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April 19, 2020 - Real Coffe - Scott Adams
36:03
Episode 922 Scott Adams: Feel Better Before Drifting Off to Sleep Later. Learn a New Filter on Reality.
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Hey, Chuck's Lady and Zupa18.
First day on Periscope.
How about that? Good evening, Aaron and Carla and Dan.
Dan, good to see you too.
Well, As you might know, there's not a lot going on in the world of coronavirus.
We are not learning much more, and we're not getting better informed.
But I'll tell you what I know, and then, if you stick around, hey, Omar, if you stick around, I'm going to give you some relationship tips.
Yeah, relationship tips.
Because if you want to learn how to have a successful relationship, who do you ask?
Well, obviously me.
Now, I don't have all the answers in this domain, or even close, but I'll give you a different way to look at things that might be useful to you.
We'll do that after we talk about all the things in the news.
And so I've been waiting to hear this number, and I heard an estimate, and now I don't think it's accurate, but I'll tell you what it is.
I've been wondering how many tests we would have to do per day of the coronavirus in order to be able to open up the country.
Isn't that a really important number?
How many of you can give me the answer before I tell you the answer, which I think is inaccurate, but before I tell you the answer, how many would know how many tests we would need to be able to do per day, ongoing, in order to...
All right. Sorry.
I've got to do a sticks and hammer move with my cat.
Throw it over my shoulder.
Not having it. All right.
If you're just listening to this, you do not know that I'm wrestling with a cat on livestream.
And she just went suddenly...
Quiet. Okay. Okay.
All right. What was I saying?
Oh, yeah. So I'm waiting for your guesses how many tests we'd have to do per day.
I just read on CNN that we would need to do 500,000 a day.
And that we're doing a little over 100,000 a day now.
Yeah, so somebody says half a million, you are up on your news.
Whoever said half a million?
That's the number that CNN was reporting, and I tweeted.
Just before I got on, I saw a tweet from David Pakman.
Who said he's heard numbers up to a million.
Now this is not really the kind of thing that anybody has a way of estimating.
So this is the sort of thing where you have to be, let's say, very forgiving about the experts' estimates, because there's probably not any real way to know how many you have to test per day.
But I think they can sort of put you in the, you know, the general zip code of the number.
And let's say it's half a million to a million, and we've got a little over 100,000 now.
So we're not really close.
And I guess the question I have is how quickly could we ramp up from not doing that many to doing a million a day?
So that should tell you when you're safe to get back to work, but I think the states are going to do their own thing.
What do you think about the fact That the President has not only told the states that they can make their own decisions within the guidelines, but they have plenty of flexibility.
But then he tweeted, liberate Michigan and then liberate Minnesota and liberate Virginia.
And he mentioned the Second Amendment when he was talking about Virginia.
And some people said, wait a minute, is he calling for a revolution?
Is he calling for an armed revolution?
Well, no, because he's in charge.
Why would he call it for an armed revolution against the government he's in charge of?
Now, I know we're talking about the states, but no.
No, the president doesn't want some kind of insurrection, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind a little bit of protesting about the stuff that's maybe over the line.
So, this is a good example of what I would call creative tension.
Nobody knows the right answer.
And I'll say that a million times.
Anybody who says they know when we should go back to work or how long we should wait or even how we should do it or how many tests we need, nobody really knows.
Not only do we not know, we're probably not even in the general ballpark, you know?
I don't think anybody's even close to knowing, you know, the big stuff.
So let's watch the number of tests and maybe we can get back to work.
All right. Tests are not reliable.
Anyway, what I was saying about creative tension is that I think it's good that some part of the public and the president are putting pressure on the states to open up as early as they can, because it's creative pressure.
You know, you would want the president To have the same impulse as the public, because he's really good at reading the crowd.
And I think he's read the crowd, at least in those important states, swing states, etc.
Are they all swing states?
Let's see, what are they? Virginia, Minnesota, Michigan?
Well, they're all pretty important, electorally speaking.
So I think it's smart for the president to side with the public, as long as all it is is peaceful demonstrating.
