Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
unidentified
|
(dramatic music) | |
You guys know that I try my best to stay out of the day-to-day political bickering | ||
and focus more on big ideas and the philosophies which are behind all the fighting. | ||
all the fighting. | ||
This doesn't mean I'm ignoring the issues of the moment, be it North Korea, the gun debate, or the general state of Trumpism, but focusing on why people believe what they believe is far more valuable to me than adding fuel to the fire of whatever the story of the day might be. | ||
Toss in a healthy dose of political gridlock and we seem to have lots of people who are yelling, but very few people who are doing. | ||
There's one issue happening in American politics right now, which is a great example of the stagnation we face, but that is totally flying under the radar. | ||
Right now, dozens of countries, some of them key strategic allies, don't have U.S. | ||
ambassadors because the Senate has refused to vote on their confirmation. | ||
According to the rules of the Senate right now, the Senate needs 30 hours of debate to confirm an ambassadorship. | ||
You can imagine with all the nonsensical waste in DC how impossible it would be to spend 30 hours debating each of the new ambassadorships when a new administration comes in. | ||
We'd be talking about literally thousands of hours of debate for a branch of government which can't seem to agree on which flavor of yogurt should be served at the Capitol Hill Commissary. | ||
Back in 2014, when the Democrats controlled the Senate, then-Majority Leader Harry Reid used what is known as the nuclear option to get many Obama appointees through the Senate. | ||
In effect, Reid changed the rules so that a simple majority, rather than a 60-vote supermajority, would be enough to confirm ambassadors, federal judges, and other positions. | ||
Though I was firmly on the left at the time, and I had no issue I can remember with the Obama appointees, I was against Reid using such a drastic tactic. | ||
To me, if you change the rules when you're in power, it's incredibly obvious, and probably quite deserved, when those same rules will be used against your team when you're not in power. | ||
You can rightly blame Republicans for not voting on the Obama appointees in 2014 just as right now you can rightly blame Democrats for not voting on Trump appointees in 2018. | ||
This is exactly why people rightfully hate the political machine in Washington. | ||
It either does nothing or it changes the rules to suit itself while usually leaving the people it's supposed to serve far behind. | ||
The Republicans, now led by Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, could use what is known as the nuclear option right now, just as Reid and the Democrats did back in 2014. | ||
For whatever reason, McConnell refuses to do so. | ||
Some are saying he has such an old school affinity for the rules of the Senate that he doesn't want to stoop to what Reid did. | ||
In a certain way this seems like a principled position, but at this point in American politics I wonder if clinging on to the old ways while your ideological opponents chisel away at those very institutions at every opportunity makes much sense at all. | ||
Let me add another wrinkle to this story. | ||
The highest ranking ambassadorship that we now have open, Germany, has been offered to former U.S. | ||
spokesman for the U.N. | ||
Richard Grenell. | ||
Richard is the longest serving U.N. | ||
spokesman in history, working for four different U.S. | ||
ambassadors. | ||
He's also served several other positions in the government, as well as worked for a few other high-level political campaigns. | ||
By every measure, he's supremely qualified, and I've seen plenty of people on both sides of the aisle that praise him as the exact type of person that we need more of in politics. | ||
Richard and I have become friends over the past few years and I can personally tell you that he's truly a decent guy who just wants to serve his country. | ||
Oh, and there's one other piece to this. | ||
Richard happens to be gay. | ||
You may remember, back in 2012, Richard was briefly a spokesman for the Romney campaign until the media decided to attack an openly gay man for daring to work for the Republican candidate Mitt Romney, thus causing Richard to step down from the campaign because he didn't want to be a distraction. | ||
Apparently, although Romney felt it was just fine to hire a gay man, and Richard felt it was totally okay to work for Romney, the media just wouldn't let it be. | ||
Gay conservatives like Richard, much like black conservatives like Larry Elder, or female conservatives like Nikki Haley, challenge the orthodoxy that the Democrats must own all of these groups of people. | ||
I mention Richard's sexuality not because it's important or even relevant, unless you play the identity politics game as so many do. | ||
In effect, the Democrats are blocking an extremely qualified, openly gay man from serving his country. | ||
Aren't the Democrats and lefties supposed to be for gays? | ||
Isn't that part of their intersectional worldview? | ||
Immutable characteristics often trump qualifications if you subscribe to this line of thinking. | ||
Shouldn't this also mean supporting gay people whose political positions you might disagree with because you believe in their ability to think for themselves? | ||
Or perhaps the so-called tolerant side really isn't pro-gay or pro-any minority, they are actually only pro-those who believe as they do. | ||
Now, obviously you know that I don't think anyone should be confirmed because of their sexuality, nor should their sexuality matter in the least when it comes to being nominated in the first place. | ||
I just think that this particular case is interesting on so many levels. | ||
We have the gridlock of Washington with Democrats refusing to vote on Trump nominees. | ||
We have a majority leader in McConnell that refuses to use his option to confirm nominees, even though the previous Senate leader, Reid, did exactly just that. | ||
We have dozens of qualified candidates waiting to do their civic duty, and we have just as many countries waiting for our ambassadors to move there and get to work. | ||
Caught in all of this mess is a good man, Richard Grinnell, who I happen to know personally, who doesn't want extra credit for being gay, but just wants to get to work. | ||
How can you make a difference in all this? | ||
Call your local senator and ask their assistant at the office why they aren't voting on these nominees. | ||
And you can also call Mitch McConnell at his D.C. | ||
office by calling 202-224-2541. | ||
Actually, I'm gonna give him a call right now. | ||
unidentified
|
(dramatic music) | |
Joining me today is a guy who's seen an awful lot of people get hit in the nuts, | ||
a man who's lived in a house that constantly seems to be getting fuller, | ||
and a standup comic whose new special, "Zero to 60" is now streaming on Amazon. | ||
Bob Saget, welcome to The Rubin Report. | ||
Thank you. | ||
I'm excited to be here. | ||
You're a very smart man. | ||
I cannot keep up with you mentally. | ||
But we did have dinner, and I seem to keep up with the entrees. | ||
Is that why you were applying me with so much alcohol during dinner? | ||
To kind of dumb me down so that we could get on the level? | ||
I wanted to see what you were like unconscious. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, we did go to the... Because that's the world we're in right now. | |
That's an opposite-day kind of statement. | ||
In other words, years ago when you would say, I want to see what you're like unconscious, that would be a joke. | ||
But unfortunately, we are in a world right now where That's actually happened. | ||
So a lot of things that are irreverent and could be considered funny Are not yeah, and so there's this buffering that goes on before but either way you did not get overly inebriated and you were more than pleasant and we had a lovely night and With both of our significant others, who we both adore, and we laughed, and we had good food. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And we will do it again. | ||
We will do it again. | ||
And that's all I want to talk about. | ||
I don't want to talk about my career. | ||
What did we have as entrees? | ||
Well, I believe I had the fish. | ||
You did. | ||
I think you had... Something not as healthy. | ||
Steak? | ||
I think it was maybe a piece of steak. | ||
No, you didn't have steak. | ||
No, you didn't have steak. | ||
You had some kind of... Chicken, something, maybe. | ||
All right, let's focus here, Saget. | ||
So I'm here? | ||
That's a good place to start, what you just did there. | ||
Just the state of political correctness. | ||
Let's just do a little bit on that. | ||
And then I want to do Saget 101. | ||
All right. | ||
For this next hour. | ||
I'm teaching that course at a community college. | ||
Yeah? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
How many kids are taking it? | ||
It doesn't matter. | ||
Whoever applies, that doesn't turn me in. | ||
You let them all in? | ||
Everybody comes in. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
It's in a trailer. | ||
What do you think of that you're doing this? | ||
We're live to tape, so we don't edit. | ||
And this did not exist four years ago. | ||
This existed, but it didn't exist like this. | ||
I mean, you've got millions of people that watch this. | ||
This is crazy. | ||
Well, what do you think about that? | ||
Like, you're used to doing, I mean, obviously, I wanna talk stand-up and everything else, but you do scripted series, you do movies, things like that, but you also do, you do panel on talk shows, things that are sort of, They're kind of old school now. | ||
Like, that's very different than coming in here and right before we start, I said to you, we're just gonna go for it, and you were like, whatever you want. | ||
I mean, I don't have to look, I can just do that, and we're good. | ||
Yeah, you can. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Or you could flip it back again. | ||
Yeah, I better flip that. | ||
Those are the smallest cards I've ever seen. | ||
Your interviews are microfiche. | ||
It's just, I just write little silly things. | ||
No, that looks all smart. | ||
I love the fact that this exists, because years ago, if you wanted to go on a show and have a one-on-one with someone, you were a baby, but it was Tom Snyder. | ||
Yeah, I remember Tom Snyder. | ||
I love Tom Snyder. | ||
She's getting that you might be a tiny bit older than a baby. | ||
Yeah, the camera was always very close to his head. | ||
Incredibly close. | ||
And Dan Aykroyd on Saturday Night Live, in the very beginning, would do an impression of it. | ||
Camera was this tight and he would be smoking. | ||
And Tom would just talk into camera. | ||
Do his discourse, which is very much like a podcast is today. | ||
Like Bill Burr, a friend of mine, gets up in the morning, talks for an hour once a week. | ||
It's unbelievable to listen to. | ||
A lot of our great podcasters. | ||
Everything's changed. | ||
And in that regard, this has changed for the better. | ||
Because you get to have an articulate conversation that you can't normally have in commercial television. | ||
Because commercial television's meant to be entertaining. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Only. | ||
I don't know what we're meant to be over here, but... Well, interesting. | ||
Interesting, I guess, yeah. | ||
And my fiance, Kelly, turned me on to your show, and I said, I really like him, and I like what he's talking about, and you had guests on, and you were able to be a diplomat. | ||
Which is very difficult to do when you have people with different points of view, a conservative and a liberal, which I don't understand. | ||
I don't understand any of it. | ||
I just, I mean I understand it. | ||
But, I mean, we're mammals. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We're supposed to stay alive. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We're supposed to be nice to another mammal. | ||
We're not supposed to hunt it and kill it. | ||
