QAA - Premium Episode 169: Satanic Snake Venom "Documentary" (Sample)
Aired: 2022-05-01
Duration: 09:41


=== Covid, Snakes, and Pure Heartedness (09:15) ===

[00:00:03]  What's up, QAA listeners?
[00:00:05]  The fun games have begun.
[00:00:09]  I found a way to connect to the internet.
[00:00:11]  I'm sorry, boy.
[00:00:15]  Welcome, listener, to Premium Chapter 169 of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the Watch the Water episode.
[00:00:22]  As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rokitansky.
[00:00:24]  Andie Helly.
[00:00:25]  And Julian Fields.
[00:00:26]  Hello and welcome, my beloved pure-hearted listeners.
[00:00:30]  It's your UK correspondent Annie Kelly speaking.
[00:00:33]  Today I'm going to be talking to you about a new anti-vaccine documentary that has taken the conspiracy world by storm, causing furious debate among anti-vaxxers, QAnon influencers And even the two people responsible for creating the documentary itself.
[00:00:48]  This will be an episode that is not afraid to ask the tough questions, such as... Is COVID-19 actually synthetic snake venom deliberately introduced into our water supply?
[00:00:59]  The answer is no.
[00:01:00]  Ah, come on, Annie!
[00:01:01]  You don't know how to structure an episode!
[00:01:03]  That's supposed to come right at the end!
[00:01:06]  Spoilers, guys.
[00:01:08]  No, that's not happening.
[00:01:10]  I was always taught that we were supposed to suspend your disbelief, you know, see what's there, and then at the end, you know, bring in your analytical brain.
[00:01:19]  So, this is already... I'm already disappointed.
[00:01:22]  And listen to Jake.
[00:01:23]  I mean, he's clearly has been sucking on the water straight from the tap.
[00:01:27]  He's got snake venom in his lungs.
[00:01:30]  He's turning into a crate snake.
[00:01:32]  Yeah, I should have been.
[00:01:33]  I should have been using these these COVID tests on myself to make sure that I'm no longer testing positive.
[00:01:39]  But in fact, I've just been running them under the tap water.
[00:01:47]  Sorry.
[00:01:48]  Sorry, Annie.
[00:01:48]  Go back to your very sensible upfront debunking.
[00:01:51]  All right, going back to my tough questions.
[00:01:53]  But are the mRNA vaccines and therapeutic drugs used for the treatment of COVID also snake venom to finish off any patients whose God-given immune system fought off the initial poisoning?
[00:02:04]  The answer to that is also no.
[00:02:06]  But is Donald Trump a secret Jesuit who supports vaccines because he is part of this nefarious scheme to decimate the global population and institute a Catholic New World Order?
[00:02:17]  Yes.
[00:02:18]  Yeah, surprisingly to that one, the answer is yes.
[00:02:20]  Good, good, good.
[00:02:22]  Thank God.
[00:02:23]  One out of three folks, this won't be a total waste.
[00:02:26]  Thank God.
[00:02:27]  I couldn't take another no.
[00:02:30]  But before I get into that, an update on myself and Julian's ancient European blood feud.
[00:02:36]  Ah, yes.
[00:02:37]  Yes.
[00:02:37]  Peace Talks broke down last week when, for the first time since the 19th century, a council of elders assembled to try and resolve the long-running dispute between our two tribes.
[00:02:47]  So far, we have limited intelligence on what went on, but I am told by reliable sources that a fistfight broke out when my cousin, the right-wing American news anchor Greg Kelly, heard some of Julian's relatives speaking French and assumed they were trying to place a witch's curse on him.
[00:03:03]  The situation is still unfolding, but it seems that Julian and I, along with any of our descendants, will be cursed to remain mortal enemies for centuries more.
[00:03:12]  Yeah, the Kellys will pay, eventually.
[00:03:14]  I'm sorry that the talks broke down.
[00:03:16]  I know my nonna is, you know... I'm surprised she would throw a punch, but you know what?
[00:03:23]  That's cool.
[00:03:23]  Yeah, I heard she really held her own, actually.
[00:03:26]  I can't wait for the documentary series to release on HBO.
[00:03:30]  Just documenting like, you know, ten years.
[00:03:32]  Like one filmmaker followed two families for over a decade.
[00:03:37]  Here is their story.
[00:03:38]  And it's just like, you know, 45 minutes of like fist fighting.
[00:03:41]  But back to the anti-vaxx documentary this episode is all about.
[00:03:45]  Released on the 11th of April this year, the film is titled Watch the Water, which the real Q-heads in our audience will recognise as being a phrase borrowed from a Q-drop in 2018.
[00:03:56]  This cryptic phrase has previously been interpreted by QAnon followers as having predicted the sewer's canal blockage by the unfortunate ship ever given back in 2021.
[00:04:06]  But the documentary comes up with a different thesis.
[00:04:08]  That thesis is, roughly, that Covid-19 is not a respiratory virus at all, but a result of global water supplies being poisoned with snake venom in order to weaken humanity both physically and spiritually, and even possibly turn us all into demonic human-snake hybrids.
[00:04:26]  Here's how the film describes itself.
[00:04:28]  The plandemic continues, but its origins are still a nefarious mystery.
[00:04:33]  How did the world get sick?
[00:04:35]  How did COVID really spread?
[00:04:37]  And did the satanic elite tell the world about this bioweapon ahead of time?