And if there's one thing that Republicans are good at, It's peaceful demonstrating.
Is there any group, any identifiable group in the United States that would do a better job consistently of peaceful demonstration?
Now, they might come armed to the teeth, but nobody's taken the safety off.
Republicans are just notoriously safe when they protest.
I don't know, maybe you could imagine a situation in which things have gone too far and then they would be the most dangerous people in the galaxy.
But we're nowhere near that.
We're talking about negotiating what makes sense in a world where everybody is trying to do the right thing.
You don't really have a revolution when you know that everybody involved is actually trying to do the right thing.
There's nobody here who's trying to grab power.
I mean, they're playing some games in Congress, but that's not the big story.
So you don't have a revolution when everybody knows they're on the same team.
They just have a disagreement about the way forward.
So I would say that that is a much safer situation than maybe the news would like to make it so that you feel a little more frightened by it.
You could pour 10 million Trump supporters into a zip code, angry as heck, armed to the teeth, and there would be no trouble.
Like, that's pretty much who they are.
It's almost a description of the group, is that you could put 10 million of them into the same zip code, angry as hell, armed to the teeth, and nobody would get hurt.
That's almost a perfect description of that group.
Anyway. I was just watching a clip from Tucker Carlson's show in which he was saying that the intelligence community is now unanimous.
You know, the intelligence community is a bunch of different organizations, right?
CIA, FBI, blah, blah.
And apparently all of the intelligence agencies are unanimous that the virus almost certainly came from the Wuhan lab, accidentally.
There's no suggestion that it was designed to be a weapon.
Is there anything that you see wrong with the fact that every one of our intelligence agencies agrees?
Does that make you feel pretty comfortable?
Because if there's anything that scares me, it's all the intelligence agencies agreeing.
Do we live in a world in which the fact that all the intelligence agencies agrees means anything?
I wish it did.
I wish it meant something.
Unfortunately, it doesn't.
It doesn't. Now, I'm not saying that they're wrong, because how would I know?
I'm just saying that it's...
I don't know if it's sad or it's fortunate.
I can't even tell if it's good news or bad news.
But I can tell you that I personally...
Put no stock in the fact that all of our intelligence agencies...
Yeah, it's the all 17 agencies again.
I put no stock in that.
I give no credibility to the fact that our intelligence agencies are unanimous.
None. None.
Not even a smidge.
Now... Do I think it came from the lab?
Yeah, probably. I think it probably did.
But I don't need the intelligence agencies to tell me that.
If it's true that they didn't have bats there, and it's true we've heard these stories about the intern, and it's true they do that work there, you know, two plus two, you don't have to be an intelligence agency to put that together, I don't think.
Of course, you can't be 100% sure, but I think it's pretty close to 100.
All right. How many of you have taken the opportunity of this forced time out to improve something?
I've asked this before, but I like to ask at least once a week, how many of you have done something That was sort of long overdue to build a skill, to maybe look into another career, to improve something about yourself.
In the comments, give me some sense, just in a sentence, did you lose any weight?
Did you learn a thing?
Did you make any improvement in your life because you had time?
So there's a little delay in the comments.
It'll take me a while to see those.
So I'll tell you that in my case, I think I've lost several pounds.
I'm in great shape, eating better than I've ever eaten before.
I've, you know, completed two projects business-wise that were really important to me.
You'll hear more about those in a little while.
And, oh look, yes, good, suddenly I'm learning German, cooking, songwriting skills, started exercising, thumbs up, started biking, built a picnic table, core strength, better throwing tomahawks, learned to weld, moved his tapes to files, computer programming, automating stuff, writing a book, security and certification, good.
That's a good thing to have.
Learning sign language.
Do a lot of artwork, learn to quote.
Oh, this is amazing. I am so proud of all of you.
You read my book, LoserThink.
Thank you. Exercise.
Quit smoking.
45-minute walks.
Good for you. Look at all these people losing weight.
I'm very impressed with all of you, really.
Learn chess by app.
Reduce material possessions.