Depends which kind of mammal you are, actually. | ||
If it's delicious. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Then you have to go for it. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's just food. | ||
Well, we're gonna dive into all that, because I did notice that, for you, it's interesting, I think, because your stand-up is so different than your television persona, between America's Funniest Home Videos and Full House. | ||
Well, they're the old ones, though, but then Entourage, that was kind of like a thing, but then I did a bunch of acting stuff, too, and I've done Broadway work, which was, some of it was similar to my stand-up, but I've always done something that's, every seven years, there's some new incarnation that people go, who the hell is he? | ||
Yeah, well that's why I think it's interesting because especially with celebrities, people like to just get in, or anyone that's public, they like to just get a kind of image of you and then just run with that forever. | ||
And you are constantly challenging that. | ||
I refuse to be pigeonholed because it sounds like something you should not do to a pigeon. | ||
See, that's the kind of joke you can still do. | ||
You can still do that. | ||
Because it's not a human being. | ||
It's a pigeon. | ||
The only people that are going to be really upset about that would be the Humane Society, and they are right. | ||
The ASPCA is all over this show. | ||
I don't see their name anywhere anymore. | ||
I think they're out. | ||
You think they're done? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I think it's the A-S-P-C-A-N-R-A. | ||
I think it's they've combined so that you take care of the bird and then you fire at it. | ||
Is that going to fly well on this show? | ||
I think it will. | ||
You know, we've got those chickens out there and one day people always ask me, what are you going to do when they stop laying eggs? | ||
unidentified
|
Are you just, you know... Wait a minute, now those are chickens, but they're so beautiful. | |
I thought they were males, because they had the red millet. | ||
Millet? | ||
Millet? | ||
What's it called on the head? | ||
I know you were very excited to say cockles. | ||
I said you have three beautiful cocks. | ||
But no, those are actually, those are female hens that lay eggs. | ||
And what do you do... I'm doing this for the eggs, not just to have... That's Woody Allen. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Which was Groucho Marx. | ||
I need the eggs. | ||
I need the eggs. | ||
But that's the truth. | ||
Annie Hall. | ||
That's the truth. | ||
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
Go ahead. | ||
This is the problem with me. | ||
As a talk show guest, as a comedian, and as someone without a script, I free associate and I sometimes do not stay on track. | ||
But you are so smart and linear, you are going to keep me on track and I will do my very best to accommodate you. | ||
And I will do my best to accommodate you. | ||
unidentified
|
So there you go. | |
Okay, this is fair. | ||
Let's start at the beginning. | ||
You were born in Philadelphia. | ||
I was. | ||
Yeah. | ||
In Einstein Hospital. | ||
Einstein Hospital? | ||
Yes, and it is still there. | ||
Is that in honor of Albert Einstein? | ||
It is. | ||
It is, and it's on Broad Street. | ||
And I was born there, and my dad worked for a supermarket company called Food Fair Pantry Pride Supermarkets. | ||
And he was a meat executive. | ||
That all sounds legit. | ||
What about your family? | ||
What background? | ||
What business were they in? | ||
I was born in Brooklyn. | ||
Grew up in Long Island, lived in Manhattan my whole life, went to college upstate New York, so I'm a true New Yorker, so we're both East Coasters. | ||
You had the life I wish I had. | ||
I was in Philly, I lived at home during college. | ||
This is why you're smart, and I go out and tell a bunch of wiener jokes. | ||
I know, but I'm going back into that now, as you know. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, you are. | |
You're out doing stand-up. | ||
I told you I'm going back into stand-up. | ||
You were very excited. | ||
I'm excited. | ||
You also told me you're playing the Irvine Improv. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And when is that? | ||
Oh, that wasn't even public until just now. | ||
That's great. | ||
Is that okay to say? | ||
That's April 8th. | ||
My first headlining gig in 10 years. | ||
And this is one of the nicest clubs in Los Angeles and anywhere, really. | ||
I mean, it's like 600 people, 700 people. | ||
It looks like a spaceship. | ||
It looks like a Disney exhibit. | ||
And it's in Irvine, which is why they call it the Irvine Improv. | ||
I couldn't put that together. | ||
Why do they call it the Irvine Improv? | ||
I don't know. | ||
But they're smart people and nice people. | ||
You will bring smart people because you have so many people that you will bring your audience. | ||
That's the advantage of what we do. | ||
Whatever we do, whatever media we're on, that's who comes to see it. | ||
That's gotta be the most beautiful shift in comedy, right? | ||
Do you remember that moment when you went from, like, being a guy that was just, you know, trying to get on 8th out of 10 comics at the end of the night and nobody knows who you are? | ||
Do you remember the beginning of when people were going, I'm going to see Bob Saget? | ||
Something weird happened with me, which was I started doing stand-up when I was 17, and I went over- What year is that? | ||
unidentified
|
That was, uh, wee-hoo-hoo, uh, uh, 70, 73. | |
Wow. | ||
So, because I'm 104. | ||
On the freeway. | ||
Look at that head of hair, though, for 104. | ||
Not bad. | ||
No, very impressive. | ||
But I had to do the drops, I take the thing, I take a Propecia. | ||
Trump's on the Propecia, he seems fine. | ||
Oh, please don't compare me to that. | ||
That's the hair? | ||
We'll get there, we'll get there. | ||
But mine's not a comb over. | ||
Yeah, I know it's going to happen if we get right on Trump. | ||
I actually, I believe, I'm not doing anything to bash anyone. | ||
I will not do it. | ||
Even though it's possible that his comb over is from an onion in the kitchen that just snaggled to us along the ground and then crawls up his back. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Did you see that moment? | ||
I saw that video on the airplane. | ||
Was that done CGI? | ||
Was that done with effects? | ||
Because that didn't look possible. | ||
It looked pretty fake. | ||
But let's put Trump aside. | ||
I want to talk Snando a little bit. | ||
Do you remember that moment when things change? | ||
Yeah, what happened was I came out to L.A., I had won the Student Academy Award for a documentary I made about my nephew who had his face reconstructed when he was seven. | ||
And I won this Student Academy Award for a documentary, and then I went on to the Comedy Store the next night, and Mitzi, the owner of the Comedy Store, said, you should work here. | ||
So I started getting spots right away. | ||
Wow, that's crazy. | ||
And then I started... And then comics fight for that for years. | ||
People fight, and I didn't work the door. | ||
Wow! | ||
And I was, I guess, likable, but strange. | ||
Very strange jokes. | ||
Like, my first joke was, I have... The first joke! | ||
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy, and they're both in my car, and I want you to see them. | ||
No, it's just an odd rambling, but it symbolizes, I think it answers the question of how did he become this, because he was that, if you're going to be third person on myself. | ||
And then I started going on a college tour. | ||
She put me on a, Mitzi Schor, from the Comedy Store, put me on a college tour, and I was a guitar act. | ||
parodies and I would sing while my guitar gently weeps, turn a valve and water poured out of the guitar. | ||
And you could only see it in the first 10 rows, so it doesn't really play. | ||
Didn't work for the big stadium. | ||
Cannot play the Irvine improv with this bit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then I was headlining right away. | ||
So in my early 20s, I'd go out on the road, while I was taking five years of acting classes | ||
with a teacher named Darrell Hickman in LA, while I was doing improv classes at the Groundlings, | ||
while I was doing spots at the comedy store, I'd go out on the road and then headline and then make | ||
money. | ||
But not enough to get a career. | ||
And then I was like eight, nine years of hosting the comedy store in Westwood, and that was hard. | ||
But I got to Befriend people that I worshipped, which were Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, and David Letterman was one of my first emcees. | ||
And so I was 22 years old and the place was, it's packed like it was then, kind of now. | ||
Bad sentence. | ||
But in the early 80s, it was, you could not get into any room. | ||
Every single person on the lineup was like and I was hosting a lot of the shows So but then everybody went off and got TV shows and I was still at the comedy store Hosting and thinking this is it. | ||
I'm never gonna make it And then I got in a Richard Pryor movie, and then I got on a CBS show, and a Morning Show. | ||
What Pryor movie? | ||
Critical Condition. | ||
Oh, I've seen that. | ||
I'm the young Dr. Jaffe who does all the jobs that are disgusting that he doesn't want to do because he's not a real doctor. | ||
Sounds like the emcee at a comedy club. | ||
Exactly, same thing. | ||
You don't want to touch people. | ||
And I remember holding Garrett Morris from Saturday Night Live by the testicles, and Richard kept telling me to squeeze harder, and that was a reshoot. | ||
They added me to that scene. | ||
I can see that when you talk about it, sort of, and I've had this with a couple other comics that were around at that time, there's like a real nostalgia for it. | ||
Do you remember thinking it was a special Yeah, but you remember it at the time thinking like I'm really in a hundred percent Because usually people don't like the good old days. | ||
You only remember them as well. | ||
They weren't good old days Yeah, because you know you're in a place that is you know in the comedy stars a lot of history and it's heroes is the main room and there's supposed to be ghosts in there and Sam Kenison says he saw a quarter floating in the air of a dead mobster or something and I believe all of it. | ||
I spent a lot of time in there and It was struggling, you know, you'd have people come and see you. | ||
Rodney Dangerfield was kind to me, put me on a Young Comedian special, but it was all, you know, I was the warm-up comic for Bosom Buddies with Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari, and it was all struggling, you know, but you need it. | ||
And I used to wait in line in New York at the Improv and Catch a Rising Star for 10 hours. | ||
Sign the line-up sheet and wait for 10-12 hours. | ||
And I think there's something, if you come out of the dugout, or the trenches, sorry. | ||
Dugout's fine. | ||
unidentified
|
Dugout means you're going to bat, maybe. | |
But if you come out of the trenches and you You go through it, it's almost, oh, guy had a heart attack in the audience? | ||
Oh, I've had that happen before. | ||
You know, oh, this guy's getting thrown, oh, this guy's got a gun? | ||
Oh, yeah, yeah, that happened to me in Cleveland, I remember that. | ||
You know, it gets to the point where you're almost a pilot on a plane. | ||
You know, it's like, oh, I'm ready for anything. | ||
But what you want to do is make people laugh. | ||
And that was the hardest transition for me, was to take off the guitar and to learn to be a comedian. | ||
What was that moment like for you? | ||
Really hard. | ||
I had a guitar on for like four years. | ||
I took it off, and I bombed for a long time. | ||
I would do it. | ||
I used the club for what it was supposed to be used for, but it didn't service me. | ||
It didn't help me get a sitcom. | ||
If people saw me, they went, he's amicable, but he's not funny. | ||
And I was trying to do jokes, and a lot of them were There was a talent coordinator for the Tonight Show. | ||
I could never get on as a comic. | ||
