
	No.
	It didn't really touch him, but Andy Robinson was, like, proper pissed off.
	Yeah, he was.
	Yeah, because it's a transgression, isn't it?
	That's the thing, isn't it?
	It's like when that French copper kicked a bin during a riot.
	It's like, hold on a minute, you're meant to be the police.
	Yeah.
	Don't kick that wheelie bin, mate.
	We asked you to contribute your most embarrassing moments where you have celebrated, like, well, this is the question, I think we posted this on Elon Musk's Citadel of Truth.
	Yes.
	Oh.
	Have you done any sports days yet?
	After Jurgen Klopp's freak injury while celebrating Liverpool's late win over the Spurs, what's the silliest
	injury you've sustained while watching, playing or celebrating sport?
	Neil Clarke did my hamstring Klopp style showing off a kids v parents sports day.
	Oh.
	Embarrassing to hurt yourself on a sports day.
	Have you done any sports days yet?
	Yeah, tug of war, tug of war.
	Oh, how did that go?
	I was on the losing side and I was actually anchor which is actually quite a significant position in a tug of war.
	Yes, yes it is.
	How do you know?
	We did some last year.
	Oh, here?
	The team, yeah.
	Yeah, I went here.
	I was on holiday, weren't I?
	That's when you do all of your events.
	So, like, I actually was in a tug-of-war, and I was the last person.
	But actually, there was, like, one of the people, there's stuntmen, there's farmers, You know?
	I picked the wrong side.
	I could have been on either side because I've got two daughters and one of them's in each year.
	Oh.
	You picked the wrong one.
	Yeah, that's what I did.
	Losing a tug-of-war is actually quite undignified because you sort of go like that and you sort of fall forward.
	Yeah, that's right.
	I don't like it.
	You maybe bump into the person in front of you.
	Oh, sorry about that, mate.
	Oh no, we've lost this war of tugging.
	Why couldn't we tug harder?
	Did you have a strategy, though?
	Because do you remember when that Squid Game was on?
	Everyone watched Squid Game.
	Oh, that Squid Game was what I was going for!
	Right!
	That was like, everyone suddenly had a technique for turning the wheel.
	Strategy!
	What was it again?
	You let them go a bit, and then you pull back.
	That was too complicated to use Squid Game, sadly.
	But what I just thought was try to tug as hard as you can.
	That was your strategy, was it?
	I tugged and I tugged.
	Like it's 1999.
	Bloody nine.
	And they tugged us forwards into a front topple.
	Oh no.
	It was a shame.
	I think my footwear as well, as I recall, was probably socks and sliders.
	Maybe I went down to barefoot, I don't know.
	Not the Winkle Pickers, was it?
	Huh?
	Not the Winkle Pickers.
	I was wearing a very thin Winkle Pickle, a beetle boot.
	I could have dug those down into the turf.
	Of course you could.
	Of course I couldn't have done.
	You'll have another one this year, won't you?
	Will you be back?
	I'm going to be much more circumspect about the side I pick, and I'll be clinging to the waist of a stuntman, something like that, or a farmer.
	And I'll say, don't think I should be the anchor.
	No.
	Because the anchor's fun to hit at all.
	You want to be front, don't you?
	Yeah.
	Is that good?
	Yeah, I think at the front.
	Because also then, if you win, I mean, I just think maybe that's the place for you.
	Yeah, maybe.
	You might be right.
	Did you notice your daughters, were your daughters watching?
	No.
	Thank God, they don't care.
	Also, look, this is the type of school where it's not like hotly competing and people sort of, it's not like Jurgen Klopp farting out a hemorrhoid and banging himself on the chest till he breaks his own sternum.
	It's not like that.
	Good.
	I was training with a female Muay Thai ex-world amateur champion.
	While doing a sparring session, says Jason Cole, I went for a sort of trip.
	She said, no, can't do that.
	I was new at the time.
	She subsequently tripped me so hard that I broke one of the ribs.
	So painful, and even to far, felt like someone was hitting me in that spot with a bat.
	What, in the ass spot?
	Oh, no, the rib.
	I subsequently learned how to fall asleep bolt upright after having to do this for six weeks.
	Ripped by others for trying to do the trip in the first place.