Well, okay. That probably wasn't your choice.
Building a doghouse for the neighbor.
That's nice to you. Improving on-camera skills.
Better biceps. Decluttered walking.
The William Hoth method. Bike riding.
Wow. Quit opiates?
I don't know if that's real, but if you did, you have my respect, because I know how hard that is.
Gained weight, laundry is piling up.
Well, it's not working for everybody. 250 push-ups daily.
Wow. Writing a song, building a shotgun house, oh wow, I'm so impressed.
Well, I thought what I would do today is add a little bit more to your success.
So I'm going to teach you some relationship tips and tricks.
So this is a new filter to put on life.
I always talk about You know, reality being at least a little subjective in terms of how you experience it and that you can change your filter and simply have a different subjective experience if you learn to do that.
So I'm going to give you another filter and really learning to do it is It's just being familiar that the filter exists.
You don't have to try too hard.
Once you've been introduced to a new way to look at things, well, it's just always there.
It's just part of your toolbox. So if you add something to your toolbox, it starts like this.
Let's say you want to impress a mate.
I believe that just about everything that we do in this world is somehow related to the mating instinct.
Now, of course, this isn't me saying this alone.
This is, I think, very similar to what biologists and evolutionary biologists especially would say.
They would say...
That pretty much everything we do is some kind of a signaling or preparing for or because of our mating instinct.
Now that's the filter that I want to give you, so start with that.
Let's say you want to build a better relationship or you want to start a relationship with somebody and you haven't.
So if you take this filter and say, okay, if everything's about mating, even if we don't think of it that way, how would you act differently?
And here's what I would suggest.
You should always, in the animal kingdom, the way they would attract a mate would be showing off.
And a peacock can show off, and I don't know if that's really a meeting thing, but let's say it is.
But animals will sort of display and show off and try to be dominant and stuff.
But most of that stuff doesn't work in human society.
Because if you try to challenge somebody to, you know, a horn-butting contest, that doesn't go well.
If you try to, you know, just yell how great you are in public, that doesn't go well.
I know, I've tried.
And so what do you do if you're a human?
You still have to signal some kind of reproductive quality.
And here's what I suggest.
You should find something, or ideally more than one thing, that you can be unusually good at.
And it should either demonstrate that you're smart or strong or talented, athletic, any one of those talents or skills or qualities.
If you can figure out how to hone any of those, starting with whatever you're good at, but see if you can become really good at something just by brute force and practice.
And then you have to figure out how to broadcast it.
And that's the hard part. So you might need a wingman or a wingwoman to say, Do you know?
She's not just good looking.
She's also, you know, she's one of the best doctors in the world or whatever.
So you should have a wing person or some other indirect way to signal that you have qualities that people want to mate with.
And if you ask people, hey, why are you attracted?
Why? Oh, let me get to humor in a moment.
That's a big, that's a mistake.
Um, If you ask somebody, hey, make a list of all the things that attract you in a mate, they would make a list, but it would be all wrong, because people don't really know why they like what they like.
So nowhere on the list would be this person displayed good genetic material, and I think making a baby with this person would cause them to be smart or athletic or strong or something, whatever that quality is.
Nobody would say that.
They'd say stuff like, well, somebody who loves his mother.
It would be a completely unaware list.
So that's the wrong filter.
The wrong filter is that people are rational.
They make their checklist.
They say, yep, I need this and this and this.
A little bit. You know, there's certainly some things that people just need.
You know, have to talk the same language, you know, some basics.
But I think that people are just biologically triggered by being around anybody who has some strong quality.
And it almost doesn't matter what it is.
Any really strong qualities just automatically triggers your biological instinct to say, well, I want to mate with them.
So that's your first trick. So use the filter that everything that everybody does and says, the way they dress, the way they talk, you know, the jobs they take, is all some kind of expression of the mating instinct, even if they're not trying to mate.
Somebody said sense of humor.
Here's my next tip.
Nobody likes that.
Men especially. Men, have you ever been told that women really like a guy with a sense of humor?
You've probably heard it. Probably women have told you that.