I got on to do panel with Johnny Carson. | ||
Thanks to Gary Shandling for putting me on the first time, and then Jay Leno. | ||
I was on once with him, but then I was on with Carson 13, 14 times, and then, and I always panel. | ||
But I never went on as a comedian because this talent coordinator who passed on named Jim McCauley, who helped a lot of people's careers, Except mine. | ||
But he did help me in a way. | ||
He said, you're very funny, but your act is like a stone skipping on the water. | ||
It never really digs in. | ||
Ah. | ||
Thank you. | ||
Wow, that's something to really take with you. | ||
Kung fu. | ||
Yeah, wow. | ||
Thank you, master. | ||
Take the pebble from my hand. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
So it hurt me, because I couldn't get on the damn show. | ||
But I wasn't, I really wasn't meant to. | ||
I mean, I hate to say those kind of words. | ||
You know, it's not meant to be or whatever. | ||
It was a hell of a lot better to sit there and talk a couple segments with Johnny Carson and him like me and be able to talk to a guy that you looked up to so much because he was kind of a master. | ||
I can't imagine. | ||
Like that, like I'm emanating true jealousy. | ||
Whenever I hear any of you guys talk about Carson, it's like that. | ||
And I'm not even making this up, because I'm not delusional, he liked me. | ||
And I still can't figure that out. | ||
But I would say something like, David Letterman had a lot of his amazing qualities, and it would respond the same way to this, because one of my patters that I would say is, this is true, and Johnny would go, I don't care. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't care if it's true, just tell it. | |
And David would be the same thing. | ||
I would go on Letterman and I would go, this is true, he goes, I don't care if it's true or not, just make it funny, just say it. | ||
I'm blanking on the title of Bill Maher's first book, the novel that he wrote about stand-up, but the first line in it, he says something about, this is true, which is exactly what a comic says when they're about to tell you something false. | ||
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
And that's how the novel, what the hell's the name of the book? | ||
I'll get it in a second. | ||
You should know! | ||
You travel with this guy. | ||
I should. | ||
I know him. | ||
I saw a picture of him squeezing his boot. | ||
We are depleted in reading each other's books. | ||
He hasn't read mine either. | ||
True Story is the name of the book. | ||
Oh. | ||
True Story. | ||
That's a brilliant title. | ||
Also, think about this. | ||
But seriously, folks. | ||
I mean, that is the segue into your next joke. | ||
Or Bob Hope. | ||
I want to tell you. | ||
So anyway, that's always good. | ||
But these are all the tricks. | ||
So anyway, you do learn tricks. | ||
And it's always, if you can kill them with kindness, or if you can fake sincerity. | ||
Were there guys during that, because when everyone talks about it, we could literally spend the next hour with you just naming all-stars, right? | ||
Let's just do that. | ||
But were there guys? | ||
You could just name drop. | ||
You wanna just name drop for the next one? | ||
It'll be very easy to make a promo for this show. | ||
I'll do that. | ||
Professor Erwin Corey. | ||
See, no one will know that. | ||
Amazing. | ||
Well, I know, but yeah. | ||
But were there guys that you thought were truly... Bill Hicks. | ||
...transcendent? | ||
Yeah. | ||
So a guy like Bill Hicks. | ||
So Bill Hicks. | ||
That's transcendent. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's a guy who worshipped Sam Kenison, who was a friend of mine. | ||
I got Sam his first spot at the Comedy Store. | ||
Was it in the documentary? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
He was an unusual thing. | ||
It was an anomaly. | ||
No one had ever seen that before. | ||
And Bill Hicks really thought about, why are we here? | ||
And had a sweet philosopher in him. | ||
It was a gentle George Carlin kind of thing. | ||
Wasn't that gentle, was it? | ||
No, no. | ||
You probably saw a gentler version. | ||
I did because I knew him and he was kind of, I knew him when he was really young. | ||
I met him when he was like 18 or something, or 19. | ||
And he kind of took to me. | ||
His loss was very sad. | ||
I would have loved to have seen what he would have arrived at | ||
if he'd have been, he died very young. | ||
'Cause that's the type of comic we need more of, right? | ||
Especially now, like-- - Thoughtful. | ||
But guys that are really saying something. | ||
Like, to me, there's a-- - We got 'em. | ||
Yeah? - Well, I mean, you know-- | ||
I'm getting back in, so maybe I'll find 'em all again. | ||
Well, you can't help but reckon with Chappelle. | ||
I mean, the man is, you know, arguably the best living stand-up. | ||
It reminds you of Richard, who was, at that time, the best living stand-up. | ||
Might be still. | ||
Lenny Bruce was decomposed by Being arrested by not being allowed to have freedom of speech. | ||
George Carlin took it to another level where he said I'm cutting my hair no more and I'm going to let myself say the things that are on my mind. | ||
There was a lot of anger and a lot of prophecy and people. | ||
My mother didn't like him because he was unkempt. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She wanted a kempt person. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
She would have loved you very much. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Yeah. | ||
You're very kent. | ||
I'm very kent. | ||
It's a lot of hairspray. | ||
And she was like, he's so smart, and he's handsome. | ||
All right, sag it enough. | ||
Let's tell you what my mother would say. | ||
But Carlin having that moment, that's like you putting down the guitar, right? | ||
That's why I think it's interesting. | ||
When comics either get good or not, it's when you make that move. | ||
You learn something, and then you kind of push it away. | ||
You start all over again. | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
Because you get some chops, you figure out what it's like to be in front of people, and then it's not an effort. | ||
It's a pleasure. | ||
I'm going to be 62 in May, which is crazy, so if you could delay this, that would be great. | ||
Let's not let it happen yet. | ||
But I'm able to go on stage, and I have a gift now, having a special just done that I'm very proud of. | ||
This is Zero to Sixty, which is from being zero to being sixty. | ||
It's a brilliant title. | ||
That is wordy. | ||
And it's on Amazon Prime, so my joke is, here's a joke with it, that with two clicks you can buy the lotion to watch the special, inferring that that's how aroused you'll get watching my special. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, I retweeted your special the other day, and then I think you deleted the tweet. | ||
And I thought, what happened here? | ||
Did you make a mistake in your tweet? | ||
I did. | ||
Yeah, I retweeted that. | ||
I made a mistake in my tweet. | ||
And then I was like, uh-oh. | ||
Oh, will you do it again? | ||
Let's see how the rest of this goes. | ||
Okay. | ||
And you know, I understand if you don't want to. | ||
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. | ||
I'll show myself out. | ||
But I, yeah, I had put something wrong on there because it's on many mediums. | ||
It's not a Netflix special, but it's on every platform. | ||
So it's on like Spectrum, DirecTV, Google. | ||
It's never been done like this till now where they put it on every on-demand. | ||
So it's like you can choose between Wonder Woman or Zero to Sixty. | ||
Hmm, let me think. | ||
I'd much rather watch Bob than Wonder Woman. | ||
That's pretty cool, though, because in the old days, everyone just wanted the HBO Special. | ||
I mean, I remember the day I started stand-up, I was like, I'm going to have an HBO Special. | ||
I wanted one, I got one. | ||
But now you can have all sorts of other things. | ||
There's many different ways, and Netflix is kind of the jewel in the crown, so is HBO, but they mostly have a few new people, but mostly they're regular team members, you know, Bill or George Lopez, of course, who is just wonderful, and I just like George. | ||
This has been a really cool model, and being on Amazon Prime is actually, the world has it. | ||
I just wanted it to be seen by as many people as possible. | ||
That's how I feel about this thing. | ||
It's like, let's just get it out there. | ||
Yeah, this is seen by everybody, I would think, right? | ||
As long as YouTube lets it get to the feed. | ||
So every person that subscribes, you make money? | ||
No. | ||
You do make money? | ||
If they roll ads on this, we make money. | ||
Do they roll ads on this? | ||
It depends on what we talk about. | ||
So you may be deemed too controversial. | ||
I'm not controversial. | ||
I'm on Fuller House. | ||
That's on Netflix. | ||
It's a very family-oriented show. | ||
What do you need to sell? | ||
What product would help you make money on this? | ||
Well, you know, whatever they want to lay in before this. | ||
I don't care what they put in before. | ||
That's the funny thing. | ||
No one associates the ad with the content. | ||
Oh, so they just want me not to say anything offensive? | ||
So that the advertiser won't say, okay, Saget talked about whatever. | ||
Like a fabric softener. | ||
One of those sheets. | ||
That's like a good thing. | ||
I would love to have fabric softener. | ||
I like fabric softener. | ||
It's great stuff. | ||
You said to me, what a bounce you have on your jacket. | ||
Yeah, it was perfect. | ||
Perfect outfit. | ||
And we compliment each other. | ||
I feel good about this. | ||
I think we're crushing this. | ||
Let's talk about this full house thing. | ||
Hit it. | ||
Had not heard of it until I did a little research for this. | ||
unidentified
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Right. | |
Apparently it was a big sitcom. | ||
Yes it was. | ||
It was for eight years and I didn't know either. | ||
I just knew I had a place to go to work and that I would pay for kids private school. | ||
Yeah, so I told you this when we had dinner a couple weeks ago, but my sister was, she's nine years younger than me, she was so, and I know you hear this all the time, but she was so obsessed with that show that we were never allowed to watch TV at dinner, my family, that was it. | ||
We would sit and have a good time or a bad time or argue or laugh or whatever, but my sister at some point took control of the family. | ||
and suddenly "Full House" was being watched during dinner. | ||
Right. | ||
You have to live with that. | ||
She loves "Stamos." | ||
Yeah, everyone loves "Stamos." | ||
Yeah, it's true. | ||
Everyone loves "Stamos." | ||
No, tell me a little bit about getting in on that and how that differed from standup | ||
and then suddenly, even though you had studied acting and all that, but just like doing something | ||
that was so different. | ||
Completely different. | ||
I'd always wanted to be on a sitcom. | ||
I'd been around them. | ||
As I said, I was a warm-up on Bosom Buddies. | ||
I would go visit Robin doing Mork & Mindy. | ||
I would sneak into Happy Days. | ||
I snuck into the Bob Newhart Show. | ||
I was underage. | ||
You had to be 16 or 17. | ||
I snuck into Mary Tyler Moore. | ||
I would watch them filming these shows. | ||
James L. Brooks, producing Mary Tyler Moore's show. | ||
Unbelievable. | ||
And I saw Bob Newhart last night had the name drop, wants to know when we can go to dinner. | ||
Didn't mention you. | ||
That's Don Rickles. | ||
That is a direct lift of the kind of thing he would say. | ||
I mean, that's perfection. | ||
Yes. | ||
That really is comedy perfection. | ||
Yeah, he would say something like, somebody very famous, you know, | ||
I saw someone last night, I saw Chris Rock last night. | ||
Didn't mention you. | ||
Do you think Rickles could make it now just because of the way we are about political correctness? | ||
As a new young comedian? | ||
Impossible. | ||
But there's a new way to do it. | ||
Which is a way of love, and some people do it. | ||
