Episode 87: 5G Conspiracy Theories feat Annie Kelly & Fred Brennan
5G. It's good. We explain why you should buy it from us with Annie Kelly, who is our UK correspondent and NOT the person who burned down that 5G tower in England. She has also produced an original piece of satire for this episode. Travis does a damn good job at explaining the science behind 5G and debunking some conspiracies. There's also a ton of Q news. Fred Brennan jumps on to explain the new leak from another disgruntled 8kun / 8chan insider. It seems their community is split on the topic of "loli" and Jim Watkins doesn't give a shit about the Q board. Oops. Then Jake takes over for the big sequel to Cabal Runner with James O'Keefe of Project Veritas. Will Gorkabear rein in his temper? Only time will tell.
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You are listening to the QAnon Anonymous podcast, and this is your British correspondent, Annie Kelly speaking.
It is with a heavy heart as an Englishwoman that I must break this news.
Our press, out of respect for a mourning nation, has tried to keep this under wraps from the continent for fear the EU militia might take advantage of the situation and invade.
So, it must fall to me, in service of the facts and logic, to tell you this.
The Royal Family has all died.
The Queen, Prince Charles, Prince William, the other ones, all gone.
Your first thought may be that this horrific tragedy was a result of the global pandemic.
The truth is only more tragic.
The Royal Family succumbed to a little-known illness called Morgulons, a disease which mysteriously only affects those who can trace their ancestry back to the signing of the Magna Carta.
Who, then, will the British people turn to to rule over them at a time when we have never needed a ruler more?
Well, it just so happens that one member of the royal family has been spared this dreadful fate.
You may remember him from previous QAnon Anonymous dispatches and one fateful interview.
That's right.
Prince Andrew, the eighth in line to the throne, has mysteriously survived the dreadful disease.
Nobody is quite sure how this remarkable feat has been achieved.
Or if it is related to his famed inability to sweat.
But one thing is clear.
God has chosen him to preside over these fair isles, now and forevermore.
As a member of the foreign press for this esteemed podcast, I have been allowed exclusive access to the coronation.
Quarantine restrictions are still in place, of course, so this is not the rich and splendor-filled ceremony of old, taking place in one of the monarchy's more modest palaces.
The mood is solemn.
Myself and other members of the press are in the special sealed-off journalist cube, so as to avoid any contamination of the various public officials and aristocrats in attendance.
While we wait for the King-to-be to arrive, Perhaps I can give you a quick update on how things have been going here.
It appears that due to some early news reports as the situation was unfolding, the public was initially misled as to the cause of the total wipeout of our heads of state.
Some scurrilous ruffians, it appears, took advantage of the chaos to announce that Prince Andrew had orchestrated the massacre himself, using high-concentrated mega-death rays made up of a sinister force known as 5G.
Those responsible for spreading the slander were quickly captured, sent to the Tower of London, and rightly executed.
Which is why the members of this journalist cube are a little thin on the ground today.
This was not before the country, being made up of loyal patriots, immediately took to the streets, searching out 5G masts to set alight.
In order to prevent the people getting morning fatigue, we have set a date to remember all those fallen phone masts next year.
Prince Andrew has arrived at the doors now, wearing the customary coronation robes of silk and fine ermine.
He seems in marvellously good spirits.
Smiling at the congregation, licking his own eyeballs occasionally, as he proceeds up the aisle, the murmur of the crowd has hushed now, as people prostrate themselves before their new monarch, and God Save the King begins to play.
No doubt the prince will be aware of the cruel irony of that song in these circumstances, but he bears it with good grace as he approaches the altar.
Normally, out of respect, I would be singing too.
But the journalist cube has been sealed airtight and so I have been warned to preserve our oxygen.
And now, the moment the nation has been waiting for.
The coronation.
As that masterpiece of the British monarchy, St Edward's crown, is slowly brought down on the prince's head, he seems to almost swell with what must no doubt be mixed emotions on this historic day.
In fact, the new king seems to be literally swelling.
I'm not sure if I've got that right, but it certainly appears as if he is literally, physically, growing in stature.
I have to say, I have never heard of anything like this happening.
But yes, he is ten feet tall now and growing fast.
His eyes are turning black and it appears as if his skin is shedding, revealing...
Can that be scales underneath?
Apologies if I am becoming a little harder to hear.
There is a lot of screaming in the congregation now, and it seems from my higher seats that many in the front pews are trying to get away.
My god, the prince, sorry, the king, 20 feet tall now, has just leaned over and eaten one of them.
There truly is pandemonium now.
Well, King Andrew, at this point more lizard than man, begins devouring his subjects.
Unfortunately, I am trapped in this journalist cube with no way out.
We thankfully appear to have escaped his attention, although I don't know how long it will remain that way.
He does appear quite insatiable.
He just swallowed... Is that...?
Yes, yes, he has just swallowed our Prime Minister, Mr Johnson, whole.
The political implications of this will surely up, er, he seems to have noticed us at last.
The new king of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth truly is a sight to behold up close.
He has a marvellous deep emerald green colour with piercing black eyes and a long forked tongue and, oh dear, an impressively wide mouth.
Well, if this shall be my last broadcast, so be it.
Gentlemen, it has been an honour podcasting with you tonight.
What's up QAA listeners?
The fun games have begun.
I found a way to connect to the internet.
I'm sorry, boy.
Welcome, listener, to the 87th chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the 5G episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Shay Brokotansky, Julian Finnegan, and Matt Roberts.
It's one better than 4G.
Or is it?
Verizon itself explains that quote, while 5G literally means fifth generation, 5G technology also means a new future for the world.
Now, personally, when a transnational corporation that makes $151 billion in revenue each year tells me about a new future for the world, I cannot help but get excited.
Based on history and literally every piece of entertainment ever, we should probably not be worried about these big companies having monopolies over our communications infrastructure.
All of this to say that the denizens of planet Earth are vetting, let's say, our potential leveling up with a certain amount of fear and apprehension.
Some for legitimate reasons, we all know the corporations are willing to profit at the expense of our health, but others because they think the G stands for government and we're about to receive five times the government they already don't like.
This week, we'll be joining Travis as he leads us through the various beliefs about 5G born in WhatsApp conversations across the globe.
Plus, he's going to investigate some of the more empirical concerns with 5G technology.
And since the young lads in the UK are pioneers in burning down 5G towers, we thought it would be salient to welcome Annie Kelly, legendary UK correspondent, back on the QAA bell.
To be honest, I'm a little worried.
The only thing coming out of the UK these days are transmissions like the one you heard at the top of the show.
Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay, Annie?
Legit question.
Yeah, everything is ticking along brilliantly here.
The spirit of the Blitz is very much in full swing.
Although I didn't live through the first Blitz so I didn't realise how much of the spirit of the Blitz involved calling the police on your neighbours for taking their second walk of the day.
So there's a British version of wash your damn hands?
I, you know, I already have a lot of work on and to now have to do that work while sat on my windowsill, I don't have a garden, with my binoculars just like keeping an eye on all of my neighbours is kind of, you know, it does add to the war effort, so to speak.
But, you know, that's my patriotic duty.
Yeah, it must be done and it must also become data through apps like Nextdoor or whatever so that the government can later study how we distrust each other and exploit that against us.
Oh yeah, I'm taking photos of everyone that I see leaving the house just in case I need evidence to provide to the coppers later.
Finally, we'll be treated to a Jake story.
In this case, a direct sequel to last week's Cabal Runner, featuring James O'Keefe of Project Veritas and a gang of lovable sentient animals with personalities based on right-wing failson pundits like Gorka, Wohl, Berkman, etc.
Now, we left off right after O'Keefe ran a Voight-Kampff test on Podesta, who subsequently failed it, obviously, and then escaped, jumping up through a manhole like some sort of creature.
So we'll be getting back to that, and Jake will, I guess, I don't know, build this world for you?
But before all that...
So, uh, just to follow up on last week's report about Alex Jones claiming that he was going to out the true identity of Q, he obviously didn't.
He didn't even attempt to.
This is just him being a carnival barker again.
And frankly, I feel like a rube for even mentioning it on the show at all.
Loser!
You're a loser!
Wait, wait, wait, so he didn't say anything?
Like, nothing about the true identity?
He didn't bring it up or make any excuses?
No, he didn't say anything.
As far as I could tell, it was not brought up again.
He's just pure hype man.
He just screams things.
And yet losers like you are pouring millions into his pockets.
You're a loser, Travis.
You face it.
For my next story, a disgruntled ex-employee of 8kun owner Jim Watkins leaked some Slack logs that are very, very interesting.
So thank you to a friend of the show, Frederick Brennan, for bringing this to our attention.
Yeah.
So what happened was that a longtime employee of Jim Watkins, whose name is Mark, and he was recently fired, and Mark responded by leaking Slack chat screenshots involving Jim Watkins.
The first thing that jumps out at you is that Watkins' name on Slack is Laquisha Majors.
Among the things revealed in the Slack chat is that Watkins doesn't seem to believe that the main QAnon board on 8Q, and that's Q Research, will survive until the end of the year.
Here's what Watkins said in that Slack chat.
Q research is not important.
They will all go away in November.
Owned!
Owned!
Destroyed your entire community!
Dude, this is how I privately talk about our Discord, but if it ever got out.
He's apparently really cynical.
I'm not even sure what he's talking about here.
I think he maybe suspects that Trump is going to lose and then that will dissolve the QAnon community.
I mean, I don't think Trump losing Or win, and that'll be the maximum effect you need.
If Q gets two fucking terms, doesn't Q win?
Fair enough.
Kind of, yeah.
Don't we have to bend the knee?
Has this been leaked publicly?
As in, are members of the QAnon boards aware of this?
How do they respond to this?
It was actually leaked on 8kun.
Right!
It was leaked on 8kun's own media servers because he still had access, because essentially they turned on him, and I believe that they didn't give him access to a board that he used to have access to.
Remember in the past, 8chan, the whole point was you could create your own board.
Now you cannot.
You have to be approved by them to get your board back that you created back in the old days.
But in this case, a specific board called V, and potentially some other ones that we're going to explore with Frederick Brennan, which we're going to get on the bell in a second, But yeah, there were some basically people pissed because their boards weren't approved or whatever.
And last night, late at night, and you know, I was a little high and tired, but I did see Jim on YouTube live explaining to people that Lolly is, that he does consider Lolly to be pedophilia and that it won't have any place on 8kun anymore.
So who knows what the fuck is going on there.
It might be an internal fight.