	Humbled, for sure.
	You've got to be careful.
	Yeah, I like the way he wrote that.
	It was nice.
	Beautifully written.
	Bolt upright.
	Humbled, for sure.
	Well, all right, mate.
	Now, talking about unlikely writing... It's a shame, isn't it?
	Because with farts, that's meant to be a relief.
	That's meant to feel good.
	Fart's my one remaining pleasure in life.
	Right, exactly.
	Like, a good fart that feels like it's coming from the depths.
	Yes.
	That's all I've got.
	Exactly.
	I've actually taken to farting on stage, live, in live performances.
	Right, just embrace it.
	Audibly, like farting.
	I did one in a show the other week.
	Yeah.
	And I said, I'm sorry about that.
	And the front row was a small venue.
	The front row... I said, probably the first... There's one now.
	I said, the first three rows were probably in the danger zone.
	Of course they were.
	Yeah, I've been, yeah, I mean... And of course, when we were watching Sea Arsenal, I was fighting quite a lot while we were having that curry.
	I had a barbecue with a guy the other day, which sounds a bit weird.
	I don't know him that well, but it's in this flat that I'm living in and I was driving back home.
	Is it the guy that came when I visited you that first day, that young lad?
	Different guy.
	It's a different guy, and he said... What is it, like, fucking Beverly Hills 90210 around there, with these young guys, with Luke Perry coming out?
	No, he's 36.
	Anyway, he said, hello, how are you?
	And I was like, no, I'm fine.
	What are you doing?
	And he said, oh, I'm doing a barbecue.
	And I was like, oh, well, have a nice time.
	And then as I got out of the car, he said, do you want to join me for the barbecue?
	Obviously, at that point... Did you want to?
	Well, I never want to do anything, so the answer is no.
	I wanted to go into my home, be alone, maybe be a bit sad and watch football.
	Yeah, all of those things.
	But of course, because I'm a people pleaser, I was like, oh sure, that would be absolutely wonderful.
	Where was the barbecue in relation to your home?
	It was at the front in the kind of communal garden bit.
	Would you have been able to see him?
	Would they have been able to see you, like, at the window?
	No.
	If I'd have snuck in... Looming and sad.
	They wouldn't have seen me.
	No, he was at the front and I'm at the back.
	I know this is a story he's dragging on a little bit.
	I like it.
	It's one of my favourite bits of the show.
	So, like, I don't know him that well.
	His name is... There you go.
	I can't even remember it now.
	Andy.
	His name's Andy.
	Yeah, his name's Andy.
	He seems like a lovely guy.
	But we were doing chat about cars and things.
	How many other people are there?
	It's not just you and him.
	It's just me and him!
	You and him!
	Who has a barbecue on their own?!
	Right!
	A barbecue's a communal event!
	He's got to do his lonely barbecue!
	He says to me at the start... The lonely barbecue?! !
	He says to me at the start, oh, the missus will be down in a minute, so it'll be the three of us.
	And I'm like, okay, that seems fine.
	Right, that seems like it would relief some of this sexual tension over these charring sausages.
	Guess who never turns up?
	His wife.
	And guess what he's got under his apron?
	Nothing.
	And guess how erect his penis is?
	Very.
	To breaking point.
	Is it like Harland's?
	Like Harland's, with a clear tear- no.
	What's that print?
	That better be some sort of Caesar salad sauce, son.
	Anyway, so he- This is all heading towards a fart, of course.
	Well, of course it is.
	We know that.
	He starts doing the boat, so we put down the blankets.
	Oh my God!
	Blankets?
	I know, there were blankets.
	So we put down the blankets, and he's like telling me all about the food.
	How did you coordinate that blankets were gonna be put down?
	Well, he just- Like, how did you run?
	He just- No, he did it himself.
	I knew it, oh, when I'm having blankets, otherwise they're gonna crease in the corners, it won't be like a picnic.
	He was very meticulous about pulling them out right to the corners as well, so I helped at one point, pulling them out to the corners.
	I hope he was that meticulous when he was taking down your drawers!
	So we do the blankets and then we do the small talk and the cars and I go through like basically his whole life's history, asking him about everything.
	Anything good in there?
	Loads of good stuff.
