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Feb. 2, 2026 - Dennis Prager Show
51:19
Timeless Wisdom: Men's Sexual Nature (Part 1) - Understanding and Demystifying the Monster
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Understanding Men's Sexuality 00:10:33
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Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager.
Hear thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs.
And to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to DennisPrager.com.
I need to make some introductory remarks here so you'll know what you're getting into.
It's about sex, but it's not going to be very sexy.
In fact, it will probably cause a few of you to look at sex a little differently and certainly at men, which is the subject for tonight.
It is, I have dealt with some very difficult subjects in writing and in lecturing over the course of a lifetime.
This is the most difficult.
I thought happiness was the most difficult.
And that's easy in comparison to this.
This is a real puzzle.
Sex is like an atom bomb that keeps going off, and we don't quite understand why.
At least we know why the atom bombs were dropped on Japan.
We knew what airplane dropped it.
We knew why it was dropped.
Sex is as powerful as a bomb, as the atom bomb in the human species, but we don't really fully understand it.
That's why there's so much writing on it and there's so much therapy.
But there's a deeper reason, I think, why people don't really understand it, and that is it's very painful.
Tonight will be painful.
I'll try to lift your spirits with some moments of levity, but there is, it's a painful subject, the subject being primarily male sexuality.
Female sexuality is not my subject for two reasons.
One, I'm not a female, and I think I know men very well.
Number two, it's one of the rare times in life where there is more to be said, perhaps, about male sexuality than female sexuality.
In other words, something male than female.
Generally, women are more complex.
Any of you who are married pretty much know that.
If you give a man certain basic things that he wants, football, beer, sex, an income, a modicum of food, basically you have a contented soul.
I say this with no pride, and frankly, for me, the beer and football are not a big deal.
But women are far more complex.
If it is true that the man I consider to be perhaps the genius of the 20th century, Sigmund Freud, if he died asking what do women want, I certainly do not believe that I can answer that question.
I'm not sure women can answer that question, to be honest.
You see, we men assume that there is an answer available if you just opened a woman up for enough time, but I'm not sure that that's true anymore.
Women are very complex in their own way.
Men are in their way.
But here is something that is a hypothesis of mine that is that reveals something unique in the human spirit or the human species.
I believe that when it comes to the sexual makeup of men and sexual makeup of women, that it is far easier for men to understand women than it is for women to understand men.
This is unique.
In all other areas, I think that women understand men better than the men understand themselves.
In this arena, I am convinced that a true understanding of male, of the way men function sexually, is not available to the woman.
It sounds incredible what I'm saying.
After all, women are just as intelligent, if not more so, than men.
Why, if it's explained, is it not understood?
Well, I can explain to you how orangutans function, but none of us can relate to an orangutan.
Right?
We can't imagine what it is like to be an orangutan.
Men can imagine, just imagine, what it is to be a woman in the arena of sexual response.
I don't mean what it feels like to have a female orgasm, of course not.
But what it is that will turn a woman on is understandable to men.
In fact, while preparing for this course, I checked just today a little pamphlet, and I will be as unracy as possible, but it's the title of the book.
It's A Guide to Men on How to Get Laid.
All right?
And I was checking this pamphlet that is sold in the millions.
There is no, by the way, converse pamphlet for women, How to Get Laid, A Guide for Women, has never been published.
Which is, of course, part of my point, that how different they are.
And basically, this corrupt soul who wrote this book, who wrote this pamphlet, this lowlife, was saying, oh, these are all the right things you have to say to get women turned on.
And the old adage really came out to be true, that, and all adages and all generalizations have exceptions.
Nothing I will say is true for everybody, okay?
Not for all men, not for all women.
But generalizations are important, otherwise we shouldn't take a course.
If we can't generalize about sexual or any other matters, then don't take a course in it.
Obviously, there are exceptions to anything, but there are general rules.
And this bore out the old adage of, what is it, men will use love to get sex, and women will use sex to get love.
And that is what this guy was writing about.
