Dec. 9, 2019 - Real Coffe - Scott Adams
09:45
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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Did you wonder where I was? | |
| Yes, I'm a little bit late. | |
| That's not like me at all. | |
| I might have to simultaneously sit before you even get here. | |
| But no, I'll wait. | |
| Because that's the kind of guy I am. | |
| If I seem a little bit tired, and a little bit out of it... | |
| Well, there's a story behind that. | |
| Tell you about that in a minute. | |
| But first, why don't you grab a cup or a mug or a glass or snifter, a stein chalice, tanker, thermos, flask, canteen, grail, goblet, vessel of any kind. | |
| Fill it with your favorite liquid. | |
| I love coffee. | |
| And join me now for the dopamine hit of the day, the thing that makes everything better. | |
| Simultaneous sip. Go. | |
| Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. | |
| So last night, before bedtime, I had an allergic reaction to something in the house. | |
| It was a pretty severe reaction, so I took a thing called Benadryl. | |
| Have you heard of this thing called Benadryl? | |
| Oh my God! | |
| Now, normally, I go to bed whenever I feel like it, and I wake up automatically at Three or four o'clock in the morning, and I usually just get up, because I don't like sleeping. | |
| So last night, I said to myself, I'll just try one of these Benadryl things. | |
| So Christina said, hey, take a Benadryl. | |
| And I thought, I've never even heard of these. | |
| I've heard of it, of course. | |
| I never think of it. | |
| But she had one, and I took one. | |
| And let's just say I did not wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. | |
| this morning. I woke up about 15 minutes ago. | |
| Wow, did that knock me out. | |
| So, I had two choices. | |
| Number one, I could delay the simultaneous set. | |
| That's unheard of. That can't happen. | |
| Number two, I could come on this Periscope completely out of it. | |
| Unprepared, haven't even looked at the news. | |
| In which case, you would get a terrible show, but you would have the simultaneous sip. | |
| And I could not let you go a day without delivering that. | |
| So, with your permission, whether you like it or not, I'm going to look at the headlines. | |
| And let's see what we can tell. | |
| Blah, blah, blah, impeachment. | |
| Blah, blah, blah, impeachment. | |
| Have you heard? There's something called impeachment. | |
| Now, if you haven't been following the process, it works like this. | |
| It works like this. | |
| Did I just say it works like this? | |
| I think that I'm just repeating myself. | |
| People on one side say a bunch of facts, and then the people on the other side say those facts are not true, and they add some facts of their own, and then the other side says our facts were right, but your facts are wrong. | |
| And once both sides have decided that they can't decide on the facts, they have a vote along party lines. | |
| And then once the vote is taken, the side that loses says it's illegitimate, and depending on who they are, they either try again or they're mad. | |
| Oh my God, my brain, I think my brain is working at about 25% capacity, tops. | |
| So, there's, on CNN, they've got fact-checking GOP impeachment hearing claims, and I click over there, and it's Jake Tapper and factcheck.org going through claims made by Representative Jordan. | |
| And then I went to click on the link where they're fact-checking the people on the Democrat side. | |
| So I looked for that link and I was like, what? | |
| There's only a link fact-checking the Republicans? | |
| Huh. How about that? | |
| Well, I guess that's because everything that the Democrats said was completely accurate. | |
| No need to fact-check that. | |
| The GOP representative slams the star witness Schiff for skipping. | |
| I don't even understand that. | |
| But it does seem that one thing the Republicans might want to do is get Schiff under oath. | |
| Could you imagine getting Adam Schiff under oath and testifying? | |
| Is there any chance, any chance, That Adam Schiff wouldn't be, let's say, trapped into saying something that wasn't true and he knew it. | |
| I think if Adam Schiff ever testifies under oath, he's going to jail, right? | |
| Because I just don't see how he could tell his story and make it compatible with what he's been saying all along and also still true. | |
| So, we'll see. | |
| I just tried to... | |
| I've got one of these trackpads next to my computer. | |
| I just tried to move my mouse by moving my finger elsewhere on my desk. | |
| That just happened. | |
| Yes, that's how bad it is for me. | |
| All right, Joe Biden is blaming his staff, according to Fox News, for not telling him there should be some problem if they... | |
| There's going to be some kind of a problem with Burisma. | |
| And I'm thinking to myself, do you want a president who needed his staff to tell him that there'd be a problem with his son taking massive amounts of money from the most corrupt country in the world? | |
| Too bad his son, or too bad, oh god, I can't even form sentences. | |
| This is terrible. It's time for a second simultaneous sip. | |
| It's the only thing that can save this. | |
| Go. I will be groggy all morning, somebody says. | |
| Boy, will I. Don't operate heavy equipment? | |
| Well, that's going to ruin my whole day if I can't. | |
| Cernovich slash Andy Ngo Twitter suspension. | |
| You don't mean Cernovich got suspended, right? | |
| Somebody says Andy Ngo got suspended again. | |
| What are you talking about the last time? | |
| Well, now you've made me curious. | |
| And now I must check. | |
| Hold with me. Enjoy your coffee. | |
| Talk among yourselves. Let's see if there is a suspension. | |
| So, based on your cryptic message, I believe if I... What? | |
| That Cernovich, Noe, and Hegseth had been suspended for posting the shooter's manifesto. | |
| Oh! What? | |
| Why would anybody get suspended for that? | |
| Does anybody under... | |
| Even Pete Hegseth got knocked off? | |
| What the hell? | |
| A Twitter spokesman responded to the post-millennium and advised that a Cernovich note? | |
| I can't even believe that. | |
| That, based on what... | |
| Oh my god. That can't be. | |
| There's something wrong here. | |
| Does anybody understand that story? | |
| So... Well, I think I'm going to go watch the hearings and try to catch up on whatever happened to Mike Cernovich. | |
| I don't know exactly... | |
| So this must have happened just recently, because there's a tweet from 11 hours ago. | |
| Let me click on Mike's profile and see what it says. | |
| Oh, he's back. | |
| He was just forced to delete his tweet. | |
| I'm not... You know, being forced to delete your tweet is not the worst thing in the world, depending on the tweet. | |
| But... So it looks like that's all that was required was for him to delete his tweets, so he's back. | |
| Anyway, I'm going to read up on all this stuff. | |
| I've got nothing for you today. | |
| I have an empty bag of skin. | |
| I have no insights, no humor, nothing to offer. | |
| So the Daily Mail has a link to the manifesto. | |
| Why in the world would we not be allowed to see the manifesto? | |
| You know what's going to happen now, right? | |
| So thanks, Mike Cernovich and Andy Ngo and Pete Hegseth, because I and just about everybody at this Periscope are going to go read the manifesto now. | |
| So it's not as if I was not going to do that anyway, if I were not. | |
| Anyway, I can't even talk. | |
| I'm going to call this fight. |
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