QAA - PERVERTS Episode 6: Adult Babies / Diaper Lovers feat Lucy Valentine (Sample)
Aired: 2024-01-17
Duration: 07:11


=== A Madeleine in the Kitchen (05:14) ===

[00:00:00]  I'm Liv Aker.
[00:00:16]  I'm Julian Field.
[00:00:17]  And this is The Perverts Podcast, where we venture into horny online subcultures and
[00:00:22]  take you along for the ride.
[00:00:24]  It was 2pm and I was on my knees in the kitchen rummaging through the cluttered cupboards
[00:00:28]  in search of a breakfast morsel when I found it.
[00:00:30]  A sealed plastic package containing a plump little cake, a madeleine, which looked as though it had been molded in the fluted scallop of a pilgrim's shell.
[00:00:38]  Mechanically, and warily considering the dull day and prospect of a depressing morrow, I opened the package and raised the madeleine to my lips.
[00:00:46]  No sooner had it touched my palate, a shudder ran through my whole body and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary changes that were taking place.
[00:00:54]  An exquisite pleasure had invaded my senses, but individual, detached, with no suggestion of its origin.
[00:01:00]  And at once the vicissitudes of life had become indifferent to me, its disasters innocuous, its brevity illusory.
[00:01:07]  This new sensation having had on me the effect which love has of filling me with a precious essence.
[00:01:12]  Or rather, this essence was not in me.
[00:01:15]  It was myself.
[00:01:16]  I had ceased now to feel mediocre, accidental, mortal.
[00:01:20]  Whence could it have come to me, this all-powerful joy?
[00:01:24]  I was conscious that it was connected with the taste of cake, but that it infinitely transcended those savors.
[00:01:29]  Could not, Indeed, be of the same nature as theirs.
[00:01:33]  Whence did it come?
[00:01:34]  What did it signify?
[00:01:36]  How could I seize upon and define it?
[00:01:40]  I was in a high chair, stranded there by my mother who was busying herself in an adjacent room.
[00:01:46]  Crumbs of a madeleine lay before me on the attached tray table.
[00:01:49]  The year was 1986, and a sullen breeze was blowing from a cracked door just out of sight, the smell of summer grass and the distant din of cutlery being jostled.
[00:01:59]  I looked down at my chest, covered in a bright red plastic bib, the curve of which contained a mix of pureed carrot, saliva, and cake crumbs.
[00:02:07]  I felt my bowels loosen and my diaper warm considerably.
[00:02:11]  And that's when the Fisher-Price chatter phone started ringing.
[00:02:16]  Its haunting bug eyes were vibrating as I watched my tiny baby hand reach out and pick the receiver up from its cradle.
[00:02:22]  Then, words, spoken by me.
[00:02:25]  Whiv, the line was twist.
[00:02:27]  I don't know how.
[00:02:29]  I know.
[00:02:29]  They cut the hard line.
[00:02:31]  This line is not a viable exit.
[00:02:33]  What the hell happened?
[00:02:34]  We don't know.
[00:02:35]  Some bug in the Proustian Reverie Protocol.
[00:02:38]  You need to get out now.
[00:02:39]  We might not be able to extract you if this goes on for much longer.
[00:02:42]  Are there any agents?
[00:02:44]  Only your mother.
[00:02:45]  Goddammit.
[00:02:46]  You have to focus.
[00:02:48]  There is a phone.
[00:02:49]  Kitchen wall.
[00:02:50]  You can make it.
[00:02:51]  Alright.
[00:02:52]  Go.
[00:02:53]  I dropped the phone and squirted my way out of the high chair, splattering my face with the contents of the bib as I tumbled onto the ground, smacking my big soft head on the tile floor.
[00:03:02]  The pain was excruciating, and I could now clearly feel a big wet shit sloshing around my diaper.
[00:03:07]  But it didn't matter.
[00:03:08]  None of this was real.
[00:03:10]  I needed to make it to the landline receiver next to the mess of post-it notes and just above the kitchen counter.
[00:03:15]  I know what you're doing in there.
[00:03:17]  Get up, Julian.
[00:03:18]  You're fine.
[00:03:18]  in there.
[00:03:19]  I could hear her making her way down the stairs.
[00:03:22]  There was no time to lose.
[00:03:23]  Get up, Julian.
[00:03:25]  You're fine.
[00:03:26]  Get up.
[00:03:27]  I dragged a stepstool across the kitchen, bleeding profusely, barely holding onto consciousness.
[00:03:33]  Teetering, I climbed the stepstool and dragged myself onto the kitchen counter, knocking my fat little knees against its sharp edge and screaming out in pain.
[00:03:41]  I raised my arm towards the receiver just as Agent Mom came into sight.
[00:03:44]  I could see the look of concern on her face.
[00:03:46]  She was inches away.
[00:03:47]  My fingers fumbled against the hard plastic shell just as I felt her hands take hold of my Oshkosh Bogosh overalls.
[00:03:54]  That's it.
[00:03:54]  We got him now.
[00:03:56]  Just as she pulled me away, I finally got a decent two-handed grip on the receiver.
[00:04:01]  I awoke strapped to a large metallic stretcher by a five-point restraint.
[00:04:05]  I was in some sort of medical warehouse, unable to move my arms or legs.
[00:04:09]  Turning my head, I could see rows of others like me, men strapped to gurneys, a pump attached to each of their genitals, draining their life fluid into a web of tubes leading into a large, gleaming metal vat.
[00:04:21]  This was one of those places Dr. Jordan Peterson had warned us about, some form of communist milking factory where men were harvested for their most precious cargo.
[00:04:31]  A voice came over a loudspeaker.
[00:04:33]  Welcome to the real world, Julian.
[00:04:35]  I screamed into my gas mask.
[00:04:40]  Then my vision blurred, and I heard the loudspeaker voice once again as I slipped into oblivion.
[00:04:45]  Welcome to another episode of Perverts.
[00:04:48]  Our guest this week is Lucy Valentine of the Bunta Vista podcast.
[00:04:52]  Welcome, Lucy.
[00:04:53]  Yeah, hi.
[00:04:54]  I feel myself taking immediate psychic damage from this.
[00:04:58]  That was the most detailed intro Julian's done.

