July 15, 2024 - Rubin Report - Dave Rubin
33:48
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Yeah, of course, you know, painful moments like that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We don't have to go through all of my horrible things. | ||
| I want to make you cry. | ||
| Don't make me cry. | ||
| But yes, I mean, there are lots of... | ||
| And also in the personal life, and just in things... | ||
| Just things where I would go, oh, gosh, I wish I'd thought of that ten years earlier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
♪♪ Okay. | |
| You're on Rubin Report in Club Random. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| How does that feel for your butt? | ||
| Because Armand Hammer was just sitting in there. | ||
| Not Armand Hammer. | ||
| He's been dead for many years. | ||
| Army Hammer. | ||
| Yes, Army Hammer was sitting in there. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And now you finally get someone good to look at, huh? | ||
| Pretty sweet for you. | ||
| It's all working out. | ||
| Did you try to fuck him, Dave? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| I doubt that. | ||
| I saw some. | ||
| You could feel it. | ||
| It was palpable. | ||
| It's good to see you, man. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| Great to have your gay ass here. | ||
| Oh God, this is how we started last time. | ||
| This is how it always starts, Dave. | ||
| This is how it always starts. | ||
| I'm going to drink some tequila. | ||
| You're already, what, you're a tequila ahead of me? | ||
| I'm already half in the bag. | ||
| You're half in the bag. | ||
| Which half? | ||
| Well, I mean, I just did, however long we were here, Talking, and you know me, I enjoy the occasional jazz cigarette. | ||
| I love how also when you're talking to, like, a recovering alcoholic, and a recovering drug addict, and everything else, it doesn't phase you in any way. | ||
| You smoke the joint in front of them to pour the alcohol. | ||
| Sometimes I actually verbally try to get them to restart. | ||
| He literally thought you might be roofing him at one point. | ||
| I mean, you do have your strange tinctures. | ||
| That's a great, that would be a great label for it. | ||
| Strange tincture. | ||
| That would be good. | ||
| Or a band. | ||
| Yeah, it would be good. | ||
| Strange tinctures. | ||
| First off, cheers, man. | ||
| It's good to see you. | ||
| Is that just diet Coke or something? | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| No, that's strange tincture. | ||
| That's strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Well, that's it. | ||
| That is the stuff. | ||
| That's a cherry cola flavor. | ||
| So I was thinking, how do we start this thing after watching? | ||
| I watched. | ||
| I'm the guest. | ||
| I watched the entire thing. | ||
| That's not my problem. | ||
| It isn't your problem. | ||
| You just get to sit there and do nothing. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| I was thinking that I have a feeling you don't really have any regrets in life. | ||
| Well, that's ridiculous. | ||
| I have thousands of... No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, big regrets. | ||
| Not like little things in the past, but that you've truly, at 68, my sense really is like you actually are living the exact life that you would have wanted to live if you were that 13-year-old kid. | ||
| It all came out in the wash, yes. | ||
| I mean, There are certainly so many, many, many mistakes along the way, but that's life. | ||
| If we all have the same thought, if I can only live my life over again and not do this and this and this and this and this. | ||
| But in general, I would say life is a game where if you win, you're fortunate. | ||
| And even if you win, you don't win 11 to 2. | ||
| You win 7 to 5. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I think I won 7-5. | ||
| It's not over yet, we'll see. | ||
| But why do you think it's only 7-5? | ||
| Even when you were talking about not having a wife and kids before, I don't think you regret it. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| That's one of the big victories. | ||
| No, seriously. | ||
| That is not facetious. | ||
| First of all, it's very difficult to stay single as a successful man. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Or even an unsuccessful one. | ||
| That's probably more difficult. | ||
| It's really true. | ||
| It's just, you know, bitches want me married. | ||
| Come on, that's a thing. | ||
| So, you know, just keeping your toe out of the trap is a job in itself. | ||
| And so I feel good about that. | ||
| And I never wanted kids. | ||
| And I kind of stuck with that. | ||
| And, you know, yeah. | ||
| Do you think you ever could have got to Where you're at sort of in your head and in your life, doing anything else. | ||
| Is there any other thing that you could have passed? | ||
