Ben Bankas critiques woke culture’s power dynamics, arguing it enables former bullies to enforce conformity while ignoring male victims of abuse, like in the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial—where $50M lawsuits and "love bombing" reveal transactional relationships. He dismisses exaggerated gender narratives, comparing modern dating’s fragmentation to societal shifts like secularization and feminism, which he claims prioritize individualism over commitment. The episode exposes double standards, from excusing Jada Pinkett Smith’s confrontational behavior while vilifying men’s assertiveness, to the media’s selective amplification of abuse claims. Ultimately, it urges critical questioning of ideological narratives and suggests relationships thrive on shared purpose, not performative conflict. [Automatically generated summary]
Welcome to Misunderstood, the show for the politically and culturally misunderstood lady or gent.
We are your hosts.
I'm Nat.
I'm Kat.
And today we have a very special episode because as you can see, we have a guest in studio and I'm not in the studio because I'm sick.
So I'm sitting in this weird hallway.
Let's kick off.
It's not necessarily COVID.
Not necessarily.
We're going to kick off the show with our patented culture shock moment of the week.
Take it away, Nat.
Yeah, so culture shock.
Some comedians are still funny.
Yeah, so Ben Bankus is a Canadian comedian who, as we just saw, likes to criticize the government.
And today he is joining us to discuss toxic femininity in the wake of the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial.
And we're going to get into some shenanigans.
So hello.
Thank you for joining us.
Hello.
Thank you for showing that video.
I like that you showed it.
It's like somebody else posted it.
Yeah.
So it only had like 93 likes, so it made me look really positive.
Was that not yours?
He's not that famous, so you need to follow him.
Yeah, I'm only getting 80 likes on a...
No, I think that has like 40,000 views on my video.
Yeah, you can follow him on TikTok.
Get like nine views on TikTok.
Was that sent in?
Yeah, it was sent in by a fan.
That's nice.
No, that's not true.
That's a lie.
Okay, so Ben Bankus, you're a comedian.
Can you tell us a little bit about what you do and what your shtick is?
What's your shtick?
I'm funny, and I make fun of things that people don't want to make fun of or in the mainstream is frowned upon.
And I have my own podcast, the Ben Bankus podcast, where I talk about news, kind of similar to this, except, you know, I'm a man.
And you're funny.
So it's worse.
No.
You guys are funny, but I talk about maybe different news articles that you guys talk about.
Just stuff that pisses me off when I'm reading.
I think you should do what you know.
And mostly what I know is lying in bed, scrolling Twitter and getting upset.
Same.
And then, of course, I perform Yuck Yuck's headline there.
And other shows, other places.
You can check all of it out at BenBankus.com.
Ben Bankus 2 on Instagram because the government deleted my first Instagram video.
Basically, I take for those videos, I'll take a press conference and I'll make fun of it.
I'll do a voiceover of what I think they're actually thinking or saying or what they should be actually thinking or saying.
One of my favorite ones ever is the Doug Ford.
Like I've watched it so many times.
You're like, Omicron's landed, boys, and we're shutting her down.
Omicron just landed, boys, and we're shutting her down.
We call it a circus breaker.
Timmy's is only giving out Tim Beebs at 50% capacity.
It's a different take than a lot of comedians, especially in Toronto, take, which I guess I don't really know what the other comedians are talking about because I don't watch them because I'm not like allowed into yuck yucks.
Well, there's even comedians.
I mean, there was a thing today that came out that there's a comedian in the Toronto community who has been written about in CBC as if, you know, they're this magnificent thing.
And I just checked their Instagram.
They have 14,000 followers, but every video has like 35 likes.
So seems to be drived.
People buy followers and then you can get a CBC article, you know.
I'm sure you have to have the right politics for that.
For sure.
For sure.
Yeah, something tells me you have to be a little bit politically correct.
So what's it like then being a comedian, you know, who is critical of the government when everyone else in Toronto, as Kat kind of mentioned, seemingly seems to follow the mainstream narrative and seems to subscribe to like a politically correct kind of vibe.
Like, is it difficult being a comedian?
Like, I don't think everybody does, but I think that, you know, Toronto works so hard and Canada works so hard at the propaganda of trying to convince everybody that this is this, you know, we have taken over.
You know, it is, I saw an article last week.
It's liberal-owned Toronto.
But the reality is there's a lot of people who don't agree with it.
They don't find it funny.
My friend was just on a morning talk.
He was listening to a morning talk show.
He called in because they were talking about they went to Second City and they said all they did was make fun of conservatives and make fun of conservative thought and it wasn't funny.
You know, I make fun of conservatives too, but it's funny.
You know, and I'll trick liberal audiences into laughing at my stuff.
You know, I did a show last week, super woke audience because it was like it was basically an open mic at my friend's comedy club.
And one of the people in it was a woke person who brought all their friends because they worked together.
And by the end of it, I was making fun of her for being woke.
She was laughing at it.
So I think, you know, this fear of putting somebody who has a different idea in the spotlight has no, you know, is not grounded in reality because the reality is if you do that, that person's going to adapt and figure out how to make larger groups of people laugh from different political backgrounds.
But the government doesn't want that to happen because people will become more moderate.
Even if they do believe in a lot of things on the left, they'll become more moderate when they laugh at something and go, oh, shit, that's actually, that makes me, you know, I realize something in this moment.
And I think that that's what people need with comedy.
And on the other side, the people on the right who come to my comedy laugh and they feel more heard or, you know, and, you know, they know not all my jokes are like that.
Right.
Yeah.
And I think you see that just in general on the left because, like, essentially, you know, we see, like, they don't, they censor us, right?
And they don't, they, they, you know, shadow ban conservatives and they censor what we say and stuff.
