Rubin Report - Dave Rubin - Dave Rubin Stand Up Comedy Comeback | April 8 2018 | DIRECT MESSAGE | Rubin Report
Aired: 2018-04-30
Duration: 03:45


=== How Much Do You Hate Everyone Else? (03:42) ===

[00:00:00]  You know, they say that we are more divided than ever, right?
[00:00:03]  That's what they say, whoever the hell they are.
[00:00:05]  They keep saying it.
[00:00:06]  And I don't know that I believe it, but I thought the best way I could start this, and it's sort of why I do the show, is to bring people together.
[00:00:14]  But they keep telling us that, you know, we hate each other, we're more divided.
[00:00:17]  So I thought maybe you guys should look around the room and just kind of look and realize how much you hate everybody else.
[00:00:24]  I mean, really, take a look at another table, and just really, everyone, please, I'm not just doing this for... Look, really, look at each other.
[00:00:30]  I mean, you see?
[00:00:32]  You hate them, and they hate you, and the white people hate everybody else, and it's all so stupid.
[00:00:40]  All right, but I thought what I should do, actually, is take a little poll, because I want to read the room.
[00:00:45]  How many of you would say that you're conservatives?
[00:00:48]  By a round of applause.
[00:00:48]  How many conservatives...
[00:00:50]  [applause]
[00:00:52]  Conservatives always very respectfully...
[00:00:56]  You first raise your hand before you applaud.
[00:01:02]  We don't make a lot of noise.
[00:01:04]  Conservative.
[00:01:05]  We're conserving the applause.
[00:01:08]  Conservatives.
[00:01:09]  That's good.
[00:01:09]  Look, that's great.
[00:01:10]  You know, people with jobs and families.
[00:01:15]  You know, you're dressed right.
[00:01:16]  I saw you.
[00:01:17]  I could have picked you all out.
[00:01:18]  It's very easy.
[00:01:19]  Oh, well, there's someone who's wearing clothes that fit.
[00:01:21]  Probably a conservative.
[00:01:22]  How many of you, how many of you are libertarians?
[00:01:25]  Libertarians.
[00:01:27]  Alright.
[00:01:33]  That is a very special libertarian there.
[00:01:38]  Libertarians, yes!
[00:01:39]  Anyone that just applauded, those are the people you get pot from at the end of the show.
[00:01:43]  Libertarians love pot.
[00:01:48]  Just quick sidebar, I went to one of these, you know, I was getting medicinal marijuana for my horrific glaucoma, but then But now it's legal, I guess, that you just can show up with your idea or whatever.
[00:02:01]  So I went just a couple days ago to the pot shop, and it is impossible to get weed at a pot shop.
[00:02:09]  Have you been there?
[00:02:09]  We got oil, we got rocks, we got edibles.
[00:02:12]  I was like, do you have weed in weed form?
[00:02:14]  Is that even a thing?
[00:02:16]  I mean, I wasn't in college that long ago.
[00:02:17]  Like, a bag of schwag, that'll be fine.
[00:02:21]  Schwag?
[00:02:22]  Is that a word?
[00:02:26]  Alright, we did conservatives, we did libertarians.
[00:02:29]  How many of you, how many progressives?
[00:02:30]  How many... progressives?
[00:02:36]  I'm guessing there are, but I know because of the soy, it's sometimes hard to clap.
[00:02:39]  I'm a little different in comedy form.
[00:02:49]  I'm out of here.
[00:02:50]  See?
[00:02:51]  It's coming back!
[00:02:52]  I mean, I used to do this!
[00:02:53]  This is what I did!
[00:02:54]  Okay!
[00:02:55]  I forgot that I'm good at this.
[00:02:57]  Alright.
[00:02:58]  So we got... Not one?
[00:03:00]  No one will say it?
[00:03:01]  I mean, we're not going to shoot you.
[00:03:04]  Oh, we have one!
[00:03:05]  We have one!
[00:03:06]  Please, take them outside.
[00:03:09]  It's alright.
[00:03:10]  It's alright.
[00:03:11]  You're wrong, but it's alright.
[00:03:15]  I think it's great.
[00:03:16]  It's great.
[00:03:19]  I'll let it be.
[00:03:19]  Okay.
[00:03:20]  So we did conservatives.
[00:03:21]  We did libertarians.
[00:03:22]  How many classical liberals?
[00:03:24]  [applause]
[00:03:26]  Those of course would be my people, otherwise known by the media
[00:03:32]  as a bunch of racist, bigot homophobes.
[00:03:34]  Close.
[00:03:35]  [BLANK_AUDIO]
[00:03:36]  No, just kidding.
[00:03:37]  Those are good people who believe in the individual, which is what I believe in, all the things that I'm constantly talking about.