	He used to work in Spearmint Rhinos in Brighton.
	Pretty good.
	Which then changed to another strip club because it was bought by some American who didn't understand the business.
	Bought it as a going concern.
	Got all the infrastructure, got the poles.
	And they wanted to sell it but then he stepped in and he started to save and they made loads of money.
	Brilliant!
	This is too many details.
	He's the stripper king.
	But with the things like, for example, when he was going through, I've marinated this pork and I've got these sausages from a special halal shop and all these kind of things.
	Is it halal?
	It is halal.
	And he said, I'm not really into that, but I'm going to go with it because it's excellent quality sausages.
	Fair enough.
	I like to know my sausages have suffered.
	I don't like my sausages going quietly into that good night.
	Do you?
	No, no, no.
	He's dad.
	Through the maximum pain.
	These sausages went out screaming in agony, sort of like you're about to be once I've got these blankets nice and flat.
	So we do the blankets, and the blankets is the first time that I notice a fart.
	Because what ends up happening... How near is the blankets to the barbeque?
	Isn't the smell of the cooking meat obscuring the fart?
	There's about a metre or two, I would say, between the blankets and the barbeque.
	It's just a little barbeque, just one of those.
	What, when you've bought from a garage?
	No.
	This is like... He's had this a while.
	It's a popular iron one.
	He tells me, he says, I'm serious about barbeques.
	I've done many, many a barbeque on myself.
	There's two things I know.
	Clubs!
	Barbecues!
	Free things!
	And having sex with strangers!
	On the sex blanket!
	Is that the sex blanket?
	Oh, that's in the wash.
	That's the substitute.
	Anyway, the first time he puts the blanket down, I notice, and I think, oh, it's just one of those accidents, I'm obviously not going to mention it, he does a massive couple of farts.
	Loud, audible farts.
	Really loud.
	What's his physical appearance like at this point?
	Does he not take a fart from a good-looking person?
	All day long?
	He's like, he's got long hair in the ponytail, a bit Harland-esque.
	Not as Harland, you know, as Harland.
	He's not like a god.
	But, uh, you know, he's fairly tidy.
	Anytime, eh? Don't mind if I do.
	Fill my snout with your pipe gas, sir.
	So the first time he like crouches down to put the blanket down, I do notice a couple
	of like...
	Oh not blubbery ones, not blubbery loose ones.
	You want to feel like he's in control of that.
	But like I think, better not mention it.
	No.
	You know, I've only met him a couple of times.
	We're neighbours.
	But then, every time he does something where it involves, obviously, a tiny little barbecue on the ground.
	He's squatting all the time!
	He's down there all the time!
	Flip to turn!
	Every time he does it, another few farts.
	Then he has a Guinness.
	Oh God, that's gonna make it rich!
	That's gonna thicken the blood!
	It does make it...
	That's gonna tappen up the brew!
	Anyway, honestly, eventually we do go up to get- I know that again.
	Sorry, we have to go up and get the vegetables.
	I feel like I'm gonna be telling all of this to the authorities.
	And we go up there and he goes, oh, you'll meet the missus and, you know, I shouldn't come down with this.
	Oh, she's not there, is she?
	Well, she is there.
	What's she like?
	She's absolutely furious when she sees me.
	Turns out it's her birthday tomorrow, and he's gone and invited me to this obviously private barbecue between the two of them.
	What's going on with you?
	She's furious.
	She refuses to come down.
	So he goes up and he says, oh, this is whatever her name is.
	I'm not going to reveal it, although I have revealed his name.
	And then she looks at me and she goes, hello.
	Cold.
	Cold.
	Absolutely cold.
	Need them farts to warm up the atmosphere.
	Honestly, I'm doing my very best.
	At this point, I recognise this is a problem.
	Like, I overstepped the mark.
	I shouldn't be here.
	He's farting at Will.
	I shouldn't even be in this flat.
	Your ankle-deep in fart gas.
	I make a comment about their spice rack, because it's the only thing I'm literally searching for.
	What did you say about it?
	I just said, oh, you've got a nice selection of spices in there.
	I hope you didn't say nice rack.
	Cos that's gonna make things even worse.
	Spicy farts, nice rack, I didn't say any of them.
	All of the things you're capable of saying.
