Real Coffe - Scott Adams - Episode 3022 CWSA 11/18/25
Aired: 2025-11-19
Duration: 40:30


=== Technical Chaos (10:59) ===

[00:00:00]  I have no idea what to expect today.
[00:00:04]  We got every kind of technical problem you can imagine.
[00:00:07]  The X platform is down.
[00:00:09]  I hear Locals is down, but I'm not sure.
[00:00:12]  Because here it looks like it's working.
[00:00:15]  Looks like Rumble is working and Locals is working and YouTube.
[00:00:21]  Is YouTube working?
[00:00:23]  Hard to know.
[00:00:24]  So everybody stream in here and we're going to make something of this day, which is not getting off with a best start.
[00:00:34]  Oh, you know what I have to do?
[00:00:36]  I've got to print my notes.
[00:00:40]  Hold on.
[00:00:41]  Uno minute.
[00:00:44]  Be right back.
[00:00:47]  All right.
[00:00:47]  I'm going to print those notes.
[00:00:49]  I like it or not.
[00:00:51]  Today is mostly a rolling disaster, but you're going to like it.
[00:00:57]  You might even love it.
[00:00:59]  I'm back.
[00:01:00]  So what we're going to do today is some reframes.
[00:01:04]  Because the news is all boring and terrible.
[00:01:09]  Yeah.
[00:01:11]  Fighting snakes.
[00:01:13]  What?
[00:01:17]  All right.
[00:01:18]  Here's what we're going to do, people.
[00:01:22]  I'm going to scoot over there and grab my notes because I do have a few.
[00:01:26]  And then I'll be right back.
[00:01:28]  Don't do anything while I'm gone.
[00:01:32]  I swear I'll be right back.
[00:01:35]  Another few people.
[00:01:46]  All right, wait.
[00:01:47]  All right.
[00:01:47]  So I think we got enough people here.
[00:01:52]  We'll make sure something happens.
[00:01:55]  Something's going to happen.
[00:01:56]  I don't know what.
[00:02:00]  Good morning, everybody, and welcome to the highlight of human civilization.
[00:02:04]  It's called Coffee with Scott Adams, and you've never had a better time.
[00:02:10]  But if you'd like to take a chance on elevating this experience to levels that nobody can even understand with their tiny, shiny human brains, well, all you need for that is a cup of a mug or a glass of tankard chels of stein, a canteen juggerna flask, a vessel of any kind.
[00:02:29]  Fill it with your favorite liquid.
[00:02:31]  I like coffee.
[00:02:32]  And join me now for the unparalleled pleasure, the dope media of the day, the thing that makes everything better.
[00:02:39]  Call it the simultaneous sip, and it happens now.
[00:02:42]  Go.
[00:02:46]  All right, if you're just signing on this morning, we're just going to massive cloud problem that's taking down X. For most of the morning, I thought it was taking down locals.
[00:02:57]  I tried to do the pre-show, but it glitched me out.
[00:03:00]  I couldn't get on.
[00:03:02]  But when I just logged on, it looks like locals might be working.
[00:03:08]  All right, so here's what I thought I would do.
[00:03:12]  Something like 100,000 people are going to sign on here expecting to see my regular show.
[00:03:20]  Do you think they're going to see it?
[00:03:23]  I had no ability to prepare because I use X as my, you know, 80% of all my preparation goes through X directly or indirectly.
[00:03:32]  So I decided that what I would do is we'll do some reframes, but I'm also going to demonstrate something just so you can see it live.
[00:03:42]  And what I'm going to demonstrate is what to do when all of your plans have been destroyed and you have to do something in public.
[00:03:52]  So I'm now entering the scariest thing that an adult can do.
[00:03:59]  It's very much like you're going to a test and you forgot to study, or you're going into the last day of school and you forgot your assignment.
[00:04:09]  So you get to watch while you see if I can navigate this situation.
[00:04:15]  Will it be easy?
[00:04:17]  No, it will not be easy.
[00:04:19]  Can I do it?
[00:04:21]  Well, I don't know.
[00:04:22]  We'll see.
[00:04:23]  But I think it's fair to say that most people would have a nightmare showing up unprepared for a test.
[00:04:29]  That's what I'm doing right now.
[00:04:31]  I'm going to show you how to survive it.
[00:04:33]  Easy, really.
[00:04:36]  So here's the first trick for surviving when everything goes wrong.
[00:04:42]  Your audience doesn't know what you were planning to do.
[00:04:46]  So they can't tell it went wrong.
[00:04:48]  They just know maybe it's not what you did yesterday.
[00:04:52]  So if you can pull it off, try to sell it as normal.
