Dennis Prager analyzes the decline in marriage, citing eight factors including unrealistic media standards, the "age of excitement" fueled by novelty, and feminism's role in teaching women they do not need men. He argues that seeking a partner is no longer driven by desperation but dismissed as inferior to independent living, while witnessing parental unhappiness creates false expectations. Ultimately, Prager concludes that avoiding inevitable marital pain leads to a shallow existence, urging society to reject the illusion of perfect singles life in favor of building meaningful, committed communities. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Why Marriage Is Harder Now00:04:39
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Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.
Hear thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs.
And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com.
Episode of Timeless Wisdom.
There is something exciting about developing a life with somebody, making a home, having friends, having a community, building a world larger than yourself.
That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager, and it starts right now.
Last time, which is available on tape, I think it was 11 mistakes.
I don't know how I got to 11, but I got to 11.
11 mistakes singles make.
And interesting, by the way, there are people who subscribe to a tape a month for me for my lecturing.
And it's never happened before, really.
I got an email from a man who said, I am canceling my subscription to your tapes.
And I was insulted by your, I'm a single man, and I was insulted by your tape mistakes singles make.
And I wrote him back and I said, please, you're going to get a refund.
It's not a non issue, but I'm unbelievably curious.
What offended you?
And I never responded, but it was an honest talk.
Not to offend, but to help, actually, believe it or not.
I mean, that's the whole purpose of this get together.
I believe in marriage, but while I believe in marriage, I also believe in a fulfilled life, even if you're not married.
So I was debating, I was thinking of giving a talk on how to lead a fulfilled life, even while not married.
And I really do believe that's important, but I decided not to do that.
Because I thought, wait a minute, wait a minute.
While that's very important, that's not the point you want to get over, Dennis, he said to himself.
And in fact, on the way here, how many of you heard Dr. Stephen Marmer on my happiness show?
All right, so a fair number of you.
He's on, oh, I would say every other month.
So I called him up and I said, Steve, here is my debate between these two topics.
He said, I'll definitely give this other one.
And this other one is this Why aren't people marrying?
And I would like to discuss this with you.
I'd like to.
And because I mean discuss, because I would like your feedback very much afterwards.
And some of this will apply to you, and some of it will not apply to you at all, but will apply to many others.
But you know, if you listen to me at all regularly, you know that I am very committed to clarity.
That if God came to me, I've often said and said, Dennis, you can have happiness or clarity.
I would vote for clarity.
Because I go crazy when things are not clear.
I want to understand what's happening.
And if I were single and things were not happening, at least I'd want to know why.
Now, I can't answer for any one of your lives, but I can say as a general principle in American life today, I've isolated a number of factors.
And I am sure some will hit you personally and some will hit people that you know.
But I think that they are all relevant, and I don't know if they're in order of importance, but they are all very important.
So as I give almost all my talks in numerical sequence, let me give this one as well that way.
How many reasons did I come up with?
Let's see.
Eight.
Just eight, not eleven.
Eight reasons people are not marrying today.
The first may in fact be the most important, but it's first among equals because they're all very important.
This is a very difficult one to overcome.
Eight Reasons People Dont Marry00:08:55
And I think a lot of you are afflicted with it.
I know I would be afflicted with it if I were single.
And that is comparing people to an image of perfection.
And it is not entirely your fault if you do this.
Partially your fault, and it's partially an inevitable fact of American life today.
I know men better than I know women.
In fact, it's easier to know men better than one knows women.
Did you ever see that email?
You know, email has a world unto itself, the internet.
And if you get on enough lists, you'll get a lot of junk, as you know.
I have had more breast enlargement ads.
And penis enlargement ads than I really care to receive at any given day.
But I can live through those ads because sometimes I actually get something really funny.
And I got one that was circulating the internet.
I wish I had it in front of me, but it goes something like this How to Please, it's How to Please a Woman, and then How to Please a Man.
How to Please a Woman takes up an entire page.
Stroke her, Speak softly to her, speak sweetly, bring proper flowers, caress her when necessary.
An entire list of complex actions for a man to know.