| Like, I know you love basketball. | ||
| Like, I always think, I guess I would have loved to have been a basketball player. | ||
| I would have loved to, but you know. | ||
| But here we are. | ||
| Tough at 5'8". | ||
| But you still can shoot. | ||
| I still could shoot. | ||
| I love to play, play all the time. | ||
| It's a great game and I'm as good as you can be at it, considering my age, my height and my race. | ||
| Can we take three shots together after? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Three shots. | ||
| Can we take three shots? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Not of tequila. | ||
| We can do that too. | ||
| Yeah, we can go up to the court. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Because I know you play. | ||
| You have a court. | ||
| Yeah, I still, I got a court. | ||
| I got a court. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I, you know, regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention. | ||
| Keep going, keep going. | ||
| Let's see how far you can get. | ||
| I did what I had to do. | ||
| I saw it through without exemption. | ||
| I mean, that's, you know, I'm glad I stuck with that in my personal life. | ||
| I basically went toward the light eventually in my professional life, wound up doing the thing I always was meant to do and should do, which is doing a comedy political show, and I've had one for 31 years on the air. | ||
| That's, you know, again, that's the seven runs I scored. | ||
| Trust me, I got shelled in the third inning. | ||
| You know, I mean, there was some pitching changes and they lit me up there in the eighth. | ||
| Was 9-11 the biggest shot? | ||
| Oh, let's not go there. | ||
| Would you consider that a career one? | ||
| Yeah, things like that. | ||
| Of course, you know, painful moments like that, yes. | ||
| We don't have to go through all of my horrible things. | ||
| I want to make you cry. | ||
| Don't make me cry. | ||
| But yes, I mean, there are lots of, and also in the personal life, and just in things, just things where I would go, oh gosh, I wish I'd thought of that ten years earlier. | ||
| I could have been where I am today, but I didn't. | ||
| You can't beat yourself up about shit like that. | ||
| But that's what I mean. | ||
| I don't think you have regrets. | ||
| It's little mistakes or unseen things. | ||
| But they're not little. | ||
| Things could have been so different. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Oh, like just not being stupid about women. | ||
| For the first 40 years or whatever. | ||
| Just knowing women better and not doing dumb things. | ||
| I've said this before on this show, but just as an example, I came across a picture of myself recently. | ||
| I was 28. | ||
| You know, I realized at an epiphany that, like, I used to think when I was in my 20s and 30s if I didn't appeal to a woman, oh, I'm not good looking enough, because I've had this awesome personality. | ||
| And I realized looking at the picture, it was the exact opposite. | ||
| I was plenty good-looking. | ||
| I was just, you know, too anxious or too insecure. | ||
| It was the exact opposite of what I thought. | ||
| Okay, well, there's an example of something, if I knew then, I could have, like, been so much happier and caused myself so much less consternation and pain. | ||
| So life's full of that, and that's the five runs they scored on. | ||
| You think it was happier or just got laid more? | ||
| Well, you probably got laid more, too, so... Well, the one would have led to the other. | ||
| Fair enough, fair enough. | ||
| Uh, you want to do politics at all, or? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Well, let's do, actually, when I saw you when I came, before I did Real Time, and I was there that night when you had DeSantis on, and I was kind of giving him some lines or whatever we were doing. | ||
| Um, you did a, uh, the end of the show was about Biden being too old and it was time to subside. | ||
| And that's about, it wasn't quite a year ago. | ||
| It was maybe 10 months ago or so, but you were, you were telling people. | ||
| Ruth Bader Biden. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Um, and here we are. | ||
| He is exactly Ruth. | ||
| I mean, tomorrow is the press conference. | ||
| Um, so we're doing this pre-press conference. | ||
| I don't know what this press conference is going to be like, but may I make a prediction? | ||
| He's not suddenly going to be Cicero. | ||
| That's my prediction. | ||
| This strategy they have of, okay, the debate was awful, so we'll put him on Stephanopoulos. | ||
| Okay, that didn't work too good. | ||
| That made it worse. | ||
| He was worse. | ||
| He wasn't worse, but he wasn't good. | ||
| When you're in this big of a hole, how great would he have to be at this press conference tomorrow? | ||
| He'd have to be Jack Kennedy in 1962, like witty and good looking and like, I'm sure we can do better. | ||
