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Sept. 18, 1992 - Rush Limbaugh Program
21:37
19920918_S01E01
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Hiya folks and welcome to a super special edition of Rush Limbaugh, the television show.
Guess what?
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is our one week anniversary program.
We have survived longer on the air than any of the critics thought that we would.
And you now we we are we are not going to spend the entire show devoting ourselves to highlights from previous shows and other usual anniversary show uh topics, but we are going to have a little bit of a celebration.
Look, it's Friday night, and Friday is the beginning of the weekend, and things are always more fun, a little lighter, a little uh looser, and uh we intend to have a show like that tonight.
Now I would like to show you the audience again tonight since so many of you have been writing and commenting in the audience tonight.
Tonight we have a new feature in our audience.
We have some young skulls full of mush who see them there blindfolded.
Uh they almost qualified to be in the regular audience tonight, but they fell short for one reason or another.
That's why you see them on the outside of the bunting.
They're smiling.
Uh and and and they only wish they could see.
They will hear this show, but they will not be able to see it tonight.
They still have to earn their way in.
But we weren't.
We are just not cold hearted enough to send them away.
Plus, they're they're all attending school, and so their futures are bright.
We'd like to welcome you all here to our show tonight and hope you two have a wonderful time.
Uh, another thing that you can look forward to on tonight's show is what?
What's going on?
Doorbell.
Okay.
We don't have a doorbell here.
I didn't hear a doorbell.
*crowd cheers*
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
This is the surprise.
Not you.
No.
Okay.
This box is moving.
Okay.
Do you like this tie?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh.
Oh my gosh, you you people don't know who this is.
Ladies and gentlemen, look at this.
This is Jeb Stewart.
Jeb...
This little dog belongs to our executive producer Roger Ayles and his lovely and gracious wife Norma.
And I met Jeb the first time I went to their house, and I think Jeb is the most beautiful dog animal I have ever seen.
And even though he's shaking, it's because he's got star-struckness.
He he loved me.
And I think Jeb is absolutely so...
Look at this.
Jeb will let you do anything.
I don't know.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Let's do.
Now he's.
This may not fly because Jeb and the animal rights people are going to give us a little.
Now watch, folks.
He loves me so much.
He trusts me so much.
He is, I just love this.
Now there's also something else in this box.
We have here, ladies and gentlemen, a copy of Earth in the Lurch.
Earth in the Balance by Senator Bohr.
The gore.
And we we are going to run a little.
Jeff, it's okay.
We are going to rip at random a let's do it now.
Could you would you hold Jeb for me a second?
Jim.
Don't want to let go.
Okay.
Okay, do we have ah, there it is.
There it is.
I haven't, I know what's going to happen here.
Bring it out, Nick.
Bring it up.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to rip at random a page from Earth in a Lurch.
Senator Gore's book.
I have now ripped a page of the book.
I don't even know what.
I'm going to wad the page up.
Here we have beef.
Ground sirloin.
I am going to take some ground sirloin and I'm going to wrap this page of Senator Gore's in the ground sirloin.
Here, Nick.
Come get this, Nick.
I need to use the saucer.
There you go.
There you go.
Look at Jeb.
He's got he's relaxed.
All right.
Let's bring it back over here.
There, my friends, is a page from Senator Gore's book.
Let's see if Jeb will swallow any of the words on him.
Senator Gore's book.
See it, right?
Come on, Jeff.
Well, my friends.
Not even the official dog of Rush Limbaugh, the television show will swallow any of the words on Senator Gore's book.
And neither should you.
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Hi, Ross.
It's Mary Madeline, your biggest fan and most prolific pen pal.
What can I say?
Now that I can see you, I don't have to fantasize anymore.
Happy one week anniversary.
We love you, Megaditos from all of us.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, would that it was so welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to our anniversary show.
Now, we've got not much time left when you devote your show to animals.
Uh they are so cute that they tend to take up some.