Then how to please a man, bring food, and show up naked.
And that was it.
It was perfect.
There was nothing left to be said.
That was exactly right.
And so there is no question that women are more complex.
Creatures.
I have no doubt about that.
So when I speak, even here as an example, when I speak about how each sex has its image of perfection that stymies their ability to meet somebody real who could actually make a beautiful life with them, for men, a typical problem would be the search for a 10.
You recall the movie, I think it was with Bo Derrick, called 10, where you had this perfect female.
Physical figure.
She was all of probably 21 years of age at the time and was photographed perfectly.
Everything was perfect.
There was the search for a 10.
There was no doubt in my mind that for many men today, they go to bed alone 90% of the year.
They dine alone.
They are alone.
They're lonely in some ways because they're looking for a 10.
There was a very powerful and disturbing article on this very point by a man, a friend of mine, in fact, Michael Levine, who was a very major publicist in Hollywood.
And I was very impressed with the candor and the honesty in his article.
It was published in Psychology Today, and I had him on my show.
He wrote an article, Why I'm Single.
And he began by saying as follows I don't like being single.
It is not bringing me happiness.
I know that I would be happier married.
But I am paralyzed in choosing a woman because all day long I see so many beautiful women.
Now this is not fully clear to a woman.
It can't be because you're made differently than us.
But any man here, I would say 99% of the men here, because nothing is true for everyone, can understand the effect that that has because that is the way we're wired.
And so he was saying, both in my work in Hollywood, I'm a publicist for actresses, and in the media, television, ads, billboards, movies, all I am is bombarded.
With one beautiful woman after another.
And so, how could I commit to one when I know that an hour later, a week later, there will be a better ten or another ten?
So, the reason that I admire his article is not because I admire what he's doing with his life, he doesn't admire what he's doing with his life.
He is rational enough to say, I am ruining my life by giving into my nature.
Many men don't even acknowledge as far as Mr. Levine did what they are doing to themselves by the image of ten or whatever other way you want to configure this image of the perfect woman and stopping themselves from actually having a beautiful and meaningful relationship with a real woman who can bring them a great deal of joy but who doesn't qualify as an instantaneous ten.
Now for women, there is the exact same Or for many women, there is the exact same symmetry, but it's not a 10.
Women are not looking for a Tom Cruise replica, a physical 10.
I mean, 16-year-old girls maybe, 20-year-old girls even, but women, as opposed to girls, don't.
For a woman, a 10 is not composed of looks, although that helps, but it is composed of financial ability, power, Sexiness in other ways that are more complex than what is sexy to a male.
It may be more complex, but it is also very paralyzing for many women who disqualify good men, potentially wonderful mates, on the basis of their earning power and so on.
Now, I don't blame either sex.
I think it is so hardwired.
Barbara Walters, who makes many millions of dollars, tens of billions of dollars, This woman, when she married, married a man who made even more money than she.
Jane Fund, a multi, multi, multi-millionaire, married Ted Turner, who was a multi-billionaire.
Now, why wouldn't she marry?
Why wouldn't Jane Fund, I hate to use her as an example, it's painful, but what am I going to do?
Put her values aside.
Why would she not, after all, if she has all that money, she doesn't need a man with money?
Yet it is hardwired into a woman to want a man who has achieved more than she has, as a general rule.
Women can overcome this, but it's hardwired.
And we can't go anywhere in life if we don't know where we begin.
And we begin with our wiring.
We are.
We men are wired in a certain way, and women are wired in a certain way.
And it's good to know that.
And each sex has to know that about the other.
It's very foolish for a woman to say, oh, I don't care how I look, a man will know my heart.
Well, that's absurd.
Just as it's absurd for a man to say, I don't mean any professional ambition whatsoever.
A woman will know my heart.
That's nonsense.
A woman wants a man who wants to conquer, a man who wants to achieve.
I don't mean a man who is driven only to that, although women do like that often, and then they pay the big price when they get married.
A man who is just driven to achieve and achieved an immense amount, and then she notices he doesn't pay any attention to her.