[00:04:59]  I was thinking today how talented the conservative podcast world is.
[00:05:06]  And I was trying to think: how many people who have podcasts who have conservative audiences, how many of them could just sign on and do an hour of content without preparation?
[00:05:20]  And the answer is: I bet a lot of them.
[00:05:22]  I bet a lot of them.
[00:05:23]  Could Benny Johnson do that?
[00:05:25]  Probably.
[00:05:26]  Could Megan Kelly do that?
[00:05:28]  Definitely.
[00:05:29]  Could all the people who are the main hosts on Fox News do that?
[00:05:34]  Yeah, Greg, Jesse, Kennedy.
[00:05:36]  They could all do that if they had to.
[00:05:40]  Victor Davis Hansen, sure.
[00:05:43]  So it does seem like some people are just born to do this.
[00:05:46]  Maybe I'm in that category because I feel comfortable doing it.
[00:05:52]  All right.
[00:05:52]  Is anybody yet horrified?
[00:05:55]  Because you're thinking to yourself, I'd hate to be him right now because he's going to do a whole show with no preparation.
[00:06:02]  Oh, I got stories.
[00:06:05]  I got plans.
[00:06:06]  Yeah, it's not completely without preparation.
[00:06:09]  So I've told you many times I took the Dale Carnegie course when I was in my 20s, and it teaches you how to navigate this exact situation.
[00:06:19]  And by exact, I mean you had to do some kind of public presentation, podcast or anything else, and things went wrong.
[00:06:29]  You're actually trained to do that.
[00:06:31]  So I'm doing what I'm trained to do.
[00:06:33]  So if it looks easy to me, that's not natural skill training.
[00:06:38]  I'm just used to it.
[00:06:40]  I also don't have any normal sense of embarrassment.
[00:06:44]  So I'm not worried about things going wrong at all because I don't have any sense of embarrassment.
[00:06:51]  And most of you would understand.
[00:06:53]  I mean, if everything went terribly wrong, you'd all understand, right?
[00:06:57]  It wouldn't be a big deal.
[00:07:00]  And we'll see.
[00:07:03]  Here's another trick for public presentations.
[00:07:06]  You may have heard me say this one before, but it applies really well right now.
[00:07:11]  That in order to be interesting in a public sense, you have to create the, well, you don't have to, but it's really handy.
[00:07:20]  If you can create the illusion that you're in danger or somebody's in danger.
[00:07:26]  So danger is what gets people's attention because it's a busy world.
[00:07:31]  You know, we have stuff to look at.
[00:07:33]  Can't look at everything all at the same time.
[00:07:36]  So what I'm doing is creating a sense of danger.
[00:07:41]  A small danger.
[00:07:43]  The danger is that I would embarrass myself or humiliate myself by not being prepared.
[00:07:49]  Nope.
[00:07:50]  No problem yet.
[00:07:53]  So yesterday, interesting thing happened.
[00:07:55]  You probably want to know about it.
[00:07:58]  So Carrie Lake was nice enough to put a very nice message on X, wishing me well, you know, with my health challenges.
[00:08:07]  And then Elon Musk, and then she said something like, we love you to me, meaning the audience loves me.
[00:08:15]  And then one of the people in the comments was Elon Musk.
[00:08:21]  And he said, we do.
[00:08:23]  What?
[00:08:25]  So basically, I woke up to Elon Musk telling me he loves me.
[00:08:29]  Now I love him too.
[00:08:30]  So the feeling is quite mutual.
[00:08:34]  But what you're wondering is, does it feel better when the most successful and richest man in the world tells you he loves you versus the average person?
[00:08:47]  And the answer is, oh yeah, it's way better.
[00:08:49]  Yeah, it's just so much better.
[00:08:52]  Way, way better.
[00:08:57]  It's funny because I'm joking, but not really.
[00:09:01]  I mean, if you had a choice of being, if somebody telling you they love you, wouldn't it be cool if they were an awesome person?
[00:09:09]  Yeah, it'd be a little bit better.
[00:09:11]  I mean, it would be great no matter who it was.
[00:09:14]  But it's a little bit better.
[00:09:17]  Anyway, so I enjoyed that today.
[00:09:20]  Thank you, Elon.
[00:09:22]  All right.
[00:09:25]  See what else is going on.
[00:09:27]  You know, some of you are waking up and saying, Scott, I have OCD and you're ruining my routine.
[00:09:33]  I come here to find out the news.
[00:09:36]  Well, luckily for you, I have prepared the, what I call it, the evergreen news.
[00:09:43]  So this is the news that just never changes.
