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May 27, 2021 - QAA
01:03:08
Episode 144: Matt Gaetz Rallies Through It

Field reporting from a rally Gaetz organized with Marjorie Taylor Greene, a deep dive into the congressman's scandal, and a Jake story. We give Matthew the royal treatment. ↓↓↓↓ SUBSCRIBE FOR $5 A MONTH SO YOU DON'T MISS THE SECOND WEEKLY EPISODE ↓↓↓↓ https://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous QAA Merch / Join the Discord Community / Find the Lost Episodes / Etc: https://qanonanonymous.com Episode music by Doom Chakra Tapes (http://doomchakratapes.bandcamp.com) & Nick Sena (http://nicksenamusic.com)

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What's up QAA listeners?
The fun games have begun.
I found a way to connect to the internet.
I'm sorry boy.
Welcome, listener, to Chapter 144 of the QAnon Anonymous Podcast, the Matt Gaetz Rallies Through It episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rokitansky, Julian Field, and Travis View.
Mr. Matthew Lewis Gaetz II, aka Venmo the Magnificent, aka Da 8-Ball Hog, is the subject of this week's episode.
He is currently facing an extensive scandal involving allegations that he, and other men involved in what is essentially a sex trafficking ring, paid a 17-year-old for sex, among a slew of other corrupt political and business dealings.
Intrepid QAA reporter Travis Few made his way to Mesa, Arizona this past Friday to attend an America First event, organized as part of a broader tour by Matt Gaetz and his tag team partner in the storm, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Travis will be sharing clips from a couple of interviews he conducted with Red Pill attendees, and of course some clips from the speeches, as well as share his impressions with us of the two and a half hour long rally.
Is MAGA destined to rise again?
Matt Gaetz, 39 years old, is currently serving as U.S.
Representative for Florida's 1st Congressional District.
With the smile of an angel and the political mind of little Carmine Lupertazzi, he set out to conquer political hearts in 2013, following in the footsteps of his father, Don Gaetz, who had been the President of the Florida Senate and made millions in the private healthcare sector.
The Gates family, in fact, is a bit of a political dynasty, with Matt's grandfather having been
a mayor and state legislator in North Dakota before the bloodline trickled over to Florida.
In fact, Matt was known as "Baby Gates" in the Sunshine State as he rose to political
prominence, his dad being "Papa Gates."
Here's from a Politico piece from Gary Fineout about "Papa Gates."
Dunn has a lot of power and friends in Florida politics.
One Florida political operative said, speaking on condition of anonymity so as not to anger the elder Gates, quote, there are a lot of people who owe him favors.
They are repaying those favors by staying silent about his son.
Or as Ray Sansom, a former Northwest Florida legislator who used to have a close working relationship with Gates put it, quote, there's obviously people who respect Don.
There's obviously people who feel like they have been hurt by him.
Don's very rough.
If he's against you, he's against you in a very rough way.
Don, at the age of 16, had watched his own father die on television during the 1964 Republican Party Convention.
Just keeled over, and his kid's watching it.
And that's Matt Gaetz's dad at age 16.
Actually sounds like a supervillain origin story, but political based.
It'd be like, it sounds so improbable, like watching his dad die at a party convention?
Yes.
What's the details of that?
How did he die?
I believe it was something related to his heart or something like that.
But essentially he keeled over live on TV and his son, Don Gates, was watching at age 16.
And then he decided, yes, this is the career for me.
And then he took up drinking.
So good.
That's exactly correct.
It did not deter him from pursuing his own political career, which for some it might.
His vision of politics was elaborated in a farewell message that he penned to his constituents in 2016.
I cherish the smash-mouth fights over matters of principle.
I richly earned my opponents, giving, I hope, as good as I got.
Politics can be thrilling and noble, just as it can be base and disgusting.
The Passion of the Gates Matt Gaetz was elected to Congress in 2016 and has been one of the most vociferous political figures in support of Trump and the MAGA movement.
But on March 30th of 2021, the New York Times reported that Gaetz was Being investigated by the Justice Department over whether he had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old and paid for her to travel with him, according to three people briefed on the matter.
The three people said that the examination of Mr. Gates, 38, is part of a broader investigation into a political ally of his.
A local official in Florida named Joel Greenberg, who was indicted last summer on an array of charges, including sex trafficking of a child and financially supporting people in exchange for sex, at least one of whom was an underage girl.
Mr. Greenberg, who has since resigned his post as tax collector in Seminole County, visited the White House with Mr. Gates in 2019, according to a photograph that Mr. Greenberg posted on Twitter.
No charges have been brought against Mr. Gates, and the extent of his criminal exposure is unclear.
Mr. Gates said in an interview that his lawyers had been in touch with the Justice Department and that they were told he was the subject, not the target, of an investigation.
I only know that it has to do with women, Mr. Gates said.
I have a suspicion that someone is trying to recategorize my generosity to ex-girlfriends as something more untoward.
Mr. Gates called the investigation part of an elaborate scheme involving false sex allegations to extort him and his family for $25 million that began this month.
He said he and his father, Don Gates, had been cooperating with the FBI and wearing a wire after they were approached by people saying they could make the investigation go away.
Mr. Gates claimed the disclosure of the sex trafficking inquiry was intended to thwart an investigation into the extortion plot.
In a second interview late Tuesday, the congressman said he had no plans to resign his House seat
and denied that he had romantic relationships with minors.
So this is one of the weirder aspects, right?
The idea that Don Gates was wearing a wire.
And so I kind of dug into it and found out that the Washington Post had reported on March 31st about these claims of extortion, clarifying them and explaining that the supposed extorters had caught wind of the Justice Department investigation into Baby Gates and wanted to offer an opportunity to help his son, the people said.
He could give a huge sum of money to fund their effort to locate Robert A. Levinson, the longest-held American hostage in Iran, whose family has said they were told he is dead.
If the operation were a success, he would win public favor and help alleviate Matt Gaetz's legal woes.
But Don Gaetz, a prominent Florida Republican who once led the state Senate, viewed the communications suspiciously, the people said.
Speaking on the condition of anonymity to describe a continuing and politically sensitive probe.
The investigation into Matt Gaetz's alleged crime, he is suspected of having sex with a 17-year-old girl, as well as funding her travel, was not public knowledge.
Fearing his family was being extorted, Don Gaetz contacted the FBI.
The whole thing is just such a disgusting clusterfuck.
It's a bit like a giant Rube Goldberg machine.
And it's very possible that Gates's dad unwittingly contributed to the investigation of his own son, which is really, really funny.
I mean, we'll see how this shakes out.
