"Unvaxxed sperm is the new bitcoin." A statement we couldn't help but look into. Are there online markets doubling as dating platforms to "exchange" unvaccinated sperm? Is one of them run by a dissident Chinese billionaire? Is another the scheme of an insanely racist guy called "Giorgio Della Pietra" living out of Thailand? Who can say. Except Liv, who went on an unadvised exploration.
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Liv Agar: https://linktr.ee/livagar
Music by Pontus Berghe. Editing by Corey Klotz.
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I mean, if Unvexed Sperm really is the new Bitcoin, and the rise of Bitcoin led to a couple different exchange platforms to facilitate its trade, then surely Unvexed Sperm must follow in Bitcoin's footsteps.
I just know that there's some guy out there somewhere trying to figure out how to get sperm on the blockchain.
Cumcoin.
Yeah, they're like, they're like, how do I digitally imprint my DNA into the blockchain?
Somebody's trying to figure that out.
Yeah.
I don't know how long, like, writing out an entire, like, DNA thing, but you could probably do it.
I don't even know.
I don't even know what the blockchain is.
I have no idea how any of this works.
I don't even know how we're on the internet right now.
Okay.
Don't understand any of it.
Some tubes or something?
Yeah.
I don't know.
How does it all work?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Not me.
Okay.
Why are you looking at me so alarmed?
He has like a weird glow in his eye.
I think he's growing unhinged.
My allergies are really bad today.
You're just like staring at me with both eyes like as wide as possible.
What's going on?
I don't see the white of his eyes.
I don't know.
This leads us to the cryptocurrency known as UnvaxSperm, which launched in December of 2021 and had the explicit intent of capitalizing on the hype of the UnvaxSperm meme, with a white paper that simply read, Coming Soon.
Yes, it's that way of spelling the word coming.
The NVEX sperm cryptocurrency was supposedly launched with the intent to generate funding for various anti-vax projects, the most ambitious of which, that they supposedly had planned for the third quarter of 2023, was Operation Noah's Ark.
Oh my god!
Two sperms walking on the boat!
Two by two!
What, it's the sperm of all the animals?
Oh, all the imagery in my head.
For some reason in my head, it's all the same kind of animation as, like, You Are What You Eat.
You know, like those little, like, PBS things.
Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah, of course, of course.
I'm, like, seeing all the sperms going on the big arc.
I'm like, okay.
Like a Bill's, I'm a Bill sitting on Capitol Hill.
It's like, I'm a sperm sitting on Noah's arm.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm just making up.
I'm just making up.
Why does he have it on his arm like a bird?
Because it rhymed.
It rhymed with sperm.
I can't rhyme sperm with boat.
I don't know.
He's like a falconer, but it's cum that like lands on his glove.
Yeah.
Okay.
Operation Ozark being an attempt to cryogenically freeze unvaccinated eggs and sperm in order to potentially save humanity when the vaccine, I guess, makes everyone infertile.
There's a lot of Children of Men comparisons.
They really like that movie.
Yeah.
Does have a great, great, great one-take motorcycle chase.
It's good.
I love this.
It's a good movie, but I don't know if the film's writers would agree that, you know, that... Fuck, I don't care.
Who cares?
Doesn't care about his own sentence.
Let them have their fun.
Let them have their fun.
Who cares?
He gave up on his own words.
He's like, why am I even talking?
They also promised various less ambitious services, like an online marketplace to purchase crank COVID treatments, obviously with Unvax Sperm, and an online dating app for the unvaccinated.
So, but to be clear, this is a cryptocurrency just called that, right?
Yes.
No, it's not actually Unvaxed Sperm.
There's no sperm in the crypto.
They just walked into the crypto.
It's just something.
It's like if you just call the coin Unvaxed Sperm.
Yeah, it's like a hype thing.
Got it.
And then you can use that to buy your Ivermectin.
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
This sucks.
I just walked into town.
I freaking wanted to sell my armor.
I wanted to, like, repair the armor that's on me.
I wanted to maybe purchase a couple items, and there's just a stand for Ivermectin, and they're only taking on Vax Sperm, crypto coin.
I mean, I don't like this.
What kind of world do we live in?
I mean, this is a digital currency that is meant to represent Yes, the precious unvaccinated sperm.
Unvaccinated sperm, but there's no sperm in the crypto, but you don't have to use the crypto only on sperm.
You can use it on other things.
You can use your unvaccinated sperm to buy, I don't know, Ivermectin on the black market, or... If you get on a dating app... Reddit Awards, I don't know.
If you get on a dating app in certain parts of the world, the only thing you can do is put sperm in crypto.
Julian would know.
The crypto guys.
And you're coming.
I don't know.
In them.
I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
This episode has already broken me so sufficiently.
Please continue.
I don't understand.
Please.
Despite there being no laws prohibiting the sale of sperm in America, the Unvaxed Sperm cryptocurrency shockingly did not offer to facilitate the actual sale of unvaccinated sperm.
This is possibly a result of the fact that, under normal conditions in most American states, if you sell your sperm to someone, they can probably still make you pay child support, even if you sign a form promising you will be able to.
This is if you exchange it, like, not through a proper sperm bank.
Was the creation of some market-based sperm bank for the unvaccinated too ambitious for this crypto project?
Okay, now I'm picturing a guy who has not vaccinated himself who set up a lemonade style stand where he'll give you a small cup and he, you know, delivers on demand.
Let's put it that way.
You got like the turkey baster, you know?
Or, was this project simply not smart enough to make the obvious connection between Unvaxed Sperm meme and actually selling Unvaxed Sperm?
Yeah, but it's just confusing if you're buying Unvaxed Sperm with Unvaxed Sperm, right?
I mean, the naming of the crypto is really the issue here, not the cum.
The cum is fine.
Well, it's kind of like the U.S.
dollar coin, where you can exchange one of the U.S.
dollar coins for a U.S.
dollar.
And then it fell off the one point and it stopped making any sense at all.
It's like, what if we had a dollar that was worth less than the dollar?
Speaking of, in the weeks following this crypto's launch, it plummeted in value.
Now being virtually worthless.
It may be potentially foreboding for the general theme of this episode that the price of Unvexed
sperm now sits at a cool $0.00000019. This was, of course, just a classic rug pull.
Anonymous founders even noted their inspiration for starting the project came from the Let's Go brand in cryptocurrency, which mainly capitalized on the hype behind a meme to scam potential investors and run away with the money.
While this crypto project was obviously never going to deliver on any of its promises, there are certain services that have come to mirror them, the best example of which being the website Unjected, a dating app dedicated to the unvaccinated which launched in May of 2021.
Yet this isn't just a dating website, as Unjected has been slowly rolling out various anti-vax related services to its relatively small user base, among which is a fertility service that connects potential unvaccinated sperm donors with those looking for unvaccinated sperm.
So I decided to sign up for the website.
No, no, no, Liv.
We didn't ask you to do that.
We would never ask.
How is the next line, so I signed up?
This is so fucked up, by the way.
Just the idea that there is a whole subset of people who have made up qualities about the vaccine.
So they have things that they've made up or others have made up and told to them about this.
And then they are using those made-up facts to start all of these businesses to avoid the made-up dangers.
It is un- It rules.
It rules.
It is- It is a- American capitalism.
A shadow within a shadow within a small Tupperware container.
It is just- Okay.
Yeah.
So Liv, I have some questions about this account you created.
What kind of a username did you use?
Like, did you find a profile picture for yourself?
Tell us this character who just signed up.
On the signup page, I was firstly greeted with three available genders to choose from, which is woman, man, and LGBTQ+.
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