[00:09:47]  In science news, eating makes you gain weight.
[00:09:50]  Psychedelic mushrooms make you less depressed, according to the scientist who came up with the idea of getting themselves psychedelic mushrooms and getting paid for it.
[00:10:01]  Smartest scientists ever.
[00:10:05]  Also, in the news, AI is still not able to do advanced general intelligence.
[00:10:11]  Still can't do it.
[00:10:12]  Advanced general intelligence.
[00:10:14]  And we don't know how to make it do it.
[00:10:15]  We don't know how to get there.
[00:10:17]  In other news, some new group of rich people just pulled together a trillion dollars to invest in AI.
[00:10:25]  That is still not able to do advanced general intelligence, and we don't know how to make it do that.
[00:10:31]  Okay, maybe tomorrow.
[00:10:34]  Meanwhile, American kids, American kids are getting fatter and stupider.
[00:10:38]  No one has a plan for healthcare that would work.
[00:10:40]  The Epstein files probably won't ever be released.
[00:10:43]  Hamas doesn't want to disarm.
[00:10:46]  Fentanyl is still coming in from China.
[00:10:48]  The federal budget's still out of control.
[00:10:50]  Trump thinks there's too much crime in cities.
[00:10:55]  And Trump said something or did something authoritarian.

=== Gary's Lazy Boy Chair Mishap (03:40) ===

[00:10:59]  Yeah.
[00:11:00]  You did not see that coming.
[00:11:02]  And other surprises in the news, Adam Schiff is accused of lying.
[00:11:07]  There's a new photo of a UAP, but we couldn't get a clear photo of it.
[00:11:12]  So that catches you up on all the news.
[00:11:16]  Did I leave anything out?
[00:11:18]  No.
[00:11:20]  Well, here's an update on the simulation.
[00:11:24]  One of the ways I know we live in a simulation, or at least I do, I don't know about you, is that I clearly have themes that would make no sense if it were random.
[00:11:34]  One of the themes is I have continuous water leaks in my life.
[00:11:40]  Now, those of you who have been following me for a long time are laughing because you know that is true.
[00:11:44]  And I even predict them.
[00:11:46]  I tell you, well, I got this one fixed.
[00:11:49]  There's going to be another water leak problem.
[00:11:51]  There always is.
[00:11:53]  So yesterday, for example, I was in my lazy boy chair and I reclined the lazy boy, which was a bad move because it got my catheter bag stuck in the lazy boy.
[00:12:15]  And it yanked a full bag of urine off the hose and started just draining it.
[00:12:23]  Now, the good news is, caught it before it got to the chair, because the chair had cushions on it, because don't ask, because I've got a leg that's oozing.
[00:12:35]  So it already had waterproofing on it from my leg in general.
[00:12:40]  So we cleaned that up, got that all cleaned up.
[00:12:44]  And this is one of those situations where you like being the disabled guy.
[00:12:49]  Because I just got to sit there and say, you know, you might have missed some over there.
[00:12:55]  I think you missed some over there.
[00:12:57]  So it turns out if you're not the one cleaning it up, not that big a deal.
[00:13:02]  Not that big a deal.
[00:13:04]  Then later that night, I fell asleep, also in the lazy boy.
[00:13:09]  And Gary the cat, I woke up maybe 2.30 in the morning, and Gary the cat had found a nice little nest in my arm.
[00:13:18]  And oh, it was so cute.
[00:13:20]  Gary was just soft and fuzzy, and he loved me, and he was just right in that crook of the arm.
[00:13:29]  And then I thought, you know what would be good is I feel a little purged, so I'd like to take a sip of water.
[00:13:35]  So I reached over carefully so as not to disturb Gary, took my water, and then very carefully tried to unscrew the cap.
[00:13:45]  But apparently the unscrewing of the cap made some kind of a noise.
[00:13:50]  Couldn't have been that loud, maybe something like this.
[00:13:55]  And that was just enough to send Gary into a full cattywampus blizzard of arms and legs and tail.
[00:14:08]  And I'm like, oh, God, no, it's a hurricane of cat parts.
[00:14:12]  And when it settled down, when it settled down, I had a bottle of water all over me and no cat.
[00:14:21]  So I don't know how you are doing.
[00:14:23]  How are you doing?
[00:14:27]  Anyway, you probably want an update.
[00:14:33]  I'm going to read some reframes when we get to it.
[00:14:37]  So today will be special.

=== Give Information, Not Advice (15:14) ===

[00:14:40]  Change your lives.
[00:14:41]  Anyway, some of you want my cancer updates.
