Timeless Wisdom - Male/Female Hour: What Men Want for V-Day
Dating coach Luann Ward’s surveys reveal 90% of men prefer sex over gifts on Valentine’s Day, ranking sexual favors first, while women prioritize chocolates, flowers, and jewelry. Radio host Dennis Prager questions why some wives resist intimacy, citing medical issues like pain or antidepressants, but argues unrealistic expectations fuel frustration—suggesting mutual accommodation, emotional engagement (e.g., Linda’s "warrior" analogy), and practical gestures (like Lisa’s tree-planting) strengthen bonds. The episode underscores that marital happiness hinges on balancing desires without resentment, debunking idealized notions of love. [Automatically generated summary]
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Go on.
Hey, everybody.
Dennis Prager here.
Male-Female hour every Wednesday, the second hour of the show, devoted to honest, that's the key, honest talk about men and women.
As I say almost every week, I'm not a man fan and I am not a woman fan.
I am a good person fan.
And I'm a fan of men and women bonding, marrying, and hopefully getting along better.
One of the ways to get along better is to understand each other better.
Now, I'm going to talk about a subject that I haven't talked about in a while, but I get a tremendous amount of feedback from people because I have been so open about the subject, sex.
I think we should say this might not be one of those.
Oh, yeah, this might not be one for kids.
That's correct.
Thank you for noting that.
99% of my shows I would love kids to listen to.
This might not be one of them.
I mean, we're not graphic in any way whatsoever, but nevertheless, that's the subject.
So it arose because we're approaching Valentine's Day, which I think is a good thing.
I think all the holidays are a good thing.
I'm not a Halloween fan, but I don't care.
People enjoy it.
Let them enjoy themselves.
But I think they're good things.
I think that romance is a good thing.
I think expressions of romantic love are good things.
What could be bad about it, right?
And I mean it.
So there are two studies, I mean, probably 400, but there are two that I, the one that I saw, which is what engendered this topic, this was in the Daily Mail.
Big headline.
Relationship expert busts the biggest myths about romance.
And so they, in the Daily Mail, which is in England, it's a very interesting website.
And they have bullet points.
And one of the bullet points is men prefer sex to gifts, while women care more about thought than extravagance.
Perth, I guess, Australia.
Perth dating coach Luann Ward clarified common misconceptions.
And this was one of them.
90%.
A resounding 90% of men surveyed by illicit encounters said sex was their number one wish for Valentine's Day.
And that they that's a very good point from the Triple G and any other day.
And in a leap year, that adds a day.
Just for the record.
Now, let me make something clear.
I know this I'm going to get emails where the relationship is inverted, where the woman wants it more than the man does.
And I know that happens.
And life is filled with frustration.
But I'm talking about the normal problem.
And if it's a problem at all.
But it's a significant thing.
And I've always, I must admit, this has been somewhat of a puzzle to me.
If you love your husband, and that's a big if, and I'll give you more ifs.
If you love your husband and he's a good man, those are the two ifs, okay?
The two big ifs.
Why wouldn't you have a sex with him perhaps more often?
And I'm not pushing for daily.
But when I get emails, I got an email this week from a man who loves his wife.
I mean, he wrote, he was emphatic.
I love her.
She's a great mother.
She's a great wife, even.
But we haven't had sex in five years.
So he asked me for advice.
By the way, advice is spelled with a C, not an S. S is advise.
C is advice.
There's another word.
That's another word that's commonly misspelled, as is lose.
It's amazing how many people spell lose, L-O-O-S-E.
It can only be a function of people not reading.
But anyway, I get those.
By the way, he says, advice.
And my heart goes out to this guy.
But I said, you know the answer.
Here are your choices.
Make peace with it.
Improve the situation.
Or divorce.
I mean, he knows.
There's no such thing as it.
What am I going to give advice?
I'd like to give her advice.
I wish I could speak to her.
You know, I rather speak to the wife of that man who wrote me that than I would any person in the world.
Any president, any prime minister.
Do you know that?
And you know I'm telling the truth because I have very little interest in famous people.