| Ah, big laugh. | ||
| You know, all that kind of charm. | ||
| You'd have to tap your hands out there. | ||
| Just charming the fuck off the pants of the press. | ||
| And he's not going to do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's literally no chance. | ||
| There's a ceiling here, and it's not going to be his goodest performance. | ||
| Was your hope when you did that monologue? | ||
| That was a joke. | ||
| He said, goodest. | ||
| No, I got it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got it. | |
| I'll pick my laughs, too. | ||
| You know, I've been around the block. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think you just missed it. | |
| When you did that monologue, though, was the hope that the higher-ups were going to listen and be like, let's do this? | ||
| Well, that's always my hope, and it never happens. | ||
| Nobody ever listens to me, and I'm always right. | ||
| That's my cross to bear, Dave. | ||
| Oh, now we're getting the regrets. | ||
| That must be a regret. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They're never listening. | ||
| But this is a disaster, right? | ||
| It is a disaster for the Democrats. | ||
| Even when it comes to November, if you and I are voting different ways and who the hell the candidates are, this is a disaster. | ||
| Well, we are definitely voting different ways. | ||
| But it does not have to be a disaster. | ||
| There is still time. | ||
| Absolutely, there is still time, not only to make it not a disaster, but to make it a huge positive. | ||
| This is my editorial this Friday. | ||
| It's also what I've been saying. | ||
| I said it in the New York Times op-ed a couple of weeks ago, that this is a great opportunity. | ||
| America likes new. | ||
| We like new pussy, Dave. | ||
| New. | ||
| New, new, new, new. | ||
| You didn't make a gay joke there. | ||
| I could feel it coming. | ||
| It was just nothing. | ||
| It's the evening's yarn. | ||
| All right, all right. | ||
| Here, am I supposed to plaster you with alcohol and weed now? | ||
| I'm having some. | ||
| It's in here. | ||
| Yeah, but weed or... I pour it in with the other liquid. | ||
| Is this the Bill Maher joint? | ||
| Yeah, you want some? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is grown right here. | ||
| This is Cherokee farm. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Do I need some trick to... Yeah? | ||
| You wanna... Oh, right. | ||
| You want your own. | ||
| I mean, no. | ||
| You want your own. | ||
| Yeah, well, why... | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I'm not as professional anymore in this game. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| You're rich. | ||
| Have your own joint. | ||
| But no, America would love a new fresh face. | ||
| This country is a sitcom that's been on for eight seasons. | ||
| It's fucking tired. | ||
| And we need new characters. | ||
| And I'm tired of... They're tired of looking at Uncle Joe and Crazy Fat Trump. | ||
| And let's get some new characters on this show. | ||
| And that's what I'm going to say Friday. | ||
| It almost doesn't matter who it is. | ||
| Just somebody new. | ||
| The less they know about them, the better. | ||
| Um, that's great. | ||
| Andy Beshear, bring it on. | ||
| Whoever the fuck you are, Andy Beshear, I'm so in your camp. | ||
| But is there any way... Yeah, wait, who's Andy Beshear? | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You don't even know? | ||
| Oh, I... No. | ||
| You let the wrong end, you fucking nerd. | ||
| Is something not right here? | ||
| Something seems... Oh my God. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a loser. | ||
| That's called comedy, my friend. | ||
| That's called loser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's called being a loser. | |
| It's the kind where it's obvious that this is the end and this is the part you like. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's the end? | ||
| It seemed a little tough to inhale. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You smoke a lot of weed. | ||
| I thought you wrapped this shit real tight. | ||
| I just smoked the wrong end of the weed with the... It's okay. | ||
| Thank God we're not filming this or I'd be embarrassed. | ||
| Well, we are. | ||
| I don't know if you're not, but I know my cameras work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know these motherfuckers are always on. | |
| Did you think something was odd? | ||
| There wasn't a lot of smoke coming out? | ||
| Here, let me show you how a professional does it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Even still. | ||
| Smooth, refreshing flavor. | ||
| That's good, that's good. | ||
| Step up to Cherokee Farms. | ||
| All right, I think. | ||
| So, I think that, look, I'm predicting right now and Friday night, there is no chance Biden is the nominee. | ||
| The pressure will just keep increasing. | ||