Some people make fun of everyone. | ||
My friend Jeff Ross is the Roastmaster General. | ||
There are ways to bash people, but it's turned mean. | ||
And what happened is, and this is an understatement, I was roasted on Comedy Central. | ||
John Stamos was the Roastmaster. | ||
All my friends were there. | ||
I got to pick who was on it. | ||
Most people don't. | ||
You know, Justin Bieber roasts. | ||
No one knows him. | ||
Most of the people. | ||
And people think roasting people is supposed to be mean. | ||
And if it doesn't come out of kindness and love of the person, Or just blind, I'm going to attack them, but there's no attachment of anger to this. | ||
It's just evil. | ||
It's just wrong, and we're in a society where people will, they'll hit you back on a tweet, they'll watch something, you'll see people on the news, you'll listen to political leaders talk, you'll hear people bash each other back and forth, and it comes from Don Rickles thinking that that's what he did. | ||
That's not what the man did. | ||
The man would... | ||
Would just, you know, see a man and a woman in the audience and say, is this your wife? | ||
And the guy would go, yes. | ||
And Don would go, oh! | ||
And that's just... And his age had something to do with it, but also his tenacity. | ||
And he started in the lounge at two in the morning doing three shows till five in the morning. | ||
And talk about the trenches. | ||
And all love. | ||
So if someone comes out and makes fun of people, Does it out of love or does it out of truth? That's the | ||
safest way we're at right now That's where the Chappelle thing comes to that's where you | ||
look at certain people I really enjoy Mark Maron a lot | ||
Bill Burr, I mean, there's so many people that are so good That that some people don't even | ||
Know about that sell out places constantly that are just like Brian Regan. It's just | ||
He's brilliant. | ||
I mean, here's three new hours. | ||
He's like, what? | ||
And it's clean. | ||
Or you go see Seinfeld do what he does and you go, that's why he's Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
Because it's not just wordsmith. | ||
He's connected to everything he did. | ||
It might be word-for-word in some ways another night, but my god, it's fun. | ||
Yeah, you know and then all you know, I love anybody who is funny who Just is there to entertain people and it's not only about them, which is hard because we're a very narcissistic group Right, I mean, comics are a particular, there's a certain breed of craziness, right, that comes with comedy. | ||
The best line I ever heard about that was, I've mentioned this a few times, George Carlin on The View once, and he's sitting there with all the women around him, and he was talking about, you know, he was selling, or they had just come out with like this anthology, so that's what he was there for. | ||
But he said something about how to be a good comic, you have to have a ton of shit, like you have to have all this pain and all this angst and all this stuff, but then at some point, You gotta conquer it, because otherwise it'll conquer you, and that's why so many comics die of drug overdoses and all this other stuff. | ||
And still are dying young. | ||
Yeah, but if you can own it, then you can be 62. | ||
I don't know if I'm going to be doing stand-up at 90, but I'll be doing forms of it. | ||
You couldn't stop even if you wanted to, right? | ||
I could not stop working. | ||
I just directed this movie Benjamin, which I'll talk about at length in the third hour of our interview. | ||
I have to leave after an hour or two, but you're welcome to hang. | ||
I'm going to stay. | ||
We're just going to keep going. | ||
It's just going to be me and the camera. | ||
I love working without it. | ||
I'm an artist, and it sounds so Fruity Pebbles to say that, but I just am. | ||
And I always will be, and I'll be making, whether it be directing or writing or performing, I love acting. | ||
There's no limit. | ||
As long as you can stand and walk and bend and remember things, you know, not fall into an open trunk. | ||
Right, the memory one goes first, because now there's guys on Broadway that are using... I.B.s, ear rigs, yeah. | ||
I was going to say I.B., I.B. | ||
What's the intercontinental? | ||
I.B.N.s. | ||
Missiles? | ||
Yeah, not those. | ||
That's a different thing. | ||
No, that has been known and I hopefully will live long enough that at 92 years old I'll be on Broadway and I'll have an earwig in and they'll feed me the lines and I don't care. | ||
If I'm good, if it's done right. | ||
I saw Peter O'Toole and Amanda Plummer in My Fair Lady. | ||
The most miscast version of My Fair Lady on Broadway and I think he had a thing in his ear. | ||
He was no child when he did it playing That character is very fascinating, because My Fair Lady, which is a play, I don't know if people are familiar. | ||
Sometimes the audience is a little older. | ||
It's a tiny bit older, but it's not a millennial's favorite. | ||
But, you know, it's Pygmalion, which of course loses more people. | ||
Jan X doesn't even follow Pygmalion. | ||
But what's amazing about it is he's 40 years older than her. | ||
No matter how you play that play, that is a musical with Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn. | ||
He's 40 years older than her. | ||
He is maybe 50, but he's 60 and she's 20, and that's that. | ||
And he's trying to make her a classy woman in a chauvinistic, misogynistic, unacceptable way. | ||
And it is one of the best musicals ever written. | ||
For people that don't know, that was the original inspiration of Pretty Woman, right? | ||
That is true. | ||
I'm not making that up, right? | ||
No, you're not. | ||
He's trying to make an honest woman out of an honest hooker. | ||
Alright, let's talk about this full house thing. | ||
Right from Honest Hooker. | ||
Speaking of Honest Hookers! | ||
You did it! | ||
I was going to let you drop one of the girls' names, but okay. | ||
So then suddenly you're on television. | ||
Everyone knows who you are. | ||
You're doing a whole other thing. | ||
You're making a lot of money. | ||
This is such a good edit point. | ||
No, we don't edit! | ||
I got offered the job. | ||
I was fired from a morning program on CBS, which was against Good Morning America and Today Show, for being too hot for morning TV. | ||
They had another actor play the character of Danny Tanner. | ||
I always feel bad about that. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
The pilot was shot with someone else? | ||
The pilot was shot with someone else. | ||
Makes me sad, but the same producers and other people in this business have done that before with many, many shows. | ||
Robin Williams was not the first Mork. | ||
The Perfect Strangers was not Marklyn Baker. | ||
There was a gay housekeeper in the pilot episode of The Golden Girls. | ||
That guy got the boot. | ||
But that's what I played on Full House anyway. | ||
But I ended up with the part because I was fired and they made it available for me. | ||
And Jeff Franklin, the exec producer, wanted me originally for it. | ||
And Bob Boyette and Tom Miller, who still produce Fuller House. | ||
It's a complicated thing, show business. | ||
It is so complicated. | ||
All you want to do is entertain a bunch of people. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then all this stuff happens. | ||
And I played a character because I wanted to be on... Three Men and a Baby had just come out. | ||
We were talking about that before we were rolling on this fantastic show. | ||
We saw the Gutenberg at dinner that night. | ||
We did see the Gutenberg and he brings his Bible. | ||
He did have the Bible with him. | ||
That went over almost everyone's head. | ||
I got it. | ||
He had the fish and he had enough for everyone. | ||
And the water, guess what it turned into? | ||
Anyway, this part was something that I wanted. | ||
Three Men and a Baby with Stephen and Ted Danson and Tom Selleck had just come out and so we were that. | ||
You know Dave and John Dave Koye and John Stamos were already | ||
Diapering Ashley and Mary-Kate and I was not in those scenes | ||
So they reshot the pilot and all of a sudden the show ABC fought that could keep it on | ||
It doesn't happen like that anymore. They they put it on twice a week. It ran on Tuesdays didn't run on Fridays | ||
Uh-huh, and then they started to run it twice a week for a while | ||
And then they ordered more episodes and it wasn't doing very well, but they believed in it | ||
And we were on against Seinfeld, which also wasn't doing very well. | ||
Right, so that's around, what, like 89-90 now? | ||
unidentified
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87-88. | |
Oh, wow. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So then 89 is yes, we're not doing well. | ||
And then after four years we started to do well. | ||
We switched studios from Sony, because I know people want to get their demographics right on Google Maps, to Warner Brothers to be on the same stage exactly where Fuller House is done now. | ||
Wow, that's pretty cool. | ||
And did the last four years there. | ||
And then it was a really big hit. | ||
And of course, with network television, if you look at ratings now, You go, oh my God, how could they cancel it with that share? | ||
Insane. | ||
And then we were offered to go to the CW or the WB, I can't remember what it was first because it's all a blur. | ||
We were offered one more year to go there and we just kind of said, John and I, I kind of I thought we did it. | ||
You know, we kind of got canceled, so why do we want to beg to go somewhere else? | ||
And they do that sometimes with sitcoms, and it never works, right? | ||
No! | ||
You're somewhere else, and then people find you. | ||
What they do it for is for syndication. | ||
So, oh, what years is that from? | ||
Everything looks different. | ||
Set looks smaller. | ||
Right, right, right. | ||
But it was... The secret to that show was that there was actual affection between the cast. | ||
And good writing and good morals, things where kids could watch, your sister could watch it and feel good afterward. | ||
Say hi to my sister, Talia. | ||
Talia, you were great in Rocky. | ||
That's right. | ||
Talia Shire. | ||
Your brother loves you very, very much and really appreciates that you would make them all watch Full House instead of have a nice dinner. | ||
That did make the dinner nicer. | ||
All right, let's do just a little bit more on TV, and then I want to talk politics with you and just sort of life, because you're deep. | ||
You're a philosophical guy. | ||
I am a philosophical guy. | ||
It gets me in trouble sometimes. | ||
So you do Fuller House. | ||
You're a big star. | ||
Then you're also doing America's Funniest Home Videos. | ||
Another thing where it's a blooper show and I'm playing on Sunday nights, seven to eight o'clock at night. | ||
People were in church that day. | ||
So then that night, I'm hosting a show that has to be done very palatable for America and the world. | ||
It was number one in China. | ||
Was that hard for you? | ||
Because you really had to hand it up. | ||
It was a little difficult and it was a gift horse. | ||
So the tree opens up. | ||
You know, it's the number one show. | ||
The producer, Vinda Bona, called me one day on my curly cord car phone and said, we're number one. | ||
And I said, you mean PP? | ||
And he went, no. | ||
He said, we're number one show on television. | ||
I mean, it was huge. | ||
It was absolutely huge. | ||
It was a phenomenon. | ||
And the joke is if you wanted to See a man get hit in the nuts, you had to come through me. | ||
I was the gatekeeper. | ||
But in a funny way. | ||
And now it's all this. | ||
YouTube will give you anything you want. | ||
That's exactly what I was going to say. | ||
That somehow, all of the stuff that people click that's just quick and you watch someone get smashed with something or hit with something or fall, it was all born out of people walking around with camcorders just because you guys were like, Yeah, let's do it. | ||
He had The Savvy. | ||
It was a famous show. | ||
It came out of a show in Japan, which I think are still partners with it. | ||