	Right, exactly.
	So it didn't have to be absolute best behaviour.
	I help him take the vegetables downstairs.
	At this point, it's done.
	This is quite labour-intensive, is it?
	As well, isn't it?
	You've done a lot of graft here.
	A lot of stuff.
	We've been there for a couple of hours.
	I know his entire life at this point.
	God, he weren't even gonna go.
	And he's done, by this point, I would say, at least a dozen farts.
	At least.
	Probably more.
	Every time.
	Anyway, we get to the barbecue and finally it's ready.
	Is he mentioning them?
	By the time the barbecue, at this point we're in the dark.
	It's pitch black.
	She hasn't come down.
	She's absolutely furious.
	He's saying he's getting progressively a bit more drunk.
	He's saying how absolutely delicious this is going to be.
	I'm doing lots of... Two hours though.
	This does smell nice.
	Too much build up to the barbie.
	And then after his final fart of the evening, he finally says to me, because I'm thinking, it's a medical condition.
	It absolutely has to be. Someone to do that many farts and not go, sorry, sorry about that.
	Anyway, he turns to me and he goes, oh, sorry about the farts, by the way.
	And I'm like, oh yeah? And he goes, yeah, it happens whenever I've had, like, quite a lot of Guinnesses,
	and I did have quite a few yesterday as well. And I was like, no, no, no worries at all.
	That was it. Anyway, that is the fart story. There's not like a big crescendo.
	Well, if it was full of crescendos, it kept on giving, the whole story. I was worried about you.
	You live with these people. What's gonna happen next? Where's it gonna go?
	Well, I've got to return the plate at some point, because he gave me some stuff and then I took it home.
	Slip that on the bloody, just leave it on the doormat. Get out of there. Don't ever go back, gal.
	I don't think so. I don't think there's any good can come from this relationship.
	It started with too much intimacy, blankets laying flat, incessant farting.
	It's not right, is it?
	It's not right, is it?
	Because I was doing quite a few farts when we were watching City Arsenal, but... Yes, I know.
	Paled in comparison.
	Paled!
	And I was going, sorry about this, I'm sorry.
	I apologise for him as an individual.
	Like, each of them's my individual, my bairns.
	Each of my bairns, I offer a wee apology.
	I'm sorry for that.
	Squeak of that one.
	Oh, he had a little undercut like me fella.
	Like, I apologise for each and every one.
	I don't, like, wait till the final one of the night.
	No.
	Like, I'm Dean Martin.
	And you may have enjoyed some of these farts.
	Let's take it home.
	Like, it was like a concert.
	That's right.
	An arse concert.
	An arse concert.
	He gave you a concert from his arse, didn't he?
	Yes, he did.
	Yeah.
	It's a good story, Gal.
	I often do a little fart here or there during the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu with Chris.
	Oh.
	Today he did one, then I done one straight back.
	He almost became part of the Jiu-Jitsu.
	I'm a part of it.
	But my next move was going to be to put my leg over his head.
	But I thought, not while it's still cradled in the gusset.
	No.
	But what if that's something you had to do to win the fight?
	I just wouldn't do it because there's a certain respect.
	He is my teacher.
	There's a certain level of respect.
	It's customary at Premier League football matches to begin with a rousing anthem.
	West Ham of course have, I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles, You'll Never Walk Alone.
	At Liverpool, Z Cars Forever, and many clubs have, sometimes they do the same one, like Brentford are using Hey Jude, what's the connection?
	Anyway, but like, Newcastle are using the music out of Omen.
	That's a bit much, isn't it?
	Especially as they're owned by Saudi Arabia and all that.
	I don't think it's the right message.
	Something a bit more jaunty.
	Don't draw attention to the nefarious potential.
	Particularly as they are getting quite good now.
	Do you think they're going to beat Arsenal and put the tin hat on Arsenal's campaign?
	It's possible.
	Very, very good.
	Yeah, maybe it's down to that.
	Do you know what the lyrics are?
	No, go on.
	We'll drink your blood.
	Wow.
	We'll invite you to a barbecue.
	We'll fart the whole way through it.
	I've got a wife.
	She's not that nice.
	You are not welcome in my dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.
	Where's my fucking plate gone?
	Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.