[00:04:41]  Dr. Brian Ardis, www.ardisantidote.com, has unveiled a shocking connection between this pandemic and the eternal battle of good and evil which began in the Garden of Eden.
[00:04:56]  Oh my god, just reading his name makes me laugh because he's such a sweaty golem of a mess.
[00:05:05]  In this Stu Peters Network exclusive, director Stu Peters, award-winning filmmaker Nicholas Stumphauser, and executive producer Lauren Witzke bring to light a truth Satan himself has fought to suppress.
[00:05:19]  This finally answers the question, what would happen if the movie trailer guy caught COVID?
[00:05:25]  I'll tell you what happened.
[00:05:28]  The voice is easier to do.
[00:05:29]  I was going to say, yeah, it sounded really convincing.
[00:05:32]  Yeah, less effort.
[00:05:34]  Less effort for sure, because some of the gravel is now baked in.
[00:05:38]  In a world where I can't taste or smell anything.
[00:05:42]  No, you know, I did not, I haven't lost, I haven't lost taste or smell.
[00:05:46]  I am, uh, I'm a fortunate, fortunate.
[00:05:47]  In a world where my penis has grown smaller for some reason.
[00:05:51]  In a world where I am weaker and uglier than I've ever been.
[00:05:57]  In a world where seeing the Vicks Vapor Rub symbol on the box of tissue papers was a sign of relief.
[00:06:06]  I like that Annie recently had COVID, demanded we respect her, but now she is absolutely having giggles at the expense of poor Jake, while I call him weak and ugly.
[00:06:16]  I mean, ugly stuff!
[00:06:18]  Ugly stuff!
[00:06:19]  I know, it's just so nice to see someone who's not me suffering with it.
[00:06:24]  Ironically, I'm also, during this recording, I'm wearing the sweatshirt of the band that I bought at the concert where I probably got COVID.
[00:06:31]  That is amazing.
[00:06:33]  Yeah.
[00:06:34]  Yeah.
[00:06:34]  You want to name them?
[00:06:36]  No.
[00:06:38]  You know what?
[00:06:38]  I saw two concerts last week, so it could be either.
[00:06:41]  Mm-hmm.
[00:06:42]  And they were just dishing out snake venom at both of them.
[00:06:44]  Amazing.
[00:06:45]  I didn't wear a mask at the first one because the mask mandate had lifted and, you know, there was plenty of room in the back to stand.
[00:06:54]  We thought we were gonna be just fine.
[00:06:57]  And I did wear a mask at the second one because it was a little bit more crowded.
[00:07:01]  So just let this be a lesson to you.
[00:07:04]  If you go to...
[00:07:06]  If you go to a concert or you're going to a big public thing where there are a lot of sweaty people singing, COVID is still a real thing.
[00:07:12]  You can still catch it, so... If you go watch a band with the name ending in each oni, you will catch Ovid.
[00:07:23]  Yeah.
[00:07:23]  Don't know where I'm going with this.
[00:07:24]  Yeah, I saw Beach Bunny, and I saw Pup, and you know what?
[00:07:27]  Yeah?
[00:07:28]  Worth it.
[00:07:29]  If I don't, if I don't die, and even if I did, even if I did, if I slipped away in the middle of the night, those concerts were so fucking good.
[00:07:39]  They were so fucking good.
[00:07:41]  Especially Pup.
[00:07:42]  Especially Pup.
[00:07:44]  So fucking good.
[00:07:45]  That like as I left my body and I was floating up and I saw myself laying in bed coughing and sputtering and I was like, well, here I go.
[00:07:53]  And I could see my all my grandparents and a couple cats, you know, right there waiting.
[00:07:59]  I would be like, you know what?
[00:08:00]  Worth it.
[00:08:01]  Dying a happy man.
[00:08:02]  Dying a happy man.
[00:08:03]  This is what happens when you're the generation that doesn't own homes.
[00:08:08]  Yeah, I've accomplished everything that I think I can.
[00:08:11]  Time to ascend!
[00:08:12]  It's really early in the episode for us to come out as pro-Covid, guys.
[00:08:20]  Yeah, before we get into it.
[00:08:21]  Yeah, there was moments while I was watching this documentary where I was like, I was trying to allow myself to get pilled, but it's so stupid.
[00:08:30]  I mean, it is essentially what the documentary is, is not a documentary at all.
[00:08:36]  It is a videotape of one guy trying to pill another guy, and he's doing it just as you would at a party.
[00:08:44]  He's going, and you know what the organization is named?
[00:08:48]  Right?
[00:08:48]  Like, he's so fucking smug, this guy.
[00:08:50]  And what is he?
[00:08:51]  He's a chiropractor?
[00:08:52]  He's not even a real doctor.
[00:08:53]  A retired chiropractor.
[00:08:55]  He's a retired chiropractor.
[00:08:57]  Can't even continue quacking.
[00:08:58]  Essentially, the movie is like, here's what I googled, and here's what... It literally is just a video of, like, a guy baking and then trying to pill his friend, who it's totally working on, because the guy's, you know, Stu Peters is fucking sweating, he's jiggling around his seat.

=== Five Bucks Access (00:37) ===

[00:09:15]  Rubbing his face like, oh my god, this is insane!
[00:09:18]  This is insane!
[00:09:19]  You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous.
[00:09:24]  We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way.
[00:09:28]  For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes.
[00:09:35]  So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous and subscribe.
[00:09:40]  Thank you.
[00:09:40]  Thanks.
[00:09:41]  I love you.