So follow me here very closely.
As I know I talked to our anniversary show.
First thing, I predicted earlier this week that this book, the way things ought to be, by me, would indeed become number one on the New York Times bestseller list by September 27th.
I got a phone call at 6 o'clock Thursday morning from my editor.
It has become number one on the New York Times bestseller list.
And thank you.
Thank you.
And it is the fastest-selling non-fox fiction book in history.
And I owe it all to you.
Thank you very much from the you see, you thought I was gonna say me, didn't you?
Um, we're getting some congratulatory faxes in here very quickly.
Dear Rush, congratulations.
I've caught your TV program for the first time.
It airs at midnight where I live in Sioux City.
Uh, you were absolutely outstanding.
Your closing comments about President Nixon's advice to President Bush were cogent and as always right on target.
This is where I said Nixon was wrong to tell the president to avoid the moral issue.
That was on our star-studded and superb Wednesday night show.
Dear Mr. Limbaugh, may I suggest you screen your TV audience to present Tom Dick or Hillary from getting in on a good thing.
Let's get this politically correct for the non-believers.
This is a viewer from Reading, Pennsylvania.
Uh, I don't speaking of the Clintons.
Let me tell you something.
I'm gonna have to expand on this in a future program.
They are investigating my background.
I am not making this up.
They are looking into the trying to discredit me, and I'm I as I say, folks, I mean, it's it's it's kind of a cute thing because there's nothing in my background that that is at the slightest embarrassing it could ever really discredit me, but they're doing it, and I I will give you greater details on a forthcoming uh program.
Uh also I just wanted to share something with something my friends and I uh Do all the time just to have a little fun.
We all eat Chinese food.
You go to a Chinese restaurant, and at the end of the meal you get a fortune cookie.
It is fun to add two words to the end of every fortune.
The words are in bed.
Let's crack the fortune cookie and just see it always works.
You are independent politically in bed.
Let's let's just let's just try another one here.
Just to just approve, it's fun to do.
Any see what this one says.
You are never bitter, deceptive or petty in bed.
Let's do one more.
Let's do this one more.
Okay.
Uh what is this one?
Our first and oh God.
Our first and last love is self-love in.
See how?
Oh, the doorbell.
I finally hear the doorbell.
Didn't even know we had a doorbell in our studio.
And here comes once again.
This is thank you very much.
Normally I thought that you got a kiss.
She thought about it, but turned and walked the other way.
And that, you know, that is, you know, just it's just like women.
It really is cats, women, just the everybody talks about cats versus dogs.
That's why I love dogs.
You saw how Judge Judge Stewart's loyal to me and loves me.
But it cats are a different thing.
See, here, kitty, kitty, kitty, and cats are just like women.
You say, hey, hey, come here, come here.
They say, you know, get this look on their faces, and I go to hell, and they turn around and walk you out of the way.
Dear Rush, wish I could be there for your first anniversary show, but since I can't, I thought I'd send a memento for you to appreciate.
Uh Tony Lobianco.
P.S. Thanks for my fame.
Oh no.
Oh, there it is.
There it is, folks.
That is Lo Bianco.
For those of you who are uh uh regular listeners to the radio program, this is uh one of the nicest guys and one of the most fun people that that I work with of all.
And and uh he's got this knack of having himself photographed on some of the strangest places.
There's he's got a photograph like this while he's sitting at Peter Jennings' desk on World News Tonight.
Uh he's he's snuck into a number of places, and they obviously got him in here for this show.
Here's the picture I've holding it here.
We better take a break if we're gonna have time for anything left.
So let's let's take the break and we'll come back and get started with some of the other things.
We have highlights from previous shows we'd like to share with you uh uh on tonight.
Well, we do.
We do on an anniversary show.
You show highlights, previous shows, and we have some, and uh, we're not gonna have time to get them all in, but we're going to try, and who knows what else, so stay right there.
We'll be right back.