I mean, like, everyone has, I guess, a difficult relationship with their father sometimes.
But, you know, I guess I've never had been in a situation where I was worried about being sent to prison because my dad was too friendly with the FBI.
By April 1st, the New York Times reported that the investigation was, quote, "...to be focused on cash paid to women," and seemed centered on Joel Greenberg, the aforementioned close associate and friend of Gates, who was described in the press as his wingman.
It's unclear exactly when they became friends, but the Daily Beast reported that the pair met with Roger Stone for dinner on July 8th, 2017, and took pictures of it, and both posted those pictures.
By 2018, Greenberg told BuzzFeed that Gates was, quote, his political mentor, and photos were posted by family members showing Gates holding Greenberg's baby on multiple occasions.
One of them was mentioned in an earlier article at that time at the White House, which also, that photo has Donald Trump smiling and giving a thumbs up next to all of it.
It's incredible.
Greenberg was another rich kid.
His dad owned 92 dental offices across the state of Florida.
He founded an ad agency and hosted short-lived The Joel Greenberg Show on a local radio station, which was a sports-themed show, I guess, kind of like barstool-style stuff.
In 2016, Greenberg ran against a 78-year-old who had been serving for nearly 30 years and nabbed the position of Seminole County Tax Collector.
The Daily Beast's Pagliari and Sullenberg wrote on April 3rd, Once in office, Greenberg immediately took outlandish steps for what should have been a low-profile and boring job.
He moved the agency out of its rent-free government offices.
He hired his friends.
He handed out questionable contracts to longtime associates.
He used his tax collector badge to pose as law enforcement and pull over a speeder.
He's like, I got a badge now!
Excuse me sir, have you paid all your taxes?
Are you speeding?
Because you almost hit me on my way to go do ecstasy with a 17 year old I'm paying for sex.
He even tried to get some tax employees to carry guns.
But it was another type of alleged abuse of power that would eventually rope in his friend Matt Gaetz.
Greenberg, whose government agency was tasked with shredding expired driver's licenses, was illegally creating fake IDs, according to investigators.
Oh my god.
He's literally, I mean, just the dumbest frat boy stuff, all of it.
Just fantastic.
Yes, I was showing Congressman Gates what our operation looked like.
footage visiting the Lake Mary branch of the tax collector's office on a weekend
in April 2018 according to several people with knowledge of the incident.
When asked by an employee if he had visited the office over the weekend
Greenberg responded via text, "Yes, I was showing Congressman Gates what our
operation looked like. Did I leave something on?" Images of text messages
obtained by the Daily Beast show that Greenberg involved the congressman even
further with a personal favor in September of that year.
That's when he went outside of official protocol and directed an employee on a Sunday afternoon to quickly produce Gates a duplicate ID.
Yeah, so he's just like showing him around the shop, and by the way boys, it's very possible that what he was showing his friend was, and I'm not kidding, the taxpayer-funded Bitcoin mining rig that he put together.
It killed the switchboard locally, they had to relocate it, and then it caught fire and they had to deal with the damages of that.
Oh my god.
Just truly, I mean, these guys are the best.
It's like an Adam Sandler character playing a criminal.
Yeah, or it's like Blank Check.
The kid's like, I want to put a McDonald's in the tax collector's office!
The New York Times also dove into the sex trafficking aspects of the two men's relationship.
Katie Benner and Michael Schmidt reported, "The Times has reviewed receipts from CashApp,
a mobile payments app, and Apple Pay that show payments from Mr. Gates and Mr. Greenberg
to one of the women and a payment from Mr. Greenberg to a second woman.
The woman told their friends that the payments were for sex with the two men, according to
two people familiar with the conversation."
In encounters during 2019 and 2020, Mr. Gates and Mr. Greenberg instructed the women to meet at certain times and places, often at hotels around Florida, and would tell them the amount of money they were willing to pay, according to the messages and interviews.
One person said that the men also paid in cash, sometimes withdrawn from a hotel ATM.
Some of the men and women took ecstasy, an illegal mood-altering drug, before having sex, including Mr. Gates, two people familiar with the encounters said.
In some cases, Mr. Gates asked women to help find others who might be interested in having sex with him and his friends, according to two people familiar with those conversations.
Should anyone inquire about their relationships, one person said, Mr. Gates told the women to say that he had paid for hotel rooms and dinners as part of their dates.
The FBI has questioned multiple women involved in the encounters, including as recently as January, to establish details of their relationships with Mr. Gates and his friends, according to text messages and two people familiar with the interviews.
The folks over at the Daily Beast also went deeper on these records by guessing that he would use Venmo and leave it publicly open, which was a good bet.
It turned out that Gates had a bunch of Venmo transactions as well.
If only they had successfully set up that Bitcoin miner, they wouldn't be in this situation.
Just send it to the women's Bitcoin wallets.
Actually, you'll hear what he had in plan for at least some of his Bitcoin as an escape strategy in a bit.
More tawdry details were reported by CNN that same day, including that Gates allegedly showed off to other lawmakers photos and videos of nude women he said he had slept with, the sources told CNN, including while on the House floor.
The sources, including two people directly shown the material, said Gates displayed the images of women on his phone and talked about having sex with them.
On top of that, the behavior dates back.
I mean, he has a reputation for doing exactly this kind of thing.
There was a tweet made by Chris Latvala, who's a Republican Florida state rep, okay?
On his side, supposedly.
It was made on January 13th, 2020, and it was a response to Gaetz tweeting negatively about Al Sharpton.
Latvala had pictured himself with Al Sharpton meeting with him.
So this is what Latvala said in response to Gaetz's tweet.
You created a game where members of the Florida House got points for sleeping with aides, interns, lobbyists, and married legislators.
Hope D.C.
is treating you well, Congressman.
Because this is, of course, just a huge Florida family feud.
Gates shot back.
Just because I own you on Twitter, don't confuse me for your daddy when it comes to abusing power for sex.
Which seemed like a weird flex, but Latvala's father did resign in 2017 after the state senate was forced to pay nearly a million dollars to settle a complaint filed by a high-ranking legislative aide accusing him of sexual misconduct.
Meanwhile, Matt Gaetz refused to admit any wrongdoing.
He wrote an opinion piece published in the Washington Examiner on April 5th entitled, The Swamp is out to drown me with false charges, but I'm not giving up.
It contained florid passages like this one.
Folks won't be surprised that bizarre claims are being made about me shortly after I decided to take on the most powerful institutions in the Beltway.
The establishment, the FBI, the Biden Justice Department, the Cheney political dynasty, even the Justice Department under Trump.
