Rubin Report - Dave Rubin - Dave Rubin Reacts to 'South Park's' Most Offensive Clips Pt. 4
Aired: 2025-08-08
Duration: 15:00


=== Back To The Future (13:13) ===

[00:00:00]  Alright guys, as you know, I am off the grid.
[00:00:02]  No computer, no phone, no TV, nothing electric, not even my Game Boy.
[00:00:08]  But here I am still making content for you from the past, I suppose.
[00:00:13]  It's the future now.
[00:00:14]  I'm in the past as I'm doing this.
[00:00:15]  Uh, South Park Clips, here we go.
[00:00:18]  Treatment is fast and effective and doesn't use harmful drugs.
[00:00:21]  Watch closely as I apply treatment to the first child.
[00:00:27]  Sit down and study!
[00:00:30]  That's the way we did it in my day.
[00:00:32]  Sit out and study!
[00:00:36]  Stop crying and do your schoolwork!
[00:00:40]  If you would like more information on my bold new treatments, please send away for this free brochure entitled, You Can Either Calm Down or I Can Pop You in the Mouth Again.
[00:00:49]  Do you know what they I think I said this on the show once in my day?
[00:00:52]  What we used to do, I had a kid in third or fourth grade.
[00:00:54]  I cannot remember.
[00:00:55]  Maybe his name was Richie.
[00:00:57]  And he had what we didn't have ADHD back then.
[00:00:59]  He had whatever he had.
[00:01:01]  And what they decided to do, they literally took a box of like a dryer or a washing machine from somewhere in the school and they just put him in the box.
[00:01:10]  They opened up the top so he had access to fresh air, but he was just in the box.
[00:01:14]  That's what we did back in my day.
[00:01:16]  I'm sure they were hitting them too, but you know, all right, what do we got?
[00:01:20]  And just say hello and breathe a lot.
[00:01:23]  Oh, hello, Prize.
[00:01:24]  Thank you.
[00:01:27]  Hello, Proof.
[00:01:32]  Uh, welcome to P.F. Changs.
[00:01:33]  I'll be right with you.
[00:01:39]  Oh, my God, oh my god, oh my god!
[00:01:41]  What?
[00:01:42]  It's already started!
[00:01:43]  White people in here working for the Chinese!
[00:01:45]  Selling out their own country!
[00:01:47]  Uh, can I help you?
[00:01:48]  Oh, yes, hello, Prize!
[00:01:50]  We are Chinese Payball!
[00:01:52]  Hello, Pruze!
[00:01:53]  Ping Cow, Ding!
[00:01:55]  Uh, yeah, why don't I seat you over here?
[00:01:59]  Your waitress will be right with you.
[00:02:00]  Virtual, say, Sharp!
[00:02:02]  What the hell is going on here?
[00:02:03]  We've got to sneak our way into the back buddies.
[00:02:05]  There they are!
[00:02:06]  Chinese people!
[00:02:07]  There's Chinese people right over there.
[00:02:14]  You see them?
[00:02:15]  Yeah!
[00:02:15]  Oh my gosh, the Chinese are here.
[00:02:17]  Okay, okay, I'm freaked out.
[00:02:18]  I'm freaking out.
[00:02:19]  Hey, Coleman Eric.
[00:02:20]  They're right over there, and they're gonna start screaming and begging on those drugs.
[00:02:23]  And then they get Thank you, butters.
[00:02:26]  All right, we need to go over there and find out what we can from those cabbie rats.
[00:02:30]  Oh, hello, Freeze!
[00:02:31]  Hello!
[00:02:32]  Hello, wolf!
[00:02:33]  So nice to see all our Chinese people!
[00:02:37]  As you can see, we are Chinese people ourselves.
[00:02:40]  Ving vong, ving vong!
[00:02:41]  Change our tea time!
[00:02:43]  Tamza cash, my ah.
[00:02:47]  Yes!
[00:02:47]  Fiance here!
[00:02:48]  Final Facebook Changesh!
[00:02:50]  So!
[00:02:51]  What are the plans to take over America again?
[00:02:53]  I forgot!
[00:02:56]  I've never been to PF Changs.
[00:02:58]  Is it any good?
[00:03:00]  Joseph, you're Chinese.
[00:03:01]  We just subjected you to that.
[00:03:02]  Is PF Changs any good?
[00:03:03]  Not really.
[00:03:04]  You would not go there with your family.
[00:03:05]  No.
[00:03:06]  You would not.
[00:03:07]  No.
[00:03:09]  Next.
[00:03:10]  Get the keys!
[00:03:11]  We gotta get in there!
[00:03:12]  Oh!
[00:03:18]  I think...
[00:03:19]  Yeah, I knew what this one was.
[00:03:22]  What the?