And I think it's partially because they know that if our ideas, whether they're presented in a joke or not, are actually good and people might stop and think and consider and, as you said, become more moderate.
So it's interesting to see how that's seeping into the arts and in comedy, too.
Yeah, there's a huge push from people right now to just keep spitting out what they've been told and they don't really, you know, it's, you know, I don't want to say do your own research.
It's not about doing research.
It's just about being present and, you know, reading the media that, you know, and having your own opinion on it.
And not just, we were taught that in university.
I mean, I went, I took political science course.
They literally said every article you read is not 100% true and is biased.
We learned it in high school.
You know, they explained that documentaries are biased.
You know, people are making them for a reason to prove a point.
Similar to like an essay would be biased because you're writing about one specific thing.
White Lives Matter Discussed00:09:49
You know, this is common knowledge that we've all collectively decided to forget about.
And it's kind of like that article.
I don't know if you saw the article today saying that COVID can affect your memory.
And it's like, maybe because, you know, if I remember correctly, then there's an issue.
But then it would make sense if everything I remembered is wrong.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, yeah, no, the lockdown was actually.
It's like gaslighting.
It is.
The government is.
The government is toxic femininity.
They've become this, you know, because if they were toxic masculine, which governments have been in the past, you know, they're blowing stuff up, you know, they're, you know, glorifying whatever.
I don't know, women's bodies, I guess that kind of like women, women's bodies have all like men have always liked them.
It's not like that we just started liking them.
It's more that women have realized, like, oh, let's just, you know, I can just, I don't have to work for somebody else to, you know, be on a Pepsi ad to look sexy and get money.
I can, you know, just take pictures of myself and start, you know, whatever.
Bracelet companies from Asia start messaging you and your DM boxes for the ladies, right?
And then they go, should I just wear it and take pictures and I'll get $25.
You know, so it's, yeah, we're in this toxic femininity thing where the country wants to gaslight the citizens and do all this like weird stuff where we should just be open and honest.
I don't know, you know, the politicians could just apologize and be like, they were wrong.
And everybody would kind of just be like, okay, the only people who would be pissed off at that are their, you know, hardcore followers who think that they can't do any wrong.
They'll defend, you know, like on my podcast, I was talking about how the government wants to rebuild Trudeau's house or Trudeau's house.
I mean, probably going to be his house for the rest of our lives.
Or at least his life.
But so, you know, they're rebuilding this place.
He hasn't even lived in it because it's not up to his standards of, you know, I'm a prime minister.
How could I live in such a dump that every other prime minister lived in?
You know, so now they want to spend $40 million, you know, to fix it just so he can, like, this is, I don't know.
That's like something like a rich housewife would do that, you know, just married a really rich dude and she's, and she's bored and she's like, let's just redo the house and live in a cop.
We'll live in a cottage for three years.
You know, like.
A cottage.
Well, that's where he lives.
He lives at that place, right?
It's a, what is it called?
The Rito Cottage or something.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I think, I think.
So he's never lived at.
Never lived there.
Never in the article.
Never.
He's never even hung out and smoked a joint there in Blackface.
Not even once.
That's shocking because we know he loves to do both of those things.
Yeah.
I mean, who doesn't?
Uh-oh.
So being like a male comedian, though, do you find that you have to censor yourself when it comes to talking about, you know, women and stuff?
Because obviously there are a lot of smart women who can laugh, you know, who can take a joke and stuff.
But I find a lot of people are so sensitive.
And actually, this isn't just exclusive to women.
Like, people are just so sensitive right now.
Do you find specifically on the topic of like me too and believe all women and all that, that that has kind of been difficult for male comedians to navigate, specifically in like a really progressive city like Toronto?
I mean, no, I think it's actually, you know, it's been, it's actually made things worse for, I think, okay, maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's made certain things worse for women because now a lot more guys are, you know, hesitant to help female comics.
They're hesitant to reach out to them on social media.
Hey, what's up?
You want to do my show?
Like they're worried they're going to get me too'd for anything, like liking a picture on Facebook.
Why did he like it?
I don't want to interrupt you, Ben, but having been an amateur comic many, many moons ago, I can say that when a guy says, oh, I can help you with your material, it's often been code for like, oh, you don't want to hook up on my dirty, disgusting futon?
And then you're kind of like ousted from the invites.
Right.
Well, you probably don't want to be on that futon anyway.
You don't want to be on the bottom.
I agree with that.
You don't want to be on the futon.
But I mean more in the sense of like, you know, professionally, like, hey, come to the show.
I can drive us to the show.
Because, you know, there are those, there's so many creeps in comedy.
But the people who aren't creeps sometimes get screwed over.
And the people who are creeps are the ones trying to get them canceled.
So, you know, like for me, like, there's a few female comics I think are really funny.
And, you know, but you two are funny.
I don't know if you do.
Do you do stand-up?
No.
But I mean, you can still be a com you can still be a comic and not do stand-up, right?
Like in doing podcasts and stuff and comedic stuff.
But in terms of stand-up, there's funny comics, and the girls that are funny don't give a shit.
You know, of what the material is that we say, right?
And I think for the most part, most of the guys are pretty respectful.
I mean, I have a couple of friends who are like alcoholics, but then they feel, you know, they're like, I tried to make out that she didn't, and then I was sad.
And you're like, yeah, you're an idiot.
But I mean, that's just men, though.
Like, that's.
But it's also men in comedy.
I mean, men in comedy are coming into contact with women for some of them for the first time in their lives.
You know what I mean?
They didn't go to university or have a fun experience or go anywhere.
But in terms of material for me, I think female audiences love being made fun of for things they do and pointing it out.