Yes, just like the Mafia, the DC Swamp protects its made men.
Since I'm taking my turn under the gun, let me address the allegations against me directly.
First, I have never, ever paid for sex.
And second, I, as an adult man, have not slept with a 17-year-old.
Weird way to phrase that.
Yep.
Predictably, the anti-Trump cheerleaders such as Meghan McCain, Bill Kristol, and sadly,
some of my feckless colleagues in Congress, are going to call for me to resign.
This is how DC works.
The guilty and wrong point fingers at the innocent and right.
Remember President Joe Biden's Ukraine scandal?
Or the Lincoln Project's professions of moral superiority?
Their scorn and moral posturing is all merely projection.
And no, I am absolutely not resigning.
But reporters followed up on the story aggressively, especially the aforementioned José Pagliari and Roger Sullenberg over the Daily Beast.
They chased down details about Matt's wingman, Joel Greenberg, and uncovered a series of communication between Greenberg and others involved in the alleged sex ring, as well as a series of Instagram posts by sex workers close to the matter, who may also be speaking to federal investigators.
On April 30th, they reported on a confession letter that Joel Greenberg had written to Roger Stone, hoping to obtain a pardon and offering the man $250,000 in Bitcoin.
From his fucking rig.
Even Roger admits that the conversation happened, but denies.
Yeah.
In it, Greenberg claimed that "On more than one occasion, this individual was involved
in sexual activities with several of the other girls.
The congressman from Florida's 1st Congressional District and myself," Greenberg wrote in reference
to the 17-year-old.
On May 14, the Daily Beast reported that Joel Greenberg had publicly flipped on Matt Gaetz
and was entering a plea deal with federal investigators after being indicted on 33 criminal
counts — including theft, stalking, cryptocurrency fraud, small business administration loan
fraud and yes, sex trafficking a minor.
Here's from the article.
Greenberg, the former Seminole County tax collector, says he acted, quote, in reckless disregard when he had sex with a 17-year-old girl at least seven times.
Jesus Christ!
He also claims that he connected the teen to others who also engaged in commercial sex acts with her.
According to the plea, Greenberg sometimes paid a bonus to his sexual partners,
including the minor, if they took ecstasy with him.
Jesus fucking Christ!
And he also used taxpayer funds to facilitate sex with the girl at an Orlando-area embassy suites.
In the filing, Greenberg admits to six felonies, including sex trafficking,
two identity theft crimes, wire fraud, stalking, and conspiracy to commit offense against the
United States, a crime stemming from COVID relief loans Greenberg fraudulently obtained last year.
According to the plea, Greenberg acted as the hub of a central Florida sex ring, Over the course of more than 150 transactions, Greenberg paid more than $70,000, including taxpayer funds, to arrange sexual encounters for him and unnamed associates.
Some of those payments were made through the Venmo mobile app, the document says, and were disguised in the memo fields.
The plea specifically mentions three of those memo items, quote, food, school, and ice cream.
So, a whole new set of code words for the QAnon community to bake when it comes to child sex trafficking.
Yeah, yeah, give us Foodgate, Schoolgate, and Ice Cream Gate now.
Also, it's really funny because Greenberg is such a fucking piece of shit.
He was screencapping all his conversations with Gates and with Roger Stone, even though they had set, like, 30-second disappear timers on Signal.
He was, like, from day one documenting everything on everyone.
Just a horrible little rat in the making.
They always turn on each other eventually.
Yeah.
Well, when you're under 33 counts, you better fucking flip, right?
Right.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, this is the rest of his life in prison.
This is Rich Boy going to prison for the rest of his fucking life if he doesn't turn up something.
That's right.
Not only is the entire situation a public relations disaster for Matt Gaetz, but it's also incredibly Byzantine.
There's lots of reporting on all the crooked business and political dealings between him, Greenberg, and this new playable character who has emerged of late, Joe Ellicott, who's a former radio shock jock from Florida.
Now, the more you stare at the situation, the more it seems like a broader political corruption ring, involving two of the dumbest frat boys on the planet, disloyal ones to boot.
Gates no longer denies being investigated, and seems to have decided to post and rally through the entire thing.
But it does seem, in a lot of the latest reporting, that he was also selling influence, as in perhaps the ear of the governor, specifically around medical marijuana laws.
Speaking of rallies, I think Travis got to peer directly into Gates's vacant eyes in person this weekend.
So let's get into it.
The Arizona Gates and Green Rally.
Like Julian mentioned, last week I drove the five and a half hours to the Mesa, Arizona area.
Which really is like the petri dish for the far right.
We've often said on the show that the most active areas for QAnon happenings are Florida and Arizona.
Praying Medic is from Arizona, the QAnon Shaman is from Arizona, and in fact, right now, Acuna Administrator Ron Watkins is very actively pushing disinformation about the 2020 election on Telegram, specifically in reference to the Ongoing so-called audit that's happening there.
Watkins even recently asked his followers to join a chat group on Telegram dedicated to discussing the Arizona audit, pushing thousands of QAnon followers there.
I arrived fairly early, about an hour or so before the doors opened, and while standing in line, I was handed a flyer for a campaign to recall Arizona Speaker of the House Rusty Bowers, who is a Republican.
Trump supporters are enraged at Rusty Bowers because he called the election of Biden legitimate.
He said back in December, I voted for President Trump and worked hard to reelect him, but I cannot and will not entertain a suggestion that we violate current law to change the outcome of a certified election.
Sounds like a rhino.
Exactly.
Too much.
Way too far.
I support President Trump 100%, but I do not want to destroy American democracy.
You are on the outs!
On one side of the flyer, there are endorsements of the recall effort from Mike Lindell and Sidney Powell.
And on the opposite side, just to add some spice to the recall effort, it says, quote, Why does Rusty Bowers want to remove penalties for pedophile sexual predators?
Then question mark, exclamation point, question mark, exclamation point, and another question mark.
Oh, good.
So in that sentence, pedophiles in all caps, just the main word is there, big and bold.
The flyer references the fact that Bauer supported a bill that would allow people to possibly be removed from the sex offender registry if the perpetrator was under the age of 22, the victim was 15 or older, and the sexual contact was consensual.
So this is one of those things where I think the intention is that if an 18-year-old has sex with a 17-year-old, there's really no profit to have them being a registered sex offender for the rest of their life.
So it's not a guaranteed thing.
It would have to pass through a judge, and they would have to hear from victims.
But basically, if a similar law was ever passed in Florida, it would offer no protection to Matt Gaetz, who is 39 years old, if he is ever convicted of what he is alleged of doing.