Well, didn't you marry somebody you wanted to just be driven to achievement?
or likewise the beautiful woman.
Oh, sure, he married a gorgeous woman, but that's all she is.
And her gorgeousity seems to fade very rapidly in his eyes because there's nothing else going on there.
That each sex is fooled by its wiring, but it doesn't mean that the wiring is unimportant.
A man cannot go and say, it doesn't matter what I do for a living, or it doesn't matter if I am ambitious at all that I want to achieve in the outer world, and a woman can't say, it doesn't matter how I look.
You can say that, but there are consequences.
But that's aside.
My first point is that each sex is walking around many members, not all, with a certain image of perfection.
Now putting aside income for men and putting aside looks for women, there are other problems even with perfection.
Flaws You Cannot Live With00:14:32
Because even then you date and you spend time together and all of a sudden you start noticing that the other person actually has flaws.
Because let's face it, in the very beginning, the chemistry of attraction is so powerful that we imagine that the person we're falling in love with is flawless.
And then the chutzpah of that person to actually have some flaws after the opening chemistry starts to slightly wane and we have entered real life.
But that is inevitable.
Here's what you do with recognizing that there are flaws in the person that you are thinking of perhaps spending your life with.
Number one, ask yourself, is it a flaw I can live with?
It's very important.
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Now, there are flaws you can live with.
There are flaws you can't live with.
You have to know yourself, which it is.
Every single person, and this is the other key point that you have to bear in mind.
This is very tough, but we come with flaws too.
It's a very tough one to and I know you all know that you have flaws.
It's an intellectual knowledge, but in your gut, do you really believe it?
And here's a little test that I think, here's a little test that you might want to apply to yourself.
I want you to, not now, but at some point when you get home, and don't do it on a first date, I want you to write down what your flaws are.
Honestly say, these are my flaws, or, and, or, do you have any idiosyncrasies?
See, like I go through life, I am convinced I have no idiosyncrasies.
I do.
I can tell you my flaws, that I truly can, but idiosyncrasies, I don't think I have any.
Now, anybody who works with me or who lives with me would keel over in laughter at the idea that I don't have idiosyncrasies.
But I, for the life of me, cannot name any.
Because what is idiosyncratic to you about me is to me normal about me to me.
And the same thing with your idiosyncrasies about you.
They are perfectly normal.
That's all.
You like to go to bed listening to the Dixie chicks on your radio.
That's all.
To you that is normal, but to somebody else that is a little idiosyncratic.
Or you prefer to sleep with your head hanging over the mattress.
If you prefer to sleep that way, to you that is thoroughly normal.
To the rest of us it's a bit idiosyncratic.
Everybody comes with idiosyncrasies and with flaws.
But we if you have an image of perfection flaws cancels that person out That is why I'm always amazed people tell me they dated for seven years the same person and And so I say well, what did you exactly learn after seven years?
I mean, what is there to learn?
I Mean I don't even understand that concept unless it's like from 17 to 24 But if you were all an adult There's nothing left after two years to be honest.
It's pretty much you know the person Nobody acts for two years.
They can act for three dates, but for two years, it's not possible to act that long.
Anyway, those are things that baffle me.
But number one is critical.
You've got to get rid of this image of perfection.
You're flawed.
Anyone you love will be flawed.
Can you handle those flaws?
Now, men, ironically, are a little better at this, believe it or not, than women.
On most micro things, women are probably more highly developed.
But here it is because women marry men convinced they'll make them better they will change them.
Now, by the way, again, this is a double-edged sword because it actually is a good idea.
I am definitely, I mean, it's painful for me to tell you how much better I am because of my wife and because of marriage.
It's only painful because I realize what I started out as, because that's why.
But there's no question about it that I am a better person in so many given ways.
But on the other hand, if my wife made it a project to change me regularly, I would resent it.
The trick is to make it a project but not let him know about it.
I guess that's the.
I don't know how it's done.
But in all seriousness, that really is a problem that has to be.
You can't marry thinking, well, as he is now, he is insufferable.
But five year course with me, he will be quite a man.
