QAA - Premium Episode 108: Insurrection Hangover (Sample)
Aired: 2021-01-24
Duration: 09:55


=== Hat for War (09:52) ===

[00:00:03]  What's up, QAA listeners?
[00:00:04]  The fun games have begun.
[00:00:09]  I found a way to connect to the internet.
[00:00:11]  I'm sorry, boy.
[00:00:15]  Welcome, listener, to the 108th premium chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the Insurrection Hangover episode.
[00:00:22]  As always, we are your hosts, Jake Brogatansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View.
[00:00:26]  For nearly a year now, the COVID-19 virus has hung over the United States like a sword of Damocles.
[00:00:33]  The populace has grown weary and anxious.
[00:00:36]  But in this vast sea of discontent, there are flashes of hope.
[00:00:40]  Those who still remember yesterday's America, and all its hella sick festivals.
[00:00:45]  These patriotic Americans yearn for the simpler days of red solo cups filled to the brim with piss, baggies of Arm & Hammer sprinkled with cocaine, and the cantaloupe-flavored simulacra of a cigarette.
[00:00:57]  And so, recently, the Patriotic Party people gathered to partake in a new kind of musical festival at the United States Capitol, with less porta-potties and way more tear gas.
[00:01:09]  They fought.
[00:01:10]  They drank.
[00:01:11]  They blacked out.
[00:01:12]  They shot vids.
[00:01:14]  They stole Nancy Pelosi's only remaining soda directly out of her office.
[00:01:17]  By the next day, the Capitol was calm once more.
[00:01:20]  The partiers were gone, replaced by hundreds of National Guardsmen sleeping in the halls of Congress.
[00:01:27]  And thus, the Great Hangover began.
[00:01:30]  The people who stormed the Capitol building were an assortment of MAGA diehards, militia members, neo-Nazis, and QAnon followers.
[00:01:38]  But there were also people who were basically along for the ride, who either due to arrogance or cluelessness, simply got swept away by the insurrection.
[00:01:46]  Today, we're going to take a look at two such cases.
[00:01:49]  Jenna Ryan, a realtor from Texas, and Brandon Fellows, a 26-year-old chimney repairman from Virginia.
[00:01:57]  Together, they illustrate what it looks like to post your way through the revolution.
[00:02:02]  First up is Jenna Riott.
[00:02:03]  Now, Jenna is one of the most high profile people who participated in the Capitol riot, even though she never appeared to really pose a threat to anyone.
[00:02:11]  In a later interview with a local CBS affiliate, the Texas realtor said that she flew to D.C.
[00:02:16]  at the behest of the president.
[00:02:18]  Our president, President Donald Trump, asked us to go to the march on the 6th.
[00:02:25]  And he said, be there.
[00:02:26]  And so, I went.
[00:02:29]  And I answered the call of my president.
[00:02:31]  It was like, hey, you know, we're here.
[00:02:33]  We're here.
[00:02:34]  We're storming our capital.
[00:02:35]  When I say storming our capital, I just mean we're here.
[00:02:38]  We're descending on D.C.
[00:02:40]  Am I dreaming, or does her fireplace have, like, diamonds on the logs?
[00:02:44]  What?
[00:02:44]  What the f- It looks like a tinsel.
[00:02:47]  It looks like a Christmas tree tinsel.
[00:02:50]  Insane.
[00:02:51]  So she has a fake fireplace that just- the wood is wearing diamonds inside it.
[00:02:55]  Maybe she's using it for kindling, you know?
[00:02:57]  What kind of joke country is this?
[00:02:59]  Yeah, she flew to D.C.
[00:03:01]  in style, apparently riding a private plane with a group of friends.
[00:03:05]  Oh, and by the way, return of the leopard print.
[00:03:07]  We got a blue leopard print here and a tribute, no doubt, to the great Sidney Powell.
[00:03:11]  As Ryan walked through the streets of D.C., she ranted to the camera.