I was also handed a flyer asking me to join the American Freedom Party.
And right on the front of that flyer, it says that, quote, the American Freedom Party is both a political party and activist organization dedicated to the interests and issues of European American people.
So this is, to be clear, a recruitment pamphlet for a white nationalist party.
It was formerly called the Third Position Party.
It was founded in 2010.
And I'm not saying that anyone in that crowd specifically was a white nationalist.
I didn't see anyone saying that, or I didn't see any white nationalist iconography, necessarily.
But I am saying that white nationalist activists looked at the crowd and said, you know what, I bet they're interested in what I have to say.
Fellow future ethno-state citizen, welcome to today's conference.
So after a pat down, I got into the room.
Conducting interviews before the event was kind of tough because they were blasting music just the whole time when no one was speaking.
Just like in the Trump rallies from the before time, they played a lot of hits from the 70s and 80s, including YMCA by the Village People, Free Fallin' by Tom Petty, and Piano Man by Billy Joel.
Free Fallin' is actually a pretty good song for Gates at this point.
Yeah.
The crowd in the room was noticeably older than a lot of the QAnon rallies that I've attended.
There's this common stereotype about Q people being a boomer thing, but honestly I bet the demographics for mainline MAGA skews older than QAnon.
I spoke to one older gentleman who was seated next to me.
I asked what he made of the fact that Marjorie Taylor Greene was stripped of her committee assignments.
I kind of assumed that he would rail against Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats, but he reserved most of his ire for Republicans.
Yeah, it just shows you, like, one, many of the hierarchy of the Republican Party don't represent our values.
They're out of touch with, I think, the majority of the American people.
But I think it actually was a blessing in disguise for her because they freed her to deliver her message directly to the people.
But I think it really shows the betrayal of the hierarchy of the Republican Party and how they're out of touch.
And that's why I got involved to be a PC in my legislative district, because I think the grassroots need to take over the Republican Party.
And instead of them saying, well you should split off and form a third party, it's like, you guys leave.
And let the real people that support the Republican Party, been supporting the Republican Party for years, with their time and their money, and been betrayed every step of the way, it's time for you guys to step aside and let some real leadership like Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene take over.
I think what's really funny is that, yeah, he says that he wants Marjorie Taylor Greene to be a leader, but also is glad that she was stripped of committee assignments so she can deliver her message.
Because, again, this is another thing where it's like, you know, the only thing that matters is communications, message, talking, being on stage, being on camera, delivering, you know, it's this whole delusion that, like, if you talk enough, then you can, like, you know, That's that's what real power is.
That gentleman told me that he is a volunteer for the ongoing dubious audit that is happening right now in Maricopa County, working six days a week until recently.
He was also thoroughly convinced that the recent election was illegitimate.
But I think what most everybody knows is the election was stolen.
There was mass election fraud in multiple states, including Arizona.
and i think the audit is going to expose it and it, you know, it's kind of like Steve Bannon, they
often refer to as saying we'll have the receipts
and i think the end result of it will be is it'll completely, if it doesn't overturn the election it'll
further delegitimize the current administration
and i think it's going to move some of these other states to continue to have local legislation
to ensure that the election is never going to be stolen again.
Most people in the crowd were just fans of Trump, but they're not necessarily as super online as QAnon followers.
But I did spot two women wearing a QAnon Where We Go One, We Go All shirt.
So I asked them a few questions about their Q belief.
So what does the Q movement mean to you?
It's more, it really does represent what JFK represented back in 1963.
And by going with the phrase, where we go one, we go all, was what he represented and what he tried to do during his
administration, but was stopped and unable to do.
Right, right.
How long have you been involved with the Cube, or Klan?
probably the past year.
I'm very new to it.
My biggest thing is where we go, where we go one, where we go all.
And that is the way that the whole world should be.
Yeah, we do.
So we kind of know things, but we're waiting to see exactly where they end up going and how true they come out to be.
They all think Where We Go One, We Go All is a JFK thing.
It's a 1996 white squall film thing.
How much is Ridley Scott paying you to mention this so much, Travis?
This would be fact-checking, unfortunately.
QAnon people, they have so mixed the movies they like in real life that they just sort of bleed into each other.
Now, the rally kicked off with an opening prayer that implored people to open their eyes to corruption and to be peaceable.
Father instill integrity in party leaders, campaign workers, candidates, and we the people.
Keep us all from deceit and corruption and to be a peaceable people.
We express gratitude to those who will speak to us today for their courage to stand against the evil and wrongdoings in our nation.
Congressman Biggs, Congressman Gosar, Congressman Gates, Congresswoman Green, and others.
Bless them that they'll continue to serve and be useful in my hands.
The first speaker was Chairwoman of the Arizona GOP Kelly Ward, saying that she expects this audit in Arizona to just be the tip of the spear, triggering a wave of audits across the country.
This audit is going to give other states the courage, the passion, the wisdom to follow in our footsteps.
I certainly hope to see Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Nevada follow, follow, follow and find out what happened in 2020.
We have to see what the irregularities, the mistakes, and if there was outright fraud, we gotta find it!
People have to be held accountable.
So yeah, I think this is worth bringing up because, you know, the fringe right right here, they're stating their game plan.
They're going to use the Arizona audit as a template for similar audits across the country to delegitimize the election on a wider scale.
It's already kind of brewing in Georgia right now.
So just don't be surprised when this happens.
They're bringing jobs back to the heartland, and you are complaining about it.
Do you know how many people have to be employed in, like, color-coded units and shit?
Like, it's gonna be just a country of gymnasiums investigating stuff.
All the people—yeah, they're gonna get ripped out of gymnasiums.
You need to hire people to set up those livestream cameras.
You're right.
Lots of tech jobs.
That's a lot of good jobs.
The first congressman to speak was Representative Paul Gosar.
He told the audience that he had some intel from the FEC Fraud Division and the military.
It claimed that there were hundreds of thousands of altered votes in Arizona.
And people that were coming to me from the Securities Exchange Fraud Departments and from the military fraud estimated between 400,000 and 700,000 ballots were altered in the state of Arizona.
But you know the thing about it is, we want the truth.
Again, QAnon, secret intel stuff, I can't tell you about it, but I've got my secret sources that are telling me that it's happening, folks.
And they still fucking fall for it.
This is what kills me.
Yeah, these poor people, it's like the thing is, they're going off and telling their friend, oh yeah, there's 150 ballots stolen.
And they're like, where are you getting that information, Phil?
And they're like, the congressmen told me.
And it's like, well, of course.
Of course they're going to believe it if there's somebody in a position of theoretical power that's telling them that this is going on.