I'll bet women have said, you know, one of the things I like about you is your sense of humor.
You've probably heard lots of people say that's a positive quality.
Talk about their mates. Yeah, it's really funny.
It's all a lie.
It's all a lie.
If you're a guy and you want to attract a woman, don't do it with the jokes.
Now, I'm not...
My dog's having a dream and dream barking in the other room, if you hear that.
No, I'm not saying that there couldn't be somebody in the world who's just so funny that they really sell themselves with their humor.
But I do humor for a living.
And I've got to tell you, I've never seen it work in any kind of a dating romance situation.
It's great to have.
It's great to add on if you're attracted anyway.
But I think humor sort of pushes you into the friend zone, if you know what I mean.
Humor takes away some of the seriousness and power for most people.
Again, there could be an exception.
Somebody who's just so funny in just the right way, it works.
But in general, I would hold off on the jokes.
A little gentle humor, fine, until you're actually in a relationship.
Christina and I were literally crying last night.
We were laughing so hard.
I'll tell you what we're laughing at just so you can get a sense of that.
But in our early days, I was not trying to showcase my sense of humor because it's just not a good strategy.
Here's what we were laughing about.
I was telling Christina that I would be immortal in the sense that once my physical body went, my mind would be uploaded into the cloud.
Which I mean seriously.
And then eventually, the technology would be such that I could appear as a hologram, and I would just sort of appear wherever she was in the future.
Here I'm assuming that she outlives me.
A fair assumption. And then I would haunt her.
And I was going through all the different ways I would haunt her, like when she opens the refrigerator, my hologram would just go, Jump out of the refrigerator and she goes into the bathroom and she opens the lid and my hologram would just jump out of the toilet and go, hey!
And I would just think it was really funny.
And I would be like the funniest ghost hologram of all time.
And I would just sort of appear.
Or she'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd be laying on top of her, but it would just be my hologram.
I couldn't actually feel it.
So anyway, so we started going through all of the humorous things that my hologram would do when it starts haunting her for eternity and just appearing in the house in different places.
And we just started like screaming and crying because it was so funny.
But, you know, we're in a long-term relationship, in which case humor is great.
It's great in a long-term relationship, but it's just not really a courtship thing, so tone that down a little bit.
Otherwise, you end up in the friend zone.
I think that there's probably one thing that matters more than just about anything except, you know, maybe power and status.
Those are always good. But fitness.
The one most approachable thing, the one thing you have the most control over, is your fitness.
And this is something that a suit salesman taught me years ago.
It was one of the coolest life lessons.
I was buying a suit, and the suit salesman was a real good salesman.
So you end up spending a lot of time with your salesman if you're buying a suit.
And I was making some self-deprecating humor about the fact that it didn't matter what my suit looked like.
Because if you're basically a short, bald guy with glasses, there's just so much you can do.
You can't fix that with a good suit.
So I was just making a self-deprecating joke, killing time, was having my suit fitted.
And the suit salesman gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard in my life.
And he said this. He said that if you work out and get your body in, you know, better than normal shape so that, you know, people would recognize that you're above average and you're just your fitness, he said nobody will notice you're bald.
And I laughed because I was like, well, you know, that's a little too far, right?
You can't exercise until people don't notice you're bald.
And then I noticed he was bald.
Hadn't noticed. Hadn't noticed until he told me.
Because he was just ripped.
And so when I saw him, even though he was dressed in a suit himself, you could tell his chest was just ripped.
And so he had to tell me he was bald.
I think if I had done an artist sketch, I don't know if I would have drawn him without hair.
And you've seen it yourself, right?
You go to the gym, and you see the person who's out of shape, and they're bald, and they're just bald.
And then you see the person walk by who's ripped and he's shaved his head.
He's not bald, right?
He's just got to look.
So this was one of these great things that this suit salesman taught me.
And I swear, I think it's made me work out harder because, you know, it's not just how you feel and it's not just about your health.
It's all of those things too, but it's also a cool illusion.
It's an optical illusion.
You can look taller.