That's a very big deal for the community because it shows a clear betrayal by the guy that they've put so much trust in.
But the other side of things is more interesting because it shows that 8chan, the very spirit of free speech and openness, is completely dead.
They're now running it like some sort of little fiefdom and they're pissing off their, you know,
their kind of like court and and various like duchesses by like removing certain of their jewels in retrospect.
It's incredible, like it's so good that like Game of Thrones is now off the TV.
So we have this with all these kind of like coups, but they're just going on on like one kind of digital board
and all this kind of scheming and stuff like that.
It's like quite exciting.
Yeah, who the hell doesn't want to watch Game of Thrones except everyone's just anemic and sits in front of their keyboard all day.
But I loved watching just a series of confused people, a mix of people who were pissed off that he thought Loli was pedophilia and others who were just like boomers, completely lost, like passing about.
And Jim was in, like, fine spirit.
Like, he was fucking singing songs and chuckling and long periods of staring down his nose in that boomer pose.
Incredible stuff.
He is the original creator of 8chan.
It was taken from him and rebranded, obviously, now as 8kun.
And he is going to be weighing in on the Jim Watkins news that has dropped around this man called Mark.
So, Fred, first of all, welcome to the show.
Yes, thank you very much.
Glad to be back.
And who the hell is Mark?
OK, so Mark is one of Jim Watkins' longest employees, or at least he was.
He has worked for the organization Around six years, he was brought on after basically being a moderator for free for, I would suppose, two or three years.
And then Jim Watkins started paying him.
He was a global moderator when he was being paid by Jim.
But before that, he moderated the V-Board for video games.
That was the main thing that he was responsible for.
The V-Board, known to 8chan as the Video Game Board, and to everywhere else as the central harassment-like unit for GamerGate.
Quite accurate, quite accurate.
That is pretty much what it's known for outside of 8chan.
So, okay, so Mark got angry at Jim, and he leaked some slack conversations.
And I have to say, as someone who's, like, worked in small organizations, Jim is an asshole.
Completely agree.
The conversation is insane.
But that's how Jim treats people.
Like, I knew it was authentic just reading through it, because this is how he believes that everybody else is stupid.
Only he understands the complete plan.
And when things don't go right, it's because people just aren't listening well enough to his grand vision.
Yeah, that's certainly how it seems.
And he also went as LaQuisha Majors, which I don't think we even need to comment on.
I think that's pretty clear what's going on there.
So Mark decides to defect, and he leaks these transcripts.
And there's like a lot of technical stuff in these transcripts, where they're just kind of having a relatively normal discussion, where Jim is just being slightly rude, and Mark seems to be trying to get more transparency and communication from him.
I actually just want to do a little bit of a stage play with you.
Play Mark, and I will play our friend Jim in these conversations.
Also, you free to chat?
Like voice chat?
No, never.
I don't like to talk.
Oh, but you love making YouTube videos.
Love.
I have to save my voice for that.
Fair enough.
And everyone is sleeping here.
Ah, that makes sense too.
I just wanted to talk about some concerns I have about the whole MasterCard and all that stuff.
What you don't realize is that everything we do is coordinated.
If you don't do what I ask of you, the next thing breaks.
Oh, so you have a plan, then, Jim.
It's all connected in a web, but it never works when nobody follows the directions.
Which board is most important?
And that is the one that is always ignored.
Uh, Q Research?
Muh, I don't have time for News Plus.
Uh, News Plus?
Q research is not important.
They will all go away in November.
News Plus is the important boards.
Don't you think we need some more reporters for it?
And someone other than me to back it up publicly?
Good to know you're aware that the Q people aren't loyal.
The first problem Well, the problem is that the media is in a bad spot right now.
And delete without even thinking when it smells like Fred.
My point is that the media wants our heads.
I give a shit about V. Fuck V. Delete V. I'm just giving my two cents.
Wait, what?
I give a shit about- Yeah, but I worked five years on V. I couldn't care less about V. I don't pay you for V. Don't delete it.
Please work on News Plus.
I do work on it.
That is all I want.
Alright.
Thank you.
Now we jump to a little bit later in the conversation.
But I'm just trying to say that people in journalism can't be trusted.
I am the only one that recruits people to post on it.
They hate us because we speak the truth.
I'm sorry.
I'll do what you say.
suck up to Jim like he's trying his hard yes it's hard to make Jim like to speak
the hero message to make to get him on angry again because that he boomer very
mad right and he senses that he needs Hulk to reduce shape and have human skin
again so Jim goes where is any that you have recruited I'll do what you say
thank you even if I disagree with it we need more cap on news plus to post more
stories Disagree with what?
The whole idea that News Plus is the most important board and that the reporters are willing to help us.
Then you don't belong in this organization.
Obviously, that doesn't change my mind in helping you.
Go back to 4chan.
I'm loyal and will continue to be.
Go play Utopia Dance on your PlayStation.
He is such a fucking asshole.
Can I just say something here?
Mark is diagnosed with autism.
Like, this is really shitty, what he's doing here.
Mark has literal autism.
Like, diagnosed by a doctor.
Right?
And that's public information.
It kind of shows that Jim is what everybody thought he was.
He's a racist.
And he does not care about the cute people beyond grifting them.
He thinks that Trump is going to lose in November or something else will happen that will make you fall apart.
I mean, this conversation is excellent.
It really is a.
There's a great little final passage where Jim is just so threatening and he also basically admits he's been abusive the whole time and is threatening him to do it again.
So Jim says this, he says, and please don't make me yell at you anymore.
I'm not arguing. I'm saying I'll do what you want.
Thank you.
Even if I disagree with it.
Here's where the internet edge, Lord.
He just can't let go.
I love that little bit of sass.
I really appreciate when Mark says that multiple times in this conversation.
He definitely is.
He's winding him up a bit here.
We've got a leak from Mark.
Basically, what he did was he sent a private message to Jim, which went unanswered.
And he apparently had a lot of unanswered messages.
And he got pissed off enough that he just finally posted this to a message board.
And in this, you'll see that Mark, his main issue isn't just the V-board.
He actually cares a lot about another board.
Hey, I know I bug you in private, but I'm really starting to get concerned with the direction the site is taking.
I know we're allowing lolly content on general porn boards, but we're not restoring the lolly boards themselves.
Additionally, we haven't been as transparent as we should be.
I don't know if this is because of the cloudflare shit or whatever, but I'm sick of being scared of big tech and big banks trying to shut us down.
The answer to these problems isn't to cave in, but rather be bold and start our own services.
However, I feel that due to fear, we've both been removed from one of the most important aspects of the website, and the software is both constantly breaking, and we've failed to launch a project like Odin four months to when it was actually supposed to be ready, that the worst may be already among us.
I've started to prepare a secondary site in the event that you or Jim decide to shut down 8chan, so I guess this is addressed to Ron.
I know you don't exactly want to cause a panic, but at the same time we need to be transparent with our user base and where the site is going and what we want to do with it.
Regardless, many people are sick and tired of the secret-slash-lack of transparency and just want shit to be done.
I don't care that Odin was a failure, or that Susu Koen didn't explode like you expected it to.
Dude, this is like, oh, owning Ron, just putting him face to face with the projects he's invested It is, because both of those things were always scams.
Yeah, they were both scams, but they were also multi-year projects he invested so much time into and still couldn't get to work.
All of their projects that go anywhere, it's because they stole it from somebody, essentially.
You know?
That's what Hiroyuki claims happened to 2Channel.
They got 8Chan itself via very shady memes.
Means, most likely, they've hijacked Q. Well, they've hijacked Q to a large degree.
Whether they've actually hijacked the account is something I believe.
Yeah, that's something that we can't yet prove.
Everything that they try to do on their own, though, just...
So Mark continues by saying the truth is that many people are leaving the site in droves because of the decisions and lack of both transparency and interaction from the site administration.
We're already deplatformed.
Relying on fucking a Tor2 web service and calling it quote revolutionary won't fix shit.
We need to be clear and bold with our messaging.
I'm sick of this shit and Jim having a fit with me over the direction of the site was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I spent five years breaking my back for this site for this community.
I do not want to make another bunker because you refuse to talk with the user base because you're focused on projects that actually make money.
Give Ken and Ryu some actual backup since it's clear that two men need more time and resources to program Frederick's shitty code.
You yourself are on record as saying, I did it on mushrooms, and it is a disaster.
Indeed.
That's what I always say, so it's not offensive to me.
So there are two people named after Street Fighter characters trying to fix your code somewhere?
They're both Filipinos.
I know who both of them are.
Basically, they work for Jim's company in the Philippines, Race Queen Inc., and their job, essentially, is to just help Ron with 8chan's software.
Okay, could you just give us again the name of the company?
Race Queen Inc.
Race Queen?
Yes. So, Jim has tons of shell corporations.
I don't know why.
But this particularly seems to fit in with LaQuisha Majors.
It does.
It does.
He also has another one that's named after a dead dog, Loki Technology, Inc.
In the Philippines, there's a law that if you hire somebody for more than six months, then they're supposed to become a permanent employee and you can't fire them unless you... Switch companies.
Yes.
So Jim switched everybody from Race Queen, Inc.
to Loki Technology, Inc.
I do know that Jim spelled the name of one of his shell companies wrong on purpose so that people would have a harder time suing it.
That's what he told me.
That's pretty funny actually.
I have no ill will towards you, this is towards Ron, nor do I have any ill will towards your father.
Wow, that's, you must be superhuman then, you must be fucking data, incapable of emotion because the way that guy talked to you.
Wow.
Yeah.
However, I am sick of the cowardly approach we're taking with the administration.
I created a plan to gather everyone back and you just dismissed it and said we don't need a last hurrah right now.
But when will we need that last hurrah?
When it's too late?
Please stop beating around the bush with the shitty rebrands, the over-promising marketing, the whole YouTube shit, the lack of board creation, the lack of lolly boards, and the lack of development of new software.
We need to bring back board creation.
It is the lifeblood of this website.
That is true.
Indeed.
Mark.
The whole point was the board creation.
Indeed.
Stop being afraid and grow a pair.
I trust you to do the right thing.
Big tech, big banks, big government, and all of the media want us dead.
Because they can't control us.
If you give in to them, then we might as well shut down.
Since 4chan already exists, I'm asking you from the bottom of my heart,
please stop being scared and bring back 8chan.
Mark."
So the funny thing is, I have to admit, there are really no heroes here.
You've got a guy begging someone else to bring back the lolly board,
and that's why he's going to bring down his entire fraudulent evil operation.