	Very good.
	That's good, mate.
	Thanks, thanks, thanks.
	Jake Murphy of Newcastle is able to open his mouth surprisingly wide.
	Yes he is.
	Yes, yes he is.
	Did you see that expression he gave the other day when he scored that absolutely amazing goal?
	Yeah, that's when I've learned it.
	Yeah.
	About his ability to... And then the pundit afterwards, who I was interviewing, was like, was that because of your goal?
	And he went, no.
	I was like, oh come on mate, of course it was.
	He said it was about the fact that they were now winning by two goals or something, which I thought, it can't be that.
	It must be that... There he is doing it.
	I used to have my mouth really wide but then something happened to my jaw and I can't do it no more.
	Oh.
	It used to be surprisingly wide.
	I've lost it.
	Oh what a shame.
	It was a great, I used to show that lad a trick or two.
	Not in the area of football where of course he would definitely triumph.
	He would yeah.
	He's doing ever so well.
	He used to be in and out of the team, now he's a regular starter.
	Just to get some actual football facts in there.
	Is he one of the ones that was like, no good?
	The long staffs were always good.
	Under Bruce he didn't play.
	Don't even need St Maxim no more.
	The man mummy.
	Like every single limb wrapped in a bandage.
	He doesn't seem to be as necessary anymore, does he, Sam Maksimov?
	He's still a brilliant player.
	I don't think he's going to go anywhere.
	Here's some players West Ham will get in.
	And that lad with two surnames that Arsenal don't want no more.
	Smith Rowe.
	Him.
	We'll get him.
	Yeah, you'll probably get him.
	That's the sort of things we get.
	Yeah, it is.
	Well, the thing with West Ham at the moment is... We might still get relegated.
	Our last two games against Leeds and Leicester, I know we only won 34 points.
	They're going to be absolutely fine.
	They're fine.
	They're playing well.
	Yeah.
	I mean maybe we'll win that European Conference made up cup.
	That would be amazing.
	But the fact that West Ham have gone back to playing Antonio up front, I think it's interesting.
	They've got like Danny Ings.
	Yeah.
	And who's that other fella, Corno, they got from Burnley.
	And they don't play him now.
	It's like we've gone back to Antonio.
	Yeah.
	The hustling, battling tank of a man.
	That's right.
	They were unlucky the other day.
	4-3.
	I mean, terribly defensive.
	The Palace game.
	Yeah, the Palace game.
	You can't keep Getting Roy Hodgson out and then having him actually manage your team very successfully.
	It's incredible.
	Although you can.
	Roy Hodgson, like, during the COVID pandemic, when games were played behind closed doors essentially, he weren't meant to be there because he was too old.
	You know, like, he was maybe shielding, which we now know weren't bloody doing anything.
	They told Roy Hodgson of shielding, but... Well, I like Roy Hodgson because I sort of like the way he sort of relaxes.
	I like Roy Hodgson.
	Like, no, he's actually, well, they won six on the bounce, they're right out of trouble.
	How can Roy Hodgson, who's all sort of old and lovely like a melting ice cream, be better at managing than Vieira, who's, like, so sexy and potent?
	It's, uh, who knows?
	Nothing makes sense.
	I mean, look, the one thing that people have said is... It's not based on sexiness, is it?
	...is the fixtures that this, like, apparently Vieira himself was like, once we get to these fixtures, we'll be okay.
	Well, you won't, mate, because we're getting old Roy Hodgson.
	We're digging him up out of the ground, sticking him up first.
	But it's amazing, I think he's won four out of six.
	And Sam Allardyce, Big Sam, a man who I've kissed, back at Leeds for four games through, purported between one to four million dollars.
	Oh my god.
	And Sammy the Barrel Lee, not joining him, because of jury service!
	Yeah.
	That's ridiculous!
	You've got to go!
	Right.
	Drop out of the jury service, Sammy Lee.
	Also, what happens if there's like a verdict after day one?
	Sammy Lee should push for that.
	Of course he should.
	Oh, he's guilty!
	Oh, he's not.
	Guilty?
	No, what do you lot reckon?
	No, he's not guilty.
	We'll go with it.
	I've got John Big Sam.
	A million quid, yeah, keep leads up.