I don't know the business dealings, but I'm going to look it up. | ||
Give me a minute. | ||
Let me just get on my phone. | ||
You want us to pause? | ||
unidentified
|
You can walk out. | |
No, I'll do it right here. | ||
But it became a phenomenon because they did it amazing. | ||
They did the grassroots approach, which we don't see anywhere. | ||
They asked In People Magazine they took out an ad. | ||
We have a new show called America's Funniest Home Videos. | ||
Full page. | ||
People Magazine. | ||
Send your VHS tapes and you could be on television. | ||
And you could win prize money. | ||
And that is how they got the first hour of tapes. | ||
And what happened to me was I was doing a year of Full House. | ||
I get this tape. | ||
They said, this is an amicable young man. | ||
The man that now is Walt Disney is Bob Iger. | ||
He is ABC. | ||
He wanted me for it. | ||
Ted Harbert was at the network, wanted me for it. | ||
From Full House, I seemed like a very amicable guy. | ||
They'd seen my stand-up, they didn't care. | ||
It wasn't as bluish as I became as I got more free with myself. | ||
Yeah, I was going to ask you about that. | ||
I didn't draw as many F-bombs. | ||
But it was all weird. | ||
It all had things that you can't say. | ||
So what was that like for you? | ||
Because it was so saccharine, the jokes you'd have to make. | ||
And I'm proud of them. | ||
Yeah, I wrote it with two, the jokes were two Canadian guys, so there was an 18% exchange rate on the humor. | ||
But it was Todd Thicke's brother, may he rest in peace, know his brothers a lot, Todd Thicke, Alan Thicke's brother, and Bob Arnott, that's a writer from the Smothers Brothers Show. | ||
And we wrote all the jokes. | ||
We wrote 55 pages a week. | ||
I would do the voiceovers, look out! | ||
Oh, look at me! | ||
You know, this bad Mel Blanc, who was Warner Brothers' Bugs Bunny. | ||
I have to explain it to the millennial camera. | ||
We'll have to do a Who's Bugs Bunny thing after this. | ||
Who's Bugs Bunny? | ||
Who's Marvin the Martian? | ||
You make me so mad! | ||
Marvin the Martian. | ||
Not a good impression. | ||
It was a big production, too. | ||
I wanted it to be a variety show, so we would have big guests on. | ||
We'd have on Rodney Dangerfield, anybody that was a friend of mine. | ||
We'd have Leslie Nielsen on, Jonathan Winters, cast of Full House, you know. | ||
And it was an hour. | ||
And it is still on to this day, a testament to Vin and to the people that make that show. | ||
You know, it went through Tom Bergeron. | ||
It went through many people. | ||
It went through Richard Kind hosted it once. | ||
Daisy Fuentes, John Fugel sang. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
And there was no way to stop it because it was a guaranteed laugh. | ||
And what I didn't like, what would bother me is if a guy falls in a manhole And then you see somebody in the audience throw their head back laughing, but you never see him climb out of the manhole. | ||
I'm like, is he dead? | ||
Right. | ||
You should have done a charity for people's nuts. | ||
Wouldn't that have been it? | ||
A Bob Saget charity for contestants or something? | ||
Yeah, Agates. | ||
Sagets, Agates. | ||
Something that would have, yeah, because there should have been people, there were a lot of nut hits. | ||
The good ones were when I was a six-year-old taking a baseball bat and just jabbing his dad. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Even just before this, I just quickly put America's Funniest Home Videos in the YouTube search, and it's just nut hit after nut hit. | ||
There's one that's like 600 nut hits in a row. | ||
I mean, they just cut them real quick. | ||
Well, one thing that got to me was someone had sent me a clip reel | ||
that I think they aired on the show, which was old people falling. | ||
And that's when I was like, I'm glad I'm not there. | ||
'Cause that was the only time I went like, oh, come on. | ||
And they're falling on cement and stuff, which sounds funny to bros in a bar drinking beers. | ||
But if you watch it, it's kind of snuffish. | ||
But as long as I know everybody's okay, I didn't want to be a place where people filmed | ||
themself hurting their friends. | ||
And so I felt like I was hurting people. | ||
But that didn't matter. | ||
I enjoyed, boy, those first few years of doing it, I just, I loved the hell out of it. | ||
I mean, everybody was talking about it and loving it. | ||
I had friends calling me going, what is this? | ||
Because no one had seen it before. | ||
But it's interesting, 'cause it's like kind of one of those things that we don't have anymore. | ||
We don't have shows... But we need variety. | ||
Right, there are things like, yes, everyone watches Game of Thrones, or everyone watches this or that on Netflix, but we don't have mainstream, decent things that families can watch anymore that put all the nonsense aside, you know? | ||
And that's what I want to do. | ||
And I'm in talks about a couple different things. | ||
I want to do something variety. | ||
I don't know what it is. | ||
You know, I love directing, so I just did this movie, so we knock on wood, people go see this movie. | ||
Benjamin, which we will get to it for a second, right? | ||
Yeah, let's get to it right now. | ||
If you want. | ||
I feel that that was the right way. | ||
But I will give closure to that last thing, just saying that I do feel that it would be wonderful to have a family sit down on a Sunday night. | ||
I mean, Wonderful World of Disney used to be on at 7 o'clock or 7.30 when I was a kid on NBC. | ||
You turn it on now and it's just another one of those people punching each other in big sumo wrestler costumes. | ||
And that's not what I want to see with my family. | ||
That's the cheap replacement. | ||
And that's variety. | ||
That's reality variety. | ||
But real variety is we're going to entertain you and we're going to bring out guests and it's going to be fun. | ||
I mean, I guess SNL is the closest thing you have. | ||
Yeah, but that's not really... It wouldn't play in prime time, but you want something... You're talking, you want something that's funny, but also you can do some serious stuff. | ||
You want something relevant. | ||
I mean, you want... It can have everything. | ||
But I think it needs to make people laugh the most, and then it can have its waves in it. | ||
And so, we'll be taking pitches right after this. | ||
All right, let's talk Benjamin. | ||
Benjamin. | ||
Benjamin. | ||
Benjamin comes out in the summer. | ||
It is a movie that I spent seven years on. | ||
It is an independent movie. | ||
Very low budget. | ||
unidentified
|
People just getting hit in the nuts? | |
There is a fight in it. | ||
At least. | ||
I can't tell you who. | ||
Me and Dave Foley. | ||
I won't talk. | ||
No spoiler alerts. | ||
It's really about a dysfunctional family, which is most families. | ||
I directed it and I acted in it with some amazing people that I'll name really quickly. | ||
Which are Rob Corddry, who's hilarious, Kevin Pollak, Sherry Oteri, Dave Foley, Max Burkholder plays my son, he was on Parenthood. | ||
We think that he is on Crystal Meth, so it's a dark comedy. | ||
Oh, I thought you meant the actor. | ||
No, not the actor. | ||
This is what the movie's about. | ||
The movie's about. | ||
Sorry, I was pouring my water. | ||
He plays Benjamin. | ||
Sorry! | ||
We believe all the actors in the movie were on crystal meth. | ||
I don't know what you're doing. | ||
All the actors in the movie were on crystal meth during the making of the movie in order to be able to survive working with me because I was out of my mind because we had a 15-day shoot. | ||
It was a low, low budget thing. | ||
Wow, jeez. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
This show has longer to shoot than my movie. | ||
And so in the movie, my son Benjamin, we believe, is on crystal meth. | ||
And so Mary Lynn Rice Cub plays my girlfriend. | ||
She's from 24, a very good comedian actress. | ||
And she posts on Facebook that we need an intervention for the boy. | ||
And that's not where you post an intervention. | ||
People don't post interventions on Facebook. | ||
It's supposed to be kind of quiet and done properly. | ||
Maybe a note. | ||
Post it. | ||
And so Rob Corddry is our family gynecologist. | ||
He leads the intervention. | ||
And Kevin Pollack plays my brother. | ||
And Perry Gilpin's in it. | ||
And Claire Mamet. | ||
Gotta have a Mamet. | ||
She's so good at it. | ||
And David Hull and Johnny Weston. | ||
And it's just, it's an ensemble. | ||
And it takes place in one night. | ||
And it's just basically the one line would be on it that the people The person you think has a problem, it's the people, and I can't really give my own one line for many of them. | ||
Yeah, I wouldn't say much more than that. | ||
What are you doing here? | ||
It's the family. | ||
Your family is the one with the problem. | ||
You know, people, somebody write a one line for this movie, quick. | ||
Yeah. | ||
We need it for the one sheet. | ||
But the people that you think have the problem, the people that are accusing someone of having the problem are the ones with the problem. | ||
Well, that's a spoiler alert. | ||
That's a little bit of a spoiler, but I feel like that transcends this movie. | ||
That's just a general thing these days. | ||
It's a serious movie with a comedy bet to it, and I'm very proud of it. | ||
And so, thank you for letting me plug all of that. | ||
Alright, Saget. | ||
We did Career. | ||
That was it. | ||
We did. | ||
My career is over. | ||
That was your anthology. | ||
My career is just beginning. | ||
We literally ended your career. | ||
You ended my career completely. | ||
We never got Best Fuller House. | ||
It's over. | ||
No, we did Benjamin, we're good. | ||
We got all this stuff coming. | ||
Yeah, we didn't even talk about Half Baked, but we'll just show that one for now. | ||
No, we'll just say that I never actually did that in real life. | ||
My line. | ||
Oh yeah, never did the real line. | ||
Yeah, got it, okay. | ||
All right, let's talk, I just want to talk about politics and just kind of what you think is going on in the world because... Because that's what you do here. | ||
That is what I do here, but even though I only know you a little bit from the conversation we had at dinner, I just got a sense that like you actually... | ||
You're obviously very sensitive, like that's pretty clear to me. | ||
I'm overly sensitive. | ||
You strike me as like a good liberal, like you want people to be treated well and fair. | ||
I never think of myself as a liberal, but I must be. | ||
I look at myself as a humanist. | ||
I was on a plane the other day, which no comedian's ever said, and a gentleman was on the plane, And he was about 60 years old and he seemed like a successful businessman of some kind. | ||
And I was in the first class section because there was a cat back in coach. | ||
It was a cat in case you get sick. | ||
She had her security animal to keep her. | ||
What do you call those animals? | ||
unidentified
|
You know, special animal for crazy people. | |
Yeah, special needs animal or whatever. | ||
But I'm a deathly allergic, so I was up front. | ||
I'm allergic to cats too. | ||
Same thing. | ||
So I was saying to this gentleman, and he had a big bright red America First shirt. | ||
And so, if I was a, I guess a, what you'd Brand as a liberal, I guess that shirt would bother me. | ||
But I just looked at the guy and he seemed like a nice guy. | ||
I just said, do you have an allergy to cats? | ||
He went, no, my wife's got a cat. | ||
I said, so you have a cat? | ||
He said, no, my wife has a cat. | ||
And we laughed a little bit. | ||
And what it said on his shirt isn't a shirt I would wear. | ||
It's not where I'm at. | ||
I mean, I do believe I do believe I love America. | ||
That's pretty good of you, right? | ||
I believe that where you live, you want to put first. | ||
You want to take care of your people. | ||
You want to take care of your hometown. | ||
Uh-oh, you're coming out with that far-right craziness right now. | ||
You want to take care of your country. | ||
Uh-oh. | ||
unidentified
|