So, what a mess.
So, first of all, for people who don't— There are no heroes here.
That's correct.
For normies who don't know, I just wanted to tell you what Loli is.
Loli is essentially drawn, uh, pedophilic content.
So, it represents people who are underage, but it's all drawn.
So, it's not actually filmed or captured.
There are no actual children involved in the creation of it, as far as I know.
Now, I am making no judgment value whatsoever on Lolly.
I am just describing it to you, and I refuse to go further into this topic.
But that is what's happening.
Something very interesting on this topic is how it shows that there are fractures within the community, quite significant ones.
Because the Q people, obviously, they are supposed to be the ultimate anti-pedophilia group, according to their conception of themselves.
But when we look at this drama, Which essentially started because Ronald was refusing to go on his own website and communicate with the users of the V-Board.
Ronald is kind of screwed here, because if he brings back the lolly boards, that will piss off a lot of the queue people.
If he doesn't bring them back, it will piss off a lot of the video game board users.
Just earlier today, he was already backtracking.
Because he had promised that he's gonna bring back the lolly boards within two weeks
But earlier today he posted on the v-board that oh, well, you know lolly might actually be illegal
So maybe we won't bring it back and you need to send me a Supreme Court
For me to bring it back So basically what we have here is Jim having pissed off
everybody who once loved him Which is the fans of lolly, the outright pedophiles, and
the QAnon believers They all they all want his head for various reasons
And he's in a quite a conundrum because I don't know if you've ever played The Sims
But if you build a house and half of them are extremist Christians and the other half are just open pedophiles
practicing You're not gonna have a very like good community. It's
There's going to be some discord, let's put it that way.
And even Ron and Jim are in complete disagreement.
Jim did a stream where he called Wally child porn multiple times.
Is Jim trying to do an intervention on his son Ron?
Is this more of a touching story?
It could be.
It's like father and son.
When this leak came out, father and son were both damage controlling very hard.
However, I'd like to point out that Jim invented and ran and never said a single thing about SusuCoin, which is based on a young woman as a mascot who does resemble Lolly, except that of course on the website they say she's over 20 or something like that.
He was never complaining then.
Yes, he's a 500-year-old vampire that looks well.
Yeah, exactly.
So, I don't think Jim's, like, issue... That's what's so confusing.
You know, it might actually be that Jim's, you know, alleged dementia is just, like, making him go back and forth on stuff, like, whether or not it's okay to be a pedophile.
I mean, who knows?
We don't know what's happening in his brain, and I'm just speculating, and, uh, allegedly, uh, of course.
When he tells Mark that he doesn't ever want to talk on the phone, I mean, that's really messed up.
Jim is supposed to be his boss, so... For a man who loves free speech, it certainly seems like he was trying to avoid a 20-minute dissertation on why lolly is okay.
Yes, because obviously it's very uncomfortable for them.
You know, the Q Research people, they call the Podestas pedophiles for having pedophilic art.
Imagine if Tony Podesta had been caught with some, you know, lolly.
I mean, they would never let the man live it down.
But then, you know, their king, Ronald Watkins, is making plans to bring Lolly back to placate.
His users.
So Ronald is essentially wanting to become a distributor.
Well, this is all horrible stuff.
But thank you so much, Fred, for jumping in impromptu and helping us understand a little bit more of what's happening here.
I guess we'll see in the days to come what happens, who gets their boards and who doesn't.
I mean, it all seems like a decadent old, like, royal family.
It's just kind of falling apart.
The patriarch's insane.
The kids are fighting over the inheritance.
Like, half of them are pedos.
You know what I mean?
You know what?
It's a bit like the British Royal Family.
Now, is there anything else you'd like to plug though?
Maybe your Twitter?
HW underscore BEAT underscore THAT.
That's my Twitter.
Thank you for having me on.
QAnon News continues.
For my next story, Q returns with low effort posts.
So after another long absence, Q is back to posting.
But the material, I have to confess, is kind of subpar.
To cite one example, one of these posts featured a link to the website cannibalclub.org.
And this is a joke website that was set up in 2009 for a fake restaurant that supposedly serves human meat.
Yes, here's what that website says specializing in the preparation of human meat The Cannibal Club brings the cutting edge of experimental cuisine to the refined palates of LA's cultural elite.
Our master chefs hail from around the world for the opportunity to practice their craft free of compromise and unbounded by convention.
Our exclusive clientele includes noted filmmakers, intellectuals, and celebrities who have embraced the Enlightenment ideals of free expression and rationalism.
Dude, you know what fucking kicks ass is that if Q like walked into a Hot Topic, he would walk out with like 70 posts.
All of this stuff is so cards against humanity novelty Vegas garbage.
Like he really is so fucking chintzy.
Yeah, but it's like it's moving.
It's moving from these like really kind of like this really fun sort of coded message, right?
That's like involved in kind of a pizza order.
Down to just like, oh yeah we'll literally just have a site that says we're something called Cannibal Club.
Like it kind of really shows you sort of scraping the bottom of the barrel here, right?
Right.
There's not even decoding.
The funny thing with Q is like, you can Google almost anything horrifying and you'll find a million like blurry weird photos that you could absolutely confuse with something horrifying.
Yeah.
And he doesn't even do the basic stuff.
Yeah, it's lazy.
Yeah, I also noticed that he linked to like an hour and a half documentary and was like, this is the best documentary ever made.
This'll get him off my back for at least an hour and fifteen minutes.
It's like Q is like the version of Santa Claus that's like kind of like, uh, like annoyed now by the children and like
would rather stay at home with Mrs. Claus, like doesn't really want to, like he needs like a Tim Allen type to come
and convince him to be Santa Claus again, you know.
He's like, yeah.
Many are saying that The New Call of the Wild is an insult to Jack London, like, literally cranking open his tomb and taking a shit directly into his mouth with this awful CGI dog.
But it's not true.
It's a based movie, Patriots.
Watch it!
For my next story, 4-10-20 is yet another bust for the QAnon community.
They're busting!
Woo!
So as we've explained before on the show, many of the QAnon community were publicly excited about 4-10-20, which they called DJT Day.
One QAnon follower on Twitter named Kat Namus tweeted this bold prediction about that day in March.
Expect at real Donald Trump to tweet, quote, my fellow Americans, the storm is upon us.
On Friday, April 10th, signaling the first official marker on March 11th, Podesta's arrest.
They still want Podesta so bad.
They still want it so bad.
That's why celebs are freaking out.
The public doesn't know he got arrested.
4-11 triggers the Great Awakening.
Nope.
On the morning of the 10th, Q seemed to be aware that QAnon followers were awaiting a big arrest, or a shocking videotape, or perhaps just a declassification of some documents.
Something to indicate that the storm was upon us.
So Q decided to throw cold water on those who were hoping for big booms by scolding those who make predictions.
Here's what Q said in the Q drop.
Patriots, be cautious in your interpretations of info posted.
False expectations and push based on speculation will only weaponize those who attack us.
MSM, why does MSM expend resources daily attempting to discredit?
Do you provide the playbook to the enemy with specific dates?
Logical thinking.
Dude, this would be like you ending a poem with the words, reading comprehension.
Yeah, but like he was saying like, oh, you know, if you if you if you pass out information, then you're gonna, you know, give the enemy sort of ammo to discredit us and blah, blah, blah.
And yeah, like, I get that.
I get that.
That makes sense to me.
Yeah.
But what I don't understand is why is he posting on 8chan then?
That's a good question.
Have you considered that Q exists in the zone, Annie, where several things can be true all at once?
I have not considered that.
A classic roadside picnic situation.
So please consider Q to deform everything that even approaches it.
It's finally happened.
Annie has stumbled upon the age-old QAnon conundrum.
In that, why are you telegraphing your movements online to people who are not in law enforcement when other individuals can also go online and read that intel and know what you're talking about?
Well, but it's all fake to throw off the people who are coming into, you know, 8kun to get the information.
Unless it isn't.
But yet you should believe it.
It's just it's a big piece of saltwater taffy that I've got stuck in the back of my teeth.
And you know what?
You know what?
My favorite part is that Annie, as she comes on the podcast more and more, writes full episodes and really becomes part of the family, is growing more confused, which is very similar to us.
We actually have full mental breakdowns eventually.
So just predict that at the end of the arc.
All right, I'll schedule that in, yeah.
In reaction to that Q-drop and to the lack of big happenings on April 10th,
Kat Namus somehow maintained that he was right even while acknowledging that he was wrong.
Here's what he said in a follow-up tweet.
Looks like this weekend won't yield any unexpected arrests.
I know I have made a prediction thread, but I still believe those decodes were correct.
I don't believe all those coincidences lined up for no reason.
There's still a clear cryptography in these posts, and Q has said events unlock the map.
Maybe we just don't have enough info yet.
Travis, the previous goalpost was what I predicted was correct.
The new goalpost is, and I quote, it has a clear cryptography in these posts.
There is a code there.
Because I didn't have all of the information, my correct coding wasn't correct enough to know that Podesta would not be arrested on 4-11.
Yeah, we could clearly say this is a case of Kat Namus stepping up to the ATM, entering his code three times wrong, and having his card swallowed forever.
So, in addition to that disappointment, the QAnon community suffered a bit of a blow, because Joe M, a.k.a.
Storm of Zipanis, had his Twitter account suspended.
This was very shocking.
Unbelievable.
On Instagram, Joe M indicated that this was a permanent suspension and that his account, which had over 200,000 followers, would not be restored.
I mean, it's shocking.
Joe M has probably red-pilled more people into QAnon than anyone else.
And yeah, this is a blow.
That's amazing.
Did he give any reason for why he was suspended other than, you know, sort of espousing, like, fascistic rhetoric?
A friend of the show, Mike Rothschild, said that his last post was something about fire at will.
He was apparently retweeting a Q-drop.
Oh my god.
Oh no.
It might have been interpreted as threatening or something like that.
It is pretty threatening, right?
Well, yeah, but...
Not in America, Annie!
Oh, sorry, yeah.
No, in America, that's a friendly greeting, okay?
Maybe in the UK, fire at will is known as some sort of aggressive statement.
But over here, that's just what we say to our neighbors.
That's just how we say hello.
It all started in the 1800s.
You would walk up to a man, you would pull out your pistol, and you would shoot a couple bullets at his feet.
That's how he knew you weren't trying to shoot him in the stomach.
Fire at will and get off my property.
The two main things you hear when you meet your neighbors in America.
