June 10, 2016 - Rubin Report - Dave Rubin
01:08:25
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| So I had a couple of big events last week, and I wanted to share some of my experiences with you. | ||
| Last Tuesday, I interviewed Milo Yiannopoulos as part of his Dangerous Faggot Tour. | ||
| Yes, everyone's favorite gay, bleached blonde British conservative and I did an hour-long sit-down in front of about 400 students at UCLA. | ||
| Several hundred more showed up but couldn't get in, and there were about 100 student protesters outside. | ||
| Now as I've said dozens of times, you should use your free speech to counter speech you don't like. | ||
| This means that in and of itself, the people who came to protest Milo in this event were doing the most American thing you can do, exercising their right to free speech by countering speech they didn't like with use of their own. | ||
| The problem here was that many of the protesters weren't there to voice protest. | ||
| They were there to actually stop people from entering the venue, toss garbage cans, spit on people, call in bomb threats, and more. | ||
| A group of these protesters created a human wall to stop people from getting inside. | ||
| Apparently they're opposed to Trump building a wall, but not opposed to building one themselves. | ||
| These protesters, all basically college-aged kids, were screaming in the faces of cops who did an incredibly remarkable job of staying calm and collected. | ||
| People were smashing on the doors of the building and trying to force their way into the room where we were speaking. | ||
| It was pandemonium, but the exact type of pandemonium, that has become totally acceptable on today's left. | ||
| And by the way, to be absolutely clear, these liberal protesters are not embracing true liberal ideas in any way. | ||
| Liberals should welcome debate and should be open to critical thought and reasoning. | ||
| These people had their minds made up before they even heard what Milo was going to say. | ||
| He was the enemy, he was a hateful, sexist, racist bigot, and his right to free speech was squashed by their right to be immature children. | ||
| It was clear that some of them didn't even know who Milo was, but had succumbed to groupthink which had made them feel like they were part of something instead of really standing for something. | ||
| Once the event actually started, Milo and I had a wide-ranging discussion on many hot-button issues from feminism to free speech to the rise of Trump. | ||
| The audience was filled with people of every color, sexuality, and walk of life. | ||
| At one point, two protesters who managed to get inside started screaming and interrupting our productive conversation. | ||
| I explained to the protester that Milo would probably welcome some discussion if she wanted to wait for the Q&A at the end, but she just didn't want to do that. | ||
| Instead, when pressed on what she doesn't like about Milo, she simply screamed, I hate you! | ||
| It was exactly the type of typical response that's based on emotion, not logic, and is utterly useless in the real world. | ||
| We had an interesting, honest discussion and agreed to disagree on a couple of points, such as Milo's casual dismissal of trans rights. | ||
| Even though we were rushed out after the Q&A due to a bomb threat, the night was a total success because two people who don't agree on everything had a civil and, perhaps more importantly, an enjoyable conversation. | ||
| Actually, the most inspiring part of seeing so many people exercise their right to free speech was the amount of people who came up to me after to tell me that they were actually liberals who've seen the growing regressive attitudes on the left. | ||
| A few people told me that they agree with Trump on almost nothing, but felt that voting for him was the only way to break this backwards illiberal ideology. | ||
| This is true confirmation of what I've been saying for months. | ||
| If the left won't deal with issues like immigration and Islamism honestly, they'll hand voters right over to Donald Trump. | ||
| A couple weeks ago, Bill Maher, who I agree with on almost everything, did a piece on Real Time about how the rise of Trump has nothing to do with the left and that his popularity is only a creation of the right. | ||
| While I totally disagree with him on this, note how I can disagree with him without slandering him. | ||
| See, it's not that hard. | ||
| After the event with Milo, I headed to Washington D.C. | ||
| for the Reason Rally, where I spoke at the National Mall in front of thousands alongside Bill Nye, Penn Jillette, and my friends Kelly Carlin and Paul Provenza. | ||
| We talked about the need to have science and reason be reinserted in our public policy. | ||
| I spent most of my speech talking about the free exchange of ideas, and how we, as free thinkers, must be more tolerant than the people who would silence us. | ||
| While I saw plenty of tweets saying that the event had been taken over by social justice warriors, I just didn't see anyone shout down anybody or silence anyone for sharing their views. | ||
| What I did see was a great mix of people sharing ideas on how to make the country a more reasonable republic. | ||
| Throughout the weekend I met tons of people who watched this show, and much like the Milo fans I mentioned, see the ideas of illiberalism growing on the left. | ||
| Also like the Milo event, the people at the Reason Rally were from every walk of life imaginable. | ||
| And that's when something really big hit me. | ||
| We are officially, without question, onto something massive here. | ||
| Something that sparked in my head after that fateful battle between Ben Affleck and Sam Harris and continued through Charlie Hebdo and now our election season has sparked in so many of your heads as well. | ||
| Some of you beat me to the punch and some of you are just coming around now. | ||
| That's exactly what it's all about. | ||
| Ideas out there in the ether to be picked up by us when we're ready to accept them. | ||
| I've sensed this awakening for a while now, and I've seen it grow and take form. | ||
| But right this very moment, we are on the precipice of a legitimate movement. | ||
| The ideas of true, honest debate and discussion and fact-based reason are crossing the political divide in a way nothing else is doing right now. | ||
| It may not translate into this election the way we want it to, or it may not stop regressive attitudes from continuing to corrupt young minds tomorrow, but I have no doubt that this game is on. | ||
| Some Trump supporters see it, some liberals see it, I see it, and you see it. | ||
| It's too late to be silenced by those who won't let you speak up in the first place. | ||
| All of us who have been abandoned by the extremes on both sides are coming together in a whole new way. | ||
| I'm incredibly proud to say that I think we've had a little something to do with a movement that is going to shock the world. | ||
| We've built this while they've been fighting and stammering and silencing. | ||
| Our moment is coming and it's only a matter of time before mainstream wakes up to our message of conversation instead of condescension. | ||
| Our work is cut out for us, there's no doubt about it, but I've never been sure that we're on the right path. | ||
| Adam Carolla is a comedian, a TV host, a director, and a podcast king. | ||
| He's created, starred in, and guested on many TV shows such as The Man Show, Catch a Contractor, Dancing with the Stars, and Celebrity Apprentice. | ||
| Adam, thanks for joining me. | ||
| Dave, thanks for having me. | ||
| Glendale! | ||
| We, Ora, and you, creating the new Hollywood of Glendale. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, Glendale, the thing about Glendale and Aurra, it's always been sort of a, I don't know if you know this, but people have always made this spiritual pilgrimage to Glendale. | ||
| A lot of scheming, a lot of, you know, folks coming in here trying to find themselves, and so that's why Aurra obviously settled in Glendale. | ||
| Yeah, so it's sort of like the Mecca of It's a sort of, if LA had a Sedona, that it would be Glendale. | ||
| So it's that. | ||
| Oh, and a lot of malls and Armenian people. | ||
| A lot of malls here. | ||
| A lot of malls. | ||
| I think, I don't know who came first, the Armenians or the malls, but I think Armenian people must love malls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe it's a tradition. | ||
| Maybe like they're great. | ||
| Was the mall invented in Armenia, do you think? | ||
| Well, it started with a group of Armenians aimlessly wandering in a circle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a space. | ||
| And then somebody went, there should be a Cinnabon. | ||
| And then that was like the first, you know, then somebody went, and then Orange Julius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then somebody else went, and then one of the Armenians who was a little more entrepreneurial started putting up the first, you know, steak shake shack or whatever they have over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we getting a shake shack around here? | ||
| We have an In-N-Out. | ||
| That's good enough for me. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I probably said too much. | ||
| Obviously, I'm privy to information that you're not. | ||
| You've been in the community. | ||