[00:14:45]  Here are some words that you might want to know if you're talking to somebody else about what's what, at least in cancer treatment.
[00:14:54]  In my case, so Dr. Pat Sun Xiong is, he's got these, well, he's got something called the BioShield technology, which I already have in me.
[00:15:08]  There will be more of it coming.
[00:15:10]  Maybe you'll get some NKNT cells.
[00:15:13]  Those would be helping my immunity.
[00:15:14]  But then separately, there's this thing called Pluvicto that I have one of the upcoming, what will be a total of six, six doses over six weeks.
[00:15:26]  So that's just in the process.
[00:15:28]  At the moment, I'm weirdly pain-free.
[00:15:32]  And I don't want to trust that yet.
[00:15:35]  Because, you know, the whole goal is to get pain-free.
[00:15:39]  So at the moment, no pain, I have no pain relievers.
[00:15:42]  Well, actually, I do, but not very strongly.
[00:15:45]  And it never made a difference before.
[00:15:47]  So I'm pretty sure that's not making a big difference.
[00:15:52]  Anyway, but I do have some terrible wounds on my legs for some cancer-y reason.
[00:16:02]  I don't know.
[00:16:03]  But those are pretty bad.
[00:16:05]  But those are being treated.
[00:16:06]  No problem at all.
[00:16:07]  All right, so let's go to my book, Reframe Your Brain.
[00:16:13]  I decided what I would do is I'd read some reframes out of this section on social life.
[00:16:21]  Does anybody here need a better social life?
[00:16:24]  You want me to reframe it for you?
[00:16:26]  So I've got a whole bunch of reframes that will help your social life.
[00:16:32]  All right, let's do these.
[00:16:34]  Some of these you've heard, but they're all worth hearing more than once because it'll just really pack it in there.
[00:16:42]  So the usual frame is people who tell you to be yourself.
[00:16:45]  Do you ever hear that?
[00:16:46]  Do you ever have somebody in your life who will say, well, Scott, the secret to success is you should be yourself.
[00:16:56]  To which I say, shouldn't I be a better version of myself?
[00:17:02]  If I'm just myself, am I not going to be a little bit suboptimal?
[00:17:12]  Are you telling me that doing whatever I feel like is somehow going to be giving me a good life?
[00:17:18]  I don't think it works like that at all.
[00:17:20]  No, you should not try to be yourself.
[00:17:23]  You should always strive to be some improved, better version of whatever you think is the best you can be.
[00:17:30]  And you should be shooting for that.
[00:17:32]  Gives you something to do, much better system to continuously be chasing the better version of you.
[00:17:40]  And you never get there.
[00:17:41]  That's the key.
[00:17:42]  You never get there.
[00:17:44]  All right.
[00:17:46]  YouTube is live streaming.
[00:17:48]  Yes, it is.
[00:17:51]  All right, here's another one.
[00:17:53]  These are social life reframes from my book, Reframe Your Brain.
[00:17:58]  Changing lives everywhere.
[00:18:02]  This one's similar, but you can pick which one you like.
[00:18:05]  The usual frame would be, you should learn to love yourself as you are.
[00:18:10]  Should you do that?
[00:18:11]  Should you really love yourself as you are?
[00:18:14]  Well, if it's unchangeable, then yes, why not?
[00:18:17]  You know, something that can't be changed.
[00:18:21]  But you should be glad your brain is pestering you to improve.
[00:18:25]  So if you have a brain that keeps saying you should be doing more, a lot of people complain about that because they think, oh, man, I'm always feeling inadequate.
[00:18:37]  I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough.
[00:18:40]  Well, maybe you're not.
[00:18:43]  And maybe this is exactly what should be happening.
[00:18:46]  Maybe.
[00:18:47]  Maybe your brain should be telling you, why don't you do a little more?
[00:18:52]  Try a little harder.
[00:18:54]  That might be the healthiest situation you could be in.
[00:18:57]  So don't be mad if your brain is pestering you to improve.
[00:19:01]  You should thank it.
[00:19:04]  Do you ever see somebody who needs your advice?
[00:19:08]  It's really hard to give advice, isn't it?
[00:19:11]  Have you ever noticed that?
[00:19:13]  You almost can't give advice.
[00:19:15]  And the reason is nobody wants to feel like you know more than they do, especially a peer.
[00:19:22]  They never want to say, you know, if you just do what I tell you to do, then your life will be good.
[00:19:28]  That's not really.
[00:19:29]  People aren't comfortable with that.
[00:19:31]  Not at all.
[00:19:32]  So instead of giving people advice, which they will just automatically reject, you give them information or maybe empathy.
[00:19:43]  Or maybe there's something specifically they need help organizing their thoughts.