My point, therefore, is that male sexuality, which I'm talking about this evening, is extremely, is impossible for a woman to fully relate to.
Her brain can understand it, just like our human brain, and I'm comparing men to orangutans here, so women should not be insulted by this.
If anything, it's the male that has the problem, as I will point out in any event.
I can get a PhD in the behavior of the orangutan, be an absolute expert, the leading scholar on earth on orangutan behavior.
But I have no clue what it's like to be an orangutan.
Oh, so that's what happens when you do this to, I see, that's the orangutan will do this.
Likewise, a woman can get a PhD in male sexuality, but still not have a clue what it is like to be one.
I can understand, really, men respond that way?
Wow, how fascinating.
But it is still almost of a different species.
Women aren't of a different species.
The response to the turn-ons of her life makes sense to a man, unless he's a total dummy, and there are such men.
You may be married to one, for all I know, but I certainly hope not.
But in general, we males are really of a different species.
Adding to the problem of the complexity is men don't want to talk about this.
Deep down, we are embarrassed by our sexuality.
It's embarrassing.
How many men will read penthouse on an airplane and take out the center for, wow, holy mackerel, water, booze.
Right?
No man will do that.
I mean, maybe there are, but I've never seen one and I have a lot of frequent flyer miles.
Okay?
Men will put, in fact, if a man does buy a skin flick or a skin magazine, it's put in a brown wrapper.
You know, there's a great scene like that in one of Woody Allen's older movies where he goes in to buy jugs and, you know, funny, whatever it is, legs, jugs, bellies, whatever, buttocks magazine, you know, buttocks weekly, whatever he's buying.
But of course, he's so embarrassed, he keeps looking around like this to see nobody's watching, and then buries all of that under commentary, dissent, the new republic, you know, foreign affairs.
So in the middle of foreign affairs and commentary and dissent is jugs and, you know, and God knows what.
So the poor guy goes up to the dealer, the news dealer, hands the guy the magazine, still looking like this, and the guy's ringing him up, and then he realizes the guy ringing up, sees he doesn't know the price.
Hey, Harry, how much is jugs?
And the poor, you know, Woody Allen is just decimated by this.
We are embarrassed.
It's embarrassing.
Clarity Amidst Chaos 00:09:22
Women aren't doing, women's sexuality is not embarrassing.
At its lowest point, it doesn't begin to match the normal, if you will, in the male.
So we don't want to tell you about this.
Men don't want, they don't tell their wives.
Here's a story.
It's probably tell a lot of stories because you have to hear the real life examples to make my points.
I'll never forget well before I was ever married, and this actually almost frightened me about marriage, actually.
I was with a friend who was married.
It was my late 20s.
And I was with a friend who was about a year or two older than I was.
And he had been married just a couple of years.
We used to play racquetball together.
And at the workout place were a lot of women walking around and, you know, skin tight, revealing leotard stuff and thong things and God knows what else.
And we'd look at the women.
I mean, I don't say ogle, but we'd look.
And I asked him, or I don't know how it came up, but, oh, nothing.
So that's it.
I haven't told the story in so long I didn't get the order right.
So that's what happened.
Then I am having one night dinner with him and his wife.
And she says, oh, so how's the racquetball going, you guys?
Oh, we have a great time.
And I say, you know, and then when we go out after each game, we have a wonderful time looking around.
And he gives me a kick.
And she says to me, what do you mean?
Not in a suspicious way, just what do you mean?
I go, well, I look at the women who were there.
And she looks at him, and I'll call him Elliot.
And she goes, and Elliot?
Not me.
Dennis does.
I'll never forget this because it had a very, it had a frightening effect on me.
Am I going to have to lie when I get married?
That is what I concluded from this.
I can't believe it.
He's denying to his wife that he looks at the women in the leotards.
I can't believe this.
Because my disposition, which is why I'm giving this course, my disposition is I want clarity.
I say this on the radio.
I live for clarity.
I want to understand.