[00:03:24]  Dad?
[00:03:26]  Oh, uh, there was a, there was a ghost.
[00:03:29]  It was an ectoplasm.
[00:03:31]  Did you see the ghost?
[00:03:33]  It ran through here.
[00:03:34]  It slimed me!
[00:03:35]  You son of a!
[00:03:37]  Oh, no, it wasn't me, that was a spooky ghost!
[00:03:42]  That's a sticky situation.
[00:03:44]  Next.
[00:03:45]  The category is people who annoy you.
[00:03:49]  Okay?
[00:03:50]  As always, we give you the letters R-T-S-L-N-E.
[00:03:56]  We just need three more consonants and a vowel.
[00:03:58]  Okay, I'd like a B, an N, and a G. And the vowel?
[00:04:04]  An O, please.
[00:04:06]  Okay, well, looks like you're gonna get a lot of help here.
[00:04:09]  Category is people who annoy you.
[00:04:12]  Audience, keep quiet, please.
[00:04:17]  Uh.
[00:04:18]  Well, uh.
[00:04:20]  Ten seconds, Mr. Marsh.
[00:04:22]  I know it, but I don't think I should say it.
[00:04:25]  Five seconds, Mr. Marsh.
[00:04:26]  All right, I'd like to solve the puzzle.
[00:04:30]  N******s!
[00:04:42]  They are quite annoying.
[00:04:44]  Ooh.
[00:04:46]  Oh, naggers, of course.
[00:04:47]  Naggers.
[00:04:49]  Right.
[00:04:51]  Next.
[00:04:53]  Shoot him in the face twice.
[00:04:56]  One of the teachers is having sex with a student.
[00:05:00]  Oh my god!
[00:05:03]  You did the right thing telling the police, Brad.
[00:05:05]  Now, who is the teacher?
[00:05:06]  What's his name?
[00:05:07]  Well, it isn't a guy teacher, it's a woman.
[00:05:09]  A woman?
[00:05:10]  Yeah, she's having sex with a boy.
[00:05:14]  Nice.
[00:05:17]  No, you don't understand.
[00:05:18]  You sure they've had sex?
[00:05:20]  Yeah.
[00:05:20]  Had she performed oral sex on him?
[00:05:22]  I think so.
[00:05:24]  Nice.
[00:05:25]  Nice.
[00:05:28]  The crime is she isn't doing it with me.
[00:05:31]  You're right.
[00:05:32]  We're sorry.
[00:05:33]  This is serious.
[00:05:34]  We need to track this student down and give him his luckiest boy in America medal right away.
[00:05:45]  There's a double standard.
[00:05:46]  I guess that was the point of the comedy program.
[00:05:50]  We want privacy!
[00:05:52]  We want privacy!
[00:05:54]  All right, thanks for having us on the show!
[00:05:56]  It's so awesome to bear it, Scry.
[00:05:59]  So let me start with you, sir.
[00:06:00]  You've lived a life with the royal family.
[00:06:02]  You've had everything handed to you, but you're saying your life has been hot, and now you've written all about it in your new book, Where?
[00:06:07]  Yes, that's right, friend.
[00:06:09]  You see, my wife and I are taller, like you should write a book because your family looks stupid and then sort of like journalists.
[00:06:14]  So you hate journalists?
[00:06:16]  That's right.
[00:06:17]  And now you wrote a book that reports on the lives of the royal family.
[00:06:19]  Right.
[00:06:20]  So you're a journalist.
[00:06:22]  We just want to be normal people.
[00:06:23]  All this attention is so hard.
[00:06:25]  Isn't it true, sir, that your questionable wife has her own TV show and hangs out with celebrities and does fashion magazines?
[00:06:30]  What are you suggesting?
[00:06:32]  Well, I just think some people might say that your Instagram-loving wife actually doesn't want her privacy.
[00:06:37]  How dare you, sir?
[00:06:38]  My Instagram-loving wife has always wanted her privacy.
[00:06:41]  And you know what else?
[00:06:42]  To hell with Canada!
[00:06:44]  We are leaving!
[00:06:45]  We'll go find some quiet place where we can be normal people!
[00:06:48]  Come on, wife!
[00:06:49]  We want privacy!
[00:06:54]  Where'd they go?
[00:06:55]  LA?
[00:06:55]  They went to LA after that, didn't they?
[00:06:58]  Never meant to be so bad teeth.
[00:07:02]  One thing I said that I would never do.
[00:07:05]  That's funny.
[00:07:06]  One look from you, and I would fall from grace.
[00:07:10]  And that would wipe the smile right from my face.
[00:07:15]  Do you remember when we used to dance?
[00:07:19]  And it's a dangerous rulesome circumstance.
[00:07:24]  One thing led to another we were young.