[00:19:48]  But don't ever put it in the form of, you know, if I were you, my advice.
[00:19:54]  It's better to just give them information that they don't have, you know, such as, you know, did you know this website has this information?
[00:20:02]  That's not really advice.
[00:20:04]  That's just telling them something.
[00:20:06]  Telling people something works.
[00:20:08]  That's good.
[00:20:10]  All right.
[00:20:12]  How about this one?
[00:20:14]  Here's what I learned.
[00:20:16]  Many years ago when I worked at a resort, people would come in and they would complain.
[00:20:24]  And we were taught to take in a work order, like a physical piece of paper, a work order, and write down the complaint right in front of them.
[00:20:34]  Because that would make them feel like they're doing more.
[00:20:38]  So we take off the work, the work order, write down what they said.
[00:20:46]  And then we were actually told this by our boss.
[00:20:47]  I'm not making this up.
[00:20:50]  That depending on the complaint, it might not be something you could fix.
[00:20:55]  Some people, you know, guests at the hotel would complain about things like they need a certain different mattress or something.
[00:21:03]  And there's just basically there was no way to make that happen.
[00:21:07]  So instead of making it happen, we were taught to write it down as if we were going to make it happen and then throw it away after they leave.
[00:21:18]  And the thinking behind this is that what people really wanted was to be heard.
[00:21:25]  Now, they would also like their little complaint to be fixed.
[00:21:29]  But even bigger than that, they want to make sure they complained, you heard it, and they felt powerful because some action happened as far as I know.
[00:21:40]  So yeah.
[00:21:41]  So it was purely a theatrical situation.
[00:21:46]  All right.
[00:21:47]  People who complain don't want solutions.
[00:21:50]  Sometimes they just like complaining.
[00:21:51]  That's the reframe.
[00:21:54]  Do you ever meet somebody who had a strong personality?
[00:21:58]  Do you ever hear anybody described that way?
[00:22:03]  Oh, I'm going to introduce you to Beth.
[00:22:06]  Beth has a, well, Beth has a, how do I say this? A strong personality.
[00:22:16]  Run.
[00:22:16]  Run from Beth.
[00:22:18]  You do not want to be around people with strong personalities because that's just a way to hide the fact that somebody's hard to deal with.
[00:22:26]  Somebody might be a little bit toxic, if you know what I mean.
[00:22:29]  Strong personality.
[00:22:31]  Indeed.
[00:22:32]  You're toxic.
[00:22:35]  I've told you before that if you have a compliment in mind, that's almost immoral to withhold it.
[00:22:43]  So that's sort of a reframe.
[00:22:45]  You've heard this one before, but it's worth doing again.
[00:22:51]  Giving somebody a compliment just automatically puts them on your side till the end of time.
[00:22:57]  So it's good for them if it's a sincere compliment and it's good for you.
[00:23:03]  So why wouldn't you do it as much as you could?
[00:23:05]  Well, you don't want to be like a weirdo over complimenter.
[00:23:10]  But it's hard to get there, to be an over-complimenter, because when somebody is receiving the compliment, they never feel like it's too much.
[00:23:20]  So just pour it on.
[00:23:22]  Just pour on the compliments.
[00:23:23]  Now, I do that in my personal life, but the rule is it has to be real.
[00:23:29]  Like you actually have to mean it.
[00:23:31]  It doesn't count if you're just, oh, what would be a good compliment?
[00:23:34]  That doesn't count.
[00:23:36]  It should be something you're thinking, and then you just say it.
[00:23:40]  That really counts.
[00:23:43]  All right, how about this?
[00:23:46]  No one seems to find me attractive, or no one wants to date me, or nobody wants to marry me.
[00:23:52]  The reframe of that is you just haven't met enough people.
[00:23:56]  You could take anyone in the world and just introduce them to people over and over again, and eventually they'd find somebody they fell in love with.
[00:24:08]  It's just sort of a numbers game.
[00:24:10]  So there's no such thing as not being able to find somebody who likes you.
[00:24:15]  There's only such a thing as I've not yet met enough people.
[00:24:18]  Because if you meet enough people, the numbers are on your side.
[00:24:23]  Sooner or later, you're going to meet somebody you like, and vice versa.
[00:24:31]  Here's one.
[00:24:32]  I need to, this would be the usual frame.
[00:24:35]  I need to go find someone to be my romantic partner.
[00:24:39]  Have you ever had that thought that you need to go out and find yourself a romantic partner?
[00:24:45]  And you're actually thinking of it that way.
[00:24:48]  You're not just thinking, oh, whatever happens, happens.