I think in a lot of ways, it's easier to make fun of the woman in the crowd than the men because, you know, if you eat you up, you're not going to get slapped in the mouth.
Yeah, that could happen.
I mean, I try to make fun of everybody.
And, you know, I try to make it equal.
So I don't.
It's a woke of you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, there is a wokeness to doing, you know, like what I do is considered like alt-right, but it's actually not because I just make fun of everybody.
And if I did this in 1995 or 2005 or 2010 or even like probably until like 2013, like people would just be like, this guy's hilarious.
But for some reason now, it's about he's problematic, even though every, like literally every race and religion comes to my shows and everybody has a good time.
We put on people of all backgrounds and we put on women and you know, it's not like six white guys, you know, the woke shows are actually quite white.
I don't know if you've been to any, if you go to like comedy bar or something, but a lot of them are white.
Well, I'm trying to think back of my some of my friends back then.
And I remember talking about this on the show earlier, one of our earlier episodes, but I had a, I'm not going to name names, but he was the comic.
You definitely know him.
And when I was going to Humber, he asked me if I was a feminist.
And again, a white guy.
He asked me if I was a feminist.
And I was like, no, I don't consider myself a feminist.
And he's like, you're doing your sex a disservice.
Like, you should definitely consider yourself feminist.
And it's like, who the heck are you to tell me how to be a woman?
And this person was also one of those guys that I mentioned who's like, oh, I can help you come over my futon.
And it's like, so you're a feminist, but you're also creepy.
And you're also, and like, there's nothing wrong with being a white male, but it's also like you travel in circles of other white males who are also telling other people that like you have to be this.
You have to be woke.
You have to be feminist.
And it's like, why is it always the same guy, like a skinny white guy who's telling everyone that they're racist and sexist and homophobic?
And it's like, look at yourself.
I mean, it's just the pod calling the kettle black.
And it's people going, don't you know that white people are racist?
It's like, you're racist.
You are.
You keep talking about it every day.
You look at people of a different race and go, oh, the poor man.
He's been brutalized by, you know, what the, what are you doing?
I mean, just be a person.
And, you know, I've said this many times.
You know, woke culture is a way for people who always wanted to be bullies.
They were always bullies, but people would, you know, cool people would just shrug them off and go, this guy's a loser, whatever.
And now they feel they have this power that if you shrug me off, I'll get you fired.
I'll, you know, if you work with somebody, for instance, who's like really annoying and woke, and you were just like, honestly, I don't, like, shut up.
You know, like, you'd get fired.
Whereas if it was the other way around and you were, you know, talking about something, talking about toxic femininity with your friend and they got mad.
You know, so either way, you're fired.
Whether you, you know, and that, and that it just has to do with people want this power.
They want, they want to have a power to, you know, it's like during the lockdowns when people would scream at you, your nose is out, your mask's not on properly.
I mean, these people want what they didn't have in high school when they were bullied for just being themselves because they suck.
Yeah, it's a power trip and now they're part of the powerful victim group or so they want to believe.
So if I and I guess it's because if you're a white cis heteromale, you're not really in any of those victim groups.
So you have to be a feminist and anti-racist and now all of a sudden you're in that protected class.
I think the guys who say that they're male feminists, the reality is they just can't get women and that's just their last resort is being like, OK, I'm a male feminist.
Like, you know, as much as.
Bruises and Power Dynamics00:15:25
No, no.
Last resort is becoming a woman, I think.
Right.
I'm just going to have to change our market.
That's after they become a sex offender, though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Then they change genders.
It makes prison easier for them.
So maybe we should talk a little bit about what's going on with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, just because we are kind of talking about the topic of toxic femininity.
So do you have any initial thoughts?
Are you updated on what's going on?
Do you have any ideas or thoughts?
I mean, I'm as updated as, you know, I think I need to be, but I read about it.
I watch some of the video on Twitter.
You know, I'm not like a super expert.
I don't even really know what happened originally.
I thought it was all dealt with.
Yeah.
But this has to do, this is him suing her, right?
Yeah, for $50 million for defamation.
So maybe let's just start with that TikTok, just kind of giving a brief overview of the timeline of things.
Because why read when you can?
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial just started.
Here's what you need to know.
Johnny and Amber got married in 2015.
In May 2016, Amber Heard entered a courthouse with an alleged bruise on her face.
She claimed that Johnny Depp had been abusive towards her and filed for a restraining order and divorce.
She says that the bruise on her face was from Johnny Depp throwing a phone at her.
However, a few days prior, the police had investigated a domestic violence call at Johnny Depp's home and found that there was no evidence of a crime.
Eventually, Amber Heard rescinded her domestic violence restraining order.
And Johnny gave Amber $7 million as part of their divorce settlement.
And the divorce was finalized in 2017.
Here's why there's a new court case.
In 2018, Amber Heard wrote an op-ed for the Washington Post, in which she spoke about the treatment of women in domestic abuse cases.
She said that as a result of her speaking out against sexual violence, she lost a two-year campaign with the global fashion brand and it raised questions of whether she could keep her role in Aquaman and Justice League.
And in 2019, Johnny Depp sued Amber Heard for $50 million for defamation in that Washington Post article, saying that the article damaged his reputation and career.
And though she didn't name Johnny Depp as her alleged abuser, Depp's lawyers are arguing that it's fairly clear that it was meant to be about him.
Disney dropped Johnny Depp from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise four days after the article was published.
Johnny Depp is denying that he ever abused her and that Heard is not a victim of domestic abuse.
She's the perpetrator.
Part two is already up to get a little more background on what's going on now.
Johnny Depp.
very informative yeah so uh hashtag believe amber Just kidding.
Believe Amber.
All women.
And if you don't believe all women, you're scum.