There's no way that Joe M. didn't get kicked off just for making references that were outdated.
He once made a multi-tweet thread with screencaps from the Disney Robin Hood that explained Donald Trump as the titular Robin Hood.
More bad news for the QAnon community.
I think Jack finally paid attention and was like this guy cringy of content line up a reference more bad news for the
QAnon community The rising QAnon star Austin Steinbart was arrested for extortion
Oh, no, you may recall that did take long. Yeah, it was it was
Yeah, it was a wild month.
Austin Steinbart gained a lot of notoriety and ire within the QAnon community for claiming to be the person behind Q and that he was sending messages from the future to the present time.
He was very, very popular.
Yeah.
So his claims attracted QAnon followers who bought his story, who nicknamed him, uh, Baby Q. But Steinbart's antics also earned the wrath of more established QAnon promoters like Joe M. and Jordan Sather.
Steinbart has argued that since he engaged in possibly illegal activity without repercussions, that lends credibility to his claims.
On March 19th, Austin Steinbart tweeted this.
I did rig up my yard with homemade explosives.
And issued death threats on YouTube.
Seems like I should have been arrested by now, eh?
Oh, so what?
He's Canadian?
That's gotta be the single dumbest fucking tweet.
That is an ironclad defense.
What a fucking moron!
Wait, so he's like, because I haven't been arrested for my YouTube death threats, I'm a man from the future?
Yeah, well, no, this lends credibility to his claims about being a sort of a D.I.A.
agent.
He believed that anyone, like if the FBI came for him, the D.I.A.
would issue a stand down order.
So he basically had immunity because of his connections to the D.I.A., which, by the way, don't exist.
Yeah.
I mean, if I had immunity, I would do so much more like cool stuff rather than just rigging up my yard with homemade explosives.
Which seems dangerous.
It's your yard.
That's where you have fun.
In England, you have croquet.
There's a lot of things to do in the yard.
You don't want to fill it with explosives.
And issuing death threats on YouTube, man, that's even worse.
Like, come on.
You have full-blown immunity.
Like, rob a bank.
Do something crazy.
So tell us, Travis, what happened to Mr. Steinbart two weeks later?
Yeah, so on March 31st, less than two weeks after that tweet, he was arrested by FBI agents.
Now, the court documents related to his case reveal that he genuinely believed that he was protected from arrest.
He told FBI agents that visited his home that he had trafficked drugs across the Mexico border.
The court documents also say that he sent a threatening message to the Queen of Denmark.
Sorry, he showed his hall pass to the FBI and they were like, dude, that's drawn with Crayola.
Please, sir, you are under arrest.
But here's the funniest part.
He wasn't arrested right then.
This was a meeting he had with the FBI agents on the 19th.
We just invited him to his home.
And then weeks later, he was arrested for basically trying to extort this company called Datto and sending threatening messages.
He straight up confessed to drug trafficking and the FBI agents didn't arrest him.
It's a wild story.
Probably because he's full of shit.
Probably, yeah.
I mean, look at this guy.
Look at this guy.
His real crime was attempting to extort a company, but his made-up, lying crime is rigging his yard with explosives and issuing death threats.
I don't know.
I feel like this guy is not so much dishonest as he is delusional.
He mentioned QAnon to the FBI agents.
He believed this wholeheartedly.
This wasn't an act.
He has some sort of behavioral issue.
You know how thinking you're Jesus is a classic trope?
Yeah.
Well, Q is now big enough that that's a classic trope too.
Oh, great.
Yeah.
Well, I honestly do hope he gets fucking help.
Yeah, definitely.
More bad news for QAnon.
Neon Revolt has called it quits for now.
So popular QAnon blogger.
Travis is so barely able to pretend he's not incredibly happy that this week is just a series of L's for the community.
Just like the biggest L's in the game.
I wish the best for Neon.
I hope he finds what he's looking for.
You are such a Sun Tzu.
What a master.
Keeping your enemies close.
So, popular QAnon blogger, author of the book, Revolution Q, and Constant Travis View antagonist, Neon Revolt, says that he is walking away from posting for the time being.
Frankly, I'm leaving mostly because I'm tired of Qtards.
To be clear, I'm still pro-Q.
long gab post that recent frustrations related to investing decisions and the
satisfaction with both Q and the Q movement made him decide to hang up his
keyboard. Here is part of Neon's post.
Frankly, I'm leaving mostly because I'm tired of Qtards. To be clear, I'm still pro-Q. I just think that there's a lot
of idiots in the movement who run with wild unsubstantiated theories that make the rest of us look bad.
The most recent one being that swaths of children are being rescued from the underground bases and secreted away to the naval hospitals.
It was fun doing this when it was a true Anon movement, but Anons were outnumbered by normies who think they're red-pilled a long time ago.
which sucked most of the joy out of it.
I'm also tired of being screeched at for pointing out facts that these normies don't even want to see,
as well as discouraged by, frankly, the lack of loyalty within the movement.
I really hate it when normies who think they're red-pilled invade my movement.
Patti Smith denouncing the punk movement.
Wow, he's, like, bashing all, like, the Q Moms, like, the Q Wine Moms, like, which is a big portion of the base.
Yeah, well, you know, Q and on Wine Moms are the backbone of the movement.
That's not fair.
Yeah, they really are.
He got that 120k or whatever for his book, and he was like, I have money now, like, this is stupid, like, the reason I joined this was maybe to make a little bit of extra money.
Now I have.
Goodbye.
He was playing the stock market before it all went to shit.
He took his book money and he blew it on the stock market like an idiot Reddit day trader moron.
And now he's crying because he has no money.
He's sick.
Everything's dumber than it's ever been.
He's sick to his stomach.
And it's mole children is next up on the table and he looks at the meal and it's like, I know I don't want to eat this anymore.
And he's retired.
And guess what?
Guess who wins?
Guess who wins?
I'm sick to my stomach because guess who wins?
Travis Few.
I mean, I mean, you know, it's very tragic to see my enemies crumbling before me.
Yes, yes, feel the hate flow through you.
5G Conspiracy Theories Now, sometime in the mid-2010s, the industry leaders of
mobile technology surveyed what was wrought by 4G, or the fourth generation of wireless communications
technologies.
And they saw that it was good.
A cheap and fast mobile data meant high quality streaming video was accessible to almost anyone with a modern smartphone.
The mobile gaming industry grew by tens of billions of dollars, thanks in part to Jake.
Instant video calls, which were once the stuff of science fiction, were now possible thanks to apps like FaceTime.
But it wasn't enough.
They knew the people would want more.
There is a new wave of connected devices on the horizon, and a new mobile infrastructure would have to support things like augmented reality, the internet of things, streaming 3D and 4K video, not to mention the ever-increasing industrial applications of mobile technology.
Imagine cars quickly and reliably communicating with each other to avoid accidents, drones or heavy machinery being controlled over long distances, or even doctors performing surgery on patients from half a world away.
And so, to lay the groundwork for our hyperconnected near future, the corporate leaders of the mobile industry developed standards for the fifth generation of wireless tech, or 5G.
Now, one key component of 5G networks is the use of millimeter waves, which are also known as extremely high frequency waves.
Traditionally, mobile devices communicate using radio waves of 6 GHz or less.
The problem is that there's only so many frequencies below 6 GHz that devices can use.
So, in order to accelerate towards our glorious mobile future, we need to access a broader range of frequencies.
So, 5G technology uses waves that are broadcast between 30 and 300 GHz.
Now, the upside is that they can handle a lot more devices.
But one downside is that the millimeter waves is that they can't penetrate buildings or other obstacles like rain as well.
And so that means that 5D architecture requires the installation of many more small cells that transmit these waves.
But not everyone is excited about the rollout of 5G.
For example, here is a post from one concerned Redditor on the subreddit rConspiracy from about a year ago.
I've reached the point where I'd actually be relieved if the worst thing about 5G is that it's going to be used to spy on everyone, and then in rare instances used as a weapon against people trying to overthrow the regime.
What scares me is that 5G is going to be used to slowly kill off a large number of people through radiation.
Animals and plants will die, cancer, dementia, depression, and every sort of illness rates will skyrocket.
Everyone is going to feel like shit all the time, and there's nothing we'll be able to do about it.
I think it's too late.
I think I'm already there.
Yeah, we don't need to install 5G, baby!
Woo!
We got 5G mindset!
In recent days, 5G conspiracy theories have become extremely popular online.
Some disinformation experts say that this is in part due to coordinated efforts to push nonsense into our soft, impressionable brains.
Mark Owen Jones, a researcher at the Hamid Bin Khalifa University in Qatar, He said that he found a large number of accounts displaying what he termed inauthentic activity.
22,000 recent interactions on Twitter that mentioned 5G and Corona.
He said that he found a large number of accounts displaying what he termed inauthentic activity.
While Jones said he doesn't know who could be behind the campaign, he did note that the
effort bears some hallmarks of a state-backed campaign.
But conspiracy theories about 5G got a boost from a force more powerful than any state-backed
disinformation campaign, rock, dumb actors and singers.
In recent days, 5G conspiracy theories have racked up a few celebrity endorsements, including from actors Woody Harrelson and John Cusack, plus singer M.I.A.
John Cusack, I saw that when I was doing research for the story.
Like, holy shit!
I can't believe that they got somebody that good.
Yeah, that's a huge get, definitely.
Woody Harrelson I buy just because of his character in 2012.
He plays kind of like the crazy living in a van on top of the mountains conspiracy theorist.
So, you know, it's not too much of a stretch for my imagination.
But Cusack?
I mean, man, like this guy was my hometown hero.
You know, he's a Chicago guy.
I don't know if you saw his post, but it was like there was a space and like the dot was off.
Like his post was like, I took a large amount of painkillers and my fingers fell onto my phone.
The level of attention and love he gave to a message that he probably should have known if he was sober was going to be quite controversial, it just was very low.
Yeah, I mean, the thing is, hasn't John Cusack, like, done lots of these sorts of things?
I swear when I first got to Twitter, it was like, oh, John Cusack tweeted out this crazy conspiracy theory, and you're like, oh my god, that's so nuts.
But I think I'm on like the fourth or fifth time of this happening now.
Oh really, really?
Yeah, do you remember when he like, he posted a picture which was like, quote is a misattributed Voltaire quote, so it's like, to find out who rules over you look at, simply find out who you're not allowed to criticize.
And the picture was a big hand pushing down on some tiny little people who are like pushing up against it like, oh no!
But he had specifically found the version of this image which has got a big Star of David over the hand.