[00:03:14]  She regurgitated the big lie that Trump's electoral loss was the result of a massive conspiracy to defraud the nation.
[00:03:22]  Stop the steal.
[00:03:22]  I mean, they are taking our country from us.
[00:03:27]  And this is a prelude to the war that is about to happen.
[00:03:33]  We are not messing around.
[00:03:35]  There's a lot of us that are going to be, there's more of us than there are of them.
[00:03:40]  We're going to go right on to that.
[00:03:45]  We're going to let them know that they better freaking listen to the evidence today because they bought out all the courts.
[00:03:55]  They bought out all the Congress, all the rhinos.
[00:04:02]  They paid everybody off.
[00:04:04]  Because they didn't want to wear their pussy hats this year.
[00:04:10]  And so they bought people off and cheated.
[00:04:13]  We are pissed off about this.
[00:04:16]  It's not OK.
[00:04:17]  So just an unhinged woman.
[00:04:19]  Just a LARP.
[00:04:20]  In the street, talking to herself, apparently.
[00:04:23]  Incredible.
[00:04:24]  And absolutely furious.
[00:04:25]  Also, there is no evidence that was being evaluated that day.
[00:04:28]  Again, the entire sort of what Pence was doing was procedural.
[00:04:32]  There was only one possible conclusion.
[00:04:34]  The whole thing is ludicrous.
[00:04:36]  In D.C., Jenna Ryan is wearing a Trump beanie and an American flag scarf.
[00:04:41]  But that isn't enough merchandise for her, so she also picked up a camouflage print Trump hat from a street vendor.
[00:04:48]  That was just tactical gear for the raid.
[00:04:50]  Oh, okay, so she was gearing up.
[00:04:52]  Oh, look at this Trump hat.
[00:04:57]  I want this one.
[00:04:58]  That's a cool hat.
[00:05:00]  Isn't it a cool hat?
[00:05:01]  You want that hat?
[00:05:01]  Yeah.
[00:05:03]  Oh, he's digging for you.
[00:05:04]  Do you have another one of those?
[00:05:06]  Yep.
[00:05:07]  You have two of those?
[00:05:10]  If you grab me one, I'll pay you back.
[00:05:12]  The black one's cool too.
[00:05:13]  I want that one.
[00:05:14]  I don't know, this cracks me up.
[00:05:16]  She thinks she's going to war because her nation's being defrauded and they're going to pick up some merch for the occasion.
[00:05:21]  Yeah, it's like they're going to a fucking paintball game, you know?
[00:05:24]  It's like, oh well, I like that hat for playing paintball.
[00:05:29]  Like nothing's real to these people.
[00:05:31]  It's so bizarre how she just, she just floats along the world without like really, really able to like comprehend consequences.
[00:05:39]  Because it's an intention.
[00:05:41]  Everything is so hyperbolic that, you know, you can't just be upset that your candidate lost.
[00:05:48]  It's that, no, they were cheated and we're going to fucking war and I'm gonna get a hat.
[00:05:52]  And I'm gonna bring a lightsaber.
[00:05:54]  Yeah.
[00:05:54]  And this is the premiere of some sort of movie.
[00:05:57]  Yeah, it is.
[00:05:58]  It's this like...
[00:05:59]  I'm the star of my own show, and I'm streaming it right now.
[00:06:02]  Yeah!
[00:06:03]  I'm actually going to the Spider-Man thing, but I'm also the Spider-Man that makes money taking photos on the street, and I'm also a fan of Spider-Man.
[00:06:10]  She shows off her new swag to her friends.
[00:06:12]  Did you get you some merch, Jenna?
[00:06:14]  I did!
[00:06:15]  It's so cute!
[00:06:15]  It's like Katie's hat.
[00:06:17]  Katie!
[00:06:17]  See how cute?
[00:06:20]  I don't want to lose it.
[00:06:23]  I'm, like, covered in merch.
