Premium Episode 142: The Ancient Alienization of the History Channel (Sample)
How did the History Channel get so cursed? And what can we learn from watching Ancient Aliens' coverage of Antarctica? Could it be that the "H" stands for "Hitler"? Ancient Astronaut Theorists say yes.
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Welcome, listener, to Premium Chapter 142 of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the ancient alienization of the History Channel episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rokitansky, Liv Ager, Julian Field, and Travis View.
This week we are turning our eyes to a great archive, a repository of knowledge, perhaps even the great library of the USA, which is the History Channel.
Now, you've probably tuned into it and watched, I don't know, People shoot ducks, or aliens fly over various continents, vortexes, 5D ascension stuff, and honestly, it's not even the worst out there at this point.
There's Gaia, which has gone a level deeper.
But this week we're going to try to cover the history of the History Channel.
How did we get from something founded with that name to where we are now?
And that part will be, of course, Jake Rokitansky having to, I guess, pick up the pieces for the Hollywood Machine that he is basically a poster boy for.
After this, Liv has assigned us to watch episode one of season 14 of Ancient Aliens, which I have to say went harder than any other Ancient Alien material that we've ever watched.
And so we're going to take a look at how that went down and also how it connects to our Aryans in Atlantis episode.
So, hey, I see that Jake is literally opening with the definition of a word.
So that should be good.
I'm glad he finished his homework.
Good grade school essay-ass episode today.
Mm-hmm.
Yep, that's what you get when you ask me to do real research.
Take it away, maestro.
The History of the History Channel.
History.
Noun.
The study of past events, particularly in human affairs.
A continuous, typically chronological record of important or public events or of a particular trend or institution.
Can any of you here today claim that you have never sipped from the late night television fountain?
That as your eyes grew heavy and processed cheese particles crumbled and melted into your comforter, The distant echo of a mad scientist talking about underwater pyramids saying you to sleep.
If you said, no way Jake, I will consider you a liar.
No, they're just the Travis Few fan type of listener.
No, I think no one's above this, you know.
There's something nourishing about really trashy TV that pretends to be highbrow.
Travis, so you're saying you have had this late-night moment?
Sure, yeah.
I mean, yeah, I mean... There it is.
Before, back in the days when, like, we flipped through channels and it wasn't all streaming, yeah, I had the experience of, like, watching something that was, you know, either, like, you know, history channel style or possibly, like, you know, A classic is America's Funniest Home Videos.
Remember this?
It's just absolute dumb, mind-mush television.
Loved it.
This is like Bill Clinton saying he didn't inhale.
Very tepid.
Nowadays, the History Channel has become a meme in and of itself.
The frozen, baked-out-of-his-mind visage of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos encouraging you to smoke more dope has been recycled on the internet a thousand times over.
But the History Channel wasn't always this high.
In its younger years, it did all of its homework and helped with the dishes before going to bed.
It wasn't until the channel turned 12 in 2007 that it started hanging out behind the elementary school, smoking spliffs and daring you to urinate on the gymnasium wall.
What happened?
How did such a respectable station, known for its comprehensive biographical documentaries, become literal trash passed off as quote-unquote history?
The History Channel is actually owned by A&E Networks, which began broadcasting in 1984.
A&E was a joint venture between ABC, NBC, the Hearst Corporation, and the Rockefeller Group.
So, small, very small, independent studios.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The channel was broadcast to 1,500 cable networks with around 9 million subscribers.
Initially, A&E had only one sponsor, and that was the BBC.
So, 75% of A&E's programming came from the BBC.
However, over the next couple of years, A&E was buying up anything it could get at bargain prices to fill their 20-hour broadcast block.
These programs were nearly all culture-focused.
Stage plays, jazz concerts, docuseries, old movies, that sort of thing.
The channel was beginning to receive heavy praise for its enriching content.
In 1986, TV Guide had this to say about the network.
Clearly, A&E is delivering some of the very best of the world's television.
It has more actors, dancers, singers, and musicians on a daily basis than any network, and a range of arts programming never before done by an advertiser-supported TV network.
The next year, in 1987, A&E bought the rights to Biography, which became their most successful show to date.
It didn't cost them anything to produce since every episode was acquired, Meaning a different production company was actually producing the content and A&E was just airing it.
This, as you can guess, attracted a more upscale, older audience.
But the network execs wanted more.
They wanted that sweet, sweet 18-25 demographic.
They added some comedy specials and even a sitcom in the hopes of attracting a younger, hipper viewership.
There was even a show called Living Dangerously, a reality series that followed people who like to take risks.
In 1988, A&E achieved their highest ratings ever when they broadcast news footage from the day JFK was assassinated for 24 hours.
They're just like us!
And from that point on, a history channel was born.
Ah, so, yeah, I see.
So you like, uh, titillating gore and conspiracies, huh?
Right?
They go, oh, our highest ratings ever talking about the, like, most talked about conspiracy theory of all time?
Hmm.
And they're just doing, like, an A-B testing with an audience, and they're showing them... So how about this president with mutton chops?
Okay, so how about this president with a hole in his head?
It's the curse of the marketer, you know?
You give the people what they want, and eventually what they want is just pure corn syrup just shoved down their throat.
Travis, those words will ring true, especially later on.
I do love the implication with the comparison to this podcast that, like, QAA will be doing ancient alien shit in 15 years, to be relevant.
Yes.
I mean, to be fair, we're doing ancient alien shit today.
That's a good point.
I guess we're being critical of it.
Well, I don't know what you've prepared, Liv.
Maybe you're into it.
I don't know.
We did recently add a participant who is aimed at the 18 to 25 section of our population.
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