If I were on an airplane that was going down, I truly believe my major emotional reaction, other than, you know, my children losing a dad and then forget that stuff, would be, why is it going down?
I want to know.
If I were on the Titanic, I would have studied as much as I could before I drowned.
Why is this?
I must understand.
And I have always wanted to understand me as a male.
I wanted to because there was such a disparity between me, the higher being, and me, the orangutan.
There was, I just, I couldn't believe, is it just me?
Am I perverted?
Am I normal?
Am I different?
And I talked to other guys, and I realized I was in the normal range of perversion.
And, you know, that's what would happen.
So this clarity, I thought, I'm going to get married one day, and I'm going to hide from my wife, my best friend.
That's what I assumed my wife would be.
I'm going to hide from her my very own nature.
All I did was play racquetball.
Women and leotards?
Really?
At my club?
Get out.
You must be kidding.
I was reading War and Peace while I was getting dressed.
This is what I feared.
Do men do that?
And the truth is, men do this.
Men don't tell.
Now, there are some men who go to the other extreme and shove it in the face of the woman they are with, which is also just idiotic.
I shouldn't say also, which is idiotic.
The other one is not idiotic.
The other one is sad.
Because that's who we are.
And, you know, that is part of what is the makeup of your husband, your boyfriend, your son, your father, whomever it is.
Gay or straight, by the way.
There is nothing, and that's my proof that it is all built in and not cultural, is gay men and straight men are identical in their sexuality, but for one thing, the object of their attraction.
That is the only difference.
There is no difference between me and a gay man in my sexual makeup, except for the fact that all of those characteristics are for me toward a woman and all for him toward a man.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
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Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
If gay men were different in their sexuality, then I would have to say, well, maybe a lot of this is cultural.
But it turns out that to me, that's the proof.
Unless you argue gay men are raised in a certain way to regard men as sex objects.
But that's ludicrous.
And we'll come to sex objects in a moment.
So I'm giving this course because I believe, it's odd to say this.
It's a service.
I'm not praising myself, believe me, but I truly believe it's a service to both sexes to understand, to have clarity.
Women, you are, in a sense, on the sexual Titanic.
I don't want it to sink.
So I want you to understand the icebergs to keep this imagery alive.
There are tremendous numbers of icebergs.
That's the value for women.
For men, the value is, this is us.
You can have more peace about yourself knowing you are not a freak.
It takes a really, really bizarre form of perversion for a man to be truly freaky sexually.
I mean, he would have to, I don't know.
I can't even think of one, frankly.
I will read to you.
I did one thing that it will be worth your visit just for what I will read to you a little later about what men wish to view.
I took it from a porn site on the internet.
The listing of sites of pictures that men can visit.
And you will, even men will have their minds blown.
Because while many of the men will relate to many of these, no man will relate to all of these.
If there is a man who relates to all of these, see me afterwards.
I want your name.
I just, you know, it's like, you know, it's almost like the Guinness book of world perversions.
You will have entered it, and I want to be part of bringing you to the attention of the world.
So one of the reasons for the complexity of male sexuality is that men are embarrassed and don't talk about it.
Or will talk about it maybe a little bit and then shut up.
And women, the other reason is men understand, women don't really want to hear it.
That's the truth.
I mean, they could, you know, they'll handle it in the beginning and so on, but they don't want to hear it a lot.
And many don't want to hear it at all and want to believe that their dad is different or their brother or their husband or their boyfriend or their son.
Did I say son already?
That's a and it's very understandable because you might, my God, that's you?
Are you like that?
Male sexuality is frightening.
If I were a woman, I would be frightened by it.
The point is, though, here's the good news.
That's all bad news.
What's the good news?
The good news is most men are decent.
And most men control themselves by and large.
That's the good news.
And that's why a good man is a wonderful creature, is a great invention and deserves a lot of credit.
And if nothing else, maybe I will, and I hope I do, have you all respect men who, by and large, control themselves in the sexual arena, when you will see what the composition of the male is about.