You can look younger. You can look sexier.
You can look smarter. You can look more capable.
And you can look like you have hair.
And all you have to do is take care of your physical fitness.
So, if somebody's giving you, you know, dating or relationship advice, and it doesn't include work on your fitness, then it's missing a huge part.
All right. I've told you before that the definition of charisma that I heard from somebody else, and this is just such a good formula for this.
It's empathy plus power.
You've heard me talk about this. So the empathy is knowing that you care about somebody, and then the power is, can you make things happen?
Because if you're in a relationship, you want somebody who cares about you.
And also can make things happen.
So you're looking for charisma in your partner.
So if you're trying to be, you know, look like a good mate, then you should look like you care.
Ideally, you should actually care.
It's better if you actually care.
But the reality is we all have to signal we care.
Caring on the inside isn't good enough in the society we live in.
You have to care in the way that people see so they get it.
You know, silently suffering with your empathy.
Nobody wants that. They want to know that you've got empathy.
So definitely show your empathy, but also make sure you show your power if you're a guy.
So this is more guy advice, but I would say that it would apply to women mostly because you want women, you know, the woman should be empathetic and have power of her own.
So yeah, I would guess Probably works both ways with maybe a little emphasis in one direction.
Here's another thing.
I find that relationships work best when you've got a good understanding of who's got what responsibility and powers and stuff.
So trying to make everything 50-50 is probably the worst Relationship system because you're always going to be arguing that one of you didn't do enough.
It's like, well, you know, I worked all day today.
Did you do the dishes?
So I've never been a fan of the, let's just split it down the middle.
You know, I'll do the dishes this night.
You do the dishes the next day.
It's hard to organize, et cetera.
It's much better if...
The two of you just sort of agree who does what, and you just do your own thing, and they don't overlap that much.
So there's that.
And I'm going to tell you a little tip That I discovered years ago when I was in one of those relationships.
So years ago I was in a relationship where we were trying to, you know, just share the household duties and stuff.
But the problem was that let's say my ex, let's say that she wasn't around and there was something that broke in the house.
And I would like work all day fixing, I don't know, the plumbing or cleaning up the mess or the cat vomited on the rug or something.
So I'll be spending hours cleaning something up.
But when it's cleaned up, it's done.
There's no sign of it. And then, you know, your partner comes home and does the dishes and then says, well, I did the dishes and what'd you do?
So we had this problem that we didn't have visibility of who was doing what, because so much of the things that get done, the other one wouldn't notice, unless you're in the room.
So we developed a credit system, and it went like this.
You would be responsible for advertising what you did, no matter how minor.
So we would just say, yeah, credit for cleaning up that dead bird in the backyard.
And then the other one would have to say, you know, grant it, you know, just to acknowledge it.
And you would be amazed how when you take the onus off of your partner, you take the onus off of your partner to somehow know what you're doing.
Because how could they? I'm seeing in the comments, somebody says, that sounds terrible, Scott.
It does, doesn't it?
It sounds like a bad idea, doesn't it?
You have to try it.
Because... And I'm not saying that we're, you know, there's no formula that works for every couple.
Everybody's different. But if you simply announce that you did something, then both of you are just announcing what you want credit for and you don't have to worry about not getting credit.
Because if you didn't announce that you did it, well, it's your own damn fault.
So it just became more of a game to say, yeah, credit for doing this, credit for doing that.
And it just added visibility to what we were doing anyway.
So we didn't do anything differently.
We just increased the visibility and then felt better.
Somebody says, keeping score is a bad idea.
Yeah, that's why I think you should just...
You know, have some understanding about what your domains are so that there's no keeping score, just people taking care of business.
But if you're going to try to cut it down the middle, just be aware that you don't know what the other one's doing all day.
So they might be doing more than you think.
Then I would say, look for people who have flaws you can stand.
Because you can't really find people who don't have any problems.
You don't have, somebody says my ex hated that.
That's because you didn't agree in advance that that's the system.
It's not something that one of you can do.
You can't just unilaterally say, give me credit for my stuff if the other one isn't on the plan.