Even as a kid, they didn't interest me.
I always prefer to be with friends for dinner.
I still do.
But I mean it.
Maybe this man is listening.
Sir, I would rather talk to your wife in private so that she doesn't have you around where tension might arise than anyone that I could think of in the world.
How's that?
Because I would love to know what, given the importance to your husband, whom you, I would say, do you love him?
I assume she'd say yes.
Do you feel he's a good man?
I think she'd say yes.
So what would she say?
Maybe you could help me.
Do you know what this woman might say if she loves him and he's a good man?
Don't call up and tell me, well, you know, of course she's angry at him.
If she's angry at him, then, okay, so then she doesn't think he's a good man.
Are you angry at a good man?
Or at least would you acknowledge that you're angry at a good man?
So Valentine's Day is coming up.
So this is the study, the Daily Mail from this Australian advisor to couples.
And she said, 90% of the men would prefer for Valentine's Day sex over a gift.
Okay.
So next, you gov. What's you gov?
It's not a government thing, is it?
No, it's like you determine.
You determine?
Oh, oh, oh, not government.
You govern, as it were.
Yeah, it's a famous site.
Yeah, okay, so this is their listing.
The thing men most want for Valentine's Day, sexual acts slash favors.
Second, a card.
Third, chocolates and candy.
Fourth, wine, liquor.
And sixth, electronics.
It's a strange, it's a strange survey.
I mean, in first place, honey, would you like sex or a card?
The guy would think you're joking.
That's his only possible reaction.
Sex or chocolate?
Hmm.
Let me think about that, and I'll get back to you next Valentine's Day.
Women, this is awesome.
Women's preferences.
This is on you, Gov. Number one, chocolates and candy.
Number two, a card.
Number three, flowers.
Number four, jewelry.
Number five, certificate for massage slash spa day.
Did you notice that something's not on that list that's on the men's list?
Electronics.
What do you make of all this, my dear listeners?
The Gender Connection Issue00:15:49
Men and women.
1-8 Prager, 776-877-243-7776.
Valentine's Day special.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
Where you live.
Hey, everybody.
Dennis Prager here.
1-8 Prager.
776.
877-243-7776.
It's such a sensitive subject that people don't talk about it.
I mean, people, I mean, couples don't talk about it.
Very few people publicly talk about it.
And it's not like, you know, the weather, there's an old line.
I think it was Mark Twain.
Everybody talks about the weather and nobody does anything about it.
But it's not like everybody talks about this.
It's obviously a big subject, so to speak, but it's issues surrounding it and the issue itself.
I got to tell you, the emails that I have received over the course of the years, not just from men, but mostly from men, about their sexless marriage is heartbreaking.
And they're so often accompanied by a lover.
Look, you know, I'm a behaviorist in every arena, including sex.
I don't care how people feel one-tenth as much as I care how they act.
Actions are everything in life.
I mean, obviously speech matters, but actions are everything.
I don't understand.
And I never say I don't understand as a euphemism for I don't agree.
I don't understand.
I admit it.
It's part of the reason I'm raising this on the male-female hour, which this is.
What do you think?
I wish I had printed out that letter from this man who said, you know, I love her.
She's a great wife.
She's a great mother.
And we haven't had sex in five years.
What do you advise?
That was the gist of the letter.
And then I read to you because this is Valentine's Day.
You know, the top of the list for men is what they want is sex, both in two big surveys, Australia and the U.S.
And, you know, women, it's chocolates and flowers and dinner and so on.
All of which is nice, by the way.
I have no argument against that.
I know that people, most men make peace with the fact that their drive is different from their wives, their wives, their wives.
Their wives.
That's why they had wives.
But I don't understand.
What I don't understand is not the nature.
I get that female and male natures are different.
What I don't understand is what does it cost you?
I'm putting it as starkly as I can.
What does it cost you to say, okay, honey, let's have this time together.
There was a quote, it's painful.
Somebody wrote to me asking for it, and I couldn't find it.
I only remember that I think it was a French woman, and I can't find it on the internet.
But the quote was something to the effect.
