Premium Episode 134: Michael Avenatti, Too Fast, Too Furious (Sample)
Once considered a Trump slayer by liberals, the lawyer who represented Stormy Daniels has a long, strange history of celebrity-adjacent litigation. We examine how the race car driver became a presidential hopeful and then wrecked his career through sheer hubris. Along the way he was targeted by QAnon.
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Episode music by Matthew Delatorre (http://implantcreative.com), Max Mulder (http://doomchakratapes.bandcamp.com) & Pontus Berghe
Welcome, listener, to Premium Chapter 134 of the QAnon Anonymous Podcast, the Michael Avenatti episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rogatansky, Julian Field, and Travis View.
Today, we will be looking into the strange case of Michael Avenatti, who was catapulted to fame during the dark years leading up to 2021.
The espresso-drinking, high-profile celebrity lawyer, sometimes professional race car driver, and brief 2020 presidential election contender emerged in the late teens as THE guy who was finally going to take down Donald Trump.
Avenatti became so entangled in mainstream politics, he was even the focus of a handful of Q-drops, leading many to wonder if he really did have the goods on the problematic president.
So how did the man who guaranteed Trump's resignation fall so hard from grace?
Why did the media embrace him so wholeheartedly, even after his career was proven to be very sus, as the kids say at best?
How, in the name of Moloch, was his presidential bid likened to the early days of 44th President Barack Obama's campaign?
Join us as our souls leave our body and Michael Avenatti's life flashes before our eyes beneath the tender hands of Jake.
Michael Avenatti was born two days after Valentine's Day in Sacramento, California in 1971.
In his early years, his family spent some time in both Utah and Colorado before moving to a suburb of St.
Louis called Chesterfield.
Michael's father worked for the Anheuser-Busch Company until he was laid off while Michael was attending undergrad at the University of Pennsylvania.
With his college debt already running up a serious tab, Avenatti had no choice but to get a job.
That job turned out to be working for a firm run by Rahm Emanuel, who would go on to serve in the Obama White House as the Chief of Staff.
The firm focused on doing opposition research for both the Republican and Democrat Party, and Avenatti has claimed that his time there left him jaded about the, quote, soft underbelly of politics.
After completing undergrad, Avenatti's admission to law school wasn't exactly smooth sailing.
He was initially waitlisted at the George Washington University School of Law, but was finally admitted to their night school program.
While there, Avenatti actually studied under Professor Jonathan Turley and worked with him on issues surrounding the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, or FISA.
Avenatti was apparently an incredibly bright and hardworking student.
He graduated top of his class, Order of the Cough, in 2001.
And two years later, the law school created the Michael J. Avenatti Award for Excellence in Pretrial and Trial Advocacy.
Wait, is that real?
That is real.
I don't know if the award still stands.
It feels a little tainted now, yeah.
Just admit that America rewards having water in your brain.
Fresh out of college, Avenatti got his first taste of high-profile celebrity law.
He got a job working at O'Melveny & Myers in Los Angeles, California, home of the movie stars.
His boss, Daniel Petruccelli, had famously represented the Goldman family in the O.J.
Simpson trials in the mid-90s.
Avenatti's first major case was representing singer-slash-pop icon Christina Aguilera after she sued her former manager for breach of contract.
His next high-profile case is an absolutely hilarious one.
Remember the movie K-19 Widowmaker starring Harrison Ford?
Oh my god, yes.
He was the elite of the Russian Navy.
To undertake an exercise of this scope may be, with respect, premature.
There is no doubt in my mind that K-19 is ready to fulfill her mission.
The pride of the high command.
Sea trials begin in two weeks.
The boat isn't ready.
We deliver or we drown.
The shield of Mother Russia.
No sailors have been given such a boat as K-19.
It is the finest submarine in the world.
We will not fail.
Okay, so for those unfamiliar, this was a film released in 2002 based on the real-life story of a crazy nuclear submarine captain who nearly killed his entire crew after their ship suffers a Chernobyl-level event in the depths of the Arctic Sea.
Apparently, the filmmakers sent the script to the actual sailors who lived through the event for their approval, and they were not happy.
