Take a break from real life conspiracy theories to explore — with your savvy guide Jake Rockatansky — the finitudes of conspiracy theories inside a videogame: Grand Theft Auto 5.
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Welcome, listener, to Premium Chapter 113 of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the Grand Theft Anon episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rokitansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View.
This week, with his brain far too fragile to continue discussing conspiracy theories in the real world, Jake has opted for a lighter topic, discussing conspiracy theories in the Grand Theft Auto world, a more, shall we say, dissociated version of our present unfortunate reality.
So, I've been instructed to say that you should join him as his palms get sweaty and his controller batteries run low down the slippery slope into the frighteningly familiar message board community hell-bent at uncovering the untold secrets inside Grand Theft Auto V, which is a video game.
Jake just assumes you know that, but it's a video game.
I feel like most people know that Grand Theft Auto is a If there's, like, one video game that people know, it's that one.
A lot of the people who listen to this, they are amazed at, like, ice trays.
Like, how does it work?
Grand Theft Anon.
Just north of the seedy city of Los Santos, California, where serial murderers are actually the good guys, sits a stretch of vast countryside.
Rolling hills and dusty dirt paths all converge on one place, the magnificent Mount Chiliad.
Now, rumor has it that if you're able to catch one of the last cable cars up to its windy peak, you'll be met with a large cryptic mural painted on one of the walls.
The mural appears to be a cross-section of the mountain itself, with jagged lines breaking and converging all the way up to the top of the peak, where a depiction of a large eye presides over it all.
And so began one of the most infamous bakes in all of gaming history.
Grand Theft Auto V, as some of you may know, is the second-highest-grossing video game of all time, second only to Minecraft.
And Rockstar North, the developers, posted that just last month, the seven-year-old game broke sales records again.
GTA V has grossed more than any movie, and according to IGN, was the United States' top-grossing title of the last decade.
Strange, because this game is essentially a metropolitan city living simulator with two exceptions.
Doing crime is strongly encouraged, essential even, and you're able to murder as many people as you want.
I remember the first time I played a GTA game.
I believe it was Grand Theft Auto 2, an overhead Rampage Royale, where all you could do was steal cars and murder people.
There were missions, I'm sure, but none that I ever saw.
There, huddled in my neighbor's upstairs bedroom, straining to see a computer screen no bigger than your standard iPad, my pupils grew black as I partook in the carnage.
But back in those days, you still felt somewhat removed.
It felt much different, decades later, when I was doing the exact same thing in first person with realistic blood physics in 4K resolution.
It felt... way awesomer.
Conspiracy in Los Santos.
It may come as no surprise, then, that as Grand Theft Auto inches closer and closer to reality, the brain worms from this dimension would slowly burrow their way into its matrix, spawning a new generation of bakers, ones who had grown tired of shooting up nightclubs or trying to recreate the motorcycle jump from True Lies.
In fact, Grand Theft Auto V specifically is stuffed to the brim with conspiracies involving alleged easter eggs, tie-ins to other rockstar titles such as Bully and Red Dead Redemption, and even meta-narratives as to what the three main characters represent.
As we take a look closer, it appears that the developers encourage and even feed this conspiratorial mindset down to the radio stations in the game.
Here's a short clip from the Blaine County radio station, and even in 2013, it sounds eerily familiar.
These are some serious Illuminatis, along with lots of other people.
And who gives a rat's ass about the space station?
What are they doing up there?
Growing genetically modified wheatgrass in space and having taxpayer-funded zero-g swinger parties?
All paid for by borrowing money from megabanks?
The megabank occupation is here.
There's a bank and a drugstore on every corner so you can get indebted for life by borrowing money.
Walk next door and you buy drugs to numb your pain.
That's the country we've let them create.
Hey, uh, thanks for all that you do for the war on our mines, Ron.
I love your show!
We gotta fight this conservative plot to return America to a pre-industrial state in which a few corporations own everything!
Seriously!
I mean, thanks to Big Pharma, all my children are crippled from vaccines!