She said, you know, to think of the amount of joy I can bring him for 20 minutes.
You pick your number.
I'm sure it's between five and an hour.
And the joy that I could bring him for 20 minutes, why wouldn't I?
Why doesn't that strike you as a compelling argument?
Well, I wrote this up on the internet when a wife is not in the mood.
And I was at Huffington Post, I think it was.
Might have been moveon.org.
It's one of those two.
Somebody wrote, and it's up there.
You could actually Google it.
Dennis Prager advocates marital rape.
This is the impossibility of dialogue with the left because they don't dialogue.
They smear.
It's almost always true.
That's what's so amazing.
It's not an aberration.
But I'm telling you this so you will know how difficult it is to address such issues honestly.
The idea that you should do something you don't want to do is alien to so many in America.
And that's a very big problem because that's called narcissism.
What I think almost every man, I think, and I say almost, I'm talking good men.
The whole thing surrounds good women and good men.
I'm not talking about bad women or bad men.
I think if you said to most men, hey, you know what?
Periodically, if you did X for 20 minutes, you would make your wife so happy It would just lighten life.
And I think most guys would give a lot of money to find out, really, what 20 minutes could I engage in that would bring my wife such a sense of being loved and happiness.
Right?
I don't think those 20 minutes exist.
So I don't know.
It's so simple to me that I don't quite, that's why I say I don't quite understand.
And that's based, you know, I don't know, 15 years of the male-female hour, an entire life of talking on the issue.
A series of audio tapes, which is at Prager Topia now available every single one of the speeches we've ever put up is now available at Pragotopia.com.
It's really worth your time.
A course on male sexuality, I gave it a synagogue.
But I was very, very open.
I'm always open.
If you're not open, you can't do any good.
All right, y'all.
And let's get some of your responses.
Linda in Portland, thank you for calling.
Hello, can you hear me?
I certainly can.
Okay, the 20 minutes do exist.
The 20 minutes, I'm sorry, do exist?
Oh, for the woman.
Wait a minute.
Are you going to tell me?
Forgive me because I'm just going to take a break.
You must stay on.
I'm not letting you go.
I really want to hear that.
We'll be back in a moment.
This is the male-female hour, second hour every Wednesday on the Dennis Prager Show.
The Dennis Prager Show.
Hello, my friends.
I'm Dennis Prague.
It's the male-female hour every Wednesday, the second hour.
I was reading to you surveys in the U.S. and Australia.
The number one gift that a guy would like for Valentine's Day is sex.
And it was not on the list of the women's greatest desires.
And this is not a knock.
It's nothing.
People have to be mature and face reality.
But I'm posing a question that is, if you love him and he's a good man, these are two huge ifs.
But if they exist, what's the issue?
And I'm not talking about even anything approaching daily.
What's the issue with, you know, I get so many letters, it's been five years or it's been longer or a year or two years.
You know, it's not talking about illness.
So I don't quite get it.
So Linda in Portland might be...
So did you call to tell me what 20 minutes a woman wants or answer the question about men not getting it?
Both.
I'll start with the man.
Okay.
Are you married?
I'm married for, I got married in 2001.
So what is that?
19 years?
Yes.
Yeah, October.
Yeah.
So, and I'm faithfully married.
I'm happily married, but I know that men and women are very different, and it's a struggle every day.
And it's love is a choice, as you have so aptly pointed out.
So I think the man needs to connect by doing three things.
He needs to listen to her for as long as it takes, whatever she's talking about.
And he needs to enter into her heart.
Enter into her heart.
I got that from John Elridge.
He needs to enter into her heart and not be afraid to enter into her heart.
Like, enter into the woman's heart as a warrior.
Don't be afraid.
And I think the third thing is to.
Hold on, forgive me.
I don't show you how male I am.
I don't even understand number two.
Well, I don't totally understand it either.
I just know what it feels like when my husband enters.
But no, listen.
Yes.
When my husband enters into my heart, I know what it's like.
And I. Right.
All right.
So since you have experienced it, I truly want to learn.
And I have a wonderful marriage, thank God.
But the.
Yes, thank God.