| Maybe there's a Shake Shack or a Steak and Shake or a Shake Steak and Bake coming or a Bake Steak Shake Shack. | ||
| I just like the fact that we're not fat enough. | ||
| Like, what do we need? | ||
| Can we stuff something in a hot dog on a stick? | ||
| Yeah, but what if we put cheese inside the hot dog? | ||
| So he's saying, don't put the, no, no, dip it in the batter, just put the cheese. | ||
| All right, what if we just, what if I butt funnel Velveeta while I eat this? | ||
| Well, we could do that, but we'd be better off just putting the Velveeta in the cheese. | ||
| And oh, then we'll put the whole thing in the crust of a pizza. | ||
| Don't put the hot dog in the, hold on, we'll take the liquid cheese, we'll put it in the hot dog stick, and we'll roll that into the crust of the pizza. | ||
| Now, you have mangria, but that's just a drink. | ||
| You clearly should be going into the food service. | ||
| I should be. | ||
| I have mangria, I have an endless rant IPA, which people seem to enjoy a lot, and I should be in the food business, because I think I just invented A hot dog on a stick cheese infused pizza crust. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll delay this posting so that you can do the necessary legal work to get that. | ||
| I'm going to start a place at the mall called Middle of the Stick where I just pull the stick out of hot dogs on a stick and you just eat the weird little burnt batter that's in the middle of the stick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you'd have to buy it. | ||
| You're an idea guy. | ||
| You'd have to buy in bulk. | ||
| You'd have to get like 37 of those just to start tasting it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the middle of the stick. | ||
| This end just smells of hot dog. | ||
| This end just has a pube on it. | ||
| But the middle, the middle is what you get. | ||
| Middle of the stick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do realize that some people are going to be into this. | ||
| I mean, there are people right now on YouTube going, that sounds pretty good to me. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I'm a man of the people. | ||
| You are a man of the people. | ||
| Speaking of a man of the people, let's get the elephant in the room out of the way. | ||
| You are a straight, white, cisgendered, upper-class man. | ||
| Pretty much the most hated thing in America. | ||
| So explain yourself. | ||
| Apologize if you want to talk directly to the camera. | ||
| How do you want to deal with this? | ||
| Let's just go. | ||
| Well, I have this great benefit in that I find that a lot - I have a couple approaches | ||
| I always said, you know, I can be an asshole because I'm not an asshole. | ||
| I can say things that are asinine because I'm not a bad guy. | ||
| Like, if you're a bad person, you can't say bad things. | ||
| Like, remember the old Rosie O'Donnell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember her show in the 90s? | ||
| Of course, of course. | ||
| Cutie Patootie Chub Club. | ||
| I Got a Crush on Tom Cruise. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I got a lot of pastel going on. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There was a lot of pastel. | ||
| Do you think that was a real Rosie? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I guess that your point is... What do you think was behind that facade? | ||
| Now Rosie. | ||
| This is Rosie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like this Rosie, by the way, but do you see what that was? | ||
| That was a compensation for who Rosie is and who she knows in her head. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, people say to me, you're racist, and I go, if I was a racist, I wouldn't make so many racist jokes. | ||
| Because I'd be worried that people find out I was a racist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No one's claiming you're dumb. | ||
| You'd have to be dumb to be doing it. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I went to a wedding. | ||
| They had a full live orchestra. | ||
| Big to-do. | ||
| Everyone was dancing. | ||
| Except for Ellen. | ||
| Now that sounds like one of those Geico commercials. | ||
| You're happier than Ellen at a wedding! | ||
| Four hours, no dancing. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So here's the question. | ||
| Does she love dancing? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Or maybe she just gets it all out of her system at the beginning of the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or maybe she wants you to think she's the kind of person who loves dancing. | ||
| Are you saying the people on television aren't all incredibly genuine? | ||
| Some of them may be wanting you to think one thing about them... ...and then it turns out they may be different people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So maybe Ellen doesn't like dancing that much. | ||
| Or maybe Rosie, when she's done shooting Nerf balls at the audience... ...goes backstage and fires a bunch of fucking producers and directors. | ||
| See, maybe that's what... So there's an entertainer and a business person there, which you know. | ||
| You obviously know. | ||
| So for me, I just sort of, I try not to have a chasm between who I am in front of the camera, behind the microphone, and just who I am. | ||
| Just who I am. | ||
| But I have a thing. | ||
| Which I'm kind of lucky and unlucky, which is I grew up six miles from here in North Hollywood in basic poverty. | ||
| You know, mom, food stamps and welfare and all that stuff. | ||
| And then I then went, when I was done with high school, just cleaned carpets and dug ditches and cleaned garbage on a construction site. | ||
| So I don't really have that part. | ||
| I was watching Bill Maher's show, and Bill was talking to some CEO or something, and he was explaining that he used to be poor. | ||
| And then I thought, when was Bill—he went to Cornell. | ||
| It's an Ivy League school. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Like, everyone had that—everyone technically, when you're 22, eats Top Ramen and drinks Schaefer beer. | ||
| They don't drink Anchor Steam and eat sushi because there's that little window when you're poor. | ||
| But I don't think that's what people are talking about. | ||
| People love that, right? | ||
| When you say poor, you don't think Cornell graduates, do you? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't think Ivy League at all? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Yale, not a lot of Yale. | ||
| Poor people. | ||
| We get a lot of presidents. | ||
| We do a lot of like, hey, I know what it's like. | ||
| That's the new sort of black, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that's the new vogue thing, is to go, poor's the new black. | ||
| Actually, not being poor, growing up poor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then, if you do make money, you gotta go Michael Moore. | ||
| Michael Moore has 50 million dollars in the bank, dresses like an out-of-work lesbian trucker. | ||
| So, what is Michael Moore, what is his facade? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What's Rosie doing? | ||
| What's Michael Moore doing? | ||
| Shows up on TV wearing cargo shorts and one flip-flop. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And it's like, hey buddy, you got $50 million in the bank. | ||
| And that old hat. | ||
| It's like, get a new hat. | ||
| Why don't you get some Dockers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could probably step up. | ||
| What are Dockers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like $23? | |
| So that's really fascinating. | ||
| I mean, maybe his money is tied up in real estate. | ||
| Yeah, I got it. | ||
| Maybe he's not liquid enough to get some Dockers. | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| Maybe I'm being hard on the guy. | ||
| Maybe his $50 million is all in cattle. | ||
| And he just can't free it up. | ||
| Like he can't sell one cow. | ||
| It could all be in burgers, maybe. | ||
| It could be in burgers. | ||
| But either way, maybe Michael's not liquid. | ||
| And listen, I like Michael. | ||
| And I like Bill Maher. | ||
| I like those guys. | ||
| But the point is... | ||
| If you're going to be who you are, you can't come pulling up in a Rolls Royce these days, even though Michael Moore can afford a fleet of Rolls Royces. | ||
| He still can't. | ||
| You've got to join the masses, pretend you're one of them, and then you go back to your double-gated community. | ||
| I'm just saying, let's not be hypocrites. | ||
| Right, so in the case of someone like Rosie, I think basically what you're saying is that her evolution is actually pretty great, right? | ||
| She got to where she was supposed to get. | ||
| But it was really by getting away from television, actually. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, she didn't even get to where she was supposed to get. | ||
| She just got to who she always was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She just scraped away the thick layer of marzipan and whatever sugary goo she'd cover herself in to hide this inner I don't know, angry, straight-talking, straightforward, smart, funny, in your face, abrasive, whatever, to do syndicated TV. | ||
| You know, it's funny, I grew up on Long Island, which is where she's from, and did stand-up, and I loved her as a comic in the 80s on that, what was that VH1 show they did, remember? | ||