You can't do that.
It's not good for you and it's not good for him.
Now, why do we have these images of perfection whereas previous generations did not?
Right?
That's a question that needs to be asked.
And here again, we live, you know, Dickens said it's the best of times, it's the worst of times.
That's probably true in most ages.
We live in the best of times in many ways, but we live in the worst of times in some ways.
And the media have a very powerful impact on us, unbelievably powerful, and more negative than positive.
And the imagery of people that we are bombarded with every day, perfect males and perfect females, of course, it's all an act.
But they look perfect and they sound perfect.
And it gives us an image in our flawed life.
Oh, there is a woman out there like that.
There is a man out there like that.
And so there is no way to really understand the flawed nature of anybody you will ever love when there is such perfection out there that is being offered to you as a real alternative.
But it's all an act.
And even the actors fall in for it.
That's why actors marry actors.
Fell in love on the set of a movie.
You hear that all the time.
And then they divorce.
A year later they're off the set.
They even fool themselves, and I don't say that disparagingly.
It's very understandable why they would divorce and it's very understandable why Hollywood actors would divorce a great deal, because they're constantly around tens in an abnormal way that never existed in human history.
Perfect imagery of the opposite sex is around them at all times, acting perfectly, given the right lines and the right lighting.
You're not given lines and lighting and a 24-hour beautician, right?
But they are.
So of course they fall in love with the next best man or best woman on the set.
But it happens to us too that we fall in love with the best man or best woman on the set.
Or at least keep in our mind that there is such a man out there or there is such a woman out there.
I think all eight are critical, but perhaps that one is the most important.
The image of perfection that we hold and a normal, wonderful person isn't wonderful enough.
Number two, again I'm answering the question why people are not marrying today.
A lot of people see unhappiness in their parents' marriage.
Or for that matter, in others' marriages.
Not just their parents, or not even necessarily their parents.
And so they conclude that such unhappiness is A, inevitable to marriage, and B, is something I must avoid.
Well, let me deal with that.
Yes, the fact is unhappiness is inevitable to marriage.
Okay, let me clue you in, in case you've never been married, if you have been married, you certainly know this is true.
There are unhappy times in marriages.
It's a fact.
I don't know of a marriage in which that has not been true.
There may exist such a marriage.
I remember meeting a couple and doing my research for my book on happiness, and they both looked at me and said with absolute seriousness that they had never fought once in their marriage.
Of course, with all respect, they both seemed comatose to me.
And the comatose don't fight much.
I mean, this was really Mr. and Mrs. Dispassionate that I was talking to.
We never fight, Dennis.
No, honey, we never fight.
And if they worked it out, God bless them.
But the vast majority of people fight in their marriage.
The vast majority of people wonder at some point in their marriage, did they make a mistake?
Think about what would it be like if they were single again.
These are not nightmares.
These are normal parts of life.
Hey, the vast majority of parents sometimes wonder why the hell did they have this kid?
Does that mean, is that an argument against parenthood?
It is very interesting to me that people don't use the same arguments against parenthood that they use against marriage.
Is parenthood always fun?
Ask your parents in case you really want to know.
And I adore being a parent.
I adore it.
It is an unbelievable source of joy in my life.
But it is also a very strong source of burden.
It's a burden to be a parent.
There are just times when I didn't want to wake up at 6 o'clock and watch cartoons after having worked till 2.
There are times when you just don't want to play another game of ball or to clean up more vomit or God knows what you do.
I mean, it's of course not.
Of course not.
And children have a very challenging impact on marriages.
They're the biggest single challenge to a marriage.
It's my old line, God has a sense of humor, that which is created by passion then destroys it.
And so, you know, you think of children and their effect on the sex life of a couple.
You know, I have met, and I have met couples, oh, it had no effect on our sex life.
You know, I want to, you know, bring them to the Smithsonian.
I really, to me it is, how is that possible?
Do you do it while they're crying?
I don't understand.
But, you know, if unhappy times make you avoid something, it should make you avoid parenthood.
It should make you avoid anything meaningful in life because everything meaningful has unhappiness attached to it.