And I hope that his television show is on prime time all over America.
I'll tell you, folks, see, we've made it one week, and we've got all of this, and they said that it couldn't be done.
And I I'm I I see the Mary Madeline kiss and I say, how can I get her to dump that Carville guy?
You know, Clinton's.
He looks like he got up a UFO.
She can't be in love with this guy.
I mean, he's a nice guy.
I've met him.
He's cutthroat, he's very good at what he does.
He looks like he got out of UFO.
Um, let's see.
Uh a lot, a lot of people, ladies and gentlemen, and many of you, maybe among the group about whom I'm now going to speak.
I have been inundated all week with reactions from you people who say, good, Rush, this show looks so bad.
I'm glad you're gonna go down in flames, and everything else with you is gonna go down too.
And I know liberals are sending that stuff in, hoping we bomb out here.
And I hope you're getting the idea from tonight's show that we're here for as long as we want to be here.
And that's our goal.
We're not going away till all of America agrees with me.
Now, let me just share with you.
Let me just share.
You you people, let me just tell you how well we're doing in our first week.
This is from the Hollywood Reporter, a trade magazine.
We got a report of rating success here.
Multimedia's new talk entry, Rush Limbaugh, posted a metered market average of a 2.51.0 or 2.510 for the night up one share point on the time period delivery for last year.
Uh We flexed our muscles in various markets, including Indianapolis, where at 1.30 in the morning, people got out of bed to turn on their television shows and watch this program.
They actually set their alarms.
We've been told and got out of bed.
They haven't figured out how to program their VCRs yet.
So they get out of bed.
And they've got a 2.51.6 coming out of Letterman, which had the same thing.
We lost nothing.
In Cairo, Seattle, KIRO.
We built the audience that we had uh given to us coming out of the CBS late night offerings.
And this fax is replete with these kinds of success stories all across the country.
We own Sacramento.
We're on our way to owning Atlanta.
We're on our way to owning Dallas, and we're even on our way to owning New York.
I mean, it is just going through the roof here.
And uh we have only just begun.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, because many of you expect meat, many of you expect substance, many of you accept uh expect wisdom and uh devotion to issues from me.
I'm going to tell you about something that happened recently in Minneapolis, actually in St. Paul.
I don't know if you know this or not, but Christopher Columbus has been accused of being the scourge of the modern world.
He is responsible for bigotry, for sexism, for homophobia, uh, for all kinds of evils.
If it weren't for Columbus, why the Indians would still be at one with nature and own the North American continent, and there'd be more trees and there'd be more buffalo and there'd be more bison and there would be no white people, and America would be better.
This is what they say.
This is what multiculturals say that Western culture ruined it and it was all started by Columbus.
They put him on trial in St. Paul, Minnesota.
A mock trial.
It's been going on for a while.
Jurors found him guilty of slavery, torture, murder, forced labor, kidnapping, violence, and robbery during his reign as governor of his sphenolia.
But not to worry.
Minnesota's a very liberal state.
He'll probably get a 30-day suspended sentence to be out on the street.
And Chris, if you don't like that, come to New York, do the same stuff, and maybe kill somebody, and you only get 15-day suspended sentence.
So uh all is not lost.
Highlights from previous shows.
What we'd like to do now, ladies and gentlemen, is take you to my monitor here and share with you uh we polled the staff.
What do you think was one of the biggest highlights of uh one of our previous shows?
And uh it it comes from a show earlier on in the week regarding a visit here by our first guest.
Let me uh let me show this to you so that you can remember it if you saw it.
Hey, where is the uh where's that poster of Clinton?
Where's it?
Where is it?
Bring in the poster of I forgot to bring that in.
Wait, wait, let me put this.
Let me let me let me put this over here.
Yeah, I want to talk so then we'll now watch this.
Watch this.
This is really great TV.
Tony move these encyclopedias.
Good, it cracked.
It cracked.
Here, I'll do it.
We have a guest on tonight's show.