| He will not be the person. | ||
| It might be over by Friday. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Because, you know, again, these further diggings of holes is not helping. | ||
| So this is not going to be better than Stephanopoulos. | ||
| A press conference? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And again, to make up for the last two, it's just not in the cards. | ||
| It's just not going to happen. | ||
| This is much better with smoking it this way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I've got plenty in there, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll smoke it every which way and figure it out. | |
| How much of this do you think is just, there's no business like show business? | ||
| How much of it is just the show at this point? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Every day we just wake up and there's just like another episode of the show of democracy. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I'm saying we need new characters. | ||
| Democracy is real. | ||
| It's just that the people in the country don't prize it, including people like you. | ||
| Could you vote for someone that has dementia? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Because let's be honest, let's be clear about Biden. | ||
| Should he run for president? | ||
| No. | ||
| As we were saying, I was saying a long time ago he shouldn't. | ||
| Is he the best choice? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is he completely out of his mind? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's not lost his marbles. | ||
| I wouldn't ask him something at 1130 at night. | ||
| No. | ||
| But if you had to, is he completely crazy? | ||
| No. | ||
| If some shit happened like... Not so sure about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, please. | |
| You know, you talk yourself into the extremes. | ||
| I don't know that that's extreme. | ||
| I don't have any sense that he has the wherewithal if they woke him up at 7.30, 11.30 or 3.30 that he would know where he is or what he's doing. | ||
| Then you're just a hater. | ||
| He's terrible in public. | ||
| He's terrible when you put him under pressure with his stuttering and with his age, yes, to try to do a debate. | ||
| It'd be like asking him to run a marathon at 81. | ||
| No, you can't do that. | ||
| But can he sit in a chair and still think clearly and talk? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| To think not is just, again, being pointlessly, purposely, stupidly extreme about it, not being objective. | ||
| You just hate that side, so you can't come to the actual troop Twice where this is, and that's where this is. | ||
| I like some evidence of it. | ||
| When's the last time you saw that? | ||
| If Russia attacked between 9 and 3. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| No, but if Russia attacked at any hour, if they had to wake him up, yes, trust me, he has his marbles. | ||
| He could make the right decision. | ||
| He's not crazy. | ||
| He just shouldn't be president. | ||
| It's a day-to-day job. | ||
| But do I fear that in a crisis, a crazy, out-of-his-mind person is there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And again, if you really believe that, you're just talking yourself into your right-wing point of view. | ||
| It's so interesting, because I see that so as the polar opposite. | ||
| I don't think there's any evidence of that. | ||
| I don't think there's any evidence that he's... Well, there's no evidence at all, because you never see him behind closed doors. | ||
| No, but do you? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I see him in public, and in public he's not a crazy person. | ||
| He's just an awful speaker. | ||
| He's terrible under pressure at 8 o'clock at night, or all those factors. | ||
| But no, he's just The bar has been set low, I guess is what you're saying. | ||
| The bar is set low across the board, but these shouldn't be the choices. | ||
| Importantly, he's not insane, out of his mind, unable to think, unable to make a decision, unable to communicate his wishes to his aides. | ||
| He just shouldn't be president right now, and he can't win the election, and he's not going to keep getting younger. | ||
| But until his time in office expires, certainly this term, where he is now, he doesn't scare me as there's this crazy, you know, mental incapacitate in office. | ||
| And you don't really believe that either. | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I do. | ||
| But I don't think that's bubble or anything else. | ||
| But you were for DeSantis. | ||
| Look how that turned out. | ||
| Well, you get predictions wrong, but right now... Listen, if DeSantis... I don't want to be DeSantis. | ||
| Let's not do that. | ||
| I wouldn't either if I were you. | ||
| You ever get calls from, uh, like the administration or any of the things when you throw things out like that about? | ||