[00:24:51]  But you're thinking, I'm going to go find myself a romantic partner.
[00:24:54]  That's what I need.
[00:24:56]  Well, that's the old way of thinking of it.
[00:24:58]  It would be better to say you need to signal your genetic advantage to attract a romantic partner.
[00:25:05]  What I mean by that is if you can somehow signal that you're better than most people at some task, some skill, could be mental, could be physical.
[00:25:17]  You're either the best at a sport, you're the best at chess, you're the best at making money, you're the best at just knowing things.
[00:25:26]  So there are a million things you could be the best at, or just one of the best wherever you are.
[00:25:32]  And instead of trying to turn somebody into your romantic partner, which is weird and creepy, all you do is you just live your life.
[00:25:42]  But you make sure that other people notice that as you're living your life, you're doing something really well.
[00:25:49]  Then people will want to mate with you.
[00:25:52]  You have to look like you have at least one genetic, some kind of oddity or advantage.
[00:25:59]  It doesn't matter what it is.
[00:26:01]  Could be mental, could be physical, could be attractiveness.
[00:26:05]  You got to have at least one thing that people look at and go, oh, that's kind of special.
[00:26:14]  And if you do not have even one thing in your life, not even one thing, that you do better than other people, nothing?
[00:26:22]  Well, then you develop that.
[00:26:25]  Usually all you need to be to do, all you need to do to be one of the best at anything.
[00:26:32]  Now, this is an exaggeration, of course, but you get the point.
[00:26:34]  Is to do it more than other people.
[00:26:37]  You can be the best tennis player you know by playing more tennis than the people you know.
[00:26:45]  You just do it for a long time, and then pretty soon you're the best tennis player you know.
[00:26:50]  So look for something where you can be the impressive one, no matter what that is.
[00:26:57]  All right.
[00:27:00]  Here is one.
[00:27:03]  Sometimes your partner or your mate, let's say your romantic partner, will ask you to share in the decision.
[00:27:14]  And what are you thinking when that happens?
[00:27:16]  Oh no.
[00:27:17]  No.
[00:27:18]  My partner wants to blame me when we pick the wrong restaurant or something.
[00:27:22]  No, I don't want to share in these decisions.
[00:27:26]  But instead of saying that you need the decision, say you need a co-pilot to share the blame.
[00:27:34]  I think it's funnier if you just say, hey, I need somebody to share the blame.
[00:27:39]  So what restaurant you want to go to?
[00:27:42]  Now, I think that would be funny.
[00:27:44]  Now, this was just for fun.
[00:27:46]  All right.
[00:27:51]  A lot of people used to think that marriage was about finding your soulmate.
[00:27:56]  How many of you think that?
[00:27:58]  Well, some of you think you did find your soulmate, and so you would say, yes, that's exactly what it is.
[00:28:04]  And if you were as awesome as me, you would have found yours too.
[00:28:08]  But I would say that marriage is not about finding a soulmate.
[00:28:12]  I think marriage is about finding love.
[00:28:15]  with someone who values promises.
[00:28:18]  That's one you have to think about.
[00:28:21]  You might have to play that one back.
[00:28:24]  There's like a book worth of thinking in that one thought.
[00:28:28]  So marriage is not about finding your soulmate.
[00:28:32]  The reframe is marriage is about finding love with someone who values promises.
[00:28:39]  It's not obvious why that works, is it?
[00:28:42]  I'm going to leave that one there and that'll be your homework.
[00:28:45]  Just think about it.
[00:28:48]  All right, some other soulmates ones.
[00:28:58]  Oh, here's one that I heard from a friend.
[00:29:00]  I'm not sure where it came from.
[00:29:02]  Oh, I think it came from Dr. Seuss.
[00:29:05]  But it's a good one.
[00:29:07]  If you're in a relationship that ends, instead of crying about your relationship ending, wouldn't it be better to smile because it happened?
[00:29:19]  So don't cry about it ending.
[00:29:22]  Be happy that it ever happened.
[00:29:24]  That one I use all the time.
[00:29:27]  I think you can convince yourself to be happy that something happened.
[00:29:35]  Let's see.
[00:29:37]  Here's one for dealing with your teen that I've never seen work.
[00:29:45]  So maybe this one's a bad idea, but you could try it at home.
[00:29:48]  If you try it at home and it doesn't work, or it does work, let me know.
[00:29:53]  But here's the idea.

=== Navigating Teen Mistakes (06:44) ===

[00:29:54]  So this would be for a teen.
[00:29:59]  So the usual frame is you tell your teen they can't understand the reason for what you're telling them.