So those are my prefaratory comments.
And now to some of the components of male sexuality.
The Power of Visual Stimulation 00:06:48
Number one is the power of the visual.
It's impossible for a woman.
It's possible for a woman to know it.
It's not possible for a woman to empathize.
Like I can know, once again, my orangutan, I could know what he'll do, but I really can't empathize because, you know, it's a different species.
The visual is extraordinary.
It's so powerful in the male that it creates a sexual response.
The visual alone.
There may be times in a woman's life that a Frank Sinatra will cause some women in the audience to throw their hotel room keys at him.
Girls will scream and wail when a great rock star shows up.
That happens.
But remember, there's an enormous difference.
It is the person that they are wailing about, not the legs.
No woman thought, I must touch Frank Sinatra's thigh.
This is my fantasy.
I must get pictures of Frank Sinatra in shorts.
It's right.
It's a joke.
It is proper and appropriate to laugh.
If only I could see the Beatles in bathing suits.
The girls who were swooning were swooning and may have well wanted to make love with the Beatles.
I don't even deny that.
Or Frank Sinatra.
I mean, obviously, stars have their pick of women.
There are groupies right now waiting for basketball players at the NBA Finals, waiting outside.
If they will only take me to bed, it will make my life.
I did 10 basketball players.
I am quite a woman or a girl, whatever.
But that's different.
That's because they're stars.
If that guy was not a star, she wouldn't give him a minute's look to these guys.
But he's a star, and that's the issue.
It's the starness.
It's him.
It's the person.
Women are attracted to men, not to parts of men.
Men are attracted.
Men are stimulated by parts.
A woman can understand this but not empathize with this.
And it doesn't even matter, by the way, what part.
This is also incredible.
Obviously, the more skin a female shows, the more she can visually stimulate a male.
But what about in eras where women were pretty covered up?
Did you ever hear the phrase, well-turned ankle?
Now, personally, I think the female body is awesome.
Ankles have never been a major source of erotic stimulation as I personally see them.
But you know what?
If I lived in a society where all I saw of females was the ankle, she was otherwise covered up, I would become an ankle man.
Right?
TNA would be, you know what, and ankles.
That's what it would be.
Because that's what would be visible.
The nape of a neck can do it for a man.
Can you imagine a woman speaking of male well-turned ankles?
Oh, what an ankle on that guy.
It's a joke.
It's a bad joke.
The sight of the visual stimulation, again, to you women, you have to believe me, but you can't, I can't have you relate to it.
It's not possible to.
I am convinced at 50, I can make bolder assertions than I felt I could before I turned 50.
It's one of the joys of getting older.
There aren't many, but this is one of them.
And that is, I am now convinced what I speculated in my 20s, 30s, 40s, I am now sure of.
This is not available to women's experience.
This, a knee, a thigh.
There was an ad for a tequila, I believe it was, a very famous ad, Billboards, magazines, where you saw a woman in a bikini bottom, and you only saw her from the bikini bottom down, and she had two tequila bottles by her thighs.
It was a total turn-on to men.
No face, no torso, no torso.
You want to know the proof about the visual?
It's, again, it's actually embarrassing.
But since it wasn't me who said this, I can tell it to you.
I give you my word, it was a salesperson, a salesman, a guy in sales at KABC, who heard my lecture on male-female differences that I take many years ago.
And it was much calmer than this.
I mean, much, you know, more easily digested in some ways.
And yet had a lot of these ideas.
And he comes over to me one day at KABC and he says, Dennis, God, are you right about the visual?
Do you know what I caught myself doing the other day?
looking up the dress of a mannequin.
I mean, if that basically doesn't say it all, I give up.
You can actually get a refund at this time if you are not at that point convinced.
And, you know, while I can't say that I tended to do that, I didn't think the guy was nuts.
That is the power of the visual stimulation to the male.
What are they made out of?
Plastic?
What are they made out of?
I mean, plastic.
It's probably plastic.
