The Spectral Voyager Episode 9: The Afterlife - Part II (Sample)
Join Jake and Brad on their bogus journey as they cross the River Styx and descend slowly into the lake of fire. That’s right folks, this week we’re all going to Hell. We’ll pour over the origins of the underworld and examine three different cases where people claimed to have traveled there: An atheist turned minister. A pastor who had to suffer through a demon-sung rendition of Rhianna’s “Umbrella.” A sweet old lady who couldn’t, for the death of her, understand why she had been sent to this godforsaken place. We’ll also explore an idea even more terrifying than Hell itself… the quantum entanglement of never dying at all.
To listen to the full episode, and gain access to our other mini-series such as Manclan and Trickle Down, you can subscribe for just five bucks a month at: http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous
The Spectral Voyager theme composed by Nick Sena.
Additional music by Pontus Berghe and Jake Rockatansky.
Voiceover performance by Katie Amis.
Editing by Corey Klotz.
QAA’s website: http://qanonanonymous.com
Throughout my 40 years on this planet, I've yelled at many people to go there.
Mostly while in my car, but occasionally on foot.
I don't really think anything of it.
To me, it's sort of a less offensive swear word.
Even when we were little, I remember kids saying, go to H-E double hockey sticks.
It was a creative way to skirt some otherwise inappropriate language.
But the idea of hell is one that has been discussed for centuries, in some form or another.
It is a uniquely human punishment.
What I mean is, an alligator has no sense of right or wrong, only survival.
Therefore, if it springs out of the marsh, you know, to snatch a child in its jaws, it cannot be divinely judged.
I think.
Well, none of these people having NDEs mentioned seeing alligators up there.
True.
There are some who live their entire lives totally devoted to avoiding this place or feeling.
It has inspired an untold number of tomes, sculptures, and paintings, and even today finds itself in the titles of one-third of the films available on Netflix.
I'd be lying if I said a tiny little part of me wasn't concerned that when the dust clears, I'll find myself at a Starbucks, surrounded by people and Macintosh products, debating whether their script is a rom-com or a fish-out-of-water story.
The idea is terrifying, to be sure.
A fate desired by no one.
But maybe, just maybe, through the power of quantum physics, none of us will face Judgment Day at all.
Maybe we won't even know that we've died.
Maybe there is no such thing as death.
Maybe that's the real hell.
[MUSIC]
Behind the cracking wallpaper of our reality, There exists another world that science has yet to explain.
In here dwell monsters and madness, and potentially the answers to our most important questions.
In this world, gravity intensifies, time slows down, and your heart rate quickens.
I'm Jake Rakitansky.
And I'm Brad Abrahams.
And you're listening to The Spectral Voyager.
[MUSIC]
My first glimpse of the underworld had to have been a horrifying scene from
All Dogs Go to Heaven.
This is a 1987 animated film that deals with both dogs and death.
It's a dream sequence in which Charlie the dog descends to the lake of lava and scrambles to escape a giant skeleton before confronting a dog-like Satan who breathes fire.
There are also these little furry imps that are trying to eat him the entire time.
It's pretty scary.
And in 1991, when I was eight, I watched Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
In that movie, Bill and Ted are murdered by robot versions of themselves from the future, and they must defeat the Grim Reaper in three games before being allowed to return to San Dimas.
Before they agree to play the Reaper for their souls, Bill and Ted get a taste of what eternal damnation might look like for them.
For Bill, it's his decaying grandmother demanding a big, wet kiss.
And for Ted, it's a demonic-looking Easter Bunny torturing Ted for stealing his brother Deacon's Easter candy.
The scene ends with Ted calling Satan an F-slur, which, um, I didn't remember.
Yeah, it's amazing how that sort of thing just exits our memory completely.
Yeah.
But the film that spooked me the most, and truly made me wonder if it was worth covering my bases religion-wise, was a bizarre 1998 Robin Williams film titled What Dreams May Come.
Brad, have you seen this movie?
Yeah, I have.
I was, you know, younger and barely remember it, but I do remember Werner Herzog has this amazing cameo in Hell as, like, a head that gets stepped on.