[00:30:05]  Do you ever tell your kid because I said so?
[00:30:10]  And that's considered good parenting, right?
[00:30:12]  Because I said so.
[00:30:14]  Why do I have to go to bed at midnight?
[00:30:17]  Because I said so.
[00:30:19]  That's fine.
[00:30:21]  But if you've got one of those teens who's ultra rational to the point of being a pain in the ass, and some of you do, and they want to debate you, here's the ultimate teenager debate kill shot.
[00:30:34]  It goes like this.
[00:30:37]  A parent is able to guide a young brain that are not capable of understanding adult reasons.
[00:30:43]  Now, you'd want to put that in your own words.
[00:30:46]  But the idea is that the teenage brain is incomplete.
[00:30:51]  So no adult over the age of 25 should have a debate with somebody who's under 25 because the under 25 don't even have a developed brain.
[00:31:03]  What would be the point of that?
[00:31:05]  So the point of the adult guiding the younger person is the adult has a mature brain.
[00:31:13]  So if I disagree with a teen, I don't say, you're wrong, I'm right, because that's just a fight.
[00:31:20]  You say, ah, that's probably what I would have thought before my brain was mature.
[00:31:25]  You see the difference?
[00:31:27]  Yeah, that's probably what I would have thought before my brain was mature.
[00:31:30]  Oh, I thought that when I was your age too.
[00:31:33]  But my job as the adult is to navigate you through a place where your brain is not yet developed enough to handle the situation.
[00:31:45]  So whenever you and I disagree about what you should be doing next, the smart play is to listen to me because I've been there before.
[00:31:56]  The worst play is to listen to yourself because we don't know about you.
[00:32:03]  But I've done all those things.
[00:32:04]  You?
[00:32:05]  You haven't.
[00:32:06]  So listen to the more mature brain.
[00:32:09]  Try that more, the more mature brain approach.
[00:32:11]  See how that works.
[00:32:12]  It won't work.
[00:32:14]  I'm still waiting for the one person that works with.
[00:32:17]  Mostly other ones will work with everybody, but that one's pretty specific.
[00:32:23]  All right.
[00:32:26]  Oh, here's one.
[00:32:29]  What if people treat you poorly and you find out there's not much you can do about it?
[00:32:36]  What do you do about that?
[00:32:37]  People treat you poorly and you're thinking there's not much you can do about it.
[00:32:42]  Well, here's the reframe.
[00:32:44]  The reframe is that you cause people to treat you the way they do.
[00:32:51]  People don't treat you the way they do for their own reasons.
[00:32:56]  There's something you project.
[00:32:58]  Could be your look, could be your mannerism, could be the situation that you appeared in.
[00:33:05]  But you largely cause people to treat you the way they treat you.
[00:33:11]  And this is something you don't notice until you reach a certain age.
[00:33:15]  Because when you're young, it's really hard to get anybody to treat you well.
[00:33:20]  Because adults just don't care.
[00:33:23]  And other teenagers, they have no special respect for you.
[00:33:27]  You're just another kid.
[00:33:29]  So anyway, just assume that the way you act causes people to see you the way they see you.
[00:33:39]  And when they see you the way they see you, that's how they decide how to act.
[00:33:43]  So you can basically hypnotize them just by who you are and how you act.
[00:33:54]  All right.
[00:33:57]  How about this one?
[00:33:59]  Oh, this one I used the other day.
[00:34:01]  This is a brilliant one.
[00:34:04]  The old reframe is that the boss is in charge.
[00:34:08]  Obviously, right?
[00:34:09]  The boss by definition of being a boss is clearly in charge.
[00:34:15]  But if you think that, it leaves some opportunities on the table.
[00:34:19]  So I prefer a reframe.
[00:34:22]  Instead of the bosses in charge, it's more true to say the person with the best ideas is always in charge.
[00:34:29]  Because if the boss doesn't have any good ideas, where are they going to get one?
[00:34:35]  From somebody else.
[00:34:37]  If you're the person who has a good idea, people are going to do what you want them to do because you're the only one with a good idea.
[00:34:45]  So don't think in terms of power all the time.
[00:34:48]  Sometimes you have to.
[00:34:49]  Think in terms of having the best idea, having the most useful solution, being the person that they want to invite to be on the projects.
[00:34:59]  Think in those terms.
[00:35:03]  Then there's the basket case theory.
[00:35:07]  The theory that most people look like they have their act together.
[00:35:12]  And you think to yourself, I wish I were like that person.
[00:35:16]  They have their act together.
[00:35:18]  But they don't know that I don't.
[00:35:20]  No, that's not what's happened.