I mean, the guy was looking up the skirt of plastic.
All right?
There are cartoon pornography.
There is cartoon pornography where it's not even pictures.
It's cartoonish females.
And men are getting stimulated.
Looking at that.
So, of course, real legs on a real woman, for all we know, she had been dead.
We don't know.
Maybe they were well-preserved thighs.
This woman died in 1711, for all we know.
We don't know.
Interesting Thoughts on Sexuality 00:11:51
We don't care.
All we saw were two good thighs coming out of the bikini bottom and the tequila next to the thighs because that's what they know men's eyes will drift toward.
Men have crashed cars because of billboards.
That is how powerful the visual is.
In fact, it is the most powerful.
Perfume is powerful.
Touch is, of course, powerful.
But the visual is the most powerful of the immediate sensations in sexual arousal for men.
There are others.
Thank God there are other forms and so on.
The blind would not have sexual.
By the way, I have asked blind men.
I have been very curious.
And they say, oh, smell and hearing and touch.
But obviously they don't have the visual and it is a very different sensation.
And I wonder if they walk around quite as sexually bombarded and thinking about it as much as sighted men.
I do wonder, I'll tell you this.
I spent two weeks in my 20s in Morocco alone.
And many of the, and especially in the more rural areas, women were covered head to toe.
And, you know, I wasn't thinking about sex as much as I do in the West.
I remember I flew from Morocco to Portugal, which at the time was not even typical of Western Europe because it was still under Salazaro, was still a right-wing authoritarian regime, so the billboards were sedate.
But my God, it was like almost orgy-esque to see women in skirts, not even mini skirts, after I had seen women in chadors.
That's why it is not surprising to me that a lot of the men who live in Middle Eastern countries like that go crazy sexually when they go to Western Europe.
They just must have 10 hookers and they go crazy.
And it's understandable after that.
And I am convinced there is no great solution.
Solutions will come to next week.
Or the third week or the fourth week or never.
But more likely never, but we'll try some.
On the issue of women's dress, which will be in the solutions part, I have come to the conclusion there is no great answer.
All answers have prices.
We'll talk about that another time.
So the sight, the mere visual, remember, it is a sexual, it's not, and women must understand this, and I know what goes on in women's minds because I've done this so often on radio.
Women will call up.
I just had this, in fact, just last week when I interviewed a woman, a Pulitzer Prize-winning science writer for the New York Times, who's just written a book on the woman's body.
And women were calling up and saying, oh, Dennis, come on, you just don't know women.
You don't realize how we love to look at a good, well-formed butt.
Okay, I believe that that's true for many women, okay?
Meanwhile, women are not going out and buying male butt magazines.
They're just not.
And when I raise that issue, well, we have been socialized not to.
But how are you socialized not to?
What does that even mean?
People will do what they want sexually.
I mean, that doesn't make sense.
In a free society, people have been socialized.
I mean, that's how powerful socialization is.
It suppressed the natural inclination of women to stare at naked men's butts.
No, it's not the way it works at all.
They want to know who the man is by and large.
That doesn't mean that if a hunk of a man walks into a restaurant, a woman will not notice him.
Of course a woman.
Thank God women notice men.
Why the hell am I working out so hard at the Spectrum Club if they don't?
Of course, I hope women notice men, obviously.
But notice is one thing.
Get sexually turned on by a leg or an arm or a chest is quite another.
That's just not the way it works with women.
There's a lot more to arouse a woman.
If women were aroused visually as immediately as men, nothing would have occurred in history.
All children would have been abandoned.
The first generation would have produced a second, and that would have been it.
Because all people would have done is had sex.
The wheel would never have developed.
Thank God female sexuality is very different than male.
Whether or not it would be good if men had women's sexuality is an interesting question that is worth speculating on, but I don't have a great answer to.
The fact is that men don't, and that's the way it works.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
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Now, back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
Another example of men and the visual, and I'll go back to this when I talk about some recommendations and solutions.