But, um, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. | |
But I don't, but I'm not, if you're kind, and you're not out doing some closet hatred, or blatant hatred, I don't know. | ||
But I just look at My dad's whole thing was be kind to people. | ||
So it sounds like a pacifist and might bother people, but that's what we're supposed to do. | ||
Yeah, is the problem with that that you just get nipped off by both sides? | ||
I mean, I see that a lot now, that I do think there's this interesting center developing. | ||
I don't even know why there's sides. | ||
I mean, of course I do, of course I do. | ||
But, you know, and people go, well, you're a Democrat, right? | ||
And I'm like, I'll vote for anybody that can get us out of this mess. | ||
You know, I'd bring my dad back from the grave and vote for him. | ||
He'd be such a good candidate. | ||
It would look like a Grateful Dead video. | ||
Yeah? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Would you consider yourself a liberal? | ||
Is that where you are? | ||
Yeah, I still consider myself a liberal, but most of the liberal things that I believe in, I can pretty much explain from a libertarian perspective at this point. | ||
Right. | ||
In that I just don't want the government involved in my life. | ||
That's it. | ||
And I think you should live your life however you see fit, and I'll live mine however I see fit, and you have a lot more money than me, right? | ||
Fair to say? | ||
I don't know, but we're gonna do spreadsheet exams right after this is over. | ||
Let's be clear. | ||
I'm on YouTube. | ||
You've been on network television. | ||
Well, you've got three chickens outside. | ||
I don't have three chickens. | ||
I don't know their value. | ||
Yeah, but you could have chickens. | ||
The point is, I don't deserve any of your stuff. | ||
Just because you make more money than me, right? | ||
I can't have any of your money. | ||
It would be nice, I suppose, but I don't deserve any. | ||
But that's what taxes are about, and that's where our incredibly rich Society and our incredibly poor society are at odds with each other, and that has been since the beginning of time. | ||
Since, you know, castles were built with a dictator and a king living in it, and everybody had to go build all this stuff, and they were slaves. | ||
So, I mean, the metaphor doesn't change. | ||
The representation doesn't change that the downtrodden are downtrodden and are disgruntled. | ||
And then other people are angry at things that they should just take a frickin' chill pill over. | ||
Yeah, well that constant outrage thing... Well, there's a lot to be outraged over also, because the problem with wanting to entertain people, with wanting to be a comedian, is it's nearly impossible when there's so many deaths, when there's so many tragic things happening, which there always have been. | ||
We are at a news ratio where it's coming at us. | ||
You just, you know, you hit your computer on and it says, you know, news alert and you hit news alert and you're like, you're afraid to hit the button. | ||
You're afraid to get up in the morning and hit whatever news service you. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
So that's just a matter of us knowing about it more, because I have Steven Pinker on next week who's a Harvard psychologist, and his whole argument is actually that things are better than they've ever been, using empirical scientific evidence about the amount of people that are killed. | ||
Because it's being exposed? | ||
Well, because we actually have more people out of poverty now, worldwide, than ever before. | ||
More people with drinkable water than ever before. | ||
More people that live in societies with enlightenment values than ever before. | ||
unidentified
|
But we see... More people with drinkable water? | |
But not around the world. | ||
No, around the world. | ||
More now than ever before. | ||
Well, that might be true. | ||
Are we 100% that's true? | ||
I'm pretty sure that's true. | ||
unidentified
|
But what about more people being murdered? | |
What about the safety of our kids? | ||
What about, you know, all these things over guns? | ||
Most of those markers, actually, they're better than ever before. | ||
It's just that we hear about them all the time now. | ||
Right. | ||
And we obsess over them. | ||
unidentified
|
Not to say that we don't have problems. | |
And we obsess over the negative. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because we're not presented the positive. | ||
And if we're presented the positive, it's through a skewed broadcast. | ||
It's not really presented by someone that comforts you. | ||
This show comforts you more than most shows because of the way you handle it. | ||
That's just a fact. | ||
You're trying to, I've watched you several times, you're trying to put two factions together that might have similar or opposed views, discussing opposed views, and are saying, why can't it be like this? | ||
Because if you try to go toward an idealistic goal, The dream of it is how you can almost get there. | ||
That's how the country was founded besides, you know, taking a lot of things away from the people that lived here. | ||
That's a whole other show. | ||
But you've got three cocks in your yard. | ||
Pretty good. | ||
I'm just trying to get you out of this now. | ||
I'm not really politically astute, but did I make any sense? | ||
Well, you are making some sense, but I think you actually are politically astute. | ||
I mean, you're around Maher all the time. | ||
I saw him just last night, and he said aloha, because we were in Hawaii together. | ||
Yeah, but I do say that I'd rather get my news from, you know, from John Oliver and Bill Maher and Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers and Jimmy Kimmel than the newscasters. | ||
What does that tell you about just media? | ||
We need a relief and so the news itself is already a parody and it's also so obsessive no matter where it's coming from and we're also dealing with a regime which flip-flops in the media And on Twitter, faster than it's ever existed, because we never had a president tweet us. | ||
We did. | ||
Obama did, but it wasn't like, I hate this, I love this. | ||
18, 21. | ||
21, 18, it's like you're in Vegas. | ||
Just double down. | ||
Do you see him as the problem, though, or as a symptom? | ||
Because I really see him as the symptom. | ||
He is a symptom. | ||
It was voting for A guy that was on a show that said you're fired. | ||
So what do you expect to get? | ||
You know, if you're going to get the host of America's Got Talent, you're going to get the most out of people. | ||
This is going to be the best procession ever. | ||
It's going to be dancers and singers. | ||
Yeah, if you had been the president, people would be getting hit nuts all the time. | ||
Dick jokes. | ||
For me, I guarantee you a dick joke a day. | ||
And I would tweet them and not at 3 in the morning. | ||
I do not tweet well at 3 in the morning. | ||
No one should. | ||
Except the President. | ||
But I just think, you know, what did we expect? | ||
But I think a lot of people were surprised. | ||
And I think it doesn't matter. | ||
It's happening. | ||
And this is it. | ||
And so we want a better humanity. | ||
And there are great people in the world. | ||
And there are great people in other countries leading the world the best they can. | ||
And there's a lot of slackers and there's other people that are just part of the political | ||
bunch of crap. | ||
But there's still great people and there's great people watching this. | ||
There's nice people watching your show. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You're a nice person, nice people. | ||
I don't think you get a lot of haters. | ||
Oh, I have a ridiculous amount of haters. | ||
You do? | ||
Yeah, because I talk about the problems that I see with the modern-day left and the liberals, and they don't like someone to address those things that was once one of them. | ||
unidentified
|
But you've got this great fake manner. | |
They don't fall for that? | ||
unidentified
|
You're like a perfect shrink. | |
You could calm me down through tightrope walking. | ||
That was because we slipped a little something in your water. | ||
There is something in my water. | ||
I'm feeling different. | ||
Notice the tone has changed. | ||
I'm not leaving. | ||
I'm on the show tomorrow. | ||
Are the walls vibrating yet? | ||
Oh yeah. | ||
Everything's moved in. | ||
unidentified
|
Is there anyone that... There's an eye chart behind you. | |
You know that. | ||
It says Los Angeles, but it's an eye chart. | ||
Pretty clever, huh? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That's art. | ||
Brilliant. | ||
We call that art, Saget. | ||
Well done, Mr. Bond. | ||
Pretty good. | ||
Is there anyone that you're paying attention to these days that you think is making some sense? | ||
Because I appreciate all the compliments, but that's what I think I'm doing here, is just trying to make a little sense of some things. | ||
To be honest, John Oliver has been, I can't think of anyone political that has made me go, Well, there's a great hope there. | ||
And I'm interested in something some people have to say that seemed, wow, that was noble, but they're not going to do anything about it, or they're not going to run. | ||
But I'd like to think there's someone out there. | ||
You know, I'd like to think. | ||
You think that's part of it, that we all talk a lot, but we don't do? | ||
I sense that's sort of what's happening here also, is that everyone's saying shit all the time. | ||
That's all it is. | ||
We're fighting all the time. | ||
Oh, it's just a bunch of fucking voices. | ||
It's frequencies everywhere, going all through our heads. | ||
It's just noise. | ||
So Trump was like, all right, I'm going to do it. | ||
None of you do anything. | ||
And Trump's like, all right, I'll do it. | ||
I'll run for president, you morons. | ||
And guess what? | ||
He was right. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And the way he does it, he can turn anything he wants into a rally if he feels the moment. | ||
And he gets the right South Park background behind him. | ||
Yay! | ||
But he's doing it, and I don't know. | ||
I just don't know anything. | ||
You can't predict a thing. | ||
And we want that. | ||
Security is feeling secure that you know at least what tomorrow brings. | ||
We don't know what an hour from now brings. | ||
We have never been on our haunches more not knowing what's going to come out of him, out of the White House, who's going to get fired. | ||
But that's not the issue. | ||
The issue is where's the world at? | ||
And where's our kids at? | ||
And where are the things that really matter? | ||
What really matters is people. | ||
This is sort of like you're giving me the ending of a Full House episode. | ||
And I want to tell you something else. | ||
Honey, I don't want you drinking beer at the prom, and you cannot have a horse in the living room. | ||
This is where the synthesizer music comes in. | ||
And you know what? | ||
Always follow your gut. | ||
Because your gut's not wrong. | ||
If you feel it deep inside, then take Imodium, because any moment there could be a release. | ||
I wish I could have done Full House like that. | ||
That would have been nice. | ||
Just full of diarrhea. | ||
They didn't give you a chance for bloopers like that where you could just... Oh, they're bloopers. | ||
No, no, I know they're bloopers. | ||
They were gag reels that I said horrific things. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I wrote a book called Dirty Daddy, and I talked about something I did on the set once, and I got in a lot of trouble. | ||
I won't say what it is, because it's not repeatable on this YouTube channel. | ||
But it is in that book, and it was something I should not have done. | ||
Well, I can't say it, but it was something that happened. | ||
You did something, okay. | ||
I did something. | ||
We had stand-ins for the kids that were mannequins. | ||
And I was alone on the set with just the crew. | ||
And the monitors were on and I didn't know that. | ||
Not acceptable under these conditions. | ||
No. | ||
Or under this time. | ||