It's like, man, shame on you!
Shame on you all!
Our next speaker was Congressman Andy Biggs.
By the way, two of the speakers were Arizona congressmen, and I didn't even know that they were appearing until the day I showed up.
I mean, Gates and Green both got the headline.
Biggs talked about how his friends in the House Freedom Caucus disrupt so-called suspension bills in Congress.
Suspension bills are bills that are allowed to be passed with just a voice vote and without a quorum.
These kinds of bills are typically non-controversial or inconsequential and have broad bipartisan support.
One of these bills, for example, was a measure for Speaker Nancy Pelosi to award congressional gold medals to the Capitol Police and Metropolitan Police Department for protecting the Capitol on January 6th.
Sometimes it's fluff or meaningless stuff or stuff that just needs to happen for whatever.
The idea with suspension bills is to speed up the procedure for like low-level stuff.
However, some members of the House Freedom Caucus have disrupted this practice by requesting the more time-consuming roll call vote for each of these bills.
Democrats argue that this is just Republicans attempting to force House votes late into the night for little purpose other than agitation.
I learned from Andy Biggs that congressmen who disrupt legislative procedure in this way go by a funny little acronym that they chose for themselves.
While some may say that we should not fight the Democrats who are advancing their wildly, crazy, radical left agenda with alacrity, I say we should use every procedural tool we have to slow them down.
So we have, we have in the Freedom Caucus a group of people that go down on the floor And we enforce the rules of procedure that we can to slow them down.
And that team is called the... Can you figure out the acronym here?
The Floor Action Response Team.
We really try to blow things up, ladies and gentlemen.
That's it.
That's it.
Did he say no shit at the end?
He said no shit.
Yes, yes.
He says, yes, it's the Floor Action Response Team, or FART.
This is their team that they use to disrupt legislative action.
This is the name they chose for themselves.
It's like, I feel, we're ruled apparently by two kinds of people.
Children and child fuckers.
After Congressman Bigg spoke, out came Marjorie Taylor Greene, and boy, they absolutely loved seeing her, and she loved seeing them.
I mean, when she came out, she had this huge smile on her face as she paced the stage and worked the crowd like a stand-up comedian.
Greene boasted that she isn't a member of what she calls the woke COVID religion, unlike Nancy Pelosi, whom she calls Speaker Maskhole.
And I'm not brainwashed by everyone that is addicted to the cult called the Woke COVID Religion.
And it is a cult, believe me.
You know, there's a lot of people in the cult, other than Speaker MassCole.
So I think that Speaker Maskhole, this is Green's attempt at like a Trump-style nickname for Pelosi, but I don't know, it doesn't have that Trumpian punch for me.
It's a little too cutesy.
I mean, Trump called Pelosi Crazy Nancy, Nervous Nancy.
You know, straight to the point.
This is a little bit vulgar.
You know, it implies that she has an asshole on her mouth.
And I don't know.
I'm with Travis on this, that it doesn't quite have the punch that a simpler, more direct nickname could have garnered.
But the idea that it's woke to believe diseases exist?
That word has gone through many things.
I know, I know.
Now woke means you believe in germ theory.
Green expanded on her comedy a bit by talking about the woke COVID religion prayer that she made up.
Yeah, so they, you know, they have a little prayer, they say.
I'm going to read it to you.
This is a pretty good one.
If you're in the woke COVID religion, you know, they have pillows with Fauci's face on there.
T-shirts.
I don't even know.
It's kind of crazy.
They start out and they say, Hail Dr. Fauci.
Full of masks.
The COVID vaccine is with you.
Blessed are you among all federal employees.
And blessed is your paycheck, because it's the highest in the federal government.
Oh, Dr. Fauci, full of masks, pay the Wuhan Clinic some more money.
And send us more viruses so that we may control America, completely take over, and turn America into a socialist nation.
I mean this is a shitty YouTube video.
This is a shitty mom on YouTube reading her poem.
I wonder when she got this idea and she thought it was so fucking good she had to write it down and like print it out and then carry it with her because she thought oh man the people in Arizona are gonna love this bit.
They recognize prayers and this one I've replaced some of the words.
Then she started talking about mean letters she had received, including one from a Democratic member of Congress.
And she also gave him another little cute nickname.
Well, I got a letter from a certain congressman, Representative Cicilline.
Man, I've never met.
I couldn't even tell you what he looks like.
I call him Representative Mussolini.
Again, Trump would never call someone Mussolini.
This is a little, I don't know, a little bit too highbrow of a reference, and maybe some of his fans like Mussolini.
Yeah, he would go with something simple like, silly Cicilline.
You know, a little bit of alliteration goes a long way.
At one point, Marjorie Taylor Greene promised the return of Trump, which inspired a chant of, we love Trump, from the crowd.
President Trump has not given up.
You want to know why?
He loves this country.
He loves the American people.
He loves everything we stand for.
And you'll see him.
He's coming back. And I'm going to tell you what we're doing. [Chanting
You know, it's weird.
It's like she made fun of people for being worshipful of, was it, Dr. Fauci.
I agree.
It is weird to be, I guess, reverential towards a government bureaucrat or whatever.
But then that leads right into just absolute chanting devotion to a former president, someone who isn't even in office anymore.
Green also expressed horror at the cruelty and brutality of the criminal justice system, which, you know, surprised me.
But her outrage was limited only to those arrested as a consequence of their participation in the January 6th Capitol riot.
Let me tell you, none of us agree with the violence on January 6th.
No one's arguing that.
There's already investigations underway.
445 people have been arrested.
100 more are going to be arrested.
But people are being held 23 hours in solitary confinement and they haven't seen a court date yet.
This is abuse.
You're right, right.
Being denied the right to a speedy trial, being held in solitary confinement is abuse and it has been happening since before January 6th.
Marjorie, the carceral reformer.
Now, this is new.
It's not at all just a convenient moment for her.
She truly believes in this stuff, folks.
Greene repeated a false claim first made by former President Trump.
She said that Trump had ordered 10,000 National Guard troops to protect the Capitol, but this request was denied for some reason.
This is pure bullshit and a complete inversion of reality.
There's more questions that need to be answered.
There was intel ahead of time that there was going to be violence on January 6th.
President Trump requested 10,000 National Guard to be at the Capitol on January 6th.
The question that needs to be answered is who turned that request down?
That's where the accountability lies.
Because if they had listened to President Trump and provided the 10,000 National Guard troops around the Capitol, well, we wouldn't be having this conversation about January 6th.
After this, Matt Gaetz bounded on the stage, and in person, like, his face looks really kind of exaggerated and stretched, I mean, when I saw him.