I call this guy Radar Ron, the man who at a restaurant is sitting with his date, whether it's his wife, a girlfriend, a first date, and he's doing this the entire time while talking to the woman.
And I have a great, here I will offer a solution immediately because it's a very fast thing.
Men who can't stop themselves from looking every time an attractive woman walks into a restaurant should face the wall.
That's it.
That's what I mean.
You have to know yourself.
If you can't stop, you owe it to the woman you are with to look at her.
So what you do is you take the chair facing the wall.
And that's the end of the problem.
Unless the wall has erotic pictures on it.
See, there are always problems that can be raised.
So that is the case for the power, the incredible power of the visual.
It is not analogous to women saying, oh, that is a sexy guy.
Of course, women will say that.
Of course, the visual matters to women, obviously.
But it is not comparable in the effect that it has.
It isn't, see, women will also say when they call me up, oh, I appreciate a good-looking woman and a good-looking man.
But men aren't appreciating.
This is not art appreciation 1.1.
Men are getting turned on.
There's a difference between appreciation.
Appreciation is neutral, right?
Oh, how?
What an interesting aesthetic creature is not the way men react to a woman walking in in a low-cut dress.
Oh, the marvels of nature.
I tell you, what a distinct achievement that nature has made, those two globes.
That is not the way he thinks.
All right.
Next area, areas that make things, it gets worse.
Next areas, the immediacy of his arousal, which of course presents women and men with a problem, among them premature ejaculation and lovemaking.
This is, you know, most women do not suffer from orgasming too quickly.
You know, I just, you know, honey, I got one minute, let's do it.
And then I got to make dinner.
This is not a general female form.
Rather, you know, men learn this.
Candles talk, talk, talk, talk, a little more talk.
This is, men don't want to talk.
Man, talk.
What do I talk about?
Talk, listen to radio.
Men, the male nature is desirous of talking then.
I mean, you know, like there's just no analogy to it.
He just doesn't want to.
This is, it's immediate.
By the way, interesting about men and immediate gratification.
Dear psychiatrist friend of mine had a very interesting thought about this once.
He mentioned men and immediate gratification is a very interesting thing because, you know, the sexual arena doesn't end in the sexual arena.
We are one human with many components, but one human.
And maybe that is part of another thing.
And I'm wondering, how many men here, I am curious, this may or may not bear fruit with you, but how many men here, when you really want something, a car, a record, a disc, a book, I don't know what, but really want something, must feel that you must have it then.
That you have a very strong sense you must have it then.
You don't want to wait a week. till you get it.
Would you raise your hand if you're a man and then you have that?
All right, if you're a man and you don't have that, raise your hand.
I just want to see who isn't voting.
That's most of the men are not voting.
All right, so more men than not.
How many women have that?
I must have it at this moment.
Shoes.
There you go, shoes.
There you go.
Okay.
Well, for you women who do have that, at least you will understand that part of the male sexual edge.
You to shoes is him to you.
It's a very bad S-A-T sort of thing, you know.
Forget it.
Okay.
Immediate gratification, the instant arousal is almost incredible.
There are times, I mean, every man has experienced this, when we are blessed with a non-sexual moment where we could actually think about something else.
It's a great, it's a relief.
But of course, if we realize we're not thinking about it, we're doomed.
You understand?
I mean, we really don't have the joy even of knowing it, because if we know it, we're dead.
But anyway, what happens is, I'll speak for myself, where I will be, and I can really intensely concentrate.
I have written books with kids screaming on airplanes.
It doesn't matter to me.
A kid could be next to me and crying, and I can write an article.
I really know how to concentrate.
Tune out is my wife's pejorative way of putting it.
I call it concentrate.
Well, everybody has a different take.
But no matter how, or I'm thinking, let's say I'm driving and I'm thinking about, you know, I'm reviewing, did I do my show the best I could or a speech I gave or something I got to do or some great idea that hit me, you know, in theology or something.
And then two blocks away, a woman is walking in shorts.
That's it.