| No administration to me? | ||
| No, cause, cause real time to me. | ||
| They don't see me as an ally. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I didn't mean calls positively. | ||
| I meant calls like, Oh, come on, man. | ||
| Why'd you fucking do that? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh God. | |
| Never? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Not this administration. | ||
| Because to me, real time seems to me like the airlock between what happens online and what enters the mainstream, sort of. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| I love the way you put that. | ||
| The airlock. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| It's like what is, like there's a lot of stuff that's like kind of bubbling online for a while. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then when it hits real time, then it's like, oh, now it can be discussed in sort of a wider way. | ||
| I think that's been the staying power beyond your funny and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| But like, I think that's sort of the staying power of it. | ||
| It is the sort of like, the go-between between the two worlds right now because | ||
| they're very disconnected the sort of online world and the and the mainstream world | ||
| Well, I hope on a good day. I'm saying the things first that then makes it go online and you are doing that too | ||
| That's what I'd rather do. | ||
| Literally, it's a joke on my show. | ||
| We say it's Mondays with Bill because on Mondays I'm covering what you covered. | ||
| Yeah, I'm good. | ||
| I'm glad about that. | ||
| The airlock, I guess, goes both ways in that sense. | ||
| Boy, we picked the terrible months to come off the air. | ||
| We're doing a show Friday and then we're doing another show the week Friday after that when the Republican convention is on. | ||
| They're weak. | ||
| And we thought, well, we want to be on for both conventions. | ||
| So then we're off for our month between that and the Democratic convention in August. | ||
| And I feel like that's going to be a very consequential month with Biden, you know. | ||
| Can I one up you on that? | ||
| Yeah, go ahead. | ||
| I go off the grid every August. | ||
| No phone, no TV, no news. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| This will be my eighth year doing it. | ||
| Literally no newspaper, no television. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| And then when I come back in September after Labor Day, I have somebody bring me back. | ||
| So Shapiro's done it and Megyn Kelly and a couple other people. | ||
| And what do you do during this retreat? | ||
| Disappear. | ||
| I've gone to Bora Bora a couple of times. | ||
| Bora Bora? | ||
| Yeah, we've gone to like, you know, Mexican rainforest. | ||
| Checking a honeymoon type thing? | ||
| Just dip out. | ||
| It's just literally just dip out. | ||
| Sometimes I'm just home for two weeks and just doing nothing. | ||
| Or I'm doing projects around the house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about the baby? | |
| Well, most of the years we didn't have kids. | ||
| Now there's children. | ||
| They're not going to come with us for the portion that we go away. | ||
| We don't go away for the full 30 days. | ||
| You just leave them on the road? | ||
| No, you just put them in a house. | ||
| There's a dog there. | ||
| There's a bowl. | ||
| Now I really have to teach you about parenting. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You leave water, obviously, and food. | ||
| I'm not some sick freak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, of course not. | |
| But that's one of the things that has kept me sane. | ||
| But you don't take the kids on the... For that portion of it. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Bora Bora would be wasted on children. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Have you been to Bora Bora? | ||
| No, but... You never took the Bill Maher plane to Bora Bora? | ||
| The Bill Maher plane. | ||
| You have the Bill Maher plane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which you also... See, when I say you don't have regrets, that's what I mean, because you have the Bill Maher plane, you're a climate change guy, but you're not guilty about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not a regret. | ||
| Well, um, no, that's true. | ||
| Uh, I mean, that's, that wouldn't be a couple on that one. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| You were like, look, I believe in this stuff, but I said what I, well, first of all, me not taking a private plane is going to change absolutely nothing in the world. | ||
| The point I was making was one, there's two types of people in the world. | ||
| People who can fly private and people who can't. | ||
| The people who can and also don't, do not exist. | ||
| Except for Greta Thunberg and Ed Begley. | ||