| Spotlight? | ||
| Stand-up Spotlight? | ||
| Or something like that. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| And then I sort of missed those years of the Rosie O'Donnell Show, but then I, when she was on The View, I loved her, and then we've actually become friends. | ||
| So like, I missed that sort of fake chunk, but I totally hear you, that everyone sort of pick, if you're in this business, you pick this idea of who you are versus who you are. | ||
| Well, think about it. | ||
| I mean, Rosie O'Donnell's 55 or whatever her age is. | ||
| She's doing a show in the 90s, mid-90s, or later mid-90s. | ||
| The woman's well into her 30s. | ||
| Do you think she became a different human being between her mid-30s and her mid-40s when she started doing The View? | ||
| Like, it's the exact same person. | ||
| You need this person to do syndicated Television, like daytime syndicated television. | ||
| And at a certain point, she just realized it'd probably serve her better to be herself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which I enjoy. | ||
| But back to me. | ||
| Yeah, back to you. | ||
| So you float in between. | ||
| I just get to be myself because I don't feel like I have some inner asswipe or racist or misogynist or whatever or xenophobe that's hiding within me that I have to kind of You know, like the preacher who's talking about, you know, one man laying down with another man, might as well lay down with a donkey or bees to burn in the next, you know, some airport banging feet with some dude. | ||
| And it's like, oh, oh, that's who, oh, that's who he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not this guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| As a matter of fact, I know in advance he's this guy because he's trying too hard being this guy. | ||
| Is there anyone out there who preaches morality, like a politician or a preacher, or anyone who isn't secretly doing some of that stuff? | ||
| I don't think I can think of is Jimmy Carter. | ||
| I mean, he's got a couple of what in Italian we call guma's on the side. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a couple. | ||
| Carter's got guma's? | ||
| A couple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not even five, but more than five. | ||
| Are you talking about back in the day or 93-year-old Jimmy? | ||
| I'm talking about tomorrow and yesterday. | ||
| Yeah, so besides the womanizing thing, Jimmy Carter, I'd say. | ||
| Jimmy Carter would be the sort of morality stereotype. | ||
| You know, it's just one of those, hey, single mom, I built you a house. | ||
| How about a little something for the effort? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We know the game is played. | ||
| He's out there with a hammer. | ||
| I mean, he's an old man. | ||
| I'm just saying, when you give the keys You know what I mean? | ||
| Before you hand the keys off to the single mom, it's a little... Uh-oh. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| There's one thing they didn't tell you about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| He's still got the knee pads on from laying the baseboard. | ||
| Good, good. | ||
| That works. | ||
| So there's that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But other than that and, of course, late, great Carl Sagan, I can't think of any. | ||
| My hero. | ||
| Now you're going to tell me he was a womanizer who read all his books. | ||
| This is very upsetting. | ||
| Kennedy, Martin Luther King, don't hold it against those guys. | ||
| They're out there doing great work. | ||
| Yeah, so you can't judge them for the little mistakes that they made. | ||
| Those kinds of transgressions, I would argue if you were to show me a chart, I think those guys were more successful. | ||
| Oh, because of it, yeah. | ||
| Whatever, they blew off a little steam, you know what I mean? | ||
| It's like all the great, all the guys who won World War II for us were smokers, you know what I mean? | ||
| So you really want to get rid of smokers? | ||
| What if another war breaks out? | ||
| Right, that's a good point. | ||
| I think we're screwed. | ||
| There's some point there. | ||
| A bunch of guys vaping going, I'm definitely not getting in a Higgins Craft and I'm definitely not going on that beach. | ||
| What do you make of this vaping thing? | ||
| I see these people walking around and they're engulfed in smoke. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like they're walking down the street and it looks like their head is on. | ||
| Is that vaping? | ||
| Wait, that's vaping? | ||
| There's one that there's like a shitload of smoke that comes out and then there's one that I guess no smoke comes out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or somebody that I know is just a really messed up vaporizer. | ||
| I like the people who vape and smoke. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Well, I took a cigarette, I crushed it up, I put it in the vape, and then I actually rolled a nicotine patch around it and shoved that in there too. | ||
| I like those people. | ||
| I like the ones that blow up. | ||
| I like the fact that God is punishing us because we went, look... | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| There's two items. | ||
| There's two items this year, brand new items, that have been blowing up and catching on fire. | ||
| One is the electronic cigarette. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because man has either become too lazy to smoke or too lazy to quit smoking. | ||
| So we invented this in-between robot stick that smokes for us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then the other thing is the Segway thing. | ||
| Oh, those things. | ||
| What are those things called? | ||
| It's not technically the Segway, it's the skateboard version. | ||
| It's a skateboard, but we've decided that 24-year-old rappers can no longer walk through LAX on their own. | ||
| They must be propelled. | ||
| So what God did is he went, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to have that shit catch on fire in the middle of the night. | ||
| I mean, is there anything that, look, I'm an atheist, but I know acts of God. | ||
| You're firing up your electronic cigarette, the thing blows up, it takes out your eye, or this thing's sitting in the hallway recharging in the middle of the night and bursts into flames just spontaneously. | ||
| Look, how many, all right, let me ask. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone has a cell phone. | ||
| True. | ||
| There's kajillions of cell phones. | ||
| Do you turn on the news and hear about them bursting into flames? | ||
| Rarely. | ||
| Rarely. | ||
| I'd say never. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So evidently, the man upstairs is cool with cell phones. | ||
| He realized that's a way for us to communicate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's not alright with this thing that's equivalent... My kid just got one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now... | ||
| The people, first off, the people that should be on these things are people in their 80s and 90s, not 10-year-olds that are able-bodied. | ||
| So what kind of father are you? | ||
| You're buying your kid one of these. | ||
| His legs are going to atrophy. | ||
| Hypocritical. | ||
| Totally hypocritical. | ||
| Yeah, I'm looking actually, speaking of atrophy, I'm looking to have the house made into a zero-gravity environment so the kids literally could just float into the kitchen, stuff their face with some pizza that's stuffed, the crust is stuffed with corndogs and cheese and then float back. | ||
| They'd see their hoverboard floating by. | ||
| Their vape cigarettes would be like, they'd be reaching, they'd be reaching, they'd be riding the hoverboard, | ||
| but upside down and floating around with the vape. | ||
| The smoke, the vape wouldn't know where to go, 'cause it'd be like no gravity. | ||
| I'm pretty sure that was the plot of WALL-E, wasn't it? | ||
| Was that WALL-E? | ||
| Remember WALL-E? | ||
| Like we just become these fat, over-consuming monsters. | ||
| That's what we are. | ||
| But God's paying us back in the form of fire. | ||
| (laughing) | ||
| So is that the reset? | ||
| Is that like the world just resetting? | ||
| Sometimes technology is just ridiculous. | ||
| Guy's on a hoverboard, he's vaping, boom, it just goes up like one of those yogis protesting the | ||
| Vietnam War. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just douses himself and boom. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm convinced if you vape and ride a hoverboard, you will go up in a ball of fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it would be deserving. | ||
| Wouldn't you say it would be deserving? | ||
| I don't know that it would be deserving, but whoever that individual was, he wouldn't be missed. | ||
| Not saying he deserves it, I'm saying not missed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, hear about what happened to Kirk. | ||
| He was riding his hoverboard and he was vaping. | ||
| Nobody's going, oh. | ||
| He just kind of went. | ||
| And Owen went like, oh man, who's going to pick me up from the airport? | ||
| Nah, he's gone. | ||
| We were going to add on a deck! | ||
| Nah, Kurt's good. | ||