Oh no!
Yeah, just to like really make clear who they meant by that.
Oh no.
I thought that Cusack was kind of like a, you know, like a Trump reply guy.
Maybe not.
Maybe that's Ruffalo.
I really sympathize because like, you know, maybe not so much now because I'm quite used to it, but John Cusack was actually my first ever celebrity crush.
So you're saying that it would be hard for you to resist if John Cusack showed up outside your window with a boombox playing InfoWars.
You might want to invite him inside.
I would simply have to go down and see what he had to say.
Yeah, I would too, by the way.
Annie, you're not alone.
I should caveat when I say my celebrity crush, it wasn't actually him, it was just his voice playing the character Dimitri in the animated film Anastasia.
Oh yeah!
That would like, yeah, that would like add like an extra level of like what he'd need to, the steps he'd need to go to to red pill me.
I love it.
The funniest outcome of all of this is that Cusack didn't take it back, but the only one I was bummed about was Harrelson, and Travis has written here, Harrelson later deleted that post, which makes me feel better.
Oh, coward.
Well, he was high as fuck, dude.
You know the amount of posts I delete every day that are, like, totally out of their mind?
Oh, yeah.
Well, and who knows?
It could be from their alts as well, you know?
I would imagine that a lot of these public figures have, like, you know...
Fuckin' shitty alts where they can go be shitty like we all wanna be, you know?
Nobody wants to fuckin', you know, chew hay with the farmers, know what I'm sayin'?
No, we don't, because that's a made-up thing you made up for a story.
And you admitted you made up that thing, so... What was it?
People wanna roll in the mud with the pigs, not chew hay with the farmers.
I think it's a really good phrase, yeah.
Yeah, it's a good idiom.
Idiom is another great word.
Travis, take us away.
We're just talking about words we like at this point, please.
Travis, please, do you have a show for us?
But it should be said that the people concerned about 5G aren't just easily red-pilled grandmas and cast members of the hit television show Cheers.
National and local governments in Europe have also expressed concerns about the potential health impacts of 5G.
Slovenia has halted the rollout of 5G, awaiting health and safety investigations.
Municipalities in Switzerland are insisting of proof of safety before permits can be granted for 5G tech.
The Environment Minister of Brussels, Belgium declared their citizens, quote, will not be guinea pigs whose health can be sold at profit.
I cannot leave anything to doubt, end quote.
Over 200 Italian cities are issuing resolutions to halt 5G.
And in the UK, British citizens have taken a more guerrilla approach to the fight against 5G.
That's right.
Other solution seems to be just to burn it all down.
Don't fucking walk!
The New York Times reported that across Britain, more than 30 acts of arson and vandalism have taken place against wireless towers and other telecom gear this month alone so far.
Fuck yeah, lads!
Fuck it!
Absolutely fucking give in!
England!
England!
Destroy the goddamn country!
Fucking England first!
We didn't bring it home this year!
The fucking French stole it from us!
Burn the fucking 5G towers!
In roughly 80 other incidents in the country, telecom technicians have been harassed on the job.
Some UK citizens have even filmed themselves confronting telecom workers installing 5G technology.
Now all I imagine is like Mark from Peep Show as an employee of 5G and all the kids in the neighborhood riding around on their bikes calling him a pedo.
He's one of them 5G pedos, isn't he?
I know, I have to admit feeling like a little sense of pride in my country for being what sounds like the world leaders in vandalizing 5G towers.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Here's one video of a woman harassing a telecom worker.
Do you know what you're doing now?
You're laying 5G?
Yeah.
You realize that, don't you?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So, you know that kills people?
You know when they turn this on, it's going to kill everyone, and that's why they're building the hospitals?
Yeah.
How do you feel?
Do you have children?
No, I'm young.
Do you have parents?
Just my mom.
Well, how do you feel when they turn that switch on by mama?
Are you content to continue doing that job?
Are they paying you well enough to kill her?
You've just admitted that you're laying 5G, so that's basically why we're all inside, why you've got free reign of London, no?
Wow.
She's like really posh.
I mean I don't know if it was like the latent kind of like British class system in me but I wasn't expecting like her to be like Bye-bye, mama.
Bye-bye, mom.
Like, you know?
But it wasn't, it was like, please.
He's so polite, he's just like, he actually answers her fucking stupid question, like, yes, I only have my mother, she's my family, like, you absolute monster.
This poor fucking guy.
But it like, it 100% makes sense that it would be a posh woman doing this.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
You know you're bloody kidding us all.
The moment they flip it on, they're gonna kill your mom.
And he's like thinking about it.
He's like, am I building like a secret fucking doom switch?
Like, like shit.
She's like, she could have done it a lot better too.
She could have been like, excuse me, do you know that you're laying 5G?
And he's like, yes, but instead you should be laying pipe with a fit bird.
The theory in the UK that gained popularity on Facebook, WhatsApp, and other social media networks was that 5G technology is causing the infections of coronavirus, or possibly is weakening people's immune system so they're more likely to be infected.
This is all obviously nonsense.
The acts of arson, based on the confused understanding of 5G, inspired British Conservative politician Michael Gove and National Medical Director Stephen Powis to denounce the conspiracy theories as nonsense and rubbish.
The stories somehow got about, that they play a role in the spread of the disease.
That's just nonsense.
Dangerous nonsense as well.
And I'll hand over to Steve to say a little bit more about the vital importance of knocking down this rubbish.
So the 5G story is complete and utter rubbish.
It's nonsense.
It's the worst kind of fake news.
The reality is that the mobile phone networks are absolutely critical to all of us, particularly in a time when we are asking people to stay at home.
What I really love, though, about England is that they have this idea, even among conservative politicians, that some beliefs are stupid and worthless and nobody should believe them.
Like, this is not something... Yeah, which is false.
America has figured out that's false.
I mean, I would really love it if like any politician, but especially like a Republican, just absolutely own online conspiracies and call them dumb and say that they should stop believing it.
That would be wonderful.
But that's not something we get over here much.
Every once in a while it happens.
It's like fucking Mitt Romney.
He makes a fucking video from his kitchen and everybody on the Washington Post and New York Times gives him the front page for three days.
What is it fucking worth?
Who gives a shit?
And then Trump is like, he's the enemy of the people.
He's a communist.
We hate him.
And then everyone makes memes of him getting murdered.
Yeah, and then like three months before, he was the bad guy for the left.
Or, you know, the centrist Dems.
I won't say the left, obviously.
I'm proud of Boris Johnson for getting out of this very difficult time in his life, and that's all I have to say, and that's all I'm allowed to say, and we can't get into this more due to certain people listening to the show who may or may not be proud of certain other British citizens on the show.
So that's all.
Has Julian told you about this, about my gag order?
No.
My mum has called me up and said that while Boris Johnson is in hospital, I'm not allowed to make any jokes about him.
Wow.
On this podcast.
Wow.
On this podcast, she specifically said on the podcast I'm not allowed to joke about him until he's out of it.
She's like, I know what kind of humour those boys are interested in and it's not to my liking.
I'll be damned if my daughter goes in and talks about a politician she wishes dead.
Hello Mrs. Kelly, we respect you and love you and right now we are absolutely allowing Annie to continue without any of these awful things happening.
And also I believe there was some sort of treaty made on what could and couldn't be mentioned later on some other episodes and whatever.
I think the whole thing is great and we're going to continue to have peace between our nations.
Thank you, Julian.
She'll like that.
Now, obviously, the conspiracy theory that 5G is somehow causing the coronavirus pandemic is nonsense.
I mean, if there was some sort of correlation between 5G technology and coronavirus, we see that wherever there is the most 5G technology, that's where there are the most coronavirus cases.
That's not what we see at all.
For example, in South Korea, they launched the world's first nationwide 5G network that was earlier in 2019.
But South Korea was also wildly successful in its fight against the coronavirus.
But Iran, on the other hand, has installed zero 5G technology.
But that nation has reportedly been hit really, really hard.
So they have nothing to do with each other.
So there's nothing.
The only real crime here, Travis.
There's no possible mechanism that 5G technology could cause coronavirus.
It's deeply confused nonsense.
The only tragedy here is that South Korea is allowed such fucking low pings that we have to use aim bots and cheat mechanics that they keep making illegal and we get banned from servers.
Now, another theory being promoted by British conspiracy theorist David Icke is that the 60 gigahertz frequency that is used in 5G stops humans from absorbing oxygen.
So I think he got this from a misunderstanding of research which says that 50 gigahertz radiation is absorbed by oxygen molecules in the atmosphere.
So obviously there's nothing to it.
So the idea that 5G towers are actually a secret way to choke us all to death So, as evidence, David Icke posted this account from one of his fans, in which the author claims that he couldn't breathe while getting close to a streetlight equipped with 5G technology.
I get to the top of the long slope I'm walking up and see the street lamp just a hundred feet from me.
It's clear that being in line of sight of this light produces very peculiar feelings.
Then something happened, like I'd sort of been grabbed by the throat of an invisible hand.
I coughed and was startled to find I could breathe.
Instantaneous shortness of breath.
Immediately I realised this was the weapon.
The 5G weapon.
The shortness of breath was very quick and very strong.
I'm basically fit and strong and get away from it quickly.
very quickly died away when I hid behind some trees.
Both laugh.
That was one of those lines where it's like a real struggle to get to the end before you laugh at what you're reading.
Behind some trees!
Famous 5G blockers, the trees!
Wait, is he basically saying like I walked up a long hill and then felt out of breath?
It's literally exactly what he said, but he's basically fit and strong, so it's weird.
The streetlights are clearly weapons, and they simulate the effects of being ill and running out of breath in a very strange way.
Luckily, I was recording an audio at the time and have the recording.
Oh my god, he has a recording of him just panting and then running behind trees.
I want to hear that, I want to hear him shuffling behind some trees.
It's a bloody, it's a bloody 5G!
It's a bloody 5G!
Run!
Run!
The trees are over there!
We're gonna get to the trees!
Oh my god!
Thank god, protection!
I feel like this is like the plot of like a bad like M. Night Shyamalan movie where like the light the streetlights are like trying to kill you.
By the way this is just a fucking panic attack loser I mean great story but like fuck dude you just you had a panic attack.
Yeah dude get get some fucking CBD drops and fucking No, don't get CBD.
Well, other people need other treatments but panic attacks do happen and they are confusing and they do feel existentially threatening and you do feel like you're gonna die and like go crazy or ill in like a single moment.