Let me put it in the chair.
Back here, here.
Do it over here.
Guest.
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
That, my friends, is exactly where's the where's the mute button on here?
Let's just stop it.
That is what one of our previous highlights was.
And since we don't have time, ladies and gentlemen, to send you all of our highlights.
Let's just play you some of our highlights from previous shows that you saw.
Take a gander at them as we go to a break.
Highlights from previous shows on this, our one-week anniversary of Rush Limbaugh, the television show.
We'll be back with more after you get a gander of some of these.
In fact, my friends, so you can see more of the highlights from previous shows.
There they are.
Me at my best.
Thank you.
be back in just a moment You sort of head.
And we your diddle heads.
Stay as sweet as you are.
Congratulations on your one-week anniversary, Rush.
She's gotta be here if she videotaped that sitting in this chair.
Is she here?
Hey, how do you say that?
Wait a second.
Wait a second, Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
I got it.
Mother, I'm showing highlights of shows in the here.
Hang on, hang on.
There we go.
You can't beat this.
Is that my mom?
She's back there on this.
Look at that.
That's that's that's my brother.
Oh, good.
They're they're they're coming out here.
Oh, gee.
I heard I'm sitting here and I hear her singing.
She used to she used to be a big singer in clubs in Chicago.
I hear her singing that stuff and I say, whoa, this has been a night full of surprises.
Don't you come here?
Come here, come over to this.
Don't you look good?
Absolutely.
You absolutely beautiful.
I got oh I drop my drop what?
My ear, I'm not using it.
She dropped her earring.
It's all right.
How are you, Dave?
It's my brother David here, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, so uh so what do you think?
I mean, you've have you seen all of these this week?
Uh most of them.
Yes.
Yeah.
Have you liked it?
Oh, it's wonderful.
It's wonderful.
Look, right there.
What?
I feel like saying you'll time is good.
I love that.
When did you get when did you get in here?
We can lie now.
Now we can tell the truth.
We came in last night.
I called you from New York, pretending to be.
You know, let me tell you something.
So I have been suspicious.
I have been suspicious because I got a call at six o'clock Thursday morning from the publisher telling me that the book had gone to number one on the New York Times list.
And I wanted to call I called you first.
I called you this like at seven o'clock in the morning your time.
I thought you'd be up by then, and you, and there's no answer.
So I thought, I thought, my gosh, there's been a storm.
So I call Pop.
Uh oh.
I call Pop.
My grandfather would be 101 years old on September 27th.
And I told him about it.
Uh just wanting to find that the phones worked.
And he said that you all had come to see me.
And I said, no, Pop, you died.
I chalked it up the fact that he didn't know it because he's 101.
And he knew it.
So I've been wondering all day if it's.
Well, this is look, folks, you're running out of.
Yeah, we've only got a minute.
What?
True, they're really trying to investigate your background.
It is.
Yeah, no, no, no.
That's actually true.
I want to make an offer.
No, I mean, they have investigated it.
I mean, the Clinton campaign they did.
I'll tell you about it uh next week on the show.
Where is Jeb Stewart?
Where is Jeb?
I want to do one more thing before we go.
Um somebody get it.
Go, mother, go out and grab the dog.
Would you grab the dog?
Just bring the dog in here.
Sandy.
It's Jeb.
Here.
Jeb is paper trained.
Jeb is paper trained.
He's been here for a whole show.
And he hadn't he hadn't do anything yet, so we've found another use for a page out of Senator Gore's book.
Here, Jeb.
Hey, Jeb.
Okay.
Go ahead.
It's okay, Jeb.
We won't watch.
We won't.
Isn't that the most beautiful dog?
Folks, I hope you have a great weekend.
We will be back.
Don't forget your cake.
I didn't even know I had a cake.
We're going to eat it.
We'll see you next week.
Have a great weekend.
See you Monday.
Russ Limbaugh's wardrobe by Rochester.
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