And what's weird is that they sort of jumble like conflicting ideologies pairing the very real concern of corporate monopolies alongside anti-vax truthers.
In another clip, however, the ranting host seems to be referencing Adrenochrome.
I am working on drone jamming technology!
You ain't spying on me!
I mean, this is a dark place run by aliens looking to suck the blood out of your veins, enabled by do-gooders who are looking to steal the guns from your home.
And trust me, it's all part of a Judeo-Christian-Muslim plot to make their religion seem overly important so people don't ask the real questions about what it all means.
I've said it before and I will say it again.
Open your ears.
And if you want an open your ear t-shirt, then send me a text.
Next message left on the line was from this guy.
Hey, I really like watching people die.
Thanks for calling.
I tell you what.
People say I'm nervous and paranoid, but I'm not.
I'm not, dear listeners, because I'm not nervous, I'm fearful, and I'm not paranoid because this stuff is true.
There is a whole secret world that is kept hidden from us that makes everything make sense, and I understand it.
More or less.
And it's my mission to help you understand it, too!
Yeah, okay, so yeah.
But they're still hedging their bets with their Judeo-Christian-Muslim... Yeah, I've never once heard of an interfaith plot.
It's usually Jews or possibly Catholics or Muslims, but like a Judeo-Christian-Muslim plot?
That's a new one to me.
This is very Ubisoft.
Oh, we'll take the politics out of games.
I mean, even so, with a couple changes here and there, I mean, this stuff is nearly word-for-word what many QAnon supporters today actually believe.
In absence of new single-player content since the game's release, those bored with the online mode or finding it too toxic have poured themselves into uncovering the game's many secrets, which, unsurprisingly, has birthed successful content creators with millions of views.
This is crazy.
Alright, so let's just carry this on.
I might play a few of these clips as well just to show you guys that the Ratsman does definitely exist.
This clip actually came from a video in November of 2016, which I did.
I'll roll it now, guys.
If you guys have seen the information going around the community, This stuff we're going to put on the screen right now.
This information comes directly from the game files and what is pretty significant about this information is that if we take a little closer look you will come across an audio file Which is titled Sewer Gator.
And if you guys don't know what a gator is, you can google it.
It is simply an alligator or some form of monster if you look into in-depth definitions.
And this is basically telling us there is an audio clip of a sewer monster which Rockstar Games created in GTA 5.
Why would they create a sewer monster audio clip without a sewer monster?
It makes no sense.
So this means 100% there's a sewer monster in GTA V. No doubt about it.
Somewhere in these sewers.
Of course, the influencer here, called Knot, who has over 4.6 million subscribers on YouTube, is talking about the infamous Ratman, which of course began as a blurry JPEG.
Allegedly, the creature's first appearance came in 2008's Grand Theft Auto IV in a video posted in 2010 with over 200,000 views.
A user by the name of Rockstar Games Myths posts the story of Ratman.
I have to be honest, it's just music with low-res text plastered on top of it.
I will do my best to read it.
Ratman is an unproven rat-like creature said to exist in GTA 4.
This is a very debated myth since most people cannot find him.
He is said to live underground in the subway near the abandoned subway station in Chinatown.
A bile or fungus-like substance, orange blood, can be found along fire.
Supposedly, dead bodies can be found down there from time to time.
However, Players have most likely killed someone down there and then took a photo or started recording, implying that the person was dead before they got there.
He is said to have red eyes, sharp claws, sharp teeth, If you put dice together, you might get something like this.
So, doing episodes with Jake is like an obstacle course where he'll think up a new way to make production difficult, like a video that's playing a copyrighted music over text that goes by too fast.
What music?
Is it the Halloween theme?
By John Carpenter himself.
Hmm.
I should have known.
I thought that the video had a little bit higher production value than I, you know, than I sort of initially suspected.
Travis G has his face firmly planted in his hands.
What, you guys thought that this wasn't going to be completely melted?
What did I say?
This is beautiful.
I'm enjoying the experience.
Travis is having some issues.
You're expanding the genre of a QAA episode, you know?
You're thinking in new dimensions.
That's what I do.
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