This is like a tiny bit of a tangent but my flatmate studies medieval literature and she explains this really interesting story of a There was this Anglo-Saxon king who had this description of a miracle happening to him, which he thought was God speaking to him.
And she was saying when you read it, it's just quite clearly a panic attack.
He's describing having shortness of breath and feeling disorientated and dizzy and all of this stuff which he interprets as angels speaking to him.
Yeah, because it's total derealization.
Yeah, it's quite nice to have that, like, connection from here to now to be like, oh no, people are still misinterpreting panic attacks.
Like, nothing's changed.
I wish I felt like I was talking to angels.
Those losers back then, instead of, you know, having just a bar of Xanny available, they had to, like, execute 15 peasants or something.
Yeah, he probably did go and hide behind a tree at one point, though.
So, you know, the line of human connection is still there.
Well, you know, I mean, there are some therapists who say that, like, when you are in the midst of a panic attack, your body is essentially, like, performing a fight or flight.
You know, going through the flight or flight sort of response even though there's no like threat.
And they say that one of the things you can do to actually feel better sometimes is run away
from the area that you're standing in because your body will associate it as you running away
from the danger. So perhaps our good friend David was just following advice from his therapist.
Another good piece of advice for panic attacks, I have two ones that I've learned over time
to deal with anxiety.
One is take deep breaths, because your body actually gets convinced that you are in a safe place just by taking deep breaths.
And also, focus on your legs.
Anything underneath your waist, just focus on that, your mind on that, on your feet, moving your feet, moving your legs.
because a lot of anxiety is a deep focus on the top of your body.
So those two things have always helped me.
And then just hard drugs, just intravenous, anything you can.
I would also recommend on Spotify, there is a playlist.
I believe the group is called Macaroni Union, I think.
And the track is called Weightless.
And these guys actually like mathematically figured out sound tones that were proven to reduce anxiety.
And so when you listen to the song, it's actually like a scientific, it's like a scientific wavelength that is proven to reduce your anxiety by like 40 to 60 percent.
It's pretty incredible.
When we trace this back inevitably to Stephen Molyneux, I won't be surprised.
Hahahahaha!
So, 5G doesn't cause coronavirus.
There's no evidence that 5G weakens your immune system.
5G doesn't do the Darth Vader force choke on you.
But are there any real-world concerns about the health impacts of 5G?
So, I wouldn't try to find the answer to this question my usual way by diving into the scientific literature on the subject.
I wish I could come out and say that concerns about mobile device radiation negatively impacting health are based entirely on nonsense.
But instead, it seems that there's actually no strong scientific consensus on the question.
In fact, Jonathan Samet, who is the Dean of Colorado's School of Public Health, who advised the World Health Organization on cell phone radiation and cancer, once said that you can argue anything based on the science we currently have because, quote, there's not enough evidence to start with.
So, just to give you an example of the kind of research that has been done, the largest case control study conducted on the association between mobile phones and cancer was conducted in 2010.
It's called the Interphone Study, and it was massive.
It involved about 50 scientists working in 13 different countries at a cost of $24 million.
And it found no statistically significant increases in brain or other central nervous system cancers Related to higher amounts of cell phone use, which is great.
But one flaw with the study is that regular mobile device use in 2020 is probably more frequent than it is in 2010.
And this apparently is a flaw with research about this topic generally is that it's very difficult to sort of capture to study how mobile technology sort of impacts people because the way that people use mobile technology is changing from year to year and year.
So the Yeah, but Travis, clearly they know it's not going to be slowing down, so they know that testing now at the normal level is to their advantage.
The people who pay for these studies don't want the negative effect on the other end, so of course they're not going to be like, well, what happens if media use accelerates by 50 or 60%, which is probably what happened or something.
You know what I mean?
So, what is the impact of really intense long-term exposure to the kind of radiation that mobile tech uses?
There was one study by the U.S.
National Toxicology Program that tried to answer that.
It exposed large groups of lab rats and mice to radio frequency energy over their entire bodies for about nine hours a day, starting before birth and continuing for up to two years.
A Gary Glitter song on repeat.
The study found an increased risk of heart tumors in male rats exposed to radiofrequency radiation, as well as possible increased risk of certain types of tumors in the brain and adrenal glands.
But the impacts of the radiation weren't universal.
There was no clear increased risk among the female rats or among the male or the female mice in the study.
And also, confusingly, the male rats in the study who were exposed to the radiation actually lived longer, even though they were more likely to get cancer.
The study, despite being the biggest of its kind, didn't give us a lot of good information, and there's no reason to conclude from its findings that there's any kind of danger to humans from cell phone radiation.
So, it's good, but it's also kind of inconclusive.
But even that study isn't perfectly relevant to the concerns about 5G because it didn't examine the impact of millimeter waves, which 5G is going to use.
To get a handle on the current science on the impact of millimeter waves on health, I would turn to a 2019 paper published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health titled 5G Wireless Communication and Health Effects, a pragmatic review based on available studies regarding 6 to 100 gigahertz.
Hey Travis, good luck getting QAnon followers to read your beautiful paper.
Well, yeah.
It's a good one.
If you want to know the real science, you can find it for free, instantly, today.
It's easy.
So that particular paper, it reviewed 94 studies about the biological effects of exposure to millimeter waves.
So these studies involved tests on things like cell cultures, or insects, or rats, and lots and lots of in vitro and in vivo research.
So it basically concluded that all the research conducted so far doesn't tell us much of anything solid about the impact of millimeter waves on health.
Here's what that paper says in part.
There was no consistent relationship between power density, exposure duration, or frequency in exposure effects.
The available studies do not provide adequate and sufficient information for a meaningful safety assessment.
The study also stated that we won't have a firm grasp of the health impact of millimeter waves until more and better research is done.
Due to the contradictory information from various lines of evidence that cannot be scientifically explained, and given the large gaps in knowledge regarding the health impact of millimeter waves in the 6 to 100 GHz frequency range at relevant power densities for 5G, research is needed at many levels.
So, as a consequence, research into the health impacts of 5G are ongoing.
For example, the World Health Organization is conducting a health risk assessment on exposure to radio frequencies, covering the entire radio frequency range, including those that are being used in 5G.
And that assessment is scheduled to be published by 2022.
So, maybe we'll find out then.
In the meantime, please continue, young hooligans.
No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, young hooligans.
Stand down, young hooligans.
I didn't say anything.
What did I say?
I told them to do nothing specific.
I just said, go ahead.
Enjoy life.
So fucking what?
So in the meantime, I can offer you the findings of a German-based nonprofit called the International Commission on Non-Ionizing Radiation Protection.
So this is a commission that was founded in 1992 and is dedicated to determining exposure limits for electromagnetic fields.
They recently revised their guidelines from 1998 to include 5G technologies, and concluded that, quote, the new guidelines protect against all potential adverse health effects relating to exposure to RF-EMF from 5G technologies.
Now, I mean, obviously, it's always a good idea to critically analyze new technology infrastructure and how it might impact the health of people.
And obviously it's not paranoid to believe that captains of industry are willing to harm
people's lives and health in order to reap financial rewards. Like think about like
how the tobacco industry tried to deny and cover up the scientific link between their products and
cancer or how oil companies like Exxon publicly downplay the risks of climate change while
knowing that rising CO2 levels would lead to a warmer planet. So, you know, hurting people in
order to make a lot of money and covering up scientific evidence is like one of those real
kinds of conspiracies. It happens. So it's worth looking out for, but like here's where I'm at.
So there's no conclusive evidence that 5G adversely harms the health of humans, and previous attempts to find a strong causal link between cancers and humans and mobile technology haven't been successful.
So it's not something I'm personally very worried about.
But at the same time, the body of research into the impact of 5G technology on human health could be better.
So hopefully there's going to be like a lot more investigations in the matter and soon
because 5G technology is, you know, coming.
Yeah, yeah.
But when it's too when it's already too late.
Travis's main issue right now is swear words in urban music.
The bottom line is this.
Maybe the rollout of 5G will have subtle and unforeseen impacts on human health.
Maybe 5G technology is totally harmless.
But 5G will definitely enable you to watch high-definition virtual reality porn almost anywhere you want to.
So, you know, you got to run the cost-benefit analysis.
Fair point.
Plus, also, if you're in a non and you're waiting in front of your microwave, sticking your little face in the window to see if your Hot Pocket is ready yet or if your, you know, Uncrustable Sandwich has been heated to the proper temperature, you're probably equally as risk if you're living close to a 5G tower.
So it's like, you know, tomato, tomato.
I think 5G fueling like virtual reality porn is one of the funniest things ever because if there's one thing that I'm hyper aware of when I'm doing something that I'm ashamed of as a human being, it's like if anyone might find out or hear about what I'm doing.
So putting a big fucking cardboard box over my head to just kind of completely disorient me while I jack off, that just seems like a dream scenario.
Yeah, it is quite nice.
Not that I know from experience or anything.
Now, before we hand the show off to Jake, I want to address a seeming problem for pro-Trump conspiracy theorists who are wary of 5G.
And that problem is that Trump is super gung-ho on the 5G rollout in the United States.
The race to 5G is a race America must win, and it's a race, frankly, that our great companies are now involved in.
We've given them the incentive they need.
It's a race that we will win.
How are conspiracy theorists supposed to, like, concile their enormous diagrams connecting, like, all the companies and all these fucking, like, you know, like, alphabet agencies and acronyms and shit, like, not worried about a guy who is just Yep, I'm going to let the companies run it and it should be fine.
I love it.
Yeah, it's even better because he's like, this is definitely something that we should be the best at.
And we will be.
It's just like the place that his mind goes is, oh, I love it.
I can't help.
It's such a guilty pleasure for me.
I mean, honestly, I think that the people who follow Trump at this point, Trump could literally start every other sentence with, Due to my long conversations with my other incredibly wealthy friends who think we are superior to you, comma, and then whatever sentence, people wouldn't even, they would still support him.
Of course.
Like, it literally wouldn't matter if he showed his exact financial fucking, if he showed those fucking taxes, nothing would change.
He could stand in front of that podium and go like, bingo, bongo, bango, banjo, kazooie.
And people would be like, oh, well, it's code.
Really?
We know what he's saying.
You dumb libs don't.
You know?
It's just like...
If 5G is so bad, then why is Trump fine with it?
Well, online conspiracy theorists think they have found the solution to this conundrum, and it involves the infamous Covfefe tweet.
Oh no!
Despite the constant negative press, Covfefe.
This, by the way, launched Kickstarter's sales by at least 70%.