Do you ever worry about that? | ||
unidentified
|
Because you still, I mean... No, because everything I've done is just there. | |
It's all out there. | ||
It's all out. | ||
When someone goes, oh, someone's going to come forward. | ||
When's your big bad thing going to come out? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Look at my last special. | ||
You want it? | ||
It's right there. | ||
In a weird way, it's like you're saving grace, sort of. | ||
I am a confessional. | ||
There's a story in Zero to Sixty, the special where I say I was given ludes by a club owner, which were a serious drug. | ||
It was almost like a roofie, terrible drug, from Wolf of Wall Street, Jonah Hill, and Leo DiCaprio. | ||
A club owner told me to give it to a waitress and I could have my way with her. | ||
And I, instead, to cut to the chase and ruin a joke, I actually took it myself. | ||
To knock myself out. | ||
Because she was kind of hitting on me. | ||
Because I did it to, because that's the kind of guy I am. | ||
So, all my stuff's out there. | ||
Because I didn't do anything diabolical. | ||
That I can recall. | ||
Well, you were roofing yourself, right? | ||
Yes. | ||
Can you add that I can recall to every single thing I said on this entire interview? | ||
That's what politicians do. | ||
Okay, so I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna voice over this entire interview just so that I can recall. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I feel we should end this either with something hitting you in the nuts. | ||
Or a song. | ||
We could do a song, but you already gave me the nice full house ending. | ||
What do you think is, you are the one here with the brain. | ||
Tell me what you think is the hope. | ||
unidentified
|
The hope is this. | |
That this is happening now. | ||
That people are doing this. | ||
The discourse. | ||
Your fiancee, Kelly, came across me. | ||
We traded a couple messages on Twitter. | ||
I was like, oh, she gets it. | ||
Like, she's trying to find some answers. | ||
I'm trying to find some answers. | ||
And she is. | ||
We went out for dinner. | ||
We all became friends immediately. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And that people, and that whatever differences that we may have, where, you know, you're probably still a little more left than I am on some things, it just doesn't even matter. | ||
unidentified
|
Am I? | |
I think on some things, probably, you're probably a little more, I don't know, it doesn't even, it's irrelevant. | ||
I dress left. | ||
I don't know if that counts. | ||
It just doesn't even matter, but the point is that the reason that shows like this are working is because of this, that you were willing to come here, sit down, say whatever. | ||
I wanted to come here. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
You immediately said to me that you wanted to come, but that's the point. | ||
It's like, people want this now. | ||
They are so tired of the other thing, and all we're doing is exactly what Tom Snyder did, and he was just talking to the camera, but, or what Carson. | ||
Or what Carson. | ||
He had a guest. | ||
Or what William F. Buckley, or any of these people who said, let's try to find some answers. | ||
And you can get, I think, as many answers from Bob Saget as you can from the guys. | ||
I think you get far more answers from listening to someone like you who has some life experience and that cares than you can virtually listening to CNN all day long. | ||
Well, you can get what we never got into, which I don't want to get into, which is all the death that I had in my family. | ||
So much death of friends. | ||
I just lost someone today. | ||
I think it's on bad luck. | ||
We can go there. | ||
Well, all I was going to say was that's what centers everybody. | ||
Because the things we all go through are birth and death, and they all happen differently. | ||
And when they happen at an unfortunate age, like our lost two sisters at 34 and 47, that's what centers you. | ||
That's bigger than everything, is the loss of life. | ||
And when people die, when young people die, there's nothing more. | ||
That's all that matters. | ||
The rest of it is your belief, this is that, this is that. | ||
Yes, you want to solve in a civilization how to keep people alive, but... | ||
The empathy is what's missing. | ||
And just quickly to touch on what we didn't touch on, what we talked about before the show started. | ||
The talk shows that exist at night, the chat shows, as they call them in England. | ||
When I would do Johnny Carson's show, and before him was Jack Parr, who I got to meet, and before him was Steve Allen, who I got to meet, and these are guys that, they all had the Tonight Show, those gentlemen. | ||
And then Johnny ended up with it. | ||
They would tell their guests, you're coming to a cocktail party. | ||
How do I dress? | ||
Like a cocktail party. | ||
How do I talk? | ||
You're at a cocktail party. | ||
You're in Johnny's living room and he's sharing that living room with everybody. | ||
Well, why does he have a desk in his living room? | ||
Because he wants a desk. | ||
He wants a place for his ashtray. | ||
He smokes. | ||
He's got a little maybe he's got a drink there or whatever. | ||
That's hard to believe, even that, that they used to do that. | ||
I mean, there's old black and white where they're smoking, they're drinking, you know, Burt Reynolds is wasted. | ||
I mean, it's amazing. | ||
And it's not what we want. | ||
We don't want to see it, although sometimes we do. | ||
We see some strange things that happen. | ||
I mean, Letterman certainly had some, you know, Joaquin Phoenix moments, those kind of things. | ||
We're still going to see more stuff like that. | ||
People are going to do whatever trippy stuff they're doing. | ||
But the truth of it is, those late night shows are supposed to be entertainment. | ||
That's what they're supposed to be. | ||
They've become a bit of, let's attack Everything today that we've been through, because look what happened today, because it's been getting ratings. | ||
And people that necessarily might not do political comedy, like James Corden, he's an entertainment-oriented man. | ||
He's a very childhood man from Broadway. | ||
He does carpool karaoke. | ||
But he comes out and does a seven-minute monologue that might have a bunch of stuff in it about the White House. | ||
He's not born to do that, but that's what's feeding the beast. | ||
But it's supposed to be a time where you chill at the end of the day, where you're entertained, where you relax. | ||
And when you want to get that Tom Snyder, when you want to get that, dare I say the name in a sentence, Charlie Rose, because that's what he did. | ||
He did a one-on-one. | ||
But when you say a name like that, it can't help but cause someone to recoil. | ||
Let's say Larry King, for my purposes. | ||
Larry King, I've known forever, and I adore. | ||
Yeah, he's a great guy. | ||
Larry King, I'm supposed to have dinner with him. | ||
Kelly and I are supposed to go with him and Shauna out for dinner. | ||
We can go to that place if you invite me. | ||
That place that we went. | ||
That place that we don't talk about. | ||
Yeah, but he does like that place. | ||
He is quite a character. | ||
He, I went on Larry King's show, he read my book and every time he sees me he goes, I loved your book Saget. | ||
And I don't think it's because he forgot that he keeps telling me. | ||
But he's just, I've just known him a long time. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And he was very, very good at it, you know? | ||
And we've got, we have some really good people doing the news. | ||
There's some real good people out there. | ||
I mean, Lawrence O'Donnell's a friend of mine. | ||
I like him a lot. | ||
That name right there might flag people. | ||
Yeah, it will. | ||
Because it's MSNBC. | ||
Too many consonants. | ||
We hate it. | ||
But I don't know. | ||
I just see... | ||
We need to be entertained. | ||
It's really complicated to do it at this time in a way without bringing up human issues, moral issues. | ||
And I'm going to do the best I can to do that. | ||
You know, it's funny, I remember, so I was never, even though I think you know him personally, I was never a fan of Leno on The Tonight Show. | ||
I loved Carson, even though it was my kind of very early years, but Leno, to me, I always liked the Bill Hicks thing more, and you know, they had that rival, and I liked that sort of more raw comedy, and Leno to me was like, he was just the corporate version, so I never liked it, but in an odd way, I suddenly have this bizarre respect for him now. | ||
Well, he was a comedian hosting The Tonight Show. | ||
But I mean that he wasn't overtly political all the time, where now it's always political, and I almost miss that in a way, even though he wasn't really my guy in terms of comedy. | ||
But I know everyone says he's an incredible stand-up, which has nothing to do with The Tonight Show. | ||
He's a great stand-up. | ||
I was an intern on The Mike Douglas Show in Philadelphia at 18 years old and I was on his very first television appearance. | ||
Wow. | ||
So I know Jay that long and so there's a interesting history. | ||
And then, you know, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Conan, those were guys that I would go on those shows and I felt the most connection. | ||
But Jay, I would go on and promote a movie I'd worked on that I directed that I worked so hard and he couldn't have been more gracious, you know? | ||
So, And Jimmy Kimmel is one of the sweetest people alive that does this. | ||
And Colbert is great. | ||
I mean, it's an interesting time for media and for broadcasting. | ||
I just want to see us get into some kind of place of peace, of mind in the world. | ||
And we're not there. | ||
That's a big lift, man. | ||
I mean, that's right, that's why I'm doing this, that's why you want to, I think, do this variety show. | ||
I've never wanted to do, I've never wanted to perform more. | ||
I'm more motivated to go do stand-up. | ||
I've booked these stand-up, I'm on tour, trying to work out, trying to come up with new stuff, because, you know, you do a special and you deplete it, but, you know, you don't want to just give them something they just bought or heard. | ||
But people really need it, and I need to do it. | ||
It takes people out of it and brings them into their life, you know? | ||
You think comics are like the last sense makers these days? | ||
There's a couple others that I can think of. | ||
There's a few comedians that I would rather watch than almost anybody. | ||
There's some good motivational speakers. | ||
There's some good clergy out there. | ||
I'm not a subscriber that much. | ||
I'm a comedian, so I kind of... | ||
Listen to the people that have a lot to say. | ||
And some of them really do have a lot to say. | ||
So I respect... I respect people with a point of view that aren't malicious. | ||
That would be you. | ||
Did we do it all here? | ||
I think pretty much, unless you got a walk, you want to make some vegetables. | ||
I do have a great walk in there. | ||
I knew you had a walk. | ||
Give me one disaster story. | ||
One, like, just nightmare. | ||
I was telling you before about my thing when I was on at the RNC convention and I was sweating like crazy and Larry King said, you're sweating more like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News. | ||
I was on stage. | ||
Take us out with a disaster, Saget. | ||
A disaster of stand-up? | ||
Of anything. | ||
Give me some life. | ||
Well, I guess give me a professional. | ||
Not a life disaster. | ||
I gave you a life disaster. | ||
How about one life disaster? | ||
Name-dropping life disaster. | ||
I'm on an airplane on America, on a 747. | ||
I'm on the video show, which is number one at the time, so you can then list famous people on the plane in the newspaper by who's the most famous and how they're listed in the newspaper. | ||
But I was on a plane with David Bowie and Amman, and Greg Kinnear and Richard Lewis. | ||
Where was that? | ||
And this was an American flight out of JFK to LA. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