Yeah, you're basically a trucker closed up.
It's an interesting one because obviously none of us are there, but and it's like, I don't know.
Seeing a picture of a woman with a bruise on her face evokes certain feelings.
Like People Magazine had, when she originally came out and requested a restraining order against him, she like her friend took a photo of her like bruised face.
And that was all over People Magazine.
So that was obviously very disturbing to look at.
But it's like, you could just have a bruise on your face.
Like this, is she a psycho or is she actually like I smack my head all the time?
Girls are hilarious.
Yeah.
She just had a bruise on her face.
Well, listen, I'm a little klutzy.
Like there's not a day goes by that I don't have a bruise somewhere on my body.
So it's like, can I just be like, oh, you're abusing me?
And again, I don't want to be like, she's definitely not being abused, but like.
Yeah.
I definitely think like they both have mistreated each other.
I don't think anyone's necessarily innocent in this situation.
I just think one is a little more innocent than the other.
And I think one of the things that even their therapist had said was that she would show up with bruises on her face and she wouldn't explain why, like to a counseling session, she'd just show up with these bruises and she wouldn't even mention them in the session.
It's like, isn't this why you're here?
Like you're preaching about, you know, you're complaining about your husband and trying to, you know, frame him in a certain way to your therapist, and yet you're not even mentioning the bruises on your face.
Like, hello?
You should be specific about that, Amber.
Yeah.
Was she not?
No.
She just showed up and did, she didn't say anything about the bruises?
No.
Well, she comes out later and says, like, look at these bruises with the pictures, but not at the time with the actual.
Like, apparently, no one, none of his friends or family had ever seen the bruises, but then they just like show.
I mean, she's merely a terrible person because he gave her $7 million and she didn't just f off.
I was going to say, like, $7 million is go away money.
Like, just stop writing articles, go find a new husband, you know, beat the crap out of him or get him to beat you up or whatever you do, and then get another 7 mil and just start a real estate empire and let Johnny Depp do Pirates of the Caribbean 12 or whatever.
I think it was 14.
He was dropped from the franchise after her op-ed came out in the Washington Post allegedly about his abuse.
So it's like, that's money.
Yeah.
That was right in the heart of Me Too and Louis C.K. and all that.
So a lot of people lost a lot of money.
Okay, so what do we all think about the fact though that he had known she had a cycle of abuse with other relationships before?
So why would he marry her knowing that?
Like that I find a little that I find that a little weird because she has like men are men you can tell anything women that are not so nice.
She probably spun it too.
Like women aren't like, I pushed him to the limit until he, you know, beat, you know, beat me up.
Right.
They're not going to say that.
They're going to be like, he was nuts and he just was so horrible.
You sound just like her.
Is Amber heard here?
But I mean, he did say that when he first met her, he thought it was too good to be true because she was too good.
Like she was too nice, too funny, too smart, too available, I suppose.
So it's interesting to see.
She's part of the toxic web, I think.
Yeah, I think so too.
The love bombing and then the abuse comes later.
Yeah, and so you, I mean, you know, you're a guy.
Have you, do you experience, I don't know.
I don't want to assume you're gender.
I don't want to assume that.
Yeah, sorry.
Oh, gosh.
I don't want to assume you're gender.
so sorry but um but you know what a little trans boy oh goodness gracious So lots going on with him today.
I mean, arm today.
But what's it like being a man in the wake of all this?
Because this, I thought the Me Too movement was really just going to die down, but it doesn't seem to have.
Like, I know normal people are like, okay, this is kind of BS.
Like, we should believe, you know, in this.
There are men right now accusing their partner of being like Amber Heard, and they're simply just getting punched in the face for it.
Like, metaphorically?
Probably not.
There's probably a guy out there who's being like, you're being exactly like Amber Heard, and just push, just punch him right.
Apparently, she put a cigarette out on his face.
She did, yeah.
That's what Johnny Depp said.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, what's annoying about this case is like he's rich.
Like, he should have just been like, I'm going to go fly to a foreign country and meet some equally beautiful girl.
You know, a lot of guys are in a situation where they just, they can't do that.
They don't have any money.
They're still being told, you know, there's still cigarettes being put out.
But I mean, I don't know how many, I think everybody's just abusing each other because everything's just so horrible.
And, you know, generally, though, as a guy, that was the question, right?
Like, what's it like?
Yeah.
Like, how's the dating scene for you?
Like, if you're meeting a new girl, do you have to, like, put it out there that you're like, hey, I don't subscribe to the mainstream nonsense?
Like, do you lay it all out or do you let her figure it out?
And she'll be like, you're toxic.
Like, do you let that happen naturally?
I don't really know because, I mean, I have a girlfriend.
We've been dating since August and she, or July, and she's pregnant.
Oh, congrats.
That's amazing.
But when I met her, I mean, she was a fan of my comedy.
So she wasn't like, are you a male feminist?
She knows.
So, and I and I think that people who are on a dating app to meet people is stupid now.
I mean, more than, unless you're woke and you're just a loser and you're, you know, you want to meet other woke losers.
Okay, sure.
But if you don't, like, just go do something interesting.
Go to a thing.
Go to a political thing.
Go to a, you know, go to something that has, you know, a connection to your beliefs or the way you want to live your life.
Go to the gym.
I mean, I'm sure, you know, not all the girls, I don't think the girls at the gym are like super woke, for instance.
So it just depends what you're looking for.
I mean, I know guys who have lied about, have to lie about certain things to sleep with girls, to say whatever when the vax was happening, that if they weren't, they would lie or whatever, right?
I mean, guys lie about that shit all the time, what they do for a living.
But they're just adding more things to the what do I have to lie to you about?