New Cards Against Humanity games were immediately created.
Like most people, they just had a giggle over this tweet.
They recognized that Trump was attempting to type press coverage, and then they just moved on with their lives.
But some pro-Trump conspiracy theorists think that Trump was actually signaling the technological solution to our 5G problem.
Specifically, Trump was supposedly referring to a soft magnetic alloy composed of cobalt, vanadium, and iron.
So this is a real alloy.
And they claim that the chemical formula for it is COV.
Now, it's not.
It's not.
Travis, you almost made us cut this bit out!
The real chemical formula for that alloy is CoFe, that's C-O-F-E-V.
So, one QAnon follower named Jolin Live went on to explain this.
Magnets clean up the impurities from 5G working on an ionic level.
This keeps oxygen from being depleted, making harmless the high radio frequency radio waves.
Yeah, every word of that is gibberish.
Don't try to understand what it means, because cleaning up the impurities from 5G?
What the fuck is that even talking about?
It's incoherent.
My local 5G is leaking Pornhub to my husband's computer.
If 5G could be harmful to our environment and all who live in it, perhaps Kefefe is the technology being implemented to protect us from these dangerous mmm-wave levels.
President Trump, certainly not in ignorance, always seems to be one step ahead of the game.
Kefefe!
Joe Lynn is fucking amazing.
Can you guys imagine how fucking great it would be if even your worst most blunderous accidental tweet that you made it like fucking three in the morning under your alt or whatever like you woke up the next morning to see all of your followers like had embraced it and like nobody was like you know questioning your sanity or whatever and they were just like no no this is awesome it means something it means something that we know.
Yeah no no Joe Lynn has more clout than you.
Anybody else would be like, oh, I meant to write coverage.
This looks so dumb.
I'm going to, especially because I'm the President of the United States, I'm gonna delete this tweet.
But not only did he leave it, but he like leaned into it, said that that's exactly what he wanted to say.
T-shirts were made, mugs were made, songs were written and recorded.
It's just... Yeah, because he's not a dumbass.
If fucking Bernie Sanders had put on a full bear outfit and done the Russian dance on stage, like, hell yeah.
That's what we should have done.
We should have gone like, oh, we're socialists?
Let's go, baby.
And now, the long-awaited sequel to Cabal Runner, Cabal Runner 2 by Jake Rakotinsky.
James O'Keefe was sprawled out on a worn leather couch in an apartment somewhere in lower Manhattan.
It was dusk.
And the tomato red sun cast neon colored bars through the steel shutters.
It blinded O'Keefe.
He grabbed his phone and aimed it towards the windows.
With a smooth hiss, the shutters rotated closed, and O'Keefe could see his television screen much more clearly.
On the screen, a tiny pirate with a reddish beard and blonde mop played a beautiful hymn on an accordion.
Tears streamed down O'Keefe's face.
He had not left his apartment in what felt like a month.
O'Keefe lifted a blowtorch to a nearby glass bowl.
He waited until the glass was glowing red hot before grabbing a small dentist tool, dipping it into a tiny jar of goo, and touching it to the quickly cooling glass.
With a hiss, it vaporized instantly, and O'Keefe leaned forward and inhaled the steam through an Art Nouveau glass pipe.
He blew out a massive cloud, and then watched it travel for what seemed like miles through his apartment, before it stopped in mid-stride and hung in the air like cobwebs.
The bright colors from the television screen reflected off of the haze, illuminating the otherwise sterile-looking apartment.
A notification blipped in the corner of the screen.
O'Keefe aimed his phone at the TV.
A small box in the upper right corner expanded until it filled the entire screen.
Twitter.
Basically the only channel worth watching nowadays.
As O'Keefe scrolled through the various timelines dotted with large color images and high-definition videos, his screen broke up a bit.
Goddamn shadow ban, O'Keefe muttered.
There was no question.
Even after all these years, the provider still messed with his service.
He was used to it.
He paused on a video of a newscaster speaking from behind a desk.
He checked the timeline to make sure it belonged to either Fox, OANN, or Bravo.
Oddly enough, sometime in the late 20s, Bravo had made a sweeping deal with the North American Empire and had cancelled all of their friendlier content in favor of broadcasting live executions at Guantanamo Bay.
A group of people from a local group called Families for Safe Meters... The channel was Fox.
Not his first choice, but they were at least reliable.
He turned up the volume on the screen.
Concerned about the 5G network, the new generation of cellular coming, and I know that it is a lot more dangerous than what we already have.
There was a knock at the door.
O'Keefe quickly reached under one of the couch cushions and produced a 2019 Detective Special.
He glanced at the chamber.
It was loaded.
He walked calmly across the room, pistol in hand, until he reached the door.
He undid a labyrinth of locks and bolts before taking a few steps back and training his blaster firmly at the door.
Come in.
Slowly, he said.
The door creaked open, and standing there was an old woman completely drenched from the rain.
O'Keefe lowered his gun.
Mrs. Pizzarellia, I told you not to come over unannounced!
The woman scurried in the door in a huff, dripping water all over the linoleum floor.
I didn't know what else to do, Jimmy.
It's a timey.
He's a sick.
What's the matter with him?
Mrs. Pizzarelli clutched her blouse in angst.
I don't know, Jimmy.
He was fine a couple of weeks ago.
But ever since those men came, he's been... I'm telling ya, he's real sick, Jimmy.
O'Keefe straightened up a bit.
Men?
What men?
They came last month.
Something to do with the cell phone tower.
They paid all of the residents in the building.
In cash.
O'Keefe's mind raced. The protests. Now this. Who was behind it? He snapped back to reality. It didn't matter.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Pizzarelli. There's nothing I can do. I was let go from the force a couple months back. I'm more of a...
investigative journalist now.
Mrs. Pizzarelli looked puzzled.
Well, don't you want to investigate?
O'Keefe chuckled.
Well, since I don't have a publisher, I can only really accept, well, paying gigs.
Mrs. Pizzarelli.
She took a couple steps forward towards his desk, digging into her small handbag, and placed a handful of marijuana onto O'Keefe's desk.
His eyes went wide.
He could smell it from here.
Pure old-fashioned skunk bucket.
Tasty trees.
The concentrates were good for late-night benders.
But it'd been some time since O'Keefe had acquired some proper flour.
And boy, had he missed it.
Do you mind?"
he asked.
Be my guest, the old woman said.
O'Keefe reached down, broke a small piece of the bud off in his fingertips and placed it into a small glass bowl.
He struck a match off a nearby cement column and touched it to the fresh greens.
The herb crackled and snapped.
O'Keefe inhaled the smoke and exhaled sweet citrus hints that seemed to tickle his nose.
Where the hell did you get this?
O'Keefe asked.
It doesn't matter.
All you need to know is there's an ounce of it waiting for you if you can figure out what's so wrong with my boy.
Do androids dream of electric nugs?
O'Keefe thought for a second.
It had been years since he had worked for drugs.
In fact, it was usually he who was greasing his informant's pockets with small charity nuggets.
But he decided the payment wasn't beneath him.
Ever since he lost his job, O'Keefe's apartment had been drier than Durbin's dick.
Besides, her boy was sick.
Maybe O'Keefe could help, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do it alone.
You got yourself a deal.
I'll need to contact my team.
Head back to your apartment and wait there.
We won't be long.
With that, O'Keefe opened the door to his apartment and gently gestured for the woman to leave.
She did, thanking him as she passed through the doorway, out into the empty hallway.
O'Keefe slammed the door shut and raced over to a replica statue of Michelangelo's David sitting off to one side of the living room.
He reached out and yanked on the statue's penis and a circular panel in the floor swirled open, revealing a long fireman's pole into the depths below.
O'Keefe threw on his trusty overcoat, then hooked an elbow around the pole and catapulted himself down, his jacket flying in the wind.
His feet slammed onto wet pavement at the bottom of a dank sewer.
O'Keefe loosened his grip from a fireman's pole and wiped the sweat off of his brow.
The once peaceful sewer now looked like a teenager's after-school rec room.
Skateboards, video game controllers, and piles of animal dung peppered the chamber.
A rap song about Hunter Biden blared from a small boombox balanced on an oil drum.
Very 90s hangout to say the least.
A large furry paw caught James by surprise as he felt it crush his shoulder.
Old Gorka didn't know his own strength.
James, my boy, have I told you I'm having the time of my life down here playing in the mud?
O'Keefe juggled and watched the large bear bound off towards one side of the cavern, rolling in a puddle until his fur was caked with mud.
So, what's the action?
Gray Wolf sat on a broken chair sharpening a katana. A ragged blue bandana hung from
his neck. DeGenova was picking at a moldy piece of cheese, and Jacob, the bat, was perched
atop an old refrigerator, trying to peel the skin off of a grape.
So, what's the action? barked Berkman. You only stick your nose around these sewers when
you've got a scoop. O'Keefe cocked his head to the side.
As a matter of fact, I do, Jack.
What do you know about 5G?
The wolf flashed his teeth at O'Keefe and spun his chair around to face a cracked computer monitor with various wires and cords jutting out of it.
O'Keefe watched as he plodded around the keyboard for a bit, mashing his paws on the keys, scrolling through various websites.
He closed the browser.
I know a couple things now.
One, it causes cancer.
Two, it can potentially control human thought, as well as the weather.
I'm listening, O'Keefe said.
And three, it's a whole lot faster than this hunk of junk I'm pushing.
He nodded at the worn out modem buried under a pile of empty soda cans.
Whatcha got?
Everyone perked up.
Gorkabear had shuffled up next to them, chewing intently on a plastic straw.
Jacob fluttered over and perched himself on the back of the wolf's chair, before casually vomiting up the grape he had eaten just moments ago.
O'Keefe cleared his throat.
An acquaintance of mine, she lives in the tinderbox with her boy, says he's real sick.
Teaching over, the rat lifted his head from the block of cheese.
It's 2036, everyone's sick!
What's in it for us?
O'Keefe reached into his pocket and produced a small nugget of marijuana.
The super chronic he had gotten from Mrs. Pizzarelli, all of the animals looked very intrigued.
Smell that shit.
This entire story is like a very well-dressed up frat party where bros are passing nugs from one to the other.
Smell that shit.
You cracked it.
Proper, proper live decode.
So Keef holds out the dope and he goes, Jacob fluttered to the ground and began to do a kind of strange dance.
And she's got an ounce waiting for us when we finish the job."
Jacob fluttered to the ground and began to do a kind of strange dance.
Gorkabear looked concerned.
I think it's only proper we consult with our master.