[00:06:24]  Look.
[00:06:26]  I'm covered.
[00:06:27]  Look at this.
[00:06:31]  I'll never forget this.
[00:06:32]  This is like a memory happening right now.
[00:06:39]  We are saving America.
[00:06:40]  And you know what?
[00:06:40]  If it comes down to war, guess what?
[00:06:43]  I'm going to be there.
[00:06:44]  I don't know what I'm going to be doing, but I'm going to be doing something, I guarantee it.
[00:06:48]  Yes, she is.
[00:06:48]  She's going to be doing Trump!
[00:06:50]  Yeah!
[00:06:51]  Yep, I'll be fighting on the front lines.
[00:06:54]  Wherever it is.
[00:06:56]  Yep.
[00:06:58]  Because I'm that kind of girl.
[00:06:59]  I like to get shit done.
[00:07:01]  I could be working right now, but nope.
[00:07:05]  I could be selling houses right now.
[00:07:07]  All you people who are going to sell your house, you need to hire one of us.
[00:07:11]  We're all real estate agents.
[00:07:13]  Hire us because we're fighting for our country.
[00:07:15]  There's not a better parody right there.
[00:07:17]  We'll fight to get you a better offer on your home.
[00:07:20]  I have a MAGA hat and now I have another hat.
[00:07:22]  I'm gonna put it on the first hat and I'm going in.
[00:07:25]  She actually does this a lot.
[00:07:27]  She seamlessly sort of transitions between, I'm fighting for my country, we're going to war, and I will sell you a house.
[00:07:35]  And people say white culture doesn't exist.
[00:07:37]  But yeah, because I think in her mind, going to war is very much the same thing as selling a house.
[00:07:43]  War is just like a sale, and let me tell you how, in my 320 page book.
[00:07:49]  I mean, it's just a casual idea.
[00:07:51]  It is!
[00:07:52]  You know, it's just this fucking, this, this, oh!
[00:07:56]  It's total abstraction.
[00:07:57]  She thinks she's going to like, fly to the sea, go to war, then the country will basically be the same and she'll go right back to selling houses.
[00:08:06]  Well, yeah, that's how Trump got rich.
[00:08:07]  So once Trump's back in there, it's like, yeah, he's going to fucking hook her up.
[00:08:11]  He loves real estate people, right?
[00:08:13]  When Jenna sits down to rest, she immediately gets to complaining about the lack of bathrooms and cell phone service.
[00:08:20]  Here we are.
[00:08:21]  You can barely get service.
[00:08:24]  There are millions of people here.
[00:08:26]  You think there's millions?
[00:08:27]  I don't know.
[00:08:28]  Nothing about people around.
[00:08:30]  It's a mess up there.
[00:08:32]  Yeah, we've been up there.
[00:08:33]  It was completely packed.
[00:08:37]  And there's no bathroom what to speak of.
[00:08:45]  There's absolutely no bathrooms.
[00:08:47]  I'm covered in Trump stuff.
[00:08:50]  What is she wearing?
[00:08:52]  Oh my God, she's wearing a beanie on top of a ball cap.
[00:08:55]  What is happening?
[00:08:58]  And we know she has another hat!
[00:09:00]  As the day goes on, it's like Diablo.
[00:09:03]  It's like Diablo.
[00:09:04]  She's just adding more pieces.
[00:09:05]  She's collecting more items.
[00:09:11]  She attributes this lack of resources to discrimination against freedom lovers.
[00:09:16]  They didn't give us any bathrooms whatsoever.
[00:09:19]  Or food trucks.
[00:09:22]  You know, it's like the beginning of There's a lot of discrimination against people who love freedom.
[00:09:32]  You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous.
[00:09:37]  We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way.
[00:09:41]  For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes.
[00:09:49]  So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnon Anonymous and subscribe.
[00:09:53]  Thank you.
[00:09:54]  Thanks.
[00:09:54]  I love you.