And also Mark McKeown, who was on the CBS Morning News and a friend of mine. | ||
And so the plane starts taking off. | ||
This would never exist today. | ||
As we're taking off in the air, we hear an explosion and one of the engines apparently | ||
blows out. | ||
The plane goes rickety. | ||
We then land at JFK. | ||
This is a very long time ago and we find out First, they take the VIPs, which is people I named, on two carts and Richard Lewis is yelling next to David Bowie, only a couple of us are Jews! | ||
I'm like, do not do this. | ||
So now we're in the club and I'm getting to talk to David Bowie. | ||
So I'm going, okay, this was worth an explosion. | ||
I'm fine. | ||
And who could not have been more gracious. | ||
And it was dangerous and upsetting. | ||
Two hours go by, they put us back on the same plane. | ||
Turns out it was a fuel hose that came loose, which is just like turning a screw on a gasket on your lawnmower. | ||
And they fixed it, which would never happen now. | ||
They would get you a new plane or cancel you completely, or whatever. | ||
Right. | ||
And we then took off, and I made some joke. | ||
I think the movie Outbreak had just come out. | ||
And I said something like, there was a monkey caught in the engine. | ||
And then Richard Lewis yells out, that's a good one Bob, Iman is from Zaire. | ||
And so I'm called out, and then as we take off, Richard Lewis yells, thanks Bob, to the whole plane. | ||
And at that time you could go into the cockpit, this is pre-9-11, and I was able to ask the pilots what happened. | ||
So I actually told the VIPs, no one else, what happened. | ||
They didn't tell the other people. | ||
So that's a true disaster story. | ||
I mean, that could have ended incredibly badly and I would have been fourth. | ||
Did you ever settle that with Lewis? | ||
Because we could get him here and we could try to moderate some discussions. | ||
I saw him last night and he holds me by the face and hugs me and we're going to figure out the list. | ||
But he's going to tell me that I would have gone ahead of him simply because of that dumb video show. | ||
But he would say dumb video show in order to do it. | ||
It was probably 1988, 1989. | ||
You know, it's one of the nicest moments I've had on this, when I had Richard Lewis on and he left, and you know, he's kind of a germaphobe, as Larry and all these guys are, and you know, he doesn't shake hands, he does this, but as he said goodbye to me, I walked him out, and when I opened up the door, he just, he said something like, you're great, and he touched me on the cheek, and I was like, I like, melted. | ||
He does this rabbinical thing. | ||
Is that what that is? | ||
It is a neurotic rabbinical thing that I think he learned from his shrink. | ||
I'm sure he learned it from the shake. | ||
The other story, which is a very simple one, very, very short story. | ||
I was in San Francisco performing stand-up. | ||
I learned that be careful what you do messing with a heckler. | ||
A guy who was about eight feet tall got up on stage and got me in a headlock. | ||
Holy shit! | ||
And wouldn't let go of me and had me and was hurting my neck badly. | ||
No security. | ||
Nobody there. | ||
The holidays. | ||
And I took the microphone and I shoved it up his ass. | ||
And he got so paranoid that I had done that, that he ran away. | ||
I don't know why. | ||
All I know is, I don't know if he had a homophobic, frightened moment, or thought maybe that I | ||
was going to go further in, or maybe that he would have farted and I would have picked | ||
it up on the mic. | ||
But in any case, that is scary when you are out there with the people. | ||
Now young girls will just flash me their boobs and go, "Danny Tanner!" | ||
But I've had a few things like that happen where people have had to... | ||
Security has had to throw people out. | ||
You get all kinds of stuff like that. | ||
That won't happen to you in Irvine at the Improv. | ||
I hope not. | ||
You've got a hell of a stand-up career happening. | ||
So you say content and then you have jokes. | ||
You're going to talk philosophically like you do on here about life and then you button it with something humorous or you feather it throughout with jokes. | ||
Yeah, I mean, we talked about this a little bit, but you know, there's two ways sort of that you can do this. | ||
So there's the Seinfeld way, which is like that perfect tactician laid out every pause, every inflection point. | ||
I can never do it that way. | ||
I don't think that's exactly how you do it either. | ||
No. | ||
But then there's sort of the Gary Shanling way, which was, you know, there's that great moment in the documentary Comedian where he, Jerry shows him his papers and it looks, you know, Hitler wrote it because it's like so perfect. | ||
And then you have Gary Shanling who pulls out this crumbled piece of paper. | ||
That's much closer to what I am. | ||
I have some ideas and I did, I was on a beach last week in Florida and I wrote out the hour and some of it is stuff that I've done through the years that I've just updated but it's all based in what I'm doing here and I'm trying to just be true. | ||
I'm just trying to be true. | ||
And it's gonna be great. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And then you're hooked. | ||
I know. | ||
Then welcome to the next 30 years. | ||
And it'll infiltrate this and might not only be stand-up, but it's an interesting thing to do, to be able to go, hey, I'm going to do Vegas three times this year. | ||
And people come to see me and it's kind of fun. | ||
Can I get on the jet with you and Mar? | ||
You know what? | ||
If I rock it for the next year, that'll be my goal. | ||
You saw the picture. | ||
I saw the picture. | ||
You don't want to be in that one. | ||
That was a fun trip. | ||
Is that just the two of you? | ||
You guys do that every year? | ||
I've never done it with him before. | ||
He usually has Eddie Vedder do it. | ||
We had him on tape. | ||
And we had Reggie Brown who did his Obama impression that he's done on Real Time before. | ||
And then he always has different people. | ||
He gets different comedians to come out and do it with him. | ||
And he asked me to do it because he wanted to have some fun. | ||
And we've always liked each other. | ||
I mean, we've known each other since we were 23. | ||
We all started together. | ||
I took Jerry Seinfeld to Disneyland. | ||
unidentified
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Jesus. | |
And Gary Shanling. | ||
And George Wallace. | ||
And it was the opening of Thunder Mountain Railroad. | ||
And I'll leave you with this, because I've left you with nine other end points. | ||
I kind of want to keep going now, too. | ||
I've got a couple things here. | ||
It's never going to end. | ||
But there was a goat with dynamite on... Have you ever been on Thunder Mountain Railroad? | ||
I know it, but I'm not. | ||
Why, does it still exist anymore? | ||
Oh, it's very popular. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, there's a goat with dynamite. | ||
A robot, you know, not much of a robot, but it does that. | ||
A little animatronic. | ||
Exactly. | ||
With a dynamite. | ||
And you hear it. | ||
And all I did, and we're 23 years old. | ||
Jerry's a few months older than me, I think. | ||
I went, Jerry, oh my god, a goat with dynamite! | ||
And Jerry, what Jerry always did was just lay out the obvious. | ||
Oh my gosh, a glass with a stain! | ||
You know, that's not a joke, or I'm not him, because he's brilliant. | ||
There's no stain. | ||
There's nothing, a clean glass. | ||
But he, to this day, I could say, oh my god, a goat with dynamite and he will laugh because it's when you know somebody and you just get them, you know? | ||
And I saw a bunch of comics last night. | ||
I saw Paul Reiser and it was Billy Crystal's birthday and it's just nice seeing all these people that I Yeah, well, that's why it's so magical, that time, right? | ||
Like, you came up in a time that, to me, and for anyone that appreciates comedy, it's like, holy shit, all of these guys. | ||
And then you realize there weren't that many. | ||
You go like, oh, there were thousands of comedians. | ||
No, there weren't. | ||
There were hundreds. | ||
And a lot of them are gone. | ||
And then there's, you know, I'm at that two-thirds point. | ||
I'd like to think my middle chapter. | ||
That means I have to live to 122. | ||
Well, with all the medications these days. | ||
I think it's possible. | ||
I don't think anything's possible. | ||
Motorized unicycle up my butt with no seat. | ||
That seems excessive, but whatever, whatever works for ya. | ||
And we lost Stephen Hawking. | ||
Just wanted to end on that. | ||
Wait, you mentioned George Wallace. | ||
I love George Wallace. | ||
His HBO special, which I think maybe he only had one, which is a real disservice, although he's had many other specials, to me might be the funniest half hour ever. | ||
There is something about him, and he was always a friend of mine, always a friend of Jerry's. | ||
He's just a funny, funny guy. | ||
And he would mess with me. | ||
One time, he was opening for Tom Jones a lot on the road, and I lived in Hollywood on Camino Palmeiro, and he went out of town, but I forgot that he went out of town, and we were buddies. | ||
And he said, he called me up, he said, Saget, make me chicken. | ||
I said, OK. | ||
I had no life. | ||
You know, I was waiting for the comedy star that night. | ||
You know, I was 24. | ||
OK, I'll make you chicken. | ||
What do you want? | ||
Just southern fried and in an oven, OK? | ||
Sure. | ||
Just make me chicken. | ||
I'll be over in a couple hours. | ||
So I make him chicken. | ||
I make a whole bunch of chicken. | ||
This is really pathetic. | ||
This is already very politically incorrect. | ||
No, this is so pathetic. | ||
And then he doesn't come over. | ||
And now I'm getting worried. | ||
William Holden had just died and so I'm like scared that George died in his condo. | ||
This shows you how I have grown as a human. | ||
I called his landlord and I got a hold of a building and he said, George is in Tahoe. | ||
He's opening for Tom Jones, so I called the hotel and I said, George, what did you do? | ||
He said, you fucking idiot, I told you I was opening for Tom Jones. | ||
Why'd you make me chicken? | ||
I said, I'm freezing it and you're gonna eat it, dammit. | ||
So that's the end of that story. | ||
Did George Wallace ever eat your chicken? | ||
No. | ||
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I ate it. | |
It was pretty good. | ||
On that note, Saget... I haven't made chicken since until I came to your house and I saw your chicken. | ||
I saw the way you were eyeballing it. | ||
You can have an egg. | ||
You can't have the chicken. | ||
Okay. | ||
Can I have an egg? | ||
Yeah. | ||
You can leave this house with an egg. | ||
I'm going to give you a farm fresh egg. | ||
Do I cook it? | ||
You know how happy that will make my sister? | ||
Bob Saget, Danny Tanner is walking out of my house with a farm fresh egg. | ||
But can I eat it? | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know what, I will cook it. | ||
You know what, David's the chef around here. | ||
Do you want literally the best sunny-side up egg you've ever had? | ||
All right, we are ending this show. | ||
This really has been a pleasure. | ||
It's so nice when you meet somebody who you know, who you know but you don't know, and then you realize that you know them, something like that. | ||
That's the point, I think, of what we're supposed to do as people. | ||
We get to do this, and we would do this at dinner. | ||
This is almost like this, except we just, we would move more. | ||
We did. | ||
I didn't move very much. | ||
I was like, you know, Captain Pike a little bit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
All right. | ||
I suspect we'll do this over dinner again, and we'll do it here again, and thanks for coming. | ||
I think you've got enough to air this for three years. | ||
This is the longest show. | ||
This is actually my retirement show now. | ||
How long was this? | ||
About six hours. | ||
That's fantastic. | ||
No, really, this was... | ||
Beyond. | ||
We went into mountain time. |