| Yeah, nobody cares about that guy. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| You know, I know you're a man of your word because you have to get sponsors for your show and you are right now making it clear that you don't want the big hoverboard money. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not into Big Board or Big Vape, but, you know, if the folks from Roundtable or Pizza Hut are listening, we may be able to collaborate on a project. | ||
| You're down with that? | ||
| Actually, when I did your show a couple weeks ago, you had a bag from that thing that the sun charges the bag in your backpack. | ||
| Oh, the backpack. | ||
| Yeah, and then you can walk around. | ||
| You went like caveman interviewer. | ||
| Move, sun, orb, fire, sack, hold, tools, thing, magic bag. | ||
| I thought it was pretty good. | ||
| I was like, that thing's actually, that's a nice use of, people like backpacks, you like having your stuff charged. | ||
| It's a backpack with a solar panel in it, and it won't run your car or your pump, you know, for your well water. | ||
| Wait, I have that thing connected to my Tesla, is that not gonna... | ||
| But, well it's not going to hurt it, but it will power your cell phone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if you're at the beach all day, and you want to listen to some tunes from your cell phone, either way, all these activities I never participate in, and it's always pissing me off. | ||
| So it's like, let's say you're at the beach all day, or maybe you're snowboarding, or maybe you like wakeboarding. | ||
| And I'm always like, I don't do any of these things. | ||
| You've never done any of these things. | ||
| I've done everything and do nothing. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So, you mentioned atheists. | ||
| Are you an open atheist? | ||
| I was just at the Raisin Rally in D.C. | ||
| last weekend, and it was all atheists getting together. | ||
| At a Raisin Rally? | ||
| The Raisin Rally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| That didn't make sense to me. | ||
| Like, why do they love dried grapes so much? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| There's probably a metaphor there. | ||
| I'm sure you said raisin. | ||
| No, raisin and reason, I'm sure there's some metaphor. | ||
| Yeah, I think you said raisin. | ||
| I might have said raisin. | ||
| Anyway, anyway. | ||
| I've had a very difficult week. | ||
| Anyway, different rally. | ||
| And there's a lot of atheists there, and they want to promote atheism. | ||
| Do you think atheism should be promoted, or is it just your sort of private view of things? | ||
| It's not even necessarily a private view of things for me. | ||
| I mean, it's not like... | ||
| Those blowhards that, like, my faith is very personal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yet they're always talking about it. | ||
| Good, because no one gives a shit. | ||
| I'm glad it's personal because I'll never ask you a question about it or anything else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I hate that person. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| The faith is personal. | ||
| I have those people. | ||
| My wife's my best friend. | ||
| The people that call their house their home. | ||
| And their kid, their children. | ||
| When you come into my home in front of my children, I hate that. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Now, I'm an atheist just because I never was introduced to any form of religion growing up or at any time in my life. | ||
| And so I figure you need to either grow up You know, oh, this guy was a Mormon growing up, you know. | ||
| Like, you know, you get it. | ||
| Like, you grow up in this religion. | ||
| And then if you back that out of the equation, then you need some sort of catastrophic event, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So, I was blacked out drunk. | ||
| I drove through that retirement home. | ||
| I took 84 souls. | ||
| And now I gotta somehow get right again with the universe so I will find Jesus Christ and then I'll apologize and then he'll forgive me and then I'll get to get on with my life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you think the average person that if they hadn't been introduced to religion you really have no reason to come to it, right? | ||
| Like there's no real reason short of some catastrophic thing or some health thing or something like that where then you'd need something else. | ||
| I feel like Not growing up around it, not having a catastrophic event, not even sort of hitting rock bottom emotionally, like, like, hey, I'm rudderless. | ||
| I don't know where to go with myself. | ||
| Like, I don't know what my, you know, what am I doing on this planet? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And or the rarefied air of Somebody, you know, like your Muhammad Ali in the Nation of Islam goes, hey man, you want a cool gig? | ||
| Here's a bow tie. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| Yeah, or you know, maybe you're Tom Cruise and somebody comes, you know, like there are religions that the rarefied air of like that might recruit the celebrity, which I'm open to. | ||
| So if the right people came, you're not, you're not above having the Mormons come in and say, you know, we'll sponsor the podcast. | ||
| Yeah, and then by the way, I'll get into a conversation with him just like a blue-chip recruit would. | ||
| I'd be like, well, that's great. | ||
| A couple of Hindu guys dropped off an Escalade. | ||
| It kind of had a bow on it. | ||
| Said it was all taken care of. | ||
| You know, it's a nice ride, but if you can do better with like a Porsche Cayenne or something like that, I'm all ears. | ||
| Those things are done, though, in NCAA. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's start doing it with religion, you know what I mean? | |
| Me talking about... | ||
| The Hindu guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Varanush or Babaganu? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| He's in the Middle East. | ||
| I'd have to be poached up. | ||
| The point is, is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Once I declare major, you know what I mean? | ||
| Once I put the cap on that has the religion on and I say I'm taking my talents over to Hinduism. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| Ooh, a signing bonus? | ||
| A signing bonus. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| You know, we pull their ceremonial garb over my three-piece suit. | ||
| My mom's crying, my dad's not there, of course, never met the man. | ||
| But the point is, we do that, I get coached up, and then I start, you know, wearing the hat, kind of working it in, you know, and I think it'd be worth the SUV and whatever kind of wham, what I call walking around money, that religion might provide. | ||
| Right, so you're not above selling out, which is a, and you're up front about it, it's a kind of beautiful thing. | ||
| Well, again, I'm an atheist, so I can go any direction I want and sleep like a baby, you know what I mean? | ||
| So I don't really answer anybody, unless the price is right. | ||
| So one of the things you do on your podcast is you talk to people regardless of whether you agree with them or disagree with them. | ||
| That's pretty much what we talked about. | ||
| It's irregardless. | ||
| It's irregardless, isn't that? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Isn't irregardless the made-up word? | ||
| It's irregardless. | ||
| It's regardless. | ||
| Irregardless. | ||
| It's irregardless? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just say that to scare people. | |
| I'm pretty sure that's a made-up word, but the point is, irregardless of that fact. | ||
| Irregardless of that, yeah. | ||
| Hold on, I've just come around and done a complete 360 on this irregardless. | ||
| It's regardless. | ||
| Yeah, and it's 180. | ||
| People say I've done a dick 360 on it. | ||
| You know, I used to be against gay marriage and then I did a whole 360 on it. | ||
| And now? | ||
| Now I'm for it. | ||
| And it's like, no, no, you're back to, yeah. | ||
| People are idiots. | ||
| Is that the main thing? | ||
| Because that's pretty much, I walk around all day and I watch the news and I listen to people and I think 90%, I look on Twitter, 90% of people are just morons. | ||
| Is that fair to say? | ||
| Well, 90% of people don't have clearly thought out positions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they're just sitting there going, you know, I don't know how many chicks I've spoken to are like, I don't like hunting and I don't like hunters. | ||
| And you're like, well, these guys go out and they, you know, shoot some deer and then they eat it. | ||
| You know, what's wrong with that? | ||
| I don't think it's right. | ||
| And you go, wait a minute, you eat beef, don't you? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You eat steak, right? | ||
| We ate In-N-Out two days ago. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Well, so what this guy, Chris Pratt goes out and shoots a deer and then he makes deer jerky out of it and then he gives it to his friends and then actually some people shoot the deer and they give the meat to a homeless shelter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I know, I know. | ||
| I just don't like it. | ||
| I disagree with it. | ||