=== Diaper Lovers Revealed (02:11) ===

[00:05:03]  That was graphic.
[00:05:04]  Yeah, what can I say?
[00:05:05]  Did the adult baby stuff, it really resonated.
[00:05:07]  Yeah, it really brought me back.
[00:05:09]  Yeah, I do think Proust would have been like an adult baby guy.
[00:05:13]  Absolutely.
[00:05:14]  Yeah.
[00:05:15]  Maybe not diapers, but something else.
[00:05:17]  Some other like, like maybe a car seat.
[00:05:19]  Some of them really like car seats.
[00:05:21]  That's fair.
[00:05:21]  A little wood rattle.
[00:05:23]  Any sort of like thing from your childhood related to like being raised by your mom, they're like, they're attached to.
[00:05:30]  So.
[00:05:31]  Oh, wow.
[00:05:31]  I know nothing about adult babies.
[00:05:33]  Completely blowing my mind.
[00:05:34]  I thought it was all diapers.
[00:05:36]  Have you ever diped up, Lucy?
[00:05:37]  Have I ever diapered?
[00:05:38]  Diped up, yeah.
[00:05:39]  No, personally, no.
[00:05:40]  So I don't know if I'd like it or not, you know?
[00:05:42]  Yeah.
[00:05:43]  I have not worn a diaper as an adult, but it was pretty cool as a kid.
[00:05:47]  That's true.
[00:05:48]  I don't know if I remember that specifically, but... I do hope this episode awakens something in someone where they're like, hmm.
[00:05:56]  Yeah.
[00:05:57]  There's a reason why I let Liv do all the research on this one.
[00:06:00]  I was like, too close.
[00:06:03]  Well, let's get right into it then.
[00:06:06]  Diapers.
[00:06:07]  Some adults use them.
[00:06:08]  Most adults don't use them.
[00:06:11]  And today's episode is going to be about the small group of fully grown individuals who wear them not out of necessity, but by choice.
[00:06:18]  They call themselves diaper lovers.
[00:06:20]  Which to me, that sounds like you are buying a six-pack as a snack.
[00:06:24]  That does sound like they want to eat the diapers, yeah.
[00:06:26]  Yeah.
[00:06:27]  And while for some, there is a sexual component to this, for many, they just feel comfortable walking around their house wearing a nappy, as many of them call them.
[00:06:35]  Some like to pee in their diapers, others like to mess them, which is what they call shitting.
[00:06:41]  And, as I've learned, a few of them also enjoy releasing a third bodily fluid that I do not wish to go into.
[00:06:46]  Oh, no.
[00:06:48]  I don't think babies do that.
[00:06:49]  Let's definitely not talk about that on Perverts.
[00:06:53]  Oh, it'll come back, Doran.
[00:06:54]  You've been listening to a sample of the Perverts podcast.
[00:06:57]  To get access to this miniseries as well as previous QAA miniseries and the entire archive of premium episodes, go to patreon.com slash QAA and subscribe for just five bucks a month.
[00:07:08]  Thank you, beautiful gooners.
[00:07:10]  And goonettes.