I mean, it kind of reminded me of a character from Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun music video, which is perhaps an older reference for many of our listeners, but that's what it reminded me of.
R.I.P.
Chris Cornell.
Or just a bobblehead or a fucking Funko Pop.
That's what he looks like.
Matt Gaetz's speech wasn't as interesting, honestly.
There was lots of general gestures towards the American way of life and how it's disappearing.
There was also a ton of immigrant bashing.
While talking about his support for the Arizona audit, Gaetz pointed to the assembled members of the media who were in the back of the room and blamed them for allegedly mischaracterizing the audit.
This inspired the crowd to also turn towards the media and point and yell at them.
See, the America Last Media, they just think, oh, these are a bunch of resentful people.
They can't take the truth.
They're just in a state of denial.
Well, you know what?
We are working to make elections better, not just to right the wrongs of the past, but to ensure that we have a better future, that we have elections we can count on.
That we have reforms we can trust, that we have voter identification, so that we know that if a ballot is cast, that an actual human being intended to cast that ballot I heard about this phenomenon that happens at Trump rallies, but I hadn't experienced it myself, where the speaker, usually Trump, like he points to the media, he calls them out, he yells at them, and then everyone else joins in the yelling.
And it was, I don't know, it was exhilarating.
Two minutes of hate.
Everyone, I could just feel just the resentment of the crowd around me as they sort of turned and just vaguely yelled at the masked members of the media in the back of the room.
In fairness, I also heard Gates make some salient points about the proper use of the U.S.
military.
I also believe you cannot export America to some distant land at the edge of a sword.
I don't believe that America's best effort is trying to go and build a democracy out of sand and blood and Arab militias in the Middle East.
Gates also accurately, in my opinion, talked about how Donald Trump is the base of the Republican Party and will continue to be in the near future.
The media like to act as though there is this big civil war brewing in the Republican Party.
Is it going to be the establishment or is it going to be the Trump populists?
Well, you know what?
The civil war is over.
We've won.
This is Donald Trump's Republican Party and I am a Donald Trump Republican.
After Matt Gaetz spoke, the stage crew assembled four chairs on the stage and some people started filing out.
Then the four Congress members took their seats in front of the room.
Gaetz, apparently disturbed by the sight of the people leaving before the show was over, told them that they're welcome to be replaced by the people waiting outside.
Well, there are still a few thousand folks outside.
So if you need a break, you're welcome to depart and be replaced.
But we just thought we'd hang around a little longer and tell a few stories.
How are we doing?
Play the hits and no more noodling.
During that roundtable, they were joking a lot and trading stories,
but they kept referencing the fact that Congressman Gosar's siblings
all campaigned against him in a TV ad, which I thought was kind of awkward to keep bringing up.
Okay, you guys, this is what we really want from you.
We really want every single one of you to stay engaged in this fight.
What you have to do is you've got to encourage your friends, your neighbors, and your family, unless they're like Paul Gosar's siblings.
There was also a weird moment where Marjorie Taylor Greene was kind of like, it's fine if your family doesn't like you because your family is here now.
Oh boy.
Paul also couldn't go because they're trying to put him on a no-fly list, I think.
Yeah, but you know there's some fun things.
There's this new TV hit coming out.
It's called Ghosts of Our Family 7111.
Seven members of my family hate me, one likes me, one's impartial, and then it's just me.
Have you all seen the television ads of Gosar's siblings campaigning against him?
I'm watching the Democrats during this conflict with Israel and Palestine, and they've totally become an anti-Israel party, and that's problematic with some of the other members that are Democrats.
And I look over at the Democratic Party and say, it's becoming more tense over there than a Gosar family reunion.
See, the good news is, though, is if you watch that, you can be like me.
You can have a love affair with an Arizona Republican.
Well, I think, I think, Paul, you got a big family right here.
It's like they're at the roast of Gozar.
You know what they say about Gozar?
His dick used to work 68 years ago because he's old.
We're now the party of family members don't speak to us.
That's it.
We're now the party of you get your sense of community here.
We're yelling at the media.
That's how you find love now.
So overall, I thought the experience was a bit like watching a performance of like a Trump cover band.
Everyone in that room, they're a big Trump fan and they wanted to see Trump, but Trump isn't on tour at the moment.
So they're settling for some imitators who are playing like the hits of Trump.
Yeah, this is like basically how I guess the MAGA wing, the super MAGA wing of the Republican Party are keeping the MAGA flame alive because they want to keep it on fire as much as possible going into 2022 and 2024.
And the question is, is that will it will it reignite in a big way?
Will it spread and will it help usher in the return of Trump?
At this point it feels to me like Gaetz and Green are falling back on a kind of, just like a cronyist tribal mentality where they're like, if we do enough favors for this or that it'll get us through these set of sets of scandals that the, like you said, the Republican donors are not delighted by, probably, broadly, because it's too much of a liability, too much bullshit, too much drama.
Even Trump was a bit, you know, of an on and off for the Koch brothers, etc.
And they also realize that, hey, I've been donating across the aisle anyways.
I mean, you know, maybe I can recruit some Democrats.
But in places like Florida, where, you know, the state Senate has been controlled for a while by Republicans, if I'm not wrong, they can only really exist within certain fishbowls, I guess is my point.
And that's not to say that people won't vote for them, but it really doesn't matter if people vote for them if others with money, dark money pools, are betting on other candidates or doing attack ads on them or even pushing their scandals to worsen.
And with that, I have prepared a little something for dessert.
If the two of you are interested, I found a lost television episode From a very popular, very popular superhero duo, a dynamic duo, founded in the archives while searching the internet late, late, late, late, late last night.
Yeah, all those words fit together, yeah.
Yeah, if you guys are interested in hearing it.
Definitely, let's see what you got.
Alright.
This quaint, family-friendly pizza joint might seem innocent on the outside, but unbeknownst to the citizens of Gotham City, at its heart lies one of the most villainous schemes that Gotham has ever seen.
On a peaceful afternoon motor ride, millionaire Bruce Gates and his useful ward, Marjorie Dick Greenson, have been summoned back to Gates' manor by an urgent but anonymous call for help.
Greenson could barely contain her excitement.
Gee Bruce, I think this is it!
Finally, our chance to take down the pedophiles infesting Gotham City once and for all!
Gates looked nervous.
Even though they were driving the convertible Mercedes and the air outside was nice and cool, Gates had large circles of sweat pooling under the armpits of his cashmere sweater.
I'm not so sure, Dick.
He forced a grimace and rubbed his tummy.
Maybe those clams aren't sitting so well after all.