	We've got leads.
	Look, what worries me is the sweet poetry of football.
	The sweet poetry of football, which I don't like to see exploited, neither by, you know, rogue states, even though perhaps we're just talking about chronology, really, because all states are rogue states, ultimately, aren't they?
	I guess that's a question for you to answer.
	Or, You know, Wrexham, the harnessing and utilising of romance and goodwill for commodity and product.
	Now, you're saying that it's not that, and obviously I bow to your superior knowledge and optimism.
	Oh, I'm not saying that it's not that.
	I'm not saying it's not that.
	I'm just saying that there is a by-product of that as well, and they seem to be going about things in the right way.
	Well, that poetry, thank you.
	Good counterpoint.
	But I think the fact that West Ham got Leeds and Leicester, As the last games, that's what worries me.
	Because they could be six-pointery type games.
	You know that last day of football, and it goes, at three, five minutes past three, it was these three teams.
	And then it was at seven past, it was these teams.
	I can't see Leeds, especially Leeds, getting anywhere near enough points to even get close to West Ham at the moment.
	Mathematically, it might be possible for Chelsea to be relegated, because they're on 39 points.
	Wouldn't it be amazing if Chelsea got relegated?
	It'd be incredible.
	It'd be more of a story than when Leicester won the league, I think.
	Right, Chelsea, you've got to relegate.
	They've got so many good players.
	Some of them, you forget who they all are.
	Incredible.
	What's going on?
	They've got Aubameyang!
	I don't think we've seen a demise of a football team with the amount of resources they've got, ever.
	I don't think ever.
	I've never seen anything like it in all of the time I've been watching the Premier League.
	It's absolutely incredible.
	I take no delight in Frank Lampard not doing more though because I've always liked Frank Lampard.
	Even though West Ham fans don't like Frank Lampard.
	I like him a lot.
	I think he seems like a really decent guy.
	He's alright.
	Very articulate, very clever bloke.
	But at that point when he went back to Chelsea and the pundits were like, it's win-win, I thought, it's absolutely not win-win.
	What if it's lose-lose-lose-lose-lose-lose-lose?
	That's worse than win-win.
	What, it's legacy danger.
	I mean, like, would you, if you think, like, this is the thing is, right, we make decisions based on what we secretly want.
	Right.
	That's what, like, you know, that you can't con an honest man.
	Like, because you want to believe things are going to be okay, it makes you look at some of the fucking things we've done.
	Yeah.
	Oh, it'll be alright.
	No, it's exhausting!
	It's what it is, it's exhausting!
	You know, like, you don't consider, like, what will it be alright though, Frank, if you lose all of them games?
	Will you be alright?
	Yeah, I suppose his status as a legend is assured on the basis of his impeccable career as a footballer, but it's a bit of a...
	Shame, really.
	It's amazing how things can change in a short period of time, isn't it?
	You've got Frank Lampard now, which, as you say, is in danger of ruining his legacy with Chelsea.
	And then Roy Hodgson, two stints at Palace, especially this stint at Palace, where he's going to be like a legend forever at Palace for coming and doing what he's doing, especially if they continue in the vein of form that they are at the moment.
	Couldn't happen to a nicer man, because I love Roy Hodgson.
	Lovely.
	He's a man, Nan.
	He's a lovely man, Nan.
	Uh, I just want to say, finally, um, Richarlison's got his... Who gets their own face tattooed on themselves?
	Madness.
	Absolutely madness.
	Even as part of a montage that includes Neymar and that other player that is Neymar, I don't know.
	I mean, it's like a... Why would you... That's a weird thing to do, isn't it?
	It's a really weird thing.
	At least he put himself in the middle as well, of his own... I think he has, yeah.
	I think he has.
	At least put yourself as one of the background figures.
	A photograph tattoo is always... It's an interesting thing, and I would never, you know what I mean, because usually it's a homage to a dead relative, isn't it?
	Sure, sure.
	Someone I've lost or someone I loved or something.
	But it's someone I love very much.
	Who?
	Me.
	Someone I just never want to forget.
	Who?
	Me.
	You can actually, and also if you put like your own face you can see it in a mirror and then you could put your, is it Roberto Carlos?
	Who is the other one?
	Is it Danny Alves?