Has tension, has unhappiness, has difficult times.
That's inevitable.
So if you say, well, my friend's marriage, my parents' marriage, I saw this unhappiness, yes, that happens.
But, now, too much of it is bad.
I believe in divorce when it gets too much.
I do.
I don't believe that life imprisonment, which is what a bad marriage is, is only for anyone but murderers.
And if you didn't murder, you don't deserve life imprisonment and a bad marriage.
On the other hand, it is part of marriage.
It is part of life.
It could take years, in fact.
And then you overcome it and you reach a greater place where if you've worked it out, there is a deeper love and a deeper satisfaction.
And most people who marry a second time, in fact, a divorce rate in second marriages is greater than the divorce rate in first marriages because they have imagined I'll trade this one in for a much better model.
But they've not traded in their problems, they've only traded in the person, but not their problems.
Sometimes it does work, don't get me wrong.
Of course it does.
But this notion that I've seen my parents unhappiness, or I've seen friends unhappiness in their marriage, is a very poor excuse for not marrying.
What you do is you marry better, Not perfect, just better.
You'll work on it better.
If part of the reason that your parents' marriage was not that good was that your father was a workaholic, don't marry a workaholic.
I mean, who knows what reason there might have been.
But that is not a good reason.
And I remember, I mean, I get this a lot on the radio where whenever this subject comes up where a woman will call me and say, I love this man I'm dating, but he was burned in his first marriage.
What is it?
Burned in his first marriage.
So he should go to a burn ward and then go out again.
Listen, I know guys' excuses for not committing so well that I mean, in my sleep, I could utter them.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Is losing weight getting harder as you get older?
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Mention Dennis Prager and you get two weeks free in the program, and they'll pay for your food.
That's a $1,500 value absolutely free.
Call 864-644-1900.
Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
If a guy doesn't want to get married, he should be honest and say in the mirror and to the woman he's with, honey, I don't want to get married.
Pain In Everything Worthwhile00:15:51
As much as I may love you, I just don't want to.
But please don't give me this nonsense.
I hate when people lie to themselves.
Lying to others is bad, but to yourself is beyond redemption.
And for a man to say, or a woman, well, I was so burned in my first marriage.
and I can't imagine marrying again, you're lying to yourself.
Or you're so weak that you shouldn't be married.
I think it's an announcement to a woman that the guy is just weak.
What if a guy said, you know, I was really injured in this car crash.
I'm not going to drive again.
You'd think you were with a wimp, and women tend not to like wimps.
Why is that any different with marriage?
Why is that any different?
You were burned in the car, you drive again.
You were burned in a marriage, you marry again.
Kind of nonsense.
To me, that's nonsense.
And it's just an excuse for somebody not wanting to deal with the reality of commitment, which is not what is wired into men, but then they should just be honest about it.
So that's so much for people not marrying because they see unhappiness.
There's a deeper element here.
People don't want pain.
We live in a risk-averse and pain-averse society.
Okay?
I mean, people, the slightest thing seems to just bother a lot of Americans terribly.
Any pain whatsoever of the physical variety, any annoyance, it's just, you know, I'm going to sue because of my anguish.
Oh God, I forgot it.
There was a recent lawsuit over something utterly trivial, $5 million for the anguish that the person suffered.
I mean, I don't remember what it was, but I remember thinking, first of all, anybody who had a lot of anguish from that needs deep, deep therapy immediately.
They don't need $5 million.
They need a good therapist.
But it is a common thing now, I don't want any pain.
Yes, there is pain in marriage.
Hello, there is pain in marriage.
There is pain in parenthood.
There is pain in leadership.
There is pain in everything worthwhile in life.
If you wish to live life without pain, then so declare and tell anybody you're dating because otherwise you're being dishonest in dating and implying that you actually want to live a real life which contains pain.
There's nothing wrong with pain.
Pain is part of life.
If you don't feel pain, you are literally dead.
Pain means you're alive.
Pain is a wake-up call to fixing something.
Pain is okay.
But people are afraid of it.