Bye theology, goodbye show, goodbye life.
I mean, you know, it is enough.
That's why true crashes have been occurred.
You know, where they say she could stop traffic.
That's literally true.
Because men would rather watch her cross the street than do anything else in life.
There is no close second, maybe elected president.
But really, that is how powerful and immediate the stimulation is.
Now, by the way, it can leave.
When she goes into a building, you can go back to your theology.
It's thank God for that, or else men would be incapacitated.
Immediate Arousal, Anonymity, Constancy 00:11:58
But I will tell you, the best line on sexual thinking was the constancy, and this is another point after the immediate arousal, the constancy of sex in the male mind.
I have, let's see, I have two examples for you.
One is from my dear friend, Rabbi Joseph Talushkin, whom I went to high school with.
And we were in the junior year, or I think junior year in high school, and we were talking about girls, oddly enough.
And then he said to me, he said, Demeth, you know, I did a survey of the guys in the class, and I found that one out of every ten thoughts a guy has is not on sex.
And I thought that was an excellent way of putting it.
There were those who say one in a hundred.
Rabbi Tarfon says one in a thousand.
It's a Talmudic debate.
It's just a play on Talmudic debates for those who study Talmud.
This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
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There's another example.
This was done by university, probably under some federal grant to prove the obvious.
There are many grants to prove the obvious.
It's the beauty of being an academic.
And they had male students and female students.
They didn't tell them what the study was about.
They had female students sit alone in a room for a while, a series of female students and a series of male students, then asked them, what did you think about?
And all the men answered, sports and sex.
And all the women answered that they had reviewed conversations, which was totally fascinating to me as a man.
Men never review conversations.
And the reason is they don't remember them.
You can't review what you don't remember.
It's not like we're not interested.
We didn't have it.
You know, so it's a totally, the brains operate on different realms.
My long-standing joke on this is the famous book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, is a very good book.
It really is.
I just think he understated it tremendously.
He implies we're from the same solar system.
I have never found that accurate.
Another, so we have the immediacy of arousal, immediate gratification sought, the constancy on the mind, then other aspects, the anonymity of it, which is frightening to women, right?
Thank you.
I have a woman who's responding here, and I'm so happy for it.
responding.
The anonymity is truly frightening.
I'm not kidding.
I mean, this is, you know, I give it to you with a pill of, what is it, just a spoonful of sugar.
I'm giving you a spoonful of sugar, actually a cup full of sugar to let the medicine go down, but it's bad medicine.
I mean, I acknowledge this.
I don't want you to despair because, as I say, I think there are ways of dealing with this, but we have to know what the creature is about before we deal with it.
Anonymity is perfectly fine.
The Bible speaks of sexual relations as, and Adam knew his wife Eve, and Abraham knew Sarah, and so on.
It's a very powerful term.
It doesn't say slept with.
Sometimes it does, but when they are intimate, it says and knew.
But the knowledge that men seek in women may very well be simply sexual.
It isn't human in many cases.
And don't think it's because men are taught this about women.
Gay men have more anonymous sex than men do, than heterosexual men, but not because they're on a lower level.
It's only because they can.
Women don't allow it to heterosexual men, but other men will allow it to homosexual men.
Obviously, men will meet.
I had a gay friend in college who told me he would eye contact with another gay guy on a bus, sit by the guy, and they would mutually masturbate.
Not speaking.
Just put a coat over their laps and stimulate each other to climax.
And gay bathhouses.
What, tape?
Gay bathhouses where men will, there will be peepholes.
where just men will fondle one another or whatever.
No talk necessary.
There may be in some women's minds a fantasy that some handsome knight in shining armor will just take her one day and do what he will with her and no words will have been discussed.
This is generally in the fantasy realm.
It generally leaves by about the age of, I don't know, 30, 25, 11.
I don't know.
But it is a fantasy.
And by the way, that's not to say that no woman has ever had it or enjoyed it.
But it is not the constancy in her life that she could do it over and over.