[00:07:28]  And we would swim together songs on song.
[00:07:33]  It was the heat of the moment.
[00:07:37]  Telling me like your foot meant.
[00:07:40]  The heat of the moment.
[00:07:42]  Is that foreigner who sings this song?
[00:07:44]  Heat of the moment.
[00:07:45]  Who is it?
[00:07:46]  Asia.
[00:07:47]  Not Todo, but Asia.
[00:07:50]  We've never had a night like that, right?
[00:07:51]  We've never had a group chat like that.
[00:07:53]  No, no, no.
[00:07:54]  Very professional operation here.
[00:07:56]  Now, we need some testimony in order to arrest Chef.
[00:07:59]  So I'm going to use this doll to ask you kids a few questions.
[00:08:02]  Did Chef ever touch any of you here?
[00:08:06]  No.
[00:08:07]  Okay, did he touch you here?
[00:08:09]  No!
[00:08:11]  Did he ever do this?
[00:08:13]  How about this?
[00:08:16]  My Uncle Bud did that to me once.
[00:08:18]  Did Chef ever try one of these on for size?
[00:08:21]  God damn it, Chef isn't like that.
[00:08:23]  Something funny is going on here.
[00:08:25]  Young man, will you please pay attention?
[00:08:27]  This is very important stuff.
[00:08:35]  I come from a Jewish family, which of course you already know because Kyle's from the same family.
[00:08:40]  I like to read, and I have these polyps on the backs of my hands.
[00:08:43]  I don't know what they are.
[00:08:45]  I'm not gonna make it.
[00:08:46]  I'm not gonna make it.
[00:08:47]  Oh, and I hope one day to be an investment banker.
[00:08:49]  Must fad it.
[00:08:51]  Need floaty.
[00:08:52]  That is.
[00:08:53]  Okay, why don't you go ahead and take a seat, Kyle?
[00:08:56]  I wouldn't dance all that are available.
[00:08:57]  I usually prefer the plastic ones because these give me splinters.
[00:09:02]  I'm sorry, Kyle.
[00:09:02]  You just have to make do.
[00:09:03]  Now let's get back to the...
[00:09:04]  Is it cold in here?
[00:09:05]  I realize we're in the mountains, but do we have to freeze today?
[00:09:07]  Now, Kyle, I need you to be quiet.
[00:09:09]  In my class, you need to be able to concentrate.
[00:09:12]  Concentration is the key to succeeding in my class.
[00:09:15]  Maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp.
[00:09:16]  Ah!
[00:09:17]  Damn it!
[00:09:20]  That was funny.
[00:09:21]  I feel honored to be a part of history.
[00:09:23]  I have a lot of incredible trans friends who are athletes, and so we're all inspired.
[00:09:27]  This woman's competing.
[00:09:29]  Uh-huh.
[00:09:29]  And have you actually ever met Heather Swanson?
[00:09:33]  No, I've never competed against her before.
[00:09:35]  No.
[00:09:35]  She's not exactly your average trans athlete.
[00:09:38]  Well, what is an average trans athlete?
[00:09:41]  Honestly, I find that kind of bigoted, David.
[00:09:43]  Okay.
[00:09:44]  Heather Swanson is actually joining us now, Miss Swanson.
[00:09:47]  How does it feel to be competing today?
[00:09:50]  I can't tell you how free I feel.
[00:09:53]  Now that I've started identifying as a woman.
[00:09:55]  That's the real macho man.
[00:09:57]  Is that the real macho?
[00:10:00]  He's dead.
[00:10:02]  And is it correct?
[00:10:03]  You just started identifying as female two weeks ago.
[00:10:06]  I'm not here to talk about my transition.
[00:10:09]  I'm here to kick some fingers.
[00:10:11]  Let me tell you something, Dingleberry.
[00:10:14]  David Perry.
[00:10:15]  I'm gonna roll up the other women here and I'm gonna smoke them.
[00:10:19]  I am the strongest woman this state has ever seen.
[00:10:24]  Any words for the challenger and Miss Woman?
[00:10:27]  Uh, good luck, Heather.
[00:10:29]  Luck is for dudes.
[00:10:32]  Feminism.
[00:10:39]  You here for an abortion too?
[00:10:41]  Yeah, I discovered a few days ago I wasn't bleeding out my coup, so I guess I'm knocked up.
[00:10:46]  Is this doctor any good?
[00:10:48]  Mrs. Garrison?
[00:10:50]  Oh, that's me.
[00:10:54]  Hello, doctor.
[00:10:55]  Looks like I need an abortion.
[00:10:58]  An abortion?
[00:10:59]  Yeah, I've got one growing inside me.
[00:11:01]  Now you're gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out if you want.
[00:11:06]  You can just scramble it and I'll queef it out myself.