I saw the pain in my friend's marriage.
Boy, I don't want to risk it.
Well, why not?
Isn't the upside worth it?
Are you all that thrilled right now?
You know, people should look at their lives.
I want people to lead fulfilled lives while they're single.
Absolutely.
I told you, I debated whether that would be my first topic today or not.
It's very important that you not delay living life till you meet the right person.
That's true.
But in the meantime, it is still worth meeting somebody and making that life, even though there's pain, and you know that all things considered, it's probably better to be with somebody.
If it is meaningful, just to be with a human, another body is not.
But if there is something meaningful, of course it's better.
You move on in life.
Why are people not marrying?
Reason number three, because almost everything seems to be available without marrying.
That's a very big factor.
Just to give three examples, sex, companionship, and children.
People used to marry for sex, companionship, and children, not necessarily in that order.
But they did marry for those three things.
You can now have sex without marriage, companionship without marriage, and children without marriage.
And nobody will yell at you, and there will be no stigma attached to your lifestyle.
And so a lot of people think, hey, why bother?
I could have all those things anyway.
And I could even order in good meals.
So whatever it is that may have moved people in the past doesn't seem to move them.
Now, this, too, happens to be a blessing and a curse.
The blessing part of it is that you really won't marry out of desperation.
The curse part is, though, you won't marry at all.
And that's what a lot of people are deciding to do.
And you have to ask yourself at a very serious moment, maybe 2 a.m. if you're not sleeping well, ask yourself this question.
Am I happy with the way life is going right now if I have a choice?
Now, not everybody has a choice to marry.
I acknowledge that fact, obviously.
But if you do have that choice or feel you have that choice, and I address especially a lot of men here, but not only men at all, and I'll talk about the women issue in a moment, you really are happy with more dating?
I mean, isn't there a time of life where you just say to yourself, my God, it's a little deja vu going on here.
It's like Groundhog Day constantly.
The beauty of Groundhog Day, which is why it's one of my favorite films and the film I've seen more than any other film that I've ever watched is that it has a phenomenal lesson, that until you finally grow up, you can't move on.
You're stuck in the same day and a lot of singles not all are stuck in that realm in the same day until you grow up and say hey, wait a minute, I do have to move on.
There is behavior that is appropriate in my 20s perhaps, but now, not.
Now it's time to make a life, make a home, build something, be part of a community, not just, not just a, an autonomous, floating human being, which is so easily done in our modern day society.
Number four.
This is back to our media, and this is a very real problem.
Marriage is almost never portrayed as desirable.
I'm sure it exists.
I don't know movies that well, but I cannot personally remember seeing a movie that depicted marriage as good.
Maybe that's a boring movie.
No, no, I'm serious.
Maybe a film about a good marriage will just put people to sleep.
Well, good night, honey.
I love you.
Sweetheart, I love you too.
What would you like for breakfast?
I'll be happy to have it.
And, honey, can I bring home some flowers for you?
Would put most audiences to sleep.
Not that that is the definition of a good marriage, but you get my point.
Nevertheless, all the good sex, for example, in movies is of either married people having an affair or unmarried people.
When is there good sex in a marriage?
I can't think of it, I'm sure it exists, but if it exists, it's maybe one out of a thousand marriages.
But by almost every study that has ever been done, while of course there are even sexless marriages, that is true, where the passion has just died or what have you, and it's very tragic.
Nevertheless, by and large, it seems that married people do have sex, as it happens, contrary to Hollywood's vision, and that they may even enjoy it, and that it could even be exciting.
Now, it is true that it is hard.
The chemistry of the brain is so wired in both sexes that there is something staggering about as you fall in love and lust together at the same time, those moments are very difficult.
To recapture, that is true, and if you live for excitement, which i'm going to come to in a moment as another factor, then it is a problem.
But marriage just isn't given the good name that it used to be.
It's not honored, it's like another life choice.
That's all it is.
I remember years ago and I was right when I, when I saw this as as momentous, Stanford University announced I don't know, maybe 10, 15 years ago, and I announced it on the radio it was a little news item It was no longer reserving its special apartments.
