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Jan. 8, 2019 - Real Coffe - Scott Adams
12:58
Episode 366 Scott Adams: Wears a Pope Hat and Evaluates the Morality of Your Walls
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Bless you.
Come in children.
I'm here to make some judgments on the morality of your walls.
Now until recently many of you did not know that walls could have a moral dimension.
Oh, how little you know, how much I will teach you.
You've come to learn, and I appreciate that about you.
Bless you. Now, I'm going to show you a variety of walls, and I'd like to teach you how to recognize an immoral wall from a moral wall.
So we'll start with the bad news first.
I'm going to show you a picture of what I think is an immoral wall.
So this is from Google Images.
And as you can see, there's a demon.
The demon is actually visible if you have been praying.
Some of you, perhaps, you can't even see it, but there's a demon actually in the wall.
That's an immoral wall.
That's not the wall you want.
Let's look at some others.
Here's a wall, obviously another bad wall.
This nice lady is yelling at the wall.
You don't yell at a moral wall, do you?
You do not. So that's an immoral wall right there.
Let's see some more.
Oh yeah, there's more.
Oh no, this is one of the worst.
This one actually shows a demon completely outside the wall and probably ready to attack the citizens of this defenseless country with, I don't know, it could be Twitter insults, possibly nicknames.
The worst of the demons.
Can go pretty deep.
Let's check another wall.
Try to find one that's more moral.
Okay, here's a wall that's pink.
And I think you know pink is just automatically moral.
Because if you've ever been robbed or beaten or had any kind of a horrible crime committed against you, Was the perpetrator wearing pink?
Was there any pink involved when you were being accosted and a crime was being committed against you?
No. No, it was not.
So when you see a pink wall, that's a moral wall.
Nothing bad is going to happen around that wall there.
Now, well, here's one.
Okay, here's a wall made entirely of donuts.
Now again, that's a good wall.
That's a wall.
You can take your children to this wall, but don't let them eat the wall.
This is a wholesome wall.
If you don't mind diabetes.
Some more walls.
Let's see. Gosh.
These are just horrible, horrible walls.
Oh, here we go.
Here's a whole army of evil walls.
It appears that they're massing at the border.
Each of these walls, individually, is plenty evil.
But when they get together like this and they start hunting as a pack, well, then you've got some real trouble.
Oh, but it looks like there could be Possibly an angel that got in here.
I don't know if you can see it, but one of those walls is not like the other.
You know, it looks like a wall with a butt.
Do you see the wall that has a large buttocks?
Well, you're disgusting if that's what you see.
Because that's actually the shape of a church pew.
So that one is not a demon.
That's an imposter.
So let me show you the best way To have a moral wall.
And we're going to go to the whiteboard for this, for this tutorial.
Here we have a holy wall.
You can see that there's a wall, and then a little bit of wall, and then you've got some more wall over here.
But here's the key point, and if you don't have this in your wall, you've got an evil wall.
You've got a wall that's just stopping people from getting to the other side.
That's like totally evil.
So instead, you want a hole every now and then.
You don't want people to have to walk along ways.
You know, one of the ways you could get this wrong is if this hole and this hole were like miles apart.
People would have to walk for miles to get through the hole.
Well, that's not very moral, is it?
Is that nice? Is that nice?
When people come to your house, do you say, oh, come on in the house.
Oh no, not through the front door.
Climb up on the roof and crawl down my chimney.
Well, that wouldn't be very moral.
So you don't want your holes in your wall to be too far away.
And here's another wall.
See, I've labeled it for you.
So this is a holy wall.
And that's very, extremely moral.
Now, people have asked me some specific questions about wall morality, which oddly enough is my exact expertise.
You know, I don't know much about electronics.
Couldn't tell you what star system is up there, but...
I can tell you the morality of a wall like nobody's business.
You don't get this hat without being able to do that.
Unless you just order it from Amazon, like I did.
Now, some people ask me, Scott, where's the holy water?
To which I say, right here.
And I invite you now to join me in The sacrament that I call coffee, but you might call coffee or tea or some other beverage.
And you will join me now for the simultaneous Popat Sip.
Om.
Om.
Now one of the questions that people ask me is, since Nancy Pelosi was the one who started asking about whether walls are moral or immoral, and in what condition are they moral, and of course it's a delicate balance because she's and of course it's a delicate balance because she's in favor of steel-like barriers that prevent people from crossing the border easily,
but apparently those are the moral kind of laws.
The immoral kind of wall that President Trump has suggested she has poo-pooed.
She has poo-pooed, I say.
And so people say, is she a hypocrite, Pope Scott?
Because she has a wall around her own home in San Francisco.
An actual wall.
Is her wall immoral or moral?
Well, I have a ruling for you.
In order to answer that question, I stopped by her home.
I couldn't get inside, but obviously there was a wall there, so I couldn't get that close.
But I only came to see the wall, and I was just judging the wall.
I wasn't going to judge her interior decorating.
I was there for the wall, so it was okay.
I was on the sidewalk. And I'd been traveling for a few hours to get there, to the city.
And I hadn't used the restroom and, well, here's the thing.
A lot of people don't know this, but holy water has more than one, let's say, type.
Anything that I put into my body, especially coffee, is holy water.
But what you don't realize is that after it passes through my body, Still holy water.
If it goes in as holy water, and it goes through my Pope body, well it's not getting less holy, is it?
Goes in holy, comes out holy.
Well, let me just skip to the end of the story.
So Nancy Pelosi's wall has been blessed with holy water, and that should tell you it's as holy as it could possibly get.
Not really. I wouldn't drive all the way to San Francisco.
But it's a funny story and I made you imagine it.
Was it immoral of me to make you imagine that I was blessing her wall with holy water?
A little bit. Maybe a little bit.
But Nancy Pelosi's wall I approve of.
It is blessed. It is now holy.
If you have any other walls that you would like me to evaluate, I believe I could do that.
The general ranking is a good solid wall that people can't get over or around.
Totally immoral.
A good solid fence The type that we have for much of the border already and Democrats and Republicans have both approved multiple times.
Well, people can kind of get over those if they need to.
So I'm going to say that those are half holy.
Those are slightly immoral.
And then they're complete open spaces with no fence and no wall.
And the only thing stopping you from coming to the country is being killed on the way.
Totally moral. As long as people are dying in the desert from their own decision, and it wasn't the wall that killed them, rather it was them going around the wall, I suppose, still okay.
So, On the Nancy Pelosi scale of wall morality, the most immoral laws are the ones that stop people and keep them safe.
The walls that are really immoral are the ones that don't work and invite people to come and risk their lives and their health to get here.
All right, I think I've said it all.
I will be watching with you tonight when the president does his address.
I've never been so excited about a presidential anything until this president turned the entire country into a reality TV show and we're all actors in it.
So this is a whole different experience.
I cannot wait to watch how apparently all the news networks have decided That they're going to treat the president like a big liar and then try to not report it as news.
And I think they're walking into a little trap there because it sort of opens the question of what is fake news.
And for that and many other reasons I'll be watching tonight and I'll be thinking of you.
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