Oh, I believe in Kamala Harris is amazing or whatever you'd have to say.
Global warming is the biggest threat to civilization.
Right, but I don't think you're going to say that and then have the best sexual experience of your life.
That's probably true.
After you talk about how much you like, you know, Joe Biden or something.
Nothing turns me off.
No, not going there.
So, this weird topic, though, of like husbands, sorry, wives abusing their husbands.
That's interesting.
Like, why do you think this isn't talked about?
I don't really find we hear about it very much in the media.
It obviously exists.
Do you think it exists more, though, because there's kind of been this weakening of men in a way?
Because it seems like strong women are preying on weak men on purpose.
And I just, I don't personally understand why.
Do you have any thoughts on that?
Why?
Well, I think this has been happening forever.
You know the.
You know, and now they have terms for it.
They call it narcissistic abuse or they call it, you know whatever.
But I think that the reality is we were all just sold something.
That's not true.
We were sold that this is how women are.
They're these nice, caring.
You know people that just care about everything and they are very sensitive and you know, that's kind of like 90s kids, 80s kids, for sure, and anything before that were sold this idea.
Right, and it was never true.
Uh, I mean, women have always been strong and fun, you know, funny and sh, whatever mean they can be mean um, you know, they can be incredibly nice, just like men can be incredibly nice.
There was just, you know and, and that's what I find funny about now is we talk about equity instead of equality and it's like why not just say like, men and women are very similar.
Here's the reasons we're similar.
Here's the reasons we're different.
A lot of them are biological um, but you know, but women want uh, or this with this women's movement wants to, like you said, make men weaker and then these men kind of, you know, I guess, get abused.
I, I think a lot, I think it's the not true, though I think a lot of the weak men end up with.
You know they're, they're in these very equal relationships.
Like you ever go to the the park and you see like two people they're like it's like a girl and a guy.
They're like the same height, they're like the same body type, pretty much just the same.
Yeah, they dress the same, they're the same um, you know, but they both would probably cheat on each other because they both hate each other secretly, very secretly.
It's very, it's all.
It's like the covet thing, just bury everything, all your real thoughts don't matter.
We have to trust some trust in whatever.
So I think there is like i'm sorry no go no, go ahead.
I was just gonna say like there is like statistically more successful relationships of people who do look alike.
And I don't know, maybe that's just a new trend or maybe that's always been the case, and I think sometimes people think that's like like racist or something, because people have preferences.
So you might have a preference towards someone who looks like you, which is kind of narcissistic, but I think that's like a thing, well, we all want, like our, our dad or our mom right, I mean there's, there's that psychology where you know you grow up wanting to.
If you're a woman, you want to meet somebody kind of like your dad and you know, yeah which is actually an interesting point because Amber Heard actually mirrors a lot of the characteristics of Johnny Depp's abusive mother, so it's it's interesting that it's like this lifelong.
So that could be another factor that yeah, guys who had an abusive mom are gonna end up being with abuse or had a mom like this or had a mom like that and same with you know, girls who had a, you know, a dad that didn't really care or whatever wasn't there, so they don't want you there.
I don't know.
Yeah, daddy issues, etc.
It's all very like normal stuff that I think now we're being like, why is this happening?
Or is it fair?
And it's like well, it's never going to be fair because women are women and you know we we're not just gonna.
You know that'd be a weird society To live in too, where we're just making women feel bad.
We shouldn't stop making anybody feel bad for the worst of what their race, gender, or whatever can do.
It's like, this happened.
This specific woman sucks.
There are other women who suck, and they shouldn't.
They should try not to.
And then I think less people will do it.
But I think talking about it is good.
I think there's a lot of girls who see the Amber Heard thing and they're very sensitive about it because they know that they've potentially done things like that.
But, you know, like, there'll be, it's not as bad as the NFL thing where, you know, the guy like throws her into a TV or whatever.
Right.
So it's never that, you know, unless she like kills him in his sleep or something.
There's usually.
And there's tons more abuse, like that happens that no, they never call anybody about it because they're just, they just like beating the shit out of each other because people are psychotic.
Well, and there is, there is a case to be made about whether or not Johnny and Amber Heard kind of enjoy this toxic part of their relationship because they seem to keep coming back to each other.
They've been divorced for several years now.
Like, let it go, but they keep, it's kind of like Gone Girl almost.
That's what it reminds me of in a way.
Like they keep they keep fighting for each other and fighting at each other.
And I find it's a little bit ugh.
Like do they enjoy it?
I think it can be a defense mechanism too for both women and men, but if they sense that their partner's bored or has the ability to move on to other people, maybe they want to cause, you know, problems and then it then that person's going to want them more.
And which it actually is.
Yeah, like an emotional roller coaster.
Because guys love crazy chicks, right?
Like that's a thing.
Defense Mechanisms in Relationships00:14:31
Only if they're hot though.
We don't even think, we don't even love them, like idealize them.
It's more that we just, there's something chemical going on, something biological.
It's just like for women with bad boys.
It's like you know that he's not going to be a good father.
He's a terrible person, but it's like some, like you said, it's like some chemical, biological thing where women are like, ooh, he's bad.
And it's like, yeah, he's bad.
Yeah, I guess that's like a more immature thing, too, that people want to, you know, relive high school all the time and stuff like that.
But it's hard for two people who want the same thing to come together because it's just, there's so many people and so many people want different stuff.
And especially now, whereas like 30 years ago, it's like you either wanted to be single till this age or you wanted a relationship and start a family.
Now it's like, I want to be a cat, you know, so how you, you know, or whatever other crazy ideas you have about relationships or you never want to, you only want casual sex.
You know, there's all these different things that exist now that didn't.
So it makes that just automatically makes dating harder for young men.