Ex-crew member Yuri Mukhin was quoted as saying, It portrays our crew as a bunch of stupid, disrespectful, eternally drunk Soviet sailors who played cards as the alarms were sounding.
That is it though.
That's every Protestant's fucking hatred for communism.
They're having too much fun.
They're playing cards and having, they're drunk.
Maybe it feels good to be drunk all the time.
Have you considered that?
Igor Kudrin, the president of the St.
Petersburg Submariners Club, was selected to be the main voice on behalf of the scorned sailors, who wanted Igor to be hired by the production company as a consultant to ensure the film made them look as good as possible.
Regarding the initial screenplay, Kudrin had this to say about early drafts of K-19 Widowmaker.
Even the untranslated copy of the script provoked unpleasant feelings among the survivors.
In the script, one comes across the words vodka and drink almost more often than the words sea or submarine.
These guys were all pissed, they were like, wait a minute, you made us look like a bunch of drunken buffoons, like as this nuclear reactor was melting down on our submarine.
They have a character who's supposed to be Russian, but his name is Tom, and they say he is from Finland.
The lawsuit got pretty ugly.
The crew members went to another film company, titled Drawbridge, claiming that that company had the sole rights to their story.
K-19's producers fired back with a counter-lawsuit, accusing the competing production company of bribing the surviving sailors with huge sacks of cash to claim that the rights to the story belonged to them.
So, from the jump, Michael Avenatti was no stranger to warring entertainment factions lying and countersuing one another.
He soon left O'Melvin & Myers and joined Green, Broilette, and Wheeler, a boutique firm in Los Angeles.
Although the cases were high-profile, Avenatti always seemed to find himself representing the little guy, facing off against high-ranking celebrities and corporations.
While at Green, Broilette, and Wheeler, Avenatti helped represent Zeta Graf, who had filed a $10 million defamation lawsuit against Paris Hilton.
Hilton had claimed that Graf had, quote, gone berserk in a London nightclub strangling her and trying to steal a diamond necklace.
The gossip rags had run with the story, And Graff maintained that Hilton's account contained numerous false details, and that the Hilton heir was purposefully trying to destroy her career.
During the jury selection process, Hilton's camp agreed to an out-of-court settlement.
Ironically, during Avenatti's time at this firm, he helped bring a lawsuit against none other than Donald Trump and Mark Burnett, the creators of the hit reality TV show The Apprentice.
This was his first taste of going up against the future president, and I can only
guess it left him wanting more.
Avenatti contended that Donald Trump and Mark Burnett had stolen his client's idea for the
reality TV show and then turned it into a massive success without paying him a single dime.
That case was also settled out of court. Nearly a year later, in 2007,
Avenatti opened his own firm called Egan Avenatti LLP.
The firm continued to handle extremely high-profile lawsuits.
One notable case in 2012 involved numerous families suing a cemetery in a massive class-action suit.
According to the plaintiffs, the North Lauderdale Jewish Cemetery had been desecrating graves for years.
In the motion filed by Egan Avenatti LLP, the lawyers alleged that Service Corporation International's Cemetery Star of David Memorial Garden Cemetery has lost human remains, buried bodies in the wrong graves, crushed burial containers, secretly dug up human remains and moved them without notifying families, and improperly disposed of burial effects in the lake located at the edges of the cemetery.
Oh.
Dumpage!
Dumping people's, like, relics in the lake.
Who hasn't been to an orc cemetery?
Cemeteries are supposed to provide dignity to the dead and peace to the families, said attorney Michael Avenatti.
The moving of human remains and dumping of burial containers with management's knowledge is simply despicable.
The lawsuit also claimed that employees at the cemetery were pressured to disrupt the dead in order to make room for new burial plots and coffins.
Absolutely insane.
Michael Avenatti was caught trying to have sex with the dead bodies through the graves.
No, no, no, no, he wasn't.
Yep, he had a multiple hole system for every grave and he hired a mason, 32 degree Illuminati, and that man helped him fuck the grave.
This is a fact.
Not true.
The case ended in an $80.5 million class action settlement.
Huge win for Avenatti.