| It's like, what are you disagreeing with? | ||
| You're eating a hamburger. | ||
| You're eating jerky right now. | ||
| And they're like, you just snapped into a Slim Jim while we were talking about this. | ||
| And they're like, I know. | ||
| I just, I don't. | ||
| And it's like, "Well, how about you either think or shut the fuck up?" | ||
| "I don't know, what are we talking about?" | ||
| You know, and you go, "I don't agree with Hiroshima and Nagasaki." | ||
| "I don't think anyone wakes up in the morning and wants to have a nuclear bomb dropped on them." | ||
| "I just, I don't..." | ||
| And then they start doing this stupid math, like, "Do you?" | ||
| Would you like it if you woke up and someone dropped a bomb on your head? | ||
| And you go, OK, well, what we're going to do? | ||
| We're going to invade Japan, like we were going to kill 500,000 to a million people. | ||
| We're going to kill a bunch of them and women and children. | ||
| And it would have been a slaughter fest. | ||
| Or we can drop a bomb and take those numbers and decrease them significantly. | ||
| Yeah, I disagree. | ||
| I don't think you should drop nuclear bombs. | ||
| Okay, well, now give me your plan. | ||
| Give me your plan. | ||
| And the answer is always like, oh, I'm not a... I don't... Yeah, I don't believe in war. | ||
| No, but my plan is like, just don't have the war at all. | ||
| Yeah, I know, but they bombed Pearl Harbor, so what do you want us to do? | ||
| Well, I disagree. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wouldn't eat. | |
| I mean, I enjoy meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have any pork on you? | |
| I don't like hunters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, people just talk. | ||
| So it's really that people don't really think through their life egos, right? | ||
| No, when that gorilla left its cave that morning, it wasn't planning on being shot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How would you like it if you just walked out with your slippers and bathrobe to get a newspaper and someone just put a bullet in your head? | ||
| I don't think you'd like that. | ||
| Would you like that? | ||
| I would not. | ||
| Would you deserve that? | ||
| That gorilla didn't deserve to get shot. | ||
| No gorilla should be left behind. | ||
| I see what you're doing there. | ||
| And then you go, well, what are we going to do? | ||
| They're just holding a three-year-old. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| I don't, I'm not a zoo person, Ollie. | ||
| I'm not a trained zoo person, but you got, hey, anything but shoot the thing. | ||
| It doesn't, you know. | ||
| Maybe you shoot it in the thigh. | ||
| Do the gorillas have thighs, right? | ||
| I'm not a zoo person. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Shoot it? | ||
| Alright, well if that makes it mad and it starts throwing the kid around like a ragdoll. | ||
| Anything but shoot. | ||
| You don't kill a gorilla. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't kill it. | ||
| Didn't that story kind of, like, get to how stupid everything is? | ||
| Because I saw all these people immediately. | ||
| You have to tranquilize it! | ||
| You have to tranquilize it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then experts came on. | ||
| And experts said, well, the gorilla is so big, there would have... and the time between where it could have just grabbed the kid and killed it like that, you could not have tranquilized it. | ||
| Nobody was saying, we were for shooting it. | ||
| They weren't thrilled to shoot it, right? | ||
| You make the point. | ||
| That gorilla, this is a good animal that nobody wanted to kill. | ||
| Maybe it wasn't. | ||
| Maybe it had done some shit. | ||
| Maybe it had done some domestic abuse in the past. | ||
| So you think it possibly deserved it? | ||
| Well, are all gorillas the best? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, now you're making the all argument. | ||
| Maybe this one wasn't. | ||
| Maybe this one, you know, was a C-minus student who'd smacked his old lady around a little bit. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| What about the mother? | ||
| Because people were freaking out on the mother. | ||
| How could you lose your kid in a guerrilla thing? | ||
| Your son is right here. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's in the studio with us, right? | ||
| He turned 10 yesterday. | ||
| He turned 10. | ||
| I'm sure you know he can get into spots that you can't suddenly get him, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What if he jumped into a guerrilla thing? | ||
| What would you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you want to look at him while you're at it? | |
| I raised you well enough, you're smart enough to know better, so I just let Darwin take out the trash. | ||
| Basically, I'm hands off here. | ||
| We don't need him reproducing at 10. | ||
| If he's dumb enough. | ||
| If he's dumb enough. | ||
| When you're 3, OK, I'll cut you some slack. | ||
| If that happened when you were three, Sonny, I would have, like, immediately snapped into action. | ||
| Like, I would have for sure, like, thrown my shoe down there and went, hit him with it! | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Obviously, I don't want to get in there myself. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But, you know, I would have certainly thrown, like, a granola bar down there if you were going to be down there for a length of time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably... | ||
| At some point, alerted some officials, but obviously because of my celebrity status, I'd probably have to work through my publicist first and try to map out a strategy. | ||
| You know, you don't dive right into these things and next thing you know, you're splashed all over the headlines, bad father, you know. | ||
| And I'd probably wait, you know, I'm not a CHP patrolman. | ||
| But, you know, I did love Lyme for a while. | ||
| I sat next to Dr. Drew, he's an addiction medicine specialist. | ||
| I do know there's a part when you consume alcohol where you will actually test lower because you haven't absorbed the alcohol. | ||
| And then there's another part where you're tested, you know, breathalyzer, where you're actually lower where it's passed through your system. | ||
| So I'd probably give it a waiting period. | ||
| Tell the alcohol, whatever alcohol, I'm assuming if I'm at the zoo, I'm bombed, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Otherwise, sober, walking around. | ||
| With those giraffes, it's a lot. | ||
| L.A. | ||
| zoos, it's like some sort of weird detention center for the future. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I haven't been there yet. | ||
| That's a disaster. | ||
| Don't go there. | ||
| They have a place that just sells churros, and it has the word hut behind the word churro. | ||
| Churro hut? | ||
| It's a disaster. | ||
| Has nothing to do with Jabba the Hutt? | ||
| There's nothing to do but the people that eat there are fatter. | ||
| Then jump in the hut. | ||
| So I'd, just to quickly answer your question, wait till my alcohol level went down. | ||
| I don't need, hey, drunken, you know, C-Lister, let his kid fall in the thing. | ||
| Talk to my representation. | ||
| And then alert officials. | ||
| And then after that, I'm not a zoo expert, so I'd let the zoo, whatever their title is, I'd let them handle it. | ||
| But I don't blame the mom. | ||
| Here's why I don't blame the mom. | ||
| Those people who eat the hamburgers but don't like the hunters, who hate nuclear devices but have no solution to the thousands, hundreds of thousands of people being slaughtered on the mainland of Japan, and who, if If that kid fell into the gorilla pit and somehow was extracted and the gorilla was fine, or even got one of those airplane donut pillows out of the deal, then those people wouldn't be calling for the head of the mother. | ||
| So the gorilla gets shot in the head and now we need mama's head to roll. | ||
| The way I look at it is mama's roll is the same One gorilla is not harmed. | ||
| The other gorilla takes a bullet to the head. | ||
| Mama's role didn't change. | ||
| So my feeling is, just because the gorilla got shot, it doesn't change Mama's actions. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So we're just looking for constant moral superiority to everybody, right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Like, every time something happens, everyone gets on? | ||
| Yeah, just crazy outrage. | ||
| Like, look, what happened to Cecil the Lion? | ||
| How many blowhards who took to the Tweedusville and decided to write something heroic down are now volunteering at the animal shelter or working with the big felines or anything? | ||
| I don't even remember what the story was or who the dentist was. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| People are like, aren't you outraged? | ||
| And I'm like, no. | ||
| And they're like, why? | ||
| And I'm like, I figure since we've been talking about 5 lines have been killed, and then 3 lines killed 5 human | ||
| beings. | ||
| My cosmic math, that's what I've done. | ||
| Your ballpark. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| If I had to go into some sort of depression spiral every time an animal was shot, I'd | ||
| be a pretty miserable dude. | ||
