Dennis Prager Show - We All Have That One Relative At Holidays...
Aired: 2023-12-26
Duration: 05:49


=== Dinner Discussions That Wreck Families (05:49) ===

[00:00:00]  What subjects are the most likely to wreck your family Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner?
[00:00:10]  So this was published right before Thanksgiving.
[00:00:13]  And then I did a show on this.
[00:00:17]  That's one of the great beauties of talk radio.
[00:00:20]  I was going to say, this is a tangent, but it's worth just noting, you know how lucky you are.
[00:00:27]  To talk to all these wonderful people that you get to interview.
[00:00:31]  I do?
[00:00:32]  Julie Hartman?
[00:00:32]  Yes.
[00:00:32]  Oh, yes, of course.
[00:00:34]  It is a gift of this profession.
[00:00:37]  Gift.
[00:00:39]  That many of them are terrific people.
[00:00:41]  Oh, absolutely.
[00:00:42]  And callers.
[00:00:43]  I mean, when I guest host your show, I learn so much from callers.
[00:00:46]  So I bounce this thing off callers.
[00:00:49]  So I'm going to ask you, this is great.
[00:00:52]  What do you think, maybe they're wrong.
[00:00:55]  I'm not, this was not.
[00:00:57]  You know, given by God to Moses, but maybe they're right.
[00:01:03]  What do you think they listed as the single greatest dinner wrecker subject?
[00:01:12]  And who's they again?
[00:01:13]  I don't know.
[00:01:14]  New York Times, Wall Street Journal.
[00:01:16]  No, no.
[00:01:17]  Believe it or not, this was neutral.
[00:01:22]  I mean, I would say politics.
[00:01:24]  That's what I would have said.
[00:01:25]  It's exactly what I would have said.
[00:01:27]  Correct.
[00:01:27]  Or religion, not because I... No, that was lower on the list.
[00:01:31]  It was on the list, but it was lower than politics.
[00:01:32]  The number one thing is politics.
[00:01:34]  So what did they say?
[00:01:34]  That was number two.
[00:01:36]  I was actually surprised at number one, but when I bounced it off listeners, it was a lot of verification.
[00:01:45]  Family issues.
[00:01:47]  Oh my gosh, well...
[00:01:49]  I mean, that's a given, but I wouldn't...
[00:01:52]  Well, why is it a given?
[00:01:53]  I mean, it's not a given.
[00:01:55]  You guessed politics, and I guessed politics.
[00:01:58]  I just think that is so off-limits that people wouldn't even...
[00:02:02]  Yeah, but it's not, but that's the point.
[00:02:04]  If it's the biggest single problem subject at a holiday meal, it's not a given.
[00:02:10]  That's why it's so interesting.
[00:02:11]  And to you and me, maybe I can't speak for you.
[00:02:14]  Seriously, in this case, I don't know.
[00:02:16]  I said...
[00:02:18]  Who the hell is going to raise family issues at their Thanksgiving or Christmas meal?
[00:02:25]  You would think so.
[00:02:27]  What kind of nut?
[00:02:30]  You're going to bring up crappy family problems at this once or twice a year lunch or dinner?
[00:02:38]  This is a whole Dennis and Julie episode onto its own, but there are some people in the world who just can't control themselves.
[00:02:45]  In many different ways.
[00:02:46]  That is a good...
[00:02:48]  In many, many different ways.
[00:02:49]  That's an example.
[00:02:51]  That is an example.
[00:02:52]  And you know what?
[00:02:52]  We tend to think of people who lack control as those who overeat, those who overdrink, those who are addicted to cigarettes.
[00:02:59]  But no, there are people who cannot emotionally regulate themselves or cannot read the room and put...
[00:03:08]  Other people.
[00:03:09]  I have not shaken your hand.
[00:03:10]  I know.
[00:03:10]  We've never done this on Dennis and Julie.
[00:03:12]  In two years of this.
[00:03:14]  I know.
[00:03:15]  That's a moment.
[00:03:16]  That is such a wonderfully placed point.
[00:03:20]  Oh.
[00:03:21]  Well, it's huge.
[00:03:22]  And as I get older, it's endlessly fascinating to me to observe those people where the desire to pick a fight.
[00:03:34]  To be combative, to be contrarian is something that has control over them and not something that they can control.
[00:03:41]  But you made, you're superb, but you added a double which caused me to shake your hand.
[00:03:49]  Can't read the room.
[00:03:51]  That is such a big deal, can't read the room.
[00:03:54]  Like, you're not, wait a minute.
[00:03:56]  You're not aware that if you raise that subject, it's the end of the joy of this holiday dinner?
[00:04:03]  And I used to think that...
[00:04:05]  Well, it's interesting because I think there are some people who really just have a blind spot.
[00:04:11]  Like, they don't realize that bringing up that subject is going to...
[00:04:15]  Wreak havoc on the dinner or cause other people to be uncomfortable.
[00:04:19]  But I actually think that there are just as many, if not more, people who actually do realize that it will wreak havoc on the dinner and do it anyway.
[00:04:28]  And are pleased to do that.
[00:04:30]  Yes.
[00:04:30]  And it's this weird, like, I don't know.
[00:04:33]  We would need Dr. Marmer here to add to the conversation for what the psychoanalytic reason for such a behavior is.
[00:04:42]  I marvel at it.
[00:04:44]  I know you so well, and obviously I know me so well, and I know that both of us, we are constantly surveilling ourselves.
[00:04:52]  Yes, and the environment.
[00:04:53]  Yes, am I talking too long?
[00:04:55]  Are people bored?
[00:04:56]  Are people uncomfortable?
[00:04:57]  Do they want me to, you know?
[00:04:59]  And you do it in a good way.
[00:05:01]  I do it in an intensely self-critical way.
[00:05:03]  But the point is, I think the definition of manners is making other people feel comfortable.
[00:05:10]  And especially at a Thanksgiving dinner or holiday dinner, you have to be aware of that.
[00:05:15]  So what you're saying as well, this is really a worthy discussion, you're saying as well, and I totally agree, the individual who raises some family issue is a narcissist.
[00:05:29]  I care about it.
[00:05:30]  I don't care if it ruins this meal for all eight of you.
[00:05:35]  I... Well, or even there might be a worse, maybe I want to ruin this meal.
[00:05:41]  And by the way, I want to make clear why I think that is a possibility.
[00:05:46]  There are two types of unhappy people.