| I feel like she's flying private. | ||
| He isn't. | ||
| I'll accept that he isn't. | ||
| You think Greta's flying private? | ||
| She's doing all sorts of weird stuff. | ||
| Now, she flies from Los Airelines or whatever. | ||
| I hear she does eat shark soup. | ||
| I bet she does. | ||
| But I don't think she flies private because you'd see that. | ||
| No, I said, I can take being called a bad environmentalist. | ||
| I cannot take being called a hypocrite. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so I, you know… Did you feel you really had to get it off your chest on that? | ||
| No, it made for a very funny… Yeah, no, it's… …where I was like, you know, I was at one of those camera turns like, hi, I'm Bill. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I fly private, you know. | ||
| And yeah, you know, I mean, is it… Environmentally great, no. | ||
| But then again, I didn't have children. | ||
| Children are the most environmentally unfriendly thing you could do. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| You're creating all these new carbon footprints. | ||
| You're going to use resources. | ||
| I was just remembering that when I told you I had kids, And it's tough to have kids when you have two dudes in a relationship. | ||
| You were the only person that I said to you on overtime, I think, you said, oh, fuck. | ||
| That was your response. | ||
| I said, Bill, I have kids. | ||
| You go, you have kids? | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| But did you, were they adopted or turkey baster? | ||
| Turkey baster. | ||
| Oh, so you brought kids into the world who didn't need to be in the world. | ||
| So you're just as guilty. | ||
| Guilty for what? | ||
| For intimidating humanity? | ||
| Well, being gay, and you know, despite what the kids say today, men really can't get pregnant. | ||
| I fully accept that, trust me. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| We tried naturally for several years. | ||
| Right, I know. | ||
| But by creating a new life, you basically are environmentally unfriendly. | ||
| Oh, this is your way of getting out of the airplane. | ||
| I created a life, that's worse than a billy-flying. | ||
| Right, that's going to use resources probably more than I did with that little plane. | ||
| And by the way, never owned a plane, never wanted to. | ||
| Always rented it. | ||
| And most of the jobs, most of the times I took it, I literally could not have gotten to the job otherwise. | ||
| Oh, so you don't own the plane? | ||
| Never! | ||
| Oh, there was a Bill Maher plane. | ||
| You do not want to own a plane. | ||
| Yeah, no I don't. | ||
| Then all the problems are yours. | ||
| And you know what else? | ||
| Crack windshield, 200 grand. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Where do you park it? | ||
| Landing rights? | ||
| It's not just like a limo. | ||
| You have to plan. | ||
| People think you can just do anything on a plane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| The pilots have restrictions of how late they can be up. | ||
| There's a lot of restrictions. | ||
| But I literally couldn't get to, you know, I'm in Minneapolis Saturday night. | ||
| I don't think I can get there just on time. | ||
| I have a show here Friday night. | ||
| You don't think Ilhan would give you the Ilhan Omar plane to Minnesota? | ||
| That's her district, yeah. | ||
| That's a special plane she has. | ||
| You don't want to get on that plane. | ||
| Don't go on that plane, Bill, please. | ||
| You're too important to us. | ||
| Is that a terrorist joke? | ||
| It was a terrorist joke. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| See, now I had to explain a joke to you, but you mostly got it. | ||
| I got it, but, like, I hate to be put in the position of defending Eli and Omar. | ||
| Oh, Harry, don't. | ||
| Don't debase yourself and defend her. | ||
| I'm not defending her, but you're not a terrorist. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| She's seeding the ground for terrorism. | ||
| I believe she did marry her brother, though. | ||
| She married her brother. | ||
| She's, you know, given re-election campaign speeches with all Somali flags, no American flags. | ||
| A lot of women dressed up in the beekeeper costume, which you talk about, and at some point that doesn't work for the longevity of America. | ||
| I totally agree with you on that. | ||
| I do have to draw the line on terrorism. | ||
| That's a low blow. | ||
| But as far as, what did you say? | ||
| What was the thing she did? | ||
| Oh, the thing with the Somali flags or the Palestinian flag. | ||
| And not the American flag? | ||
| Yes, that does bother me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, who are you representing? | ||
| What country? | ||
| And I don't say that, like, as somebody bashing someone from either side. | ||
| That's just as an American. | ||
| Like, you gotta be this country first. | ||