I should head home before I ruin the upholstery.
Marjorie looked confused.
What are you talking about?
We're headed back to your mansion now.
You'll have 17 bathrooms to choose from.
Gates tried to crack a light-hearted smile.
Of course!
How could I forget?
The car veered off the motorway and down the narrow driveway that looped deep into the lush green hills.
In the distance loomed a palatial mansion, Gates Manor.
Bruce had inherited it from his wealthy parents, who were still alive and well, but working alongside the FBI against him.
The convertible slowly climbed up the long driveway.
Marjorie was getting impatient.
"Come on, Bruce, there are children's lives at stake.
Can't you make her go any faster?"
Gates shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Dick, but a classic car like this needs a gentle touch and a lot of patience.
I wouldn't be surprised if we never end up getting to fight any crime today."
The pair cruised leisurely up the long driveway and finally into Gates' manor.
Gotham City was depending on them.
Whispers of a human trafficking ring had kept parents frightened and radicalized for years on end.
Never one to shirk responsibility, Bruce and Dick, with uncharacteristic sluggishness and lack of resolve, descended to the rat cave.
And then, as they have done many times before, as Ratman and Nobbin, courageous warriors against crime, they are off once again to the rescue!
Nobbin, with her long blonde locks bouncing out the back of her mask, bounded over to the Ratmobile and leapt over the side.
She looked over her shoulder, confused as to why her mentor was lagging behind.
Ratman tugged uncomfortably at the midsection of his lycra suit.
Hey Nobbin, I think Alfred might have washed my rat suit in hot water by mistake.
The fit is now very uncomfortable and I'm not sure I'll be able to fight crime again today.
Nobbin looked over at Ratman as he fussed and fiddled a couple meters away from the Ratmobile.
She couldn't help but notice that the suit did indeed fit a little worse.
Begrudgingly, Ratman waded over to the car before finally getting in.
They took off out of the secret entrance of the rat cave, leaving a trail of fire and smoke behind them.
Nobbin was on the RAT phone, a large red telephone connected to the dash by a thick cord.
RATMOBILE TO GOTHAM PD!
RED ALERT!
RED ALERT!
WE ARE ON ROUTE TO CHUCK E. CHEESE PIZZA PARLOR!
REQUESTING IMMEDIATE BACKUP!
A sound blipped on the other end of the line.
Nobbin looked confused.
There's a girl calling for you on the RAT phone!
Should I put her through?
Rattman snapped back at her.
No, no!
I don't want to talk to her.
That would be inappropriate.
Nobun looked incredulous.
Sheesh, seems like all she wanted to do was thank you for your generosity.
Doesn't really sound like a problem to me.
Rattman is a generous fella.
Everyone knows it.
Rattman let out a belabored sigh.
Just, just hang up the phone, Marjorie.
Whatever you say, Nobbin clicked the phone back onto its housing.
The Ratmobile squealed to a stop outside the restaurant.
Through the windows, the dynamic duo saw dozens of young kids laughing and playing on the
indoor jungle gym, eating pizza, and playing brightly lit carnival games.
"Well, I'll be darned," sighed Ratman.
This restaurant appears to be closed.
But Nobbin had already hopped out of the car.
She hustled over to a pair of tire tracks around the side of the pizza parlor.
Ratman, look!
These tire tracks are the same make and model of the ones on the rat cycle!
Ratman's heart began to thump loudly under his armor.
How strange indeed, Nobbin, seeing as I've never been here in my entire life.
Nobbin scratched her chin.
And I'm afraid we have an imposter on our hands.
Look!
She pointed through the window.
Hanging on the wall near the prize counter was a framed, signed photograph featuring Ratman, smiling and holding a large bundle of tickets in each of his gloved hands.
The caption beneath the picture read, All-Time Highest Ticket Holder.
Congratulations to Ratman.
Rattman was speechless.
He fumbled for some kind of explanation.
To his good fortune, Nobbin came up with one for him.
It appears you're being framed!
The pair laughed nervously at the horrible pun.
Nobbin started to push her way through the double doors.
They've done it now!
It's one thing to use your power to abuse young women, but to smear the greatest hero that Gotham has ever witnessed?
It's too far!
She grabbed Rattman by the hand and yanked him inside the restaurant, looking for any signs of suspicious activity.
One of the parents ran up to them.
Ratman, Nobbin, thank God you're here.
My precious little Julian went into the ball pit 30 minutes ago, and I can't find him.
Please, you've got to help me.
Ratman's eyes went wide.
He tried to back away from the woman and out of the restaurant, but Nobbin stopped him.
Come on, Bruce.
What's gotten into you?
For years now, all I've heard you talk about is how you can't wait for the day you expose Gotham's most notorious child traffickers.
Here we are, on the verge of blowing the whole thing wide open, and you're moving about as quickly as an ant in molasses.
I don't understand.
Ratman stalled for a beat as he collected his thoughts.
Well, you see, Nobbin, since we're surely dealing with an imposter of some sort, a ruthless villain looking to slander my good name, what if he's setting me up for some sort of trap?
What if the madman tricks me into, you know, doing things that a Ratman normally wouldn't dream of?
Nobbin let out a sigh of relief.
Is that all?
Don't be silly, Ratman.
That's the whole point of an imposter.
They do the bad stuff so the good guy gets blamed.
Don't you worry.
As long as we uncover just who exactly has been borrowing your bat cycle, putting on your mask and cape, coming here, winning tickets, and exchanging them for children, you'll be just fine, okay?
Ratman looked down at the ground, kicking some broken crayons with his little booties.
Okay.
Nobbin put a steady hand on Ratman's shoulder.
Let's go investigate that ball pit.
Over there!
Looks like some of Poison Ivy's mutated beasts are attacking the children!
Nobbin as she bounded over towards the playground area.
But then something caught his eye.
"Over there!
Looks like some of Poison Ivy's mutated beasts are attacking the children!
Hurry!"
Nobbin looked over at the animatronic animal band, slowly swaying back and forth, their
mouths opening and closing.
"I don't think so, Ratman.
That's just Munch's make-believe band.
They're not hurting anyone.
Before the words could leave her lips, Ratman did a death-defying front flip onto the stage, karate kicking the head off a giant Italian-looking pizza shot.
Wham!
Out of its neck, exposed wires popped and sparked.
The children watching the show cried out in horror, dropping their half-eaten pizza slices and retreating to the folds of their parents' clothing.
But Ratman didn't stop.
He knew deep down inside that if he didn't want to be caught in a massive human trafficking scandal, He would have to keep fighting this animal band for eternity.