And young men are like the Me Too thing.
Like they're scared to.
That's why they end up.
That's why they end up creepy because they didn't learn how to talk to women because their parents are losers and they're like, be nice to all the girls at school.
It's like you need a guy to kind of go in there and just be a boy.
Go rough.
Have some balls.
That's why we have these sayings that they want to get out of the vocab.
And boys will be boys.
Right.
Which is like an offensive thing now.
And it shouldn't be.
I mean, one of the greatest examples of this was the Gillette commercial about toxic masculinity that basically is trying to instill in young men that it's wrong to be an actual biological male.
Like it's wrong to give in to your biology.
And of course, we must have self-control, but like sometimes it's good to just rough around with your friends.
I think that needs to be fostered in children.
I mean, there's never an argument from the other side saying, you know, like, okay, with the boy, the boys would be boys thing is like, well, that shouldn't be an excuse for stuff.
But it's like, but if you're a woman, then, you know, well, you don't want to say that to her because she's a woman and she may be offended, which, you know, not is not true 100% of the time either.
But there's no conversation about don't say that to a guy.
He'll be, he'll, that'll hurt, that'll hurt his feelings or whatever.
Yeah, or that'll make him angry.
Like, you, if you say that, it's like almost like apologizing for like misogyny.
But with women, I totally agree.
Sometimes they'll just be, well, you've never talked to a girl before.
We change our minds.
We do this.
We like, it's true.
We, men and women are totally different, but like, I get what you're saying, where like, it's always like, oh, like, a woman will be kind of crazy and you just got to deal with it.
But if you made that same apology for a man, it's somehow like nefarious and like you're apologizing for like rapey, weird behavior.
And it's like, well, no, like, we're different.
Well, yeah, and relationships aren't even about like loving, learning to love the other person for who they are anymore.
It's just like, what can I get out of this?
How does this make me look?
How transactional?
How does this make me feel?
You know, do I, you know, oh, they, oh, you know, he or she freaked out and I don't want to be with them, you know, so fickle.
Yeah, no one wants to put in the work anymore.
Yeah, and I think the feminist movement is partially to blame here.
And I think the rise of secularization when it comes to relationships, what are your thoughts on like feminism and dating?
Do you think that women have essentially just like screwed themselves over a bit?
Because I kind of think we have in a way, especially when it pertains to like secular women.
Well, I mean, screwed over, the girls who've been screwed over don't know they're screwed over.
Yeah.
And anybody who thinks that they are screwing themselves over is not trying not to do that by going and dating some guy who has money or doing some, you know, tip, you know, not typical, but things that women used to, you know, women used to be taught, like date a rich guy, like, or a guy who has more money than you.
Or like a moral, like a man who has good morals.
Like, we don't, we don't encourage women to look at a man for like who he is.
Like, and I do agree.
Like, I don't, it's not about being a gold digger, but it is important to be like, okay, do you want to date someone who's always going to be going job to job and who you can't rely on?
Like, that's one thing.
He doesn't have to be mega, mega rich, but you're like, do you want to have financial trouble your whole life or someone that you can't trust to bring home his half or his whole or whatever it is?
Yeah.
Well, no, but your point is basically that if you are going to date guys not based on that, then don't like abuse him because he works at McDonald's.
Yeah, and like he could work at McDonald's, but be like a morally upstanding man who you can depend on for the rest of your life.
Like we don't, we don't glorify that kind of man.
Right.
But if you're like, if you're a good-looking woman, like you have options, right?
Like you, you know, a good-looking guy has options, but if he doesn't have a job, he doesn't.
But a girl with no job who's good-looking has options.
She always has only fans.
Yeah, or, but I mean, like, guys will date her still.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they'll actually be like, oh, you don't do anything?
Great.
Jerry Seinfeld has like a classic joke about that, about how women care about the job of the man, but the man, if she's good-looking enough, he'll be like, oh, where do you work?
Oh, the slaughterhouse.
Okay, why don't you go shower up and we'll go out?
Like, it doesn't matter where you work.
you could be a bum if you're good looking like it's just yeah and then that's another thing that's probably by i don't know biological or whatever but it's men don't care as much about and there's actually statistics out there not that i have them or can prove this but i did watch a tiktok once um but No, but there are statistics out there that the more educated and the more money a woman makes, the harder it is for her to find a mate.
You know, if you're like 35 and you make over 400K, like in Canada, like you basically have to marry only the guys who are making over 400K, which is like such a small portion of the population to be happy or to feel like he's still above you.
Yeah.
You know, because women don't just make 400K and go, okay, I'm going to date a guy who makes 50K.
Who makes 400K?
My goodness.
Someone in government, for sure.
Well, a lot of, I mean, you go to these real estate companies, the VPs, the brokers who've been there a long time.
You go to any, you know, TD bank, all the Fortune 500 companies, there's women in those banks who are kicking ass and they're making tons of money and they're playing the game and they have kids and they have, you know, and, you know, but that's just not.
I think Jordan Peterson talked about how the whole thing is that they compare like women to the highest income men or like the highest whatever value men.
They don't like there's so many men who are struggling too, right?
It's not like every, you know, unless you're a rich man or you have a really good job and you're good looking, you're screwed.
Even if you have a good job and you're not good looking or you're not cool enough or and even if you're in shape.
Like I have friends who are in shape and they have tons of money and women are just like, meh, no, for whatever reason.
So, you know.
I think it's because we have so much choice.
And like with, I was just reading an article before we started talking about how divorce rates have gone down with our generation over the past like 30 years, but because marriage rates have also gone down.
So fewer people are getting divorced.
So divorces are lower because marriages are lower.
So people just aren't getting married and those that do are staying together more.