[00:35:25]  I can almost guarantee you that other people do not have their act together.
[00:35:30]  They might act like they do, but that is just an act.
[00:35:34]  So the basket case theory is that everyone's a basket case once you get to know them.
[00:35:40]  The only people who are not basket cases are people you just don't know well enough.
[00:35:46]  But if you did, you'd know.
[00:35:48]  Basket case.
[00:35:51]  All right.
[00:35:53]  Here's a really important one that I try to live by.
[00:35:57]  I try not to judge people by their mistakes.
[00:36:01]  Have you heard me say that before?
[00:36:03]  Don't judge people by their mistakes.
[00:36:05]  And boy, is that hard not to do.
[00:36:08]  Instead, judge them by how they respond to their mistake.
[00:36:13]  Do they crack something?
[00:36:14]  Do they change something?
[00:36:15]  Do they apologize?
[00:36:17]  Do they make it right?
[00:36:18]  Because that's the person I want.
[00:36:20]  If you're looking for people who don't make mistakes, well, good luck.
[00:36:26]  You're not going to do too well with that.
[00:36:28]  But what if you find people who do make mistakes like everybody, but they're really good at dealing with their mistake?
[00:36:36]  Well, that's gold.

=== Judge By Response (03:51) ===

[00:36:38]  That is what you want.
[00:36:41]  all right two more um i'm gonna skip that one Ooh, here's one.
[00:36:52]  The usual frame, you've heard this before, it's an old saying, that small acts of kindness can go a long way.
[00:37:00]  Small acts of kindness.
[00:37:03]  I would reframe this to say that there are no small acts of kindness.
[00:37:09]  Any act of kindness will seem huge to the recipient.
[00:37:14]  It only seems small to you.
[00:37:16]  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is most of, but not all, the reframes in the social life chapter of Reframe Your Brain.
[00:37:31]  Now, if you're just checking in, you may have found that X wasn't working today or maybe something else wasn't working.
[00:37:39]  I don't know what else is working.
[00:37:41]  But a few things are working.
[00:37:42]  Looks like Rumble's working.
[00:37:44]  And I don't know, did locals disappear?
[00:37:46]  Locals looks like it might be working.
[00:37:50]  And YouTube is working the best, 4.5,000.
[00:37:54]  All right.
[00:37:55]  So if you're just joining, we're doing an experiment in which I see if I can do a show without any preparation because the internet was broken, so I didn't get to prepare.
[00:38:08]  And so I learned from my Dale Carnegie course how to always have something ready.
[00:38:16]  You notice how I always had something ready?
[00:38:18]  In this case, the reframes were just sort of a natural thing you could do.
[00:38:22]  But I could have taken questions.
[00:38:24]  I could have said, oh, today we're only going to talk about all the things in the Epstein file, except that's boring.
[00:38:32]  So, but in general, you should always have a backup presentation.
[00:38:37]  So if your regular presentation gets lost, the digital file gets lost, whatever happens, you can just stand up in front of a bunch of people and do a presentation.
[00:38:50]  So, but you see how easily I can do it?
[00:38:53]  Yeah.
[00:38:55]  Yeah.
[00:38:55]  You see how effortless this is.
[00:38:57]  And it's only because of practice.
[00:38:59]  It's not effortless because I have some natural skill.
[00:39:03]  It's effortless because I've done it most of my adult life.
[00:39:07]  And the more you practice, the easier it is.
[00:39:11]  All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's 7.40.
[00:39:16]  And I'm going to assume that longer is not better in this particular case.
[00:39:24]  So we're going to wind down.
[00:39:26]  We'll see you tomorrow when we figure out who cares about the Epstein files and all those other things.
[00:39:33]  And I hope this was at least a little bit entertaining to you.
[00:39:37]  I hope you learned that no matter how scary it is, you can figure out how to make it work.
[00:39:42]  You can always figure out how to make it work.
[00:39:45]  You don't need to be that prepared.
[00:39:48]  You can make most things work if you just jump in and make it work.
[00:39:52]  That's just what I'm doing right here.
[00:39:54]  So I'm trying to model it as I do it.
[00:39:59]  And I will see you all tomorrow.
[00:40:01]  I don't think I can go private on locals.
[00:40:05]  Let me see.
[00:40:06]  I'll try to go private at locals, but I might just disappear.
[00:40:12]  Oh, no, that didn't work.
[00:40:16]  Wow.
[00:40:20]  Okay, I don't know what happened when I clicked that.
[00:40:23]  So it doesn't look like I can go private.
[00:40:26]  So I guess I'll just see you all tomorrow.
[00:40:29]  Tomorrow.