Gates, his rat suit ripped and charred, stood center stage, atop a pile of robotic limbs.
The restaurant was now empty.
In the distance, he could hear the faint sounds of approaching sirens.
A sinister voice crowed from the darkness.
Well, well, well!
If it isn't the pair of lambs for the slaughter!
Just in the nick of time, too!
CPAC is coming up, and I've got a large order to fill!
The figure emerged from the shadows.
It was Joel Greenberg, a squawky potato sack of a man with a large monocle puffing on a cigarette at the end of a long holder.
Nobbin furrowed her brow.
I shoulda known!
Penguin!
Penguin unsheathed his umbrella.
At the tip was a long, sharp blade.
Behind him, Nobbin could see little Julian, the child who'd gone missing earlier, scared and crying, sitting on the cold concrete floor.
Let the kid go, Penguin!
It's us you want, she shouted.
Us?
Penguin seemed confused.
Who's that there with you, hiding in the shadows?
Show yourself!
Ratman let out a giant sigh and took a couple steps forward, revealing his face.
Penguin's demeanor completely changed.
Hey, Brucie boy!
Good to see you here, fella!
How's your hangover today, eh?
Smart move leaving your motorcycle here.
One DUI is enough for now, am I right?
I told you, brother, two lemon-lime Gatorades will have you feeling good as new.
Oh, by the way, I think you left your bag here last night.
Riddler and some of the other guys wanted to blow it all, but I kept it safe for ya.
Penguin produced a decent-sized baggie of cocaine and placed it in Ratman's hand.
He glanced over at Nobbin.
Ah, showing the kid the ropes, I see!
Well, it just happens I got some fresh stock in!
But Nobbin cut him off.
Enough with your lies!
They won't work on me!
Come on, Ratman, let's show this punk how we treat pedophiles in Gotham City!
Ratman looked embarrassed.
Nobbin placed a firm hand on his shoulder.
He is lying, isn't he?
Ratman?
A tense beat.
And then, Ratman broke down.
I'm sorry, Nob and I, I couldn't help myself.
I was incredibly wealthy, in a position of supreme power, and the girls were still calling me Borehead the Forehead behind my back.
I tried everything, telling them where I went to school, what kind of car I drove, how many boats we have, and still, nothing worked.
It started so innocently.
Penguin had a couple friends he knew in Miami.
He told me they thought having money was cool.
Finally, I thought, someone who could really understand me.
It's so lonely being the Dark Knight, you know.
You've got your rifles and your CrossFit and your beef with podcast hosts on Twitter, but what do I have?
What do I have?
He broke down sobbing.
Marjorie Dick Greenson placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Bruce, I don't care about any of that.
Bruce looked up, tears still streaming down his rubber mask.
You don't?
Of course not, she said warmly.
You see, I too know what it feels like to be lonely.
Y-you do?
Gates choked.
She smiled.
Of course I do!
Don't you get it?
No one else in Gotham City wants to fight crime with me!
She lamented.
I've banged on the door of every single psychopathic billionaire, practically begging them to let me beat people up.
They treat me like I'm some sort of pariah.
Ratman forced a little bit of a grin and wiped the tears from his eyes.
Nobbin continued.
You know why that is?
Gates shook his head.
Because I believe in nothing.
An eerie glow came over her face, her eyes morphing into giant black saucers.
You're a first-time offender.
With friends in politics and a wealthy family back east, you'll serve a little time, if any at all.
And when you get out, I'll be waiting for you.
Gates looked a little frightened.
Y-y-you will?
She nodded.
I will.
Except this time around, you'll be my sidekick.
And together, we'll take over the entire Superhero Republic.
Me, the unwavering ruler, and you, my trusted lieutenant, an innocent victim of the Deep State, now resolved to hit them with everything we've got.
It was always the plan, Bruce.
You're soft.
Weak.
Even Alfred agrees.
You need someone like me.
Someone who can make the difficult decisions.
Do you understand?"
Gates nodded.
He glanced over at Penguin.
What about him?
Nobbin glanced over her shoulder.
Penguin was sweating through his cumberbund, slowly creeping away towards the edge of his secret lair.
Him?
I have no use for.
She grabbed a ratarang from Ratman's utility belt and whipped it behind her.
It flew across the room and landed square in Penguin's arm, pinning him to the wall.
He cried out in anguish.
Nobbin turned her attention back to Ratman.
The police sirens were right on top of them.
You've got to run.
They'll be here any second.
Gates looked worried.
But where will I go?
What will I do?
Nobbin shoved the crying kid into his arms.
What you've always done.
Stay one step ahead of them.
They'll hunt you.
Condemn you.
Set the dogs on you.
You're the hero the Republican Party deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
Ratman stumbled, bleeding, his suit of armor torn, out of the basement of Chuck E. Cheese's.
He crouched behind a dumpster, overflowing with pizza boxes, dodging police officers rushing into the restaurant.
He grimaced as he pulled himself onto the saddle of the Rat Cycle, which was conveniently parked right where he left it last night, at the rear of the restaurant.
With a captured child thrown over the back of the bike, Ratman took off, careening past cars and beneath underpasses, his tattered cape flapping in the wind.
So I'm the son of Gates, like that weird fake son that he said he had, Nestor?
That's me.
And I also got abducted as a child by Matt Gaetz at the end of the story.
Fine.
That's fine.
I like the new direction.
Good stuff.
Once again, you've disgraced both our podcasts and the intellectual property of a billion-dollar corporation.
Twice.
Twice over.
Thanks for listening to another episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast.
You can go to patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous and subscribe for five bucks a month to get a whole second episode every week, plus access to our entire archive of more than a hundred premium episodes.
When you subscribe, you help us stay advertising free and editorially independent.
We usually stream twice a week at twitch.tv slash QAnonAnonymous and other Twitch handles that you can follow are Julian Field, Liv Agar, and Florida Flynn, which is Jake.
For everything else, we have a website, QAnonAnonymous.com.
Listeners, until next week, may the Deep Dish bless you and keep you.
It's not a conspiracy, it's a fact.
And now, today's Auto-Tune.
I'm not too worried about Joel Greenberg.
Joel Greenberg is literally sitting in jail right now because he originally accused someone who was innocent of having had a relationship with a minor.
That wasn't true, it was just a false thing that Joel Greenberg had said, and that's ended him in quite a bit of trouble.
But I'm not focused on scandal.
I'm focused on socialism and what it's doing to our country.
That's why I'm here in Arizona with Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.
We're going to have about a thousand patriots behind us supporting the Arizona audit and our ongoing efforts for election integrity.
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