But I think it's this thing where there's like way too much choice.
And then there's also society telling women like, you don't have to have children, which is absolutely true.
You don't.
But we're not like, we're shoving that down people's throats so much where it's like, some people have to have children.
Otherwise, our species will die out.
And it's like, oh, do, you know, the feminist women's like, oh, you know, sex positive and body positive.
And like, you know, that Marilyn Monroe quote where it's like, if you can't accept me at my best, or if you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best or whatever.
But it's like, that's so toxic.
It's like, that's kind of Amber Heard mentality.
Where it's like, I'm so hot and glamorous and beautiful, but sometimes I'm going to be so toxic and abusive.
But you have to put up with that because sometimes I'm like, I'm so pretty and glamorous and charming.
So like, no, you're toxic and like no one's going to put up with you and you're not, you're going to have terrible communication skills and you're not going to want to have a family.
And so no one's getting married.
And then everyone's just like, oh, like here's like you just said, like, here's a guy who's like in shape, has a decent job, has some money.
But women are like, meh, it's like, because we have too many choices.
And we're like, no one's telling women, like, hey, guys, you have a biological clock.
It's running out.
There's not that many good guys out there.
So like when you meet one, maybe like invoke some of those like skills, like communication skills.
Women know how to impress a man if they really want to.
And it's just the idea or attract him or whatever, specific guy.
But if they, you know, they'll do that and then they'll get him and then they'll be like, because it's just like, then it's like, what do I, now what?
He already wants me no matter what.
Well, right.
And as you touched on before, like our, our society, our generation specifically, like they don't want to put the work in.
They don't understand that like marriage is more than just being in love every day.
Marriage is like choosing someone every single day and it's, oh, it's a lot of work.
And you're going to realize that as a father to be throwing a child into the mix is only going to complicate things as well.
People don't, they don't want to put that work in.
And I think it's because our society preaches about selfishness, like self-discipline.
Yeah, and expediency.
Yeah.
Everything has to be super fun and expedient.
And if not, don't even bother with it.
But don't you think that idea of, oh, it'll make it more complicated to have a kid makes, you know, like that's almost like a liberal idea now that's like, I mean, it's true, but it also isn't in the sense it kind of makes things make sense more.
Because if you have a kid with some, like if Johnny Depp and her had a kid, I mean, maybe half of this stuff wouldn't happen.
Yeah.
Because all they did was sit around and do Coke and like, and you'd just be like, he's another famous person and she would be bored and want to be on a yacht.
And like, why can't you be this type of rich guy?
You know, so you have more free time to think about the problems in your relationship, arguably.
Idle hands.
Right.
You know, and we're all of our, I mean, are your parents together?
Yeah.
Are yours?
No.
That's why she's faking sick.
She learned.
No.
But that's, you know, not all of our parents are together, but we're alive.
So I don't know.
People put this pressure on like, I need to spend eight years with them and then maybe I'll have a child.
It's like, who would want to have a child with somebody they knew for eight years?
I mean, really.
Like, maybe I'd be like, I've known them for eight years.
We had a child, you know, a few years in or whatever.
And then, you know, so I just think that people need to like ride the wave of life a little bit more and stop acting like they're so special that, you know, oh, no, this isn't for me.
And I have this, but, you know, and if it's, you know, if you just want to be single, be single.
But, you know, don't go around, you know, messing with dudes or complaining.
And the same goes for the like Playboy guys who like, you know, I don't even know if that happens anymore, that the girls fall in love with them.
I don't think they do that anymore.
They just, they know exactly what's happening.
But that was a thing where like girls would go and he broke my heart.
He was so cute.
And then he didn't like me anymore.
I don't think that happens anymore because the girls like are it's like a flipped scenario.
And guys, the guys who have money and stuff know that this is what it's like.
They know how to deal with these women for the most part.
I mean, unless you're Johnny Depp, you're like, he's like a helpless romantic who I don't think he has kids at all, does he?
He has kids.
He does have kids with somebody else?
They're adult kids, yeah.
Yeah, he was with someone for like for 14 years.
They never married and they have two children who are both, I think, adults now.
Yeah.
It's interesting that you mentioned like the hopeless romantic thing because one of the articles that Matt and I were reading before is about Will Smith and Jada.
And apparently she has gone on record as saying she never wanted to get married and she was literally crying walking down the aisle.
And it's like, okay, a lot of brides cry down the aisle, but she was like crying, like really sad tears, pretty sad.
But he said, he was like five years old and he said, when I was, since I was like five years old, all I could think of is picturing my family when I grew up.
And then you look at her and she's like, I never wanted to get married.
And it's like, you know, they were, they're boomers, right?
So they're not even like millennials who are like representing like the current zeitgeist or whatever.
But it's interesting that like the woman is like, I don't want to get married.
I want to be free and yada yada.
And then the man is like, a hopeless romantic.
And I think that we forget, like we have this idea in our heads that men are the ones who are like nonchalant about marriage and stuff, but that's not always the case.
And then women are so often put in this box where it's like, all she wants is a ring.
All she wants is a ring.
But so many of them are like, they just want to have power.
And like this man will give them power and status now.
And then they move on to the next one because like you said, they're bored or not enough drama or they want a bigger yacht or whatever.
And it's just, it's just interesting to see.
Like, I feel so bad for Will Smith, man.
Like, he was such a hopeless romantic.
And he, he fell in love with this girl.
And she's like, in my opinion, from an outside perspective, I would say she's an abusive woman.
Like, did you guys see that video?
Cup came up after the, I mean, I'd love to get your opinion on the Chris Rock slap.
I know it's kind of old news, but like in the wake of that, she posted a video of her just pointing her phone at Will Smith and is like, babe, don't you think like those round table, red table discussions helped us?