| But now people are going to say, well, Adam Carolla hates animals. | ||
| But that's not what you're saying. | ||
| Here's my thing. | ||
| I like people, and I don't care about animals to the extent that I turn them into human beings. | ||
| I care about, you know, in order of appearance, I care about myself. | ||
| I think I'm top three, actually. | ||
| Then the boy. | ||
| He's not even paying attention anymore, don't worry about that. | ||
| Yeah, you're ahead of your sister. | ||
| You know, I got my wife, wait, nanny, wife, got a work gardener in there. | ||
| Anyway, valued employees, friends, ex-lovers, Jimmy Kimmel, you know what I mean? | ||
| The list goes on like that. | ||
| Eventually, it gets to Americans. | ||
| Wait, you put Kimmel above Dr. Drew? | ||
| Just for the record? | ||
| Man, I love them both, but Kimmel throws a better party. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Garstead at Super Bowl event. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would imagine there's more drinking and drugs at one of his parties than Dr. Drew. | ||
| He has a full bar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has, like, five taps. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And one of them, just cocaine comes out. | ||
| It's so awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just see, like, Ben Affleck and Matt Damages. | ||
| Actually, Matt was, like, just laying under it. | ||
| Ben was just... Yeah. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| He didn't have that from the Man Show money. | ||
| That's the ABC money. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| He's got the ultimate, which I always like to say, you know, people think, uh, uh, F you money. | ||
| Fuck you money. | ||
| Ultimate? | ||
| Ultimate is fuck me money. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I can do stuff that's so stupid, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got some of that money, right? | ||
| Oh, I, yeah. | ||
| You've got some of it. | ||
| Yeah, no, I do stuff all the time. | ||
| Like, people, I honestly, like, when people say, you know, what's the best part about having money, being rich, or doing well, being well off, or | ||
| whatever. | ||
| And is it like, is it driving a nice car, is it having a cool house, is it going on a vacation, or whatever? | ||
| And if you really think about it, most people can afford, you can get an Audi S4 that's three years old, | ||
| and afford it, and have a cool, fast car to drive around, or an old Porsche, whatever. | ||
| And anyone can hop on a Southwest flight, find a B&B in San Francisco and eat all you can eat sushi night or whatever. | ||
| Most people can afford at this time. | ||
| No, the best part about having money is F me money, which I thought to all | ||
| time. | ||
| Like I've had a couple of shithead neighbors and just people around that like | ||
| asswipe who lived underneath me and he's like, there's a bunch of a bunch of | ||
| mud in my pool. | ||
| You caused it. | ||
| And it's a irrigation line broke and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I'm an attorney and I'm not a big celebrity like you and I don't do a home improvement show. | ||
| So it sure would look bad, you know, and I know where you live. | ||
| I moved and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I said, He literally says, like, just give me $10,000 or this will go away. | ||
| Or I'll see you in court. | ||
| And this guy's a shyster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amoral piece of shit. | ||
| And I was like, uh, no, let the insurance guy go. | ||
| Let the adjuster show up at the house. | ||
| By the way, it's torrential rain for the three nights before that. | ||
| That's where the mud came from. | ||
| I didn't have anything break. | ||
| He just wanted me to fix his pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And his attorney should be tossed out of the bar. | ||
| But anyway, the bar doesn't police anybody. | ||
| But here's where the... | ||
| Fuck you money comes in and I did it to this horrible witch who bought another house of mine who was trying to sue me for a cracked foundation three years after I sold her the house and they're doing like hearings and stuff and I said you know their whole thing is like give me $10,000 it'll go away give me 25 grand it'll go away Here's where that fuck me money comes in. | ||
| I'll spend $100,000 on an attorney way faster than I'll give you $10,000. | ||
| Way faster. | ||
| That's F me money. | ||
| I'm down $90,000 and I don't give a shit. | ||
| Because I like morality better than I like money. | ||
| And I will definitely, by the way, neither shyster got a penny because they're not going to sue, because they can't sue, because they don't have a fucking case. | ||
| But the point is, I am perfectly willing to give Mark Geragas $100,000 not to give you $8,000. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think Garagos needs that much money. | ||
| He's got a lot of, he's got a lot of dough. | ||
| That would be what he calls ashtray money. | ||
| Yeah, that's nothing for him. | ||
| Yeah, that's nothing. | ||
| All right, let's plow through some just like hot button stuff since we're all over the place here. | ||
| Election, let's talk. | ||
| But what about Cecil? | ||
| Poor Cecil, I know. | ||
| Who's talking about Senate. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People, like, I always tell people all the time, you don't have enough Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| in your lungs to get me to care. | ||
| And by the way, not only do I not care, I know you don't care. | ||
| And here's how I know you don't care. | ||
| Seven weeks from now, I'll ask you about Cecil and you'll go, "Who?" | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chuck Cecil, the DB from Atlanta back in the '80s? | ||
| No, the lion. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Remember you were in tears and you were writing all those tweets? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that Cecil. | ||
| Yeah, what happened to him? | ||
| Well, it's like these people, look, I felt bad for the lion, but these people that are | ||
| boycotting the dentist that they had never heard of the day before, and now you're outside | ||
| picketing this dentist who accidentally shot the animal that didn't realize it was that | ||
| You boycott a dentist, I say the joke's on you. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm not gonna get my teeth cleaned for a hundred years! | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's gonna cause you problems. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if you need root canal, you should not be boycotting dentists. | ||
| Don't boycott that dentist. | ||
| Yeah, I don't, I don't, listen. | ||
| It's a simple- I don't even know why we need to go through this retarded dance where I go, I'm not for the killing of innocent lions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Now, it happened. | ||
| Let's move on. | ||
| I'm not for the killing of gorillas. | ||
| Now, it happened. | ||
| Move on. | ||
| I'm not for the bombing of Japanese cities. | ||
| Now, it happened. | ||
| Let's try to do something real. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I love the way you have to explain yourself, as if you're just like, you want a line or a gorilla burger? | ||
| Alright, let's talk election though, because I've got to get some election stuff out of you. | ||
| Are you a conservative? | ||
| If you had to align one way or another, do you consider yourself a conservative? | ||
| Well, here's the thing about me that's funny. | ||
| I did Loveline for a million years. | ||
| Going back, you know, 20 years ago, and all I said was, hey, if you can't afford kids, don't have kids. | ||
| And if you do have kids, you make them breakfast. | ||
| And, you know, and also said things like pot should be legal. | ||
| Like I should be able to grow a pot plant in my backyard. | ||
| I'm not hurting anyone. | ||
| I'm paying taxes. | ||
| It's my land. | ||
| I theoretically own this parcel of land. | ||
| If I would like to smoke marijuana or grow a marijuana plant, now if the government catches me opening up a marijuana stand next to the kids' lemonade stand, then you may intervene. | ||
| But as long as I'm on my property, and this is my plant, and I'm using this plant like I would use scotch or vodka, then I don't see what the deal is. | ||
| Gay marriage? | ||
| Do what you want. | ||
| Pot? | ||
| Smoke out. | ||
| That's all I've ever said. | ||
| And nobody ever called me a conservative or Republican or anything close to anything when all I said was get a job, pay your taxes, don't count on the government. | ||
| If you have kids, raise your own kids. | ||
| The biggest problem we have is Stupid people shitting out kids who can't afford those kids. | ||
| The biggest problem we have is broken families. | ||
| Who's filling up the prisons? | ||
| Who's in rehab? | ||
| Who's falling between the cracks? | ||
| Who are all these people that are working at McDonald's in their 30s, you know what I mean? | ||
| How are these people supposed to raise a family of 19? | ||
| $7.21. | ||
| You're not! | ||
| I worked at McDonald's. | ||
| I was in the 10th grade. | ||
| I worked there for one summer. | ||
| I realized it sucked. | ||