| You can be on either Republican or Democratic side. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, you gotta be representing this country. | ||
| Well, it's interesting, because it's funny, because when I talk about you on the show, and now knowing you to the extent that I know you, it's like, we agree on, if we went through just like issue by issue, I think we probably agree on like 90% of the issues. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| But we're just sort of choosing a different candidate to get that stuff done. | ||
| You think 90? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because what would be like a major thing that you would think we would disagree on? | ||
| I think we largely agree on abortion. | ||
| Maybe on the weeks, we're not exactly the same. | ||
| I'd say about 12 to 15, but I think you're probably... Oh, so on abortion? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like I'm just trying to pick something, like what would we really disagree on? | ||
| Put aside candidates. | ||
| I believe abortion should be legal up until the third trimester of high school. | ||
| Okay, so you live here in California, and that's wonderful. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but I don't think there would be a massive if I was trying to find it. | ||
| And that's what I've been trying to explain to people, that the difference between, say, a Bill Maher liberal and whatever it is I am at this point, may be a voting decision, but it's actually not much in terms of what we would want this country to look like. | ||
| I hate to be a broken record, but I gotta go back to the conceding elections is kind of a big one. | ||
| No, so that's a voting thing. | ||
| Like, I just think he's the only chance at this point to reset any of the bullshit. | ||
| And you know, I didn't even support him during the primary. | ||
| So it's not like, um, you know, some, like, MAGA hat wearing, like, he can do no wrong. | ||
| By the way, tell your boyfriend in Florida that for Mr. Small Government to be telling people what colors they can make their bridge and telling strippers that they... I don't know if people know this, but he just raised the age you could be a stripper from 18 to 21. | ||
| Do you know this? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I haven't been to a strip club in a while. | ||
| Yeah, me neither. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, good talk! | |
| So that's the fundamental difference. | ||
| It's saving democracy on one hand, and also you want 18-year-old strippers. | ||
| I respect it. | ||
| I'm just saying, for somebody who's like small government to be doing things like that? | ||
| Well, it wasn't that you can't paint the bridge with everyone. | ||
| He just didn't want rainbow flags or rainbow-colored bridges. | ||
| But shouldn't we be free to paint the... Not paint the bridge, just light the bridge. | ||
| Any colors we want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, to take the bait on that is just so ridiculous. | |
| I think people have just had enough of all of that. | ||
| I've had enough of that. | ||
| People hate all of the pride bullshit and nonsense. | ||
| Yeah, but let them hate it. | ||
| Well, I think he said it can only be lit up red, white, and blue or something if they're going to do lights. | ||
| I don't have a problem with that. | ||
| Is it government's job? | ||
| Is it government's job to do that? | ||
| To decide what lights to put on the bridge. | ||
| Well, I guess it's somebody's job. | ||
| And to decide what an adult, and you're an adult at 18, you can drink and serve in the army and vote, what they can do as far as their... vocation? | ||
| As far as their poll relationships? | ||
| Let me just demonstrate what I'm talking about. | ||
| It would take like two seconds and it would save us a lot of words. | ||
| No, you know, it's a legitimate question. | ||
| No, I think that's legit. | ||
| You're 18, you're an adult, you should be able to strip if you want to strip. | ||
| I'm not saying the 18 to 21 stripper issue is my number one issue in this film. | ||
| It's more the conceding elections thing. | ||
| But, you know, you gotta take it into account. | ||
| What do you see all your friends doing here? | ||
| Are they all kind of going crazy now in the last couple weeks as this thing's going off the rails? | ||
| You talking about the Biden thing? | ||
| Yeah, like the Hollywood people and the more... The Hollywood people. | ||
| Did you see George Clooney today? | ||
| I know. | ||
| They lost Clooney when you lose Clooney. | ||
| The Casamigos fortune. | ||
| That funnels all the money to the elections. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's all tequila money. | ||
| At the meetings. | ||
| You know I'm making my own tequila? | ||
| At the meetings, George Soros. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Always gets up first. | ||
| He says. | ||