We're gonna play that clip, actually.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So, that movie depicts hell in a very unsettling way.
There are people buried up to their necks, still quibbling about earthly possessions, while being stepped on by those passing through.
There was a sense that people were suffering, but didn't really understand that they were in hell.
An idea that chilled me to my core.
I got a cramp!
Yeah, it hasn't been a really good day.
(speaking in French)
Come on, it's our private deck.
I never took more than 30% from any client.
This must be the place.
Yeah.
Mister!
I'm here!
Incoming!
Hey, watch where you're stepping!
Sorry.
Excuse me.
You are out!
Anybody got a cure?
No, man.
[indistinct chatter]
Anybody got a cure?
No, man.
I'm not an animal.
[grunts]
[indistinct chatter]
Welcome!
Welcome, son!
Papa?
Son.
Papa.
You're... You're Klaus.
Welcome.
No.
Welcome, welcome.
You're not my dad.
Sorry.
It's all right.
They... They never come.
Don't worry, it's only a matter of time.
Pretty creepy.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I've never seen quite such a depiction with the, you know, thousands and thousands of heads popping out of the floor.
Yes.
And then, there was Dante's Inferno.
Not the 14th century poem, but the 2010 video game of the same name.
Now, this was like a God of War ripoff that, you know, was inspired by Dante's, you know, classic poem.
But I probably experienced the game before I knew anything about the poem, unfortunately.
So here's a cutscene from that game.
Dante, your fate is decided.
Everlasting damnation for your sins.
But that's not possible!
The Bishop assured us!
Come.
Soon you'll be joined by those lives you have ruined, whose souls you have damned.
I will not let my sins damn those dear to me.
I will redeem myself!
So, Brad, I don't know if you're familiar with that particular game.
No, I did not play it.
But didn't you do, you did your own adaptation of Dante's Inferno for David D's episode, right?
Yeah, that is true.
You had him going through the levels of hell?
The game is wild.
It has you battling half-naked sex workers who are crawling at you out of the walls, and you're cutting them in half with this giant scythe.
It's really wild.
The game came out to sort of middling reviews, I remember.
And then who could forget the massive, cartoonishly bad CGI Satan in the 1997 comic book film Spawn?
[Satan roars]
If you won't lead my army, then you must die.
[Laughter]
Never bring me Spawn's head!
Wow, he looks like a sickly bat with mange.
Yeah, these are like PlayStation 3 graphics.
Although I gotta say, I loved that movie when it came out.
I thought the CGI red cape was so cool.
So these were really kind of my first, you know, visuals of what hell possibly looked like.
Some artists or, you know, filmmakers kind of vision of the underworld.
But whenever I asked my parents about it, they would always answer that we Jews didn't believe in hell.
But that's not entirely true.
So when you get Bar or Bat Mitzvahed, you essentially read whatever portion of the Torah the congregation is on at the time of your 13th birthday.
And it just so happened that the week of my birthday coincided with the story of Korah and his people, who are swallowed up by the earth after angering the big guy upstairs.
It's one of 66 times in the Bible that the word Sheol, the closest thing the Torah has to an afterlife, is mentioned.
Sheol is always described pretty vaguely and its meaning is certainly the subject of debate.
Some believe it is a place where all souls go after exiting the world of the living, whether you've been naughty or nice.
Others believe that it is a dark place underground that indeed serves as punishment for one's actions on earth.
And some believe that it's merely a figure of speech that means the grave.
Regardless, imagine a 13-year-old Jake in his cousin's twice-hand-me-down all-white suit, King, reading aloud to my grandparents, who were brimming with nachas, about the earth opening up and swallowing Korra's followers and their families because they thought it was unfair that Moses had made his brother the high priest.
You're gonna have to dig up those bar mitzvah pics for us.
Oh, I got him.
Oh, I got him.
You have been listening to a sample from The Spectral Voyager, a new miniseries from the folks at QAA, where we explore true tales from the edge of reality.
To listen to the full episode and gain access to our other miniseries, such as Man Clan and Trickle Down, you can subscribe for just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous.
Until next time, farewell from beyond the veil.
[MUSIC]
Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