There are very few apartments apparently around Stanford for married couples, students who were studying there who were married.
Now anybody could live there.
And I said, this is Stanford's way of saying we don't want to honor marriage.
And now, of course, marriage is not honored at all.
Any single, any communal thing is just as good.
And it is very sad.
Marriage is just not celebrated.
in the society at large.
It is celebrated in religious life, but of course not all Americans are religious.
Number five, and this is related to what I was just saying, I have often characterized our age, you know, there was the Renaissance, the age of reason, the age of enlightenment.
We live in the age of stupidity.
And I believe that, and it's directly related to the proliferation of the number of professors.
But there is another term for the age in which we live.
And that is the age of excitement.
This, it's very important to be excited as much as possible.
And I want to tell you there is a chemical and psychological basis here, it is almost like addiction.
Do you know when you get excited, whatever the excitement may be, at a sporting event, at a horror movie, in sex, there are hormones that are secreted at that time, including adrenaline.
And that is a high.
It's like a drug-induced high, chemically speaking.
And you can become very much addicted to it like you are addicted to a drug-induced high.
I have to be excited.
If a day goes by where there's no excitement, it's a bad day.
Now, again, I am not an ascetic and I'm not anti-excitement.
The trick is, what do you get excited over?
And here we have a problem because people get excited.
They want excitement as much as possible.
And marriage does not seem to offer regular excitement.
And the truth is, it doesn't.
Marriage does not offer, but please, let's be honest.
Does single life offer regular excitement?
It offers periodic possible excitement.
That's all it does.
And I dare say that in the life of a decently married couple, there is more excitement than in the life of a typical single.
So please, it's true.
It is true.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
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Married life is not constantly exciting.
If you value constant excitement, then you must live a life of roller coasters.
You visit all the theme parks, see horror movies, get into as much and as variegated sex as possible.
The addiction to excitement, though, is a problem because what was exciting yesterday is not exciting today.
I have monitored my whole life, Hugh Hefner's life.
I know it is a very important thing to study because he is living the male fantasy life.
Endless supply of beautiful women is the male fantasy.
I mean, look at how Islamic terrorists are told that they will be rewarded, right?
72 virgins in heaven.
This transcends any given culture.
Wow, 72.
Well, that's getting into Hefnerian proportions when you talk that way.
But it's a very interesting thing.
Hefner's life was a series of singular acts of sex with beautiful women, very enticing to the male libido.
But that has now apparently bored him.
Sex with even an endless variety of beautiful young women is now boring to him, and so he has with seven at a time.
And he tells the world this.
This is not, I don't have any inside information.
He walks around, he goes on television, he gets photographed with seven 22 year old essentially women who. as it happens, look like clones of one another, which is fascinating in and of itself, but that's a separate issue.
In other words, what was exciting before, and you ask almost any man, imagine an endless variety of Playboy models to have at your beck and call, that is no longer sufficient.
So it's seven at a time.
I saw one photograph where it was now 11.
Soon it will be the Rose Bowl.
Who knows?
We don't know at what number excitement will be necessary.
The film Carnal Knowledge depicts this.
The Jack Nicholson character.
He is so jaded sexually that only very precise sexual wording and acting will actually arouse him.
Jadedness is a very, that's the bad side of constant excitement.
Excitement is good, but you know there are a lot of forms of excitement in life?
It is exciting to write a book.
It is exciting to finish a book that you've just read.
It is exciting to see your children grow up.
It is exciting to have friends.
It is exciting to travel.
There are many forms of excitement, and they are desirable.
Excitement is good.
It can't be relied on, but it is certainly a good thing to have in life.
I like it.
Who doesn't like it?
But if you get trapped into the, well, marriage isn't exciting, then of course don't get married.
But marriage is exciting if there are byproducts of marriage that you consider exciting.
There is something exciting about developing a life with somebody, making a home, having friends, having a community.
building a world larger than yourself.
It's a different form of excitement.
It's not as adrenaline rush as the excitement of, oh my God, I met this, and fill in your series of adjectives and watch your life just move on as you're not moving on with your years.