| And then we eat a couple of babies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, he makes some opening remarks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We eat some babies and then Clooney. | ||
| Uh, and, uh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not supposed to say this out loud. | |
| Oh, you're so right. | ||
| The cameras. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Um, no, I mean, I don't, I don't talk. | ||
| I mean, the people I, Talk to you about this. | ||
| I think we're all on exactly the same page. | ||
| You know, I don't know anybody. | ||
| I personally don't know anybody who's like, except like political types who are, you know, predictably not wanting to stick their neck out. | ||
| I don't know anybody who's saying, yeah, let's, let's stick it with, let's stick to Biden to the end. | ||
| You know, uh, I heard them use the term run the clock out now. | ||
| As a sports fan, run the clock out. | ||
| That's what you do when you're ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you're winning! | |
| I don't think you do it when you're behind. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Not when you're, like, counting beeps till death. | ||
| No. | ||
| So, you know, I don't know. | ||
| My peeps are all in on Get a new guy in there. | ||
| Just even if you're not a huge Democrat or you're fed up with the liberals, you want a fair fight. | ||
| You want someone, certainly a lot of us just want to see Trump not elected, but you just want somebody in there who can make sort of the opposite case and who can Give a fair airing to the other way of looking at things. | ||
| And we don't have that in Joe, you know? | ||
| And as I say, if I had to predict, I would put money on it that he is just not going to be the candidate. | ||
| So you think it's Kamala, basically? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Do you think there's some way they can do some trick? | ||
| I think they have an open… I think it's gonna be an open convention. | ||
| Yeah, the vice president isn't automatically inaugurated as the candidate when a president deflects. | ||
| That's, you know, I mean, George Bush, the first, had to win that. | ||
| There was a primary when Reagan was done with his second term. | ||
| He wasn't alone in 1988. | ||
| But it was a two-term president that was over as opposed to a guy kind of being pushed out | ||
| or... | ||
| I agree. | ||
| It's not exactly the same, but I get your point. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| But George, they didn't just go, oh, you've been vice president for eight years. | ||
| You are now the candidate for... | ||
| It was George Bush against who else ran in 1988? | ||
| I mean, Steve Forbes or all those people like that. | ||
| I mean, it could have been McCain, not McCain. | ||
| No, it was before McCain. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But there was some, um, there was some formidable people. | |
| Paul Sungus wasn't even a Republican, was he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just throwing a name at you. | ||
| There's weed in here, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I can't think. | ||
| But he had serious people who had to take it away from him. | ||
| But again, it was after a two-term president as opposed to a guy that's potentially incapacitated or whatever's going on. | ||
| The point is, the vice president just doesn't automatically get it. | ||
| And certainly not one who, for whatever reason, she is not a popular one. | ||
| So, you know, again, new characters on this sitcom. | ||
| Just get everybody who is not a hundred years old, got a D by their name, and is sort of a centrist, and you can win this election. | ||
| And just give us that choice. | ||
| Just give us a choice. | ||
| Because now it's not a choice for a lot of people. | ||
| It's, as you say, dementia. | ||
| I mean, I'm going to vote for either jail or hospice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not. | |
| Jail or hospice. | ||
| That would have definitely been like a pilot that you would have been the game show host of. | ||
| Jail or hospice. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| All right, Mar, where are you going? | ||
| Back to work. | ||
| You're going back to work. | ||
| I have a real show. | ||
| Not like this show. | ||
| A real show. | ||
| Can we take three basketball shots? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| All right, here's what we're gonna do. | ||
| We'll take a free throw, a three, and then I'll- I can't hit threes. | ||
| You can't hit threes. | ||
| A free throw, mid-range jumper, and then I'll leave it up to Bill Maher. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you want more comedy in your life, check out our comedy playlist. | |
| And if you want to watch full interviews on a variety of topics, watch our full episode playlist, all right over here. |
Export Selection