| I got $2.80 an hour and I got out of there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, some people are going to say there's a subtext of what you're saying that somehow that there's something racial in what you're saying. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| But I know when people say the things that you're talking about, there's somehow like this feeling like there's some racial element. | ||
| Well, here's the deal. | ||
| You can go, I don't like terrorism. | ||
| And then you can go, oh, that's anti-Muslim. | ||
| If they are getting back to Cecil, if they're committing the lion's share of the terrorist attacks, then yes. | ||
| But I'm saying, I don't like poverty, I like education, I don't like broken families, I don't like people living off the grid and having to use these check cashing places, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like, I don't like the prisons filled, I don't like this, that, and then you're going, oh wait, this race, no wait, no, that race for this thing, no, this race, no, let's see, check cashing, oh, oh, you're anti-Mexican. | ||
| Families, oh, that's anti-black, blah blah blah, there's none, by the way, Don't we discriminate against Jews? | ||
| I thought the whole point is we're supposed to hate Jews? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| What happened to Japanese and Eastern Indian folk? | ||
| Are they just off the table? | ||
| Well, we talk about the oppression Olympics a lot. | ||
| Jews and Asians seem to have been pushed off. | ||
| But they're not minority groups. | ||
| They don't count as minorities anymore. | ||
| You know, L.A. | ||
| is 50% Hispanic and 7% Jew, but Jews aren't minorities. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they own the check cashing places. | ||
| Right, so they're doing well, so then you get booted out of the oppression Olympics. | ||
| Well, someone should look up... | ||
| The word minority. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And see what that, what the definition, call them something else then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I mean, I had Gavin Newsom on my show and that two-faced asswipe, like literally brushes his teeth with brill cream. | ||
| He started bringing up check cashing places. | ||
| And I was like, he doesn't like the predatory nature of them. | ||
| And, and they prey on blacks and Hispanics. | ||
| And I said, Just blacks and Hispanics? | ||
| And he got into politician mode, you know. | ||
| And he went, no, everyone. | ||
| And I said, everyone? | ||
| And he said, everyone. | ||
| And I said, well, then why are you just bringing up blacks and Hispanics? | ||
| Because it's predominantly blacks and Spanx. | ||
| And I said, oh, OK, so it is blacks and Spanx. | ||
| Oh, no, well, not, no, but it's everyone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I said, OK, so if I go down to the check cashing place, I'll find a lot of Jews? | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| I'll find a lot of Japanese? | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| OK, so this will, you'll find everyone, but you just brought up these two groups. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he was like, yeah. | ||
| And I was like, all right, what are those two groups doing wrong that they're going to these check cashing places? | ||
| And he's like, well, nothing. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| They're the greatest. | ||
| And I'm like, All right, so what is your awesome plan, Gavin Newsom? | ||
| By the way, he's such a two-faced fucking hypocrite. | ||
| Gavin Newsom doesn't give a shit about blacks or Hispanics. | ||
| He gives a shit about their votes. | ||
| He had, in my 52-minute grilling of him, had zero answers as to what could be done about this place other than shut down check-cashing places. | ||
| So is that just the— Which is like—it's like saying, I want to close down AIDS hospices. | ||
| And it's like, no, no, you should stop AIDS. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not close down the clinic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's— So, listen, I'm with you. | ||
| I hear you absolutely. | ||
| But I know some people say this is heartless. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what stupid people say. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| The first thing you have to do is join me and my sane atheist world that doesn't give a shit about what stupid people say about me. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I actually have a plan to shut down these predatory check cashing places. | ||
| Which is just by having people not have to go to them ultimately because you're going to fix the thing. | ||
| Plan number one, don't have a bunch of kids you can't take care of. | ||
| Plan two, stay intact and raise your kids. | ||
| Plan three, make them breakfast. | ||
| It's pretty easy. | ||
| Did you make your son breakfast this morning? | ||
| I had the nanny do it. | ||
| After she got back from the check cashing place. | ||
| What do you like? | ||
| Because you don't pay her quite enough to... Well, yeah. | ||
| She's not, you know, above... You know what? | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to... We can cut this part out. | ||
| But the point is... Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She, uh... No, he had a... I don't know. | ||
| Mama made... He likes his eggs basted. | ||
| Basted? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not sunny-side up. | ||
| It's not over-easy. | ||
| It's not scrambled. | ||
| You see this? | ||
| You grew up in poverty, and now you're... Look at that. | ||
| You're raising a rich L.A. | ||
| child. | ||
| Yeah, well, back to that. | ||
| I did grow up not with a dirt floor, but poverty. | ||
| I mean, welfare and food stamps. | ||
| You like saying it. | ||
| It makes you feel moral, doesn't it? | ||
| I was fine. | ||
| I was fine. | ||
| And then all that work that they always say white people won't do, that's what I did for a living. | ||
| I got out of high school and I cleaned carpets and I dug ditches. | ||
| Like when they go, you'll be digging ditches, like they do it as a metaphor for you're going nowhere. | ||
| You literally did it. | ||
| Well, they were, I mean, to be fair, they're not ditches, they're footings or caisson holes | ||
| or whatever it is you're doing on a construction site. | ||
| You're doing a construction site, you're pouring a footing or you're pouring a grade beam, | ||
| you got to dig the ditch to pour the grade beam or the footing. | ||
| Or in some cases, if you can't get a caisson rig in there, you got to dig deep enough to | ||
| pour a caisson in place. | ||
| And that's, we had to dig it by hand. | ||
| I was down at the bottom of the thing with like a chipping stick and a guy had a five-gallon bucket with a rope on it and I'd fill it with a sawed-off flathead shovel and then they'd tow it up and they'd go up and throw it in the dumpster and And that's what I did. | ||
| And so I understand when people go, uh, listen, these poor people, they can't eat right. | ||
| You know, they can't do this. | ||
| They can't feed it. | ||
| Yes, you can. | ||
| You have to eat hard boiled eggs and an apple. | ||
| I mean, it's healthy. | ||
| It's cheap. | ||
| You can eat right. | ||
| This whole notion of like poor people, they're morbidly obese because they have to eat at Wendy's or whatever. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| I was poor. | ||
| I would just buy a dozen eggs and boil them. | ||
| I'd have a dozen hard-boiled eggs and buy a chub pack of those mini raisin things. | ||
| I didn't even have enough money to really eat off the lunch truck. | ||
| So how were you educated enough to know that that's what you should be doing? | ||
| Because that's the other part. | ||
| People always say, well, they're not educated enough. | ||
| Because look, if you get a Happy Meal at McDonald's, it's not like eight bucks. | ||
| But for eight bucks at Trader Joe's, yeah, you get a dozen eggs. | ||
| You can get, you know, a lot of, you get kale, a lot of healthy stuff. | ||
| But people just don't know. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I think it's sort of like saying, well, how did people in the 80s know that smoking was bad for you? | ||
| And it's kind of like, we didn't need the Surgeon General and a bunch of doctors that, you know, R.J. | ||
| Reynolds bought to tell us it wasn't. | ||
| Here's how you know cigarettes are addictive. | ||
| People that smoke three packs a day wake up in the morning, reach for a cigarette, and here's how you know it's bad for you. | ||
| There's a stick that has fire on one end of it, and you just suck it. | ||
| It's like literally like living inside of a burning building. | ||
| We can do the math. | ||
| Is there a human being in modern day America that sees a s'more and a stick of celery and goes, I don't know. | ||
| I guess anyone got a coin we can toss? | ||
| I don't know, calorically, the same. | ||
| Like, no. | ||
| I'd be depressed to know the number of people that wouldn't know, but I'm with you. | ||
| They know. | ||
| They know. | ||
| Everyone knows. | ||
| And they have to know. | ||
| There's 5,000 PSAs talking about feed your kids, drink water, you know, run around with your kids, read to your kids while they're running around and drinking water. | ||
| Like, we're begging everyone to read. | ||