Yes, it is a thank God because I've also had a not wonderful.
But I want to just understand when you feel he's entered your heart, what has he done?
He has loved me in my own right, meaning he loved me for my own sake, not for his sake, or not to be useful to him, quote unquote, not to do something for him or the part that I play in his life.
He's actually and how do you, and how do you know that that's how he loves you at that moment?
Well, I would describe it as he gives me distance and space and emotionally, physically too, but emotionally I'm talking about.
And he doesn't maybe talk over the top of my words.
And he actually listens and considers what I'm saying.
He actually considers it.
And he actually has told me before, I learned from you.
And that's a tremendous comfort to me.
All right.
What is number three?
What's number three?
Wooing her.
Woo her.
Like, try to see the best in her.
And if maybe she's gained weight or maybe she doesn't look like she looked like she when she was younger, find something that you love about her.
If she smells good, tell her if she has a new hair cut, actually comment on it.
Like say, did you do something different with your hair?
I liked it.
It looks pretty.
I mean, it takes so little, but I think most men look past that.
But if she feels wooed, she just feels like she's been.
All right.
So now tell me.
So which were you answering first?
The 20 minutes he can give her or why she doesn't give him the 20 minutes that he wants.
Well, I heard you say the 20 minutes don't exist, and I think they do exist.
Oh, no, I didn't say they didn't exist.
I said if men would know what it is, they would give their right, if you know, their right, whatever it is, to find out.
Yeah, yeah.
If they listen to her.
Okay, I got you.
So tell me.
Anything for him for 20 minutes.
When I say it again.
I said, if they listen to her fully and sincerely for 20 minutes, the woman will do anything for him.
Oh, my God.
Guys, did you hear that?
I mean it.
I mean it.
I know you mean it.
I mean it too.
When I said, guys, did you hear that?
I mean it too.
The purpose of this hour is not to blame any sex.
It's to get people to love each other better.
That's it.
It's a simple thing.
What's our timing, my friend?
Okay, relief factor.
Tell you one thing, you're more likely to be intimate if you're not in pain.
There's a selling point for relief factor.
Because it's true.
That's why I'm laughing.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
Hey everybody, Dennis Prager, male female hour, Wednesday, second hour with Valentine's Day imminent.
Thought I would read to you these surveys in the U.S. and Australia.
Thing most men want most for Valentine's Day is sex with their partner.
And that was not on the list for women's most desired things, although I fully acknowledge, so you don't have to tell me this, not even in an email, though obviously you're welcome to send it.
I know that the situation is reversed for some couples.
I can only talk about the general issue.
I can't talk about every exception.
Otherwise, there's nothing to be learned about life.
And general, this is the issue.
So we're talking about that.
And the email that I received, the man who loves his wife and they haven't had sex in, and she apparently loves him, but I don't know what that means.
I don't know what it means to love somebody and not give them, which is pretty effortless, to be perfectly honest.
You know, the 20 minutes or whatever it is that would make him so happy.
All right.
Important Side Issues00:04:06
Let's go to Jennifer in Minneapolis.
Hi, Jennifer.
Hi, Dennis.
How are you?
I'm well.
Thank you for calling.
Good, good.
Just, first of all, I love listening to you, and I agree with you on probably 95% of the things that you talk about.
In this particular instance, the 20-minute search you're talking about isn't necessarily effortless for a lot of women.
And I think it's way more common than most people believe.
But especially for women that are approaching menopause and going through and have gone through, oftentimes it is a painful 20 minutes.
Gotcha.
Not just a little painful, but very and the medical, go ahead.
No, no, no, no.
I'm just acknowledging that I hear you.
Yeah, okay.
And there are a lot of solutions medically, but they don't always work for every woman.
And some things that exacerbate that, too, are the fact that depression can lower libido.
And the instance of depression in our society is much more common than even I think we realize.
And a lot of people don't even know that they have it, but it lowers libido and then antidepressants on top of that.
Well, antidepressants do lower libido.
That's a well-known limit.
That's in both sexes, yes.
Right.
So here's a question.