The entire team nodded.
Keef glanced where they were looking and noticed an ancient alligator propped up in a shabby
old easy chair.
It was wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sorry.
**sniff** Gorka bounded over to the alligator and threw himself at its feet.
Oh dear sensei, please give us your blessing on this next mission.
The reptile said nothing, but opened its jaws wide and kept them there, indefinitely.
A small gurgling could be heard from deep within its belly.
It's settled.
We're in.
The team stood in front of a steamy apartment complex in the heart of the tinderbox.
What was once known as Queens was now home to mostly bots and trolls, but a few families had hung around hoping the area would someday be restored to its former glory.
Rain poured from the dreary sky, blocked only by the passing hovercars above.
Jack, Gorka, Dejanova, and Jacob all wore inconspicuous disguises.
Large trench coats and flat brim hats covered their true identities, but it didn't matter.
No one would think anything out of the ordinary.
They could easily be skin jobs.
For all they knew, they probably already were.
The team climbed a stairwell and into a long hallway.
Within a few moments, James O'Keefe and the McAnimals were standing in front of Mrs. Pizzarelli's apartment door.
Mrs. Pizzarelli opened the door and gently ushered them in.
When she saw the animals, she nearly tripped backwards over her feet.
Jacob instantly shed his disguise and descended on a small bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter.
DiGenova tipped his hat, What?
You never seen a talking rat before?
I got about 12 movies to lend ya!
Mrs. Pizzarelli began to pray in a language none of them understood.
But nevertheless, motioned towards her son's room.
The team entered the tiny room.
On the wall were kids' posters and school pictures and drawings.
In the corner of the room, on a makeshift bed, a boy, no older than five, slept soundly.
Gorka delicately reached into his trench coat and gripped the wooden handle of his flail.
Not yet, O'Keefe said firmly.
Gorka loosened his grip.
O'Keefe approached the boy.
Boy.
The boy rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up.
His face was flush with fever.
As soon as he spied Gorka Bear, he sprang out of bed.
Mickey!
The boy yelled.
He jumped up and threw his arms around Gorka's large furry tummy, before stomping on his feet and trying to reach for his privates.
Hands off, I say!
Off limits!
O'Keefe grabbed the boy by the shoulder.
Boy, can you tell us when you started to feel sick?
The boy thought for a moment.
He shook his head.
Gorka Bear sighed.
O'Keefe reached into his pocket and pulled out a small meter with a detachable wand.
He flicked a switch and the machine powered on.
Carefully, he aimed the wand at the boy.
The meter began to blink orange.
Then red.
His rats are reading off the chart.
The boy's mother appeared in the doorway, concerned.
This kid's got more radiation in him than a barrel full of ooze.
He grabbed the kid by the cheeks.
Boy, who's doing this to you?
The kid slowly raised his finger, pointing towards the ceiling.
And then...
He projectile vomited all over James O'Keefe.
O'Keefe stumbled back to the roof, he cried.
The team sprang out into the hallway, trying to catch their breath and wipe the regurgitated food off their clothes.
A door crossed the hallway flung open, and a boy a little older than the Pizzarelli Kid tumbled out into the corridor.
He had the same feverish look.
To their surprise, he lunged towards them like some sort of zombie!
Vomit pouring out of his mouth, spraying them.
Infected children!
Screamed Gorka.
He brandished his flail, circling it over his head.
Every apartment door burst open, and sick, vomiting children poured out into the cramped hallway, the neon pipe lighting illuminating their solid, sickly faces.
Jack reached into his trench coat and brandished his katana.
Dejanova whipped out a pair of tonfas, He executed an impressive flurry before taking a defensive stance, staring down the horde.
Jacob clung to Gorkabear's back, screeching at the top of his tiny bat lungs.
Cigar!
Cigar!
Locking briefcase!
Locking briefcase!
The stairs!
We have to get to the stairs!
screamed O'Keefe.
With the horde in pursuit, spitting hot green vomit at their heels, the team careened down the hallway, headed full speed towards the stairwell.
As soon as they were all in, O'Keefe grabbed Gorkabear's flail and jammed it through the door handle.
The door rattled and shook.
But the flail held.
They were safe.
For now.
What am I going to do for a weapon now?
Gorka lamented.
You're a fucking bear.
You'll figure it out.
O'Keefe replied.
We can worry about it later.
We gotta get to that roof.
It was around the 42nd floor that Gorka's bowels began to give way.
He could no longer hold in his gas, and much to the chagrin of the rest of the team, the stairwell was cramped, with no windows.
How much further do we have to go?
Come on, Dr. G!
Gorka sighed, collapsing onto a flat landing, tears rolling down his big furry cheeks.
Come on, Dr. G, it's not that hard!
Jacob fluttered up another flight of stairs. Gorka raged silently,
but before long realized that he was speaking his thoughts out loud to the rest of the group.
Of course the stairs are easier for you, Jacob!
You're a bloody bat, you know.
It's troublesome for such a buxom bear to be asked to ascend such an absurd amount of steps.
I hate each and every one of you for forcing me into this position.
Bergman wiped his brow.
Only ten more floors!
Let's go!
He pushed on with Dejanova riding on his back as if the wolf were some sort of exotic mount unlocked in a video game.
With a heavy sigh, Gorka Bear lurched up, reaching for one of the railings.
But in his fatigue, he miscalculated and instead ended up falling backwards and rolling down four flights of stairs.
When the team finally did reach the roof, nothing could prepare them for what they found.
Towering over them was a large black monolith.
It was humming with energy.
O'Keefe could feel it in his gut.
Standing at its base stood a familiar thin man wearing spectacles, his smile filled with sharp, crooked teeth.
Podesta, O'Keefe yelled.
Correct!
I never did properly thank you for restoring me to my former greatness, O'Keefe.
Without you, I'd probably still be rotting away in the bowels of the CNN building.
Keefe raged.
I should have killed you when I had the chance!
He pulled out his blaster and fired a shot at Podesta.
The bullet slowed until it was floating 50 feet away from the man.
It shook as if its atoms were being boiled.
All of a sudden, all of the team's weapons flew out of their hands.
They floated in front of the monolith.
Modesta grinned ear to ear.
Witness the power.
Of 5G!
In an instant, each of the weapons splintered into fragments.
They slowly swirled around Podesta, forming a protective, sharp armor over his entire
body.
It looked fucking badass.
Oh dear, Gorkaber remarked.
Podesta snapped his fingers.
Humanoid synthetics, clothed in loose-fitting jumpsuits, vaulted over the sides of the roof.
Get em!
Some of them were brandishing martial arts weapons.
They began to close in.
O'Keefe had his back to Gorka.
What the hell are we gonna do now?
He yelled.
Gorka glanced at O'Keefe, a twinkle in his eyes.
James, I'm a fucking bear.
I'll figure something out.
And with that, he took off, flinging his body like a bowling ball into the henchmen, sending
them flying off the roof.
One of the NPCs came at Jack.
The wolf flung his arms outward, and three sharp claws on each hand sprang out, glinting in the moonlight.
Jack landed hook after hook, turning his enemy's clothing into delicate strips of cloth.
It wasn't enough.
The NPCs closed in, forming a tight circle around the team.
Things were looking dark.
But then, with the flash of a clawed wing, a couple enemies staggered back.
Everyone looked down.
To their surprise, Jacob the Bat had begun to weave an elegant kata, his wings in sharp hooks spinning and dipping, sending streaks of white synthetic blood and their accompanying appendages hurling through the air.
Before long, they stood amongst a pile of body parts.
Podesta cowered near the base of the monolith.
The group closed in.
Well, well, well.
Tougher than I thought.
Smirked Podesta.
Let's see you use your 5G to get you out of this one.
O'Keefe said triumphantly.
Podesta raised his eyebrows.
If you insist.
He pressed a button on a small remote.
The sky turned dark.
Huge, heavy clouds seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Thunder and lightning cracked across the sky.
You see me, sneered Podesta.
Not only can 5G interfere with organic radio waves causing sickness and death, it also interacts with other organic frequencies quite well.
Digenova looked pissed off.
Will somebody tell me in English what the hell this whack job is talking about?
I'm talking about the weather.
Desta began to cackle.
The storm got worse.
Rain dumped from the sky.
The lightning was getting close.
O'Keefe began to sweat.
What do you think will happen to you during a lightning storm on the tallest building in Queens?
And with a flash of lightning, he was gone.
Did he jump over the side of the building?
O'Keefe hadn't seen.
Gorkabear growled at the sky.
A single spear of lightning raced in their direction.
The monolith pulsed louder.
The light was blinding.
Today our top story Officials are investigating a fire early Saturday morning that destroyed a brand new 5G tower that had been installed just weeks prior.
Some believe the fire was caused by angry residents worrying the tower was making their children sick.
However, officials believe the destruction may have something to do with independent journalist James O'Keefe and a herd of zoo animals who were found dead at the scene.
The story is still...
laughter laughter
laughter The story is still developing.
Look for that and much more tonight on Bravo.
Thanks for listening to another episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast.
Please go to patreon.com slash QAnon Anonymous and subscribe for five bucks a month to get a whole second episode every week, plus access to our entire archive of premium episodes.
There are 70 of them currently.
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Join us on Twitch, where we stream episode premieres, curated story nights with me and Jake, and plenty of other malarkey.
And yes, I know it's Jake and I. Twitch.tv slash QAnonAnonymous.
For everything else, we have the website, QAnonAnonymous.com.
And it's not the best website, but you will find a link to get merch, and you will find also a bunch of free shit like access to our Discord community, where we all chat, hang out, voice chat.
We don't exactly know who Q is, okay?
Q is not one person, okay?
Q is a bunch of people.
They're on the inside.
which are our main episodes 2 to 6.
And then you can also find the music from our soundtrack by the very talented Nick Sena, who has put together quite
a good collection.
Listener, until next week, may the deep dish bless you and keep you.
We don't exactly know who Q is, okay?
Q is not one person, okay?
Q is a bunch of people that are on the inside, they're the good guys, and they know the real story,
what's going on, and it's all about ending the deep state.
It's not a conspiracy, it's fact.
And now, today's Auto-Tune.
No.
London Real and Mr. Rose and Mr. Ike aren't being censored because they're lying to people.
They're being censored because humanity's resonating with what they say.
And to blame David Ike or myself, as they've been doing in the news, for all these 5G towers getting burned down is fraud.
I'm not saying burn these down, neither is David.
We're simply saying studies show they're linked to cancer.