| No, listen. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Like, the deal is, I—when I worked, and I was poor, and I worked with other poorish people, these guys, when it comes to lunchtime, and they had $4, are not going down to Jamba Juice and spending $4 on a smoothie with a bunch of kale and beet juice in it. | ||
| Like, they're not—they're not going to do that. | ||
| They're going to Taco Bell. | ||
| Because they've been working all day and they want some beef, or something that smells like beef. | ||
| That's what they're going for. | ||
| They want savory. | ||
| Now they understand that what they're doing is not exactly healthy, but they're engaging in it anyway. | ||
| And we do this thing where it's like, well it's all about information. | ||
| I feel like everyone's got the information. | ||
| They're choosing. | ||
| It's choice. | ||
| Not to do it. | ||
| And somebody needs, first off, the school lunch program. | ||
| I was down with the school lunch program, L.A. | ||
| Unified. | ||
| It's prison food. | ||
| It's gelatinous, caloric slop. | ||
| I mean, it's square pizza. | ||
| I don't know why they had to give it to you in the wrong shape just to punish the poor kids. | ||
| Like, we got pizza. | ||
| We're going to give it to you. | ||
| It's going to be shaped like a football field. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It was this thick. | ||
| It was doughy. | ||
| It had some kind of mystery meat crumb on top of it. | ||
| Every vegetable, whether it was green beans or corn, was Korea war surplus like literally you know that that feeling that taste of like this green bean has been floating in water for so long that I can only feel it in my mouth yeah it's almost starchy no taste at all like so we talk about like free this system and free that free this for first off you're sending your kids to school and they're just giving them crap and poison anyway so how good a parent are you and then this deal of like | ||
| Hey, these people can't afford this. | ||
| You want their kids to go hungry? | ||
| Well, first off, the kid's 11 and he's 214 pounds, so I don't think he's going hungry. | ||
| Then, number two, I read a study, but I've always just said it anyway. | ||
| I don't need studies. | ||
| With a couple of walnuts and a little brown sugar and some raisins, it's 18 cents. | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| That's basically what it costs to feed a kid oatmeal. | ||
| One fried egg and a half an apple. | ||
| One hard-boiled egg and an orange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Okay, if that's a little rich for your blood or a little too tall in order, your kids need to be removed. | ||
| Because here's the deal. | ||
| I will turn it back to all the asswipes that are watching this who go, huh, huh, what, what? | ||
| Okay, you assholes, you love nature. | ||
| You love nature. | ||
| I mean, nature, number one, right? | ||
| Forget about God and everyone else. | ||
| It's nature. | ||
| You love nature. | ||
| When a mama blue jay cannot take care of its chicks, cannot feed, Cannot feed. | ||
| Or the bear and the cub. | ||
| When the cub needs to be removed, when the chick needs to be removed, it's when they can't be fed. | ||
| It's not, well, the bear's not reading to its cub. | ||
| Or it's ignoring its cub and watching too much ESPN. | ||
| It's not feeding. | ||
| The number one rule in nature is the time the cub or the chick or whatever needs to be removed is when they're not being fed. | ||
| So I would argue that if you're incapable Of feeding your kids, the kids should be removed. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| You know, secondhand smoke and all the other ills of society are a distant second to not feeding your kid. | ||
| But here's what I know. | ||
| You can feed your kid. | ||
| Get your hard-boiled eggs. | ||
| The night before, boil them up. | ||
| Next morning, kid's going to have an apple and a hard-boiled egg. | ||
| Kid will be healthy. | ||
| You'll feed your kid. | ||
| And here's the better overall gestalt of the whole thing. | ||
| Good word. | ||
| Your kid will not be reliant on the government to feed them and indoctrinated | ||
| into this horrific, horrific cult we're starting where the government's just going to-- | ||
| I was watching Hillary Clinton last night and she's like, America, you vote me in. | ||
| I got your back. | ||
| What the fuck does that even mean? | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
| I got your back? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right, so let's end with that. | ||
| So the government stuff. | ||
| Oh no, we're just beginning. | ||
| No, we did just begin. | ||
| I literally, I did not look at any of those. | ||
| So, uh, it was, that wasn't even for you. | ||
| Those are just swastikas. | ||
| It's really, really bizarre. | ||
| So wait, let's do the, let's, let's do the election stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you can keep those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a half Jewish great-grandfather. | |
| Sorry, it's just Indian sign of peace. | ||
| So, okay, so everything I'm getting from you, you basically, I think, are a libertarian. | ||
| So you obviously weren't for Bernie. | ||
| It doesn't sound like you're for Hillary. | ||
| You can't be thrilled with Trump, right? | ||
| Because this is a big government guy, too. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| I guess I've got to vote for Trump. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, you can't. | ||
| I can't stand. | ||
| I was listening to Hillary's speech and her entire speech had nothing to do with the economy and had nothing to do with, you know, infrastructure or anything. | ||
| It was just all their people, you know, she was going to level the playing | ||
| fields. | ||
| She was going to level, there's a lot of people, all the have-nots, she was going to make sure | ||
| all the have-nots had theirs. | ||
| I don't know how you can do that from an Oval Office, let's say, 3,000 miles away from where | ||
| some of those have-nots are, but she was going to make sure that all the people that didn't | ||
| have, none of it, no part of her speech talked about rolling up your sleeves, getting to | ||
| work, focusing on the family, you know, steering the country back, shrinking the government, | ||
| Her thing was just like, everyone with problems, they're over now. | ||
| Just like, hope and change, nothing happened. | ||
| Hope for what? | ||
| Change? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing happened. | ||
| I'm tired of politicians that are basically like spoon-feeding everyone. | ||
| You know, when they do those town halls and somebody raises their hand and they go, I'm a mother of five, I dropped out of high school. | ||
| I work at a Wendy's. | ||
| What are you going to do for me? | ||
| The answer is nothing. | ||
| You ruined your life. | ||
| You should have gotten married. | ||
| You should have only had one kid. | ||
| You should have waited to have kids. | ||
| But people want government to replace God, basically, right? | ||
| And I say this as an atheist, too, so I'm not promoting God. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| The people want the government to The people, the atheists, they want nature to replace God and they want the government to fix nature. | ||
| So, nature's the God, government fixes nature, all is right in the universe. | ||
| That seems like a good ending. | ||
| Do you feel good about the ending there? | ||
| Sonny, you feel like that's a good out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh jeez, he's looking at his watch. | |
| His Apple Watch, by the way. | ||
| It looks like an Apple Watch. | ||
| You rich elitist! | ||
| We're going to put a warning on these videos, just to make it clear, because I don't want people walking into this with nothing. | ||
| They should really understand the wealth. | ||
| So that when you're talking, that you're really talking down to them. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Not to them directly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I have stupid arguments with everyone all day about luck. | ||
| I'm just like, don't count on luck, make your own luck. | ||
| And then people tweet me, you don't think luck has something to do with it? | ||
| And I'm like, why are we even having this discussion, you idiot? | ||
| Just go out and go to work. | ||
| Oh, you think work's hard enough? | ||
| What about all those people that are picking beans in the field? | ||
| Do you think that hard work is enough? | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| You're super lucky, don't go to work Monday, and just buy lottery tickets, and call me in 10 years and tell me how it's going. | ||
| Or better yet, drive without your seatbelt. | ||
| Don't ever put that seatbelt on. | ||
| Remember you're lucky. | ||
| When you're going down to the liquor store to buy a lottery ticket, don't put that seatbelt on. | ||
| Okay, Mr. Lucky? | ||
| On that note, Adam Carolla, I thank you for coming in, and we'll see what we turn Glendale into. | ||
| I think I hit them all. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| We're going to hit them all. | ||
| For more of Adam's ranting and ravings, I literally did not look once at my swastikas over here, you guys can check out the Adam Carolla podcast at adamcarolla.com. |
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