The firm was thrust into the spotlight again when Avenatti represented the family of Cathriona White in suing actor Jim Carrey in a wrongful death lawsuit.
Avenatti claimed that a bombshell note found on White's iPad after she passed away He will now be forced to answer questions about how he gave Ms.
White three STDs, humiliated and demeaned her, and then gave her the drugs she used to kill herself, said Avenatti.
which he then passed on to her.
Even though both parties were moving towards negotiating out of court,
Avenatti was adamant that Kerry stand trial for the alleged offenses, saying,
"He will now be forced to answer questions about how he gave Ms. White three STDs,
humiliated and demeaned her, and then gave her the drugs she used to kill herself,"
said Avenatti.
"We are counting the days until the truth is known."
The case ended up being dismissed and was settled out of court.
Michael Avenatti's success in numerous million-dollar settlements propelled him to millionaire status.
The once-struggling young law student working nights to pay his tuition was now beginning to enjoy the fruits of becoming a successful lawyer and entrepreneur.
In 2013, alongside Grey's Anatomy actor Patrick Dempsey, The pair purchased a struggling Seattle coffee chain called Tully's.
Now, they had met on the professional race car circuit.
That's how they became friends.
I'll get to that later.
But this made, you know, headlines because McDreamy, who played a doctor in a Seattle hospital, seemed like the ultimate savior in the battle against corporate coffee institutions like Starbucks.
Well, it's McDreamy to the rescue for a Seattle coffee chain.
It looks like Grey's Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey will soon be the new owner of Tully's Coffee.
The chain is in bankruptcy right now and Dempsey said that his investment group had the highest bid to buy it.
Apparently a judge will make it all official next week.
Dempsey says he plans to be very involved in running the coffee chain.
Tully's Coffee has 47 locations in Washington State and California, but Dempsey says once that business is stabilized, the long-term goal is to take that chain nationwide.
As you might imagine, the Tully's coffee acquisition became a massive boondoggle.
Dempsey found out just a year into their partnership that Avenatti had borrowed money to purchase the company at an insane interest rate, 15%.
He actually ended up suing Avenatti and Global Baristas LLC, Tully's parent company under Avenatti's control, to absolve himself of any responsibility with the business.
This is a classic hit by the Italians on the Irish.
In fact, in 2019, when a federal grand jury indicted Avenatti over a host of federal crimes, many of those crimes were related to the doomed coffee chain.
In the filing were numerous insane stories from landlords, chain managers, and baristas who all alleged that Avenatti had completely fucked them over.
Managers complained that they were literally running out of coffee because the company wouldn't have the money to restock.
Furniture was broken.
Maintenance was completely absent.
One location had their drive-thru roof collapse after repeated calls to management that it needed to be fixed.
Employees received company-wide emails not to cash their paychecks until certain times because otherwise the checks might bounce.
On top of it all, Avenatti had skipped out on millions in federal taxes and funneled money that was supposed to go into the company's account into various other businesses and personal expenses.
According to the Federal Grand Jury, Global Baristas failed to pay federal payroll taxes for years under Avenatti's control.
From September 2015 to October 2017, Global Baristas failed to pay the IRS at least $3.2 million in federal payroll taxes, according to the indictment.
Avenatti allegedly obstructed the collection of taxes by the IRS by changing bank account information, lying to an IRS agent, and instructing Tully's employees to deposit cash receipts in the bank account linked to Avenatti's auto racing business.
At the same time, the indictment alleges, Avenatti transferred millions of dollars of funds from Global Barista's bank accounts into his own accounts and accounts associated with his law firms.
From September 2015 to December 2017, Avenatti allegedly caused roughly $2.5 million to be transferred from Global Barista's accounts to accounts associated with his law firms.
In one case in 2017, Boeing purchased two Tully's coffee kiosks.
Avenatti allegedly deposited $155,000 from Boeing into the bank account of one of his law firms, according to the indictment.
Avenatti then transferred $15,000 of the funds into his own account, used another $13,000 to pay the rent for his apartment, and paid Neiman Marcus $8,459 that he owed the retailer, according to the indictment.
Oh, wow.
World-class piece of shit.
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