	It's not even like, yeah.
	And then what's going on down the bottom there as well?
	It's a really interesting thing to have done and like didn't Neymar said he wanted that to be took off?
	So I don't want that there.
	You can't just put me there.
	Neymar actually looks the best.
	He looks gorgeous.
	Yeah, he looks great.
	Danny Alves looks like he's saying, come on, please, Richarlison!
	And Richarlison's just like, no, no, I'm gonna take my shirt off and reveal this.
	And what if that's got a tattoo on its back of that?
	Right.
	I mean, where does this end?
	Where does it end?
	That says fractal.
	It certainly is.
	It's the Richarlison fractal.
	Wow.
	Now that's a name for an episode.
	It certainly is.
	Look, just listen to this bit of prose, apparently by Alan Shearer in The Athletic.
	I love The Athletic, damn fine publication.
	Every week of Shearer meets with another footballer or whatever, this time Ian Wright over at Highbury.
	Listen to this unlikely prose.
	By Shearer.
	Like, they've got to have a ghostwriter.
	Shearer!
	Shearer!
	Can't write like this, can he?
	When we embrace in front of the old facade of Highbury, Arsenal's former stadium on Avenal Road, a cold tingle brushes my spine.
	This place, man, classy with its fabled marble halls, but forever hostile.
	A narrow pitch with their fans on top of you and Tony Adams, Steve Boulder, Martin Keown, their Warriors centre-halves unleashing hell.
	I poke my head into the lobby and nod at Herbert Chapman's bust.
	It's a model of Herbert Chapman, it's not like a man with titties.
	Oh, Herbert!
	Oh, hello there!
	I don't mind if I do!
	And have a flashback to those times when I hobbled through the door after matches, whether for Newcastle or Blackburn Rovers.
	There was a broken nose, four stitches in my lip, six in my eye, the savoury tang of blood on my tongue.
	Shearer's not going to say savoury tang of blood on my tongue and get that delightful, alliterative ung-ung at the end of words, is he?
	Well, unless we've just really vastly underestimated Shearer's talents.
	But all the while he's sat there.
	He's a brilliant writer.
	He's sat there thinking like Edgar Allan Poe.
	Beautiful, haunting, gothic poetry forever in his mind.
	Yeah, and then maybe they tell him, like, the producers, like, just tone it down a bit, Al.
	Just do the kind of usual stuff.
	People, they're not into that.
	People can't say that, Alan.
	It's too deep.
	Just say something that's manageable.
	A manageable, forceful, alpha piece of analysis.
	Just seem like you're a little bit disappointed about Harland getting these records.
	Just do that.
	Amusingly disappointed.
	Not like you're actually some sort of genius in an entirely different field.
	Alright, well there you go.
	Thanks for your contributions in the form of unusual injuries.
	Let us know what football stories and indeed sporting tales you'd like us to see covered.
	Thanks for listening or watching.
	Remember, you can access Football Is Nice wherever you listen to podcasts in full or you can listen to it on Rumble every Thursday.
	Is football nice?
	It certainly is.
	Football is nice.
	I'm planning to use the word rumble more in our content Tomorrow we're going to have a rumble, a royal rumble, ahead of this weekend's coronation of King Charles in the UK.
	How do you feel about the coronation?
	I'm obviously extremely excited.
	We're meant to shout an oath.
	What are you going to do?
	Go to a fart barbecue?
	That's right.
	Celebrate the coronation of the king?
	That's it.
	Are you?
	Let us know what you think about it.
	Let us know your best conspiracy theories about the Royals.
	We'll take any of them.
	In addition to that Royal Rumble stuff, we're going to be talking to our guest journalist and editor of the Free Press, Barry Weiss.
	There she is, look.
	If you want to join our locals community, so you can hit us up with questions, so you can get a weekly meditation, so you can learn more about the real-life events we do.
	For example, community!
	Any of you can come to that anyway, so go to RussellBrown.com for three days in July.
	You can be with me, Satish Kumar, Vandana Shiva, Wim Hof, Eddie Stern, Callie Means.
	You'll learn, you'll be edified, educated and elevated at this festival.
	Join us tomorrow, not for more of the same, but for more of the different.
	Until then, stay free.

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