And he's like, can you not like put me on your social media without my permission?
It was like, he looked so broken.
And then she flips the camera on herself.
She's like, still dealing with this foolishness.
Like that, if that was a man pointing a camera in a woman's face and being like, babe, answer the question I want you to answer for my socials.
And she's like, can you stop?
And then he's like, oh, look at this person.
Like, she's so annoying.
It's like, that's so abusive.
Abusive Women and Social Media00:02:12
And you're using that.
And she posted it.
That's the craziest thing.
It's like she filmed that and then posted it.
Anyways, I'd love to have your opinion on the Chris Rock thing.
Yeah, well, she, I have a joke about that where I basically say that, you know, like after they, you know, like it wasn't enough for her that he's worth like $250 million.
You know, that like they, you know, after the Oscar, she's coming home upset, being like, I wish you did more, Will, even though he already just got banned, like he's causing, and she's like, I wish you just did more about that.
And he's like, he should have been like, yeah, I've already done enough.
It's called Men in Black 1, Men in Black 2, Men in Black 3, Pursuit of Happiness, I am Legend, I am Robot.
I mean, you know, like he's done it all, and you still don't respect him.
There's nobody you're going to respect.
You're not going to respect Jeff Bezos when you're on his yacht.
Look at the women that Jeff Bezos is with.
They're like total, like, you know, you know, women who are professional trying to bang rich guy chicks, whatever that is.
Like, women who only date rich guys.
Like, I have friends in my circle, and like from high school, like, some of them just went off into this world where they're like, oh, I'm only going to date older rich guys, lawyers only, only this.
And then everyone else is like, I'm going to date people that I like and like maybe find love.
It's just like, once you make that choice for yourself, I wonder if it's like going rich.
Well, I think a lot of those women are sad about it and they know that it wasn't really something they should have done, but they did it anyway.
And then they try to, that almost makes you a narcissist because you're just trying to justify why you're doing this.
So you're like, well, I'm going to Barcelona and I'm on a yacht and I'm on a private jet and it's, you know, all about you, you, you.
But it's like, are you happy?
And they'll say, yeah, but the reality is when they go to the pool with, you know, with their rich old loser who has to pay you or pay for your stuff to, you know, to have somebody there, you see the other people who are enjoying each other's company based on just their company.
Question Everything00:04:13
Yeah.
That must feel so bad.
Yeah.
It probably does.
And I think a lot of those women are kind of, you know, what they should do is steal half his money and then go pay for some young dude.
To do his dream.
Good idea.
Because at least if you, no offense, ladies, but you know, if you date a young guy with a, you know, he might become something.
True, we can make, we can build him up.
You women will become something, but the girls who are out there gold digging, like if they weren't doing that, like, are they really going to become an influencer?
No, that's a good point.
I think we should round things out.
But no, I think you made some really good points.
I think personally, there's just like a really huge lack of respect for men in our society that needs to be restored.
And I think, of course, mutual respect is important.
But I think with the Amber Heard trial specifically, we're just seeing a complete disregard for masculinity and a complete disregard for the appreciating that and appreciating our biological differences in that sense.
I think we're on the edge of it coming full circle because I've noticed, like, you know, like a girl talk to me in the elevator, and like, I'll just say something stupid about, like, oh, yeah, I always, like, today a girl bumped into the door because I do the same thing.
The door opens on a weird side, doesn't open that way.
So I made that comment, and she was like, oh, ha ha, because, like, nobody, some other loser guy with a mask on would just see that happen and be like, yeah, yeah, I bet I know.
They're so taken aback by like stupid interaction, especially in the city.
They put their mask over their eyes too.
They're nice.
Maybe it's just because they're spread out, so the mean people are spread out more.
They're peppered throughout the county.
When is the baby due, Ben?
August.
Aw, that's so cute.
It's going to be wonderful.
Yeah.
Well, thank you so much for joining us on Misunderstood.
Where can people follow you and support you?
At Ben Bankus2 on Instagram, at Ben Bankus, B-A-N-K-A-S on Twitter, YouTube/slash Ben Bankus Comedy, Facebook/slash Ben Bankus Comedy.
Benbankus.com has all the links as well.
And I think that's it.
That's all of them.
Any final words for misunderstood viewers?
Thank you so much.
I hope I was not misunderstood today.
It's a good run.
You will be.
Yeah, probably.
No, you two are very nice and funny, and it's nice to hang out and just kind of, you know, be yourself without being like, and why the heck would you think that?
You know, but I like debating too.
And I don't even know if you noticed, like, I'll play devil's advocate on stuff, even though, you know, I agree with the message.
But I think it's important for people who watch this show to be like, you know, question everything and not just what, don't fall into the trap of the other side where they're just like, only question what the people who disagree with you say.
You'll advance your narrative so that, you know, it's like, just disagree with things because you thought in your head, you were like, I disagree with that.
Just say it.
No, yeah.
Like, conservatives are not the arbiter of what's right and true and pure and lovely, right?
So it's important to be critical.
We're all humans.
Yeah.
Capable of flocking.
Let's be nice to each other and it's things will be better.
Although sometimes I do yell at people on the street.
Sometimes you gotta.
Yeah, sometimes they're asking for it.
Well, thank you so much for watching.
As you guys know, this show airs every Tuesday at 7 p.m. Eastern Time at misunderstoodshow.ca.
And you can always watch all of our content if you've missed anything at watchmisunderstood.com.
Episode launches for free on like at 2 p.m., I think on Saturdays.
Yeah, and then I did it.
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And I don't, how long is that promo going, Matt?
Forever until I. Forever.
Okay, well, that is the promo queen.
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