[00:11:10]  Mr. Garrison.
[00:11:11]  Mrs. Garrison?
[00:11:13]  Mrs. Garrison, you can't have an abortion.
[00:11:16]  Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body?
[00:11:19]  A woman has a right to choose.
[00:11:21]  No, I mean you're physically unable to have an abortion because you can't get pregnant.
[00:11:26]  But I missed my period.
[00:11:28]  You can't have periods either.
[00:11:31]  You had a sex change, Mr. Garrison, but you don't have ovaries or a womb.
[00:11:36]  You don't produce eggs.
[00:11:37]  You mean I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
[00:11:44]  That's right.
[00:11:45]  But I paid $5,000 to be a woman.
[00:11:49]  This would mean I'm not really a woman.
[00:11:51]  I'm just a.
[00:11:52]  I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis.
[00:11:54]  Basically, yes.
[00:11:57]  Oh, boy, do I feel like a jackass.
[00:12:00]  Democrats are weird.
[00:12:01]  They're weird.
[00:12:04]  Flyers rip the savers 14-3.
[00:12:06]  Randy, do you mind cleaning out the garage like I asked?
[00:12:09]  What's the point, Sharon?
[00:12:10]  Soon they're gonna be coming after me.
[00:12:13]  Ah.
[00:12:16]  Hey, you.
[00:12:17]  That's right.
[00:12:18]  You.
[00:12:19]  Wouldn't you like to know the story of you?
[00:12:22]  What makes you you?
[00:12:24]  DNA and me is a genetic service that can help you find out exactly who your ancestors were.
[00:12:30]  You might be surprised.
[00:12:32]  I thought I was just a standard white guy, but DNA and me showed that I'm actually 4.2% Cherokee Indian.
[00:12:40]  Turns out I'm not totally white.
[00:12:42]  I'm also part Northern Asian and even some Kurdish.
[00:12:45]  I'm a victim of oppression.
[00:12:47]  I used to get in trouble for always using the N-word, but with DNA and me, I found out that I'm 2.1% black.
[00:12:54]  Morning, Steve.
[00:12:55]  Sup, n the test is easy.

=== Goo Come Out? (02:01) ===

[00:12:58]  Simply swab the inside of your mouth and send it into our labs.
[00:13:01]  People made fun of me for being French.
[00:13:03]  DNA and me showed I was 8% Navajo.
[00:13:06]  Nobody's making fun of me now, or my people who are victims.
[00:13:10]  I'm 13% victim.
[00:13:11]  I'm 21% victim.
[00:13:13]  Order now and find out if your friends should be more sympathetic towards you.
[00:13:17]  DNA and me.
[00:13:19]  Are you in?
[00:13:20]  Hell yes, I'm in.
[00:13:24]  Democrats are weird.
[00:13:27]  Come on, down south, my man.
[00:13:28]  Meet some friends, man.
[00:13:32]  Hey, Butters, you got a minute?
[00:13:33]  Sure, Eric.
[00:13:35]  I don't know what to do.
[00:13:37]  Kids are starting to make fun of me because I'm no good at sarcasm.
[00:13:42]  I suck at being nice and polite.
[00:13:44]  I'm so good at sucking, I should work at a Thai massage parlor.
[00:13:49]  Oh, no, Eric, you're you're a great player.
[00:13:51]  No, I just don't have the mojo you have, butters.
[00:13:54]  Oh, well, Eric, I told you.
[00:13:56]  Everyone has a creamy feeling inside them, where all the feelings of compassion and joy come from.
[00:14:01]  Oh, didn't your dad ever tell you that?
[00:14:03]  I don't have it, Dad.
[00:14:05]  Oh, right.
[00:14:05]  I'm sorry.
[00:14:07]  Well, everyone has a creamy feeling, Eric.
[00:14:10]  And some people have so much of that feeling that it comes out sometimes.
[00:14:13]  A lot of times when I go to sleep, and especially if I'm having wonderful dreams that make me feel really good, sometimes I wake up, and when I wake up, I realize some of my goo has come out.
[00:14:23]  Oh, geez, there's a lot this time.
[00:14:24]  But I always make sure I keep it, just in case I ever run out of all my happy sunshine feelings.
[00:14:30]  You save it all?
[00:14:33]  My goo doesn't come out every night, but I sure do seem to have a surplus of it.
[00:14:39]  Butters, do you think your goo might work on someone else?
[00:14:42]  I don't know.
[00:14:43]  I never really thought of it that way.
[00:14:46]  Oh, God.
[00:14:51]  Hmm.
[00:14:52]  It's kind of a grapey, bleachy flavor.
[00:14:54]  Do you feel warm and compassionate?
[00:14:58]  Holy sh ⁇ , I think I do.