And this is why I have to warn again, I don't want children listening necessarily.
So being as genteel in language as possible, given that we're on public radio, there are other ways to pleasure him.
And that's one, that's question one.
And two, let's say one does have a lower libido at that time of life.
Just mechanically, can she not help him out?
I think there are things that definitely can help with that situation from the side of the male.
One thing is when I think when a husband or partner isn't getting what he needs, a lot of times I think that the physical contact that he gives her is kind of in response to, okay, I'm going to snuggle with you because this is what I want or this is what I need.
And I think when someone is experiencing lower libido and or painful intercourse, that it's really important that the partner that the husband, the man gives the woman affection.
Oh, I agree with that.
I couldn't agree with that more.
Yeah, and that's huge.
Yes, okay.
If it is huge, there's still the hope on his part that one out of five hugs will, not in one day, one out of five hugs a week, a month, will lead to the lottery win.
Is that is that, can he bank on that?
I think, I don't know if he can bank on it, but I think that one thing that makes a difference, it's not a mechanical hug.
It's a, and what the previous caller was talking about, I can't remember the words that she used, but, you know, really seeing her, you know, in her soul, but also being there emotionally, not just a hug like, okay, well, one out of five of these is going to get me what I want.
Right, no, no, all right.
So, okay, men need to hear this.
They do, and I agree.
I told you, I'm not on the man's side.
I'm not on the woman's side.
I'm on the marriage's side.
That's a very important call.
They're all important.
But I think what I'm saying is also important.
Trauma From Unrealistic Expectations00:02:59
Life is a challenge, my dear, dear listeners.
And we have to accept that.
What I see happening in America is generations now, since the 60s, have an unrealistic expectation of what life can deliver.
They have utopian expectations.
And so any frustration, anything that is not ideal causes almost a trauma.
That's why there are safe spaces at colleges, right?
Somebody comes and says something you don't want to hear.
You need to escape into a safe brew, a safe room.
Okay, let's see here.
Men should communicate.
Ty in Roseville, Illinois doesn't understand why that man would tolerate no sex for five years.
Hmm.
Wish I could have that man on the show.
That would be an interesting thing.
If you're listening, sir, you're totally anonymous.
Only I know who you are.
Of course, my dream, I told you, if I could have dinner, I know this is bizarre.
If I could have dinner with the Queen of England or the woman who's had no sex with her husband for five years, I would take the latter.
And I like the Queen of England, by the way.
Back in a moment.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
Let your air fly.
All right, everybody.
Dennis Prager here.
I tell you.
I don't mean to bother you, but I don't know.
You know how much I have learned about life having a radio talk show.
Can you realize how many people?
It's an infinitesimally small number of people who have talked to so many people from every background possible about every subject, most intimate like today.
It has been a, for someone who wants to understand life, this has been the greatest possible experience.
Lisa in Mansfield, Texas, is the male-female hour.
Let's end with a, perhaps this might be a happier call.
I'm counting on it, Lisa.
It is.
It is.
It's very simple.
Whatever he wants, I like to do because it makes him happy.
And he does the same for me.
Why He Loves Plates00:02:30
Yeah, I don't understand why that's not the deal in most marriages.
It's so simple.
Yes.
I'll give you an example.
It's not sex, but we were at a party, and my husband loves when I make him a plate.
So I made him a plate of food, and I brought it over.
And like, oh, I want a life like that.
Then I would hear, oh, I would never do that.
I said, well, it makes him happy.
It's not easy.
Some are, it makes them happy.
Exactly.
God bless you, Lisa.
You know, I've had an unhappy marriage, and I've had a happy marriage, and I'm in a happy marriage.
And I, my wife, it makes my wife very happy to plant trees.
All right.
Sean is looking at me.
That was, it was one of the great looks I've ever received.
That's really too bad.
You can't replicate that look.
I can't even explain it.
It was sort of like, really?
So we get trees.
On my fireside chat, I do a fireside chat every week at PragerU.com.
And there's always a video question.
Candace Owens, to her great credit, that magnificent, brilliant young woman, gutsy young woman, she posed a question.