So I can see why that'd be a problem.
Anyway, so look for people who have the kind of flaws that you don't mind.
Because, yeah, everybody's different.
There's some things that people can't stand, and there's some things that people like.
For example, Christine and I both like alone time.
As much as we like being with each other, we both are introverts by nature.
But since we both have that quality, it's perfect.
You know, in a way, if an introvert and an extrovert get together, it's tension.
But if two introverts get together, they're like, hey, problem solved.
So you always look for people who have the kind of...
I don't even want to call that a flaw.
It's just a difference. You want to find people whose differences fit together.
And then I would say never get in a relationship with somebody who has a dog.
I'll say that again.
Never start a relationship with somebody who already owns a dog.
And I'm just going to be silent about that for a moment, and I want to see if in the comments, if there's anybody who knows what I'm talking about.
I just want to see the comments.
I'm saying yes. You know what I'm talking about.
So half of you are surprised, and I think it's the women, right?
I think it's the women who are mostly surprised.
They're like, what? Why would you not get in a relationship with somebody who already had a dog?
Look at the comments though.
Look how many people are agreeing with me.
Don't get in a relationship with somebody who already has a dog.
Let me tell you why.
You will never be more important than the dog.
Sorry. Those of you who are knowing exactly what I said, you've already experienced it.
If you get into a relationship with somebody who already has a dog, Every date, you'll start a date, it'll be like, ah, it's 7pm, I really have to get back and let my dog out.
Like, are you serious? Like, it's Saturday night?
You have to, you're done?
You got to go back and let your dog out?
I mean, I'm just making up that example.
But, and then the dog will not let you be together when you're in the house.
The dog will take all the attention.
The dog will be all he or she talks about.
It just becomes about the dog.
If the two of you get together and then you get a dog, well, that could work.
That could be fine. But you don't want to compete With somebody's dog.
You can't win. Dog came first, yeah.
You look at the comments.
There are so many guys I know who got into a relationship with somebody who had a dog, and they thought, well, okay, on day one, the dog is more important than me, right?
We on day two, sure, the dog is more important than me, and maybe the first few weeks.
I get it. You know, and maybe even for a few months, I get you've been with the dog a long time.
So yeah, I get in the beginning, the dog would be more important than me.
But eventually, eventually, I'll make up the difference.
Eventually, I'll be more important than the dog.
Nope. No, that's not going to happen.
All right. What about parents?
I don't know. I haven't experienced the parent situation.
What if both have dogs?
Well, that could work a lot better.
Somebody says, so don't date people with kids.
Well, I won't give you advice like that, but I will tell you that If you do date people with kids, you should go into it with a realistic understanding of where priorities lie.
If you're not okay with that, then you should know that from day one.
It's not like you're going to move up in the ranking and become more important than somebody's children.
It doesn't work that way. Somebody says, I outlived the dogs.
I outlived the dogs.
I love your strategy.
It's like, well, I'm just going to burrow in.
I know what my life expectancy is.
I know what this dog's life expectancy is.
I'm going to play the long game.
I'm going to wait until the dog dies.
Oh, somebody just watched Hoaxed.
It is amazing, somebody was saying.
Yeah, I've told you before, if you watch, and you should, watch the documentary Hoaxed, Mike Cervich's documentary, I believe it's still, I think it's still number one documentary on iTunes.
Of all documentaries, I think it's number one.
And I think it, last I checked, it was number two of all time.
On iTunes. Of all time.
And definitely worth it.
But here's my suggestion.
If you do watch it, you should set aside some time to make sure you watch the whole thing.
So don't watch part of it and take a break.
It's really sort of a masterpiece.
And if you don't experience it from beginning to end in its fullness, you're going to miss a really good second half.
Outliving the kids is a bad strategy.
Yeah, that's probably a bad strategy.
If you do move up and outrank the kids' run, yeah, you don't want to win that contest, right?
If you found out that happened.
My wife's dog died and she got another.
Oh, somebody says, my stepson is the reason I married my wife.
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