So the age of excitement is a real problem.
You look at television, it's so very, very exciting.
Very exciting indeed.
The Myth Of Female Nature00:05:28
That's why I think it plays a corrosive effect in people's lives.
because television promises you constant excitement.
And it makes you think, and it makes your body chemistry think that that's critical.
Number six, and I don't mean this as criticism as much as I mean it as description, feminism has played a role in why people don't marry, in this case why women don't marry.
Feminism essentially taught women that they don't need men.
And a lot of women of my generation from the 60s, 70s believed this.
I remember the famous bumper sticker, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
It's a very funny bumper sticker.
I thought it was hilarious.
And as it happens, fish do need bicycles.
It was a very common misconception.
But this idea was planted in young women of my generation who were now middle-aged.
And they bought this.
Hey, I don't need a man.
Maybe my mother thought she needed a man, but she was a loser.
Mom was a loser because mom didn't go to college and mom didn't have a career.
All mom did was stay at home and raise kids and make a home.
Gee, what a loser.
A winner has a job.
This is what was sent, the message sent to women, and they bought it.
How could they not buy it?
Who was going to argue against it?
You think that their mother or their father was capable of arguing against Professor so-and-so in women's studies or in sociology or political science or psychology?
The parents' generation didn't know how to argue.
Kid would come home from college, the young woman, and say and just mouth all these ideas, and the parents didn't have intellectual answers against intellectual nonsense.
They weren't capable of saying, excuse me, a PhD isn't worth a hill of beans compared to making a home.
That's what they should have said, but they were intimidated into not saying it.
And so a lot of women just thought, hey, I don't need a man.
Anytime that I want companionship, I'll just somehow find a guy, and after all, I'm desirable, not realizing that it's a lot easier to attract men when you're 20 than when you're 40, than when you're 60.
But hey, wisdom is the last thing that's taught at college.
The last, the very last thing.
They're, in fact, anti-wisdom institutions.
And so the non-wise teach the immature, and the immature believe that the non-wise are giving them truths, and it's a very real problem.
And feminism's home was the university, is the intellectual class.
And so a lot of young women were taught this.
They were taught as well, you don't need anything.
The idea that a woman would even say, I need a man, is so demeaning.
But it's really, to me, anti-human to deny that we need each other.
I don't think most men would argue that they don't need a woman.
But women were taught that they don't need a man.
Now, a lot of men do walk around thinking they need sex, but they don't need a woman.
And I don't mean that they'll get it from a man, but they need sex, but beyond that, they don't need a woman.
That is man's flaw in his thinking.
A woman's thinking is now, which is counter, so counter to her nature, as I believe her nature is.
One may disagree, there is no thing as female nature, but again, you have to have a PhD to believe something so foolish.
Of course, there are natures to each sex.
Of course, there are.
We're wired in certain ways, as a general rule.
And a woman does need a man, and a man does need a woman.
And that is the way, either if you, I believe God made us, you don't like God, it's the way nature made us, but that is the way we are.
But that is the opposite of what is taught.
And so, young women are taught, I remember when if a girl would say, you could probably not.
find on a typical American campus today, let's say a sophomore or junior, senior girl in college, who would say, what do you want in life?
Or, you know, what is your greatest ambition?
And she'll probably name some job.
Because if she said, well, to love a man and to make a home, she would be considered to be an idiot.
She would.
She would be dismissed as a simpleton fool who went to college to get an MRS. That is what it was dismissed as.
Girls who wanted to find a husband at college when I was there in the heyday of feminism, oh, she's here for an MRS. As if that is the lowest form of life.
You mean she's here to maybe find a man to build the life?
Oh, God, what a loser she must be.
A winner wants a PhD in medieval Bulgarian architecture.
That's a winner.
Tomorrow, on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.
You have your good life with men who don't hold the door for you?
I'll have a good life with a woman who wants me to hold the door for them.
Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.
This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.
Visit DennisPrager.com for thousands of hours of Dennis' lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.
Hold The Door For Her00:00:28
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