And if she does, it usually betokens some emotional issues.
Whereas for a man, it's not good for him, but it's normal to seek it.
It's not good to have it.
But good and normal are not the same things.
Good is a moral term and a psychological term, and normal, and normal is also a psychological term, so skip the other psychological.
The anonymity of it is scary.
And women know this about men.
And a man once told me that he had made love to a woman that he actually was beginning to date and cared about.
And after they got out of bed, she said to him, you didn't make love to me.
You effed me.
And women generally want to be made love to and have a good sex time.
Women are not sexless creatures.
In fact, women are not one whit less sexual than men.
This issue is not depth.
The issue is form of expression.
So I want that to be understood.
I do not have a vision of women as sexless creatures.
God knows not.
I mean, that's ridiculous.
The point is, it's just different.
And it's extraordinarily different.
The anonymity of it for a man, and that is why men could be turned on by just pictures.
Don't need to know about the woman.
I mean, you know, Playboy has attempted to change that.
Playboy did create a revolution in pornography.
It told you the name of the woman you were fantasizing.
It really never was her name, but what the hell, at least you got, you know, it wasn't Cherry, okay?
You know, or some, you know, stripper's name, whatever they have.
So that you'd make up a name, you know, Lana August, you know, who's Miss July, which really is confusing.
But in any event, you know, make up something.
And then, of course, a list, her hobbies.
Oh, then you really know her.
They all have the same hobbies.
They all like Italian food like this.
Oh, now I really know her.
The odds are she doesn't even write it.
You know, I mean, you know, who, but it's the, you know, but anyway, there was this change.
Playboy at least attempted to say these are not anonymous pictures.
But by and large, the vast majority of pornography is totally anonymous.
Totally, it's just another body, another female.
They're not human.
I mean, I hate to say this.
And it's not, I'm not giving a moral framework here.
But it is not human.
It is just biological.
And this is very painful.
It is.
I started this with all the humor aside.
It is painful.
It is painful for men to realize about ourselves, but there's nothing we can do.
That's the way we're born.
It's like complaining I only have five fingers.
That's what I am.
Doesn't mean I live that way, but that is what men are.
That is the way sex is with us.
Immediate arousal, anonymity, constancy on mind.
We're not done.
Then sexual objectification of the object.
It becomes an object.
That's why he would, why would he look up a mannequin's legs?
Because it looks like a female.
That's why.
That's all.
So this notion of, well, we have to, you know, this is terrible.
Our society teaches men to look women as sex objects is maybe it's partially true that it is reinforced, but it's not taught.
It's reinforced, not taught.
Hugh Hefner didn't teach men to look at women in a certain way because men looked at them.
There is ancient pornography on Roman walls.
As soon as people could draw, men drew naked women.
Okay?
First animals, for some reason, I will get into bestiality another time.
That's why I was always skeptical about those French caves.
But that's what men would draw.
They would create their own pornography to look at what is pornography, and I will have a session just on pornography, or at least a good part of it.
It is merely male fantasies in visual form.
That's what it is.
That's why it can be scary for women to go, and I think every woman once should go into a porn shop just to see what it is.
If there were shops that women frequented to have the lower parts of themselves expressed, I would run in.
I would die to know.
But women are more mysterious.
You can't shoe stores.
I don't learn anything about women.
I do nothing I can do there.
So sex object, and by the way, again, is another proof that it's not taught.
Gay men see men as sexual objects when they're attracted to them.
Gay pornography is identical to straight pornography, except that it's men posing.
Just as anonymous, just as objectified, just as much parts of body, just as much non-dehumanized.
In fact, I must tell you, I give gay men who stay in committed, monogamous relationships more credit than I do even straight men.
Because a straight man has somebody to put the brakes on his sexuality.
It's called a wife.
But the gay man has nobody to put the brakes on that sexual expression.
So it's remarkable when a gay man does achieve such a lasting, committed relationship, given that they both have to battle the same problem.
Brakes On Sexuality 00:00:44
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